Category Archives: 3 Star Movies

The Great Outdoors Review

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It’s time for a retro comedy adventure. Sometimes it can be fun to check out a comedy title that doesn’t really any hook going for it. This one’s just about the characters hanging out and the plot is fairly barebones so that way the film can go in any direction. Unfortunately it’s just not as funny as the film would have needed to be for this to have been a successful approach. Ultimately you’ll just be shaking your head here.

The movie starts with Chet and his family arriving at their log cabin. They are ready to have a peaceful vacation here and Chet aims to connect more with his older son. They haven’t had a lot of bonding time lately but his plans go awry when is brother in law Roman shows up with his family. Roman was explicitly not invited but he’s never one to let that stop him. He spends all of his time making fun of Chet and showing off how much more money his family has. Can Chet still have a good time or are his chances cooked?

Well this is a comedy so the film wouldn’t work if Chet had any backbone but it would have been nice if he told Roman off a lot sooner. It takes him the entire movie to finally be able to confront Roman about this and even then he is quick to fall for the next traps. Chet’s just not very smart and on the whole his family is far too passive. His wife knew that giving any money at the end was going to be a problem but didn’t speak up either. In a situation like this you need the whole family to stick together and take a stand. When that doesn’t happen then they’re all just going to be ending up miserable.

Chet’s the main character of the film and gets the most focus as he is constantly put on the spot by the other characters. Things just never seem to work out for him and he constantly gets embarrassed. I didn’t blame him for wanting to leave early on because it defeats the purpose of a vacation when you’re not having fun. He had also been hoping to bond with his son and that wasn’t going very well because his son was busy on a romance subplot.

That romance plot doesn’t go very well either because it’s just way too rushed. He basically ends up liking a girl who has had a ton of boyfriends before and they never worked out. She even brings up the fact that he’ll be gone in a few days anyway but he’s still determined to have some fun. Despite that….he ends up not arriving to their date in time while watching his father win a big eating contest. Somehow she still forgives him for that which also makes no sense. So this is a romance plot that gets a massive thumbs down all the way.

Meanwhile Roman could have made for a decent antagonist but he ends up feeling more whiny than anything. When he’s not taking shots at Chet, he’s usually complaining about the lodge and everything around it. He’s used to bigger adventures and his wife makes sure to rub this in as well. Chet’s wife sometimes counters with her own sarcastic remarks but tends to do them under her breath and so they don’t land with the same kind of power that they should.

They also have two daughters which the film uses as a running gag to show how scary they are. I didn’t think that was a particularly effective gag but like I said, the film just isn’t that funny. At one point the characters are all panicking because a bat entered the house. You figure that they will just need to capture the bat and release it outside but instead they all completely panic and end up murdering it. That was just a very odd way to end that gag because you’re expecting a much happier ending. They also end up shooting the bear that shows up. These moments feel more sad than funny because you’re rooting for the animals to win. There’s even a subplot with Racoons as they terrorize the heroes but it doesn’t really go anywhere and just feels like wasted potential.

This is one of those films where it is just easy to jump on every point and really nag it to death. There are a lot of things that you can overlook when a film is super funny because then the character flaws are written into the jokes. Since this film isn’t so funny, you end up really focusing on the characters and they just get worse and worse. Roman’s debut appearance is filming Chet and his wife trying to have an intimate moment and refusing to stop recording once they notice him. Like that’s just a really rough start.

In theory the main plot here is about connecting with the son and yet that doesn’t get almost any attention. So in the end their bonding feels really rushed because all it takes is for Chet to talk about a story from his past. It’s not as meaningful as it could have been. It’s great that they are closer now but it feels like the whole plot didn’t really need to exist. A stronger climax to the film could have also helped but by having Chet fall for the trap, it was just a bad look.

Overall, This is one of those films that I would call relatively harmless. It’s not like it’s very violent or had a lot of language in it. There’s nothing that would really make me tell someone to avoid the film. That said, there are also no real good reasons to watch the movie. As a comedy your top priority is to be funny and this film is just not up to that challenge. Furthermore, there are plenty of alternative options when it comes to comedy titles. There should be more of a hook to really draw you in. I wouldn’t mind staying in a log cabin but it’s not like it really appeals to me. This film certainly wouldn’t sway me on that and I’d sooner just stay at home.

Overall 3/10

Can’t Buy Me Love Review

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Can’t Buy Me Love is one of those romance films where you’re waiting for some kind of twist ending to save it. For example maybe something that prevents the main duo from getting together and the film decides to be a bit subversive about it all. Unfortunately that didn’t happen and this ends up being one of those films that will just have you shaking your head the whole time. There isn’t much to salvage about this one.

The film starts by introducing us to Ronald who is your typical nerd character. He’s extremely introverted and has not been able to get popular at school. He secretly wants to be like the cool guys and go to all the parties/get a girlfriend. One day he sees that his next door neighbor Cindy is in a jam because she ruined her mother’s expensive dress. It will cost $1,000 to buy a new one which is a lot of money for that time period. Ronald offers to buy it for her on the condition that she pretends to be his girlfriend for a month. Cindy is under duress right now because she’s really worried about what her mother will say, so she reluctantly agrees. This will now be the toughest month of her life.

So right away there are a bunch of problems with this premise. Yeah I get how you can get a lot of comedic situations out of this. It’s a classic type of plot that has been done many times before but this situation was not a good move. The fact that Cindy was super pressured into doing this was crazy. It’s much better done in a film like Summer Wars where one character said yes to be nice and there was no blackmail happening.

Now it does set Ronald up as an antagonist right away. He’s willing to go quite far in order to move ahead and the film will even surprise you with how degenerate the guy is. Ronald is the kind of guy who lets the power get to his head immediately. The movie also shows how he doesn’t even see Cindy as real girlfriend material because when she starts to fall for him, he doesn’t even acknowledge it. Yeah maybe he’s a bit oblivious but pair that with all of the future scenes and it makes sense.

He just wants to live a life without morals where he can have relations with whoever he wants. This is not true boyfriend material in the slightest. Ronald also betrays his friends. Not even in a subtle way like eating at a different table, but completely ignoring them, messing up his best friend’s house, etc. The betrayal is quite extreme and then he gets with quite a number of girls before the film’s over. Ronald just goes all the way in each instance and doesn’t know how to have any restraint. The ability to do anything doesn’t mean that you suddenly go and take advantage of every opportunity.

If anything the new status just exposed his true personality. So this guy was a real bad apple for sure and the ending is not deserved. He should have just been totally isolated as a repercussion for what he did. That would have evened out pretty well if you ask me.

Then you have Cindy who isn’t exactly the best character either. I do want to confirm straightaway that she is many times better than Ronald though. Cindy has a lot of status within the school as the top cheerleader and never let it go to her head. She’s just a bit spoiled like when she took her mom’s dress when she was explicitly told not to do that. So Cindy really set herself up for a lot of trouble here. There’s no reason why she should have agreed to Ronald’s demands though because she actually has a long distance boyfriend.

Now that boyfriend doesn’t seem like a great guy but you still can’t be pretending to cheat on him in front of the whole school. That’s a quick way to destroy the reputation of all parties involved. Additionally she is just way too forgiving. This is partially because of how the film had to end out but it was a real shame to see her just absorb all the abuse Ronald threw her way. He did not hold back at all in trying to make her look bad and was quick to cut her down.

He’s the kind of guy who will take anything you share in confidence and blow it up in your face. So if you have any self respect then you’re not even going to be friends with someone after that. Definitely one of the worst romances I’ve seen in a while. This also takes away from the comedic potential of the film. Officially this is meant to be part comedy and you can see all of the jokes that are slipped in but it tends to be a little too mean spirited to actually have fun with.

It’s almost spiteful with how it all plays out. This is like a power fantasy for an introverted person but written from someone who thinks that popularity is inherently bad. Ronald also comes across as being whiny here because it’s not like he was completely alone. He had quite a few friends and they would even play games together at night. They were real friends and then he had a good reputation in the neighborhood like how Cindy’s mom thought he was a responsible young man. He traded that all in and I’d say that speaks volumes about him.

There’s so much more you could say about the romance in general but you get the idea. For a romance to work you need both characters to be solid but as the title went on everyone just looked bad. The worst part is that Cindy made a good faith effort from the start with helping Ronald learn how to dress for success. Then she came up with a good cover story and everything but Ronald was quick to just take everything too far. I suppose he didn’t have great family influences. His parents let his younger brother constantly bully him but of course that whole subplot was also embarrassing for the main character. Surely he can handle some banter with a little kid right?

Overall, This is not a film that I would recommend. It gets way too dramatic and mean spirited the whole time. Definitely a film that will not go down as one of the better ones and I can see why it has been forgotten to time. The film needed major work in order to even be decent. You definitely have to start by fixing the general premise of the film so it starts off a bit lighter and then you shouldn’t make Ronald a total jerk. There are so many ways to make the film fun and you can keep him oblivious without making him a total antagonist. Then you can actually focus more on the comedy. Like there was one funny joke where Ronald’s friends try to enter the party but immediately sit back down when they’re called out. Of course it was hard to be sympathetic to them either since they were girl crazy as well. That’s got to be one of the worst stereotypes. They should be focused on games or something. If they really want to get out there, then they should be going to the gym or something. I gotta just try and focus on the comedy….

Overall 3/10

My Dinner with Andre Review

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It’s time for a very dialogue heavy film. Just about the whole movie is about a single conversation so it doesn’t really get much more dialogue heavy than that right? Well it’s a pretty interesting concept but you really need the conversation to play out more like a debate in order to be interesting. Sure, there are plenty of podcasts where the hosts agree and it’s still interesting but then the topic needs to be on point. A debate is the easiest way to go about things and unfortunately the film completely fumbled the premise.

The movie starts off with Wally heading over to the restaurant where he will be meeting with Andre. The two of them used to be close friends but drifted apart over time to the point where Wally is really not looking forward to this dinner. His fears appear to be founded as the two characters are not on the same page. Although Andre clearly seems to think that they are closer than they actually are. Andre talks about his adventures in travelling across the world and how bleak the future is. Wally doesn’t agree with some of these thoughts but how can he gets his views across? Wally isn’t the most outgoing sort of guy after all.

I think Wally’s timidity is the biggest problem here. In a good back and forth you need to have two characters who are really ready to duke it out. It doesn’t have to mean that there is any bad blood here, you just have to have some passion behind your ideas. That’s how it goes on just about any debate on First Take or if you watch any of the Youtube debaters. Most of them tend to get rather toxic but then off camera they are all hanging out.

I would have had this film be a really fiery debate between the two of them, only to have them shake hands and walk home after that. Show that they can separate the debate from their friendship. Instead Wally basically gets obliterated for the entire 2 hours. Towards the end he finally starts trying to counter Andre but gets way too nervous and is shut down in each of his attempts. This was a one sided massacre from Andre’s side and the guy really didn’t hold back.

The debate is mainly about fulfillment in life and what it takes to have a happy one. Andre for example has lived his life in an adventurous way. He travels across the planet and has had all kinds of crazy experiences. Whether you believe him or not if up to you but it has shaped his views on humanity. Nearly dying helped him see how people have just stopped trying. They don’t have drive anymore and just flow through life without a purpose. He thinks that people need to live in some level of discomfort in order to stay creative and keep on going. If they don’t then they will inevitably grow to be very weak and will not have any future hopes and dreams.

Wally leads a rather mundane life with his 9-5 and has been struggling to get a break lately. Yet, he does think there is some satisfaction to be had in this kind of life. He tries to say that maybe visiting the local drug store is the same as going to Mount Everest and while the guy is grasping at straws, I was glad to see him giving some good ideas. Unfortunately he just never ends up being all that convincing. Perhaps because in a way Wally seems to be trying to convince himself of this at the same time while Andre clearly has a whole lot of conviction in his own beliefs. It’s always going to be hard to challenge someone when you aren’t exactly sure of what you are debating.

The worst part is that I technically agree with Wally’s ideals more than Andre’s. You should be able to enjoy the modern conveniences of life and it definitely doesn’t take away from you. Andre seems to think that you have to closely inspect every part of your life each day in order to make sure that you’re still happy when that’s really going overboard. This just hurts Wally even more though because it feels like he is losing a debate when he has the winning position.

It’s like when I watch a debate where the flat earther is destroying the round earth debater. Obviously the world is round so that means the second guy has the massive advantage so to lose that debate anyway is crazy. I saw another debate recently with a big conspiracy theorist fighting someone took the mainstream perspective on what happened with the Charlie Kirk assassination and the conspiracy theorist actually won. I always feel like you lose extra points when you are defeated in a debate where you have a massive advantage right from the start.

Now a one sided beatdown can be a lot of fun but you still need there to be some resistance. So Wally is the biggest reason as to why the film wasn’t very good. Additionally I would also say that the topic just wasn’t that interesting. An existential debate like this can still be decent under the right circumstances but it ended up being more boring than anything. I was really expecting a lot more out of this one. I suppose it does show how creating a film around a long conversation like this can be harder than expected though.

At least the venue was a fancy restaurant so I get to dunk on those again. My theory that “the cheaper a food item is, the better it will taste” continues to bear fruit. Now there are going to be limits to this but this restaurant for example probably had absolutely crazy prices and the portions were small. The soup looked as clear as possible without any real flavors. Yeah that’s always going to be a big problem when you think about it. I did think that the waiters made for decent supporting characters as they got more and more annoyed with how long the two characters were taking to leave the venue.

Overall, This is the kind of film that is being very straightforward with its premise. The film is about a long conversation between a guy who lives an adventurous life and one who has settled down to lead a more ordinary one. They get to talk about their perspectives and the current state of humanity. If the conversation sounds interesting and you don’t mind one guy getting 90% of the dialogue, then it could be a winner for you. If that isn’t your cup of tea or you were hoping for something more contentious then you should skip this one. At the end of the day the biggest limitation here is that the film can just be rather boring for most of the run.

Overall 3/10

After Earth Review

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It’s time for a sci-fi film that has aliens and everything. In theory you’d think that would be a winning formula but this film does not capitalize on that at all. Will Smith is also written out for most of the adventure which was not a good idea. No matter how you slice it, this was not the way to go about things. It ended up lower than my expectations in the end.

The movie takes place in the future where humanity was chased off of their home world. Cypher is known as humanity’s greatest fighter because he has eliminated his emotion of fear. This allows him to slay the powerful human hunting beasts. These beasts cannot use their eyes to see and so humans become completely invisible to them except for when they have fear in their hearts. His son Kitai wants to be a powerful warrior as well some day but doesn’t end up doing so well in the exams. He ends up missing the mark to become a full fledged ranger once again.

Cypher’s wife asks him to take Kitai on an adventure anyway. Cypher agrees and hopes that perhaps the two of them can get closer but an accident occurs which destroys the whole crew. Cypher is gravely injured and cannot move so Kitai will have to get a distress signal. It is 100KM away and this is dangerous territory. Of all the planets they could have landed on, it happened to be Earth which is still overrun by those terrible beasts. A single misstep could prove to be fatal here. Unfortunately Kitai is really not ready for this either so it is going to be a difficult journey.

Right off the gate I feel like the movie made a mistake with how Kitai is portrayed. You’re supposed to feel bad for the guy since he has great stats in the training simulation but always freezes up during the field tests. It’s why he was rejected from promotion again when the film starts. You figure that this is the perfect kind of situation to get over his fears and yet right away he starts to panic.

I understand a little panic when things get crazy but when the ship is hit, Kitai starts panicking. An animal shows up on Earth? Kitai panics again. He just panics way too quickly and the worst part is that Cypher is able to talk to him through the headset. So Cypher tells him what to do and what not to do but Kitai just doesn’t listen to him. That has to be the worst part here because if Kitai was completely isolated then that would make more sense. For example Cypher tells him not to throw a rock at the money creature. Kitai throws one anyway and yells out to leave him alone but that makes no real sense.

You could make a stronger argument for it if Kitai was some random kid but he’s been training for years to be a Ranger. He should be able to handle this much. The panicking just never stops and even near the end he is still yelling at Cypher and not realizing what kind of situation he is in. It’s not a good look for him at all and so the character was not particularly likable. I really wish we had Cypher be the main character instead.

Cypher looks good for the most part. He is really harsh towards Kitai for an event that happened when he was even younger but is otherwise the voice of reason here. He has been at this for a long time and is ready to adapt to any situation. Since Cypher has conquered fear, he is also able to handle these unforeseen situations better than most others could. Being stuck in this chair is probably super frustrating for that reason since he knows that this situation could be handled a lot smoother.

I also have to say that 100KM doesn’t sound all that crazy. I understand that the terrain is a lot rougher but I don’t see why it would be such a big journey. Part of the tension here is that the atmosphere is not breathable by humans. So Kitai has to bring these oxygen discs with him and each one lets you breath for 24 hours. He has around 10 discs at first but after an accident he goes down to 4. After a while we see that it won’t be enough and he will be stuck, but why? For reference I have walked 40KM in a single day and that wasn’t even anywhere close to a 24 hour period.

It was around 11-12 hours max. So you have to do double that and you’ve got days to spare. It just felt like the math wasn’t adding up and they should have said it was 300KM or something like that. It’s a bit of a nitpick though so that’s not something I would blame the film big time on. The film’s biggest mistake is adding in a bunch of animal violence. It’s been a little while since I’ve seen it be this blatant. You have baby birds being murdered and then a bunch of monkeys are slaughtered as well.

It’s all to try and hype the beast up as being a huge threat but it definitely as needless as it gets. The various humans being hung up on trees was already enough for all of that. It’s always going to be the risk/downside of having a film take place in the jungle or uninhabited areas like this. Films just can’t resist the urge to throw in a bunch of dead animals which is absolutely crazy.

The monster has a pretty decent design, albeit a bit generic. It would be nice if the creature was a bit smarter though. Surely it can at least keep on throwing blows when a human just vanishes due to there being no fear. I guess these things can’t smell either since it seems like they are completely at a loss by this point. All in all, not the most intimidating monster out there by a longshot.

What the film was also lacking was more interactions. This was a big problem with keeping Kitai by himself the whole time. That just doesn’t make for a very interesting premise. You need some other characters to be around at least for banter. There’s not a whole lot going on here. I would say to the film’s credit, it doesn’t drag on a ton or anything like that. The pacing is reasonable, Kitai just isn’t a likable main character so he doesn’t really amp up his scenes.

Overall, The most justified character in the film was definitely the instructor. He was absolutely right that Kitai was not ready to be a ranger. The guy panicked constantly throughout the film at every little thing. You are definitely going to be a lot more interested in the lore around the world involving the aliens rather than on this survival story though. It is certainly not bad by any means but it is far from being really engaging. I would recommend skipping this one and checking out a different sci-fi film. Stranding someone on a planet with no access to energy guns and other high tech goodies sorta takes the fun out of the genre.

Overall 3/10

Heat Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

There’s an old saying that a good movie will become a great movie with enough length but a bad movie will become a terrible one if you extend it. I tend to agree with that in theory and this film’s a pretty good example. It has a nice set up but coms with several problems and those problems just start to get worse and worse as the film goes on. It really needed a checks and balance system in order to prevent things from getting out of control like this. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen and so this one really sabotages itself. There’s a good film somewhere in here but it is buried deep.

The movie focuses on a master cop and an ultimate thief. Both of them have really put everything into the job to the point where their lives away from the job have really become a mess. It is the lot they have chosen in life though and neither one has any regrets. They will have to face each other though as only one of them will be able to walk away from this in one piece. Will the victor be the cop or the crook? You’ll find out by the end of the film.

Right away the biggest hurdle for the film is just how unlikable the characters are. For the main two the film is trying to show us how they are just trying their best but can’t find a happy middle between the job and their lives. The problem is that it sure doesn’t look that way from the outside. They’re just jerks who make each situation worse so I’m not seeing any great effort there.

Lets take the main character Vincent. This guy is already on his third wife and things are not going well because he refuses to tell her about his work at all. So he goes out there for incredibly long hours and when he gets home then he doesn’t want to talk. In fact he goes out of his way to push her out because that’s just the way that he likes things. When she calls him out on it, he has no real good response to this. She decides to end up cheating which is obviously a terrible thing to do and then Vincent keeps on going with his routine.

It’s a toxic relationship all the way around with both parties looking super bad. I just don’t get why he was completely unwilling to compromise and talk to her before that point. I understand really enjoying your job but there’s no reason to be like that socially. Being with him just seems like it would be an incredibly hollow experience. Vincent is at least good at his job so I’ll give him that but that’s about all that I can give him.

As the film goes on he gets to interact with Neil who is the big gangster on the other side. The conversation is decently interesting but I don’t really get why they would even slightly respect each other. The hero/villain dynamic can work with respect but you usually still have to earn it in some way. I didn’t think that Neil did anything to earn that respect here. From Vincent’s point of view he should just be another villain to overcome. He wasn’t super impressive. Vincent’s group had him dead to rights early on if one officer hadn’t dropped his water bottle.

As for Neil, well he’s worse than Vincent. The big problem with Neil is that he makes a whole lot of mistakes throughout the film. The whole thing wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t lose track of the mass murderer outside the deli. I don’t know how that guy escaped in the first place, clearly Neil has no peripheral vision. At least he was ready to get revenge for the rest of the movie but I would have written it a bit differently so the escape wasn’t completely Neil’s fault like this.

Additionally Neil is always willing to compromise and is a villain through and through. You could have had a villain with a really strict honor code which explains why Vincent doesn’t mind him but that’s not the case here. Neil’s too busy covering up for his allies who are just not good people. At one point he threatens the cheating wife of one of his subordinates about how she needs to stay with the toxic guy for a while longer. Neil just wants to complete his mission and he can’t even stick to his own internal rules in the end.

So yeah he’s just another random villain. At least that’s how it should seem to Vincent. As per usual the romance throughout the film is more on the weaker side. This one is really going by the classic rules of how someone is eventually going to cheat out of loneliness or boredom which always means that you picked the wrong person. The film also has a mass murderer named Waingro running around. I thought he was rather unnecessary to the film but is mainly here so Neil isn’t as bad in comparison.

That part is true as this guy is obviously the most evil character. We see him murder quite a few people and he basically has no reason to do this. He just enjoys the violence and that’s really all that you need to know about the guy. That’s why any victory by the end is going to be rather hollow because of the body count. The climax is nice and action packed but it does feel like the villains have a lot of plot armor. They are outnumbered at least 20 to 2 and are mostly taking all of the heroes down. I don’t get how you can miss so many shots in close quarters like that.

What I can give this film as a positive is that the writing is generally solid. The plot is engaging and you are interested in seeing how things will wrap up. There are a lot of traps and counter traps going on. Each side is really able to fight well and even if the supporting characters don’t have huge roles there, they get enough scenes to be more than nobodies. I would have just used some of the film’s exceptionally long screentime to give them some more memorable scenes and fights.

Overall, Heat is one of those films that is very ambitious but messes up on the fundamentals. In theory it’s interesting to have two main characters who are set up to eventually have to fight each other. That’s always going to be a fun idea but you need to actually have both characters be likable first. Until you actually do that then the film is really going to be doomed. It’s also a little too drawn out. Perhaps if this was more of an ensemble cast with 4 factions then it could work but the film is very clearly centered around the main two. I’d recommend checking out a different title instead for your dose of action.

Overall 3/10

Manhattan Murder Mystery Review

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It’s time for an old fashioned murder mystery. The film is a comedy first and foremost but does still manage to have a body count here. The writing could use a lot of work though and the film suffers from all the usual issues of a Woody Allen film. Namely that the dialogue is laughable at best and the characters are quite weak but at least the case itself is pretty interesting.

The film starts off with Larry and Carol returning home and chatting with their neighbors. Larry finds the whole experience to be painful but Carol doesn’t want to be rude. It turns out that would be the last time they see one neighbor as she died of a heart attack. The husband is taking this as well as can be expected…perhaps too well. Carol believes that he murdered his wife and now she wants to investigate the whole thing. Larry doesn’t really want to entertain this but has no way of stopping Carol. Meanwhile both of them are being pursued by would be suitors who don’t care about their married status. Can Larry and Carol stay strong here?

So right away the film does lose out on the technical elements. The writing only succeeds in making the characters as annoying as possible. The general plot about the murder mystery is solid enough but technically tends to be more of a backdrop. I do appreciate that it gives the film more of a plot in general though as a lot of the other Allen films just tend to be rather aimless. This one also does deliver with a pretty solid climax.

The strongest part of the film is the climax which homages the James Bond film with the Golden Gun. The shootout is solid and definitely more action packed than you may have expected. There is also no real cop out at the end so it’s not like the adventure was a bad dream or anything like that. I was half expecting the film to have some crazy explanation to distance itself from the story. Not a dream but something along those lines that would have resulted in a ton of misunderstandings. After all the film is always trying to go for a certain kind of realism that I ironically think makes it end up being less realistic because most people don’t act like these characters.

As for the characters, well lets start with the most desperate ones first. Marcia and Ted. So Marcia basically just wants some action so she tries to seduce Larry but is never able to get tough to him and settles for making Carol jealous by helping out with the murder mystery. While Larry never really faltered, I do think he needed to put more space between them. Keeping yourself in a tricky situation is always a recipe for disaster.

Then we have Ted who is far worse than Marcia with how direct he is. He basically confesses to Carol in the film aside from all the obvious hintings. This guy just has no class and honestly she needed to remove him as a friend. It’s one thing to have a friend who may like you deep down but one who is this upfront about it? That’s trouble and for that reason all of the scenes make Carol look extra bad as well.

Carol even goes as far as to try and make Larry jealous about this with how she keeps comparing his lack of enthusiasm in the mystery to how Ted is jumping at every opportunity. That basically forces Larry to have to get more involved when he knows that this is a bad idea. Also since the lady is dead, the situation is different than if they thought he had kidnapped someone. In that case then you have to act even without evidence.

Larry does still tend to get the funniest scenes of the film but his jokes still miss more than they land. I just enjoy the nervous, fast talking kind of humor that he has. With good writing then the film would probably be in a pretty good spot. Larry’s take on the situation is certainly more rational than the others. He has a point that heart attacks can happen for any number of reasons and jumping to murder feels a bit drastic. Even the lying could easily be explained by the neighbor just not being comfortable enough around the main characters to spill his beans.

Now granted, everyone seems to love giving way too much information to each other in these films but this could have been an exception. A neighbor is far from being a friend or a member of the family after all. Perhaps I’m just being anti social here but I wouldn’t want my neighbors barging in with snacks and drinks to randomly start talking. Especially in the evening I’d be relaxing and playing video games by that point.

It sort of goes without saying that all of the “romance” in the film is pretty weak. I’m not even sure if you could call any of it romance. The main leads are married here even if they seem to just love taking pot shots at each other the whole time. The side characters seem to just want to claim victory but I couldn’t detect any true passion there at all. Finally with the neighbors things obviously didn’t turn out well by the end and there was some extra drama after a twist or two.

The characters end up being too easy and just try to enjoy the moment without thinking of the ramifications. These are characters who might be fun to hang out with in a very limited time frame but you could not trust them as friends at all. They will always be putting themselves into dicey situations that are absolutely going to lead to dangerous habits and tempting arenas for cheating. If you were to stick with them then you’d be doomed. In some ways I could see these films being interesting watches for people who are stuck in areas outside of civilization like posts in the Arctic. It would give you a really interesting view of society if you didn’t live in it.

Overall, This is definitely not going to be a winning film. Even though it has a bit more of a plot going on than some of the other Allen films it still ends up being more noise than anything else. The kind of film that you might have on in the background while you’re doing chores or something. The film still needs more of a central focus for me to ever even begin to start calling it a solid title. Throw in some good writing as well and then we have a chance. If you really love the Woody Allen films then this one is worth watching. At the very least it does try to have a serious climax and to the film’s credit it really does play this straight. That’s the only real piece of credit I can give to the movie though because otherwise there’s just a lot of nothing going around. You are really better off with many other slice of life type titles.

Overall 3/10

Godsend Review

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This is one of those films where the characters are constantly making a bunch of mistakes. You are going to need to suspend a good amount of disbelief in this adventure because otherwise you’ll be questioning everything. Unfortunately this movie doesn’t really succeed at any of the genres it is trying to hit. It’s not super suspenseful as a thriller and it’s definitely not very scary. I guess you can’t win them all.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Paul and Jessie who are happily married and raising their kid Adam. Adam is your average boy who likes sports and games. Unfortunately he gets hit by a car one day and dies. This causes Jessie’s old professor Richard to show up. The guy explains that he can clone Adam so in a way they will have their kid back. They will have to leave town and get new identities though. None of their relatives or old friends can know about this. Paul thinks this is a dumb idea but Jessie is desperate to have a version of Adam back. Paul relents and so they do the cloning. 8 years later, the clone is now as old as Adam was but he begins to act very oddly. Have the main characters made an oopsie here?

There are so many reasons why agreeing to clone your dead kid is a bad idea but of course we wouldn’t have a movie if they had just said no. So for the most part I’m just going to go ahead and skip all of my reservations about that. This is still a bad idea aside from that though. Why would you actually break off contact with all of your friends and family? I understand why you would tell Richard that so that he can give you the clone but you could absolutely reach out to them afterwards. There wouldn’t be much that Richard could do at that point.

Also the instant Adam started acting weird, Paul needed to do something. Unfortunately Jessie was already under Richard’s sway early on so she wasn’t going to do anything but Paul should have gotten the second opinion sooner. It’s not like Adam was subtle either. One of his first scenes is telling Paul that he doesn’t like him anymore. Weird thing to say to your father right? Then he starts zoning out more, having strange visions, etc. You can’t just listen to Richard when he says that everything will be okay.

Odds are that the other doctors couldn’t have done anything but that’s more of a hindsight argument. You should still do something. Unfortunately this is part of why none of the characters are likable here. Jessie is annoying from the start with how easily Richard is able to manipulate her. She just puts up no resistance and also seems to have no survival skills. At one point during what is supposed to be a horror scene, she follows Adam into the camera room. It’s naturally very dark since the light would ruin the photos.

So then Adam vanishes into the darkness and….Jessie follows him instead of just opening the door. That would have been the easiest solution and there is no reason to worry about a few photos at that point. Instead she fumbles around in the darkness so we can get some more jump scares. It just didn’t really make sense. If Jessie had at least turned against Richard early on that would have helped but instead she chooses him every time.

As for Paul, he is better but still looks bad throughout. He knew that cloning was a bad idea but still allowed himself to be convinced otherwise. Then when it comes to Richard, Paul lets his guard down and is easily defeated. It’s a rather humiliating scene for him because that should have never happened. You shouldn’t be turning your back to a dangerous threat like that. So he was really lacking in survival skills as well.

Finally for Richard, his end goal didn’t really make sense. For how long was he going to just try and stall the characters by saying that things would work out? It felt like he had absolutely no plan. I also think his whole cloning project relied on some pretty huge assumptions like the clone looking like the original no matter what DNA was used. That part seems really odd, especially with the spirit realm bodies fighting it out. The film couldn’t really decide if it was leaning more on supernatural or science based. I’d argue that this doesn’t make total sense in either case. The clone should have looked a bit different in retrospect after one of the twists.

As for Adam, well the first kid seemed okay. Then the clone seems to mainly be evil for its own sake. There’s just not a whole lot to him as a villain and so he will not be keeping your interest at any point. Far from it, you’ll prefer the passive aggressive meetings of Richard and Paul since those are a lot more interesting. There isn’t much that Adam can actually do in a fight unless the victim turns around and becomes hard of hearing. That does happen but it’s still unrealistic.

In the meanwhile Adam does murder another kid which was a shame. You were definitely hoping that someone could have intervened in time. Yes the kid was a bully but the bullying was not all that drastic and either way should not be a death sentence. We see enough of the villain’s origin story to see the casualties there as well and even then it doesn’t feel like Adam should have lasted as long as he did. There was a lot of plot armor behind every strike. The film isn’t exactly dreary but it’s also not trying to be a lot of fun. It’s very dramatic and emotional the whole time. Without really strong characters to counteract that, the movie can feel like a bit of a slog at times.

You’re not as interested in ignoring the jarring questions of how nobody realized where the family went to track them down. They wouldn’t need to explain the kid looking similar part because that absolutely could happen. The family running off and trying to start new lives is what would be more suspicious. Did they really get new social security numbers and IDs? I know Richard is great with science but I don’t see how that translates into this CIA type of access.

Overall, This is just not a very good film. It takes a while for the plot to really start as we get a whole lot of build up. Once the story does start in earnest, Adam just isn’t able to hold his own as the film’s main antagonist. Throughout the adventure you can’t help but feel like the movie should have a lot more meat to it. Either go full on supernatural and explore the interesting idea of souls running around waiting for clone bodies to be born or go full on science with the souls residing inside of the DNA. This one tries to do a lot and ends up not being able to accomplish much of anything. Even the twist ending feels more obligatory than interesting. There just isn’t much you can do with the evil kid genre. As it stands, this film is fairly low and still beats its average competitor.

Overall 3/10

Will Penny Review

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It’s time for a wild west film and you know how those can always be very hit or miss. Unfortunately this is one of the misses. It doesn’t really hit on any of the strong notes that you need to reach to surpass the genre. The characters tend to make some bad decisions and while it’s hard to play a perfect round back in the wild west where there was no law and order, it did feel like some of these issues were very avoidable.

The movie starts by introducing us to Will who is a classic work hand. He goes from job to job and is good at what he does but there is a lot of competition and not a lot of jobs left. He had a chance to go on a trip with the crew but selflessly gives up his spot to another guy who wanted to visit his father. Will travels with Blue and Dutchy and they end up in a firefight with another group over an animal. Will’s team shoots down one of the attackers but the rest swear revenge. On Will’s side, one of his teammates is injured so he looks for help. In the meantime he also gets a job to protect a part of someone’s large territory but now a lady named Catherine and her son Horace are living there. Will feels bad about throwing them out but eventually the guy who owns this property is going to find out and then things will go very badly. How can Will get out of this situation.

First off, I have to say that Catherine doesn’t play this situation very smart at all. She is exceptionally lucky that Will is such a nice guy because many others would have just shot her on sight at minimum. The penalty for letting a stranger live on these premises could easily be death and people aren’t generally going to take that chance. Will even tries to give her a few days to leave but Catherine is insistent on not going anywhere. It just seems like a terrible strategy to go with when you’re not a fighter and there is no man on the premises.

Catherine’s first instinct is even to say that she’s all alone. Why would you give out that kind of information? Her son Horace means well too but he’s just a young kid and is not going to be doing much here. Catherine was ultimately ditched by her tour guide and her husband seems to have no intention of returning so just surviving will be difficult. It’s the wild west so even going into town isn’t a great option but you feel like she needs to do something and get away from the area. Taking your chances in town may be for the best.

Meanwhile Will does his best with looking after her but he is breaking all of the rules of a job that he just got. His sympathy may be a little too high here. It was also annoying to see him getting jumped so quickly. When you’re outnumbered, you need to fire as soon as possible. He gets a few of the villains at gunpoint but then hesitates and gets knocked out. There is no room for compassion here. It may be a hard thing to hear but, in a life or death situation it is you against the other guy. Whoever hesitates is absolutely not going to survive.

Will’s character is portrayed to be a really nice one throughout but this is the double edged blade of it. As for the romance in the film, he knows that Catherine is a married woman from the start so he is very wary about getting involved. That’s the right attitude. Her husband may not appear to be a good guy but until that is officially dissolved then there is nothing you can do. He can be a good friend to her but if she is trying to start a romance then he has to get out of there. Nothing good comes from living next to temptation.

It takes him a long while to get his mind wrapped around that but ultimately, he does and that helps the ending even if it’s portrayed in more of a somber way. Nobody here really gets a super happy ending because they’re all going to be struggling a lot. At least they are alive though which could have easily gone the other way. The film feels like two different movies though when it’s about Will and Catherine vs when he’s hanging out with his friends.

Blue and Dutchy are gone for so long that you almost forget they are in this film until they show up in the climax. It was good to see them, but man did they take their time. There was certainly no sense of urgency among them that’s for sure. They did come in clutch though because Will was not going to be able to fight off everyone in the climax otherwise. His new coworkers showed up after everything was all settled. I thought the film was about to give us one more fight but they were reasonable.

I suppose part of why the film fails here is because of how troubled the romance is. A lot of time is spent on Will and Catherine getting closer but you really can’t root for this at all because of her married status. For a while there you assume that maybe she was lying since she didn’t trust him. Would have been a smart deception to be honest but that’s not how it played out. So the scenes aren’t as charming as they would have been otherwise.

Then the villains tend to be annoying and get a whole lot of screentime. Naturally they want to marry Catherine as well, just without any say in the matter. They intend to work Will as a slave for a while before they eventually murder him and there’s not much he can do about it while at gunpoint. At least that’s how it played out but after a point I think you do just need to lunge for the gun. If you die then you die, but often times you’re going to be waiting for an opening that never arrives. You just have to hope that the sudden movement is enough to catch them off balance.

It’s also a western so the animals aren’t fully safe either. Nothing too explicit in this film to be sure but just a background element that’s never all that great. The first animal that died is even a part of the plot with how the first fight started. This is a very grounded western film. The kind that may be true to life but doesn’t translate into great television. Give me a more inspiring Western anyway. At best this one just serves as another reminder of why you would not have wanted to live in this era.

Overall, Will Penny is the kind of title that will end up being very memorable. The name itself is certainly unique and definitely works well. The film though, it’s your average western at best and I would actually say it’s below most of them. There isn’t a lot of ongoing action in the film. It goes for more of an emotional focus instead, except it does so with a poor situation. There aren’t many reasons to watch this one and it’s a bit grim for my liking. I’d say to skip it and roll the dice on a different western title.

Overall 3/10

The Beast With A Million Eyes Review

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The poster for this film is such clickbait that you almost have to double check if you’re looking at the right one. It is so different from anything within the actual movie. Unfortunately this creature feature is really lacking in screentime for the main villain and the main cast is definitely on the weaker side. There aren’t a whole lot of silver linings to this film and so it loses to the average title in its genre.

The film introduces us to Allan, his wife Carol, and their daughter Sandra. They live out in the middle of nowhere and Carol resents the whole thing. She spends most of her time yelling at Allan and Sandra as she has not been able to adjust to this lifestyle at all. They also have a neighbor who lives on the premises but it unable to talk and always seems a bit off. Allan insists that he is harmless but the guy spends his time looking at inappropriate magazines and secretly watching Allan’s daughter. Maybe he should think twice about this guy? For some reason, the animals in the area are starting to go crazy now too so that is another thing to keep an eye on.

Before we even touch the monster stuff, the main cast just isn’t all that good. First up we have Allan who is far too dismissive about the neighbor. We learn a twist about this near the end of the film which at least adds a little more of an excuse. It’s still not a great one though. Lets face it, this does not in any way make the neighbor safe. In fact, the twist about why he can’t talk just gives even more reason to why he might be unstable. While the family was toxic, Allan should have definitely told the others the whole story.

Then Carol is unlikable from the start. None of her complaints seem all that justified or deserved. We are starting this film in the middle of their lifestyle so perhaps some context would change this but as of now, it’s just a bad look for her. Her treating the daughter poorly is also terrible because she has nothing to do with this. So Carol comes off as a total bully here and the film doesn’t have enough time to really redeem her character.

I have the fewest issues with Sandra here. She’s really just trying to do her best and have a normal life out here. She could easily be complaining about how boring everything is since there is nothing to do but she takes the higher road. Sandra may not stand out as some kind of amazing character but at least she was avoiding making any big mistakes. She also gets far more of a role than her boyfriend who could be written out of the film and almost nothing would change.

As for the neighbor, well I feel bad for him with the injury but he’s definitely not remotely likable. He would definitely need to fix up his room and to stop being so obsessed with women to really have a chance here. Perhaps his injury is what started this in which case that just gets even more tragic but we simply don’t know. It’s all a mystery at this point.

Okay so what about the monster? Well, it’s not your average 11 foot creature trying to crush everyone. This being is a high intellect alien who can body swap. He gets a big speech near the end about his power and how the humans can’t stop him. Allan responds with his own speech about love and kindness. It’s definitely a bizarre climax. I’m not entirely opposed to ending things with a war but the creature probably gets less than a minute of actual screentime. It just doesn’t result in a particularly satisfying climax.

The creature is able to emit energy waves that cause animals to become violent. This results in the main character’s dog turning evil as well as a cow and a lot of birds. There is a bit of a body count here as a farmer friend dies but for the most part this is very isolated. It works against the film as well because I’m not here to see a bunch of animals dying. The birds are used as suicide bombers against a car and the dog unfortunately ends up getting axed. The film was never going to survive this kind of a plot.

Additionally, the alien just doesn’t seem to have a great plan here. Causing chaos with the animals may work as a distraction but he tried with too many small ones which allowed the main characters to form a plan and make a counter attack. Really the alien shouldn’t have lost so easily and perhaps should have hidden his hand better if he could be defeated so easily once the animals weren’t a problem. His powers aren’t the strongest either as he can only control humans when they are alone and not when they are in a group.

Apparently his weakness is the power of love which is not a great weakness for a villain. It means he will always be on the back foot here. So the film definitely has a ton of clickbait all the way through. If not for the poster, then maybe I could just call the monster as a plot twist which would excuse the lack of runtime but I can’t really do that here. The film is too much of a slowburn for such a short length and the characters are just not good enough to hold their own. Honestly the more I think about it, the more I realize that the film was completely outclassed from start to finish.

Overall, This is not a creature feature I would recommend. It barely even deserves to be called a creature feature. I know that the alien is the one orchestrating all of the events so sure it technically counts but in the most unsatisfying way possible. I would say to check out just about any other creature film instead and you’ll be getting more bang for your buck. Probably more of an action packed climax too.

Overall 3/10

Much Ado about Nothing Review

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I’ve often considered Shakespeare to be the most overrated writer of all time and I’m afraid that this film did not change my mind on that. The writing style just doesn’t really work as the old time English get tiring rather quickly. All the witty banter is a little too forced with none of the conversations actually sounding natural. The movie can make for some ironic amusement but that’s about all that you’re getting out of this adventure which quickly overstays its welcome.

The film starts with Pedro, Benedick, Claudio, and John riding into a small town. They have arrived after glorious conquest and look forward to being treated like royalty. After all….that is precisely what they are. Claudio falls for a girl named Hero and they quickly get ready to be married. Benedick is mad about this because he thought that Claudio would be an eternal bachelor like himself. So the guys get together to set up Benedick with Beatrice who always mocks him. The two of them have been verbally sparring for a long while but perhaps this can turn into romance. What they don’t realize is that John aims to end these romances. He wants to cause a lot of chaos and is ruthless in his approach. Will he be able to so easily tear these alliances apart?

Of course the whole film’s premise is based on the fact that he can which shows just how weak these romances are. Lets start with Claudio and Hero here. Basically John shows “Hero” cheating on Claudio with someone else. Unfortunately Claudio could not tell that this wasn’t the real Hero. I think that’s pretty rough in itself since you should clearly know what your girlfriend looks like. If it was so dark that you could not see clearly at all, then you either rush to the door and ask for Hero or ask her the next day. Being completely tricked is certainly the worst out of all the options here.

Claudio naturally throws a big fuss about it but what’s worse is that he doesn’t give Hero a chance to talk at all. He just storms away and destroys her reputation which seemingly causes her to die. Then as an apology he prepares to marry a relative of hers. That’s already a rebound but it’s also a terrible apology in general. There was no saving Claudio at this point and honestly the whole thing isn’t a great look for Hero either. At that point if this is how Claudio is going to act, she should have just moved on. Not just giving up or being passive and seeing how the situation was going.

Beatrice had more of a real reaction as she wanted to murder Claudio and convinced Benedick to do it on her behalf. I appreciate that from a family standpoint but of course on a romance one it did end up hurting the ship. It showed after all that she was only with Benedick by this point so that she could manipulate him and the love itself felt very weak at best. I much preferred when they were just bantering with each other. To so easily be manipulated into liking each other by the supporting cast makes them all look like deeply unserious characters. It’s as if they were so pleased at the other being secretly in love that they were willing to overlook everything else.

John gets more credit here because as a villain he was actually fairly effective. It didn’t take long for him to infiltrate the ranks and really split everyone up. Ultimately once the heroes turned on him the guy didn’t put up much of a fight but he still kept them all on the back foot. Pedro was a decent commander but also someone who was easily fooled and got very emotional. In general I guess you could say all of the characters were driven too strongly by their emotions.

Like I mentioned before, the way they all talk gets old really quickly too. I get how it feels really dramatic and all but the old English takes forever to get through. You’re basically begging the characters to get to the point of their speech instead of taking forever. You also have the subplot with the guards who have no idea what is going on and their scenes really tend to drag. It goes from potentially being funny to you just rolling your eyes by the end because you know that it’s just not going to end.

The film could have really done well to be about 30 minutes shorter but that still wouldn’t have saved it. The movie doesn’t help itself with a super rough opening either as all the women in the village get ready to meet the men and look desperate in the moment. The fanservice was bad enough but do they really have to go so all out for these guys? Desperation is not really going to be a super attractive trait here and it’s another one of those old time dynamics that just doesn’t work. If you’re desperate for any guy to pick you, then there’s nothing really romantic about that. By the end of the film you are supposed to feel happy for the two couples and yet you can’t help but feel like they won’t really have a happy ever after.

Overall, This film absolutely needed some big time action. It needed the characters to get some real fight scenes and for the individual characters to also not be so weak. You’ll see various characters pinned to the wall and threatened while they can barely react in retaliation. None of them really have a whole lot of honor left by the end as they get thrown into every conflict. They also aren’t interesting enough to hold their own stories. I dare say this kind of film would only work as a parody because it feels like one for a while until you realize just how seriously the characters are taking themselves. A romance film without any understanding of what a true romance is will always be doomed to fail.

Overall 3/10