Category Archives: 3 Star Movies

65 Review

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It’s time for a film involving space and dinosaurs. An intriguing mix to be sure but ultimately it just didn’t work out. With dinosaurs it can already be hit or miss depending on how that plays out and then this film made the mistake of having a very small cast. The problem with this? There just isn’t a lot of dialogue or character dynamics to go through. It means that we are absolutely sunk because the film goes by very slowly.

The movie starts off with Mill getting ready to go on a 2 year journey. This one’s so long that he will really get to miss his daughter growing up and it’s rough because she’s already quite sick. Unfortunately the family does need the money so he goes aboard the spaceship. Everyone dies after an asteroid strikes the craft and Mills lands on a planet infested with dinosaurs. He has his energy gun which can take them all out but he also has to look out for a girl named Koa. Turns out that someone did survive after all. Unfortunately she doesn’t speak the same language that he does so communicating is difficult. Can they survive long enough to get off of this planet?

So you already see the dilemma here with there only being two characters and they can’t even communicate with each other. It means there are a ton of silent scenes as the characters walk around and their conversations can’t go beyond anything too basic or they can’t understand each other. It’s an original dynamic but not one that is going to be super interesting which is the main problem here.

At least Koa is a lot more likable than the average kid in these films. She is fairly resourceful and doesn’t panic all the time. Yeah Koa does have a few times where she breaks down and slows everyone up but it doesn’t happen too often. I can allow for it to happen a little bit. She’s still not a great character or anything but she’s not too bad. Meanwhile Mills is a decent lead but he gives up awful quick. He was about to end it all early on and I felt like that moment was a bit rushed. There were still more options and exploring to do surely. You only throw in the towel like that when you’re really on your last legs and don’t want to die a slow death of starvation or being eaten by dinosaurs. Yeah the last one isn’t super slow but it would definitely be painful.

One of the mistakes the film makes early on is that it just isn’t very fun. This is a very dreary film of the heroes wandering through the jungle and shooting up a bunch of dinosaurs. Occasionally there is a joke thrown in and the characters get to have some fun but this doesn’t happen often and it fades quickly. The backgrounds and areas don’t have much variety and so that doesn’t really help matters. I wasn’t particularly impressed with the soundtrack either.

Of course the big thing here is all of the violence against the dinosaurs. Whether this is the same as animal violence or not tends to depend on how realistic the effects are and how much the creatures look like animals. In this case they definitely look like animals all the way so seeing them get shot or pounded with blunt objects is never any fun. I would also argue that the gun is way too overpowered in this film. One shot can murder almost any of the dinosaurs in this film so there’s not even a lot of danger. The whole time you know that he can definitely secure the win if he just takes out the gun. That’s all he needs to do and it takes away from the survivor angle.

So now that’s weakened and without the gun there would be less dead dinosaurs as well so that would be a plus as well. Look, the dinosaurs have been on this planet for a long time and are just defending their turf so it’s rough to see them all getting mowed down the whole time. This is not how it was supposed to go. So there aren’t many positive aspects of the movie to think about once we’re done with all of this. I will also say that the film gets a bit needlessly grim in what happened back on the home planet while Mills was gone. Is there really any point to the final twist there? It feels like the film just wanted to make sure that there wasn’t almost anything to be happy about by the end.

There was only one avenue to success for this film and the downside is that it could possibly get a bit boring. Redo the film except there are no dinosaurs. So it’s just about the two characters bonding and learning how to communicate without talking. Then you have the humans show up as part of the rescue mission, except they want to murder the kid so our hero has to protect her. It would be a much more engaging film once the opponents show up and the first half can maybe get by on being wholesome. That’s how I would pitch it at least.

Overall, I suppose the film isn’t too long so that’s a good thing. In the end I would say that it just doesn’t deliver on being a really fun summer blockbuster kind of film. There’s no real reason to rewatch it and other dinosaur films like Jurassic World are better. Unless they make a sequel about aliens and cool battles or something then I think this franchise is basically doomed. There are many better sci-fi films for you to check out so I recommend going ahead and doing that instead. This one can definitely wait.

Overall 3/10

Primrose Path Review

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Now when you see the score you may be thinking that’s pretty harsh. This isn’t a horror film or anything like that so what gives here? Well, the main problem is this movie really brings out the worst in all of the characters as far as the romantic context is concerned. I’ll dive into this in a moment but you just can’t picture there being a happy ending for anyone.

The movie introduces us to a family that is in a rather toxic situation. The father is a drunk who is out of a job and has basically given up on ever doing anything productive with his life. His wife goes off cheating on him constantly in order to bring home some money so they can have some food. The grandmother basically hates happiness and so she has a personal vendetta against everybody. The youngest daughter is incredibly spoiled and rude to everybody. Finally you have the eldest daughter who serves as the main character, Ellie. She has never really seen any guys who interested her and she does her best to help support the family by finding clams and such to eat. Unfortunately one day she is hit on by a guy who works at the local deli and he steals a kiss. She is now unable to focus on anything else and decides to emotionally blackmail him into marrying her through a web of lies and a false suicide attempt. How can this romance go wrong?

It’s hard to know where to start with this one but it’s clear from the jump that this romance is a bad one. Lets dive more into how she ropes Ed in. Basically Ellie pretends that she has been kicked out of the house by her family and will have nowhere to go if Ed doesn’t marry her. Additionally she acts as though she is doing to drown herself if he doesn’t go with her. It puts him in an extremely difficult position and the worst part is of course she lies to him about the family in general. As far as he knows they are all upstanding citizens but the problem is that everyone else knows the family’s true personalities and status.

This is inevitably going to blow up and Ellie shouldn’t have led off the way that she did. Yeah she probably would not have gotten him to marry her but if you have to force that into action then it’s not a true romance. Meanwhile Ed also does a lot of bad stuff here. For starters he is way too aggressive when he first meets Ellie. Taking a kiss was completely out of bounds and the same goes for taking her clams which forced her to accept his offer of a drive. The fact that she is so cautious about getting into another man’s vehicle is a good thing but here he is trying to tell her that she shouldn’t be so stuffy.

Additionally he doesn’t handle any of the twists very well either. One of the first things he does upon learning that she was lying is “Revenge Cheating” by going to the club and having an affair. If a guy goes that extreme so quickly then there is really no going back from that. Prior to that maybe both characters could talk things out but you can’t take back cheating. Once it happens then it’s all over. He also went and scratched her name off of the boat he was building and humiliated her in front of the whole club. Again you can’t really take these things back.

It leads to another cycle of revenge as Ellie goes out with another man to make Ed jealous and it becomes a whole scene. Basically when you have drama in a romance it can be fairly serious but you should never do something that is impossible to come back from. This film was just too mean spirited the whole time so that their making up by the end is incredibly unrealistic. You won’t believe it and none of the characters should in the slightest.

I was also expecting some kind of a redemption arc for the father but it never happened. That was surprising but I guess it goes to show that the family just isn’t going to change in the slightest. If anything I dare say that Ellie shouldn’t have returned in the first place. By the end she is definitely obligated to help but before that it was a clean split and one that I don’t think she needed to try and fix. Her decision to head over to the house at all was baffling because with all of the lies in place, did she really think that Ed wouldn’t have found something out? These weren’t small lies, they were big ones.

The whole lie of the family kicking her out for example. That is bound to come up during dinner as Ed would make sure that it did. So the writing here was a bit awkward. In general the writing could also be a bit repetitive but in part that’s due to the way Ellie and Ed talk to each other. It’s like they have to repeat each other’s line as a statement each time and so they don’t make a lot of progress sometimes. The film’s story can still be interesting but I found that it went way too far every time. I’d argue it should have just gone for the sad ending at that point since it already had the perfect setup for that. I prefer happy endings of course but you can’t just reverse on a dime and expect it to work.

Overall, Primrose Path is not a particularly good romance film. It’s not a particularly good film in general. It makes way too many mistakes the whole time and the characters are too far gone. The only likable character is the old man who helps Mary out when she needed a ride and is generally supportive the whole time. In fact I would say he was the only character who didn’t have a bunch of big flaws the way that the others did. He was someone you could count on. So yeah definitely skip this film and check something else out instead.

Overall 3/10

Day The World Ended Review

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It’s time for a really sloppy movie which is why this one does not fare very well. The poster’s actually pretty exciting but the monster barely even appears in the movie. I suppose it’s not false advertising per say but it’s certainly on the border right there. You see that poster and it just makes you shake your head because the vibe the poster’s going for will not reflect your experience with the movie in any way.

The film starts off with Jim and his daughter Louise taking refuge in their house. Most of the world has been irradiated after a big bomb attack and the only reason they have survived is because Jim knew this day would come so he has enough supplies for the two of them and the house is in the perfect place where the winds are kept out by the nearby caverns. Unfortunately a few people stop by and Louise lets them all in despite Jim’s protests. There isn’t enough supplies for all of these folks and as they all get hungry, these “nice” strangers may prove to be deadly. Also there’s a monster running around.

The movie really has a Twilight Zone kind of feel to it for the opening act. It’s a very strange circumstance after all and we’re thrown into the mix without much of an explanation at first. So as more people pile into the house, you know that something’s going to give way and fast. It’s inevitable that there will be big fights and disagreements when everyone is hungry and irritable. The movie is at its best during these opening moments when everyone is suspicious of each other. Where the film falters is after that and I’ll get into it more in a second but basically it breaks the atmosphere for a lot of action and thrills except it’s all very poorly written.

The first issue here is just how much of a villain Tony is. Now at first as the viewer you’re upset with Louise for letting everyone in but hey they would die without coming inside so you get it. The first thing Tony does though is break through the door and hold Jim at gunpoint. That should be enough to immediately say that this is not going to work right? If this guy is so willing to use a gun then it’s time to take him out. He takes out the gun and makes threats multiple times. He attempts to murder Jim, Rick, and other people in the house numerous times.

Often times they will beat him up and he’ll say that he’ll try again later once they are asleep. Tony is not subtle at all. Then he’s always trying to force himself on Louise and he’s abusive to his sort of girlfriend Ruby but nobody does anything about this. Time after time they just threaten him some more. The heroes will literally say that they’ll shoot him next time to Tony calls their bluff and each time they don’t do anything. Right now they are at the brink of life and death with how bad the situation is, there’s no way they should be tolerating this.

The whole film feels supremely unrealistic. To put this another way, there are many times where Tony goes for Jim’s gun but Jim insists on just leaving it on the couch all the time. Inevitably there comes a time where Tony grabs it and you’re just wondering what is going on. You’re hoping that it’s somehow part of the plan but it really isn’t. Then Jim has all day to shoot Tony but doesn’t seem to want to do it. He only fires as a last resort after the body count has gone up enough.

All of the characters look awful as a result and this comes down squarely on the writing. It makes absolutely no sense to put up with so much from Tony. They should have finished him off or at least tied the guy up a long time ago. By not doing anything they’re putting everyone else in danger for no real reason. You just can’t be doing that sort of thing. Then there is the injured guy who mutates into a monster hybrid who goes out at night to eat animals. This guy also has veiled threats the whole time and is generally creepy but the heroes don’t do anything. They just go to sleep as normal.

For this guy I’m not saying you take him out per say as he’s not obviously evil the way Tony is but you figure they should do something. This guy talks about the future of mankind and how his mutated kind will rule which is as ominous as it gets. That and when he says that they’re all going to be killed shortly. Makes you think a little right? Of course this is referencing the monster which barely appears. The monster really should have shown up more, that would have made everything a bit more exciting. Yeah it takes away from the spooky Twilight Zone atmosphere but that was already starting to break anyway.

I think this movie would have been most effective without the monster or mutations. Just the heroes surviving as they slowly run out of food and have to decide what to do. Do they make a run for it and try to find some food, stay in until the last moment and hope the radiation leaves? A lot of good ways to have some tension in there and the film doesn’t go for any of that unfortunately.

So yeah back to the characters. Tony is super evil yet nobody does anything about it. Ruby is also super annoying because it’s clear that Tony doesn’t love her and will just keep on using her but this never sinks in. The guy does everything short of murdering her and she still thinks they have a chance of being together. Ultimately this really doesn’t go over well and the whole subplot is just really annoying.

Jim is a pretty bad main character for all of those scenes with Tony where he doesn’t do anything. Jim talks a tough game but when the chips are down he’s just not leadership material. Louise allows Tony to go free by not reporting what he was doing to the others. She needed to mention immediately what he did and have the team destroy him. She takes too many chances and lack of communication is a big reason why the heroes are always falling behind in situations like this. You really need to be warning others and prepping for what is coming up.

I’m afraid that I have to take shots at Rick for the same reasons. Even more than Jim, Rick doesn’t want to shoot anybody. Jim even tries to talk him into it a few times and he refuses. Look, it’s great to not want to murder someone but when they keep on trying to murder you, you’re now putting other people in danger. It’s a selfish ac at that point and he doesn’t do a great job of protecting the other heroes as a result. I just expected way better out of this guy.

Another knock against Jim and Rick for going along with it is how Jim decides that it’s time to continue the human race. He encourages Ruby to go with the abusive Tony to have some kids and wants Louise to forget about her missing fiancé and hook up with Rick. Really now? As someone who’s never liked the idea of arranged marriages, telling someone to get together to protect the future of the human race is crazy. It’s way too much of a dramatic leap in logic. We don’t yet know that everyone is doomed and if they are, why bring a baby into this? The babies will now be all on their own if something happens and without any civilization around, there’s not much that can be done if anything bad happens. It’s just a net loss all around.

This film isn’t even that long but it sure drags on at times. There’s also some dead animals that pop up because of the whole eating animals part which doesn’t go over well either. If the film could make a mistake you can bet that it did. It’s a shame because I do think that the premise is really solid. It’s just been done way better by other titles including the Twilight Zone itself. There is really no reason to watch this one.

Overall, Day The World Ended is a very disappointing film. Particularly because I thought the ending was really strong. I was seriously impressed by it the whole time and yet it all ended up failing miserably by the end. The characters’ actions make absolutely no sense and so the drama felt forced. Tony should have been taken off the board way sooner and the longer he remained with the group, the worse it got. You had a hard time seeing him just enjoy the music and sleep soundly with the group when he was constantly trying to murder them. Maybe if this was a parody it could work but it’s all played straight. Yeah the writing here was brutal.

Overall 3/10

The Revenge of Frankenstein Review

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It’s time for the return of Frankenstein! I have to say that this one is marginally better than most of the previous films in the franchise. Not to say it’s a good film or anything because of course that’s not the case but yeah it definitely beats some of the others because we don’t have the classic monster here. Instead we have Frankenstein styling on everyone and the film mainly just has to get around its rather violent body horror type moments and new monster. Oh…so yeah I guess it was doomed anyway.

The movie starts off with not explaining how Frankenstein escaped his impending death at the guillotine. He escaped to a remote town where he practices as a doctor and does rather well at it. So well in fact that the illuminati of scientists have been unable to shut him down or force him to join their cabal. This means they are constantly upset but one young doctor realizes that this new practitioner is the legendary Frankenstein. He blackmails the main character into accepting him as a sidekick and both are super wary of the other. Still they make for a good team and Frankenstein lets Hans know of his plot to transfer Karl’s brain into a new body. Karl is a hunchback with an arm that doesn’t work well and this transfer will prove what a genius Frankenstein is. Karl is also on board so it’s not a secret or anything. The only possible obstacle is a girl named Margaret who basically forces herself into being a nurse/assistant at the clinic. Will she end up destroying everything?

All right lets talk about some of the good aspects of the movie first. For starters I actually think that Frankenstein himself is a really good character for once. The guy is actually engaging and entertaining. He is always a few steps ahead of the other characters and I like how rude the guy is. He straight up doesn’t care what the other characters think of him and is just determined to keep making advances in science. He’s not dumb about it either. The guy legitimately became the best doctor in the land with a ton of valid surgeries and operations so that he could subtly take a few extra limbs here and there for his experiments.

Everyone respects him outside of the council and nobody except Hans ever suspected a thing. He holds his own in all of the questionnaires until the end and so for once he actually did feel like a full genius. I also liked the tension between him and Hans the whole time. They’re both basically villains here who are willing to use each other and so they each have to watch their backs. It made for a pretty good dynamic the whole time. I tend to really enjoy reluctant partnerships like that.

Hans may have been a little out of his depth but he was a solid character too. The guy stayed his ground even through the obvious threats that Frankenstein tossed his way. Not just anyone could have done that. Also Karl was good at least until he started to lose his mind. The guy has been through a lot and was willing to do what he needed to do in order to improve himself. I mean he is playing along with this whole scheme that he had to know was sinister so I am by no means calling him a hero or anything. He definitely shouldn’t carry that moniker but he was a character you could really feel bad for the whole time.

Margaret was a character who was much less sympathetic. It felt like she was really throwing herself into trouble the whole time and had no reason to really do so. I mean the film makes it clear why she wanted to jump in but yeah she definitely was not doing herself any favors here. I suppose she at least means well later on like when helping Karl out but ultimately even then she sets everything back a bit and is just responsible for more carnage and destruction.

The movie certainly had better writing and more thrills than most films in the franchise but this is about where the positives start to end. For the negatives we have the usual here. The film can get rather violent once Karl is actually a monster and starts to destroy everyone. We learn that the transfer has the side effect of making its victims turn into cannibals so you can probably guess how that goes. The worst part is that Karl wasn’t even that bad at first but then we get an over eager security guy who starts beating him up which triggers the transformation. The whole scene felt rather forced to be honest.

We also have all of the body parts lying around that the film puts a whole lot of detail into. It’s definitely pretty gross to see them all just lying around and the film does not look away when it comes time for the operations. I’d even say that the film is practically gloating about this because the scenes did not need to be nearly as long as they were. It’s not like they really add anything to the film since by that point we already know what’s going on.

As a final note I will say that the film’s ending is really solid though. I was not really expecting that and yet it does make a lot of sense in hindsight. It’s another moment that makes Frankenstein look like a genius while also buffing another character. Unfortunately the next film would not follow in this one’s footsteps which was a massive mistake as it starts to sink all the way down again but we’ll go more into that later on.

Overall, This is a film that I would not recommend. Yes it is better than the average Frankenstein title as focusing on the scientist over the monster was a superb idea. Any scene with him talking to the doctors tends to be really good. I also liked the really smug custodian. I didn’t talk about him much but the guy also seems to be a few steps ahead of the others. There’s just a lot of really strong character interactions everywhere. They aren’t enough to save the film once it enters the second half with all of the monster action but it is enough to be memorable and still give me some positive things to say about it.

Overall 3/10

Children of Men Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a dystopia film with the end of the world approaching but not due to some kind of giant twister or meteorite attack. No, this time it’s because the world just isn’t generating new humans anymore and so that’s an interesting take but this is more of a dreary kind of adventure as opposed to a thrilling escape film on trying to find a way to survive. It brings up some interesting ideas but ultimately couldn’t quite turn the corner.

The movie starts off by explaining the plot. At some point women stopped being able to get pregnant and the cause of this was unknown. It could have been anything from radiation, vaccines, just a natural end to this cycle, etc. Regardless of the cause, that means humanity will slowly begin dying out soon. Just about every country on the planet has fallen except for the United Kingdom and so there is a huge immigration issue. Everyone wants to go there and so they have basically shut the kingdom off and all immigrants are basically treated like slaves.

The film centers around Theo who has a fairly good job and likes to keep things low key. He stays out of the media and plays along with what people consider to be big events like the world’s youngest person dying but he doesn’t really care about any of that. One day he is kidnapped by his wife or ex-wife…I forget if they had split up or not officially but she is now a high ranking member of a terrorist organization. Why does she want him? Well there is a girl named Kee that they are trying to protect and they need Theo’s help. She doesn’t actually trust the other terrorists so he is her absolute last resort play. Theo doesn’t want to help but circumstances basically force him into the picture. Can he protect her?

Theo doesn’t exactly have much combat training or anything so it won’t be easy. Additionally, there is a specific reason why Kee is a super big priority target for just about every force on the planet. There are tons of people who want her for both good and bad reasons. That means there is now a big target on Theo’s back. He does suggest at one point that they should turn themselves in but this is the only area where I have to agree with the villains in thinking that this is a bad idea. I have no doubt that she would immediately be experimented on and would effectively lose her freedom/life in short order.

There are no great solutions to this though. One idea is keeping her in hiding for say 10-20 years so you can show off certain results with a bit more safety also in hopes that other people appear or you make her a central figurehead for the terrorist group from a safe location. I’m not sure exactly where would be considered safe at this point though and even if it appears to be for a good cause…I don’t think anybody would want to be the figure head for a terrorist group.

As with most of the dilemmas in this film, your only choices tend to be bad or worse. Theo has one real friend in the film who is an old guy trying to take care of his sickly wife and from the jump with this kind of film you know that’s not going to go over very well. I don’t even get the logic of his final scene. The guy was super prepared for everything including poison pills and lots of other kinds of things so at least he wouldn’t be captured and tortured. There is even a plot element to this involving the past which explains why he would want to be wary of such a thing. Yet when his time comes, he only gives two others the poison pills and doesn’t take any safe guards for himself. If anything he actually gets off really lucky here comparatively speaking.

Aside from making things rougher on Theo this just didn’t make sense. There are lots of scenes in the film that are pretty much here to remind you how bad the world has gotten. People are being led up to a firing squad, the whole being tortured as a backstory, we see the bad living conditions, everyone starts dying near the end, etc. Even with the ending I wouldn’t exactly say it’s a very positive one. You have to assume that while things may get marginally better later on, they may not.

In a way the whole film follows this theme of hopelessness. At the end of the day no matter what the characters choose to do, they’re all going to die soon. There is no saving the world or some big enemy to defeat. Every person who gets murdered during this adventure is just one person leaving early but everyone will eventually be dying with no heirs to continue. The first half of the film is much more interesting in that sense though as it’s interesting to see what happens but once we enter the thriller aspects it’s ironically not as engaging. It’s more of a classic everyone getting shot and running through the destroyed towns but it’s all rather gritty and not meant to be very fun. Everyone’s constantly in pain and the film does give us a rather long birthing scene which makes sense as it could be the last one ever seen but I’d still have rather that had beem off screen as it always looks and sounds so painful.

Meanwhile the ending only holds hope for the world if the circumstances with Kee can be reproduced. If they are unable to figure that out then it won’t matter. Even if they do figure it out, if the circumstances are not practical then it won’t matter there either. So there’s a lot of ways this could go sideways and only a few possible positive routes. Personally I don’t see it working out, the world is way too far gone. At this point even if things do start to turn, society itself may as well be collapsed.

Theo isn’t a particularly good main character either way. The guy comes across as selfish and it takes a whole long time for him to get on board. He doesn’t care about much which is fine but it also means that it basically takes the most extreme of circumstances to get him to do anything like a lot of money. I can’t say I was a big fan of Julian either though. She feels a bit manipulative. It doesn’t look like she actually likes Theo all that much but was just using him for her own means which was risky in itself.

Kee was a good character. She was really thrown into a really tricky situation and did her best but this was probably the roughest for her in a lot of ways. When you’re just trying to survive but going through an ordeal nobody even knows about, that has to be pretty rough. Then we have Luke who is one of the more interesting characters. Definitely the kind of guy who can really turn on a dime though so you can’t really trust him at all. The guy shows some warning signs right out of the gate and they only get worse. From his point of view it probably all seems worth it like he has to do it but there’s no way to really justify his actions.

The worst character would have to be Syd though because in the end he’s just a really greedy guy who will absolutely turn on his own convictions for the right price. In a lot of ways he’s worse than someone like Luke who at least has a logic to his actions. I don’t believe that Luke could ever be bought by anyone while Syd is just too weak. The guy’s annoying because there were such high hopes for him.

Overall, I think Children of Men is a very interesting film. There are definitely many parts to it that feel really realistic and if the planet did ever enter a period where children could not be born anymore, I expect there would be massive chaos. It would be like knowing that everyone was going to die soon and not being able to do anything about it. Society absolutely would collapse and it’s a scary thing to think about. So while it is a very interesting writing prompt, it doesn’t work as well in a movie like this. It’s just more depressing than anything with no real breaks. It can get rather disturbing and even a little violent as well. I would have preferred a film that focused more on the societal impacts from the government’s point of view like a drama version of this without the thriller aspects. Even the most kind people would have a lot of things to worry about if they’re the youngest and know that nobody will be around to take care of them when they get old. So I don’t recommend the film but the plot is very unique and if you’re curious about diving in, the film has no shortage of traumatic imagery to present to you.

Overall 3/10

Europa Report Review

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If I had seen this film in the theaters I would have been so disappointed. It’s not thrilling or terrifying. That slogan makes no sense here because it’s anything but that. I found the film to be rather boring with very slow pacing all the way through. Part of the issue is in the found footage way they filmed this, another issue is how they keep jumping around as if this is a poorly directed documentary, but the main issue is that the film just didn’t seem to have much point. It felt like 10 Cloverfield Lane where the whole film is just a set up to the final 5 minutes of the film, only make that the final 60 seconds in this one. So this one was definitely a swing and a miss.

The film starts off halfway with everyone panicking because the cameras are going out. There’s tons of panic and then the screen goes dark as we find out that we lost connection with the space group for over 11 hours and counting. They’re probably dead but then we flash forward to someone saying that they found the tapes so what we’re about to see is the untold story. So then we jump to the beginning where we see that the team is going on a trip to space to find any signs of life on one of the moons near Jupiter. We then flash forward again to the crew getting obliterated and then go back to the start. This time we finally stick to being linear for the most part…but not totally as we’ll cut forward several times for one of the scientists to talk about how scary this was and all of that.

So I had a lot of problems with the film but one of them is all this jumping back and forth because it doesn’t make sense. If the company is finally showing this to people as a documentary, wouldn’t they edit it so this is all chronological? Why show the same scenes multiple times when you’re going back and forth? Sure if you wanted to make the whole thing more dramatic then you could do that but it doesn’t make sense if you’re trying to clearly explain what happened. That’s what I don’t like about the film, the whole story breaks apart the more you start to think about it and that should not be the case.

This is presented in such a way as if it was meant to be a thriller film which takes you out of the immersion because it doesn’t make sense with how this was crafted. I mean the whole thing is pretty hard to buy anyway with how they even got the footage after all this had happened but hey we can endure that I suppose. This is just where you sort of have to draw the line after a bit. Then my other big problem is the whole found footage style of camera work in general.

It’s just not an appealing way to watch the film. The screen is too small and there’s not enough freedom of movement. At least they didn’t throw on shaky cam in addition to that for the most part but this kind of style can at most be bearable if the characters are amazing. If you have a 10 star cast who just dazzle you with their quick wit then maybe you can survive but otherwise with characters that are mainly just generic and a bit lifeless this doesn’t do wonders for them. I need some cinematic camerawork and I needed it right away. The film is losing a lot of points right out of the jump due to this.

Then we come to the main problem which is just that nothing really happens here. The film isn’t even that long but it sure feels long with the crew doing endless safety checks and looking at the monitors. When they finally go outside it’s not like we can see all that much because it’s always very dark and gloomy out there. Yes it’s realistic but most importantly…it’s not that fun to watch. So the film has to take a big L there which is unfortunate. A film’s top priority is to be entertaining to the viewers and so when that goes wrong there really isn’t anything to save the experience. That is absolutely rule number 1.

None of the characters ended up being interesting either. Sometimes I wonder if this is a side effect of the found footage style because in all of those movies everyone tends to come across as really boring which doesn’t make any sense. Sure they tell some jokes here and there, they have disagreements about what to do, but they just barely feel like characters. It feels like the same dynamic you’ve seen in just about any space movie. At the end of the day they get distracted when they see something sparkly and end up getting crushed. Also what kind of a space station doesn’t have a decontaminating room.

That whole sequence made no sense. So some space junk got on one of the guys so he can’t go back onto the ship. Okay….but the whole point of the mission is to land on the planet and do some exploring/mineral gathering. So nobody realized that there was a possibility they would pick up something or touch something contaminated? Cmonnnnnn this just felt like they wanted to go for some drama. The classic moment of one guy having to drift off and slowly die in space is definitely a common one that is used a lot but it’s not something that would enhance a film.

Overall, This was a pretty bad movie if you ask me. Just the fact that it was really boring is enough to doom it but throw everything else in and it’s really a wrap. I did like the visual we got at the end of the film so if they make a sequel that’s an invasion/action thriller title then I would check it out. Otherwise this one tried way too hard to be super low key and while you could do that as a comedy, it doesn’t really work so well as a serious space thriller. There’s just nothing to get thrilled about and seeing the characters start to cry or break down mid documentary makes the whole film feel like it’s trying too hard.

Overall 3/10

The Holiday Review

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You might as well call this the rebound movie because that is constantly what is going on here. The characters jump from one person to the next with limitless speed. It’s completely uncanny and ultimately takes away from any message of true love that the film is trying to express. It ends up getting too dramatic and so ultimately none of the characters really make a lot of sense here. I cringed a lot more during this movie than any other recent title.

The movie starts off by introducing us to two characters who have both experienced a lot of heartache recently. First is Amanda who is super rich and owns her own film trailers company where she excels. Unfortunately her boyfriend cheated on her and so she breaks up with him and now has nobody to spend Christmas with. She decides to enroll in this super sketchy program where you swap houses with someone and flies all the way to England to get started on her vacation. Now she can be away from all of the usual neighborhoods which could remind her of her ex but she just can’t be alone anymore. So when some guy shows up at her new house she is ready for a quick one night stand.

Meanwhile Iris is having guy trouble of her own as she is in an unrequited love with one of the guys at work. He’s engaged to another woman and has lots of affairs but she is satisfied with just receiving his attention sometimes. He knows that she likes him and continues to exploit this fact by telling her that he needs her and letting her get some action now and again. It’s a very unhealthy dynamic though so Iris ends up swapping houses with Amanda. Now she can finally enjoy being rich for a little while but the colleague continues to call her because he needs some help on his projects. Can she learn to block his number in time?

In a lot of these adventures I really don’t get why the characters don’t just block the number. Seriously it’s not that hard and then you don’t have to worry about seeing any of those messages or calls ever again. In particular from the two characters I also can’t really sympathize with Iris all that much. She’s just too much of a pushover. Unrequited love is one thing. Sure that can be rough but at the same time it’s not this huge mess she’s making it out to be. When you’re in love with someone then you’re happy as long as they are. A crush is when you’re sad that your girl/guy got snagged before you could make your move. True love is much deeper than that and so as long as the girl he is with is a good person then that’s it.

So her jealousy the whole time isn’t great. You either move on or just really enjoy the moments you have with the guy. You do not continue being a homewrecker or just pouting the whole time. Then when you find out that the guy actually knows the whole situation and keeps weaponizing it, that is when Iris should have gotten out of there. How does she even love the guy when he’s this toxic? Yeah her plot just didn’t win me over in the slightest and it really hurts her as a character.

There’s a scene near the end that hurts her a lot too. So she’s ready to rebound with the nice music guy when her ex shows up again. Iris is ready to throw all of that away immediately to get back together with him and the only thing that stops her is that he’s still engaged. Meaning?? She would have gone back together with him if he had claimed that he called it off. It’s a horrible look and is why I can’t root for any of the romances in this film because this kind of thing keeps on happening.

Miles is the guy she’s supposed to end up with but he’s not much better. For starters I think he is a bit too much of a flirt. I half forgot that he was even dating someone because when he meets Iris he’s being super friendly, gives long awkward stares, kisses her on the cheek twice later on, etc. So then his girlfriend cheats on him so he feels bad and goes to Iris for the rebound…..only to then go back to the ex real quick when she asks him over. Ultimately he says no this time and goes back to Iris but again why is he tempted at such a late date? It implies that she could have won him over depending on how she handled this. Real bad look for Miles.

Men and Women reading this blog, always remember to know your worth. If you’re someone’s second choice then that isn’t the person you want to be with. The other wise words of wisdom I’m going to impart is to be careful if someone is too easy as well. Because the way you obtain someone is often the way you lose them. So if someone you like offers you a one night stand right away…know that the offer may be extended to others as well. So yeah when it comes to advice in the ways of love, I’m your guy. I’m something of a romantic expert myself after all….

Yeah back to the movie though, we’re cutting back to Amanda’s plot now. Her plot is also one that’s hard to be sympathetic with. I will say that she handled the Ex way better than Iris though. He cheated so she punched him in the face and kicked him out. Boom that was it for him. No second thoughts, no half hearted apologies, etc. He was gone and out of the movie. Where Amanda’s plot goes wrong is it takes a few seconds upon meeting some complete stranger for her to go all the way with him. Are you kidding me? If that’s similar to how fast she went with the first guy then it’s not too surprising that he ended up being a cheater. The entire point of dating is to find out the true character of a person after all. So you don’t get to learn about that if you’re skipping that whole phase.

Of course, knowing someone isn’t super easy and there are tons of ins and outs to romance that take years of experience and other parts that just require faith. This guy named Graham has a lot of secrets of his own which he doesn’t share and that does make him look bad by the end. Ultimately this plot was just annoying with Amanda and Graham both appearing to have no morals the whole time. I wouldn’t trust either one with my groceries let alone in a relationship! They just seem way too desperate.

The only real quality character here is Arthur. He’s a fairly old guy who is having health issues but still has a fairly positive attitude. He’s a fierce guy too who doesn’t let anyone push him around. He injected some humor into the film and had some of the best moments. The film could actually be inspiring and emotional when it wanted to be rather than being super dramatic all of the time. So this was definitely when the film was at its best. If it could have skipped the romance and just focused on making friends and learning how to enjoy yourself then that would have been a much better film.

The fact that the main characters cannot function by themselves without constantly being in a relationship is in itself a red flag. You should be able to be fairly self sufficient as needed because if not then you’re probably going to be a very clingy partner. You should always have your own interests as well so if you guy/gal needs to be on a business trip or working late you have something to do beyond blasting their phone with endless texts and things like that. None of these characters really seemed all that happy on their own so they aren’t in that perfect spot yet.

Overall, The Holiday is one of those films where you don’t really buy into the characters having a happy ending. They’re all too quick to rebound so it’s hard to see how they could possibly trust each other. There’s just too much baggage and so the relationships probably won’t last. The film could have really worked on making the characters more likable all around if you ask me. The writing isn’t the best and while the film is long, it stuffs itself with so many plots that it doesn’t really matter. It’s just used to create more and more problems for the heroes with made them more and more irredeemable. There are some fairly high quality songs thrown into the mix at least though.

Overall 3/10

Highlander Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Okay it’s time to look at a film that has a very interesting plot but unfortunately it is completely wasted by having a lot of screen time take place in the past and also getting lost in the grittiness of it all. This should have been a really fun action movie with a whole lot of excitement going on and instead it was all squandered. What a shame.

The film starts off with Connor dueling an immortal in a parking lot. There’s a lot of destruction but in the end Connor wins and absorbs the guy’s life essence. The cops arrest Connor but he gets out due to their being a lack of evidence. So what’s going on here? Well basically there are a bunch of immortals running around so there is finally a tournament to bump them all off. The only way for an immortal to die is to be destroyed (So they’re not really immortal tbh unless you’re just thinking lifespan and in a way that is what some people think of but to me you’re not truly an immortal unless you are unable to die) so everyone is going to fight until there is only one immortal left standing. The final battle appears to be fated to be Connor vs Kurgan as they have a deep history.

Okay so the first massive mistake the film makes is constantly jumping between the present and the past. In general as a rule of thumb you do not want to do this. If you absolutely have to do it though, try to get all of the scenes out of the way early so we can get on with it. Instead this just keeps on going over and over and over again right through to the end. You’re sick and tired of seeing the past each time. It also has to be one of the most generic immortal storylines you’ll see as everyone betrays the guy because it’s immortal.

I’m always impressed at just how awful humanity is in all of these moments. So you’ve decided to anger a guy who won’t die from normal injuries and just hope that he doesn’t slaughter everyone? They’re super lucky that he doesn’t want to hurt any of them because this was quickly turning into a villain origin story. Then Connor meets a lady and has a romance but of course he won’t grow old while she does so she ends up dying. The film has some extra grit by allowing the villain to get his hands on her while Connor isn’t around which is definitely the worst scene of the film.

It’s off screen fortunately but that really didn’t need to be in the film. We already have so many reasons to dislike Kurgan, this is just piling on at this point. Man I have so many problems with the flashback stuff. Ultimately it’s just not interesting and it’s beating down a point that you could have easily understood from context clues. The only scenes of real importance here is when Ramirez shows up to train Connor and even that could have been off screen. You knew Ramirez was doomed the whole time anyway. The mentor is always doomed in these things. At least he put up a really good fight though.

Ramirez was a decent guy and I give him credit for trying to show Connor the ropes. He really did make the guy a whole lot stronger and also informed him of everything going on. If not Connor would have been at a really disadvantage which is why the whole tournament’s not very fair anyway. If you don’t know someone to give you the info dump then you’re just going to get absolutely wasted when the fighting starts anyway since you won’t even be expecting to have to fight for your life until it’s too late. Not very balanced eh?

Connor is a reasonable main character but not great or anything. He’s all business when it comes to the fights and has experience being an immortal. So that’s all good but you do think he would be a little better at handling himself socially in that respect. For example when the cops showed up at the beginning Connor really didn’t even try to explain himself all that much. At least he could have come up with some kind of crazy story. He’s rich so he might have been able to get away with it a lot easier.

The main villain Kurgan is barely a character so much as he’s just someone that needs to be taken down. He’s pure evil and his only real motivation is to murder everyone. Not exactly a deep character. He’s a strong one to be sure but you’re just waiting for him to go down. I think the film could have made him more interesting and in general I wish we could have seen more of the combatants. For the most part they all just show up to get destroyed as quickly as possible.

Brenda is also a character who doesn’t do a whole lot considering how often she appears. She wants to find clues to Connor and how he got such an old sword. She even resorts to asking him out to trap him while she has her tape recorder on but he sees through the traps rather quickly. I suppose she does have one key moment where she saves him during the fight but that’s not really enough for her to turn the corner and be more interesting.

Highlander is the definition of a film that was way too ambitious and so you end up feeling like it left a ton of meat on the bone. I wanted to learn more about the immortals, see more of the action, and just enjoy the tournament. Instead we’re stuck learning about Connor’s past over and over again and the fights play a backseat role. The actual fights are really good when they occur but they absolutely should have been the main focus and it should not even have been close. When your main characters are all immortals you really can’t go wrong.

Overall, Highlander is a film with a lot of potential but it didn’t focus on the most interesting elements of the premise. It should have been more about the fun immortal fights and everything instead of zipping around in the past. We didn’t need to see all of that to be honest and the past scenes hurt the film tremendously. It tries too hard to be edgy instead of focusing on the fun fights and in the end it definitely did not meet expectations. I would say to just skip this one and watch a different action film like Mortal Kombat instead. Now that one really focuses on the tournament rather than on all of the side stuff and it makes for a better overall experience.

Overall 3/10

Nightmare Alley (2021) Review

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This is a review of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for another remake as we step into the circus this time around. I have to say that the original film defeats this one much like the Death on the Nile original beat the remake. Ultimately this one hangs around a bit too long and just doesn’t manage to surpass the original on anything except visuals. The visuals are really solid after all.

So the movie starts out with Stan on rather hard times and he ends up joining a circus. He does odd jobs around the place and helps with one of the magic tricks. Eventually Stan grows ambitious and figures he can use the trick of fake psychic powers to get huge. He leaves the circus with Molly and they set off to light the world ablaze. It’s all going very well and they have a lot of money now but Stan gets jealous. He wants to be even richer and so he decides to forego the morals and start spooking people with visions of their deceased loved ones and things like that. Molly is completely against the idea and so Stan goes to a local psychiatrist named Lilith. She agrees to help him scam people and will even do him the favor of holding all of his money for him in her vault. That’s real generous. What can go wrong?

I’m going to be honest this part’s a little on the nose. Her name is Lilith like the succubus of legend. She is gladly keeping all of Stan’s money for him since she doesn’t care about material gains and all the while she is recording sessions with Stan where she breaks down his psyche to learn of his dark past. Along the way she’s also seducing him since the guy has no ethics as we’ve already established. Any red flags here? Gee….I can’t even….

So yeah Stan has it all coming to him and you can’t feel bad for him. You could argue that he was never a particularly nice guy but he was in a seedy environment and had to be tough. You can certainly understand that and I wouldn’t hold it against him. The main problem is of course the betrayal once he turns from Molly into the arms of Lilith and also getting so greedy. If he didn’t try so hard the guy could have just stayed plenty wealthy and lived a peaceful life. Instead he just had to get bigger and bigger and bigger as the risk kept growing as well. When you turn your backs on everyone for money that is always going to lead you down the wrong path.

Molly was a good heroine at least, she really tried to keep Stan on the straight and narrow. The thing is, at the end of the day you can’t really control someone else so either they want to do the right thing or they don’t. If they don’t then your hands are really tied the whole time. There’s just not much that you could really do about it. Ultimately she does eventually draw the line although it would have been great if she had left a little sooner and decided not to dress up at all.

Lilith is a pretty solid villain and probably the highlight character of the film. Yes she’s not a good person to say the least but I appreciated her cunning. A large portion of the film is Stan just messing with everyone and showing why he is the smartest guy in the room. Lilith was the first one to challenge that and so they have a meeting of the minds several times. It’s by far the most interesting part of the movie. You really feel like he’s on the back foot the whole time despite his bravado and how tough the guy thinks he is. He’s just not on the same playing field as her and it really shows.

Where the film really falters are all the scenes with the circus. It feels like the film doesn’t really get going until he’s out of the circus and into the city, yet that takes a very long time. A good chunk of the film is to set that up and all of those scenes are rather brutal. We see how Stan’s natural charm carries him far but the whole place is rather dreary and gritty. We also get the scene of eating a chicken which is pretty brutal. Obviously most of its not on screen but it’s set up enough where it’s still pretty bad. You definitely don’t want animal violence like that in any form.

The film’s ending is also leading up to this once again. Now I do think the ending is better than the original. This one leaves you some hope for some kind of master plan or a way for Stan to get out of this. Not that you’re really rooting for Stan by this point but you’re at least hoping that he avoids this fate because you wouldn’t really want that to happen to anyone. It’s a rough way to go and the laugh at the end could mean a few different things. I’d say it’s clear which way the film wants you to interpret it, as complete despair and acceptance but you could still maintain that maybe there is some grand master plan coming into play. After all Stan already knows the playbook to this so hopefully he wouldn’t be fooled so easily.

Overall, Nightmare Alley definitely shows you a circus that would give you nightmares. It can’t be easy having to live in such an environment and most of the people there are hardly around by choice. It’s a place of last resort but that doesn’t really make for an interesting film. Once we’re outside that and into the big city then the film picks up but not enough to overcome the intro. I appreciated the strategic element of the film and wish we had stayed to that more but ultimately this is not a film I would really recommend. I would much sooner say to check out the original instead.

Overall 3/10

Not as a Stranger Review

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It’s time to look at a film that really overstays its welcome. It’s long enough where it keeps bringing up more and more plot points only to completely drop them when it counts. It felt like this movie didn’t have a lot of focus and we have yet another main character who has less strength of character than the foldable chairs you find at the dollar store. This film isn’t it I’m afraid.

The movie starts with introducing us to Lucas who is aspiring to be an amazing doctor. He wants to show the world what a true medical professional is and he believes in the practice. His fellow students are more concerned with how big their cars will be and don’t have the same drive. Unfortunately this makes Lucas rather arrogant. He figures that he can never make a mistake and is always blowing up at everyone. He also runs out of money when his father steals all of it so Lucas comes up with a crazy plan to marry a nurse who fell in love with him. He doesn’t actually love her but he loves the fact that she has some money saved up so he gets together with her so he can use it all up. This launches him into the career of being a doctor but at what cost?

Well not much it turns out because the film barely pays any attention to the fact that he just took her money through deception like this. It’s not really brought up again until the very end of the film and that has to be swept aside when he has his sad moment. The main problem with Lucas is that he’s basically a jerk for the whole movie and never really gets much in the way of consequences from it. Lets start off with the main instance of this here which is marrying Kris for her money.

The film doesn’t actually give this a lot of screentime when it’s a huge deal. Her family doesn’t find out about it or anything and he never has a moment where he thinks about what a rotten thing he did. Nah he just keeps about his business. He never apologizes or anything and that’s absolutely major. It just makes him completely unlikable from the jump. Then throughout the film he doesn’t treat her well as he blows up at her several times. A really bad look no matter how you slice it. He also blows up at his friend Alfred on many occasions.

Each time Alfred’s the one who is the bigger man and just takes it or says they can let it go. Lucas actually uses violence in slamming him into a mirror at one point and later on humiliates him in front of the whole medical staff. Every time Lucas basically gets away scot free without learning a lesson. I think that’s the biggest problem here which is that he never learns a lesson. Usually the main character will reflect and see how what he did was wrong but that never happens here at any point during the adventure. That is probably the most critical out of all the issues.

Then of course we have the part where he ends up having an affair and cheating on his wife. Yet another strike for a character who passed the 3 strikes a long time ago. It’s a really bad look all around and yet another element that he doesn’t get slammed for enough. That’s a real dealbreaker no matter how you slice it. So having someone like this as the main character just doesn’t work. He drags the whole film down the whole time.

You just feel bad for Kris who basically got blinded by love to the point where she was tricked like this. She ended up wasting the best years of her life when maybe she could have ended up finding someone who actually did care about her instead of being used like this instead. She had a whole lot of possibilities in her life and they all got wasted instead. Definitely a shame all around. I wouldn’t say Alfred was a great character or anything but he could have had a better friend as well.

The only part of the film that’s rather solid is how the small town is treated. The big city guys are skeptical about how a doctor could really operate there and how it would all be very backwards and outdated but the local doctor actually runs a fairly tight ship and it’s all pretty sound. All except for the head of the hospital who is unfortunately completely out of his depth and sabotaging everything. It’s a shame when the lazy part is at the top since they can’t be stopped so easily but still for the most part this is how a small town should be portrayed. Everyone was just doing their best to help each other out at any time of the day. The film could have decided to go down the wholesome route and maybe have Lucas finally notice Kris at this point instead of just doubling down on his character.

It’s why I say the film was too long and opened more doors than it could close. Lucas’ father’s plot had to just be taken care of off screen because there was no time for it. We never got to see Lucas reflecting on anything, Kris never got to talk to her family about what was going on, the old surgeon is still using the wrong technique in every operation, etc. I say they should have cut out about an hour, have Lucas head to the small town early on and then make the film more about the character development he goes through there. Obviously you cut out the cheating plot as well and then we’re in business.

Overall, The film had a chance at least to end on a reasonably sad note with the main guy just walking down a cold path on his own. That would have worked out really well but the final moments instead are a little too happy for him. You can make the case that it’s just a moment of quick compassion for someone who’s been through a rough patch and that’s probably true but it doesn’t change anything. So he’s still out of there and that makes the most sense to me. In the end it’s just a bit of a dreary film though because at no point are the characters truly happy. The whole relationship is built upon a lie and at no point does Lucas even feel guilty about it. You could do far better than this film in looking for a solid retro title.

Overall 3/10