Uh oh, looks like it is time to review another film that puts the word rotten in rotten tomatoes. It’s no exaggeration to say that this is one of the worst films I have ever seen as it joins the exclusive 0 star club. There really isn’t anything redeemable about this film and every minute will have you cringing and wincing while looking at your watch and wondering why you aren’t ordering a nice pepperoni pie at Pizza Hut instead of watching this. Sometimes things get worse before they get better, other times they just stay bad. This is one of those times.

A college student named David is a pretty smart guy. He gets bullied a lot though and is happy to go along with Professor Carl when he is recruited to help with some Snake experiments. David doesn’t realize that this ordeal is actually quite sinister despite the Professor constantly injecting him with many needles along with the fact that the previous assistant mysteriously vanished. Can David save himself or have the dice already been cast? I’m afraid that it is the latter and the Snakes begin to wreck everyone!

Well, where to start with this mess? I suppose the first thing to remember is that this film is centered around Snakes. The problem with this is that the film uses it as an opportunity to include as much animal violence as possible. Snakes are choked, killed, and roughly handled by the characters involved. Carl decided to use Snakes as sport by taking one outside only to humiliate it and poke a stick in its face all day. Apparently he does this just about every day simply to show off his power. None of the snakes are handled well as all of the humans try to show their “dominance” by grabbing their necks and messing with them the whole time. I was rooting for the Snakes to take them all down and you’ll be happy to know that most of the characters don’t make it through this. When you mess with the Snakes be prepared for them to mess you up!

This is also the kind of film where one night stands happen quite regularly. The class bully gets one of those moments for no real reason only to be murdered by a snake in the next scene. David and the main heroine also have one of these moments even though they only just met each other a few hours ago. He also gets it afterwards since he has to fight a Snake Eater and those don’t play games. The main heroine manages to make it out of the film alive, but just barely and mainly because Carl didn’t want her to get hurt. Everyone else was fair game.

There was also a fairly mean professor who likes to mess with Carl. He was actually right on the money that Carl was insane, but his reaction times weren’t enough to save him. Even after he solves Carl’s riddle, snakes murder him anyway. Let’s face it, none of these characters were safe from the snakes. They wanted their vengeance and made sure to grab it as quickly as possible. The Cops come to check out matters since they know that someone never made it back out after working for Carl. Surely they’ll do something right? Unfortunately not as the film portrays the cops are terribly unintelligent characters. For starters, they’re scared of the snakes. Even after that it is lightly implied that they suspect something, but they decide not to actually make any moves based on their info. Instead they decide to wait and see even though more people have been murdered and another teenager has vanished. By the time they make a move, it is far too late for them to really be of help to anyone.

This film plays out like a classic horror film as every character is bumped off one at a time. There is no twist ending here though as it just abruptly ends with another death. The film never stays classy though and there were no good parts in the entire film. After all, all of the characters either suffered for a long time before dying or just died. There is no happy ending here in the slightest and the villain literally got away with murder and crazy experiments for years. You’d think that the film would have tried to save someone, but no…it opted for the dark ending. The first teenager who vanished had the sad fate of being forced to lie down in a corner while people laugh at him for ages and ages. Definitely way too dark a plot if you ask me.

Now, could this film have had potential if there was no animal violence, no one night stands, and if Carl had been stopped before he had mutated David? I’d say not really since the previous assistant’s fate was still rather terrible, but maybe the film could have gotten a 3 instead of a 0. It would still be an improvement I suppose. The plot in and of itself is what really doomed the film and it couldn’t recover from that. This is one film that I hope never gets a reboot or a remake.

Overall, Sssssss uses all of the classic horror tropes and cliches that it can find, but that only succeeds in making the film worse and worse. None of the characters are even remotely likable as even the mean teacher is technically a bad character and only serves to be the lesser evil. We even find out that a gas attendant is a mean, unlikable character just for the lolz since the writer wanted to ensure that you couldn’t like anyone. Did I mention that Carl also gives his snakes a lot of beer to drink so that they’ll be drunk? It certainly shows that he is always doing something morally wrong even when he is not murdering and experimenting on people. You also have to question the point of his research since turning people into snakes doesn’t really help with anything. They may outlive humans in his fantasy, but transforming people one at a time in such a slow fashion will ultimately not make even the slightest bit of difference. His research died along with him and the film.

Overall 0/10