Colombiana is one of those films where the protagonist has a gun and you just know that someone’s going to take his last walk. The poster gives you a Salt/Tomb Raider feel so this could be good news if you enjoyed those films. One thing that didn’t help was the trailer, which I found to be pretty awful personally. The actual movie is better than the trailer, but was it good enough to be considered a good movie?

Cataleya is the main character of the film and some may consider her a Hero. If you consider Light Yagami, The Punisher, or the Superior Spiderman as heroes, then by all means! She would definitely be heroic, but I don’t really consider those guys to be heroes. Goku, Superman……Bionic Bunny! Those guys did their duty and stayed with their morals. Cataleya’s big mission is to avenge her parents and destroy anyone who gets in her way! It will take some time to climb up the mafia list, so she makes a name for herself as she bumps more and more people off.

The plot is pretty basic which is (Almost) always a good thing. This means that the film can spend less time on the plot and more time on the action. There is also a character by the name of Danny. (Hardcore name, but awful character) Saying that he was an awful character is a bit strong, but I definitely did not like him. I don’t know…I just felt that he was a disgrace to such a cool name. Ignoring that guy, there weren’t many subplots in the film. We had the cliched FBI vs CIA fight, (Which never gets old! Honestly, it’s always the best part of the films) I wasn’t really sure who to root for. I guess I would go with the FBI, but they’re always so much weaker for some reason. I wish that this plot would have gotten more screen time, since it was pretty intense.

This film does have a lot of romance which can definitely bring down the movie for you. Cataleya and Danny are already not good characters, so this helps them to be that much worse. Danny tries to be a “tough guy” and even gets some “hardcore” lines. Unfortunately, they don’t make him a more endearing character. Cataleya’s uncle is supposed to be someone that we can possibly root for, but the opening scene already shows that he’s a complete villain. Why root for him? Of course, Cataleya also becomes a villain so I guess everyone’s evil this time. I bet even Danny had a secret agenda.

So, would I recommend this film? Well, the film has some action scenes and one hand to hand fight, but there are also some things that hamper it down. The romance is a bigger subplot than usual and the character cast is astonishingly unlikable. Cataleya’s scene where she spits out the disk is pretty gross and can also be a quick turn off. There’s the usual summer blockbuster violence, but I can’t remember anything that was unthinkably violent or wince worthy. If you’ve seen Jaws or Terminator, then you’ll be okay……if you want a real movie where the main character uses a gun…I don’t know what to tell you. (Maybe when this film gets a sequel, we’ll have something) If you want to watch a show where the main character has a gun, check out Black Cat!

Overall 3/10

Vertigo is a pretty big movie from the late 50’s. I’m sure that most of us know what the term Vertigo means, so I’ll skip that part. Alfred Hitchcock tends to make a lot of mystery movies and this one is no exception. The actual mystery doesn’t start until the later part of the film, unless you debate whether there’s a….Ghost involved! Let’s see how epic this film turned out.

Joh-Scottie is the main character of the film and he’s pretty terrible, but more on that later. He’s a retired detective who had to stop being a policeman when he led someone to their doom. It was an accident and the guy practically lunged off of the roof, but Sco-John knew that he needed to retire. Now he lives the happy life, no stress, no pressure! Unfortunately, someone wants him to complete one last assignment. (Sound like James Bond or Batman yet?) Jo-Scottie accepts and his mission is to follow the man’s wife: Madeleine. He fears that she is being possessed by a ghost. Sc-John follows her to a lot of placed and eventually she jumps in a river. Her body is able to float amidst the water so at least there is no chance of drowning, but John- I mean Scottie! Decides to save her. She escapes yet again and John is back to square one. Is she being possessed? Is she just insane!?

The film had a very weak cast, but films tend to do that. The best character was easily the judge when they took the main character to court. This guy knew what he was talking about and he saw through the main character’s act with ease! This guy was definitely an intellectual and not someone who should be messed with. John/Scottie suffers from delusions and he basically cracks towards the second half of the film. I would have felt bad for him, had he not been such an awful protagonist. You can’t even call him a hero since his short sighted, immoralistic (Is that a word? Well, now it is!) actions quickly turn him into the antagonist. Towards the end, you aren’t even sure who you should root for anymore! (I decided to just watch the two villains duke it out with an expression of horror on my face!) It’s really too bad, since the main character was pretty good at the beginning. He stayed solid until he took on the mission, which is where he slowly (But steadily) went downhill. The other characters were pretty unmemorable, but Judy Barton made some pretty big mistakes. Sometimes you shouldn’t wear things from the crime scene….

Overall this movie wasn’t one of Hitchcock’s better films. I do applaud the fake out endings, (Did you think that Avengers had a lot of those? This one has around 5 different scenes where the film “ends” and then starts up again. It was pretty epic, but one of the fake endings beat the real one. Only one of them though, I did enjoy the real ending since it was a pretty epic twist) but it wasn’t enough to keep the film afloat. It was just too long and suffered from the main characters. I recommend the film if you want to see a film where the main characters gets to leap across buildings, but otherwise, check out Man of Steel. He may not jump over them, but flying’s pretty good as well!

Overall 3/10

Alright, The Grandmaster is a film that many of you may not have heard of. It is based off of a “True story”. Ever heard of Ip Man? Well, he’s Bruce Lee’s teacher and apparently he was extremely tough. The film likely exaggerated his strength, but that was the fun part, so we should definitely let it slide. Usually films that are based off of real life are pretty awful, but since this one is action oriented, maybe that won’t hold true.

The Grandmaster starts off with an ambitious beginning. Ip Man has a big fight against a group of warriors and he skillfully makes short work of them. All of his opponents go down pretty quickly except for one warrior who manages to put up some resistance. There is never a question of who will win the battle, but I’m glad that at least one warrior tried to do something. The whole scene was very cool, but there was one problem with it….This scene completely destroyed the rest of the film. Sometimes, you should try not to start out so epic. This is one of those rare occasions. The problem is that the rest of the film doesn’t feature an abundance of fights and the ones that came up were cool…just not quite as cool. The first scene set the tone, but the rest of the film just dropped it.

The film stayed at a solid level for a while as Ip Man becomes the representative for the South. He faced various martial artists of the South who used different fighting styles, but Ip Man proved to be much better than the others. The fights did make for some pretty epic scenes. One of his opponents mixed different fighting styles together, which is a pretty good way to fight. Ip Man’s form of Kung Fu only uses three different signs, but they are sufficient to win battles.

Ip Man also took on Gong Er. She was a pretty skilled fighter and the first to “Defeat” Ip Man. It was decided that whoever broke a piece of furniture first, would be the loser. At one point Ip Man tries to save Gong Er, but she didn’t need his help and that’s what led to his downfall. With the exception of one scene, this was where the movie deteriorated quickly. Ip Man left the country and wars broke out. People died and the audience felt like snoozing.

Luckily, we still had one fight scene left (2 If you count Ip Man’s fight for the teaching position). Gong Er challenged Ma San to avenge her father. Ma San is a pretty skilled warrior and he was known as the strongest in the North. It’s a shame that he never got to challenge Ip Man. Gong Er and Ma San have a pretty solid fight and they both give it their all. The loser is humbled and the victor goes away feeling triumphant. After such a fight, I would expect nothing less!

The film should have ended there, but we get another half-hour of people talking, people dying, and people talking some more. You start to wonder what happened to Ip Man. Towards the end of the film, he vanished for a while and stopped being the main character. Gong Er replaced him in that regard and we got to see a little of her past. Gong Er and Ip Man were definitely the best main characters of the film. (Though I suppose that is not saying much.) Gong Er stayed strong to her vows and Ip Man beat up as many people as he could.

The Grandmaster is a film that suffered greatly from its length and lack of interesting characters. Had the film been cut down to around 70 minutes plus add some more fight scenes, this could have been one of the better films of 2013. I can’t say that I highly recommend this film, but if you like documentaries, then you should enjoy it. If you are willing to spend some money to see a good fight scene, you can also just come in and check the first few minutes. Of course, if you want a movie with real hand to hand fight scenes, check out Tekken Blood Vengeance!

Overall 3/10

The Adjustment Bureau is a film that had a very good concept. Before I get into the plot, the poster should already tell you that this isn’t your average romance film! The stakes are pretty high and these beings may be the toughest antagonist since Jaws! I had heard of this film, but never got to watch it until recently.

The Adjustment Bureau is about a guy named David Norris. We spend the first few minutes starting to like the main character. The fact that he’s named David, means that he’s a tough guy, but it all goes downhill when the newspaper reveals that he made a critical error in judgement. He retreats to the bathroom, but Elise beat him there. David gets newfound inspiration from this extremely cringe worthy scene and goes back to make his speech. It’s really “heartfelt” and “emotional” so the fans quickly look up to him. David takes it all in and gets ready for the next day.

Unfortunately, there’s a shady fellow watching him and trying to make him spill his coffee! The guy isn’t very good at his job and falls asleep. Instead, the coffee falls on Elise. David jets to his job, but all of his coworkers have been taken down…he’s next! David must evade all of the officers if he is to escape. Unfortunately, they are “heavenly” beings (Who don’t act very heavenly) and they have powers beyond comprehension. Of course it does take 2-3 of them to finally subdue David…….

The Adjustment Bureau is in charge of making sure that things go according to the Chairman’s Master Plan. David decides that his fate is for him to decide, but they grab his paper and destroy the only means of contacting Elise. Can he ever find her again? Not to mention that The Adjustment Bureau will be attempting to stop him at all costs!

Well, the film had a great concept, but the execution wasn’t that good. The idea of a Dictator God is definitely intriguing and the real world would be a very depressing and scary place if that were the case. Also this “God” isn’t very good as he continues to alter his plans and lets his “Angels” wreck havok upon the city. David actually knocks one of them out and there’s something that you should know….they are very weak. Their hats allow them to cross time and space, but without them? They’re as good as human!

The film also had some things that were definitely a stretch. The Adjustment Bureau is in charge of managing the entire world, everyone’s life is managed so that they comply with the plan. So, how can about 100 guys, take care of billions of humans? Not to mention that the humans tend to be pretty defiant and collateral damage can get high. At one point, they try to stop David, but in the process they change the fates of around a dozen taxis and also cause a car crash. David even mentions how that doesn’t seem to be logical. It definitely isn’t! They’re changing more fates than they’re fixing them.

The “Hammer” gets a lot of hype since he never fails. Unfortunately, he makes the mistake of going up against David! There wasn’t really any likable characters in the film. David’s assistant was all right, but he was brainwashed very early on, so is that truly him? I think not! The Chairman seems to be pretty intense, but he should have appeared. With his abilities, maybe He could have defeated David.

The film’s concept was definitely ingenious, but it suffered from the poor execution. The film also added an extremely large dose of romance which hurt the film even more. It felt like a romance film with a thriller subplot. This plot would have been a lot better for an summer blockbuster or an anime film. If you want a thriller involving a mysterious organization, then I recommend checking out The Matr-Bleach.

Overall 3/10

Citizen Kane is a pretty classic movie and it’s gotten some very positive reception. Citizen Kane didn’t do so well in the box office, but having a lasting legacy can be more important in the long run. Old black and white films are usually pretty cool because they’re so retro, but does this film succeed?

The plot revolves around a group of news reporters who want to find out the truth about the man known as Mr. Kane. So, most of the film is a series of flashbacks, with the main plot only appearing once in a while. I think that the news reporters subplot was the best part of the film, which is why it’s too bad that it didn’t appear for very long.

Mr. Kane is a man who started out trying to be an honest business man who looked out for the people. As time went by, he started to stray from that and he did some pretty immoral things. Mr. Gettys called him out on this and things got dicey for Charlie Kane. Charlie’s newspapers also started to change as he started to drift away from them. Charlie ends up not being a really likable character and his life gets more alone by the year.

Jerry Thompson is the best character of the film. He follows up with the leads about Mr. Kane and he’s a pretty mysterious figure. One second he will be around, and the next second he’ll be gone. Even at the end, he manages to troll the other reporters with the astounding fact that the word “Rosebud” probably didn’t mean much. Did he actually find out what the word meant or not? You’ll have to watch the film to find out. Thompson is definitely the character that you’ll want to keep an eye on.

Citizen Kane drags during some of the flashback scenes, but the reporter scenes are good. I’d say that all in all, this is an average (non action) live action film. It could have used some better characters and a decent soundtrack, but considering that it was from the early 40’s, it can get away with it. Still, 10/10 worthy? I don’t think so, but it’s still a decent film. I’d recommend checking it out if you like drama films or really old films. If you’re looking for a deep and dangerous mystery about who Citizen Kane was, then you may want to keep on going to Sherlock Holmes.

Overall 3/10

The Hitch Hiker is a movie that had a unique idea, but it wasn’t handled the best way possible. Two guys are heading out to go fishing, but they pick up a hitch hiker on the road. He turns out to be evil and he’s got a gun. None of the two are brave enough to try anything and they must do everything that he says. Can they get enough nerve to do something or will they die!?

Well, the two main characters are very frustrating to watch. They let slip over 100 chances that they could have used to escape. Sure, seeing a gun can be unnerving, but there are two of them and one of him. If they both rushed him, they would have done just fine. Not to mention that if they quickly tackled him when he wasn’t expecting him, he’d only be able to get off one shot. It’s a risk that they definitely should have taken. It’s better to die on your feet than to die on your knees after all. Now some would argue that it was better to just go along with the guy and hope that he doesn’t destroy you, but not in this case. He tells them multiple times that he is going to destroy them when he’s good and ready. So, either way they’re going to die. Might as well put up a fight before you go down right?

The film is pretty short and it’s barely over an hour, but it drags on a bit. It’s really just them in the car and making little stops for the whole time. The police get involved and show why they’re the best in the biz, but I would have liked to see them appear a little more. There’s also a very unneeded scene where a dog dies and that definitely took some points away from the film. Animal violence in any film is pretty sad and always unneeded. That’s why real films like (The Avengers and Man of Steel) don’t resort to such things.

Overall, if you want to watch a movie about the good ole times before cell phones, then maybe give this one a shot, but to be honest, I wouldn’t recommend it. You’d be better off checking out the legendary Twilight Zone series. This film may not have been the best, but at least the cops finally got their due respect.

Overall 3/10

The Beast From (the) Haunted Cave is an old horror (It doesn’t feel like one) film that involves a group of criminals who plan to rob a town and then escape by tricking the skiing instructor into letting them stay at his cabin. After that they would make a quick getaway in their Helicopter (Or Plane, I forget at the moment, but it was definitely an aerial vehicle!) Once the monster comes in…will their plan succeed!?

Alright, let’s start off with the characters. This film had a pretty awful cast and you’ll finish the film without remembering a single name. Now the film was only a little over an hour so you didn’t get to see that characters for a very long amount of time, but it was definitely enough. If you can’t make a character interesting within the first 30 minutes of his screen time, then he’ll never get cool. Also, the film moves at a really slow pace. The first 30+ minutes is spent developing the romance between the two main characters and having the villains make small talk. The film would have been better if they could have cut out most of the romance, made the characters more likable, and also show the police taking on the monster.

That being said, let’s talk about the monster. He is easily one of the weakest monsters in movie history. This isn’t even an exaggeration folks, he can barely overpower a human. When the main monster can barely beat a human, then what can he do!? He seemed to be a of a spider-human hybrid, but he’s far too slow to be a real threat. Even when he does capture his victims, he doesn’t actually finish them off for a while. One human managed to stay alive for almost 2 days until he finally finished her off. The monster doesn’t have much of a presence in the film because he tends to stick to the shadows, but even when he steps out it’s usually not for the best.

The Beast From (The) Haunted Cave is definitely not a film that I recommend. Even if you are a big monster fan, then I recommend checking out Godzilla, Gamera, or the Beast from 20000 Fathoms. Those movies know how to show off a monster and make him a threat. This monster was no such thing and even though the film is short, you’ll find that it feels like a never ending summer blockbuster.

Overall 3/10