Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

The Lake House Review

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It’s time for a film that goes out of its way to shatter its own message time and time again. I suppose it is always harder to follow advice than it is to state it and that’s what happens to the main heroine here. At the end of the day the plot has to be held together by both main characters making the biggest mistakes possible at every turn but that’s how it goes sometimes. It may be very dramatic but I would say this is not a particularly good movie.

The movie starts with Kate leaving her Lake House and alerting the new tenant to make sure he sends any leftover mail to her. She is now working hard at a hospital trying to save lives but it gets off to a rocky start when someone is hit by a car/truck and dies right in front of her. She is not having a good day but then gets an odd message from the tenant. It turns out that their mail is reaching each other from 2 years apart. He is actually the previous tenant from 2 years ago. Their messages are floating across time and both are so desperate that they fall in love with each other through the pen pal system. How can they possibly meet up to express their feelings?

This won’t be easy. Sure it’s only 2 years and it’s not like she moves far enough away but they’d have to ask for each other’s phone number, names, etc. In a lot of ways it will be easier for Kate since she is in the future so she should be able to look him up with minimal effort. She doesn’t though because the film would be over basically immediately. For Alex it’ll be slightly tougher since she doesn’t know him yet but perhaps with his charm he can win her over too. Instead he just loses touch right away. Are they just really bad at this pen pal stuff?

This is yet another film that falls into the tragic trap of being better if they were just friends. It would be a really wholesome film if they could both just be encouraging each other the whole time. Alex would give her tips on getting through her current struggles at the hospital and maybe Kate would help him patch things up with his father. Instead going with the romance angle hurts both characters massively and I’ll get into that now.

Kate reveals that she really loves a book about two people always meeting up at the wrong time and the message is about patience. Waiting for the right person instead of rushing things. The book had a sad ending but she will be ready to wait and find the right man. Okay so now she potentially has Alex and just needs to find a way to meet up with him. Instead she loses confidence in him and immediately runs into the arms of Morgan who has been chasing after her for quite a while. She basically decides to settle for him instead of staying alone with seems like an absolute waste. Why would you possibly settle when the whole point of the book is to not do that?

Another problem is how quick it all was. She basically rejects Alex and then runs straight into Morgan’s arms. This isn’t someone who is serious relationship material. I’d also argue that Morgan should have higher standards for himself. They already broke up once in the past because she cheated on him (It turns out that she was with Alex at that time) and he is still content to be with her when she has no remorse? When he brings this up, she immediately gets defensive and gaslights the life out of the guy. She makes it sound like Morgan is being petty and should have gotten over being cheated on which is absolutely crazy.

So we’re definitely on a really bad start with both of these characters. I couldn’t support Morgan at all here but I can’t supposed Kate either since she is way too emotional. She feels like the kind of character who will revenge cheat or have a fling if she gets bored. That’s what happened last time after all. Meanwhile for Alex, he is moving a bit fast here. For starters he does initiate the cheating when he knew Kate already had a boyfriend. Not a very ethical position to take.

Then Kate gives him the silent treatment after one plan goes bad which seems incredibly immature. There should also be some pretty big implications if he couldn’t make it in two years. They should have explored those options together instead of Kate deciding that she needed a man right away. As you can see I wasn’t too sympathetic to her plight.

The whole climax also revolves around Alex not being able to track her down for basically 2 years which is really crazy. Given that the film didn’t seem to deserve the “happy” ending that it got, I actually think the should have had her fail the mission. Have the film end with her waiting as the credits start to roll. You could also argue that this is an open ending and perhaps that means he would be around soon. I just don’t see why he would be willing to listen after such a long amount of time.

Also he just didn’t answer for two years while waiting to surprise her after 2 years? The time travel definitely does have some issues which is probably a byproduct of thinking up such a unique premise. I do think it’s a really cool idea but turning it into a romance feels like it was a mistake. This film would work so much better with the friendship angle because then most of my issues would not end up applying.

My only other applicable issue would just be that Alex’s subplot with his father seems rather shoehorned in. It didn’t have a whole lot of payoff and felt like filler in the movie. I didn’t think it had a noticeable impact on any of the characters’ development so if you cut it than nothing changes. Giving that a bigger role could have fixed that issue but then you’d have less time for the rest. So I’d probably have just substituted that for some more letters. Reading out the letters is probably the highlight of the film after all as it’s fun to keep jumping from place to place in the two eras.

Overall, The Lake House is definitely an emotional film. I think you’ll have a good time for the most part as the concept is explored fairly thoroughly. You’ll just see more and more of the cracks as the romance gets serious and the whole thing falls over by the end. This film absolutely needed better characters and I also have to suspend disbelief big time on the characters falling in love with each other. Through letters? That just seems really crazy to me. The writing is good and I hope more films try a premise like this. They just need to try and stick to the theme. If the characters are big on waiting then have them wait and not jump into a crazy relationship after one setback. That’s still the wildest part of the whole movie.

Overall 4/10

Timecop Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a time travel title and those always tend to be pretty good. It’s a concept that brings a lot of interesting ideas with it and this one is no exception. My favorite time travel system is where interacting with the past creates a new timeline rather than immediately changing the future but they all have their merits. This one is a good action title that ends up being satisfying in the end.

The movie starts off with someone at the government revealing that time travel has been discovered. He now wants a federal agency to monitor it and senator Aaron agrees with this. So the bureau is created and Max joins after his wife was blown up in a home invasion. He is not allowed to go back in time and save her because of ethics and butterfly effects even though it happened rather recently. That said, many people are changing time and this is becoming a big deal so Max brings those people to justice. There seems to be a ringleader at the top of this though and Max needs to find out who it is immediately.

Naturally you probably know what I’m going to say here. Max should go ahead and save his wife immediately. There are several reasons for this. The first and most important reason is that the instant we have time travel, there is no longer any guarantee on what the correct timeline is. There’s no way to tell if someone has already gone to the past and changed things. Perhaps a butterfly effect happened a while back and that’s why his wife died. So I would say Max is absolutely obligated to save her life. That’s absolutely how this should work.

The second reason ties in which is that people don’t remember the previous timeline anyway. That’s also why it is so dangerous because everyone’s memories are automatically reset so they think this is how things always were. So when Max saved his wife then that’ll just be how it always was. No harm no foul. Some might push back against this but that’s always been my frame of mind for these things. When time travel is on the table then anything goes.

Max is a solid main character though. He’s good at his job and a solid fighter all around. He takes down quite a few enemies over the course of the movie. He can get a little sloppy though like the way he was taken out by the villains at the beginning of the movie. You’d just think that he would be more on guard due to his line of work. Even once he has the element of surprise near the end it’s a little closer than you’d figure it should be. I won’t fault him for the way the tables turn during the earlier climax since there are only so many contingency plans you can have when a traitor is involved.

The main villain Aaron is decent. He’s not anything to write home about but I like how direct the guy was about his goals. He wants to be the President of the United States and will do whatever it takes in order to achieve that goal. He’s a very determined guy and thanks to the time travel we get to see just how much more corrupt and bold he has gotten over the years. He makes his original self look super tame in comparison.

Sarah is someone who you feel gets off rather easy during the film. Yes she has her reasons and everything but ultimately she came up short when it counted. The timeline shifting isn’t enough to make her blameless here. I’d definitely have switched up her final scene a bit. I’d also argue that she should either have her memories back or be gone from the current timeline based on how the logic works.

Meanwhile the head of the department seemed really out of his league here. He is extremely slow on the uptake about the idea of the timeline changing. Why? Shouldn’t that be required reading in his position? Every time Max would try to explain something the guy would look at him like he was nuts. Yes it makes for good comedy but it didn’t really make sense in context. Even if he may not believe Max in the end, he should at least have considered the possibility right away.

Ah well, this is why Max has to carry the agency. They would be absolutely doomed without him and the villains would just go ahead and keep on changing the past. You can only squeeze so much into a single movie at least but the rest of the agents really do nothing. At best they just get shot while running around which buys Max another second or two. Max is the only one actually doing any real detective work.

Timecop is one of those classic 90s films that has a fun tone and good amount of action the whole time. We get some good banter and one liners as well. It’s a film that is having a lot of fun throughout the journey even while making time for a lot of serious moments and good fight scenes. It’s very well balanced and most importantly, it’s a really fun film. It’s the kind of title you can easily rewatch down the line because it all ends up aging well.

Overall, Timecop is a pretty good film. Being in charge of regulating time is an absolutely massive responsibility and it would definitely be a stressful job. You don’t envy Max for having to put up with it the whole time. While there are some sci-fi phenomenon like teleporting that I think will be true in the future, I don’t think we will ever get time travel. Seems unlikely to me but at least in the meantime we have all kinds of fun films like this one. There’s so much you can do with the concept that this should have gotten a bunch of sequels.

Overall 7/10

Morning Glory (1933) Review

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Morning Glory is one of those films where you question the overall point of it midway. It’s a classic journey about corruption and how hard show biz is but the main character holds the whole thing back. That does tend to happen a lot but since she folds almost immediately, there isn’t a whole lot of drama here. You know that she won’t be able to make a difference in the industry and so the usual drama just isn’t there.

The movie starts off by introducing us to a pathological liar named Eva. She is really determined to succeed in Hollywood but doesn’t have a lot of confidence and so she just lies about everything on instinct. Anything to give her a slight edge but it’s not really working. She eventually manages to crash a hiring session and make some influential acquaintances but then she fails in her first big show. Will she be able to still become a success?

Eva is a bit too naive for this world and the problem is that losing this trait will almost inevitably carry with it some big penalties. For example she is able to get back into the limelight briefly after getting super drink and having an affair with Louis for a night but that doesn’t help redeem her as a character at all. Instead it’s just another reason to show why she wasn’t ready for this level of competition. It may be something that a lot of would be Hollywood stars go through but she should have fought off the trend.

Getting drunk isn’t really an excuse that I ever tend to accept. Just don’t get drunk in the first place if you know that your true intentions are not going to be the best. It also feels like Eva’s delusions make her not practice or study nearly as hard as she should. She always comes across as incredibly unprepared which should not be the case when this is her passion.

I much preferred Rita who may have been super stuck up but knew her worth. She called Louis’ bluff at one of the shows and stormed out. It’s hard to say who will win in the long term but she is apparently till quite famous so I get the feeling that she will be just fine. As for Louis, he will probably do okay as well but the guy probably can’t count on someone like Eva to bail him out long term. So Rita was fun because she could stand up to the others and wasn’t going to break down at the first sign of trouble.

Louis is another character I don’t like. Obviously he should have been able to control himself when Eva was drunk. The guy is supposed to be a professional and has been in the business long enough to know better. So no sympathy for him later on when he was feeling awkward. Joseph isn’t much better either as the guy knows a lot of what’s going on and never gives Eva any proper heads up. He liked her so he needed to step up. Although I don’t blame him for taking a back seat once she was fooling around with Louis. At that point he may as well run off.

There aren’t really any big characters to root for here though which shows how aimless the film was. To an extent it is really about Eva failing over and over again until she gets her big break. Yes she manages to pull it off but at a great cost as she now has a lot of ammo to be blackmailed with eventually. Additionally, she just doesn’t seem to have the skills to remain as a main star. We don’t even know how she really succeeded in this role since everything we saw earlier would have implied that she’d be a big failure on the big screen.

Another problem here is that the big scene is about Eva getting drunk and making a fool of herself at a party. It seems to be meant to be impressive as the characters mention that she would be a huge hit if she could perform like that when she wasn’t drunk. It didn’t seem all that impressive to me though and if anything I’d be feeling second hand embarrassment if I was at that party. It’s why you never want to have too much alcohol at a party because inevitably there will be someone there who is a lightweight and ends up getting too drink. That’s bound to be a big problem. Not that any of these corrupt characters would really mind I suppose.

I guess the bright side you can probably say is that all of these negative movies about getting into show business probably did keep people from making rash decisions in order to be a star. Ditching your home town and everything in order to shine is definitely not the right play because then you’re already in a vulnerable spot. It’s had to negotiate for a great role and high pay when the other side knows how desperate you are. If Eva had a good manager and more skills then she probably could have fared a bit better. Alas, she went in without any real experience or connections and got trampled by the business.

Overall, Morning Glory is not a film I’d recommend checking out. It does have that retro tone that I enjoy with a fun script and good writing but it is really hard to succeed without a strong cast. A noir film could pull it off due to the really engaging story going on but a romance drama? That’s going to be a really uphill battle and this one was not able to pull it off. You can definitely do better within the genre.

Overall 4/10

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Review

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As someone who does not like tomatoes I can confirm that one of my greatest fears would definitely be having to go toe to toe with one of them. If these guys bite as strongly as they taste then it would be all over for me. The film does a good job of poking fun at the concept while also getting in some terrifying moments. I would definitely recommend this one.

The film starts off with a lady getting murdered by a tomato. When the cops show up to check out the damage, one of them immediately notices that the “blood” is actually tomato juice. After this point the tomatoes launch an all out assault against humanity. Their numbers are considerable and for the most part the humans are powerless against them. They even have cherry tomatoes on their side. Will the humans be able to mount a proper counter offensive or is it game over for them?

This movie effectively takes shots at a whole lot of different story beats and groups. For starters the government doesn’t look very good here as their so called experts are completely out of their depth the whole time. They have absolutely no idea what they are doing and this only gets more and more evident as the film goes on. Their meeting rooms simply aren’t big enough for them and even their best agents trip up when the going gets the tough. The master of disguise actually made it pretty far but ultimately even he faltered when it counted. Trust me it was not a proud moment for that guy.

You may even end up rooting for the tomatoes here because of their fun sound effect. It’s really hype whenever they show up. The sound in and of itself isn’t creepy or anything but it’s with the context of knowing that the tomatoes are back. They even toy with the humans like at one point where they surround someone’s car and then calmly roll away. He really got off easy that time and they were effectively giving him a warning. The Tomatoes just took it a little too easily that time. If they had been serious then the film would be over.

Naturally the special effects for the film aren’t particularly good. There are a lot of cutaways so we don’t really get to see much of anything. The tomatoes themselves are just ordinary tomatoes for 90% of the screentime. I would have liked to have seen them grinning and running around more but the film didn’t really have the budget for that. The overt cheapness of the film is part of what makes it all fun though. This film is a parody that is really being as silly as possible.

Now of course in any film with a ton of jokes, there will be a bunch that absolutely don’t land. This film is no exception to that. For example you have Lois who is trying to make a name for herself but her skills aren’t all that great. So she gets desperate enough to consider her boss’ advice which was not good from the start. We also get a last second romance and so those scenes were pretty rough the whole time.

Fortunately the good ones easily overshadowed those. For example we also had Clark Kent show up as well as a good Superman gag at one point which was really good. We got the classic “up up and away” moment which was really inspired. There was also a kid and his dog although they didn’t do so well in the fight. The film had plenty of good references and little moments here and there that enhanced the movie.

There was also the whole plot regarding the white house’s chief of communications. The guy gets embarrassed early on during the Q&A and then we actually get some repercussions from that later on. His plan had been unfolding for a while but I’m sure this helped speed it up. The betrayal was really good. The scene had a lot of tension to it and good development. I was almost more invested in this plot than the tomatoes for a minute there.

The movie is fairly short but even then you enjoyment here will be based on how much you enjoy the main gag of the Tomatoes. Will you find it to be too silly or just the right amount of fun and exciting? Everything hinges on that because at the end of the day this is not a serious thriller or anything like that. Technically the body count is rather high and by the end a ton of people are dead but it’s not like the tone is going to reflect that. This is meant to be a really happy film all the way around and it succeeds on that angle.

I tend to enjoy some quality silly humor so this is up my alley. There was even a quick song by the corporate guy helping on PR which was out of nowhere but pretty intense. The singing voice wasn’t half bad and the lyrics are of course the main highlight. This guy showed that you can be great at business and still find time to sing a quick tune. So the quality song helps to make up for a lack of a big soundtrack, although it’s not like I would have expected a grand soundtrack for this film anyway.

Now lets imagine that the film was played seriously for a moment. I think the way you would do it is that the tomatoes move at high speeds. They would keep slamming into people and the sheer concussive force would knock them out. Maybe the main character is a cook so he is able to slice them apart when they show up. You could still have an end of the world plot with ease but the question is how many audiences would take it seriously anyway. And if you know that they wouldn’t, well that’s why you do the parody instead.

Overall, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is a film that I’ve looked forward to for a long while now and I can definitely say that it lived up to the hype. This is a fun film with an original story. It has a large variety of gags so you are bound to like some of them. From there is just depends on how many you did not like. If it’s a small number then we have a winner. I’ll be curious to see how good the sequels are but it will be hard to beat the original. It’s one of those premises that you probably don’t want to overdo. It’s why I really liked the stinger at the end which showed off the new villains coming up. That has a ton of potential right there.

Overall 7/10

Ransom (1996) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

All right it’s thriller time! Whenever someone is taken for ransom you have to decide if you will pay it or not. This is a pretty big dilemma and everyone will have different answers here. I tend to agree with this film’s position on not paying the ransom. If you pay once then they will just do it again or in the worst case they don’t intend on returning the person anyway. You’re taking some considerable risks here. No matter what you pick, the important thing is to never look back.

The film starts with Tom and Kate enjoying a nice day in the park. They are both pretty busy with events and lose sight of the kid. Sean is kidnapped by a bunch of villains and then they send a ransom call. They want millions of dollars from Tom or the kid will die. Tom is a super mega millionaire so he’s fine with paying the money at first but then gets the idea that paying the money will effectively be a death sentence for Sean. So he decides not to pay but now everybody has turned against him and thinks that this is the wrong decision. Has he just made a grave error or is he doing the right thing?

As with all kidnapping films, there is more than a little suspense for disbelief here. In a place as super crowded as what we saw in the opening, I find it hard to believe that there would be no witnesses. I do think the parents should have been more careful and I feel the same way in real life when I see kids running around by themselves but I don’t see it being this smooth. Either way that’s how the film gets the story going so lets not get bogged down too much there.

Naturally from the intro you can tell that I agree with Tom here. You can’t pay the ransom and I thought that the movie did a good job of explaining the logic. Tom stays strong no matter how many critics he gets so that was impressive. The film even gives him a fight scene in this version which was cool. I would argue that he mishandled the timing though and got pretty lucky. He should have tackled the villain once he had spotted the guy and in the end he should have finished him because the guy nearly got another shot off. All in all, he did a lot more right than wrong though and was a good lead.

Unfortunately his wife Kate looks pretty bad the whole time. She crashes out on multiple occasions here as she just wants to pay the money. Then when she gets a suspicious letter she ends up going outside by herself and beaten up. She really needed to think things through more. Yes of course she is also doing everything she can for her son and I appreciate that but you can’t succeed on your own. Once Tom made his decision, she needed to stand by him instead of just making the situation worse. Throughout the film she is one of his biggest challenges because she actively eats away at his confidence.

Meanwhile for the villains, they’re all irredeemable and you don’t feel any pity for them. When you get into the business of kidnapping then you deserve everything that comes to you. Jimmy may have been the mastermind but they were all in on it so when they were getting shot you don’t really care about them. As for Jimmy, he was definitely holding his own for quite a while there and ultimately just got greedy. He did make for a fun contrast as we would see him panicking when Tom would get on TV and start with the threats. We got to see just how shaken up he was the whole time.

The police don’t look great here though. Jumping in unprepared ends up leading them to shooting the only witness. It was incredibly sloppy as they couldn’t have handled that worse. Meanwhile the lead officer leaking secrets to try and shake up the marriage was a low blow. He wants the characters to pay the ransom but taking it into his own hands like that was a bit much. Likewise we also see him talking on the phone about how he’s glad that he isn’t rich which feels incredibly inappropriate. Even aside from the fact that someone might hear him, it’s the worst possible time to say that. He really needs to work on his mindset.

Well nobody’s perfect but it does underscore that Tom is really on his own here. If he even thinks to rely on the police then he will be in trouble and naturally that is exactly what you don’t want to hear. It’s already a stressful situation and being on your own makes it even tougher. That’s why it was impressive that Tom stuck to his guns and never looked back. If he had been shaken up and changed courses then things would not have gone well at all.

Overall, Random is a pretty good movie. It should have you on the edge of your seat the whole time. The writing is pretty good and I really enjoy the premise. It makes for a fun game of cat and mouse. It also allows Tom to actually tough talk to the villains for once rather than the usual setup where the villain just smack talks and gloats for 2 hours. This time the hero gets to take the offensive which is really refreshing. It makes the film a little more fun without sacrificing the atmosphere. At the end of the day the story itself is simple enough but the film is able to craft a really interesting movie out of it by executing well on every aspect. The film has no real weaknesses to speak of here which is impressive and not so easily done. You can trip up in a lot of ways for a thriller like this. So I would definitely recommend checking the movie out.

Overall 7/10

Scarface (1983) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for one of those iconic gangster films. In a lot of ways it tackles the classic rise to infamy type of story but takes its time with it. The film boasts a very impressive runtime of nearly 3 hours but as a result it can move rather slowly at times. I would also argue that Tony himself looks far less impressive in this version as he falls to the vices faster. Perhaps it is good in terms of not letting people accidentally look up to him but in the film’s context it does mean that he is considerably weaker than the original.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Tony and Manny who slip into the USA. They’re going to be starting out as bottom barrel thugs but Tony has dreams of rising up to the very top. He continues taking more and more risky jobs as he moves up the ranks. His ambition knows no bounds, the guy wants to own everything. He also falls for the wife of his boss. If he’s told no about anything then Tony wants it, that’s the way he lives and how he plans to move until his death.

Obviously this does mean that this is one of those films where you are rooting for the cops to take him down. Tony is a villain through and through. He has some moral scruples compared to other gang members but the guy is still a mass murderer who does whatever he feels like. He gets addicted to drugs to the point where he can barely focus on anything. So he becomes someone whose personality flips on a dime. He’ll blow up out of nowhere and this makes him a very dangerous leader.

It’s a bad mix when you’re in a sudden death career like being a mobster while also being completely addicted to drugs. He’s basically taken in by all of the bad vices and is too far gone to ever go back. Meanwhile there is a subplot where he doesn’t want his siter to go down this path so he gets very demanding in terms of what she can or cannot do. He seems to want her to be alone for her whole life and to just stay indoors. It’s not a particularly reasonable position and so she makes things go pretty badly for him as well although I would have liked her to have finished him off. Instead she just completely cracks in this version which isn’t satisfying in the slightest.

Tony goes around betraying everyone all the time so he doesn’t have many loyal allies by the end. There’s his best friend but then Tony gets upset because of his sister being involved so that’s it for that. Again Tony is really burying himself at this point. Even his obsession with Elvira shows how bad Tony is at making the right decisions. Why would you ever want to get together with a girl who flat out does not like you? She only likes the money and status which isn’t a good idea for a relationship.

This even happens in real life as there are a few people who keep getting passed around in an endless cycle because I guess everyone wants to prove themselves but it seems like a terrible idea. With his influence Tony could have had a whole lot of options but no he wanted the lady who was already married. Elvira may not be a good person in the slightest but I still put most of the burden on Tony here for trying to break up the marriage from the start.

The film has some violent moments to be sure. It doesn’t mind having some blood spray during the gunfights and there is the axe moment. In this case you can count on people being shot in non combat situations as well like the scene where Tony shoots one of the passengers in his car. You probably shouldn’t double cross the leader of a mafia boss like that. Tony said he doesn’t murder kids and so he took steps to enforce this position. It was a good scene for Tony amidst a mountain of bad moments but we’ll take what we can get here.

I feel like the police had a smaller role here than in the original film despite the longer screentime. Yes we’ve got the corrupt cop but we don’t get the perspective of the main police force hunting this guy the whole time. That could have helped this film by giving us some tangible characters to root for. It’s why films based around the villains are always fighting an uphill battle. Unless the villain is super charismatic or has a goal that you can empathize with then you run the risk of the film just being too dreary. This one never really gets past that to make the case on why you should really be invested in the title. Just give me one really likable character and that could change things at least a little but the movie never really does that.

Overall, Scarface may be an iconic film but I wouldn’t say it’s all that good. It does show off the rough life of a gangster and it’s not like you have any real sympathy here because they are all bad apples anyway. This is a life that they completely chose for themselves after all. Now they have to contend with the dark side of their own career. The more that Tony loses, the happier you get as the audience. At the same time, this is just not a happy film. It’s a very serious one that just keeps on going and so when the film isn’t fun that takes a lot of the pop out of it. It’s hard to succeed under such circumstances. I’d recommend just watching the original one instead which handled the material a lot better.

Overall 4/10

Bullet Train Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Bullet Train definitely got a whole lot of marketing and advertising when it was first coming out. It was going to be a totally crazy film filled with lots of assassins and action the whole time. I’m always up for an ensemble film and so this was pretty fun although I do think it could have utilized the ensemble part a little more.

Ladybug is one of those bounty hunter/special agents who takes on different requests for money. I hesitate to call him a straight up assassin like the rest of the people on the train because he’s rarely going after any lives and people just die on accident. Ladybug’s filling in for a sick colleague here. This should be easy, he just has to get on the train, steal a suitcase, and then head back out. Easy peasy. What he doesn’t know is that he has a whole lot of company. One guy is here to murder the person who put his son in the hospital, a pair of assassins was hired by a top mafia boss for another mission, a little girl is here for murder, etc. Everybody has their own motivations but they are all fighting for the kill. Can Ladybug handle them all? On one hand he clearly has more experience than most of these guys but on the other hand he’s not nearly as bloodthirsty. He will have to think carefully here.

So before I mentioned how I didn’t think the ensemble part was handled perfectly and that’s because some of these characters get almost nothing to do. In particularly the poison girl and the knife guy are dispatched rather quickly. We still get backstories for both characters but as a result they just didn’t get to feel important. An easy fix to this I’d say would have been to have had their origins earlier. That way you are waiting for them to appear for most of the film. Even without increasing the sheer amount of screentime, their presence would be felt more.

I would even say to go one step further, it might have been a good idea to have shown everyone’s origins at the start of the film. Then as they all step foot on the train it becomes a true battle royale. You can make an exception for one or two characters who rely on twists but this would have definitely helped. Even so, the film does a good job of juggling quite a few characters and even giving them full personalities. You end up remembering them even well past the film’s runtime which is impressive.

At times the film’s tonal shifts can be a bit much. Sometimes you start to look forward to a big fight and then it doesn’t quite play out. On the other hand, the light tone and humor is part of what makes the film fun. On the whole I would have liked to play the fights more straight but the ones that we do get tend to be pretty good. The film’s light tone also helps to prevent things from getting too dreary which could have easily occurred otherwise.

The movie can be fairly violent but at least most of the scenes are combat related so it doesn’t feel too bad. Enough to be noticeable but not enough where I would dock serious points for it or anything like that. The visuals for the film were really nice though and it made good use of the mascots and colorful backgrounds. The train looked like it would be very comfortable to ride on.

As the main character Ladybug was decent. He definitely messed up by not getting off the train earlier though. It’s a good thing he’s lucky because otherwise the mission made no sense. He was only able to get the suitcase at the start because the two assassins left it alone and totally forgot about it. Usually I’d call that plot hax but the film specifically shows how Ladybug is always super lucky (Although he sees it as bad luck since he doesn’t like to see people getting murdered) so I can overlook that. He gets lucky throughout the film but that’s the point. He does a good job of not letting it get to him though and has a lot of the most enjoyable bits of dialogue here. He does a good job of leading the film.

Lemon was a really fun guy who was a big fan of Thomas the Tank Engine. This was a fun and original gimmick. I know an online account that is always talking about that train so it’s nice to see the franchise being referenced. Lemon may not be the biggest genius in the room but he can read people and that trait continues throughout the film. He gets a bit sloppy at one point but always did a good job of lightening up the atmosphere. His confrontation with Ladybug was really good.

Then we have Tangerine who is the serious member of the duo. He may argue with Lemon a lot but does trust the guy’s judgment when it counts. If he was just a hair trigger faster he could have ended the movie sooner. Ultimately he just wasn’t able to connect with his shot before it was too late. The film did a good job of developing both characters.

Then we have our first miss in The Father. Different characters insult him and it makes sense because he’s just super out of his depth here. The instant the Prince revealed herself as responsible for pushing his son off a building, he should have taken her out. Instead he hesitates and this leads him down a long trail of danger. The guy is a really passive fighter the whole time compared to the other characters and that’s what holds him back. He isn’t even close to the others in terms of skill.

The same can be true of Prince but to make up for this she has a lot of plans and contingencies. I give her a whole lot of credit for always remaining on top of the situation. She manipulates a whole lot of characters before the film is over which is more than I can say for some of the others. The Wolf and the Hornet don’t get to do much and are mainly here to fill out the numbers. This is definitely the part where I said the film could have developed them more. That would have made them way more likable and memorable.

The Elder also doesn’t do a lot but his scenes are very memorable. For starters one of his twists makes a lot of sense and I was wondering why The Father didn’t think of this. The Elder was a really good character and dominated in his short screen time. The White Death is a little more forgettable. A decent villain who perhaps got a little too much hype. Less hype may have gone a long way here since his actions could have spoken for themselves instead.

Overall, Bullet Train is a good film. It does deliver on having a lot of action and the ending is also pretty satisfying. I think the movie could have had a little more confidence in its own fight scenes though. Letting the characters go at it a bit longer would have been nice. I also wouldn’t have minded some more verbal confrontations because those were always a lot of fun with how the characters would try to be normal on the surface. It had a very Sakamoto Days kind of vibe there. If you haven’t watched this film yet then I’d recommend it. It makes for a good watch.

Overall 6/10

Firestarter (2022) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would likely be more negative.

Firestarter is one of those films that has some interesting ideas but misses on the execution. It also has one of the most groanworthy endings in a minute. So this was definitely not going to make Firestarter the next big hit but hopefully at some point someone is able to really crack the code here. I also feel like Charlie was severely nerfed in this version but it’s been a while since I saw the first film.

The movie starts off with Charlie using her fire powers and then we get a bit of a disjointed origin as we see her parents going through a bunch of experiments. I thought this was a pretty interesting way for us to learn the info because everyone already knows how they would get their powers. So we should just jump around instead of watching it in real time. In the present, Charlie makes a big mistake and blows up part of a school so the heroes are now on the run from the evil organization. Will they be able to escape or has their luck finally run out?

This film is a reminder of just how hard it is to live your life on the run. Imagine being careful for years and years only for 5 minutes to wipe all of that out. It’s why you need to train and be ready to fight off possible invaders. This is my main problem with Andy who takes the route of wanting Charlie to live a normal life. So even knowing that there are powerful entities trying to reach her, he doesn’t make a move. Really not a smart move at all. I can blame him for a lot of what happened and the same goes for Charlie.

Vicky is probably the most tragic figure since she wanted Charlie to train and just got overruled the whole time. She should have definitely been training too though and would have ended up doing better during her battle. Since she had an injury the deck wasn’t stacked in her favor to begin with but a little extra power could have definitely helped out here.

Meanwhile I can’t say that I was ever a big fan of Andy. When it comes time for him to fight, he really doesn’t look very good. I think it was a big mistake to put his energies into illusions instead of directly trying to press Rainbird during their mental battle. Both ways keep the guy preoccupied only the latter has an actual chance of defeating him as well. It just makes a lot more sense in a fight. Andy’s abilities were limited enough where it definitely didn’t seem like he would win anyway. His final decision involving using his powers one last time was not bad though. I think given the circumstances it made sense even if it was a bit of a controversial moment.

Now for Charlie, she is just a kid so I’ll give her some props but that’s about it. She still should have known better than to try and call the cops. Blowing up in the school also wasn’t a good moment. She definitely needed more training but I would have expected her to have a better handle on things. Taking down an animal was not a good idea either. Yes, the film squeezed in animal violence which was not a good idea. The film uses it as foreshadowing for another moment but it was not good.

The movie lost more points there as well. But back to Charlie, she gets a lot of hype for her powers improving more and more but then by the end she isn’t able to melt past a basic hazmat suit? That was one of her worst moments here because that’s way too basic of a defense. If her flames are on pace to be nuclear, then she should be blowing these guys away. Then with the one opponent that she should definitely be trying to blow away, she ends up holding back. Without getting into specifics, it’s why the ending is pretty bad here.

It just doesn’t make any sense and weakens the main character as a result. It feels like several characters would have definitely been let down there. Also having her need any kind of help in the end takes away from her as a powerful weapon. It doesn’t seem like Charlie lives up to her own hype here. She gets some cool moments in breaking into the main villain’s base and taking on a lot of opponents but she also lets her guard down a bit too easily.

As for the main villain Jane, I almost thought she was a parody for a little while there. She is extremely unprepared and has no good plans throughout the whole film. Even by the end the way that she goes down is pretty embarrassing. She tries threatening a retired doctor and he doesn’t take her seriously either. She had no aura the entire time and since she is supposed to be the leader of this super serious mystery group, it doesn’t make the group look very good either.

Finally we have Rainbird who is back in the field one more time. It’s hard to say why he has much of a change of heart though because the whole time he is introduced as a rather ferocious fighter. It’s not like he ever loved the organization given how they tossed him aside but he also doesn’t seem like someone who would have had a lot of mercy either. By the end he should have kept on shooting and that would have opened the door for the heroine to counter and blow him away.

The secret organization also has a ton of pull with how they were able to jump in even after several police officers were gunned down and take control of the situation. Feels like that’s the kind of situation that would have gotten them forcibly shut down. The leader does reprimand Rainbird on this but otherwise it doesn’t look like there was more fallout. This is a story that could probably improve with a TV show approach since it could flesh out the world a lot better.

The soundtrack’s pretty solid for the movie at least. It has a bit of a mysterious air that works well with the scenes and it’s memorable. That’s more than you can say for most live action films so that is immediately a big win here. The special effects aren’t bad either. The fire looks pretty fun even if a little overly dramatic at times. The film can be randomly violent at times with some of the half burned scenes but for the most part isn’t super intense. Just enough to be noticeable though.

Overall, Firestarter is not a good movie. I would definitely say to give it a pass because it fumbles the ball on too many areas. It’s got an interesting premise but that’s just not enough for me to recommend this one. You have to get past the animal violence and the ending first which is a fairly tall order. You’re better off just watching the Fantastic Four instead to see someone using their fire abilities really well. Another version of this should have the kid be a bit older so then we could have a proper superhero type film.

Overall 3/10

Little Big League Review

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It’s time for a wholesome Baseball film. Imagine if you woke up one day and were the owner of a professional baseball team? There’s a lot that could go on from there. Admittedly if you’re not an ambitious person you may just immediately sell the team and collect your hundreds of millions of dollar. Nothing wrong with that but if you are a competitive person then it’s time to prove your skills on the biggest audience you have ever encountered. It makes for a fun film that does have some cheesy moments here and there.

The film starts off with introducing us to Billy and his grandfather. They would always go to the games together and since grandpa owned the Minnesota Twins, they got great seats. Well, one day his grandpa dies and leaves the team for Billy. Billy’s still just a kid but he is eager to continue his father’s legacy and get a good victory. As the film goes on Billy learns more about the inner workings of the sport but also starts to lose his humanity. Has the power and fame gotten to him?

Billy is probably the most annoying character in here because of how quickly the power corrupts. He doesn’t have a very strong moral compass as he forgets about his friends and even about his ethics. He is quick to use his newfound powers to rent movies that aren’t appropriate and doesn’t seem very apologetic the whole time. They say that money and power bring out the bigger version of you and this absolutely exposed Billy for the person hat he really is. It was an unfortunate situation on all sides. By the end he slowly starts to get better but it would have been really nice if he could have stayed strong the whole time. He could have shown that perhaps a kid can be a good owner.

His team certainly wasn’t the best though. A bunch of them were just total quitters the whole time. They punched in to do their jobs and then they dipped. Not the best way to go about things. I guess when it’s hopeless then you can see how people would check out but the fact that some of them were still throwing games just to spite Billy was pretty bad. It shows that they did not have the right priorities here at all so in a way you don’t even want to root for them. Perhaps they deserved the original coach who was always yelling at them.

The most important Baseball player here is Lou because he has a crush on Billy’s Mom. Sorry guys but this was a pretty bad subplot. You can’t be dating the owner’s mother. Yes, he likes her before Billy became his boss but by that point it was all over. He needed to break it off. There are way too many conflicts of interest here and of course as this is a classic rebound, it’s no a romance plot that I could really go for. For better or worse the relationship would need to wait until after Billy retired.

Additionally, Lou enters a slump around this time and while the timing might be coincidental, I’ve never really put much stock in coincidences. They’re just hard to believe if you ask me. Things tend to happen for a reason in most cases and in this case I think Lou was just too distracted. Too busy with romance instead of hitting the books and working on his batting swing. That’s a real problem.

Meanwhile Billy’s other friends weren’t really much better. They were quick to abuse their power as well to pick on the new kid once Billy left. Seems like a rather vicious cycle. Obviously this is all played for laughs but it’s still not a good look for the kids. They aren’t exactly the most humble kids out there.

The movie is at its best when focusing on the actual Baseball. It was nice to see Billy showing off his knowledge and the players actually getting to put it into practice. There are definitely ways you can help someone even if you aren’t a Master’s level expert in Baseball or anything like that. I can buy the kid being an owner to a degree since he would just have to hire the right talent who would take care of the day to day. Actually going out there and talking with the team? That would be more of a distraction for sure.

I think the movie could have even been more fun if they aged the kid up a bit. It would have allowed him to really contribute a bit more and you could still have the players being defensive about having to listen to a teenager. Yeah they would look petty but to be honest they already look petty here so it’s not like it would be much different. Good advice is good advice regardless of who is giving it.

While this is something you can always do for yourself anyway, it was really nice seeing the huge spreads that the Baseball players get after each game. It would certainly help take the sting out of the defeat for me. It wasn’t even anything too fancy, chips and sandwiches but the fact that they were endless was awesome. As the owner you would be able to partake in the meal each time too. Just another one of the endless perks of being an owner.

Overall, The movie is pretty fun and has solid pacing. I think it could have stood to have a little more fun with the premise and focus on Billy being a generational coach instead of letting all of the drama get more important. That said, the premise alone makes this a pretty fun film. Who hasn’t thought about being a boss while you were still a kid right? There would be a whole lot of things that you could do and you feel like you would be able to handle it better than the grownups. Whether that is true or not would certainly depend on the adult in question but that’s the idea. I’d like to see more films like this one. You could definitely do it without making the kid super unlikable though. Have him keep his confidence from the opening scenes without any of the drama and corruption later on. No helping throw water balloons at people or falling asleep during games. That made him look terrible.

Overall 6/10

Borderlands Review

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Whenever a film like Borderlands gets bad reviews you have to consider if it bombed for not being faithful to the games, it was too much like the games, or it just ended up being boring. The first two can result in really fun films while the latter is definitely a miss. I don’t even know which category this one falls into because I never played the games but to me it does feel like it’s leaning hard into being a video game film. This one goes through a whole lot of funny story beats as it pokes fun at itself the whole time. As a result it really ends up being a fun film and I would definitely recommend it. We don’t get enough parody type titles like this nowadays.

The movie starts off with Tina being rescued from some kind of sci-fi ship by Roland. He has defected from the corrupt army and wants to help her out. They are assisted by an escaped inmate named Krieg. In the future, everything basically went bad but out of all the planets, Pandora is the worst. It’s like a Mad Max wasteland there and crime rules the day. We cut to a bounty hunter named Lilith who is constantly complaining and is glad to have left that place. Well, she is hired by a man named Atlas to find his daughter Tina and rescue her from this Roland fellow. Lilith agrees due to the big pay day but is she really on the right side?

So first off, the whole introduction phase to the film is great. First we get a full Star Wars parody and then after that we get a parody to the usual bounty hunter intro. Lilith is approached by a bunch of thugs and immediately takes them out. Just straight up obliterates all of them. If she’s anything like this in the games then we’re looking at a top tier video game protagonist right out of the gate. Then when the “Mysterious leader” figure shows up, she shoots him dead too. It’s just such a great deconstruction of the usual scene and like I emphasized before, we need more well written parodies like this.

Ultimately Lilith decides to help not out of the goodness of her heart or anything like that but just because of the money. When she lands on the planet we see the Mad Max fighters except they’re basically all losers who get immediately crushed. You will always get points from me for making fun of that overrated series. Yeah they look more impressive deeper in the film when a bunch of them rush the heroes but this was a great introduction. As with most parodies, I would say the film tends to be a bit weaker once we get to the serious stuff.

I didn’t really care about Lilith’s origin story and it’s played a little too straight. Maybe there can be some parody appeal in being as generic as possible? Eh that’s probably a stretch. Either way the film wasn’t quite able to sell me on the emotional/serious bits. Fortunately that is a pretty small part of the film. For the most part this is a film that is just having a good time with itself and that’s the right tone for this film. It adds a lot of replay value and there are a ton of laugh out loud moments.

Claptrap is really one of the standout characters here. Pretty much all of his lines are absolutely great. The guy pulls off being the sarcastic bot persona really well. He is always there to make the heroes feel worse and to kick them while they’re down. In his defense they tend to treat him terribly so what goes around comes around. He is quite helpful a lot of the time even if he also gets them into trouble at other circumstances. Basically he is a true wild card and one that both sides really have to account for or they will get crushed in the process.

I already talked about her a bit but Lilith is really an excellent character here. She is completely jaded with everything and tries to always keep a large distance away from everyone. She’s not looking to create any bonds or relationships. She is just trying to get this mission over with for the money. As the film goes on her true heroic side comes out and all but not without a whole lot of journeying to get there. Additionally by the end she gets some fun abilities that will be fun for the sequel.

The movie had a bigger scale climax than I was expecting that’s for sure. I could see that being a final boss in the games. The main guy Roland was also pretty fun. Now it can be a little tough to take him seriously but I’d argue that’s the point. He’s very easy to overlook and that’s when he crushes his enemies. He’s a solid all around fighter and is around to help Tina the whole time. You have to give him credit for his drive the whole time.

Krieg gets overshadowed a bit in comparison but definitely seems like a great ally. The kind of guy who will really put it all on the line to help Tina. He also does really good in all of his fights and shows off some true super strength. Definitely nothing to dislike about him. As for Tina, I was a little unsure of her at first but the way she handled Lilith the first time they met definitely put her on the good side. She’s really crafty and quick witted. She can take care of herself without any problems and is very proactive. Most kids would be panicking the whole time but not her.

Out of all the characters, Tina is probably the biggest surprise at how much fun she is. I would have assumed that she would be more annoying. The villains tend to be more on the forgettable side though. You got some army grunts and Mr. Atlas himself but none of them are that noteworthy. They do have cool costumes though and Atlas’ protective energy barrier is actually extremely useful. It keeps him in the fight a lot more than you may have expected that it would.

Meanwhile the soundtrack is excellent. It’s extremely good and dominates every scene. You do see a lot of the “bad films” tend to have great soundtracks. I think it’s because some would say that the music shouldn’t dominate the scene so the big films tend to have more generic scores but this one goes hard with the rock music. It’s all really catchy and upbeat holding its own with Mortal Kombat 2, The Resident Evil films, etc. I was really surprised because the games didn’t strike me as having this kind of music.

Now as with all comedy films I wouldn’t expect every joke to land with you. The film does have a big crude humor sequence with some jokes which aren’t really my style. On the whole the jokes tend to work well though so the film is a lot funnier than it isn’t. The pacing is good with a lot happening the whole time as well. The fight scenes are a lot of fun and all the uniforms for the heroes and villains are on point. Again it feels very video game inspired without trying to tone the colors down. That’s the way to do an adaption, everything should really pop out at you.

Overall, I don’t know much at all about the Borderland games. They always looked pretty boring and unappealing but if this film is any indication then maybe they are actually really solid. Still don’t see myself ever playing them but if the film were to get a sequel I would definitely be up for that. That would be absolutely historic! I somehow get the feeling that the odds of that are not very high though. So in the meantime you should definitely check this film out. It may very well surprise you.

Overall 8/10