Category Archives: 4 Star Movies

Sleepless in Seattle Review

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While better than the last two romance films that I’ve reviewed, Sleepless in Seattle falls into some of the typical romance film traps. While very different than the horror movie tropes, Romance ones can be about as harmful. Here are some of the landmines that this film steps into. Rebound guy/girls ✔ Love at first sight ✔ The bad advice friend ✔ It doesn’t step into other landmines like characters immediately forgetting social etiquette and jumping into bed so I’ll give the film some credit there. As I said, it’s a fairly decent romance film, it’s just that romance is typically not going to get a very high score because the genre ends up limiting itself.

Sam is not in the best of moods because his wife passed away. He’s decided to respect her memory and not move on with his life. Unfortunately, Jonah wants to have a Mom again so he calls a radio station and gets them to give Sam a live interview. Sam tries to decline this, but it’s too late now and he ends up spilling his life story to the rest of the world. One of the people listening was Annie and while she had a steady relationship with Walter to the point where they were very serious, she decides that she wants Sam. The problem is that she needs an excuse to get to New York City to meet him on top of a large building like in her favorite film. Meanwhile, Jonah needs to get Sam up there since he already found a new girlfriend himself. Those radio stations do work quickly don’t they? Can Jonah get the main two characters together or will he respect Sam’s feelings and not put him in another awkward situation?

From the start you can tell that the ending of the film may not be all that satisfactory. I’m an active backer of the friend zone and believe that if a character doesn’t want to move on, Hollywood shouldn’t make him. Sam’s wife died so maybe it isn’t good for him to get a new girlfriend and marry again. Personally, moving on like that just isn’t a very good move if you ask me. Movies try to make it seem normal and make it sound like a good thing that you’re moving on, but it just makes me question the character’s devotion in the first place. If the chosen love of your life dies, I don’t think you should try to find a replacement.

It gets worse when you consider that Jonah pushed him into this by calling that company. The fact that Sam got so many letters is a little alarming since it shows how many desperate people there are out there. The plot gets a little suspect when you realize that one of these letters if from Annie. I mean, I don’t blame Sam for not wanting to go all the way to NYC to meet someone based purely on a letter. That would have been pretty desperate of him as well.

I’ve always been against love at first sight, but is this even more shallow than that? From Annie’s perspective, she has no idea who Sam is or what he looks like. All she has is a radio broadcast to go by and she’s willing to axe her relationship over that and takes a huge gamble with her life. It may be a classic Hollywood ending as everything works out for the best, but you really have to question the whole thing from all sides. I wonder how Annie feels about being the third choice as well. After all, Sam had been dating someone else before he was forced to go to NYC. I guess he’s going to have to awkwardly tell her that he dumped her for someone else that he literally just met. Gee……that’s probably going to be a fun day for her.

Lets not forget about the other guy who was dropped like a sack of potatoes…good ole Walter. He’s a nice guy who just wanted to have a good time. He bought Annie whatever she wanted and his only character flaw was that he is allergic to a lot of things. Beyond that, the film never gives you a reason to root against him. Walter even realizes that Annie is treating him like the rebound guy so he decides to let her go and start his life fresh. It’s great that he was understanding about the whole thing, but it must be rough to suddenly get dumped for a random stranger after being with someone for months. That’s life I guess and when you enter the arena of romance you never know what’s going to happen.

The main cast is relatively small since it’s really about the drama. Sam’s not a great main character since I disconnected with him after he listened to a radio show and immediately got a girl friend. It all happened so fast that you have to wonder how serious any of them were about it. I don’t have much more hopes for this next romance either. Annie is possibly worse since her position was really unreasonable the entire time. I don’t care how charismatic someone sounds over the radio, you don’t make a life altering choice over something like that to just dump someone and get together. Listening to strangers making promises over the internet and asking to meet somewhere is just going to get you in trouble in the real world. Jonah is as annoying as your average kid. He keeps trying to mess with Sam and forcing the guy’s hand by heading over to NYC on his own was very selfish and dangerous. It was the only unrealistic part of the film and Jonah never met any consequences for this. On the contrary, he’s probably pleased with himself for playing the role of matchmaker so efficiently. If I was Sam, I’d probably be a little upset.

All right, this review’s had a pretty negative tone so far so lets talk about the positives. The film has a pretty good soundtrack. The songs are fairly emotional and add some impact to the film. It feels pretty high budget and all of the landscapes really stand out. The writing is pretty solid during the film so you don’t have to worry about the characters getting too crazy. We see some aspects of the film that could have been pretty interesting like Sam’s job, but they don’t get too much screen time to give more of that to the romance. So, the film is fairly reasonable and I’d say that it’s one of the better romance films that I’ve seen.

Overall, Sleepless in Seattle is a film where the premise will throw you for a loop. It’s all about moving on and getting to the next battle, but I’ve always disagreed with that moral. It’s the complete opposite of Madoka Magica Rebellion. Homura never moved on from Madoka’s memory and decided to do something about it. Now, Sam can’t just run into Heaven (If his wife was a Christian) and snatch his wife back like Homura did, but I do think he could have just stayed single and lived a content life until they were reunited. This way he could be ready to have a nice reunion with the wife instead of a very awkward one when he shows up with his new wife and the brief girlfriend comes by to say hello. So, I think the film was barking up the wrong tree here. There was also no time for chemistry or development with the romance since the characters didn’t get to actually meet until the final 3 minutes of the film. (Unless you count a brief hello where they see each other across the street) It’s hard to call that a real romance. It’s very Hollywood and akin to something out of the olden days, but doesn’t work too well in practice. That being said, the film does manage to avoid any real objectionable content since it’s only PG and it’s a relatively mild romance film. If you like romance, then you will enjoy this one. For myself, I couldn’t give it the thumbs up approval in the end because I disagree with the film’s message too strongly. If you want to see a counter argument to this film, then check out Madoka Rebellion to point out why you shouldn’t always move on.

Overall 4/10

Star Trek: The Cage Review

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It’s time to take a look at the pilot that began the whole Star Trek craze. It will feel very familiar even if you haven’t watched the pilot before since the original TV show re-adapted this story. It’s definitely not the best one and I don’t imagine that it would have went over very well with the fans, but it’s not terrible either. The main cast just isn’t all that likable and I can see why many of them got the axe.

Captain Pike received a distress call when his ship was in proximity to a nearby planet. He wasn’t thrilled about checking it out since he prefers not to risk his life for perfect strangers, but the others prove beyond a reasonable doubt that someone is down there and now Pike must help or risk looking antagonistic. He reluctantly beams down and is kidnapped by a group of aliens. They used illusions to trick the heroes and their telepathic abilities are formidable. They let Pike know that he has to live a fairy tail illusion life with a woman they rescued a while back or he will be destroyed. Pike half heartedly resists the whole time so he continues to get zapped along with the girl. The rest of the Enterprise tries to help, but it’s no good. Can Pike talk his way out of this one?

I feel like the special intentionally tried to make Pike unlikable. I’m just not sure what the rationale behind such a decision was. One of his lines would be pretty infamous nowadays as one of the lieutenants shows up to give him something to sign and Pike says “I don’t like seeing women on the bridge” That may not be word for word, but that’s essentially what he said. Only men may walk in the main offices and even if they have tasks for him to do, they are to wait downstairs. He even reminds the same lieutenant of that at the end of the film to ensure that they know nothing has changed. It’s not the kind of thing that you would expect from the main character and this was a trait that you wouldn’t soon forget.

Pike also made things hard on the other captive. She lets him know that she’ll be punished if he continues to ask her questions and defy the captors, but Pike continues on. I’m fine with him resisting since he should in this situation, but he should try to keep her out of it. He always brings her into danger by asking all sorts of questions. She tried to switch the topic at least 10 times at one point, but Pike kept bringing it back. Pike’s will power did start to fade by the end, but that’s when two of his crew mates showed up. We learn plot twists about them that we didn’t really need to know and it certainly made the problem a little trickier.

I do have to say that the aliens were lucky that the crew was so docile though. The heroes had actually broken through to the villain base a while back, but didn’t know it because of the illusions. This would have been found out had any of the heroes actually tried to touch the mountain though. I feel like they usually would at some point right? Apparently nobody did and that was that. It was still clever of Pike to figure out this weakness and while the aliens could have still won by using a lot of other illusions and making the heroes walk in circles all day, they had clearly had enough by the end. At least they claim that they won’t try to do the same to any more people. Their goals and motives still seemed to come out of the blue and based on how they actually helped the other captive back in the day..it doesn’t make much sense. Even if she was disfigured, she should have gone back with Pike and the others. I wouldn’t have stayed with the aliens for anything in the world.

It’s just a sad special though and that ends up hurting it in the long run. Lets ignore Captain Pike. Even without him, it would be hard for the special to be too good because the villains are just too powerful. It gets annoying to keep seeing them zap the heroes whenever they try to make a move. They didn’t have many options and you’ll especially feel bad for the old captive since she was apparently treated well at the start of things. I guess the aliens just got corrupted and Pike’s presence was too much for them to resist.

Overall, This special didn’t have a whole lot of Trekking in it, but it still feels like a Star Trek kind of plot. At least we didn’t have a lot of forced romance, but seeing as how the whole episode revolved around the premise of the captive trying to seduce Pike, it was felt anyway. There wasn’t any easy way out of the situation, but I’m sure that a better main character would have made it all more interesting. I’d recommend just watching the actual Star Trek TV show if you’re looking for some interesting plots and you can just skip the pilot. It is just a pilot for a reason after all and I’m sure that they used the critiques from the early viewers to improve upon their original ideas and to make the show solid. I’m sure that one complaint was just that the special wasn’t all that enjoyable. It’s pretty grim the whole time and if that’s what viewers thought they could expect from the show, they probably were not all that interested. It was fun to see the retro special effects though. They’ve actually aged pretty well so that’s impressive. This is just a pilot episode so it is pretty short in case you do decide to watch it. It’s not as if it’s a big investment of your time.

Overall 4/10

A Christmas Story Review

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It’s time for a classic Christmas film. Despite it being so classic, I can’t say that I was really familiar with this movie before watching it or that it left much of an impression afterwards. While not quite as interesting as other slice of life comedies of its nature, A Christmas Story doesn’t make too many mistakes. It just hasn’t aged particularly well, but its use of the narrator voice is quite good and I’d like for more films to do it. It could definitely make the kid characters a lot more interesting and while it wouldn’t completely fix my issue with them, it would help quite a lot.

For Christmas Ralph wants a BB gun toy. Unfortunately, his parents do not approve because it is easy to injure yourself with such a dangerous toy so they continually point out that he should just get something plain instead. Ralph decides that he’ll have to convince them somehow, but he must proceed carefully. Luckily, his adult self is here to show us his thought process and maybe this will be enough to get him to claim victory. Hopefully because he is completely sunk otherwise!

I can’t say that I like Ralph, but I do like his adult voice that is used whenever he is thinking. It makes him sound like a good character and it makes him more interesting as well. Unfortunately, the actual Ralph is basically just your average kid and not even a very nice one. He ditches his friends whenever the going gets tough. If a bully shows up, he’ll let his friend take the fall. If one of his friends is stuck to a lamp pole, he’ll pretend not to know about it. That’s just the kind of guy Ralph is and he’s also a chronic liar to boot. He doesn’t have a lot of good qualities and while he is supposed to be endearing, I can’t say that this ever worked.

His parents were a lot more reasonable although they had their flaws too. The Dad enjoyed the sketchy lamp a little too much and I can see why the Mother quickly decided to break it. His attitude towards the neighborhood dogs was also a little iffy and the most dicey part of the film was when he closed the door on one of their ears. It’s meant to be funny, but if you’ve been following my reviews then you’ll realize that it was anything but funny. The Mother opposed the gun plan and I can certainly agree with her on that. Giving Ralph the soap treatment for repeating a bad word was also a good thing.

It was nice to see Santa and his elves appear as well. They were pretty realistic interpretations of what to expect if you ever went to a mall to meet up with Santa Claus. They are paid by the hour so naturally they wouldn’t want anyone to take up to much time and once it’s 5, they’re ready to head out. Even then they gave Ralph some nice advice so that was awfully considerate of them. Ralph should have heeded the warning since he ended up injuring himself as soon as he got the gun. Not a very smart play eh? There was also a sub plot where the bullies would corner the heroes every day and force them to give up some money. I have to admit that this plot did grow old rather quickly. Seeing it once or twice was enough and the kids probably should have done something about it. Ralph did end up beating one of them up in one of the more cheesy scenes and I guess that ended the plot at least.

One of the better moments of the film was when the Ovaltine conspiracy happened. Ralph had to buy a lot of Ovaltine containers to win the decoder so he could figure out the messages on the radio. It turns out that the message was to “Buy more Ovaltine” which was a nice slap in the face to consumers. It wasn’t even subtle as to get the decoder you had to buy a lot of Ovaltine and now this was saying that you had to buy some more. I don’t imagine that the company had a lot of happy customers, but I suppose that it doesn’t matter too much when they’ve already bought the decoder. It’s a rather slick move, but that’s why it’s so genius.

The film actually has a pretty small cast when you think about it. Aside from the parents, Ralph is really the only notable characters. Yes, there are classmates, the bullies, and Ralph’s kid brother, but they don’t do much. That may be part of the point since Ralph is the main character and he’s telling the story. I can’t say that it matters much either way, but since Ralph wasn’t really a good character, it may have been helpful to have another main lead to help hold the film. There’s no guarantee that the other character would have been much better, but it certainly would have helped the odds. It also may have just come out at the wrong time. If this film was a little older than the writing would have given it a boost and the setting would be all different. If it was newer than they probably would have tried to make it more exciting. This could be a case of wrong place, wrong time.

Overall, A Christmas Story may not do a whole lot of things wrong, but its biggest crime is probably just the fact that it can be boring. The film tries way too hard to be normal and to be an example of an every day Christmas for the every day family. It doesn’t have any animal violence, the writing’s not terrible, and it’s not edgy. The problem is just that it doesn’t do a whole lot of good either. The family tries so hard to be realistic that it really isn’t and the characters don’t have a lot of personality. I think the main problem that the film faces all comes down to Ralph as the main character. Lets face it, it’s hard to have a kid as the main character and still manage to be an interesting film. It’s simply very rare and not even the cool voice could do it. If you’re looking for something peaceful to watch then this film could work well for you, but you’re better off watching another Christmas film like Jingle All The Way or Christmas with the Kranks. They’ll give you more laughs and just have more personality in general. I fear that this film has simply not aged well.

Overall 4/10

Insomnia Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film and all thoughts below should be addressed as such. A review of the unedited version would likely be more negative.
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It’s time for a dark thriller by Nolan. This film’s a pretty sharp contrast to the light hearted Christmas films that I’ve reviewed of late so it’ll serve as foreshadowing to the horror films coming your way. The film’s battle between Will and Walter is interesting enough and the writing is pretty deep as you would expect. It gets a little too dark by the end though and the film ends on a rather bad note, which ends up hurting the film in the end.

Will is a pretty good detective who is caught in the middle of a rather tricky controversy. His partner wants to sell Will out because otherwise he’ll be the one who is caught in prison. Will has a solid reputation so he wouldn’t be in jail for too long, but the real problem is that many of his cases were dependent on his word so if he becomes a convict, a lot of villains will go free. It’s a tough moral dilemma and Will ends up shooting his partner. It’s an accident, but as the film goes on, Will begins to question whether or not that is really the case. Making things even worse is the fact that he is now being blackmailed by Walter, a villain who murdered a teenage girl. If Walter takes him to justice, then he’ll be freeing many other murderers and if he lets him go, Walter may go on to hurt others. What will Will do?

You can already tell that this is the kind of film where nobody really wins. It doesn’t matter what Will does to an extent, people are gonna get hurt. Now, this is true in life as there are always more villains out there and every choice has its repercussion, but it’s just a little too much if you ask me. I won’t spoil the ending I suppose, but lets just say that it’s verrrry dark. It’s heavily implied that one character makes a certain decision which means that the courts could make another decision that’ll end up with a lot of victims. Now, it’s not a 100% guarantee that the convicts will get out, but as there is no epilogue to the contrary, it’s just a very sad ending. It could have been easily fixed with a single scene at the end where the felons are still behind bars or a judge just says that the old cases are completely shut. It does show why vigilantism won’t work too well in the long run though. The truth always catches up to you and Will learned that the hard way.

The main plot is also rather dark with Walter murdering the girl. Not only did she die, but first she also had an abusive boyfriend who immediately moved on to her friend right after that. The rebounds were strong here and it’s why you can’t always trust sketchy friends from school. I don’t think we needed all of these dark elements. The film was already somber, this just helped to make it grittier and grittier with every scene. Of course, I’d expect no less from a Nolan and Al Pacino team up. Mix dark with gritty…and you get a dark, gritty film.

Will’s a good main character for the most part though. I’m of the opinion that it really was an accident when he shot the partner although the film makes it very ambiguous. You wouldn’t be wrong if you chose either option since it’s up to the viewer to make the final call. It’s a shame that we couldn’t see Will in his prime since he is clearly a very good detective, but doesn’t get to shine since he is being black mailed and manipulated the whole time. Walter’s actually a step ahead of him for the majority of the film, which is rather annoying. It seems like the villains are always geniuses as well in these kind of films.

Walter wasn’t a likable villain, but of course, he’s not meant to be. He’s just there to fill in the antagonist role and give Will an obstacle to overcome. There’s nothing redeeming about him and he’s just another psychopath on who needs to be brought to justice. It’s why you have to remember that someone’s always watching and lies will be found out eventually. In this case, it’s the worst possible scenario as it’s best to be found out by law enforcement or some kind of positive force rather than being found out by a villain. Then they can manipulate you as they please.

Ellie was a good supporting character. You feel bad for her since she looks up to Will and wants to prove herself as a detective, but slowly realizes that he is actually the culprit this time. She really did do a good job and ended up proving herself, but not in the way that she would have liked. Letting her guard down against the villain was pretty sloppy though and Walter really did embarrass just about everyone in this film. Again, it’s why it would have been fun to have a film where she could have teamed up with Will first before this situation had to pop up. No matter, Ellie made all of the right calls and depending on how you look at the ending, maybe she made another one. The decisions were all very hard, but in the end she had to accept the truth, whether or not she liked it.

The other supporting characters were mostly all good as well. I liked the local chief of police as he didn’t want to engage in all of the spying and double talk and just got down to business. He didn’t care about the scandals, he just wanted to solve the case. The local detective was also good and while Will kept on trying to steer him down the wrong path, the detective wouldn’t listen. He did a good job and I can sympathize with him since nobody likes to get pushed out of their job. He didn’t let Will’s legacy intimidate him and he just kept on chugging.

So, the whole film is just rather tragic. You’ve got a lot of good guys and girls trying to solve a murder, but little do they know that one of their own has been compromised. Will does try to break free of the black mail a few times, but Walter’s just too smart. The film also adds another layer to this by having Will murder an animal to try and use a gun’s bullets as some kind of evidence. I forgot the exact purpose of this, but I definitely don’t like to see any dead animals. Upon second thought, the animal may have already been dead and he just put the bullets in it, but I forgot. It wasn’t a pretty sight either way.

Overall, This was a well written movie and a fairly engaging one at that. There’s just only so much that a tragedy film can do and this is an example of a dark film getting too dark. There’s just too much misery here and almost no “feel good” scenes at all. It’s a somber ride from start to finish and it’s definitely not a film that I can recommend because you won’t enjoy it. It’s the kind of film that you simply experience. Cut out a few of the subplots and parts of the main plot…and maybe you’ve got yourself a good film. If you want a thriller with a good battle of the minds, then check out the recent Sherlock Holmes films. Those were actually quite good and also have a lot of engaging mind battles.

Overall 4/10

Moms’ Night Out Review

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It’s time to take a look at another film. This one was pretty interesting in the sense that I couldn’t accurately figure out its true identity. I actually thought that it was a PG-13 film as it was playing. The trailer seemed like one and the movie just generally had that vibe the whole time. I also didn’t realize that it was a Christian aimed film like God Is Not Dead and the others. One of the main characters was a preacher’s wife and their were references to God during the movie, but I just thought the film made the cool move of adding these quick scenes in and not that it was supposed to play a large role. So, I’m still going to review this film formally since I think it definitely could have made more of an effort to throw in more Christian themes than the occasional reference.

Allyson is the main character and she needs a day to herself. Watching after her kids day in and day out is tough because they rebel quite a lot and are always making a mess of things. She has no time to herself anymore. Luckily, she has friends who are dealing with similar issues and invites them to have a Moms’ night out. The husbands will deal with the kids as best they can, but unfortunately the guys seem to have messed up yet again. Can the heroines have a fun day out, find a missing kid, and then save their husbands from imminent embarrassment? It’ll be tough, but they’ve got this!

Surprisingly, (Or maybe not since a side character usually beats the lead) the best character is not one of the Moms, but is actually the main husband. Sean steals the show right from the get go as he gets a lot of good one liners and metaphors. He takes everything in stride while the other characters are busy panicking about everything. Nothing phases Sean and he’s the only guy who has a lot of confidence. “We got this” is basically his catchphrase and even though he breaks his arm, loses a bird, and goes through many more tricky situations, he never loses his wits.

Allyson isn’t bad, but she can panic quite a lot. Pretty much every setback results in a panic attack from her. She ultimately learns not to set such high expectations on herself though and that she is doing a good job as a Mom. She just has the unfortunate luck of having kids who continually sabotage the house and make the whole situation a lot more difficult than it needs to be. She is definitely the toughest of the heroines though. To contrast her personality, Sondra is the nicest heroine and that makes sense since she is the pastor’s wife. Her difficulty is that her daughter wants to live like the average teenager, but Sondra knows that this will lead to a life of ruin. There’s a plot twist about this since Sondra has some experience and ultimately she helps her daughter realize that having a nice life without being one of the “cool” kids works out quite well.

There’s a third heroine, but she’s really bland and doesn’t actually do anything so we can skip her. Bones is the hardcore biker gang dude who helps the heroes find the missing kid. It turns out that he used to be a Christian, but defected to the gang life. Surprisingly, he doesn’t change his mind at the end, but he gives Allyson words of encouragement and helps the team out a lot. Naturally he had to get out of there when the cops showed up though since the police weren’t playing around. The police also panicked a lot, but that’s a running theme in the film. All of the characters panic a whole lot aside from Sean. There was a cool cab driver who stepped in to help as well. His accent may have been fake, but at least he admitted to this. He talked a really good game and even though he couldn’t back it up, the guy had spirit. If he hadn’t been knocked out so easily, he would have been even cooler.

There was one big aspect that stopped the film from getting a positive score. (Well, among others) Stop me if I’m wrong folks, but I’m about 90% sure that the parakeet died. We see him fly off then they sent two of the guys after him and I believe one of the gags is that they stepped on him. I’m pretty sure we never saw him again so if so…..that’s definitely not cool. There was also a quick scene of one of the characters burning an insect alive which was unnecessary. So, even if the bird scene didn’t happen, the film would break even at most, but I’m pretty sure that he died and this is a fatal mistake for the film.

The film mostly stays classy with the humor. There is only one crude humor joke that I can think of and while it was pretty gross, at least it was the only moment where this happened. Since the film is PG, we don’t get any iffy Pixels level of humor so that’s definitely another good thing. The film goes by pretty quick since the pacing is good and it’s just not all that long. The characters are good enough to pass the time by and the story isn’t bad. At the very least, you shouldn’t be bored.

Since this film is supposed to be a Christian based film, I should mention how their attempt just didn’t work too well. We had the motivational speech, which was nice, but it was given by a gang member who used to be a Christian and doesn’t intend to go back. The pastor’s wife apparently doesn’t know how to have fun so she is unable to dance when the spotlight is on her, but after the film’s adventure she is able to dance with the best of em. She also doesn’t know how to use a cell phone since she’s really old school, but bu the end Sondra ends up being the tough character who gets the characters into the back alley. It’s a little cheesy, but most of the film is like that. It’s not bad per say, but I stick to my stance that this is really just a normal comedy film that just so happens to have a Christian character in it and that speech at the end. Perhaps if I watched it again while knowing beforehand its intentions, then it would be more obvious, but that kind of defeat the purpose.

Overall, Moms’ Night Out is a decent film for the most part, but a scene or two doom it into being a film of missed opportunities. It’s just a little too silly and extreme with the character portrayals at times. Now, this can work is handled well like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or a whole host of other films that I’ve seen. I’m not actually against super comic relief characters and just random hi jinx, but it really needs great writing to work well. Groundhog Day is another good example of a comedy like that. It’s probably a combo of things that would have helped this film to have been better. The subplot with the husbands could have definitely been less predictable. Just about any scene with the kids was a little tough to watch so I was always glad when they didn’t show up. The film is good for a few laughs and at the very least, it’s lighthearted. You won’t feel down or tired after watching it, but the parakeet scene will have you shaking your head. I’d recommend checking out Groundhog Day instead.

Overall 4/10

Lights Out Review

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It’s time for a fairly recent horror movie. This one actually managed to be fairly decent as far as horror movies go. Unfortunately, it slipped up towards the end of the film. The ending may not be as terrible as something like The Innocents, but it’s certainly still a Debbie Downer. It may not be winning any awards from me, but you could certainly do worse if you’re looking for a quick scare before Thanksgiving is upon us.

The film starts off in an abandoned toy factory esque place. The assistant notices that someone has broken into the building and warns her boss about this. He basically tells her that he has no time for games so she leaves. Afterwards, he gets ready to leave, but the creature attacks him and the guy doesn’t live through the experience. It’s a fairly solid way to start the film off and it isn’t even all that violent. For once, the scene is actually handled fairly well and the creature’s design was pretty good. Honestly, I felt like the whole film should have taken place in that shadowy store.

Moving along, the creature is named Diana and she has become friends with Sophie, Rebecca’s Mom. Sophie and Diana have become quite close and that’s why Diana wants to murder all of Rebecca’s friends. She can’t let anyone come in between them. Unfortunately, this is having a negative impact on Martin, Rebecca’s brother. Child services get involved and Rebecca decides to keep Martin for a little while. The board won’t have it so Rebecca has to head back. She decides to spend the night, but will she be able to vanquish Diana or is it all over for her?

The film seems to lose its sense of direction at several points, which is where things get rough for it. For example, Diana is shown to be a fake friend. She is just using Sophie because she wants the Mom to feel the same sadness that she felt. Okay…but her plan only works if Sophie ends up being messed up. Unfortunately, that is the case as Sophie doesn’t mind being thrown around since she believes that she deserves it. Sophie’s a pretty terrible character as she puts Diana before Martin and Rebecca several times. She seems to want to be a good Mother, but then back pedals at other points. At one point, she gives Rebecca a letter saying that she needs help before she is dragged back into the darkness. So, Sophie seems to be somewhat aware of the fact that Diana is not her friend, but then forgets it again. I suppose it’s just part of her whole Martyr disposition, but it definitely doesn’t do the character any favors.

Diana’s power level also seems to fluctuate quite a lot. In some scenes, she can’t stand the light to the point where she won’t go near it. By the end, she’s going through the light no problem. It burns her, but she can take the heat long enough to do whatever she wants to do. She has a good amount of super strength as she can throw people around and quickly stab others, not to mention that she is also bullet proof. At the same time, the heroes can struggle against her quite effectively so maybe she’s a little weaker than Captain America. Regardless, she makes for a good villain, but not really a great character. I’d prefer her goal to simply be “Destroy everyone” or something rather than just sparing people sometimes and attacking in others. Going after Martin seemed like a random move towards the beginning when they were watching a film. Wouldn’t that instantly destroy her “friendship” with Sophie? I imagine that it would override her current condition. Diana also took a while to make her move since we find out that she has been around, even when Rebecca was a kid. I guess she just didn’t attack if you didn’t get in her way.

The main problem with the ending is its one of those classic “I can’t beat the villain so it’s time to exit the game” moments. It’s portrayed as the right call of course, but it’s definitely not the best way to win. There wasn’t really any other course of action in this example, but that just makes it all the more tragic. Not to mention the fact that the character’s reputation is going to be slung through the mud now since nobody will know the truth.

As per usual, the cops don’t look so good here. You can’t blame them quite as much this time since they are up against a monster that can easily defeat them, but they still could have handled the situation better. The cops take a while to find the main characters and even once they do, they don’t do a good job of handling the situation. They clearly know that they’re dealing with someone dangerous, but they still don’t watch their distance. They did try shooting at least, but one of the cops just waved the main character off when she tried to give some advice. It’s a good thing that Rebecca had a lot of survival skills earlier because those were more dependable.

I can’t say that I was really a fan of Bret. He does help out a lot and certainly does better than most horror characters, but he’s just not that likable. The scenes with him trying to show Rebecca that she is making the wrong move didn’t really go over well. Taking Martin definitely seemed like the right call although she did handle it in a pretty sour way. He may have been right, but he started off rather accusing so it makes sense that Rebecca would get defensive. Rebecca got to be a decent character by the end although the beginning makes sure to show you why she’s not a good role model for Martin. She certainly went far with the whole rebellious streak.

This is another horror film that doesn’t play out as you would typically expect it to. The body count increases by the end, but it’s more of a slow burner as Diana doesn’t do anything for quite a while. It works well to an extent and as I mentioned, this is technically one of the better horror films. On the other hand, it means that there isn’t a whole lot for Diana to do except give us some fake jump scares. I can live with that if it beats the alternative I suppose.

Overall, Lights Out isn’t half bad. The film never has a gritty moment just for kicks and the whole film is rather chill when it comes to that. The monster is fairly good and the backstory is rather tragic while not being over the top. The characters may not be great, but they are better than their counterparts. On the other hand, the romance with Bret and Rebecca is fairly poor. It just reminds you why these two are going to have a hard time trying to win custody. The ending isn’t very good either and it was hard to really get Diana and Sophie. Sometimes they acted rationally and other times they did not. Sophie really could have handled this whole debacle a lot better and if Diana was serious about destroying everyone, she could have really done it at any time. She waited too long due to plot hax. If you’re a big fan of horror movies then this could be a decent one to check out. If you want a film that I could recommend to everyone, check out Scooby Doo: Zombie Island!

Overall 4/10

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children Review

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It’s time for an interesting film that uses a the concept behind X-Men, but with its own spin. Considering how sad the last few X-Men films have been, it’s not hard to construct a universe that’s more interesting. (At least when it comes to films) Unfortunately, this film jumps off the cliff by the end as the logic just doesn’t make sense at times while also having some of the worst writing that I’ve seen in a film in a very long time. (“Some” being the key word here since Pixels exists) It takes you out of the experience, but at least it is interesting and never really drags on.

Jake was just an average boy who tries to live a normal life. His Grandfather would tell him stories of people with fantastic powers and other such tales, but Jake paid him no mind. One day, the grandfather is attacked and murdered by a large creature. Everyone tells Jake that he is crazy, but the kid discovers a recent letter from the head of the school for Peculiar Children. Jake convinces his Dad to tag along as they head to the island and Jake discovers that he is the chosen one. He must save the school from the giant monsters before it is too late, but will he gain some intelligence in the meantime or are all of his friends doomed?

It’s hard to know where to start here. I think I want to go with Jake since I have a lot to say about him although none of it is good. He is easily one of the most incompetent main characters that I have ever seen and also one of the most unintelligent and unlikable. Lets go chronologically here. I guess I can give him a slight pass for not believing the grand father since it would be a tough tale to buy, but after he sees the creature and how the grand father is murdered…he should accept it as true right? He believes it enough to go to the school, but then he is startled by the kids that the grand father has talked to him about for many years. Jake should not be startles, but he is and then he trips and knocks himself out.

Jake continues to embarrass himself further for the rest of the movie. One girl is embarrassed to eat in front of him because of her ability, but Jake says that its fine since he’s a tough kid and can handle it. Needless to say, he gives her a sad, scared, worried kind of look afterwards and shifts in his seat. Later on, everyone warns Jake that the school bully is going to try and scare him by showing Jake the kid who was murdered. Jake knows this, but wants to meet the kid anyway. I won’t say exactly how the interaction goes, but Jake runs out of the room screaming…which tells you enough.

Part of the plot revolves around how Miss Peregrine keeps the kids in a 24 hour time loop which saves them from the bombing in WW II, but also keeps them eternally young. As a result, they live the same day over and over again and have been doing well without Jake. Knowing this, the main heroine brings Jake out to the country side to see how Miss Peregrine destroys the monster every day. Jake suddenly forgets common sense when he sees the monsters and yells out a warning to Peregrine even though she clearly did not need one and Jake could have ruined everything there. Need I go on? Yes! I could write a whole essay on Jake and his unending fails.

Another sad moment is when Jake decides to take down the main villain. He has the element of surprise on his side and a point blank target. Jake misses anyway and then proceeds to miss the next half a dozen shots. Some of them were at very close range and the main villain doesn’t even try to dodge since he tends to forget that Jake exists. Jake messed up every single time. There’s another moment where one of the monsters is choking one of his classmates. Jake grabs the arrow launcher so he can take the monster out, but then he freezes. With his terrible aim, I suppose I can’t totally blame him, but aim at the monster’s legs at least. It was lifting the classmate very high off the ground so it was another clear shot. Jake was very slow on the uptake the whole time and you also have to love how he breaks his promises instantly. He told Peregrine that he would protect everyone, but once she is gone he decides to bolt. He has a completely safe and protected Grandpa to check on after all!

This was also one of the big plot holes in the novel if you ask me. The logic used here is that if you alter the past then you’ll change the future. It’s simple enough if you go with that theory, but it doesn’t work since time acts linearly in this film. When the main character spends a day in 1943, a day still passes in the present. As such, the grandfather shouldn’t come back to life if a certain past event never happened. If time did shift like that, then the Peculiar Kids should all be in very different situations as well since the loop would have never been necessary. The film just tripped itself up here.

Back to Jake, I also couldn’t back him up on the romance. I have to give half of the blame to Emma here as well. So, let’s put this into context. Emma is at least 80 years old, but her age is likely far greater than that since we don’t know how long the time loop had started in the first place. She fell in love with Jake’s grandfather, but he ditched them so he could murder villains and age like a normal person. So, she decided to go for the rebound guy, aka Jake. Jake looks completely identical to his grandfather so that works for her and Jake falls in love with her within seconds so he’s fine with this. I’m not even going to mention the fact that Emma should double think this since Jake was so easy to obtain, but it shows that this romance is pretty fake. Not to mention the fact that Jake barely even thought twice about ditching her in the end only to visit her again by the end to make everything seem okay.

Jake’s also anything but heroic. At one point, he says that the only way he will stay to help the kids is if Emma becomes his girlfriend. That isn’t the exact line, but it is essentially what he meant. He was talking about how people needed him back home and he won’t only stay as their guardian if Emma- but then she cut him off and told him to go away. Jake basically just came across as a poorly written jerk the whole time and the amount of times that he should have died in this film is quite high. He just had the writing to protect him. Lets also not forget that fact that Jake completely led the villains right to the Home’s doorstep. Just something to think about…

There’s one more big plot hole here. Emma’s whole gimmick is that she can manipulate the air which allows her to make all of the water exit a room and such. That’s great…but she still needs iron boots in order to stay on the planet. Are you really telling me that she can’t make a gust of wind to bring herself back down? That makes no sense and it’s such a core element to her powers that I can’t believe the film didn’t address this. Perhaps the book did, but such a thing needed to have been in the film as well. I feel like the writer was in over his/her head on this one and as such, all of these plot holes began to show up. Not to mention that most of the characters are unlikable, underused, or just don’t do much and you’re left wondering what just happened.

All right, lets talk about the positives real quick. For starters, there are more action and intensity than I was expecting so that’s definitely a good thing. It died down a little after the start, but a strong beginning is always important. The visuals were fairly good as well even if the film never let the kids use their powers all that much. The time loop was cool to watch and Peregrine’s outfit is certainly unique. It had a very regal esque look to it. The design for the monsters was also solid.

The best character in the film was definitely Jake’s Dad. He’ll certainly be a polarizing figure, but he worked quite well for me. He clearly doesn’t really know how to be a Dad and makes a lot of mistakes, but he does seem to care. Certainly more than the other supporting characters from Jake’s past. (Especially with a certain plot twist from his one of his advisers) He was just a lot of fun to watch even if he was portrayed rather extremely. Some characters just can’t resist Miller Time after all. You have to look at the Dad as a fun comedy character. Naturally, he isn’t meant to be taken seriously.

As for the rest of the cast, you already know my views on Jake. I can’t say that I liked Emma either as she was far too dramatic and all over the place with Jake. She should have just placed the friend zone card right from the get go. The little girl with super strength and the twins with their masks were all right, but they didn’t get much character here. Victor is another character who hasn’t gotten to do anything and I suppose that will be developed in a sequel. Enoch is the bully who is definitely not likable. He’s basically just around to make things tough for Jake and naturally this means that he has a very easy job. Olive is all right and her fire powers are some of the most useful in a fight, but she is completely invalidated when the ice villain is able to defeat her. The whole point of having fire powers it that you shouldn’t be frozen so easily. It was a rather embarrassing fight for her and the rushed romance between the two was rather forced. After 100 years of working together you finally develop your feelings after a quick fight? Hmmmmm.

Most of the other kids are just around to remind you that they have powers and aren’t afraid to use them. Miss Peregrine is the final big hero. (Unless you count the other Time Wizard, but she looks rather terrible the whole time. Getting kidnapped is one thing, but getting one shotted in the next scene? That’s even worse! She’s a character who just seemed rather odd. The film hypes her up as a very strong character who can put up a fight, but it turns out that she is rather powerless and can’t even beat a single opponent. Theoretically, the film acts as if one monster can take down the whole school and that’s…just embarrassing. I feel like all of Peregrine’s hype was destroyed when the main villain walked into the room and that hurt her character a lot. She’s charismatic, but it appears that she is all talk for the moment. Not to mention the fact that she seems a little corrupt as she will murder people quite easily and does keep the children confined in a time loop for eternity while treating them like kids. It doesn’t seem quite right, but that isn’t really delved into.

I have to quickly jump onto a few more plot holes while I’m at it. This one’s not really a plot hole so much as it is a power inconsistency. The headmistress of another time loop claimed that she couldn’t save any of her students because there were too many monsters. Later, it is shown that a single monster can destroy them all since the monsters are invisible. Maybe the Time Loop character was trying to sound impressive, but it seems like the writer didn’t really think it through. Furthermore, a moment in the climax is another plot hole. The whole climax doesn’t make sense since the villain could destroy all of the kids several times, but chooses not too. Based on how he was acting prior to those moments, it just makes no sense. He has waited for this moment for many years, he would definitely be taking it at least a little seriously. Still, a monster grabs him and the main villain forgets that he has powers. I seriously could not believe what I was watching. It made absolutely no sense and ranks up there along with the sad scene of watching skeletons take down the monsters. It makes absolutely no sense!! Speaking of not making any sense, I hope that a sequel deals with how bringing people back to life and forcing them to fight against their will is rather shady and morally suspect as well as how Peregrine left the rest of the schools to fight for themselves by not warning them that the villains were coming. She is directly responsible for the villain mass murdering a group of kids since she could have warned them, but chose not too. Again….everyone in this film is either shady, has no character, or is just weak.

You seriously just need to throw logic out the window when you watch this film. It’ll let you enjoy it a whole lot more since the writing is just disgraceful. Beyond the plot hax, the main villain isn’t bad I suppose. At least he has a personality and is fairly charismatic. I just can’t take him seriously and the whole eyeballs thing prevents him from being all that good. As you can tell, I mainly had a big problem with the characters in this film and the writing. Still, that isn’t quite enough to give the film a negative rating. It still could have probably gotten a 5 and maybe narrowly a 6. Unfortunately, the film hit two big snags.

One of these was animal violence. Yes, the film resorted to having a herd of cows die for no real reason. It had nothing to do with anything and the scene should have been cut out. The other part is the fact that the villains have to eat eyes to power up. That’s just super dark and the concept should not have existed. It’s just there to be gritty and dark and this does not mesh well with the rest of the film. Seeing the villains consume eyeballs for lengthy periods of time is just disturbing and disgusting. The scenes aren’t horribly graphic as they’re made to look gross, but fake. Still, it’s not something that should have been in the film either and these two negatives ensured a negative score for the film. There’s not much of a soundtrack to be noticed here so that couldn’t help to earn any points either. I’m sure that the tunes were decent, but as I don’t remember any of them, they couldn’t have been all that good.

Overall, This is one of those films that is easy to talk about. I probably didn’t even address everything here as there is just so much to say. On a conceptual level, this film is just very interesting as I like the premise and the world that was built up. Unfortunately, it was simply mishandled and that’s a shame. The Dad was a fun character and I definitely missed him once Jake jumped back into the fantasy world. Jake panicked once again and forgot that he was in a time loop, but I’d expect nothing less from him by that point. I would recommend you check this film out, but you should probably take a pass on it. Watch the film if you want a logic-less action film that must have taken writing cues from Now You See Me, but you should probably just watch Man of Steel again. Now that film was a deep action film with a lot of epic moments. If this film gets a sequel, I’m going to expect it to explain away some of these plot holes so it can try to save the franchise.

Overall 4/10

Panic Room Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such. A review of the unedited version would likely be harsher.

It’s time to look at a thriller movie from not too long ago. This title is certainly a lot more modern than some of the other films that I’ve been watching as of late. It’s the kind of film that revolves around a lot of strategy as most of the adventure takes place in one location. That can work as long as the writing is strong enough. It’s solid enough to keep you engaged for the moment, but plot convenience makes the situation a lot tougher for the two heroines than it needs to be.

Meg is trying to find a new place to live. She gets a pretty good deal on a rather large house and the place even comes fully equipped with a panic room in case of emergencies. The panic room has a phone that is connected to a backup power generator and it is supposed to be impossible to break into. Meg’s daughter, Sarah doesn’t mind the house all that much so it is decided that they will stay there. Unfortunately, the house comes under attack by three robbers who want the secret treasure that is hidden somewhere inside. They have guns and aren’t afraid to use them so it looks like Meg is going to have to try and outlast them or get a hold of one of the guns.

I’ll give the film some props for actually making the Panic Room good. A lot of times, the villains will just break in without any real effort and then that’s game over. Here, the Panic Room stands strong even after a lot of attacks and that’s really how it should be. If you paid good money to have a safe that is strong and durable, robbers shouldn’t be able to break in. The flip side of this is that the film needs some way for the villains to get to the heroes anyway since we need to have some tension.

Well, the plot device in this case is Meg. She is diabetic and needs shots every once in a while. This means that they have to leave the panic room at some point even if they don’t want too. It was fairly annoying because what are the odds right? It doesn’t help that the phone in the panic room wasn’t connected or that there were no emergency rations inside yet. The villains don’t know most of this either, but they are persistent and stick around even after trying a lot of ideas. There were some pretty clever ones like sending in fumes through the vents, but the fire counter was just as good.

Meg’s a decent main heroine. There’s nothing much to dislike about her, but the character just isn’t all that interesting. At least she doesn’t hesitate to use the gun when necessary. Sarah was a little more on the annoying side to be honest. Kids rarely turn into likable characters in the movies so it is not too surprising. She’s not super annoying or anything, but she is a little slow on the uptake at times and also panics quite a lot.

I can’t say that any of the villains were all that good either. We have Junior, who is the brains of the operation. He believes that he is in charge, but there isn’t a whole lot of honor among thieves. You can probably imagine that things don’t go too well for him after the other two find out that he has been lying about the loot the entire time. There’s also Raoul, who joins the group for this case. The other two haven’t worked with him before though and he is more extreme than the others. The other two are both common criminals who prefer not to actually go around destroying people. They silently get what they are after and then dash away. Raoul has no such qualms. He’s the meanest of the 3 and is willing to do anything.

Finally, we have the “Good Cop” villain. He doesn’t want to destroy anyone since he’ll wind up in jail for life at the bare minimum. This guy’s not a hero at all since he is still a robber, but the film portrays him as the lesser of the 3 evils. He’s also the smartest member and is the only reason that the villains come close to getting into the safe. Without his expertise, the whole mission would have been doomed from the start. He’s more likable than the other two, but I still can’t say that he is a good character.

Meg’s ex husband shows up at one point to help out, but he just makes the situation worse. He’s probably one of the more unintelligent characters in the film. He knows that something serious is going on, but he just walks in through the front door without a care in the world. True, he called the police, but he should have come in with them. I can understand not wanting to wait that long, but then he should have at least been prepared to fight. If he had come in with the cops from the get go, the film may have been a lot different. The cops did a decent job of trying to figure out what was going on, but there is only so much that they could do from their position. It was nice to see the main officer looking intelligent, but it was mostly just a sad scene of watching the villains get a few more chuckles in.

The heroes also made a few classic horror movie mistakes. For one, Meg made sure to trip and drop a lot of things while reaching for her phone. Had she not done this, she could have made it back to the Panic Room and dialed 9-11 from there. The film would be over and the heroes would have succeeded while barely breaking a sweat. Instead, the heroes lost their advantage. There is also the fact that even after they had the villains on the run and one of the heroes had a gun, there was too much hesitation. Not pulling the trigger and just letting the villain get closer is a pretty sad move. They may not be used to combat with such high stakes, but you can’t hesitate at that point in time.

Panic Room’s writing is all right for the most part, but it definitely does have an issue with language. It mostly comes from the villains since films love to have them swear as much as possible. Luckily, you’re mostly just hearing the air whiz by thanks to the edited version, but it was still a little excessive. In terms of violence, the film does get a little intense for the ex-husband. He really takes a big beating once he is at the hands of the villains. He gets a short reprieve, but then they land another shot or two in during the climax. He’s in terrible shape by the time the film is over and there’s possibly a chance that the injuries would be lethal. It’s too bad since the guy was trying to help, but it ended up backfiring quite badly.

Overall, Panic Room’s not a very fun thriller. I’d say that making Sarah ill was a little forced for giving the villains a way to get into the panic room and the writers couldn’t think of another way to make the situation work. It’s pretty tense as the villains keep trying to break in, but it’s never much fun and the language as well as the overall grit factor keep this from being a winner. The one fun part is probably the irony that the U.S. Bonds probably wouldn’t have helped the villains out all that much. Maybe they would have a way to cash them in, but these guys didn’t seem to have a whole lot in the way of connections. It’s possible that the whole journey would have been for naught this time. If you enjoy Home Invasion films then this one could be up your ally I suppose. Don’t expect the most well crafted film out there, but it could fit the bill. If you want an intense film with a little more action, then I recommend checking out Broly The Legendary Super Saiyan instead. That film has a lot of tension while still being a blast and a half as well.

Overall 4/10

Mystery of the Wax Museum Review

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It’s time for a really old film. This one came out over 20 years before the original Godzilla title so you can tell that this one has been around for quite a while. Unfortunately, this film doesn’t help disprove the myth that old films are boring. The pacing is quite bad and the film spends far too much time on scenes that simply don’t matter. It’s a shame since this film tried to be a mystery thriller, but forgot to include the actual thrills. The Mystery of the Wax Museum is unraveled within the first 20 minutes (Or seconds if you looked at the poster) so that doesn’t leave the film with a lot of material.

We have a reporter named Florence who typically doesn’t do too well in the biz. That being said, she’s never afraid to go after the long shots and this is the case when she finds out about a possible wax scandal. It involves stolen alcohol and dead bodies so her editor, Jim, doesn’t believe her. He spends most of the film insulting and belittling her, but deep down he’s a nice guy….or so the film wants you to think. Florence eventually realizes the truth, that the new Wax Museum’s statues are all actual people who have been murdered. Unfortunately, she is quickly overpowered by a very strong old cripple. Can the cops save her in time?

The film actually starts out in the distant past and shows us how Igor turned from a normal businessman into a psychotic murderer. See, all it took was a quick fire that burned down his entire life’s work. He murders a guy in the fist fight though…I think. Maybe the guy escaped, but it doesn’t matter. Igor decided that nobody can craft as well as he can so he’ll have to use actual bodies to make sure that they are accurate. That starts his long road into villainy. We’ve also got a subplot where Florence’s friend, Charlotte and her fiancee Ralph are thrown into the mix since Ralph works there.

Ralph doesn’t suspect anything though. He’s working along side a pair of crooks and both are pretty suspect, but Ralph fears nothing. Right up until the very end Ralph is completely useless. You’d think that he would perform well since his fiancee is in danger right? Not a chance, Ralph goes down faster than a sack of potatoes. A single punch is all Igor needs to take him down. After that, he gets up again only to be defeated once more. I found myself face palming and chuckling at the same time. I don’t think this should be possible and maybe my imagination just proved to be a stronger reality than this film.

Charlotte’s not an interesting character either and is just here to be here. Florence shouldn’t be that bad since she is made to be the tough Lois Lane character of the film. That being said, it’s hard to take seriously. She talks a good game, but the ending destroys her. She decides to randomly marry her boss despite the two of them arguing at every turn. He seemed to have no real respect for her whatsoever and just popped the question for the lolz. Maybe he didn’t think she would accept. Also, she could have been rich otherwise. The ending makes absolutely no sense whatsoever….so it was pretty appropriate.

As for Igor, he’s a pretty lousy villain. There’s nothing interesting about him at all. His final battle is humorous, but for all the wrong reasons. He was horribly disfigured by the fire and crippled to an extent. He hasn’t walked all that much in years aside from when he goes to kidnap people. Yet, he has the skills to defeat about a half dozen police officers and random civilians back to back to back. He only loses in the end to sheer numbers and firepower as he takes an unfortunate dip. I can’t help, but think that the film was just trying to extend its run time at that point.

The worst thing about the film is the fact that it is very boring. The film refuses to move at anything past a snail’s pace. The Cops don’t believe the reporter and they really shouldn’t, but I wish they would try to look around and find evidence or something. Instead, they just go back to the party and read dirty magazines all day. Is this really how the police should be portrayed? I mean seriously…this was just embarrassing for them.

The fight scenes were also pretty low end to downright bad as well. The first one with Igor and his partner was just flat out terrible. It got surprisingly intense considering this was back in the day with underhanded tactics being prevalent all around. Beyond that, the film does really show its age. Everything feels really old. The camera work suffers the most from this, but the backdrops aren’t all that bad. They hold up decently well as a city always looks good, whether it’s the 60’s or more modern.

There’s not really a soundtrack as you probably expected from such an old film. What could have saved this film? It’s hard to say since the film never seemed like it even had much potential to start off with. I suppose having a better cast would have helped a lot and taking out the random marriage proposal at the end as well. Ralph should have put up a better fight to help his fiancee and the cops shouldn’t have struggled so much against a very weakened old guy. At least say that he use some kind of super human serum on himself. Instead, he has the strength of a monster for no real reason. I also find it hard to believe that breaking into a hospital and stealing bodies is so easy, even back then. Surely they have heard of security patrols right? Also, since it made the news, you’d think that someone besides the lead reporter would notice that the victims matched the new displays perfectly.

Overall, Mystery of the Wax Museum is a mystery film that I’d recommend skipping out on. If anything, just watch one of the newer versions, but I definitely can’t vouch for those either. For all I know, those are worse. I wouldn’t call this a horrible film as it manages to keep its class for the most part, but it’s just a bore which really defeats the entire purpose of watching the film. If it’s not going to be any fun, you may as well go back to sleep and take a little nap. That way you’ll be ready to watch a different film.

Overall 4/10

The Forest Review

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Looks like it is time for another horror film. They have a fairly bad track record and I’d say that it may actually be even worse than the romance film’s rep. That being said, I’ve seen many more horror movies than romance titles so it’s not really a fair fight. This one came out in in 2016 so it’s actually fairly modern. It’s not a good film regardless, but at the very least I can say that the first half of the film is actually better than around 90% of the horror films that I’ve seen. It goes downhill from there though. I don’t really bother with the spoilers moniker unless the film is new, but this one is 2016 so I’ll say it now…there are spoilers ahead!

Sara was trying to enjoy an ordinary day when her twin sense started tingling. She finds out that her twin sister has vanished inside of the Suicide Forest. Her husband tells her not to be dramatic, but she knows that her sister is currently still alive since her twin sense lets her know if she is alive or not. Sara must hurry since nobody can survive in the forest for long. After all, there are many demons lurking among the trees and they will pounce on anyone with a little sadness in their hearts. Sara knows the stakes so she heads to Japan and enters the forest…but not before getting a drink! She enjoys a good beer and meets a guy named Aiden. He claims to be a reporter and doesn’t mind having her tag along as he goes through the forest the next day. The catch is that he will be recording what she says as they go through. It’s a price that Sara is willing to pay. (For a little while) With the backup at the ready, Sara steps into the forest.

The film is short, but still takes its time getting to the ghosts and jump scares. The first 40 minutes or more is just Sara walking around Japan and learning about the forest from supporting characters. She goes to sketchy morgues and talks to suspicious teenagers along the way. It may not be the most engaging group of scenes, but there are none of the usual negatives from a horror movie like animal violence or violent sob stories involving the main character or a house. Unfortunately, things start to go seriously downhill once Sara finally gets into the forest. Sure enough, all of the usual horror tropes quickly start to appear.

For starters, the simple car crash quickly turns into a domestic accident. There’s no shock value here since this twist has been used to death and just reminds you that this film has no originality in the slightest. I wish that the car crash could have stuck. Then Sara also begins to let the demons overwhelm her towards the middle of the film and ends up murdering an innocent person and herself as well. When Sara was trying to cut someone’s hand off of her, she actually ended up cutting her arm instead. Either her eyes were not working properly or the spirits subtlely moved reality around with an illusion to make her arm look farther away than it actually was. It’s still a stretch of the imagination though and I’m not sure that I buy it. The spirits were also nice and overpowered since they could create illusions on the phone as well which made things tricky.

I don’t think Sara necessarily made the wrong choice all of the time, but she definitely did in the first place. If you meet someone in a bar who immediately tries to hit on you…you probably shouldn’t take this sketchy character to the middle of a dark forest to be alone for a full night. I definitely wouldn’t trust anyone like that and then she starts to doubt him a whole lot. That’s fine, but then try to run til you see a path and get out of the forest. Sara isn’t concentrating all that well and ends up falling in a ditch. Good thing that the villains in this film are so slow right?

As per horror film rules, there is a quick twist towards the end. It makes sense and you’ll feel bad for the nice supporting character, but he probably should have ran in the car with the police when he had the chance. I don’t think he’ll be able to win against a full fledged demon so it’s game over for him. Seriously, it wouldn’t be a horror film without an end twist and I’d say that it is practically a requirement at this point. There are a few other “jump” scares during the film like an old man laughing through a mirror and an old lady who tries to choke Sara. I don’t see anyone jumping during these moments unless you’re just sensitive to noise so the sound automatically makes you move a bit.

Still, many of the dicey situations could have been avoided in the film if Sara had any common sense. When she was camping in the middle of the night, she was supposed to not move from that spot. Instead she runs into the forest where the demons start to feed her their misinformation. Yes, keep on believing the sketchy characters who show up out of nowhere and are constantly grinning. They can’t possibly be lying to your face right? Even demons have standards of what they can and can’t do….no, that’s probably just a rumor. Also, it doesn’t help that Sara can’t really fight for beans so she can talk tough to Alain, but then what? Alain got a rough situation for this film, but that’s probably why you shouldn’t get too close to someone in a bar when both of you are super drunk. Sara letting herself get drunk on the very first day of investigating probably isn’t a very good idea either.

One plot angle that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense is the fact that Jess is actually still alive after a few days. Unless she has absolutely no sadness in her and just went into the forest for the lolz, then the demons should have grabbed her by now. Being absolutely alone…for days in a forest where everyone wants to eat you is a bit of a stretch. You can say that the demons kept her alive so Sara could show up, but then why didn’t they quickly finish her off at that point? They had plenty of time to take them all down so that no survivors would make it through. They are slow though since they couldn’t catch someone who had a broken arm and a badly injured leg so maybe they were still talking along the path.

Overall, The Forest isn’t a great horror movie and it’s not a good one either. I’d call it a sub par film in the end. From the score you can still see that it beats a whole lot of other horror films, but that’s what happens when you can successfully stay away from animal violence and for the most part the film wasn’t even all that grotesque. The demons purposefully look ugly of course, but they’re not over the top like usual. The domestic plot twist was horrid, but at least its screen time was fairly small. If you like horror films then you probably won’t like this film and if you don’t like horror films then you won’t like it either so it will be very hard for this title to appeal to any crowd. Maybe The Woods, or The Mountains can have a better time of it someday.

Overall 4/10