Category Archives: 4 Star Movies

April Fool’s Day Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

April Fool’s Day is definitely an interesting film. Because of the nature of being a film about the trickiest day of the year there are a ton of different fake outs and craziness going on. At the same time, the film is still quite violent and doesn’t hold back with those moments so the question is if the context can sort of help out here or is it still the same thing in the end? I will say the absurd nature of it does give the film a little extra punch but ultimately it’s still not one I would be very likely to recommend.

The film starts off with a bunch of students getting invited to a big April Fool’s party at the fancy mansion of Muffy. The teens are always messing with each other a whole lot with all kinds of pranks but things start to go a bit far when someone is murdered. Is this all really a prank or is someone taking this chance to bump off each and every student? One thing’s for sure, these guys are going to need to try and stay one step ahead of the pranks or they are doomed!

You’re supposed to be kept off balance from the jump because of how much these guys love pranking each other. Put it this way, we have a fake death very early on in the film with the two guys faking an accident by the boat. From there on you know that no prank is out of bounds and even if the characters start to physically fight each other it may be part of the act. So you can’t trust any of the characters or their actions for the duration of the film because you really don’t know what is fake and what is real. I’d say that’s the most effective part of the film because it almost borderlines on being parody but it’s still played very seriously.

It does mean that none of the characters are all that likable though. You just feel like they all go too far with it and so hanging around any of them during the April Fool’s week would be completely unbearable. Even the nicer characters like Muffy are constantly pranking everyone! I would quickly come up with some kind of excuse every year about how I have to go abroad or something. Anything to stay away from the absolute madness!

All of the romances in the film are very weak since they all just seem to be quick affairs over the summer without a whole lot to them. None of these guys and girls actually seem all that loyal or faithful and would cheat in a heartbeat. They’re basically joking about that throughout as it is. You could say in a lot of ways the teenagers in this film are the stereotypical figures you would expect from a horror title like this. None of them would make for great friends but hey they all get along at least.

Of course this is another thing limiting the film. If you don’t really care for the characters then all of the fake jump scares and pranks aren’t going to work quite as well. The film can be on the violent side as well at times with the deaths. Obviously not on the same level as any of the real big slashers though.

Now this is a film with some twists and turns in it. Some of those twists will really change your outlook on the film as a whole so it’s important to factor that in. I will say that it is effective and I can’t even say that I saw the twists coming. Not all of them anyway. Some are a bit hard to believe in hindsight though like we’re talking big stretches of disbelief on how you could have pulled some of the pranks off. I suppose I can accept the disbelief though only because I can maybe picture how it would work. I don’t think it’s likely for these teens to pull them off though.

There is also a lot of convenience in terms of characters being in the right place at the right time to get pranked or notice a deal that the culprit wants them to find but I can buy this one a little more. My excuse would be that there are tons of extra pranks and backup traps so if one doesn’t work then you have a backup at the ready. Mayyyyybe a stretch but not as much of one.

Overall, I’d say how much you enjoy this film will all depend on how much you enjoy all the fakeouts. Either you will get burned out after a while and think the film overdoes it or you’ll enjoy how much it doubles down. The film is completely relentless on this right up through to the end so it never gets sidetracked. The ending is really solid to be honest and actually does win the film back a star or two. So ultimately I liked the idea behind the whole movie. The execution just needs to be so much better and it’s rough because I don’t think these are twists you should pull off too often or it’ll get old fast. So you can already say that one of the opportunities has been wasted now. Next time just make the characters a lot more likable, improve the writing and we’d really be in business. Until then this one will have to be a pass.

Overall 4/10

The Outsiders Review

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It’s time for a film about a bunch of teenagers who grew up in a rather rough town and basically had to adapt to survive. Unfortunately due to this there aren’t very many winners at all. By the end of the film everyone’s really in a bit of trouble and none of the characters are all that likable. There’s definitely a lot going on here but mainly I’d call it more of a depressing film half the time.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Ponyboy and Johnny. They’re good friends who generally try living their lives without causing trouble but the town is divided into two gangs and so they are members of one group (Greasers) and do have to fight when the others show up. (SOCS) They generally all get along in the first gang but things always escalate with the other one. Well, one day in self defense Johnny murders a member of the opposing gang while protecting Ponyboy and now he has to be on the run. Can they ever get their normal lives back?

It’s definitely a film with a fairly slow pace as a lot of it is the characters reflecting about life an just what it means to live in a society. Johnny and Ponyboy have to stay at different hideouts for a while but things continue to escalate and more and more people die. The reason I would say this is a depressing film is because of all that. Sure the characters learn some lessons about how violence isn’t worth it and how the squabbles shouldn’t take over your life. That said, everyones’ lives are ruined by that point so does it really matter? I can see how this i s listed as a coming of age movie but usually you’d expect those to be a little happier. This one’s just grim for pretty much the entire duration.

Also right off the bat the film doesn’t do the best job of making the Greasers all that likable. One of their members is a guy named Dallas who goes around aggressively flirting with the ladies, is into shady clubs and runs around with a gun causing trouble. Yes the film does show that he really cares about Ponyboy and the rest of his friends but he’s still not shown as a particularly good character. He’s a complex character to be sure but a little more heroic would be nice.

I dare say the most heroic character was Darry who did his best trying to keep Ponyboy and Sodapop on the straight and narrow. It was just difficult doing it on his own while he’s still a kid himself. At least I would say he installed a decent amount of goodness into them compared to the others. Ponyboy for example really didn’t want to be fighting and getting into trouble. He seemed like a good kid who would be defending his friends. He did defend the girl at the movie theater who was being harassed so a scene like that goes a long way.

The film is at its best when it’s about Ponyboy and Johnny just enjoying their friendship and having a good time. It’s a nice breather from everything constantly going wrong for them. Johnny was also a really good friend. He stepped up to save Ponyboy even at the expense of his future and throughout the movie he was a really good friend to have. Probably the most likable character out of the group.

We get to see Johnny take a huge risk to save a lot of lives later on which is something some of the other characters probably would have hesitated with. It’s a shame that the characters couldn’t all let bygones be bygones by that point but we do end up needing to have one more big fight in the end. The film does go to show that some of the SOCS are reasonable and don’t actually want to fight. In that respect the film keeps it realistic with both gangs having some good people in them.

Unfortunately when they are in a crowd there is ultimately not enough of them to stop the gang activities as a whole. I’m always a bit iffy on this since I feel like you just need to leave the gang then and not be a part of this. It’s just easier said than done in a small town where everyone is a part of one of the two gangs. So if you try to leave then you may not end up living through that experience. Which in a way proves the point of how dangerous they are.

I like to think that after the definitive gang fight at the end there won’t be any more rumbles since everyone learned their lesson but at the same time a part of you kind of doubts it. Well, it’s definitely good that the gang culture isn’t nearly as mainstream now as it was then. Of course gangs will always exist but it’s not like every teenager is in on it nowadays the way they all are in this film.

Overall, I think the film could have done with being a little more lighthearted. Tone down the body count by one or two so there is something to really celebrate by the end. It certainly succeeds in being really emotional and somber the whole time but that usually limits a film’s potential. Sure things are finally going to be looking up after the final events since the cycle of violence is finally ended but it came at a massive cost. This is a film that wouldn’t have a lot of replay value because it would just make for a tough watch. There’s a lot happening in the movie so you’ll never be bored but ultimately that’s just not enough to make it really solid. I would say to give this one a skip.

Overall 4/10

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for some more vampires! This movie definitely got some buzz because of the whole Abraham Lincoln thing which I thought was pretty clever. It’s a nice way to blend the supernatural and history by adding him in there. Naturally I do prefer a more futuristic setting myself but it works out better than some of the other vampire films that I’ve seen. Still not a thumbs up mind you but not a horrible film or anything.

The movie doesn’t waste time as Abraham’s mother is murdered by a vampire early on. He wants to avenge her but isn’t really able to do anything against superhuman creatures like this. Initially he doesn’t even know that the assailant was a vampire and tries using a gun but it doesn’t do much. Fortunately he runs into a guy named Henry who offers to train Abraham but only if the hero puts aside his quest for vengeance. Henry will give him the targets and they will continue to take down all of the vampires but slowly and surely. Abraham lies and agrees to this but knows that deep down he has to avenge his mother at all cots! He trains in the art of slaying vampire and gets quite good at it which also starts to get the attention of the higher up members among the villains. Will Abraham be okay?

It’s always fun to have someone find out about what’s going on beyond their small pocket of the world. Once Abraham learns about the vampires he starts seeing them everywhere. Sure enough there are tons of them and murdering them all will take more than a lifetime. Henry does offer to turn Abraham into a vampire but he declines since that would be going a step too far. I definitely get it since being immortal really sounds like a pain after a while. You have endless enemies and while you can’t die, you can be put into positions where you might wish that you could.

I do think Henry’s role is a little too passive at times though. He has Abraham do most of the work but doesn’t actively take down a bunch of vampires himself. Henry makes some excuses like how he can’t really go against them and I forget if it’s a power level thing or something relating to the blood but you have to find a way to get around that. In a way being a vampire puts him in a better position to do a lot of damage than Abe when you really think about it. So yeah he really just needs to step up and get the job done.

I did like him for the most part beyond that but he does have some sketchy moments later on. Basically he’s the kind of guy who will always be hiding some things and you have to decide if that’s a dealbreaker or not. For Abraham it nearly was but ultimately he gets past it. Abraham is a very reasonable main character. He fights as needed and helps a lot of people out. He doesn’t really love having to use violence all the time but it’s the only way that really works.

Near the end of the film he even tries to give up fighting for a while but it wasn’t to be. I do like that we actually got to see him as President/leader for a while though. At first he’s just a solo hunter doing his own thing but after that he gets to make commands and lead his troops. With the villains using an army of vampires the heroes did have to adapt after all. I do question if the weapons are really enough to balance things though. Once the vampires started to move more openly I feel like the humans wouldn’t stand a chance. Being so outmatched physically is something that it’s difficult to make up for even with a bunch of guns and ammo.

Abraham’s boss Joshua was a good character. He had some nice banter and went over well as one of the supporting characters. His friend Will also did good and the whole time I had been expecting him to be some kind of undercover agent/traitor so I was glad instead he was someone that Lincoln could depend on. Mary shows up for a bit which makes sense if you know your history and she was a solid character. In general the heroes were all reasonably solid here.

The villains are more on the forgettable side. Yeah they’re definitely powerful and don’t go down easily but they’re basically just your standard vampires. So watch enough in the genre and you won’t even remember them. They’re not bad though, I guess at least Adam was good as the main leader of the vampires. The one who bumped off the mother was more on the petty side and he wasn’t nearly as impressive. He’s only able to win when the odds are overwhelmingly in his favor but otherwise he’s not much of a thinker or anything like that.

The film ultimately suffers from the usual vampire issues. It can be a little brutal on the violence with everyone getting bitten and the blood sucking never ends up working out. The fight scenes do require an extensive amount of disbelief to be thrown out the window because no matter how big the axe is, Abe is still just a normal guy. The vampires all have super speed and strength so they should have a leg up on the competition. Dodging an axe for example should be rather easy right? Yet Abe is slaughtering tons of vampires and by the end of the film they really get hit with the nerf as they can’t do anything. You just know that doesn’t make sense.

There isn’t a whole lot of time for fun in this film. It’s really a lot of going from one vampire attack to the next but it still does track better than most other vampire films because it feels like there’s a real story here. Yeah that probably seems like a big shot to the other films but for example the sole focus isn’t on everyone getting bitten. Abe has an actual character arc going here and it can almost feel like a comic book movie at times.

Overall, Abe Lincoln makes for a fun protagonist and I definitely think this movie was a good idea. I’d just put him up against robots or something but making more alternate historical pasts with a supernatural twist is just a lot of fun. It’s probably a bit riskier in the sense that you want to be careful how you adapt certain characters for fear of backlash but if there’s enough good attention to detail then you should be fine. From everything I know of Abe I’d say the film’s portrayal seemed rather solid. I also really liked the ending which isn’t really a cliffhanger so much as a callback but it could work both ways.

Overall 4/10

The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar Review

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This is definitely a pretty interesting gimmick movie. That said, gimmicks tend to run out rather quickly and that’s what happened to this one. Even at only around 40 minutes the movie begins to drag by the halfway point. You won’t be forgetting it anytime soon and yet it still will not end up being one of the big titles. I feel like with any gimmick you still need a really strong product around it or that’s game over.

The movie starts with someone talking about Henry Sugar who was a super rich guy who ended up reading a book about a doctor who met a guy who could see with his eyes closed who learned this from an old master back in the day so he could get rich. In effect this is like having 4 stories overlaid among each other. The stories are accompanied by nonstop narration which is the main gimmick here as someone is always talking while following the characters around. It’s mainly told from a third person perspective and the narrator switches each time. There are a ton of practical effects used here as the whole thing is a bit like a stage.

So it makes for an interesting production but not a very interesting movie. The way everyone talks is intentionally very stilted and there is barely even a plot. Sure the plot is what I described above but it’s basically just being told like a story but you aren’t invested in it. It takes a while for things to really happen and there isn’t much dialogue between the characters. When I’m thinking of a story I’m thinking of a situation that is changing dynamically the whole time with lots of action and excitement. It doesn’t have to be action in the literal sense but a ton of plot progression and all that. You don’t really get any of that here.

There isn’t a whole lot of personality to the characters either, particularly since they don’t give narration for most of the time. The ending ties everything together which works well enough but you’re fairly checked out by that point. A film like this could have really used a lot of humor and I think that would have really taken it to the next stage. Instead without that it ends up being a little more on the forgettable side. I do want to emphasize that the film doesn’t make any really big mistakes.

The biggest issue here is just that it gets boring rather quickly. The absurdity of what’s going on is really the kind of humor that the film is going for but I think it needed to have gone a little more bonkers in order to have actually made this effective. Give me something to really laugh about, you know? Or if not, I dare say you need to film this more traditionally than in the style that was used here.

It does make sense to be more experimental on a short though so I applaud the effort. It’s never really a bad thing to try and explore some new ideas but inevitably that does mean that some will not be successful. I would just say that this is one of those times and if they ever want to make a remake but in a different format, the idea of someone who can see even with their eyes covered is pretty fun. You could still play that off as a light hearted drama with the guy figuring out how to get rich. There’s all kinds of good you could do with that kind of ability.

Overall, The Wonderful Life of Henry Sugar is a very unique film but that’s really all that it has going for it. The pacing isn’t great and I wouldn’t say that any of the characters are particularly interesting. The best part of the film is likely with the first doctor trying to figure out how this is possible. He had the most personality for sure and this was still early on enough where everything felt fresh. Ultimately it just couldn’t hold out after that. Only check this film out if you really want to see what an experimental film can be like.

Overall 4/10

Who Was That Lady? Review

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All right so imagine you walk into a room and you see your husband with another lady in the position of the poster. Now…..unless you’re a grade A sucker this is where the film ends because you’re pulling in the papers and axing the whole thing off right? Well this movie’s all about the main guy trying to gaslight his wife into thinking that this isn’t actually happening. Will he succeed or will justice prevail?? Time to find out!

So I have to say whenever the main character gets off too easy I tend to be annoyed and that happens here. I was waiting for things to really turn on him but they never really do. Basically the film starts off with a student staying after class and pulls the moves on him. His reaction times were dead in the water but for the sake of argument we can say he was putting up a struggle but lacked the power. David’s wife Ann walks in and sees this so she dashes off and says they will be getting divorced. David knows his only hope is to get the help of his best friend Michael to lie on his behalf. Lying is like breathing for Michael so you could even say that he was born for this task and boy is he eager to pull it off!

The story they go with is that David is part of the FBI and part of his job is going on dates and having affairs with various women who are actually operatives from enemy establishments. The whole thing sounds so bogus but Ann believes it because a part of her wants to believe in her husband which is actually just tragic when you think about it. Now David’s web of lies continues to grow and grow but he’s having a blast. What can possibly go wrong with this?? Well when the real FBI step in things start to get a little shaky.

Yeah so I have no sympathy for the main character here. David makes all of the usual excuses and one liners here but I don’t buy any of them. It was a mistake…it happened too fast, etc. Nahhh that’s not going to work. What’s even worse is when he goes with Michael on the group date. He absolutely needed to say no and just deal with the consequences. Even if nothing ended up happening, just going on the group date was a really bad idea. Sure he got to experience some danger near the end but for the most part there were no real downsides to the adventure. He just got to mess around a lot and in the end things are actually better off for him than when he started the film. Life and death situations can change a person but there was no real reason for Ann to forgive him.

Meanwhile Ann may be a lot more sympathetic than David but I was still not a fan. She gets fooled way too easily especially considering how weak the story is. She should have stuck to her guns. I actually think a more interesting premise would have been that she was doubting him the whole film so he keeps on making the stories more and more fantastic in a bid to get her to believe him. By the end she finally starts to believe him when something goes wrong and he has to come clean. Boom that’s so many times better than what we got and it would have also made her look a whole lot better.

Then you have his friend Michael who is the king of being a bad influence. You can always count on him to make sure that things don’t go well. He always starts off with fairly clever ideas but ends up doubling down on them so many times that they go all the way around into being bad ideas. He really instigates a lot of the problems. So make no mistake he’s definitely a true antagonist here and someone you can’t root for. At the same time he is easily the most entertaining character. It’s always a lot of fun to see him with the fast talk and trying to outsmart everyone.

In the climax when the two are attacked by villains he’s the only one who actually tries to put up a fight. He still gets folded real fast but I appreciated the attempt. I feel like the really confident fast talkers like this guy can usually at least know the basics of combat so that made sense. Ultimately that’s no substitute for having actual abilities though. His confidence at least makes other characters think twice and he was really able to dominate for most of the film because of this.

There’s also the main FBI agent who gets a decent role here. He ultimately pays a bit of a price for being too passive in the film though. If he had jumped in from the jump then he could have really changed a ton of events in the film. Instead he wanted to be nice and in the end actually dragged things out a lot more. Poor guy just wanted to relax and wasn’t ready for all of this.

The film definitely has a lot of funny moments and has a decent script so it’s not a really bad movie or anything like that. You should grin now and again but the basic premise does hold it back quite a lot. You definitely can’t get behind the romance and the main character ends up crossing a little too far into unlikable territory. You can deal with a main character who’s not super likable or anything like that but when he’s this bad it does end up taking a toll on the film. Ultimately it also feels a bit more stretched out than it needs to be as well.

Overall, This is one film where the main character should have lost at the end. At least maybe have Ann get some kind of quick revenge on him for a little while to try and even the score. It was all just a little too easy considering that she actually saw him cheating. It’s not like it was word of mouth or a rumor where you could debate it. I get the feeling a modern remake would have things play out a little differently for David and for once I think that would actually make sense here. That kind of moment is typically game over after all even if the film tries to brush it aside a bit. I enjoy a fun/light tone as much as the next guy of course and the events are cool but the premise just puts a bit of a damper on it.

Overall 4/10

The Net Review

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I’m going to let you in on a little secret folks. If you find out that someone is hiding a gun and manage to get your hands on it…don’t give it back to that guy. Get out of there and if you’re trapped then hang onto it! This film will constantly have you shaking your head as the main heroine acts like she is in a horror movie. It all doesn’t make any sense and you just expect better. The movie has its moments but ultimately could and should have been a whole lot better than it was. It just hasn’t aged as well as it could have.

Okay so the movie starts off with a guy destroying himself and then we cut to Angela who is a computer whiz. She knows how to remove viruses from different programs and so when there is a problem she is the first one contacted. She had a remote job before it was cool! Almost nobody even knows what she looks like as a result but hey that’s how it goes. One day one of her colleagues wants to come over to show her something but he dies in a plane crash. There’s not much else she can do about that so she hops on a plane to go on vacation! There she meets a rich guy so they immediately have an affair but it turns out that he is here to murder her! So she escapes but he has basically erased her from the world and put in a fake.

Earlier Angela let some guy steal her wallet and so now she has no form of identification and is on the run. If anyone catches her then it will be game over. Her only hope is a married guy she used to cheat with but they are up against a very experienced hacker whose abilities may even exceed theirs. His resources are also considerable since he is a part of a massive global terrorist organization. One thing’s for sure, Angela will need to watch her back on this one!

Okay so lets talk about Angela here. She makes every possible mistake and only survives this movie through an abundance of plot armor. We’ve established that she works remotely and stays at home to the point where nobody knows what she looks like. Her neighbors and even her land lady have never really seen her. So when the hacker turns to her and changes her contact ID in the federal database….there is no way for her to fight back. Literally this doesn’t work if she has some photos of her life or family who can corroborate this but she doesn’t. The guy stole her ID rather easily beforehand and she has no backups. (More understandable since this was the 90s) This is already a bit of a stretch but for now we can’t blame her all that much right?

Well she’s supposed to be a computer whiz but is extremely slow on the uptake here. So lets go back in time real quick. How did this happen? Well she went to a message board that’s a lot like Reddit and was talking about how she really needs a boyfriend. The very helpful posters asked her what she would like to see in a boyfriend and she wants a high value man. Someone very tall, wealthy, James Bond meets Captain America (in her words) and someone whose job involves helping out the world. Naturally she immediately gets doxed so when she goes on vacation a super great guy is waiting for her there. (The reason the terrorists want her is because she has a disc that can hack the entire U.S. government and every private company within the country. Yeah….don’t think about this one too hard)

Okay so the villains’ entire plan revolves around her falling in love with this guy as if she’s the most shallow person in the planet. What kind of person falls in love at first sight with someone they’ve just met right? Right……uh oh. The guy invites her on his private yacht and she immediately accepts and they have a one night stand. The whole time she explains that she never does this kind of thing but I don’t particularly believe her. Weird thing happens though….the guy runs out of stamina really fast and goes away for a drink but he left his clothes and in it was a loaded gun.

So if you’re Angela what do you do? Do you A. Keep the gun as self defense because this guy could be looney tunes? B. Throw it overboard since this seems dangerous. C. Give him back the gun and ask why he has it…..or D. Go for the immediate headshot, throw him overboard and steal all the money from his wallet? Well D’s a total crime and would make you a villain anyway but I think option A is the best bet right? Well she goes with C. The guy gives a lame excuse about how he uses it for hunting but wouldn’t you know it, Angela’s a part time hunting expert too? Haha! So she calls him out on the lie and then flexes by showing that she removed the bullets.

Unfortunately he just strangles her at this point and she dies 😦 At least that’s what would happen in 99% of instances but through plot armor she fights him off and escapes. I always say that I criticize actions regardless of outcomes though and so I have to take shots here. Giving this guy the gun back is absolute insanity. I don’t care that she took out the bullets. The film establishes that she is a computer nerd through and through. She doesn’t work out, have some kind of super powers or anything like that. He’s stronger than her by all metrics and they are alone on a yacht in the middle of the ocean.

You don’t give the guy his gun back in this circumstance! You can’t, that’s like signing your own death warrant. It’s one of the worst moves I’ve seen the heroine pull in quite a while. That was just brutal and at least things don’t get worse after that but it was just a really bad moment for her. Getting into an affair with a random stranger you just met is also pretty bad but most movie protagonists do that so I won’t dock as many points there. The rest of the film plays out mostly normal. She used to cheat with a married man named Alan and successfully broke his home as the guy got divorced but then the hackers get him next but she manages to break into the villain’s base and turn the tables. All’s well that ends well and all that.

The main villain Jack is also pretty weak here. The guy literally has numerous opportunities to take Angela down and cannot do it. Put it this way, he very clearly did not even need to hire a random pickpocket to take her wallet. She just went along with him to his private yacht for an affair at night so he had a million opportunities to murder her. There’s really nothing she would be able to do at this point and then he can grab the disc he needs to take over the world. The film has plot armor on constantly and this guy looks completely powerless for not being able to do anything. The movie shows that he actually grew to like her….sighhhhhhhhh. So that’s why he couldn’t go all out but it just means that his conviction was nonexistent.

Then we have Alan who completely forgot the role of doctor and patient in having an affair with Angela early on. At least he is single now so it’s not as bad but the damage is done. It makes it hard for you to really like the guy. The movie in general didn’t have a very strong cast even if I do like the idea of your identity being stolen and having to engage in a whole online battle to get it back. I’d have actually liked to have had the message board users get more involved in the whole battle. One of them was a bit handy at least in getting info but Angela is also supremely lucky.

Seriously one of them was already a terrorist and then she decided that they could still be trusted? She looked up the ages and everything to find their “real” identities but could she really be sure that they were accurate? Angela seemed to have no doubts about it so okay….we’ll roll with that. I will say that the icons were fun though and in general the film had good effects for all of the viruses. It’s fun to see how everything looked back then during the original days of the internet.

The movie goes by fast and the pacing is good. It does make for a fairly easy watch, you just have to be prepared to be shaking your head a lot. The movie will absolutely be throwing you for a loop most of the time. The effects are good and I do like the city backdrops the whole time. Visually the movie looks good and while some of the scenarios aren’t super realistic, on the whole the writing is okay. It doesn’t have any super big issues beyond the romance and the questionable decisions. They do keep this from being a movie that I could positively recommend but it’s far from one of the weakest titles that I’ve watched.

Overall, The Net is one of those films I can rant about for quite a while but fortunately for it, most of the issues are around plot armor and convenience. Those are he kinds of issues that don’t hurt a film’s score quite as much. That being said, the romance is just so rushed here and since it is crucial to the villain’s plan that just makes it even more egregious. If the main heroine had a little more restraint then things would have really been a whole lot different. Check it out if you’re interested in the old days of the internet but the novelty is really the main thing that the film has going for it and that doesn’t last the whole picture.

Overall 4/10

The Cincinnati Kid Review

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It’s always tragic when you have a film that is executing the story at a really high level but then it gets bogged down by scenes that don’t actually enhance the plot. The actual gambling scenes are excellent and I love the tension/build up to the final battle. Unfortunately along the way the film stumbles into some really unfortunate animal violence and the main character is as weak willed as they come. This makes for a very dicey part of the film that drags the rest down with it.

The movie starts off by introducing us to the Kid who is an excellent poker player. In fact he’s so good that he has to go out of town to find new opponents now because everyone in the city owes him a ton of money. He’s just a natural at this kind of thing and now the world’s greatest player Lancey is in town. Their battle is sure to shake the entire planet but can The Kid win? If he does then he will become “The Man” and everyone will respect him forever. However, if he loses then all is lost because he’s staked everything on this. What he doesn’t know is that the shady Mr. Slade also wants the Kid to win even if it means pulling a few strings.

The only thing worse than losing a match is realizing that you only won because someone was cheating. That’s the dilemma that The Kid runs into here with all this match fixing going around. Slade works well as the main villain with how he’s always threatening everyone and pulling his weight around. You really don’t want to go up against that guy in the ring. That said, it would be nice if everyone could just resist like The Kid did. He wasn’t going to play ball at any time and that’s the right move.

Unfortunately Shooter is a lot weaker willed. It was a shame that he couldn’t resist the blackmail at all. Yeah it involves his wife Melba and her past but lets face it she doesn’t care who knows about that. In fact she seems proud to flaunt how available she is at every point as she keeps on rubbing Shooter’s nose in it. The guy has no self respect as she uses and abuses him the whole time. That’s why I didn’t like Shooter. Even if he hadn’t started cheating at the end, he really needs to know when it’s time to cut your losses. He’s sacrificed everything for her and it’s clear that it would never be enough.

Of course Melba is a very bad character as well. She clearly doesn’t mind cheating at all and seems to enjoy bringing everyone down to her level. She is a bad influence to all of the characters. If you’re her friend then she will find a way to take you down as well. That’s just who she is at this point. Now is where I have to take some shots at The Kid as well though. Sure his skills are good and I like the confidence but as a character he has to take a big thumbs down here.

For starters he actually does let Melba seduce him on more than one occasion. He completely betrays his girlfriend in these moments and it’s why the ending of the film is not deserved in the slightest. The Kid has no degree of self control or self respect whatsoever and it’s just a shame to see that. His girlfriend Christian deserved a whole lot better than what she got and she should stay away from him after that. Her parents didn’t seem to like him much at all and their gut instincts were right here.

Then there is also the scene where he has his rooster fight someone else’s. Animal fights have long since been banned fortunately and maybe even at the time they were. The Kid knew his way around the underworld so that might be what this is but the whole fight should not have been in the movie at all. It’s a really bad moment and it gets rather violent too. Especially since there was no CGI back then I worry about the animals used for this shot. I like to think they’re okay but either way the film itself doesn’t get a pass for that scene. Just bad stuff all around.

So I would say the only good character in the film would have to be Lancey. Christian takes some fault as well for being a bit too naïve and also for doubting her own instincts of leaving. Lancey at least was doing his best to win the whole time and wasn’t about to get distracted. No, he’s in it to win and you can see how he became the champion. At the end of the day he never lost concentration and also didn’t give up even when he was losing in the fight. Poker is about luck to a good extent but there is also a lot of skill involved. You have to be able to defeat your opponent mentally as well as with your deck. That’s the only way that you’re going to be able to pull this off.

I liked how the film showed the characters practicing their math too since that is really how you can try to make Poker into a game of science. Memorize the cards that have been played and then you have to make a snap judgment on if you take the bet or not. Nothing’s a sure bet but it makes sense that knowing the cards that have been dealt will help you with the odds. Then if you play enough with the law of averages you should come out better than someone who is just playing wild. So there was a lot of thought put into this.

It’s the most detailed Poker game that I’ve seen in any movie thus far and it’s handled perfectly. I love the atmosphere and intensity of the games and if the film had purely stuck to that then it would have been great. The pacing and writing were also on point so you were really invested in what was happening. The Kid just needed to stay strong but either way I was rooting for Lancey since the hero made way too many mistakes like with the roosters and then with Melba.

Overall, The Cincinnati Kid is a very entertaining movie. It never lets up from start to finish and so there are a lot of moments that will have you at the edge of your seat. I just couldn’t recommend it though because the low moments hit really hard like the rooster battle. Even all the cheating and horrible romance doesn’t hurt the film quite as much as that sequence did. It’s just hard to fall that hard but of course all of the scenes really add up. I loved part of the ending, it was all great except for the very last scene which also ends things on a bit of a whimper. I’m really tempted to bump this one more star up the middle but ultimately I couldn’t do it. For a tense film, check out Demon Slayer the movie instead.

Overall 4/10

The Second Time Around Review

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The Second Time Around is one of those films where you’ve got a pretty decent setup for a wild west film but it doesn’t take itself all that seriously and gets lost in the sauce. You can do a pretty good parody if you want or make this a full comedy but in the end this one didn’t do either of that. The romance actually ends up bringing it down. It’s still reasonably entertaining at times but has enough flaws to prevent me from calling it a good movie.

The movie starts with a lady named Lu heading to the wild west to get a job so that she can provide for her kids. As a single mother it ain’t easy ever since her husband died while on duty. Still, she is ready to do something about this but the job falls through and she only manages to get by thanks to the grace of an old lady named Aggie. Aggie decides to help Lu out which is great but helping out with odd jobs isn’t going to be enough to pay the bills. Perhaps if Lu were to become Sheriff then she could change things but the town is a corrupt one with a lot of powerful players. Can Lu really hold her own when she is new to the area?

Really where the film breaks down is the romance as I mentioned so lets jump right to that. Dan and Pat both fall in love with Lu as soon as she appears. Dan is the bad boy of the town who operates an illegal gambling/beer joint while paying off the corrupt sheriff to keep it operational. Naturally that means Lu does not have a whole lot of respect for the guy. That being said, he has a quick wit which makes it easy to fool her.

Then you have Pay the nice guy. He plays things by the book and wants to win her over the right way. Of course you know that means he’s probably doomed here since things always get tough for the nice guy. It’s part of the film that will have you shaking your head. Now by no means am I saying Lu should have gone with him. Being a nice guy doesn’t mean you’re owed anything in the slightest and if he’s not her type then that’s it. It’s not about who lost but about who won. See part of what hurts here is how far Dan goes.

He tricks Lu into going out with him into the mountains because he knows that she needs money for her kids. So he claims there is gold up there and even plants some so she could get a bit and then ideally fall for him since he helped her out so much. He even takes the chance to steal a few kisses from her during the movie which is always an extremely bad look. Seriously you can’t come back from that so Lu somehow liking him in the end anyway is pretty crazy. This is the kind of film that is throwing in a romance that doesn’t need to be there.

I’m cool with them becoming friends in the end. He helped save her life at the end after all so maybe they call it square but actually getting together with him? Nahhhh that’s definitely no good. It also means that the film has a pretty weak cast since Dan is supposed to be one of the likable characters. You just can’t really end up liking him after all of that. It’s just way too late for him to even begin to mount a comeback.

I don’t mind Pat all that much. He’s a likable guy but a little too timid and slow to act. So he does lose some points for that. Then we have the main villain as the Sheriff. I knew the guy was corrupt from the start but I didn’t really suspect just how corrupt he was. Definitely one of the more petty villains but at least he gave the film a little danger along with the rest of the bandits. Unfortunately this shows why Lu would not make for a good sheriff.

See at the end of the day you need a sheriff who can really fight. Someone who is an excellent shot with a gun or something like that. If Lu could shoot down everyone in her way then of course it makes sense for her to lead. But she goes down so effortlessly against the villains without even putting up a fight. I’d say that is what really hurts her in the end. If the film could have at least had her defeat a few fighters first then that would have absolutely helped a whole lot.

Aggie was a nice character although she didn’t do a whole lot here. The fact that she gave Lu a place to be where she could earn money was nice of her though. So all in all you can see why this film didn’t rank as highly as it could. It ended up being rather jumbled with no really strong aspects to the film. It wasn’t particularly going for a comedic angle so there weren’t a ton of jokes to keep it afloat. The fight scenes on average weren’t all that good for one of these films and of course the romance was really not good.

If they toned down how naïve Lu was and made her a little more skilled that would have done the film a world of good. I do think there is a decent film somewhere in here but it’s buried really deep. It’s not even an awful film or anything like that but I wouldn’t call it a good one. Ultimately you will want to give this one a skip. Lu didn’t even get to keep the gold she got since she threw it away in rage. I have to say that I would have kept the gold. Planted there for me to find or not, it’s mine now and gold was worth a whole lot back then. You really want to keep it.

Overall, You can even tell from the title of the film how this is going to be about a rebound. I already don’t care much for rebound romances so making that the very center of the movie is already starting things off on the wrong foot. If you’re going to do a classic story of two guys fighting over the girl then don’t add the dead husband in the first place. Just make it an initial romance and that’s already a much more wholesome plot. It’s still not going to save the fact that Dan’s such a bad character but it’s the attempt that counts.

Overall 4/10

The Three Musketeers (1973) Review

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Time for a classic tale of the Three Musketeers. They’re a decent group although to me they have never been one of the top ones. You see them now and again but I’ve never seen any incarnation that completely wow’d me. Well this one is more of the same. It’s not all that solid and sometimes messes up on the mix between action and comedy. Ultimately you want to root for a group that’s a bit more heroic and in a way a film about the trio without the main guy from this film probably would have worked better.

The movie starts with D’artagnan (I’ll just call him Dart after this) finally getting ready to head out on his own. He has his sword and his dignity and so he can finally become a knight and serve the royal family. Unfortunately his abilities are truly awful and he ends up getting on the wrong foot with every character imaginable. He must now face several duels to the death in a row and may find himself dead before he can even make a name for himself. Even worse, he has fallen in love with a married woman and is trying to take her away from the husband. Can he fall ever further?

That’s one of the big problems with the film which is that he’s just not a likable main character. You can’t root for him when he’s actively trying to convince someone to cheat. That’s awful and one of many reasons why the romance is really bad in this film. You already know he’s going to succeed and yet you’re just disappointed as that happens. I also think he should have looked a little more powerful. I get that he is in over his head but I’d have liked him to have at least had some kind of abilities to back up his bravado. Instead he just looks desperate. By the end of the film he can fight to a degree but I’m just going to say that he got lucky tbh.

In a way Dart being so unlikeable retroactively makes the intro even better as everyone clowns on him. The guy definitely doesn’t deserve much respect so I can also see why the team isn’t thrilled to have him around. The Three Musketeers already had a good dynamic going without him after all. On the roof they beat up the royal soldiers rather easily and based on the dialogue we have to assume that they do this rather often. They have a mutual understanding going where they beat up the enemies but spare their lives each time so it works out. At least you don’t have to worry about losing your life in the struggle.

The fights are handled well where you do get some good choreography at times before the gags come in. I also thought the most clever scene in the film is also one that involved the trio as they pretended to start fighting each other but were actually just stealing food left and right. It actually takes you a minute or two to notice that this is what they were doing so to my mind that means it was a very convincing moment. I was definitely impressed at any rate. There aren’t a whole lot of moments that impressed me so I’ll take what I can get.

I will still say that the movie is at its best during the battles. If it focused more on all of the fencing then the movie would have benefited from it. It also does have some solid moments of humor. I tend to enjoy the dialogue and the banter with the villains. So really the sticking point here is the sorry romance with Dart. It’s just no good and does a disservice to his character. There’s also a subplot with another royal having an affair and you really see just how depraved most of the cast is.

Politics and affairs tend to be a big part of any adventures back in the day like this but you expect the hero to at least stay away from them. The ending is really about them finally being a team but I think the better ending would have been to have the 3 leave Dart behind and say he just wasn’t ready or something like that. I think that would have worked out really well.

In the end this just isn’t a film that will end up being very high for you. It doesn’t have enough hooks to keep you engaged the whole time and you know that you’ve seen plenty of better films tackling similar themes. The newbie who gradually becomes good enough to become one of the big members of a team is a fairly common dynamic after all. The problem is that Dart just doesn’t have the work ethic or skills to seriously be considered no matter how well he may have done by the end.

Overall, The Three Musketeers is going to have to wait a little longer to get a definitive version of the characters. At least the villain was a lot of fun with his planning and usually being one step ahead. I can always appreciate a villain like that, someone to keep the heroes on their toes. If we can get the heroes to be a little better then it’ll work even better. Of course there is a sequel so it is absolutely possible that it’ll be the turning point. Only time will tell but in the meantime I’d say that you can skip this one. It’s not awful or anything but I don’t think there’s much reason to watch it imo.

Overall 4/10

The Warriors Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. Please address the review as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

The Warriors is a film that was pretty big back in the day. I like the concept of a gang having to basically try and get around the entire state with everyone after them. Unfortunately the movie doesn’t quite live up to the concept. There is a good amount of fun to be had here but the more the movie goes, the more the characters start to get a little unlikable. The movie sort of loses focus on its own plot and there isn’t nearly as much action as you would initially expect.

The movie starts off with all of the gangs converging in the Bronx because a speech is going to be made by the most influential gang of all. The leader is basically calling for a ceasefire because if the gangs can team up then they should be able to take over the city. Everyone’s pretty stoked about this but then the leader is suddenly shot. The worst part is that someone claims the Warriors are behind it. Their gang is fairly small plus they are behind enemy lines so it’s time to bounce. The problem as any New Yorker knows is that Coney Island is quite far from the Bronx. It takes over an hour to get there from Manhattan as it is! Are they ready for this?

It’s definitely fun to recognize the sites during the film. They actually filmed in slightly different locations and switched the train signs around which is clever but if you live in Manhattan then you’ll see through it. It’s a good way to just see the city and I’ve been around the area where most of the film takes place in quite a lot so that was nostalgic. The atmosphere is just right and so the film really starts off with a bang. You can feel the danger and the whole first act is excellent.

Where the film drops off majorly is during the chases in the middle of the film. See, the Warriors get split up and each group gets their own subplot. One part of the Warriors ends up bumping into an all girls gang and figure they’ll mess around a whole lot. The film needs extensive amounts of plot armor to keep them alive here though. Keep in mind that they suspect absolutely nothing the whole time and so there are numerous times when the guys are completely preoccupied and defenseless. It made no sense that the girls didn’t just murder them and that will definitely take you out of the film the whole time.

Then you have another group where one of the guys gets distracted by a lady who’s hanging out alone by a bench. He is here to remind us that the Warriors are still a gang and as such are not particularly heroic. Fortunately she ends up being an undercover cop and calls in the police to bring him to jail. What’s disappointing is the fact that he was actually attempting to overpower her which isn’t just a villainous move but pretty much the worst action possible. You’re absolutely rooting for this guy to be crushed and by extension you’re not really rooting for the rest of the Warriors as much either.

As a side note I do think that the undercover cop plan was super risky though. It took quite a while for the cops to arrive after being signaled since I guess they didn’t just have them camping in the park. Personally I think you have to have at least one officer hiding close by in the bushes or something because a lot can happen in a few minutes. You have to be discreet but you can definitely do that while still being safe.

Meanwhile the main one, Swan mostly stays focused and does a good job of staying focused on the goal..until near the end. He ends up cracking and has a quick fling with Mercy who had been taunting him throughout the film but if would have been good if he had stayed strong instead. She was constantly getting the group into fights by goading on different fighters and increasing the tension levels as a result. The Warriors nearly got away without a fight from the first gang and she’s the one who pressed for one. I feel like getting together with her after that is a bit much.

The romance here is definitely sub par and in a way that’s because this film should not have had any romance to start with. This is supposed to be a gang war film with a ton of battles and every group going at it. When you stop to have a quick affair like this it just doesn’t make any sense. There are only around 2-3 real battles here. I did like the confrontation in the park which was one of the more extended fights at least. The Warriors got to show that they could really fight but it’s also an opportunity to show what the film could have been.

This absolutely should have been like Mortal Kombat with a fight every few minutes. It should have been a full boss rush as the Warriors take on every rival gang around and keep it moving. There was a whole lot of potential there but in the end there are definitely a lot more chases than fighting. Still there are things that the film does well.

When the characters aren’t looking really awful, we do get to see them planning and outmaneuvering all of the gangs. I liked the atmosphere of the gang being out really late at night. Even nowadays you never want to be out too late because that’s asking for trouble so you can only imagine back when there were a ton of gangs everywhere. You do feel better when you’re in a group though which is why they keep on getting separated until there are fewer and fewer of them around.

The ending is also satisfying and really finishes things off in a nice way. You always want to end things on a high note and that happens here. Plus seeing the sunlight as the heroes finally make it back to Coney Island was nice as a way to show that they did survive the night and made it back home. Only way I’d top the ending would have been to show that the Warriors had a bunch of extra members who had stayed home and they are the ones who end up surrounding the villain. Would have been a good way to show that this is their home turf. The villain was very underwhelming so he would have folded either way but I think this would have been a nice touch.

Overall, The Warriors has a better story than the actual execution. While watching the film you keep waiting for the big gang fights and all the action that follows but instead we focus more on the gang members individually as they get a lot of character development and that’s not what you wanted to see here. Particularly because the characters didn’t end up being likable by the end precisely because of these moments. You’re better off doing the big New York walk yourself one of these days, start early and see how far you can go.

Overall 4/10