Category Archives: 2 Star Movies

Moonstruck Review

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Oh no it’s time for one of those messy romance films where everyone is cheating on each other. Obviously a romance is going to automatically be a bad one when there is cheating involved because that isn’t true love. Cheating immediately shows that there is a rebound and that neither character can be trusted. They have broken their word and honor by engaging in the act right from the start. Even if it’s meant to be a way to show how dramatic these adventures can be or to try for a jaded sense of realism, that’s not going to be enough to save this. It is absolutely possible to have a film that is good in spite of the characters being terrible but this was not that kind of film.

The movie starts off with Loretta finally getting proposed for marriage by her boyfriend. She has been waiting for this moment for a long time after her first marriage fell apart. This is really her chance in order to land a man before she has become too old. Johnny is excited as well but he has to go on a work trip for a while so he heads on out. Unfortunately this gives time for his brother Ronny to show up and this guy falls for Loretta right away. He is determined to get her and unfortunately her willpower may not be all that strong. Can she stay loyal to Johnny?

Well obviously she doesn’t and I wouldn’t even call that a spoiler because she doesn’t even last 5 minutes. Instead she tries to just say they should forget about it and her strategy is to hang out with Ronny but not let things get too serious. It’s a terrible plan right from the start to be honest and she was just being in denial. Once you’ve already crossed the line then there is no way back out. You just have to accept the fact that you’re a terrible person and retreat from all relationships. Johnny certainly didn’t deserve his and keeping it a secret would also be a terribly toxic way of handling things. Loretta was just a really terrible character all the way through. Ronny takes a ton of blame as well but I always put more on the person who is actually in a relationship.

Obviously Ronny broke the unspoken rules about not dating someone who is already dating a family member. He also shouldn’t be going after women who are taken and so there was no saving this character either. Just a poor character all the way through. The only correct option for him would have been to stay away from Loretta. Even if he truly fell head over heels in love with her, e was simply too late and just has to accept that.

Meanwhile Loretta’s father Cosmo is also a terrible character all the way as he decides to cheat on his wife the whole time. She handles this a little too calmly as well by just telling him to stop and things will be fine but he is taking all the blame here for being the one to start the cheating relationship. The guy wasn’t even sorry that he did it, just that he was caught.

Johnny is mostly innocent in all of this but then looks absolutely terrible in accepting the circumstances at the end of the film. A betrayal like this is not something that you just accept and cheer on. The whole ending is laughably bad and while I think that is part of the whole point of the ending, it still makes you shake your head. Johnny wimping out was ultimately for the best as he would have been in a terrible relationship but that’s only with knowledge from being outside the film. From in-universe it is just a bad look all around.

There really aren’t any good characters here. At least Loretta’s mother resisted the advances of one guy who tried to get with her but she was definitely playing with fire by eating with him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with having friends even once you’re married but you really need to be very smart about each interaction. You have to be able to read the other person and make sure that they aren’t going to try and make a move on you because at that point it would be too late to do anything about that. It’s easy to say you have too much willpower to do anything until it ends up happening. I wouldn’t trust any of the characters in this film at all.

In short there just weren’t any really strong elements to the film. Their conversations tended to be on the annoying side and are the kinds of dialogue that just ruin the reputation of romance itself. Characters settling because they are getting old, cheating just so that they can postpone death, etc. It’s basically a combination of all the worst tropes about romance and what some people think it is all about. I definitely tend to prefer the more idealistic version of romance with true love and each person never falling for a rebound. That’s how it is supposed to work after all and this film just wasn’t able to understand that. A relationship is about pure trust and pure love. If you’re settling or still checking out the market afterwards then it’s a bad romance definitionally.

Overall, Moonstruck is definitely one of those films that I would avoid. The romance is pretty terrible, we’re talking on the level of the Titanic here. Maybe even worse than that to be honest with how many pairings there were. There was just no saving any of these characters and the film is reasonably long. That time could have been used to make a good romance instead. I’m all for having a bunch of drama but it has to be the right kind. This one will definitely not go down as a solid title. At least the moon looked nice, it always stands out in the sky.

Overall 2/10

Vera Cruz Review

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It’s time for a retro western. Well I guess you don’t even need to call it retro because they don’t really make westerns anymore hehe. This was not one of the better ones. The villains get away with way too much the whole time and you re left shaking your head. At best I can say that the ending was decent although one character comes across as looking like a bit of a sucker. He lets things go on for too long just for the sake of his personal pride/honor.

The film starts off by introducing us to two big shot gunmen. The first is Joe, who is one of those guys who believes in might makes right. He will do whatever he wants in order to succeed even if that means constantly betraying folks. He even tells Ben that nobody can be trusted in this world. Then you have Ben who has much more of a strict honor code. He is a lone gun right now thanks to tragic circumstances from his past but doesn’t want to lose himself. Naturally there is a whole lot of tension between the two of them. They are both recruited by a group of fighters who oppose the Mexican government. These guys have actually taken control of a great deal of the country and have the upper hand. Is their money worth choosing the wrong side in this civil war?

While the Mexican civil war is the backdrop for the whole film, I wouldn’t say that it is super important. The film seems to show the Mexican government as being the good guys here and so ideally that is the case but I’m not familiar with the two factions. Within the context of this movie the fighter group definitely appeared to be crooked with all of their underhanded tricks though. The government constantly took the high road even if it backfired several times with hostages being taken.

At one point they had the main characters cornered but unfortunately a bunch of kids ran in and got held hostage. The government should have fired as soon as the villains approached the kids. Hesitating like that is likely why they lost the country in the first place. Throughout the film we are shown the contrast of how Ben is not nearly as ruthless as Joe. I would just say that it’s a bit hollow considering that he is still working with the guy. I don’t give you a whole lot of points for standing by while other villains are doing their thing. That’s just not how this all works.

Ben was also just too passive in general. At one point a girl shows up and pickpockets him. He takes forever to notice and by the time he asks for it back, she has already spent all of the money. Ben ultimately doesn’t mind and falls for her anyway but it makes him look like a real soft touch. Joe really criticizes him for this and it’s the only time that the guy is right. Ben was putting everyone in danger for not being able to control his feelings. Then it all climaxes at the end where he is faced off with an unrepentant villain and still can’t take the shot because he wants them both to be on even playing field. Just not a smart decision.

I can’t say that Joe was much better though. I did think that the way he was constantly grinning throughout the movie was interesting though. It made him look particularly unhinged which I think was the overall point. So that was handled really well. That being said, it will always be hard to root for a villain. Especially one like Joe who is still obsessed with both women and gold. It’s not like he is fighting for some kind of grand cause or anything like that. The guy just wants all of life’s pleasures with no real responsibility.

As I mentioned before, the villains just get away with way too much throughout the film. The way you could have saved Ben’s character would have been to bump a few of them off early on. The two villains ride with a band of thugs who end up getting to the main heroine at one point for a while before the main two break it up. It’s always going to be too late when the main characters get their after contact and just makes them complicit the whole time. The film really could have used a good sheriff character who would show up to take care of these guys. That would have really made a big difference.

I don’t think a film like this was ever going to be great but removing a scene like that would still do a lot of good. The heroine wasn’t even a solid character as she had to use a lot of tricks in order to complete her mission. It’s always an annoying subplot to have to resort to that instead of just taking everyone down with a gun. That’s the most direct way to claiming victory and you always wonder why it doesn’t happen more often. The wild west will always give you plenty of opportunities to pick people off.

Overall, Vera Cruz was definitely not a good wild west title and is one that you will want to stay way from. It takes most of the worst elements of the genre like the general lawlessness of it all and doesn’t add in a lot of strengths to offset the whole thing. As a result the film itself never ends up being all that fun. The old style script is the only thing you can really give the film and that’s not much. I dare say that a film covering the actual civil war would have been much better and more entertaining. That would have ensured more big battles and definitely a more likable set of main characters. If you are ever in a situation where you have the upper hand against a villain, don’t give him time to go for his gun.

Overall 2/10

Annie Hall Review

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Woody Allen films are consistently about a whole lot of rambling and characters talking in a way that just doesn’t make sense. They fill the air but none of the lines have any real substance behind them. They’re just creating more and more problems where no character ends up being likable by the end. There’s not a whole lot of plot going on here either so the story is forced to throw in a bunch of flashbacks and third wall breaks. You’re definitely in for an adventure of some kind here.

The movie starts with Alvy reflecting on when he used to have a strong relationship with Annie before things fell apart. He has already been married twice but in both of these relationships things did not go well. Annie was someone who actually understood him and they had some fun but it seemed to be very surface level. After some time had passed, they would grow further and further apart. Wait…so we already know the ending? Yes, this is one of those films that spoils the ending immediately so the movie is about the events that take you there. I never liked that cinematic plot device but what are you going to do right?

From the start you can see why it would be hard to stay with Alvy though. He is constantly depressed and complains about everything. He tends to be a complete doomer and you can barely even tell when he is having fun because he is still finding time to complain. That’s not the kind of attitude that is really going to get him far. Alvy’s a comedian but one who lacks in confidence so he gets stage fright and panics about every little thing.

For some movies there may be a bit of a mystery on why the big romance falls apart but it’s obvious from the start here. They are just way too different. Annie is more sociable and wants to hang out while Alvy’s idea of a good time is staying cooped up indoors. While some modern couples think it makes their relationship stronger to be able to still flirt around with other people to make the partner jealous, it’s just a terrible strategy in reality. They were both friends with people who were definitely the type to mess around and that increases the chances of it happening to them as well. You become the kinds of people that you hang around after all.

Towards the end they can’t even be intimate without Annie having to get high the whole time. They just have to casually use drugs and there doesn’t seem to be anything romantic about the relationship. They satisfy their physical desires and that’s it. You’re never going to have a meaningful relationship that way. None of the side romances are any better in this film.

As for Annie, well I can’t really give her any props either. The way she and Woody meet just makes her look a bit desperate. She clearly has ambition and drive in her life so staying with someone like Woody who has already given up on his future is not a smart play. Annie also tends to be a little too scattered like how she starts seeing a psychiatrist because Woody recommended one and then takes all of the advice in without thinking about it. She starts attending school classes because Woody suggested them and that leads to meeting with the teacher and starting more drama. She kept on starting new tasks because Woody would recommend them without really thinking about it.

Needless to say, it’s hard to picture either character being a reliable friend here. They would both just be annoying you to bits the whole time. You could also rest assured that they would be talking about you behind your back right away. That’s just how they operate and again that’s not the healthiest kind of personality to be associated with. I’m sure there are people like this but these are the kinds of social circles that you want to avoid. Everyone is two faced and fake with no real sincerity anywhere.

Now that isn’t to say that the film is devoid of humor. I actually think that Woody’s fast way of talking has some appeal to it. It certainly tends to miss a lot more than it hits but there will be some fun moments in the dialogue. A few jokes that will hit or a wisecrack that feels good. I tend to like fast, snappy kind of dialogue for humor and that is what this film is going for. With a stronger writer then this could have been a good recipe for success. To be really funny you should be hitting on around half of your jokes though, not 10%.

Also the film really needed more of a plot. To me this feels like an Abbott and Costello setup. Woody Allen films I mean. They all have him being really nervous and panicking the whole time but so far without much of a plot to back it up. Abbot and Costello would be about two guys joking around with some light plot in the background but it works because they are really funny. Additionally they would also tie the plot into something throughout the movie even if it was slight. I’ve got a mystery review coming up which addresses this to an extent at least.

So if you had some cool hook like the main two were stuck on a boat or travelling to space then you would have something there. You could keep the same tone but at least there is a real story to sink your teeth into. It’s not like this would have totally saved the film or anything like that but it would absolutely be a whole lot more watchable. As it stands, the film just doesn’t have any reason to make you watch it and you are desperately waiting for the characters to get more likable but it never happens.

Overall, Annie Hall is not a film that I would recommend. It’s a bit of a dreary watch with no real end point in mind. There can be a kind of humor in the way the dialogue goes but for every laugh you will have a number of groan worthy moments. This kind of film desperately needs direction and an end point. Without that or a good romance, there is no reason to get really invested in the film. I would definitely advise staying away from this one, it’s just too mindless the whole time with a lot writing standard. I’m still waiting for Woody to deliver on making a really good film.

Overall 2/10

Wuthering Heights Review

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It’s time for a really crazy romance. This is one of those titles that is just so out there that you can scarcely believe it. There aren’t really any characters to root for and so the romance is doomed from the start. A tragic romance is actually something that can work well in theory but this was definitely not the way to go about it. Based on how it all went down, I can’t really say that any of the remakes would sound all that promising either.

The film starts off with a guy getting stranded in a desolate area and so he stops by the nearest castle for shelter. He’s treated terribly by the master of the house, Heathcliff but this guy puts up with it because there is nowhere to go. He hears a girl crying out from beyond the fog which causes Heathcliff to run outside and the maid lets the guy know that it is the ghost of his dead lover. This guy has nothing better to do so it asks to hear the whole story.

The trope of the whole film being a flashback from the present is still a super annoying one imo but that’s how it has to be this time. So in the flashback we see how Heathcliff was adopted by a rich man but he died shortly thereafter and so the son Hindley was super resentful towards Heathcliff. He made Heathcliff essentially a slave of the family and ruled with an iron hand. Heathcliff fell in love with Hindley’s sister Catchy and so they would hang out in secret. Unfortunately this was not enough for Cathy. Cathy wanted to be rich and so she would cheat on Heathcliff with a rich man named Edgar.

She plays around with both of them for a while before finally marrying Edgar. In revenge, Heathcliff decided to get insanely rich and then married Cathy’s sister Isabella. He didn’t love her but sought to use Isabella as a bargaining chip against Cathy. This essentially works as Cathy wants Heathcliff again and this whole romantic rollercoaster goes all around with everyone allowing themselves to be humiliated and degraded in this way. Ultimately after a while we get back to the point in the present which tries its best to have some kind of a happy ending but you’ll just be shaking your head.

Now where to start on this one? The reason the romance doesn’t work of curse is because none of the relationships are actually true. Cathy lives up to her villainous potential for wanting Heathcliff for his body and Edgar for his money. She’s the kind of girl that people warn you about and you assume just doesn’t exist because that’s such an exaggerated person. Unfortunately Cathy never does anything to improve as a person and is content to be cheating even on her death bed. A truly terrible character all the way.

It does take two to tango though and that’s why I can’t let Heathcliff or Edgar off the hook here. Edgar really needed to have some self respect here. Cathy made it clear from the start that she also liked Heathcliff and even though she eventually married Edgar, that’s not a very good way to start off a relationship. Edgar needed to take a hard stance and at least move them away but to me he almost seemed a little intimidated by Heathcliff. This guy just let Heathcliff walk all over him the whole time.

As for Heathcliff, well it’s not like he was a morally upstanding character from the start. He was bullied and abused quite a lot growing up which ultimately led him to want to lash out and take complete revenge. Instead of being the better man he was the kind of guy who would go an eye for an eye. It can sure be tempting to go down that route of course but man did it make him absolutely unlikable. At least if he kept his age to Hindley and Cathy that would be one thing, but he was shown to have no morals when he went for Isabella instead as the ultimate form of revenge.

Yeah there was definitely no saving this guy. The characters sure make it easy though. This is going to sound like victim blaming but hey all these characters are adults and should know better. Hindley allows himself to get addicted to alcohol which makes it really easy for Heathcliff to forever torment the guy. It’s all just so easy when it really shouldn’t be. Hindley was in the power position just a few years back and then after the time skip he was all washed up.

Meanwhile Isabella knew that she was the runner up prize and still went with Heathcliff. He barely even pretended to love her. It was the most half hearted performance he could have given and yet she still went with him. Cmon now that’s just crazy. From there it only gets worse for Isabella but this was not a surprise attack by any means. It was all plain as day and she just allowed herself to be used, perhaps as a way to try and one up Cathy but it didn’t work.

The cast of characters isn’t even that large but it feels really expanded because of how long each character is on screen. They just drag out each of the minutes over and over as you can’t help but shake your head. There’s nothing particularly noteworthy about the writing and the pacing is only okay. The issues really begin to snowball into each other after a while because as a romance film the characters are one of the most important parts. When you don’t have any likable characters, ultimately that means you have virtually nothing to work with here. Certainly not a big soundtrack or exciting action scenes to take the pressure off.

Overall, I would definitely say to give this film a skip. I dare say that Twilight makes for a more believable romance and that is not going to crack anyone’s top 10 romances. The only consolation I can give this film is that the title’s a little funny. The spelling just makes me think of someone saying “Wut?” even though that’s not the intent. I just don’t see how anyone would really find this to be romantic. Obviously a taboo romance like Romeo and Juliet has its share of appeal but at least they really loved each other with no caveats. In this film it feels like everything has an asterisk. Does Heathcliff really love the heroine or does he just want to essentially own her and claim his revenge? Does Cathy love him truly or is she just punishing herself by getting a guy that she feels she deserves? It’s all twisted and certainly not in an entertaining way.

Overall 2/10

Rings Review

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It’s time for another Ring movie and this one is the weakest yet. It’s time for a whole lot of exposition to things that we already know about. There aren’t any real great characters here and the film falls into the usual issue of the whole thing being futile. The main characters have absolutely no chance of claiming victory here and will only continue to be absolutely crushed. The film desperately needs to introduce a villain to fight the demon or something because the humans are not cutting it.

The movie starts with Samara crashing an airplane filled with people because at least two of them had seen the video. Everyone is now doomed and upon their death we cut to the real main characters. Julia is the heroine here and her boyfriend heads off to College but they swear to stay together. They will make the long distance relationship work. Unfortunately he stops returning her calls early on and the last time they spoke he was surrounded by other student who didn’t seem like good influences. Another girl shows up on his computer and starts acting crazy so Julia drives over to find out what’s going on. Unfortunately she is not entering the middle of an ongoing death experiment.

There’s already a lot wrong with this. Holt just comes across as a terrible character. So he willingly joined an experiment about death, knowing full well about the risks. He bought into the explanation that this can help humanity learn some knowledge or something but with the risk it’s not worth it. Basically Professor Gabriel has a lot of students watch the Ring video. Then before the week is up, they get other students to watch it. You can keep on passing the curse along so that nobody dies but the professor waits for a long time to get a tail on this and so people still keep on dying anyway.

Holt’s excuse here is that he left Julia in the dark so that she wouldn’t get involved. It’s a terribly thought out plan. For starters this would make her nervous and want to come over anyway. If she didn’t, then she probably would have just straight up dumped him. In either case, there is no real winning on this one if you use that strategy. Instead he could have just acted like all was normal and at least texted her back once a day. Even letting her know about the experiments and just hiding parts of it would have worked better. So he’s just not very smart.

He’s also not likable for even getting involved with this in the first place. I’d also throw in that if he had roommates with him, he should have warned Julia in the call before she started stripping. Obviously that’s putting her in a really embarrassing situation otherwise. I can’t say that I was a big fan of Skye either because she was quick to watch the video and then was ready to pass it on to someone else. Not a very nice thing to do and it makes her as guilty as the other characters.

How come nobody suggested just making this into a Daisy Chain? Person A gives it to Person B who gives it to Person C who gives it to Person A, etc. You could do that every 3 days and in theory nobody would ever die. It would certainly be a lot safer than their current plan. Perhaps I missed one of the very sketchy rules about copies here but as far as I know this would work. Now admittedly, I still have to stretch some disbelief to understand how Gabriel found out so much about these rules. I guess you could say through a lot of trial and error but it’s always weird to have someone figure out so much about this.

Unfortunately that doesn’t save us from the exposition as we still have Julia and Holt travelling the world to learn more about Samara and her past. This is basically retreading a ton of old ground that we have already went through so I can tell you that this was incredibly dull. We already know that Samara is evil so it’s not like finding out more is going to help. The film introduces another big villain in her father but Samara is not some random victim.

She has been murdering dozens of people for years and has already said that she would never stop. While the father was crazy and evil himself, you knew that he didn’t stand a chance. He was blind so perhaps he figured that would be a natural defense against her curse but what he didn’t realize was that Samara has the ability to restore someone’s eyesight. Checkmate! I know that sounds pretty ridiculous but as long as you keep in mind that she is all powerful then it works out.

So you don’t really have any likable characters here. Gabriel should be treated as another big villain here as well since he was a mass murderer by showing the video to so many people. He may claim it was for science and stuff but that doesn’t give him a free pass. When Samara messes them all over by stopping the video from being copied, you can’t even feel too bad because people were already dying anyway. At least this will stop all of the experiments.

There just comes a point where you wonder what the point of this all is. Samara cannot be defeated or even slowed down at this point. She can take anyone down and even possess others whenever she wants to. You can try to burn the tapes but she will return right away and ignore every attempt to stop her. She seems rather slow so you could in theory run away from her but then she’ll just have you choke from bugs or be in some Final Destination type explosion. There is no escape and there is no way to beat her so everything is absolutely brutal.

I guess I can say that the film is at least not ultra violent. It certainly has its moments but isn’t on the same level as something like Final Destination or Halloween. The film makes up for this with a lot of disturbing imagery and just dark themes in general. This is definitely not what you would call a feel good movie nor does it have much in the way of replay value. There aren’t even a ton of scares to be had. Yeah we get some jump scares and all but the exposition part of the film is reallllly long. Honestly there is no easy way to save this franchise. Giving her a weak point would be a good start but it doesn’t seem like that is in the cards. Maybe at least give us a likable character.

Overall, Rings has more pertinent things to say about long distance relationships than actual lore about Samara. It’s all recycled at this point so you just don’t care. Her father has a good voice for exposition but the character himself is just randomly evil without a whole lot of development. I would definitely recommend staying far away from this film. It doesn’t meaningfully upgrade the Ring series and just takes a few steps back instead. Maybe the next film will be better…one can hope.

Overall 2/10

Sniper Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

When you hear of a film with the title of Sniper, you’re definitely expecting something really intense. It pretty much comes with the territory right? Well, this movie does not disappoint so if that’s what you’re looking for then you are in the right place. There is quite the body count here and you will see just how difficult the job is. The sniper position is really a unique one in the army and has its own set of dangers.

The movie starts with Tom and his partner completing a routine sniper mission. Unfortunately the partner dies and Tom is forced to head back alone. Now he has one last mission to complete before retirement. It’s an assassination mission with 0 backup and heavily behind enemy lines. His new partner is a rookie named Richard who has no in field experience but is a skilled sniper in non combat scenarios. Richard is technically slated to be the boss for this mission and was even given authority to murder Tom if needed. Will his lack of experience be a major liability here?

Right away you will be able to see that the answer to this question is Yes. Richard is constantly panicking and doing things by the book. Tom is someone who has been in the field a whole lot and so he knows what actually works and what doesn’t. It’s a massive difference in approach and leads to a lot of inside fighting among the two. The problem is that there is really no time for that. As a sniper you have to be able to trust your partner 100% and vice versa. If you don’t, then things are not going to work out.

I should note right away that I put 100% of the issues on Richard. There weren’t any arguments where I thought that he had a point. He spends a lot of time whining but he’s the one falling into traps and missing his shots. Richard misses a key shot that results in a lot of extra lives lost because naturally the target ended up being extremely vindictive. This was completely avoidable so Richard should feel bad about it.

Instead Richard gets defensive every time which isn’t helpful to anybody. Then by the end of the film Richard completely cracks and becomes more than a simple liability. He’s the kind of emotional loose cannon that you really don’t want out there. Tom is easily more patient with him than I would have expected any character to be. By the end you’re meant to find Richard likable again and be able to root for him but that didn’t work for me.

As for Tom, he’s a good main character. Richard tries to psycho analyze him a few times and explain how messed up Tom’s life is, but to me Tom is handling this all in a fairly mature manner. He has a tough job and he sets out to do it without any issues. It does look like retirement will be tough for him but I like to think that he would handle it lie any other mission. The fact that Tom hasn’t broken down after all of these missions is another testament to his strength of character.

He has good reason to be upset right in the intro when his partner dies because the helicopter came way too early. Is it possible that the stalker would have gotten them at night? Sure, but it would be a much more difficult shot and there are more variables at night. Tom took care of business with that guy later on as well. If I’m in the jungle, I’d want a guy like Tom to have my back. He may be rough around the edges but he absolutely knows what he is doing.

What does keep the film back from being better is the excessive level of violence though. You’ve got full blown torture with what happens when they catch Tom. It’s expected considering the situation but you just hope they could keep it off screen or something. You’re seeing a whole lot more than you would like to there. The film is definitely not shying away from the general violence either with all the headshots and fights going on.

The general combat violence may not be super crazy but then you also have the collateral damage like a villager who is murdered during the crossfire at one point. The film is showing you what a dreary world it is for the average sniper and does succeed at that task. It just comes at a huge cost. This isn’t the kind of film that has a whole lot of replay value. Nor is it the kind of film that you would say is generally happy. It’s not really meant to be and so that means it’s not really going to be my style.

I would have liked to have seen more of the government back at home. I enjoy all the tough talk and corruption going on there. Everyone acting real slippery and all that. Those set up scenes were really good. The army scene when Richard gets to base is more of a nonsense scene though. I understand the whole sizing each other up part but why were the soldiers acting downright evil? It seemed like Richard was about to have to fight for his life there and hat just seems to be pushing the tough army stereotype a little bit too far.

Also should you really be making the sniper upset when he could camp out at a distance and end things? Yeah he’d be in trouble but if you’re tough enough to be a sniper in the first place, you’re not going to have the same levels of worry. It’s why you always hope that the snipers are extremely resilient because even a single rogue sniper can cause a whole lot of problems.

Overall, Sniper is a very direct film. I want to say that about 90% of the film is the two guys in the jungle getting ready to take the shot and moving through tough terrain. The film doesn’t bother with any cutaways or side plots. There is only one story to tell here. So I applaud the focus but it’s definitely not my kind of film. It goes too hard on the violence and overall dread. That said, if this film seems like it’s up your alley then you should check it out. There are no fakeouts here so if you want a film about sniping, it’ll be hard to be more realistic than this one.

Overall 2/10

Prince of Darkness Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for one of those really spooky titles. With something called “Prince of Darkness” you already know that you’re not exactly in for your normal film experience. This one dips into sci-fi as well as the horror genre so that really makes this an unforgettable experience. The movie gets serious props for managing to get a really intense atmosphere within the film but also does tend to go a little too far with all the gross imagery and violence. At the end of the day I would call it an elevated slasher but make no mistake, everyone is being taken down.

The film has a professor bring along his most talented students to a church for some kind of project. They’re going to be here for days so they have their own beds and everything. They all specialize in different kinds of science so whatever is going on here has to be really massive. They are all being kept in the dark on what is going on here. See, it turns out that in this world, the Devil is actually an alien that has been trapped underneath the Church. Unfortunately he is slowly breaking past the seal and if he escapes, the whole planet is lost.

Honestly they should have told the students this from the start or at least a similar story to get them motivated. It’s not like most of them would have believed that anyway right? It would have at least given them some urgency though as they are initially really chill about the whole thing. Since they are each experts of their field, it probably would have helped them to target more specific solutions as well.

As the film goes on, we see how slowly the situation is getting worse and worse all around. The Church begins to get surrounded by the homeless who all seem to be affected by the evil influence. The Devil is able to shoot out his energy whenever he wants and mind controls people too. So even though he was technically still sealed for most of the film, it seemed to be because he was allowing it. He takes over the computers and begins to start hunting the humans in earnest later on.

That felt like cheating the premise a bit here. You’d think that the humans are at least safe until they run out of time or the container breaks. Letting the villain be able to bust through that just made the situation even more unwinnable. Now based on the cryptic dreams of the future, it may not have mattered but you should at least afford the heroes some hope.

I will say that the main characters do act like classic horror characters in the sense that they do not make the smart decisions even when their lives are on the line. Forget the evil supernatural stuff for a minute. You’re in a rather rough neighborhood, why go outside after dark into the back alley? I think he was going for a smoke or something but naturally he is surrounded and then murdered. The people who got destroyed by their mind controlled colleagues get a little mercy from me because that’s not something you could really predict.

Going outside like that was not smart though even if the whole thing is tragic. Then you have the priest who is someone you can pile a lot of the blame on. He is putting the characters in a really rough situation without proper context so they have to figure it all out slowly. Even when he sees all the signs that they are running out of time, he mainly just panics. By the end he finally has his moment in the final hour. So he ends strong but it would have been nice if he had a better role in the first half. Perhaps he could have helped with some supernatural support right? Although his faith was clearly shaken from the start.

The movie has a lot of weird visuals the whole time like a pigeon being crucified and different people melting into worms and shooting up ooze. So needless to say, it’s the kind of film that could make you a bit queasy. It’s also traditionally violent at times but the bigger focus is definitely on the weird elements here. You could really cut all of those out and that would make the film work better.

There’s also that sense of claustrophobia here as the heroes technically are in a big building but have no way to get out because of the sheer number of enemies outside. When the enemies want to get in, there will be nothing to stop them. Then with each member of the research crew starting to go bad, even the indoors is no longer safe. I have to give the film a lot of credit for how big the main cast was. You even start to lost track of some of them after a while which is intentional because even within the film that happens to a few of them. When someone is gone for a while you have to wonder if something might have happened to them. That slow feeling of dread works really well.

If the film had just stuck to that instead of going more for the edge then it would have worked out a whole lot better. Perhaps the approach of trying to create that authentic evil atmosphere is ultimately what really backfired here. I think it would have been interesting if the film had delved a little more into the ramifications of the devil being an alien too. There is a good amount of dialogue and pondering in general but not usually on that angle. The writing is solid though so the film will hold your interest the whole time.

Overall, Prince of Darkness is a really intense film to be sure but it’s not one that I would recommend. It gets a little too grisly as the film goes on and the heroes were never given a proper fighting chance here. If anything it felt like they were being toyed with and depending on how you interpret the ending, there was never going to be a path to victory. So it makes for an intense watch but one that ultimately ends up feeling futile. I’d like to see another try at this one with the characters gradually vanishing or being pit against each other but without the devil actually being able to control them. As long as the seal holds, his main weapons should all be that of trickery and manipulation. Any direct action just widens the gap way too much.

Overall 2/10

Puppet Master II Review

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The Puppet Master is one of those films where you know it’s going to be bad right out of the gate. The question becomes, just how bad is it really? If it’s only normal levels of bad then it could be a lot worse but if it’s terrible like the first film then you’re in trouble. Well, I can safely say that this one is in the terrible category. There isn’t much good to say about the film and ultimately it doesn’t justify the purpose of having a sequel in the first place. There aren’t really any new ideas and once again the characters are all losing to a bunch of tiny puppets. A true skill issue if you think about it.

After the events of the first film, the puppets go and bring the original Puppet Master back to life. Unfortunately this guy has now become looney after his death and thinks that the reincarnated version of his wife is here. We then cut to a bunch of researchers who are at the murder house to find out if psychic phenomenon is real or not. The psychic they hire definitely thinks that this is the real deal and prepares to leave but gets bumped off by the puppets. The rest of the group are also in danger now and may be picked off as well if they can’t find a way to take these puppets down. Can they actually defeat them though?

Now one thing you have to remember is that the puppets are not very powerful. They are small and weak, while also lacking any kind of true offensive capabilities. All they can really do is rely on sneak attacks. There is one exception, which is the Darth Vader looking puppet which has an active flamethrower. With this firepower it can easily destroy any opponent. Whenever a human would lose to this guy I would them a little slack. The other puppets are all much weaker though so you should be able to defeat them rather easily. Even the flamethrower isn’t too tough if you are expecting it, but the real tricky thing is if you don’t know that the weapon exists in the first place. In that case, it is definitely fair to fall beneath its overwhelming might.

The humans are all rather unlikable once again though so that’s a shame. In some ways they may not be as bad as the psychics from the first film who were all really looney but these guys can’t manage to stay focused for long either. There is a lot of flirting right out of the gate and the main characters don’t really know how to stick together against the villains. As soon as the first puppet is found (shortly after murdering someone) they should have all been on high alert. Yet, they still split up a lot.

A very mysterious guy in bandages shows up and while the heroes think he is weird, they are not overly concerned. This is now a murder scene so surely anyone who claims to live here should be a massive suspect right? I dare say that a citizen’s arrest should even be in order here. Don’t give this guy any kind of freedom or you will end up regretting it later on. The characters here aren’t the brightest but at least they aren’t actively tying each other up like in the first film so that is some progress.

A big problem that they all make it taking too long though. Like when the psychic finds out that the place is evil, she doesn’t immediately leave and instead plans to go either late at night or in the morning. Plenty of time for the puppets to take her down and unfortunately, she was unable to put up enough of a struggle to get the others involved.

Then you have the next door neighbors who are rather mean for no reason. The lady does pretty well for a little while there but then of course she ends up getting overconfident and makes a big speech before going down. This is the kind of film where you know that resistance is futile and so it does take away from the struggles. While that may be true for a lot of horror films, it is the movie’s job to try and get you to feel like there is at least some kind of chance. If you don’t think that there is any chance…well that takes the fun out of it right?

As you can expect, most of the murders are rather violent. Since the puppets are small, it takes a lot of hits to finish off the main characters and usually that means the kills are really dragged out. You’re just waiting for the film to mov on to something a bit more creative but it doesn’t happen. That’s because the movie isn’t trying to do anything too creative or subversive. It’s just going through the motions in a rather soulless way. No quality writing to help you out here.

I think if the series wants to have any chance of being better, it needs to move beyond the house in the next film. Yes, we had the next door neighbors up the road, but that barely counts and naturally the cattle started dying for the main villain’s plans which didn’t help matters. Have the puppets go into the city and then we get a war against the army. Sure it would be rather campy but that’s the case for the main movie as well. At least this could give the film some entertainment value because as it is now, it’s not even funny.

Overall, This is your average slasher from start to finish. It’s really violent with most of the characters existing only to get bumped off. It was nostalgic seeing some of the puppets from the first film but it’s not like they have grown much stronger since then. It’s still hard to take them seriously as villains at all. The whole time you are just shaking your head. I would definitely recommend giving this one a skip. There is no real reason you need to watch this movie and I doubt the sequels are really going to raise the bar all that much anyway.

Overall 2/10

Raw Edge Review

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I suppose a title like Raw Edge might already get your guard up but I can assure you that the film is even worse than you might think. The plot is annoying and the characters are all terrible. The movie really drags on and the whole time you’re just hoping that some of the villains will get bumped off instead of being spared for the 5th time and you know they will show up again before long.

The film centers around a town with a very rough custom. When a guy dies, his wife becomes an available product to be claimed by the first guy around. As a result you are incentivized to bump off a lady’s husband if you want her. This has been going on for a long while now and the head’s wife isn’t thrilled about this but you don’t worry about stuff for too long when you’re that powerful. One day she is attacked and so the town murders a guy who insulted her a while back and his wife is claimed. Now the brother of the victim has arrived and intends to murder her husband. This is trouble because everyone in town has always wanted her and now’s their chance.

I mean the story is so absurd right from the start. A town where women are literally property to be traded like this? Man, leaving this town seems like it would have been a slam dunk and at the very least you won’t want others to come up here. The victim actually recommended this as a place to live, can you believe it? Tex, the victim’s brother arrives and for starters he should definitely be upset at the fact that his brother would have even thought about him living here. Well, he intends to get revenge which will be hard to do since the head has a lot of followers. On the other hand, at least 3 are helping him out since they want a shot at the wife.

The whole film is using this kind of tension to get the story moving and it’s not the way you want to make a proper film. It’s dark in a distasteful way and of course it makes all of the characters look really bad. One lady tries escaping the village to go to the Indians, only to be hunted down and the Indian is murdered. Nobody tries to help her and instead they are fighting over her. It’s all about power here and everyone is only fighting for their self interests.

I’m guessing the reason why there are no real good guys here is because the ones with any kind of moral compass were probably stamped out years ago. So now you’re stuck with all of the corrupt folks. So of course that’s already bad enough but then even aside from that the writing is just really, really bad. Everyone is super dumb and naive at the same time. One guy in particular has been after the heroine for a while and got caught several times. In each instance someone gets the drop on him but lets him live. This happens over and over and over again until eventually he is left alone with her. Then he tricks her into leaving her horse to check on his and to ride with him? She really made things way too easy for the guy.

When Tex shows up and saves her again, he turns his back to the crazy guy with a gun??? She has to point out that he’s about to shoot for him to turn around. In a world like this where everyone is out for themselves, it should be common sense not to trust anybody. You have to take your opponent down for the count and keep your gun active all the way up until that point. If you lower your guard at all then it’d all over. Then you had the older guy who kept on doing some betrayals of his own and he somehow thought the other villain would forget? Near the end he turns his back to the other villain and talks about sharing again, as if he hadn’t just betrayed him 20 minutes ago….another dumb move.

The card player also took a whole lot of risks the whole time and is a really slow draw. It’s no wonder why he tries to use strategy to win the whole time because when it comes time for a gunfight he really doesn’t last very long at all. Meanwhile the head of the town isn’t the smartest guy either. After allowing a girl to be captured and forcibly remarried, he believes her when she says the Indiana just need to talk to him briefly? You don’t feel bad for him at all but the fact that he didn’t question this at all is crazy.

The film just had really bad writing all throughout the movie and the whole film needed to not have included the town’s weird rule from the start. Throw that out entirely and the whole film gets way better. Otherwise the fact that every guy there is just obsessing over all the women and waiting until they are in the market is wild. It’s just not a fun film and the whole thing just reeks of shock value. There were way better ways to handle this one. I guess it serves as a general reminder on why living back in the days of the wild west would have been brutal. Not to this crazy extent but it would still be bad regardless.

Overall, Raw Edge is a film that is trying to be rather brutal the whole time and it succeeds. It’s all just so corrupt with nobody to root for. It feels rather contrived and no amount of songs that the film would throw my way could change that. Even the song at the end is going for a rather upbeat/chipper tone and it just doesn’t work with the rest of the movie. I couldn’t buy into the romance at all but you could interpret the ending as a strategic move in order to get out of there and I couldn’t blame the heroine for that. You need to leave the place asap and can think of the long term plan after that.

Overall 2/10

Insidious: The Red Door Review

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Insidious has definitely fallen onto tough times over the years. I wish I could say it ended with a real bang but unfortunately this film was not even remotely good. It falls into pretty much all of the big horror traps you can think of. Annoying characters, a lackluster story, etc. There was really nothing about the movie that would really attract you to it and by the end it just feels like a waste. There isn’t even a really hype end stinger to leave the film off on a high note. They came close because I thought one character was about to turn evil but surprisingly this did not happen.

The film starts off with showing us how strained the relationship with Josh and his son Dalton is. Dalton is a super spoiled kid who is a jerk to everybody, but especially his father. The kid has really checked out and just wants to go to college to be away from his family. Josh ended up going through a divorce so he’s not doing great right now but is convinced by his ex to drive Dalton to school. The problem is that the hypnosis placed on both of them to forget their old memories has nearly come undone. The door to the Further is opening again and the demons are waiting by the gates. This could end up being fatal for the main characters.

One of the big problems this film has is that Dalton eats up the majority of the screentime and he never gets a whole lot better. He’s super annoying throughout the movie and seems like the kind of character who is easy to manipulate. His roommate ends up being a girl named Chris who teaches him all about going to the dark side and becoming a total delinquent. Unfortunately for her, she is now roped into this death battle against the demons since Dalton wants to try out his astral projection ability. I have to agree with Chris being upset about this because it does put her in a lot of trouble right out of the gate. Not a very pleasant thing for a friend to be doing right? Dalton doesn’t really put a whole lot of thought into her safety at all.

Until the ending you could also say there’s not much reason for Dalton to be messing with this ability. If anything, all of the signs point to this being a mistake like how he keeps drawing doors and even injures himself from drawing too hard. These are massive signs to stay away from the supernatural. At least in the end he gets to bond a bit with his father but it was a long road to get there and basically any scene over at the school was a rough one. Meanwhile Chris was at least taking things in stride a lot more but I still can’t give her many points because of what a bad influence she was. If you thought that sorority/frat parties sounded bad, this film won’t change your mind.

Josh’s story is a whole lot more interesting which is why it should have gotten more screentime. Basically the hypnosis did a lot of damage to his life like contributing to his divorce and in the years since then his mind has been really foggy. The hypnosis did a number on his brain after all and so he was really put in a tough spot here. Now I don’t think it’s earned when he is mad at his ex though because he did try to murder her while possessed. At that point I think you do basically lose any kind of argument for how things could have worked out. It was also apparently partially his idea to be mind wiped.

Ultimately Josh just needed to do a better job of resisting the demons and I know that is easier said than done. Still, at least he feels like a tougher character than Dalton and is just more fun. You won’t see him being pressured into doing anything too crazy. The plots take a long while to converge though which is unfortunate. Also one of the most jarring exposition scenes is when Chris randomly finds a video about people discussing astral projection. The odds of her finding these guys in particular is one thing but they act like this is a fascinating new concept. Everyone knows what Astral Projection is, I don’t see what was so shocking about this. Believing that it is real would be shocking, but not the concept itself.

As for the scares, it’s basically your average kind of jump scares. The film relies a bit too much on gross type horror like one character puking and a lot of the demons just looking really ugly. It’s more grotesque than scary and the iconic villain only has a cameo this time around. The human possession is also one of the less scary kinds of horror villains because you’d rather be seeing the demon try to fight them. This doesn’t seem like final film material, it could have been the threat for any of the films in this series.

The writing is okay I suppose but without any real likable characters that does limit the film’s potential right off the bat. Then the film can also feel a bit on the long side as a result. I gotta say, the movie could and should have been a whole lo better than it was. The way it turned out, it’s not a film I would be interested in re watching.

Overall, Insidious: The Red Door suffers from being a standard horror film. It doesn’t come close to matching the visuals of the original Insidious and it’s lacking anything all that memorable. It’s not the worst Insidious film but you will struggle to find any real positives about it. Horror films seem to be allergic to good characters most of the time but they would do the genre a whole world of good. Next time they should spend more time on the characters and less on the horror setup. We don’t need Dalton to draw the same things numerous times and calling his brother to confirm that something weird is going on. The scenes never go anywhere until the very end.

Overall 2/10