1 Star Movies, Live Action Movie Reviews, Live Action Movies, Reviews

Lake Placid Review

This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative.

It’s time to look at a horror film from a while back. It’s actually got a few sequels so I’m sure just about everyone knows the tale of Lake Placid. It’s not the kind of film that you’re likely to forget anytime soon. Unfortunately it falls into the quick traps of a lot of animal violence as well as weak writing throughout. This is not a thriller that will be ranking very highly at all. I like to think it had a shot, but the result was very predictable all things considered. When your main villain is an animal it’s just hard to get past that. The film never even tries anyway.

The film starts with Kelly having a pretty bad day because her man was stolen by her best friend. She is then sent out to find out how a giant tooth was discovered belonging to a seemingly extinct race of gator. She is greeted by Hank and Jack who are currently working the case. Both of them don’t really want her in since she’s not really part of this and to their defense, she really doesn’t seem prepared at all. From the start she complains a ton about everything and makes it all very difficult on the heroes. Still, they can’t convince her to leave and so the group heads to the spot of the murder. A giant gator ate half of someone and so they aim to stop him before more victims arrive.

Another wrinkle in the case is good ole Hector. He worships Alligators and wants to make sure this one is taken alive instead of murdered. He loves danger and risking it all. The guy’s pretty insane but the heroes put up with him because he is the world’s leading expert in all things gator. He puts up a lot of traps and things of that nature. The heroes are certainly about as divided as you can be. I can’t think of a main cast that bickers this much except for Suicide Squad or something like that. They’re all fighting absolutely nonstop.

First problem is of course the animal violence as I mentioned. Quite a lot of them die when up against the gator including a nice cow. The film tries to save face at the very end of the film by having the final cow escape. I was glad to see that but it doesn’t excuse the dead bodies earlier or the part of the origin story where we learn someone had been feeding animals to the gator. It’s all about as morally bankrupt as you can get from the villain who isn’t even arrested at the end of the film. You’ll have to suspend quite a lot of disbelief there since this person is responsible for several murders.

The other issue is that the writing is definitely quite obnoxious. Hector is the biggest reason for this. He’s created to be a very blunt character who is always saying something inappropriate. He somehow seems to have a lot of luck regardless. The heroes shouldn’t have been listening to him at all with his crazy theories and how he kept holding everyone back. I was ready for him to leave as soon as he appeared. Pretty much any scene with him is a thumbs down. Meanwhile Hank is a much better character although a lot of his scenes are the “banter” between him and Hector which limits his potential. At least Hank was serious about his job though. He did his best to stop the gators, it just so happens that he wasn’t prepared for this level of monster. Nor were most people I imagine.

The only parts of the writing that could be fun were with Jack and Kelly. She loved to complain a lot which he would typically have a quick comeback for. Naturally this turns into the usual rushed romance, but ignoring that it was a fun dynamic. Kelly is a fun character. She’s a solid example of someone who’s made to be annoying in a good way. She’s always complaining about something but I’d say that it actually worked out pretty well for her. At least the lines are sound. Meanwhile Jack is also a solid character. He’s got plans and doesn’t put up with as much foolishness as most of the other characters.

As for the gator himself, it was a pretty fun design. Nothing particularly unique mind you as it was effectively just a giant alligator. That is the whole premise of the film though so it makes sense. It’s not like it was supposed to be an alien hybrid or anything like that. I wouldn’t have minded if they did something to make him look a bit more unique though. We get a quick jump scare at the end of the film but it’s resolved so quickly that I feel like it was almost a bit pointless. There should have been an extra fatality there to make this new threat feel more real. I feel like that would have worked better.

Overall, Lake Placid is definitely not a film that I would recommend. Choosing a gator as the main villain was a pretty solid move because we haven’t really had a lot of films with them. For some reason it’s not the monster that is usually used for these films despite having such an intimidating design. I think that’s a bit of a mistake because he could easily hold his own film. Of course, that’s only if you have to make a film about an animal as the villain. Clearly you should try to avoid such things. If you don’t mind terrible writing and animal violence then check this film out. Otherwise I highly recommend Air Bud instead as a much more wholesome film with quality moments.

Overall 1/10

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Blade Review

This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative.

It’s time to look at one of the original comic book films from back in the day. Blade is largely forgotten nowadays although it seems to have had a bit of a resurgence in recent years. It’s a vampire film which naturally does limit how good it can be to a large extent. Unfortunately the comic book aspect of the movie was unable to do enough to take it back to the next level. It makes all the usual mistakes of a vampire film and ends up being rather similar to Resident Evil. Resident Evil would ultimately have the edge though with its top tier soundtrack and a more interesting plot. Come to think of it, zombies may also beat vampires for me although it’s close since both don’t make for particularly good movies.

The movie starts off with one human being lured away to a vampire party. They are about to finish him off when Blade appears and destroys the lot of them. Unfortunately he decides to toy around with one of them a little too much so he manages to get to a hospital and murder a bunch of people as well bite Karen. Blade takes Karen over to his base where the Whistler tells Karen that it’s all over. She’s already dead and they’re not going to help her. Karen’s not thrilled about this so she decides to stick with the gang. At the very least she should be safer with the pros right? Blade doesn’t have much time to guard anyone though because he’s on a quest to avenge his mother and himself by murdering Frost. Frost is the one who turned Blade into a vampire after all and this is the closest that the hunter has gotten to being on his trail.

Right from the start Blade introduces itself as a film that is going to go all in with the violence and vampire action. The first scene probably has more blood almost all of the other comic book films. The violence never lets up either as we see people eaten and blown up. The TV edit does cut away from a lot of the direct moments which is quite telling considering how violent the film still was. Automatically there’s no way the film was going to get a very high score because of how excessive it all is. Definitely be sure you’re cool with the violence if you plan on checking this one out.

I’ve also never been a fan of the drinking blood angle which is pretty hard to avoid in a vampire film. It’s part of why those films are always destined to lose if you ask me. While it can be possible to do a good vampire story (Records of a Fallen Vampire) it is very difficult and not particularly likely. The villains aren’t particularly fun either. You’ve got Quinn who is the main comic relief of the villain group. He is always in a party mood and doesn’t take things too seriously. This never bodes well for him in a fight and you know from the start that he has absolutely no chance against Blade. He’s just completely out of his league.

Then you have Frost who can be a decent main villain in some Blade stories but he doesn’t work here. They really play up the fact that he’s a much younger vampire than the others so he’s always fooling around. The guy is pretty smart and does take the vampires to new heights that the old ones wouldn’t have reached. He definitely gets some points there and is a reasonably strong villain. Ultimately he’s not nearly as charismatic as he thinks he is. The rest of the villains don’t really get much of a role. For the most part they’re just here to get blown up.

For the heroes we’ve really got 3. First is Whistler who is the mentor figure of the movie. You can probably tell how his story will end up the instant he is introduced. He’s human so there’s not a whole lot that he can do against vampires with their special abilities. Still, he doesn’t back down from a fight which is really important in this kind of thing. He’s a bit of a downer though as he doesn’t even try to give Karen any hope. Karen is a solid heroine though. She does actually get involved in some of the fights and adapts pretty quickly to using a gun and other such tactics. I was glad that she spent more time being pro active as opposed to running or something like that. She was even able to work on a cure right away. Karen contributes quite a lot to the cause and that’s why she’s a pretty solid character. I’d be up for seeing her in sequels someday.

Then we have the main character Blade. He feels sort of like a more brutal Batman at times with how he will suddenly appear and start taking out the enemies. The main difference of course is that Blade murders his opponents. At first he tends to spare the humans although in some fight scenes it’s really hard to tell if he spares anyone. By the end though he is all out of mercy and just takes everyone out. He’s a pretty great lead. Blade’s serious and down to business throughout the movie. The film did a really good job with this portrayal and I’d say that Blade is pretty much perfect. I also like all of his tools and weapons. It makes for a pretty good arsenal in these battles.

The fight scenes are pretty good in the movie as well. When it’s not going out of its way to be particularly gritty we have some solid hand to hand action and swordplay. The scene of Blade arriving in the climax was handled particularly well as he got down to business. His opening fight against the vampire army was also solid. The movie helps to enhance these scenes with a solid soundtrack as well. We get some pretty fun rock themes for the battles. They have a nice retro feel that you don’t really see quite as much anymore in the modern films. For some reason rock music doesn’t seem to be as popular for the average fight scene which I don’t understand because the fast tempo should always be in season.

Overall, Blade is definitely what you would expect from a vampire action film. The action can be good but ultimately the film is held wayyyyy back by the vampire angle. It goes way too far in being overly dark and gritty. I can’t recall the last film I saw which was quite this violent. The body count is pretty high and you usually won’t be able to go more than a few minutes without something super violent happening. The film can be having a fun little scene and then you’re thrown into the next villain scene or something crazy happening. Pretty much any villain scene will end with something violent happening. These instances certainly add up so I wouldn’t recommend this film. It’s all just too excessive. If you want to watch a good supernatural action film then it’s time to watch the Avengers 2012 instead. It delivers on all of that without going overboard. We’ll see if the next Blade films are able to improve from this one or if they will ultimately make the same mistakes.

Overall 1/10

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Anaconda Review


It’s time to take a look at an old snake film. Whenever the main villain of a film is an animal that’s a pretty bad sign for the film since it’s going to be hard to defeat it without resorting to animal violence. Whether the animal is an antagonist or not, injuring an animal in a film will always lose you some points. At least if you’re a series like a comic strip of a television program you can have enough episodes to counter it. A single movie? That’s a tall order and this film wasn’t able to get around that. It’s a weak film with or without the animal element but it didn’t help matters.

The film starts with a quick murder. We then cut to Terri and her crew as they are filming a documentary about a tribe that lives nearby. Unfortunately none of them know where the tribe is so they’re basically just wandering aimlessly. Their boat runs across a man named Paul who says he used to be a pastor and now he’s a snake hunter. The heroes mostly find this guy suspicious but let him and his large bags come aboard without doing any kind of check. He then starts to give them a lot of directions and before they know it the group is now on a completely different course. Steven is injured so Paul has assumed control of the ship. Will he really take them to the nearest hospital or is he just leading them to their doom?

From the start you can tell this guy is probably a villain but you can understand why the heroes picked him up. What they should have done immediately after was check his bags though and at least held onto the guns. Why give a guy you just met 5 minutes ago access to all of your weapons and life supports? Seriously, they give this guy complete freedom on the ship after knowing him for a few hours. The guy can tell a catchy story but they really shouldn’t be so careless in the wild. The crew initially outnumbers him but slowly the crew starts shrinking and their odds grow worse and worse.

The most annoying part here is probably how many times Paul punks them as the film goes on. From heading to abandoned boats to getting others to leave for a bit, Paul plays everyone like a fiddle. He’s also pretty smug about it as he finds everyone’s deaths amusing and nobody even points a finger at him. By the time they give him the loaded gun you’re just shaking your heads at the leads. Even once they finally do have him down for the count you’ve always got that one crew member who manages to somehow lose a fight to a guy who is tied up and on the ground. The scene is hard to buy into. Surely you’d at least be able to stab the guy while you’re that close right? Paul gets way too much hype as a villain. The heroes probably should have beaten him up a bit more. Terri’s right that they shouldn’t murder him, but break the guy’s legs or something. At least tie him up better. In films I don’t get why they just tie the villain up with a quick strand of rope. Since their lives are in danger they should have used a ton of layers at the very least.

As for the characters, it’s not the strongest cast I’ve seen. Gary is annoying the whole time as he is quick to sell everyone out for some cash. You’d think he would have some more principals. Following a guy you just met isn’t a good idea. Meanwhile Denise means well but she looks terrible at the end of the film which destroys her character. She spends way too much time gloating and getting psyched out to be taken seriously. Steven does a good job of at least trusting his instincts over Paul’s, but he was one of the people who was quickest to believe Paul’s story so that loses him a bunch of points from me.

Mateo is a character who clearly had a past with Paul. He doesn’t bring it up and doesn’t clue anyone in. I can’t tell if it’s because he’s afraid of the guy or afraid that since he was illegally poaching the heroes would turn him in. Either way he makes the worst call of being the last one on the ship knowing that the place is super dangerous. He probably should have done….just about anything else. Warren’s got some character at least as he likes a good game of golf. Right away he threatens to murder Danny though and you realize why you would never want to go on a cruise with these guys. Warren was one of the most entertaining characters at least.

The best character was definitely Danny. He didn’t give up as quick as the others and was always ready for a fight. He comes up with some good plans at the end and steps up to the plate when the chips are down. He’s easily the highlight here. Terri’s the director of the film so she’s got a good amount of say as well. Unfortunately Paul definitely tricks her quite a bit as the film goes on and she usually makes the wrong decision. While her plan to nab Paul ended up working, it’s a plan I never like. I think you just need to go in and take him down. If Terri had let Danny go to finish off Paul early on then most of the film may not have even happened. That would have definitely been the easiest way to end things.

This film is pretty violent so definitely keep that in mind if you’re checking it out. The snakes aren’t playing around and there is a decent body count here. Since people are getting crunched it’s not quite as violent and the TV version I saw cut out most of the actual climaxes, but even so this can be an intense one. There is quite a bit of animal violence here as well with the snake taking a lot of hits and a monkey also being shot. As a result the film keeps on shooting itself in the foot. The writing is pretty terrible as well with a lot of plot convenience for things to get nearly as far as they did. Any reasonable crew would have bumped Paul off early on.

Overall, Anaconda is a film that drags on as it goes for a lot of quick thrills without much story to back it up. The characters are annoying and the pacing isn’t very good. The main Snake makes for some striking visuals as it busts through windows and doors while approaching its prey. It’s a good antagonist but at the same time there are only so many ways you can show off a snake so before long it gets into almost recycled footage territory. If the film had taken place in a city I think it would have been more interesting. Anaconda plays itself pretty straight so there’s no real humor or anything. I think it actually could have used some of that. As it stands, I’d recommend watching something else instead like Sonic The Hedgehog while it’s still in theaters.

Overall 1/10

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Alien: Resurrection Review

This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative.

It’s time to look at the next Alien installment. I think we all already knew what to expect from this one, but even so you can’t help but feel a little disappointed at how bad this one is. Why can’t the Alien series just adapt what should be an easy premise into a great film? This one makes about all the mistakes it can and you’re never left engaged in what’s going on. If you’re going to be a terrible film you should at least be interesting like Resident Evil or something. That one kept you guessing so you would at least have fun during all of the craziness. This one couldn’t manage that.

The film starts off 200 years after the last one. Ripley has been revived so that the scientists could get her alien. They decide to leave her alive though since she has super powers and they’re hoping that she somehow doesn’t use it to wreck their plans. This is all a pretty illegal operation of kidnapping humans to use as expendables in the Xenomorph project so you’d think they would want to silence everyone right away. Well, a group of mercenaries led by Frank show up and we immediately can’t accept these guys as characters to root for. They’re literally trafficking humans across the cosmos to be murdered. You can have a group of bandits as the lead like in the Guardians of the Galaxy so long as they aren’t pure evil. These guys are terrible and since the scientists are established as villains with Ripley being insane….we have to root for the Xenomorphs this time. Lets see if they can crush all the humans!

Resurrection really made a mistake in making everyone an antagonist. I like a good villain vs villain fight as much as the next guy, but it only works in the context that there do exist some heroes who can fight back. If it’s just a bunch of villains running around then there’s nobody to root for. None of them are all that interesting either. The best member of the rebels would be Frank almost by default. At least he tries to act like a real commander and resorts to blackmail really quickly just to let everyone know that he’s still corrupt. Unfortunately his role is incredibly minor here.

Then you’ve got Ron who is probably the worst member of the group. His first scene is him picking on Dom for not being able to walk and from there he tries to make some moves on Ripley. There’s no real point to his character and while they may be trying to have a gruff lead here, it doesn’t work. Then there’s Dom who exploits the fact that he is in a wheelchair here to load a bunch of guns here basically proving the security guards right for thinking twice about letting him in. I do have to quickly say that this was one of the biggest stretches in the movie. What’s the point of having a metal detector if you’re going to let everyone in anyway? It buzzes for someone’s water bottle which of course turns out to be a gun later on. It buzzes for the wheelchair and later on we find out it’s because there was a gun inside. If you’re not going to test the results then the whole thing is pointless. It can’t eve detect when a robot walks through it.

Then we have Annalee who is trying to be the detective here. She intentionally acts a little slow at times to get everyone to leave her alone. That being said, she is intimidated way too easily. The whole scene with Ripley was pretty awful for her and she never really became a likable character. There is Ripley too of course, but she is pretty much dead to the world throughout the film. She lets her emotions get the better of her whenever they do pop up and she rarely uses her powers in a useful way. She’s got super strength and speed, you’d think she would use that to do more than just intimidate the characters around her the whole time. She’s just an annoying lead with no real personality. There is a twist about her which makes sense almost from the jump but the film waits til near the end to actually confirm it.

I think the scene where you realize that Ripley isn’t going to get any better is during the basketball scene. The whole scene is stretched out quite a bit and somehow the film messed up what it’s going for. This is supposed to be a cool scene where Ripley beats up the guy trying to get too fresh with her and shows them why she is the main character. Instead she forgets how to talk again doesn’t really get to do anything beyond sinking the shot before they are interrupted by the scientists. That was not the way to do this.

I can’t think of any solid tunes here so you can forget about watching it for the soundtrack. The film’s incredibly violent as expected so that’s something to consider when watching the film. Everyone dies in various ways and in this case they don’t even seem to have a chance against the Aliens so it’s not as if it’s exciting. It’s just violent to tick off that box. The writing is also very weak. Aside from all of the characters being unlikable there is also quite a bit of language so the film fails on all technical levels.

At this point…what’s left? Resurrection has to go down as one of the weakest creature features out there. Even the Xenomorphs didn’t seem as cool because they were drooling even more than usual. It’s probably because they were in daylight more, but I don’t remember them looking quite so bad. I prefer the sleek Xenomorph look where it’s more of a hard shell. Maybe they were a little nervous here though. One of them did get jumped by a bunch of others after all.

Overall, Alien Resurrection is definitely a mess of a film. It tries to get in some interesting visuals and ideas with the people in stasis, the alien farm, and stuff like that, but it all falls flat. None of that made me think the film was about ot turn things around and a big part of that goes back to the writing being no good. You can’t properly execute any ideas if the writing isn’t on point. There is really no reason to watch this movie. It’s all about a bunch of unlikable characters getting murdered by aliens and the plot is just a backdrop to that.

Overall 1/10

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The Children’s Hour Review


It’s time to look at a pretty old film about how a single deception can cause a lot of damage. Lies definitely do have far reaching consequences and particularly here as the film is quite old and takes place in an era where this kind of lie can end lives. It’s a pretty mean spirited film though and one that ultimately falls into the pile of films that you’re better off not checking out. The town really believed a kid?

The film starts off by introducing us to a local school. Karen and Martha have been running this school all on their own for quite a while. The school is finally going to be profitable for the first time, but then Martha learns that Karen and Joe are finally going to be married. While Karen says she will stick around to the end of the school year Martha has her doubts. She is also saddened by the fact that without a second teacher the school is basically doomed. This becomes the least of her problems though as one disgruntled kid spreads a rumor that Martha and Karen are together. Immediately the town pulls out their kids from the school and now the whole town is against them. Can these two teachers reclaim their lives or is everything all over now?

It’s definitely annoying to see the whole town get thrown into chaos by the words of one little girl. Her grandmother appears to be influential so tricking her first was crucial to the plan. That being said, the teachers should have been more upfront about how this story wasn’t real. Look, the kid’s got a history of lying to everyone about everything. Why didn’t Martha and Karen mention this to the grandmother? For some reason none of the adults were mentioning the fact that this kid had a habit of lying and that was fairly critical info to know.

Now, the film does skip the entire trial so it is reasonable to say that they probably mentioned this in the courtroom. It would have been nice to see it though. Also the court case would have been awesome so it’s really unfortunate that it was skipped. That was going to be one of the more powerful parts of the film because to actually lose that case with nothing more than gossip as evidence is definitely crazy. Given how unreasonable most of the characters in the film are it’s probably not too much of a stretch. Most of them refuse to even acknowledge Martha and Karen.

There aren’t a lot of characters here, but the supporting characters definitely fail the two as well. Lily was part of the problem here by supporting the claims against her niece Martha and then quickly ran off before the trial. Even by the end of the film she hints that she believed it to be true anyway so I think the main characters really didn’t need to be so civil to her. She is putting their lives at jeopardy so I wouldn’t have let her stay in the house with a free dinner. It’s great to be nice, but there’s got to be a limit somewhere.

Then you’ve got Joe. To his credit, the guy stuck by Karen for quite a while. He did his best to always stick up for her and was even willing to leave his house, job, and everything to be with her. It’s why their ending isn’t satisfying in the slightest as he ultimately falls for Karen’s trap. Why is Karen setting traps for her future husband? I suppose she wanted him to 100% have no doubts and I don’t think he really did. He did fail the test so I suppose that shows there was some doubt there, but he was pressured into saying it. He shouldn’t have failed the test, but Karen didn’t need to do that. Just the fact that he was willing to leave with them and destroy his reputation should have been good enough.

As for the main two characters, Karen is definitely my favorite. She’s very considerate and did what she could to stand by Martha when she could have been married a long time ago. She knew that the school was really important to Martha and tried to stick around, but it’s not like she could put her life on hold forever right? Karen did everything she could and as the situation was far worse for Martha since Karen at least had a fiance, Karen was also there for emotional support. Aside from the trap that I’ve already talked about at length, I don’t think Karen made any wrong moves here. She was just a solid character.

Then you’ve got Martha whose argument with Lily is partially what got the ball rolling here. The kid would have still made up the story, but there would have been less ammo to use. Martha was a bit unreasonable with how she wanted Karen to stay forever but I do think she would have ultimately come to terms with Karen’s departure though and would have given her a genuine congratulations. Then you’ve got Martha’s ending which is certainly tragic. It’s the easy way out for a person but never the right call. Ignoring the holes it leaves for everyone else affected it also eliminates your own future path.

The film’s definitely pretty somber with nothing good really happening to the characters for almost the whole film. It starts off happy for a few scenes, but quickly gets dark and never quite goes back up. Even the subplot with the kid gets pretty intense as she starts blackmailing another one of the kids for stealing. Too bad none of the adults noticed the obvious witness intimidation while they were asking questions. They could have spared themselves a whole lot of grief at that point. The what if game ultimately goes on forever, but it’s yet another plot that’s pretty mean. It also did make the school look bad when one kid is literally getting painfully grasped by the other in a police hold. With only two teachers it makes sense that they can’t be everywhere of course, but it does show that they were understaffed.

Overall, The Children’s Hour isn’t my kind of film. It’s pretty dark and dreary with no good characters to help the leads out. The town people are all just looking out for themselves and there isn’t a single reasonable person around. You have threatening individuals circling the school on their pickup truck and even someone who breaks in from time to time to threaten the teachers. There’s no safety and the cops never show up. Joe leaving didn’t help matters even if he was pushed away. The two heroines probably should have just left the town even sooner but leaving everything you’ve ever known isn’t easy. I’d recommend watching something like Christmas With The Kranks instead for a more enjoyable film.

Overall 1/10

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Ski Party Review


I’ve seen most of the old beach party films from this crew so I may as well see their skiing version as well right? It’s certainly not much better than the rest and makes all of the same mistakes. The characters may not be at the beach but they certainly dress as if they are. I would make the case that there is a little less fanservice here than in the beach versions, but I’m not invested enough into the series to do so. You certainly wouldn’t catch me defending this film. Well, let’s take a look at what we got.

The film starts off with Todd and Craig being down in the dumps because they are still single. They joined a bunch of sport programs but it was no use. Then they notice that Freddie is the star of the party and everyone is only interested in him. Perhaps the trick is that he is always skiing. The two leads quickly decide to go to the next big skiing event and are determined that this will put them on the radar. Will such a shallow plan really work or will the film test our intelligence by continuing to make the plans crazier and crazier?

There are a lot of issues here so it’s always hard to know where to start. I guess we should tackle the romance first. Romance was always a hard genre for films to really pin down and that can be especially true for this one. Part of the reason why the film kicks off is because both of the girls don’t seem to love the two guys straight away. They did go with them on two dates though so this is more about the main characters not being very patient. They want to immediately go further in the relationship while the girls are waiting. The guys are Freddie all the time and that really warps their expectations. You also can’t feel any sympathy for them because they would cheat on the two girls in a heartbeat. We have many scenes where they try to go after other girls so there is absolutely no loyalty here. They’ll simply go after the first one who accepts them.

They also use rather underhanded methods in order to complete their mission. One such tactic is to dress up as a girl and sneak into the dorms. This is a pretty bad move for many reasons. It’s also one of the largest gags in the film and it gets old very quickly. Naturally Freddie falls for one of them in this form and nobody can put the pieces together. I think if you cut away this whole sub plot the film will still be pretty terrible but it would certainly have improve. This plot line just didn’t do anything to really help the film rise up. It drags on and on.

It goes without saying that there is a lot of fanservice here even though they are in the snow. Characters just don’t care about the storm at all. They’re dressed for the beach and they aim to keep it that way for most of the film. We get a lot of zoom ins and crazy dances reminding yo that the plot was not the movie’s first priority. At least the singing isn’t too bad, the series has certainly had worse songs at any rate. Then you’ve got the beach scene at the end just to mess with the audience even further.

There are moments in the film that can be reasonably funny. It’s not like the whole duration is one failed joke after the other. While a good chunk of the jokes don’t work, the surreal nature of the movie helps at times. The scene of the main character floating like a balloon was fun. Additionally I liked the Polar Bear scenes. It’s a pretty nice gag to have that guy running around. The problem is that the movie beats this joke into the ground by having the same joke show up around 5-6 times. You never want to spam a joke that often because it will inevitably get quite old. It’s going for the running gag approach but that works better in a series. If you cram it into a single movie then you are bound to have some issues.

There aren’t any characters to root for here either so you won’t be as invested in the film as you could be. The two main guys are chronic cheaters. The two heroines are too passive and ultimately try to say that the guys were right even though that is definitely not the case. Freddie starts out as a pretty intense guy but by the end he is total comic relief to make the other characters look better. The movie definitely could and should have had more restraint. Maybe make it so the heroes get a win but Freddie still keeps his dignity. The parental figure here literally goes insane by the end of the film and I couldn’t give him any consolation points either. It was rather mean of the main guys to mess with him the whole time, but it’s also partially his fault for falling for their gags. They absolutely should not have worked on him. I prefer the guardians who at least talk tough the whole time. This guy was a punching bag so you’ll sooner feel bad for him than find the scene overly funny.

Overall, Ski Party is definitely everything you expect it to be. The film is pretty straight forward on delivering everything it is advertised to be. If this is your kind of film then you’ll enjoy it. However if you want a film with good writing and an actual plot then I’d recommend staying far away from this movie. It will have nothing to offer you. At least the gang sub plot isn’t around to get dragged out forever. The car chase at the end is actually a little better without those guys around to slow the pacing.

Overall 1/10

1 Star Movies, Live Action Movie Reviews, Live Action Movies, Reviews

Scream 2 Review

This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative.

It’s time to look at Scream 2 which brings back pretty much everyone for another round with the murderer. Last time a few of the heroes got away so we’ll see if they are so lucky this time. This sequel is a little better than the first one but of course a slasher film can only get so good.

The film starts with a scene where the characters are watching a screening of Stab, which is a film adaption of the first movie. This theater decided to try something a little extreme as everyone brought in a fake knife and a mask. This results in the villain sneaking in and claiming his first 2 villains. Then we cut to the main part of town where Sidney is still dealing with the aftermath of what happened last time. People prank call her all the time and with the movie out it’s gotten worse. Still, she has managed to mostly be at peace. This all changes when news of the murders gets out and it seems like the new one wants to repeat everything from the first film. Can Sidney manage to survive this encounter?

Let’s go through the basics real quick. The film is extremely violent as you would expect from this series.  Everyone dies pretty brutally and the body count is fairly high so you can expect a lot of scenes like this consistently during the movie. There’s not really much the movie can do to rise up with this level so with the score doomed pretty early on the question becomes whether or not the movie can at least be entertaining in the meantime. After all, you can have a 1-2 star film that will at least give you some fun scenes like the Resident Evil series or you’ll get some that are just a slog to get through from start to finish like the Exorcist. This one is closer to Resident Evil.

One thing that does help the series is the fact that the cast returns from the original film. Establishing some kind of continuity like this is pretty rare for any horror series so it’s impressive that Scream pulled this off. It may ultimately not feel like much of a silver lining but at the end of the day I’ll take what I can get with these. It at least helps to balance all of the tragic elements like the opening scene where everything that can go wrong for the victim does. Everyone was super oblivious there. It’s probably the saddest scene in the film especially because these characters really had no heads up and almost nothing to do with anything. Their names simply were on the list.

The script naturally still has a lot of characters talking like sailors, but at least we still do get some fun lines here and there. The characters all talk really tough at times and they’re pretty aware of what’s going on which is good. The back-up camera man for example correctly realizes that he’s probably in a lot of danger since Gale has decided to get mixed in with this dangerous plot once again. The movie loving character also talks really tough to the villain although he probably shouldn’t have gotten so close to the abandoned van in the middle of the road. That’s definitely a rookie mistake.

Sidney is back as the lead and she is definitely a solid character. She has gotten better as the films progress. At the time of writing this review I have also seen Scream 3 and that is her best portrayal but lets not get ahead of ourselves. After the events of the first film she is naturally pretty wary of being around people. When the murders start escalating again she wants to do something about it, but everyone else just tells her to calm down. It’s hard to say what the best course of action is for her since either way there’s no guarantee she will be safe. How I see it the murderer is after her either way so it makes sense for her to get involved in the case. At least she’ll be around the cops which should help in theory at least.

Meanwhile Dewey and Gale are back to bickering as usual. There banter with each other can always be fun, but then it’s cheesy how quickly they get back together again. The music is perfect for their first meeting in each of the installments though. I dare say that Dewey gets weaker with each film, but at least I do like the fact that he is always trying to help out. Surprisingly he never gets scared off and considering what he’s been through that is impressive.

Likewise Gale doesn’t let anything get in the way of her story. She does get a little sloppy in the climax here, but the fact that she always seems to make it to the climax is a sign of her persistence as well. Gale is basically the Lois Lane of the series and does whatever she has to in order to get the scoop. She’s one of the best characters in these films. Meanwhile the guy she saved from execution shows up as well. Cotton is pretty upset as Sidney due to being framed and seems rather unbalanced throughout the film to the point where he even threatens her. He just seems really shady and I wouldn’t trust him if I were the other characters. He seems to be reasonably tough though and that’s always handy. As long as he is not the murderer then he can possibly be helpful.

There are some minor characters like Sidney’s roommate and her new boyfriend, but neither one of them are terribly important unless of course one of them is the culprit. For now I’m going to count Ghostface as his own character so I don’t blow the mystery. I will say that this Ghostface is a huge improvement over the one in the first film. For starters he isn’t getting kicked around the curb by every person he tries to attack. This one actually wins most of his fights. While his goals are just as delusional as the first guy, at least they aren’t as deplorable. This is definitely relatively speaking though since murder is murder. He gives a crazy speech about how the court case would go down and that could be an interesting movie in itself. There are other important characters in the climax, but there’s not much more I can say on that here without major spoilers.

While the soundtrack doesn’t quite match up to the first film’s dynamite tunes, this one still sounds pretty good. They just don’t seem to have some of the really solid rock themes from the first film and that’s too bad since it would have been cool to grab those. It’s still got more music than most films have by default though which is always good. The effects are also pretty solid. Ghostface’s simple design actually works well and makes him appear more menacing than most other horror icons.

One area where the film doesn’t standout as much as the first film is in the victims fighting back. As I mentioned in the original film they all landed a lot of hits while this time it’s more like a classic horror villain. It does make Ghostface more of a serious villain but it also becomes slightly less realistic as just about anyone would at least try to put up a fight. The film actually captures a lot of elements better than most like with how it takes multiple stabs to take anyone down in these films while in others people magically die after a single hit. You expect people to put up a fight between hits but that doesn’t really happen this time.

While a horror trope is that the villain is around every corner, the films have been pretty good with keeping it mostly realistic here. There is one scene you will question though as the guy somehow escapes a car and runs all the way around the street to get within stabbing range of the characters and doesn’t make a sound. Keep in mind that this is a deserted block in the middle of the night so there are no sounds that could drown out his. I dunno about you guys but when I leave a car it’s pretty noisy just due to how cars are. The guy was also just in a car crash so he’s pretty wounded. Honestly the characters should have quickly finished him off while he was knocked out, but I suppose it’s hard to just straight up murder someone like that if you’ve never done it before. The best friend was right (as always) in saying that they should have just gotten out of there. Anything is better than heading back into stab range.

Overall, Scream 2 is an improvement over the first film. I’d say that the villain is an improvement and the writing is better as well. The characters aren’t quite as crude and that’s probably because only the good characters survived the first film. At the same time the film couldn’t really improve on the score. The violence is still way over the top with Ghostface messing with most of the villains from the get go and as the viewer you know that they have no chance. I don’t think there’s really much of a way around that with these slasher films. At least realistically since they could just have the characters die off screen but then it would basically switch genres. If you liked the first Scream then I’d recommend checking this one out. It feels like a direct continuation and it does improve upon the first film in almost every way.

Overall 1/10

1 Star Movies, Live Action Movie Reviews, Live Action Movies, Reviews

Scream Review

This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative.

It’s time to look at one of the most iconic horror franchises of all time. I’m talking about Scream with good ole Ghostface. I think it’s fair to say that you expect a certain kind of film when you watch Scream and it delivers. This is exactly what you would expect in pretty much all aspects. It isn’t my kind of film and the crazy excessive violence dooms it from the start, but at least the film tries to differentiate itself a bit during the journey like with the great soundtrack. It’s not a film I could ever recommend but if you like slashers then this isn’t a bad one to check out.

The movie starts off with Ghostface showing up to someone’s house and murdering her. We then cut to the next day as the whole town is on red alert. School is still on for now, but security has been ramped up. Nobody knows who the killer is, but there’s a good chance he is somewhere in the town. Sidney is particularly distressed because almost a year ago her mother was also murdered in a grisly way. Sidney quickly finds out that she is the next target as Ghostface calls her and makes his intent known. She will need to find some way to stop him before she becomes the star of her own horror movie.

So lets talk about what makes Scream a little different from the average horror movie. For starters we have a great soundtrack here. I dare say that it’s probably the best horror soundtrack I’ve ever heard. It’s certainly the best slasher one I’ve experienced. We get constant rock music and the music doesn’t bother being subtle as it really intensifies during all of the big scenes. I dare say that this was poking fun at the usual horror films as well which is always a good idea if you ask me. The music really takes you to the next level.

Then there is the fact that the film wastes absolutely no time. Ghostface appears almost immediately in the film instead of showing up way later. Horror films are no stranger to having a quick beginning, but it is really rare that the guy shows up in costume so early on. It’s like having a mini movie at the beginning of the actual movie which was clever. Then even when he confronts Sidney that happens a lot sooner than I had thought. The guy shows up quite a lot and takes many attempts at the heroes but it works really well. Even as he loses the guy still makes his presence known.

It’s also nice to see the characters actually putting up a good fight against this guy. They really give him a beating and knock him down several times as the adventure goes on. It’s not something you would typically see in a movie like this one and while they are ultimately doomed it still works out very well. It delays the inevitable but that’s fine. Having a quality fight scene is always a good idea. If anything you will just wonder why the heroes never try finishing this guy off and turn their backs to him. Some of these characters seem like they would win in a fist fight so they just should have pressed the advantage.

Then the film goes into the usual slasher tropes which takes us back to square 1. For starters the film is incredibly violent. Everyone dies as painfully as possible and in particular there is a lot of blood in how they die. I dare say that the film is poking a little fun here too as everyone takes multiple stabs to go down instead of the usual just 1 hit like in most other films. It’s not like they ever really manage to do much between stabs though but with that and the face of the mask I dunno. It feels like a bit of a parody here too even if these are serious scenes.

We also can’t forget the script which isn’t very good as the teenagers all like to yell and panic as much as possible. Most of them seem to love the violence and are borderline rooting for the murderer as they have a lot of fun with the concept. The fact that they wear the costume later on is quite telling as well. Everyone in this town is intense though like the principal as well as he really threatens the students with death for this. You can tell how his character arc is going to end right from the start. The characters are portrayed to be as unlikable as possible which is always unfortunate.

Finally Ghostface himself has motives that are pretty sad all around. The film goes out of its way to make Sidney’s mother’s death as tragic as possible. Why can’t the villain just be a mass murderer and not a super sketchy individual on top of that? Such a character is already completely unlikable, it’s not necessary to go any further than that. Between that and him getting beaten up by just about every character in the book, things don’t look very good for Ghostface.

As for the main character, I can’t say that I’m a big fan of Sidney. Sidney is trying to come to terms with all of these dark events and does a reasonable job of this. Unfortunately the only supportive person in this is Tatum. Everyone else are really just here to make the situation tougher. Unfortunately she caves in to peer pressure with Billy at the end and loses sight of her priorities. It’s really not the best time to completely be messing around…especially when it’s not even her house. She has good confidence even when fighting Ghostface so that’s good. She’s generally very determined and knows how to throw a punch. Sidney may not be amazing, but she gets the job done.

Meanwhile we have Billy who is the super shady, suspect boyfriend. The film makes him look as creepy as possible even to the point where he appears out of nowhere right after Ghostface leaves. You have to decide if this makes him an actual suspect or if this is another trope that the film is mocking. Either way there is no reason to like him as the guy has no respect for anyone else and keeps pressuring Sidney into going further despite her reservations.

The friends are just as bad if not worse aside from Tatum. Tatum is Sidney’s only real friend and is at least a nice person who will stand by her. Tatum really gets the short end of the stick in this film as things never go well for the best friend. You have to give her a lot of credit for really trying to help Sidney and she was always quick on the defense. Tatum also puts up a good fight in her scene.

Then we’ve got Dewey who is a young cop that is trying to be taken seriously in the town. Unfortunately this is not going over very well as everyone keeps on thinking on him as the little kid they once knew. In their defense, Dewey doesn’t do a lot to garner respect as he still enjoys ice cream and gets bossed around by Tatum. When it’s crunch time he ultimately folds and that’s really all you need to know about the character. He also puts romance before the job and that’s never a good thing for a cop or any other position.

Finally there is Gale. She’s a bold reporter who gets on everyone’s bad side, but always manages to get a scoop. She doesn’t get along with Sidney because she believes that the lead tagged the wrong person for the gas chamber. She intends to blast this case wide open and will do whatever it takes towards this goal. It makes for a good subplot but I don’t think the execution was completely on point. Honestly she should have been the one to shoot Ghostface at the end. I’d say that she earned it considering how much work she put in and the fact that she was tracking this case for over 10 years. It just felt like she got the shaft here. Still a fun character though even if she is using her wiles to manipulate Dewey. It’s more his fault for falling for her tactics. She’s just winning.

Overall, Scream will grab your attention and it really does end up being a smarter slasher film than most. It’s not going to win an Oscar or anything like that, but it feels more realistic than some others. There aren’t a lot of moments where you think “The character should have done this instead of that” They actually make logical choices for the most part (Crawling into the garage door was a bad move) but it’s just too late for them anyway. The main takeaway here is that you’ve gotta try and fight off the villain when you have the edge instead of running. This film’s way too violent until you’re of age so be warned. If you do want to see a slasher though, you can’t do much better than this one.

Overall 1/10

1 Star Movies, Live Action Movie Reviews, Live Action Movies, Reviews

Carriers Review


It’s time to look at another zombie film. This time it’s less of a sci-fi though as the zombies don’t run around destroying people. It’s definitely an interesting look at the end of the world, but the cast certainly aren’t likable and I dare say that it is intentional. Karma slowly starts to catch up to them as they go through their travels and by the end there really isn’t a happy end for all of them. In fact, depending on how you look at it it’s game over for everyone.

The film starts off by introducing us to the state of the world. A plague infected the planet and almost everyone is now dead. The main characters aren’t the chosen 4 who have survived as there are other survivors, but the human race has been whittled down tremendously. That’s why they came up with some rules. If they come across someone who is infected, then that person is already dead so the heroes won’t try to help. They can’t go near any infected people and they have to disinfect everything that may have been close to an infected. Their goal is to get to a beach since it’s an isolated place and hopefully nobody is there. I don’t know how likely it is that nobody would be there since even though this beach is no longer active…it’s a beach.

One of the problems here is the fact that none of the characters adhere to the rules. One of the big ones naturally is not to get anywhere close to the infected yet they do so all the time. As all of the characters begin to get infected you’ll see the others walk around without their masks. They jump into houses without masks and just run around constantly. They’ll make a big deal of putting on the masks later on, but by then they would already be infected. It’s part of why I believe they all would have ultimately died by the end even without making so many mistakes.

Brian is arguably the main character here. He’s a very rude guy who is always yelling and being aggressive in order to get people to see his way of thinking. Brian does care for his friends, but not for anyone else. He’s used to doing the dirty work to the point where it has become routine. Karma hits him pretty hard and fast though and you can sort of see how his character arc will play out. I do think he should have been a little more careful in the ending though. I suppose a part of him wanted to go out in that way since he wouldn’t have to endure the longer process. None of the characters like the idea of becoming an infected after all.

Then there is Danny who was probably the worst character of the bunch although Kate gives him a run for his money. Danny is the kind of guy who will pressure others to make the hard calls, but offers no help or will even try to make it sound like he would have made the nice move. Either he would end up making everyone infected or he would simply get sore later on since deep down he didn’t want it to go this way. He gets influences pretty easily by Kate and just doesn’t make any good decisions throughout the movie. He isn’t mean like Brian but in a way that may be why he comes across as a little fake at times.

Bobby is probably the most sincere of the 4 characters, but that comes back to bite her. She really did not handle the situation well at all. You can see why she may have acted the way she did with the kid, but she really should have tried to help through the plastic as opposed to taking it off. I don’t blame her for hiding it from the rest of the group after that though. If anything that just helped her prolong the inevitable and it would have been way worse for her if she had spoke up right away.

Finally we have Kate who probably makes the others regret that she was taken along for the ride. She has no real bond with the other characters so that makes it pretty easy for her to constantly tell Danny that they need to bump someone off. She’s that negative voice in his ear always trying to give dicey instructions. By the end of the film she seems pretty satisfied since it seems like things went well for her. While the film doesn’t even imply otherwise, I do think that the characters are already doomed. She was really close to an infected Bobby for quite a while, Danny made contact with Brian a few times post infection and he was also really close to the dead zombie. Then there’s all the times they were all walking around without masks.

I think that Carriers has a hard time deciding just how infectious the virus is. Part of it also depends on the individual’s resistance to being sick as well, but you would still think that the characters would keep the masks on more often. I don’t care if it’s a little uncomfortable, if it’s the only thing keeping me alive then I’ll be wearing it all the time. These characters don’t really tend to think things through though so maybe it’s not too surprising.

Then the film really jumped the shark by introducing a dog in towards the end. Keep in mind that there is seriously no reason to have a dog and the instant he appeared I knew that the film was in trouble. Sure enough that ends up being game over for him as the characters grab the gun and the film was completely destroyed in that moment. It was already not going to be that high, but this moment was a game changer. Then you’ve also got the fact that some random army characters show up later on for forced tension as they want to keep Bobby and Kate for sketchy reasons. This is another plot line that comes out of nowhere and does nothing except show that it’s a cruel world now. We already knew that so why bother? We already had the Dad and his dying kid for that plotline and that was already pretty tragic. That was the death flags moment for Brian by the way. Realistically they couldn’t have helped her but they just shouldn’t have pulled over from the start. Shooting the two old ladies was also crossing a big line since they were putting their lives above everyone else’s.

Overall, Carriers is definitely a miss. The idea of making a quality zombie film could be good, but this one just really missed the mark. It made all of the mistakes it possibly could and even with the classic “Everyone is doomed” ending it can’t really save itself. The writing is very weak and it’s a mean spirited film where everyone loses out. That’s why I do think a main theme here is about how the characters’ selfish choices ultimately doom them all but that could have just been coincidental. After all the ending does try to stay vague to an extent….I just don’t quite buy it. You’ll want to stay far away from this film and if anything you should watch the Vincent Price film about being the Last Man on Earth instead. That one handles all of the themes way better than this film ever could.

Overall 1/10

1 Star Movies, Live Action Movie Reviews, Live Action Movies, Reviews

Joyride Review

This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative.

It’s been a while since I saw a classic slasher. This one plays it pretty straight with the villain being everywhere and knowing all the answers as he makes things miserable for the leads. The film also goes out of its way to make the leads as unlikable as possible so in the end everyone loses. It’s a pretty bad film for sure and one of those titles where you feel like the heroes had a lot of chances to get out until they didn’t.

Joyride starts off with Lewis getting a call from his old friend Venna. She doesn’t have a ride anymore after going through a breakup so Lewis quickly buys a car and offers to drive her. Along the way he finds out that his brother has been arrested yet again so he makes a stop to pick the guy up. Fuller figures that he’ll be a third wheel on the drive and since Lewis isn’t direct enough to say otherwise they head out. Fuller quickly gets bored though and wants to live on the edge so he installs a radio in the car and convinces Lewis to play a prank on a driver. The prank is to convince the driver that he is a girl and trick him into going to a hotel room. The prank works a little too well as the driver murders the guy and then decides to get payback on the brothers. He now intends to murder them and Venna but first he wants to humiliate them for a while.

That’s the main plot and there isn’t much to it beyond that. Rusty (The driver) continues to force them to do whatever he says as he terrorizes them with his truck. He also takes Venna’s best friend hostage so the heroes can’t go to the police. The guy has a lot of spare time on his hands as he puts graffiti on a bunch of signs and then finds a way to put a radio in the main character’s car without leaving any evidence of it being tampered with. He had time to track down Venna’s friend and also manages to spy on them the whole time. Don’t think about any of this too much because it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

The guy is just everywhere and he’s powerful enough to murder everyone who gets in his way. Even in the dark through a big field he is able to go in and swipe one of the characters without the other 2 being able to do much of anything. Even though he uses the prank as the excuse for going on this murder spree it’s obvious that the guy was crazy from the start. He just wanted an excuse and the main characters gave him a pretty easy one. Rusty’s a fairly shallow villain and not a likable one, but at least the truck is decent.

Lewis is unfortunately a terrible lead and a film always tends to suffer a bit when the main characters are really bad. Bailing Fuller from jail is a good thing to do, but he definitely should have told the guy to find his own way out of town. Driving with him all the way was a bad idea especially since Fuller immediately started breaking the law. While Lewis isn’t nearly as bad as Fuller you can’t give him much of a pass simply because he allows everything to go on. You can’t be wishy washy about this kind of thing. Lewis never makes a stand and that goes to the prank as well. Lewis is the one actually pranking Rusty and if he were a better person he never would have even entertained the idea of doing such a thing. He’s just got a ways to go.

Meanwhile Fuller is terrible. Pretty much all of his lines are antagonistic and he gets a kick out of picking fights and generally being a nuisance to everyone. He objectifies Venna almost immediately and then actually tries to have a serious romance later. No matter how much the film tries to make him seem useful or nice towards the end there’s just no way you can buy it. Also, in a life or death situation anyone can try to help someone else, it doesn’t mean that they’ve suddenly changed. This guy was just terrible.

Venna is okay, but also not that good. For starters, the fact that she subtly asked Lewis for such a long inconvenient ride makes it seem like she is manipulating him a bit. She probably knows that he has a crush on her and is cashing in on this. The scene where she hangs out with Fuller later on is also suspect and while no romance goes anywhere in this film, I’m just not sure about her end game here. Without a doubt she is way better than the other two characters though and probably regretted going on the drive with them by the end. It really did not pay off well at all. That’s also why the best friend gets the worst luck here as she had absolutely nothing to do with anything and got roped in anyway.

It almost goes without saying that this film is incredibly violent. Rusty makes sure that each death is as painful as possible and he racks up quite the rap sheet here. By the end of the film everyone is pretty banged up. Then you’ve got the writing which is pretty terrible. The TV version had to air out quite a lot since the characters had quite the potty mouth. The script definitely could have written them out to be jerks while showing a little more restraint here.

Overall, Joyride is one of those films where you have nobody to root for. In general slasher films will never rank all that highly for me because of the inevitable bad script and the over the top violence. The main characters not being even remotely good also isn’t surprising but I dare say that this was the worst main cast in a very long while. The fact of the matter is their prank wasn’t funny in any sense and was also quite dangerous. The driver could have easily walked into a home with a Rusty type character and been in major trouble. Pranks like that shouldn’t even qualify as a joke because they are so mean spirited. I’d advise you to stick away from Joyride. It’s not like it does anything to differentiate itself from the other slasher films anyway and you won’t be missing much of anything by skipping out on it. I have a feeling that the sequels are more of the same. The twist at the end you’ll definitely see coming a mile away, hopefully the characters are smart enough to tell the cops since at least two of them saw Rusty directly and should quickly be able to see through the ruse. Proving it is another matter entirely but the ice truck halves should still be around somewhere.

Overall 1/10