Category Archives: Live Action Movies

The Entertainer Review

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The Entertainer is one of those films that goes a little too far in trying to show just how corrupt folks can become in show business. Ultimately the characters still need to take accountability for their own actions so I wouldn’t purely blame the job space. It’s definitely not a happy film by any means and after a while the constant sadness just overwhelms the rest of the movie. There isn’t a whole lot to enjoy here.

The film starts off by introducing us to Jean who has just had a big fight with her boyfriend. He doesn’t take her work seriously and is always taking shots at it. Now he has a big job opportunity which would force him to move far away. He wants her to come but Jean isn’t thrilled at the prospect. Instead she returns to her old home to visit her family but finds that they are not doing well at all. Her father Archie has really been bombing out at his latest comedy performances and the family is really poor right now. All they can count on is each other but is even that true?

The first problem with the film is that there are no good characters. The worst one right away is Archie for obvious reasons. The guy is cheating on his wife and makes bad decision after bad decision. He doubles down on basically everything with absolutely 0 remorse. You would think that with the stakes this high he would find some way to make ends meet but he does the opposite. Phoebe’s family is ready to offer him a job at any point but his pride forces him to refuse. Archie will live or die by his show business.

That may be a find attitude to have if you’re single but it is beyond selfish when you have a family that is depending on you. It’s not really a surprise that people wouldn’t enjoy his act because it seemed rather dreadful to me. There’s just nothing to it and you’ll be left shaking your head the whole time. Even the quick portions we see in the movie are more head scratching than anything else. Archie still makes promises that he can’t keep and loses even more money.

Usually you put a character in a tough bind so that the audience can feel sympathy for him but again, the guy’s a cheater. There is no sympathy to be had and if anything you’re rooting for his ruination. Then you have his son Frank who is essentially closing his eyes to the whole thing. He is content to just get drunk every day and support his parents. He doesn’t want to think about anything else and just stays out of the way so he is a classic case of being an enabler. When Jean tries to talk to Archie, Frank even runs interference.

Meanwhile Phoebe is another character who is essentially closing her eyes to what is happened. She puts up with a whole lot of grief from Archie who is constantly picking on her. Throw in the fact that she is really worried about her kid who is off in the war and it has not been a happy journey for her either. There are no real winners here. Now why doesn’t Jean rank so highly?

Well, she became complicit the moment that she found out Archie was cheating and didn’t say anything. Obviously it’s a hard topic to broach but she needed to come down hard on him or get out of there. Then when her boyfriend shows up, she basically tells him to leave because she needs to handle this on her own. With both of them always on different sides, I’m not sure how long their relationship is going to last. Jean got herself in the middle of a whole lot of family drama and that was definitely not a good thing. She needed to stay out or get in there and do something. Instead she’s just another passive observer.

The only one who really did something was Billy and the characters really get on his case for it. He’s archie’s father and finds out about the affair/false promises and decides to spill the beans. This causes a whole lot of drama and tough circumstances for Archie but that’s sort of the idea. Billy acts surprised at just how drastic it all gets but it shouldn’t have been a surprise. At the same time, he should have been happy about this because it really put a pin in that sub plot.

Things don’t go very well for him in the end. Billy tried his best but was just too old by this point. I understand that he wanted to help his son here but still should have let Archie dig himself out. It’s hard when you see a family member slipping to the dark side but if you try to help, the most likely outcome is that you’ll end up falling as well. That’s really the obvious ending to this kind of problem.

I dare say one improvement to the film would have been having Jean trying to fix things the whole time. Perhaps trying to redeem Archie, trying to get Phoebe to be more proactive, etc. Then as the film goes on she realizes that none of these attempts are working. So when her boyfriend shows up, Jean just leaves with him. That would have made for a more interesting plot and would have made her more likable as the lead. It’s really the best balance you could hope for. After all when the topics got serious here, the characters were quick to treat her coldly. Phoebe talking about how Jean isn’t her direct daughter, Archie just waving her off, etc. While we didn’t have much time for the boyfriend to reflect on his actions from the opening, we can assume that they are still okay. Jean’s side job will just be something that the two of them will continue to argue about probably even after they get married. It’s a bit of a red flag but could be worse.

Overall, I would say that this was just not a good film. It’s incredibly hard to make a good film with bad characters. I’m not saying that it is absolutely impossible but it is certainly difficult enough where I’m surprised whenever it works out. You’re just waiting for the cops to catch up and take this guy away. Archie shouldn’t have tried forcing his way through a business where he had lost the talent many years ago. Perhaps he could have trained himself into learning new skills and being a success again but then his ego was the other problem. Archie seemed to think that he was doing a fine job and so he didn’t need to learn any new tricks. Rookie mistake to be honest. The most tragic thing is that almost any of the other characters would have been more interesting as the lead.

Overall 3/10

Enchanted April Review

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It’s time for one of those films that doesn’t sound very interesting at first glance but maybe it could surpass that? Unfortunately that was not in the cards this time. The character cast is on the weaker side and there just isn’t a lot going on here. The film moves at a fairly slow pace and so the characters would have been its only chance at success.

The movie starts off with Lotty suggesting to one of her fellow club members (Rose) that they should rent a castle. It’s a rather impulsive thought but she saw an ad for this in the newspaper. Lotty has not been very consistent with her life at the moment as it’s rather boring and her husband is always running around to parties and trying to meet all of the bigwigs. Rose isn’t having a great time either as her husband is always writing nsfw books and doesn’t put her as his #1 priority. After some convincing, Rose agrees but a castle will be too expensive. SO they enlist an older lady named Mrs. Fisher and the rich Lady Dester to accompany them. The 4 of them will enjoy a month away from men and the outside world in general. Will they have fun or will they begin to miss their old lives?

It’s an interesting idea although I would argue that if you need a month away from your husband than the marriage was already very weak. You don’t need time away when you are having a good time after all. The husbands do not look good at all so this does track. That is why Lotty seems very annoying to me. If I were the other characters I’d be super upset because she suddenly decides to invite her husband over after just a few days.

Yes, the characters had previously agreed that they could each invite someone over but the fact that the one who suggested the idea was the first to cave is terrible. Lotty isn’t really up for discussing the matter either and just launches forward. The film shows that she is rather crazy the whole time but it turns this from being a quirk into a totally negative trait. You’re rooting against Lotty by this point. It’s just incredibly insensitive and I was not able to get past this even to the end of the film.

Sure enough, her husband shows up and immediately makes it clear that he is here to make connections. He gives some back handed complements like he’s surprised at how Lotty has such influential friends. The guy ends up not being too much of a nuisance but it still changes the vibe. You can’t be quite as free and one with nature if there’s another guy around. It’s just a matter of decorum.

Lotty then also pressures Rose to do the same thing and that so her husband shows up as well. This guy is basically showing up to see Dester and of course has been living a double life. This is a rather huge issue but the film basically shoves it to the side and he never has to pay for these issues. It would be one thing if the husband was keeping a second identity to not be connected to the book but the film makes it clear that he is really doing this to get with the ladies. The guy is not loyal and shouldn’t have been invited to this event.

Rose wasn’t the best character either but at least she wasn’t out there betraying her husband. Her main failing is that she is too easy to pressure. She is basically forced into the castle plan and from there on she rarely has enough strength to make her own decisions. She always ends up listening to Lotty and the others. Even by the end of the film I don’t think she ever really came into her own.

Lester has a tough time of it as she came to the castle for a peaceful adventure and yet everyone is always bothering her. She really doesn’t get a whole lot of peace and quiet to herself at all. I also thought she had the best plan of action for the castle which was just to relax by herself. That was the whole point of the trip and it wasn’t supposed to be about having lots of mandatory activities and bonding. This is a vacation, not work. The others worry about every little thing while Lester sees the bigger picture. She was easily the best character here.

Then we have the older lady Mrs. Fisher. She was a fun character. At first she tried to really dominate the rest but once that didn’t work, she calmed down quickly. She is big on traditions and so it takes a while to really learn how to relax. Still, Fisher pulls it off and gets along with the other characters. She doesn’t have as much of a trial to get over so her role felt a bit smaller even if I feel like the screentime was probably roughly on point with the other characters.

Ultimately the film’s biggest problem is just that it’s rather boring. Nothing is really happening and so that’s why you have to be on board with the characters. Since the characters are on the weaker side then there wasn’t much that could really be done to save the adventure. From that point on, the film was doomed.

I can respect the intention of the film which is that this grand castle was able to save both marriages and show the other characters how to be happy but the way it played out wasn’t very believable. It just felt like the characters needed more time to develop these subplots and the film was already pretty long. It would have been better for the film to have just been about the 4 ladies and how they are completely different but still manage to come together in the end. The castle could have been about how they all forgot their outside selves and just had fun.

If you really wanted to include the husbands on this trip, then they should have been introduced as better characters. You could have easily still had the wives feeling dissatisfied with their lives without making the husbands quite as bad. For example maybe both of them were spending so much time at work that they felt neglected. Instead by introducing them as antagonists, it meant that the redemption arc was not going to be very satisfactory or paced well in comparison. I feel like the film tried to have some funny moments with both of them so they wouldn’t feel quite as much like villains but it did not work at all.

Overall, This is the kind of film that doesn’t even really work as background noise. It’s not making a significant amount of problems during the run but isn’t really keeping your attention either. I can’t say that I would enjoy spending a month at the castle very much. I would definitely find ways to make the days pass by quickly but give me my own bed any time. Now spending that time with 3 people that I really don’t know very well? Yeah that would be even rougher. This does not feel like a very calming experience at all. The whole film is hard to relate to and isn’t executed well. There are just so many better ways you could have handled the story to make the film more interesting because I could definitely handle a film about the characters bonding. They really needed to make Lotty a more likable character though, she was chaotic in all the worst ways. Well, if you’ve ever really wanted to be in a castle then maybe you should check it out.

Overall 4/10

Three Cases of Murder Review

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The anthologies continue with this next title! Three Cases of Murder has fewer stories than the other two titles but they are each able to hold their own. I dare say this may have even been the best of the three even if it is the least frightening. This one is better to look at as more of a suspense collection. Each one definitely keeps a tense atmosphere the whole time the story is going on.

One of the stories is about a guy who has fallen in love with a lady that he met. He’s really excited because before now things haven’t really worked out for him. Unfortunately his work partner will be returning soon and for some reason the ladies all seem to like him at first glance. He can’t lose her…but sure enough the girl leaves him for his partner. Where things go sideways is one day she is found murdered and it looks like the friend did it. What should the lead do now?

Now right away you can see that none of the characters are particularly likable here. The friend has no real class to be stealing girlfriends like this. It doesn’t sound like it is the first time either and he has a habit of constantly getting drunk. The guy just does whatever he wants and unfortunately this seems to be appealing to everyone that he comes into contact with. I would say the friendship would definitely be over by this point.

Meanwhile the girl isn’t worth fighting for because she got with the friend so quickly. She is clearly not the loyal type and so you will be having to fight every guy who comes into contact with her. That’s not the kind of relationship that you want and the lead needed to move on. Also while some may say it is admirable to stick up for your friend in a murder case by lying to the cops, that’s not the right way to play it. You have to let the legal system do its job. If the friend did murder her, then he’s going to have to pay.

It’s not quite so straight forward in the story though as we get a few twists and turns. Characters aside, I thought it made for a really interesting story. You couldn’t really trust anyone here and it was tough to predict how it would end. The story was well crafted and definitely got things off to a pretty good start.

Then we have a story about living paintings. This one’s a bit harder to accept at face value but basically we follow an employee of the museum. He has been working here for many years and in particular likes a painting that is in the main room. The glass around it seems to break every day which is odd. One day a mysterious gentleman tells the employee to come with him inside the painting. It turns out that each painting is alive and people live in them. They can then leave to the human world when needed to get supplies and such.

It’s a really interesting concept to be sure. Unfortunately for the employee, this painting’s creator is rather mad. He is completely obsessed with making the painting be perfect and will stop at nothing for this goal. As the two of them hang out in the painting along with his wife and an old man, the employee realizes that things are getting more and more dire. Unfortunately he does not want to be rude and so he entertains them…until it is too late. The whole time you are just thinking that any half decent main character would have gotten out of this film alive. It’s not like the painter was that tough.

In fact, he was scared of the old man until the employee showed up. This guy can easily be beaten and leaving the painting appears to be very easy. So this was just a collection of errors by the main character for the situation to get this far. It is the most preventable story out of all the anthology ones I’ve seen and that’s saying something. I do really enjoy the concept though, this could make for a full length movie easily. It would take a really skilled writer to anticipate all of the effects of having every painting be alive though.

Finally we have a story that gets a little more intense. There is a man in parliament who is known as the best up and coming politician. He constantly knows what the right thing to say is and he just finished crushing someone’s career. That guy swears vengeance though and activates his dream powers. Now he is able to control the politician in his dreams, forcing him to do embarrassing things like dancing and singing. The worst part is that both of them are aware of these dreams so it feels like emotional blackmail. What can the politician do? One option may be to destroy the nightmare bringer in the dream but is that possible?

Now, this is a tricky situation so I do want to flag that right away. That said, it doesn’t feel unwinnable by any means. Keep in mind that the dream creator doesn’t seem to have any special powers in the real world. So there’s nothing he can do there and additionally he doesn’t have any real blackmail material since it stays in the dreams. At face value, the main character should have just ignored him and things would be fine.

There is the fear that these dreams could escalate further of course. If the dream creator wants to murder him then this would be the way to do it but all of that should be handled in the dreams. The politician just lets it get to him too quickly and essentially tanks his career in the meantime. It made for some interesting back and forth but as soon as the dreams began to break him down, that was it. I don’t think there was any coming back from that. The tragic thing is how close the lead was to winning here. He just needed to hang on a little more and perhaps the voice would have gone away. Perhaps though…no guarantees with powers like this.

Part of what helps the film succeed is that the script is solid for each of the three stories. The old writing style works well here and the pacing is solid. I didn’t think we needed the narrator between stories though. I always think it’s best to let the stories speak for themselves. If you need something to tie them together, then do it within the story like with the last two anthologies. Having someone randomly talking in between the stories just hurts the momentum. Not in such a way that it really hurt the film of course but it still felt pointless.

Overall, Three Cases of Murder was a pretty good movie. I thought that each of the stories were solid and kept me engaged the whole time. They had a good amount of twists and turns but most importantly, the core concepts were solid. There is a lot that you could really do with each of the premises. The main characters just tended to be way too passive in each of the stories. The first story would be the exception to this but the lead of the following two stories could have easily claimed victory. Perhaps that’s where the horror comes from, imagining that you could go down like this. Still, this is a film that I would recommend checking out.

Overall 7/10

Torture Garden Review

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It’s time for another horror anthology. These are usually not so good but the last one was actually solid. Could they pull off such a thing once again? Well I’m glad to say that it was another good one. The stories work pretty well and each have a premise that doesn’t have to rely on shock value. Trust me I was a bit surprised but I’m always glad to see this coming together. Perhaps the writers have finally figured out what is needed to make this kind of story format a true success.

The movie begins with 5 folks heading to a crazy carnival attraction. There’s nothing all that scary so they basically scoff through it all until a mysterious guy says he will show them something truly scary. They follow him to the back where he has a mysterious statue. Looking at it can let you see the dark future that is coming up. Each one decides to take a peak and sees just what horrors are in store.

The first story is about Colin deciding to be a real jerk to his uncle. Colin wants his vast riches and he wants them now! The uncle warns him not to look too much into the origins of the wealth but nothing is about to stop Colin. It turns out that the money comes from a mysterious cat demon, but the problem is that in exchange for these riches, Colin must do its bidding. Colin does his best to resist but is powerless before this creature.

It’s a pretty intense one to start with. The cat is shown to have powerful telepathy and so nobody can resist it for long. Colin sure tries but is unable to stop himself from murdering several folks. This is probably the most intense of the stories with the highest body count so it’s an interesting way to start. You could say that the film is actually peaking early here even if that wasn’t the intent. Colin really dug his own grave here so it’s hard to feel bad for the guy. There’s not much he could have done to escape the situation once it had started but not being an ungrateful jerk would have helped.

The second story is about Carla deciding to mess over her friend. She intentionally sabotages a dress so that she can take the friend’s spot in a date with a powerful member of Hollywood. Carla is fairly confident in her social skills and is quickly able to maneuver her way into meeting all of the inner circle. Unfortunately this puts her right in the middle of a grand conspiracy on just how far the Hollywood elite will go in order to keep their fame.

Like with the first story, Carla is the one who got herself into this mess. Sabotaging her friend was a terrible thing to do and Carla is just shown to be absolutely merciless the whole time. Even by the end she is basically threatening the celebrities to let her in on the secret and that seems like a bad idea. Threatening the super powerful is not a strategy that will often work in your favor. Carla just doesn’t seem to be taking all of that into consideration.

The plot/twist is pretty interesting overall even if this doesn’t feel as much like a true horror. I suppose the situation is scary to be in though. It’s also another one where it would be super hard to get out of the situation once you are stuck in it. Hollywood has a lot of connections and so it would be game over eventually. They must be silencing people by the thousands since nobody has noticed the twist within the film. Definitely an interesting amount of world building here.

Next up we have a story of Leo falling in love with a lady named Dorothy. He is a world class pianist but now his skills are starting to fade a bit because he is spending so much time going on dates. His piano doesn’t like this and decides to murder Dorothy. Dorothy isn’t particularly scared of anybody because she lives life on her own terms. In most cases I’d say she should be correct here. I don’t see how you lose to a piano but I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles.

The idea of an evil object getting feelings of jealousy has certainly happened a few times. It’s an interesting premise but usually you pick something with a bit more of a punch. You can imagine a car being really dangerous after all. For a piano you just need to jump on top of it or outmaneuver it. The thing is fairly easy to break as well. Unfortunately Dorothy doesn’t handle the situation very well at all.

This situation was a bit more difficult to avoid since you’re not expecting a piano to suddenly want to murder you. That being said, you should also know better than to enter a dark room when you hear some ominous piano music. Dorothy had also been warned by this point so the best thing to do would have to just been to get out of there. It’s always one of the more tragic horror tropes to see a character run back into a room one last time, only to be murdered for their trouble.

Finally we have a story about Ronald getting to meet the world’s best Edgar Allan Poe collector. Ronald is super hyped to see all of the collectibles but unfortunately he is also incredibly crazy. The guy can barely control himself and the more antiques he sees, the more out of control he gets. The guy must know everything and will stop at nothing, including murder. It’s definitely hard to feel bad for Ronald at all here because he’s just completely unreasonable.

Throughout the movie he seemed really crazy so it was interesting to see that he was crazy in the future as well. The guy was also the only one to not really be shook by what he saw in the future. It makes for a nice contrast since usually everyone is just panicking in this kind of story. For once you instead have a villain having to go up against another one. It was a pretty solid story for sure with a nice amount of build up and a satisfying ending.

Now you might be wondering, what about the 5th character? Well he was probably the smartest one here as he decides not to peer into the future and just attacks the host instead. That is crazy in its own way to be sure but this guy was not going to go out quietly. I at least have to give him some major credit there. It’s ultimately a little futile in terms of stopping the host from doing this to others but this guy kept his sanity. It also just made for a bit of an explosive ending.

None of the stories are really going to knock your socks off but none of them were particularly weak either. That is really important for anthologies because what you don’t want is for one story to really drag the others down. This one avoided that entirely and the stories also had a whole lot of variety. As long as you enjoy some suspense and a few thrills then you’ll have a good time here. It may be a horror title but it’s not nearly as violent as you may be expecting.

Overall, The title may give you the idea that this is a super grim film but it doesn’t really play out like that. I would definitely recommend checking this one out if you’re looking forward to seeing some retro stories. The movie holds up well in the present day. It was also nice to have all of the main characters be antagonists so you don’t feel quite as bad for them. There are innocent victims in some of the stories but at least the main characters get their just desserts real fast.

Overall 6/10

The Horror of It All Review

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It’s time for a really retro horror comedy. This is one of those films that is pretty fun as long as you enjoy the tone it’s going for. There’s nothing particularly unique about the film as it’s leaning into the gags that you’ve been seeing for over 50 years. Still, the execution is on point the whole time and the film’s also not very long. It ends up going pretty smoothly.

The movie starts with Jack showing up to the haunted mansion of his girlfriend Cynthia. They have only been dating for one month but he knows that she is the one for him. He wants to get her family’s consent to the marriage but he didn’t realize that her cousin had just died so everyone is in mourning. Additionally the whole family seems very eccentric to say the least so this won’t be as straight forward as he had been expecting. Is his life in danger over here?

Right away you can tell that Jack is the kind of guy who is a bit slow on the uptake. He sort of knows that his life is nearly over at several points but doesn’t really let it get to him. The guy is hopelessly in love with Cynthia and I can respect that at least. The guy is moving rather fast since they’ve only known each other for such a short amount of time but he just believes in true love. Jack also does get his witty comebacks in on occasion but make no mistake, he’s usually on the back foot.

The guy just doesn’t have much in the way of survival instincts. At one point a spider is in his bed and the guy takes a very long time to really notice it. Then you have the crazy guy in the basement named Muldoon and Jack gets real close to the door where he is nearly choked to death. At least in round 2 he was good at running away from the guy but he still got knocked out on several occasions. The house traps were too much for him.

I also give Jack some credit for resisting the attempts of Natalia to try and get him to cheat on Cynthia. Jack was not about to mess this up when he was so close to marriage. So the guy may have had his faults but he did good overall. I was less impressed with Cynthia who never really went out of her way to help Jack out until near the end. She really could have given him more of a heads up on what was going on here. At the very least once he showed up, she could have really had his back.

It felt like she would vanish for large chunks of the film and wasn’t as important as you’d expect. If anything I would argue that Muldoon may have had more of a role and he was just the crazy guy in the basement. The rest of the family all served their roles well as the crazy family all acting shady. We know that one of them is a murderer but who can it be? The doctor? The uncle? Natalia? There are quite a few suspects on this one but the film does a good job of never making it obvious. You should still be wondering what’s going on as the film ends.

We get a number of plot twists at the end of the film as well. In some cases you may say there were too many twists at once but the film was definitely trying to keep you on your toes. The writing is pretty solid overall and the pacing is on point, thanks in part to how short the film is. This is really a solid comfort film that you can watch at any point. Treat it like a Scooby Doo adventure where you’re trying to figure out who the main culprit is and that’ll add to the enjoyment. The film also has a really effective transition at the very end of the film that was handled more smoothly than most films could even dream of.

Now, murders aside I would have to say that the eccentric family weren’t al that bad. Often times the crazy family in these films would be downright antagonistic and petty but they really didn’t go down that route. They had some reasonable reservations about the impending marriage and it makes sense. They pointed out that Jack didn’t know anything about them and vice versa. Marriage is a pretty big decision and so usually you do wait at least 6 months minimum, if not a little longer than that. While Jack may have been disappointed, it seems like a W on their end.

Overall, This is one of those movies that you will either connect with or you won’t. It’s not particularly exciting but the humor worked well for me. It’s got a more subdued style in general but the laughs land well when they happen. Even Jack accidentally pushing his car through to the ocean below was pretty funny because it’s just such a massive unforced error. There was no reason he needed to do that, he just completey panicked and that set the stage for the rest of the events after this. The plot is very simple and so you can easily just turn your brain off while watching. This all probably sounds like backhanded complements all the way but there is always going to be room for a film like this. Watch it as a full blown comedy and you’re all set.

Overall 7/10

Kakurenbo: Hide & Seek Review

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This is one of those films that I had never heard of before. It’s not even all that old but I guess it just never fell into my algorithms. The film is essentially a high stakes match of hide and seek and since the movie is less than 30 minutes, a good chunk of it is essentially about the mystery surrounding the game. Why do any of these kids play such a dangerous game? You can essentially make some assumptions about what is going on but you shouldn’t expect the movie to actually spell this out for you.

The movie starts with the hide and seek game beginning. A bunch of kids run through a deserted city in order to play. There is a rumor that kids go missing here but these kids don’t believe in all of that. Except for Hikora who is trying to find his sister who disappeared during the last time this game was played. Now in theory more people should remember this so this is where the questions start to appear. Either way there are a bunch of murder machines trying to take them all out so the kids don’t have much time for thinking.

The kids are all completely doomed though. They can’t hope to fight off a powerful army of monsters like this and this isn’t the kind of action film where the kids have supernatural abilities or anything like that. They’re just doing their best to try and survive here which isn’t easy by any means. Hikora has a mission but the others are completely off guard. They scramble and do their best to buy time but it’s ultimately futile.

The very ending shows a pretty morbid look at what happens to the kids. Sure enough, this is not the kind of film that’s going to have anything even resembling a happy ending. The system is too powerful for the kids to break and while the film never gets violent, I can see the sheer darkness of the ending still being a bit much for some folks. There really isn’t any hope left for these kids.

It makes for an interesting short but honestly you’re just left wondering about the world building in general. Clearly this appears to be a trick created by the adults in order to power up the society. They are also able to have enough kids to keep this system running and yet none of them have any problems with this? I would have assumed it was a sacrifice that only has to be done every 100 years or something which could explain away a lot of the issues. However, the main plot already debunks this since his sister wasn’t much older than he was. So instead this might be once a year in which case it just raises more questions.

I guess one advantage of not delving into the plot for the writers is that they can basically just bluff their way through it. You aren’t given enough information to say that this is impossible so in that case you just have to buy what the writers are selling you. There isn’t a way to really debunk the whole thing and you just have to suspend some disbelief. You could also lean on more supernatural explanations like the kids are created out of thin air or pulled from other timelines. There are many ways to make this work if you absolutely need to.

The animation is pretty decent. I won’t say that it’s anything special but it works well enough. The movements are good and the town itself has a solid creepy vibe about it. There was a lot of attention put to each of the details. The soundtrack is much more on the forgettable side. It does the job but I couldn’t really recall a single track after finishing it up.

There are films where people say a sequel is not needed since the story was already very complete. Well, by that token there are films that need a sequel and this would be one of them. It’s time to be bold and show the world beyond these kids and show us what the government is doing. If this is some kind of endless purgatory then that can be explained as well but I think the premise just begs a ton of questions. Leaving them up to the imagination is fine as well but this could really work as more of a long form adventure. It could backfire of course but that’s a risk for anything.

Overall, The premise is interesting here with a horror themed game of hide and seek. It’s a little too short to do much with this concept though and it also doesn’t leave any real way to win the game. These kids are in enemy territory against foes that outnumber and outpower them. It all feels pretty rigged and I always like it when the heroes have some kind of a chance. If you give them no chance from the start then the adventure’s just not going to be as fun. It works as a weird kind of scary story but doesn’t have a lot of replay value. Check it out if you think this special sounds interesting but it could have really benefited from being less artsy and going for more of a strong plot.

Overall 6/10

The Exorcist: Believer Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the movie. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

The Exorcist is one of those film series that has never been able to turn out a decent product. It’s not surprising though because there’s just not much that you can even do with the genre. Each film is about a demon showing up and the humans are basically powerless against him. There is no real way to stop this guy without losing a lot of people in the process and this film is more of the same. It’s a rather gritty adventure without much of a happy ending for the characters to hang their hat on.

The film starts off by introducing us to Victor who lost his wife due to an earthquake but the baby was delivered safely. Years have passed and Victor has done his best to raise Angela. One day she heads off with her friend Katherine to dabble in the dark arts and naturally this does not go well. They go missing for 3 days and when they return, the girls appear to be acting strangely. It’s as if a demon has possessed them and now an exorcist will be needed. Can an exorcist handle this powerful demon?

In these films the random demons always tend to overpower the exorcists. At this point it’s almost a surprise that they haven’t all been run out of town. Victor is highly skeptical of all religions now as he has had a tough life. Still, he wants to try and save Angela and so this means accepting all of the help around him. You have people from several faiths coming together to try and help but will they be successful?

Now you need to keep in mind that there are two daughters who need saving here. This is important because the film is naturally paying more attention to Angela but the second family is dealing with the same situation with Katherine. This is where part of the film may lose you because we get this whole victory speech about hope and everything….which basically ignores half of the situation. You’ll be side eyeing the film as it ends because the whole thing just doesn’t make sense.

The movie was already losing steam well before then though. Now this is one title where I don’t blame the main characters being slow on the uptake because you’re not going to immediately jump to the conclusion that your kid has been possessed by a demon. It’s one of the few circumstances where I’m cool with the characters constantly looking puzzled and confused. Victor is doing his best to help Angela through normal means and just isn’t getting through to her. He was able to handle his composure a whole lot better than Katherine’s parents.

That said, there isn’t a lot that the film can do to keep you entertained throughout this saga. It’s not like the characters can fight the kids since they aren’t fully in control of themselves. Once they are strapped to the chairs, it is just a lot of long scenes of the characters all trying their tricks on the demon. For the most part they don’t tend to deal a whole lot of damage. The demon only needs one hit while they have to land hundreds through the chants. It makes for a rather underwhelming climax.

Additionally the film is determined to make the demon possession as grotesque as possible. The girls are always appearing with more wounds as a result of the possession which just continues to escalate. The whole process of removing the demons also involves using holy water and other materials that burns them even further. It’s not that the film is necessarily ultra violent in the way that a slasher would be but they show just enough violence to keep on reminding you that this won’t be an easy film.

The cast is kept fairly small throughout. You have Victor’s gym partner but the guy doesn’t actually do a whole lot. The parents of Katherine are around the whole time but there isn’t a whole lot that they can do. The cops are around for the basic search but basically vanish after that. Victor and the others are somehow able to have the kids transferred from the general hospital to their house for the exorcism so either they have a lot of sway or security was very lax.

This isn’t the kind of film where you’re going to be able to drill in too hard without bringing up some plot questions like that. Even so, more emphasis on the cops would have been good. The movie just doesn’t have much of a hook because there just isn’t much that any of the characters can do. It’s the kind of film where each character is really passive and it’s hard for me to even blame them for it. There is no mystery to uncover, no super exorcism technique to learn, etc. So the first half is really building up to Victor being fully convinced that a demon is involved and then we get the long climax of trying to save the kids.

Of course you do have some plot twists and guest stars showing up as well but this is the Exorcist. It’s not like there are any big guest stars that are actually going to make things super exciting. The film still can’t resist having some gross moments like the demon spitting or just more violence like one old lady getting too close to the demon. Films like this just don’t leave the characters a lot of hope and don’t give the viewer any opportunities to be having a good time either. I’d much prefer having a more cheerful/action based film with the characters fighting against the demons.

If you are going to do a whole film with the demons showing up, then I think you need to give the main character some way to fight back. Victor is essentially sidelined for the entire climax so instead let him go to the demon realm to fight or something. Lean into the supernatural elements a little harder so this can lead into an action angle. That would have been a way more satisfying way to go. I get the feeling that the films want to stay a little more grounded than that but it will lead to the same ending for each of these titles.

Overall, This is another Exorcist film. If you’ve seen one then you’ve basically seen them all. It’s not a film that I would ever be particularly interested in checking out again. These films just have nothing going for them and run into the classic horror problem of the heroes not having any real options. There should at least be some cases where the random demon is quickly defeated when confronted by the Order. Otherwise it just feels like the power levels are way too skewed in favor of the demons. They basically laugh and mock the priests whenever they show up.

Overall 1/10

Quarantine Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the movie. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited movie would be more negative

Quarantine is one of those films that I remember hearing about all the time. It could never escape the shadow of the original Rec film and yet I almost feel like it paradoxically got bigger because of this. The first thing anybody will tell you is that it’s based off of Rec and yet Quarantine is mentioned more often. I dunno it’s an interesting tidbit but either way the film is no good. I could have told you that right from the start but after watching it, I can confirm that it gets a thumbs down all the way.

The movie starts with Angela filming a segment for the news channel that she works at. She will be tailing some firefighters for a day to see what their work is like. There is a lot of banter as they wait for something to happen and finally there is a call. Someone has started acting crazy in a residential building so the firefighters and police go in with the news crew. Unfortunately the situation is worse than expected. They are all locked inside the building with the tenants and they begin to realize that zombies are present. A single bite will spread the virus and with no way out, this will be a difficult situation to survive.

First off I have to say that these are some of the dumbest horror characters I’ve ever seen. Now it is already a tried and true staple that horror protagonists never make the right decisions but these guys take it to a whole new level. The zombie virus isn’t exactly subtle here. Characters will suddenly be bleeding and acting all shaky. They’re frothing at the mouth and the main characters are still wondering what is going on. It’s bad enough near the beginning of the film where the characters are slowly approaching an insane person but by the middle act of the film they should be retaining some survival instincts.

At one point near the end of the film they know with 99% certainty that one character is a zombie but one guy still reaches out telling her to grab his hand. All of the sequences felt extremely forced. They even call in the professionals at one point and these guys presumably have some idea of what’s going on. Yet, they walk real close to one of the zombies and end up paying the price. The kills are all far too violent to find funny but there is definitely something darkly humorous about how some of these characters die. The deaths were 100% completely avoidable which is what will really annoy you there.

Now like I said, the situation is still difficult. I’m not saying that this is a cake walk but there are better ways to handle this. Keep in mind that the zombies are not bullet proof. Additionally it does seem to be possible to put them down for good with enough force. The zombies never get up again once they’ve actually been taken down. They are fast but can’t think so one of the firefighters is able to beat around 6-8 of them by himself. Keep in mind that this is a small building so the amount of zombies will likely max out at around 20.

Taking the offensive would be a good idea or barricading yourself in a room and forcing them to approach one at a time. Ironically the only character to think of this is the local “jerk” that everyone gets mad at. He said from the start that gathering everyone together didn’t make sense and he was right. That just makes it harder to dodge when a zombie is around and no matter what kind of flu they originally thought this was, packing everyone together is not a good idea.

Now you may wonder why they don’t just leave the building and ignore the government. Well, this government is taking a rather strong approach so they are straight up shooting everyone that tries to leave. So yeah leaving is not really an option this time. You can still find ways to survive but there is no guarantee that you are ever leaving this place alive.

Usually in these films they try to find some kind of audio device for exposition or a bunch of notes. The movie does this but in a very half hearted way so I’m not sure why they bothered. Angela and the others find a lab room from the guy who caused this problem and he left an audio but it was basically silent with a bunch of mumbling. Not the most helpful tool around.

Speaking of helpful, it goes without saying but none of the characters were very helpful here at all. First up you have Angela who is completely out of her depth here. She yells a whole lot which keeps giving away their position to the zombies and spends the entire climax panicking. It was pretty obvious at one point that shooting the zombies was the right move but Angela is still acting shocked as if this was excessive force.

I was just not a big fan of hers by the end. She started out okay but all the screaming is just rough when you have lives at stake. Those yells put everyone in danger and there has to be a point where the adrenaline takes over and you stop panicking. Everyone else was able to get with the program and Angela’s a professional in a line of work that sees a lot of violence. I would have expected her to do better. Instead the cameraman has to really take the initiative and do all of the hard work.

Even by the end of the film it felt like the characters had a chance of surviving. There weren’t many zombies left at all but Angela freezes up and decides not to help so that just messes everyone over. I’m not blaming her for the entire mess, other characters made similar mistakes. The cop with the gun should not have been defeated so naturally he puts the gun down and approaches a zombie. The writers had to work extra hard to find ways for the humans to lose here.

What the film does well is to maintain a very tense atmosphere. The film is really intense and the scares work pretty well. It just can’t help but try to be as gritty as possible in the process. You have all of the usual biting and characters being eaten but then you also have a rat being squashed with rather gruesome detail. That did not add anything to the film and could have definitely been removed. The film wanted to show that animals were also running around with the virus but we definitely didn’t need that.

It’s not like the film would have been much better off even without the animal part but still it’s worth noting. Even better characters would not have been enough to get the film into the green. It’s just not a pleasant film and instead focuses on making everyone as miserable as possible. The concept of the plot is more interesting than the execution so other films like this would still have potential.

Overall, This film could have done well to tone down the violence a whole lot and to go with a more traditional camera style. Stuffing everyone inside of a building with a horror threat is a great concept but then you have to let the writing and atmosphere tell the story from there. I’d also be interested in more of a large scale story about what the government are doing but I suppose by then it is basically just Resident Evil. If you want a zombie story I’d actually sooner recommend that one and that’s saying something.

Overall 1/10

The Nanny Review

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It’s time for an old school horror title that throws in a good amount of misdirection with its twists and turns. Usually old school horror films tend to be pretty strong but ultimately I can’t say that this one was a winner. The slow burn approach just doesn’t work without some kind of a big monster or threatening murderer at the ready. Instead most of the scares are really around the fact that the main character is just a kid and can’t really do a whole lot.

The story begins with Joey finally returning home after having been away from home at a sort of recovery institution for 2 years. Unfortunately the staff were not able to get through to him and even right up to the end he was very mean spirited and pulling pranks on people. His parents had hoped he would have improved but that was wishful thinking. If anything he had gotten worse as he is openly disrespectful to the Nanny. He treats her like a monster and for the most part she takes this in stride but there is a lot of tension in the air. Who is the real villain of this story?

So the first weakness of the movie is really just that it’s not terribly interesting. I like there to be some tension between the characters in a classic mystery as you have to read between the lines and understand the veiled threats. It just doesn’t work nearly as well when the main character is just a kid. There’s nothing that Joey can really do here and he has long since given up on trying to convince his parents. At least from the film’s context it sounds like he had tried in the past and it didn’t go so well so now he is content to just hint at things and generally pick on the Nanny.

In a way we probably should have seen some of the events before he went away to boarding school because it would make Joey a lot less annoying in the present. He makes one friend at least, the upstairs neighbor Bobbie. This at least gives him someone to talk to and some attempt at banter but of course he isn’t really able to keep up.

There’s also not a whole lot that Bobbie can do from her side because this is such a family affair. Joey often appears to be on the losing side of every interaction with the Nanny and again that’s to be expected since he’s a kid. The film would have absolutely been stronger if he had just been older.

As for the parents, they really don’t look very good at all. The mother is constantly depressed and so she’s not really able to understand what is going on here. She mostly mopes a lot and seems to be living in a different reality. She is shocked every single time Joey says something mean to the Nanny and you would expect that at some point she would at least be able to predict what was about to happen. She doesn’t even have to take Joey’s side but should at least know what is going on. She blames herself for the Nanny never having a proper personal life and as a result tries to have allegiance to her and Joey. That’s usually not going to work well, fence sitting just doesn’t work in this kind of situation.

For the father, he just wants Joey to grow up and be over but otherwise mostly stays out of the situation. He’s written out fairly early as he has to go on a work trip. While that might sound reasonable in most cases, the timing was really bad with how the home situation was. I know he may have lost his job if he stayed home, but that would have been the safer decision.

Then we have the aunt Pen who is a bit more of a fighter. Unfortunately she also has a drinking problem which never turns out well for these characters. She also had a rough start during her first conversation with the family and never really recovered from that. It was nice to have another character at the ready but ultimately she was completely out of her depth.

Finally there is the Nanny. Now the character looks rather suspicious from the start but that’s intentional since you are supposed to choose if you think she is the problem or the kid. Either way she will have the upper hand in all interactions as a grown up. I can’t say that she was a very interesting character though and the backstory wasn’t enough to really move me in the present. The film is really based around the intrigue of the Nanny and so it was always going to be on the back foot there.

The actual flashback of what happened before Joey went away is actually sad so the film was able to land that scene. I do think there would be a lot of questions after such an event and you would have switched the Nanny after that regardless but not everyone’s going to come to the same conclusion. Ultimately this just isn’t a very happy film even if the characters are consistently getting themselves into bad situations. At the end of the day for a film you want to be having a good time and this one felt like it was more on the mean side. There are no real moments for levity or for the characters just having fun. It may not be gruesome in the way a modern horror title would be, but that isn’t enough to take this movie into the green.

Overall, The Nanny is one of those films that just isn’t able to successfully be a high octane thriller. It’s always going to be really hard to do this when one of the main characters is a kid. That just limits the amount of interesting situations you can put the characters in. Additionally the script won’t be as solid as usual since kids are more limited in the words that they know. Unless you think the situation of a nanny possibly being evil is really compelling, I would definitely say to dodge this one.

Overall 4/10

Ghost Ship Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for an old horror film and I’m afraid this one was not any good. It can feel weird calling a 2002 film old but that’s just where we’re at by this point. Ghost Ship is one of those titles that relies on jump scares and a ton of over the top violence without much of a story to back it up. You’ll be shaking your head at the film right from the start and not even the rock music can save this one.

The movie starts with a bunch of characters enjoying a party aboard a giant boat when everyone is murdered after someone cuts one of the ropes aboard the ship. The only survivor is a little girl. Many years later we cut to a group of salvagers. They find old boats and put them back together for profit. A guy shows up and tells them about this giant boat he found, and it is the one from the opening scene. Sean and his crew decide to head out and find this boat because it will be an absolutely massive payday for them. Salvaging is a tough job since you are all by yourself out at sea but they are confident that they can handle this. Unfortunately, the boat may be more than it seems.

So you’ve got the general setup there and being all alone at sea with a ghost ship definitely has a solid setup as far as the atmosphere goes. There just aren’t many positive elements in the film to really set your hat on. The violence for example was crazy right from the opening scene. After that the characters all tend to go down in really painful ways and then we had an extended cut at the end about how everyone on the ship was gunned down. Right from the start you get to see that this film is going to be super intense in all of the wrong ways.

Occasionally you’d have a decent fake jump scare like when two members of the crew decide to scare Maureen for no reason. I mean it made those guys look pretty bad but I guess nothing really scared them. To be able to lock yourself in an empty room and seal yourself in a meat wrap just to scare someone is a crazy high level of bravery. Too bad it couldn’t have been used for something a little more productive right? Maureen had already gotten a number of real jump scares by this point so I guess the ghost was being really selective.

The film makes the bold choice of having a ghost leader as opposed to this just being a bunch of general spirits running around. I’d say that actually worked well though. I’ll give the film credit for having a real villain even if it felt like he was jobbing the entire time. This guy has telekinesis and a fairly strong amount of regeneration. Beyond that he mostly has human specs and ends up losing virtually every fight that he’s in. The guy has to rely on his tenacity to get the final victories in the end.

So things tend to go his way but he’s not going to be one of the more impressive villains that you see. I thought he was decent enough though and does end up being fairly memorable. He also allowed the film to have a quick fight scene at the end. On a logistic level I don’t see why he really needed the crew though. Seems to me that he would have had tons of options in order to secure his objective. The guy has super powers and regeneration, that leads to a whole lot of options. Then once he had the crew on board, he probably could have just strong armed them into helping instead of putting on an act where he couldn’t help but laugh at different times.

I’ll also say that the main crew were actually fairly smart here. In most of these films they all get extremely greedy and want to get every piece of money available. In this case once the main characters find the gold, they all decide to leave. They have enough money to live comfortably so why get greedy and take the ship too right? The reason their plan fails is due to circumstances outside of their control. They still outpace most main characters when it comes to decision making in a horror title. These salvagers are supposed to be professionals after all so that makes sense.

Now that doesn’t make them perfect by any means. One guy decides to cheat on his fiancé which leads to him falling for the most obvious trick possible. Generally the others at least had some good excuses as to how they were murdered but this guy had no such excuse. I would also blame the spirits for a lot of this. The film explains their plans in the movie and why they are picking on the main characters but there is one who wants to help. She goes about it in the most roundabout way possible though and talks very cryptically. We know that the main spirit will try silencing her so at that point it’s probably a good idea to just quickly blurt everything out.

I also thought the soundtrack was mainly good. The rock song during the boat massacre was a little weak as it felt like some kind of emo blend of rock but the more traditional rock songs sprinkles throughout the film were fairly solid. Unlike most horror titles I can at least say it had these things going for it. The film just can’t avoid the classic horror pitfalls at the same time. Even aside from the violence we also have the gross maggots scene. I think for some grossness can be interchanged with scariness which is why horror films tend to go for gross visuals as well but it doesn’t do the movie any favors.

As far as the final horror twist goes, I thought it was fairly effective. Horror films essentially have to have a twist ending. It’s the closest thing to a mandate that you will find in a movie. It may not have been enough to save the film but this one was at least trying. If it could just tone down the violence then the film would immediately be in a much better place.

Overall, Ghost Ship was not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination but it certainly took some better swings than most. The film at least had potential which is more than I can say for most. The characters were mostly smart throughout the movie and the soundtrack was good. I would still recommend watching something like Scooby Doo: Zombie Island over this one of course. In the end this is just a reminder on why you don’t want to sail into the middle of the ocean without telling anyone where you are going.

Overall 2/10