Well, it’s time for a horror/slasher/thriller film where the main plot tries to live up to the title. The romance is definitely a contender for one of the worst in cinema and the rest of the film isn’t much better. Without any characters to actually root for and cringe worthy dialogue throughout…where can the film even go? Needless to say, it can only go down from there. On the bright side, the film was up front about itself from the get go, hence the title.
The film starts off with a guy named Kale. His father passed away due to a car accident a while back and he never recovered from it. After slacking through another class and having the professor call him out on it, Kale quickly went for a punch. It landed him in house arrest and he will really be arrested if he leaves the house for longer than a few seconds. He can technically make it to the front and back yard, but that’s it. Kale decides that if he can’t go around beating people up anymore, he can at least be a stalker. He spends his time spying on the main heroine and even invites his friend as well. Unfortunately, it turns out that one of his other neighbors is a murderer and since Kale made it obvious that he knows about this…the group is in danger now. Can Kale stop this guy or will he destroy them all?
Well, the basic premise already starts this film off at a disadvantage. Naturally, the main heroine decides that she doesn’t care about Kale’s antics, or the fact that he crashed or party in a fit of rage
because it’s a bad movie it shows that he cares. It’s just hard to watch because you already know that Kale is not a good guy at all. Lets face the facts, he punched out a Professor who wasn’t even being super antagonistic. Sure, he played the Dad card, but the main character had been sleeping through classes and hadn’t even seemed apologetic. After that, Kale did his best to do all the wrong things. He didn’t help out around the house, he would play games all day, then he would watch sketchy TV all day, etc, etc. Kale would always try to make the situation worse.
You can’t feel sympathetic with him at all. Honestly, his situation was pretty lucky all things considered. This is why you should have hobbies. If I had to stay at home for a full month for some reason, it’d be easy. I’d be blogging, gaming, TV watching, and doing all kinds of things. Even card/board games would get a shot. There’d also be a lot of time to do some cleaning as well or at least not adding to the mess. Heading back to the main heroine, it’s also quite telling that Kale would invite his friend over to watch as if she was the afternoon entertainment. There’s no way a healthy relationship can be formed from such a twisted start and it just never gets better.
As I already mentioned, none of the characters are good. It’s obvious why Kale isn’t good and the heroine is simply too easy. Even if it was to get Kale jealous, (Or should I say Especially?) she was getting awful close with the random strangers at the party and things were quickly getting dicey. If she is that free, then the pairing makes a lot of sense, but is still pretty terrible to see on screen. We can’t forget Kale’s friend either. The guy spends his first 5-10 minutes making one looooooooong repetitive dirty joke about how a Spanish word sounds like a sad English phrase. The professor lets him go on and on for reasons unknown. The friend also proves that he only cares about himself several times as he is ready to let Kale take the fall for the false murder accusation. Recording the heroes at the end is just adding insult to injury.
The film doesn’t even do well as a slasher. Now, this part is a little contradictory since the “better” you do as a slasher, the lower your score might be. After all, increasing the body count solidifies the villain as a threat, but will also likely make the film more violent. Well, the villain here can’t be taken too seriously since he keeps letting people go. He didn’t destroy the friend, he spared the heroine, he spared the Mom, etc. I get that it was all part of the plan, but he reeeeally took his sweet time. I’d also argue that the way in which he invites people over to his house and then murders them sounds like a fool proof plan to fail. Nobody noticed any of this? None of the families were able to track the cell phone to that location before the person died? Even if the villain got rid of the phone, they could see it on the trail right? His wig disguise shouldn’t be as convincing as it was. I guess Kale’s eyes are as bad as his personality, but it’s still pretty sad.
The film also throws in some animal violence for good measure as the main villain destroys a deer and also takes down a rabbit. Why? It was part of his master plan to trick the cops and it works super well, but it doesn’t help the film. Back to the cops, they look terrible as per usual. One of them has a personal vendetta against Kale which he lets get in the way of his objectivity. When the main character leaves the house and the Police are sent to take him in, the cop decides to stop by a McDonalds esque place first to finish his Cheeseburger combo. By the time he gets to the house, his reflexes and reaction times are shot. He walks into the house and is quickly murdered by the main villain. It happens so quickly that he doesn’t even get to use his gun. Police are trained for this kind of thing, I’d like to think that they wouldn’t walk through a sharp turn in pitch black conditions without some kind of plan.
Kale only lives through the climax due to plot hax. After all, he makes all the wrong calls. He trips, makes a lot of noise, lies down to make himself an easy target, and a slew of other things. One character who I didn’t mention, but is also pretty bad is the Mother. She invites the neighbor to her house and then even after Kale tells her that he is a murderer, she doesn’t care. Sure, Kale’s not the greatest person to take tips from, but she should at least use some common sense and not go to the guy’s house in the middle of the night when they’re all alone and there isn’t anyone to protect her. She just looks soooooo bad here. The early part of the film tried to make her a tough and independent character, but this nullified all of that in an instant.
Overall, There definitely isn’t much in the way of positives for this film. Originally I was going to give it a 1 because it’s super distasteful, but does it really deserve a 0? Well, after thinking about it a while as this film stayed on the backburner, I think it actually did deserve a 0. It tries to romanticize a pretty bad relationship and doesn’t actually have a moral in place to show Kale that what he did was wrong. It’s never portrayed negatively at all, but rather it happened and the heroine rolled with it. Throw in the animal violence, the stalking scenes, the unlikable characters, and the bad writing….and it all leads to one conclusion. If you want to watch a film with a similar plot, but a much better execution, check out Rear Window instead. Whatever you do, just stay away from this film. There is really nothing good to be found here.