Category Archives: Live Action Movies

Teenagers from Outer Space Review

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It’s time for a film about an alien invasion and it’s definitely treated as a fairly casual affair. Humanity was absolutely not ready for these alien invaders, not that they usually are. It’s a movie that has aged well and provides good entertainment the whole time. The pacing is not bad and we largely avoid the big romance thanks to the film’s ending. All in all I don’t have many issues with this film as it turned up when it counted.

The movie starts with a few aliens landing on the planet Earth. They all look like humans but they are certainly not the same species. The most ruthless member of the group is Thor who wants to use this planet as a breeding ground for their giant monsters. Derek protests as soon as he sees that there are intelligent life on the planet and so he runs into town to warn people. Thor lets him escape only because it turns out that Derek is the son of their high leader. So they need to take him alive. Will Derek be able to spread the message with the planet or is he already too late?

The tough part for Derek here is the fact that he doesn’t really know anything about the planet. So he’s having to learn a whole lot of things on the fly. He meets a girl named Betty and her kind Grandpa but it’s hard to convince them of the urgency of his mission. This changes when Thor shows up and begins blasting. His disintegration ray can destroy anything that it hits. Derek will have to find a way to disarm him and fast before the whole town is obliterated.

The death count in this film can be surprisingly large at times. There are a whole lot of deaths left and right here Thor basically gets to do whatever he wants to the place. It takes a long time to bring him down and even then the heroes fumble the bag by not taking his weapon or anything like that. Thor lasts way longer than he should because the heroes insist on using kid gloves with him. This is a matter of life or death, you really need to take him out. At one point he is totally unconscious after being shot a few times and nobody capitalizes on this. Very sloppy behavior without a doubt.

Thor does make for a decent villain the whole time though. He’s very confident in himself and is always pressing forward. The guy comes off as being insane right from the jump so you’re not sure how he got such a high ranking position but the possibilities around it are so endless that there isn’t much point in really pondering it. That’s just how this alien group goes. The climax of the film gets quite explosive and definitely doesn’t leave many loose ends for a sequel. Unfortunately this also means that the giant monster himself doesn’t get to appear or do much at all throughout the film. I was looking forward to seeing more of him since the design was really hype. It had a lot of potential but ultimately the budget just wasn’t there to support the film and that is really a shame. Having a giant monster stepping on all of the buildings would have definitely raised the danger level by quite a bit.

We at least know that it was pretty strong though. If not for the pesky disintegrator ray then it might have really had a shot. I regret to inform you that a dog does die in the film though. Early on the villains use the ray on the dog Sparky which was definitely a big mistake. Fortunately the whole scene is pretty fast and you instantly turn to bones which is better than most methods of death. Still unfortunately but that’s the reason why the film didn’t immediately get a negative score or anything like that. It could have definitely been curtains otherwise.

I have to give Betty’s grandpa some respect in this film as well. At first I figured he wouldn’t be doing much of anything here as the guy was really showing his age but in the end he stayed strong. He wouldn’t say where Betty and the others were even under threat of death. He kept on riding around with the crew the whole time and never gave up. That’s the kind of determination you like to see here. He had a lot of energy and in general all of the townsfolk were pretty good. None of them were just going to turn tail and run or give up without a fight. This is the true meaning of unity.

As expected the writing is pretty good here. The script is solid and the pacing is really good. The movie never drags on and you can feel the danger lurking around every corner. At most the only weak part would be when Derek first arrives in town and doesn’t know that the other aliens stuck around. So he doesn’t have a lot of urgency as he rents a room and puts of telling Betty about the dog. The film also narrowly avoided the love triangle since it was looking dicey with Betty and the reporter plus Derek for a while there. That could have docked some points but the characters made the logical move here this time by focusing on the end of the world threat and not getting side tracked. That was a welcome surprise.

Now this is a very old film so even as an alien invasion film you should not be thinking about this in terms of a lot of explosions or anything like that. This is a slow burner through and through and you can almost think of it like a slasher aimed at kids. You have the seemingly invincible villain who slowly approaches each town goer as he obliterates them from existence. He takes no hostages and has absolutely no mercy. The guy just keeps on going and going with no plans to stop. It’s the part of the film that leaves you feeling a bit sad because none of those characters expected that they would die today.

Overall, Teenagers from Outer Space may be very different than what you would have expected based on the title but it’s a pretty good film. I wouldn’t say it has any obvious weaknesses at all. I had a good time with it and the film even has a decent sense of humor at times. If you like these retro films then I would say to definitely check this one out. It’s really got every classic B creature element in here along with the creature itself even if that’s more of an afterthought.

Overall 7/10

Rudy

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Imagine you’re getting ready to win a big Football season when all of a sudden a kid walks up to you and calls himself Rudy. You’re probably going to be a little confused and worried all at the same time because you life’s never going to be the same. Well that’s what happened in this film based on a true story. Rudy really turned the whole Notre Dame story on its head and he did so with ease!

The movie introduces us to Rudy who has always liked College Football. His family are really into it as well and so Rudy says that one day he will join the team. The problem is that he’s rather small and doesn’t have a very athletic build. He usually isn’t able to keep up with the other kids and this has been true even once he grew up. He’s now 22 and still hasn’t achieved his dreams. Well, he decides to head to school and give it a shot but does he really have what it takes to win?

Naturally it’s all a longshot, I’m sure many people tried exactly what he did and got turned away at the door. Ultimately you need perfect timing and a lot of heart to pull this off. So you’re rooting for Rudy and are glad that it worked out but you can definitely see why the coaches would be skeptical. Each Football game requires a lot of concentration and talent. All it takes is one wrong loss to start a streak of losses so you don’t want to mess with the flow. The film does a good job of showing just how unassuming Rudy is but of course the catch to that is that at the same time he just doesn’t feel like he’s Football ready.

It’s an uplifting story regardless as you are glad things worked out well for him. Socially it was tough as well as his family was rather hard on him the whole time and then he found himself single for a good part of the journey. He also had to try and be someone’s wingman in order to get the tips he needed to succeed at school. That’s a rough setup I have to admit because the whole thing is already a red flag for anyone he approaches. Why would you go out with someone who isn’t confident enough to ask them out himself? Fortunately the friend gets braver by the end of the film as well.

It would have been nice to have gotten more Football screentime though. I know this is Rudy’s story and since he didn’t take the field until the very end that would have been tough but seeing more Football action would have been great. That is some of the best stuff after all. We do get to see Rudy training though as he gets destroyed on the field a whole lot but never gives up. Now that is true dedication. He always had the heart for this even if he didn’t have the talent.

There was a nice employee at the field who also pointed out how things were looking up either way. Rudy got a great education thanks to this which is more than most people can really say. A lot of the time you have to choose between education or sports but in this case he got both so he will be pretty well set for after his very brief career ended. It takes him a while to really appreciate this though.

The movie tends to be on the unassuming side so don’t expect a grand soundtrack, dynamic camera angles, or any big splash type scenes that stand out. Instead this is all about the journey and it’s a well written one. The movie is fairly long but feels fast as you’re watching it. Because of how direct the film is, there isn’t a whole lot to say about it though. You more or less know what’s going to happen from the overall vibes that the film has but the execution doesn’t leave you with any problems.

If they ever did a sequel, maybe we could see what Rudy got up to after his career was over. I imagine it would essentially be a slice of life film but with this crew I think it would work out. It would still be interesting enough and at the end of the day that’s why writing is so important. Any film could and should be entertaining if it’s handled right and this would probably be one of my best go to examples. Because on paper you might think it sounds a bit boring but it’s good quality nonetheless.

Overall, Rudy is a fun film to watch. I would say there isn’t a whole lot to it next to other biographical films. You don’t have a ton of tragedies happening to the main character and the actual payoff is very fast. That said, it’s fun to watch a light film like this. Sometimes you don’t need all of the extra stuff. Just give me an entertaining film with a good story and I’m set. This film had both of those aspects so I felt pretty good on this end. If you like Football or enjoy a good story then I’d say to check this one out.

Mile 22 Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Mile 22 brings in another big war time thriller as the heroes duke it out with the villains. It’s one of those films that does decide to do this through an interview lens as one character talks about what happens and keeps on spoiling different parts of the film. Definitely a bad decision but if you can get past that then the rest of the film is pretty good. I did like the cliffhanger so a sequel would be fun but I can see how the ending might be divisive.

The film introduces us to Silva who is a very good special agent captain but one who is also very emotional. The different characters debate what is wrong with him mentally or if he’s just a jerk but Silva is definitely very prone to going on large tirades about pretty much everything. He gets very emotional and explosive at all times so you can’t really predict what he will do next. You could say that he is the ultimate wild card. Well this latest mission involves a guy named Noor who has defected from his country and has intel on weapons of mass destruction. He requests a trip to America for his cooperation and the heroes don’t have much time since he has set his files to self destruct pretty soon. Silva agrees to help but he’ll have to keep an eye on this guy.

While the film’s title and poster is all about the 22 Mile drive, that doesn’t happen until very deep into the film. It felt like over half of the movie was really set up for this as we are introduced to the characters and the stakes. Setup is definitely good but this film does push it a bit as you’re waiting for the adventure. Silva’s group are all stars who can handle any mission but naturally you can probably expect some of them to get taken down in short order here. At the end of the day even top rate skills will buckle before superior numbers.

As always there are a number of moles and security breaks throughout the agency so Silva can’t trust too many people. They are also in enemy territory the whole time as the whole point is that Silva’s team is trying to get this guy to America. Until they reach those borders, they’re going to have to deal with an army of corrupt cops and agents trying to shoot them all. The villains aren’t exactly subtle either as they say to Silva’s face how they intend to handle this. Silva just has to try and destroy them all in return or it’ll be all over for him.

As the main character he is definitely fun. Silva’s the kind of guy you want on your side because yes he’s a super loud jerk who is constantly yelling but that means your opponent’s are in for a tough time. There’s even a saying about that how every team should have at least one jerk on it. The idea is to at the very least have someone who is really confident and not afraid to get in the other guy’s face. Silva is definitely comfortable in that role and it’s a good thing too since his teammates can also have their own issues.

Kerr for example is going through a messy divorce and has not been able to concentrate as much as usual because of this. She is constantly yelling and swearing as things don’t go her way. Additionally this line of work does result in not being home very often which certainly doesn’t help on the court side. The app she has to use as part of the package was pretty interesting though, I could see that being really useful for a lot of situations since at least every message is being tracked. No funny business happening off camera as long as the app is around and the fact that it logs each swear word is impressive.

Kerr probably should be able to control herself better while on the mission though. She bears some responsibility for not noticing the two intruders messing with the hostage. Finally Noor is the third member of the main characters. He’s the informant who is making a whole lot of demands and the guy is in control the whole time. I figured his meditation was a way of keeping track of the code for a while there but in the end that was a bit of a red herring. Noor gets a whole lot of character development as the film goes on and really excels in his role. He is neck and neck with Silva in terms of being the most interesting character.

He also does get a really intense fight scene when he has to face off against two fighters at once. It showed that his fighting skills were the real deal as any other character in this film would have likely been destroyed rather quickly. He definitely knows that he can’t trust the security of the USA by the end of that scene. Additionally this all star squad is completely off the books so at any point he could be destroyed. If they are too late to get to the plane and the data is deleted, well they’ll end up shooting him anyway. So there are a lot of ways that Noor could die and he has to be prepared for all of them.

The overall tone of the film varies from being your classic action fare to being a little more on the darker side. The ending itself is definitely really intense and for my two cents I would say I thought it was a good ending. It was really unexpected and happened quickly without dragging the reveal for too long. You come to the conclusions that the main cast come to at about the same time. I do think it does once again show how the heroes are super lax and unprepared with their procedures though. Procedures exist for safety and consistency so the instant you start going away from them you really start to open the door to a lot of problems.

Overall, Mile 22 is a good film. It balances a whole lot of different plots going on at the same time pretty well. The pacing and writing are on point so you’re engaged with the story throughout. The ending was definitely a bold choice and I definitely respect the decision there. A sequel would certainly come in handy to see how things go from here. I would hope that this time there is no narration from the future though. This is a very intense film without a whole lot of happy moments so you do need to enjoy the overall war vibes. I thought it was handled better than most and didn’t get quite as extreme as competitor titles. That said, you would want to avoid this film if you don’t like this level of violence. Neither side is really in a position to take hostages due to the situation.

Overall 6/10

Shooter Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Shooter is one of those tragic films because it could have been good but then it decides to absolutely nosedive by throwing in some extra grit and over the top dark themes for no reason. It could have been known as a fairly decent revenge film about destroying everybody but instead this one will quickly fade away into being forgotten. Just a lot of missed potential here.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Swagger who used to work with the army but after they left him and his partner for dead, Swagger decided to tap out. With his friend dead, Swagger was all by himself except for his pet dog. He stayed off the grid for years but now the government has caught up to him. Isaac wants Swagger to help out in preventing a presidential assassination but this quickly goes sour as expected and now Swagger is wanted for murder. He’s tired of being thrown around by the government, it’s time for Swagger to do something about this.

So you’ve got a classic revenge story against corruption here. It’s a pretty classic story and one where it is easy to root for the hero over the evil government. That said, the film feels the need to make the villains as evil as possible to jam the message through and it’s really not necessary. For example they murder Swagger’s dog. Really now? That was completely unnecessary. Then at one point it turns out that one of the villains is really just here for his own pleasure and has his way with the heroine while Swagger is gone. Another absolutely ridiculous scene that didn’t need to be here at all.

This is the kind of film where the writers just weren’t confident in their own plot/script and so they have to add all of these quick shock value moments. You’re not able to enjoy the film naturally and each scene is instead pushing you hard into the next one. No need to think about anything as the movie is as black and white as possible. One of the scenes near the end as Swagger explains his evidence is one I’ve seen before as it’s a pretty common out of context clip for Youtube shorts. It’s yet another moment that is meant to show you how logic just won’t work because everybody is as corrupt as possible.

The movie definitely has a very jaded view of the justice system. Fair enough, it’s definitely got numerous weaknesses and shortcomings. If the film wants to go the vigilante angle then that’s fine but again it would be nice if the film could just let us watch the action unfold without having to basically narrate it. The villains are all loud and obnoxious as they laugh about how they have dominated the system. They don’t seem to be concerned about any bugs or wiretaps because everybody important is already in on it. They’re just having a grand ole time.

I think for that reason Swagger made a huge mistake near the end and just happens to get lucky. He basically lets some of the key villains go so he could do this through the legal process but naturally that doesn’t play out very well. By this point you’ve already murdered all of the foot soldiers so why wouldn’t you finish off the general? It never makes sense to spare the captains at that point. Particularly since they have the riches and the resources to completely disappear if that’s what they want to do.

Swagger definitely lets his guard down at times but ultimately he looks good for most of the film. His sniper skills are definitely on point and he can really hit a target from almost anywhere. That’s definitely a scary opponent to have to contend with because you’re going to have to find a way to close the distance without getting shot. I’d ask why the army would leave such a capable soldier out to die like in the opening but again it comes down to basic corruption.

Nick ends up helping out from the FBI side. The guy is a little slow on the uptake about how nobody else really cares about the mission though. He gets lied to almost immediately by everyone else in the agency. They’re all either on the take or just generally incompetent. It’s easy to see why he decided to break away from them as soon as possible by the end. Of course you get the feeling that he might be doomed in either event because the villains won’t let him live forever. His only hope will be to hitch a ride with Swagger.

Then we have the heroine Sarah who definitely goes through a lot. The whole film is definitely a terrible experience for her. She does a good job of being helpful and going undercover. My only issue is really with the romance plot. You can’t just get together with your dead husband’s partner. That seems like a terrible idea even aside from the fact that it’s a rebound. The whole thing would just be too personal and it’s also way too sudden. They barely even know each other and so the film suffers from the really quick paced romance here. It doesn’t really have any kind of development and just happens.

As far as conspiracy films go, this one requires a few more stretches of disbelief than some of the others. A certain degree of that will basically always come with the genre but at the same time they just seemed so sloppy in this one. The fact that an FBI rookie noticed that things didn’t add up shows how little thought was put into it. Producing answers too quickly, etc. It may have fooled his boss but it was clear that she didn’t really care about the case in general. She had me convinced that she was on the take the whole time for that reason. How else would she make the worst excuses each time? At one point when Nick points out that a key player was just shot, she says it was probably just karma. That’s just crazy.

Still, conspiracies are fun. Even in real life I’m sure that some of the ones that occurred had a bunch of loose ends and people just looked the other way. That’s bound to happen from time to time but when you’re actually seeing it you can’t help but roll your eyes a bit. If the film had stuck to the action then I think it would have been a lot better. I also liked seeing some of the frame technology. For example to make it look like one guy shot himself they had a clever device that holds the arm up at just the right angle. I’m sure they’ve got something like that in real life.

Overall, The Shooter is a pretty bad film I gotta say. The plot had some potential in there but threw it all away in the second half. I won’t blame the main character for getting tricked since it was a calculated risk but he definitely makes some terrible judgment calls. Even romance aside, I still think the plan he had on top of the mountain was absolutely terrible. Letting villains go in the hopes that you can get them later is really a recipe for disaster. At least the film has a pretty fun ending. That part at least leaves you satisfied in the end.

Overall 3/10

Nobody Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Eh the movie poster is cooler since there are many more fists but this cover’s not so bad either. The film sort of betrays its own concept almost immediately as this “Nobody” is naturally a big Somebody. I like the idea a bit more of having an average family man have to contend with a big revenge flick but this one’s still okay. It taps into that John Wick kind of energy with the legendary fighter having to come out of retirement. The film does have to survive an extremely rocky start though.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Hutch who has been living a very repetitive life for a while now. Every day is basically the same as he lives it over and over and over again. There is little variety to be found at all and it’s just not very fulfilling. Well one day his home is invaded by two thieves and he doesn’t fight back or do much of anything so now everybody is making fun of him and his family has lost confidence in him. Hutch doesn’t seem to be the provider they thought he was. Hutch only gets serious when he finds out that they stole his daughter’s bracelet. Now it’s time for him to unleash his skills!

Now the film quickly tries to defend why Hutch didn’t do much in the opening scene. He noticed that the gun wasn’t loaded and didn’t want to escalate the situation. The problem is that this was still the wrong move by a longshot. These two are still unknown criminals who are breaking and entering. Additionally they are using blunt objects in order to cause a lot of damage. Just letting them get away with the money is terrible and even more so when his son stood up to defend the house and Hutch didn’t help at all.

No amount of explanations or hindsight was going to be enough to save Hutch here. He needed to defend his family, at the end of the day that is absolutely critical and he failed when it counted. The instant someone breaks into your house all bets are off and lethal force is absolutely authorized. Any time you hold back there you are putting the whole family at risk. This whole scene is important too because later on we see how Hutch is actually an expert fighter who can take out dozens of enemies. Dispatching the two intruders without seriously injuring them would have been another easy outcome for him.

So when all of the characters are poking fun at Hutch the whole time it’s hard to feel too bad for him. Obviously it’s not cool to be too unrelenting about the situation but trying to get Hutch to understand how he made a mistake was important. His brother in law even gives Hutch a gun which is a pretty sensible thing to do given the circumstances. The second half of the movie basically does become an unrelenting John Wick film as Hutch goes after everybody.

He ends up tangling with the mafia and so he begins to dispatch those guys as well. Now Hutch isn’t Superman or anything like that so he’s not invincible. The film does show that he needs help from an old friend and his father to actually come out of this alive. It was good to have that in there for a touch of realism especially since Hutch has been out of the game for so long. Now unfortunately the film does spoil the adventure by having an opening scene work as a time jump which is still one of the worst tropes. Ah well, I suppose the film had to fumble a little bit there.

The movie can be rather violent with some of the kills. The fight scenes themselves tend to not be too over the top but the finishing moves can be like Mortal Kombat. Hutch really tries to make an example of why you shouldn’t stand against him and the main villain has the same idea at a gala event. Both sides are no strangers to violence and to an extent you can even say they encourage it like when Hutch basically dares the villains to keep on fighting him.

In some ways I would say this film is really going through the action thriller motions. It’s not a film that you’re likely going to remember very well by the end of it. It’s a good movie but the story is one that we’ve all seen before. Even down to the origin story which plays itself beat for beat as many ex professional type films. I enjoyed the banter with Hutch and his allies even if that too is familiar. Sometimes you just want a solid action film that puts the fighting before the story itself. I would say this film definitely does that.

The villain is mainly forgettable. He’s your average gangster who knows how to fight but finds himself in a leadership role now. He’s not particularly patient with his minions and the guy is incredibly unstable. If you work for him then you may end up dying just on a whim. When the going gets tough, he does fight but doesn’t last all that long. That’s basically his whole character in a nutshell. I was more interested in what the cops were going to say about all of this although naturally they don’t get a ton to do. I imagine in the sequel we’ll see more out of them and the 3 letter agencies as they decide to take Hutch down just to be on the safe side.

Overall, Nobody is a decent movie but I don’t think it has the highest replay value. It takes a bit long for Hutch to finally go into action. The violence can be a bit try hard at times too. The film is really advertised as a big action title though so there were definitely no lies presented here. What you see is what you get and I would definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a solid action fix. I get the feeling that the sequel would be better though as here is a lot for the film to capitalize on here.

Overall 5/10

The Thomas Crown Affair (1999) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Whenever you’ve got a film with the word affair in the title then you know that you might be in trouble. Naturally the word doesn’t have to inherently be bad but it’s usually used in a negative context. The film is basically about someone trying to pull a James Bond and just the concept of that plan is usually funny to me. Still, it does actually work in the real world even so I can’t really talk much about that. Ultimately the film lacks the good characters to make this a success and the romance is particularly weak.

The film starts off with a rare painting being stolen from Thomas Crown’s museum. It was worth tons and the insurance company might have to pay for it. As a result they send in a lady named Catherine to oversee the whole thing. She will make sure that the company does not get ripped off here and she will locate the painting. She believes that Thomas did it himself. It seems a bit unlikely to the cops to put it mildly but she is convinced. So her plan will be to seduce him and then get the information. Will she really be able to reel in a rich guy who has everything so easily?

The first part of the plot that already starts you off on a skeptical note is Catherine’s idea that she can just seduce this guy like it’s easy. I have the same skepticism for many romance type titles and naturally the James Bond films as well. Sure there are some people that are extremely shallow like that but a super rich guy with unlimited options? At least have her break him down after several months or something but he immediately takes the bait hook line and sinker. Now you could argue that it’s just because he wants the thrills of a cat and mouse game but to me it seems like he liked her right away with how sharp her personality is.

Then the rest of the film continues the cat and mouse game while they mess with each other the whole time. There’s a subplot where Thomas has a psychiatrist who confirms how he can’t trust women and all that. Well the film seems to confirm his suspicions as Catherine tries to mess him over several times. If anything the movie seems to make the case for Thomas on why he can’t trust anyone too much. The instant Catherine feels betrayed she tries to completely ruin his life by exposing his theft.

I mean…that was her job the whole time but it’s clear by the end that it’s super personal now. She refuses to listen to him at all and just goes back to her own thing. Then by the end when the misunderstanding it cleared up she is desperate to be with him again. Catherine jus seems incredibly unstable and I don’t see things going well for the two of them. The original film had the much more satisfying ending as a result and I couldn’t stand by this one. The reason is because I wasn’t a big fan of the romance in general despite how much the film tried to present it as a decent one.

I do like the whole enemies to lovers trope when handled right but this one didn’t convince me. As much as I was going on about Catherine not being the most reliable or trust worthy, the same is true for Thomas of course. The whole film is happening because he was bored and wanted a thrill after all. You better hope he doesn’t get bored of romance either since he seemed like a real player back in his day. That is definitely one of the big downsides of being super rich. It’s a bit of a meme as everybody would usually like to be rich anyway but I can see how life can get dull if you don’t find anything to give you purpose.

Also to make the romance even worse, we have the head cop in charge of the case, Michael. This guy is absolutely desperate for Catherine from his very first scene and it’s obvious that she is not into him at all. She gives him a pity kiss later but I wish the guy had been a little bolder and just created some distance after the first attempts failed. Lets keep this professional right? This film is the definition of unprofessional as nobody was able to really keep to the job but it’s probably the worst for Michael. Catherine at least had the excuse of this being part of her plan and Thomas was using this as a way to gauge Catherine but Michael should have at least been objective.

Now in terms of the heist itself, it does stretch your disbelief at times. I find it hard to believe that nobody noticed the CEO sliding under the door to steal the painting early on. The film’s excuse for this would be how crowded things were and to an extent I get that but it’s still a bit of a stretch. Likewise when the painting was returned later on. The ole switcheroo was pretty clever though and I didn’t really have any problems with that one. I did enjoy all the “magic” and planning even if the resources and time to pull that off are also tricky. Thomas obviously has the money but finding enough people willing to take a fall and potential jail time? With enough money you can pretty much do anything but you can also count on at least one guy to get cold feet and go to the cops.

I’m not really an artistic person myself so I always wonder how paintings can really go for millions of dollars. I’d sooner buy into the conspiracy that the whole art market is just a front for money laundering than actually thinking someone would value the piece so highly. Talent is talent and some people are truly gifted at it but millions for any piece of art seems absolutely crazy. I’m also not particularly entertained by walking around a museum to look at paintings. That seems like the kind of thing you would endure for good company.

So the main appeal of the movie is about the heist and the cat and mouse games. That is when the movie is at its best but the rough romance really holds it back. There’s just no way this will work out and the romance is more of a show over tell kind of experience. So not only was I not convinced but the movie spends a lot of time on the romance only for me to still be shaking my head the whole time.

Overall, I would still skip on this film. It’s an improvement over the first film but it’s still not a winner yet. At this point I think we need a live action version of Sly Cooper. That’s a film with a similar premise but 1000x cooler. You will still have the cat and mouse banter with the detective trying to catch the thief but it’s played in a much more interesting way. Until that movie comes out, I recommend playing through the games and you will quickly see why the Thomas Crown affair can’t quite compete.

Overall 4/10

The Lake House Review

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It’s time for a film that goes out of its way to shatter its own message time and time again. I suppose it is always harder to follow advice than it is to state it and that’s what happens to the main heroine here. At the end of the day the plot has to be held together by both main characters making the biggest mistakes possible at every turn but that’s how it goes sometimes. It may be very dramatic but I would say this is not a particularly good movie.

The movie starts with Kate leaving her Lake House and alerting the new tenant to make sure he sends any leftover mail to her. She is now working hard at a hospital trying to save lives but it gets off to a rocky start when someone is hit by a car/truck and dies right in front of her. She is not having a good day but then gets an odd message from the tenant. It turns out that their mail is reaching each other from 2 years apart. He is actually the previous tenant from 2 years ago. Their messages are floating across time and both are so desperate that they fall in love with each other through the pen pal system. How can they possibly meet up to express their feelings?

This won’t be easy. Sure it’s only 2 years and it’s not like she moves far enough away but they’d have to ask for each other’s phone number, names, etc. In a lot of ways it will be easier for Kate since she is in the future so she should be able to look him up with minimal effort. She doesn’t though because the film would be over basically immediately. For Alex it’ll be slightly tougher since she doesn’t know him yet but perhaps with his charm he can win her over too. Instead he just loses touch right away. Are they just really bad at this pen pal stuff?

This is yet another film that falls into the tragic trap of being better if they were just friends. It would be a really wholesome film if they could both just be encouraging each other the whole time. Alex would give her tips on getting through her current struggles at the hospital and maybe Kate would help him patch things up with his father. Instead going with the romance angle hurts both characters massively and I’ll get into that now.

Kate reveals that she really loves a book about two people always meeting up at the wrong time and the message is about patience. Waiting for the right person instead of rushing things. The book had a sad ending but she will be ready to wait and find the right man. Okay so now she potentially has Alex and just needs to find a way to meet up with him. Instead she loses confidence in him and immediately runs into the arms of Morgan who has been chasing after her for quite a while. She basically decides to settle for him instead of staying alone with seems like an absolute waste. Why would you possibly settle when the whole point of the book is to not do that?

Another problem is how quick it all was. She basically rejects Alex and then runs straight into Morgan’s arms. This isn’t someone who is serious relationship material. I’d also argue that Morgan should have higher standards for himself. They already broke up once in the past because she cheated on him (It turns out that she was with Alex at that time) and he is still content to be with her when she has no remorse? When he brings this up, she immediately gets defensive and gaslights the life out of the guy. She makes it sound like Morgan is being petty and should have gotten over being cheated on which is absolutely crazy.

So we’re definitely on a really bad start with both of these characters. I couldn’t support Morgan at all here but I can’t supposed Kate either since she is way too emotional. She feels like the kind of character who will revenge cheat or have a fling if she gets bored. That’s what happened last time after all. Meanwhile for Alex, he is moving a bit fast here. For starters he does initiate the cheating when he knew Kate already had a boyfriend. Not a very ethical position to take.

Then Kate gives him the silent treatment after one plan goes bad which seems incredibly immature. There should also be some pretty big implications if he couldn’t make it in two years. They should have explored those options together instead of Kate deciding that she needed a man right away. As you can see I wasn’t too sympathetic to her plight.

The whole climax also revolves around Alex not being able to track her down for basically 2 years which is really crazy. Given that the film didn’t seem to deserve the “happy” ending that it got, I actually think the should have had her fail the mission. Have the film end with her waiting as the credits start to roll. You could also argue that this is an open ending and perhaps that means he would be around soon. I just don’t see why he would be willing to listen after such a long amount of time.

Also he just didn’t answer for two years while waiting to surprise her after 2 years? The time travel definitely does have some issues which is probably a byproduct of thinking up such a unique premise. I do think it’s a really cool idea but turning it into a romance feels like it was a mistake. This film would work so much better with the friendship angle because then most of my issues would not end up applying.

My only other applicable issue would just be that Alex’s subplot with his father seems rather shoehorned in. It didn’t have a whole lot of payoff and felt like filler in the movie. I didn’t think it had a noticeable impact on any of the characters’ development so if you cut it than nothing changes. Giving that a bigger role could have fixed that issue but then you’d have less time for the rest. So I’d probably have just substituted that for some more letters. Reading out the letters is probably the highlight of the film after all as it’s fun to keep jumping from place to place in the two eras.

Overall, The Lake House is definitely an emotional film. I think you’ll have a good time for the most part as the concept is explored fairly thoroughly. You’ll just see more and more of the cracks as the romance gets serious and the whole thing falls over by the end. This film absolutely needed better characters and I also have to suspend disbelief big time on the characters falling in love with each other. Through letters? That just seems really crazy to me. The writing is good and I hope more films try a premise like this. They just need to try and stick to the theme. If the characters are big on waiting then have them wait and not jump into a crazy relationship after one setback. That’s still the wildest part of the whole movie.

Overall 4/10

Timecop Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a time travel title and those always tend to be pretty good. It’s a concept that brings a lot of interesting ideas with it and this one is no exception. My favorite time travel system is where interacting with the past creates a new timeline rather than immediately changing the future but they all have their merits. This one is a good action title that ends up being satisfying in the end.

The movie starts off with someone at the government revealing that time travel has been discovered. He now wants a federal agency to monitor it and senator Aaron agrees with this. So the bureau is created and Max joins after his wife was blown up in a home invasion. He is not allowed to go back in time and save her because of ethics and butterfly effects even though it happened rather recently. That said, many people are changing time and this is becoming a big deal so Max brings those people to justice. There seems to be a ringleader at the top of this though and Max needs to find out who it is immediately.

Naturally you probably know what I’m going to say here. Max should go ahead and save his wife immediately. There are several reasons for this. The first and most important reason is that the instant we have time travel, there is no longer any guarantee on what the correct timeline is. There’s no way to tell if someone has already gone to the past and changed things. Perhaps a butterfly effect happened a while back and that’s why his wife died. So I would say Max is absolutely obligated to save her life. That’s absolutely how this should work.

The second reason ties in which is that people don’t remember the previous timeline anyway. That’s also why it is so dangerous because everyone’s memories are automatically reset so they think this is how things always were. So when Max saved his wife then that’ll just be how it always was. No harm no foul. Some might push back against this but that’s always been my frame of mind for these things. When time travel is on the table then anything goes.

Max is a solid main character though. He’s good at his job and a solid fighter all around. He takes down quite a few enemies over the course of the movie. He can get a little sloppy though like the way he was taken out by the villains at the beginning of the movie. You’d just think that he would be more on guard due to his line of work. Even once he has the element of surprise near the end it’s a little closer than you’d figure it should be. I won’t fault him for the way the tables turn during the earlier climax since there are only so many contingency plans you can have when a traitor is involved.

The main villain Aaron is decent. He’s not anything to write home about but I like how direct the guy was about his goals. He wants to be the President of the United States and will do whatever it takes in order to achieve that goal. He’s a very determined guy and thanks to the time travel we get to see just how much more corrupt and bold he has gotten over the years. He makes his original self look super tame in comparison.

Sarah is someone who you feel gets off rather easy during the film. Yes she has her reasons and everything but ultimately she came up short when it counted. The timeline shifting isn’t enough to make her blameless here. I’d definitely have switched up her final scene a bit. I’d also argue that she should either have her memories back or be gone from the current timeline based on how the logic works.

Meanwhile the head of the department seemed really out of his league here. He is extremely slow on the uptake about the idea of the timeline changing. Why? Shouldn’t that be required reading in his position? Every time Max would try to explain something the guy would look at him like he was nuts. Yes it makes for good comedy but it didn’t really make sense in context. Even if he may not believe Max in the end, he should at least have considered the possibility right away.

Ah well, this is why Max has to carry the agency. They would be absolutely doomed without him and the villains would just go ahead and keep on changing the past. You can only squeeze so much into a single movie at least but the rest of the agents really do nothing. At best they just get shot while running around which buys Max another second or two. Max is the only one actually doing any real detective work.

Timecop is one of those classic 90s films that has a fun tone and good amount of action the whole time. We get some good banter and one liners as well. It’s a film that is having a lot of fun throughout the journey even while making time for a lot of serious moments and good fight scenes. It’s very well balanced and most importantly, it’s a really fun film. It’s the kind of title you can easily rewatch down the line because it all ends up aging well.

Overall, Timecop is a pretty good film. Being in charge of regulating time is an absolutely massive responsibility and it would definitely be a stressful job. You don’t envy Max for having to put up with it the whole time. While there are some sci-fi phenomenon like teleporting that I think will be true in the future, I don’t think we will ever get time travel. Seems unlikely to me but at least in the meantime we have all kinds of fun films like this one. There’s so much you can do with the concept that this should have gotten a bunch of sequels.

Overall 7/10

Morning Glory (1933) Review

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Morning Glory is one of those films where you question the overall point of it midway. It’s a classic journey about corruption and how hard show biz is but the main character holds the whole thing back. That does tend to happen a lot but since she folds almost immediately, there isn’t a whole lot of drama here. You know that she won’t be able to make a difference in the industry and so the usual drama just isn’t there.

The movie starts off by introducing us to a pathological liar named Eva. She is really determined to succeed in Hollywood but doesn’t have a lot of confidence and so she just lies about everything on instinct. Anything to give her a slight edge but it’s not really working. She eventually manages to crash a hiring session and make some influential acquaintances but then she fails in her first big show. Will she be able to still become a success?

Eva is a bit too naive for this world and the problem is that losing this trait will almost inevitably carry with it some big penalties. For example she is able to get back into the limelight briefly after getting super drink and having an affair with Louis for a night but that doesn’t help redeem her as a character at all. Instead it’s just another reason to show why she wasn’t ready for this level of competition. It may be something that a lot of would be Hollywood stars go through but she should have fought off the trend.

Getting drunk isn’t really an excuse that I ever tend to accept. Just don’t get drunk in the first place if you know that your true intentions are not going to be the best. It also feels like Eva’s delusions make her not practice or study nearly as hard as she should. She always comes across as incredibly unprepared which should not be the case when this is her passion.

I much preferred Rita who may have been super stuck up but knew her worth. She called Louis’ bluff at one of the shows and stormed out. It’s hard to say who will win in the long term but she is apparently till quite famous so I get the feeling that she will be just fine. As for Louis, he will probably do okay as well but the guy probably can’t count on someone like Eva to bail him out long term. So Rita was fun because she could stand up to the others and wasn’t going to break down at the first sign of trouble.

Louis is another character I don’t like. Obviously he should have been able to control himself when Eva was drunk. The guy is supposed to be a professional and has been in the business long enough to know better. So no sympathy for him later on when he was feeling awkward. Joseph isn’t much better either as the guy knows a lot of what’s going on and never gives Eva any proper heads up. He liked her so he needed to step up. Although I don’t blame him for taking a back seat once she was fooling around with Louis. At that point he may as well run off.

There aren’t really any big characters to root for here though which shows how aimless the film was. To an extent it is really about Eva failing over and over again until she gets her big break. Yes she manages to pull it off but at a great cost as she now has a lot of ammo to be blackmailed with eventually. Additionally, she just doesn’t seem to have the skills to remain as a main star. We don’t even know how she really succeeded in this role since everything we saw earlier would have implied that she’d be a big failure on the big screen.

Another problem here is that the big scene is about Eva getting drunk and making a fool of herself at a party. It seems to be meant to be impressive as the characters mention that she would be a huge hit if she could perform like that when she wasn’t drunk. It didn’t seem all that impressive to me though and if anything I’d be feeling second hand embarrassment if I was at that party. It’s why you never want to have too much alcohol at a party because inevitably there will be someone there who is a lightweight and ends up getting too drink. That’s bound to be a big problem. Not that any of these corrupt characters would really mind I suppose.

I guess the bright side you can probably say is that all of these negative movies about getting into show business probably did keep people from making rash decisions in order to be a star. Ditching your home town and everything in order to shine is definitely not the right play because then you’re already in a vulnerable spot. It’s had to negotiate for a great role and high pay when the other side knows how desperate you are. If Eva had a good manager and more skills then she probably could have fared a bit better. Alas, she went in without any real experience or connections and got trampled by the business.

Overall, Morning Glory is not a film I’d recommend checking out. It does have that retro tone that I enjoy with a fun script and good writing but it is really hard to succeed without a strong cast. A noir film could pull it off due to the really engaging story going on but a romance drama? That’s going to be a really uphill battle and this one was not able to pull it off. You can definitely do better within the genre.

Overall 4/10

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Review

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As someone who does not like tomatoes I can confirm that one of my greatest fears would definitely be having to go toe to toe with one of them. If these guys bite as strongly as they taste then it would be all over for me. The film does a good job of poking fun at the concept while also getting in some terrifying moments. I would definitely recommend this one.

The film starts off with a lady getting murdered by a tomato. When the cops show up to check out the damage, one of them immediately notices that the “blood” is actually tomato juice. After this point the tomatoes launch an all out assault against humanity. Their numbers are considerable and for the most part the humans are powerless against them. They even have cherry tomatoes on their side. Will the humans be able to mount a proper counter offensive or is it game over for them?

This movie effectively takes shots at a whole lot of different story beats and groups. For starters the government doesn’t look very good here as their so called experts are completely out of their depth the whole time. They have absolutely no idea what they are doing and this only gets more and more evident as the film goes on. Their meeting rooms simply aren’t big enough for them and even their best agents trip up when the going gets the tough. The master of disguise actually made it pretty far but ultimately even he faltered when it counted. Trust me it was not a proud moment for that guy.

You may even end up rooting for the tomatoes here because of their fun sound effect. It’s really hype whenever they show up. The sound in and of itself isn’t creepy or anything but it’s with the context of knowing that the tomatoes are back. They even toy with the humans like at one point where they surround someone’s car and then calmly roll away. He really got off easy that time and they were effectively giving him a warning. The Tomatoes just took it a little too easily that time. If they had been serious then the film would be over.

Naturally the special effects for the film aren’t particularly good. There are a lot of cutaways so we don’t really get to see much of anything. The tomatoes themselves are just ordinary tomatoes for 90% of the screentime. I would have liked to have seen them grinning and running around more but the film didn’t really have the budget for that. The overt cheapness of the film is part of what makes it all fun though. This film is a parody that is really being as silly as possible.

Now of course in any film with a ton of jokes, there will be a bunch that absolutely don’t land. This film is no exception to that. For example you have Lois who is trying to make a name for herself but her skills aren’t all that great. So she gets desperate enough to consider her boss’ advice which was not good from the start. We also get a last second romance and so those scenes were pretty rough the whole time.

Fortunately the good ones easily overshadowed those. For example we also had Clark Kent show up as well as a good Superman gag at one point which was really good. We got the classic “up up and away” moment which was really inspired. There was also a kid and his dog although they didn’t do so well in the fight. The film had plenty of good references and little moments here and there that enhanced the movie.

There was also the whole plot regarding the white house’s chief of communications. The guy gets embarrassed early on during the Q&A and then we actually get some repercussions from that later on. His plan had been unfolding for a while but I’m sure this helped speed it up. The betrayal was really good. The scene had a lot of tension to it and good development. I was almost more invested in this plot than the tomatoes for a minute there.

The movie is fairly short but even then you enjoyment here will be based on how much you enjoy the main gag of the Tomatoes. Will you find it to be too silly or just the right amount of fun and exciting? Everything hinges on that because at the end of the day this is not a serious thriller or anything like that. Technically the body count is rather high and by the end a ton of people are dead but it’s not like the tone is going to reflect that. This is meant to be a really happy film all the way around and it succeeds on that angle.

I tend to enjoy some quality silly humor so this is up my alley. There was even a quick song by the corporate guy helping on PR which was out of nowhere but pretty intense. The singing voice wasn’t half bad and the lyrics are of course the main highlight. This guy showed that you can be great at business and still find time to sing a quick tune. So the quality song helps to make up for a lack of a big soundtrack, although it’s not like I would have expected a grand soundtrack for this film anyway.

Now lets imagine that the film was played seriously for a moment. I think the way you would do it is that the tomatoes move at high speeds. They would keep slamming into people and the sheer concussive force would knock them out. Maybe the main character is a cook so he is able to slice them apart when they show up. You could still have an end of the world plot with ease but the question is how many audiences would take it seriously anyway. And if you know that they wouldn’t, well that’s why you do the parody instead.

Overall, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is a film that I’ve looked forward to for a long while now and I can definitely say that it lived up to the hype. This is a fun film with an original story. It has a large variety of gags so you are bound to like some of them. From there is just depends on how many you did not like. If it’s a small number then we have a winner. I’ll be curious to see how good the sequels are but it will be hard to beat the original. It’s one of those premises that you probably don’t want to overdo. It’s why I really liked the stinger at the end which showed off the new villains coming up. That has a ton of potential right there.

Overall 7/10