Category Archives: Live Action Movies

The Beast With A Million Eyes Review

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The poster for this film is such clickbait that you almost have to double check if you’re looking at the right one. It is so different from anything within the actual movie. Unfortunately this creature feature is really lacking in screentime for the main villain and the main cast is definitely on the weaker side. There aren’t a whole lot of silver linings to this film and so it loses to the average title in its genre.

The film introduces us to Allan, his wife Carol, and their daughter Sandra. They live out in the middle of nowhere and Carol resents the whole thing. She spends most of her time yelling at Allan and Sandra as she has not been able to adjust to this lifestyle at all. They also have a neighbor who lives on the premises but it unable to talk and always seems a bit off. Allan insists that he is harmless but the guy spends his time looking at inappropriate magazines and secretly watching Allan’s daughter. Maybe he should think twice about this guy? For some reason, the animals in the area are starting to go crazy now too so that is another thing to keep an eye on.

Before we even touch the monster stuff, the main cast just isn’t all that good. First up we have Allan who is far too dismissive about the neighbor. We learn a twist about this near the end of the film which at least adds a little more of an excuse. It’s still not a great one though. Lets face it, this does not in any way make the neighbor safe. In fact, the twist about why he can’t talk just gives even more reason to why he might be unstable. While the family was toxic, Allan should have definitely told the others the whole story.

Then Carol is unlikable from the start. None of her complaints seem all that justified or deserved. We are starting this film in the middle of their lifestyle so perhaps some context would change this but as of now, it’s just a bad look for her. Her treating the daughter poorly is also terrible because she has nothing to do with this. So Carol comes off as a total bully here and the film doesn’t have enough time to really redeem her character.

I have the fewest issues with Sandra here. She’s really just trying to do her best and have a normal life out here. She could easily be complaining about how boring everything is since there is nothing to do but she takes the higher road. Sandra may not stand out as some kind of amazing character but at least she was avoiding making any big mistakes. She also gets far more of a role than her boyfriend who could be written out of the film and almost nothing would change.

As for the neighbor, well I feel bad for him with the injury but he’s definitely not remotely likable. He would definitely need to fix up his room and to stop being so obsessed with women to really have a chance here. Perhaps his injury is what started this in which case that just gets even more tragic but we simply don’t know. It’s all a mystery at this point.

Okay so what about the monster? Well, it’s not your average 11 foot creature trying to crush everyone. This being is a high intellect alien who can body swap. He gets a big speech near the end about his power and how the humans can’t stop him. Allan responds with his own speech about love and kindness. It’s definitely a bizarre climax. I’m not entirely opposed to ending things with a war but the creature probably gets less than a minute of actual screentime. It just doesn’t result in a particularly satisfying climax.

The creature is able to emit energy waves that cause animals to become violent. This results in the main character’s dog turning evil as well as a cow and a lot of birds. There is a bit of a body count here as a farmer friend dies but for the most part this is very isolated. It works against the film as well because I’m not here to see a bunch of animals dying. The birds are used as suicide bombers against a car and the dog unfortunately ends up getting axed. The film was never going to survive this kind of a plot.

Additionally, the alien just doesn’t seem to have a great plan here. Causing chaos with the animals may work as a distraction but he tried with too many small ones which allowed the main characters to form a plan and make a counter attack. Really the alien shouldn’t have lost so easily and perhaps should have hidden his hand better if he could be defeated so easily once the animals weren’t a problem. His powers aren’t the strongest either as he can only control humans when they are alone and not when they are in a group.

Apparently his weakness is the power of love which is not a great weakness for a villain. It means he will always be on the back foot here. So the film definitely has a ton of clickbait all the way through. If not for the poster, then maybe I could just call the monster as a plot twist which would excuse the lack of runtime but I can’t really do that here. The film is too much of a slowburn for such a short length and the characters are just not good enough to hold their own. Honestly the more I think about it, the more I realize that the film was completely outclassed from start to finish.

Overall, This is not a creature feature I would recommend. It barely even deserves to be called a creature feature. I know that the alien is the one orchestrating all of the events so sure it technically counts but in the most unsatisfying way possible. I would say to check out just about any other creature film instead and you’ll be getting more bang for your buck. Probably more of an action packed climax too.

Overall 3/10

The Man in the White Van

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I wasn’t really sure if I should do this one as a formal review or one of those titles without a score. It’s based on true events but with a lot of liberties taken and apparently merges a lot of different events into one. It felt a bit like a true crime adventure/re-enactment though so in the end I bypassed the score. That said, this is absolutely a film that would be pretty bottom of the barrel. It’s way too dark and the villain gets away with a whole lot. The whole time you are hoping he will go down but these films don’t always tend to have a happy ending.

The film switches between the present and the past as its method of ramping up the drama. We see that in every year for the last 4-5 years, a man in a white van has been going around murdering women. In the present story, he has his sights set on a girl named Annie and seems to show up wherever she is. The guy follows her around everywhere and unfortunately she has built up a long reputation of being someone who tells lies for attention. Nobody is taking this threat seriously, will she be able to defend herself?

Now the whole premise is built around nobody believing Annie which is part of the annoying part. I assume this is where things get dramatized for the movie because I can’t possibly imagine this being the case in real life. When you have a mysterious van following you to school, appearing on the property, etc. people should start to be taking notice right away. Her reputation isn’t even relevant by that point, there is a clear and present danger here.

At least Annie had a gun but then it gets confiscated because her parents think that she is going totally crazy. It doesn’t help that her older sister is not being even remotely helpful. She is wanting to go on adventures of her own without stopping to think about how that will affect Annie. Her younger brother is at least doing his best but is naturally too young to be all that helpful here. At least he did help Annie get the gun early on.

So what you end up with here is a film where it feels like every action is futile. There is really nothing that Annie can do to take the upper hand here. How could there be? She’s closer to being a kid than a full adult and has no real way of fighting back. She lives in more of a rural area so there isn’t anywhere to go and there are many times where she will be by herself or just with her best friend. It’s quite a long walk to school.

The film ramps up the tension by looming this dark fate over Annie the whole time but without a way to really fight back, it’s definitely not my kind of thriller. Cutting back to the older years to see all the victims getting murdered as well was really the cherry on top in terms of dooming the film. This feels like a slasher, just with a lower body count than usual. In general I don’t really think mass murderers need to be remembered and given films, just let them die out to history.

As a main character, Annie is basically the best character here by default. At least she’s trying to do something but it is a shame that she had been so used to lying on the regular. She is also still manipulated a little too easily like going to a party just because her friend wanted to go. Clearly the host hadn’t wanted Annie to be there which is why there was no invite so why go somewhere when you aren’t clearly wanted? Doesn’t seem like a good idea to me.

Generally speaking films based on true events are best for bio pics and tales of incredible heroism. Doing films that are more based on tragedies or villainous figures are rarely going to be on the same level. You could say that this film is really based on the positive outcome that things could have been a lot worse but it still feels hollow because of how we had a body count here that stretched across years. It works as a cautionary tale on why you always want to have your guard up but that’s the kind of moral you can do in many other ways.

The cast is also really small here so there isn’t much of a distraction from the white van plot. The only thing you could point to is the school plot where Annie crushes on one of the guys and her friend tries to play wingman. There isn’t really enough time to this plot for the whole thing to have a lot of development though so even as a distraction it’s definitely more of a mild one. I’d rather they not try and make a sequel out of this one.

Overall, This is what I’d call more of a mean spirited film. There aren’t many happy moments to be found here at all. Instead it is a slow descent for Annie as she is driven to the brink and the villain gets closer at all times. The ending is rather expected but still on the lame side. Definitely not satisfying in the least. You’re really hoping for more of a proper closure instead of what happened here. Now that may be limited based on how the events played out but that is a small consolation to the viewer. Just give us the fun ending where Annie whips out a gun and takes the main villain down. It felt like the setup was absolutely there with the gun getting a lot of emphasis before and then vanishing after that.

Much Ado about Nothing Review

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I’ve often considered Shakespeare to be the most overrated writer of all time and I’m afraid that this film did not change my mind on that. The writing style just doesn’t really work as the old time English get tiring rather quickly. All the witty banter is a little too forced with none of the conversations actually sounding natural. The movie can make for some ironic amusement but that’s about all that you’re getting out of this adventure which quickly overstays its welcome.

The film starts with Pedro, Benedick, Claudio, and John riding into a small town. They have arrived after glorious conquest and look forward to being treated like royalty. After all….that is precisely what they are. Claudio falls for a girl named Hero and they quickly get ready to be married. Benedick is mad about this because he thought that Claudio would be an eternal bachelor like himself. So the guys get together to set up Benedick with Beatrice who always mocks him. The two of them have been verbally sparring for a long while but perhaps this can turn into romance. What they don’t realize is that John aims to end these romances. He wants to cause a lot of chaos and is ruthless in his approach. Will he be able to so easily tear these alliances apart?

Of course the whole film’s premise is based on the fact that he can which shows just how weak these romances are. Lets start with Claudio and Hero here. Basically John shows “Hero” cheating on Claudio with someone else. Unfortunately Claudio could not tell that this wasn’t the real Hero. I think that’s pretty rough in itself since you should clearly know what your girlfriend looks like. If it was so dark that you could not see clearly at all, then you either rush to the door and ask for Hero or ask her the next day. Being completely tricked is certainly the worst out of all the options here.

Claudio naturally throws a big fuss about it but what’s worse is that he doesn’t give Hero a chance to talk at all. He just storms away and destroys her reputation which seemingly causes her to die. Then as an apology he prepares to marry a relative of hers. That’s already a rebound but it’s also a terrible apology in general. There was no saving Claudio at this point and honestly the whole thing isn’t a great look for Hero either. At that point if this is how Claudio is going to act, she should have just moved on. Not just giving up or being passive and seeing how the situation was going.

Beatrice had more of a real reaction as she wanted to murder Claudio and convinced Benedick to do it on her behalf. I appreciate that from a family standpoint but of course on a romance one it did end up hurting the ship. It showed after all that she was only with Benedick by this point so that she could manipulate him and the love itself felt very weak at best. I much preferred when they were just bantering with each other. To so easily be manipulated into liking each other by the supporting cast makes them all look like deeply unserious characters. It’s as if they were so pleased at the other being secretly in love that they were willing to overlook everything else.

John gets more credit here because as a villain he was actually fairly effective. It didn’t take long for him to infiltrate the ranks and really split everyone up. Ultimately once the heroes turned on him the guy didn’t put up much of a fight but he still kept them all on the back foot. Pedro was a decent commander but also someone who was easily fooled and got very emotional. In general I guess you could say all of the characters were driven too strongly by their emotions.

Like I mentioned before, the way they all talk gets old really quickly too. I get how it feels really dramatic and all but the old English takes forever to get through. You’re basically begging the characters to get to the point of their speech instead of taking forever. You also have the subplot with the guards who have no idea what is going on and their scenes really tend to drag. It goes from potentially being funny to you just rolling your eyes by the end because you know that it’s just not going to end.

The film could have really done well to be about 30 minutes shorter but that still wouldn’t have saved it. The movie doesn’t help itself with a super rough opening either as all the women in the village get ready to meet the men and look desperate in the moment. The fanservice was bad enough but do they really have to go so all out for these guys? Desperation is not really going to be a super attractive trait here and it’s another one of those old time dynamics that just doesn’t work. If you’re desperate for any guy to pick you, then there’s nothing really romantic about that. By the end of the film you are supposed to feel happy for the two couples and yet you can’t help but feel like they won’t really have a happy ever after.

Overall, This film absolutely needed some big time action. It needed the characters to get some real fight scenes and for the individual characters to also not be so weak. You’ll see various characters pinned to the wall and threatened while they can barely react in retaliation. None of them really have a whole lot of honor left by the end as they get thrown into every conflict. They also aren’t interesting enough to hold their own stories. I dare say this kind of film would only work as a parody because it feels like one for a while until you realize just how seriously the characters are taking themselves. A romance film without any understanding of what a true romance is will always be doomed to fail.

Overall 3/10

Moonraker Review

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Moonraker continues the James Bond marathon as we actually get some sci-fi elements this time around. Personally I would say it does continue with the classic Bond vibe despite this. To me this is a very familiar kind of adventure so you shouldn’t worry about the space stuff feeling a bit off. The climax is certainly explosive to be sure but it’s not even one of the longer Bond climaxes.

The film starts with Moonraker, a space station being taken by a mysterious foe and so James Bond is called in. James Bond is known as 007, the top British secret service operative in the entire world. He also has a license to kill as needed. Surely Bond should be the man for the job, but it turns out that M16 isn’t the only agency interested in what’s going on in space. The CIA send in an agent named Holly and this provides Bond with someone that he can finally show off for. Bond is usually one step behind the villains and get clowned on consistently, but tends to fare better with other agents. Can he keep his mind on the task at hand or will his endless weakness for women be his demise?

Bond is one of those guys that you don’t really want in your corner. Yes, I recognize that he ultimately gets the job done but it certainly tends to be at a high price. A lot of bodies will roll by the time he stops the villain here and that is true in this case as well. You can’t always blame him for every event but it would be easier to sympathize with Bond if he wasn’t constantly distracted. The “romance” with Holly definitely won’t be impressing you as each one is just manipulating the other. There isn’t really any passion or development here.

It did lead to the best scene in the film though where Bond walks through her room and calmly disables every trap possible. It was one of the only scenes in a minute where Bond actually looked like the top ranked professional that he is supposed to be. That was absolutely impressive. I just wish we could see more of that Bond. In terms of fighting ability, Bond is pretty good without the film portraying him as invincible or anything like that. For example he is usually not going to defeat someone like Jaws and has to just try and get out of the area.

On one hand that is a good look for Jaws but not so much for Bond. Surely his mastery of the martial arts and other deadly forms of combat should be enough to make up for a strength difference right? This may just be an issue with the films not being more modern but Bond always seems to fight like a normal guy. He is always willing to step into the fight though so I’ll give him that and he does have a lot of confidence. You can always count on him to deliver with a strong one liner as needed.

I don’t like the guy but at least he has the charisma to hold a film. Meanwhile the heroine Holly is more proactive than some of the others. She may fall to Bond’s charms like the rest but at least she can fight. It would be smarter for her to carry a gun so that she can properly defend herself but at least she has a knife. I always like when they add in a second agency to these films so having her be from the CIA was a good move. Bond got to have a little backup in that way.

It was also nice to see Jaws return as the big villain here. He is definitely a true threat with how powerful he is. I do think his character switch at the end was pushing things though. I would have liked to have kept him as fully evil, just unwilling to listen to Drax out of self survival. That would have made more sense and unfortunately I wouldn’t have added his new girlfriend either since that whole plotline was too rushed. It just didn’t really make a lot of sense and someone like Jaws isn’t going to change so drastically in such a short amount of time.

Drax is more of a forgettable main villain. He’s definitely not very smart though with how easily he allows Bond to draw a rift between him an Jaws. You’d think that Drax would have been able to see through the bait but I guess he’s just not socially aware of what’s going on. Other villains wouldn’t have gone down so easily. Drax isn’t a fighter at any rate so he won’t end up being all that memorable anyway.

The action and special effects are good as always. The Star Wars type energy climax may come out of nowhere but it does look good so I can say that in favor of the film. The soundtrack isn’t particularly noteworthy but as always I do like the classic Bond theme. No matter how many times it plays or gets remixed, I’ll always find it to be pretty impressive. If the film could just stay away from all the fanservice and rushes romances then this could actually be a good series. Unfortunately as it stands, the Bond films tend to all get absolutely crushed when you’re watching them.

The film also gets some props for being long but never feeling all too drawn out. The action is consistent and the different set pieces are all unique so it’s not like the film starts blending into itself either. The pacing is good and the writing is nice. I always like when Bond bumps into another M16 base and all of the big shots happen to be there. In a way it feels like magic with how quickly they set everything up but I’ll chalk it up to their intelligence gathering truly being first rate.

Overall, Moonraker is one of those films that I wouldn’t recommend but it’s not as if it is significantly worse than the average Bond film. On the contrary it holds up to the others just fine and the space climax really isn’t bad. It’s just a shame that this is known as the outer space Bond film and yet they don’t actually leave Earth for a good chunk of the runtime. If the film really wanted to be bold, it should have made the majority of it take place out there.

Overall 4/10

Seven Pounds Review

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It’s time for a film about someone who made a massive mistake and wants to find a way to stone. Films like that can always get tricky because some things are just tough to atone from. Ultimately the answer the lead comes up with is not the right one and so the film isn’t able to stick the landing, although I wouldn’t say it had been all that good even up to that point.

The film begins by spoiling the entire film with its opening scene so I’m going to ignore that in the summary. Definitely a bizarre way to open up the film, it reminded me of Tomrorrow Land. Anytime you do this narrative tactic, it’s a bad idea imo. Tim works for the IRS and he has to collect from a number of individuals. Unfortunately they are all down on their luck with rough circumstances and medical/personal issues. Tim wants to see if he can help them but it won’t be easy.

This is one of those sad farm films where it just keeps on upping the ante of how bad things are getting. One lady is in an abusive relationship that is continuing to escalate. Without some escape she will be dead before long. Another lady is slowly dying from a defective heart, etc. Tim is only one guy so there is only so much that he can do. Time is also not on his side since these problems need to be fixed really quickly or it’ll all be over.

As the film goes on we learn about Tim’s backstory and why he is so reluctant to talk about his past. It definitely makes for a tragic origin, particularly with how avoidable it was. So this has given him a bit of survivor’s guilt and so he wants to help an equal amount of people to how many died in the accident. It’s a noble goal but the issue is that he has completely devalued his life now as he feels like it doesn’t matter.

I wouldn’t say that the film handles this particularly well. Ultimately he needed some characters to try and stop him but for the most part the only one who could have talked him out of it ended up being an accomplice. In a sense I don’t need the film to be the moral police here, as long as the viewer knows that it’s wrong to throw away their life then I don’t fault the film too hard for not making the case against it. A scene or two showing that Tim came to the wrong conclusion would have been nice though.

So as the film builds to the ending, it doesn’t do the movie any favors. The film’s ending just isn’t satisfying. However, the film was already sinking by adding a big romance plot early on with Tim and Emily. You need to remember that Tim had a fiancée before tragedy struck so this is moving awfully fast. A rebound romance like this was never going to work. Moreover, it doesn’t really feel like equal circumstances here as he basically saved her from being homeless by waiving the IRS fee and she knows that death is imminent.

I don’t think either of them are in the right headspace for a romance here and so the whole thing goes way too quickly. Emily’s not a bad character, it seemed like she was trying to make the best of it in terms of dealing with her condition. I give her a little more leeway here and tend to blame Tim more. He should have kept things professional while trying to look after her. As for his final decision, well it’s rough but it’s why you always have to talk with people about death early on. So they can cope with it and not try to change things. Everyone dies, some sooner and some later but the more you try to fight it off, the worse the situation will get.

The film is about Tim being selfless but since a lot of that is out of guilt, it’s hard to give him full credit there. As for the rest of his donations, well those are shakier but you can make an argument for them at least. There are times when self sacrifice works out and it’s a tough line to always follow. I won’t say there are easy answers here but either way it just doesn’t make this film a fun watch.

It is very melodramatic and sad throughout the whole runtime. Mix that in with the sad ending and you’re just wondering when you are supposed to be having fun here. Contrary to popular opinion, films are around to have fun with. If you aren’t having fun during a film, then it has lost sight of the ultimate objective here. The characters who got happy endings still had to go through a whole lot so everything always came at a price. Tim had to test a blind salesperson at one point to make sure he was worthy of recovery and the way he tested him was quite extreme with a lot of verbal abuse. The salesman handled it really well though. It’s hard to even imagine how difficult it is to live without eyesight. From the 5 senses I’ve always thought that would be the toughest one to live without.

Overall, 7 Pounds is really trying to test the limits of self sacrifice. In a way this is an interesting way to go about it but the movie could have absolutely done this with a lighter tone. I’d say it should have dialed back the scale of tragedy here and just focused on the main one. Have Emily be the only character who needs help and then the film can spend a chunk of time having Tim give arguments for why a sacrifice is needed here. The argument just can’t be one out of guilt. From there you have a pretty interesting film. Perhaps it may seem dry to some but I believe it would be engaging and you don’t need all the extra trauma. The movie would be way more focused at the very least. Still, that’s not how it played out so I would say to avoid this movie. It’s just a little too exhausting with how unrelenting the film can be with everything going sour for the characters involved.

Overall 3/10

The Pursuit of Happyness

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It’s time for a film based on a true story. Those tend to be fun based on the true events. Well…that’s barely even a statement since that’s true of anything I suppose. Well this one picks a fairly upbeat story so it works out well. The main character has to go through some rather rough patches but nothing too crazy and so it all works out in the end. The film flows by quickly.

The movie starts by introducing us to Chris who is in a tough spot. He was fooled into a dream of quick riches by investing heavily into medical scanners that are not in high demand at the moment. As a result he is incredibly behind on his rent and the financial struggles have also affected his marriage. His wife decides to leave and so now he has to raise their son on his own. Chris could have let Jr go with his Mom but has always sworn to be a father who will be around for his kids. So now he has to pull it together and find a way out of this hole.

Chris learns of a traineeship that could get him into the world of stocks but it will be difficult because this traineeship is unpaid. So it might lead to big money down the road but it’s a huge commitment and a massive risk. Only one trainee out of 20 will be able to get a full time job. Ultimately Chris decides to go for it. Personally I don’t think the risk is worth it and would have turned down the opportunity. You never know how things will ultimately shake out of course but the risk here just felt way too big and then he may even lose his kid at that point.

While Chris is down on his luck we have to see him get as resourceful as possible. He is forced to go to various shelters with his son to stay the night, they find themselves in a public bathroom for another one, etc. It’s very clear how this could have easily turned into a tragedy rather than an uplifting story that could become a movie. Usually I’d say that films dial up the drama for a real life based film like this one but instead for once I’d say that it’s probably toned down. I think it is very hard to capture just how stressful it is to be living with absolutely no money in the bank.

Just when Chris starts to turn things around, then his assets are seized by the IRS and other emergencies come up. He even gets arrested while waiting for the check to clear so he had to arrive into the interview in a non-professional manner. It’s really good that Chris was already known for his professionalism because otherwise that would have probably been disqualifying off the bat.

His kid does his best not to add onto the burden but can be rather slow on the uptake at times. He tends to talk rather loudly which puts Chris on the spot and he just doesn’t get the circumstances. He is young so I won’t go too hard on the kid but I still think he could have more or less figured out what was going on here without panicking or anything like that.

Otherwise the case is actually pretty small here. The wife appears early on and it’s clear that she’s frustrated by what seems like a never ending flow of empty promises. She was counting on Chris to be able to turn things around and instead the hole just grew deeper. Obviously leaving was the wrong move since you are meant to support one another through the good and the bad. She wasn’t able to live up to her vows and see this through to the end.

Then you have a lot of obstacles in Chris’ way like the time traveler guy who was crazy and then someone else who stole his gizmo. In both cases Chris was just being a little too sloppy. While the individual events were hard to predict, they were often triggered by Chris trying to do too much at one time. Given the stress and the tough time crunch he was in, it does make sense though. Ultimately he just had to keep his guard up at all times. As many bad breaks as he got, he also got good ones in the end.

There isn’t a whole lot to go into with this film because the story is pretty straight forward. The writing is good and I thought the pacing was on point as well. The characters were solid and felt realistic throughout. At the very least you never felt like anyone was being too cartoony or unrealistic. Each of the events felt like something that could really happen which is why I didn’t feel like they exaggerated any of the events too much.

The toughest part here is probably showing how desperate Chris is without making him unlikable. There is always a fine line there because you need to be able to root for Chris. So if he had started robbing people or something like that, then that would change things quite a bit. Fortunately it didn’t go down that way and Chris ended up keeping his integrity all the way through. The world of stocks is certainly a super stressful one as well but compared to being penniless without a job, you have to expect that it will feel a lot easier in comparison.

Overall, The Pursuit of Happyness is a fun film. It was clever how they set up the typo early on so the title made sense. It’s definitely a film about never giving up because sometimes things just look really bad. You just have to keep on moving forward and doing your best. Hopefully things turn out better as you go on. There is never a guarantee of it but you have to live your life that way because giving up eliminates any chance of things getting better.

Now You See Me: Now You Don’t Review

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This is one of those series that is always a lot of fun. It may not make a lot of sense and by the end of the adventure you’re remembering how lucky the main characters got but the film is focusing on pure entertainment. So I really can’t fault it for that. As long as you have fun during the adventure then the film can get away with leaps of logic like that. You just have to stretch your disbelief to the max and as this is the third film in the series you are probably used to that. It also may be the kind of series that just gets better the more you watch it because I see that I was quite harsh on the first film when I originally saw it. My memories of it aren’t bad tho.

The movie starts off by explaining that the Horsemen have gone into retirement and they haven’t appeared in the outside world for a long time. A trio of new magicians figure that this is their chance to get out there and so they begin to fight the good fight. Acting as modern day Robin Hoods they steal from those that they believe deserve it. One day they are approached by Atlas, one of the original horsemen. He claims they are all second rate at best but is reluctantly going to work with them because The Eye sent him here on a mission. The 4 of them have to steal the richest diamond in the world away from a power hungry lady who seeks to dominate the planet. The stakes have never been higher!

Right away I would say that the film’s greatest strength is in its nonstop banter. These magicians are all incredibly talented and they know it. This results in all of them having rather inflated egos with maybe one exception. They love to try and see who the real best magician is so we get a lot of fights between the original horsemen and the new cadets. It tends to be a closer fight than you might expect.

Atlas is easily the most enjoyable character in this arena because he is just constantly landing insult after insult. The guy just never stops and he perfectly nails the sarcasm in every scene. He may have the occasional genuine moment but you just wait for him to get back into sarcastic mode. I’d also say that Atlas tends to be the most proactive member of the group. He’s not just waiting for things to happen, he’s going out there to make it so. It’s why he was the first one to introduce himself to the new characters. Atlas also tends to take front stage on all of the big tricks.

He does have a good match against the main villain here though. Veronika is the last leading her global company to be found riches with her aggressive plays in the board room. Anyone who stands against her is completely threatened and could lose their lives. It’s all part of the plan and what a plan it is. She has a ton of safety features around the diamond to prevent it from being stolen and her head bodyguard is immune to hypnosis which is important. Also she isn’t some damsel who must be protected by security. Veronika knows how to use a gun and also set up a tremendous trap for the horsemen.

There is no twist like they got caught on purpose. In fact, it’s likely the most danger that they’ve been in throughout the 3 films because she built such an incredible trap. You could say that they really got lucky on this one. So she was a lot of fun to have on screen and is easily one of the most memorable characters around. Not saying you’ll be rooting for her to beat the heroes…but it may be tempting.

From the 3 new characters, Charlie is the brainiac of the bunch. He stays in the back and works on the tricks for the other characters to pull off. Charlie doesn’t tend to like the spotlight and as the film goes on he gets to have more of an active role. He’s one of the weakest characters for me and the reason is pretty self explanatory. I like really confident characters who spend their time boasting and showing everyone up. A more quiet character isn’t going to be able to keep up with that.

Then you have June who is very athletic and can handle all of the physical stunts needed for the illusions. She is way more confident and the kind of person you want to have on your team. She is quick to take on all challengers and even defeats her horseman counterpart in their first meeting. I would say she got the only definitive victory in the whole film because of how completely he was destroyed. She also did really well in the prison room using her size to evade the guards.

Bosco is probably the most emotional of the main 3. He doesn’t particularly like the horsemen and if anything resents the idea that he would need them for anything. Bosco feels like he can hold his own and that’s certainly valid. His group did just pull off a master heist after all. It always feels like the other characters are having to hold him back from making a big move and potentially getting them all in trouble. I do appreciate his loyalty though.

From the old cast of course we have Jack who is good at sleight of hand. Unfortunately, he does not look good here. Unfortunately his raw skills are beneath the rest of the Horsemen. If someone didn’t return in the next film, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was him. Then his ex/situationship Lula also doesn’t get a huge role here. She helps break them out of prison at one point and is upset at being excluded but doesn’t do a ton beyond that. I suppose I should give her credit for actually catching up to the rest of the team though. Their romance is fairly weak but that could be the excuse to remove both characters.

Henley is still the main escape artist here and she’s the one who really makes sure that the group escapes the big trap. Without her I don’t think they would have really had a shot here. She has also developed into being a really good all around magician with the other kinds of tricks as well. You really can’t count her out. Then you have Merritt who is still as self depreciating as ever. His hypnotic abilities are certainly handy although they meet their match in his one.

He probably spends the most time on the losing side here compared to the other horsemen but also helps to gather a lot of exposition on the main villain. He gets his own rage moment after one of the heroes is taken down but ultimately you could argue that his side initiated it so I wouldn’t say that you feel a ton of sympathy here. It’s like when a big villain has a best friend who is super upset at a hero murdering the main villain. Yeah it sucks but the heroes aren’t the ones who started this.

In this case Veronika’s group are not heroes or anything like that but the Horsemen are the ones who stole from them. So we’ve got a solid cast of characters all around and the main advantage the film has over most others if how basically everyone can get in on the banter. The movie moves at a really fast pace as a result and the flashiness of the film just works super well.

Overall The movie may not make a lot of sense if you focus on it too closely but that’s fine. We’re here for a fun time, not an accurate one. This does a great job of wrapping up the trilogy and it’s going to be tough to top this one. The films are really pushing the idea of the Horsemen being global agents who save the day and a full on mission for that could be fun but I feel like the heist element needs to stick around. Seeing them steal things and stay one step ahead of their pursuers is a big part of the fun.

Overall 7/10

The Spy Who Loved Me Review

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It’s time for more Bond and this time he will have to deal with a rival who may even be on his level. The concept is definitely cool but as the film goes on, you realize that the rival is a paper one. I’ll explain more about that in a minute but needless to say this film still falls into the usual issues of a Bond film. Perhaps that is just the inevitable fate of most Bond adventures.

The film starts with showing us how both Bond and Anya are messing around despite being called the world’s greatest secret agents. Bond manages to murder a bunch of enemy agents as he heads back to base though. MI6 has called him in to find the missing nuclear submarine that someone stole from Russia. Naturally this is a pretty big deal since it is a national crisis. Russia has also sent in their best agent, Anya to find out what’s going on. Both of them will be crossing paths as they uncover the mystery behind this but can they keep their hands to themselves?

I do like the hook of finally seeing another secret agency in the forefront. Surprisingly the films don’t often do this. Sure, other agencies like the CIA are referenced but typically they tend to just get wrecked off screen. That said, the film doesn’t totally commit to the bit as Anya isn’t super skilled. Perhaps relative to some of the other agents but she consistently feels outmatched here. This is why I would call her a rival on paper.

So on paper Anya is a genius, master of martial arts, and her resourcefulness speaks for itself. She should be able to hold her own against anyone. Well, on the field it just doesn’t play out that way. She may be able to defeat Bond at times in word games like when she mentions where the submarine is. Additionally, she is able to defeat him by using his weakness to women and spraying him with a knock out gas. The whole thing was super embarrassing for Bond but when it comes time for a fight, she is dispatched quickly.

She allows Jaws to defeat her even when she had a gun on him and he was unarmed. When she crosses with Bond, she is pitting her karate chop against his gun. Anya just wasn’t ready for this and the fact that she can distract Bond with her charms just feels like a consolation prize at best. I would have liked her to have been out there in the field murdering a ton of fighters and really giving Bond a reason to respect her abilities. Considering the series we’re watching, this will probably only be possible if the rival agent is a guy.

As for Bond, well he looks pretty bad as always. The whole world is in danger with the nuclear weapons here and he’s still trying to make a pass at everybody? Bond needs to lock in at this point and he just doesn’t have enough moments like that. Bond is ready to have his fun and lose the mission which is not what you want a hero to do. I appreciate his smug attitude and how Bond talks down to everyone but it’s still hard to overlook his faults.

Meanwhile Jaws is a solid villain because of his skills even if he lacks the overall charisma that Scaramanga had. Jaws is shown to be borderline superhuman with how he can absorb so many blows. He walks away from a massive car crash at one point with essentially no injuries. Bond is clearly not able to beat him one on one but is quicker so usually the environment ends up being the deciding factor. Jaws mouth is metal after all which makes things difficult for him around magnets.

His boss is technically the head honcho but that guy doesn’t look all that good. I appreciate all the tough talk and how he dispatched several characters in the opening scene. He knows how to stay on top but ultimately gets a little too cocky. His gun needed to be quite a bit shorter to be effective and the trigger needed to be silent. The guy had an interesting goal of wanting humanity to only live beneath the waves though. I’ll give him some points for originality I suppose.

As always the film suffers from fanservice and terrible romances which distract from the main plot. In fact, this time it’s even worse because the plot is completely going against the romance. Anya’s whole plot is to avenge her fiancé but she’s messing around with Bond right away. You could try to defend this by saying that it’s part of her job and she’ll get with everybody in order to further the mission but that really doesn’t help at all. It just pushes forward the worst trope of a female agent which is having to do any of that stuff in the beginning.

Nah you need to be able to solidify her as a top tier threat who doesn’t need to do that. Bond never does either, he just does it for fun. That needs to be dialed back as well so that he can actually be a likable character. The film’s general pacing and story is good but these things hold it back quite a lot. The fanservice is unrelenting and is something you don’t see so much of outside of the Bond films. In a way that’s what makes it so notable here.

I should mention that the songs aren’t all that impressive for me. I didn’t cover that in the prior Bond film but generally none of the songs have moved me so far. They sound decent, I’m certainly not calling them bad. However, I would not be looking them up on Youtube or anything like that. They really lack a better beat or incredible lyrics that force you to rewatch them. These just feel like what you would expect from a Bond film tbh and I don’t really mean that in a good way.

Overall, This film had an interesting premise but didn’t live up to it in classic Bond style. I will always take a plot like this with multiple factions over not having them at all though. If you have liked the Bond films up to now then you should like this one as well. In a lot of ways it is playing the adventure completely straight and that’s not a bad thing for the most part. The series just needs a way to lose the fanservice and then it can one day rise up as one of the all time greats! Until then, it will have to be satisfied with being at the back of the pack when it comes to action/thriller franchises.

Overall 4/10

The Man with the Golden Gun Review

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James Bond has certainly has a lot of films over the years. While Bond himself may spend a good chunk of his screentime getting kicked around, he always rises back up to end the threat. I’m not typically a fan of his movies for their over-reliance on fanservice and terrible romances but the action scenes tend to be fun. The movies have a good blend of humor mixed into the fight scenes. This one also has one of the best enemies in the entire series. That being said, it ends up falling into line with a lot of the other films.

The movie starts with an assassin taking out a powerful gunman. This man is Scaramanga, the world’s number one hit man. His trademark is a signature golden gun by which he finishes off his prey. This guy’s next target is James Bond, Britain’s top agent from MI6. He has the agency so scared that Bond is immediately taken off of his mission and fired. The only way for Bond to get his old work back is for him to take this guy down but nobody’s even seen Scaramanga before. This won’t be an easy fight.

I will say that MI6 looks absolutely terrible here for them to panic so quickly. Yes, Scaramanga is a dangerous foe but this level of panic should be reserved for taking on a whole government right? For a single man to make them bench the #1 agent is crazy. I don’t think M could possibly come back from this. Fortunately Bond is quick to get out there and end this would be assassin. It’s the only real way to move forward if we’re being realistic about this.

Unfortunately, I wouldn’t say that Bond is a great character though. As always he is distracted by every woman around and he can never truly keep his eyes on the prize. He has to rely on his plot armor most of the time in order to stay in the game because there are many chances for him to be removed. The villains had him dead to rights but sent him to school instead of finishing him off. A bizarre decision to be sure.

He doesn’t take his coworker seriously either and spends the whole time flirting with her instead of trying to come up with a plan. Yes, Goodnight was a poor agent who just held him back but Bond should have still been able to find some way for her to be of assistance instead of adding onto that. Anytime Bond is fooling around with these various characters, it is more time that he could have spent staying in a ready position with his guard up.

Bond gets results which is why he is known as the number one agent but at the same time he nearly dies constantly. Personally in terms of overall skill I would have to lean on Scaramanga here. In a one on one fight I believe he would defeat Bond. You could argue that Scaramanga did not think so since he ended up evading the one on one fight for his more theatrical version. That ended up being a mistake on his part.

Scaramanga is a full on villain so you can’t let his gamesmanship fool you. He doesn’t treat his allies particularly well and was quick to bump off the girl who was working with him. She probably had the most tragic role here since there was really no way out for her from the start. Death was always going to be the end result and it’s not like Bond really helped her to get past that here. Ultimately he wasn’t in the best place to help her either since time was ticking and he didn’t really have anyone to trust. That said, you still could have hoped that things would go better for her.

You’d almost think this was the only plot around but the Bond films are always able to cram a lot of story into these adventures. So we also had Hai who hired Scaramanga and was working with solar technology that could end the energy crisis. He gets rather overconfident for somebody who can’t fight which results in his end though. Honestly he may have been doomed either way but the way he went out just made the guy look silly.

We didn’t really need this plot or the whole karate interlude though. Sure we got to see Bond score some more wins and take advantage of terrible villain plans but it didn’t actually move the film forward. Personally I would have spent that time further hyping up Scaramanga and maybe even having Bond do some training to prepare for the battle. It’s a bit hard to picture since both characters are extremely arrogant but would have been interesting. Their inevitable matchup is easily what you are looking forward to throughout the movie. Everything else is ultimately just noise.

So the negatives with the film all stem from the endless fanservice and one night stands here. None of the romances are worth anything and they’re just here to pad out the film. It’s why I always look forward to seeing a more serious Bond who is ready to take on the villains without fooling around. While the film is very long, I would say that the pacing is generally fine. There is always a lot going on so it doesn’t drag on. The fight scenes are also pretty good.

They feel rather old school with how they aren’t overly choreographed or anything like that. This is a basic fight with good hand to hand at all times. Bond also looks very mortal as he is stronger than the average fighter but isn’t the world’s best or anything. We even have a classic car chase which works well. The overactive sheriff may be a tad too silly for some but generally tends to be a fun character. The absurdity just works especially since the film as a whole was pretty light hearted anyway. He would probably overstay his welcome if the scenes were too much longer.

Overall, This film did a good job of finally giving Bond a true one vs one fight to look forward to. Sure, Bond does lose a lot and tends to be out planned by the villains but this is one of the few times where the whole film is building up to such an encounter. I appreciated that and while it couldn’t do enough for the film to beat out its own issues, this still made for a pretty memorable experience. If you really like Bond films then I would recommend checking this one out.

Overall 4/10

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for another Mad Max film which is naturally not going to go over very well. The franchise has never really managed to make a solid product and this one doesn’t do any better. It jumps straight to pure edge and grim-dark content right from the jump and never really gets any better. The plot itself is fairly thin with the film just being a bunch of padding on top of it. It’ll feel like a 4 hour movie by the time you’re done with it.

The film starts with Dementus’ gang invading Furiosa’s home and they manage to kidnap her and murder her mother. Furiosa is now forced to work for his gang for many years while trying to plot her revenge. Unfortunately, it won’t be easy because he just has so many different henchmen working for him. It’s like going up against an entire army. Dementus is the leader of his gang but even he has to answer to a larger force. This may be where Furiosa can have some hope to turn things around but it won’t be easy. Will she be able to mount a comeback or is all hope already lost?

This is a prequel so you know Furiosa will survive this but it’s more about the journey. How much will she lose before she is finally able to claim victory here? Well, unfortunately the film decides to have her lose quite a lot in the process and so we see just how messed up her life was in the apocalyptic world. Just about every character has been messed up in this timeline though as we’ve seen throughout the movies. There just isn’t any hope left.

The last semblances of authority were wiped out long ago. All that remains are an endless amount of gangs who rule through violence and terror. Forget about human dignity or anything like that. This is all about maximum suffering to everyone and it’s just villain against villain. As Dementus fights with the other group, you don’t have anyone to root for because both groups are equally pure evil. There will be no rest or recovery for either side no matter what happens. It’s true when they say there are no heroes in this film.

Furiosa is naturally a lot more sympathetic than the others running around but even she had to play the game for years. She had to fight under the villains’ banner and murders a whole lot of characters throughout. It would have been nice to have let her just be a full on hero even if it meant breaking the tone that the film was going for. Have her be some sort of super hero who goes around murdering the villains one by one. She could use a lot of run and gun tactics to whittle them down.

That would make for an infinitely more interesting film right away. It would be easy to root for her after all and it would mean less screen time for the villains. The film is incredibly violent so you can expect to be grimacing at every other scene. The whole society within this world is as grim as possible with slaves everywhere and every crime you can think of. The film absolutely succeeds at showing an evil society but never gives you any good reason to be watching the film. It’s like getting a peek into true evil without any large scale destruction at the end to help you feel at least a little satisfaction.

A scene at the end where the world gets destroyed or something like that would have been good. It’s certainly evident that the people who died during the great disaster were the lucky ones since they didn’t have to live through this new situation. Perhaps the films could one day have a twist where a human city does survive somewhere and they have kept law and order but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Aside from the film just being tragic to sit through, it’s also incredibly long. The film just keeps on going on and on. It’ over 2 hours and the film absolutely feels that long with every scene taking forever. This is one of those films where I really can’t point to a single positive and so it’s one of the first 0s in quite a while. There are just no redeeming values within the title.

The whole film takes place in the dessert so there aren’t any real good visuals to be had here either. Everything is rundown and the characters are all dirty from getting hit with the elements all the time. A lot of characters tend to have big scars or other injuries to help reflect the ugliness of the world which doesn’t exactly earn it any points either. I can admit that this may be a realistic look at how things could be if humanity ever hits rock bottom. You like to hope that there would be some semblance of order left but there are absolutely areas around the world where this happens. So I can’t say that it’s impossible.

It just doesn’t make for a good film. At the end of the day the film is about Furiosa getting her revenge but it takes an extremely long time to even get up to that point. It would have been much more satisfying if the whole film was about her picking off all the villains until she got to the leader, rather than being forced to work for different villains throughout. Let Furiosa get more scenes where she has the advantage rather than trying to claim it after being the underdog the whole time.

Overall, I would definitely recommend skipping this film. At the end of the day it’s about a bunch of villains hurting everybody and the cycle of violence will perpetuate forever. The movie definitely tries to show you as much suffering as possible here so even by the time a villain is defeated, it all rings rather hollow. The other villains will continue destroying whatever and whoever they want. There are no heroes to stop them, nor will any ever show up based on what we’ve seen in the other titles. The whole Mad Max series would need a hard reboot to have any hope and even then I would not like its odds.

Overall 0/10