House of Wax Review

It’s time to look at a remake of a film that I saw not too long ago. Unfortunately, this is one of those remakes that decides to play it very by the books and doesn’t change much. I find this to be a waste since a remake/reboot should always make drastic changes so you have a reason to see it over another version. You’re basically watching the same film, but without the classic black and white effect that makes it more tense or the solid writing of the old days. Well…prepare yourself!

The film starts off with Jarrod in good spirits. He has finally found someone who is willing to buy his partner’s share of the business. Burke had been pretty mean lately and Jarrod would be glad to have him out. Unfortunately, the rich fellow couldn’t buy the place right away so Burke decided to burn the place to the ground. Jarrod resisted a little, but he was outmatched. Burke was simply too strong and burned the place down along with Jarrod for good measure. No worries though, Jarrod survived and quickly went over to murder Burke and his fiancee. He then decided to open a museum where he could show off his murders and nobody would be any the wiser. Jarrod gets a little too overconfident though and decides that he wants Sue as his masterpiece. Can he get away with it?

The whole film’s premise relies on the police being inept and no reporters existing at all. Lets look at the facts. This is a Wax Museum so the models are so realistic that nobody can tell that they were real. I find this to be a stretch personally, but lets run with it. It starts to get a little more dicey when Jarrod murders someone and then immediately puts her in the museum. This is where we can’t deny reality any longer. The cops know that a body has been snatched and they also know that the museum just got a new exhibit. In fact, Sue is able to tell that it is her friend immediately.

Now, the cops don’t chat with Sue all that much, but they should have been looking for the body in as many locations as possible. A suspicious new wax museum should be one of the first places that they look, especially with the sculptures being so realistic. Likewise, Sue probably should have said something to the cops herself instead of prowling around after hours and getting kidnapped. At the very least, she couldn’t depend on the male lead. All he did in this film was get knocked left and right by every villain in the book. He was actually losing quite badly to one of the henchmen and considering that her life was on the line, I think Sue would have wanted him to put up some more resistance.

So, I don’t buy into the plot. Moving past that, I don’t see how Jarrod was so powerful all of a sudden. Even though he was badly injured by the fire, he can move with great speed and has a lot of power as well. He’s able to fight off a good number of cops and is strong enough to throw people around. He even has a super mask that can allow him to take blows to the head with no real effect. That part makes sense since he had a disguise the whole time, but he should absolutely be in no shape to fight at all. He is sitting in his chair all day and barely moves around, he should be fiercely out of shape.

None of the characters are very interesting either, which doesn’t do the film any favors. Sue is about as generic as you can get and isn’t all that smart. When confronting the big villain, you should try to have some kind of plan right? The male lead is even worse as he’s so mild that I couldn’t be bothered to remember his name. He gets suckered by the whole cast and then doesn’t even get to save Sue. He should be pretty ashamed of himself to be honest. Jarrod’s a two dimensional villain who could have gotten away with the whole thing if he hadn’t become so greedy and gone after more people. He’s just your average serial killer and the film didn’t do anything to distinguish him from the others. His minions were also not interesting as one couldn’t even talk which didn’t help his character development.

The only characters who were good here were the cops. Even then it took them forever to put the simple pieces together and watching a bunch of them get wrecked by an old guy was so sad that it was almost funny. I can’t stress enough just how sad it is to get beat by a guy with multiple third degree burns who has rarely ever gotten up from his wheel chair. It should go down in infamy as one of the worst moments of the Police Force. They got the results though…..fatal ones.

Overall, House of Wax is a dreadfully boring film. Nothing really happens and the characters may as well be reading lines off of a script for all the emotion that they show. The plot doesn’t make sense which means that the writers weren’t even paying attention when they made this film. Whatever semblance of heart the first film had is gone here and the film doesn’t even serve its purpose as a good remake. If the original is better than the remake, that’s a problem. (It’s to be expected, but it’s still a problem) This film should have taken more risks and changed things up to make it more interesting. It needed to do something rather than just ripping off the original film and hoping to make a few dollars. I’d recommend sticking away from this film, the House of Wax is just not good and the premise limited its options from the get go. I’ve seen three murder films about hiding the victims in Wax and none of them were good. That proves that the plot just can’t work.

Overall 3/10


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