Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

Toy Soldiers Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

When you watch films about how tough the bullies were back in school, you may sometimes wonder how they would fare against an actual threat. Well, this film isn’t quite about this as the main characters aren’t bullies but they are big time delinquents and this is their chance to do something big. They can save the school and really make everybody owe them. Do they really have what it takes though?

The film introduces us to the villains early on with Luis and his gang breaking in and causing some chaos. Luis didn’t realize that his father was already taken away though so he leaves. A long time passes by and this time he breaks into a school containing the sons of the most powerful people around. He aims to use them as hostages to get his father out of prison but the U.S. does not negotiate with terrorists. Will they break the rules on this one to save the kids or leave them be?

What the villains don’t realize is that this is Billy’s school. He’s been a delinquent for as long as he can remember and likes doing all kinds of pranks like taking the dean’s office and throwing everything outside or messing with the phones. Edward has decided not to expel him in each case though because he really wants to fix Billy. Billy’s already been expelled several times after all an Edward doesn’t want his school to just become another one of those. That said, when the terrorists invade the school, we may need some delinquents on hand.

Now you’re probably wondering how some random school kids can do anything in this situation and well…they do need a lot of plot armor. The film tries to balance the happy go lucky tone of a school film with the bleak moments when the terrorists are murdering people. It makes for a bit of an odd balance and this even affects the kids as they are pulling off crazy Home Alone type plans while in a fairly serious situation. So yeah realistically they would probably be blown away to Kingdom Come but the film lets them have their fun.

I’d say it ends up being a fun result at the very least. Yeah I wouldn’t take it too seriously so if you are looking for a very serious title then this one probably isn’t for you. The switching back and forth can be a bit jarring but I kind of get it since it’s hard to maintain the serious tone the whole time with the kids. Not impossible of course as others have done it but this one wasn’t quite ready for that.

Billy makes for a decent main character although I do think he is unreasonable for most of the film. There was really no reason to be acting up in school so much. We get a glimpse into his backstory enough to know that he’s not particularly close with any of his parents but for that reason he should be trying to make sure that he does well in school. This is his last bastion of peace after all. Once he’s out of here then it will get tricky. I know he’s just not looking ahead like that but he should be. He also loses his nerve later on in the film but gets the courage back when it counts.

There is a body count here so things don’t go great for everyone but for the most part the villains are taken down. One kid in particular who went down looked good before taking the loss. He was at least trying to do something and was ultimately just a bit too slow in the draw. I’ll take that over not even attempting to do something like most of the other kids here. Those could have used a real lesson in bravery and learning what to do next.

As for Edward, he was a fun adult here. Perhaps a bit too lenient at times but I do appreciate that he was trying to look out for the kids. He also works as the hype character in the film as he tries to tell the FBI that these aren’t your average kids. These delinquents don’t get scared or anything like that. That’s why it would have been fun if we could have seen more out of them. Ultimately there isn’t much time for the delinquent phase before the stakes go high.

As for the main villain Luis, he’s really solid as an antagonist. The guy has clear goals and well thought out plans at his disposal. Realistically he takes the win in most situations here. I did like how the fact that one of the kids was the son of a mafia boss actually played a role in the story here. It’s why Luis decided to let him go but then things went sideways right after that. The mafia gets their revenge rather quickly and we see just how much power they have. Luis may be a terrorist but he certainly doesn’t have the same level of reach and influence as an established Mafia. Not even close.

I appreciate the fact that the film actually had the government get involved but to be honest they look pretty weak here. They literally lose their entire 3 man sneak squad right they begin the infiltration. Yeah it was bad luck that wasn’t really their fault but still. These are supposed to be the professionals and they’re going down like that? No wonder the kids had to really take matters into their own hands. This is considering that the kids had earlier gotten them the full locations of where all the enemies where. If the kids had all seen that, they’d have definitely been a little irritated to say the least.

Overall, Toy Soldiers is a good film. I thought it was entertaining all the way through. Not saying it’s a great film or anything like that but I did think the premise itself was rather solid. While hostage films can be annoying at times as the heroes have their hands held behind their back in terms of what they can do, it’s fun once you reach the counter attack stage. Since the heroes are kids you shouldn’t be expecting a ton of fights or anything like that but at the same time we still do get our action moments. As long as you like a good action film then I think you will be enjoying yourself here. It’s what I would call a true popcorn flick for you to just turn your mind off and enjoy.

Overall 6/10

The Purple Rose of Cairo Review

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It’s time for a movie that has an interesting premise but never really gets into it. The movie has some ideas but the whole thing is bogged down by a terrible romance. Ultimately the film’s humor style just didn’t work out so the whole thing ends up being a dud but I do appreciate the attempt. Sometimes these films just can’t score the big W and that’s just how it goes. I’d like a remake some day that’s more of a horror thriller about the real subplot going on here.

The movie introduces us to Cecilia who is a very unhappy person. She is married to a rather abusive guy who is always cheating on her and doesn’t bring in any money. He’s basically a deadbeat. Meanwhile she has a hard time concentrating on anything and keeps on messing up at her job until she is fired. Her only real place to be calm and have a good time is at the movie theater so she goes there to continually watch a film as much as possible. One day the main character Tom jumps out of the screen and announces that he’s in love with her. Cecilia is shocked by this but then the actor who plays the character (Gil) shows up and also says he likes her. She must now choose between these men but of course she is also still married an has to think about this. What can she do?

First off Cecilia looks really bad here. At the risk of sounding like victim blaming here, she really gets herself into constant trouble. Everything at the job was completely her fault. She was not focusing at all and was instead gossiping the entire time. That’s never going to be a good idea and will naturally get her into trouble. She kept on dropping things and getting the wrong order so yeah that was a bad look. Then with the husband this is easier said than done but she needed to actually leave him. You just can’t get past this many red flags in one guy. Cheating and abusive and broke? That’s just absolutely terrible and it sounds like he has been like this for a very long time so it’s not like this is recent either. Oh no this is definitely a bad look all the way.

Finally when he comes down to choosing Tom or his actor, Cecilia looks really bad and naive here. For starters, it’s not like Gil was subtle at all about wanting to force Tom back in the screen to save his acting career. So didn’t Cecilia think for a second it was odd that Gil suddenly started liking her? Almost like this would make Tom lose his hope and just settle back into the screen? Basically Cecilia was played here and so while it leads to a sad ending, it ultimately it a situation that she created once again.

Gil isn’t a nice guy but you don’t expect him to be. He’s one of those Hollywood hotshots who is basically doing whatever he likes and she should have seen through that way easier. As for Tom, the guy is super oblivious to everything and seems to be lacking in common sense but at least he tries his best. He was able to turn down a bunch of the sketchy women who were after him after all so I can give him some credit there. That whole scene lasted a bit too long though.

What you’re really interested in is the subplot of how Tom broke through the film screen. We find out that as soon as the film is digitized, the characters become real. They’re also all unique to the exact picture that is being played. So for example if you have 100 copies of the film, then there are 100 Toms. No character has ever left the movie before but it seems like it’s something that is possible if a character ever thought about it. We find out that this has started a bit of a revolt abroad to the point where people are pulling the movie.

The fact that all the characters are actually sentient is pretty crazy. They are also immortal as shown when Tom could not be hurt despite someone trying to beat him up. There are a whole lot of ramifications to this but the movie is mainly a comedy so the characters just laugh about it. It’s a shame because that was the most interesting part of the film with ease. The whole movie industry would suddenly become a lot more dangerous if the characters could just leap out of the screen like that. Additionally we see that real people can jump into the movies as well.

Unfortunately we end up having to go back to the romance plot. Putting everything else to the side for a moment, if Cecilia was actually a decisive person that would have helped out a lot. Like if she decided to be with Tom, then not giving Gil the time of day would have been good. Maybe making it official with her husband that they are through, etc. These are all steps that she should have taken and that would have been a really good idea. Instead she is just too scattered and starts rambling about random things all the time.

Her character is just way too weak willed throughout the movie and that’s the real problem here. Even before she gets suckered at the end of the film, she never really makes the right decisions. The writing in general isn’t great either. I did like the movie itself within the movie because there all of the dialogue was on point. In the present though, the characters were all a bit too extreme like Tom being oblivious, Cecilia being indecisive, her husband being whiny, etc. It’s not exactly the kind of writing that grips you.

Overall, This is not a movie I would recommend. Just like how Cecilia wastes money on movie tickets and popcorn every night despite being ultra broke, it would not be the wisest decision for you to watch this film. Check out a different romance title instead. There are plenty of much better ones out there after all and they will all steer you down a better path. This is the path you want to go, only if you want to see an interesting premise that is shoved to the side. There are few things more tragic than a great premise that is never explored.

Overall 4/10

I.Q. Review

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It’s time for a romance film that has a fairly unique gimmick but at the same time it doesn’t feel like this actually changes the flow of the movie all that much. In fact, the movie would likely be about the same either way. Unfortunately it suffers from having a particularly weak romance and the characters aren’t really likable. When you’ve got an unlikable cast and the romance in a romance film is weak…well there’s not a whole lot more you can do about this. The film just ends up being doomed upon arrival.

The movie starts with introducing us to Catherine and James who are engaged to be married. It’s a rather big deal for them of course but their individual careers are also rather big. They aren’t really the romantic types but things just worked out. Well, one day their car breaks down and so they head to a mechanic’s shop to fix it. Unfortunately one of the workers there is a very unprofessional gentleman named Ed who immediately falls for Catherine and starts to bad mouth James. Ed has no sense of tact or anything like that and basically just does whatever he wants. Naturally Catherine isn’t overly fond of him so Ed works with her uncle Einstein to try and make a favorable impression. To do this, he pretends to suddenly be a genius who solved the problem of nuclear energy. Sure enough this does catch Catherine’s attention but the other problem here is that now the whole state of New Jersey is really hyped about this. Has he set himself up to fail?

The story itself is a classic of one person pretending to be somebody that they’re not in order to attract the other but of course it usually does equal out to being a bad romance. For starters this means the relationship will be starting off of a massive deception. You also have to factor in that she is already engaged here. Yes, the film tries to show us that James is a boring guy who doesn’t add a lot of spice to the world but at the same time it’s not like Catherine really signed up for a super romantic guy.

His one really bad scene was when he wouldn’t start having fun with her during the middle of a dinner engagement. It wasn’t the best time for that anyway but even so it’s not like she was actively trying to leave the relationship. So Ed going after her so hard was just a bad look. Make no mistake, he takes the bulk of the blame on this one. He really should have just kept on living his life and not pursuing her. I also think the way he did it just came across as being distasteful too because he immediately started bashing James. Not a very nice thing to do.

Ed’s just hard to root for and the guy is constantly annoying. Meanwhile I do have to dock some points for Catherine for entertaining this at all. Yeah this guy is super smart now but that doesn’t means he has to play along and entertain the guy. She is already taken and off the market, that’s really all that he needs to know. She needs to completely leave the current relationship first before any of this could happen so yeah she isn’t a solid character either.

Finally you have Einstein and his team who are supporting Ed the whole time. It’s not a good look for them either since they should have been respecting the fact that she was already in a committed relationship. It also would have been nice if Einstein was more supportive of Catherine in general like when she found an error in Ed’s work and Einstein played dumb to help the guy out. Einstein may be a genius but he was completely out of his depth here.

The film actually showed some good restraint in not making James out to be some terrible creep. Ultimately they settled for just making him boring which is fine. That’s certainly not a terrible quality particularly with it being so subjective. You automatically end up rooting for the guy. The real losers in this fight were the American people though. Everybody was so excited about being the first to have nuclear power. Even the President was ready to get involved and it was going to be a huge victory for New Jersey in general. Ed got everybody’s hopes up only to let them down afterwards. Just not a good moment for him at all.

I rather liked Catherine’s boss as a character because he’s really emotionally involved in what he does. The guy was really trying to get Catherine to find a way to help out the company and then after that he did their best. It’s why lying is always a bad approach because there will always be several victims involved. Ed never actually seems all that remorseful for what he did though. They definitely could have made things a little tougher for him.

In terms of the comedic aspects of the film, it’s okay. It’s not the funniest film out there but there are a decent amount of jokes running around. It’s one of those things where the jokes would work better if you really enjoyed the characters. I liked Ed’s boss though, the guy was trying to keep it real the whole time but would crumble when it was time to get famous. He told Ed that the whole thing was a bad idea from the start though so I have to give him credit there. Then you had the scientists feeding Ed the right answers during tests but the whole thing was so obvious that it mainly just makes the side characters look bad.

Overall, I.Q. is not one of the better films. I feel like the premise absolutely dooms it from the start. The worst part is that you could cut out her fiancé and almost nothing changes yet it would help the film out quite a bit. Ed would still be annoying but at least he wouldn’t feel like a bad character so that’s an immediate improvement. It’s a reminder of how even small plot elements can really change a whole lot of things. All it takes is one story element to really shut things down. If they ever do a remake of this film perhaps they could really improve it. I doubt it’ll return tho.

Overall 4/10

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny Review

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It’s time for the final Indiana Jones film. I remember this one got a lot of attention when the trailers were coming out. To me it looked like it would be a fun film but I can’t say I’ve ever been super into the franchise. So I sorta just forgot about it for a while there but now after watching the rest of the films I was ready to check this one out. It’s a fun nostalgia sequel and I would put it right in the middle from the previous films. So it definitely does a lot of things right and it’s a really good way to close out the series.

The movie starts out with the best sequence in the entire film as Jones infiltrates a Nazi train and takes down a bunch of agents. He even manages to secure the Dial of Destiny. Many years pass and in the present, the main Nazi scientist has returned. He wants to use the Dial of Destiny in order to go back in time and change history in some major ways. He will need both Dials for this though and that won’t be easy. Additionally he has to contend with a lady named Helena has taken the dial for her own purposes. Well, basically she wants to be rich and now her ex boyfriend and his army is involved. All of these forces are fighting for the dial so Jones is forced to come out of retirement for one last journey. Can he still fight?

Right off the bat I can say the make or break point for this film will be how much you can still enjoy Indiana Jones here. For starters the guy is definitely really old and the film doesn’t try to trick you about this. He feels old the whole time as he can no longer handle the big adventures as much. The guy can still throw a solid punch and gets some running here but you’re not going to see any extended fight scenes. It’s probably why we had the opening flashback sequence. Also like I said that was the best part of the movie so they go through the peak rather quickly.

I appreciate that Jones still has a strong moral compass and is trying to help out even in his old age though. It’s certainly not an easy mission but he’s not complaining and is doing his best here. He’s been through a lot as we find out what happened to his son and his marriage. It does mean that a certain scene at the very end of the film doesn’t really work for me though. It’s just a bit too late and the whole song and dance has happened one too many times. At least that’s the way I see it. I would have ended the film a bit differently although it is still a satisfying journey all the way through.

The new heroine Helena is okay but she really does get them into a whole lot of trouble. She beats the heroine from the second film but definitely loses to any others. As a supporting character she just never really warmed up to me. Likewise I didn’t care for the thief kid here either. So Jones himself really has to carry the team which is hard since he’s not in his prime. We do have an extended car chase scene in the middle of the film and it was fun to see Jones pull out his skills there. If there’s one thing he’s always been really good at, it’s making snap decisions and outwitting everyone else.

The main villain is also a bit on the weak side although I think this is a bit intentional on the film’s part. He’s always very whiny and not particularly strong. He starts to get humiliated from his very first appearance and can’t even hold his own with Jones. The guy has to rely on his thugs the whole time and even then he panics near the end. He’s a very insecure genius and while he has his fun moments like when he’s confidently giving interviews, he never appears as a threat from a villain’s perspective.

The only main part where the film was disappointing is that we don’t get much time travel. With the premise I figured we’d be going to the past fairly early on but as the film ticks on you start to realize that this won’t be possible. At one point I thought we might not even see the past at all. That would have been a lot of fun though since time travel always has a lot of potential. I think the movie should have given lots of scenes for that and this is where they went wrong. The climax involves some really fun imagery and I could have used more of that.

One thing you can’t call the film is boring though. The adventure is pretty fast paced with a whole lot going on. You’ve got villains around every corner and having them infiltrate Jones’ school and start shooting people was intense. You do feel bad for his poor colleagues who got roped into this though. It’s why heroes hide their secret identities because then stuff like this happens. I do think they could have had security/the cops look a bit better during the initial chases though. You’d think a cop getting shot during a huge parade would warrant a much bigger call to arms across the city and get at least some more officers around. The villains never really have to answer for this and while the heroes left the country rather fast, it felt like something that wouldn’t just die out. I’d have liked to have seen the U.S. do a little more later on.

Overall, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is a pretty fun film. I give the writers serious kudos for having this film feel a whole lot like the older ones. It has the proper fun, action tone that you’d expect from these films. They did a great job on making the film feel very authentic the whole time. While Jones himself is definitely the most different since you’re used to seeing him on the front lines, everything else is as you’d expect it. It’s also fun to see how the cinematography and everything has changed over the years. When the film starts it immediately looks way clearer and more detailed than the previous films. Almost as if the graphics of real life itself have improved. Of course it could also just be a case of streaming making it look more grand or just the cameras that were used. Either way it made this feel like a true cinematic experience that stood above the other titles in the franchise in terms of scale. Although the original film continues to live on as the best one in the series.

Overall 7/10

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Review

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Now it’s time for Indiana Jones to edge closer to the next generation. This one introduces a new kid who can actually be rather fun at times. I’m not saying he’s amazing or anything like that but he does bring a lot of confidence and energy into the picture. This makes for a fun film as a result and I’d probably put it in second behind the original film. There is a lot of fun adventuring to be had here and the film moves at a good pace.

The movie starts off with Indiana being captured as always and he still escapes but not before getting betrayed by his friend Mac. Mac basically just wanted a lot of money and didn’t care who he got it from. Well sadly this means Indiana’s reputation is shot as people think he is a commie so he is forced to take a leave of absence from his teaching position. He prepares to leave the country but is stopped by a teen named Mutt. Mutt informs Indiana that there is one last job to do. Indiana’s old friend Ox has gone crazy after looking into a powerful gem and our hero needs to look into this. It may have something to do with ancient civilizations and it’s not like Jones was ever one to back off from a challenge like this. Can he still hold his own in a fight at his age?

The main thing you will be wondering as you watch the film is how Indiana hasn’t died of some kind of bacteria disease just yet. He’s constantly touching old mummies and dead bodies without any gloves or protective equipment. That seems like an absolutely terrible idea right? All it would take is one misstep and he is absolutely cooked. Ah well I guess he’s lucky. Unfortunately as always Jones looks bad in the romance department here. It’s retroactive in fact as we find out he got cold feet right before the wedding. It’s a terrible look for him. Also while it is played for laughs, we see how he holds very different standards for a random guy vs his son. His tune changes real fast.

Jones is generally more in control than in the previous films though so maybe old age actually helped him out this time. He knows how o handle himself in a fight as always but also isn’t getting outmaneuvered as much. I do think he was a bit easy on Mac towards the end though. When you have a traitor there can be no mercy at al, Mac never gave me a reason to actually think that he would be any good at all. The guy was willing to sell everybody out in order to get what he wanted and that makes him as evil as it gets. The first time Jones got to punch him was definitely satisfying.

Spalko is the first villain in a minute who is actually memorable and solid. She’s not relying on her feminine wiles to win a fight or anything like that. No, she can just straight up fight and gives Indiana a real battle the whole time. That’s what I want to see from one of these villains and she’s one of the more powerful opponents that we’ve seen in a minute as well. Ultimately her own ambitions were what got to be too much for her.

As for Mutt, well he’s a fun lad like I said in the intro. He’s always ready for a fight an his pocket knife comes in handy on more than one occasion. Without him the heroes would have really been in a bad spot. He isn’t always prepared like when he brought a knife to a gun fight but it’s also not like you would expect a teen to have his own gun just yet. Mutt is definitely a very rebellious character but written in an effective way so that he doesn’t come across as too annoying.

Marion shows up rather deep into the film and doesn’t look bad. I would just say that she is too merciful. She should want nothing to do with Indiana after what he did. It’s something these films never seem to learn when it comes to romance. Things don’t just patch together in an instant. There is always going to be some resentment and you can’t build a good relationship out of that. The film should have kept them as just friends or something instead. It’s also not like you really needed any romance here and could have kept us in suspense instead for a future film.

Indiana’s friend Ox tends to be super annoying though. It’s not fully his fault as the guy went absolutely crazy but that’s the case for almost the whole film. He can barely talk and when he does it is just cryptic nonsense. He’s basically more of a plot device than a character. The plot itself was interesting but I definitely would have cut him out. You just don’t need the guy. Meanwhile the film can’t help itself with the creepy crawlies and so this time you have a ton of Ants eating people. A bunch of them also get stomped with some really crazy ooze effects.

Was all of that really necessary? The ants design is pretty intense when you focus on how they actually look. I definitely give the film some good credit there but otherwise you really could have skipped those. Then we have the climax with some pretty big implications for the series. I fully expect all future films to completely ignore the ending though. Jones keeps finding some rather crazy stuff but then doesn’t tell the world or try to make it a big deal. He should be using this knowledge for the betterment of humanity but of course he will need to go slow or he will be jailed for conspiracy or something like that. You could probably do a whole film on Jones just trying to gather his bearings on all of the things that he knows now. The film’s effects were definitely solid.

Overall, Indiana’s dynamic with Mutt is actually rather solid. I enjoyed their scenes together and Mutt holds his own way more than you would expect from the average teen. Perhaps the film series is just good at handling kids and the rest. While the film admittedly has less of a sense of danger than the previous ones, it is still a lot of fun which is the important part. The opening scene involving a fridge was really quite solid as well and shows what a quick thinker he is. Not just anyone would have been able to handle that. Finally Indiana just loses less than he does in the other films. He’s still not always on top or anything like that but he is starting to act like the main adventurer he is supposed to be. Even if he is quite a bit older now.

Overall 7/10

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Review

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Now we are on to the third Indiana Jones film. This time even his father gets in on the action. It’s definitely a considerable step up from the last film although I would give the first one the edge. The father gets some fun moments here and there but as a whole I do think he tends to take away from Indiana’s moments instead of bolstering them. If you’re up for another big adventure then you’ve come to the right place.

The film sets the stage early on with the goofiest intro scene as a young Indiana tries to outsmart a bunch of crooks but is naturally defeated. In part because his father doesn’t try to help at all. Well, in the present Indiana gets his revenge but when he gets home, he is told by his friend that his father has vanished. The last thing he did was send Indiana his diary which was focused on his quest for the Holy Grail. He must have been on to something which is why he has disappeared so suddenly. Indiana is on the trail now but can he find him? Additionally, will he be able to keep things professional with Dr. Elsa? Yeah…I didn’t think so either.

Indiana isn’t able to stay professional for 5 seconds as he immediately starts to flirt with her. If she was an enemy operative trying to seduce him it could not be any easier as he falls for her immediately. His dad’s in a real bind so you’d think that would make Indiana focus but here is no such luck. The romance here is quite bad once again. It’s played for laughs a bit as they both try to talk tough about how they’re not easy but even they don’t take that seriously. It also makes Indiana look really gullible like in one scene where he is given a heads up but all he can think about is Elsa. Not his best moment at all.

Fact of the matter is, Indiana is completely over his head. Before the mission he is told to trust nobody and yet he ends up showing Elsa the secret diary rather quickly. He also buys some rather terrible excuses. Yeah it’s no wonder why he is always being defeated in every film. This one may be his worst appearance overall but it’s close since he is constantly devastated in every film. The villains just keep their eye on the ball longer than he does which gives them a real advantage.

Meanwhile there is a little drama with Indiana and his father but there’s just not enough time within the film to really get started on that. It feels like a subplot you didn’t really need since it barely goes anywhere. Henry (The father) doesn’t change at all from the beginning of the film to the end. He still calls Indiana “Junior” to annoy him and ends up being more of a liability. He is just a really weak character the whole way through and unfortunately he also has Indiana’s weaknesses. That doesn’t put him in a good situation at all. With more self control maybe he could have solved the mystery already.

Indiana’s partner Marcus is unfortunately also at his worst here. He is even more oblivious than usual and has no idea what he is doing. I initially thought this would be his time to step up but it wasn’t to be. The guy is just not equipped for battle and doesn’t even know when it has begun. Forget calling him an asset to Jones, the guy is basically just a distraction at best. I liked him more in the previous films where he stayed home.

As for Elsa, well there’s not much to like about her. She’s very wishy washy the whole time and really doesn’t see the big picture. Elsa doesn’t stay logical during the case and lets her emotions run away with her. Not a smart move for someone with a big plan like this. I would also hit Indiana with the same complaint since he starts to make a crazy rookie move near the end which makes no sense with how he had just been acting a second prior. It’s like he forgot everything that had just happened a minute prior.

While the characters tend to all be really annoying, this was definitely a good return to form on the adventure front. You finally had a clear goal with different steps needed at every corner in order to get closer to it. This feels more like what you would expect from an Indiana Jones film. Additionally the film had good humor with funny jokes sprinkled in. It matched the first film more in that regard. Generally it is more light hearted than the first film without a doubt but without going too far. This is still a serious adventure after all and the writing is good either way.

We also got to see more of Professor Jones which is always fun. The guy is definitely a really well respected teacher so you can imagine how much everyone misses him when he’s gone. You get the feeling that the school probably wouldn’t put up with all of his absences otherwise. Although I guess we can assume that off screen he wins enough to have a very solid reputation as an explorer who gets priceless artifacts to the museum so I may be selling him a bit short here. Either way I’m still waiting for a film to dig into the human identity a bit more although this had the most screen time by far so I can accept that. Jones almost seems to have a completely different personality while at school as he’s a lot harder and more sarcastic about the legends. It would be nice if he always had that attitude during the film.

Overall, This was a fun movie. It’s a good adventure that goes by quickly while covering a lot of ground. I think there was some potential with the father son dynamic but the film didn’t really make full use of it at all. To a degree I dare say that you didn’t even need the father there. It’s not like he contributed a whole lot to the story anyway. The movie should have gone into the drama a bit more and tie in a satisfying conclusion. Ah well, the movie succeeds on the other fronts with the writing and humor. I appreciate how they made this one more light hearted. If you haven’t seen it yet then you definitely ought to.

Overall 7/10

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom Review

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It’s time for the weakest Indiana Jones adventure. This one definitely dwells a bit too much on the grosser elements of exploration as the heroes keep finding themselves in spots where the locals eat rather gross food options. Additionally the film definitely does decide to get a little extra edgy like having Jones be forced to take some corrupted blood. The end result is a film that doesn’t quite let Indiana Jones get as much adventuring in as you’d like.

The film starts off with Indiana trying to close out a deal he made with some shady individuals. They betray him but Indiana was ready and betrays them right back. His big mistake was in drinking some poison by mistake so he loses his leverage and barely escapes along with his life. His sidekick Short Round was definitely really helpful here but Jones is less pleased to have a lady named Willie follow along. The 3 of them are now stuck together and before they can go home, Indiana runs into a village where the kids have gone missing. Is it the work of a supernatural entity…or something a little more down to Earth?

Right away I can tell you that the romance in this film is quite abysmal although it’s not like the romance in the Jones films tend to be all that good anywhere. The third film actually gets even worse in that regard. Willie has no reason to like Jones after being tossed in this crazy predicament and she comes off as looking desperate. No worries, the same is true of Jones as well who really can’t ever seem to keep his mind on the adventure at hand. Perhaps that is why he tends to lose several times in every movie? He is constantly being outmaneuvered and manipulated by all of the other characters at every turn. He has to get lucky constantly in order to survive.

I’ll give him credit for doing his best to save the kids and help things end all right but as a character he can definitely be really annoying. In this film he is really outshined by his sidekick most of the time. Shorty saves Jones on multiple occasions and really does a lot better than I would have expected out of any kid. Usually the kids tend to be panicking or getting in the way but not this guy. He stepped up as needed and took a lot of risks. While I still tend to avoid having kids in film, this one wasn’t bad at least. He was probably even the MVP here.

Willie never really gets better even outside of the romance plot to be honest. She is constantly panicking and yelling the whole time. She has some valid points like I wouldn’t want to be forced to eat bugs either. Some kind of escape plan would be a good idea but at the end of the day you can’t always escape everything. Sometimes you’ve just got to take a stand but even to the end Willie was allowing herself to just be pushed around and go with the flow. Not the best way to really pave a path for herself.

Like I said at the start, the film definitely leans too hard on all the creepy crawlies. When characters aren’t eating them, they are in rooms covered in them or having to let them crawl all around. Crude humor probably isn’t quite the word for it so I don’t really know which term is right but it’s just overplayed. Meanwhile this is definitely known as a fairly violent Jones film for good reason. The deaths can get intense, then you have the gruesome drinking blood scene and of course Jones being used as a pin cushion.

While the climax gives us a really long action sequence, it actually takes a while to get there. In the leadup to that we have a whole lot of lore as things are being explained to Jones but the film basically takes a timeout. This could have worked better with a fun backdrop but of course it’s all about the bugs and the weak romance so you’re really just itching for the plot to begin again. Anything to get you out of the duller moments.

The villains are also on the very forgettable side. I’d say the villains from the first film were a lot more impressive. These guys are all insane cultists who fit all the primitive tropes well but do little to really impress you. They’re the kind of villains where you probably won’t remember any of their names or even much of their goals within a few weeks. They are obstacles for Jones to defeat and nothing more. I’m waiting for another big rival character like the guy from the first film. That would make for a much better dynamic.

Also by this point there is so much supernatural going on within the world that Jones needs to weaponize it. Clearly voodoo dolls work so using that to tie up his enemies would be intense. Of course first he would need to figure out how it works but this is all a lot easier once you know that supernatural things do exist. Likewise we had spirits in the first film. I know at the time Jones didn’t believe in the supernatural but surely by this point he does. He would be absolutely crazy to not have put the two dots together by now.

Overall, The Temple of Doom wasn’t particularly good. It’s also just a little too long for it to only be okay so there isn’t a lot of replay value here. To watch it again you would need a strong reason to do so. Additionally there is pretty much no screentime of Jones in his professor role which is a shame since I liked the whole dual identity. It feels like the film just sort of lost its way a bit here although it would rebound in time. I needed more fun tomb exploration and solving puzzles like a Tomb Raider game. That’s what I expect from an Indiana Jones adventure at least.

Overall 5/10

Raiders of the Lost Ark Review

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It’s time for the original Indiana Jones adventure. It’s definitely been quite a while since I’ve seen this movie. Did it age well or has the film absolutely been devastated by the cruel march of time? Well, I can safely say that the film is pretty solid. It’s actually a fun adventure that may drag on just a tad but there is a lot going on. We get a good amount of fight scenes and chases throughout. I’d actually like to see more of Professor Jones in his day job since I like the idea of an alter ego like a superhero. I mean he doesn’t keep it a secret…but you know what I mean.

The film starts off with Indiana Jones on a big mission but he ends up getting double crossed by his travel guide and then being wrecked by his rival Rene. Rene has historically always gotten the better of Jones and this adventure is no exception. Rene just has too many tools up his arsenal. He’s smart, rich, and always one step ahead of the adventurer. Jones crawls back home where he is then sent on another mission to retrieve the Ark of the Covenant before the Nazi’s. The problem is that the Nazi’s have hired Rene and Jones has never beaten him before. He will need the help of his old friend Rene but she has not forgiven him for the dubious relationship of the past. Can Jones turn on the charm and win her over?

I would say the main adventure gets even worse for Jones because he has a clear step up over Rene since he knows where the key is which will help in getting to it. Unfortunately Jones forgets that Rene always likes to skip the adventure and just steal things at the end. Get ready to see Jones lose a whole lot of fights over and over again but he refuses to give up. Jones is no quitter, he will keep on fighting to the last. It’s why he is a professional. In a way it’s almost impressive how much plot armor the guy has because he should have died many times.

The worst instance is probably when he grabs a rocket and tries to hold everyone hostage. Rene calls his bluff and Jones surrendered. Look, you can’t surrender at this point. There’s no reason why Rene wouldn’t just shoot him there or be overruled by the Nazi’s where Jones would still be shot. You have to just go down with everybody at this point. Every time a hero decides to just throw in the towel I have to shake my head because that’s just a really bad idea. Jones makes a lot of questionable decisions though like leaving Marion in enemy camp where she might be tortured and beaten by the enemies because he doesn’t want them to know that he’s around.

Jones is a guy who really puts the mission first and the film makes that clear. He’s not here to make friends or anything like that. No, he’s here to do what he has to and live the adventurous life. For that reason the romance definitely doesn’t work at all here because there is no way Marion would forgive Jones, let alone get together with him. He showed how little he cared about her throughout the film. Honestly she should have just back stabbed him and ran away. It’s not like she is a great character either. She makes a lot of mistakes and can be annoying but she seems to have had a rather rough upbringing and was in a terrible situation so you can empathize there.

You certainly sympathize more with her than with Indiana Jones. Make no mistake, Jones is a fun character to watch. The film wouldn’t be the same without him but that’s definitely different than being a quality character. Meanwhile the rival Rene was good until the film inevitably made him girl crazy. It’s always a cheap way to suddenly make the villain look weak and give the hero a chance. Why make him so gullible? He was basically willing to throw everything away for a quick fling and that doesn’t make sense from a man who was so determined and strategic.

If he wants romance then he can find that on his downtime. The guy is rich so that should be easy. No, instead he messes around during a mission. Ah well, I’d like to see more of him and his rivalry with Jones in some prequels. There’s probably a whole lot you can do there, maybe even the reluctant team up. Now that would definitely be a fun way to go about things.

Naturally the film does well on the technical aspects. It looks good and the soundtrack is fun. The Jones theme itself has always been well known and it’s fun. Definitely has that heroic feel to it. Meanwhile the backgrounds look good and the fights are on point. They incorporate some nice humor into them as well like when Jones just shoots someone instead of trying to outfight them. The blend of action and humor works really well and that comes down to the writing which is really sharp. The script is good with all of the characters and helps to support the rest of the film.

At times the film can be surprisingly violent with how the characters die. The spinning airplane death and the trap near the beginning of the film definitely come to mind. This is definitely a movie where they aren’t afraid to really have characters bite the big one. It also underscores how Jones nearly dies on several occasions only to get bailed out. Can you believe he was ready to eat some fruit while in a dangerous territory? Yeah you definitely have to wonder how he survived this long. The film does keep things from being too extreme though which is good. It has a better balance than the next film does.

Overall, Raiders of the Lost Ark is a pretty good film. It has a whole lot going on and the fun script makes it go pretty fast. As I said it can feel a bit long at times, I would say particularly the part in the desert but not enough to really hurt the film or anything like that. It is also a long film in general so to an extent this may have been unavoidable. If you haven’t seen the film yet then it is a good time to check it out. The movie is known as a classic after all and you can see why that is the case.

Overall 7/10

Bicycle Thieves Review

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It’s time for a film that was fairly short but also a good deal of fun. It’s what I would call a very subdued film but one that still gets the plot across. At the end of the day, a bike is stolen and while for most of the characters this isn’t a big deal, it’s definitely huge to the main character. You can feel the drama and ultimately the film shows how he gets more and more desperate to the point of his undoing.

The movie starts by introducing us to Antonio who is having a hard time providing for his wife and kid because there are no jobs available. You have the ultra rich and then most of the people in town who are super poor. There isn’t really much of a balance to be found here at all. Well, he finally gets a job but it is contingent on getting a bike. Antonio sells the last of his earthly possessions in order to get a bike but then it is promptly stolen one day while he is on the job. Can he get the bike back or is it curtains for him?

Right away Antonio sees how he won’t have backup on this mission. The cops basically give up immediately as they say it just won’t be possible to track down the bike. By this point it has likely been disassembled or is just out of their reach. Still, if Antonio can find the bike, they will keep the serial number on file so that he can make a claim to it. It’s a huge city though and everyone has a bike. There are hundreds on the streets and in the markets so this is really like finding a needle in a haystack. It will not be easy to complete this mission.

Finding the individual thief might be easier but even then how do you get the proof that he is guilty? A lot of the crooks all stick up for themselves too so he will really be in enemy territory here. Due to the nature of the job (Putting up posters) it will also be tough to constantly be guarding the bike even if Antonio gets it back. It may just get stolen again. Faced with all of this, Antonio also starts considering going down the dark path and just getting a bike of his own.

It’s a film about being pushed into a tough spot and seeing how you will react. Some will go off the deep end and just sink to the same level while others will push through. It’s easy to determine what to do from the couch but of course in that situation it could be a whole lot different. Either way the film is written well and has quick pacing. The movie is really over in the blink of an eye.

I can use this one as a good example of how quality writing can get you far. Objectively speaking it’s not like this film has a huge story or anything like that. It’s a very small and direct one. What really sets it apart is that the film establishes the situation well so you can sympathize with Antonio right away. It’s not like he’s an amazing character or anything but he’s just a guy trying to get through the day. He’s persistent and uses every connection available. There are just limits to what one person can do, especially on such a timer. Additionally it seems like the crime rates were rather high here which makes it all the more unlikely that he would find the bike because it’s just not a great neighborhood to be in.

There is also a character who is supposed to be all knowing and at first he writes her off as a scam but begins to think better of it later on. It’s one of those things where he just got really desperate but his first hunch was correct. If anything he just ends up wasting money along the way like with that scam or buying a bunch of food in a burst of frustration. The problem only gets worse the more that he tries to pursue it. It’s why theft is such a stressful crime. Odds are that when someone takes something from you, you’re never going to find it again.

It’s also a reminder of how tight money can be at times. When you’re going through a slump and have to cut back on meals and food, you remember how much worse it could really be. These people were really just trying to survive and doing so without the knowledge of a steady job to back you up is really something. I’ll also give Antonio’s kid some props for doing his best to help out. He was a good sport as they kept running around everywhere. He did make some mistakes and at times could be a bit slow on the ball but for his age he did better than most would.

Antonio’s wife seemed more the panicky type and wasting money on a seer seemed like a really bad idea considering how they were doing financially. It’s like if you’re down to your final $5 but you still want to go to the bar and get a quick drink. It’s just not a good idea at all and will only make the situation that much worse. I suppose she really thought that the lady had all the answers and could help but yeah it was not a good idea.

Overall, You definitely couldn’t call this a happy film but it also isn’t downright depressing or anything. I would say it’s a sad film and one that ends right before things are about to get even sadder for the characters. It was a good look for the city but definitely in an annoying kind of way. It’s a satisfying watch and while I don’t think there will be much in the way of replay value here, I would definitely recommend checking it out. I can see why people enjoy watching this film.

Overall 7/10

The Man From Utah Review

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It’s time for a film where John Wayne plays a character named…John? Yeah you already know this is going to be a good one. It’s a very old film since it’s from the 30s but it still does have a full soundtrack and everything so that was nice. The film does feel its age but it still holds up as a solid experience. It is incredibly short though so things have to move quickly but in a way that may be a good thing. I think the novelty could have worn off if this was too long.

The film starts off with John singing and having a good ole time as he dashes through the wild west. This is clearly a man on a mission but then he bumps into a bunch of bank robbers. He holds his own against them but they run off and John nearly gets framed for being one of them. Fortunately, John gets away but the Marshall catches up to him and enlists the guy’s help. See there is going to be a big contest in a few days and these crooks have been cheating to win a bunch of them. If John enters, they will try taking him down as well and then the Marshall will have caught them in the act. John agrees to help.

Now I do have to admit that the whole thing does make the previous heroes look sloppy since they didn’t notice the villains fiddling with the equipment all the time. These guys don’t exactly seem like top professionals or anything like that after all. They’re also not the smartest crooks in the bunch as they desert the girl member of the group right before the heist. Seems like an easy way to get yourself double crossed right? They should have brought her along or made up some lie on why she would be joining them later on. Just straight up ditching her is absolutely the worst decision you could make there. It makes them look real bad there.

Granted they still put up a fight at the end and overwhelm the bank worker. It would have been nice if they could have been stopped a bit sooner but at the end of the day the heroes still took care of business. John could have been one of the ultimate sheriffs but instead he decided to go for the romantic life. This won’t surprise you but the romance here is very rushed. When a film is only around an hour or so that is very likely though.

The actual competition is okay but all of them involve animals which is not a pastime I can really support. Having to tie up bulls or stay on horses that don’t want you there just feels mean spirited. If the animal is not having fun then I’m not either. I can appreciate that it is difficult to pull off these challenges and yet I feel like it just should not be a thing. I would have had more fun with it being able lassoing different objects or something like that.

This is the main chunk of the film though as it builds up to the villains getting ready to cheat. The Marshall was a fun character for his limited screentime though. You actually feel bad for him and the town when John says that he just wants to settle down now. He was the best shooter that they had and so it was crazy to lose a mega asset like that. No sirrrrrrr, but I imagine off screen he would probably get back into the action at some point. The Wild West has a way of dealing you back into the fold.

Interestingly the film seemed to have a hard time having music on during any dialogue scenes. So when the characters are running with the horses it can get eerily quiet and that’s how you know they’re about to start talking. Then you have some chase scenes where some fun music plays so you know there won’t be dialogue for a while. I’m guessing there is probably some kind of really old technical reason for why this is the case. Maybe you could not mix the different audio tracks together at once or something like that. It makes for a pretty interesting gimmick though.

Again it comes down to that novelty factor. It was fun while watching this movie but I probably would not want it to be a regular thing. The shooting and everything was fun enough though. The film had good action and a fun story. It almost goes without saying that the writing and the script were good as well. These old films rarely ever missed on that angle. I would say the movie did as much as it could within the runtime.

Overall, The Man From Utah is sort of like an abridged wild west film. It goes by really quickly and its got all of the usual elements you would expect to see from a Wild West but doesn’t take too long with them. It basically has to jump from story beat to story beat with impressive speed. As a result it is easy to keep your attention though and I did enjoy John as the main character. Most of the others don’t get a whole lot of screentime though. If you’re looking for a retro film then this one is as good as any to check out. Sometimes you just want to watch a peaceful film like this where there is a little danger but you know you’re on your way to a happy ending.

Overall 7/10