Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

Nowhere to Run Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. Al thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a film with a pretty direct title. Nowhere Left to Run just sounds like a fun film and it definitely doesn’t hold back on having a lot of action the whole time. The characters can be a bit weak but in general it had good attitude and fights so this works out for me. It may not be ambitious but makes for a good watch on a rainy afternoon. Just expect the characters to be making annoying decisions the whole time.

The film starts off with a prison bus being attacked by a group of thugs. The prisoners are all freed so they fight over the car. This results in a bunch of deaths but before dying, Billy says he is glad to have finally gotten Sam out. It’s implied that Sam shouldn’t have been in prison and now the guy has to decide what to do with his life. He hangs out on a large property for now when he notices some bruisers trying to intimidate the local owner. Her name is Clydie and she is refusing to sell her property to a real estate mogul who is trying to demolish all of the houses in the area. There are only two houses left standing but this guy is willing to use illegal methods to get the homeowners out. What can Clydie do?

Okay so lets get to the biggest problem of the film right out of the gate. Clydie seems completely unable to read context clues. The villain in this film is not exactly subtle either. He hires some brutes to beat her and the kids up in one of the first scenes and they only do not succeed because Sam shows up to beat them. Clydie is still rather apprehensive for a while and that’s fine because she doesn’t know Sam yet. She should be prepping her shotgun that is shown off throughout the film so that she is ready to fight off any more invaders.

Instead she just lives life as normal. The villains show up again later on and she just says to their face that she will never sell…and they can’t make her sell. Very brave and all but she sees how they torch up the other family’s house so that should be ringing some alarm bells. Instead she decides to stay the course and even tells Sam to go away because he’s a criminal. Obviously the villains show up anyway and claim the victory but the whole thing felt very avoidable.

Lets put it this way, Clydie has two real options here. The first one is to accept the bribe for the house and leave. The other is to grab her gun and start taking people out. Those are her only two options because in this small town there are no cops to help her out. They’re already on the payroll and the villains have free reign to do whatever they want. Her character just feels completely unrealistic the whole time. I think the film was trying to show that she’s just really emotional after going on the rebound with Sam but that’s a terrible excuse on the whole.

I would even say that Sam’s plot twist at the time shouldn’t be coming as a big shock to her. She knew that he was hiding things when they first met and the guy was a top tier fighter. What did she think the truth of his backstory was going to be? If she’s also some kind of a big pacifist, then that was never going to be a good deal for her. She shouldn’t have gotten involved with him then. Her kids can be a bit annoying but they’re too young to be doing much about anything. I can’t blame them too hard as a result of that.

Now for Sam, he’s a reasonably solid character. He shows up to beat up the bad guys and eventually leaves when he isn’t wanted there anymore. Sam is generally going into situations where he is outnumbered or on the losing side but he still fights all the way. I think he should have fought back against Lonnie during one scene where he is trying to be the bigger man though. I never agree with just standing there and taking a beating. It’s virtually never the right answer to a situation.

As far as the romance goes, Sam should not have been moving fast. He doesn’t technically know Clydie pretty much at all and a romance that starts off in such a rushed way is not going to be all that strong. There simply isn’t time for it to have been built up almost at all. The situation gets real rocky and he’s shocked at how she turns on him but he shouldn’t be. Again, Sam doesn’t even know her by this point. He should have stuck to being a nice guy who helps out and then left from that point.

You have to keep in mind that she was still with Lonnie by this point. She didn’t know that he was a corrupt cop and was still immediately cheating on him for the new guy on the block. Lonnie exposed himself as being a terrible character right away so it’s not like I felt too bad for him but it does underscore how weak the romance was here. It’s the kind of romance that is here to pad out the time without really adding anything to the film. I’d rather we have gotten more scenes of the villains making plans or something.

The main villain’s a fairly clever old guy. He has been in the game for a long time and the film lets us know on multiple occasions that this isn’t his first rodeo. He has been taking over land for a long time and that’s why he only hires the best to work for him. He suspects early on that Lonnie won’t be tough enough and so that’s why he gets the magician. The magician is pretty good and gives Sam a solid fight. I enjoyed their quick back and forths as the two would subtlety threaten each other. Well, okay it was never all that subtle at all but the dialogue was still strong.

This was when the film was at its best. So we could have used some extra time to explain why the last remaining townsfolk were so confident that corporate wouldn’t burn their house down and beat them up. Everyone just looked so naïve that it was crazy. It also makes one scene look weird as one guy is yelling about how he will stay in his house forever and they can’t make him leave. Clydie naturally agrees and tells him that she is taking the same approach. Then the guy randomly contradicts himself just to disagree with her and then storms off. Like he actually knows that everything he was saying was hot air and it took someone else saying the same thing for him to realize it?

It can easily come across as victim blaming in these films but I just don’t get why you would not have taken the time to come up with some kind of a plan here. Otherwise you’re just a complete sitting duck which is a dumb position to find yourself in. So this works as a fast paced action blockbuster where Sam is the town’s only hope but in large part it’s because the villagers really aren’t fighting back at all.

I did appreciate that we had some good one liners in here as well. The film was not afraid to throw a little humor in from time to time and I always like one liners when finishing off an opponent. That’s just a good idea in general and this film was effective at it. The movie’s also not quite as violent as you might expect. It tends to focus more on the choreography than on focusing on each kill. There absolutely is blood and such but nothing all that crazy.

Overall, Nowhere to Run is a good film that is relying a lot on big action scenes. Fortunately that is often enough to win me over. At one point we get a long motorcycle chase scene and I feel like that was added in to live up to the title. Otherwise it’s a bit random and I gotta say that Sam acts in the most suspicious way possible. He could have kept eating his steak and at least tried to engage in small talk. It may have been futile but instead he gave all of the most suspicious answers possible which didn’t really help his case. The main thing to remember is if you’re up against corrupt corporate officials, you’re probably going to need to go on the offensive sooner than later. I’d recommend this film if you’re looking for a quick action flick.

Overall 7/10

101 Dalmatians Review

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It’s time to look at the live action version of 101 Dalmations. It’s definitely quite a bit different than the animated one and is essentially everything you expect from a 90s live action adaption. There is a ton of slapstick and the film has the subtlety of a sledge hammer. You either enjoy this style or you will find it obnoxious real fast. Fortunately I have a pretty high tolerance for the slapstick. The film ends up being a bit of an ironic watch at times so I can’t say that it’s genuinely funny but it’s also pretty harmless. It’s the kind of film I can watch any time but there will always be better alternatives to check out instead.

The movie starts with Roger’s dog falling for one that he met in the park. So he takes Roger on a rapid bike ride until they bump into the other owner. Anita takes a liking to Roger as well so the two of them get married right away. Their dogs have a ton of puppies and it looks like they are really going to live happily ever after. Well, that would have been the case but that’s when Cruella steps in. She intends to turn the dogs into a coat since she likes the spots that Dalmations have. She summons her 3 underlings and they get to work. Can Roger and Anita stop these guys?

The answer to that is no. Roger and Anita are pretty much helpless throughout the film. If you were hoping that they would be boxing the villains, think again. The only ones the dogs can count on are other dogs to spread the word and tip off the cops. Roger and Anita mostly are just stuck at home wishing that they could have done something. There’s a lot of blame to go around in terms of the kidnapping in the first place but it all comes down to the housekeeper for the biggest share.

I’m guessing it’s a super safe area but it was still rough to see her just opening the door without checking to see who was there. She lets the kidnappers in real easily and is then overpowered. These are not the smartest villains either as they are the main comic relief throughout the film. It is really rough to be losing to them in any context. At least I will say that the burglars made for a solid duo. The serious one got in some good lines and there was at least some effort put into the humor there.

Cruella is of course the main villain that everyone remembers and she does well too. She’s just not making direct moves in the same way. She mostly coordinates the attack from the shadows and comes up with the big plans. You won’t see her actually out there fighting. Cruella still isn’t spared from the comedy though as the whole climax has her getting badly beaten in a lot of different ways. You can bet that this is the kind of film that is also having a lot of fun with the visual gags in addition to slapstick.

One thing that the film could have leaned into a lot more was how Roger was a video game developer. Have him figure out where the villains are hiding based on what he would do in the game. Then you could have him and Anita being the ones to try and save the day. It would be considerably more interesting to have them be the leads. The film was going for the animals being the ones to save the day but since they can’t talk, it’s not quite as engaging. The main characters should not be the most forgettable parts of the film.

I’m also a bit surprised that they had the animals not be able to talk in this version because it feels like something that would not have been strange for a live action film. We’d already had the Homeward Bound series by this point after all. I’ve always been a big advocate for more dialogue being a good thing and this film is no exception. Having more dialogue would have been a good thing here. It’s not like the writing was stellar but it would still give the film a little more depth.

Finally the film is going for some intentional cringe during the adventure so you just have to decide if it’s too much for you or if it’s the right amount. Roger and Anita are both rather terrible at flirting and so their brief scenes can go on a bit long. You’re surprised that they even get together with how bad their first encounter was. Then you naturally have the film throwing in some crude humor like a skunk and excessive dog licking. Your tolerance will be tested here.

I would still say that the film has more good things going for it than bad but it is fair to say that this is a bit of an obnoxious film. It’s the kind of title that is really made for kids but overdoes it quite a bit so I don’t think it would be very popular with them as well. While Cruella may have gotten really popular, I’m not sure if I would have been completely sold from this film. I suppose the gag of everyone being terrified of her was one of the better ones in the film. It’s just really brief since we don’t spend much time at her company. If anything I would have liked to have seen more of Cruella at her day to day business. Show her crushing dreams and getting lots of wins before turning her attention to the Dalmatians.

Overall, I’d say this is a pretty reasonable film. It’s not one that I’m likely to pick out to watch on my own but if it’s on TV I wouldn’t mind it for background noise. The characters aren’t bad and the pacing is decent. I would say the main problem for 101 Dalmatians is that it’s just trying way too hard with all of the gags. Sometimes you can brute force a joke into working but that wasn’t the case here. If the film was half as funny as it thought it was, then this would be a completely different experience. We’ll see if the sequel is able to top this one at some point.

Overall 6/10

The Entertainer Review

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The Entertainer is one of those films that goes a little too far in trying to show just how corrupt folks can become in show business. Ultimately the characters still need to take accountability for their own actions so I wouldn’t purely blame the job space. It’s definitely not a happy film by any means and after a while the constant sadness just overwhelms the rest of the movie. There isn’t a whole lot to enjoy here.

The film starts off by introducing us to Jean who has just had a big fight with her boyfriend. He doesn’t take her work seriously and is always taking shots at it. Now he has a big job opportunity which would force him to move far away. He wants her to come but Jean isn’t thrilled at the prospect. Instead she returns to her old home to visit her family but finds that they are not doing well at all. Her father Archie has really been bombing out at his latest comedy performances and the family is really poor right now. All they can count on is each other but is even that true?

The first problem with the film is that there are no good characters. The worst one right away is Archie for obvious reasons. The guy is cheating on his wife and makes bad decision after bad decision. He doubles down on basically everything with absolutely 0 remorse. You would think that with the stakes this high he would find some way to make ends meet but he does the opposite. Phoebe’s family is ready to offer him a job at any point but his pride forces him to refuse. Archie will live or die by his show business.

That may be a find attitude to have if you’re single but it is beyond selfish when you have a family that is depending on you. It’s not really a surprise that people wouldn’t enjoy his act because it seemed rather dreadful to me. There’s just nothing to it and you’ll be left shaking your head the whole time. Even the quick portions we see in the movie are more head scratching than anything else. Archie still makes promises that he can’t keep and loses even more money.

Usually you put a character in a tough bind so that the audience can feel sympathy for him but again, the guy’s a cheater. There is no sympathy to be had and if anything you’re rooting for his ruination. Then you have his son Frank who is essentially closing his eyes to the whole thing. He is content to just get drunk every day and support his parents. He doesn’t want to think about anything else and just stays out of the way so he is a classic case of being an enabler. When Jean tries to talk to Archie, Frank even runs interference.

Meanwhile Phoebe is another character who is essentially closing her eyes to what is happened. She puts up with a whole lot of grief from Archie who is constantly picking on her. Throw in the fact that she is really worried about her kid who is off in the war and it has not been a happy journey for her either. There are no real winners here. Now why doesn’t Jean rank so highly?

Well, she became complicit the moment that she found out Archie was cheating and didn’t say anything. Obviously it’s a hard topic to broach but she needed to come down hard on him or get out of there. Then when her boyfriend shows up, she basically tells him to leave because she needs to handle this on her own. With both of them always on different sides, I’m not sure how long their relationship is going to last. Jean got herself in the middle of a whole lot of family drama and that was definitely not a good thing. She needed to stay out or get in there and do something. Instead she’s just another passive observer.

The only one who really did something was Billy and the characters really get on his case for it. He’s archie’s father and finds out about the affair/false promises and decides to spill the beans. This causes a whole lot of drama and tough circumstances for Archie but that’s sort of the idea. Billy acts surprised at just how drastic it all gets but it shouldn’t have been a surprise. At the same time, he should have been happy about this because it really put a pin in that sub plot.

Things don’t go very well for him in the end. Billy tried his best but was just too old by this point. I understand that he wanted to help his son here but still should have let Archie dig himself out. It’s hard when you see a family member slipping to the dark side but if you try to help, the most likely outcome is that you’ll end up falling as well. That’s really the obvious ending to this kind of problem.

I dare say one improvement to the film would have been having Jean trying to fix things the whole time. Perhaps trying to redeem Archie, trying to get Phoebe to be more proactive, etc. Then as the film goes on she realizes that none of these attempts are working. So when her boyfriend shows up, Jean just leaves with him. That would have made for a more interesting plot and would have made her more likable as the lead. It’s really the best balance you could hope for. After all when the topics got serious here, the characters were quick to treat her coldly. Phoebe talking about how Jean isn’t her direct daughter, Archie just waving her off, etc. While we didn’t have much time for the boyfriend to reflect on his actions from the opening, we can assume that they are still okay. Jean’s side job will just be something that the two of them will continue to argue about probably even after they get married. It’s a bit of a red flag but could be worse.

Overall, I would say that this was just not a good film. It’s incredibly hard to make a good film with bad characters. I’m not saying that it is absolutely impossible but it is certainly difficult enough where I’m surprised whenever it works out. You’re just waiting for the cops to catch up and take this guy away. Archie shouldn’t have tried forcing his way through a business where he had lost the talent many years ago. Perhaps he could have trained himself into learning new skills and being a success again but then his ego was the other problem. Archie seemed to think that he was doing a fine job and so he didn’t need to learn any new tricks. Rookie mistake to be honest. The most tragic thing is that almost any of the other characters would have been more interesting as the lead.

Overall 3/10

Enchanted April Review

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It’s time for one of those films that doesn’t sound very interesting at first glance but maybe it could surpass that? Unfortunately that was not in the cards this time. The character cast is on the weaker side and there just isn’t a lot going on here. The film moves at a fairly slow pace and so the characters would have been its only chance at success.

The movie starts off with Lotty suggesting to one of her fellow club members (Rose) that they should rent a castle. It’s a rather impulsive thought but she saw an ad for this in the newspaper. Lotty has not been very consistent with her life at the moment as it’s rather boring and her husband is always running around to parties and trying to meet all of the bigwigs. Rose isn’t having a great time either as her husband is always writing nsfw books and doesn’t put her as his #1 priority. After some convincing, Rose agrees but a castle will be too expensive. SO they enlist an older lady named Mrs. Fisher and the rich Lady Dester to accompany them. The 4 of them will enjoy a month away from men and the outside world in general. Will they have fun or will they begin to miss their old lives?

It’s an interesting idea although I would argue that if you need a month away from your husband than the marriage was already very weak. You don’t need time away when you are having a good time after all. The husbands do not look good at all so this does track. That is why Lotty seems very annoying to me. If I were the other characters I’d be super upset because she suddenly decides to invite her husband over after just a few days.

Yes, the characters had previously agreed that they could each invite someone over but the fact that the one who suggested the idea was the first to cave is terrible. Lotty isn’t really up for discussing the matter either and just launches forward. The film shows that she is rather crazy the whole time but it turns this from being a quirk into a totally negative trait. You’re rooting against Lotty by this point. It’s just incredibly insensitive and I was not able to get past this even to the end of the film.

Sure enough, her husband shows up and immediately makes it clear that he is here to make connections. He gives some back handed complements like he’s surprised at how Lotty has such influential friends. The guy ends up not being too much of a nuisance but it still changes the vibe. You can’t be quite as free and one with nature if there’s another guy around. It’s just a matter of decorum.

Lotty then also pressures Rose to do the same thing and that so her husband shows up as well. This guy is basically showing up to see Dester and of course has been living a double life. This is a rather huge issue but the film basically shoves it to the side and he never has to pay for these issues. It would be one thing if the husband was keeping a second identity to not be connected to the book but the film makes it clear that he is really doing this to get with the ladies. The guy is not loyal and shouldn’t have been invited to this event.

Rose wasn’t the best character either but at least she wasn’t out there betraying her husband. Her main failing is that she is too easy to pressure. She is basically forced into the castle plan and from there on she rarely has enough strength to make her own decisions. She always ends up listening to Lotty and the others. Even by the end of the film I don’t think she ever really came into her own.

Lester has a tough time of it as she came to the castle for a peaceful adventure and yet everyone is always bothering her. She really doesn’t get a whole lot of peace and quiet to herself at all. I also thought she had the best plan of action for the castle which was just to relax by herself. That was the whole point of the trip and it wasn’t supposed to be about having lots of mandatory activities and bonding. This is a vacation, not work. The others worry about every little thing while Lester sees the bigger picture. She was easily the best character here.

Then we have the older lady Mrs. Fisher. She was a fun character. At first she tried to really dominate the rest but once that didn’t work, she calmed down quickly. She is big on traditions and so it takes a while to really learn how to relax. Still, Fisher pulls it off and gets along with the other characters. She doesn’t have as much of a trial to get over so her role felt a bit smaller even if I feel like the screentime was probably roughly on point with the other characters.

Ultimately the film’s biggest problem is just that it’s rather boring. Nothing is really happening and so that’s why you have to be on board with the characters. Since the characters are on the weaker side then there wasn’t much that could really be done to save the adventure. From that point on, the film was doomed.

I can respect the intention of the film which is that this grand castle was able to save both marriages and show the other characters how to be happy but the way it played out wasn’t very believable. It just felt like the characters needed more time to develop these subplots and the film was already pretty long. It would have been better for the film to have just been about the 4 ladies and how they are completely different but still manage to come together in the end. The castle could have been about how they all forgot their outside selves and just had fun.

If you really wanted to include the husbands on this trip, then they should have been introduced as better characters. You could have easily still had the wives feeling dissatisfied with their lives without making the husbands quite as bad. For example maybe both of them were spending so much time at work that they felt neglected. Instead by introducing them as antagonists, it meant that the redemption arc was not going to be very satisfactory or paced well in comparison. I feel like the film tried to have some funny moments with both of them so they wouldn’t feel quite as much like villains but it did not work at all.

Overall, This is the kind of film that doesn’t even really work as background noise. It’s not making a significant amount of problems during the run but isn’t really keeping your attention either. I can’t say that I would enjoy spending a month at the castle very much. I would definitely find ways to make the days pass by quickly but give me my own bed any time. Now spending that time with 3 people that I really don’t know very well? Yeah that would be even rougher. This does not feel like a very calming experience at all. The whole film is hard to relate to and isn’t executed well. There are just so many better ways you could have handled the story to make the film more interesting because I could definitely handle a film about the characters bonding. They really needed to make Lotty a more likable character though, she was chaotic in all the worst ways. Well, if you’ve ever really wanted to be in a castle then maybe you should check it out.

Overall 4/10

Three Cases of Murder Review

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The anthologies continue with this next title! Three Cases of Murder has fewer stories than the other two titles but they are each able to hold their own. I dare say this may have even been the best of the three even if it is the least frightening. This one is better to look at as more of a suspense collection. Each one definitely keeps a tense atmosphere the whole time the story is going on.

One of the stories is about a guy who has fallen in love with a lady that he met. He’s really excited because before now things haven’t really worked out for him. Unfortunately his work partner will be returning soon and for some reason the ladies all seem to like him at first glance. He can’t lose her…but sure enough the girl leaves him for his partner. Where things go sideways is one day she is found murdered and it looks like the friend did it. What should the lead do now?

Now right away you can see that none of the characters are particularly likable here. The friend has no real class to be stealing girlfriends like this. It doesn’t sound like it is the first time either and he has a habit of constantly getting drunk. The guy just does whatever he wants and unfortunately this seems to be appealing to everyone that he comes into contact with. I would say the friendship would definitely be over by this point.

Meanwhile the girl isn’t worth fighting for because she got with the friend so quickly. She is clearly not the loyal type and so you will be having to fight every guy who comes into contact with her. That’s not the kind of relationship that you want and the lead needed to move on. Also while some may say it is admirable to stick up for your friend in a murder case by lying to the cops, that’s not the right way to play it. You have to let the legal system do its job. If the friend did murder her, then he’s going to have to pay.

It’s not quite so straight forward in the story though as we get a few twists and turns. Characters aside, I thought it made for a really interesting story. You couldn’t really trust anyone here and it was tough to predict how it would end. The story was well crafted and definitely got things off to a pretty good start.

Then we have a story about living paintings. This one’s a bit harder to accept at face value but basically we follow an employee of the museum. He has been working here for many years and in particular likes a painting that is in the main room. The glass around it seems to break every day which is odd. One day a mysterious gentleman tells the employee to come with him inside the painting. It turns out that each painting is alive and people live in them. They can then leave to the human world when needed to get supplies and such.

It’s a really interesting concept to be sure. Unfortunately for the employee, this painting’s creator is rather mad. He is completely obsessed with making the painting be perfect and will stop at nothing for this goal. As the two of them hang out in the painting along with his wife and an old man, the employee realizes that things are getting more and more dire. Unfortunately he does not want to be rude and so he entertains them…until it is too late. The whole time you are just thinking that any half decent main character would have gotten out of this film alive. It’s not like the painter was that tough.

In fact, he was scared of the old man until the employee showed up. This guy can easily be beaten and leaving the painting appears to be very easy. So this was just a collection of errors by the main character for the situation to get this far. It is the most preventable story out of all the anthology ones I’ve seen and that’s saying something. I do really enjoy the concept though, this could make for a full length movie easily. It would take a really skilled writer to anticipate all of the effects of having every painting be alive though.

Finally we have a story that gets a little more intense. There is a man in parliament who is known as the best up and coming politician. He constantly knows what the right thing to say is and he just finished crushing someone’s career. That guy swears vengeance though and activates his dream powers. Now he is able to control the politician in his dreams, forcing him to do embarrassing things like dancing and singing. The worst part is that both of them are aware of these dreams so it feels like emotional blackmail. What can the politician do? One option may be to destroy the nightmare bringer in the dream but is that possible?

Now, this is a tricky situation so I do want to flag that right away. That said, it doesn’t feel unwinnable by any means. Keep in mind that the dream creator doesn’t seem to have any special powers in the real world. So there’s nothing he can do there and additionally he doesn’t have any real blackmail material since it stays in the dreams. At face value, the main character should have just ignored him and things would be fine.

There is the fear that these dreams could escalate further of course. If the dream creator wants to murder him then this would be the way to do it but all of that should be handled in the dreams. The politician just lets it get to him too quickly and essentially tanks his career in the meantime. It made for some interesting back and forth but as soon as the dreams began to break him down, that was it. I don’t think there was any coming back from that. The tragic thing is how close the lead was to winning here. He just needed to hang on a little more and perhaps the voice would have gone away. Perhaps though…no guarantees with powers like this.

Part of what helps the film succeed is that the script is solid for each of the three stories. The old writing style works well here and the pacing is solid. I didn’t think we needed the narrator between stories though. I always think it’s best to let the stories speak for themselves. If you need something to tie them together, then do it within the story like with the last two anthologies. Having someone randomly talking in between the stories just hurts the momentum. Not in such a way that it really hurt the film of course but it still felt pointless.

Overall, Three Cases of Murder was a pretty good movie. I thought that each of the stories were solid and kept me engaged the whole time. They had a good amount of twists and turns but most importantly, the core concepts were solid. There is a lot that you could really do with each of the premises. The main characters just tended to be way too passive in each of the stories. The first story would be the exception to this but the lead of the following two stories could have easily claimed victory. Perhaps that’s where the horror comes from, imagining that you could go down like this. Still, this is a film that I would recommend checking out.

Overall 7/10

Torture Garden Review

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It’s time for another horror anthology. These are usually not so good but the last one was actually solid. Could they pull off such a thing once again? Well I’m glad to say that it was another good one. The stories work pretty well and each have a premise that doesn’t have to rely on shock value. Trust me I was a bit surprised but I’m always glad to see this coming together. Perhaps the writers have finally figured out what is needed to make this kind of story format a true success.

The movie begins with 5 folks heading to a crazy carnival attraction. There’s nothing all that scary so they basically scoff through it all until a mysterious guy says he will show them something truly scary. They follow him to the back where he has a mysterious statue. Looking at it can let you see the dark future that is coming up. Each one decides to take a peak and sees just what horrors are in store.

The first story is about Colin deciding to be a real jerk to his uncle. Colin wants his vast riches and he wants them now! The uncle warns him not to look too much into the origins of the wealth but nothing is about to stop Colin. It turns out that the money comes from a mysterious cat demon, but the problem is that in exchange for these riches, Colin must do its bidding. Colin does his best to resist but is powerless before this creature.

It’s a pretty intense one to start with. The cat is shown to have powerful telepathy and so nobody can resist it for long. Colin sure tries but is unable to stop himself from murdering several folks. This is probably the most intense of the stories with the highest body count so it’s an interesting way to start. You could say that the film is actually peaking early here even if that wasn’t the intent. Colin really dug his own grave here so it’s hard to feel bad for the guy. There’s not much he could have done to escape the situation once it had started but not being an ungrateful jerk would have helped.

The second story is about Carla deciding to mess over her friend. She intentionally sabotages a dress so that she can take the friend’s spot in a date with a powerful member of Hollywood. Carla is fairly confident in her social skills and is quickly able to maneuver her way into meeting all of the inner circle. Unfortunately this puts her right in the middle of a grand conspiracy on just how far the Hollywood elite will go in order to keep their fame.

Like with the first story, Carla is the one who got herself into this mess. Sabotaging her friend was a terrible thing to do and Carla is just shown to be absolutely merciless the whole time. Even by the end she is basically threatening the celebrities to let her in on the secret and that seems like a bad idea. Threatening the super powerful is not a strategy that will often work in your favor. Carla just doesn’t seem to be taking all of that into consideration.

The plot/twist is pretty interesting overall even if this doesn’t feel as much like a true horror. I suppose the situation is scary to be in though. It’s also another one where it would be super hard to get out of the situation once you are stuck in it. Hollywood has a lot of connections and so it would be game over eventually. They must be silencing people by the thousands since nobody has noticed the twist within the film. Definitely an interesting amount of world building here.

Next up we have a story of Leo falling in love with a lady named Dorothy. He is a world class pianist but now his skills are starting to fade a bit because he is spending so much time going on dates. His piano doesn’t like this and decides to murder Dorothy. Dorothy isn’t particularly scared of anybody because she lives life on her own terms. In most cases I’d say she should be correct here. I don’t see how you lose to a piano but I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles.

The idea of an evil object getting feelings of jealousy has certainly happened a few times. It’s an interesting premise but usually you pick something with a bit more of a punch. You can imagine a car being really dangerous after all. For a piano you just need to jump on top of it or outmaneuver it. The thing is fairly easy to break as well. Unfortunately Dorothy doesn’t handle the situation very well at all.

This situation was a bit more difficult to avoid since you’re not expecting a piano to suddenly want to murder you. That being said, you should also know better than to enter a dark room when you hear some ominous piano music. Dorothy had also been warned by this point so the best thing to do would have to just been to get out of there. It’s always one of the more tragic horror tropes to see a character run back into a room one last time, only to be murdered for their trouble.

Finally we have a story about Ronald getting to meet the world’s best Edgar Allan Poe collector. Ronald is super hyped to see all of the collectibles but unfortunately he is also incredibly crazy. The guy can barely control himself and the more antiques he sees, the more out of control he gets. The guy must know everything and will stop at nothing, including murder. It’s definitely hard to feel bad for Ronald at all here because he’s just completely unreasonable.

Throughout the movie he seemed really crazy so it was interesting to see that he was crazy in the future as well. The guy was also the only one to not really be shook by what he saw in the future. It makes for a nice contrast since usually everyone is just panicking in this kind of story. For once you instead have a villain having to go up against another one. It was a pretty solid story for sure with a nice amount of build up and a satisfying ending.

Now you might be wondering, what about the 5th character? Well he was probably the smartest one here as he decides not to peer into the future and just attacks the host instead. That is crazy in its own way to be sure but this guy was not going to go out quietly. I at least have to give him some major credit there. It’s ultimately a little futile in terms of stopping the host from doing this to others but this guy kept his sanity. It also just made for a bit of an explosive ending.

None of the stories are really going to knock your socks off but none of them were particularly weak either. That is really important for anthologies because what you don’t want is for one story to really drag the others down. This one avoided that entirely and the stories also had a whole lot of variety. As long as you enjoy some suspense and a few thrills then you’ll have a good time here. It may be a horror title but it’s not nearly as violent as you may be expecting.

Overall, The title may give you the idea that this is a super grim film but it doesn’t really play out like that. I would definitely recommend checking this one out if you’re looking forward to seeing some retro stories. The movie holds up well in the present day. It was also nice to have all of the main characters be antagonists so you don’t feel quite as bad for them. There are innocent victims in some of the stories but at least the main characters get their just desserts real fast.

Overall 6/10

The Horror of It All Review

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It’s time for a really retro horror comedy. This is one of those films that is pretty fun as long as you enjoy the tone it’s going for. There’s nothing particularly unique about the film as it’s leaning into the gags that you’ve been seeing for over 50 years. Still, the execution is on point the whole time and the film’s also not very long. It ends up going pretty smoothly.

The movie starts with Jack showing up to the haunted mansion of his girlfriend Cynthia. They have only been dating for one month but he knows that she is the one for him. He wants to get her family’s consent to the marriage but he didn’t realize that her cousin had just died so everyone is in mourning. Additionally the whole family seems very eccentric to say the least so this won’t be as straight forward as he had been expecting. Is his life in danger over here?

Right away you can tell that Jack is the kind of guy who is a bit slow on the uptake. He sort of knows that his life is nearly over at several points but doesn’t really let it get to him. The guy is hopelessly in love with Cynthia and I can respect that at least. The guy is moving rather fast since they’ve only known each other for such a short amount of time but he just believes in true love. Jack also does get his witty comebacks in on occasion but make no mistake, he’s usually on the back foot.

The guy just doesn’t have much in the way of survival instincts. At one point a spider is in his bed and the guy takes a very long time to really notice it. Then you have the crazy guy in the basement named Muldoon and Jack gets real close to the door where he is nearly choked to death. At least in round 2 he was good at running away from the guy but he still got knocked out on several occasions. The house traps were too much for him.

I also give Jack some credit for resisting the attempts of Natalia to try and get him to cheat on Cynthia. Jack was not about to mess this up when he was so close to marriage. So the guy may have had his faults but he did good overall. I was less impressed with Cynthia who never really went out of her way to help Jack out until near the end. She really could have given him more of a heads up on what was going on here. At the very least once he showed up, she could have really had his back.

It felt like she would vanish for large chunks of the film and wasn’t as important as you’d expect. If anything I would argue that Muldoon may have had more of a role and he was just the crazy guy in the basement. The rest of the family all served their roles well as the crazy family all acting shady. We know that one of them is a murderer but who can it be? The doctor? The uncle? Natalia? There are quite a few suspects on this one but the film does a good job of never making it obvious. You should still be wondering what’s going on as the film ends.

We get a number of plot twists at the end of the film as well. In some cases you may say there were too many twists at once but the film was definitely trying to keep you on your toes. The writing is pretty solid overall and the pacing is on point, thanks in part to how short the film is. This is really a solid comfort film that you can watch at any point. Treat it like a Scooby Doo adventure where you’re trying to figure out who the main culprit is and that’ll add to the enjoyment. The film also has a really effective transition at the very end of the film that was handled more smoothly than most films could even dream of.

Now, murders aside I would have to say that the eccentric family weren’t al that bad. Often times the crazy family in these films would be downright antagonistic and petty but they really didn’t go down that route. They had some reasonable reservations about the impending marriage and it makes sense. They pointed out that Jack didn’t know anything about them and vice versa. Marriage is a pretty big decision and so usually you do wait at least 6 months minimum, if not a little longer than that. While Jack may have been disappointed, it seems like a W on their end.

Overall, This is one of those movies that you will either connect with or you won’t. It’s not particularly exciting but the humor worked well for me. It’s got a more subdued style in general but the laughs land well when they happen. Even Jack accidentally pushing his car through to the ocean below was pretty funny because it’s just such a massive unforced error. There was no reason he needed to do that, he just completey panicked and that set the stage for the rest of the events after this. The plot is very simple and so you can easily just turn your brain off while watching. This all probably sounds like backhanded complements all the way but there is always going to be room for a film like this. Watch it as a full blown comedy and you’re all set.

Overall 7/10

Kakurenbo: Hide & Seek Review

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This is one of those films that I had never heard of before. It’s not even all that old but I guess it just never fell into my algorithms. The film is essentially a high stakes match of hide and seek and since the movie is less than 30 minutes, a good chunk of it is essentially about the mystery surrounding the game. Why do any of these kids play such a dangerous game? You can essentially make some assumptions about what is going on but you shouldn’t expect the movie to actually spell this out for you.

The movie starts with the hide and seek game beginning. A bunch of kids run through a deserted city in order to play. There is a rumor that kids go missing here but these kids don’t believe in all of that. Except for Hikora who is trying to find his sister who disappeared during the last time this game was played. Now in theory more people should remember this so this is where the questions start to appear. Either way there are a bunch of murder machines trying to take them all out so the kids don’t have much time for thinking.

The kids are all completely doomed though. They can’t hope to fight off a powerful army of monsters like this and this isn’t the kind of action film where the kids have supernatural abilities or anything like that. They’re just doing their best to try and survive here which isn’t easy by any means. Hikora has a mission but the others are completely off guard. They scramble and do their best to buy time but it’s ultimately futile.

The very ending shows a pretty morbid look at what happens to the kids. Sure enough, this is not the kind of film that’s going to have anything even resembling a happy ending. The system is too powerful for the kids to break and while the film never gets violent, I can see the sheer darkness of the ending still being a bit much for some folks. There really isn’t any hope left for these kids.

It makes for an interesting short but honestly you’re just left wondering about the world building in general. Clearly this appears to be a trick created by the adults in order to power up the society. They are also able to have enough kids to keep this system running and yet none of them have any problems with this? I would have assumed it was a sacrifice that only has to be done every 100 years or something which could explain away a lot of the issues. However, the main plot already debunks this since his sister wasn’t much older than he was. So instead this might be once a year in which case it just raises more questions.

I guess one advantage of not delving into the plot for the writers is that they can basically just bluff their way through it. You aren’t given enough information to say that this is impossible so in that case you just have to buy what the writers are selling you. There isn’t a way to really debunk the whole thing and you just have to suspend some disbelief. You could also lean on more supernatural explanations like the kids are created out of thin air or pulled from other timelines. There are many ways to make this work if you absolutely need to.

The animation is pretty decent. I won’t say that it’s anything special but it works well enough. The movements are good and the town itself has a solid creepy vibe about it. There was a lot of attention put to each of the details. The soundtrack is much more on the forgettable side. It does the job but I couldn’t really recall a single track after finishing it up.

There are films where people say a sequel is not needed since the story was already very complete. Well, by that token there are films that need a sequel and this would be one of them. It’s time to be bold and show the world beyond these kids and show us what the government is doing. If this is some kind of endless purgatory then that can be explained as well but I think the premise just begs a ton of questions. Leaving them up to the imagination is fine as well but this could really work as more of a long form adventure. It could backfire of course but that’s a risk for anything.

Overall, The premise is interesting here with a horror themed game of hide and seek. It’s a little too short to do much with this concept though and it also doesn’t leave any real way to win the game. These kids are in enemy territory against foes that outnumber and outpower them. It all feels pretty rigged and I always like it when the heroes have some kind of a chance. If you give them no chance from the start then the adventure’s just not going to be as fun. It works as a weird kind of scary story but doesn’t have a lot of replay value. Check it out if you think this special sounds interesting but it could have really benefited from being less artsy and going for more of a strong plot.

Overall 6/10

The Exorcist: Believer Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the movie. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

The Exorcist is one of those film series that has never been able to turn out a decent product. It’s not surprising though because there’s just not much that you can even do with the genre. Each film is about a demon showing up and the humans are basically powerless against him. There is no real way to stop this guy without losing a lot of people in the process and this film is more of the same. It’s a rather gritty adventure without much of a happy ending for the characters to hang their hat on.

The film starts off by introducing us to Victor who lost his wife due to an earthquake but the baby was delivered safely. Years have passed and Victor has done his best to raise Angela. One day she heads off with her friend Katherine to dabble in the dark arts and naturally this does not go well. They go missing for 3 days and when they return, the girls appear to be acting strangely. It’s as if a demon has possessed them and now an exorcist will be needed. Can an exorcist handle this powerful demon?

In these films the random demons always tend to overpower the exorcists. At this point it’s almost a surprise that they haven’t all been run out of town. Victor is highly skeptical of all religions now as he has had a tough life. Still, he wants to try and save Angela and so this means accepting all of the help around him. You have people from several faiths coming together to try and help but will they be successful?

Now you need to keep in mind that there are two daughters who need saving here. This is important because the film is naturally paying more attention to Angela but the second family is dealing with the same situation with Katherine. This is where part of the film may lose you because we get this whole victory speech about hope and everything….which basically ignores half of the situation. You’ll be side eyeing the film as it ends because the whole thing just doesn’t make sense.

The movie was already losing steam well before then though. Now this is one title where I don’t blame the main characters being slow on the uptake because you’re not going to immediately jump to the conclusion that your kid has been possessed by a demon. It’s one of the few circumstances where I’m cool with the characters constantly looking puzzled and confused. Victor is doing his best to help Angela through normal means and just isn’t getting through to her. He was able to handle his composure a whole lot better than Katherine’s parents.

That said, there isn’t a lot that the film can do to keep you entertained throughout this saga. It’s not like the characters can fight the kids since they aren’t fully in control of themselves. Once they are strapped to the chairs, it is just a lot of long scenes of the characters all trying their tricks on the demon. For the most part they don’t tend to deal a whole lot of damage. The demon only needs one hit while they have to land hundreds through the chants. It makes for a rather underwhelming climax.

Additionally the film is determined to make the demon possession as grotesque as possible. The girls are always appearing with more wounds as a result of the possession which just continues to escalate. The whole process of removing the demons also involves using holy water and other materials that burns them even further. It’s not that the film is necessarily ultra violent in the way that a slasher would be but they show just enough violence to keep on reminding you that this won’t be an easy film.

The cast is kept fairly small throughout. You have Victor’s gym partner but the guy doesn’t actually do a whole lot. The parents of Katherine are around the whole time but there isn’t a whole lot that they can do. The cops are around for the basic search but basically vanish after that. Victor and the others are somehow able to have the kids transferred from the general hospital to their house for the exorcism so either they have a lot of sway or security was very lax.

This isn’t the kind of film where you’re going to be able to drill in too hard without bringing up some plot questions like that. Even so, more emphasis on the cops would have been good. The movie just doesn’t have much of a hook because there just isn’t much that any of the characters can do. It’s the kind of film where each character is really passive and it’s hard for me to even blame them for it. There is no mystery to uncover, no super exorcism technique to learn, etc. So the first half is really building up to Victor being fully convinced that a demon is involved and then we get the long climax of trying to save the kids.

Of course you do have some plot twists and guest stars showing up as well but this is the Exorcist. It’s not like there are any big guest stars that are actually going to make things super exciting. The film still can’t resist having some gross moments like the demon spitting or just more violence like one old lady getting too close to the demon. Films like this just don’t leave the characters a lot of hope and don’t give the viewer any opportunities to be having a good time either. I’d much prefer having a more cheerful/action based film with the characters fighting against the demons.

If you are going to do a whole film with the demons showing up, then I think you need to give the main character some way to fight back. Victor is essentially sidelined for the entire climax so instead let him go to the demon realm to fight or something. Lean into the supernatural elements a little harder so this can lead into an action angle. That would have been a way more satisfying way to go. I get the feeling that the films want to stay a little more grounded than that but it will lead to the same ending for each of these titles.

Overall, This is another Exorcist film. If you’ve seen one then you’ve basically seen them all. It’s not a film that I would ever be particularly interested in checking out again. These films just have nothing going for them and run into the classic horror problem of the heroes not having any real options. There should at least be some cases where the random demon is quickly defeated when confronted by the Order. Otherwise it just feels like the power levels are way too skewed in favor of the demons. They basically laugh and mock the priests whenever they show up.

Overall 1/10

Quarantine Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the movie. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited movie would be more negative

Quarantine is one of those films that I remember hearing about all the time. It could never escape the shadow of the original Rec film and yet I almost feel like it paradoxically got bigger because of this. The first thing anybody will tell you is that it’s based off of Rec and yet Quarantine is mentioned more often. I dunno it’s an interesting tidbit but either way the film is no good. I could have told you that right from the start but after watching it, I can confirm that it gets a thumbs down all the way.

The movie starts with Angela filming a segment for the news channel that she works at. She will be tailing some firefighters for a day to see what their work is like. There is a lot of banter as they wait for something to happen and finally there is a call. Someone has started acting crazy in a residential building so the firefighters and police go in with the news crew. Unfortunately the situation is worse than expected. They are all locked inside the building with the tenants and they begin to realize that zombies are present. A single bite will spread the virus and with no way out, this will be a difficult situation to survive.

First off I have to say that these are some of the dumbest horror characters I’ve ever seen. Now it is already a tried and true staple that horror protagonists never make the right decisions but these guys take it to a whole new level. The zombie virus isn’t exactly subtle here. Characters will suddenly be bleeding and acting all shaky. They’re frothing at the mouth and the main characters are still wondering what is going on. It’s bad enough near the beginning of the film where the characters are slowly approaching an insane person but by the middle act of the film they should be retaining some survival instincts.

At one point near the end of the film they know with 99% certainty that one character is a zombie but one guy still reaches out telling her to grab his hand. All of the sequences felt extremely forced. They even call in the professionals at one point and these guys presumably have some idea of what’s going on. Yet, they walk real close to one of the zombies and end up paying the price. The kills are all far too violent to find funny but there is definitely something darkly humorous about how some of these characters die. The deaths were 100% completely avoidable which is what will really annoy you there.

Now like I said, the situation is still difficult. I’m not saying that this is a cake walk but there are better ways to handle this. Keep in mind that the zombies are not bullet proof. Additionally it does seem to be possible to put them down for good with enough force. The zombies never get up again once they’ve actually been taken down. They are fast but can’t think so one of the firefighters is able to beat around 6-8 of them by himself. Keep in mind that this is a small building so the amount of zombies will likely max out at around 20.

Taking the offensive would be a good idea or barricading yourself in a room and forcing them to approach one at a time. Ironically the only character to think of this is the local “jerk” that everyone gets mad at. He said from the start that gathering everyone together didn’t make sense and he was right. That just makes it harder to dodge when a zombie is around and no matter what kind of flu they originally thought this was, packing everyone together is not a good idea.

Now you may wonder why they don’t just leave the building and ignore the government. Well, this government is taking a rather strong approach so they are straight up shooting everyone that tries to leave. So yeah leaving is not really an option this time. You can still find ways to survive but there is no guarantee that you are ever leaving this place alive.

Usually in these films they try to find some kind of audio device for exposition or a bunch of notes. The movie does this but in a very half hearted way so I’m not sure why they bothered. Angela and the others find a lab room from the guy who caused this problem and he left an audio but it was basically silent with a bunch of mumbling. Not the most helpful tool around.

Speaking of helpful, it goes without saying but none of the characters were very helpful here at all. First up you have Angela who is completely out of her depth here. She yells a whole lot which keeps giving away their position to the zombies and spends the entire climax panicking. It was pretty obvious at one point that shooting the zombies was the right move but Angela is still acting shocked as if this was excessive force.

I was just not a big fan of hers by the end. She started out okay but all the screaming is just rough when you have lives at stake. Those yells put everyone in danger and there has to be a point where the adrenaline takes over and you stop panicking. Everyone else was able to get with the program and Angela’s a professional in a line of work that sees a lot of violence. I would have expected her to do better. Instead the cameraman has to really take the initiative and do all of the hard work.

Even by the end of the film it felt like the characters had a chance of surviving. There weren’t many zombies left at all but Angela freezes up and decides not to help so that just messes everyone over. I’m not blaming her for the entire mess, other characters made similar mistakes. The cop with the gun should not have been defeated so naturally he puts the gun down and approaches a zombie. The writers had to work extra hard to find ways for the humans to lose here.

What the film does well is to maintain a very tense atmosphere. The film is really intense and the scares work pretty well. It just can’t help but try to be as gritty as possible in the process. You have all of the usual biting and characters being eaten but then you also have a rat being squashed with rather gruesome detail. That did not add anything to the film and could have definitely been removed. The film wanted to show that animals were also running around with the virus but we definitely didn’t need that.

It’s not like the film would have been much better off even without the animal part but still it’s worth noting. Even better characters would not have been enough to get the film into the green. It’s just not a pleasant film and instead focuses on making everyone as miserable as possible. The concept of the plot is more interesting than the execution so other films like this would still have potential.

Overall, This film could have done well to tone down the violence a whole lot and to go with a more traditional camera style. Stuffing everyone inside of a building with a horror threat is a great concept but then you have to let the writing and atmosphere tell the story from there. I’d also be interested in more of a large scale story about what the government are doing but I suppose by then it is basically just Resident Evil. If you want a zombie story I’d actually sooner recommend that one and that’s saying something.

Overall 1/10