Voodoo Woman Review

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Uh oh, it’s time for another indie film. You know how some series like Transformers start you off with a low bar? Indie films have no bar at this point so you can only expect to hit rock bottom and not rise above it. It’s rather sad to generalize all indie films like that, but it’s gotten to the point where I’ve probably seen like 10+ indie films in a row and they’ve all turned out to be completely terrible or just very bad. This one is no exception as it manages to reach the legendary 0 score. There’s just nothing good about this film and it gradually gets worse and worse as it goes on.

Marilyn wants to get rich so she murders some guy and gets the bartender to trick a hired guide to take her to some tribes. She wants their gold and will do just about anything to get it. Dr. Chaka tells her that the tribe will let her steal their gold if she goes through a ritual. He wants to do this because he aims to create a super creature who is superior to humankind and then he will show her off to the other colleges. She has different plans for this though and either way, the tribe looks to be in some real danger.

The film starts out at rock bottom right from the get go. We see a dead animal as part of a vicious ritual and then a young maiden having to become a monster. She resists the orders to destroy her village, but it’s still a pretty sad fate. She escapes only to get forcefully used and then murdered by one of the main characters. The film was desperate to stay as dark and gritty as it could throughout. This scene didn’t add anything to the film and just reminded you of what you were watching.

Another ongoing plot is that Marilyn is used to getting what she wants through the use of her feminine wiles, but Ted (The adventurer) is determined not to let her win. As such, he goes the James Bond route. He has his fun, but always reminds her afterwards that he still won’t help her. It’s certainly not the most heroic route to go if you ask me and it just makes both characters look really bad. Rick’s the terrible main character who turns out to be evil and is quickly murdered afterwards. It was good to have him written out of the film at the very least.

Meanwhile, you have Chaka’s wife who is imprisoned in her own home. She makes the mistake of running towards the villains though which doesn’t end well. At least she gets over her husband’s death pretty quick once Ted comes along. Chaka was a bad person and the film made sure to show that quite a lot so it makes you wonder how they ever got together anyway. Meanwhile, one slave tried to help the wife, but was naturally murdered for his efforts. If you leave this film alive, you can count yourself lucky since most of the characters were murdered by the end.

The actual Voodoo Woman in question wasn’t a very scary monster. She could barely move and had to be the slowest villain that I’ve seen since the Gill Man. While she was bullet proof as well as acid proof, I can’t see anyone actually being scared of her in the theater. That means that the film failed on that account. The suit was also pretty low budget and just looked fake the whole time. The film also barely had the Voodoo Woman appear, probably due to budget constraints.

The film’s first half takes forever to go anywhere. The two plots don’t merge until the film is already well into the climax and then it quickly ends. I was glad that the film wasn’t any longer since it had already been dragging on for quite a while. The sooner it was over the better if you ask me. After all, watching a 0 star film is never much of a pleasant experience. How could the film have been better? Well, cut out Rick and all of his scenes, take away Chaka and his experiments, take away Marilyn and her unfortunate plots, take away all of the animal violence, and then we’ve got a film. The problem is that you’re taking away about 80% of the film so it’s a completely different movie by that point right? That’s why there basically isn’t anything to save in this film, it would take a whole other movie to be good.

The only part of the film that could have been semi decent was the corrupt cafe towards the beginning of the film. I like how the bartender robs people and then covers up murders for an extra profit. He covers all of the bases and even robs the people that are about to be murdered so the real murderer can’t take the full cut of the profits. Even here though, the film makes sure to remind you that none of the characters are too smart. One professional is distracted by a dancer who very obviously goes to distract him and doesn’t notice that two villains went into his room in the mean time. This guy was supposed to be smart…how could he fall for the oldest trick in the book? It was pretty disgraceful so it was hard to feel bad for him when he met his inevitable demise. At least he didn’t have to live through the rest of the film so that’s something.

Overall, The Voodoo Woman is a movie that is best left forgotten. It’s not a film that is so low budget that it ends up being good. It’s just a bad film that doesn’t get any better no matter how long you continue to watch it. There are few films that are quite as bad as this one and it’s just unfortunate. I can’t say that I ever had much hopes in a film about Voodoo though. It’s certainly not the most interesting plot device out there. Ideally I won’t be seeing a film this bad again for a while, but you never know. There’s always another film around the bend that it just waiting to reach new heights and once in a while…they succeed! There’s a twist ending in this film by the way so if you somehow watch the movie, stick around for it. It reminds you that the whole thing is futile. Of course, you should watch just about any other film instead of this one. Even Pixels is a considerable improvement since it at least features an arcade.

Overall 0/10

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