Pulse is a horror film that deals with the dangers of the internet. Horror films usually do not draw high scores from me, but it’s still nice to see them give it their all. Maybe this will end up being one of the best horror films that I’ve ever seen. The concept is interesting and the film is actually pretty recent. Let’s see how it fared!

After a guy named Josh is quickly defeated in the library, the film lets you know that Mattie will be the main character. She’ll need to be tougher than Josh, since he gives up on life and dies pretty early in the film. Mattie has a few friends with her and they’ll try to figure out what happened to Josh, but it may be a losing battle. They have two clues to go on….his computer and red tape. Meanwhile, a guy named Dex happens to be around and he’s quickly pulled into the thick of things!

First of all, it should be noted that the villains are only mildly tough. They manage to overpower several of the main guys in the film and also defeat an old man. (The latter case is not confirmed, but the man was with his cart and then the cart comes back…but the guy is gone!) The ghosts were trapped in the internet by a “super” genius, but they escaped thanks to our local hacker, Josh. Once the ghosts are out, there’s no getting them back in.

Personally, I think that the heroes got off lucky. The demons from The Grudge and The Ring are far scarier and more threatening than these guys. These guys suck a person’s will into them so that the person ends up wanting to die. I don’t buy that kind of power. These guys must have had a very weak grasp on their will to live. (Bleach actually agrees with me in the latest chapters of the final arc.) The humans should have tried harder! The ghosts seem like they can also blow a person up by infecting them with a disease if they don’t succumb to depression quick enough.

There’s also a pretty neat counselor at the school, but one can tell that he is an expendable character. After he gives Mattie a pep talk about how ghosts aren’t real, he is attacked. I won’t say if he wins or not, but let’s just say that you can’t really call it a “fight”.

By the end of the film, almost everyone in the entire school has disappeared. Only a handful of people are left and one would think that the government would get involved. We’re talking about 100+ people disappearing in an instant and it actually reaches up to the millions area before the very end. The ghosts work pretty fast!

Mattie is not one of the better main characters. She’s all right I suppose, but she’s not quite as intense as the average main character. That being said, she’s much better than Josh. Josh is the first to go and hacking never ends well. Stone is another one of the main characters, but diving under the bed to hide from the ghosts may be a plan that he regrets.

Tim has the right idea as he hides out in his room with a lot of red tape. His only mistake is that he takes some of the tape off so that he can see what’s happening outside……….pretty big mistake. Douglas is the guy who originally trapped the spirits, but it must have been a fluke because he quickly hides when they escape. He actually survives and he’s still hiding in his closet which is surrounded by red tape. I guess we’ll see how long he can stay in the closet before having to make a trip to Wal Mart for some pizza and chips. He’s going to need food at some point! Dex is the “tough guy” of the group and he knows exactly what needs to be done. Unfortunately, he is faced off against the spirits of two little boys and it’s enough for him to take a few steps back. I won’t say if he gets through the predicament alive, but it’s an intense scene!

So, the film doesn’t sound that bad right now right? Maybe it’ll actually get a positive score! Well…..that’s not going to happen. It’s time to launch into the negatives of the film. The first big one involves…animal violence. Unfortunately, the film sunk to that low. It’s a pretty sad scene and it instantly destroyed a few points from the film. We see a cat who is in Very bad shape. It’s enough to give you an upset stomach to be honest. The cat was also locked in the closet and it’s a very sad and unsettling scene.

Another thing that doesn’t help its case is an unnecessary bath scene. They’re always unnecessary, but it’s still sad that they keep on adding those type of scenes. I’m sure that the films would get much better reviews and also sell more if they didn’t add those scenes. Just look at The Avengers!

I also can’t give this film a very good score considering how all of the characters are pretty annoying and unlikable. They are easy prey for the villains and they should have put up more resistance like the old couple who had a shotgun. Those guys knew the score and they were actually fighting against the spirits!

Overall, this is another horror film that I cannot recommend. It falls into the big animal violence and fanservice holes, which don’t bode well for it. I did like the ending since the Government is finally getting involved as they’ve gotten people to Dead Zones so the spirits cannot hurt them. (Spirits can only operate in places with Wifi) That’s a good first step, but I want to see what the human’s counter attack will be. After all, we do see Josh in the very end and the war is just getting started! The film got a pair of sequels, but I can’t say that I’m really planning to watch them. If you really want to watch something scary, then check out the final season of Yugioh GX!!!

Overall 2/10

After the Highly Acclaimed Trilogy, the movie industry decided to adapt The Hobbit! This time, we could watch as Bilbo went on an adventure with lower stakes and a much weaker cast all around. Surely the film could still be a success as long as we got some good character development in there right? Well, I’m afraid that isn’t entirely how the film went.

I still remember the first time that I saw the Hobbit trailer. It looked terrible and the effects looked really dated. It’s a problem that the whole LOTR franchise suffers from and I didn’t expect it to get much better, but I wanted to see some change. Ah well, maybe next time! The plot involves Bilbo Baggins as he is forced into an adventure by Gandalf and his “friends”. Bilbo must help them retake their homeland and defeat the mighty Smaug!

We’ve got the plot out of the way, but it’s so simple right? How could this last for 2 hours!? Well, Bilbo puts up a fuss and the film makes sure that we see unnecessary things. The dinner party at the beginning of the movie lasts for a very long amount of time and usually it would have been much smaller in a different film. When I say that it shows unnecessary things, I’m referring to extra gestures or filler scenes that are present. Maybe an extra scene of Bilbo walking for no reason or an epic zoom in on a character that stays for a little too long. The films tend to drag out each and every scene until it’s extremely long. It’s like walking into a building made of steel and then adding some metal on it. In the Hobbit, we understand what is happening and would prefer if the movie could pick up the pace.

This is a bit of advice that I’ve used for all of the films, but I’ll say it again. The film should be shorter and they could take out a solid hour and the film would be better off for it. They could definitely condense some scenes and they could have literally taken 10 minutes off of the dinner scene. Maybe the sequels will do better in the time frame part, but I have my doubts.

Bilbo is a much better main character than Frodo so that definitely helps the film out. I’m not really a fan of the character, but he is easier to sympathize with. He is currently able to resist the ring’s influence and he tries to be heroic. His plans don’t always succeed, but he’s braver and more dependable than Frodo. A main character can make a world of difference and while it did not save the Hobbit, it did make the film more enjoyable. It definitely would have been a lot worse if Frodo had been around.

Gandalf is still around, but he continues to look weak and he even becomes a bully of sorts. He has a bunch of his friends break into Bilbo’s house and they eat his life supply of food that he had hidden. That’s not a very nice thing to do and they never gave him money or any sort of compensation. Bilbo doesn’t have any food in his house anymore and that’s not something that he should forget so easily.

It’s a bit of a running gag at this point, but it should still be noted that Gandalf is a bad magician. Bilbo directly tells Gandalf this and the old man seems to be disturbed at the statement. Gandalf is in no position to argue this since he spends the film running away from villains or using his sword to fight. He rarely uses magic and it would seem that he doesn’t have that much magical energy. Gandalf is definitely not an ally that you want at your side.

I won’t really get into the main cast since they all seem like throwaway characters at this point, but I’ll at least mention Thorin. He’s the rightful heir to the area that is enslaved by Smaug and he aims to take it back. This is a noble gesture, but it’s one that is definitely misplaced. He doesn’t comprehend how weak he is, even after he is defeated several times during the films. He’s not really a match for random trolls and he is effortlessly defeated by Azog. Does Thorin really think that he can defeat Smaug in this state? He’s definitely deluding himself and he’s going to lead all of his friends to their deaths. One can’t really blame him for trying to stay away from the elves, but he should also realize that his little crew doesn’t stand a chance without their help.

Azog is one of the big villains so he definitely deserves a mention. It’s unknown why he’s so much stronger than the average minion, but he’s defeated many opponents and he’s also pretty large. He’s definitely a fighter that will keep on appearing, but I can’t say that I appreciate him as a villain. He’s still just a generic minion to me…he just got lucky and acquired super abilities.

Smaug doesn’t really appear much, but it’s easy to see why he may be defeated. He’s sleeping among the riches, which means that he hasn’t been training for decades and he’s barely moved. He’ll be out of shape and not really ready for his climatic battle. This likely will not be addressed, but it will lead to his downfall. Smaug is a cool looking dragon, but he’s not as intimidating as the characters suspect. Still, he’s definitely a rich dragon!

Gollum also appears in this film. If you liked him in the original three films, then you’ll like him here. I still can’t root for this guy because I didn’t like his backstory and I just never really liked the character. Bear in mind the fact that I don’t like any of the humanoids in the franchise, but I just did not like him. He gets to fight with Bilbo Baggins in this film, (in another really long scene) but that’s about it as far as his role goes. Maybe he’ll appear again, but it would be as necessary as the rock giants coming back.

The special effects of the film still look awful. The fire from Smaug didn’t look bad and the rock monsters were all right, but the rest of it still looks old. This is intentional of course, but I still can’t disregard that so easily. I don’t want to watch something that looks old on purpose! That defeats the whole cinematic experience. I don’t mind things that adapt the old times, but they should still look new. It’s what the fans expect after all!….or at least it’s what I expect. There is no soundtrack to speak of, so I will skip that part.

The Hobbit is the start of a new trilogy and it will be interesting to see how it fares. This film already felt like it had a slow pace, so I can only imagine how the next two films will feel. I do have some mild hopes that it will surpass the original trilogy, but it will definitely be a close battle. It would appear that Legolas will be coming back in the sequel, which is a good start. This definitely isn’t my kind of film, but that makes reviewing them so much fun! I’m not a fan of the franchise, but I can safely say that I am a fan of the video games and that’s what counts in the longruns. Video Games>>>Movies over 90% of the time.

I almost skipped the negatives section! Well, I’ve already mentioned most of those while writing the actual review. This can be considered as more of a quick summary for the negatives. The film drags on too long and none of the characters are particularly likable. The fight scenes are still really bad and far too realistic/graphic/not fun/old for me to really get into them. There’s no real soundtrack and there isn’t really a sense of danger. The main characters are all rude and the film has quite a few gross scenes. That’s a few too many if you ask me! That’s basically the array of negatives in a nutshell, but I could likely think of more if I really tried.

Overall, The Hobbit is better than the final Lord of the Rings film and it can hold its own against the first two. It improved in some ways, but stayed the same in most of them. I definitely can’t recommend this film and I would sooner tell you to watch the inevitable Dragon Ball Evolution sequel. Fans of LOTR should like it, but those fans have likely seen it by now. To the rest of you, I recommend playing the LOTR video games for Gamecube instead. Contrary to popular opinion, they’re actually pretty fun and sufficiently tough. They’ll eat up more time than the films, but it’s completely worth it!

Overall 3/10

The Lord of The Rings hasn’t had a good track record so far and this won’t be the movie that changes things. It ends the trilogy all right, but I’m afraid that it doesn’t end on a bang. That being said, get ready for a lot of shots at the movie series and many of them will be aimed at Frodo. If you like this film…then you’ve been warned!

The plot is essentially the same as always. Frodo and his friend are on an adventure to get to the mountain where they can burn the ring in the fire. That specific fire is the only thing that can melt the ring since it’s the area that created it. Frodo and Sam are still with Gollum, but can they truly trust him? Frodo clearly thinks so and he can’t be wrong…right!? There is also another plot where Aragorn and friends must defeat the villains! That may not be their original goal, but it’s what they end up getting ready for. A war to end all wars!!

All right, there are many negatives to be named, but we should start from the beginning. The film literally has one of the worst cinematic openings of all time and it was terrible. We get to see Gollum’s origin, but it certainly won’t help you gain respect for the character or the other guy that was with him. They both lack strength of character and you’ll find yourself shutting your eyes for the first time in the film. It won’t be the last time, but it’s definitely something to think about. It should be noted that this is the first Lord of The Rings film where I did not fall asleep for any periods of the film…a true feat!!

Intro out of the way, let’s talk about Frodo Baggins. He’s still the main character of the film and he’s as unlikable as ever. When he’s not betraying his best friend or falling into the darkness that consumes him; Frodo is usually getting knocked around by one villain or another. He’s easily the weakest willed character that I’ve seen in decades and he makes Bilbo look good. Frodo nearly destroys Sam because he wants the ring and then he’s quickly defeated by a large spider. Sam saves him, but then Frodo vaguely threatens him and snatches the ring again.

Frodo is terrible! Did I already say that? Either way, Frodo has his big moment at the end of the film where he finally arrives at the mountain…and trips. He’s far too weak to walk at all so Sam is forced to carry him to the top. Okay, Frodo’s still got a shot at keeping himself as an unlikable character, but not an atrocious one if he just throws the ring in the lava right? I’m afraid that Frodo lacks the strength for that and he falls into the power of darkness. After he puts on the ring, Frodo essentially cracks and shows his true villainous colors. He loses a finger for his decision and nearly loses his life as well. He may have lived, but not really, since he will not be going on a long adventure and I have a feeling that he shall never return from it. It’s hard to see why anyone would be Frodo’s friend at this point and he’s one of the worst characters that I’ve seen in ages.

Time and time again, Frodo proves that he is only interested in himself. He never makes a real effort to resist the powers of the ring and he doesn’t care about the thousands of casualties that would occur when he didn’t throw the ring in the lava. It should also be noted that he caused Sauron to notice him by freezing up and then fainting for no reason. The sooner that we forget about Frodo, the better!

I’m afraid that the fight scenes also didn’t do it for me. It’s not really the film’s fault this time since war fight scenes will never be any fun for me. It’s super realistic and not really enjoyable to watch. There is also a lot of plot hax involved and the heroes really didn’t stand a chance. They’re badly outnumbered and I just did not buy the outcome. It’s one of those situation where the heroes win…because they’re heroes.

Gandalf is still a pretty unlikable character. He’s supposed to be a very powerful sorcerer, but he can never fight when it counts. He actually engages in hand to hand combat like the rest of the warriors and that doesn’t really help him in the power department. He typically has a flashy entrance, but that won’t be enough to save him. He’s just too old for battle at this point.

Aragorn gets a big role and he must use his sword to help the heroes win the battle. He does this by threatening a large group of spirits and forcing them into the battle. The spirits are pretty powerful so it’s not bad for them, but how did the threats work? I like to think that they could have made mince meat out of him. They likely only went through with it because of the deal that they made. Aragorn gets a few plot twists and all, but we must remember that he is just a side character in the end. He left to get reinforcements and he nearly didn’t arrive in time to save the day!

We’ve also got the Wraiths and the leader is given a lot of hype. He definitely doesn’t deserve it since one good hit is enough to obliterate him. So much for being “immortal” eh? It was cool for the lady who defeated him, but it definitely won’t help his fanbase. More importantly, it means that I will likely never become a fan of this guy. His lack of power and speed disturb me.

Legolas and Gimli are still around, but there roles are shortened compared to the second film. Legolas is still a decent character and Gimli is still all talk. For Legolas, it’s hard to be a great character in such a film. I like the character that they were aiming for him to be and he beats most of the cast. Legolas is definitely a better character than Gimli and Gimli can never seem to back up his tough talk. There was also a King who went mad and nearly made the ultimate sacrifice, but it was unneeded and it would have meant that an innocent would perish. He’s definitely not a heroic king, but I hope that you were not expecting one. He meets his end with a blazing glory!

There are other characters of course, but you get the jist of it. This is a film where the cast isn’t really likable. Bilbo gets no respect to the very end and his last line heavily implies that he still lacks strength of character. He still wants the dark powers that the ring has and that’s not a great way for him to go out. The lady who destroyed the Wraith was a decent character, but remembering her name is a little tricky. Needless to say, it’s the character that matters…not the name! There is still no character in this film that I like enough to call myself a fan. Unfortunately, nobody is quite that intense!

There isn’t much of a soundtrack in this film and that can be a little sad. One of the few positives that the first film had, was the music. The film is still way too long for it’s own good. Usually, it would be great to see a movie that is over 150 minutes, but not in this case. If 2 hours of the film had been cut, then maybe it would not have dragged out so much. Unfortunately, that is hard to say for sure. I’m not sure if I mentioned the graphics yet, but they’re about as bad as the first two films. This feels more like an 80’s film than one that came out in the 2000’s. I don’t know who the director is, but I definitely would be wary of his next film.

There is some romance at the end of the film that is quickly thrown in. It happens very suddenly and you will expect that the writers just wanted you to exit the film on a happy note, but it wouldn’t succeed. The film made sure that this wasn’t possible as the final, final scene involves Frodo as he ditches his friends once again. He does not tell them that he is leaving since he can’t be bothered with such things. He’s definitely a hero all right………

So…was there anything good about this film? There must be, since it didn’t get a 1 or a 0! Well, I can’t really think of anything good about the film. It isn’t a 1 or a 0 because it would have to be a lot worse to earn one of those scores. Rest assured, the film does not have a cliffhanger so we don’t need to worry about a sequel. (Sure, he says that the adventure may not have ended, but it’s basically ended. He’s not going to have another big journey)

In the end, I did not like any of the Lord of The Rings films. When a film has a giant spider that can actually defeat the main protagonist, but is still a pretty unlikable character…then you know that the film series is doomed. I can safely say that it is one of those classics that is not actually good and it’s easily a weaker group of films than the live action Super Mario Bros film. Why did the films get such low ratings and how did I come to have such a low opinion of them? There are many factors, but they mainly involve realism and length.

The films are all way too long and it shows. We get many scenes that are dragged out to impossible lengths. Still, the worst part of the film may be how realistic it can get. I never like things to be realistic and especially if it means that we’ll be getting boring fight scenes. We get a lot of those since the only good fight scene in the entire trilogy was the Gandalf vs Balrog battle. It’s really hard to care about any of the characters throughout the trilogy and it could be because of their lack of morals.

This is a “realistic” war film so none of the characters have any qualms about destroying whoever gets in their way. The films aren’t extremely violent by any means, but due to the length of amount of zoom ins that we get, it actually feels more violent than films like Terminator or Jaws. (I would say Alien, but that is definitely debatable!) The tone of the film doesn’t really help either since you’ll never walk away from the film feeling like you just saw something epic like Man of Steel or fun like the Avengers. You just leave and wonder what happened to the last few hours of your life. The gritty, realistic feel of the movies may be for some, but I’ll take the atmosphere and effects of the new Pac-Man show over this. Having something be so realistic just destroys the whole point of the film for me.

One of the big flaws for the trilogy is the fact that all of the humans seem to be weak willed. Gandalf refuses to hold the ring in the first film because he could not resist its power. If Gandalf doesn’t have enough will power, then that really says something about the whole franchise. They’re all weak willed and it’s easy to see how Sauron took over. I don’t see how the heroes ever had a chance. They’re definitely lucky that Sauron is only about as tough as a mere mortal.

Overall, the trilogy has come to a conclusion! As much as I did not like the first film, it only went downhill from there. The second film wasn’t as good as the first and the third was much worse than the second. I would say that things continue to spiral downwards, but the Hobbit was better than this film. I shall be reviewing that one in the near future. Needless to say, I doubt that I’ll ever watch this film again and I really don’t recommend it. Don’t trust the reviews for this film! It’s legendary, but it’s mostly nostalgia at this point and it’s a classic that many feel like they have to like it. It doesn’t actually warrant the high ratings that it gets. If you like war films and autobiographical movies, then you may like this one. If you’re looking for an epic war film, go watch the first Bleach film!

Overall 2/10

The Journey continues all right! Get ready to see the heroes travel for a while and then have the “epic” showdown at the two towers. This sequel doesn’t really fare any better than the first film and does make some serious mistakes that essentially dig its own grave. Time to see what mistake could have been so fatal!

The plot continues from the last film. Frodo and his companion keep on heading to the villain base so that they can throw the ring back into the lava from whence it came. Unfortunately, it’s a very long journey and since Frodo lacks strength of character, they could be doomed before they even start! In the other plot, Aragorn, Legolas, and the third member of their party seek to rescue the two hobbits. It will be tough and they shall have to overcome many obstacles to do so!

The film suffers from one of the major holes that most films suffer from. Unnecessary animal violence. It definitely didn’t help me like Gollum anymore than I did in the first film and the scenes were very wince worthy. There was just too many cases of animal violence and I immediately knew that the film could score no higher than a 3. The film just hasn’t changed much since the first one.

The characters are still very unlikable. Some characters are decent like Aragorn and Legolas, but they still won’t really rank in the long run. Balrog is a decent villain, but he looked pretty weak since he couldn’t beat a human sorcerer. Frodo is even worse than in the first film because he shows that he can be easily corrupted. He nearly destroys his friend without hesitation and it won’t really help you to sympathize with him. Merry was also a terrible character since he was very mean to the trees. I felt bad for the creatures. It wasn’t their war after all and the hobbits didn’t really care if they died since they were only trees. It’s not as if Merry would be doing any of the real fighting, so he was just putting the trees in danger.

The fight scenes are about what you’d expect and people keep on swinging their swords. The amount of plot hax in the fights were staggering since you would see people jump right into the army and he would not get hurt. There are many points where people literally run into the spears and they do not get hurt. I feel bad for the horses since they’re the ones who take the most damage. It just isn’t fair to the poor creatures. The fight scenes just aren’t impressive and they really drag on.

The Lord of the Rings is the first film series where I nearly went unconscious for both films. They really should have cut out a good 90-120 minutes of the film. They never cease to make me tired and feel like I need some sleep. It’s because there are a lot of unnecessary scenes and times where the characters talk for nor reason. We don’t need to see their day to day life! Usually, talking can be interesting, but not if you dislike both of the characters who are talking. It just doesn’t work!

The effects are a little better than the first film, but they should still look a lot better considering that we’re past the year 2000. The soundtrack is all right I suppose, but none of the themes really stood out this time around. It’s the end of an era!

There’s not much more to say about it. I could go more into depth with the characters, but they just aren’t likable. The trees are all right, but ultimately you can’t count on their survival. The Lord of the Rings may be very popular, but I only enjoy the games at this point. I’m wondering if the Hobbit trilogy will be better. It’s newer, but at the same time…the graphics look about as bad, if not worse than this film’s effects. That’s definitely not a good sign.

The film has a direct cliffhanger to lead into the next film, but it doesn’t come off as epic or intriguing. You don’t really care what’s going to the heroes and you’re just looking to get out of the theater and into your car so that you can pick up a bowl of mashed potatoes at KFC. This film nearly cracked 1 billion dollars in the box office, which is pretty intense. The series has a large following so I know that many still enjoy it. I’m sure that the series is cooler in the EU. An anime for the franchise could be intense.

If I were to compare this movie series to many of the other big names, it still would not be in last. I prefer this series to James Bond and Pirates of the Carrabean after all. It just gets completely wrecked by other classics like Star Wars, Jaws, Godzilla, and Terminator. I do appreciate the fact that the series is still going since more films is always a good thing. It gives us more scenes to appreciate, no matter how bad they may be. They could do a lot with a modern film and they should try to embrace that. A 1 hour film taking place 1000 years in the future would have a Lot of potential. It’s something that I could actually be intrigued by since we need more Sci-Fi films.

Overall, this is a film that I highly do not recommend checking out. The series may be legendary, but its reputation highly outweighs the actual film. If you like old war movies and realistic warrior fights, then you may enjoy this film. The effects are still pretty dated and the characters are hard to root for, but one can look past all of that. Still, you would be much better off watching the new Pac-Man show on TV. If you want a movie to replace this one, then check out the original Pokemon movie. It has more action and the graphics are much better. I highly doubt that the trilogy can end on a high note, but it should be better than this film so that’s always a plus. This review was actually a little tough to write since it is easy to just bash a film for a while, but one can only bash each section for so long. If the next film is at the same level as this one, then I will likely have a longer review at the ready since the whole trilogy would have been underwhelming. I shall see the finale at some point, so you can expect a review someday. Meanwhile, go check out Pokemon!

Overall 3/10

I suppose that it was only a matter of time until I finally checked out one of the biggest films of all time. While this may not be as big as Star Wars or Godzilla, many would say that it could match up with Terminator and The Mummy. Just about everyone as seen this film and just about everyone seems to like it a lot. It’s one of those films that you really can’t get away with disliking…unless you’re everyone’s boldest reviewer…DReager1!.

Of course, it doesn’t get much worse than disliking something just to dislike it. Disliking something because it’s immensely popular is also pretty sad. That being said, the film had a lot of potential in it, but it just ended up dropping the ball on all accounts. I think a remake with today’s effects and camera angles could have been a lot better. Well, let’s see how the film turned out!

The plot involves a powerful villain by the name of Sauron who is quickly defeated when someone deals a glancing blow to his hand and gets rid of his ring. His material form is destroyed and the world is saved. Unfortunately, the humans lack strength of character like Bilbo and they make sure that the ring survives to see another day! In the current days, Bilbo gives Frodo the ring and dooms him to a life of fear since everyone wants the ring. Frodo quickly heads out with a band of adventurers to destroy the ring and save the city world in the process.

Sounds cool in theory right? Well, the first problem is the fact that the movie is just too long. It’s nearly 3 hours and that’s usually not a bad thing, but it is in this case. The movie feels really dragged out and they could have taken out a full hour or two and saved us with the pacing. Other movies can handle the stress of being long like Man of Steel or the first 180 Yugioh GX episodes, but others just don’t need the length. I was supremely drowsy by the end of the film and I probably couldn’t have run a marathon by that point.

One thing that is a big negative for the film is the “graphics” or special effects in the film. This came out after the year 2000, but I’ve seen better effects in the old Godzilla films or Star Wars. Even the Star Trek TV show looked a lot better. The problem is that the film takes place in an area that feels ancient and it helps the movie to feel ancient. The main characters walk barefoot as if this is a medieval film and it certainly didn’t help matters. I’ve never been a fan of films that felt old and it’s why I always love future movies since they attempt to be the complete opposite of these.

The soundtrack is really good so I’ll give the film props on that. The opera themes can be pretty intense and you just can’t forget the themes. Well, you may forget the specifics, but the actual opera part is pretty cool. I hope that the future films can keep the music score cool since it was one of the few big positives for the film. It’s definitely an above average film score.

I can’t really say that the characters are a positive. Frodo is pretty weak and unlikable. Bilbo is an awful character who has one of the weakest minds that you’ll run into. The rest of Frodo’s friends are also decently weak minded and even Gandalf could barely control himself. It really makes you wince since these guys are definitely no Tai or Takuya. The Ring may have some control over the mind, but any decent warrior should be able to block its effects. Then again, these guys may not be true warriors.

I know that Gandalf is a fan favorite character, but I definitely can’t get around to liking him. He got completely clobbered by Saruman and he could only hope to create a tie against Balrog. Balrog was a likable character, so there’s always that. He was a monster that you could root for and he never goes down without a fight. Taking down Gandalf was definitely cool and I hope that he gets to appear again someday.

Unfortunately, this film also uses a lot of plot hax to aid it. This is pretty unavoidable when you have humans fighting supernatural beings so it’s to be expected, but it’s something that the writers should have thought of. I don’t really think that Strider can take on 5-6 Wraiths. I mean, we can always count on the possibility that they’re truly that weak, but then why are they so feared. If Gandalf is half as tough as he acts, then one magic spell should finish them off. They are not yet dead or alive, so they don’t even have much in the way of speed.

The fight scenes also aren’t that fun because they’re some of the most down to earth ones that you will find. It’s very gritty and like what you will see in generic war films or in Narnia. Swords clash and that’s about it. They will destroy the villains and the villains will destroy the heroes. There just isn’t any time for flashy maneuvers or dramatic battles. The fight scenes were just pretty bad and not really my style. Still, having fight scenes like this is better than not having any at all…although that is definitely debatable.

The film does have a cliff hanger to lead into the next film and I’m hoping that it improves upon this one. That being said, I can’t say that my hopes are really high since the new Hobbit films have some of the worst effects that I’ve seen in ages and they’re extremely new. Still, the next film may have more fights or something and that could help. Sauron’s also going to need a pretty big comeback if he is to be taken seriously in the future films as well. Having an ordinary human defeat him is the ultimate way to ruin a villain’s reputation.

The Lord of the Rings may be another true classic to bite the dust, but it isn’t the first time that it has happened. The Pirates of the Caribbean, Titanic, James Bond, Some of the Star Trek films, and many others have not been that good as well. Live Action films typically do not hold up well, so the older that they are, the more chance that they will not succeed.

Overall, Lord of the Rings is definitely not as good as the hype would have you believe, but it’s almost all right. It had potential to be fun, but everything was just against it. The pieces were assembled correctly, but you can only get so far without good effects, characters, or fight scenes. It’s still a step up from the Pirates of the Caribbean and James Bond films, but that’s not saying much I’m afraid. I don’t really recommend the film unless you’re already a fan. If you want a real adventure, then go watch the cutscenes for the Legend of Zelda CDI games on Youtube.

Overall 3/10

The final Star Wars film to date that the proper numbering is now here! It was always a bold move to name the films with roman numerals instead of numbers and it turned out pretty well. It makes the films even more memorable. There’s a lot of pressure on Star Wars Episode III because Episode II wasn’t very good and episode I was still not quite up to par with episodes IV, V, and VI. The films had been going downhill (Except for the fun Clone Wars film) so we needed something to change. This film is a lot more serious and we get to see how evil Anakin is. Let’s launch into this!

The film starts off with a lot of action as Anakin and Obi Wan have their rematch with Emperor Dooku. It has been several years since the last film, but he can still hold up against the Jedi warriors. One thing leads to another and Anakin ruthlessly destroys Dooku. At that time, Dooku was already unarmed and completely helpless against Anakin so we can already confirm that Anakin is pure evil. Palpatine was goading Anakin on, but it’s not much of an excuse.

From there, the plots start to diverge. Obi Wan is in charge of defeating General Grievous and bringing him back to the base so that they can end the war once and for all. Unfortunately for Obi Wan, he is outnumbered dozens to 1 and he’s no Starkiller. Eventually, it comes down to a 1 on 1 fight with Obi Wan and General Grievous. It’s a pretty intense fight and this plot was much better than the main one.

The main plot deals with Anakin Skywalker…the main villain of the film. There are other big villains in the film, but Anakin must be considered as the main villain. Basically, Palpatine continues to gain his trust while also alienating Anakin from the Jedi Council. Anakin is pretty mad that the Jedi don’t seem to like him and this doesn’t get any better when he forces his way into the council. Anakin finds out that Palpatine is a Sith and warns the Jedi. Can 4-5 of the strongest Jedi in the world take on Palpatine while teaming up? Well, you may have to wonder about the answer, since Darth Vader Anakin joins in on the brawl. Next, Anakin decides to destroy all Jedi and Jedi apprentices while also destroying any life form that goes near him and becoming Palpatine’s pawn…or should I say, Darth Sidious’ pawn!?

All right, let’s talk about Anakin’s descent into madness. (It’s too bad since he was so cool in Soul Calibur IV) Anakin has always showed that he would turn evil ever since Episode II. He was completely unlikable in that film and he stays that way in this film. He’s cool for the first few minutes as he fights Dooku, but then he goes and destroys the villain for no good reason. He instantly faded into oblivion at that moment and I definitely did not buy his redemption act a few minutes later as he tried to carry Obi Wan to safety. Way too soon and it doesn’t stop the fact that Anakin is with the dark side.

Things only get worse as Anakin makes all of the wrong decisions and makes things hard on everyone. The Jedi would trust him more if he didn’t always hang out with Palpatine and he should respect the Jedi’s judgment since The Force rarely steers them wrong. He gets on the council, but then he’s still makes a racket because he did not become a Jedi Master. Did he really think that he would ascend to that rank without taking the Jedi Trials?

Things get to their low point for Anakin when he gets a vision of Padme dying during child birth. He decides that he needs to have enough power to prevent her from dying and this blinds him to the fact that Palpatine is a Sith for a while. Palpatine makes it perfectly obvious from the very beginning of the film, but Anakin isn’t exactly The Hulk, so he doesn’t piece it all together. Anakin decides that he will do whatever Palpatine wants so that Palpatine can grant him the power to defy death. Palpatine continues to make mistakes and heavily implies that he’s basically making it up or he doesn’t have the level of power necessary, but it is too late. Anakin is ready for complete servitude and he will do whatever Palpatine says without question. Most heroes who turn to the dark manage to question some things, like attacking their friends. (Sasuke didn’t murder Naruto even though Itachi wanted him too and Vegeta didn’t cross the line and hurt his friends either when Babidi “controlled” him.)

Anakin lacks the strength of heart that the other characters possessed and that’s basically the bottom line. I never liked him from the start of the trilogy and it ended with me disliking him as well. I have to say that I wouldn’t like the character at all if it was just the films that we were talking about, but I like Darth Vader in the comics and video games which helps to tip the balance in his favor. He’s definitely a good example of how to make the wrong choices and basically be the opposite of someone like Goku. Some characters like Medaka Kurokami are far too noble to commit such vicious acts as Anakin, and even mind controlled, she had enough inner strength to prevent herself from causing any permanent harm to her friends.

Obi Wan gets a pretty big role in this film and while he has a tendency to get knocked out at the wrong times, he does manage to keep it together when it counts. He’s a pretty skilled warrior and he looks good during the final battle. He also puts up a solid fight against General Grievous and he was one of the better characters in this film. He tried for everyone to have a happy ending, but Anakin made that impossible, so they were forced to have a climatic fight!

Padme doesn’t get as big of a role in this film since some of her scenes were cut out, but she still tries to convince Anakin to turn to the light. Anakin’s too far gone and even though his objective was to save her, he barely comprehends this anymore and nearly takes her down for the count. Obi Wan convinces him to stop, but it makes you face palm whenever you think of Anakin.

Yoda is definitely at his best in this movie and he finally shows off his abilities. Don’t get me wrong, we all knew that Yoda could fight. He proved it in the last film, but they’ve been hyping up his abilities as possibly being the strongest Jedi, so it was about time that he got to truly fight. The outcome of the fight may have been disappointing, but it was good to see him fight again after so long. I still can’t say that I’m a big fan of the character, but I can safely say that he was much better in this film than in the previous ones.

General Grievous is a pretty big villain in this film and he’s definitely fun. His Lightsaber skills may not be on par with Obi Wan or Starkiller, but he makes up for this by using 4 Lightsabers. He was beating Obi Wan in the Lightsaber battle, but eventually Obi Wan gave up and just used The Force to win. This shows that Grievous is a very powerful combatant and he is one of the stronger Star Wars characters. He was likable, so it’ll be fun to see him in the video games. He came in very suddenly and didn’t last very long, but his appearance was very impactful like Jango/Boba Fett.

Count Dooku gets a pretty small role, but his abilities are definitely impressive. The fact that he can take on two powerful Jedi at once is something that can be bragged about. He may not be as powerful as Darth Vader or the all powerful Starkiller, but he may be in the top 5 Strongest Star Wars characters. If so, that’s definitely a feat. Chewie also gets a role and it’s a pretty good one. Apparently, Chewie was an extremely hardcore/powerful fighter whose ear piercing roar was not his only weapon. It’s too bad that he could not appear any longer. R2D2 and C-3PO are still around, but what could I say about them? They’re essentially the same and if you (did not) like them, then you still will (not).

Mace Windu finally gets to fight in this film and it’s a pretty solid scene. He is the only Jedi capable of standing against Palpatine and he manages to get the upper hand. He’s easily one of the strongest Jedi out there and it’s a shame that he did not get any other fight scenes before this one. I have to say that I gained a lot of respect for him, since he is not all talk as the other films have made him out to be. Granted, Mace Windu did fight a little in film II, but even C-3PO could defeat some droids.

Palpatine gets a big role in this film and it’s still hard to take him serious. You can’t help, but grin when he pulls off a fancy spin tackle and destroys three Jedi in a matter of seconds. I know that he’s tough, but that’s a little insane. What about The Force!? Well, either way it was definitely interesting. I’m glad that Mace put up a better fight. It’s a little scary to remember that Palpatine will get away with everything for years and years until Episode VI. I definitely don’t care for him, but you have to admit that he did the one thing that many villains want to do..he conquered the Galaxy!

If I had to name a negative in this film, (Aside from any talking scene that involved Anakin) it would be the unnecessary kids scene. We know that the kids don’t make it since the Jedi go (seemingly) extinct, so do we really need to see Anakin destroy them? We already knew that he was pure evil and a despicable person, but seeing the kids die was definitely a little much. I could also due without the Padme giving birth scene, since those always make me shudder. The process looks overly painful considering the technology at their disposal.

So, this film was definitely the darkest in the series. Was that wise? Well, the fight scenes were awesome in this film and it got to go back to its roots. The film starts out with battles in space, which is all kinds of awesome. As mentioned earlier, the Lightsaber duels are also great and easily the best ones in the series. We got at least 3-4 of those, which is more than usual. I definitely don’t mind having a somber end when the action is this good, as long as “dark” doesn’t mean unnecessarily violent. Without the kids scene, I thought that the film handled it pretty well. All of the Jedi dying so easily was pure plot hax, but you had to expect that at some point. There wasn’t a logical way to have so many powerful fighters be defeated.

The franchise will continue with the next film in a few years. That will definitely be fun and there are a lot of ways that they can play it. I’m expecting Luke Skywalker to appear and maybe be the main character, although it’s not very likely. All I know is that there better be space battles and the new main character should definitely be an improvement over Luke and Anakin. I hope that Starkiller also gets a movie because that would be awesome.

Overall, this was a solid Star Wars film. It is definitely darker than the others so you probably wouldn’t watch this one quite as often, but it did end the saga. Anakin wasn’t likable, but he makes for a villain that you really want to defeat. I recommend this film if you are a Star Wars film, but if not, it makes for a good film to watch before Episode VI. This way you can see what the fate of these fighters is. This film still couldn’t beat Film IV, but it definitely beat I and II. It dragged on less than films V and VI, so I dare say that it may have beaten those. You’ll like this film if you enjoyed The Dark Knight, but if you want something that’s a little happier, check out the new Star Trek film.

Overall 6/10

The Day After Tomorrow is a disaster movie that shows us the perils of Global Warming. Instead of melting and all of us dying from the water, we are faced with a different threat that may be just as grave. The World is freezing over and there doesn’t seem to be anything that humanity can do. Will we survive or will we perish?

There are several “main” characters in this film, but the true main character would be either Jack or Sam. My money’s on Jack, but they both get a pretty big role. Jack tries to warn everyone about the grave threat that they now face, but they don’t believe him until it’s too late. Jack must now venture through the frozen cities to find his son before it is too late. Will he arrive in time? His son is also keeping busy as he tries to stay alive while at the library with his friends, a librarian, a guy who likes books, and a guy who’s with his pet dog as they try to survive in this world. They decide to wait out the storm, but can they resist the frozen embrace of nature? There are other plots including Jack’s wife as she tries to save the life of a kid in a pretty serious condition and a group of researchers who are gathering a lot of information, but have no way of getting outside their residence.

The film does have some pretty nice fake out moments. There is one scene where this guy is eating at a shop and looks pretty nervous as the cops come around. He gets a few lines and we quickly figure that he’ll be one of the main characters. As he makes his get away; the character gets destroyed by an ice ball. Most of the other citizens in the area are quickly defeated as well, which is bad news for the area. Until the figure dies, you figure that he would be a main character so that was nicely played.

The special effects are pretty fun to watch and we get to see New York City destroyed for the first time in days! I’ve always found it amusing to see the city decimated in so many films because we get to see which threat can defeat it first. Will it be Chitauri, Cloverfield Monster, Apes, Kaiju, Thunder, or Giant Marshmallows? Either way, New York always puts up a pretty good fight! The “science” of it all may not be very realistic, but you can ignore that since this is a film and just watch the action!

The film was moving along at a solid pace until a very unnecessary scene that involved some Wolves. It was nice to see that they escaped their confines, but it quickly got worse as they fought the main characters. Animal violence shouldn’t have been included in this film and it definitely hurt the film. Why did they have to add this!? The other main animal looks pretty good as he survives throughout the whole film with a grin. He shows the world that he’s a true dog and gets to take a nice bite out of a hot dog and essentially has more to eat than the other characters. He also knows when its time to bark and he keeps everyone nice and alert. No cruel fate befell him and that was a good move.

The film did a good job of portraying the United States and I’ve always been a fan of the Government scenes. Right when they called in The President; I knew that things were about to get real. He makes the tough calls and his final scene is pretty intense. He acts pretty confident the whole time and he was a solid character. The Vice President is intriguing since he took The News surprisingly (heh) well. He gives Jack a pretty hard time throughout the film, but I suppose that anyone would have done so, considering his lack of data. The Vice President also did want to save the people in the North so he’s not all bad. He didn’t see eye to eye with the main character, but he did want to save as many people as he could.

Jack is a pretty solid main character and he’s a determined person. He goes a long way to try and save his son while also trying to convince the Government of how grave the threat is. He may have been a little snippy while briefing The President and pals, but he was in a rush and needed to hurry to his son, so it was understandable. He just gave them the quick plan and he headed out. He’s definitely one of the better main characters that we’ve seen in a while and he does a good job of taking charge and thinking ahead.

His two partners are not so lucky and it’s hard to like any of them. The older one is around, but he’s not very useful and he just doesn’t get much screen time. The younger one isn’t likable from the start and he doesn’t seem to realize the gravity of the situation that has befallen the Earth. Janet is not usually one of Jack’s partners, but she comes to help out in this time of desperation and she provides them with a lot of data via satellite. She’s a pretty high ranking person so she definitely helps a great deal, although her role is not very large in the film. She’s definitely better than Jack’s two flunkies partners.

I have to say that the kids subplot was not nearly as interesting. Sam and his two friends are a part of a big school competition when the disaster strikes. I just didn’t enjoy the three of them so much. Sam is always making a grimace when he’s on screen and his emotional moments are not that great. His phone call with Jack also didn’t go so well since he could have made sure to say that he was okay at the end. Instead he paused as the water flooded in. I didn’t like his “Rival” either and the best part of that subplot were the supporting characters.

The guy and his dog were interesting figures from the start. The guy is pretty quick and he knows how to survive in this cruel world. He’s the main source of humor in the film and he does a good job of making everyone look bad while he continues to survive. His dog is very sensitive to disturbances in The Force nature and he always gives the characters a form of early warning. The Librarian was helpful and essentially saved the kids’ lives as she let them into a nice room where they were able to keep warm. The guy who liked books was also solid since he made sure that the great authors could stay safe. This guy plans ahead and was ready to save Western Civilization at any cost! There was another person in there and she put up a pretty good argument as to why one of the authors wasn’t that good, but that was basically her only role.

One other flaw that I would have for the film (Aside from an extremely unnecessary and pointless scene involving a guy who almost ignored a phone call and jeopardized more lives by not issuing a Tornado watch and the Animal Violence) is the ending. It’s tough to have a real ending in any disaster film because we can’t exactly “fix” the Earth. Whatever effects have happened will not be corrected in a short time and they will be felt more many years. That being said, the ending was very abrupt and basically if you lived in America…you’re doomed. America’s been evacuated and now we have to live in Mexico. For the people who are not rich….they’re doomed. Also, there just isn’t going to be enough room for all of the Americans so it’s essentially the beginning of the end. When you really think about it, Humanity is down for the count.

In Disaster films, my favorite parts are always the set up (Meeting each of the characters and getting ready for them to join up to survive the upcoming threat) and the beginning of the onslaught. When the disaster first strikes, it’s cool to see everyone’s reactions and what they plan to do about it. Things usually get more slow paced from there and this film is no exception, but it’s not incredibly dragged out. The film is still enjoyable in the later stages, but as per usual, I enjoyed the first half of the film a lot more. The best destruction scene would definitely be the Wave of Water that attacked NYC. It was a pretty good batch of special effects and it reminded me of a recent Avengers episode. (A villain flooded NYC, but surprisingly there wasn’t any property damage and they dried off the buildings while not letting anyone die before dinner. Pretty impressive and Completely believable)

Overall, this was a pretty fun film. It’s probably not meant to be “fun”, but that’s what happened in the long run. There are a lot less fatalities than you would expect and nearly all of the big characters survive. (You do feel bad for the dozens of people who ran out into the freezing snow without a set destination in mind and not bringing along any food or utilities, but they must’ve had a great plan if they left the comfort of the Library for that. The cop did do a good job of taking charge and completely blowing Sam away in the verbal debate. At least 90% of the people went with him, which shows who has the better debating skills) It may not have a great amount of replay value, but it still has a decent amount, considering the (disaster) genre. I recommend watching the film if you like to see Apocalypse/End of The Earth scenarios and also view how the Government acts upon the knowledge. The character roster is decently good and Jack is a solid protagonist. The film is solid on just about all accounts so you can still watch it just to see the dialogue and the special effects. This is also a good film to prepare you for the upcoming Godzilla film, which will feature a Lot of devastation!

Overall 6/10

Rocky has returned and he may be facing his toughest challenge yet. This guy may not be quite as powerful as Apollo, but he’s the current Heavy Weight Champ and he wants to take Rocky down for the count. Rocky didn’t get to fight that much in Rocky V, so it was good to see him get some more action in this film. It’s definitely a step up from the last film, but has the film series started to go downhill? Well, time to find out!

I mildly addressed the plot in the intro, but it’s time to talk about it for real. Rocky doesn’t fight anymore and he even owns a pretty good restaurant. Life is pretty good for him and it’s been a peaceful life. Unfortunately, things start to turn sour as Rocky is put up against Dixon in a virtual battle that starts to rile people up. Rocky feels like he’s still got it so he decides to accept Mason’s challenge. He’s pretty old and Dixon is currently undefeated. Can Rocky really defeat such a powerful opponent?

The plot is something that you’d like to see in an anime or a comic, but could it translate into a movie? Rocky has been getting steadily older as the films have went on and he may not have what it takes to win anymore. It wouldn’t be very entertaining to see him get crushed by Dixon, but at the same time…is it believable if Rocky can give him a good fight in his present state? It’s something that you definitely will need to think about and it should affect how you view the big fights in the film.

Rocky is still a decently good protagonist. It is a little hard to sympathize with his will to keep on fighting since he has a very good life at the moment. Just about everyone in the city likes/respects him and he owns his own restaurant. He chats with the guests and he does his best to make things work out for everyone. The virtual fight may have stirred up the old fighting flair within him, but why take the risk of getting permanently injured just to feel that rush? His wife died prior to the film so Rocky is by himself now, but he still stays upbeat or tries too at the very least. He helps out Marie and her son by getting them jobs and essentially improving their quality of life.

Marie is not a new character to the franchise, but this is her first big role. She works at a bar, but Rocky convinces her to work at his restaurant and he tries to make sure that things turn out well for her and her son. She gives him a motivational speech about entering the fight, but I can’t say that I cared for the character. Her son was all right, but I still have to question why they were in the film in the first place. I’m glad that Rocky was nice to them, but it was a subplot that was really there to add some extra time to the film I suppose.

Paulie is still around and he’s here to make things a little tough for Rocky. He’s on Rocky’s side for the most part, but he cracks during one of their opening scenes and he doesn’t take his job loss that well. He goes to Rocky’s restaurant and he’s pretty hysterical while also alienating the people at the restaurant. Rocky takes it well, but Paulie didn’t seem to care that it could have hurt the store and crushed Rocky’s business. Paulie also insulted a dog which instantly made him irredeemable and one of the worst characters in the film.

Mason Dixon is the big opponent of the film and it’s hard to like him as well. You do got to sympathize with the fact that everyone keeps on saying that he’s not actually that tough even though he’s undefeated, but that shouldn’t bother him too much. He’s still undefeated and making big bucks, so that’s all that should matter to him. He just needs to take these things in stride and not worry about it so much. He talks a good game, but Rocky would have definitely crushed him if this had taken place at an earlier time. He’s supposed to be more of a likable character by the end, but we’ll see. I’m not sure if I buy it!

Rocky’s son is another big player in the film, but he wasn’t very likable. He sees the error of his ways and becomes a good guy by the very end of the series, but it’s a little late for that. He wasn’t likable in the previous film and he just served as a distraction for Rocky in this film. (Prior to his enlightenment) He had a pretty good situation and the job seemed solid. He was very sensitive about being in Rocky’s shadow, but it’s not really a bad thing and he should be proud of Rocky’s success. He doesn’t even go to Rocky’s restaurant and he makes it tough on him. He also admits that he didn’t want Rocky to fight because it will be tougher on him, which shows how selfish he is. It’s a little hard to bear at times and you just have to glare at him. He should be a better character in the next film at least.

The film isn’t very long and I’d say that it’s around 80-90 minutes. It goes by pretty quickly and doesn’t drag on, which is always a good thing. The soundtrack is not quite up to par with the classic Rocky scenes and the montage is a lot shorter, but it was still a nice throwback. The only real negatives to the film are the annoying characters (Rocky’s son and Paulie) and the fact that I can’t really sympathize with Rocky’s decision to head back in the ring. Beyond that, the film was pretty solid through and through.

Overall, this was a good film and I dare say that it was better than the last one. It still can’t beat the classic films, but it was a little better than I may have expected. The overall atmosphere is definitely not as cheery as the average film, but it’s all right for the film. It may not have a lot of replay value to it because while it’s a good film, it’s not necessarily a fun film. I do recommend checking it out at least once and it doesn’t tarnish the Rocky name. This is an example of a modern installment that was actually pretty good. The final fight may be a little brutal so you’ll want to prepare yourself before heading in.

Overall 5/10

Ah, the Lone Ranger…..this was a franchise that I could never get into. Despite the fact that the comics tend to get good reviews, they always looked pretty bad to me. The movie didn’t really look any better as it mixes the things that I don’t like in films together. The fact that it’s a wild west film and that there are no likable characters (Yes, I can tell when there were no likable characters from the trailers!) were not signs of hope for me. The only viewable entertainment that was able to pull off the whole “Wild West” aspect was Trigon and the best parts of that show don’t even take place in that setting. (Ex: Final battle is in a garden…a Garden!!!!!)

Anyway, back to the movie. Before I reveal that Spoiler Alert the whole thing is actually a fairy tale told by an old man who hangs out at a museum, I need to mention that the Lone Ranger is fake in this film. The real main character is a little kid who buys peanuts for sale and then goes to the museum to check out the exhibits. Sooooooo…….the whole movie is a story that may or may not be real, but let’s ignore that and just enjoy the story for what it is. End Spoiler

The Lone Ranger starts off his “epic” film debut by throwing a poor girl’s toy out the window. It’s not the greatest start and was probably the tipping point of the film. It all went downhill from there as he ran after the crooks while a lot of happenstance took place. Believe it or not….but the cops had arrested a villain for a change, but they tied him up right over a gun and his hands are barely cuffed so he was able to put it in his coat. Now, we know that there are traitors everywhere because according to this movie, everyone is basically evil until proven innocent. The army is able to be bought off with silver. I can’t even….

Even if you consider the fact that the traitor put the gun there and set him up, how did they manage to put him right over it? That’s some serious coincidence and the traitor putting him on that seat is still a little iffy. If the cops weren’t so drunk on power and beer, they would have stopped him as he was opening the floorboard. Still, we mustn’t get distracted just yet! I’ve barely mentioned the plot within the plot. One thing leads to another and the Lone Ranger dies. Tonto saves him and they decide to have a blast and beat people up as they head off to their destiny and avenge the Lone Ranger’s bro.

It’s not much of a plot description, but I hadn’t the heart to keep on going. Just think of a really generic plot and you’ll have figured this movie out. Honestly, I’d compare it to the likes or Pirates of the Carrabean and Sucker Punch which is a really (really) sad thing. This is probably Disney’s worst film of all time and easily one of the worst films that I’ve seen. It made the mistake of having the three big Vs. Animal Violence, (Every other minute it felt like. Horses, Rabbits, and a lot of other animals die as the film goes on) Gross Violence, (One of the characters is a cannibal….yeah, Disney went there) and Excessive Violence. (Back to the cannibal and every other fighting scene. Nearly every fight would have a scene or two that is not necessary and just makes the whole scene a lot more violent and unwatchable. Seriously, the film has absolutely no replay value and I deeply hope that they don’t make a sequel)

It’s hard to think of the film without wincing. It’s like the film was mocking the very essence of my being as I sat there and winced through the 2+ hour film that was incinerating every piece of morale that films had. I can’t think of anything that it did right. The main character is pretty weak, generic, and unheroic. The girl that he likes was married to his brother and he basically starts flirting with her (Right in front of his bro btw) as soon as he sees her. I knew that he would be an unlikable character right at that moment.

Let’s not forget his partner, Tonto. Tonto is pretty annoying as well and he has quite a few moments that will make you grimace. The “steralized” arrow comes to mind and you may need a barf bag for this film. The film isn’t as gross as the humor in Pirates, but there are times when it comes very close. There is also a lot of jumping in this film as we go to the “future” and the “past” and then back to the “present” Quotations must be used because we must remember that this is not as it appears. (See, spoiler paragraph for details)

Writing about this film is easy since everything is a negative, but that’s also why it’s tough for me to stay on one topic for long. My review may seem a little scattered as I jump from one point to another, but there’s so much to cover that I just don’t want to miss anything. Needless to say, there isn’t anything redeemable about this film.

Need I go on? The characters are all bad, the film is excessively violent, this film is not suitable for…anyone since I highly do not recommend the film. If you want to see something even remotely cool or fun, go watch an episode of Blues Clues. At least you’ll likely learn something in the process. All that you can learn in this film is what not to do. Seriously, someone jumps off of a very fast train at least 10+ feet to another train and he lands on a bunch of Silver Rocks. Not only is the character okay, but he’s not hurt in the slightest. I usually would have taken a step back for something like that, but I expected no less from the film.

I’m not sure how much more I can really say. Just…do not watch it. Spare yourself and just watch anything else. Maybe take a stroll in your backyard and play with your Dog. You can also go check out the 1 star reviews for the film on various sites and you can have a good laugh. It’s something that I enjoy doing as well! I hope that I’ve reached you all in time before you got to see the film. Who knows, maybe some of you would like it….but don’t count on it! This is the worst film that I’ve seen since Sucker Punch and that’s saying something. Hollywood is truly going downhill. (I refer to any Live Action Film as a “Hollywood” product if it’s from America…just saiyan)

Overall 1/10

It’s time for the much awaited sequel to Star Wars Episode I. We are getting closer to the original trilogy since 10 years have passed in the story. With Anakin as the main character (Or at least one of the main characters) this would have to be a success…right? Unfortunately, this is easily the weakest Star Wars film to date and it’s about time that we see why!

As is the norm with films in the Star Wars series, there is more than one plot going on in this movie. Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker are hired to protect Senator Padme since there are those that would wish to defeat her once and for all. She does not want to be terminated, but she does want to know who’s behind all of this and suspects Dooku. The Jedi laugh this off since Dooku was a Jedi and thus, he cannot be evil. The Jedi seemed to be pretty proud of themselves for coming up with this fact and brushed the notion aside. If only they could use The Force to find out!

Later on, Obi Wan is called away to locate the bounty hunter who is after Senator Padme so he is forced to leave his post. Anakin and Padme head off on their own adventure to find out what has happened to Anakin’s mother. There are a lot of plots that happen within the movie, but since they all continue from each other, it’s hard to go into more depth with them. Needless to say, a big war could occur if things do not stop very quickly!

So, what went wrong with this film? The plot sounds like it has potential and Anakin gets a big role! Well, let’s start off with Anakin’s portrayal. He looks awful in this film and you just want him to stop appearing after his first few scenes. He’s one of the worst main heroes of a movie that I’ve seen in a while and he’s as annoying as Russio. He may not be quite as bad as someone like James T Kirk, but he is definitely pretty low. He constantly pesters Padme about how they should be together and he can never stay professional. He’s always talking back to Obi Wan and even disagrees with Padme when they are in front of a lot of important people. He also basically admits that he prefers a dictatorship to democracy and starts his way to becoming a villain. It’s inevitable that he turns evil, but he does so in a very bad way. He comes off as more of a throwaway villain who talks a good game, but is really desperate and not really that tough.

An example of this is during the climax when he attacks someone and is quickly defeated in a single blow. After a long time, Anakin wakes up and is quickly dispatched by another blow. He looks so awful that you are likely to cheer in the theater when he is defeated, but it doesn’t do wonders for the character. He was definitely not handled well in this film and if not for the expanded universe he would be a pretty awful character right now. (He looked bad in Episodes V and VI as well)

The next big flaw in the film is that it does not live up to its name. For starters, what happened to Star Wars being about battles in space? We don’t really get any of that anymore and I miss the days of fighting in space. It was so much fun back in the day and now we only have ground fights. They’re pretty good, but it’s still inexcusable. Also, the title is Attack of the Clones, but they do not fight until the end of the movie, during the climax. That can definitely be disappointing if you are looking forward to seeing the Clone/Storm Troopers in action.

Another negative would be the excessive romance in the film. It’s handled poorly and the writing was just terrible and the plot for the scenes was even worse. Padme and Anakin were just friends back in the day, but Anakin has become a very twisted person who is not satisfied anymore. She constantly tells him that they can never be together, but he keeps pestering her until they are. That’s definitely not a good romance and it was sad that she weakened in the end. Instead of a happy moment, it was just a wince worthy scene that will make you cringe inside. As you can guess, I do not like Anakin at all in this film and the same goes for Padme.

The scene where Anakin finds his mother and finally rescues her also should have been cut out. She was kidnapped days ago and she’s still alive. Sure, this gives Anakin more of a sad back story so that he’ll have more reason to turn evil, but he was already clearly on the path to becoming a Sith anyway. If we needed another sad element, they just could have had her be destroyed by the Sand people and then Anakin saves her. That would have been a lot better than having her still be alive to quickly die right when he arrives. The scene was definitely a little too gruesome and also hurts the replay value of the story.

Not everyone looked bad as Yoda finally backed up all of his tough talk and he got to fight. It is definitely more than a little hard to take him seriously at this point, but he proved that he is a skilled combatant. He is fast, but his lack of strength could be a bit of an issue. He definitely looked more impressive than the other Jedi, who are reduced to cannon fodder in this film.

That’s another problem that I have with the Jedi. I do not like any of them in this film and while Yoda and Obi Wan may not be bad characters, I don’t really care for them either. The Jedi actually lose to random blasts and Jango Fett took one of them down for the count. The Jedi have never looked very impressive in the films, but they looked even worse than usual in this film. At least half of them were slaughtered by random droids and it would appear that the Force did not find favor with them. The Jedi appear to be stronger than average Cops, but they’re still only at about Chitauri level. Average humans could feasibly defeat them if they’re good with a gun. The Jedi could use the Force in much better ways, but they do not seem to comprehend this.

At least Jango Fett was a cool character. He is a solid fighter in his jetpack and he effortlessly defeated a Jedi. That’s a pretty solid feat and he also managed to defeat Obi Wan Kenobi. The way that he lost at the end was pure plot hax and just an excuse to finish up the movie. After seeing him in the Bounty Hunter game, I can definitely say that he wouldn’t have died like that.

Emperor Dooku was a pretty sharp fighter and definitely tougher than I would have guessed. He made the Jedi look like kids as he was completely annihilating them without effort. It was a sad day for the Jedi, but a pretty happy day for Dooku. Maybe he could take on Darth Vader or Darth Maul in a fair fight. C-3PO, R2D2, and Jar Jar Binks all make cameos. They’re about the same as usual, but C-3PO is pretty intense as he actually betrays the Jedi at one point and probably took a few of them down with his lasers.

The fight scenes in the film are pretty intense which is always a good thing. The effects hold up well and we are in the 2000’s so I should expect no less. The Lightsabers still seem to be easily breakable, but it’s fun to see them clash. We also got a brief hand to hand fight scene with Obi Wan and Jango Fett. The effects for Jango’s booster are also pretty good.

Finally, we do have another big negative and it is the excessive animal violence. At one point, the “heroes” are thrown into an arena with three giant monsters. You can probably guess what happens to the animals and it isn’t pretty. It was really unneeded, but a lot of films tend to make this mistake nowadays. It is pretty disappointing to see and I will always have to take away points for such awful scenes.

Overall, I did not care for this Star Wars film. Not only was it the worst one in the series, but it was not even close. This film was a lot more negative than positive so the low rating should not come as a huge surprise by the end. The film had potential for great things, thanks to the action and Jango Fett, but it was not to be. I can’t say that this helps my hopes for the next film in the series, but it can’t get any worse I suppose. I do not recommend this film and if you want a real space adventure, check out Gurren Lagann!

Overall 3/10