Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

Still Alice Review

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It’s time for the marathon of film reviews where I’m absolutely devastating these films! The higher reviewed ones will be coming up but I thought that this made sense as a theme. This film tends to be on the sadder side. It’s not super objectionable or anything like that but at the same time it’s definitely not a film where you will walk away grinning. I definitely would have tweaked the ending a bit with one of those miracle cures but that’s just how it goes.

The film starts off by introducing us to Alice who is a genius. She is very well spoken and conducts herself as a true professional. She is a professor and has a happy marriage with her husband John. All 3 of her kids are doing well within their fields…well one of them is having a bit of trouble with theater but it’s a happy life. Unfortunately one day Alice is diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s and the genetic results say that she has a 0% chance of stopping it. It will gradually continue to get worse and worse until she dies. Particularly to Alice where her intelligence was something she took a lot of pride in, this comes as a big blow. She’s not sure how to really deal with it or if she even wants to continue dealing with this. What can she do?

Alzheimer’s is definitely one of the tougher ailments out there for two real reasons. One is the lack of a cure right now. Yeah, medicine continues to go a long way and you can generally slow this down but as a rule of thumb once it goes to a certain point there’s not much that can work. There’s also still a lot of mystery around how it works but you can actually see the pathways between neurons get cut off and there is currently no way to restore them. So the best thing you can hope for is that you only lose memories that you don’t need but it’s a scary way to live.

The other difficult part which in a lot of ways is the worst part is that there is no real way to have prevented this from happening. When it’s genetic, you were pre determined to have a higher chance to get this when you were born. In some cases they’ll know right away so you can be a kid and know that it will happen to you once you reach a certain age. It’s definitely a tough situation to be in. So these are all the things that Alice has to deal with.

She works on leaving herself notes and lots of little tips to help her remember what she has to do but these don’t always help. Additionally long lengths of time will go by where to her it just feels like a day. One tough moment was when she lost her phone. She thought she lost it a day ago but 6 months had actually passed. It’s definitely easy to get depressed at that point. Everyone does their best to help her out through this period but to see someone slowly deteriorating like that is definitely tough.

So then what you’re wondering is…when does the film become fun? Well the answer is that it doesn’t and that’s the problem. Much like Alice, we have to watch the film’s entertainment value slowly deteriorating along with it. It seems to be a fairly realistic take on what Alzheimer’s is like so I can give the film that credit but at the same time it doesn’t make for a good film. It plays out like something you would read on the news where it’s a tough tragedy but you aren’t able to do anything about it so you just feel bad the whole time.

That’s exactly why I would have had the film give her some kind of a cure. It doesn’t have to go into the range of sci-fi, just say that she’s getting better because the condition stabilized. Maybe she lost the first 30 years of her life but she will remember things going forward for a while. It doesn’t have to be a 100% crystal perfect happy ending or anything like that but I think this would go a long way. The film opened the door for this a few different times with how Alzheimer’s doesn’t always result in 100% mental failure. There are degrees to it but ultimately the film went all the way.

As for the supporting characters, there’s not much for them to do here. The kids for the most part are understanding although one of them always seems rather harsh. They all know that Alice is having memory issues and yet she gives her a hard time about it. The main daughter who wants to work in theater is easily the most patient and does everything that she can in order to help. Alice’s husband is also solid there but since he has a job he’s just not able to be there for her quite as often and has to run off to Academia and move to a new location as well. At least before she went all the way gone, Alice was able to give one last speech in a big professional setting so that gave her one last big hurrah. This kept the film from going to the next level of being mean spirited. I was worried when the notes fell to the ground that she was not going to be able to give the speech at all which would have been pretty mean.

Overall, Still Alice is definitely an emotional film. I wouldn’t recommend it if your family has a history with Alzheimer’s since it will just cause extra stress in the meantime. I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re looking for a fun or entertaining film either. Ultimately there’s just not a whole lot here for you. It’s a film that just gets sadder the more you watch it and that’s tough. You can do sad films in a way where they are still solid but typically those will involve stories with some kind of hope or a fun journey in the meantime. This one just can’t do that because of the nature of the plot and so ultimately you are just doomed.

Overall 3/10

Brothers Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Uh oh, it’s time for one of those films where everyone makes so many mistakes that the film can’t possibly make a comeback. You always hope that maybe, just maybe the film is not going in the direction that you expected it to go but ultimately it does and all you can do is watch it happen in real time.

The film starts off by introducing us to two brothers, Sam and Tommy. They are very different people and contrast each other almost completely. Sam is super responsible and is a soldier who goes off into battle to make the world a better place. Tommy tends to be reckless and get drunk, the guy is just coming out of jail for robbery. Well, one day Sam heads off to war and doesn’t come back. He’s said to be dead and so his wife Grace is devastated. Tommy wants to do his best to step up an help out now but the problem is that he ends up falling for Grace. Is this his big chance to finally have her to himself?

So the first thing that completely obliterates the movie right out of the gate is the romance. Look, we all know these things from a young age thanks to the school of common sense. You don’t go after anyone who is dating family. Doesn’t matter if it’s the girlfriend of a sibling, cousin, parents, some third removed uncle, etc. They are completely off limits. I know this next part’s gonna hurt but bear with me on this. There is no time limit on this. Yessss, even if they break up at some point, you are not allowed to be the rebound. I’m afraid that this girl is out of your reach forever now.

You can cry it out for a little while, put some distance and make sure you don’t see this person for a while, etc. However you need to cope, just remember that this is a social rule of complete authority. Me personally, I don’t care much for a lot of social rules. I tend to think a lot of them are outdated but this is one that just makes sense ethically so yeah it still holds up. If you are in love with that person then you better be prepared to internalize that all the way to the grave. This also applies to friends as well by the way. It’s not quite as ironclad there but it’s still something to keep in mind. Don’t go after your friend’s girl either.

So then the question becomes, “If I’m extremely weak willed how do I resist making a move?” Well if you’re so weak willed that you can’t control yourself then obviously you have to move to another country so that you’re never in the same room together. Fortunately most people have at least basic self control so you should be fine. Unfortunately this movie doesn’t go in that direction. Tommy does end up getting together with Grace after they were both flirting for a while and then get drunk. Maybe…..mayyyyybe you shouldn’t be getting drunk with someone who is emotionally vulnerable at the time?

Make no mistake, Grace gets some of the blame to be sure but I’m putting most of this on Tommy. Simply put, it’s way more personal there since he is actually Sam’s brother. That will always carry a bit more weight since we’re talking direct family here. He never should have let things happen and the fact that they stopped afterwards is barely a silver lining. It still happened and permanently destroyed any trust that the relationship could have had for Sam and Grace. So there’s no coming back from that. The film is about Tommy becoming a better person and helping out but this undermines the whole plot.

Meanwhile it also hurts Grace a whole lot. If the film was going to play her up as in a different role where she wanted a new husband because there were bills to pay or she was going to be in debt now then that would still be terrible but at least it would be a plan and not a mistake. You just can’t make these kinds of mistakes so either way it’s a big loss for her. Finally you have Sam and hey…he’s the role model right? The guy you can count on in all situations to make the right decision? Well the film has to drag him through the mud as well.

After he’s captured and tortured for a while Sam is ultimately told to make the big choice. If he murders someone else in cold blood then he can escape and in that moment Sam puts his life above the other guy’s in order to escape. It’s just awful and a jaded look at how humans will ultimately make the wrong call when put under pressure. That’s a big no no in my book. For starters, you already know they’re going to murder and torture him some more after this so why even go out on their terms? Make a move for the gun or something and best case they shoot you in the head as a painless death. Your odds are much better at dying quickly this way.

Maybe you’ll somehow hit the 1 in a billion jackpot and make a comeback but what you don’t do is murder the guy. If we at least got a scene where Sam says he did it because he thought the guy was going to be tortured a lot more and wanted to put him out of his misery then that would at least be worth discussion. Misguided I would argue but there is a very strong and legitimate case to be made for that reasoning. Nah, Sam just did it on the hopes that he could go home.

Unfortunately he has a lot of PTSD after that and the whole affair with Grace and Tommy did not help matters out at all. Ultimately this leads to a fairly explosive climax. A lot is going on and the film’s certainly very loud but the whole thing got way too dramatic. None of the characters were particularly likable by the end. The film would have been better off being an emotional road to recovery type of film. Remove the scene with Grace and Tommy and instead focus on both of them respectfully working to move on and honor Sam’s memory. The real tragedy here is that the movie has a lot of groundwork for that kind of plot and you can see the potential. In the end it just didn’t happen.

There’s also more drama with Tommy’s father putting him down and saying a lot of hurtful things that he can’t take back. That plot could have been handled more tactfully I’d say. The writing is rather over reliant on language so the TV version really had its work cut out for it there. The pacing is okay at least. The film’s rather long but there is a lot to cover. Of course the war scenes tend to be rather violent so when the film isn’t being dramatic and dark you’re seeing the soldiers get tortured. It’s a little hard to enjoy the happy moments at home as a result. This contrast is intentional but it’s not doing the film any favors.

Overall, The moral of this film is really how one mistake can change a person’s entire life. That’s what happened to all 3 of the main characters. They did things that they can’t take back and will have to live with for the rest of their lives. The ending tries to offer a little hope but for the most part I would say that it is a sad ending. Things will never return to the way that they once were. That’s life of course but usually you hope for better circumstances.

Overall 2/10

The Book of Henry Review

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All right it’s time for a film that is definitely ambitious but I’m afraid that it fails on all accounts. When you see this film you immediately know that it’s not going places and I’m afraid that it never manages to make the comeback. This is a film that you definitely want to avoid. Instead of picking up this book to watch, read a classic book somewhere out there like Tim: Defender of Earth.

The movie starts by introducing us to Henry who is an absolute genius. The boy is still very young, yet he is an inventor, stock broker, and does whatever he has to. He is emotionally a little distant compared to other kids due to this but Henry has helped his family out a lot over the years. Unfortunately he has a big problem to get through now that won’t be easy. It turns out that his next door neighbor Glenn is actually a criminal who has been ruining his daughter Sheila’s life. Unfortunately he is the police chief and has a spotless record so nobody is doing anything about this and Sheila’s not really in a position to do anything either. Nobody except for Henry even suspects that something is going on since she rare has visible bruising. Henry decides that in order to save Sheila, he will have to murder Glenn.

Naturally this is a tough undertaking even for a genius like Henry. Additionally he has some medical issues going on as well and isn’t at peak strength. So he has to find a way to murder Glenn without leaving any evidence or causing his family trouble. His mother Susan enjoys playing a lot of shooters throughout the day and just having fun living life while his brother Peter is a normal kid and so he can’t keep up with these life and death stakes. In a way Henry is sort of on his own with this.

The kid genius characters can be a little hard to take seriously at times and I have to admit that this happens for this movie as well. It’s great to see Henry making his family rich and all but when he tries to be serious I just can’t take the scene quite as seriously. He’s a good kid though which is what counts even if he’s not a very interesting character. His brother Peter doesn’t get a lot to do here. He gets some development near the end as he tries his best to help out but his role in the film is effectively filler.

Susan gets a big role as the mother of course. It was a fresh change of pace to see the adult playing video games and having a good time. So often in these films you see the parents just doing work or reading a book but not having any kind of personality or hobbies. If there are hobbies it would be something like golf. So the video games was pretty fun. In a way her plot is about growing up though which goes against this and by the end you wonder if she will be having as much fun.

For obvious reasons within the film’s context she will be serious for a while but hopefully she still keeps up with gaming and all. The idea that it wouldn’t be a serious hobby is a bit dated if you ask me. Unfortunately she looks really bad near the end as the film makes one of the all time classic blunders. Let me put the scenario in this context. You are face to face with an unrepentant monster who is fully prepared to murder you. You have made it clear that his life will be over if he doesn’t murder you and both of you happen to be in the middle of nowhere in the dead of night with no witnesses.

Your only real options here are to murder him or be murdered. The film tries to present the argument for violence never being the way but does so in very sloppy fashion. By all logic Susan should have been obliterated in that scene. So I’d argue her whole climax is poorly written and makes her look like a really bad character. It’s a selfish decision first of all. If she gets bumped off there, then her kid is going to be in a lot of trouble and things will only get worse for Sheila.

It’s one thing if you’re being held at gunpoint to decide not to fight back and just be resigned to your death. It’s another if you have the opportunity to take the gun away and 3 hostages are behind you. The film definitely lost me here…well it lost me more than it already had. The climax is just really bad and there are many times where being a pacifist is straight up the wrong move. This is definitely one of those times.

I’d argue that in general getting drunk a lot at home to the point where the kids can predict it is irresponsible as well but I guess I won’t deduct as many points from her there. In theory at home should be the one place you can drink past your limit if that’s something you want to do. It doesn’t set up a great example, but that’s how it goes. Meanwhile her friend Sheila doesn’t really add much to the film either. Her scene with Henry just ends up being cringe and this felt like Peter where the film was adding a character to bloat the cast a bit even though she had nothing to do.

David gets a randomly rushed romance setup which makes no sense. You can’t really convince me that this would ever work as just seeing him should bring up bad memories for Susan every time. Then you have Christina who you just feel bad for the whole time. She really went through a lot and nobody was being particularly helpful for a while there. The fact that she hasn’t shut down completely and is able to keep up a nice attitude speaks volumes about her good character.

Then you have Glenn as the main villain who is basically just a character written to be super evil so there’s nothing to like there. You’re just rooting for his downfall the whole time. Still, it’s the subplot that destroys the film so in a way you could blame him for making the film no good. Without him I don’t think this would be a smash hit or anything but it would be considerably better. I would also change Henry’s ending a little bit as well and then the score would immediately be tripled. For a long while into the film I was expecting some kind of fakeout even if that would have been really hard to make convincing.

Overall, The Book of Henry is definitely a film that I would recommend staying away from. It ultimately fails by resorting to shock value with the dark Glenn plot as well as Henry’s plight. The film has so much drama and then the characters don’t react to it properly. Particularly with the first plot as there should have been a lot more urgency here and no getting cold feet at the end when you have the chance. The film isn’t always sure what kind of tone it wants to have and ultimately tends to make the wrong choices.

Overall 2/10

Five Nights at Freddy’s Review

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It’s time to finally dive into the online sensation that is Five Nights at Freddy’s! This is a franchise that really took the world by storm with just how ferocious and scary it was. Every minute had you really on the edge of your sear wondering what was going to happen next. Would it really translate well into the movie? Well, the movie is definitely at its best when the robots are running around. The whole time you know that the humans are toast but the film does definitely lose some ground when it comes to the origins of the robots and the human stuff. That should probably have been saved for a future film. Granted, I don’t know anything about the film except for the spooky jump scares so how much of the plot was spelled out in the first game is a little beyond me. It’s been fun learning more about the series but a lot of it is lore and guess work typically.

The movie starts off with one guy making a break for it, but the robots are too powerful and they ultimately take him down for the count. We’re then introduced to a guy named Mike who has just been fired from another job. He’s a hard worker but the guy gets too emotional and jumps to conclusions. He only has one option left, being a night guard at an abandoned pizzeria. It’s pretty shady, dangerous, etc but he needs the money. Mike’s little sister is going to be taken away by a family member who wants all the money and Mike’s best chance at convincing the judge that he has this under control is to have a steady job that pays the bills. So that’s the plan at least but can he survive this? At least the nearby police officer named Vanessa is really nice so he won’t be totally alone.

All right so like I said the best stuff is really what’s going on at the pizzeria. The place has a very ominous feel and when you see the robots running around you always know that danger is near. They especially look huge in person so you would probably be afraid to just be walking around them. One wrong punch and that’s it for you. Seriously the physical strength behind these guys is absolutely crazy. There’s also the fact that they shouldn’t be able to move so well that makes them rather spooky too. The constant turnover, etc.

By having the robots murder someone in the opening scene, you also know that they are ready to cause some danger right from the start as well. I enjoy the chase scenes here and things definitely get intense. That said, the robots don’t do quite as much as you may have wanted. A lot of time is spent on Mike and he’s not the most interesting main character. He’s not bad but the guy doesn’t stand out and isn’t always super reasonable.

For example, early on he turns down the night watchman job immediately even though at that point he already needed the money. Ultimately the situation gets even worse so he takes it on but I was surprised at how fiercely he declined. Then later on he has a tendency to blame Vanessa for keeping a lot of secrets from him when it’s still his fault for bringing Abby around at all. There’s no way you should ever be bringing a kid to an abandoned pizzeria with lots of giant robots. That’s not smart and we learn that it was for selfish reasons which is even worse.

Abby’s okay at best but she is a kid and so she tends to get in the way here. She’s not really sure of what’s going on until it’s too late and can be rather naive. Vanessa’s the best character from the humans but you still have to overlook a whole lot in order to straight up call her a good character. Trust me, she makes a lot of mistakes here and the fact that she never does anything about this situation is a demerit against her. I’m not buying into any mind control here, it was just fear and confused feelings that held her back. Neither of which are good enough excuses.

I did appreciate the evil aunt character who was transparently a big villain. Hiring a bunch of guys to attack Freddy’s pizzeria is one of the worst plans you can do but I liked her confidence. It also meant that we finally had some more villains around which is always a good thing. The film has a fairly small cast overall and you need more victims to show off the robots. The robots themselves are also very distinct. Ironically Freddy himself has one of the smaller roles though.

I’d argue the yellow duck robot had the biggest role. They all get their time to shine of course but since the place is called Freddy’s you just expect him to do a whole lot more. One of the scenes where he is seemingly there isn’t even him, it’s actually Golden Freddy and the film just offers you a little clue into this when the kid says “Not Freddy” during the scene. A lot of interesting setup for the sequel. Part of the fun in knowing a lot of random things about a franchise but not knowing a ton of specifics is that it makes the series even more intriguing. Not only do I not know what I don’t know, but the things I do know tend to be out of context. So that’s fun but the risk can sometimes be that I like the concept of something more than the execution.

For example there is one plot that brings down the movie quite a bit in how dark it is. That’s basically Mike’s backstory where his little brother was kidnapped while they were at a picnic and apparently there was a whole epidemic of a lot of kids being taken. This involves the robots but basically all of the kids were violently murdered. Not exactly what you were hoping to see here and the explanation for why the police never found them is a real stretch. I don’t see how they were never found and how the place was so well kept intact afterwards. Surely they would have emptied out the rooms, robots, etc. to make sure that every place was checked right?

The backstory felt a bit sloppy here. Throughout the film, Mike gets to relive the kidnapping as he tries to ask the kids what happened. The idea is that every night he has this dream, he gets closer to solving the mystery but it’s a very slow process. You get what they’re going for here but it does mean that these scenes can be rather boring without much in the way of plot development. I don’t need to see the kid getting kidnapped over and over again. Even the intro of the film is already rather creepy with the drawings and what’s happening. If you have to go into the origin though, I would have left it at the opening credits and made Mike unrelated to the whole plot. Just make him a random guard trying to survive. I think that would be way more interesting.

In terms of sheer violence, I wouldn’t say that the film is too excessive here. It tends to be more about what you don’t see or what nearly happens as opposed to what does. One character does get ripped in half which is probably the most violent scene here but even then it is done through shadows so you aren’t actually seeing what is going on here and I think that is a very important point to make. If it was on screen this film probably would have had to go up a rating after all.

Overall, Five Nights at Freddy’s succeeds whenever it is about the robots running around and causing trouble. The direction the film went in just didn’t tend to focus on its strengths though. Too much time is spent on Mike and his constant dreams. I liked the scene with introducing us to the guy giving Mike the job and how his tune really shifted upon hearing Mike’s last name. It’s over the top enough that it’s spooky while also being a bit campy which is a good atmosphere to have. For the first film it really should have been more about Mike being stuck in the pizzeria trying to survive the night against the robots though. Or if you wanted to go the more lore based route, have this be a very dense film with tons of theory crafting and the main character reading a bunch of books the whole time and trying to figure things out. In either case I think you’re in a better place. So ultimately if you don’t mind the darker elements, you should have a good time here. The robots are definitely spooky!

Overall 4/10

Rollerball (2002) Review

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It’s time to look at the remake to the original film that I just watched. Seeing both versions on the same day definitely makes for a pretty interesting marathon watch. It’s safe to say that the original is better in just about every way though. This one has a very “Try Hard” feel to it from the start. It doesn’t seem like the creators had a ton of confidence in the story or writing so right out of the gate they’re having to add all this extra stuff and it doesn’t work.

The film starts off by introducing us to Jonathan who likes doing extreme things. He even races on a skateboard kind of device through the streets which looks extremely dangerous the instant he gets on it. Definitely not a very responsible thing to do and when the cops show up at his door, he figures it’s time to finally get into Rollerball. It’s an extreme sport filled with lots of danger. Think of it like Rollerbading meets Hockey and you’re zooming around trying to score while people are driving motorcycles and all violence is allowed. Jonathan has become the world champ here but there is a dark conspiracy afoot. More and more people keep getting injured and dying as the ratings go higher. Is there any way out of this?

I will also say that the remake tries to spell things out for you more than the first. In the first movie we never heard the exact rules of the game but you could just piece it together while watching. In this one we literally have a whole scene for the announcer explaining the rules. It’s not a bad idea by any means but it does give you a glimpse into what this remake is like right from the jump. Everything is less nuanced. The villains are super evil, complete with evil laughter and long winded speeches. The opposing teams are all in the dark as well and when push comes to shove they are ready to help. The body count is much smaller and things are allowed to be happier.

Hey, I’m all for a happier ending but the whole film just doesn’t work. Part of the problem is that this film takes place in modern days instead of in a dystopia. In the latter it is easy to excuse a lot of thing like nobody caring about all of the deaths since humanity was cooked a long time ago. In this case it doesn’t make sense that they’re still getting TV deals and becoming a huge hit. The instant the first death hits you are looking at tons of lawsuits and negative media coverage. Yes, the sport could continue but it would be more of an indie thing and not the massive mainstream audience with top ratings that we see here.

You can cut a bit of slack for this being in a foreign country and the standards are a bit more lax but the more the film goes on, the less weight this holds. You also have this company owning the border guards, and being able to do whatever they want. The host even takes out a gun and threatens the local media companies in the middle of a crowd. Alexi doesn’t care who sees him and this works in a dystopia but not here. So the film should have kept this in the future. It doesn’t make sense to be in present day.

Then to make things edgier, we have a ton of fanservice throughout the movie. The film wants to show us how depraved the villains are, so they’re all living out their fantasies degrading everyone and the scenes have absolutely no point to being here. It’s clearly a desperate attempt for more ratings and I dare say that it won’t work on the average moviegoer. Even having girls playing in this league makes no real sense with how violent it is. Another thing that I could have turned a blind eye to in a dystopia.

In fact, let me put on my conspiracy hat here for a minute. I think there are only two reasons why they added women participants to the sport for this remake. The first is for…you guessed it, more fanservice since they can add random locker room scenes. The other is just so they could throw in a big romance which would give Jonathan more motivation for later. The romance is pretty bad though, one of those really rushed ones with no real depth behind it. I’m sure the writers had a chuckle with the last line in the film as a callback to the first conversation with Jonathan and Aurora but it’s not enough to salvage the whole sub plot.

The actual Rollerball scenes aren’t bad but even this is not as good as the original which is crazy. It’s a case of trying to do too much. Now we have ramps, big jumps, you have to throw the ball into a goal instead of jamming it in there and the stage is much smaller. To make up for that, there are less players on each team but the whole thing just feels more convoluted and I can’t think of any way where it is quite as good. At most I can admit that throwing the ball into the goal would be more practical in real life but that’s it. The rest of the changes just don’t make much sense to me unless making the arena smaller was a budgetary constraint.

The cast is not particularly inspiring. Jonathan was annoying in the intro. He’s a decent guy but starting off as a delinquent isn’t great and in the whole climax he doesn’t have much of a plan except to try and murder as many of the opponents as possible. Only problem is that he’s super outnumbered so he has to be saved a bunch of times. It doesn’t make him look very smart. I don’t have any real issues with Aurora. She does her best to help Jonathan and make sure that he’s doing well while she makes the sacrificial play since she has family that she can’t leave.

It takes Ridley a little while to find his moral compass so he’s not as good but at least once he is in danger then the guy starts to move. So I can appreciate that a bit. Sure, it’s selfish and all but I can picture a lot of people making that call. You want to hope for the best to make all of the money until you can’t deny it anymore. Alexi’s a fairly generic villain. Not much to talk about with that guy, he’s okay at best.

His right hand man Sanjay is actually really interesting though. I could have used more screentime for this guy. He’s more ambitious than Alexi and smarter as well. He really thought things through and had a great scene near the end even if it didn’t totally end the way you would have expected it to be. He’s surprisingly the best character in the movie.

As a side note, the whole climax is easily the best part of the film, starting from when Jonathan breaks a window and challenges the villains. Suddenly it was like Jason Bourne where he is taking everyone on and using every object imaginable. He even has a Captain America type moment where he blocks a bullet. Yeah the editing is so bad that it makes Taken 3 look impressive as there are literal frame cuts so we see Jonathan teleporting around the map but we can assume he’s that fast. I was glad that we were getting some real action outside of the arena at least.

Overall, This film had a ton of problems. They range all the way from narrative ones to pacing issues and just plain ole logistical issues. It was trying way too hard in all the wrong places and so that was a recipe for disaster. It can be an entertaining movie for a while but by the end the negatives just racked up way too high to be overcome. Ultimately you are way better watching the first film over the remake. Trust me, this is one that you will definitely want to avoid if you are given the choice.

Overall 4/10

Rollerball Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a dystopia film that also doubles as a sport title. A rather bizarre one at that but the whole movie has a bit of an odd vibe to it. Everyone is so far gone that nobody even realizes how crazy the whole setup is and it’s a grim reminder at how anything can seem normal after it has been the status quo for a while. So just be careful out there.

So the film takes place in the future where there is one sport that unites the world, Rollerball. Basically you have 2 teams of 10 players take the field and the goal is to grab the ball that is fired into the arena and jam it into the opponent’s goal area. Everyone wears rollerblades and is armed with diamond studded knuckles. 3 members of each team use motorcycles to drive around the place. There are penalties that are loosely enforced but you are still encouraged to use whatever means are necessary to get the ball and win. Victory is everything and so this is a sport where you can and will lose everything.

The main character here is Jonathan and he has become a global sensation. This becomes a problem for corporate because part of the point of the game is team spirit. The game must always be larger than the individual person and there seems to be some kind of conspiracy about keeping individuality away in general. So they want Jonathan to quit but he refuses and now corporate is going to play hard ball. They will cause him to leave the game even if it means through death. Can he defy these guys?

The first question you’ll probably have here is why anybody even plays the sport to begin with. Sure, competitiveness and adrenaline will cause you to do a lot of crazy things but playing in a sport where your only realistic outcome is either death or a gruesome injury? Maybe if the alternative is being homeless or something then that’s what you would do but the film doesn’t explore this desolate future too much outside of the game. We see that the rich people have nothing to do in general beyond the game though. They go to the forest and burn down trees for fun, otherwise they just laze around all day. It feels like the world has become empty and that’s a very interesting angle but a lot of it will end up having to be headcanon.

The other question is why are Jonathan’s teammates so slow on the uptake? We see that as early as the semi finals the other teams barely even care about the match anymore. They are focusing on just murdering all of the players. It makes sense as a strategy because then there is nobody to defend the goal. At one point 3 of them team up to execute Jonathan’s friend and it’s not like they’re hiding this fact. Jonathan retaliates by murdering one of them and so the cycle continues.

The problem is how oblivious the other players are. There’s one scene where we see one of the players reach for the ball as if this is a normal sport. He’s promptly thrown into the wiring and murdered. Did the guy not see what was happening all around him? Almost every player loses because they were oblivious like this. Look, if there are no penalties and there is unlimited time, then it makes sense that you have to take out the other team. At the very least you need to practice active self defense so you aren’t just taken out of the picture right away.

Jonathan did good in not bowing to corporate here. The whole thing seemed suspicious and so he decided to stay in the sport all the way to the end. He gave them ample opportunity to explain their position and they never did so at that point he just had to do his own thing. Jonathan was quick on the uptake which I was glad about. At one point they tell him to go in the Helicopter and he will be driven to the game so instead he takes the bus with the team. We all know that if he went into that Helicopter then he would have never been seen again.

His own fame helps protect him a little bit as the company decided not to just murder him in the streets since it would be a big controversy. I think the company may have been overthinking things though because with how brainless the masses were the whole time, they might have barely noticed. They seem to be worried that Jonathan will end up leading some kind of revolution or something but that doesn’t seem likely yet. In fact, their attempts are only making it way more possible since they are attracting so much attention.

So the actual world building was a bit underdeveloped I’d say but the game itself was interesting. While they don’t do a deep dive into the rules, you can quickly understand the fundamentals here. It can be annoying to see the games unfold with everyone acting like NPCs but the matches are handled well. You can see just how dark this future is without the film being downright exploitive about it. I thought the violence was handled well enough and didn’t go too far.

Overall, Rollerball is a decently good movie. I had a solid time with it but you do get the feeling that corporate got real sloppy on this one. It should have been a really easy win for them here but they got overconfident and in the end that was their downfall. They could have had the first girl be a little less obvious about following orders, instructed the wife to be more subtle, bumped Jonathan off with a decent cover story, etc. The ending ends up being satisfying either way though and it was the right way to wrap things up. While we don’t get all of the answers, it does help to keep in a good amount of mystery.

Overall 6/10

Comedy of Terrors Review

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This movie’s pretty funny at first but starts to just barely overstay its welcome by the end. Fortunately that’s when things wrap up or that could have been tricky. I’m always up for parody type titles like this though. You ca recognize how the scenes would have played out if it was serious and then enjoy how it goes instead. It just starts to run out of gags and so it replays them instead.

The movie introduces us to Trumbull who is a super corrupt guy who doesn’t like his wife Amaryllis and only married her so he will have control of the funeral company once her father dies. In the meantime business is slow so he has to work with his partner Felix to murder people for the coffins. It’s slow work though and in the meantime the amount of money that they owe is only getting larger. So at this point the only thing to do is bump off the landlord so this way they don’t have to pay rent. This guy will be tough though. His name is John and he’s known as a very persistent guy who never goes down to the point where he is a pseudo immortal. Can they overpower him?

In a way there’s a lot going on which is why the first half is really good but gets shaky later on. For example I enjoy the banter between Trumbull and Amaryllis. There’s just so much bad blood here and you get the feeling that Trumbull was probably a really bad actor when he asked for her hand in marriage. Somehow it worked out but now he doesn’t even pretend. She tries to get together with him several times and he can’t stand to even look at her. So he drinks and drinks to try and speed up his own demise. The script is fairly clever here and the burns can be funny. It’s the best dynamic in the movie.

Trumbull is also the most charismatic character in general so you always want him to be on screen. Unfortunately when Amaryllis is by herself, her only gag is about how bad her singing voice is so the film repeats this gag many different times. Her character is ultimately used only for fanservice aside from that so there just really isn’t much left for her. You’re rooting for her to get away from Trumbull but not to fall into a rebound romance or anything like that.

Meanwhile Felix is Trumbull’s hapless associate. He has always liked Amaryllis but of course that would be taboo. He talks a good game but always goes along with Trumbull’s orders and is a complete accomplice. I can’t say that I felt all that bad for him. He needed to stand up for himself more and so even if he might feel like a character who needs sympathy, I couldn’t muster much up for him. If you want a sympathetic character then John is your guy. He’s just minding his own business when the main characters keep trying to murder him.

John’s making an honest living and while he may be a stern landlord, he’s not doing anything illegal. You’re rooting for him every time the guy is able to resist the clutches of death. Again this is a gag that might be played up a little too much but I was glad that he never called it quits. This is not your average human and he even had some sword skills.

I can also say that the film has a fun climax with a whole lot of twists and turns. There’s a ton of activity within those final minutes where no character is particularly safe. It ends things in a very satisfying way that makes the rest of the adventure stay as fun as it was. If the ending was bad then it probably would have had a rough ripple effect on the rest of the movie. At the end of the day the ending will always be key for this reason.

The film’s cast is rather small but the film’s not super long or anything like that so it’s balanced pretty well. The character with the least to do was definitely the father since his only role was really to be completely out of his depth and not sure what was going on. You always felt bad for the daughter who saved him from being poisoned many times but he never understood so he blamed her for stealing the medicine. Probably should have found a way to get that cleared up at some point….

If there was something I could have added to the film aside from a larger variety of jokes, it would be to have had some kind of a big final fight with John. That could have been fun and you could have used the immortality for a lot of fun gags. Like they keep murdering him with more and more elaborate traps/weapons and he just keeps on getting up. I did like their extended fight of him trying to get out of the coffin and their sealing it up. Something like that but as a full on comedy fight.

Overall, Comedy of Terrors is a film that has fun with a lot of gags. It could have used more material to really make this a hit but in the end it was still good. I would safely be able to recommend this one. As long as you’re looking for some good humor then there is really a good amount to enjoy here. It’s also not a bait and switch by any means as the first seconds start you off with some gags right off the bat. They seriously wasted no time here which I thought was rather impressive. Although I am glad that they didn’t keep up with the super speed effects and comedy sounds as that would have been a little too much. The film excels with the subtle comedy where everyone is a bit off but they are all technically acting serious. I find that to be a lot more effective.

Overall 6/10

The Ninth Configuration Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

When you have a movie by the same guy as the Exorcist you already know that you’re going to be in for a rough time. It’s not exactly a vote of confidence right? Well, this one definitely manages to live up to the Exorcist’s legacy so you will want to stay far away from this one. It’s definitely not a movie that you will want to stick around for. You’ll have checked out at least 9 times during it!

The movie starts off with introducing us to a castle where the government has made a safe space for veterans who have gone crazy after their time in battle. Their PTSD and delusions act up in many different ways such as amnesia or complete changes in personality. The place allows the inmates to have the run of the place and they just have guards on the outside to make sure nobody escapes. This does seem rather dangerous and while the idea is probably that they’re all good people who have all just gone a little mad…that’s a pretty big risk. Hudson has been sent over here to be the new head of the place. He will be a doctor who can bring some order to this place but is he up to the job?

I think the most tragic part about this film is that the opening minutes aren’t terrible. We get a solid fakeout in the beginning where a doctor introduces himself to Hudson and they have a reasonable conversation only for the dialogue to start getting weirder and weirder. Well, it turns out that the “doctor” was another insane patient who just thought he was one and the guy gets taken away. It was actually a really solid gag and set things off on the right track. See, the opening of the film is actually more of a comedy with the whole place being rather wacky and silly.

Yeah you could say there are some dark undercurrents here since these people have lost their minds which is really tragic but the film is playing it off in this rather odd way. Like I mentioned, the patients are allowed to do whatever they want so there will be scenes where they storm into the room to talk about painting, movies, drama, etc. Their conversations end up going in circles and don’t really have a point to them. Of course that in itself is the point. It’s a bit on the dull side but it’s mostly inoffensive. I’d probably give the first half like a solid 4 or something like that.

Then things take a turn when the film decides to get real dark and edgy. It all leads up to one of the inmates managing to escape only he ends up going to a really seedy bar where a gang has full control of it. Evidently they have had control of this place for a very long time from how everyone is acting. It’s so close to the army base that you’d figure some soldiers would have gone there during breaks or something right? Maybe they just never noticed or didn’t even care since there wasn’t much reaction to the truck in the opening scene.

Unfortunately the whole exchange is the definition of a film killer. It lasts forever and has the villains getting away with too much. They’re up against a soldier whose mind has been fried for a long time so he’s not able to fight back at all and he’s horribly outnumbered anyway. After he’s tortured for a while, Hudson comes in and then the same thing happens to him. They have him debase himself for a while and by the time he gets up and begins his big Shonen Jump comeback, it’s just way too late to care.

When you have the hero losing, you have to make sure you don’t overplay your hand. You need him to start fighting back while there are still things to fight for and before the villains have had their full laughs. The film really mistimed this and had Hudson put up with way too much. The whole thing doesn’t work and I would argue that even accounting for all of the twists in the movie it doesn’t work. Hudson had shown some aggression in an earlier scene when someone was just grabbing an inmate. Here, way worse things are happening and he doesn’t take that same tone/approach?

He had a security guard be afraid of him during one of the earlier scenes because of how intense Hudson got. So the fact that this didn’t happen here was very disappointing. The film wanted to show just how evil the outside world could be but ended up falling into the issue of too much show rather than tell. If you cut the scene in half and have Hudson start fighting way earlier then it would have gone a long way. Unfortunately the film doesn’t stop there. Hudson’s overall climax after this is definitely real bad.

Ironically his moment is supposed to show the moment of human goodness that the inmate was looking for but i would argue that it doesn’t work. It’s misguided at best and ultimately is never the way to go. There are much better ways to prove that. In fact, fighting off a bunch of villains to save your friend would already be a rather solid moment if you ask me. Choosing a certain method to shock the guy back into reality is definitely not what I would choose. So while the film goes for a happy ending approach in the end, it ended up being more on the sad side if you ask me. There was a whole lot of damage done to the characters here and by the end they’ve lost at least as much as they have gained, if not more.

So far films about insane asylums don’t tend to have a good track record. They tend to be rather crazy the whole time with a whole lot of issues. Either the inmates start to get mistreated all the time or they turn evil and start murdering people. I’m still waiting for a wholesome adventure where the inmates are all cured and the whole process is a lot of fun rather than it being all dark and dreary. The odds of this likely won’t be great though because to an extent it does go against the whole point of taking place in an asylum.

Overall, There are some pretty solid plot twists here that end up getting overshadowed by the film’s failings. Hudson’s character was handled well aside from the bar scene and the gag at the beginning that I mentioned was really good. In general the writing and dialogue were reasonable in the first half. Keeping everyone in the asylum would have been the film’s best bet. I don’t think there was going to be many easy ways to fight off the fact that the film could be rather boring but trying to go the edgy approach really didn’t work. So in the end I would say to definitely give this one a skip.

Overall 0/10

Umma Review

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It’s time for a horror film that I would actually say beats the average one. It’s still not particularly good but its main downside is that it’s boring as opposed to being bad. Not a whole lot happens here and so in that way it avoids some of the usual horror pitfalls but what’s the point of ducking those if you’re not going to do much to increase your score with that extra time?

The film starts with Amanda recalling being electrocuted which gives her nightmares. In the present, she lives in a very remote area where she only really see her daughter Chrissy and the guy who transports her honey, Danny. Amanda has cut off ties with the outside world and also can no longer be near electricity. Due to the traumas of her past, it completely spooks her and makes her sick. Unfortunately this has had a rough effect on her daughter who just wants to be able to lead a normal life and make friends. It gets worse when the ghost of Amanda’s abusive mother shows up to haunt them. Can Amanda fight her off?

Now I will say that Amanda gets off a little easy here because most ghosts like the Grudge show up to start murdering everyone with reckless abandon. That doesn’t happen here, there are actually 0 murders throughout the whole movie which might be a first. It’s extremely rare and so there isn’t even a lot of violence in this movie. The electrocuting scenes are definitely on the disturbing side but are mainly off screen and you just hear what happens. There’s also a bird that gets stomped which at least was all a vision and didn’t really happening. Still unnecessary though.

There are a ton of jump scares here but without anything to actually be scary…it’s not all that intense. So this is really a drama film first and foremost with Amanda not being able to let go of the past. I don’t blame her for being traumatized after all of that though. Her best move would really be to let Chrissy go to the school that she wants and just abandon the bee keeping business since she was never all that into it anyway. That would be the best of both worlds for all parties involved.

Amanda says some hurtful things at one point but she was being possessed so you can let it slide a little bit. My main problem with her is by the ending. Ultimately the film is going for a classic message of letting bygones be bygones which is good of course but I don’t think you need to go as far as to have a ceremony and bow to the grave to help the spirit pass on. Ultimately Amanda’s mother was a bad person straight up and doesn’t need to get any respect by the end. There’s no indication that she ever changed her ways and after death it is far too late.

Meanwhile Chrissy was a solid enough character. The whole situation was pretty tough on her with having to do her best without any friends for so long. It’s lucky for her that River ended up coming along so at least she would have someone to talk to. Chrissy was determined to get out there and change things so she had the right attitude here. I think she’ll go far and the bullying won’t stop her this time. Yeah the film brings up that she was bullied a lot in the past which was rather random and I feel like it didn’t really add anything to the film but I suppose it does show how she’s changed now and will be able to fight a lot harder than before.

Then there is River who at first seemed like she was going to be a rather petty character but she ended up being supportive. She helped talk Chrissy through the situation and staying firm in her resolve to go to College. Meanwhile Danny helped the main characters make a lot of money and seemed like a very reasonable guy. It seemed like he was a good friend for all of those years and while Chrissy was mad at him for holding back on the secrets, he really made the right/respectful calls in all instances.

So the family drama stuff wasn’t bad but it was a bit on the uneventful side. I think you would need more characters to really pull it off and probably ditch the horror aspect. This way you just focus on that and we could have Chrissy going through more of an internal debate on if she should stay with the mother or strike out on her own. I would remove Amanda’s tragic backstory as well so it’s not that she’s in this situation because she’s afraid but that she did it to stop the bullying and keep Chrissy safe. The downside could be that she lost all of her friends as a result which will be what makes Chrissy feel guilty about leaving.

At least to me that would be the best way to do it. In general the writing’s not bad and the film is short so it goes by quickly. The horror stuff for the most part just doesn’t land so I don’t expect you will find this film even remotely scary. The transitions might even just make you laugh. One of the jump scares is that we suddenly cut to a bunch of bees eating some honey and then we go back to Amanda. It was one of the most abrupt transitions that I’ve seen in a while and it was just so random.

Overall, The biggest takeaway here is probably that taking care of bees is a really tough gig. Me personally? I don’t think I would have a great time with it. I’m not a big fan of bees as it is and having them buzzing around 24/7 would be really rough. It sounds like the money was good but that still wouldn’t be worth it. If you’re up for a drama film then this is a reasonable one to check out. It’s not the most eventful title on the block but it’s fairly inoffensive. I don’t think you’ll have any real problems with it so if you end up getting attached to the characters that could even raise it up a star or 2.

Overall 5/10

Blithe Spirit Review

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It’s time for a fairly wacky comedy film from back in the day. This one definitely goes crazy with the ghosts and all but the main character can be fairly annoying. The ending is funny but I would say the film isn’t always able to keep up the momentum. I think it needed to either lean into the slapstick/surreal aspect of the film or have the main character take things a bit more seriously.

So the film starts off with Charles inviting a psychic over to hold one of those trance sessions. He doesn’t actually believe in this kind of stuff but he figures it’ll be good material for a book that he’s working on. After a long and boring sequence of chanting without much actually happening, Arcati leaves and things are back to normal. Charles’ wife Ruth had a good time at least but her day turns upside down when Charles’ ex wife Elvira shows up from the dead. It looks like the seance actually worked and Elvira does not want to leave now. She wants Charles to be all hers and the annoying pat is that he loves the attention. So Ruth has to try and destroy Elvira once and for all.

Destroying a ghost is a very difficult task. Depending on the universe where this is happening, it can be borderline impossible. Still, Ruth is very focused on this objective and even seeks out Arcati, but unfortunately the old lady doesn’t know what to do about this. It’s pretty tragic because she does have real abilities but she really doesn’t have any practical knowledge of the occult. Arcati is also one of the weakest parts of the film in general.

We get quite a few scenes of her trying different tricks and spells to remove Elvira but the problem is that each one takes way too long. Rather than be a fun gag, the film overplays its hand by a considerable amount. The scenes drag on and on and on for such a long period of time. I wouldn’t say that they were all that funny initially but by the end they are more on the unbearable side. That’s a bit dramatic but these scenes do keep the film from being higher.

Additionally I thought Charles was a very poor character. Look, for starters you shouldn’t go on the rebound. After his wife Elvira died, he should have just kept to himself and enjoyed life. This film is a great example of why that is. When she shows up again, he seems to still be in love with her to the point where he doesn’t mind making his current wife feel bad. He continues having in jokes with Elvira and generally being a pest whenever she wants to ask something. Ruth thinks he is crazy for a while because Charles explains things in the worst way possible.

He seems to constantly forget that Ruth can’t hear Elvira and just starts talking. After the second or third time you would think that the result would be patently obvious right? Well, I suppose it was obvious to everyone except Charles. Then even without all of that, he needs to remember that Ruth is his wife now. Sure, he can be polite and cordial to Elvira but not at the expense of Ruth. That’s where the film really trips up because you have absolutely no sympathy for the guy. It’s why the ending works very well at least.

As for Elvira, she’s not the nicest character anyway. She’s constantly insulting Charles. He must have been extremely attracted to her looks because otherwise she treats him like trash over and over again. The poor guy can never even stand up for himself, he’s just constantly being demolished. Also we find out that she cheated on him back in the day and apparently he did the same thing. So both characters are morally bankrupt. That’s just great…..

The only reasonable character here is Ruth. I appreciate that she is fighting hard for her man and trying to destroy Elvira. I feel like she is put through the most the whole time and really has to struggle to stay ahead. by the end she is fed up but that makes sense. If anything Charles really just didn’t deserve her the whole time particularly now that we know about his past. A good relationship needs trust and in this case that just wasn’t there. I do appreciate this film really emphasizing the important or avoiding the rebounds or things can get complicated.

At its best the film gives you some good laughs but it just doesn’t have as many comedic scenes as you would expect. The writing is good but the film is actually playing things rather straight instead of embracing how crazy it is. I don’t really understand the direction they were trying to take the film in. It’s a little too low key when this is a goldmine for different scenarios. Particularly since one scene showed that Elvira can actually make contact with the physical world. That sets up a ton of pranks and different things she can do which would have taken the battle to another level. The film would have to make sure it doesn’t get too mean spirited of course but it is absolutely possible all the way.

Overall, The Blithe Spirit is a film that had a good concept but the execution really missed the mark. I would say the biggest strike against it was certainly the long scenes with the witchcraft trying to defeat the spirits. Every time it would fail and the scenes were just too dragged out. The comedic shenanigans with the ghosts were the best part but the movie needed to commit more. Have them actually fight each other or something. If Charles had been a more likable main character then that would have helped out a whole lot. Instead there is nobody to root for here except for Ruth and there’s not a whole lot that she can do here. For now I would say to skip this one and wait for a better ghost film.

Overall 5/10