Category Archives: Live Action Movies

Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors Review

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Time for an anthology! Usually these as an absolute recipe for disaster but I’m always ready for one to prove me wrong. In theory you just need to have a writer with a solid vision for different stories. Usually all of the focus is put on just one story and then the others all suffer as a result. That’s exactly what you really want to avoid here. This one ended up being a lot better than most of the others that I’ve seen. It still couldn’t help but fall into some issues along the way though. Due to the structure of the stories and everything, this review will have a lot of spoilers. I usually avoid them but when the stories are this short, it’s hard to talk about them otherwise. So you have been forewarned.

The movie starts off with 5 guys all riding in a train along with a suspicious older man. The old guy says that he can read the future with his tarot cards. The 5 men are rather bored right now so they decide to entertain this idea. Each story is a cautionary tale about what they will be running into soon. Will this knowledge help them escape absolute despair?

The first story features a guy going back to the house that he sold a long time ago. His family had owned the place for many generations and so he was called in to do an inspection. The current owner aims to do a little redecorating and this seems like an easy enough request. Unfortunately things quickly start to get a little spooky as the last burial ground of a werewolf is discovered. It won’t be easy to destroy a werewolf if he has been resurrected but what is a guy to do?

Now keeping in mind that the film has to get through 5 stories in a fairly short duration, the movie has really quick pacing. This Werewolf story has to quickly show off two suspects and then move through the story right away. Each segment is like a Twilight Zone episode where you can expect a twist at some point. This one was pretty solid overall. It builds up the atmosphere well and a Werewolf is something that everyone can understand right away. I’ll also be rating how survivable each encounter is based on if they go to the location or if they choose to bypass it.

After all, the point of these tarot cards is so that the men can avoid their fates right? Well, this is probably one of the easier ones to avoid. The guy can decide not to go to the house. Now given when we know from the twist, the Werewolf may go to him but his advanced knowledge should help a whole lot. I give him a 60% chance of surviving if he doesn’t go to the house, 20% if he ends up going.

The second story feels like something more out of a Japanese horror story. A guy is enjoying his new house with his wife and daughter. Unfortunately it turns out that the vines are alive and are slowly seeking to spread their influence. They even murder the pet dog which was terrible and something that the film could have really cut out if you ask me. Sometimes you just don’t need those extra details and they just serve to get in the way of the story. This was one of those cases. Without that element, this would have been the best story because it really makes you think. How do you deal with vines like this?

I would argue that it’s probably the happiest of the 5 stories though. It ends in a rather light way if you ask me. Yes, the vines are smart and can work on putting out the flames but it definitely won’t be easy for them. It’ll take effort and the humans can use that time. It’s also just a very creative threat. If the guy doesn’t go to the house with his family, I give him 100% odds on surviving. If he does go, I still give him 90% odds because he knows what the threat is.

Then we have the third story which is the first one where the main guy was asking for trouble. Everyone told him to leave the voodoo stuff alone but he couldn’t help it and throws himself into the situation. A really dumb move if you ask me and the guy basically just does his best to mock all of the traditions until he’s beat up. The ending of that one makes me think he was still alive but they’ll probably finish him at some point. As long as he goes there and doesn’t stir up trouble then he has 100% odds in both scenarios.

It’s just a bit harder to feel bad about this guy because he was actually given fair warning. He was really testing everyone’s patience that time. I don’t know why his story got off so easy compared to the others. I guess you can just chalk it down to getting lucky I suppose.

Then we have a story where the main guy is completely to blame and is an actual villain. You have a pretentious art critic who really enjoys going out of his way to make fun of another artist. The artist finally gets back at him and the critic decides to take revenge by running the guy over and severing his hand. Well, the severed hand has a mind of its own and is now trying to choke the critic out. It is sort of a play on the classic question of what would you do if a slug was following you across the world.

In this case a hand is more dangerous. It may be slow but once it has a grip on you, that could be game over. The hand cannot be destroyed and will eventually teleport into your proximity. Personally I would say that the best way to deal with it, is to keep it in a cage within your eyesight so you can notice when it starts to get close. It’s not fullproof though and of course this will be stressful all the way. If the critic chooses not to injure the artist, then he has 100% odds of surviving. If he does this but knows that the hand is after him, maybe he has 20% odds? I think the hand would eventually get anyone, you have to sleep at some point.

Finally we couldn’t end this without a vampire story. One guy is told that his wife is a vampire who is terrorizing the village. In particular she keeps going after a local kid. So the guy makes the tough choice to murder his wife but it turns out that the doctor was in on it and so the guy will spend the rest of his days locked up or executed in short order. This one feels like an easy one to survive for the main guy. For starters, he could ditch the wife early on, or live somewhere else and play dumb. It doesn’t seem like she was going to end up targeting him but I guess we don’t know that for sure. If he goes there, it’s tougher because the vampires don’t evaporate after dying so he will be on the hook for a crime either way. I give him 70% odds on the first and 50% on the second.

What I didn’t get is why the guy didn’t just talk to his wife. He went straight to deciding that she had to die but maybe they could have found some better way together. As his wife, the vampire deserved some time to talk things out. It just feels weird that you would completely side with the doctor over even giving your wife some kind of a chance. Not the strongest marriage bond here, that’s for sure.

Then we get back to the present to wrap things up. The ending is pretty effective and the movie really did a good job of keeping things moving at a solid speed. The best story was ultimately the Werewolf one and the worst was the Voodoo one. None of them were all that bad though and part of what helps with this are the special effects. The film clearly didn’t have much of a budget to work with and so there isn’t a lot of blood here. The deaths in the film tend to not be very gruesome either and even the dog who died wasn’t as gruesome as it would have been in just about any other film. For that reason it doesn’t hurt the film nearly as much as it would have otherwise.

Overall, This is one of those rare horror titles to actually get a positive score. It’s the kind of title that actually has a good amount of replay value and some good twists within it. Each story was crafted well and this is the kind of horror title that I look forward to. You don’t need all the gruesome details, just a good premise and some solid scares within. This one works as a good template all the way and proves that even anthologies can be good.

Overall 6/10

The Lodger Review

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The Lodger is one of those films that tests each character’s ability to read the room. If there is a mass murderer on the loose and someone started acting really shady, would you be ready to make an accusation or keep waiting for more evidence? The way the film plays out, there is only one suspect throughout the movie so you have to decide if this guy is guilty or if it’s a massive red herring. There are a few ways it could play out even with how obvious it seems and in a way this helped the movie stay interesting.

The film starts off by explaining that there is a mysterious mass murderer on the loose. This guy has been exclusively targeting women in dark alleys when they are away from any other bystanders. Unfortunately the city has a lot of fog and nobody assumes that they will be the next victim so people keep going into dark alleys. The main character here is a lady named Kitty who has built a successful career for herself through dancing. One day her house gets a new tenant by the name of Slade. Slade is often going from house to house as his landowners tend to get tired of him for some reason.

The guy runs rather dangerous experiments all the time so actually I think we’ve stumbled on the reason for why he has to vacate so quickly. He is constantly starting fires and burning things. Slade also isn’t very sociable so it is easy for rumors to start about him. For example the mass murderer is said to have a small leather book and Slade has one too. Slade quickly burns it afterwards but that’s an odd coincidence. Then he shows up with blood stains one day but burns those too. Hmmmmm.

As the film goes on, Kitty believes that Slade may actually be the mass murderer but she goes back and forth on this a lot. For the most part you could say that she is hoping that Slade isn’t the culprit. She thinks he’s nice enough and is probably just an eccentric. The maid is the one who has to keep pointing out how many of these coincidences are adding up but is dismissed each time by Robert. Robert always has an answer for everything even if the answers don’t make a lot of sense.

Slade is set up to be the murderer with so many obvious moments that you have to wonder if this is all setting up a massive fakeout. Either way you’re rooting for the cop to figure it all out. John is doing his best to stay on the case and put an end to the murders but it’s definitely not easy. There are just so many places to hide in an area like this and the weather doesn’t help.

John was smart enough to not give away his theory in public though. I was glad that he dodged the question when the main characters were all quizzing him because that would have been a real bad idea. You don’t get to be a big shot detective if you’re known for spilling the beans on everything after all.

As for the main villain, well the film definitely shows him to be as petty as possible. He has a long speech basically trying to say that the women are asking for it and he’s one of those really lonely, jealous guys. The whole thing makes him look absolutely puny and of course that’s the point. He’s only brave enough to attack when it’s one on one in the cover at night and the detective notices that he only strikes from behind. He needs the element of surprise in addition to everything else. This is not the kind of villain where you will have any sympathy for him. You’re just rooting for him to be knocked out the whole time.

The writing is solid though and this makes for a good old school thriller. It’s one of those very basic thrillers like the Raven film that I recently reviewed. There aren’t a lot of twists and turns to be had here. The film isn’t trying to break any records or do anything crazy either. It’s just giving you a suspenseful adventure where you wait to see if the heroes will put the pieces together before dying to this guy. Usually the main heroine may make it but how high will the body count get in the meantime?

This film also has one of those very sudden endings that you tend to see from old films like this one. There isn’t much of an epilogue or any sequel bait for this one. This is a stand alone adventure with a classic beginning, middle, and ending. It works well enough but if I had any nitpicks, it would be that I’d have liked to see more of the police investigation. Lets see a bit more about what John is doing in the background. Maybe have him start to close in on the case before the very end with the footprints.

I’d also have someone challenge Robert a bit more since that guy is the whole reason why this case was so close. If someone had forced him to admit to the possibility of Slade being the killer, then that would have been a pretty decent subplot. At least it would give Robert more of a role in the film because as it stands he didn’t get to do much of anything. He mostly only existed to be a thorn in the side of the maid and to make Kitty second guess herself. None of them had much in the way of survival instincts but at least they had some kind of instincts. Robert had none of that.

Overall, The Lodger is an interesting film. If you were not big on letting a stranger stay at your place, watching a film like this certainly wouldn’t help you get over that fear. Personally I’ve never been big on having roommates in general. Even aside from the danger, I just like having everything set up my way with as much freedom as possible. Having someone else staying over will always change that dynamic. Of course these characters should have done something once there was smoke going through the house but they took a very cautious approach all the way.

Overall 7/10

The Raven (1935) Review

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It’s time for another film titled The Raven. This one isn’t actually based on the Poe story though and focuses more on a character who is a fan of it. It’s an interesting approach and the film ended up being pretty good so I guess this direction was a good idea. The characters tend to make a lot of dumb mistakes but the writing on the whole is still good so I didn’t really have any big issues with this one. It should keep you pretty engaged the whole time.

The movie starts with a lady named Jean being badly injured in an accident and all the best doctors in the world are unable to heal her. Their only chance is Dr. Richard who retired a long time ago. He is a bit eccentric and downright sinister but Jean must be healed and so Judge makes a strong appeal to him. He’s able to play on Richard’s big ego and so Richard agrees. He heals Jean with ease but in the process falls in love with her. Richard wants to steal her away from the fiancé, Jerry at any costs. So he grabs a convict named Edmond and intentionally messed up his face in a surgery. Now the guy will be forever indebted to Richard and will work as his personal executioner. Can Jerry find a way to stop this guy?

That said, Jerry is pretty oblivious the entire time. He has no idea what is going on and is one of those guys who is a little too confident. Jean tells Jerry that she believes Richard has fallen for her and Jerry just laughs it off. He feels like any reasonable guy should fall for her and he doesn’t feel threatened in the slightest. His confidence is so high that he even agrees to stay the night at Richard’s place along with Jean and Judge. He better hope that Richard isn’t a crazy antagonist.

It’s a very old school attitude, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t even mind Jerry’s overconfidence if he would at least take precautions. The #1 precaution in this situation is certainly going to be declining any invitations to the guy’s home. At the very least you should really be building some serious distance there instead of making this so easy for the villain. Jerry is also knocked out rather easily when it comes time to defend his girlfriend.

As for Jean, well I have to give her some blame here too. Her instincts aren’t completely dead as she recognizes Richard’s obsession with her but then maybe she should be putting some more distance? She is borderline flirting with him the entire time, letting him get really close without saying anything. He basically says that he gave Jerry a job in exchange for losing her and Jean barely reacts. She still wants him to come watch the play and everything. Just not a whole lot of smart decisions going on here at all.

The only one who knew the danger from the start was the Judge. He really tries to get Jean and Jerry to leave the mansion but they just don’t take him seriously. Also they are adults so it’s not like he can just force them to leave. That’s probably the worst part of this whole affair. Ultimately he is no match for Edmond and goes down quickly. Part of me likes to think that he should have just left on his own but that’s not the heroic thing to do here.

As for Richard, well I don’t usually enjoy villains who just have romance on the mind. Jean is his entire goal in this whole affair and that doesn’t make for a very compelling villain. Richard just needed to accept the fact that she was never going to pick him in the end. He most likely would have just ended up murdering her once this sunk in. The guy should have been content to know that he saved someone when the rest of the medical community could not and called it a day there. He would have been a reasonable character at that point.

Finally we have Edmond who is really not that smart. Well I’ve been saying that for quite a few characters but he might take the cake. The guy knows that Richard can’t be trusted which is why he had a gun but still trusts the guy to do an invasive facial surgery? There’s nothing Edmond can do when he’s unconscious and you probably shouldn’t trust someone with a knife unless you are completely sure of their character. The whole thing was just such a bad look for him and his character route goes in a very predictable manner. At least he did make Richard sweat it out when he thought about finishing the guy off on one of the torture machines.

Now you may be thinking that this weak character roster would destroy the film but they were dumb in a fun way. The writing is still very sophisticated throughout. The dialogue is crisp all the way and the pacing is good. This feels like a very fun atmospheric horror film that gets the tension just right. It’s a horror style that you don’t see quite as much nowadays and I definitely miss it. I could watch these old horror titles all the time. They’re just really charming all the way with everyone being a little over the top.

Overall, this film may not be all that scary when you watch it nowadays but you can still feel the intent all the way. There was a lot of care put into the film and I had fun with it. The story is fairly straightforward so it all comes down to the execution and I didn’t think that the film had any big missteps there. What you see is what you get in a lot of ways as there aren’t really any twists and turns in the film. It showed that the writer had a lot of confidence in the story and as a result this one beats the average horror title. I’d definitely recommend checking it out.

Overall 7/10

The Blob (1988) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a fairly iconic horror film. I think it’s reasonable to say that just about everyone has at least heard of the Blob even if they haven’t seen the film yet. I saw the original version a while back and it definitely clobbers this remake. The remake just doesn’t manage to match it in any individual area. It is having a little too much fun with the gruesome visual effects instead of letting the threat of the Blob speak for itself.

The movie starts with a meteor striking the planet. An old man finds a slime within it and is quickly taken over. Paul and his girlfriend Meg find the old guy and take him to a hospital but it’s too late. The blob melts straight through him and rapidly begins to expand. Meg goes to the local delinquent Brian for help. Brian doesn’t want anything to do with this. All his life he has been an outcast in the system and strikes back at everyone. Perhaps now he can finally do something heroic with his life though. He thinks long and hard about this before deciding to help out, but what can he do?

What makes the Blob dangerous is how it seems to absorb whatever you throw at it. It just keeps on growing and can also make some really fast movements in an instant. One second you think that you are safe and the next you are trapped within the cocoon. The Blob relies purely on instinct so while it is not a strategic mastermind, it’s still difficult to escape it. It makes for a fun villain even if it won’t stand out as much as other horror characters.

Like I said at the start though, the film spends too much time showing the slow melting effects of everyone who gets in its way. I would have preferred a much more delicate touch there. Just being absorbed is already scary enough so you don’t need to see the skin melting off or anything like that. This film isn’t generally a super violent one but those blob scenes can really hit you hard.

The humans aren’t super likable here but I suppose they could be worse. Paul seemed like a nice guy and unfortunately he just didn’t know enough about the Blob to last longer. Likewise Meg is also doing her best to do the right thing and try to spread the word about the creature. Brian has a rough start but ultimately does his best to help the town when it counts. It’s a good message about how everyone will unite to fight a common threat. He certainly helps more than the rest of the town who are mainly panicking.

As soon as the threat was over then you had people quickly taking charge again and talking confidently when they had been hiding just a minute ago. Sounds about right if you ask me. The biggest threat here in some respects were the government agents who show up. They are really just here to consider how the Blob could be used as a weapon and in a way it’s almost funny how nonchalant they are about this. They are quick to betray their own and escalate the situation.

I always appreciate having a third faction so I was glad to have them here. Honestly it’s not like I was fully expecting them to be helping out or anything like that. They were shady from the start and the local cop gets some props for being quick on the uptake about fighting them.

In general the characters were all pretty proactive. The sheriff did his best to try and find out what was happening and Brian using the cannon against the agents was another good move. If I have any nitpicks here, it’s that the government was a little too unprepared against the Blob. I know that he’s an anomaly that is fairly unknown to everyone but maybe don’t stand super close to it? As a trained agent I’d expect each member to be keeping a safe distance at all times.

The film actually has a big of a cliffhanger ending which was nice to see. It may not be the most explosive one out there but I thought it was interesting. In theory it’s not too scary at this point since the characters know how to fight the Blob but there is still a lot of potential there. With the right mutation, the Blob could be really scary once more.

In a way I guess a weakness to the film would be that it focused a bit too much on Meg and Brian. I’d have liked to see a bit more of the town’s struggle against the Blob. Due to the way the story turned out there wouldn’t have been too many opportunities for this but even just a few would go a long way. In the sewers there just weren’t as many opportunities to present this as more of an invasion film.

Also the scenario was a bit too tough on Meg so some plot armor had to show up. At one point she jumps in the water to try and save the kid but it was too late so she has to just swim away. It doesn’t make sense that the Blob wouldn’t have absorbed her there. Before now he was shown to absorb people in an instant with tremendous speed but somehow lost sight of her in the water. In a thriller there will always be some scenes to nitpick but this was a fairly big one since it was a very plot important scene. They could have made the Blob weak to water or something but the film established the opposite.

Overall, This isn’t exactly a film that I would watch for a second time but it wasn’t as bad as you would expect a horror remake to be. It did succeed in being a fairly intense film and one that can really be called scary. I’d have liked them to have dialed back the gruesome visuals to an extent though. There are so many ways to have characters being absorbed without being very violent about it. The characters weren’t so bad outside of oneshot characters and the movie avoided landing in any of the really big traps. It beats the average horror film which is a small consolation prize at the very least. If they ever make another Blob film, I’d like them to focus more on the town’s response as opposed to just a few characters. Maybe even have it from the government’s point of view because the secret task force that showed up was really interesting. They could have used more screentime.

Overall 4/10

Cujo Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a very infamous horror film. Cujo is one of those movies that just about everyone has heard of, but does anyone really like it? The film’s general premise was enough for me to know that this would be a stinker but it was still time to finally check it out. Unfortunately the film is not able to surpass its limits and ends up being exactly what you would have expected out of it. Unlikable characters, excessive violence, and a generally cold atmosphere? Yeah this is a Stephen King adaption all the way.

The movie starts by introducing us to the characters. Vic and Donna lead a fairly quiet life with their young son Tad. Unfortunately Donna has grown bored over the years and has been cheating on her husband with the local bum. Then the local mechanic is an abusive guy named Joe who makes his wife’s life as unbearable as possible. He owns a dog named Cujo who is bitten by a bat with rabies. Now Cujo is morphing into a monster who wants to murder everyone. Unfortunately Donna and her son are stuck in a car with nowhere to go, so surviving this won’t be easy.

Lets get the obvious issues out of the way first. That would start with the animal violence Cujo gets bit early on and as the film goes on he is covered in more and more blood and other special effects. The film is trying to make him look as gruesome as possible so that you try to avoid eye contact. He is also mauling people to death so you can throw in a lot more violence there as well. The humans inevitably have to fight Cujo so he takes on more injuries that way as well. There’s no real saving that kind of violence and so this was already a doomed feature.

Then you have the whole cheating plot which doesn’t add anything to the film. I guess the intent might to be to try and make Donna less sympathetic so that you can root for the dog but that’s a real mixed message if I’ve ever seen one. Another theory might just be to show the jaded approach that everyone has some kind of darkness within them but that’s high school level edginess. Either way it’s a terrible plot and makes Donna look terrible. There’s just no way to be ready to forgive her so easily no matter how much crying goes on after that. She threw away the whole family for a few minutes of fun.

There’s nothing really wrong with the kid. Tad is too young to understand anything that’s going on and mainly just gets in the way during the climax. There’s nothing he could have done to contribute though so I’m generally giving him a pass here. At least he wasn’t going out of his way to be annoying. As for Vic, well he’s having a rather terrible time all around. The only thing left to him is his job and things aren’t going well there either.

Ultimately Vic decides to try and make things work and that’s a bit hard to swallow but I suppose it’s his decision in the end. He’s easily the most sympathetic character here. Then you have Joe who is really just here as another example of an absolute waste of space. There are way too many terrible characters in this film. More victims for Cujo I suppose but it does make all of the human scenes pretty unbearable. The writing is obnoxious throughout and even for a slasher you want to have some likable characters at the ready. It takes a while for Cujo to start on the rampage after all so you’re stuck with these guys in the meantime. It’s not like the massacre helps the film by any means but it shows that you are stuck between two really rough sides of the movie as a viewer. On one hand you have the terrible human stuff and then you have the over the top violence with Cujo. Game over either way.

It is an interesting premise to have the characters stuck in a car with no motor with Cujo right outside. It’s definitely a scary situation with no easy way out. I do think your best bet is to make a run for it while Cujo is distracted by the phone but Tad is a liability there as well. He can’t run very fast and is also suffering from heatstroke. So Donna would have to carry him while running fast enough to then lock the door.

It’s also probably tempting to wait in the car and hope that someone will arrive in time. So that’s the one thing I’ll give the film some slight credit for. It still loses most of that credit by not having a second adult in the car so the two could plan things out. Since Tad isn’t ready to talk about this, it means we have a lot of quiet scenes rather than cool planning sessions.

As for the execution, there’s definitely some plot armor here. I don’t see Donna being able to fight the dog off once he had the upper hand. Would have made more sense if she landed the first shot but once a dog is already biting you, I feel like the odds of victory are incredibly slim. Especially since Cujo was amped up with the virus.

Overall, This is the kind of film that only has a chance if you don’t mind the animal violence. It’s automatically knocked out otherwise and that’s before going into the human characters. The ultimate objective of a film is to be entertaining after all and this one was not able to pull that off. If you really want to watch a film starring a dog, then I’d say to check out Air Bud instead. That one’s a solid feel good film all the way after all. Maybe the Cujo remake will beat this one but honestly I don’t see it faring much better unless it takes significant liberties from the book.

Overall 0/10

Follow Me Quietly Review

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It’s time for a very old school Noir title. It’s a pretty fun film and will keep you on the edge of your seat but I have to admit that it has one big issue. The film’s just too short. In a way I’d say it’s a complement to the film but the whole thing just ends before you can have a proper climax. It’s like the movie was building up to a really big showdown but then ends during the build up. I suppose it makes the film feel like it ends in a pretty clever way.

The movie starts by introducing us to a mass murderer named The Judge. He randomly murders people during rainy nights and so far the cops have been completely unable to stop him. Somehow this villain is always a few steps ahead. The main cop on the case is Harry and he is at his wit’s end. He knows that this case shouldn’t be quite so hard. Usually he struggles to get just a little bit of evidence but this time he has almost too much. And yet, he has still been completely unable to catch this guy. A reporter named Ann keeps on pestering him for a scoop as well and while he likes her romantically, Harry is against everything she stands for. What can he do?

I do have to say that the romance is pretty terrible here. Not only is it rushed but it just makes Harry look so bad. He really doesn’t like the kinds of newspapers that rely on terror and clickbait headlines. It’s why he is so upset at Ann the whole time and then he does a complete 180 because he finds her pretty? It’s all just a big mess and Ann looks far too desperate with how far she is willing to go in order to publish her story. As a result none of the characters come out looking like winners here.

Even by the ending you’d think that Harry would need time to process what just happened and instead he’s looking forward to his date. This is the kind of romance that feels like it’s included in the film to meet a checkbox as opposed to being necessary to the plot. Not a strong foundation to a plot like this. So the film is at its best when it is avoiding the romance. The classic plot of a detective/cop starting to go mad as he gets really obsessed with catching the crook is a classic.

Harry just can’t sit still until this guy is caught and it makes for some good tension. His partner on the force keeps telling him to relax but Harry will do no such thing. He even comes up with the idea of making a dummy that looks like the Judge based on witness testimony. It feels like a bit of a stretch for this to even be slightly helpful because dummies just aren’t all that realistic. Still, I suppose it’s better than nothing. At least Harry is trying to be innovative here.

There is one scene in the film that stretches your disbelief a little too much though. The Judge trades places with the Dummy for a while and nobody notices even when talking to the dummy. Again, the film is trying to show just how realistic the dummy is but I think everybody can tell when they are talking to a dummy vs a real person. Maybe I’m giving them too much credit I suppose.

The writing is good throughout and the pacing is good, up until the film just suddenly ends. It was nice to see the cops slowly figuring things out with old fashioned methods like interviewing witnesses, door knocking, etc. I mean that’s a good approach and the film didn’t have to get super flashy or anything. I thought the whole thing was pretty realistic and satisfying to watch as well. It’s why I had no real issues there at all. This is a film that is easy to watch and it’s just fun all the way.

There is a body count and so the film isn’t all fun and games. Still, it never really goes too far at all and is mostly interested in telling a good story. The climax is just anti climactic as we finally meet the villain. The main character also looks incredibly sloppy in order for the final scenario to happen at all. It’s why it’s always better to totally handcuff someone instead of half heartedly hand cuffing one hand. I’m sure there is some kind of logic to it but I’ve always been super skeptical myself.

The film has a very small cast which makes sense with the short runtime. So the only way you won’t like this film is if you’re super against the romance. I will acknowledge that the opening scenes with the duo are absolutely brutal as Harry tries to make the reporter as uncomfortable as possible and the whole thing feels real unnecessary. I think he could have stood to show more professionalism there and she absolutely didn’t need to be begging for the story that hard. She mentions that she really needed the money but you want to be careful not to use that as a justification for just anything.

Meanwhile the villain gets almost no screentime but that works towards the mystery. His identity is a secret to the viewers as well as to the characters. It really makes him feel that much more elusive and you don’t need a backstory for a villain like this. All we need to know is that he’s a crazy serial killer who needs to be stopped. The simplicity of the whole thing is part of the film’s strength.

Overall, This was a pretty good film. It’s one of those totally obscure/random titles that ended up being a real hit. I had never heard of this one before but I like to think that I won’t be forgetting it anytime soon now. If you like the Noir genre then I would recommend this one. Short length or not, it has an interesting premise and the rainy atmosphere worked well here. It would be tough for a remake to be able to match this one.

Overall 7/10

The Last Voyage of the Demeter Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the movie. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a Dracula film. Usually these don’t end up going over so well and it’s safe to say that I had a lot of reservations about it. Still, that doesn’t mean that the film was completely doomed right? There was still a chance for this to move forward but as the film went on, I knew that it was not going to surpass my expectations This one just plays out like your typical slasher.

The movie starts off with the wreckage of a big boat washing up to the shore. The cops arrive to investigate what happened and only find a journal along with a guy who has gone crazy. We then rewind to the beginning of the film where the Demeter is preparing to go on another voyage. This will be the last one for the captain because then he intends to retire and spend some time with his family. Clemens is just barely able to join the crew when a bunch of them desert the ship because of bad omens and superstitions. Clemens isn’t worried about those kinds of things but once the ship reaches the middle of the ocean, weird things begin to happen. People and animals start to get viciously murdered and a lady is found in the luggage area who talks very cryptically about the whole situation. The crew will have to try and band together in order to fend off this threat, but can they really use their teamwork to pull this off?

There are a lot of issues here of course but the biggest one right away is how doomed the characters are. Dracula may not be invincible in the way that the Ring or the Grudge is but he is still far beyond the abilities of a mere human. Bullets can take him out with enough shots but nobody is getting more than one or two. Most of them just have knives at the ready which is not very helpful. Dracula is much faster and stronger than any of the humans and can also fly. So you are really just following the futile journey of a bunch of sailors who are desperately trying not to be murdered. Not a very fun journey right there if you ask me.

Then there is the fact that the film is quite violent. This is one of those titles that is not holding back at all so each of the murders are quite grisly and detailed. It’s the films way of showing you just how dangerous Dracula is but that’s always the lazy way out. You don’t need to make a film be quite this violent in order to get that message across. Then of course you have the animal violence as well. As soon as I saw that a dog was on the ship, I knew it would go down that route. The film doesn’t even allow any mercy for the kid who is on the ship.

This one’s just going as grim dark as possible the whole time. Again, this is all within the context that the humans have no possible way of escaping Dracula. They’re in the middle of the ocean after all and Dracula will just hop on any life boats. So all they can do is wait for the end which is a rather miserable way to go out. The entire film takes place on a boat as well so it’s not like there are any subplots or changes in scenery to distract you with.

The only solid I would probably give the film is the ending. I thought it was reasonably exciting as a cliffhanger to set up a sequel that’ll never happen. Going in a more action packed direction is a good idea even if I admit that it would be fairly relative. I just don’t think the film would end up being very good either way. I could be wrong of course but that’s the general vibe I get from this kind of title at least. The writing is okay I suppose but the pacing isn’t great. Most of the characters don’t really get to make a name for themselves and they’re constantly instigating fights. Dracula isn’t even mind controlling them or anything like that.

None of the crew look particularly good but I would argue that Anna could have been a lot more helpful. She at least knows all about Dracula and his plans but doesn’t let the others in on it until the end. It may not have helped much but at least give the others some kind of a fighting chance right? Then Clemens very clearly sees that something is on board but decides not to mention it and even acts in disbelief when someone else mentions seeing something similar. This group did not have very strong survival instincts.

The film could have at least given him some kind of weakness to the stars so Clemens could use his astrology skills or something like that. A few of the crew members also talked tough but their knife skills were no match here. Dracula doesn’t even have the cool, regal design that you’re used to from titles like Castlevania. That would have been a nice bonus if you ask me.

I guess one last thing I’ll say is the film does remind me why I’d never want to be on a long voyage like this. A cruise is one thing. The ship is so big that it feels like being in a hotel but a boat like this? I’d get massively seasick and then dealing with all of the rats would be a massive turnoff as well. I don’t see how you’d ever get any sleep and it’s not like you can bring an oven on board either. The food would be super limited. No part of that boat experience seemed like it would be any fun.

Overall, I would definitely say to give this one a full skip. While it is true that the story is tackling a different part of the Dracula experience than most other adaptions, it doesn’t do anything worth remembering. This is still a sub par film and that’s the most generous way that I can put it. This is the kind of film that you would probably want to skip even if it was on TV for free. It’s really hard to make a fun Dracula film and this one will have to go back to the drawing board. Better luck next time, it is Dracula so we know there will be another film within the next few years.

Overall 1/10

The Yellow Canary Review

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It’s time for a pretty old thriller. This is a film I had never heard of before so it’s always fun to discover something new. The Yellow Canary is a film about a kidnapping and the main character deciding to go rogue. It’s a pretty classic plot and one that can be really fun as long as the execution is good. I would say that the film handles it all pretty well so you should be on the edge of your seat.

The film starts off by introducing us to Andy who is a world famous singer. He’s won all kinds of awards and is ridiculously wealthy. Unfortunately he traded in his morals a long time ago and nowadays he greatly enjoys just indulging in every pleasure. He cheats on his wife, never visits his son, etc. Well one day his son is kidnapped and now Andy has to find the culprit before anything terrible happens. The randomer is stringing Andy along a lot and the cops say this is probably personal but aren’t offering a whole lot of help. The cops mean well but are just out of their depth. Andy will have to take some big swings here.

Now it is a bold approach to have Andy be so unlikable right from the start. Some characters might be a bit arrogant or something but the film goes out of its way to say that this guy has been completely corrupted by the money. I’d even say that a reoccurring theme of the movie is about how all of your friends are fake when you’re rich. In one way or another each of his friends tend to stab him in the back. I’d say at least Andy’s business partners seemed solid and if anything it was Andy who was abusing them the whole time.

Throughout the film Andy does do his best to find his kid, but that doesn’t automatically make him a good character. It just means that this was something super personal and he was going to solve the problem. Perhaps now that he has lost a lot of money by the end of the film he will readdress the priorities in his life. Andy may end up being a good character but I can’t really assume that just from the ending here. You’ll obviously still root for him over the kidnapper though.

Andy’s wife Lissa is upset at Andy the whole film but that’s really justified. I just wish she was able to keep it together a bit more when they were working on saving the kid. For example at one point she is able to grab her son but then panics about how she can’t leave Andy along when the villains are approaching. If Lissa had her way then they all would have been swarmed and defeated. She just seemed to lack a general sense of awareness for danger and I never like it when characters fall to pieces like that. It is unfortunately realistic but doesn’t make the whole thing any better.

As for the police detective Bonner, he is one of those characters who sounds good until you really think about it. He gives all of the textbook advice on not letting the kidnapper get what he wants and all that but has no plan beyond this. Bonner essentially tells Andy to sacrifice his kid to prevent copycat kidnappings. Yes, that is good advice for society but it’s not something that just about any father is going to listen to. It would just sound rather absurd on its face. Bonner is quick to deflect when Andy asks how often the strategy actually saves the kid. It’s clear that Andy will have to do this on his own.

Bake is constantly playing the victim card as he tells Andy to stop being a terrible person. The advice falls on deaf ears though and it really doesn’t hit because Bake continues to work for the guy. If Bake decided to quit that would be one thing but the longer he stays at the job then it makes the moral convictions fall flat. Lissa even calls him out on this and Bake just talks about how he is trapped. We see that he even steals money from Andy as the film goes on so that makes him look even worse. I really didn’t have anything all that positive to say about the guy. He’s easily one of the weakest characters.

Then you have Hub who is always ready to help but tends to take a violent twist on it. The guy is rather unhinged and seems to even enjoy the violence. You always want to be careful with someone like that around. While watching the film you have to try and figure out who the kidnapper is. Naturally he might not even be one of these immediate characters and could be a complete stranger. You’ll really have to go through the film to find out.

I’d say another solid thing about the film is that there aren’t many big leaps of logic for you to follow. The main characters didn’t even really make a mistake when it came to the kid being kidnapped. There was effectively nothing they could have done and then from there it made sense to follow the kidnapper’s instructions until they could find an avenue of attack. The most realistic part here may have even been that the heroes completely had no leads until the villain slipped up. His own arrogance was his downfall here.

The climax was also really solid. I was glad that one character wasn’t bluffing because that would have been a supremely terrible look. When your kid is taken, it’s naturally going to be time for extreme actions and I would expect you to be locked and loaded. There was no hesitation when it counted and it made the villain’s final speech that much more enjoyable. I definitely like it when the villain thinks he is completely invincible and about to claim victory when he’s actually delusional by that point.

Overall, I had a good time here. Andy is definitely not someone who is likable but you still want the kid to be okay so you’re forced to root for him via proxy. The movie keeps up a tense atmosphere throughout and the pacing is on point. The body count is even a bit higher than I was expecting. I don’t know why, but I just assumed there wouldn’t be much death or anything here. Maybe it’s just the way the film was playing out? It felt tense but in a more slow burn kind of way where the heroes would eventually stop the kidnapper before anyone would really have to die for it. By the second death, you quickly realize that this is not that kind of film. This one of those films that just feels like a really well rounded watch all the way through. As long as you enjoy these kind of retro thrillers then you should have a good time here.

Overall 7/10

Spider-Man: Brand New Day Review

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It’s time for the new Spiderman film that’s been getting a lot of hype around the world. I can definitely see why as it delivers on a lot of great character moments and fight scenes. The film is also fairly long so it got to have a number of climaxes before actually ending. The Spider-Man films are fairly stacked by this point but this one has to make it into the top half.

The film starts off with Spider-Man beating up a bunch of enemies as he recovers his reputation from the last film. The city loves Spider-Man now and while he should feel like this is the height of his career, his days as Peter Parker have never been worse. After Dr. Strange did the spell to wipe everyone’s memory of him, Parker is basically by himself. He still keeps up with MJ and Ned but doesn’t allow himself to talk to them. Now there is a mysterious body hopper who is going on a rampage and Spider-Man’s powers are on the fritz. He’ll have to take control of the situation quickly or it’s all over.

One thing the film gets right about Spider-Man immediately is how nobody is ever there to help him. Spider-Man’s out there busting his back to save everybody and the instant he’s down, nobody wants to help him. With his powers out of control he ends up injuring someone and the police contact he had been working with immediately starts throwing threats around. When Spider-Man goes to the Avengers for help, he’s dismissed out of hand in an almost mocking kind of way. These guys would be the first ones to run to him for help but don’t want to stick their necks out.

It’s pretty tragic just how alone Spider-Man is. He’s strong enough to be able to take it, but that doesn’t mean that he wants to. I’ll also say that the Avengers look really bad as a result since there is a whole lot of destruction going on in the city. You’d think that they would be taking some kind of an interest in the situation but I guess that wasn’t in the cards this time.

On the Peter side, it’s a bit harder to feel bad for him. He made his choice of not reconnecting with MJ and Ned so I think he just has to live with that. That means completely breaking contact instead of being half hearted about the whole thing. He shouldn’t be keeping up with their social media accounts or anything like that because it’s just going to make him feel worse. It’s like getting over an ex or an old friend, the best thing you can do is achieve a fresh start completely. If you do that correctly then you’ll really be all set.

A big theme in the film is about how you can’t do everything on your own and it makes sense. As smart as Peter is, he does make a mistake with one of his gadgets and needed a fresh pair of eyes to see it. He also can’t be everywhere at once and isn’t even in the best mental state because of the constant headaches. The film would have been a lot easier for him without the power issues. For example his spider sense appears to be off for just about the whole movie as a result. While it may not be confirmed that it was happening at the very start, it’s the only way he would get hit by the Punisher or the other random folks in the movie so it tracks for me.

Peter may make his share of mistakes but still looks good throughout the movie. The Punisher also makes for a fun ally here. He’s completely out of his depth the whole time but has a good amount of banter with Peter and is fun to have around. He probably just needed a bit more conviction though. If you’re willing to take one shot then you should be willing to take two. I think the ending would work better with Peter completely stopping Punisher and that causes a bit of a rift between them. It’s a bit harder to see them getting along with such drastically different senses of justice.

As for the main antagonist, it was interesting to see the film set her up as such an evil character. This could become another Scarlet Witch situation if the writers aren’t careful. She really crossed a lot of lines here and while it was ultimately to help someone out, it doesn’t take away from the actions themselves. As far as I’m concerned she is functionally a villain here and this could be a really creative way to set up the in-universe discourse on characters relating to her. I could see a few freedom fighter type groups being inspired by the devastation to put a stop to this. So we’ll see how it all plays out but it puts a whole lot of pressure on some characters going forward. Humanity isn’t going to just sit back after all this went down.

Scorpion is more of a B villain here but it was fun how the film gave him so much hype. The music changes whenever he shows up and he’s treated like an actual threat. It’s all so sincere that I nearly thought it was parody. I suppose he is strong but usually the guy is absolute fodder. We also get the Hand to show up and while I feel like they should all get leveled immediately against someone like Spider-Man, we can’t have the film end too soon.

Hulk looks good in his brief appearance but honestly Banner should have put on the limiter immediately. He already knows that things will not be going well otherwise. I get that the limiter as a concept feels rather shady but these were desperate times. On the supporting cast, I’ve never been the biggest fan of Ned and MJ but they’re okay. They just don’t really need to be around by this point. The fact that they’re both geniuses like Peter at least gives them a little relevance but it still makes the world feel a bit too small. They’re not in high school anymore and in a city like New York, you never really need to bump into anyone more than once.

The guy who loses out the most here is MJ’s new boyfriend because the guy barely gets to appear and then is portrayed as not being a great guy. The film did a good job of avoiding any rebound romance though because it’s not like this MJ even knows Peter. It would have been extremely rushed. For that reason Peter should have suspected something during the roof scene. The whole scene just feels crazy because you usually remember someone by seeing them, not by doing anything weird. Peter was a bit off with all the crazy stuff going on though so I guess he gets a small pass for not noticing that something was amiss.

Now it’s been a while so lets rank the Spider-Man films. I’m not counting the animated ones since we’re really looking at live action here. Number 1 will always be Spider-Man 3 as the definitive Spider-Man title out there. I’d say that second is No Way Home with the cool crossover action. Third would be The Amazing Spider-Man 2 which still has the coolest visuals out of all of them. Then I’d put this one in 4th, 5th would be Far From Home, 6th would be The Amazing Spiderman, 7th would be Spider-Man, 8th would be Spider-Man Homecoming, and finally 9th would be Spider-Man 2. The films tend to be pretty close though and with rewatches I could see the list shuffling a bit. Perhaps this one is so high with recency bias. You never know until time passes I suppose.

Overall, I definitely recommend checking this one out. There is a whole lot going on here and I appreciated that the film made the most out of being in an expanded universe. We had a number of guest star characters which was good to see and I always prefer when a film acknowledges what the others are doing instead of just ignoring it. While those answers may not be satisfactory, at least they’re there. We also got to really see Peter being able to act as the friendly neighborhood Spiderman even when his life was coming to pieces. I really appreciated how he would still force himself to joke and be light as the hero. It showed just how hard he was continuing to try being the best hero he can be. Now we begin the wait for Doomsday!

Overall 8/10

The Fantastic Four: First Steps Review

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It’s time for another journey with the Fantastic Four. This team has always had a rough transition into the live action environment so would this one be able to change that? I’ve enjoyed the films more than most and for that reason while I don’t think it beats the first two, it is still a fun film. This one is just going for a less action packed adventure than some of the older ones and I always tend to be less impressed with Galactus as a threat. That guy needs to learn some hand to hand or something.

The movie starts by introducing us to an alternate reality where the defenders of humanity are the Fantastic Four. Reed and his three friends had gone up to space and came back with super powers. They have used them well as the planet has achieved peace. There is not a whole lot of crime anymore but unfortunately the planet has been selected for destruction by Galactus. He aims to eat the planet and Reed must try to figure out how to stop this from happening. The problem is that a genius intellect can only take you so far. Perhaps….there is no way to stop this threat.

I was glad that the film starts with the heroes already being experienced fighters. We’ve seen the origins enough times after all and it’s also a good way to make the world feel lived in. The Fantastic Four have a whole lot of social credit from protecting the world for so many years and everybody trusts them. They may not be ultra powerful but it’s not like the villains have been all that tough. This is probably a pretty decent way to frame a Superman movie that adapts Doomsday at some point.

The positives of the movie shine through right away like the quality writing and quick pacing. The movie goes by pretty quickly and there are no parts that really drag on. By the same token you may not care a whole lot about the human plots like Thing’s budding romance with a school teacher or the Moleman and his antics. They’re just sort of part of the background and you’re waiting to see how the Galactus stuff works out.

If I had a main issue with the film, it would be Galactus though. He is said to be this ultimate disaster that cannot be stopped and so Reed gives up on trying to stop him almost immediately. The reason this doesn’t work is because he’s shown to be extremely vulnerable and filled with weak spots in every encounter. Johnny and Sue are able to focus a heat blast on his eyes that clearly deals a lot of pain. Johnny also severed a few of his energy tubes which made him yell in pain and then Reed did the same with a wrench later on.

If you want me to believe that Galactus can’t be defeated then these attacks should not be causing him so much damage. He feels like a character who is relying on the feats from the comics but in the movie there isn’t enough to suggest that this guy is so unbeatable. I was glad that he had some real character even if he nearly fell for the most obvious trap of all time. It’s like he has intellect but at a fairly low level and the Fantastic Four are the ones who messed up by taking the bait too quickly.

So it was cool to see Galactus finally walking around and everything but he just didn’t seem to be strong enough to me. The guy should really not have any major weaknesses and it should take someone of a much higher power level to actually hurt him. Even the final blow felt a bit cheesy but I can at least buy it more than his other action scenes. Another tricky thing about this is that it means there were no real opponents for the Fantastic Four to fight in this film. Outside of Galactus you had the Silver Surfer but she would just oneshot the heroes whenever she felt like it.

The only hero who could really fight at a high level was Sue and so that’s why the film kept her pregnant for a while so she couldn’t end the film sooner. Sue looked really good throughout the film and I was glad that she was always very quick to go on the attack. There was no hesitation when she told Johnny to murder the Silver Surfer and she rightfully called out Reed for not immediately dismissing the idea of sacrificing her kid.

As for Reed, well this might be his weakest portrayal. He’s just lacking in confidence throughout the film and throws a pity party for a lot of it. The rest of the team try to get him to move past the initial accident but he just hasn’t been able to. Then he absolutely bombed the press conference and put more trouble onto the team instead of quickly talking about how they will figure out a way to win. His stretching could also stand to look more impressive but Reed was always the weakest member of the team so I suppose that works out well enough.

Ben gets the shaft out of the main 4 characters because he doesn’t really have anything to do here. His thing is usually being the strong member of the team but in this case the opponent is stronger than him. So Ben is really stuck in the background the whole time. He’s a fun enough character but there just isn’t much room for him in the script this time. Better luck next time I suppose.

Johnny looks great though. He really gets to show off his intelligence here and is also very quick to go on the attack like Sue. His powerset may not be as strong as Sue’s but I really like how versatile it is. Being able to fly at super speeds is just incredibly handy and it means he can always be at the danger scene when needed. He was also ready to make the heroic sacrifice at the end if needed.

As for Silver Surfer, they have her be a little more emotional than the Silver Surfer folks are used to from the old movie. That said, if you read the comics then you know that the Silver Surfers are always extremely emotional. I would just say that she looks a little too wishy washy here because it’s not like any of the arguments made were very compelling. She knows exactly what she is doing by picking planets for Galactus to eat and has accepted this if it means protecting her planet. I don’t think hearing a few yells or anything would help that. If anything, hearing her fellow people would have just steeled her resolve instead of the opposite happening.

The film does show just how quickly humanity is always ready to stab you in the back though. The Fantastic Four saved them countless times and they all fall to pieces immediately when they are faced with the latest threat. It would have been interesting if the Fantastic Four just ditched humanity on their rocket. Obviously being a hero means saving people no matter how miserable they are but it’s the kind of thing you certainly don’t forget.

The after credits scene is way too short but still makes for a decent setup to Doomsday. At this point there are just so many great plots set up for that film so I’m really looking forward to seeing how that one stacks up. Honestly they’ll have to try hard to mess this one up. It feels like the floor will be an 8 and I’m expecting the title to be a 9. Never count your chickens before they hatch though.

Overall, This was a pretty good Fantastic Four film. As long as you’re not looking for the next big action packed thriller then you should have a good time with this film. It feels a little bit calmer and quieter than the average Marvel title but it fits with the vibe of this alternate Earth. For that reason it’s going to have a bit less replay value compared to the other titles but on an initial watch it absolutely holds up.

Overall 7/10