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Umma Review

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It’s time for a horror film that I would actually say beats the average one. It’s still not particularly good but its main downside is that it’s boring as opposed to being bad. Not a whole lot happens here and so in that way it avoids some of the usual horror pitfalls but what’s the point of ducking those if you’re not going to do much to increase your score with that extra time?

The film starts with Amanda recalling being electrocuted which gives her nightmares. In the present, she lives in a very remote area where she only really see her daughter Chrissy and the guy who transports her honey, Danny. Amanda has cut off ties with the outside world and also can no longer be near electricity. Due to the traumas of her past, it completely spooks her and makes her sick. Unfortunately this has had a rough effect on her daughter who just wants to be able to lead a normal life and make friends. It gets worse when the ghost of Amanda’s abusive mother shows up to haunt them. Can Amanda fight her off?

Now I will say that Amanda gets off a little easy here because most ghosts like the Grudge show up to start murdering everyone with reckless abandon. That doesn’t happen here, there are actually 0 murders throughout the whole movie which might be a first. It’s extremely rare and so there isn’t even a lot of violence in this movie. The electrocuting scenes are definitely on the disturbing side but are mainly off screen and you just hear what happens. There’s also a bird that gets stomped which at least was all a vision and didn’t really happening. Still unnecessary though.

There are a ton of jump scares here but without anything to actually be scary…it’s not all that intense. So this is really a drama film first and foremost with Amanda not being able to let go of the past. I don’t blame her for being traumatized after all of that though. Her best move would really be to let Chrissy go to the school that she wants and just abandon the bee keeping business since she was never all that into it anyway. That would be the best of both worlds for all parties involved.

Amanda says some hurtful things at one point but she was being possessed so you can let it slide a little bit. My main problem with her is by the ending. Ultimately the film is going for a classic message of letting bygones be bygones which is good of course but I don’t think you need to go as far as to have a ceremony and bow to the grave to help the spirit pass on. Ultimately Amanda’s mother was a bad person straight up and doesn’t need to get any respect by the end. There’s no indication that she ever changed her ways and after death it is far too late.

Meanwhile Chrissy was a solid enough character. The whole situation was pretty tough on her with having to do her best without any friends for so long. It’s lucky for her that River ended up coming along so at least she would have someone to talk to. Chrissy was determined to get out there and change things so she had the right attitude here. I think she’ll go far and the bullying won’t stop her this time. Yeah the film brings up that she was bullied a lot in the past which was rather random and I feel like it didn’t really add anything to the film but I suppose it does show how she’s changed now and will be able to fight a lot harder than before.

Then there is River who at first seemed like she was going to be a rather petty character but she ended up being supportive. She helped talk Chrissy through the situation and staying firm in her resolve to go to College. Meanwhile Danny helped the main characters make a lot of money and seemed like a very reasonable guy. It seemed like he was a good friend for all of those years and while Chrissy was mad at him for holding back on the secrets, he really made the right/respectful calls in all instances.

So the family drama stuff wasn’t bad but it was a bit on the uneventful side. I think you would need more characters to really pull it off and probably ditch the horror aspect. This way you just focus on that and we could have Chrissy going through more of an internal debate on if she should stay with the mother or strike out on her own. I would remove Amanda’s tragic backstory as well so it’s not that she’s in this situation because she’s afraid but that she did it to stop the bullying and keep Chrissy safe. The downside could be that she lost all of her friends as a result which will be what makes Chrissy feel guilty about leaving.

At least to me that would be the best way to do it. In general the writing’s not bad and the film is short so it goes by quickly. The horror stuff for the most part just doesn’t land so I don’t expect you will find this film even remotely scary. The transitions might even just make you laugh. One of the jump scares is that we suddenly cut to a bunch of bees eating some honey and then we go back to Amanda. It was one of the most abrupt transitions that I’ve seen in a while and it was just so random.

Overall, The biggest takeaway here is probably that taking care of bees is a really tough gig. Me personally? I don’t think I would have a great time with it. I’m not a big fan of bees as it is and having them buzzing around 24/7 would be really rough. It sounds like the money was good but that still wouldn’t be worth it. If you’re up for a drama film then this is a reasonable one to check out. It’s not the most eventful title on the block but it’s fairly inoffensive. I don’t think you’ll have any real problems with it so if you end up getting attached to the characters that could even raise it up a star or 2.

Overall 5/10

Blithe Spirit Review

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It’s time for a fairly wacky comedy film from back in the day. This one definitely goes crazy with the ghosts and all but the main character can be fairly annoying. The ending is funny but I would say the film isn’t always able to keep up the momentum. I think it needed to either lean into the slapstick/surreal aspect of the film or have the main character take things a bit more seriously.

So the film starts off with Charles inviting a psychic over to hold one of those trance sessions. He doesn’t actually believe in this kind of stuff but he figures it’ll be good material for a book that he’s working on. After a long and boring sequence of chanting without much actually happening, Arcati leaves and things are back to normal. Charles’ wife Ruth had a good time at least but her day turns upside down when Charles’ ex wife Elvira shows up from the dead. It looks like the seance actually worked and Elvira does not want to leave now. She wants Charles to be all hers and the annoying pat is that he loves the attention. So Ruth has to try and destroy Elvira once and for all.

Destroying a ghost is a very difficult task. Depending on the universe where this is happening, it can be borderline impossible. Still, Ruth is very focused on this objective and even seeks out Arcati, but unfortunately the old lady doesn’t know what to do about this. It’s pretty tragic because she does have real abilities but she really doesn’t have any practical knowledge of the occult. Arcati is also one of the weakest parts of the film in general.

We get quite a few scenes of her trying different tricks and spells to remove Elvira but the problem is that each one takes way too long. Rather than be a fun gag, the film overplays its hand by a considerable amount. The scenes drag on and on and on for such a long period of time. I wouldn’t say that they were all that funny initially but by the end they are more on the unbearable side. That’s a bit dramatic but these scenes do keep the film from being higher.

Additionally I thought Charles was a very poor character. Look, for starters you shouldn’t go on the rebound. After his wife Elvira died, he should have just kept to himself and enjoyed life. This film is a great example of why that is. When she shows up again, he seems to still be in love with her to the point where he doesn’t mind making his current wife feel bad. He continues having in jokes with Elvira and generally being a pest whenever she wants to ask something. Ruth thinks he is crazy for a while because Charles explains things in the worst way possible.

He seems to constantly forget that Ruth can’t hear Elvira and just starts talking. After the second or third time you would think that the result would be patently obvious right? Well, I suppose it was obvious to everyone except Charles. Then even without all of that, he needs to remember that Ruth is his wife now. Sure, he can be polite and cordial to Elvira but not at the expense of Ruth. That’s where the film really trips up because you have absolutely no sympathy for the guy. It’s why the ending works very well at least.

As for Elvira, she’s not the nicest character anyway. She’s constantly insulting Charles. He must have been extremely attracted to her looks because otherwise she treats him like trash over and over again. The poor guy can never even stand up for himself, he’s just constantly being demolished. Also we find out that she cheated on him back in the day and apparently he did the same thing. So both characters are morally bankrupt. That’s just great…..

The only reasonable character here is Ruth. I appreciate that she is fighting hard for her man and trying to destroy Elvira. I feel like she is put through the most the whole time and really has to struggle to stay ahead. by the end she is fed up but that makes sense. If anything Charles really just didn’t deserve her the whole time particularly now that we know about his past. A good relationship needs trust and in this case that just wasn’t there. I do appreciate this film really emphasizing the important or avoiding the rebounds or things can get complicated.

At its best the film gives you some good laughs but it just doesn’t have as many comedic scenes as you would expect. The writing is good but the film is actually playing things rather straight instead of embracing how crazy it is. I don’t really understand the direction they were trying to take the film in. It’s a little too low key when this is a goldmine for different scenarios. Particularly since one scene showed that Elvira can actually make contact with the physical world. That sets up a ton of pranks and different things she can do which would have taken the battle to another level. The film would have to make sure it doesn’t get too mean spirited of course but it is absolutely possible all the way.

Overall, The Blithe Spirit is a film that had a good concept but the execution really missed the mark. I would say the biggest strike against it was certainly the long scenes with the witchcraft trying to defeat the spirits. Every time it would fail and the scenes were just too dragged out. The comedic shenanigans with the ghosts were the best part but the movie needed to commit more. Have them actually fight each other or something. If Charles had been a more likable main character then that would have helped out a whole lot. Instead there is nobody to root for here except for Ruth and there’s not a whole lot that she can do here. For now I would say to skip this one and wait for a better ghost film.

Overall 5/10

Mad Max: Fury Road Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

“All right so here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna make a film about Mad Max where he’s kidnapped for a good chunk of it. He’s still stuck in the same old desert that he’s been for every film in the series and there has been absolutely no progression in this dystopia over all these years. Sounds good?” “Yeaaaaa” This one of those films where you feel bad while you’re watching it because you know that it’s not going to end anytime soon.

So the film starts off with Max being kidnapped by a bunch of ruffians. He manages to come close to escaping but then they capture him again. In the present, he is tied to the front of the car while having his blood continually drained. It’s a really rough spot for him. Meanwhile, a bunch of women decide to break away from this gang and finally claim their freedom. They’re heavily outnumbered though and will eventually be caught. Their only chance might be to team up with Mad Max.

I’ve got a lot of problems with this film as you can probably guess. The real question here is just…where to start. As always the world is super bleak and annoying. The hooligans run the world as always and civilization hasn’t even started. I still question what the point of this whole series is but I suppose that’s neither here nor there for now. There’s nothing interesting to look at and all of the backgrounds are the same. None of the villains are even remotely interesting as they are just edgy randos.

The film also goes more all out on the violence and being generally disturbing this time. This does not do the film any favors in the last. At one point a villain’s spinning around an umbilical cord and you’re just thinking….why? What point does this serve the film? This is one of those cases where the film is so edgy that it just loses the plot all the way through. Then of course you have one of the main women being pregnant while belonging to the villain and this guy basically does whatever he wants whenever he wants.

It’s definitely a tough life when your kingdom is ruled by a madman. At least by the end of the film things will be better but how long will they stay that way? Without a form of government of some kind, the strong will always rise to the top and the power will corrupt them very quickly. There’s just no way around that. So the film doesn’t even leave you with a ton of hope there.

Max is an okay main character at best but I’ve never been much of a fan. It’s not like there’s much to dislike or anything like that, but there’s not much interesting about him either. He’s just a guy who rides on his motorcycle and fights the villains but in this film he got captured so quickly. It’s only thanks to plot armor that they didn’t finish him off to be honest. Furiosa is the main fighter from the women group who tries to lead them off into freedom. She has the most amount of drive and spirit, without her the others definitely wouldn’t have made it.

As it was, one or two of them were ready to call it quits and turn back. Not very smart considering who we’re dealing with here. I suppose there was a bit of Stockholm syndrome going on there. Furiosa is strong and capable so she makes for a good heroine. She practically has to blackmail Max into helping her and then from there she does well with the gun. Hopefully she can use her power to start taking down a bunch of villains and maybe create a society again. That’s all I want at this point, just create something so the world starts to feel more developed and we can get past the endless desert. It’s the only way these films can ever really change.

Otherwise you can hold the last 3 films side by side and play random scenes. It would be hard to know which scene was from which film because they’re all so similar. That’s a really bad sign for any series. At this point even just have Max go into space or something. Get out of the planet and instead of jumping the shark I’ll say that you made the right move. The planet as it is, just stands out for being so grotesque right now.

Maybe if this was a 50s film it could have been a little different. Part of the problem is that every part of this film is like you’re living in the slums. The writing isn’t particularly engaging, all of the villains talk and act like thugs. sure they’re villains but can’t we have at least one sophisticated one? It’s like this brings all of the worst parts of the wild west without any interesting shootouts or anything. I suppose I can at least say that this one had some decent special effects with the sand tornado. It’s not really my thing but it does at least beat being an even more bland film.

There is a lot of action as the characters drive around. I would say that this is a positive except the fight scenes don’t tend to be all that interesting. Even the driving would be a lot better if they weren’t just stuck in the desert the whole time. You can barely see what’s happening at some points. At one point the heroes literally backtrack most of the distance that they had just gone. There’s a story reason for this but you couldn’t help but feel that it was all a waste then.

Even the initial oasis place they were heading for ended up being a waste for the most part. Every time there is some hope, the film is quick to take it away. It’s why I don’t hold out much hope from the ending either. There will always be another gang and more villains without any heroes along the horizon. The series is like an anthology but one where it’s the same story over and over and over again.

Overall, Mad Max takes another absolutely massive loss with this film. The movie is just way too dreary and devoid of any fun. I want to be having a good time here. I want to be grinning ear to ear and laughing at every scene but there’s just no chance to do that. It’s not right and so I don’t have much hope for the future of the series. Maybe it’ll rebound but I wouldn’t count on it. I was pretty close to giving this one a 0 but I suppose there’s just enough going on where it still differentiates itself from the absolute bottom tiers. Definitely stay far away from this title!

Overall 1/10

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome Review

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Strap in folks because it’s time for another Mad Max film. These never fail to disappoint me because the series is so big and yet the films always end up being super underwhelming. This one may beat the original but it’s still not a film that is going to stack up all that high. The film is very dreary the whole time without any big fight scenes to really take it to the next level.

The film starts out with Max getting punked as his vehicle is stolen and so he makes his way to a town that is ruled by violence! They have the famous Thunderdome where you have to fight someone to the death. Max is tough but these guys have a lot of strength too. There are two factions trying for control here. The first group is the one who actually runs the place, Master who is protected by his bodyguard Blaster. Then you have Aunty who has dreams of ruling the place but no way to usurp the throne yet. So she asks Max for help and he agrees so he can get his car and get out of there. Was that a wise move?

The film’s title of being beyond the Thunderdome is pretty accurate since we don’t spend much time in the ring at all. Max is out of there fairly quick as he becomes a runaway and then bumps into a tribe of lost kids. These kids have been waiting for the prophecy of someone like Max to come and save them. They have images of the old world and what the Earth used to be like and that has basically turned into legendary stories over the years. Max breaks it to them gently and works with them to stop the other villains.

Here’s one of the big problems with the Mad Max films in general, you have no real reason to care about the plot. Most of these characters are as generic as they come and there is no real escape. The whole world has already been completely obliterated and even if you escape one group, another one will find you before long. Nobody is trying to rebuild society or anything. There is no progress of that from the first film to the last. If anything I’d say it’s gotten worse. At least in the first film you would still see some semblances of humanity. Now it’s all empty desert which I’m guessing is due to climate change or something.

It’s a world that has given up on being saved and so you just don’t really care at this point. There are no particularly likable characters here and just about everyone is corrupt. The kids aren’t evil yet of course but you doubt that they will be able to become upstanding citizens when they do grow up. Assuming they even live that long with how rough things are. The Mad Max universe is like if everyone was forced to permanently be barbarians until the end of time. As if time never actually moved forward because well it can’t. Without someone trying to change things then we will forever be stuck in the era.

It’s a setting that didn’t work the first time and it doesn’t work now. The film is super grim and while this one is less explicit than some of the other titles, it’s still rather painful. Nobody has a good quality of life here and I can’t think of any real happy scenes here. It goes without saying that Max very rarely smiles but unless you count evil smiles, nobody else is really smiling either. So as the viewer…what is left for me? Not much……not much at all.

The special effects aren’t anything to write home about and I can’t think of any good themes either. The big fight between Blaster and Max isn’t even good because it’s really just a lot of jumping. The way it works in the ring, you use any weapon that you get and you are on a harness so you can jump around a lot. It means there isn’t a ton of actual fighting going on. This is good for Max because it’s made very clear that he wasn’t going to last long in a straight fight against such a built guy. On the other hand, you still could have had some good choreography and martial arts if you really wanted to. Unfortunately the film did not want to do that and so that means there weren’t even a bunch of great fights here.

Then I’m not typically a big fan of kids in these things either and this didn’t exactly change that. The kid mean well but they can’t really fight or anything so they’re not all that helpful for the most part. They help with sheer numbers and back up Max by the end but I definitely could have done without that whole plot. Look, in a film like this I can usually at least jump on the movie having a bunch of animal violence, fanservice, or other issues but at least there’s something to really dive into.

Part of the problem with this film is there aren’t even a bunch of topics to tackle like that. There’s nothing you’re super invested in getting into because the film is just boring. The next Mad Max has more to jump into because it’s a much worse film but the Thunderdome? There’s just not much point to it at all. The whole film should have been about the Thunderdome, at least then we would have a tournament even if my hopes would be extremely low. I have serious doubts that the film would really be able to deliver with the big fights here.

Overall, Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome is definitely not very good. It’s not as crazy as some other titles in the series to be sure but it’s just so boring. You just really don’t care about anything and this has to be one of the blandest dystopia worlds that I’ve ever seen. Give me some high tech devices or something at the very least. I want a cool character or something. Maybe throw in some witty banter? We get absolutely nothing like that. There’s seriously not a single interesting thing about the movie so skip this at all costs.

Overall 2/10

Sword of the Stranger Review

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It’s time for an anime film that got pretty well known back in the day. A lot of people definitely heard of this one before too long for all of those big action scenes. It’s definitely a movie that goes hard as a thriller and there’s always a lot going on but it does go a bit too far on the violence. It’s just so excessive after a point and distracts from what is otherwise a pretty engaging film even if the lead takes too long to really start fighting.

The film starts with a kid named Kotaro and his dog managing to survive out in the cruel world with their wits and speed. They steal food and keep on moving because they are being pursued by many powerful adversaries. For some reason the government themselves seem to want him. He is attacked by an assassin but saved by No Name just in the nick of time. This guy doesn’t really want to get involved but Kotaro says he will pay No Name if he can safely get the kid and his dog over to a certain temple where they should be safe. The dog got poisoned trying to protect No Name so he agrees. What he doesn’t realize is that this will be a much bigger/more dangerous mission than he had ever suspected. Does he have what it takes to survive?

No Name is clearly skilled with a blade and can fight with the best of them but he’s really tried to leave that life behind him. We get a flashback showing what happened but you can probably guess early on since it is a fairly popular trope for wandering swordsmen like this. Perhaps not the exact same circumstances but always something very much like this. He’s a good guy at the end of the day who will protect those in front of him though. It would just help if he would go all out from the start and he probably could have saved more lives that way.

For example, one of the big villains Luo-Lang bumps into him at one point and tries to pick a fight but No Name refuses to draw his blade. It would have created a scene but imagine how different things would be if he had taken that guy down? Then in the climax, No Name misses most of it and only shows up at the very end. The heroes really could have used him there. Although when I talk about the heroes I’m really just talking about Kotaro and the dog. There aren’t really any other heroic figures here when you think about it.

There is a lot of internal strife going on between the Japanese and Chinese forces here. Basically China has started to slowly take Japan over by bringing more and more of their fighters here and the corrupt people at the top of the Japanese foodchain don’t really care as long as they get some profits. So there ends up being some betrayal on both ends. The climax is mainly those two groups fighting each other while No Name has to make it in time to prevent Kotaro from being sacrificed.

What I was surprised about was that the Japanese side actually does pretty well. Luo-Lang and his squad are hyped up as being supremely powerful so you expect them to shred everybody but they actually have their share of losses. I suppose in a way you could just say this is a fair way for thing to play out though. As skilled as they were, they were heavily outnumbered. It was something like 300 against 10 people. So each of the fighters took a ton of warriors down but would eventually succumb. By the time No Name gets there, there are maybe 2 fighters left.

Fortunately the Luo-Lang vs No Name fight definitely lives up to the hype. It is a great action scene with a lot of good choreography all the way. I also liked the intro fight between No Name and the first assassin. Beyond that, there aren’t many more close fights like that. There are a ton of massacre scenes of everyone being destroyed of course but those aren’t so much fights as one sided stomps most of the time. It’s why I give some credit to the climax where the ordinary soldiers actually start getting some wins. I really would never have guessed that this would have happened.

Despite all of the hype and action though, the violence does drag the film down a lot as I mentioned. It’s extremely excessive with characters being tortured and ripped apart. It’s been a long while since I’ve seen this level of violence happening during the fights. If it wasn’t bad enough to see the actual battles like that, they also had to rope the horses in. Part of the problem with films that take place in the past like this is that most of the fighters are all riding horses who get hit in the crossfire. A ton of horses get destroyed along with the human fighters here.

The dog also gets injured early on which is what triggers most of the plot. At least for that one they didn’t go too far with it and you knew he’d be okay but the horses are another matter. That’s definitely something that should have been cut. Even with that the general violence would have probably kept this from being too high either way but it definitely adds another layer.

I will say that the ending itself is really solid. You can interpret it different ways but I would say it’s a pretty happy ending. I think things turned out well and that’s good since No Name is a solid main character. Kotaro is a bit on the annoying side. He’s a kid so that’s to be expected but it would have been great if he could have helped out a little more. The dog was super impressive with how fast he was and how he could grab the weapons in mid air though. That’s not something that most dogs could pull off.

As for the villain side, I generally thought all of the Chinese fighters were fairly cool. I liked the outfits and they were definitely all down to business when the fights started. Luo-Lang stands out the most though for obvious reasons. He’s the most powerful and gets the big fight in the end. He at least has some kind of honor code and wants to win fair and square. The guy just wants to be the strongest no matter what so he won’t claim a fraudulent victory. You need a good villain like that to really keep things interesting.

Overall, Sword of the Stranger has a pretty good plot. The concept is a little better than the execution though. I’m still surprised at how No Name doesn’t get more action scenes with the sword. I really would have changed it so that he had to go through the castle and take out all 10 members on his own. Would have been a great way to show off his skills over a longer period of time. Of course the film would still need to tone down the violence a lot and cut out the horses to really be successful but these are some things I would have done. If the intensity doesn’t bother you then I definitely recommend checking this one out but otherwise you’re better off watching the Kenshin anime.

Overall 3/10

The Secret of Convict Lake Review

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This film was okay but I feel like nobody looked all that great here. It could have gone badly for the heroes in a bunch of different ways and by the time they got ready for action it was too late. It’s an interesting scenario to an extent but for the most part I don’t think it makes for a good film. As I’ve said in the past, it can be annoying to have a bunch of villains be the leads or even around the leads so you’re just ready for them to go away.

The film starts off with a bunch of convicts escaping from jail and running across the snowy path. They come to a small village where there are only some women who run it. The men are gone prospecting and won’t be back for some time. The prisoners aren’t in great condition since they are hungry and thirsty plus they are unarmed. The women have all the guns but the convicts make the case for why they should stay…and even have a few threats to go along with it. So they are granted the right to spend the night….is this a wise move?

The obvious answer is No! Lets be real here for a minute, there’s a difference between being nice to your fellow man and putting yourself in an incredibly risky position. There are a million ways that this can go really wrong after all. If you ask me….the only thing to do here is to tell them to keep moving. If they hurl any threats then unfortunately you do have to fire. You don’t have to murder them, just shoot out the legs so they can’t try anything and you can keep them alive until all of the men are back in town.

The fact that the convicts were making threats from the start definitely rubs me the wrong way there. Yeah if it’s too risky don’t finish them off right then but instead wait until they go into the house and then take them out. You have to realize that threats like that have to be taken super seriously because they will likely make good on it. On the women’s side, one of them is elderly and can barely walk and the rest don’t have any experience with a gun. The longer this situation goes, the more in danger they will be.

Particularly since most of them do not really have any survival instincts. At least two women quickly get interested in these guys romantically which is crazy since they have only known them for a few minutes or so. Not very smart. One of them is instantly convinced to keep the affair a secret and to even tell him where all of the guns are. What a traitor. The instant you start telling these guys where the guns are, you have sold out your family to a stranger. There’s no two ways about it, it’s the only real answer there and it’s disappointing.

The main convict is named Jim and he’s the only reasonable one here. Of course that does put him in a tricky spot since that means he’s surrounded by the enemy and is forced to be in close quarters the whole time. He has his own plot going on involving the crime he was accused of. If everyone was evil the main characters would really be in trouble so at least this way there was someone to look out for them. I’d still argue the women needs to know how to protect themselves since you still can’t trust anyone no matter how kind they appear to be. Like I wouldn’t trust Jim no matter what he says because you just can’t afford to. In every circumstance you always have to imagine the worst case scenario and plan accordingly.

The romance here is very weak as well. Jim falls for a lady named Marcia who is engaged but wouldn’t you know it, the guy she is engaged to is rather nefarious. So Jim reminds her that she doesn’t actually love the guy and Marcia agrees….that’s great. It feels like a super weak mindgame that got real lucky somehow. At no point should that trick actually have worked. How are you engaged when you’re not actually in love with the guy? A lot of things just aren’t adding up there. Call me super skeptical over here. Of course it all works out but that was sloppy.

Then of course between the traitor running around and the women constantly forgetting to guard the men, it all gets a bit annoying. The tension is that the men could how up and overpower/murder the women at any point and that’s not the kind of tension that makes you eager to see what’s going to happen. The movie just isn’t very fun and really needed better characters. You need to construct a scenario where the men are around and the women are protecting their house without it only being a tough situation because they are making a lot of mistakes. Like have them sneak into town under the cover of night and they could be anywhere. So the heroines have to protect their stables and different houses while making sure not to be separated for too long. That’s the real trick and I felt like the movie just didn’t go that route.

At least the climax is pretty solid though. We have a good chase scene and an actual fight scene at the end. It makes for a satisfying climax with all of the players involved and some good closure all the way through. It still means you have to get through a rather long first 70% of the film but at least ending on a high note is the best way to make sure you’re not going into the realm of being a bad movie. A bad ending would have absolutely tipped it that way.

Overall, The Secret of Convict Lake is an okay film but one where the characters are really annoying. The convicts shouldn’t have been able to deal nearly as much damage as they did. It revolves around one of the women being a traitor and the grandmother getting sloppy near the end. When one side has the numbers and health advantage as well as all of the guns, they should not leave. They lacked the survivor’s instinct here and so the film is more frustrating than entertaining. It’s not a bad film but I wouldn’t be going out of my way to recommend it or anything like that.

Overall 5/10

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It’s time for a film involving space and dinosaurs. An intriguing mix to be sure but ultimately it just didn’t work out. With dinosaurs it can already be hit or miss depending on how that plays out and then this film made the mistake of having a very small cast. The problem with this? There just isn’t a lot of dialogue or character dynamics to go through. It means that we are absolutely sunk because the film goes by very slowly.

The movie starts off with Mill getting ready to go on a 2 year journey. This one’s so long that he will really get to miss his daughter growing up and it’s rough because she’s already quite sick. Unfortunately the family does need the money so he goes aboard the spaceship. Everyone dies after an asteroid strikes the craft and Mills lands on a planet infested with dinosaurs. He has his energy gun which can take them all out but he also has to look out for a girl named Koa. Turns out that someone did survive after all. Unfortunately she doesn’t speak the same language that he does so communicating is difficult. Can they survive long enough to get off of this planet?

So you already see the dilemma here with there only being two characters and they can’t even communicate with each other. It means there are a ton of silent scenes as the characters walk around and their conversations can’t go beyond anything too basic or they can’t understand each other. It’s an original dynamic but not one that is going to be super interesting which is the main problem here.

At least Koa is a lot more likable than the average kid in these films. She is fairly resourceful and doesn’t panic all the time. Yeah Koa does have a few times where she breaks down and slows everyone up but it doesn’t happen too often. I can allow for it to happen a little bit. She’s still not a great character or anything but she’s not too bad. Meanwhile Mills is a decent lead but he gives up awful quick. He was about to end it all early on and I felt like that moment was a bit rushed. There were still more options and exploring to do surely. You only throw in the towel like that when you’re really on your last legs and don’t want to die a slow death of starvation or being eaten by dinosaurs. Yeah the last one isn’t super slow but it would definitely be painful.

One of the mistakes the film makes early on is that it just isn’t very fun. This is a very dreary film of the heroes wandering through the jungle and shooting up a bunch of dinosaurs. Occasionally there is a joke thrown in and the characters get to have some fun but this doesn’t happen often and it fades quickly. The backgrounds and areas don’t have much variety and so that doesn’t really help matters. I wasn’t particularly impressed with the soundtrack either.

Of course the big thing here is all of the violence against the dinosaurs. Whether this is the same as animal violence or not tends to depend on how realistic the effects are and how much the creatures look like animals. In this case they definitely look like animals all the way so seeing them get shot or pounded with blunt objects is never any fun. I would also argue that the gun is way too overpowered in this film. One shot can murder almost any of the dinosaurs in this film so there’s not even a lot of danger. The whole time you know that he can definitely secure the win if he just takes out the gun. That’s all he needs to do and it takes away from the survivor angle.

So now that’s weakened and without the gun there would be less dead dinosaurs as well so that would be a plus as well. Look, the dinosaurs have been on this planet for a long time and are just defending their turf so it’s rough to see them all getting mowed down the whole time. This is not how it was supposed to go. So there aren’t many positive aspects of the movie to think about once we’re done with all of this. I will also say that the film gets a bit needlessly grim in what happened back on the home planet while Mills was gone. Is there really any point to the final twist there? It feels like the film just wanted to make sure that there wasn’t almost anything to be happy about by the end.

There was only one avenue to success for this film and the downside is that it could possibly get a bit boring. Redo the film except there are no dinosaurs. So it’s just about the two characters bonding and learning how to communicate without talking. Then you have the humans show up as part of the rescue mission, except they want to murder the kid so our hero has to protect her. It would be a much more engaging film once the opponents show up and the first half can maybe get by on being wholesome. That’s how I would pitch it at least.

Overall, I suppose the film isn’t too long so that’s a good thing. In the end I would say that it just doesn’t deliver on being a really fun summer blockbuster kind of film. There’s no real reason to rewatch it and other dinosaur films like Jurassic World are better. Unless they make a sequel about aliens and cool battles or something then I think this franchise is basically doomed. There are many better sci-fi films for you to check out so I recommend going ahead and doing that instead. This one can definitely wait.

Overall 3/10

Finger of Guilt Review

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All right it’s time for a Noir title with pretty good atmosphere and an engaging plot. There is something that holds it back though and that’s the main character. He really didn’t handle things all that well here and really dug his own grave at times. That makes it so that the villain’s plan feels rather convenient as it just should not have worked at any point.

Reggie is a guy who wants to have a good Hollywood career but he has no self control. The guy got into a big fight and ended up losing his job the first time around because he was messing around and had an affair with his boss’s wife. Not a very smart move right? Then after that he finally got married to the daughter of another person he’s working for but at least this time that doesn’t mean he was cheating. The problem? Letters have started coming in from a lady who claims to have been going out with Reggie. He denies it but his wife is taking this very seriously and is worried at this point. Reggie has to set this straight but part of him wonders if maybe this is real and he just forgot.

So this is where the story loses me a little bit. Every time this kind of mystery happens, the main character starts to wonder if maybe he’s crazy. Maybe somehow he did have a secret relationship with someone and forgot about it. You can see how crazy that is right? These characters get gaslit so easily and it doesn’t make any sense. You know if you did or didn’t do something and there’s no way someone should ever be able to convince you otherwise. It’s just really convenient for the villains.

Meanwhile, Reggie looks awful once he goes to confront her. For starters he is immediately flustered and even goes as far as to try and hide the picture of him that was on her desk. This just made it very easy for her to walk in and point out to the wife that he hid it for some reason. Odd behavior if they’ve never met before right? Reggie walked into her traps constantly. Then the worst part was when he decided to make the rumors true by actually cheating on the wife with this lady.

I feel like the film really skims past this when it’s an extremely big moment. Literally he just gets drunk and decides to get together with her. Later on he said it’s because he wanted to test how far she would go if it was an act but that’s just an excuse. Of course she would go far because it just makes her story better and better. This guy really did not think things through and so later on when he’s upset and complaining about how he did nothing wrong….it’s not true because he did. This guy has no self respect or decency about him. It just ends up all being a big mess.

This is a Noir mystery and part of the fun is in seeing how things will play out so I won’t go too far into the twists but what I can say is that the villains are super lucky here. Their plan just shouldn’t work in any sane universe. Usually in a film like this you would have the mysterious lady blackmailing Reggie which is what gets him to respond but that doesn’t happen here. She never asks for money or anything and just sends him letters so that he can’t report this to the police. So all he had to do was tell the wife that the person sending letters is lying and that’s it. It only became suspicious initially because he decided to try and hide the letters instead of immediately telling his wife about them.

Then later on, all he had to do was say that the lady was crazy and move on. Instead he takes her out to a bar without telling the wife and she catches him. It’s crazy misunderstandings like this that happen time and time again in the movie. There’s always someone walking in at the perfect moment to hear something and then the situation gets worse. Once the mystery is unraveled and we get to the actual villain, Reggie has just been compromised too much by that point.

The actual main villain is also super petty and whiny. There’s nothing much to like about that character at all. This may be starting to sound rather negative but basically it’s just that the character cast is really weak. Fortunately a Noir mystery is about much more than the characters. The writing and tension means that this is still a good title, just be prepared to be rolling your eyes a whole lot throughout the movie. You just can’t feel bad for the main character at all.

Overall, Finger of Guilt is a good movie but Reggie really makes things too easy. I would argue that the villains’ plan was about as flimsy as it gets. It revolves around a ton of very convenient things happening and Reggie handling them all in the worst way possible. The writing is still good otherwise but the whole thing doesn’t feel very plausible. At least we do get a little action in the end as they manage to squeeze in a fight. I wasn’t really expecting that at such a late point in the game so it was a pretty interesting way to go. I feel like I spent most of the review talking about Reggie because he’s so awful but it’s also because the plot of the movie is very straight forward particularly when I’m not really talking about the twists. It’s him trying to figure out what’s going on while also going insane the whole time. I would have given him a sadder ending to wrap things up to be honest. Even though she was one of the villains, the mysterious lady was a lot more likable than the protagonist.

Overall 6/10

Suddenly Review

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All right it’s time for an old school thriller. It’s a pretty fun film that goes by quickly and has interesting characters. I would say the weakest link is really the romance but that’s probably not super surprising right? I don’t think the film has the right approach on that part but the rest is good so overall I’d say we’re in the green here. It succeeds in the important ways.

The film starts by introducing us to the town of “Suddenly” where nothing really happens so the name is more on the ironic side. Everyone has a bit of fun with that part but what they don’t realize is that the town is about to live up to that name. See, the President of the United States of America will be passing by and so all of the different police groups are here to make sure nothing happens. After all they have gotten wind of an assassination attempt. The one problem? The assassins have already infiltrated the town and are keeping one family hostage. This house has the perfect angle to murder the President. Can the villains really get away with this?

This is a film where I felt like the villains would have been taken down before having a chance to fire either way but based on the ending maybe I overestimated the cops. The villains end up taking the sheriff and the head police officer so you figure that people will be searching everywhere for them right? Well, they do search a little bit but all it takes is for Ellen (One of the hostages) to assure them that the cops already left for these guys to walk away. Why not realize immediately that this wouldn’t be possible? They wouldn’t have deviated from the plan at the drop of a hat like that. It was a bit rough to see them outmaneuvered so easily.

Now as for the romance, yeah this is definitely the weakest part so lets really dive into this. The main heroine Ellen lost her husband 3 years ago and so now she raises her son Pidge by herself and lives with her father Pop. The Sheriff in town, Tod, is in love with her but she doesn’t want to move on from her husband. That’s admirable but he doesn’t see it that way. He tries to guilt trip her by saying that Pidge needs a son. Tod basically makes the case that she needs to get over it already and marry him. He has the gall to say that his offer won’t be there forever either and that she needs to stop letting everyone down. It’s crazy talk.

Tod seems to think that she owes him love because he’s been such a nice guy the whole time in helping her out and everything. That’s definitely not cool, I would expect a lot better from him. At the end of the day you can be the nicest person everywhere but that doesn’t mean you deserve a girlfriend. It’s just not the way that the ballgame works. So he was real annoying there and from that point on I was really not rooting for them to be together. Additionally you have to consider that he was openly defying/undermining her at every turn.

He knew that she didn’t want Pidge to be playing with guns and yet he buys the kid one anyway. Ellen doesn’t watch him to watch war films but Tod says that it’s okay. The worst part is that it’s portrayed like Ellen is making the mistake here as she has gotten a little too paranoid after her husband was gone but these are very reasonable requests. Also she is Pidge’s mother so she should be able to make the call on what’s objective.

I’d even say that Pidge isn’t ready for these things based on all of his outbursts. He makes so many mistakes and nearly gets everyone murdered in this film. The villains tell him not to yell? Pidge yells. Then at one point he runs to grab his fake gun which won’t work anyway and he talks really tough the whole time but can’t back any of it up. That’s a big issue as well. Yeah he’s a kid so he can’t fight but then you have to stay quiet and listen to orders. All he does is create trouble which gets old fast.

Pop is quick on the uptake at least but doesn’t do a ton here. He’s just a little too old to get in on the action but he does help come up with plans. Ellen is mainly a little too scared to do anything for a while so that leaves Tod. Tod would have been more helpful but he takes a bad injury when he is sneak attacked near the beginning which hampers him for the rest of the film. Yeah that was definitely real inconvenient which was a shame. While I didn’t care for him in the romance bits, he did a good job of talking tough in the movie while being able to back some of it up. He was actively thinking of plans and contributing so I give him the most credit here.

In general it’s the cops who don’t look great here. They just never take out their guns in time. at one point the villain is on the run and you figure they can take care of him since he’s injured and alone. Instead what happens is that he just shoots them. This guy takes out several opponents before they finally put him down. When you have a murderer on the loose and armed you really have to shoot first. Running out and yelling freeze or something like that is never a good idea.

Meanwhile the main villain John is definitely memorable. He’s a very intense villain all the way around and one that really does command respect. He is smart and tends to be 1-2 steps ahead of the other characters. He even gets a bit of a backstory which I was not really expecting the whole time. The other villains may have been more forgettable but this guy did good. That helped make all of the scenes at the house even more engaging.

Overall, A film like this always gets you thinking about how you would act in a situation like this. As Todd points out in one scene, they are effectively already dead. When you’re kidnapped in your own home like this, you have to try something because the alternative will be worse. Even if you die, you at least make sure that the villains would go next. Additionally you need to make sure that your attempt is bold enough so that you actually do die and don’t get left alive to be tortured or something like that. So there’s definitely a good amount of tension here and the script is solid all the way so you never get bored.

Overall 7/10

The Company of Wolves Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version of the film would be more negative

Oh noooo it’s time for a film about wolves. Let me tell you something, these films tend to be rather lackluster at best but this one really takes the cake. It was just so bad on every level. From the plot to the violence to the characters, it was all so bad that I had tears in my eyes. You will want to avoid the movie at all costs. Get out of there as soon as possible, it is definitely not the way to go.

So the movie starts with a girl getting ready to go to sleep. She goes to sleep and everything starts moving and getting all trippy but we go back in time for another girl’s sister gets eaten by wolves and then the grandmother of the first girl tells her a story about how men with unibrows are evil. From there we lose the plot further as we have tons of stories inside of other stories with wolves murdering everybody and it just goes to show that you are not safe anywhere. It butchers the little red riding hood story so hard on every level.

Lets start jumping into the negatives here. First we have the obligatory animal violence. The wolves like to eat just about anything of course and so that does include a poor cattle that was simply minding his own business. The scene is surprisingly graphic but it gets less surprising as the time goes by. Why? Because the whole film is thriving on shock value. The transformation scenes are easily some of the most graphic that I have seen. It’s pretty crazy seeing the guy just bleed himself into a wolf. That was super crazy but more grotesque than scary. Then in another one you have a wolf coming out of the guy as if the human skin was just a suit. This one was creative though so I will say that the special effects were really good this time.

Reminds me of when Reverse Flash jumped out of some guy’s body in the CW show. That was weird and spooky without being grotesque so props there. It’s just that the props I give the movie are always very far and few in between. For every decent moment like that there are a ton where you will be shaking your head. Lets go back to the romance angle for a minute. So we’ve got this villager kid who likes the main heroine and he’s always going after her but his persistence makes him feel more like an antagonist than a good character most of the time. He basically steals a kiss at one point and she has to shove him away and he doesn’t get the hint.

They play up the fact that he’s naive but as the saying goes, no means no. He needs to accept the rejection and keep it moving. It does lead to a quick fight between the fathers which was fun but yeah that character was awful. Then in the segment with the grandmother, you’d think the girl would have more of a reaction to her grandmother being eaten. She doesn’t react as you would expect her to which will make you grown as well. That’s not a small offense, that’s literally murdering a member of your family. Pretty crazy you know?

The grandmother is so mean to everyone that it can be a bit funny. She’s constantly intentionally scaring the kid with all of these violent stories and generally being a bit of a jerk about it. My only problem here was that when it came time to actually prove her abilities, she got folded immediately. Yeah she’s old but where’s her gun or at least some kind of a dagger? She was completely unprepared despite being the expert and that was disappointing. Felt like the whole plot was rather useless as a result. At least that’s the way I see it.

Now it is clear what message the film is going for. Don’t let anybody take you away from the straight and narrow path. Don’t trust anyone since all strangers can be evil. The grandmother throws this message in constantly and you can assume the wolves are basically a metaphor. The problem is that a big message can’t save a film and it’s really just an excuse to have all of these stories. At the end of the day it doesn’t help to make them be any more connected and the film is a real bore as a result. You know that the humans can’t do much here. Yeah they can shoot one but usually it will have bit someone else who can transform.l

The humans will always be on the backfoot here and due to the anthology format, it’s not like they can get a final win anyway. All in all, this film definitely did not do anything to make me all that impressed with it. Instead it just did the opposite. I don’t think that it would have been much higher if it was all one story but probably would have been better than a 0 at least. Maybe we could have stayed in the modern day which is an infinitely better backdrop than the olden days here. The olden days with werewolves is a super bad combo.

Overall, This film was pretty bad. At no point in the film was it cooking up a good story or developing any good characters. Everyone here is on the annoying side, the romance is dreadful, and the violence is definitely over the top. I didn’t really get what the point of the whole thing was. Surely they could have thought up a better script than this right? I think the movie got a little too ambitious with all of the stories inside of a story. Having it all be chronological would have helped but even then, anthologies are always the worst kind of format. You should really have more confidence in telling a complete story.

Overall 0/10