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The Innocents Review

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It’s time for another sad film. This one ranks up there with After.Life and that’s not a good thing. It’s a fairly strange film that doesn’t know if it wants to be a supernatural horror or just a plain ole snoozefest. It tries to find a balance between the two genres, but doesn’t do a particularly good job at either one. Ah well, at least the title can be true now. We were innocent to the fact that a horror film could be utterly boring while still trying for jump scares before this film. (Well…..that may not be entirely true) Let us dive into this review!

Giddens is offered a job as a caretaker. She will look after a rich guy’s two kids since he wants nothing to do with them. He likes being a single bachelor and doesn’t want kids cramping his style. He tried hiring someone else a while back, but she died so he needs a replacement. Giddens is appropriately reluctant to take on this task, but does so against her better judgment. Once she arrives at the estate, she finds that it is not an ordinary house. Ghosts seem to lurk about and many secrets are kept. The worst part is the fact that the two kids are possessed by ghosts at random points during the day. These ghosts belong to the bad influence who died and the other caretaker..who also died. Can Giddens cure these kids or will she have to head back home?

The premise doesn’t leave much room for optimism does it? It doesn’t even sound like a good film on paper and that’s before the execution drives you up the wall. Giddens isn’t a good protagonist and that should be the first warning bell. She always beats around the bush and lets the kids have their way with her. One of them tries to choke her and she only half heartedly resists. Luckily the land lady happened to show up. Giddens only has one good idea in the whole film and that is when she decides to leave. Unfortunately, she makes the mistake of turning back to fight the ghost one last time and it convinces her not to leave. Ah well, I guess listening to evil ghosts is a thing now. Her final plan of staying alone with the main antagonist to talk things over is also just as silly.

Miles is the host for the main villain. (Peter) He returns home under tricky circumstances as he was expelled from his school. The school didn’t say why they expelled him and Miles won’t say either. It’s implied that Peter influenced Miles to act in a rather course manner which forced the school to make a move. Miles isn’t concerned or upset about this though because now he can mess with Giddens. Whether he is possessed or not, the film makes it a point to say that he is not a good kid. He hides letters, plays pranks, and seems to enjoy making Giddens have a tough time of things.

Flora is the other kid and she’s supposed to be the nice member of the group. That may be true, but she has a tendency to disappear from time to time. She goes to a small place in the middle of nowhere to just stand around. Heavy rain showers won’t stop her either and she likes to pretend that she doesn’t hear the horror tropes calling after her. One of the ghosts yells several times to get her attention, but only the viewers notice. I can’t say that she was likable as she simply acted too oblivious the whole time.

The only reasonable character is the house maid. Unfortunately, she wasn’t much help either at times as she would take the side of the kids and didn’t like to talk about what had happened earlier. To an extent, it’s hard to blame her though as the kids were always nice and proper around her. She is one of the only characters to survive the whole ordeal. Sometimes, standing on the sidelines and not creating attention is the only way to live in these films, but I can’t say it’s the most heroic way to do things either. Still, leaving was probably the best decision that she could make.

All right, the film sounds boring, but is it really worthy of a 0? Absolutely!! First off, the fact that the villain inhabits Miles is an excuse to have him make advances on Giddens, which is quite disturbing. Keep in mind that he is a little boy and that he does succeed once and then again at the end. It makes for some really cringe inducing scenes that destroy the film. Even if the film had actually been semi decent, this would have thrown it back to the gutter. We don’t need those kinds of plots in our movies, lets keep them in oblivion.

The film’s backstory also makes no sense. The caretaker was apparently a nice and respectable person, but then she randomly falls into a twisted relationship with Peter. Apparently she liked the fact that he was a bad person and wanted to be treated badly. The film wanted to make everyone crazy in some way or form, but the change in personality was way too sudden. It continues when Giddens also starts to go crazy to the point where you’re supposed to wonder if the whole thing wasn’t just her being delusional. To clarify, the film happened, but the spirits may have just been things that she imagined. Most of the stuff that they did didn’t affect the real world in any way. The main point of suspicion would be how Miles acts at times, but it could all just be stuff that he learned from Peter.

I don’t think the ghost of Peter ever actually breaks any windows or opens doors either. Usually Giddens would just see him and fly into a panic. If it was just a delusion, then this would make sense. I personally prefer the supernatural elements to be real though so that doesn’t do the film any favors either. The ending is dark as well to remind you just what kind of film this is. Even kids aren’t safe apparently. The only bright spot here is the fact that the film isn’t very long so you don’t have to be looking at your watch too often. The best advice I can give you is simply not to watch the film. Lets face it, there are better flicks out there.

Overall, The Innocents is a stinker I’m afraid. You should forget about it and move on. This movie simply couldn’t do anything right and while it may have been trying to be clever with the title, it just reminds you that the film should have tried harder. If you want a good horror films where two kids have to fight off spirits..you’ll be waiting a while. That’s not exactly a proven formula for success. Instead, you should go watch some comic book films which will at least have good action scenes and plots to engage you in. It will ultimately provide you with the superior experience.

Overall 0/10

After.Life Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. A review of the unedited version would likely be even more negative. All thoughts below should be addressed as such.

Now this film is definitely one of those terrible ones that will make you want to take a nap. It’s not so much that the film is boring, but that it is just terrible with a really bad ending and characters who don’t have much common sense. There are few things as bad as having an ending where a crazed mass murderer ends up getting the better of the heroes and the police, but this film also makes sure to add in the fact that this guy is just going to keep on murdering people and now he can do it with a kid who he is grooming up to be the next generation’s version of him.

Do you know what the “best” part of this whole thing is? The fact that the poster takes away any question of whether the plot is real or not. To understand this, lets get into the premise. A girl gets into a car crash after storming away from her boy friend. She wakes up in the morgue, where a guy tells her that she is dead. He claims that she simply doesn’t know it yet and that he can talk to dead people. He lets her know that she can’t leave the building though…..and keeps her drugged so she doesn’t recover her strength. Anna starts to consider the fact that she might be dead. If she is…then shouldn’t she accept her second death to make the first one move on?

So, part of the mystery is whether she is alive or not. Well, the poster basically clears that up before the mystery even starts. It shows the reasoning that the main villain has and why he destroys people. He targets those individuals who he believes have already lost the will to live. He believes that they don’t deserve to live anymore as they will drag others down and so he targets them. He kidnaps them and convinces the world that they are dead. There’s no real question by the end that Anna is actually alive, but if you’ve seen the poster then you know this from the start. That being said, you’ll probably realize this right from the beginning anyway since this is the most logical way for the film to play out. Especially if you know that this film is an indie production, which always goes for extra grit.

None of the characters are likable either. Anna gets into the mess in the first place because she doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life. She’s in a really bad mood for the whole film. I forgot why, but as a result she constantly gets upset with her boyfriend and even runs out during their dinner for no acceptable reason. She wouldn’t even let the guy defend himself. Then, once she’s told that she is dead, Anna makes all of the wrong decisions. She could have escaped by jumping out the window and she even had a chance to stab Eliot. There were so many moves that she could have made, but instead she decided to just start believing him. Also, shouldn’t it be obvious to her that she is alive if she can throw things around and make a mess of the room to the point where Eliot noticed? Common sense guys…..it’s time to use it!

Paul isn’t much better. He makes a little more of an effort for the two of them to be together, but ultimately he turns into a bad character. He doesn’t make a terribly good effort to find Anna once he finds out that she may be alive. Instead, he even backhands a kid and is taken away. Then, he is very easily bumped off after he falls for Eliot’s trap. Seriously, he played all of his cards wrong. Naturally, I didn’t like ELiot either. He’s just another deranged mass murderer that tries to be deep and insightful, but it just full of hot air. The kid is a terrible character either as he turns into a psychotic murderer without a whole lot of convincing. He was just a bad kid from the start.

Aside from the terrible ending where the murderers are going to just claim more and more victims, the film falls into a lot of other holes as well. We have animal violence, as a kid murders a bird and we also have unnecessary fan service with the generic shower scene popping back up. The film never even tried to be classy. From the start you could tell that this was going to be a bad film, you just couldn’t guess just how bad it would be. A lot of times, the film didn’t even know what was going on.

Anna was apparently sick with something since she got a nosebleed at one point. I suppose this is meant to account for why she was in a bad mood, but it’s not explained at all and isn’t a really good reason either. The lights all going out in the school is another random moment that makes no sense. The kid couldn’t move fast enough to pull that trick out and it’s a crazy supernatural moment that doesn’t mean anything. It’s just another way for the film to try and give Anna some extra suspense.

Overall, After.Life is a terrible film and it’s the latest entrant into the 0 stars category. It’s just hard to get much worse than this film as it’s a major chore to watch and has a really bad ending. A bad ending can hurt a good film, imagine how much it hurts a bad one. I don’t think people want to see a mass murderer get away scot-free and strengthen his position. It’s just in bad taste. I highly recommend avoiding this film as much as possible. There’s nothing redeemable about the film, whether it be the characters, messages, or writing. You’re better off watching just about anything else. After all, if the film’s poster can spoil the answer to the film’s question before you even start watching it….then is there even a point to this whole thing? I don’t think so.

Overall 0/10