Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

White Noise Review

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White Noise is one of those desperate horror films that actually snagged an interesting idea but rushed to churn out some random product that barely made use of it. I can’t say I was all that disappointed because to be honest I had fairly low expectations going into it. The movie’s fairly bad as you would guess. The villains are overpowered with no weaknesses and the whole film is an exercise in futility. At least the film has some restraint and doesn’t go too crazy though.

The film starts off with Jonathan being married to Anna and she is even expecting a kid which is hype. Unfortunately she dies after that so Jonathan gets rather depressed. He ends up meeting a shady guy who was following him around for a while though named Raymond. He dabbles in the arcane arts and explains that Sarah’s spirit can still be heard through the computer. They just have to listen hard enough and he’s a pro at the electro voice phenomenon and has made it his life’s work. He’s been helping another lady named Sarah as well. Now she can help Jonathan a bit because Raymond gets bumped off soon after. The spirits don’t appreciate this intrusion and plan to keep on murdering people. What can Jonathan do against these demonic entities?

Nothing to be honest. Lol you thought this guy could do anything about it? These ghosts are intangible, they’ve got super speed, super strength, endless stamina, they can control your body and make you jump out a window, etc. Their abilities are basically limitless so all Jonathan can do is flail around for a while until the ghosts have had enough of him. That’s my main problem with some titles like this. You have to at least introduce a concept that gives Jonathan some kind of a chance in this fight. Otherwise, what is even the point of watching the film? It’s just pointless if his only escape is his inevitable death. At that point then what are we even doing here?

The film also gets rather boring at times. It’s good that Jonathan is super good at hearing because half the time I couldn’t even get what the ghosts were saying through the computer screen. It could be like gibberish at times and I’m someone who tends to like white noise. I use it every night to create that hype atmosphere although I’ve thought about buying a more custom noise like a rainforest sound or something. I think those could even be more fun although I haven’t tried that yet. But even so it’s not something that can carry a movie. I did appreciate that most of the transitions were done using white noise though. The general colors, backgrounds, and effects weren’t bad either.

There just isn’t a lot of them to go around and they tend to be very repetitive. Also, it goes through the annoying cliche of only the evil spirits having power while the good ones can only repeat one or two phrases like an NPC. Anna shows up a few times to tell Jonathan to run but she never gives any more details than that. Also lets face it, running’s not even going to do anything at this point although I appreciate the attempt. No, he’s doomed no matter how you slice it.

One plot point that starts kind of late is how Jonathan can quickly see into the future. He is given glimpses into different dark fates that await various characters but with enough time to save them or help out in time. He does help out a bit but I’d be annoyed with this ability because it doesn’t come with any hints or anything. He just has to run around until he finds out what is going on. It’s also usually a half victory as someone still dies or gets injured while he saves someone else.

Ultimately though, it’s all rather futile like I mentioned. Jonathan never stood a chance at winning or doing much of anything. Depending on how you interpret the ending, it’s not looking much better for the other characters either. Part of the ending is a little funny though with some more static noise showing up and we get one last line from one of the characters. Everyone looks either shocked or happy except for the driver who is over the whole thing. He just drives off looking rather annoyed and I don’t blame him because from his point of view the whole thing’s probably been a real drag. Now he’s going to have to compete with a legacy that will probably be dramatized a bit. If he was in the sequel I’d bet that things would not go well for him.

Ultimately the message here is really not to mess with the dead and spirits. Once someone dies then you’ve gotta move on and fast. No trying to contact them or anything because you’re just going to be going around in circles and contacting demons anyway. I’d also say you should never trust some random guy who’s been following you around and telling you all of these weird stories. I get that Jonathan was desperate but yeah you definitely need to be able to move on. Not rebound of course, but just keep it calm and not chase after her spirit.

The film also has a really random plot twist near the end of the film that doesn’t make any sense. Feels more like a shock value moment than anything to be honest. Lets just say there is one human villain here to make things a little more tense at the end but there’s just no point to that. We already know that the demons can do anything they want so why involve a human? Just to mess with the main character? That seems like the only possible explanation. The demons strike me as really unreasonable villains who always have some kind of a chip on their shoulders even when they are the ones who created the situation. Yeah they’re not winning any points in my book any time soon.

Overall, At the end of the day there’s not much to positive to really say about the film. It’s a very by the numbers horror film but it doesn’t have a ton of good jump scares. The computer screen moments tend to be on the boring side and you’re really waiting for some action. Unfortunately there’s not much for the main character to even fight for most of the film and by the time we get a human villain the film is ending. This is a film that should have had more fun with the electronic setup. That should have also played into the demons weakness somehow. You know, just give us something with a bit more substance instead of dwelling on the computer screen for so long. Additionally the whole sub plot of Jonathan playing superhero by seeing into the future didn’t make a lot of sense and felt shoehorned in. The film just didn’t have time to really go into this plot so it felt pointless.

Overall 3/10

Bad Day at Black Rock Review

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All right it’s time for one of those films that I hadn’t heard of before but was actually really solid. There’s a lot of good tension here and at times it can even play out a bit like a Twilight Zone episode. The main character did annoy me at times with how much disrespect he was taking from the other characters but ultimately it was a tough situation and the movie was careful not to give him any easy outs. It makes for a tense watch the whole way through.

The film starts with a guy named John getting off of a train and into a small town. For some reason nobody is happy to see him and he is given the cold shoulder immediately. The concierge straight up tells him to go home and nobody wants to give him a car to drive. He’s told all of the hotel rooms are booked, people threaten him, etc. John came here in search of a guy named Komoko but the instant he brings up this name things get even worse. The local sheriff is completely drunk and refuses to help while everyone else just acts like a villain. It’s clear that nothing good happened to Komoko and now something is about to happen to John. Someone lets him know that he will be murdered by the town at the end of the day. Outnumbered with no vehicles, weapons, and 1 dead arm, can John find a way out of here?

You can see how the situation is definitely not in his favor. I’d say the biggest issue is really that he only has 1 good arm. It means that even with the element of surprise, any attack option will be incredibly risky. One bad hit and John will be on the ground with no real way to defend himself. Yeah it’s possible to fight with one arm but it gives you dozens of new weaknesses. You have to really fight perfectly and even then winning is only a possibility. Particularly with a whole town against you. Yes, it’s a small town but we’re still talking around 6-8 guys against 1 man. Those are not good odds.

John does his best not to pick any fights and to keep his head low but it’s clear that this won’t work. Now that he’s entered this town he won’t be allowed to leave. A good chunk of the film is really about the town making veiled threats against John as he tries to figure out what to do. Actually to be honest the threats are barely even veiled by the end. For most of the movie I was expecting there to be a twist like John could use his second arm or he had some kind of gun but that’s not the way things go. He is actually able to fight reasonably well but like I said, that’s not enough to really make him feel safe. If I was him I would have finished off the first attacker during the bar fight though. At least you take one guy down before dying.

In these kinds of situations I always feel like it’s better to die quickly than risk a slow death. So you jump into the fray which will force the enemy to shoot you a few times and then bam, you’re out of the picture. So you either win or you die fast and there’s no middle-ground. Now I should say that in the town not everyone is super evil. Some are just weak willed and don’t have the courage to stand up to the mob. It’s particularly tough in a small town like this. As one lady says, John will at least be dead in short order but the rest of them have to continue living in the town. It’s not even much of a town either.

They are running out of food and water, nobody ever visits and the place is completely isolated. There are less than 20 people living in the village and it doesn’t look like they will be having any kids anytime soon. It’s like watching an extinction in real time. The fact that the survivors actively try to prevent anyone from visiting definitely says a lot too. They are really making history here but the wrong kind.

As for what happened to Komoko, well it is explained. You can probably guess almost immediately what happened to him though based on how the town is. It’s definitely a pretty tragic event and it makes everyone look really bad. Even the characters who try to help out by the end I still don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for. They didn’t act when it counted the first time and that made everyone complicit. It’s almost worse in a way for the “good guys” who did nothing compared to the villains who are openly evil. If you don’t do anything then you really helped out in the end. The Sheriff in particular is rather toothless as he gets threatened as well and pushed around. That was definitely not a good look.

The movie sticks the landing and has a satisfying conclusion. I had a good time watching the movie. There are a decent amount of characters all things considered and they are written well. The villains have a lot of screen presence and all of the characters seem rather realistic. Like I said, I’d have liked John to do some things a bit different but who knows how things would have gone. At least keep the gun once you knocked the first guy out, that could have been super handy.

Overall, Bad Day at Black Rock is definitely an intense film. I would say part of what makes it rather scary as well is that you can picture this happening in real life. You always do want to be careful where you travel and you should always do some research first. Even the best of countries have rough areas, neighborhoods, and yeah even towns can fall into the picture. If you go unprepared then you are likely to vanish in the wind. Back in the day it was harder to actually do research like that though. John certainly had no idea what he was walking into. The movie tackles some serious themes and does so without missing a beat or overplaying its hand. I would certainly recommend checking it out.

Overall 7/10

Blood on the Moon Review

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It’s time for a fairly emotional western title. It’s one where the romance can definitely be a little bit on the weaker side but I do think the story is more engaging than the last one. We once again have different factions here but it’s a more obvious good vs evil scenario this time. It just takes the main character a little long to actually make up his mind and pick the right group.

The film starts by introducing us to Joe who really just enjoys doing his own thing. He’s always wandering around from place to place but he is short on funds at the moment. His old friend Tate shows up and wants Jim to help him with a mission that’s going to pay super great. Basically they have to keep John and the other livestock owners from getting them off the property in time. See, Tate wants to buy up all of the animals from John’ family but he only wants to pay bottom dollar. So this forced John to have to get out fast because if he stays too long then I think he would be over the deadline and it would be trespassing. Of course it’s not like this is really legal but back in the day it was hard to patrol everything. So Jim is on board since he needs the money but his conscience isn’t a happy camper.

Jim slowly gets to be a little close to John’s family and sees just how cruel Tate’s group is. Tate’s group doesn’t really trust Jim as it is so he has to be extra careful when he leaves them. Meanwhile, John’s daughter Amy doesn’t really care for Jim either after a big misunderstanding during their first meeting that doesn’t really get much better after that. She really made up her mind about him early on though so here wasn’t a whole lot for him to do about this. It’s part of why it’s hard to see a romance really going anywhere here. Amy was completely murder him when they first met. Yes, she sees why that would be a bad idea but jumping all the way to romance feels rather extreme. I just couldn’t buy into it.

It’s still better than her sister Carol’s plot though. In a storyline as old as time, Carol believes that the bad boy Tate actually likes her and so she is ready to sell out her father immediately. Sure he gives the usual lines like he won’t actually murder John but why would she actually believe that? She feels like a massive sucker throughout the film and it’s all a really bad look for her. Even if Tate wasn’t going to murder John, he was still going to steal all of the cattle and put them in a serious jam. There’s no way she bought into his half hearted logic the whole time. So that means she just overlooked it in order to be with him which is definitely not good. She’s just a traitor plain and simple. There was no way for her to go up from there.

Meanwhile I actually thought Tate made for a good villain. Yeah he got really lucky to have a traitor at the ready but even beyond that he was a quick talker and always had a plan going. So the guy definitely wasn’t lazy like some main villains. He also had skills of his own but at the end of the day he just wasn’t skilled enough to win. That’s really what it boils down to. Romance aside, Amy was a solid heroine here. I give her points for having a gun and being ready to fight at all times. Her enthusiasm often tended to be on a higher level than her actual skills but she does actually land some good hits in the climax.

The climax is one of those classic shootouts where the heroes are all in a cabin and trying to fire at the villains who are right outside. It always felt like it would be really difficult for anyone to land a hit here since you’re both walls or rocks that wouldn’t easily be shredded by bullets. I suppose it’s all about how risky each side gets and who lands a lucky hit first. Also if you run out of bullets then that’s another issue. Amy and Jim had help from one guy who was avenging his son so they made for a really good team.

Then we have Jim who is a decent main character but I can’t say that he was all that great. Again, it took him a while to actually choose the heroic side in the conflict here. Things could have easily gone in a way where he never got to defect from the group and the main problem here is that a main character with good morals would have never faltered in the first place. The fact that Jim was originally doing this for the money is a bad look for him. So he did improve by the end but ultimately he’s not one of the best western lead characters.

Then John was okay. He actually had some fairly good ideas and traps here like giving out fake directions on a map to see who would take the bait. Ultimately there are only so many plans you can come up with in this setting though and in the end you need muscle to win in these battles. You’d think more of the people who wanted to keep their cattle and stay safe would have fought back but for the most part these guys are just watching the whole time and not doing much of anything.

Meanwhile the writing is solid as you would expect. The script is good as always with a lot of fun dialogue and everyone talks in that very retro way of speaking. The story is well developed with a lot of moving pieces as well. We even get the local government involved at one point which was nice. These guys definitely wasn’t as smart and tend to get themselves into trouble but I liked that angle since you don’t often see the government in these films. It helped add an extra oomph to the movie without a doubt and I’d like to see this become more of a thing. It’s technically still a very small element in this movie so another film could definitely take it farther.

Overall, This film had a good plot going and the main cast was solid. You are fairly well engaged the whole time and the action scenes are pretty good. The pacing is on point and the climax is really solid. I would have liked it if the main character wasn’t just ready to work on super shady dealings for the money but at least he did switch up once he saw just how bad his group is. That definitely worked as a wake up call for him. The ending is definitely wholesome and so I would recommend this film. Get ready for a fairly rushed ending in terms of romance but otherwise it works out. The main moral I’d say here is to watch out before you start shooting all over the place because there could be a misunderstanding.

Overall 7/10

Joe Kidd Review

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Time for another Western type title. It’s always fun when you see Clint Eastwood on the poster because you know that the main character is about to be really fun. He really doesn’t put up with a lot from anyone and the film starts off really strong with the opening scene. I’ll admit that after that the plot isn’t super interesting though. You’re mainly just watching for the action scenes and to see the main character talking tough to everyone. Ultimately it makes for a good watch though and does beat the average western in the genre.

The film introduces us to Joe who is in prison and is just about ready to get out. One of the other prisoners makes the mistake of messing with him and gets his lights knocked out for the trouble. Joe’s bail has been paid by a guy named Harlan who is looking for another guy named Chama. There is a pretty big dispute going on and so Harlan and his posse are getting ready to take down Chama’s gang. Joe doesn’t care about any of this and is ready to get home but it turns out that his neighbors/friends were beaten and murdered by Chama’s men. So now Joe has a stake in all of this and is ready to set out. Is everything as it seems though?

One thing I will say from the jump is that neither Chama or Harlan are particularly heroic. This film is more about the grey in between as both groups have their share of secrets and issues going on. It means that in a way you just need the lesser of two evils to win or you need Joe to destroy them all. I just don’t think the film gives you enough reason to care about either side. To me they both seem super corrupt. I would say Harlan’s group is more villainous ultimately since they are picking fights and using force to take what they want. Chama’s group are mainly like the resistance but Chama was ready and willing to let everyone in the Church get murdered because he figured as the figure head of the group he had to live.

A very selfish gesture all the way through. He gets called out on this and tries to do better but yeah to me this was basically a gang fight. Ultimately Joe gets his revenge on what happened to his friends and then takes out everyone in his way. The most notable moment of the climax was definitely when he rode a train through the enemy base and started shooting. That was pretty fun in large part because it was so unexpected. It’s not every day that you see someone bring a train to a gun fight right?

The action scenes are on point as always. There aren’t quite as many as you would expect but they are always handled really well. As expected Joe is also a pretty fun main character. The romance here was definitely on the very weak side and that’s the weakest aspect of Joe’s character since he moves so fast on this. He is great in all other areas though. The guy has confidence and there is one fun plot where one of the villains is constantly picking fights with Joe and always gets humbled. It’s crazy how vast the skill difference is between them but that’s why Joe is a legendary figure while this guy is just some nobody.

I’ll give some good kudos to the preacher at the church that was taken over by the villains. Sometimes in these things the preacher will make a big deal about not being able to help since peace is the way to go but there’s nothing preventing you from using some good ole self defense. In this case that means getting Joe a weapon so he can fight back when he doesn’t have one at one point. So getting him the weapon was a great idea and it also meant that the inhabitants had a new lease on life. Without Joe they would have been absolutely doomed.

While the end of the film may not have been super strong since the romance was super weak but it did have a nice callback to the opening scene that was really good. Someone takes a big punch that was absolutely deserved considering how useless the character was during the whole film. It’s also a moment that shows how Joe isn’t going to be forgetting anything. When it’s time to make a move or get revenge for a slight that happened earlier, he’s going to keep it in the back of his head until it’s time. I like to think he was waiting for this moment throughout the whole movie and he probably was. The punch had to feel good. Once again, he was just a really fun lead character.

Overall, Joe Kidd is a pretty fun film. The film is mainly carried by Joe himself but that’s probably why the film is named after him. That was always going to be the film’s focus and it’s not a bad idea. A great main character can really take you very far. Even when the plot isn’t quite as sturdy, if the main character is good enough then it barely matters. That’s just the way that it goes. So I would recommend this one. It’s fairly basic as far as western films go but that means you can enjoy pretty much all of the usual ropes in this kind of title. There are a lot of betrayals and twists running around but at the end of the day Joe just needs to tackle anyone who gets in his way.

Overall 6/10

The Man Who Watched Trains Go By Review

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It’s time for a film with a pretty awful main character. I think he got off way too easy the whole time which definitely hurts this one a bit but you’ll stay engaged throughout the adventure. The film’s not super long or anything so it goes by quickly and it doesn’t make a lot of mistakes. A better main character would have absolutely taken the experience to the next level though.

The film starts off by introducing us to Kees who has worked hard as a Clerk for many years. He’s really been hoping that some day he could get a promotion and move up a bit considering all of his loyalty. Well, his plans are dashed when his boss decides to run off with all of the money and basically doom Kees. Well, Kees has had enough of that and he murders the guy. Granted, he wasn’t intending to murder him initially although he was approaching that guy in a threatening manner but the boss falls into the ocean and Kees doesn’t help him. Now Kees has a briefcase filled with lots of money and he can finally live out the adventurous life that he has always wanted. His first stop is to meet up with the lady that the boss was running away with and have an affair.

For context, keep in mind that this guy is married with kids so right off the bat we know that he has no morals here. A life of adventure is all fine and well as a family, like if he had decided to travel with them using the stolen money then you can at least be sympathetic since a lot of the stolen money would have turned into his salary in the future. By doing this and betraying his family you have no sympathy for the guy. The film keeps showing how this guy is a total amateur when it comes to living a life of crime but it’s not like that’s going to have you feel bad for him. No, instead you’re just shaking your head and waiting for him to get his.

At times it feels like Kees is also stacking the deck against himself. A main supporting character is Lucas, who is a detective on the case. They bump into each other a lot and Kees makes himself look incredibly suspicious in every single encounter. In a way you feel more annoyed for Lucas than anything though as the guy absolutely suspects what is going on but just has no proof to confirm it. It’s not like he can just arrest Kees after all. He’s got to go through the process and everything.

Lucas is my favorite character though. He’s at least trying to do the right thing and is very persistent. Just about every other character in the film is really an antagonist so you want him to just arrest everybody. Back to Kees though, he’s just really annoying to follow as a character. He is so desperate to finally have adventure that he basically thinks the main villainess will get together with him just because he has a lot of money now. He’s extremely lucky that she didn’t have him bumped off early on. Kees doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who can stay strong when getting beat up either so I think he would crack right away.

It seemed like a stretch to be playing the long game here. Michele is a big villain here of course but she’s always been a villain which is why I have more respect for her than Kees. At least she has some dignity and does well in her long term planning. There’s not a lot that I can say to really defend Kees in contrast to that. Meanwhile Louis is another guy who likes Michele and he’s always ready to use violence to solve his problems. Michele has to save Kees from him on several occasions but again I think this was a strategic blunder. Louis would have gotten the answer out of Kees with ease.

Kees is only a tough guy when confronted with someone who can’t fight back. He gets tough with Michele at some points when he’s not being obviously manipulated but Louis would take him down easily. I would have liked to have gotten some closure with his family back home since they really vanish after the opening scenes. If they were portrayed as more antagonistic then that would have maybe helped Kees be a bit more sympathetic but it didn’t work for me. I feel like the film was at least trying to go for that angle but ultimately I did not think that they succeeded here.

Still, the premise was good so I think it would be easy to do a remake of this film that’s actually fairly solid. For starters, he should be a novice at being a criminal but shouldn’t be absolutely helpless. Don’t have him dash towards the villainess hoping to score when there is no reason why he should. It would make much more sense for him to be spending the money a little too loosely when treating himself to some foods and then the villain approaches him. After that he gets suckered of course but at least keeps some dignity. Ultimately it won’t save the character since he’ll still be annoying, but not as bad and that will help the film by extension.

If you are going to go this route though, then you have to make Kees meet a tough end. He absolutely should have been bumped off or scolded a bit more about deserting his family. I’d argue he shouldn’t have gotten any wins by the end either. He should have been outsmarted and then arrested to show how he was not able to keep up with the career criminals. That would have really been a good way to make the story go full circle.

Overall, The movie has a fairly interesting plot about an average guy becoming a big criminal by being in the wrong place at the wrong time but the execution wasn’t totally on point. I think it loses a bit of steam with how utterly corrupt Kees was from the start. Honestly a huge change that would have helped would have been for him not to have a family. That would have even tied well with his not really having much of a life and wasting it all on the job. It could actually make him a whole lot more sympathetic, but that’s just how it goes sometimes I suppose. In some ways I found the opening scenes before the boss died to be the most interesting and having the whole film take place in town could have been more fun. Like Kees has a ton of money and has to spend it carefully without letting anyone know that he’s rich. That would have been pretty interesting.

Overall 5/10

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire Review

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All right it’s time for the next film in the Monsterverse and you can bet that this is going to be a really intense one. Seeing Godzilla and King Kong take the stage again is definitely a lot of fun. The movie delivers on the action and while I would like to have seen Godzilla more, he does get several fights and shows up early so I’ll give the title credit there.

The movie starts off with King Kong running away from a bunch of creatures. He may be the King of this realm but even that has its limits when the numbers disadvantage is drastic enough. Fortunately his traps are enough to stop them and he continues his quest to find other members of his race. He does end up finding a bunch of them but unfortunately they are being led by the Skar King who has the help of a powerful monster known as Shimo. King Kong can’t handle these fighters on his own…it’s time to call in Godzilla.

A good portion of the film is really about setting up the team-up. You have Godzilla travelling across the world and destroying a bunch of Titans in order to stock up his power for the mission. Meanwhile King Kong actually takes a while to meet up with the Skar King as he first defeats a ton of opponents and bonds with one of the smaller creatures. Think of that one as a King Kong Jr in a way. I like the concept of the team-up a lot and my only issue with it is the lack of threat from the villains but more on that later. There is something really hype about seeing Godzilla gearing up like that.

Right up through the into of the hyped Skar King is really intense there. You’re ready for this and he’s even got a throne. From there though….the Skar King’s not a joke by any means but he’s not a final boss. The film makes it clear that he is weaker than King Kong and many times weaker than Godzilla. He would be lucky to last more than a minute against Godzilla and while he can so marginally better against King Kong, he would be taken down in short order. I like his design and fighting style though, they are both excellent but that’s all he has going for him.

Meanwhile Shimo has a really cool design but I’m afraid things aren’t looking good for her either. She seems to be stronger than King Kong by a good margin but still not a complete match for Godzilla. Still, it’s at least closer, my main problem is how she takes orders. I just don’t see this happening to one of the Alphas who would sooner die in resistance. I’d like to see more of Shimo in the future but yeah this film’s main weak point is that you never feel like Godzilla is in danger. Yeah King Kong is, but we need Godzilla to be pushed to his limits too unless you just keep him for the final climax or something.

Now you may be wondering, what about the humans? Well the humans are okay. You’re mostly waiting for them to get off the screen so you can have fun with the Kaiju though. The main plot is about Dr. Ilene’s daughter Jia to start seeing visions about Kaiju and some kind of a message. She hasn’t been fitting well into school anyway so she gets to go on a trip to the Hollow Earth to see what is going on. Jia’s a nice enough character, she means well and does help out a bit.

I’m not really a fan of Ilene though. The fact that she allowed Bernie to get railroaded by corporate despite helping save the world is pretty harsh. I thought that she looked really bad there and I wouldn’t trust her if I was Bernie. Bernie is easily the most likable member of the main cast and his humor moments tend to land the most. At times he can cross the line into being rather cringy and annoying though. Then you have Trapper who is the only one with absolute confidence at all times. I liked seeing him think of different ways to help out and he was always creative.

So the humans as a whole weren’t bad. The writing wasn’t always great but I’ve seen much worse. It can just drain a lot of time, it felt like their plot would just keep on going long past when you figure you’ve got the point of what they were talking about. I would argue King Kong also has a bit too much screen time of just walking around with Kid Kong. I wanted the big action set pieces you know, not the adventure. Also some of his kills against the local creatures were a bit much. I know they’re technically monsters but they did look rather like animals so that was a little dicey. Basically the King Kong survival moments didn’t really help the film go further.

Ultimately I would say it lost to the original Godzilla vs Kong and Godzilla: King of the Monster films for that reason. Still, this is starting to sound negative so lets go back into the positives real quick. First up, the Kaiju designs here are all great. We’re finally talking S rank fighters here. I liked the spider a lot, the underwater Kaiju, etc. Each of Godzilla’s opponents were fun to watch. They were strong but nowhere near his level. This is why Godzilla is King of the Monsters. The difference is made very apparent when nobody wants to challenge Godzilla while everyone is trying to test King Kong.

One annoying thing about Godzilla being this powerful though is that the film has to constantly make him miss with the atomic breath. After all the fight would be over the instant he scores a direct hit on any of the enemies. Then the film acknowledges his Atomic Wave attack but he conveniently doesn’t use it in any of the big battles because it would end the movie. So I admire the attempt to try and keep this even but we all know Godzilla would have stomped everyone in this film. It’s why I thought it was a bit of a stretch how Shimo kept ducking him and landing sneak attacks on Kong. I don’t know about that but Godzilla’s strength was respected and I always like that.

The film does have a bit of an odd plot point with Godzilla being drawn to a signal the whole film and gearing up but by the end of the film some characters think he wasn’t going to make it. The simplest solution if you ask me is that the researchers were wrong and Godzilla was on the way. I can buy into that, particularly since in the last film we saw how he knows how to get to the Hollow Earth by just blasting into the ground. So that’s how I would answer that at least.

I’m surprised the government hasn’t made another Kaiju of their own yet. Mecha Godzilla did very well after all and they should be able to reverse engineer the specs at some point. It might have made things cluttered but it’s time to see the army do something different. I felt like chuckling when they sent some plans to go and take down Godzilla. I mean, are you kidding me?? It goes without saying that the special effects are excellent here. I also thought the soundtrack was good. I’d have liked some electronic type tunes like Godzilla Final Wars but I’ll take what we can get here.

The film delivers on the team up and I’d argue the final fight already makes the whole experience work pretty well. It’s an excellent spectacle and the decision to have the fight be in the real world was a great idea. In the Hollow Earth things tend to be a lot bigger so you can’t always appreciate the scale while in the real world you get to see everything get destroyed.

While this can sound like a bit of a diss, the film is really playing to its strengths when there is a lot of destruction on screen. I’m really here for the Kaiju fights and those go really hard. I could easily watch 2 hours of the Kaiju just fighting among each other. It’s incredibly entertaining and just great at all times. I’m definitely ready to see what they do for the next film in this series. Hopefully we don’t have to wait too long for it.

Overall, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is a pretty good film. All it would have needed to cross the threshold into great territory would have been to have one of the enemies actually be powerful relative to Godzilla. You feel like Godzilla would beat them 2 on 1, much less when he has King Kong at the ready. There are a lot of fun easter eggs to the series and you even get to see an unexpected character. So that was great and it also shows that there are a lot of elements already ready for that future film. I think it’s time for a Destroy All Monsters adaption with Destoroyah as the final boss now.

Overall 7/10

The Magnetic Monster Review

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All right so I know that right out of the gate you are probably expecting some giant monster running around and crushing everyone right? Well this isn’t that kind of movie and instead I would say it’s more of a brainy kind of film where the heroes have to figure out how to use science to save the day. It works well and is a pretty fun film with a good script and solid pacing. I’d call it more of a slow burn that mainly just works because everything was handled well. If the writing wasn’t as good then of course this movie would not have ended up being very good. It rides or dies with the writing.

The first thing you should know is that the film is quite short so this allows things to move rather quickly. It’s barely over an hour and that works out well since the plot is rather simple. There is a phenomenon taking place that is causing everything to be magnetized. It happens suddenly and causes a lot of trouble for one store. The A-men, a group of powerful scientists who look into this kind of thing are sent to investigate. Sure enough, there is a mysterious force at work here and eventually they narrow it down. It turns out that one scientist was meddling with nature a little too much and created a sentient energy that is eating other kinds of energy. It can cause implosions and is generally too powerful to be contained. The main characters will have to think of something fast or it’s all over.

I have to say that my first thought here was that it reminded me a whole lot of Ghostbusters. Even the way the office was set up gave me those kind of vibes. Sure this is more science-based than supernatural but they have all kinds of fancy equipment and pull out a variety of objects from their bags. Also getting a fancy title like “The A-Men” makes them stick out a whole lot. The movie may not be part comedy but it has a fairly light hearted tone to it as well which only serves to further add to that effect.

The brief romance moments we get with the main character and his wife tend to be on the cheesier side to be honest but I’ll let it slide as the moments are quick and it’s not like they’re that bad or anything like that. It just feels like the film isn’t quite as confident in writing those scenes as it is in the main part of the film. Also you get that the whole film can’t be tense with this living energy but it almost feels a bit out of place to have the main couple talking about finances halfway during the film when the danger isn’t quite over yet. A funny scene that did land was when the cab driver was affected by the magnetic pull and handled the situation well. He didn’t lose his cool and had a lot of info to give the heroes.

This is the kind of film where the narrator steps in to fill in the blanks on details in the story and whenever we have a quick jump. I would say that worked well. One thing I would have liked to have seen more of was the energy itself though. Lets get some big speeches about why humanity has to be destroyed and stuff like that. I’d also like to see more out of the super computer (“MANIAC”) who got absolutely crushed here. Especially with how old this film is I would say that approached some sci-fi levels as well. It was sort of like the Bat Computer from the old comic book films but even then the super computer lost so fast that it really couldn’t keep any kind of hype.

Now, like I said this is a slow burn film so you do have to enjoy the plot. You’re going to have numerous scenes of the characters just talking about the energy and what this means for science. There isn’t a lot of action for most of the film and a lot of times the magnetic energy is being rather harmless. It’s part of the scare factor though as you never know when it’s going to suddenly just blow up a building or something. Those moments really come out of the blue. Naturally it’s also off screen since the effects for that would have probably been rather tricky.

So you are here for the writing and the banter is solid. You have some disagreements with the characters and some tough talk but for the most part they are all on the same side so they are all trying to be helpful. I could definitely appreciate that. There isn’t really much room for human villains here. I’d say the scientist on the plane is the closest thing to it because he was generally not helpful with keeping secrets the way that he was. He put a ton of people in danger without having a great reason for it. Things could have definitely gone sideways very easily.

The scary thing is that ultimately you could say the energy probably got the last laugh here. Everyone is probably filled with radiation at this point and their lives will have been shortened in the process. It’s definitely rough but I suppose that’s how it goes sometimes. At least in the meantime you can take the happy ending at face value. At least they are all alive.

Overall, The Magnetic Monster may not be a film that is nearly as exciting as its title but at the same time I would say that it is still a pretty good film. It’s the kind of film that keeps you engaged all the while you are watching it. You aren’t likely to talk about it much in the future or anything like that but the very basic nature of the film means that it has a ton of replay value. You can go back and watch it at any time and it’s so short that it will fly by in an instant. Now there is the sign of a good film. I would recommend checking this out if you’re looking for a basic sci-fi film that executes the story well.

Overall 7/10

Bram Stoker’s Dracula Review

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Uh oh it’s time for another Dracula film. By now you know that most of these Dracula movies are pretty bad. I think part of the problem is that there just isn’t a whole lot that you can do with this vampire. Blood sucking will always be annoying at best and rather gross at worst. Then mix that in with the main characters being generally inept and you aren’t going to be in for a good time. By now the story is also rather stale so yeah it loses on all fronts.

The film starts with Jonathan heading over to meet Dracula on some real estate business as usual. He ignores all of the red flags because his family really needs the money. Unfortunately this proves to be a fatal error as he is attacked by Dracula’s vampire wives. Unlike other Dracula incarnations who command respect, he has to actually physically stop them here since they took a bit to actually listen to his orders. They get their win shortly afterwards but not before Dracula heads out to take down Jonathan’s fiancé as well as her friend. Can anybody stop this guy?

Of course not! What do you think this is??? I mean sure he’ll be taken down eventually but not before he causes a lot of chaos. That’s always the annoying thing about these films. You have to slowly watch him do some blood draining and take the heroes down before anybody is actually able to stop him. That’s where it just gets annoying the whole time and the scenes take forever. The film also squeezes in some fanservice here. Lets just say that the scene is played up quite a bit and Dracula is doing some unnecessary stuff during the biting.

There are no coincidences here and so the film is going extra hard in making everyone look bad. I would say even among Dracula movies this one is particularly weak. There is really no reason to watch it. The movie gets excessively violent, the fanservice is poor, and there are no great characters. Even Dracula as I mentioned doesn’t get the usual amount of respect you would think. He doesn’t look very imposing, if anything he seems confused at times. You feel like the heroes could take him down if they would move a bit quicker.

There’s at least one scene where Van Helsing has the cross at the ready but throws it away so Dracula gets the upper hand. Yeah he had a hostage at the ready but that’s when you charge forward. Naturally Dracula continues going about his business once the cross is away so the heroes earned nothing there. It’s why the hostage dilemma can be difficult of course since it is often a lose-lose situation but it was particularly annoying here.

Jonathan is particularly awful though. Early on he has the chance to destroy Dracula when he goes up to the coffin but he hesitates for some bizarre reason which gives the henchman enough time to take him out. Next time you have the lord of darkness in your sights you really need to finish the job. Like what are you even doing by that point? You have to lock in and take care of business. It’s the only way forward.

There’s not much to say about Lucy and Mina here. They basically exist to get wrecked by Dracula the whole time as they can’t muster up any willpower. Arthur is also annoying because of course he falls asleep on the job and is generally unhelpful until the end. He may have some enthusiasm but he is lacking in overall skills and ability which are just as important. Without those he ends up just being lost in the grand scheme of things which isn’t helpful to anyone.

Van Helsing at least knows what he is doing. Again he doesn’t always handle the situation well but I give him some points for the attempts. Without him the heroes wouldn’t be doing much of anything. He’s just going through the motions for the most part though, I prefer the adaptions where he is a little crazier and willing to go to extreme method to stop Dracula. Lets see this guy cut loose and everything you know? That would be way better.

Not that there was ever any chance for this film to be good though. Lets just face it, it was always going to be a pretty bad movie and there’s no real way to avoid that. It’s not impossible to make a good Dracula movie, in fact it’s been done a few times. You have to try really hard though because you are starting at a disadvantage and I didn’t feel that the film did a particularly good job here. There are also so many Dracula films that I feel as the writer you need to at least try and differentiate yourself a bit. This one didn’t really do that at all.

At least the film’s not super long so I can say that about it. Is that really the only positive? Well…yeah. I mean what other good things are there to say about this one? The characters are annoying and Dracula doesn’t make for a good villains. All of the characters are supremely annoying so you are just shaking your head the whole time. Dracula also needs a better motivation. He’s basically draining all of these girls because he wants romance or just enjoys the power? One of them reminds him of his wife but he must not have loved her a ton if he’s rebounding like this. He comes across as a desperate guy who isn’t even remotely likable and I can’t stress enough how bad that makes him look. That’s one of the worst kinds of motivations that a villain can have.

Overall, This was a pretty bad Dracula movie. It falls into all of the usual issues around a vampire film like this without having any hook to keep you interested. Maybe throw us some big fights showing off Dracula’s super abilities or have some kind of government plot. Maybe have the army try to take him down? Things like that could at least give you something to sink your teeth into instead of effectively watching the same movie again. To be honest it’s unlikely it would give the film many more points but every little bit helps. Definitely avoid this film as much as possible.

Overall 1/10

So Long at the Fair Review

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This is one of those films where I have to say that the title is really clever. Right out of the gate when the plot starts you gotta let out a quick chuckle there. It works really well. As for the film itself, I’d say it’s solid. In some ways it’s the kind of film that I do think could have been executed a bit better and has been, but it’s a fun story all the way. It’s filled with some thrills and chills as the mystery intensifies but my main problem is that you aren’t quite as invested in the missing character as you could be.

The film starts with Vicky and her brother Johnny visiting Paris. Vicky is super psyched to be here and wants to try out all of the activities and visit different places. Johnny is bored and irritated the whole time but she talks him into it. He’s more concerned about his work to be honest and he’s not feeling too well. They have a good time and retire for the night but the next day Johnny is gone. In fact his whole room appears to have disappeared and everybody says that he doesn’t even exit. Vicky has walked into some kind of conspiracy but is she ready to handle it?

So I would say that Vicky is the weakest part of the film. I get not being experienced in this kind of situation of course but she has a tendency to faint and panic at every step. The villains outmaneuver her at all points and she doesn’t really stick up for herself. I get not just punching everyone out since this isn’t a 2020s film but I think she could be a little more forceful about the whole thing. Her brother has been vanished after all which means he is likely murdered or about to be. You have to take drastic steps at this point.

She’s a little overly emotional as well. So I’m quite critical of her the whole time. She is going through a rather stressful situation of course so I cut her some slack but yeah it’s a good thing that she gets help from George later. Now this guy does fairly well for himself and is able to take that aggressive position I was hoping for. He’s going on secret missions like he is James Bond and doesn’t take no for an answer. His natural confidence and smooth behavior helps a lot here.

The only dent I would put against him is it wasn’t really necessary to kiss Vicky in the hotel room as a cover. I’d say he took advantage of the situation there and this film didn’t actually need any kind of romance. Lets focus on the suspense and adventure instead! He’s still the MVP of the film though since everyone else was generally unhelpful. I’d also say that the villains got really lucky here that nobody was paying attention and Johnny didn’t talk to many people. Otherwise it would be incredibly difficult to hide such a conspiracy.

It’s not as bad as a film where this happens on a plane since that was just absurd but this goes to similar extremes. I don’t see how so much work was done without anyone noticing especially in a place as busy as Paris. I guess the hotel could be a little dead at times but ehhhh it stretched my disbelief a bit. This kind of plot does usually revolve around a little disbelief of course though and it has less than others so it wasn’t too bad.

Like I said earlier though, one of the only weaknesses here is that you don’t really care about Johnny much. The ending of the film should be really sad and yet you barely care. I feel like the film is more about the thrill of the mystery and finding out what happened whereas in other films you would be equally invested in the final fate of the one who vanished. I’m cool with this though because the chase is most of the film. Trying to connect the dots and see what happened. I also appreciate that Vicky didn’t let herself be gaslit into thinking that he didn’t come along or that he left early though. Now that would have been absolutely crazy.

There aren’t many supporting characters who get involved here. One of them certainly meets a rather explosive end which come to think of it, is also another bit of a stretch. It’s just such a big move. I guess it’s realistic in terms of a villain would do this of course but then the ending should be harsher. You have the main cop saying he understands why the villains did this and all that in a rather somber tone. Someone should remind him that these villains were ruthlessly murdering people. I guess it’s possible that he hasn’t connected the dots yet but yeah the ending should have been tougher there. If the film was longer then I would have liked for it to lean into the conspiracy angle a bit more.

The film is a bit trapped between the movie being rather ambitious but also staying small scale. Like this isn’t a huge gangster battle or some kind of illuminati opponent but at the same time the villains are able to make lots of moves in a short amount of time and do seem to think of everything. They have people tailing Vicky for a while and are also able to bump off people but this ends up not being super widespread. I think it would have been a good idea for the film to have been a little more ambitious.

At the end of the day the writing is good though and that is the foundation of a solid movie. I would have liked a tougher main character but that’s still not going to take away from the film being a solid watch. Particularly considering how old the movie is, I would say that it did quite a lot. I was satisfied here. It may not be as scary as it may have initially appeared but it keeps your attention.

Overall, This is a pretty fun film. It’s also a rather short one so it ends right away. This does allow for some really fast pacing which is always nice and it’s probably for the best. A good mystery is limited only by the writer’s imagination so of course this could be stretched to 3 hours but I thought the length fit the movie rather well. There’s only so much you could do with this film before it would start to go in circles or something without more characters and locations. At the end of the day it is a movie that has aged well so I would recommend checking it out.

Overall 7/10

The Bad News Bears Review

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Whenever you think of the Bad News Bears you figure you’re in for one of the toughest teams on the block. What you don’t realize is that they aren’t delivering bad news…they are the bad news! Now there’s a twist if I’ve ever heard of one right? It’s a comedy film that can be pretty fun at times but ultimately doesn’t quite do enough to get much higher than that. It will keep you entertained but won’t be a film that you’re clamoring to watch again. One playthrough is really enough for this one.

The film starts with Morris being paid to coach a kid’s baseball team. He’s not really interested at all but the money’s good and that’s what counts. He intends to give this the minimum amount of effort so he keeps on drinking all day and generally not being very helpful. What makes him even less interested is that nobody on the team even knows how to play. They are all scrubs and they even lose the first game by over 20 points. Still, the disrespect is just too much and so Morris decides that he’s going to turn this team into a bunch of winners. Is he really doing this for them though…or for himself? That’s the tough question here.

So most of the comedy here is in how bad the team is of course and how over the top Morris is in terms of being a completely inappropriate coach. It tends to work most of the time which is what keeps the film in the green. Morris has a lot of fun facial expressions the whole time and the subtle bits of character humor also work really well. Then when his competitive spirit gets going, you still have fun because of course he doesn’t know how to handle success well. I would say the film tends to ride or die based on how much you enjoy his character.

I’d say a weakness of the film tends to be the ending and any moment where it tries to take itself too seriously. The movie can’t quite handle these moments. For example, at one point Morris and Amanda have a big fight. She wants to hang out with him and at least develop a small bond but he shoots her down. Mainly the problem here is that he’s way too rude and goes too far. From that point on there is no way you can root for him to win or do well as a coach. It’s understandable that he doesn’t want to create any bonds right now but she is a child and he could have handled that a million times better. I just had no respect for him after that scene, he was just awful.

If I was Amanda I probably would have ditched the team after that tbh. Good luck winning without a pitcher! She has all of the leverage in this dynamic and ultimately she still does get injured with how hard she was playing. She’s easily one of the most likable characters here and I felt like things didn’t go great for her. Then you have the rival Kelly who is a delinquent but knows how to play so they let him on the team. He is actually very good and along with Amanda is a huge reason on why they go far. So what do the rest of the teammates do about this? They get upset at him and basically cause a bunch of trouble for no reason.

I don’t think they were justified in any way and come across as a bunch of jerks. I’ve never liked when a bunch of characters turn on someone without even giving the character a chance. At least talk to him and explain why you are upset instead of becoming all passive aggressive and sulking the whole time. That doesn’t help anyone. It’s just blowing a bunch of hot air at that point. Yeah that’s not a good thing to do. So everywhere I look, there are reasons to root against the team.

Then the kicker is the climax as we get the teamwork message. It is worth sacrificing your chance at winning the championship if you can get everyone having fun. The main problem with this kind of message is that most people don’t have any fun when they lose. In fact, if you lose the championship and you are the reason why your team lost, then you’re going to feel absolutely lousy. Morris should have had the weaker kids start early in the first inning so they could play before benching them. I just disagree with the theory on its face.

It’s selfish to sacrifice everything when the championship is something that is so hard to obtain in the first place. Again, the kids weren’t very grateful or anything so maybe it works out anyway but it was still annoying to watch. The whole second half of the film is kind of annoying come to think of it. Even the opponent coach hits a kid and gets off without any real consequences. He’s back to laughing and feeling good about himself by the end because he’s winning and there’s nothing the heroes can do about it. Sure you could say the family leaving are some consequences but I’d rather he have gotten punched or something.

So maybe the most direct way to put this is that the film had a bit of a mean streak to it. It was funny during the early comedic moments of everyone messing up and looking terrible but once the film got serious, it would just go too far. The film needed to have a little more restraint the whole time and personally I would change the ending. Not necessarily to a big win or anything like that but I wouldn’t have made the team effectively throw the match.

Overall, The Bad News Bears brings bad tidings to its viewers by the end. It’s entertaining enough where I could still say that it is a good movie, but certainly not a very good one. I wouldn’t be in a rush to rewatch this film and I have to hope that the sequels stick the landing a bit better. Just lean a bit more into the comedy and I’m sure you could do a lot with a Baseball title like this. I do have a good time with sport films after all and Baseball is the kind of sport that should translate well into a movie with so many characters running around.

Overall 6/10