It’s time for the much awaited sequel to Star Wars Episode I. We are getting closer to the original trilogy since 10 years have passed in the story. With Anakin as the main character (Or at least one of the main characters) this would have to be a success…right? Unfortunately, this is easily the weakest Star Wars film to date and it’s about time that we see why!

As is the norm with films in the Star Wars series, there is more than one plot going on in this movie. Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker are hired to protect Senator Padme since there are those that would wish to defeat her once and for all. She does not want to be terminated, but she does want to know who’s behind all of this and suspects Dooku. The Jedi laugh this off since Dooku was a Jedi and thus, he cannot be evil. The Jedi seemed to be pretty proud of themselves for coming up with this fact and brushed the notion aside. If only they could use The Force to find out!

Later on, Obi Wan is called away to locate the bounty hunter who is after Senator Padme so he is forced to leave his post. Anakin and Padme head off on their own adventure to find out what has happened to Anakin’s mother. There are a lot of plots that happen within the movie, but since they all continue from each other, it’s hard to go into more depth with them. Needless to say, a big war could occur if things do not stop very quickly!

So, what went wrong with this film? The plot sounds like it has potential and Anakin gets a big role! Well, let’s start off with Anakin’s portrayal. He looks awful in this film and you just want him to stop appearing after his first few scenes. He’s one of the worst main heroes of a movie that I’ve seen in a while and he’s as annoying as Russio. He may not be quite as bad as someone like James T Kirk, but he is definitely pretty low. He constantly pesters Padme about how they should be together and he can never stay professional. He’s always talking back to Obi Wan and even disagrees with Padme when they are in front of a lot of important people. He also basically admits that he prefers a dictatorship to democracy and starts his way to becoming a villain. It’s inevitable that he turns evil, but he does so in a very bad way. He comes off as more of a throwaway villain who talks a good game, but is really desperate and not really that tough.

An example of this is during the climax when he attacks someone and is quickly defeated in a single blow. After a long time, Anakin wakes up and is quickly dispatched by another blow. He looks so awful that you are likely to cheer in the theater when he is defeated, but it doesn’t do wonders for the character. He was definitely not handled well in this film and if not for the expanded universe he would be a pretty awful character right now. (He looked bad in Episodes V and VI as well)

The next big flaw in the film is that it does not live up to its name. For starters, what happened to Star Wars being about battles in space? We don’t really get any of that anymore and I miss the days of fighting in space. It was so much fun back in the day and now we only have ground fights. They’re pretty good, but it’s still inexcusable. Also, the title is Attack of the Clones, but they do not fight until the end of the movie, during the climax. That can definitely be disappointing if you are looking forward to seeing the Clone/Storm Troopers in action.

Another negative would be the excessive romance in the film. It’s handled poorly and the writing was just terrible and the plot for the scenes was even worse. Padme and Anakin were just friends back in the day, but Anakin has become a very twisted person who is not satisfied anymore. She constantly tells him that they can never be together, but he keeps pestering her until they are. That’s definitely not a good romance and it was sad that she weakened in the end. Instead of a happy moment, it was just a wince worthy scene that will make you cringe inside. As you can guess, I do not like Anakin at all in this film and the same goes for Padme.

The scene where Anakin finds his mother and finally rescues her also should have been cut out. She was kidnapped days ago and she’s still alive. Sure, this gives Anakin more of a sad back story so that he’ll have more reason to turn evil, but he was already clearly on the path to becoming a Sith anyway. If we needed another sad element, they just could have had her be destroyed by the Sand people and then Anakin saves her. That would have been a lot better than having her still be alive to quickly die right when he arrives. The scene was definitely a little too gruesome and also hurts the replay value of the story.

Not everyone looked bad as Yoda finally backed up all of his tough talk and he got to fight. It is definitely more than a little hard to take him seriously at this point, but he proved that he is a skilled combatant. He is fast, but his lack of strength could be a bit of an issue. He definitely looked more impressive than the other Jedi, who are reduced to cannon fodder in this film.

That’s another problem that I have with the Jedi. I do not like any of them in this film and while Yoda and Obi Wan may not be bad characters, I don’t really care for them either. The Jedi actually lose to random blasts and Jango Fett took one of them down for the count. The Jedi have never looked very impressive in the films, but they looked even worse than usual in this film. At least half of them were slaughtered by random droids and it would appear that the Force did not find favor with them. The Jedi appear to be stronger than average Cops, but they’re still only at about Chitauri level. Average humans could feasibly defeat them if they’re good with a gun. The Jedi could use the Force in much better ways, but they do not seem to comprehend this.

At least Jango Fett was a cool character. He is a solid fighter in his jetpack and he effortlessly defeated a Jedi. That’s a pretty solid feat and he also managed to defeat Obi Wan Kenobi. The way that he lost at the end was pure plot hax and just an excuse to finish up the movie. After seeing him in the Bounty Hunter game, I can definitely say that he wouldn’t have died like that.

Emperor Dooku was a pretty sharp fighter and definitely tougher than I would have guessed. He made the Jedi look like kids as he was completely annihilating them without effort. It was a sad day for the Jedi, but a pretty happy day for Dooku. Maybe he could take on Darth Vader or Darth Maul in a fair fight. C-3PO, R2D2, and Jar Jar Binks all make cameos. They’re about the same as usual, but C-3PO is pretty intense as he actually betrays the Jedi at one point and probably took a few of them down with his lasers.

The fight scenes in the film are pretty intense which is always a good thing. The effects hold up well and we are in the 2000’s so I should expect no less. The Lightsabers still seem to be easily breakable, but it’s fun to see them clash. We also got a brief hand to hand fight scene with Obi Wan and Jango Fett. The effects for Jango’s booster are also pretty good.

Finally, we do have another big negative and it is the excessive animal violence. At one point, the “heroes” are thrown into an arena with three giant monsters. You can probably guess what happens to the animals and it isn’t pretty. It was really unneeded, but a lot of films tend to make this mistake nowadays. It is pretty disappointing to see and I will always have to take away points for such awful scenes.

Overall, I did not care for this Star Wars film. Not only was it the worst one in the series, but it was not even close. This film was a lot more negative than positive so the low rating should not come as a huge surprise by the end. The film had potential for great things, thanks to the action and Jango Fett, but it was not to be. I can’t say that this helps my hopes for the next film in the series, but it can’t get any worse I suppose. I do not recommend this film and if you want a real space adventure, check out Gurren Lagann!

Overall 3/10