Category Archives: 3 Star Movies

Will Penny Review

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It’s time for a wild west film and you know how those can always be very hit or miss. Unfortunately this is one of the misses. It doesn’t really hit on any of the strong notes that you need to reach to surpass the genre. The characters tend to make some bad decisions and while it’s hard to play a perfect round back in the wild west where there was no law and order, it did feel like some of these issues were very avoidable.

The movie starts by introducing us to Will who is a classic work hand. He goes from job to job and is good at what he does but there is a lot of competition and not a lot of jobs left. He had a chance to go on a trip with the crew but selflessly gives up his spot to another guy who wanted to visit his father. Will travels with Blue and Dutchy and they end up in a firefight with another group over an animal. Will’s team shoots down one of the attackers but the rest swear revenge. On Will’s side, one of his teammates is injured so he looks for help. In the meantime he also gets a job to protect a part of someone’s large territory but now a lady named Catherine and her son Horace are living there. Will feels bad about throwing them out but eventually the guy who owns this property is going to find out and then things will go very badly. How can Will get out of this situation.

First off, I have to say that Catherine doesn’t play this situation very smart at all. She is exceptionally lucky that Will is such a nice guy because many others would have just shot her on sight at minimum. The penalty for letting a stranger live on these premises could easily be death and people aren’t generally going to take that chance. Will even tries to give her a few days to leave but Catherine is insistent on not going anywhere. It just seems like a terrible strategy to go with when you’re not a fighter and there is no man on the premises.

Catherine’s first instinct is even to say that she’s all alone. Why would you give out that kind of information? Her son Horace means well too but he’s just a young kid and is not going to be doing much here. Catherine was ultimately ditched by her tour guide and her husband seems to have no intention of returning so just surviving will be difficult. It’s the wild west so even going into town isn’t a great option but you feel like she needs to do something and get away from the area. Taking your chances in town may be for the best.

Meanwhile Will does his best with looking after her but he is breaking all of the rules of a job that he just got. His sympathy may be a little too high here. It was also annoying to see him getting jumped so quickly. When you’re outnumbered, you need to fire as soon as possible. He gets a few of the villains at gunpoint but then hesitates and gets knocked out. There is no room for compassion here. It may be a hard thing to hear but, in a life or death situation it is you against the other guy. Whoever hesitates is absolutely not going to survive.

Will’s character is portrayed to be a really nice one throughout but this is the double edged blade of it. As for the romance in the film, he knows that Catherine is a married woman from the start so he is very wary about getting involved. That’s the right attitude. Her husband may not appear to be a good guy but until that is officially dissolved then there is nothing you can do. He can be a good friend to her but if she is trying to start a romance then he has to get out of there. Nothing good comes from living next to temptation.

It takes him a long while to get his mind wrapped around that but ultimately, he does and that helps the ending even if it’s portrayed in more of a somber way. Nobody here really gets a super happy ending because they’re all going to be struggling a lot. At least they are alive though which could have easily gone the other way. The film feels like two different movies though when it’s about Will and Catherine vs when he’s hanging out with his friends.

Blue and Dutchy are gone for so long that you almost forget they are in this film until they show up in the climax. It was good to see them, but man did they take their time. There was certainly no sense of urgency among them that’s for sure. They did come in clutch though because Will was not going to be able to fight off everyone in the climax otherwise. His new coworkers showed up after everything was all settled. I thought the film was about to give us one more fight but they were reasonable.

I suppose part of why the film fails here is because of how troubled the romance is. A lot of time is spent on Will and Catherine getting closer but you really can’t root for this at all because of her married status. For a while there you assume that maybe she was lying since she didn’t trust him. Would have been a smart deception to be honest but that’s not how it played out. So the scenes aren’t as charming as they would have been otherwise.

Then the villains tend to be annoying and get a whole lot of screentime. Naturally they want to marry Catherine as well, just without any say in the matter. They intend to work Will as a slave for a while before they eventually murder him and there’s not much he can do about it while at gunpoint. At least that’s how it played out but after a point I think you do just need to lunge for the gun. If you die then you die, but often times you’re going to be waiting for an opening that never arrives. You just have to hope that the sudden movement is enough to catch them off balance.

It’s also a western so the animals aren’t fully safe either. Nothing too explicit in this film to be sure but just a background element that’s never all that great. The first animal that died is even a part of the plot with how the first fight started. This is a very grounded western film. The kind that may be true to life but doesn’t translate into great television. Give me a more inspiring Western anyway. At best this one just serves as another reminder of why you would not have wanted to live in this era.

Overall, Will Penny is the kind of title that will end up being very memorable. The name itself is certainly unique and definitely works well. The film though, it’s your average western at best and I would actually say it’s below most of them. There isn’t a lot of ongoing action in the film. It goes for more of an emotional focus instead, except it does so with a poor situation. There aren’t many reasons to watch this one and it’s a bit grim for my liking. I’d say to skip it and roll the dice on a different western title.

Overall 3/10

The Beast With A Million Eyes Review

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The poster for this film is such clickbait that you almost have to double check if you’re looking at the right one. It is so different from anything within the actual movie. Unfortunately this creature feature is really lacking in screentime for the main villain and the main cast is definitely on the weaker side. There aren’t a whole lot of silver linings to this film and so it loses to the average title in its genre.

The film introduces us to Allan, his wife Carol, and their daughter Sandra. They live out in the middle of nowhere and Carol resents the whole thing. She spends most of her time yelling at Allan and Sandra as she has not been able to adjust to this lifestyle at all. They also have a neighbor who lives on the premises but it unable to talk and always seems a bit off. Allan insists that he is harmless but the guy spends his time looking at inappropriate magazines and secretly watching Allan’s daughter. Maybe he should think twice about this guy? For some reason, the animals in the area are starting to go crazy now too so that is another thing to keep an eye on.

Before we even touch the monster stuff, the main cast just isn’t all that good. First up we have Allan who is far too dismissive about the neighbor. We learn a twist about this near the end of the film which at least adds a little more of an excuse. It’s still not a great one though. Lets face it, this does not in any way make the neighbor safe. In fact, the twist about why he can’t talk just gives even more reason to why he might be unstable. While the family was toxic, Allan should have definitely told the others the whole story.

Then Carol is unlikable from the start. None of her complaints seem all that justified or deserved. We are starting this film in the middle of their lifestyle so perhaps some context would change this but as of now, it’s just a bad look for her. Her treating the daughter poorly is also terrible because she has nothing to do with this. So Carol comes off as a total bully here and the film doesn’t have enough time to really redeem her character.

I have the fewest issues with Sandra here. She’s really just trying to do her best and have a normal life out here. She could easily be complaining about how boring everything is since there is nothing to do but she takes the higher road. Sandra may not stand out as some kind of amazing character but at least she was avoiding making any big mistakes. She also gets far more of a role than her boyfriend who could be written out of the film and almost nothing would change.

As for the neighbor, well I feel bad for him with the injury but he’s definitely not remotely likable. He would definitely need to fix up his room and to stop being so obsessed with women to really have a chance here. Perhaps his injury is what started this in which case that just gets even more tragic but we simply don’t know. It’s all a mystery at this point.

Okay so what about the monster? Well, it’s not your average 11 foot creature trying to crush everyone. This being is a high intellect alien who can body swap. He gets a big speech near the end about his power and how the humans can’t stop him. Allan responds with his own speech about love and kindness. It’s definitely a bizarre climax. I’m not entirely opposed to ending things with a war but the creature probably gets less than a minute of actual screentime. It just doesn’t result in a particularly satisfying climax.

The creature is able to emit energy waves that cause animals to become violent. This results in the main character’s dog turning evil as well as a cow and a lot of birds. There is a bit of a body count here as a farmer friend dies but for the most part this is very isolated. It works against the film as well because I’m not here to see a bunch of animals dying. The birds are used as suicide bombers against a car and the dog unfortunately ends up getting axed. The film was never going to survive this kind of a plot.

Additionally, the alien just doesn’t seem to have a great plan here. Causing chaos with the animals may work as a distraction but he tried with too many small ones which allowed the main characters to form a plan and make a counter attack. Really the alien shouldn’t have lost so easily and perhaps should have hidden his hand better if he could be defeated so easily once the animals weren’t a problem. His powers aren’t the strongest either as he can only control humans when they are alone and not when they are in a group.

Apparently his weakness is the power of love which is not a great weakness for a villain. It means he will always be on the back foot here. So the film definitely has a ton of clickbait all the way through. If not for the poster, then maybe I could just call the monster as a plot twist which would excuse the lack of runtime but I can’t really do that here. The film is too much of a slowburn for such a short length and the characters are just not good enough to hold their own. Honestly the more I think about it, the more I realize that the film was completely outclassed from start to finish.

Overall, This is not a creature feature I would recommend. It barely even deserves to be called a creature feature. I know that the alien is the one orchestrating all of the events so sure it technically counts but in the most unsatisfying way possible. I would say to check out just about any other creature film instead and you’ll be getting more bang for your buck. Probably more of an action packed climax too.

Overall 3/10

Much Ado about Nothing Review

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I’ve often considered Shakespeare to be the most overrated writer of all time and I’m afraid that this film did not change my mind on that. The writing style just doesn’t really work as the old time English get tiring rather quickly. All the witty banter is a little too forced with none of the conversations actually sounding natural. The movie can make for some ironic amusement but that’s about all that you’re getting out of this adventure which quickly overstays its welcome.

The film starts with Pedro, Benedick, Claudio, and John riding into a small town. They have arrived after glorious conquest and look forward to being treated like royalty. After all….that is precisely what they are. Claudio falls for a girl named Hero and they quickly get ready to be married. Benedick is mad about this because he thought that Claudio would be an eternal bachelor like himself. So the guys get together to set up Benedick with Beatrice who always mocks him. The two of them have been verbally sparring for a long while but perhaps this can turn into romance. What they don’t realize is that John aims to end these romances. He wants to cause a lot of chaos and is ruthless in his approach. Will he be able to so easily tear these alliances apart?

Of course the whole film’s premise is based on the fact that he can which shows just how weak these romances are. Lets start with Claudio and Hero here. Basically John shows “Hero” cheating on Claudio with someone else. Unfortunately Claudio could not tell that this wasn’t the real Hero. I think that’s pretty rough in itself since you should clearly know what your girlfriend looks like. If it was so dark that you could not see clearly at all, then you either rush to the door and ask for Hero or ask her the next day. Being completely tricked is certainly the worst out of all the options here.

Claudio naturally throws a big fuss about it but what’s worse is that he doesn’t give Hero a chance to talk at all. He just storms away and destroys her reputation which seemingly causes her to die. Then as an apology he prepares to marry a relative of hers. That’s already a rebound but it’s also a terrible apology in general. There was no saving Claudio at this point and honestly the whole thing isn’t a great look for Hero either. At that point if this is how Claudio is going to act, she should have just moved on. Not just giving up or being passive and seeing how the situation was going.

Beatrice had more of a real reaction as she wanted to murder Claudio and convinced Benedick to do it on her behalf. I appreciate that from a family standpoint but of course on a romance one it did end up hurting the ship. It showed after all that she was only with Benedick by this point so that she could manipulate him and the love itself felt very weak at best. I much preferred when they were just bantering with each other. To so easily be manipulated into liking each other by the supporting cast makes them all look like deeply unserious characters. It’s as if they were so pleased at the other being secretly in love that they were willing to overlook everything else.

John gets more credit here because as a villain he was actually fairly effective. It didn’t take long for him to infiltrate the ranks and really split everyone up. Ultimately once the heroes turned on him the guy didn’t put up much of a fight but he still kept them all on the back foot. Pedro was a decent commander but also someone who was easily fooled and got very emotional. In general I guess you could say all of the characters were driven too strongly by their emotions.

Like I mentioned before, the way they all talk gets old really quickly too. I get how it feels really dramatic and all but the old English takes forever to get through. You’re basically begging the characters to get to the point of their speech instead of taking forever. You also have the subplot with the guards who have no idea what is going on and their scenes really tend to drag. It goes from potentially being funny to you just rolling your eyes by the end because you know that it’s just not going to end.

The film could have really done well to be about 30 minutes shorter but that still wouldn’t have saved it. The movie doesn’t help itself with a super rough opening either as all the women in the village get ready to meet the men and look desperate in the moment. The fanservice was bad enough but do they really have to go so all out for these guys? Desperation is not really going to be a super attractive trait here and it’s another one of those old time dynamics that just doesn’t work. If you’re desperate for any guy to pick you, then there’s nothing really romantic about that. By the end of the film you are supposed to feel happy for the two couples and yet you can’t help but feel like they won’t really have a happy ever after.

Overall, This film absolutely needed some big time action. It needed the characters to get some real fight scenes and for the individual characters to also not be so weak. You’ll see various characters pinned to the wall and threatened while they can barely react in retaliation. None of them really have a whole lot of honor left by the end as they get thrown into every conflict. They also aren’t interesting enough to hold their own stories. I dare say this kind of film would only work as a parody because it feels like one for a while until you realize just how seriously the characters are taking themselves. A romance film without any understanding of what a true romance is will always be doomed to fail.

Overall 3/10

Seven Pounds Review

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It’s time for a film about someone who made a massive mistake and wants to find a way to stone. Films like that can always get tricky because some things are just tough to atone from. Ultimately the answer the lead comes up with is not the right one and so the film isn’t able to stick the landing, although I wouldn’t say it had been all that good even up to that point.

The film begins by spoiling the entire film with its opening scene so I’m going to ignore that in the summary. Definitely a bizarre way to open up the film, it reminded me of Tomrorrow Land. Anytime you do this narrative tactic, it’s a bad idea imo. Tim works for the IRS and he has to collect from a number of individuals. Unfortunately they are all down on their luck with rough circumstances and medical/personal issues. Tim wants to see if he can help them but it won’t be easy.

This is one of those sad farm films where it just keeps on upping the ante of how bad things are getting. One lady is in an abusive relationship that is continuing to escalate. Without some escape she will be dead before long. Another lady is slowly dying from a defective heart, etc. Tim is only one guy so there is only so much that he can do. Time is also not on his side since these problems need to be fixed really quickly or it’ll all be over.

As the film goes on we learn about Tim’s backstory and why he is so reluctant to talk about his past. It definitely makes for a tragic origin, particularly with how avoidable it was. So this has given him a bit of survivor’s guilt and so he wants to help an equal amount of people to how many died in the accident. It’s a noble goal but the issue is that he has completely devalued his life now as he feels like it doesn’t matter.

I wouldn’t say that the film handles this particularly well. Ultimately he needed some characters to try and stop him but for the most part the only one who could have talked him out of it ended up being an accomplice. In a sense I don’t need the film to be the moral police here, as long as the viewer knows that it’s wrong to throw away their life then I don’t fault the film too hard for not making the case against it. A scene or two showing that Tim came to the wrong conclusion would have been nice though.

So as the film builds to the ending, it doesn’t do the movie any favors. The film’s ending just isn’t satisfying. However, the film was already sinking by adding a big romance plot early on with Tim and Emily. You need to remember that Tim had a fiancée before tragedy struck so this is moving awfully fast. A rebound romance like this was never going to work. Moreover, it doesn’t really feel like equal circumstances here as he basically saved her from being homeless by waiving the IRS fee and she knows that death is imminent.

I don’t think either of them are in the right headspace for a romance here and so the whole thing goes way too quickly. Emily’s not a bad character, it seemed like she was trying to make the best of it in terms of dealing with her condition. I give her a little more leeway here and tend to blame Tim more. He should have kept things professional while trying to look after her. As for his final decision, well it’s rough but it’s why you always have to talk with people about death early on. So they can cope with it and not try to change things. Everyone dies, some sooner and some later but the more you try to fight it off, the worse the situation will get.

The film is about Tim being selfless but since a lot of that is out of guilt, it’s hard to give him full credit there. As for the rest of his donations, well those are shakier but you can make an argument for them at least. There are times when self sacrifice works out and it’s a tough line to always follow. I won’t say there are easy answers here but either way it just doesn’t make this film a fun watch.

It is very melodramatic and sad throughout the whole runtime. Mix that in with the sad ending and you’re just wondering when you are supposed to be having fun here. Contrary to popular opinion, films are around to have fun with. If you aren’t having fun during a film, then it has lost sight of the ultimate objective here. The characters who got happy endings still had to go through a whole lot so everything always came at a price. Tim had to test a blind salesperson at one point to make sure he was worthy of recovery and the way he tested him was quite extreme with a lot of verbal abuse. The salesman handled it really well though. It’s hard to even imagine how difficult it is to live without eyesight. From the 5 senses I’ve always thought that would be the toughest one to live without.

Overall, 7 Pounds is really trying to test the limits of self sacrifice. In a way this is an interesting way to go about it but the movie could have absolutely done this with a lighter tone. I’d say it should have dialed back the scale of tragedy here and just focused on the main one. Have Emily be the only character who needs help and then the film can spend a chunk of time having Tim give arguments for why a sacrifice is needed here. The argument just can’t be one out of guilt. From there you have a pretty interesting film. Perhaps it may seem dry to some but I believe it would be engaging and you don’t need all the extra trauma. The movie would be way more focused at the very least. Still, that’s not how it played out so I would say to avoid this movie. It’s just a little too exhausting with how unrelenting the film can be with everything going sour for the characters involved.

Overall 3/10

Violent Night Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a film thar really lives up to its name. If you wanted to watch a really violent Christmas film, well then you’re in the right place. It’s mainly played up for comedy but gets quite extreme as the film goes on. There are definitely a lot more misses than positives in this title but I really appreciated how some of the underlings performed in the fights.

The movie starts by introducing us to Jason and Linda whose relationship is on the rocks. They thought they could make things work but have now given up. This last Christmas party will be their last one together. The big issue between them is Linda feels like Jason always defers to his rich mother and worries too much about money. We’re not given a ton of context here since that part of the plot isn’t super important but Jason doesn’t deny any of it so this seems to be true. So the two of them head to the party with their daughter Trudy and have to tolerate all of their rich family members who hate each other. They are all just here for the mother’s money. Unfortunately a group of crooks with a whole lot of insider knowledge show up to steal all of the money. The only one who can stop them…is Santa Clause.

Yes, in this universe Santa Clause is real. He is very jaded with the job though and doesn’t really like humanity anymore. This was going to be his last job but unfortunately he is inside the house when the robbers attack and his reindeer fly away. Santa will have to find a way to escape but it won’t be easy. Additionally, his conscience isn’t too happy about this because Trudy is on the nice list and shouldn’t die here. Santa used to be a fighter over 1000 years ago…does he still have the skills?

Now you may wonder about how people don’t know that Santa is real when he is leaving presents. Well, the film actually explains that a little. He doesn’t give presents to literally everyone, just the people who really need him. I take that to mean families with a lot of dysfunction where they either wouldn’t notice a present or would assume someone else got it. As a result, the secret of Santa is safe. They don’t really get into the logistics of how he visits everyone in a single night but I guess we can go with the time displacement approach where every house is in its own pocket dimension on Christmas where these events happen simultaneously.

Santa’s magical abilities are a bit all over the place and in the film he mentions that he doesn’t really know how they even work. That is a good way to make sure that he isn’t too overpowered. As a result Santa is actually on the defensive for a good chunk of the film. He was being absolutely dominated by the first opponent and then also had a really tough time against the second one. I actually liked this because often times the minions are shown to be incredibly disposable when realistically they should be putting up some kind of a fight right? So that was pretty impressive and those fights had quite a bit of back and forth to them.

Santa’s character arc is also a classic although they may have went a little too far in how jaded they made him. He gets some pretty rough scenes early on like with how drunk he is and throwing up. There isn’t a ton of crude humor here but that was a tough scene for him to rebound from. The film’s writing can be a bit of a mixed bag as well here. The film has some great lines like “Santa’s coming to town” and when Santa is announcing all of his lines. Scrooge also gets some really good ones as the villain. Basically this is the kind of film that is going to wow you with some of the dialogue, but you do have to ignore that everybody talks like a sailor. They all swear up a storm constantly So that does make the script a bit weak even with all of the big moments.

Now where the film does unfortunately lose me is when the violence gets cranked up to 100. This is easily one of the most violent films I’ve seen in a minute, I dare say it may even pass John Wick in this area. Yes, the violence is played for laughs but there is still a whole lot of it and it is unrelenting. The whole climax is basically a contest to see how violently characters can die. It’s not even just Santa’s onslaught but the home alone subplot with Trudy goes for the most painful moments possible. You’ve also got one guy getting attacked by the nutcracker which was another brutal moment. This definitely hurt the film quite a bit with how excessive this is. It needed to be toned down.

The film is at its best when it’s just having fun with the concepts. Just letting people adapt to the idea of Santa and watching him crush everyone. The film doesn’t take itself overly serious and that’s a good thing. A wacky concept should have a wacky execution and that will let the whole thing flow really well. Without all of the ultra violence this would have definitely been a lot higher. Now if you’re not too squeamish, then this should still be an absolute W for you.

There are obviously going to be some power level issues here but of course you’re not meant to take it too seriously. Scrooge makes for a really good villain because after watching Santa massacre everyone, he is still prepared to fight to the end. Now that is a brave villain and it’s nice to see one who is willing to fight to the end like that. It’s something that you don’t see all that often in a film like this. He also does now how to fight pretty well considering how close he came to winning.

Personally I’m not too interested in Santa’s past so I’d prefer that the sequel focuses on the future but we’ll see how it goes. There are a decent amount of plot points ready for the sequel and there are a ton of different directions the movie can go. Maybe even introduce another legend for Santa to fight. This could be a proper cinematic universe if they want to go down that route although I imagine a lot of the companies will be squeamish about this.

Now most o the characters are annoying but I’ll give Trudy props for not ending up like the others. She’s still trying to be a good kid and do the right things. She knows how to defend herself and assists Santa throughout the movie. She surpasses most kid characters in this regard because they tend to get in the way while she is actively helping out. She definitely gets a passing grade in my book.

There isn’t really much saving the other characters. Jason may have had a big plan but he shouldn’t have let the marriage get to such a negative point in the first place. Meanwhile Linda is okay and we don’t know how much of this is on her but she wasn’t really helping matters. From all of the unlikable family members, Gertrude is easily the best one because of how smug and overconfident she is. I can really appreciate that in a character, particularly in a villain. She is able to hold her own with the banter for quite a while there.

Overall, Violent Night is a film that is having a lot of fun with the concept. The film is extremely violent and there are a lot of things happening at all times. On one hand I think the film does a pretty good job of living up to the name but on the other that is pretty much what doomed it. The film just gets way too excessive at different points. The script could have also used a lot of work. There is some novelty to be had with watching this film but ultimately, I would end up giving it a thumbs down. This will not end up being the next Die Hard classic.

Overall 3/10

Death Wish Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative.

It’s time for a film that has quite the controversial reputation over the years for how intense it gets. It’s definitely a film that really got the vigilante genre popular and to this day it’s something that it used in many films. The vigilante route is always a hard solution to deny, particularly in a film like this where it seems like the only reasonable answer to all of the violence.

The film starts off by introducing us to Paul who is reminded by his coworker of how much violence is going on in NYC. Paul just tries to keep to himself and still have a good time rather than live in fear but this does catch up to him. His wife is murdered and his daughter is left in a vegetative state where she isn’t really alive anymore. This pushes Paul to start carrying a weapon with him. It proves effective when he is attacked and after a trip to California, Paul finds that he now has a gun when his contact slipped one into his bag. Why have a gun if you’re not going to use it? That’s essentially Paul’s mindset as he becomes the hunter and aims to go after all the criminals.

Surprisingly we never actually get to have Paul meet the villains from the first scene to put them 6 feet under. I can only assume that would be in a sequel or there’s some super deep narrative reason to avoid that. Whatever the reason was, it would have been more satisfying to have seen Paul take them down. He should get that level of reward after everything that he went through. It would have at least been a fun moment to see.

Now where the film really messes up is by going way too far in the opening scene. Films like this always try to really stress just how evil everyone is in order to make the point for the vigilante. Sure, I get that but you don’t really have to go to a 10 on this. Now, fortunately I saw the TV version which seems to gloss over the opening scene pretty well as it’s mostly just mentioned a lot after the fact. If the scene was on screen then this would be a quick and immediate 0/10. So the film is spared from that fate but even then, the whole plot about what they did to Paul’s daughter did not need to be in the film. That level of ugliness has no place in any film.

It’s a real shame too because after that the film is pretty good about not being explicit. There are certainly a lot of people getting shot throughout the movie but it’s not really all that violent in comparison. Paul moves like a trained killer, only using one bullet per target. He then dashes off to get some more crooks. The camera doesn’t linger on the dead all that much and in general a quick bullet wound isn’t going to be too bad.

I thought the movie also did a good job by showing how the political leaders didn’t want to stop Paul either. Rather, they needed to stop the killings but just get him out of there. That way they could still take credit for the drop in crime without having to rely on a vigilante. That kind of self serving mentality absolutely seems realistic to me and certainly not out of the ordinary. Also everyone in the streets were supporting Paul because they are the ones dealing with all of the crime.

Paul shoots at least 10-15 different crook to death here and it may have been more than that. This is a massive difference to the living standards of the neighborhood when you consider that these are all going to be repeat offenders. It’s clear that they were used to committing these crimes and stopping anyone in their way. So lets say on average each crook is robbing someone once day, well you’ve just dropped 30 crimes per person each month.

The city was living in fear and now they aren’t. Again, that’s why vigilantism is so tempting because you are ending crooks who only serve to disrupt everyday people from their lives. It’s clear that this problem was too big for the cops to handle here and so Paul went to work. The film certainly shows the weaknesses of law and order as you would need to try and get proof on these criminals, get some witnesses, wait months for the court date, etc, etc.

Obviously there ae reasons why vigilantism cannot be accepted in every day society. You’ll get lots of copy cats, many with different morals and sets of values. Additionally, you would have to constantly be looking around you since everyone would be very trigger happy. So lots of pros and cons but at least in this film it is clearly the only way to go. The criminals are extremely brazen with how they assault people at all times of the day and at any location. Paul made sure that this won’t be happening quite as often.

The character cast is actually really small in this one. Aside from Paul you do have his son in law who mainly represents the film’s take on what non-vigilantes are doing about things. He is constantly sad about what happened to his wife but isn’t actually doing anything about this. He just hopes that society will get better and talks about how they should have moved away. It’s not a very flattering look for this character.

Then you have the police chief who definitely wants to take Paul down but has no real support to do this. So he’s just really annoyed the whole time since his hands are basically tied behind his back. He’s a fun character to have around and gives some of the rare humor moments within the film. This is largely a serious film after all. It is nice to see Paul enjoying himself as he takes down the crooks though. At times he gets a little too cocky and takes a hit that he shouldn’t but does make short work out of his opponents. In this business t is important to finish off each target or they will be back out there soon enough and Paul will be in even more danger.

Overall, Death Wish is one of those films with a really intense plot. It certainly gives you a lot of reason to be sympathetic to Paul and what he is trying to do here. At the same time, the film just goes too far in order to make that point. That’s what really makes you shake your head here. If the film could have had some more tact then it really could have been remembered as one of the good ones. So ultimately I am going to have to recommend skipping this one. I’m hopeful that the sequels will be better since they can just jump right into the action but this is also the kind of plot that is easy to mess up. It always needs to be handled carefully.

Overall 3/10

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Review

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It’s been many years but I am finally getting to rewatch the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang film. I can tell you right now, this is not a film that has aged any better than the first time around. There’s barely a plot going on here and the film just never manages to capture your attention. I have to admit that it was probably better before the film went into dream world and even then the intro wasn’t all that great. It’s a rare mix of a lot of old time story telling devices that just failed at the same time.

The film starts off by introducing us to Mr. Potts who is a really crazy inventor who also happens to be extremely defensive at all times. Quite the impressive combo of traits eh? Well, one day he ends up meeting a lady named Truly who considers him to be a real bore. He doesn’t take proper care of his kids and is far too aloof. Potts rejects all of that and may be right because he immediately wins her over to the point where she’s grinning and laughing less than 10 minutes from their meetup. Potts even works on selling some whistle candies to her father although that doesn’t end up going so well.

Potts tries a bunch of other crazy inventions like an automatic hair cutter and even rebuilds a car. It’s still rather bumpy so he calls it Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Quite the name eh? Well, this is a perfect time to tell a story about some corruption among the rich and a fantastical kingdom where pirates are trying to steal the car. CCBB is a very unique car after all that can even turn into a boat. It’s all really crazy but can Potts impress Truly enough for them to get married?

Now this film is in an interesting position with the humor. For example, it does have a lot of slapstick and goofy humor with all the characters running around. It’s pretty direct and in your face which is usually a humor style that I rather enjoy quite a lot. That being said, it felt like the film was missing the punchline half the time. You have all the setup for a bunch of jokes but then they all just go through the motions.

The film is also a musical which doesn’t really work out well. As with most musicals, the songs just aren’t all that great. The songs aren’t super bad or anything but none of them are the kind that you will be humming along to. The funniest part of them is really just to enjoy the scenes ironically. This is a pretty good film to watch ironically like if you view it as a super serious product and then go from there. That has its limits though and doesn’t make it a super strong film.

The romance is also not going to be one of the better ones and this is pretty much self evident. It’s hard to see how Truly goes from finding Potts to be super annoying and unlikable to being in love with him shortly afterwards. In context it’s not even like they knew each other a super long time. He was telling a story for a good chunk of the time after all and there weren’t any big time skips to where they were hanging out for a few months or something. She was won over way too quickly.

Yes, this is a comedy film but I don’t think that works as an actual defense here. You still could have had slower pacing and allowed for things to work out gradually. Or just have Potts be likable from the start. Instead of being super defensive about the amount of freedom he gives his kids, have him apologize and admit that she was right. Then Truly understands how mature he is and things go well from there. That would be the easiest fix.

Okay lets talk about the story now. So the Baron wants the legendary Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car and so he has two bumbling agents constantly trying to get it. They try kidnapping Potts, then going after his father, etc. They don’t really know how to do anything so the heroes aren’t often in a lot of danger. Unfortunately the two biggest liabilities are Pott’s two kids. They don’t have much of a concept of stranger danger and so they run into a van for some candy. They pretty much write the book on why I tend to find kids annoying in this kind of adventure.

The whole story also feels like it takes place in the really olden days because of how the town and castle look. In fairness though, the film itself is fairly old so that was just how things went. There just isn’t really anything interesting to look at during the adventure. I also think this might be where I can better explain what holds the story back. It’s just too serious.

Now hear me out. This is a really silly comedy film so that may sound like I’m missing something. Where the story takes itself too seriously is in how the whole kingdom plot is still taking itself seriously even when the actual characters aren’t. We’re introduced to a whole new town with its own lore and the kingdom has a lot of backstory. You could maybe pull this off in a fully serious film but it’s much harder to do that when the characters don’t really care. You either needed to make this a fully serious film, or cut out the story aspect and just keep the film about everyone messing around and getting into trouble.

While the opening wasn’t ultra interesting, I do think the premise was better than the adventure we got. We could have stuck to seeing Potts and all of his crazy neighbors running around and causing trouble while Truly tries to expose them all as being crazy. I think you could do some crazy shenanigans with that or….make the car fully sentient. I think that would have been funny. Ultimately the film is fairly innocent and harmless but it’s just not doing anything. This one should probably not get a remake, I don’t think you can really save it.

Overall, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is a film that just doesn’t work. Even after waiting over 10 years and watching it again…it’s just not entertaining. The fantastical approach didn’t work here and the characters were not strong enough to make up for this. I would highly recommend sticking away from this film. It’s not as if it does anything seriously wrong but at the same time you’re just not entertained which is a big blow against any film.

Overall 3/10

Dragonheart Review

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It’s time for one of those classic films about dragons. It takes place in the medieval days so you already know that the film is starting off on shaky ground. It does mostly avoid any real dragon violence which is good but the film still suffers from really iffy characters and everybody being way too passive. It’s easy to see why the heroes were getting dominated for the whole film.

The movie starts off with a bunch of villagers uprising against a corrupt king. They manage to murder him and even fatally injure his son. Unfortunately the prince is taken to the local dragon who manages to revive him by splitting his heart into two. Now the prince has proven to be just as bad as his father, if not worse! The villagers have exited the pot and entered the flame. They have no protectors left and enter 12 years of devastation. Is there any way for them to make a comeback one more time?

I’ll give the villagers this, they did a good job in the first battle. I wasn’t expecting them to actually take out the king the way that they did. I also can’t fault them for the prince living since that required supernatural help. So they did their job but it’s a shame that they somehow all became enslaved again. Could they not have fought back while the prince was still gaining power? Also it’s too bad that none of the knights did anything to stop the corruption. It’s clear that the kingdom was an evil one that needed to be stopped.

The main character is a knight named Bowen who initially had high hopes for the prince. Unfortunately he became disillusioned when that guy turned out to be evil too. So he spent years murdering all of the dragons and eventually became nothing better than a scammer. He completely left his honor code and the film’s journey for him is about reclaiming this. It’s just hard to find him even remotely likable after all of that because he was in the best position to do something about this.

Perhaps taking out the prince himself. Running away doesn’t solve anything. It was also such a sudden transition with him blaming the dragon and running off. When the 12 year timeskip initially happened, I was pretty surprised about it. I understand going after the dragons but I thought the end goal was to make Prince Einon whole again. Instead it just became a pure quest of vengeance? Yeah by the time Bowen shapes up it’s a little too late. Additionally he also got crushed by Einon in their first fight.

Sure, Einon was using psychological warfare but it was a really bad look for him. At least Aislinn was doing something by enlisting the dragon hunters to destroy the dragon. If the dragon dies, then Einon will as well. She probably could have acted quicker but at least she gets some small points there. Then you have Kara who is the last villager to not lose her fighting spirit. She is trying, even if she doesn’t really have the abilities needed to enact change.

She ends up getting into trouble on more than one occasion as a result. Better to do something than to do nothing though. She may have even had a shot against Einon the first time if she didn’t announce her arrival. He had seen her through the mirror but it would have been tougher to ace the timing. I definitely could have done without Einon’s twisted attempt at seducing her though. That whole scene is pretty painful and you wish Kara could have gotten more of a direct revenge against him after that.

Einon has near immortality thanks to the dragon’s heart so it is difficult to keep him down. You have to thoroughly destroy him to the point where he can not regenerate but it would be a squeamish job for the average person. Additionally you will need time and skill to make that happen. For the most part nobody is really up to that task. There is one exception though and this pretty much breaks the whole story.

So we meet the dragon named Draco and he was someone who really believed in the knight’s code. He was even hoping that Einon would walk a better path which is why he revived him. Yet, why did Draco never aid the humans? He seemed to be aware of what was going on and could easily fly around to check whenever he wanted to. Dragons have great abilities and we saw that Draco was the best of them. He should have easily been able to prevent the corrupt kingdom from gaining more round. He could have burned them all with his fire and called it a day. The fact that he didn’t was pretty disappointing.

Bowen wasn’t the only one who let his kingdom down, Draco is guilty of this as well. He let the villagers suffer for over 12 years while he sat back. Additionally, he allowed Bowen to destroy all of the other dragons to the point where Draco is the last one standing. A part of him longed for death as he mentions in the film but you have to do something to fight back in the meantime. Instead he played the part of a passive spectator.

The heroes are just too passive here and so it makes sense that they got completely rolled over. That was basically going to be inevitable with how this went down. The special effects within the film are pretty good though. The dragon looks really solid and the film has aged really well for its day. You can’t show off the visuals much more beyond that because of the setting but the fire looks solid.

Dragonheart maintains a pretty dreary atmosphere for its run though. The villains get away with a whole lot before they’re brought down. We see a villager who had his eyes burned shut and after being a slave for 12 years, he is finally murdered. It’s all just rather grim and yet the film throws in a lot of gags and even some crude humor to try and lighten the mood. The various slapstick and gag moments weren’t handled all that smoothly. I appreciate the attempt but I don’t think this film was able to balance the two approaches all that well. The only parts in that vein that worked well involved a monk who would chronicle Bowen’s journey. You felt happy for the guy because he was always waiting for an opportunity like this. You know that he won’t let any of the events be forgotten and will have enough inspiration for a lifetime now.

Overall, Dragonheart is supposed to be a story about Bowen reclaiming his role as an honorable knight. The problem is that he missed his opportunity for far too long. Leaving the people to die for 12 years is just too big of a burden to easily come back from. Draco is equally guilty of not doing anything and so the would be saviors of the village were the ones who watched its ruin. If you like the retro setting of a Narnia/Game of Thrones setting then you should have an okay time here but I definitely missed my big city backdrop and the heroes are too slow to act. You’re better off with Eragon.

Overall 3/10

The Valley of Gwangi Review

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It’s time for a classic dinosaur adventure. In a way this is a whole lot like Jurassic Park, the old version. Perhaps that’s a surface level similarity but eh it’s close enough.

The movie starts off with a big shot named Tuck deciding to visit a small horse show on his way to the arena. He runs into his ex, T.J. Her show is really struggling, due in no small part to his running out on her for riches and glory. He offers her a chance to go with him but this time she stays strong and won’t fall for his tricks….for like 10 minutes. He sweet talks her into joining his side once again. What she doesn’t realize is that this will ultimately take her into the forbidden valley of Gwangi! This is due to the star tiny horse being stolen by a bunch of native conspiracy theorists who believe that he belongs back on the valley.

Okay so there are a lot of problems with the main dynamic from the start. Tuck seems to mainly be interested in using T.J. He walked out on her easily enough the first time and now he really wants to buy her main horse. She only agrees because she found the mini one with mystical properties but otherwise he was putting on a lot of pressure was already failing. Keep in mind that it’s not a one girl show. She has a whole team and other workers doing their best and now Tuck wants to take the one act that still draws some fans?

For reference, she and the horse jump into a pool of water which is surrounded by flames. I can’t say the act sounds all that interesting but generally all of the animal acts make me feel that way. Anything that has even the slightest bit of danger to the animal makes it all not worth it. We also get bull fighting and the like so you’re shaking your head throughout all of this. The main thing that stays constant throughout all of this is that Tuck isn’t the nicest guy.

Sure, by the end the romance and everything works out but it really shouldn’t have. This romance was poorly thought out right from the start and hurts T.J. as a character for entertaining this as well. Lope has a pretty big role as the kid helping Tuck out but he’s too young to be able to fight or anything like that. He doesn’t end up contributing a ton.

Horace goads the Gwangi tribefolk into kidnapping the mini horse so he is the one who really sets everything into motion. Of course I’d say he didn’t really think this through. Things could have easily been fatal for all of them. The thieves knocked out the guard after all but could have easily murdered everyone. The pursuit of knowledge alone is naturally not worth all of the sacrifice for this.

You could say the film really starts once they make it onto the valley though. Now we have all of the dinosaurs and the action. The main characters take this a lot calmer than you would expect as they talk about getting the dinosaurs into the circus act and all. You’d think that it would be a much bigger deal that dinosaurs exist right? I guess back in the day it may have been slightly less of a big deal since you could assume crazy extinct animals exist all over in different pockets.

The professor is probably the most impressed by default but that guy is the type of man to choose research over safety. For the most part you’re going to feel bad for the dinosaurs though. They aren’t quite ready to be dealing with humans. Right off the bat one of them gets his neck broken by the humans. You’d think the dinosaur would have been a bit stronger. Along the way you have dinosaurs destroying each other as well.

The effects are handled pretty impressively for its time. Of course this is to the detriment of the film since the dinosaurs bleed quite a bit and the film isn’t shying away from actually having a body count here. It just should have been more humans dying than the actual dinosaurs if you ask me. So the film is ahead of its time and dinosaur fans will get a kick out of it but it definitely didn’t end up being my style.

The king of the dinosaurs here is Gwangi and for the most part he looks like a normal dinosaur. He is ultimately defeated by the humans and forced to be in the circus which is definitely the ultimate disgrace for a proud creature like this. He gets some revenge later on by taking down some of the humans at least. Now you’re supposed to be rooting for the humans but by this point in the review you can see that I’m team Dinosaur. The humans just aren’t likable.

At least in the most recent Jurassic World film they are trying to create a rare medicine out of the dinosaur dna so there is some kind of a noble cause. Here, it’s really just about the money. They want to improve the circus act with the dinosaurs. The professor wants to increase his knowledge but has disregard for who has to pay for this progress. Ultimately there is a lot of selfishness going on here and all of the violence that ensues is directly the fault of the humans.

It makes the dinosaur violence feel even worse because the whole time you know they would have had more peace without the humans. Yeah, the dinosaur vs dinosaur stuff would still be happening but we wouldn’t be seeing it at least! Shoutout to the old lady at the beginning who warned everyone about the valley though. I was glad that she was actually correct and not just crazy. Yeah, they are usually right in these kinds of creature features but I was still happy for her. She probably gives Gwangi a little too much credit in terms of sentience but it was close enough.

Overall, The Valley of Gwangi does deliver on giving you a ton of dinosaur action. It’s the kind of film that does live up to the premise so you don’t have to worry about being misled here. If you want to see a survival film with dinosaurs showing up and the humans having to deal with them, then you’re in luck. This is the film for you. It is an unapologetic dinosaur film with pretty strong effects. Now if you don’t want to see the dinosaurs and are worried about the annoying humans, then this is definitely a film to give a hard skip.

Overall 3/10

The Creature Walks Among Us Review

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This film is a bit of a mess and the biggest problem is that the romance is absolutely crazy here. The film should have focused a whole lot more on the Gillman himself. Instead he is functionally a human for most of the movie and we have this awful love triangle going on. Trust me, the drama is not worth it for this film and you should stay far away. The winning formula is not to be found here.

The movie starts off with the main characters taking down the Gillman once more. He was badly burned so they take off the gills and it turns out that he looks just like a human now. He can no longer breath underwater without the gills but maybe they can slowly rehabilitate him. The problem is that Dr. William is bit on the crazy side. He’s also randomly abusive towards his wife Marcia and so their relationship is incredibly strained.

Unfortunately one of their divers is a man with no redeeming qualities named Jed. Jed decides that he wants Marcia all to himself so he begins to continually harass her as he tries to weaken her will so that she can cheat on her husband. Marcia doesn’t have much love left for William with how things have gotten and so she gradually weakens enough to allow Jed his advances. What does any of this have to do with the Gillman? Well, the poor guy is getting an up close view at how humans cannot be trusted and are all rather sinister.

That’s a huge problem for the film which is that the characters are simply unlikable. You’re basically rooting for the Gillman to take them out. First it’s easy to say that William is the worst of the humans. There’s no excuse for being abusive. The fact that he gets physical puts him on the lowest rung of the totem pole here and you’re waiting for someone to bump him off. He’s also not that good at thinking ahead as he puts himself in a really rough position when trying to frame the Gillman.

The Gillman gets framed? Yeah that actually happens near the end which was definitely a real desperate move. Could have been interesting if we had a courtroom trial or something but all of this is taking place privately with the characters on their property so we never get that far. Next up I have to put Jed as the second most unlikable character. You should never be trying to get someone to cheat. How classless is it to go after a married woman? That’s just total villain behavior and this guy seriously cannot take no for an answer.

So I can’t say that I felt any real sympathy for him. He found out real quick what the repercussions for this would be and shouldn’t have been making those mistakes. Finally, Marcia takes up some of the blame here but naturally not as much. She was on the back foot here but could have been more decisive in shutting Jed down. For example when Jed was going to go diving underwater, she insisted on coming along.

Everyone warned her that she’s not experienced for this and she could get the bends. Marcia insists on going and naturally she immediately makes a big mistake and Jed has to save her. That’s far from pushing him away and now it’s an excuse for him to be real close to her. Marcia needed to make sure she wasn’t putting herself in that kind of position. Sure, she couldn’t have assumed that she would make a mistake underwater but the point of the mission is that diving is really hard. It’s why Ned is here as an expert in the first place.

So instead of swimming with him, she needs another way to stop his endless pestering. This is the kind of serious matter where you do tell everyone and make a big stink about it. You have to embarrass the guy and if you don’t feel safe, then it’s time to get the cops involved and such. It’s also time for her to end the marriage to William and just start fresh. Hard decisions but this guy was clearly escalating more and more. Once things go physical then there isn’t a way back.

Still, this is a whole lot of screentime for the pesky humans. Keep in mind that the runtime for the movie is short. This is under 90 minutes total. The Gillman spends a good amount of that time getting burned and then being in recovery mode. He wakes up in time to take down one of the animals just for the film to remind us that this is not a quality picture. Far from it! Then the ending also goes out on a total whimper.

The Gillman walks out onto the sea. We know that he can’t breath under the water anymore so the implication is that he walked into his death. Living on the ship with those crazies was enough to thoroughly break him. That’s pretty sad in its own right. There is no climactic battle, in general the film didn’t have much action. This really feels like a poor way to end the Gillman trilogy. You’re left wondering what the whole point of the film was really about.

What purpose was there in showing that the Gillman was actually very similar to a human being? William had an obsession with evolution and biological changes like this but it’s not like that ever went anywhere. The Gillman didn’t ultimately learn how to hold a whole conversation or anything like that. You can barely even call this a horror film to be honest and maybe that’s not one of its official genres anyway. It’s more of a full on drama.

Overall, I’d say to stay away from this film. It doesn’t really satisfy you as a creature feature film and when it comes to full on dramas, there are way better ones out there. We needed a much better cast of characters here and there should have been way more action. If you do want to go into the romantic drama, then go all in and have both guys trying to murder each other throughout the film or something. Put it out in the open and the film is a battle of wits in this murder game. Then you somehow have the Gillman get involved in all of that. it would have been infinitely more interesting that way. Instead what we get is a mishmash of genres that won’t really satisfy anybody.

Overall 3/10