Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

Gretel & Hansel Review

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It’s time for one of those slow boil films. Sometimes those work out really well and other times you feel like they forgot to really have a finisher. Unfortunately this one veers to the latter. I think there were some decent ideas here but ultimately it is heavily limited by the colors, landscapes, and general decorum of the film. There’s not a whole lot of fun things to look at and when you’re stuck in a bleak environment for too long you start to get a little bored. This film needed to lean a bit harder into the horror or have the character be better fighters I’d say.

The movie starts with Gretel being offered a job but unfortunately it is quickly apparent that her boss would be a creep and so she declines. Her mother is so upset that she throws Gretel and her little brother Hansel out of the house. She forbids them from returning or she will murder them. So the duo run and run but the forest is much too vast and they are nearly destroyed before being saved by someone. This guy basically tells them to stay strong and do their best. He recommends a nearby house that might be helpful. They head over and it is run by a witch named Holda who seems reasonable. Perhaps this will all work out….but something just doesn’t feel right.

The movie’s mainly focusing on the “doesn’t feel right” angle which is where the pacing really starts to die out a bit. As a viewer you know immediately that Holda is evil so you’re ready to get on with it but instead the main characters have to just play their roles for a while. Gretel continues to learn witchcraft from Holda without making any big moves for a while. This can be just very dragged out at times. I was even glad to have a dream sequence after a while to break things up. Holda’s younger form is definitely a lot more intense even if the twist about the food is quite a bit gross.

Holda actually looks like a threat here compared to in the present where she looks so old. We also do get a very brief action scene near the end of the film which looked pretty good. Generally speaking I tend to enjoy blue flames quite a bit even if the classic red ones look more impressive. More of the film should have had cool spells and fire attacks like that. This would have really made things more impressive and would have been a credit to the film if you ask me.

I also did like the very ending of the film as Hansel heads off for his destiny while Gretel continues to work on her own abilities. It feels like the ending to an action film with the characters each deciding to get stronger. That’s actually pretty interesting but you can’t just save that for the ending. The movie should have definitely made some waves earlier than that to really make a difference.

Hansel is pretty young so I won’t be too hard on him but for the most part he’s just a bit annoying and not really very helpful. Gretel does a better job of things as she is basically sacrificing herself the whole time to protect Hansel and buy time for a plan. It would have been nice if she could have put up more resistance directly but I know that would be ultra risky.

The film was at its best before the characters made it to the haunted house. I liked the run-in with the random stranger who was giving advice. Part of why the scene worked so well is because we know absolutely nothing about the guy. He just shows up out of nowhere and you don’t even know how much you can trust him. Like everything else in the forest, there are no easy explanations. I would have taken the whole film in the forest over the house. The film knew how to have a good mystery and that’s why going to the house was a mistake because then it changed more into an escape kind of film.

It also goes back to the backgrounds like I mentioned earlier. The house is rather dreary and the witch is just very old and doesn’t feel much like a threat. It’s not the most engaging backdrop for a film like this and there is no real variety. Everything is very old timey including the food so that doesn’t even look very appealing either. There is nothing to visually catch your attention and since the plot is already intentionally moving slow, that won’t change things up either. What that means is that you’re effectively caught up in a cycle with no real way out.

This film needed some explosions or something. It may not have fit in with the film’s tone but it’s just one idea there. If anything, the backstory we learn through flashbacks may have been more interesting. You had the little girl with powers who was quite sadistic and then the witch trying to turn the tables. There were some good twists in there and it was an interesting origin. That whole part, while brief was more interesting than the main plot which means something definitely went wrong.

Overall, Gretel and Hansel set up a very interesting outside world and squandered all of it to go inside the cabin. It may be what people expected since that’s how the old fable goes but the film just didn’t land on the execution. It had a good mystery vibe at times and solid lore but that was not enough to carry the film. At the end of the day it committed one of the big errors a film could make which is that it was boring. For most of the run you just don’t really care what happens. They probably should have aged the kids up a bit or chosen a different setting. Change this to a full action thriller instead and at least we would have some good action scenes. In the meantime I would definitely say to give this one a skip.

Overall 3/10

Brahms: The Boy II Review

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You know that feeling when the opening credits start to play and you realize that the film is not going to be very good? It’s a rough feeling because it’s like the film made some massive mistakes in the future but the scenes haven’t happened yet so how do you know this? It’s just a gut feeling after years of watching the cinema and I’m afraid that the film could not surpass this. All of the characters act insanely illogical and it’s not even in an intentionally absurdist way. It’s just in a plain old poor writing way and that’s tough to beat.

The film starts off with Liza’s kid Jude being super annoying and pulling pranks to scare her. She’s already made it clear that she doesn’t appreciate this but he doesn’t care. Well, one day the whole crying wolf thing doesn’t go well because an intruder actually is in the house and Jude does not give Liza any kind of heads up. She is defeated by the attackers and now has some severe PTSD. They move in with her husband to a more remote location in the forest area to hopefully help them move on. Jude has been unable to speak since the incident but unfortunately he finds a doll named Brahms underground. This doll may be more than meets the eye and Jude quickly starts to get corrupted.

So one of the many problems here is of course how weak willed Jude is. He immediately allows the doll to take him over without a fight which is pretty annoying. He just follows the doll’s evil rules without any kind of pushback. So much for freewill eh? Not cool and later on he even says that he tries to keep the doll happy so it won’t hurt the others. Wouldn’t a better idea be to tell the family so they can prepare themselves? I also don’t really buy this excuse since Jude was directly the one being crazy a lot of the time.

Jude also should have been talking to the parents instead of only talking to Brahms. So yeah I didn’t like the kid and he was pretty annoying and getting in the way the whole time. Meanwhile the parents take some of the blame as well. When Jude starts talking about how they can’t have any guests anymore, they should have been more serious about telling him that he doesn’t make the rules. They should have taken away the doll a whole lot sooner as well. One instance is when Jude makes some creepy drawings about his parents being murdered. That should have been game over for Brahms instead of not really doing anything about it.

Liza and Sean just didn’t take things seriously in time. None of it feels realistic in the slightest, how are you going to let this kid be so disrespectful and crazy the whole time? Lets ignore the supernatural angle because for now it doesn’t matter. Even if it was a normal doll, it’s clear that it is having a negative effect on Jude so it should be removed. That’s basically the end of the story there. If the doll returns after being buried and burned then that’s tough but at least they’d have given it a good try so I wouldn’t really have complaints there.

The side characters are also annoying like that random cousin who is cartoonishly mean. He basically shows up just to mess with Jude and start a fight. Things don’t go well for him but the whole thing felt pretty forced. then you have the gardener/neighbor Joseph who is rather shady the whole time. He looks worse as the film goes on but yeah it does seem like a security risk to have someone who can randomly walk onto your property at any time. You really can’t let your kid just be hanging out at that point.

The film also can’t avoid the easy pitfall of having animal violence. The dog gets murdered and you’re shaking your head the whole time. Another red flag that the parents ignore in part because they have no proof it was Jude and in part because they’re just not ready for this. The film brutally attacks your intelligence the whole time. The worst part of this is that by extension it makes Brahms look rather weak. For the most part he’s not pulling off any great feats the way that Chucky would. You feel like the parents could have buried him again and if they did it right away then they would be good. After all, that’s how they found him last time. Instead that’s just not what happens here.

As far as horror stinger endings go, I would also say it was on the weak side. It was more about checking off boxes than actually creating a really interesting cliffhanger which was disappointing. I don’t think there’s a whole lot you can do to make this a great series at this point. Films about evil dolls can work but you need to do something more with it. You can’t just have an evil doll and then call it a day. That’s not going to do anything, so you need a hook in addition to that. Maybe making Brahms able to turn his owner into a doll, transforming reality, etc.

Overall, Brahms: The Boy II is definitely a pretty bad film. It’s annoying the whole way through and the parents put up with way too much the whole time. It’s less scary and more so just tiring to see the characters constantly not knowing what to do. Brahms should be more active in a future film so that he is actually causing a lot of damage and talking. Having him just do things off screen at best isn’t good enough and possession is something you can do with any villain so it’s not much of a doll gimmick. I would definitely say to give this film a skip, there’s nothing that it’s really got to keep your attention.

Overall 2/10

Something Wicked This Way Comes Review

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It’s time for another story about resisting temptation because the short term fun will quickly be taken over by something grim. It’s a pretty interesting concept but one that is slightly wasted by this film. I like the idea of someone sinister showing up in a small town and granting everyone’s wishes at a great cost. It’s just hard to really get the full scope of this when the main characters are kids so they can’t really do much about this. It would be a lot more effective otherwise. Still, it’s not a bad film.

The movie starts by introducing us to Will and Jim who have gotten in trouble at school again. It’s not easy for these two kids to live in such a boring town. There’s really just nothing to do except cause trouble at this point. Everyone in town has some issues that they deal with, one one guy missing an arm, one lady being really old, etc. Still, people do the best that they can. One day a strange old guy shows up and gives one of the kids a lightning rod. Seems like a dangerous thing to have at home, but eh the price was pretty good. Everything changes when a mysterious circus/carnival comes into town led by Mr. Dark. His shady name is already an indicator of things to come. He seems to have the ability to make your wish come true. The price? Well, he’ll come to collect that in short order.

Naturally you’d think it would be easy to just say no to the guy and run off but honestly Dark is rather smart about how he handles this. He’s not just cackling on a throne telling people to give up their immortal souls. He just strolls around and creates miracles in a rather low key way. It’s one of the few times I don’t totally blame the random locals for falling into his traps. On the surface the guy doesn’t seem all that crazy although the miracles are a red flag but it’s almost all like one big dream.

The character I do blame for this? Jim. Jim knows what is going on to a much larger degree than the others and yet he really wants Mr. Dark to grant his wish to become older. He is jealous of being a few hours or days younger than Will. That has to be one of the most petty things I’ve heard in quite some time now. He’s also quite ready to beat up Will over this despite the two of them being close friends. I thought that was really crazy! You don’t just betray your best friend on a whim like that. I couldn’t look at him the same after that.

In comparison, Tom had it rough because the guy was actually tortured by Dark for information. This guy never cracked no matter what he was put through. This is where the more interesting plot is at play with what’s going on here. The battle happening in the shadows so to speak so it is annoying when we have to continue following the kids who are out of their depth. There’s probably a TV trope for this but it’s when you are following the B plot while the A plot happens in the background. I feel like there’s a whole other movie in here that we are completely missing out on because the kids can’t handle what is going on.

They’re also way too passive like when one of the guys is de-aged to a kid and is pretending to be the teacher’s nephew. Maybe you don’t tell the teacher because she has no reason to believe you but you definitely handle the kid. Instead they ran off like chickens which was not a good move at all. Charles at least does good since he’s the only grown up to really be in the mix the whole time but the problem is that he’s really old. He can’t hold his own in a fight and at best is able to talk tough verbally to Mr. Dark. I still give him credit for that at least.

I don’t really have many issues with the film but the problem is that the one issue I do have is a pretty big one. The film can just be a little bit on the boring side. We see the process of everyone in town getting their wishes granted and all but after that we are missing out on most of the action because the kids can’t handle it. It feels like a strong opening without much of a payoff. The climax is decent but with adult or even teenage main characters you could have squeezed in a whole lot more action. I’d like to see a reimagining of this film some day because I definitely see the potential.

I’ll throw you out an idea right here, make Tom the main character next time. Lets explore more of what he knows about this and his ultimate plan about it. You could even choose to make a prequel instead. Usually I’m against that but in this case it could really work and I think it would instantly be more exciting than this film. Just something to think about but it would solve the protagonists issue right out of the gate.

Overall, Something Wicked This Way Comes is a very interesting film where the payoff doesn’t quite match up. The title is certainly a descriptive one and makes sense for the movie. The setting and backdrop is all there as well as a solid atmosphere. The decision to have the two main characters be kids is ultimately what buried this one though. You need leads who can fight, not kids who will just stay in the back the whole time getting dominated. I suppose kids need some stories where they can see protagonists their own age running around but it doesn’t really do anything for me. If you are really in the mood for a fantasy title and have seen most of the others already then you should check this one out. Otherwise, there are far better ones out there that you should watch instead.

Overall 5/10

Night Swim Review

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It’s time for a film about the horrors of swimming pools. I’ve got to admit that the premise does make you smirk a bit. Hey, with the right directing you can probably make anything scary, but why pick a swimming pool? That doesn’t seem like a great idea and in the end it didn’t really work out. It does beat some other horror films to be sure but it’s not going to be an all star hit or anything like that. No sirrrrrrrrr.

So the movie starts with a little kid swimming in the pool when a monster drags her under and she dies. We fast forward to the present where a family is moving in. Ray was a big baseball player but an injury forced him to leave the game for a while. His doctor recommended water therapy and so having a pool is a big help. It’s begun to heal his injuries really rapidly, abnormally so. Unfortunately weird stuff continue to happen with the pool and Ray is also acting erratically…almost as if he is possessed. Is the pool to blame or is something else going on here?

The pool demon is fortunately not all that tough though. Basically it can control water, using it to choke you or teleport within it and try to physically overpower you. It’s not all that tough and has low stamina so you can usually overpower it. The things that are tougher to get around is when it launches a sneak attack by making you trip using the water or by spilling glass everywhere. If you drink the water or let any of it go inside an open wound, then you’re basically dead at that point. So it has weaknesses at least but it’s still hard to get around since the pool water connects to the foundations beneath and so it can spread to a lot of water sources from there. You definitely want to watch out.

It appears to be a demon that revels in turning people against each other. For example, making a deal to save one of your kids if you sacrifice another one kind of thing. Aside from the fact that making a deal with a demon is always a bad idea, naturally this also only works if you actually trust the demon and why would you right? Also, sacrificing anyone is crazy right out of the gate. One character makes a deal in a flashback and that definitely didn’t go well. It shows just how evil some characters really are.

For a horror film, this one actually isn’t super violent at least. Some characters get sharp wounds and there is blood but it’s not all that excessive. So I would say it is fairly tame all things considered. If you are afraid of drowning then of course those scenes will be a lot more tense. It is definitely one of the worst ways to go so you can feel their fear there. The thing is, the film still had a hard time really keeping up the tension here. The movie just feels really slow paced with how long it takes for things to happen.

The shapeshifting water monster is also just not that impressive. A better core design would have been a good idea there. Also, the main characters are okay at best. The two kids Izzy and Elliot don’t really have anything going for them here. Eve at least has a fairly big role here as she keeps noticing weird things going on with the pool. Ultimately it’s one of those things where she isn’t really able to prove anything about it for quite a while but she’s sort of playing the detective here. Gathering the clues and learning about the shady history from the neighbors so that we have the answers for the ending. She is proactive about trying to stop the monster though and gets points there.

Ray loses the points for the most part here since he is constantly losing to his dark impulses. The monster takes him over rather easily and has him mind controlled for large parts of the film. I will always take shots at a character who is manipulated this easily, particularly when it is against his own family. You just can’t let that happen, at the end of the day your biggest duty is to protect your family and so if you can’t do that then it’s over. He should have found some way to keep on going or at least get away from the pool. The fact that he couldn’t is a big knock against him.

The rest of the town was pretty reasonable at least. The one family didn’t press charges despite Ray acting pretty crazy and the Baseball team seemed fun. I could have had fun seeing more practices and sports happening. There is a mild romance plot with Izzy that feels completely pointless though. The whole marco polo scare sequence was really stretched out and it’s a huge suspension of disbelief. When someone’s not playing the game properly then you just end it. You don’t keep your eyes closed and just wait forever. Also, how could she not tell that his voice dropped so hard into a deep, mysterious voice? The monster sounded nothing like him and yet she could not tell the difference at all. If it was meant to sound like him and that was just for the movie audience then that’s not particularly good writing on the film’s part.

The characters definitely don’t make the smartest moves here at all. Also, the scene where Ray nearly drowns the one kid by not moving is also super weird because he was just playing a game with another family. The pool is also absolutely packed with a ton of people in it. It’s a big pool, but it’s not huge. How did nobody notice until it was so late? A guy who wasn’t even in the pool was the first to jump in and help out which is crazy. At most you would have needed to show the monster was using reality warping to move everyone away or something. Some weird time displacement but that isn’t implied so it just seems like a weird issue. This film definitely wasn’t always focused on the writing that’s for sure.

Overall, I think this film probably would have been more interesting without the horror stuff. Remove the monster and just make it a movie about Ray rehabilitating his injury and coming to terms with the fact that he isn’t a top player anymore. Along the way Izzy would learn not to be having shady relationships in secret and Ray’s son would learn how to gain some confidence in playing Baseball because none of those mild subplots really went anywhere in this film. It feels like there would have been enough content for a slice of life movie like that instead of all the generic monster stuff.

Overall 4/10

Silver Bullet Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for another Werewolf movie! Uh oh, these don’t tend to be all that good most of the time and I’m afraid this title is no exception. You’re rather limited in what you can do with this kind of plot and the movie doesn’t really try and branch out. Everyone is systematically taken down and crushed by the rampaging beast while the heroes try to find a way to overpower it. It won’t be easy though since two of them are kids and the adult tends to be drunk most of the time. Not the strongest trio to save the day.

The film opens up by introducing us to a small town that is quite happy. Everyone gets along and it tends to be rather peaceful around here. Crime just doesn’t happen and when one person is destroyed, they assume it must have been an accident. When two more people get bumped off, they figure there’s a crazy killer on the loose. The problem is that the bodies continue to pile up and there are no real leads. Marty suggests that it could be a werewolf but his uncle Red doesn’t take him all that seriously. Still, Red has decided to protect his family and prepares himself with a silver bullet. Between the actual bullet and Marty’s wheelchair which is also known as the silver bullet, they can defeat any form of evil that appears to cause any trouble.

One of the ways the film immediately tries to lose points by is making the whole cast pretty unlikable. Most of the characters who were bumped off at the beginning are rather unlikable like the bully kid and the alcoholic guy. Then you have someone who was in a scandal because she had an affair with someone. I don’t remember the guard doing anything shifty at the beginning though so that was tough luck. Then among the survivors, well Red is definitely not a great role model so it’s not like he’s going to be a great character. You can’t put him in the same conversation as the others but he still could have been better.

Marty means well but should have defended the heroine more from the pranks near the beginning of the film. It wasn’t really a good look for him and of course he is in a wheelchair so it’s not like he can move around as well as the other characters but I feel like he still could have done something here. At least he does well with the whole Werewolf issue. Marty knows how to drive around on his super wheelchair pretty well, he can even outrun several cars. That takes a lot of skill for a kid to pull this off and he makes it look easy.

The film’s tone isn’t quite as grim as you would expect even with everyone getting bumped off. I think I was expecting it to all be very serious but the film has its share of humor as well. The music randomly gets happy at times too and everything. It can be a little weird to be sure but it could have worked out if the film was better at that. Like throw in some puns and everything and make this part parody. That may have actually worked out better.

After all, this version still has a lot of violence so that isn’t going to help matters. The Werewolf takes a lot of injuries before going down and of course the victims all get brutal ends as well. I think the worst part here for them is that Werewolves are hardly all powerful. Even without a silver bullet you can at least wound and slow one down. The fact that they all panicked with their guns and didn’t shoot until it was too late was awful. The whole point of having a gun is so you can shoot it when the going gets tough. These guys absolutely fumbled the bag in every possible way here.

I would have liked to have seen more of the town meetings because to me that was the strongest part. Have them debate on how to handle this crisis. The sheriff tries talking against the whole community justice because it can get out of hand but in terms of the debate I would say he lost that one. He couldn’t really think of any reasons not to have it that would justify having the town wait on standby. There were already too many victims for that. I think what he should have done was to accept it, but coordinate who goes where himself. That would at least keep it controlled to a degree. It probably wouldn’t have made much of a difference against the Werewolf but that would have been my plan at least.

Also, the writing can be really dicey at times. So the main characters know that the werewolf will be targeting them in the climax. In fact, they know the exact day he will be attacking. So they barricade themselves at home and get ready. Then in the 11th hour, Red starts letting his guard down and even saying the kids should go to bed. He’s ready to fight them over it and doubts it when the girl says she saw a Werewolf. That was just crazy and it’s the kind of scene that would work well if this was a full on parody but we know it isn’t. So that was just bizarre, there’s no way you would even think of sending the kids to bed when the monster could be showing up any second now.

Overall, Silver Bullet is definitely not a good film. It’s a far cry from 1408 which was a whole lot more interesting from the King adaptions. This one is just super basic without anything really going for it. There are no characters that you really want to follow. The most interesting is probably the reverend and he doesn’t get a whole lot to do. The main characters could use a lot of work before they would really be all that likable. The film is definitely quite violent with everyone getting bumped off but lacks purpose beyond that. I would say to definitely skip this one and in general, continue to skip werewolf movies as they aren’t quite up to par yet. This one didn’t even bother with a big plot twist ending which was annoying.

Overall 2/10

From Beyond The Grave Review

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Uh oh it’s anthology time! That means we’re gonna be in for some terrible stories but hopefully some good ones to end up balancing things out. It can really end up being a close fight all the way through with this kind of title. Ultimately it loses the fight but I appreciate the end of the film having a little fun with the concept. It made for a better ending than most horror titles if I’m being 100% with you guys.

The story starts by showing us a shady store filled with antiques. The owner is an old man who can seem rather oblivious at times, but you shouldn’t let your guard down around him. In each story, someone shows up to the store to buy an antique while someone hangs around outside and never seems to want to go in as long as anyone else is in there. It’s a rather troubling situation for the guy but why does he want to go in so badly? The antiques in the store are extremely good quality but the prices are a tad high so the customers are always tempted to rip the owner off. That may be a bad idea though….

In the first story a guy decides to buy a mirror from the store. He haggles the owner into letting him buy it for cheap and figures it’ll look good at home. Unfortunately his friends want to do one of those creepy seance rituals and he agrees because for some reason people have no self preservation skills in these things. He wakes up the ghost of the mirror who has decided to go on a murder spree. This spirit craves blood and violence and so he commands the sap to go around murdering people. The main character has no real agency of his own and so he does this until the monster throws the chump into the mirror to repeat the cycle. It’s definitely the worst story so it’s an interesting way to start the anthology off. In a way maybe it’s actually good to lead off with the weakest and get better as you go on though.

Still, there is no shortage of issues with this one. For starters, the main guy crumbled way too easily. He doesn’t even consider breaking the mirror or just telling the spirit no. The spirit is probably commanding him because presumably it doesn’t have enough strength to do the job personally. In fact, that’s the whole point, that it needs blood to power up. So just resist him and break the mirror. This should be easy! Instead the whole special is just really annoying and you’ll be rolling your eyes the whole time. It’s rather dark with so many people being knifed and it takes a lot of blows for each victim to go down so it ends up being dragged out quite a bit. The fact that people just walk over to his apartment is crazy.

He does target the vulnerable for the most part but even then it is extremely not a good idea to go over to someone’s home when you don’t know them at all. This was basically like an old school slasher, all violence and no substance. Fortunately like I said, this is the weakest one so things do start to look a little better going forward. Huge emphasis on the little better part though because this next one is also brutal.

We follow a guy who is down on his luck. He married a girl who doesn’t respect him and his kid is also constantly picking fights and being super annoying. Not a very good combination at all and one day he decides to rob a blind man who was selling cigarettes. The guy seems to think highly of our main character though and so the lead lies about being a decorated military person. He goes to the antique’s shop and even steals a medal. Things are looking up and the blind man even has a daughter who seems to be attracted to the lead. His ego has now been restored and so he heads to the house to quickly begin cheating on his wife and succumbing to all of his worldly desires.

Naturally there is a cost to this, which is that the daughter is quite possessive and wants to murder his wife now. She is rather creepy and has every red flag in the book but the lead is quite used to this since he himself is one massive red flag. So he gives the okay and the cycle of violence continues, but what he doesn’t realize is that it will inevitably fall back to him eventually. You really don’t feel bad for him. Yeah his family was mean to him but the fact that he jumped right to stealing and cheating shows that he had no real moral compass of his own. He hasn’t really done much to be proud of and so perhaps there are things we haven’t seen to further explain why nobody gives him any respect. Either way it’s definitely a rather twisted story about bad deeds coming full circle with each other. It’s another rather violent segment as well so get ready for the brutal deaths here.

In the third special, a guy decides to switch the prices in the antiques shop to save money and mess over the owner. Feeling proud of himself, he heads back home but now there is a demon on his shoulder that is causing all kinds of trouble like even going off to try and murder his wife. He needs the help of a super expensive/shifty psychic but can she really deal with the problem? I’d say the biggest problem with this special is really just that it drags on a bit. The monster is invisible so most of the action can’t really be seen and the ritual for getting rid of the creature is a bit on the silly side. You’re just waiting for the characters to get with the program the whole time. I will say that the ending is probably the most effective out of the 4. It was definitely pretty sudden and yeah maybe a bit depressing but it worked. It definitely cleared the first two specials and reminds you why you should not steal. Your crimes will come back to you.

I think making the monster visible would have been a lot more interesting. Maybe like only the main guy could see it or something. That may have been tough on the special effects but it would have worked a lot better. Or make it visible to us but not to the characters, now that could be rather spooky as well. But completely invisible? Ehhhhh I don’t think that’s really the way to go at all.

Finally we have a story where a guy decides to buy a whole door from the antique shop. The door is pricey and the antique owner leaves the cash register open so it is tempting to take back the money. We don’t see the guy’s choice initially as he heads home. The problem is that the door is set to Narnia settings so opening it takes you to a whole new world. In that world, there is a powerful ghost who is trying to get out and he even make a move to kidnap the guy’s wife. He must now fight the ghost but is he mentally prepared to face such a powerful fighter? This special had some actual action which was pretty fun. The guy didn’t play the matchup very well but he wasn’t really given much prep time. I at least give him credit for jumping in and attacking instead of cowering or anything like that. Now that would have been rough.

This one had a good ending as well which shows the theme of the movie. If you resist temptation and don’t mess with the owner then you are okay. I do think the first one is a stretch though since the guy didn’t steal anything. Sure, he did some hard bartering and lowered the price but to me that’s not in the same category as the others. At most you could call it deceptive but he didn’t outright rob the guy. Still, good on the final main character for resisting the urge to save a buck. He did the right thing in the end.

Overall, As I mentioned, the ending beyond the 4 stories was really solid. Definitely good stuff all around and it’s definitely how you want to finish off a movie like this one. Unfortunately, the movie was still no good either way. Just too violent all the way around as it didn’t really hold back and most of the stories weren’t all that good. This is a horror title that I would not be able to recommend in the end. You’d be better off just watching some of the classic Gamera films instead. Anthologies continue to be more of a miss but ideally people will perfect the formula in the future at some point. It’s our only chance to save the genre.

Overall 3/10

A Quiet Place Part II Review

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You know that feeling when a movie has a really huge climax, bumps all the best characters off and has an ending that is just open/closed enough where you don’t need a sequel because you can fill in the blanks? But then they announce a sequel anyway? That’s basically this film and it sets it at a disadvantage right from the gate. How can they possibly hope to match the first film when the main guy was already bumped off. The short answer is that at least on the characters front they are completely unable to recover.

The sequel starts off with a flashback that shows how the main characters first met the aliens. They showed up out of nowhere and began terrorizing everybody. They were fast and just overwhelmed this small town. They may have a lot of weaknesses like sound and not being fully bullet proof but for a little spot they are still strong enough to dominate. I have major doubts about them being able to take over the world or anything like that but that’s for another time. It’s a pretty good flashback and I would actually say it is more interesting than the rest of the film. It reminds you of why the main character was solid and knew what to do. He didn’t hesitate at all and leapt right into action. That’s the true sign of a hero.

So in the present Evelyn, Regan, and Marcus are still trying to survive. They locate another survivor named Emmett and ask for shelter but he refuses since they will take up far too much resources and humanity is already on its last legs. They also have a baby around which makes things even worse since it needs oxygen and cries a lot. Unfortunately Regan overhears a signal and realizes she can find more survivors so she heads out without much of a plan or defenses. This forces Emmett to go after her. Meanwhile Marcus doesn’t really watch where he is going and gets wrecked quickly by a trap. He’ll be out of commission for most of the film and Evelyn has to watch out for him while worrying about Regan. What can they do?

With such a rag tag group of survivors I dare say they should have been taken out ages ago. They’re just an extremely loud bunch even if some of the events are stuff they could not have predicted like Marcus falling into a trap and Regan running off on her own. Yeah they’ve got the sound machine and a gun but these creatures move incredibly fast. You just get the feeling that they would have the edge in combat. We actually see the heroes beat a few of them and I was skeptical each time. The alien would generally slow down or miss when it shouldn’t have.

Now we know that the aliens do have a lot of weaknesses, sound, water, and generally any good weapon but even so, a bunch of kids aren’t going to do much here. I feel like the aliens were heavily nerfed in order to make the main characters look good and that’s a rather huge expense if you ask me. They just don’t have the same impact that they did in the first film and in the end that is something that often happens in sequels. I suppose it is unavoidable to an extent but can still be annoying.

As for the characters, I didn’t like Regan. I know that she meant well but her whole plan was completely irresponsible. Leaving without telling the others is super selfish because naturally they are going to have to go after her and put themselves in danger. Evelyn may be ready for action but she has a baby to worry about and Marcus who is still injured. They’re lucky that Emmett decided to help because he could have very well just left. Regan would have then been dead early on. The fact that things end up working out pretty well doesn’t retroactively make her plan good or anything like that. No, we still know that it was a bad plan and that is the big problem here.

Then I didn’t care much for Marcus either. He really just got in the way the whole time with all the yelling. Yeah it really hurts but this is a matter of life and death, you gotta stay strong. Also the first thing about being in a post apocalyptic world is that there is danger around every corner so you should be watching where you’re going. Locking himself in an air tight prison by mistake was also a really bad move. I won’t blame the baby too much for being annoying since there’s not much a baby can do though.

Evelyn was one of the only reasonable characters here. She’s at least trying her best to get through a tough situation. She has so many people to watch out for that she isn’t really able to stand out a whole lot but she doesn’t give up and that’s the important thing. Then we have Emmett who is also fairly reasonable. He’s one of those guys who talks really tough but ends up helping out in the end. There’s not a whole lot to say about him, I’d say the guy is very standard but hey that’s not a bad thing. Better to be generic than bad.

The film can be violent at times although not quite as violent as the last film. I would say it tends to move at a slower pace though and you do got for long portions of time without any real action. The movie’s biggest crime tends to be that it can just be a little boring here and there. Better characters would have done a world of good here but that’s just how the cookie crumbles in the end. I feel like the first film was a whole was a lot more engaging and did more with the premise but this one took a bit of a safer approach. Think of it as a stable ride while the other one was a roller coaster.

Overall, A Quiet Place Part II feels rather aimless for most of its journey. It’s just not as interesting as the first and we don’t really see the aliens as much as you’d think. It feels like the writers aren’t really sure where to go from here because the whole film feels like filler for the most part. Yeah we learn some things like the government’s island plan (RIP to everyone who was just minding their business there) but you could probably skip this film and not really miss much. For a film like this you should be learning more about how we are going to make a counter attack against the aliens or something. This is just a little too low level in terms of what the heroes are planning. I want to go back to the big picture but in the meantime the prequel should be fun to hopefully address my questions on how the aliens could have possibly defeated the military.

Overall 4/10

It Follows Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It Follows is one of those films that was going to have a lot of trouble right out of the jump because of its own premise. I’m sure you could pull it off in a tasteful way but what movie is gonna do that? The worst part is that the premise itself would actually be really solid if you changed one key plot point from the the story into something else. That would be an immediate jump but it was not to be.

The film starts off with a girl running around for a while before giving up and letting some kind of monster destroy her. We cut to the main character Jay who is living her ordinary school life. Things have been going well with her boyfriend Hugh and so she decides to allow things to go to the next stage. Unfortunately it was not a good idea, Hugh lets her know that by doing the deed with him, she is now going to be pursued by a supernatural monster. It can’t be stopped and it can’t be destroyed. All you can do is keep running away from it for all eternity…or pass the curse onto someone else. He runs off and when the cops get involved it turns out that “Hugh” was a fake name so it’ll be difficult to find him. Unfortunately the curse is very real so now Jay has a tough choice to make. Run or corrupt someone?

So you see where the premise is going to be annoying here. It’s a pretty obvious allegory and you get what they’re going for but if you picked any other method for transferring then this would be so much better. I like the idea of something that is pursuing you and will never stop. There’s a famous hypothetical about this of a snail chasing you across the world. One touch and you’re dead but in exchange you get 1 million a year. I think it sounds like a good bet because of how slow it is. In this movie that is the case as well, the creature is slow. It continues shapeshifting into different humans but can only move with the speed of a normal walk. I suppose it can jump far but that’s only once it is in range.

The main reason it is dangerous is because the main characters are teens and can’t afford to just be hiring an Uber all the time. That’s not the way this would play out. Also, everyone is naturally going to think you’re crazy for why you can’t just sleep at home and everything. I like that the rules aren’t super convenient for the villain either. Normal people can interact with the spirits, they just can’t see them. So what that means is you can have normal people try to beat them up. If you think of a good enough plan you can maybe prove its existence to the government although that plan is admittedly super high risk so I wouldn’t recommend it.

The monster also looks like just a normal person so you can’t really tell that it is the hunter until you notice that nobody else can see it. There’s also the fact that it is walking towards you but of course there are lots of reasons for normal people to walk towards you as well. Again, lots of interesting things to talk about with the premise itself and you could make a really good horror/thriller out of it. The movie doesn’t really make the best use of this story though.

So of course most of the characters are super annoying. Even after Jay has just been super traumatized after being drugged and betrayed by her boyfriend, you have at least 2 guys who are fairly eager to have fun with her as well. Yeah there’s the guise of doing it to help her out with the curse but admittedly I didn’t really buy that. Either way it’s not a great move for her to do this since that’s just dooming someone else. It’s also a rebound by definition since she would still be with Hugh if he hadn’t betrayed her. Even with the whole life or death thing going on, you just can’t move on that fast. The only heroine thing to do once you’ve obtained the curse is to either find a way to destroy the monster or to escape it forever. Passing it on is not a good idea.

We know the monster can be temporarily destroyed like when she shot it a bunch of times. The respawn takes a while so you could also try to have some kind of a trap and just keep murdering it every few hours once you get the timing down. With enough time there are plenty of things you can set up to get the monster. It has super strength but otherwise doesn’t have nearly the range of crazy powers that other horror monsters tend to have. So at least it does avoid my usual issue of the monster being completely unbeatable.

As a small aside, the characters are definitely way too kind and sympathetic to “Hugh” once they track him down. They all sit down and have a nice chat instead of immediately trying to beat him up and murder the guy. Why would you act nice to someone who has just doomed your friend to oblivion? The whole scene was annoying, get the info out of him and then beat the guy up or something. He’s clearly not a good guy and is definitely selfish to the max.

Another thing to note with the curse is that it seems like previous owners of the curse can still see the monsters. So in theory in some of the shadier parts of town you might have a whole community that can see them since the infection would spread quickly. That would make it even easier to stop the monster since it generally only cares about the next in line. So then you could still have like 20 people throwing stuff and firing guns or something. Anything would be better than the pool plan that they tried in the film. That whole sequence made me shake my head. Especially the main guy using the gun because he seemed to be terrible at following the action and understanding where the monster was. I thought it was pretty clear from how many objects he was tossing. Also, how do you start aiming at someone else? The monster is invisible so it’s hard to see how you would even come close to hitting one of the friends since she would be in clear view.

The characters did not really handle the monster particularly well but hey I suppose they are teens so you’re supposed to cut them some slack. It’s why you need to age the characters up quite a bit to make the film a lot more intense. Lets see the monster handle the grown ups trying to fight it out. Yeah the monster is strong but perhaps martial arts would be able to take it down. Ultimately there are a lot of question marks here which is fun because it makes the monster mysterious. Hopefully the next film just executes better on what is a fairly interesting premise.

Overall, It Follows had an interesting plot but really couldn’t make the most of it. You’d need a fresh set of characters for sure and also switch the method for obtaining the curse. Tone down all of the teen angst, loveless romance, and lets focus on how spooky it is to have monsters after you like this. I’d also like to get the government involved eventually because that would really add a whole lot to the story. It would really upgrade things for the better. In the meantime, I would say to avoid this film for now. There will be a better title with this plot eventually.

Overall 3/10

They Live Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a classic alien invasion title but with one big twist, what if they had already invaded? It’s a pretty clever film and one that has aged pretty well overall. I do have some issues with it that keep me from being able to completely recommend the title but on the whole I had a good time. The film knows how to have a good action scene when needed and of course that is crucial.

All right so the film starts off by introducing us to Nada who is homeless and just trying to get by right now. He finds a construction gig and gets to work but the people at the nearby church are acting a little strange. Nada busts in there and grabs a pair of glasses. When he puts them on, he is able to see the truth. Aliens have already infiltrated the Earth, posing as most of the rich people. The class wars have been manufactured! Every TV channel and radio program is giving subliminal messaging to make people lose their free will. The media is not on the side of the humans! Nada needs to quickly get some more people to the cause but is it already too late?

So yeah a very interesting premise right out of the gate here. I thought this was super interesting for sure. Nada isn’t always the best at handling his business though. For example after he gets his glasses, one of the first things he does is to start picking a fight with a nearby alien. That’s really not the best idea out there, like why would you even do that? Definitely a shaky decision at best. He does take out a number of them with his gun but the guy has no plan and is super outnumbered so eventually he has to retreat. We do get a reason for why he was acting so erratically later on though.

It turns out that the glasses work like a drug and give you an artificial high while you are wearing them. This means that you are going to be acting a little overconfident and then crash afterwards. Nada finds this out the hard way and is lucky that he survived after letting his guard down and having a lady named Holly shove him out of a window. The whole scene was super unexpected and at the same time, you do feel like Nada should have been more careful. He did literally keep her at home against her will as a prisoner so of course she would strike back as soon as possible. Anyone else would do the same in a heartbeat.

Where Nada looks worse is when he trusts her later on. Remember, we know that the big shots at the media company are in on this and she is one of the big supervisors. A little suspicious eh? She does make for a compelling character but just not someone that you should really be trusting at all. That is, as long as you have some kind of functioning survival instincts. If you don’t, then I can let you pass a little easier there.

Nada also has a long fight with Frank in order to convince him and while I think it was drawn out a little too much, I give the film points for its bravery here. I don’t think just about any film would really even try to have an action scene go on for this long. It’s just a crazy thing to even suggest and yet they pulled it off. That’s pretty impressive. The fight stops and starts so many times that it will probably fake you out at least 3-4 times. You wonder how either character can even stand up after that as it’s absolutely brutal.

In general the film isn’t so violent but that fight definitely gets real intense. There is a body count to be sure but this feels more like a summer blockbuster than a horror most of the time. So it doesn’t feel particularly gruesome even if you know it technically is on the back-end. The film does have some rather unnecessary fanservice though. They definitely could have gotten by without that. The film has its hiccups as I said, but on the whole the story is still engaging enough where you can get past that.

It also has a good degree of humor that works well with all of the serious moments. It’s never over the top goofy or anything like that to get you out of the mood but the heroes know how to banter and have a good time with each other throughout. It all comes down to this film having a lot of action and the runtime is also fairly short so you really have to move fast the whole time. I think this would make for a really good TV show. There are a lot of ways you could stretch it across multiple seasons because the sheer amount of moving parts if extensive. Then of course you could even have a whole saga about the events that take place after the ending. Clearly things are going to change a lot now and the question is if the humans can possibly win or if it’s too late. I feel like by this point it is probably too late for them but they can still last for a long while using guerilla warfare tactics.

Overall, They Live is a really interesting film. I do think aliens tend to make for a very interesting premise in general. Mix in the fact that they are shapeshifters who can appear as anyone and that becomes even more intense. The film isn’t really able to dive into every plot point here but that would be tough for any title to pull off because of how huge the actual storyline is the whole time. Either way I would recommend this title. It’s a storyline that we surprisingly don’t see as often as I would like so you really can’t pass up on any film like this. Even in real life they say you can never know someone 100%, well this film may make you a bit paranoid after that but it’s still worth the watch.

Overall 6/10

The Menu Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a film about the dangers of high end restaurants. The premise is certainly fun and I remember really enjoying the trailer. There are parts of the film that do stretch your disbelief to quite a large extent though. I know the film is part comedy but I think it may be more appropriate to call it part parody. When you do that, it makes a bit more sense but regardless I think you’ll have a good time here.

The movie starts with a bunch of people getting ready to go to a super fancy restaurant. Well, by a bunch I mean around 12 or so. It’s a super exclusive event that costs over 100K per person in order to attend. Margot is not really into this high luxury life but her new boyfriend Tyler is paying for the whole event and he lives for fancy cuisine. So she’ll try to make the best of it but it quickly becomes apparent that he originally had invited another girl and she was the backup plan. Not a great way to start their adventure but Margot will still try to have fun. Unfortunately, the meals are small and very unimpressive. Additionally there appears to be something really sinister about this place. Perhaps going to a secluded island in the middle of nowhere with no way out until the boat that arrives the next day was a bad idea with a guy that she doesn’t know super well????

Now I do sympathize with Margot right away because fancy restaurants are definitely not the way to go. What you have to understand is there are tiers to these things. You have fast food shops like McDonalds, Fast casual shops like Chipotle, fast restaurants like Chili’s, and more standard restaurants like Cheesecake Factory. All of these can be good and still will have a lot of traditional options that taste great. When you go one step further to luxury restaurants is when you start to see the absolute worst foods out there. I’ve only gone to a fancy restaurant once, a place called the Manhatta. Let me tell you, it lives up to the hype of why I don’t dine at places like that.

We’re talking about a place with no menu until you arrive. Based on the day, there will only be up to 4 items you can choose from. It’s a combination that brings a side, main course, and dessert. The whole thing is bundled so you can’t break it and you can forget about substitutions. You’ll probably be spending around $50-$70 by the end for a portion of food that is extremely small and that’s assuming you can find anything that you like. They do the whole song and dance of preparing it in front of you and explaining what you’re eating but I’m here to eat not present. So this film does a great job of showing what a luxury restaurant is like and why it’s no fun.

Even in this movie, I did not like a single meal that they serves except for the last one. Pretty much everything here is loaded with seafood and vegetables which is definitely not something I’m all that interested in. It is fun seeing the characters try to convince themselves that t’s good though. The brainwashing is a big part of the fun here. Every character spent tons of money in order to get here and so this has to be good right? They can’t have been absolutely scammed.

At one point they are served a breadless bread bowl and some characters still try to defend it. So the comedy lands pretty well there. Tyler is a bit over the top with how checked out he is as the guy obsesses with the food but I can appreciate what the film was going for there. He’s the most obnoxious character in the film so you’re rooting for him to get taken down the whole time. One of those really fake guys who has on a mask for a long time but ultimately it shatters before when it’s crunch time.

Now we don’t know quite how long he knew Margot, but it’s definitely clear that she didn’t know the real him. As the only one who didn’t grow up super rich, she is sharper than the rest of the characters. I would still say she is a bit slow to act but at least isn’t just sitting in her chair awaiting her own demise the whole time. She has a good ending and in general showed a lot of spunk. Definitely the best character in the movie.

Where you have to suspend a lot of disbelief is with everyone’s inaction the whole time. They all act like NPCs as they just watch things escalate more and more as the body count rises. Surely they should all do something right? In a situation like this, obviously you need to secure a weapon like one of the large butcher knives and try to make a break for the door or just take everyone out. I would say getting outside is most important because then you can at least try and pick everyone off one by one. If you fight them all at once you’re going to lose.

I’d like to say that everyone should team up and overwhelm the villains but the cynical part of me does think at least half of the characters would just be screaming and not actually providing any assistance. So you really do have to assume that you’re completely on your own which does change the dynamic. Still, you gotta do something and anything is better than nothing. I guess part of the idea is that these characters have never really been in a life or death situation before but even so, I like to think the fight or flight mechanics would start to come through. The film being part comedy ultimately saves the whole feature because if this was played completely seriously then I would have some serious problems with this.

As it stands, it’s annoying but doesn’t crush the film. The pacing is good and the whole thing is very interesting. There are quite a few twists and turns as the movie goes on so it’ll keep you guessing all the way through. There are some fun fake outs and of course a lot of moments that are really happening with no fakeouts needed. This ensures that you are always on your toes. The film is also fairly long and gets to really build up to the premise. There is a lot of tension even early on but you have to wait along with the characters to see if it’s just a feeling or not.

While the film is tame for most of its run, it definitely does have some really violent scenes. They stand out as a big contrast which is likely the point so you are shocked along with the characters. So definitely prepare yourself for that, it’s definitely not a film that is just a smooth ride for everyone. There are a lot of bumps along the road here. There is also an element of each character having some kind of a shady secret although playing into the comedic angle a bit, this isn’t balanced at all. Some characters did crazy stuff while others did basically nothing and the main villain just says that’s too bad. He’s rather insane after all so it’s not like this has to make a lot of sense.

Overall, The Menu is a pretty good film. I did like seeing the breakdown of each menu item even if they all sounded pretty bad. The cast of characters are fairly strong. Not that most of them are particularly likable but they all have established characters and personalities early on. The film did a good job of setting them up and allowing the plot to move straight away. It’s a very well made film that really had my attention the whole way through. Maybe it really was the food theme since that’s not something I’ve seen too many films use.

Overall 7/10