Can’t Buy Me Love is one of those romance films where you’re waiting for some kind of twist ending to save it. For example maybe something that prevents the main duo from getting together and the film decides to be a bit subversive about it all. Unfortunately that didn’t happen and this ends up being one of those films that will just have you shaking your head the whole time. There isn’t much to salvage about this one.

The film starts by introducing us to Ronald who is your typical nerd character. He’s extremely introverted and has not been able to get popular at school. He secretly wants to be like the cool guys and go to all the parties/get a girlfriend. One day he sees that his next door neighbor Cindy is in a jam because she ruined her mother’s expensive dress. It will cost $1,000 to buy a new one which is a lot of money for that time period. Ronald offers to buy it for her on the condition that she pretends to be his girlfriend for a month. Cindy is under duress right now because she’s really worried about what her mother will say, so she reluctantly agrees. This will now be the toughest month of her life.

So right away there are a bunch of problems with this premise. Yeah I get how you can get a lot of comedic situations out of this. It’s a classic type of plot that has been done many times before but this situation was not a good move. The fact that Cindy was super pressured into doing this was crazy. It’s much better done in a film like Summer Wars where one character said yes to be nice and there was no blackmail happening.

Now it does set Ronald up as an antagonist right away. He’s willing to go quite far in order to move ahead and the film will even surprise you with how degenerate the guy is. Ronald is the kind of guy who lets the power get to his head immediately. The movie also shows how he doesn’t even see Cindy as real girlfriend material because when she starts to fall for him, he doesn’t even acknowledge it. Yeah maybe he’s a bit oblivious but pair that with all of the future scenes and it makes sense.

He just wants to live a life without morals where he can have relations with whoever he wants. This is not true boyfriend material in the slightest. Ronald also betrays his friends. Not even in a subtle way like eating at a different table, but completely ignoring them, messing up his best friend’s house, etc. The betrayal is quite extreme and then he gets with quite a number of girls before the film’s over. Ronald just goes all the way in each instance and doesn’t know how to have any restraint. The ability to do anything doesn’t mean that you suddenly go and take advantage of every opportunity.

If anything the new status just exposed his true personality. So this guy was a real bad apple for sure and the ending is not deserved. He should have just been totally isolated as a repercussion for what he did. That would have evened out pretty well if you ask me.

Then you have Cindy who isn’t exactly the best character either. I do want to confirm straightaway that she is many times better than Ronald though. Cindy has a lot of status within the school as the top cheerleader and never let it go to her head. She’s just a bit spoiled like when she took her mom’s dress when she was explicitly told not to do that. So Cindy really set herself up for a lot of trouble here. There’s no reason why she should have agreed to Ronald’s demands though because she actually has a long distance boyfriend.

Now that boyfriend doesn’t seem like a great guy but you still can’t be pretending to cheat on him in front of the whole school. That’s a quick way to destroy the reputation of all parties involved. Additionally she is just way too forgiving. This is partially because of how the film had to end out but it was a real shame to see her just absorb all the abuse Ronald threw her way. He did not hold back at all in trying to make her look bad and was quick to cut her down.

He’s the kind of guy who will take anything you share in confidence and blow it up in your face. So if you have any self respect then you’re not even going to be friends with someone after that. Definitely one of the worst romances I’ve seen in a while. This also takes away from the comedic potential of the film. Officially this is meant to be part comedy and you can see all of the jokes that are slipped in but it tends to be a little too mean spirited to actually have fun with.

It’s almost spiteful with how it all plays out. This is like a power fantasy for an introverted person but written from someone who thinks that popularity is inherently bad. Ronald also comes across as being whiny here because it’s not like he was completely alone. He had quite a few friends and they would even play games together at night. They were real friends and then he had a good reputation in the neighborhood like how Cindy’s mom thought he was a responsible young man. He traded that all in and I’d say that speaks volumes about him.

There’s so much more you could say about the romance in general but you get the idea. For a romance to work you need both characters to be solid but as the title went on everyone just looked bad. The worst part is that Cindy made a good faith effort from the start with helping Ronald learn how to dress for success. Then she came up with a good cover story and everything but Ronald was quick to just take everything too far. I suppose he didn’t have great family influences. His parents let his younger brother constantly bully him but of course that whole subplot was also embarrassing for the main character. Surely he can handle some banter with a little kid right?

Overall, This is not a film that I would recommend. It gets way too dramatic and mean spirited the whole time. Definitely a film that will not go down as one of the better ones and I can see why it has been forgotten to time. The film needed major work in order to even be decent. You definitely have to start by fixing the general premise of the film so it starts off a bit lighter and then you shouldn’t make Ronald a total jerk. There are so many ways to make the film fun and you can keep him oblivious without making him a total antagonist. Then you can actually focus more on the comedy. Like there was one funny joke where Ronald’s friends try to enter the party but immediately sit back down when they’re called out. Of course it was hard to be sympathetic to them either since they were girl crazy as well. That’s got to be one of the worst stereotypes. They should be focused on games or something. If they really want to get out there, then they should be going to the gym or something. I gotta just try and focus on the comedy….

Overall 3/10