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Journey to the Seventh Planet Review

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It’s time for a film that mixed in the themes of sci-fi with temptation and the importance of willpower. You may think that you don’t need any willpower in space because you’ll just be with your friends but what if you run into aliens? The characters didn’t think about that and so unfortunately you’ve got yourself a very weak group right here. All they do is hold each other back which is definitely not good since negative peer pressure isn’t exactly helping things. The film has an interesting idea and reminds me of Star Trek a lot. That being said, I didn’t think it succeeded nearly as well as it could have thanks to the characters not being so good. That really makes a big difference in the end.

The film starts off by introducing us to the main crew as they are heading into space to check out the 7th planet. Unfortunately they all black out at the same time. When they wake up, a whole lot of time has passed but hey they have made it to their destination. Instead of a dead planet though, they’re on a pretty nice one that even has houses and stuff. It’s all really weird but they start investigating. The weirdest thing? Girls from their past have started to show up. It’s hard to say how they arrived in space before them but the researchers are pretty hyped. Can they keep their head focused on the task at hand though?

Okay so naturally this is already looking bad for the scientists but it gets worse. Early on they are able to figure out that obviously the girls are not real. Some kind of entity is using their memories to get to them and make sure they either don’t leave the planet or that they take it with them. This should make the whole thing fail right off the bat but instead they are just so happy to see these ladies around that they ignore their senses the whole time. Talk about acting crazy right? It’s a really bad look for them but also I didn’t like that the entity doesn’t have much of a plan for a while there.

Towards the very and I mean very end of the movie the villain finally starts some sabotage attempts and everything but it’s way too little too late. Taking them all out early on would have been super easy. The film has a nice twist ending at least but for the most part you’re just wondering what the point of all this is. If you have as much power as the entity and it clearly had a ton, then you should just take the humans out. They all should be getting bumped off with how weak willed they are. Turn this into the first space based horror film as the girls separate the guys and then take them down.

Yes I know there have been other space based horror films but none quite like this. It would really be about the characters being unable to confront their past and fears so they are easily overpowered. Then just have one or two characters who don’t fall into the trap and actually stand by their guns. That would definitely be the best way to handle this. This gets worse when you realize that the entity actually has creatures and stuff at the ready but doesn’t bring them out until later on. I know the main plan was to take control of the human bodies and use them but why not do that right from the start?

The entity clearly has enough power to easily knock everyone out while they were on the spaceship and they were apparently knocked out for a very long time. If you can do that from long range then you can probably do that from short range as well right? So just do it again and keep doing it as long as you need to in order to take over the body. Now it’s possible there is some restriction that the film mentions about his needing to be right next to the victim or to be in contact for this to work. I don’t think so but throwing that out there in case I’ve forgotten something but even then, knocking them out first makes the most sense.

Ah well, while the film may not be super exciting or action packed, I still enjoyed the writing. It has that old school dialogue that I always tend to enjoy and of course the pacing is solid. It’s fast and goes by real quickly. You definitely aren’t wasting any time here and even if I didn’t think the film was all that good, I like the vibes. The idea of going to a planet where you have to literally face off against your memories is interesting. I think a better film could easily do wonders with this kind of premise. Unfortunately it just ended up being wasted here. So you can watch it to think about the premise or skip it, it’s really on the fence.

Overall, Journey to the Seventh Planet is not the most exciting film. It would have been nice if the characters could have had a bit more agency here and not just fallen for their desires the whole time. After a ton of in fighting and everything they eventually get their act together but it took too long and by all rights they should have been dead by then. So I’m definitely massively skeptical about the whole thing. I was entertained at least but yeah this could have been more dynamic. Have the girls start bumping the guys off or something to increase the drama like I mentioned earlier. Now that would have been interesting. Instead you are just reminded how the average guy in these old films was super desperate and seeing a girl was enough to shake him to the core. They are definitely not ready for deep space and any tough alien would immediately be taking them down for the count. They were literally not built for this.

Overall 5/10

From Here to Eternity Review

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It’s time for a very dramatic war film. Get ready for a lot of unlikable characters running around. It’s a film that will keep you engaged the whole time to be sure but I do think it could have used a few boosts to really make it a very solid title. Maybe more war scenes since surprisingly that doesn’t actually happen until the very end of the film. Most of it is really just setup and a bunch of hazing.

The movie kicks off with Prewitt being transferred over to a new war base. He was unsatisfied at the last posting because he didn’t get the promotion that he felt was deserved. Warden’s job is to see to it that Prewitt joins the army’s boxing club because otherwise his boss will be upset. Prewitt refuses due to an incident that happened back when he was a boxer so now he has to try and stay strong while the army attempts to bully him into submission. Will he be able to stick to his guns or will the army break him? That is really the core plot of the movie and that seems to happen a lot in these titles. Half the time you feel like if these army guys are your allies then you’re already in hot water.

The movie does have a few subplots though but they don’t do much to help the movie. For starters we have Warden getting into an affair with his boss’s wife. Huge fatal mistake right there. As I’ve always said there is no real coming back from cheating and when the Warden made a conscientious effort to get to her, he was already doomed. It’s a shame because he had a lot of entertaining scenes otherwise. He makes for a pretty solid boss. Certainly a corrupt one, but a guy who is very crafty and careful with his wording. Warden knows how to manipulate people and how to stay safe amidst all of the inter army politics.

He prides himself on being a very smart guy so it’s a shame that he makes such a dumb mistake. Ultimately this subplot persists throughout most of the movie until some stuff happens in the climax and he decides to switch goals. Not due to any kind of redemption arc though so his personality hasn’t gotten any better. He’s still not someone you can possibly root for. Naturally the boss’s wife is also pretty bad in having her affairs. Everyone is cheating on someone in this film and it plays a big part in why all of the romances are so weak.

Prewitt has a romance going on too but it’s also not a great one. He falls in love with one of the girls at the club he visits and doesn’t seem to understand that it’s their job to act nice with everyone. He immediately gets super possessive and starts to cause a lot of trouble with everyone. The guy can’t hold his drinks super well and gets really annoying for large parts of the film. Ultimately when the chips are down he doesn’t listen to the girl and runs off which is always a trend in these things.

He only has one friend in the army who has his back, Maggio. Unfortunately Maggio is even worse at holding his liquor and picks a bunch of fights as well. Ultimately this doesn’t end well for the guy which is unfortunate. The film is definitely filled with quite a few tragedies as all of the characters tend to end things off worse than how they started. Most of this is because of drinks or generally just not being great people though.

In general the film’s writing is good. When you take away the individual characters for a moment, you’ve got a strong film about trying to resist everyone forcing you into a path you don’t want to follow. It’s incredibly difficult when everyone is against you and there is all kinds of corruption within the ranks. I do think it would be enough to completely turn you against the army and try to get out of there. If this kind of thing happened to enough folks there would be so many mutiny attempts and the army would really go crazy. It’s always unfortunate to see so many people within the film be okay with it though.

These are theoretically the heroes we’re supposed to be rooting for when the villains attack but it’s hard to do so when you see how cruel they are. This leads to vigilante justice as the film goes on which is really shown to be the only effective way to stop them. You basically have to root for Prewitt because otherwise nothing is going to get done. The ending feels a bit unnecessary as the lead didn’t think things through but the final fight was on point. Felt like a grim ending that happened because it was planned out (Or I guess that’s how it happened in real life perhaps) but the setup in the film really didn’t make any kind of sense. Like going out to try and prove something that didn’t need proving.

Ultimately this is a movie that is really just held back by the characters. They all have significant flaws which keeps them from being likable. Any character who seems nice enough quickly has a film ending flaw before the adventure is over. Whether it be getting drunk the whole time, having a quick temper, not being very smart, cheating, etc. The idea is probably to be as realistic as possible which can be a depressing thought in itself. The film is based on true events to an extent so I was mixed on whether I would give this one a score or not. Ultimately it was about a 50/50 since a lot of events were true but it seems like the names were switched and a bunch of extra stuff was added. Might as well throw it in.

Overall, The movie had some good ideas but ultimately I would have to give it a thumbs down. After a point having a cast filled with unlikable characters will often bring down the film as a whole. The whole thing feels pretty unfair to the main character the whole time and things never really went well for him. Again you’d feel sorrier for him if he was more likable but that’s how it goes. If you really enjoy seeing the inner workings of an army base and what the day to day could look like then you should have a good time here but you can definitely do a lot better with these old war films.

Overall 4/10

Killers from Space Review

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It’s time for an alien invasion by creatures with fairly large googly eyes. They’re definitely the kind of fighters that you don’t want to take for granted. Honestly their designs are pretty funny but it’s not like they appear a ton so you’re fine. At its core this is a pretty campy sci-fi film from ages ago on what could happen if aliens showed up. With the right blend of humor and danger, I would say that the film actually ages pretty well. You are unlikely to forget about the aliens at least.

The film starts with Dr. Martin getting into a bad accident and being in a huge crash. He should have been destroyed but he manages to get back up with only one injury. A big scar. So he makes it back home but is starting to act rather odd. He seems to think that aliens are among us and the only way to stop them is by turning off the power which will cause their base to overload and blow up. Of course, doing such a thing across the country is rather drastic and everyone already thinks he is crazy. He will have to find some way to overpower everyone but what if…..what if he really is crazy?

The film is only a little over an hour so it goes by quickly but that’s a solid length for this kind of film. I like to think of it as more of a story prompt than anything else. What if aliens did invade? What if you were the only one who knew about it? Well most likely you would be called a conspiracy theorist at this point and everyone would be taking shots at you. You’d probably never make it to a position where you could stop them. If anything, you might get irritated enough where you root for them to destroy humanity for not heeding your words. I would not rule that possibility out, that’s for sure. Now since this film is from back in the old days that does help since there aren’t cameras and the usual tech out to stop you. Additionally, Martin is already a fairly well regarded scientist who has a lot of access to just about everything so that really gives him a leg up here. If he was just anyone then he would not have gone as far as he could.

I do think Martin does a really bad job of convincing everyone though. He launches into the whole story about being abducted by aliens and everything. Who would believe that though? If he’s honest with himself then he wouldn’t believe them either because there’s just not enough proof. Yes, we see the alien eyes appear randomly throughout the movie and he can see them but nobody else can. So all he is doing here is making himself look crazy and unfortunately he is succeeding.

If he was smart, Martin would have done one of two things. One would be to make something up about the power grid to explain why he had to turn it off for a minute or two. The thing is, it only needs to be turned off for that short amount of time which is not really a big ask. He’s smart enough where he should be able to trick them into this. Alternately, just say you need to see the lab again and while you’re in there, shut it off quickly. In the film we see that the way to do this is by pulling the lever down and is just takes an instant. It would be easy to do this while everyone is shocked.

Instead we do get to see him punch someone out when they attempt to stop him so that was still fun. Ultimately Martin was very driven by his passion to stop the aliens and I can appreciate that. He just made a lot more work for himself over here which seems to happen a lot in these old films. People talk about aliens and monsters without thinking for even an instant that maybe this is a super bad idea because it sounds crazy.

Even the people who knew Martin the best could not defend him. The main heroine buys into the explanation that he is just overworked and everything. Then his best friend also thinks the whole thing is incredible and couldn’t possibly be happening. So yes, Martin had no other real options than to play hero by himself. I would have liked to have had some more screen time with the aliens though.

Why weren’t they prepared for this? We see their eyes at various points and all and it seemed like they could communicate to Martin but maybe they couldn’t hear what was happening? Because otherwise they should have abandoned the base in the time it took Martin to drive over there to shut them down. All of the aliens were connected to the same spot as well? That’s very poor logistical training on their part. You want to scatter and make it so there are lots of targets for the heroes. If you do that, then you are still ready for another round instead of being absolutely dominated the whole time.

Overall, Killers from Space is a pretty fun film. It does feel like the aliens played their part sloppily in order for the humans to have a chance though. Realistically, the humans should have gotten absolutely destroyed here. The villains had invisibility and the element of surprise on their side. After reviving Martin and using him for their own ends, they should have finished him off. Allowing him to make a comeback to save Earth was their big downfall. I suppose it’s a feel good message about not underestimating humanity though. I can respect that. It’s a wholesome ending and all. It just felt like humanity was completely outgunned the whole time. If you’re into sci-fi I would definitely recommend the film though. Even just thinking about the premise is a fun thought exercise.

Overall 7/10

Escape Plan 2: Hades Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

All right it’s time for the next big thriller adventure with Ray and his security setup. I thought the first film was definitely a bit iffy on the premise of Ray getting captured so this one makes a lot more sense in that regard. The story actually thinks of a good reason to get Ray in there. For the most part it’s really just a redo of the first film in a lot of ways. The lower budget does allow them to make the prison a bit more sci-fi this time though which is nice.

The main character here is really Shu this time. He works for Ray and is really good at his job. He doesn’t get fired like another guy who messed up by trusting his computers too much. Unfortunately Shu gets roped into some family drama and is attacked by a bunch of thugs which leads him to being trapped inside of Hades. Hades is one of the most secure prisons of all time and appears to be run by the same villains as in the first film. This naturally puts Ray in a very dicey spot because now he has to find a way to get in there and save Shu. The only way…might be to let himself get captured. Never my favorite plan but if you have to do it, at least this is a slightly more reasonable approach.

That said, I still don’t like the plan for a variety of reasons. The biggest one is that the most likely outcome of this is that Ray will be murdered. When you enter a space like this that is run by villains who all want to murder Ray, there is no other real outcome here. He is going to be absolutely dominated right out of the gate. The whole film’s premise really only sticks if the villains keep Ray alive out of their misplaced pride in how he can never escape. This naturally never works but in a more realistic film, they would just murder him as soon as he’s in there. Especially since one of his workers is already there so they may team up.

Still, Ray handles himself as well as possible. He’s already looking a bit older in this one (Although not nearly as old as in the third film) but he can still fight when needed. He gets a quick action scene with his partner DeRosa early on which was really solid. DeRosa is a new character here who really comes in handy. He’s been in the game for a very long time and has evidently helped Ray in the past. He’s another tough guy who beats up everyone in his way. These films have no shortages of these kinds of characters. He’s not quite up to par with the guy from the first film but he will suffice. I always enjoyed seeing the meanwhile scenes away from the jail with DeRosa doing his thing.

As for Shu though, he’s a solid main character. He puts up with a lot of torture and beatings at the jail in order to find his way out but also to help his cousin. Shu is a strong fighter and does well in the prison’s underground tournament bracket. If the fights were the only thing he would have to deal with then I think he would have gotten out just fine. Of course, you can’t expect anything to be all that fair down here. The warden certainly doesn’t appreciate this guy and Shu has a massive target on his back since his cousin was already the main person in harm’s way before. Even just helping him doesn’t do wonders for Shu’s social cred.

Again you do have to suspend some disbelief throughout the film for how the heroes learn about the exits and such. They memorize guard walking patterns, steal objects, etc. It all relies on their making some friends here and all of the guards being inept enough not to notice them taking things. I also question how exact the patterns would really be for any company. What about people cutting out early to smoke, staying a bit late, walking a different route, etc. The fact that everyone does things the same way all the time is super unrealistic to me because I feel like that basically never happens in any job. Whether it be public or private, people tend to have a lot of variance in what they do.

You could say that the jail warden just made sure people would stick to the script every time but that would make him not look so good. If anything a jail is the exact place where you would want extra variance the whole time. You want to throw the opponent off your trail and everything. So I’m skeptical but I always am for films like this one. The important thing is that you’re kept entertained though and the film did pull that off. So it’s still positive overall.

I take some points away for the general grit and violence of the film though. It’s nothing terrible or anything like that but still enough to be noticeable. it’s pretty much inevitable for any of these films where the heroes are stuck in a prison because the whole point is to show off how cruel and tough the warden is. It’s harder to show that without adding a bunch of scenes where the warden is dominating right?

Overall, Escape Plan 2 is a decent movie. I won’t call it great or anything though. It definitely does feel like it’s just copying the first film to a large extent. I really enjoyed the martial art fight scenes but the general atmosphere of the jail wasn’t great. Naturally the characters are getting beaten up and effectively tortured the whole time without any real way out. It’s definitely a real dark place to be in and the more you think about it, the rougher it would get. If you’re looking for a random action film to pass some of the time by though, you can’t really go wrong with this one.

Overall 6/10

Marty Review

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Uh oh, it’s time for a romance film that desperately tries to get you to sympathize with the main character but it doesn’t work. I consider myself a bit of an expert when it comes to the world of romance so I am here to shatter the delusions. I’ve seen hundreds of hours of debate topics and insights into that part of life and I can tell you that this isn’t it. Marty himself ends up bringing down the film somewhat.

All right so we’re introduced to a guy in his 30s who has been having a really hard time finding anybody to be with him. The poor guy is just down on his luck at this point but his mother keeps trying to help him find somebody. His friends aren’t the most helpful either as they’re all single and miserable too. Their days usually consist of them sabotaging each other’s efforts and just being rather sad influences. Still, there’s nothing else to do but one day at one of those meet and greet events he meets a lady named Clara. She was ditched by the guy she came with and he feels bad for her. Along the way he realizes that she is a nice girl. Can this be the one for him?

Okay so there’s a lot of issues here and just about all of them come from Marty’s side. First off, all of the peer pressure stuff is really just an excuse. The fact that he allows himself to constantly go down the wrong paths just because his friends are doing that is absolutely crazy. What happened to taking accountability for yourself? Even to the very end he makes this mistake such as when he doesn’t call Clara because he felt ashamed. The reason this is a big deal is because it’s at the very end of the film. He should have learned his lesson early on but didn’t. To be honest, Clara should have just rejected him and that’s how the film ends.

It brings another plot element into the mix which is that it feels like they’re both settling for each other. Marty doesn’t actually think she’s super attractive. He thinks she is really nice and someone that he can finally talk to which is why he likes her but the fact that he refers to her as someone who is not very attractive is absolutely crazy. Looks aren’t everything in a relationship to put it mildly. However, you do need a high level of physical attractiveness to your partner at the outset. As you both get older that becomes less important but if you start off like this it’ll create more problems. More temptations on both sides and a lot of future issues that snowball from there.

If the film made it clear that he thought she was really attractive and had to hide this for fear of his friends that would be another story. He would still look horrible of course but at least it can work. Just meeting on the personality bit? That could be fine as well if he didn’t constantly say how he had to settle because he was getting older and she felt the same way. You can’t have a healthy relationship if you settle. That’s why there are so many problems out in the world. If the person you’re actually in love with is unavailable then hey that’s tough but instead of settling you should just focus on other hobbies.

The film doesn’t give you much reason for Clara to like Marty either except…she was desperate. The red flags in this relationship continue to grow larger and larger. She just wants to find someone so people can get off her back. Hey, I’m pulling for things to go well for them but it’s not a romance that you could easily root for in this film. Not at all, in fact it just makes this a weak romance. Since the romance is such a large part of the film that hurts as well. If we had a scene of Marty throwing his friends away early on that would have been great. He needed to stand his ground and show that he really cared for Clara. Waiting for the final scene was not a great idea.

Clara also puts up with too much here. She was fully within her rights to reject Marty’s first advance. He was moving a little too quickly and I didn’t think he handled that too well. It was a lot of pressure for her too and he wasn’t very aware of the stress she was under. Another rocky part to their relationship there. I’m glad that she stayed strong though and didn’t give in to the pressure there. She had more willpower than he did to be honest.

I’m afraid the side characters were not immune either. Marty’s aunt is super annoying the whole time as she tries to poison his mother against him. She says how Marty will ditch her and everything. Why should the mother listen to any of this? She’s the one who has been trying to have Marty find a girl and all of a sudden she does a 180 because someone told her to? That was absolutely crazy and completely destroyed both characters. It was very disappointing to have Marty’s Mom bad mouthing Clara as well. That feels like something that would be hard to repair afterwards.

Marty’s so called best friend was also no help and didn’t do anything to encourage the relationship either. Basically the film is a cautionary tale about why you should avoid hanging out with fake friends. Rather than encourage, they will do everything in their power to get in your way and undermine your efforts. Better to go it alone than to risk a social network that will not be beneficial to you. Just about every character in the film is super toxic.

Overall, Marty is a film that’s supposed to be a fun underdog story for a guy who finally finds his girl. The problem is that the message gets real muddy with how everyone is settling and this isn’t exactly true love. “True Love” may be a term that people shy away from but that’s the only kind of love that really counts. Without that, a relationship just isn’t going to go the distance. Don’t be like Marty, things won’t often end quite like this film’s adventure. If you try for every girl around before you eventually settle, it just makes you look desperate and then you will really lose out.

Overall 4/10

The Invisible Man’s Revenge Review

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It’s time for another Invisible Man film. This one definitely switches things up a little bit but the films usually do that anyway. They tend to either switch main characters or take place in a completely new timeline. Either way this one is a good bit of fun although I would also say that it is very campy. Everyone tends to make the worst decisions possible and you either find that funny and endearing or you’ll just get annoyed the whole time.

The film starts off with Robert murdering a bunch of people and heading to the rich Herrick estate. See, he was originally supposed to split the riches 3 ways with that couple but they left him for dead and ran off. Well he’s caught up to them now but the guy isn’t very smart so they poison his food/drink and knock him out. Their big mistake is they decide not to finish him off. Instead they destroy the contract and figure they will just tell everyone that he is crazy. That’s certainly one way to handle the situation but is it the best way? They may wish that they had finished this guy off because soon Robert would become…The Invisible Man.

Yeah there are a ton of bad decisions here so lets go through them. This was the first big mistake. Why would Jasper and Irene let Robert live after all of this? They have to know that he will try to murder them now since they effectively stole all of his money. He’s going from being a rich person to almost being on the streets? Cmon now there’s absolutely no way he would let that stand and I don’t think anybody would. Naturally it does come back to bite them.

So Robert meets up with a guy named Herbert who is nice enough to take care of him. The guy’s poor but does his best. Robert then meets up with Dr. Peter who has an experimental invisibility serum. He gives it to Robert who uses this to blackmail Jasper and Irene some more. Okay fine, he’s got the upper hand once again. He should probably have them mail out a check to him already so he doesn’t have to keep this facade up for too long but then he gets distracted. He wants to marry Jasper’s daughter Julie who is already engaged to Mark. Jasper says he will only agree to this if Robert becomes visible again.

You see the issue right? If Robert becomes visible again, then they’ll either murder him or call in the cops. He is absolutely doomed but he unironically believes Jasper and tries to get visible again. What kind of sucker is this? Cmonnnnnnn that’s never going to work. Dr. Peter isn’t quick on the uptake though and doesn’t want Robert to become visible again. Things don’t go well for the doctor…..maybe don’t talk back to the psychotic murderer without a plan of some kind?

Then good ole Herbert decides to blackmail Robert as well and gets supremely lucky that he isn’t bumped off right away. Why do people keep on trying to poke the beast? That’s just not a good idea at all and it’s just going to land you 6 feet under. All of these characters underestimate just how dangerous a foe can be when he can turn invisible at will. I mean it’s not like pressing a button but the fact that Robert can do this at all is super dangerous.

Ah well so Robert ultimately goes through with this but turning visible is dangerous in itself and then he needs them to bump off a dog that was turned invisible and then visible again. As long as it exists, his secret is in jeopardy. Unfortunately for Robert, the dog is too powerful and ultimately his greed costs him everything. It’s just amazing how many bad decisions happened here. Robert should have easily won once he became invisible and Jasper/Irene should have taken him out as soon as they drugged him.

Both sides had several chances for success. It’s why you really need to keep your eyes on the prize because if you get distracted then it’s all over. Robert got distracted by romance which is something you can’t mess with while Jasper had no real excuse. That is why you want to look at this as a comedy of sorts. Some parts actually are fairly light hearted. I don’t think it was ever intended to be a horror or anything like that. The creators probably didn’t picture it turning out quite as campy as I view it nowadays but this works as a feel good film for that reason.

Even with a body count and a murderer on the loose, the film just ends up being rather fun. They also manage to squeeze in the iconic Invisible Man laugh which was great. It would seem that the serum always causes the villain to go into hysterics at some point which is definitely always nice to see. It just would not be the Invisible Man without all of that. He may not have gotten very far with his revenge in the end but that was the focus of the plot so the title is still on point.

Overall, The Invisible Man’s Revenge is a pretty fun film. It’s the kind of film that you have to laugh along with though because if you take it too seriously then you’ll be shaking your head the whole time. This is not a film to be taken very seriously at all. Just grin along with the Invisible Man and you will be fine. I’d recommend this to anyone who is a fan of the concept and the best part is that you don’t need to watch any of the other films to understand what is happening here. You can just jump right in and you will be all set for action as a true stand alone. Then if you like this one, you can jump into the others which range from being serious to being 100% comedies that take themselves even less seriously than this one.

Overall 7/10

The Lawnmower Man Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a sci-fi film about why virtual reality and augmenting a person’s brain could be a dangerous idea. Technology will inevitably become too much for humanity to handle and once that happens it is game over. So what does that have to do with a Lawnmower? Well somebody gets murdered with one and it’s a cool title. The main guy also does lawnmowing so it makes sense but I can see how it would seem like a superhero name.

The film starts by showing us an experiment that is being run on a chimp. He is taken to a virtual reality world where he has to shoot all of the enemies dead. The experiments are going well and this is proof that the technology works but he manages to escape. He gets far enough to meet a guy named Jobe who gets picked on constantly by everyone for not being smart. Father Francis beats him and doesn’t help at all so Jobe is glad to have a friend but the chimp is shot dead. Now Jobe is back to being on his own until a guy named Angelo shows up who offers Jobe a lot of intelligence and success if he helps with a certain experiment. Jobe really has nothing to lose so he agrees to these tests but are these experiments going to make him unbalanced?

First up, if I was Jobe I would have definitely said yes to the experiments as well. Sure, they seem a bit risky but it can’t be any worse than his current situation. That’s exactly how I would have felt about it so it makes a lot of sense that he would get on board with this. Also, the effects are really good at first. He can actually have intelligent conversations and everyone respects him more. Unfortunately corporate steps in at this point and sabotages everything. If they had not done that, I dare say the experiment probably would have been a complete success. Leave it to corporate to rush things a bit too far and blow everything up though. They just couldn’t wait to get the natural gains that would have happened.

This isn’t an action film first and foremost but we do get some fight scenes. At one point Jobe basically takes on the army with his flying nanobots which was pretty fun. At this point, there isn’t much that can stop him though as he transcends his mortal body. The guy completely cracks and turns evil by the end but the film does a good job of showing just how much he had to put up with before then. He didn’t have much to protect or live for by this point since everyone was getting bumped off. So yeah at that point you might as well end the world.

At its core I would call this a revenge fantasy film. We see how everyone mistreats Jobe and the only characters who have his back are beaten up or murdered. So now that he has these telepathic abilities he can enact his full revenge on them all. You can definitely see where the film is going with this right from the jump. It can get a little overzealous on the deaths with this though. The film has a tendency to cut away so it’s not incredibly graphic or anything but the deaths themselves can definitely be painful.

Also the film did murder the chimp near the beginning which was unfortunate. Animal violence is always a good way to knock yourself down a peg. It was hard for the film to really come back from that. It’s also just a bit too mean spirited. I would have liked more characters to have had Jobe’s back and defended him when things weren’t going well. It would have shown that at least humanity was not fully cooked yet. Sure we had a few characters like Angelo, Marnie, and Jobe’s coworker but that was about it. They also weren’t able to be there 24/7.

So Jobe was a good character and it’s just too bad that the power got to him. He still made the right move and helped the kid by the end though. Angelo was also solid as he would talk back to corporate but I also think he could have been a little more cautious at times. I felt like he turned his back to the company and then didn’t have a plan for when they would inevitably target him. Not a very smart move if you ask me and the guy’s supposed to be a genius. He did good in setting up the technology but underestimated humanity.

Father Francis should be considered as the main villain of the film in large part because he’s the one who should have been watching out for Jobe. Instead of supporting the guy, he basically took every excuse to punish him over and over. He was actively trying to prevent Jobe from learning more and so yeah this guy didn’t really have any redeeming qualities. You just needed him to be bumped off as soon as possible. Until that were to happen there was just no way to move forward.

Overall, The Lawnmower Man had some interesting ideas. I also enjoyed seeing the virtual world with the super retro CG. In some ways that’s the kind of CG that tends to be fun as it really makes you feel like you’re in a computer game. I could have done without the romance though which was particularly weak and more disturbing than anything inside the screen. That was just never going to work out there and it all went too fast. The film would have been better if it toned down the amount of bullies and randoms who were just cruel and evil for no real reason though. It’s just way too slanted and pretty much forces Jobe down the path of corruption. It’s not a film that makes for a particularly easy watch so I would recommend other sci-fi titles above this one.

Overall 4/10

White Men Can’t Jump Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for an old school comedy about what it takes to scam someone. It’s a pretty fun movie even if the characters aren’t always very likable though. As the main characters are scammers that does make sense though. The basketball battles are all pretty fun and there’s enough of them where you could call this a sports title as well.

The film starts off with Sydney hooping with his pals when a guy named Billy shows up. Billy looks like he’s probably no good as basketball so Sydney allows himself to be goaded into a 1 on 1 battle. He gets defeated though and Billy walks away with all the money. Sydney’s upset at first but then figures he can use this to make a lot of money as well. Sydney knows the basketball scene well after all so he can keep on challenging folks to 2 on 2 battles with Billy and rack up a ton of money. Can they really keep this going or will they eventually fall short?

Naturally hustling isn’t something you can really respect or admire though. I know Billy is desperate but surely there are more legitimate ways to handle this. He and his girlfriend Gloria are on the run from the debt collectors as well now and it’s all become a really big deal. This whole thing certainly hasn’t put him in the greatest position, that’s for sure. When he inevitably gets double crossed, you can’t feel super bad for him either. The guy also takes way too many risks. Risking Gloria’s money for his own pride about the slam dunk was really a bad move as well. I’m glad that Gloria stuck to her guns and ditched him there because she warned him ahead of time and he still went through with it.

That said, I wouldn’t say Gloria was a very solid heroine either. She definitely complained a whole lot while he was trying to earn some money. She could have been doing something as well instead of training for Jeopardy the whole time. The odds of being called in for the show and then of winning are so slim that it’s like playing the lotto. That’s not a very constructive way to plan for the future. She’s all over the place and has a gun at the ready but folds when the chips are down. It would have been nice if she was more supportive.

On the other side, Sydney is a fun character who delivers most of the humor in the film. He’s got a quick wit and is always one step ahead of the other characters. He’s a lot of fun and the film definitely would not be the same without him. I did think that his betraying Billy later on was rather out of pocket though. I know he wanted revenge but at that point it would seem like they were never really friends. In the film they sort everything out and team up again but I couldn’t really buy into it. No way you forgive someone when they ripped you off for more than $1000 like that. Especially when it’s money that you really needed at the time.

I don’t blame him for the slam dunk challenge though because that was completely on Billy. He did not need to try to take on that challenge and Sydney warned him against it several times. At that point, it’s all on Billy for going through with it and a bet is a bet. You have to honor it at that point. Sydney’s girlfriend Rhonda is definitely a lot more loyal to him than Gloria was to Billy. She backs him all the way without fail so that’s a pretty good dynamic right there.

As I mentioned before, the Basketball scenes are definitely pretty good. They’re fast paced and definitely deliver on the action. You may not like the two leads all that much for being scam artists but at least they are really good on the court and can hold their own. It’s why you feel like they shouldn’t need to resort to this. Just try to get serious about Basketball and win the right way. Of course if they don’t think they have the skills, they’ll get exposed real fast. Such is the risk you face whenever you enter a high level of competition though.

The script goes pretty hard on the banter so there will be a lot of laughs but it can also be a bit much/edgy at times. That’s always the risk you run with a film like this though. I would say that it ultimately succeeds a lot more than not though so that’s a good thing. I would have maybe added some kind of a main villain to spice things up though. For the most part there isn’t a central antagonist and it’s more about the characters trying to get along. The Jeopardy subplot could also be removed in its entirety. It just doesn’t have much to do with anything and you could just redo Gloria’s character. It’s a unique subplot to be sure since you’re definitely not expecting this in a Basketball film. It’s just such a long shot though, it almost would have been better if the plot didn’t go anywhere and Billy talks about what a waste of time it was.

Overall, This was a pretty fun film. We got some danger with the debt collectors but for the most part this is a light hearted film about a lot of banter. The main romance isn’t very good but the film actually addresses that directly which was nice. The writing wasn’t always super strong and the main characters could be better but I had a good time with it and in the end that’s what counts. Basketball’s definitely a fun sport to watch with how fast paced it is.

Overall 6/10

Baby, Take a Bow Review

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It’s time for a really old time film about how it can be hard to escape your past at times. In this case it’s because of a private detective who really has a bone to pick with the main guy. it can definitely be rough having someone bring up the past all the time. The film works pretty well even if some of the troubles that come up feel like they could have been avoided with a little more effort from the main characters.

The film starts off with Kay heading over to prison to pick up Eddie who is just being released. Private Detective Welch advises her not to do this as it will be the biggest mistake of her life but she ignores him and the two get married. 6 years later they have a daughter named Shirley and are doing really well for themselves. Unfortunately Welch isn’t thrilled about this. He decides to bust in and try to get some dirt on the guy. He may have been fired from every spot around but he still has enough pull to walk into any office whenever he wants.

Welch is definitely the big villain of the movie but I have to give him some real credit here. The guy is absolutely unrelenting. He just keeps on moving forward and somehow the guy has a whole lot of influence. People tend to believe him and so he is really able to sabotage whoever he wants. For example, he tells Eddie’s boss that the guy is probably a crook and the one responsible for a theft so the guy fires Eddie. Just like that.

It’s definitely a shame since Eddie had been doing really well. He also helped Larry find a job so the two ex cons put their lives of crime behind them. Unfortunately that starts to make them desperate and then you have the current criminal Trigger still around to try and tempt them into the dark side. What a guy. Trigger even has a gun and everything so he definitely makes the climax real serious here. He’s more of a physical threat than Welch even if Welch is the bigger social threat.

Trigger’s your average baddie though while Welch really has charisma and personality. So I would still say that he is a lot more memorable in the end. He’s definitely not someone that you end up forgetting and he helps make the film more entertaining.

Meanwhile Shirley’s role actually isn’t all that big this time. She’s mainly here to help make the situation worse for Eddie as she gets tricked quickly with the gun and gets them into hot water a lot. She’s only a kid so I mean it’s not her fault or anything but yeah without her things would have gone way more smoothly for the main characters.

Eddie and Larry did say no to Trigger’s offer so they get props for that. In other films you see the main character get tempted to get back into the life of crime but in this case when he said no, he meant it. Always a really good idea. The characters were also just generally solid. They had good attitudes and kept their chins up even when things weren’t going well.

Meanwhile Kay was really solid for sticking with Eddie and not letting Welch get to her. Jane has less to do here but was also a very loyal partner to Larry. Stuart gets 0 points because he’s the one who was tricked by Welch into firing two of his best employees. So much for innocent until proven guilty right? This guy folded when it counted and you don’t really forget that kind of thing. Even if he apologies later it just ends up ringing hollow.

The film is very short as it’s barely over an hour so it has to move quickly. I do think that’s enough time for this kind of film though. It’s not like it’s going for some kind of really long and elaborate plot. At its core it’s a simple romance story about characters just trying to have a quiet existence. All they really want is to raise a family and have a good time. For a lot of people that’s really enough and yet they are pulled into a bunch of problems anyway.

If there’s one slight issue here it’s that nothing really happens to Welch. It just feels like he’s going to pull the same thing with a different ex-convict next time. He didn’t learn any lessons or even get harshly reprimanded. He was already fired from every agency before the film started so it’s not like he could be fired again either. Definitely a case where it feels like the film overlooked his role by the end when he should have at least gotten fined or something for misleading the police. I’m not sure what the exact crime would be for something like this but just find something to stick and hit him with it. The guy’s dangerously obsessive so he can’t be let on the loose. I would absolutely watch a spinoff film with him as the main character though because like I said, he was easily the most entertaining character around here.

Overall, The film probably should have been named after the main plot rather than Shirley being in it. She gets her classic dance number and everything but really isn’t a main focus in the film. I guess you could say she helps as motivation for Eddie staying o the straight and narrow but the title should have been something about trying to prove his innocence. Either way, it’s a solid film that’s good harmless fun. You could watch it at any point and it flows over very quickly. It’s also such an old film so it’s always fun to see how a title from the 30s plays out. I’ve seen tons of 50s films but even for me I haven’t seen a ton of 30s. That’s why there’s nothing wrong with it being simple, for all I know this may have been rather ambitious for its day.

Overall 7/10

Alice Adams Review

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Uh oh, I’m on a roll with the negative film reviews. You’d expect a super old 30s romance to be pretty fun and get the automatic win but that’s not the case for this one. The characters are just too unlikable so you’re actively rooting against them here. I didn’t think the heroine deserved to win and all of the characters just made such big mistakes for themselves. There’s just no way to climb back up from how far they fell.

The film starts off by introducing us to the Adams family who are really poor and down on their luck. The father has been sick for ages and while his boss continues to pay his checks, it’s not a lot of money. The mother continues to hound and berate him the whole time about how he has failed the family. Walter continues to waste his money on every kind of vice possible so he’s definitely as irresponsible as possible. Finally you have Alice who is really self conscious about the whole thing and so she is constantly lying in order to trick the people round her into thinking that she is wealthy.

She has kept these lies up for a while but then a guy named Arthur shows up and Alice likes him quite a lot. The guy is fairly wealthy and Alice really doesn’t want him to know the truth. As their relationship gets more serious though it becomes hard to hide this. Can she continue to deceive him all the way until marriage or is this relationship doomed to fall to ruins?

So right from the bat I can’t root for the romance here because a romance built on deception is absolutely not going to go well. I think it’s very difficult to come back from that. Yes, everyone starts off with a bit of a mask when the relationship first starts. That’s normal and I don’t see anything wrong with that. There’s a big difference between that kind of setup and flat out lies though. Alice is straight up lying to Arthur the whole time and about fairly massive stuff. The fact that she was lying to everybody about even mild things also shows how she completely lost the plot.

Sure you could say it’s part of her character development but the problem is that it’s clear she would have kept on lying if she wasn’t caught. This kind of plot works way better if it’s an internal decision where she decides to come clean before being forced to do so. As a result this was just not going to work and it’s really cheesy that Arthur was still okay with the whole thing. It looked really bad by the end as it was coupled with her brother being a crook and her father seemingly stealing from the company he worked for. Arthur shouldn’t have turned around so quickly.

I can appreciate a happy ending of course but it just wasn’t very realistic at all. Arthur comes across as a bit of a pushover there. I won’t fault him for being a nice guy but yeah he could have done some things differently there. I will just say I am glad that he doesn’t walk around immediately believing in the rumors though. That was nice because other guys are the opposite extreme in these films where a rumor starts and they are immediately jumping in and buying into it.

Back to the family, Walter was a particularly disgraceful character as he turned a bad situation into a worse one. Actively stealing money is just awful especially since his father is the one who recommended him for the job. So now he’s making his father out to be a liar and someone who cannot be trusted while also incriminating the whole family. In a small town like this that can be an absolute death sentence to the rest of the characters. This guy was not thinking clearly at all.

Both parents were rather bad characters as well. The mother loses a lot of points for constantly complaining about everything and giving the dad bad advice. Quitting the company that helped pay his sick expenses for months and months is crazy and then wanting to burn the bridge for some quick money? She was definitely thinking about things in the short term. Then he takes a lot of the blame for following along with the advice even when he knew it was no good. I dare say it’s almost worse when you’re in that position because you’re ignoring your conscience. At least for her you can say that she thought it was the right thing to do but since he knows that it’s wrong, that’s bad business.

They’re all just lucky that the business owner was so lenient and forgiving. That was also rather cheesy by the way. So the main characters all got off rather easily and I’m not sure that they actually learned their lessons. The weak character cast is what really hurts this film because for a romance film like this you absolutely need quality characters. Otherwise the whole thing falls apart because it’s not like you have big fight scenes or special effects to make up the difference. The writing itself was good despite the characters since I still like the old style dialogue but it’s almost impressive how the film makes all of the main characters look this bad.

Overall, Don’t use this film as any kind of reference to getting a good romance relationship going. Trust me when I say that it isn’t likely to go smoothly if you follow these steps. A good partner will be patient but when it’s someone that you only just met, you can’t really test them to this extent. The film ends up leaving you rather annoyed by the end which is the wrong feeling for a romantic comedy and so it should have either leaned harder on being a comedy to the point of parody or just made the characters more redeemable. Have Alice give some quick little lies out of nervousness which she is forced to double down on later on as opposed to going over the top and even blaming the maid when things don’t go well. She just went way too far.

Overall 4/10