Category Archives: 4 Star Movies

The Land That Time Forgot Review

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It’s time for a dinosaur film with a group of people having to try and get along. You can probably guess how the latter goes but surprisingly the dinosaurs themselves don’t do much for a majority of the film. If anything it’s more about the cave people who tend to generally be annoying. Unfortunately this film uses time travel in the opposite way of how you would want it to be used. Ideally you always want to go to the future with lots of cool gadgets and awesome concepts. Instead it ended up going to the past which is not the direction you want to go. There just aren’t nearly as many possibilities to be had there.

The movie starts with a ship being destroyed and so only a few of the passengers manage to survive. They are able to use their quick wits to take over an enemy submarine though and after a lot of in-fighting they manage to get the ship landed on a mysterious island. This island is like something out of the prehistoric age. There are dinosaurs around, cave people, and basically no sign of modern civilization. This could spell trouble or the heroes could adapt to the place. They will need some oil in order to get the ship operational again but will they be able to survive long enough to do so? It will all come down to whether this group of adventurers can get along with each other.

Now I am poking fun at the idea of these guys all working together and that’s because there are a lot of reasons to hold grudges with each other. Half of the crew are British and the other half are German and they would quickly murder each other if given the chance. The Germans are the ones who blew up the British ship at the start and then now they were being held hostage. So resentment is quite high and they will only work together for as long as is necessary. If either side shows any sign of weakness then it is absolutely game over. There will be no coming back from that.

That’s why true teamwork just won’t work here. Yes a shared goal may sound like it’s enough but not when you know that the person behind you wants to absolutely destroy you as soon as possible. That just means you have to watch yourself carefully at all times. You don’t actually trust the person standing right next to you. In the film we see constant betrayals and the main group keeps on getting whittled down. Realistically if they were one tight unit then the film would have been over rather quickly. They would have easily been able to defend themselves from the dinosaurs, fight off the cave people, and get their oil. Instead all the bickering and arguing slowed them down a little too much.

The dinosaurs that we do see get to have some action and fights but they didn’t help the film. For one thing, the dinosaurs are not bullet proof at all so they’re getting riddled with bullets the whole time and dying. Their first death scene even takes forever which has one of the characters comment on it. It’s just a little rough to be seeing the dinosaur getting absolutely dominated like that. Typically you would expect them to be the scary antagonists right? Sure they do still scare everyone but you can’t take it quite as seriously as long as the guns are around.

So what you have is some extra animal violence here and that’s not even considering the dinosaur vs dinosaur fights. I would definitely recommend cutting the dinosaurs out of the film entirely since they don’t change much. That or just keep them in the background since the designs themselves weren’t bad. Meanwhile what also hurts the film generally are the cave people. Naturally it is hard to have a conversation with them due to the language barrier and so those scenes tend to drag on. We didn’t need the brief fanservice by showing us how the egg work with the tribe jumping into the pool and generally this is why I don’t care much for the past. It was less sophisticated and doesn’t end up being as entertaining.

Whenever the main characters were getting defeated I would be shaking my head. Yeah these cave people would be tough in close quarters combat but why take so long to ready your gun? Half the time the heroes were using the gun like a baseball bat rather than as a projectile. That’s definitely the way to lose a fight, it’s certainly not going to help you win one. I can guarantee you that! At least one guy remembered to flip the opponent and use his momentum against him. The rest were picked off like novices.

One thing I will give the film is that the writing is still pretty good. I at least liked the attempts at teamwork and there was some good banter here. Yeah you knew that the alliance was doomed but getting to that point was still written very well. It wasn’t like the characters were written out of character or that it was all contrived. I thought it was fairly realistic as to how this could all play out without diminishing the intelligence of any of the characters. So I definitely appreciated that.

Overall, The Land That Time Forgot is a film that’s not very good and large part it is due to the premise. I don’t think there’s a lot you can do about a movie going back to the olden days. It felt like the writers more or less knew what they were doing and they couldn’t save the concept. Even aside from the animal violence and the characters being more on the annoying side, I think the biggest issue was that the film could be rather boring at times. It feels long as you’re going through the movie and it would have been so much better if no such island ever showed up. Have the tension be about the characters needing to survive on a week’s worth of supplies with both sides getting more and more anxious about the situation. If you do that then I would argue that the whole movie would work a lot better. I know it is a completely different movie at that point though so for better or worse, that’s the way I can see to save this film. But hey it could have been a whole lot worse to be honest.

Overall 4/10

The Time Travelers Review

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It’s time for a movie that’s definitely more on the disappointing side. It’s not like I had massive hopes for it or anything like that but a film about time travel should always be exciting. Instead this one was just more of a let down. A lot of the time there was nothing going on in the movie and it felt like the story was constantly stalling for time. That is absolutely not the right way to make a good impression and so even the ending doesn’t land as well as it should have.

The film starts with a bunch of scientists working on their time device. They want to be able to peer into different time periods but they are using up a lot of energy and have no results. Danny is sent in there to tell them to cut it out but they try one more test. This time it works, only better than they expected. The “window” doesn’t just let them view other times, it actually lets them jump in as well. Now they are all trapped in the future with no way to get home. This is already bad but it turns out that the world is about to end. They will have to rely on the help of other scientists from the future who are rather suspicious.

The story sounds a lot more interesting than it actually is. You’ve got a whole race of brutes running across the planet and then you have “Deviants” who are part brute, part human. Stuff happened along with the mass bombing of the planet that caused people to not develop so much and this really split humanity. There’s a story somewhere in here about rebelling against this tyranny but there’s just no time. We already missed the collapse of modern civilization and these are the last scientists on the planet either way.

The brutes are also surprisingly weak. Guess how the main characters get them to go away…..they throw rocks at them. Yeah this is enough to make them retreat. It really makes no sense no matter how the film tries to spin it. I couldn’t believe how the whole crowd backed off from the main fighters because of this. There are some action scenes once in a while during the movie but never for long. You don’t need this for a time travel movie but at the same time it means that I couldn’t really take the villains all that seriously.

Then we also have some random fanservice near the middle of the movie. The scene has absolutely no point being in here and you could say that about quite a few other scenes. The film takes us through the long process of building and fixing androids. I imagine they will have been doing this for a very long time because these androids are super flimsy. I’d trust Flippy the modern burger A.I. over some of these things. The brutes destroy them with ease. Couldn’t the scientists have taught the robots to throw rocks or something?

Now in part this is a problem with the film being so old but the so called high tech civilization don’t really feel that advanced. They’re also not very reasonable but that’s just human nature so I could roll with that. The only thing I will defend them on is not wanting to alter the plan to leave the planet. They already spent years getting the perfect window set up and it’s reasonable to assume that they would be obliterated by the villains if they stay for much longer. So it sucks for the main scientists but they can’t exactly wait for them.

This could all be very fascinating if you didn’t have to sit through 20 minutes of comedy music while the heroes walk around the base doing nothing. It felt like the script for this film was only around 30 minutes so they really had to stretch this for as long as possible. Not a good idea by any stretch of the imagination. Again, the story itself is very interesting but it was executed in the worst way possible. The film’s biggest error is really that it can just get rather boring at times. That shouldn’t be possible for a time travel film. It should be extremely engaging and fascinating the whole time.

The pacing is just so bad. The film’s not even very long but it sure feels like a lengthy epic as a result of the decisions made here. I was shaking my head the whole time. Lets quickly list the cool concepts the movie had that weren’t explored much at all. 1. The warring factions with the brutes, 2. The poor guy in the middle of this who is shunned by humans and monsters. How did he even break into the ship? 3. The guy who was trigger happy from the future scientists. I felt like he was going to get a much bigger role, etc. There was a ton of meat left on the table for this movie.

The only part of the film that I will give some decent credit for being original is the ending. Sure, it’s something you may have seen before in some way or another but it’s not an option that tends to be picked. So actually seeing this ending was pretty fun and makes a whole lot of sense. It all depends on the rules for time travel that the verse picks but this is one that’s always interesting and works to prevent any kind of a paradox. The ending alone isn’t worth watching the film of course but if you are intrigued, this could help enhance the movie just a little bit.

Overall, The Time Travelers is not a very good film. It spends way too much time on filler moments and not actually advancing the plot. Every time the heroes would take a break to just marvel at the future I would get annoyed. Particularly since none of the stuff was all that impressive either. None of the characters really stand out either and the film’s weak attempt at a romance here falls flat. Yeah you’re really not missing much by skipping this film. It will ultimately stay forgotten.

Overall 4/10

My Blue Heaven Review

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All right it’s time for another retro film as we go way back to 1950 on this one. It’s an old school musical with a whole lot of songs so you don’t have to worry about running out of those. Unfortunately the main character loses a lot of points by the end and the characters definitely don’t always make the right moves.

The movie starts with Kitty and Jack having a big celebration because they are finally having a kid. Everything is looking really good until they are in a car crash and Kitty loses the baby. Now her only option is adoption but the orphanage doesn’t think people in the TV business like Kitty and Jack would make for good parents. They need to find some way to get a kid though but what can they do. What even are their options at this point? One thing’s for sure, if they get too desperate they may end up getting into trouble.

I can see why it would be a bit of a tougher sell for the orphanage on a couple like Kitty and Jack who both work. Especially back in 1950 when this was far less common. It would mean they would need to hire a baby sitter and as we saw later in the film, that’s not always a good option. So the orphanage may have been onto something at least to a small percent although of course the main couple actually was responsible. They just didn’t leave a great first impression.

Where they got a bit too desperate was when they decided to do this behind the books. They went to some shady people at the back of a restaurant and ignored a ton of red flags in order to take the baby. Jack in particular messed up on this one since they had been leaving when his willpower weakened. The film mainly tries to dodge this plot for later on with an easy resolution when that could have really gone sideways.

Jack’s biggest mistake was cheating on Kitty with a younger actress known as Gloria. That whole scene was crazy and completely dooms his character. The fact that he wasn’t even fighting by the end and seemed eager for more before Kitty walked in was just sad. Yeah he got his excuses lined up and we can assume it’s all happily ever after but it’s just unfortunate how he proved all of the friends and neighbors right. They figured he couldn’t be trusted by himself and well, he couldn’t. The guy was practically encouraging Gloria by the end.

So yeah he looks pretty bad throughout. Kitty fares better in the film but has her own share of issues like when she allows the hired help to boss her around. Kitty brought in a nurse for when she has to go to work but she lets this person boss her around during the day to the point where she isn’t allowed to hold her own baby? That makes absolutely no sense, it’s just completely backwards. Yeah that’s not very smart and at least eventually she fired that person.

The main cast is rather small but there are a few supporting characters. The main two important ones would be the other couple who are always around to cause some trouble. Whether it’s by finding shady deals for more babies or throwing a party which doomed the odds for the first try, something is always going on here. They don’t always have a lot of tact and the party going on for so long is part of why the main duo crashes in the first place. Technically this influence ended up being a net negative for the main characters.

One thing that doesn’t really help the film is that none of the music is all that good. It’s a big contrast to the writing where I tend to enjoy older films for how the writing style was but I tend to dislike or be generally indifferent to older style music. Give me concert type films over musicals any day as those tend to have a lot more life to them. At the end of the day this one really could not keep up. I won’t really remember any of the tunes by the next day.

The baby scenes don’t really do anything for me in terms of helping the film or being funny so the film has to try and have a blast around those moments. The dog was nice though and always good to see. Whenever a pet appears in a film without an action context or anything then I can generally be assured that it’s going to enhance the movie. There should be no risk of anything negative happening to the pup after all. I also appreciated the maid who was a fun character. Honestly she got the roughest bit of things because the characters were never really being all that nice to her or embracing he positive energy that she was throwing out. That’s definitely something that they need to work on.

If I could do something differently here, it’s that I would have focused more on the main characters’ radio career. I think those shows have a lot of potential to them, far more than the TV versions. On the radio it’s all audio so no reason to be running around with all these big productions. Instead it’s more about telling a good story and being dramatic. The opening segment about the IRS for example was better than any of the shows that came before it. Don’t introduce Gloria a a character and I think you’ve got a whole lot going on here to be a big success.

Overall, My Blue Heaven is a film that definitely throws a lot at the main characters. Some of the problems are self inflicted while others are really outside of their control. As with most musicals the songs themselves aren’t all that good but the film does have a chipper feel to it the whole time. Jack ultimately cracking and giving in to the dark side keeps this film from going above breaking even, particularly with how easy he was let off. Still, if you want to check out an old school musical then this could be the one that is up your alley. Just don’t expect great characters or anything like that.

Overall 4/10

Ghostbusters (2016) Review

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This film was definitely quite infamous when it came out. Trust me it’s definitely deserved although the film is at least a little more fun when you watch it as a complete parody. That’s how it should have been marketed to be honest because this film is not serious in the slightest. I’d argue that it is practically a parody to be honest even though I know how crazy that might sound. Every few minutes there is some kind of gag to undercut the whole thing which is exactly what a parody would do right? At least that’s the way it seemed to me. In a way this could have actually been an interesting angle if you treated it like an SNL skit to really be authentic but it doesn’t quite work.

The film starts off with Erin doing her best to deliver quality lectures and be a respected teacher. Unfortunately a ghost of her past has appeared. See, when she was younger she co-wrote a book with Abby about the supernatural and now it is something she is embarrassed by. Also, they had agreed to never publish the book and why isn’t Erin getting any of the royalties? She confronts Abby and begs her to take the book down but instead she is repeatedly bullied and humiliated by Abby. Erin loses her job as a result and now her only shot at success is to team up with Abby and her partner Holtz in finding some actual ghosts. She will be….a Ghostbuster!!

This is one of those films that peaks early which is a problem for it. About 80% of the best gags and moments are all in the first 30 minutes of the film. I really enjoyed the dynamic with Erin and Abby and how much they hated each other. They were so bitter about everything and Erin would constantly be professional only for Abby to stab her in the back. This happens over and over which was just great. Then you had another good gag with a fake-out involving a dead guy and his grand son. Good stuff…lets not forget the intro stinger either. It felt like the movie was really going places. It was also interesting to have one of the supporting characters be that really annoying Gabe character from the final seasons of the Office. Never thought I’d see him anywhere else again.

So how does the film falter? Well, once Erin and Abby agree to bury the hatchet, the film tries to play things a little closer to the vest. It acts as a normal action comedy film with the characters fighting Ghosts but it doesn’t have the script needed to pull this off. The jokes get more and more cringeworthy as the movie goes on. It starts to rely on the same jokes over and over again like Kevin being super dumb and this just doesn’t work. It’s a little too overblown and again…repetition is the enemy of a good gag. If you rely on the same joke too often then it is inevitable that it will fail. I guarantee you 100% that it’s not going to be a good idea. Even the best joke won’t work if you run it into the ground.

For Kevin…every 2 minutes he is on screen a gag like this is going to show up. So those really hurt and he’s also not remotely a likable character. There’s no point for him to be here except to be the butt of the jokes and hey that’s the comic relief character’s role but in this case it’s really not worth it. Cutting him out would have been better for the whole film. The other supporting character Patty is a lot better and even she’s not great.

At least she is an actual character though and can keep up the banter with the others. If only the banter was good though. Holtz is the third member of the trio with Abby and Erin but there isn’t a ton for her to do. She’s the “tough” character of the 3 but they’re all so inept that it isn’t really saying anything. Abby is the worst of the 3 and is completely awful at everything she tries. So yeah she embraces the comedy role as well but as one of the main characters this doesn’t work too well. Erin was the best by far at first but then she has the character gag of drooling over Kevin the whole time which loses her massive points.

If you were hoping that the villains would save the day then think again. Rowan is the main villain here and he’s super whiny the whole time. He wants to help the ghosts make a comeback and all but you can’t take him seriously at all. Then you have the Marshmallow Man in his big comeback appearance where he is treated pretty awfully. He falls on the first two characters and then the third one just oneshots him from being with a little pinprick thing. Definitely a disrespectful way to go out here. Of course it’s all played as a comedic kind of thing but that’s probably something to save for a sequel when you’re earned the cache to pull that off.

The cameos for previous Ghostbusters as different characters was much better. Now that’s a fun easter egg for fans. I also liked the new take on the Mayor and his flunkies as they get in the Ghostbusters way. Having them be fully aware of what’s going on and having to put up an act the whole time is great. That’s what I would expect them to do in this situation and so it matches up.

The fact that the film doesn’t pull up the classic Ghostbusters theme is a shame though. I was really waiting for that. So I think what hurts this film is that it’s not exactly sure of what it’s doing. You have 3 real options as a big reboot like this. (I’d say it’s definitely not in continuity so I’m treating it as a reboot).

1. You play it straight as a new take on the series. Keep any easter eggs to a minimum and try to win fans over with your fresh direction. You need to have full confidence to pull this off.

2. You go for outrage and do your best to mock the fans of the originals. Something like the Velma series or Teen Titans Go where you go out of your way to slap fans across the face. If you take it far enough it can double back around into being endearing.

3. You go for nostalgia. Plug the film full of easter eggs, references, and wink wink moments. Do this if you’re not really confident in your abilities as a writer and you need to borrow from the old material to get fans into the door.

I feel like this film is mixing all 3 of them. It certainly does a good amount of 2 and 3 so in that case you could have just made it in continuity and been direct about that but the film is also trying to set up the next generation with these all new ghostbusters which doesn’t work. It’s rare to make a successful new branch of the series over the bodies of the old ones. You have to be careful how you do it or you’re always gonna get a bunch of issues.

Overall, In the end I didn’t think this film was very confident in itself. Yeah the original Ghostbusters were comedies as well but they still had their serious moments and they had a tendency to keep the balance very well. This is more like one of those modern films that feels like it can’t stand to be serious for more than 3-4 minutes at a time without cracking a big joke. The tension must always be cut as soon as possible and that’s always going to put you in a tough spot. You can always get a free out of jail card if the jokes are actually funny of course. That’s an exception to virtually every rule but the jokes here by and large were no funny. I still did really like the first part of the movie but it all started to go downhill from there with no way up. Something tells me that this film isn’t really going to be making a comeback with guest star appearances or anything in the new films. But hey I could be off base there. For now I would say to skip this one and focus on other Ghostbuster titles.

Overall 4/10

This Happy Feeling Review

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It’s time for one of those films where a weak romance really holds it back. There’s only so much you can do with the rest of the film when this isn’t on point after all. I also think the film could have gone a little more all out with the comedy since it doesn’t tend to be laugh out loud humorous most of the time. I did enjoy a bird that was running around for most of the movie though.

The movie starts off with Mitch realizing that he is super old and the world of the theatre has long since passed him by. Part of him wants to get back into the business but the rest of him knows that he can’t keep up. There is a lady that he has been involved with for a long time named Nita but he’s bored of her as well. Well, one day a girl named Janet stops by his place after being defeated by the rain and so he lets her stick around. The problem is that she’s fallen for him and this inflates Mitch’s ego. Perhaps he’s not over the hill yet but at the same time he knows that a relationship is a bad idea here due to the really large age gap. What can he do?

Well the obvious answer is to just not get into a relationship but most main characters aren’t smart enough for that. This is very much a rebound type of film. Mitch was bored with Nita so he briefly gets involved with Janet and then common sense returns so he goes back to Nita. The problem is that it’s not particularly satisfying for anyone. Mitch proved that he can’t be 100% trustworthy at this point. There are no take backs and the film should have probably gone for a more somber ending where he retires or something and runs off. Janet goes to find a new job while Bill and Nita just wonder what they should do next. That would be the ideal ending.

I’m still glad that Mitch saw reason by the end. Better late than never and all that but the whole plot is definitely more on the annoying side. It helps that most of the cast is rather annoying so you’re rooting for Mitch to prove the doubters wrong at least in terms of his horseback riding and acting ability. Lets take Nita for example. She immediately gets super jealous of Janet and starts being petty about everything. You get why she would be upset since Mitch is intentionally portraying this as him cheating. Lets face it, there’s no other reason to have had Janet pick up the phone.

So I’m cool with Nita getting angry but where it gets unreasonable is when she takes it on everyone else. When Bill falls and gets seriously injured, she takes that time to gloat to Mitch instead of feeling bad about it. Not very compassionate right? Rather than being so bitter she should have just left Mitch entirely and moved on to someone else. Why stick around to be with someone that doesn’t appear to actually like you?

Meanwhile you’re supposed to be rooting for Bill to get together with Janet but why would you do that? The guy’s a jerk. He looks incredibly awful right from the jump as we find out that he moves on from girlfriend to girlfriend as such a common occurrence that nobody can keep track of who he is currently dating. Then when Janet is in a vulnerable spot he takes that moment to put some real pressure on her. Yeah part of it is a misunderstanding but most of it is just Bill trying to make a move under the worst set of circumstances possible. The worst part is that he blames her for all of this.

It’s a part of the film that is rather dated to be sure but even with that context there’s just no way for me to find Bill to be even remotely likable. The guy is just super annoying all the way through. He’s quick to turn on Mitch too even though he was the one who was badmouthing the guy. If Bill wasn’t so aggressive about that, the movie could have turned out very differently as well. I’m afraid that Janet isn’t fully innocent in all of this either though.

Janet knows that Bill likes her but she likes Mitch so she decides to make the older guy jealous by intentionally acting as if she likes Bill during the dance. What this means is that she is putting the guy on and is very intentional about doing this. Manipulating someone emotionally is never cool. It’s a really underhanded trick and of course this just leaves Bill confused later on. Janet spends a lot of time working to seduce Mitch as well and obviously it’s successful since the guy has the willpower of an old banana but none of this really helps Janet as a character. If she was hopelessly in love with the guy and needed a reality check then that could at least give her some character development but instead she just walks back to Bill.

Yeah the romance here is just so bad. It’s all rebounds or romances that you couldn’t root for from the start. The only likable character here is Mitch’s maid who helps him out by fixing his back and generally helping out around the house. She’s a fun character and delivers about 90% of the film’s humor. She has a dry wit about her and is always in the right place at the right time. I don’t know what Mitch would do without her. She definitely elevates the film which makes her a model supporting character.

Like I mentioned before, the film just doesn’t have quite as much humor as you would expect. The romance itself feels like it’s played fairly serious the whole time. Mainly I think the issue here is that the humor is just too subtle to the point where it just can’t actually dominates the scene even when the joke is being played. So this ends up being more of a drama and it isn’t able to succeed. It would have needed a stronger cast of characters for that.

Overall, This Happy Feeling isn’t a particularly good movie. It makes quite a few mistakes in the romance and it just isn’t able to overcome them. The title may remind you of the hit anime, My Happy Marriage but that title is infinitely better than this one. So unless you are desperate for a romance film, you should give this one a skip. There are many better titles within the genre to watch instead. It’s also important to remember even in real life that you never want to be the second choice. Don’t be the rebound guy and instead keep on searching until you’re the starter. Otherwise you’re stacking the deck against yourself in the risk department.

Overall 4/10

Five Nights at Freddy’s Review

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It’s time to finally dive into the online sensation that is Five Nights at Freddy’s! This is a franchise that really took the world by storm with just how ferocious and scary it was. Every minute had you really on the edge of your sear wondering what was going to happen next. Would it really translate well into the movie? Well, the movie is definitely at its best when the robots are running around. The whole time you know that the humans are toast but the film does definitely lose some ground when it comes to the origins of the robots and the human stuff. That should probably have been saved for a future film. Granted, I don’t know anything about the film except for the spooky jump scares so how much of the plot was spelled out in the first game is a little beyond me. It’s been fun learning more about the series but a lot of it is lore and guess work typically.

The movie starts off with one guy making a break for it, but the robots are too powerful and they ultimately take him down for the count. We’re then introduced to a guy named Mike who has just been fired from another job. He’s a hard worker but the guy gets too emotional and jumps to conclusions. He only has one option left, being a night guard at an abandoned pizzeria. It’s pretty shady, dangerous, etc but he needs the money. Mike’s little sister is going to be taken away by a family member who wants all the money and Mike’s best chance at convincing the judge that he has this under control is to have a steady job that pays the bills. So that’s the plan at least but can he survive this? At least the nearby police officer named Vanessa is really nice so he won’t be totally alone.

All right so like I said the best stuff is really what’s going on at the pizzeria. The place has a very ominous feel and when you see the robots running around you always know that danger is near. They especially look huge in person so you would probably be afraid to just be walking around them. One wrong punch and that’s it for you. Seriously the physical strength behind these guys is absolutely crazy. There’s also the fact that they shouldn’t be able to move so well that makes them rather spooky too. The constant turnover, etc.

By having the robots murder someone in the opening scene, you also know that they are ready to cause some danger right from the start as well. I enjoy the chase scenes here and things definitely get intense. That said, the robots don’t do quite as much as you may have wanted. A lot of time is spent on Mike and he’s not the most interesting main character. He’s not bad but the guy doesn’t stand out and isn’t always super reasonable.

For example, early on he turns down the night watchman job immediately even though at that point he already needed the money. Ultimately the situation gets even worse so he takes it on but I was surprised at how fiercely he declined. Then later on he has a tendency to blame Vanessa for keeping a lot of secrets from him when it’s still his fault for bringing Abby around at all. There’s no way you should ever be bringing a kid to an abandoned pizzeria with lots of giant robots. That’s not smart and we learn that it was for selfish reasons which is even worse.

Abby’s okay at best but she is a kid and so she tends to get in the way here. She’s not really sure of what’s going on until it’s too late and can be rather naive. Vanessa’s the best character from the humans but you still have to overlook a whole lot in order to straight up call her a good character. Trust me, she makes a lot of mistakes here and the fact that she never does anything about this situation is a demerit against her. I’m not buying into any mind control here, it was just fear and confused feelings that held her back. Neither of which are good enough excuses.

I did appreciate the evil aunt character who was transparently a big villain. Hiring a bunch of guys to attack Freddy’s pizzeria is one of the worst plans you can do but I liked her confidence. It also meant that we finally had some more villains around which is always a good thing. The film has a fairly small cast overall and you need more victims to show off the robots. The robots themselves are also very distinct. Ironically Freddy himself has one of the smaller roles though.

I’d argue the yellow duck robot had the biggest role. They all get their time to shine of course but since the place is called Freddy’s you just expect him to do a whole lot more. One of the scenes where he is seemingly there isn’t even him, it’s actually Golden Freddy and the film just offers you a little clue into this when the kid says “Not Freddy” during the scene. A lot of interesting setup for the sequel. Part of the fun in knowing a lot of random things about a franchise but not knowing a ton of specifics is that it makes the series even more intriguing. Not only do I not know what I don’t know, but the things I do know tend to be out of context. So that’s fun but the risk can sometimes be that I like the concept of something more than the execution.

For example there is one plot that brings down the movie quite a bit in how dark it is. That’s basically Mike’s backstory where his little brother was kidnapped while they were at a picnic and apparently there was a whole epidemic of a lot of kids being taken. This involves the robots but basically all of the kids were violently murdered. Not exactly what you were hoping to see here and the explanation for why the police never found them is a real stretch. I don’t see how they were never found and how the place was so well kept intact afterwards. Surely they would have emptied out the rooms, robots, etc. to make sure that every place was checked right?

The backstory felt a bit sloppy here. Throughout the film, Mike gets to relive the kidnapping as he tries to ask the kids what happened. The idea is that every night he has this dream, he gets closer to solving the mystery but it’s a very slow process. You get what they’re going for here but it does mean that these scenes can be rather boring without much in the way of plot development. I don’t need to see the kid getting kidnapped over and over again. Even the intro of the film is already rather creepy with the drawings and what’s happening. If you have to go into the origin though, I would have left it at the opening credits and made Mike unrelated to the whole plot. Just make him a random guard trying to survive. I think that would be way more interesting.

In terms of sheer violence, I wouldn’t say that the film is too excessive here. It tends to be more about what you don’t see or what nearly happens as opposed to what does. One character does get ripped in half which is probably the most violent scene here but even then it is done through shadows so you aren’t actually seeing what is going on here and I think that is a very important point to make. If it was on screen this film probably would have had to go up a rating after all.

Overall, Five Nights at Freddy’s succeeds whenever it is about the robots running around and causing trouble. The direction the film went in just didn’t tend to focus on its strengths though. Too much time is spent on Mike and his constant dreams. I liked the scene with introducing us to the guy giving Mike the job and how his tune really shifted upon hearing Mike’s last name. It’s over the top enough that it’s spooky while also being a bit campy which is a good atmosphere to have. For the first film it really should have been more about Mike being stuck in the pizzeria trying to survive the night against the robots though. Or if you wanted to go the more lore based route, have this be a very dense film with tons of theory crafting and the main character reading a bunch of books the whole time and trying to figure things out. In either case I think you’re in a better place. So ultimately if you don’t mind the darker elements, you should have a good time here. The robots are definitely spooky!

Overall 4/10

Rollerball (2002) Review

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It’s time to look at the remake to the original film that I just watched. Seeing both versions on the same day definitely makes for a pretty interesting marathon watch. It’s safe to say that the original is better in just about every way though. This one has a very “Try Hard” feel to it from the start. It doesn’t seem like the creators had a ton of confidence in the story or writing so right out of the gate they’re having to add all this extra stuff and it doesn’t work.

The film starts off by introducing us to Jonathan who likes doing extreme things. He even races on a skateboard kind of device through the streets which looks extremely dangerous the instant he gets on it. Definitely not a very responsible thing to do and when the cops show up at his door, he figures it’s time to finally get into Rollerball. It’s an extreme sport filled with lots of danger. Think of it like Rollerbading meets Hockey and you’re zooming around trying to score while people are driving motorcycles and all violence is allowed. Jonathan has become the world champ here but there is a dark conspiracy afoot. More and more people keep getting injured and dying as the ratings go higher. Is there any way out of this?

I will also say that the remake tries to spell things out for you more than the first. In the first movie we never heard the exact rules of the game but you could just piece it together while watching. In this one we literally have a whole scene for the announcer explaining the rules. It’s not a bad idea by any means but it does give you a glimpse into what this remake is like right from the jump. Everything is less nuanced. The villains are super evil, complete with evil laughter and long winded speeches. The opposing teams are all in the dark as well and when push comes to shove they are ready to help. The body count is much smaller and things are allowed to be happier.

Hey, I’m all for a happier ending but the whole film just doesn’t work. Part of the problem is that this film takes place in modern days instead of in a dystopia. In the latter it is easy to excuse a lot of thing like nobody caring about all of the deaths since humanity was cooked a long time ago. In this case it doesn’t make sense that they’re still getting TV deals and becoming a huge hit. The instant the first death hits you are looking at tons of lawsuits and negative media coverage. Yes, the sport could continue but it would be more of an indie thing and not the massive mainstream audience with top ratings that we see here.

You can cut a bit of slack for this being in a foreign country and the standards are a bit more lax but the more the film goes on, the less weight this holds. You also have this company owning the border guards, and being able to do whatever they want. The host even takes out a gun and threatens the local media companies in the middle of a crowd. Alexi doesn’t care who sees him and this works in a dystopia but not here. So the film should have kept this in the future. It doesn’t make sense to be in present day.

Then to make things edgier, we have a ton of fanservice throughout the movie. The film wants to show us how depraved the villains are, so they’re all living out their fantasies degrading everyone and the scenes have absolutely no point to being here. It’s clearly a desperate attempt for more ratings and I dare say that it won’t work on the average moviegoer. Even having girls playing in this league makes no real sense with how violent it is. Another thing that I could have turned a blind eye to in a dystopia.

In fact, let me put on my conspiracy hat here for a minute. I think there are only two reasons why they added women participants to the sport for this remake. The first is for…you guessed it, more fanservice since they can add random locker room scenes. The other is just so they could throw in a big romance which would give Jonathan more motivation for later. The romance is pretty bad though, one of those really rushed ones with no real depth behind it. I’m sure the writers had a chuckle with the last line in the film as a callback to the first conversation with Jonathan and Aurora but it’s not enough to salvage the whole sub plot.

The actual Rollerball scenes aren’t bad but even this is not as good as the original which is crazy. It’s a case of trying to do too much. Now we have ramps, big jumps, you have to throw the ball into a goal instead of jamming it in there and the stage is much smaller. To make up for that, there are less players on each team but the whole thing just feels more convoluted and I can’t think of any way where it is quite as good. At most I can admit that throwing the ball into the goal would be more practical in real life but that’s it. The rest of the changes just don’t make much sense to me unless making the arena smaller was a budgetary constraint.

The cast is not particularly inspiring. Jonathan was annoying in the intro. He’s a decent guy but starting off as a delinquent isn’t great and in the whole climax he doesn’t have much of a plan except to try and murder as many of the opponents as possible. Only problem is that he’s super outnumbered so he has to be saved a bunch of times. It doesn’t make him look very smart. I don’t have any real issues with Aurora. She does her best to help Jonathan and make sure that he’s doing well while she makes the sacrificial play since she has family that she can’t leave.

It takes Ridley a little while to find his moral compass so he’s not as good but at least once he is in danger then the guy starts to move. So I can appreciate that a bit. Sure, it’s selfish and all but I can picture a lot of people making that call. You want to hope for the best to make all of the money until you can’t deny it anymore. Alexi’s a fairly generic villain. Not much to talk about with that guy, he’s okay at best.

His right hand man Sanjay is actually really interesting though. I could have used more screentime for this guy. He’s more ambitious than Alexi and smarter as well. He really thought things through and had a great scene near the end even if it didn’t totally end the way you would have expected it to be. He’s surprisingly the best character in the movie.

As a side note, the whole climax is easily the best part of the film, starting from when Jonathan breaks a window and challenges the villains. Suddenly it was like Jason Bourne where he is taking everyone on and using every object imaginable. He even has a Captain America type moment where he blocks a bullet. Yeah the editing is so bad that it makes Taken 3 look impressive as there are literal frame cuts so we see Jonathan teleporting around the map but we can assume he’s that fast. I was glad that we were getting some real action outside of the arena at least.

Overall, This film had a ton of problems. They range all the way from narrative ones to pacing issues and just plain ole logistical issues. It was trying way too hard in all the wrong places and so that was a recipe for disaster. It can be an entertaining movie for a while but by the end the negatives just racked up way too high to be overcome. Ultimately you are way better watching the first film over the remake. Trust me, this is one that you will definitely want to avoid if you are given the choice.

Overall 4/10

Bloodfist II Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

All right it’s time to jump back into the world of Bloodfist! I have to say it’s impressive just how different this film is from the first one. It may as well not even be a sequel to be honest since it laughs in the face of the first one with Jake’s character development but hey that’s how it goes right? It definitely makes its share of mistakes and so it won’t be another film to be remembered.

The movie starts with Jake winning a big tournament but he murdered his opponent and so he retires from fighting. He has now fallen into all of the vices including paying a lady of the night when he gets a call from an old friend who’s in a jam. He hasn’t seen this guy in ages and the call is the shadiest thing I’ve ever seen so Jake quickly decides to come along where he is beaten up by a group of thugs. He has been kidnapped along with a bunch of the world’s strongest fighters. They are all being taken to an island to fight against humans who have been enhanced with a drug that prevents them from feeling pain while also increasing their physical abilities. Can Jake get out of this or is he doomed?

All right the most disappointing thing here is the fact that the concept for the story is really good! You can’t help but get hyped for something like this because it guarantees a whole lot of action. It’s a classic case of skills vs physical abilities here. These guys may be amped up but the main characters have the edge in fighting technique which you would assume would be enough to take the lead. The problem is breaking the habit of stopping once you have your opponent down because you need to finish them off.

The actual tournament is pretty fun although I think it could have been a bit more balanced. For the most part just about all of the heroes were getting completely destroyed by the fighters and I’m not sure how much I buy that. I get that these guys weren’t rookies or anything but the top level pros should have done a lot better. The place is rigged of course so the winners would quickly get jumped and pummeled by everyone but that should have been necessary more times than it was.

Of course the film does get quite violent here with each fighter meeting rather painful ends. There are more survivors than I expected there to be which is a silver lining for the heroes but yeah they get put through the wringer. At least I don’t question why they would enter such a tournament this time since they were all forced into it. It’s the best explanation for why you would enter a tournament where almost everyone is guaranteed to be murdered. Also since it’s life or death, characters do grab guns and whatever they can which absolutely makes sense. Why stick to hand to hand when the whole thing is rigged anyway right?

One of the plots where the film drops the ball is with Mariella though. So she is the daughter of the main villain and gets beaten up whenever a setback happens. It’s really explained to us quite vividly that her life here is awful and filled with abuse. So you’d expect she wouldn’t have any sympathy for the villains right? Like I can get her betraying the heroes since she is afraid of what will happen if they lose but if the villains go down then that’s fine right? Instead she actually seems concerned and saddened by what happens to the main villain and you’re just shaking your head.

She should be absolutely cheering by that point. He had her publicly beaten and humiliated and yet she isn’t filled with anger at what’s going on? We also find out that she can fight later on around the mid point of the film which would have really helped her in a lot of the early scenes….yeah the writing here wasn’t great to say the least. Most of the villains are also annoying and can’t really fight. They just use their status and cheap shots to beat everyone up.

The strongest fighter was probably the traitor Vinny who also only got as far as he did due to cheap shots. In a fair fight he was not going to stand a chance against Jake and he knew it. Jake could be annoying here as well though because the guy is clearly a top tier fighter but falls for the easiest traps imaginable. At one point he is warned numerous times that Vinny is evil which should have been absolutely obvious from the jump, but at least when he realized that the whole phone call was a ruse right?

Well somehow he doesn’t put the pieces together and loses in the most sucker punch-ish way possible. He just turns the corner and gets knocked out. It’s not the only time he gets beaten up either and even when he’s winning, Jake doesn’t push the advantage and runs off. It’s all just pretty annoying because with his skill level he should be doing way better. By the time he gets serious, a ton of characters have already died. It’s an odd case where you don’t feel like he’s in a ton of danger most of the time and yet you know that everyone around him is doomed because he won’t do anything.

You definitely get Mortal Kombat vibes from the film and can see the potential but it just didn’t work. I’d also argue the film could have stood to have started the tournament earlier so that way there is time for more of the heroes to win one round before they get taken out by the higher ranking fighters. I haven’t seen a ton of team vs team films in the martial arts genre yet so that would have been a lot of fun but it’s relegated to the end. I will say that the fights have at least improved since the first film though. The film definitely gets that credit at least.

Overall, Bloodfist II has some fun ideas but still holds itself back. The random scene of Jake having an affair while he is down in the dumps was wildly bad but once we get on the island we get a lot of fights. The main heroine’s plot is fumbled though and we needed more battles. As with the first film, it will scratch the itch of being a solid action film with a lot of fighting but there’s not much beyond that and ultimately I would say you’ll want to pick a different movie to watch instead. For now this is still not touching Mortal Kombat which is the golden standard for tournament films. We need more titles like that.

Overall 4/10

Bloodfist Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Time for one of those action packed martial art films! Bloodfist has some good moments to be sure and while the action scenes aren’t quite as dynamic as a lot of the other action titles I’ve seen, they work well enough. The main problem here really just comes from the fact that the film tends to get distracted by other elements which are not even needed.

The movie starts with one guy preparing to throw a fight as expected but his opponent is just rubbing it in too much. This causes the fighter to stop holding back and he claims victory. Unfortunately the mafia don’t like that and so after he leaves the venue, drunk and out of sorts…he is quickly overwhelmed in a fight and murdered. We then cut to his brother Jake who finds out about this and decides to avenge him. The local cops are not very helpful but a guy named Kwong explains that there is a big tournament coming up and if Jake enters he will be able to fight the murderer.

Jake is already a strong fighter but is he really able to handle this? Kwong will train him but is not thrilled with Jake constantly getting distracted by all his flirting with Nancy. Kwong tells him time and time again that this will weaken Jake but he doesn’t care. Unfortunately this is easily the weakest part of the film. Jake is here to avenge his brother so it’s true that he really doesn’t have time to be messing around like this. Shouldn’t he be focused on training to the max and winning? Everything else can come in afterwards.

The romance scenes just drag on and on. Additionally the film is going for easy clicks with fanservice scenes that kept the TV censors pretty busy the whole time. These moments don’t add to the film at all and are clearly just here for those reasons. Once we get to the fights then at least there’s more to focus on. Now the film does get extremely predictable by this point. You know that Jake’s friend Baby is absolutely going to get wrecked in the fight but the film decides to go a little extra and make things rough for his girlfriend as well. The worst part is it’s partially Jake’s fault that she gets taken out when he jumps in to de-escalate things.

In this tournament nobody cares about murder or anything like that so it’s not like Chin Woo is disqualified or anything. It just reminds you how crazy all of the characters have to be to even think about entering this thing. You’re putting yourself in a position where the villain can legally torture you. Even if you’re absolutely fanatical about fighting this seems like a really bad idea to me. The film definitely does get rather violent during the matches. Not always in a bloody way to be honest but sometimes just with the explicit bone snapping and extra hits after the fight was already over.

You can definitely feel the pain there. Chin Woo is a very generic main villain though. The guy is strong and ruthless…but that’s about the only character traits to the guy. The film didn’t bother giving him more than that and I guess I don’t blame the title because there wouldn’t be much reason to do so. Most of the characters here are on the two dimensional side. They’re filling out classic character traits to keep the story moving. Nancy is basically just the love interest, Baby is the friend who will inevitably be crushed, Jake is the MC, etc.

The only one who actually has a lot of depth to him is Kwong. The film handles him really well and his role is bigger than you’d expect. He’s not just the old mentor who is super good at fighting and always ready to train a new fighter. This guy is very important and active in the story which was a good idea on the film’s part. I’d even go as far as to say that Kwong is a highlight in the title overall and helps to enhance the movie. You definitely couldn’t say that about just anyone.

Bloodfist also has a really good climax. I dare say that it even tops the actual final battle of the tournament both in choreography as well as location. It just feels like more of a true fight and I always like when the fighters take the battle out of the ring by the end. As I mentioned earlier, the fights aren’t exactly top tier despite the true skills of the actors. It doesn’t have the right camera angles and dynamics to take things to the next level. That said, they are still good fights and there is a good amount of them. If you take away the subplot romance and the extra fanservice scenes then this film would have actually been a good one.

There’s just no reason to go to the strip club and it’s a sign that the writers were not confident in their own abilities. I’d also argue that the writing holds things back a bit like Jake not always acting as urgently as he should be considering the stakes. So this will always be in the shadow of better fighting films like Mortal Kombat and Rocky. I don’t see this one quite becoming as well known or making a comeback. It was big enough to get a bunch of sequels of course but it’s not a true A tier contender.

Overall, If you like action and want to see a bunch of fights then you should check this one out. It is very straight forward about including a ton of action and what you see is what you get. It’s not trying to do anything fancy and the execution isn’t great but I could see it fitting the bill if you just want some action. Unfortunately for Bloodfist there are just way too many other action films to check out if I wanted a quality action film. So I have to give this one a thumbs down and keep it moving. We’ll see how the sequel fares.

Overall 4/10

City Hunter Review

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It’s time for a fairly wacky comedy film. This one definitely does not hold back in terms of how out there it gets. That said, the humor doesn’t really land very well most of the time. There are some good moments but on the whole the film ends up dragging itself out and whenever you think a hype scene is about to occur, your hopes get obliterated right away. This is basically what happens if you make a film with someone like James Bond as the main character…

The movie starts off with City Hunter’s partner getting extremely sloppy as he is gunned down by a group of villains. He quickly tells the hunter not to get together with his sister and City Hunter vows to live up to those words. He’s busy flirting with every girl in town anyway but his days of slacking off have come to an end as he is hired for an important job. He must locate a girl named Kyoko who is with the wrong crowd and her father wants her back. The City Hunter vows to complete the mission for all of the wrong reasons and after fumbling the operation, follows her onto a fancy cruise. What he doesn’t realize is that the boat is swarming with so many terrorists who can fight in hand to hand combat far better than he can. Is it all over for him?

So here’s the deal, I’m all for some good slapstick and I don’t even mind a main character who is completely unable to fight. Someone who is out of his depths the whole time can be a lot of fun with some sarcastic humor. The important point is that he has to be likable and unfortunately….that’s where he falters big time. This guy is just too much of a flirt who prioritizes that over the mission. I won’t say he’s as bad as James Bond but any scene with this guy is extremely annoying.

The film certainly does a good job of incorporating a lot of harem type antics into the movie to make this as authentic as possible but it comes at the expense of the movie being any good. City Hunter should have leaned more into his goofy nature and how he couldn’t find the police office let alone any crooks, but instead it focuses on what a perv the guy is. You’re rooting for the villains to take him out most of the time.

Also most of the film’s humor basically revolves around this which gets old fast and doesn’t come across as clever. There’s quite a lot of fanservice here which bogs down the movie. It’s not quite Charlie’s Angels territory which still takes the dubious crown in that department but it’s fairly unrelenting here. Even when viewing the film under the parody lens, you’re not really going to be sticking with this one for very long.

Kaori isn’t really a great heroine either. She is always jealous of the other girls that City Hunter is with and so she pouts a lot but a better heroine would have really been beating him up all the time. She imagines doing so, but actually tackling him more would have been better. I want to see some confidence and charisma. Instead she goes as far as to pretend to ally herself with the villains at times to get a reaction out of the guy…although it never works anyway. Why would she even want to be with someone who is clearly not going to be loyal in the slightest? City Hunter would drop her in an instant as soon as another girl talks to him.

Now they probably could have let up a little with how many times Kaori gets knocked to the ground though. It just gets sad after a while when you see how often she is the film’s punching bag. Kiyoko gets into a fair deal of trouble as well but unlike Kaori, Kiyoko was basically seeking this out the whole time. I don’t think Kiyoko played this very smart at all from the start but intelligence isn’t the strong suit of just about any character here.

Okay lets talk about some positives. For what it’s worth, there are a few good fight scenes once in a while. There’s a solid fight in the theater where City Hunter mainly gets dominated but eventually churns out a win. It’s still part comedy of course but it works well enough. The best fight is against the main villain’s bouncer though. Both characters move so fast that they keep on missing each other. See, this is actually a pretty good gag that is parodying how good of a fighter they both are. They’re so good that they both actually end up looking weak. Now that’s clever. There are a few other good jokes in there as well.

The effects are so bad that they go all the way around into actually being funny as well. This may not be intentional but I wouldn’t even be surprised if that’s what they were going for. This film is trying to be as silly as possible which is why it’s a shame that it’s not better. Usually I’d be a sucker for a film like this but it just didn’t have the right humor approach. Humor can be very difficult to land of course but at the same time it’s rare to mess up this badly. Seriously just make City Hunter less of a two dimensional character and you could be on to something! A film like this should never feel like its dragging and yet that happens at times. It’s a flurry of activity but sometimes it feels like nobody is going anywhere which doesn’t help matters.

Overall, City Hunter is a movie that just tries way too hard. It ends up being more cringeworthy than funny most of the time. Having a better main character would have helped a whole lot. Ultimately it’s probably for the best that most people don’t remember this one. Why would you adapt City Hunter instead of the original Gundam or even Astro Boy? Trust me when I say there were plenty of other manga titles you could have adapted before this one even entered the conversation. You may as well call this guy the City Hunter by the end of it with how much he’s getting wrecked the whole time.

Overall 4/10