Tag Archives: Film Review

The Lawnmower Man Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a sci-fi film about why virtual reality and augmenting a person’s brain could be a dangerous idea. Technology will inevitably become too much for humanity to handle and once that happens it is game over. So what does that have to do with a Lawnmower? Well somebody gets murdered with one and it’s a cool title. The main guy also does lawnmowing so it makes sense but I can see how it would seem like a superhero name.

The film starts by showing us an experiment that is being run on a chimp. He is taken to a virtual reality world where he has to shoot all of the enemies dead. The experiments are going well and this is proof that the technology works but he manages to escape. He gets far enough to meet a guy named Jobe who gets picked on constantly by everyone for not being smart. Father Francis beats him and doesn’t help at all so Jobe is glad to have a friend but the chimp is shot dead. Now Jobe is back to being on his own until a guy named Angelo shows up who offers Jobe a lot of intelligence and success if he helps with a certain experiment. Jobe really has nothing to lose so he agrees to these tests but are these experiments going to make him unbalanced?

First up, if I was Jobe I would have definitely said yes to the experiments as well. Sure, they seem a bit risky but it can’t be any worse than his current situation. That’s exactly how I would have felt about it so it makes a lot of sense that he would get on board with this. Also, the effects are really good at first. He can actually have intelligent conversations and everyone respects him more. Unfortunately corporate steps in at this point and sabotages everything. If they had not done that, I dare say the experiment probably would have been a complete success. Leave it to corporate to rush things a bit too far and blow everything up though. They just couldn’t wait to get the natural gains that would have happened.

This isn’t an action film first and foremost but we do get some fight scenes. At one point Jobe basically takes on the army with his flying nanobots which was pretty fun. At this point, there isn’t much that can stop him though as he transcends his mortal body. The guy completely cracks and turns evil by the end but the film does a good job of showing just how much he had to put up with before then. He didn’t have much to protect or live for by this point since everyone was getting bumped off. So yeah at that point you might as well end the world.

At its core I would call this a revenge fantasy film. We see how everyone mistreats Jobe and the only characters who have his back are beaten up or murdered. So now that he has these telepathic abilities he can enact his full revenge on them all. You can definitely see where the film is going with this right from the jump. It can get a little overzealous on the deaths with this though. The film has a tendency to cut away so it’s not incredibly graphic or anything but the deaths themselves can definitely be painful.

Also the film did murder the chimp near the beginning which was unfortunate. Animal violence is always a good way to knock yourself down a peg. It was hard for the film to really come back from that. It’s also just a bit too mean spirited. I would have liked more characters to have had Jobe’s back and defended him when things weren’t going well. It would have shown that at least humanity was not fully cooked yet. Sure we had a few characters like Angelo, Marnie, and Jobe’s coworker but that was about it. They also weren’t able to be there 24/7.

So Jobe was a good character and it’s just too bad that the power got to him. He still made the right move and helped the kid by the end though. Angelo was also solid as he would talk back to corporate but I also think he could have been a little more cautious at times. I felt like he turned his back to the company and then didn’t have a plan for when they would inevitably target him. Not a very smart move if you ask me and the guy’s supposed to be a genius. He did good in setting up the technology but underestimated humanity.

Father Francis should be considered as the main villain of the film in large part because he’s the one who should have been watching out for Jobe. Instead of supporting the guy, he basically took every excuse to punish him over and over. He was actively trying to prevent Jobe from learning more and so yeah this guy didn’t really have any redeeming qualities. You just needed him to be bumped off as soon as possible. Until that were to happen there was just no way to move forward.

Overall, The Lawnmower Man had some interesting ideas. I also enjoyed seeing the virtual world with the super retro CG. In some ways that’s the kind of CG that tends to be fun as it really makes you feel like you’re in a computer game. I could have done without the romance though which was particularly weak and more disturbing than anything inside the screen. That was just never going to work out there and it all went too fast. The film would have been better if it toned down the amount of bullies and randoms who were just cruel and evil for no real reason though. It’s just way too slanted and pretty much forces Jobe down the path of corruption. It’s not a film that makes for a particularly easy watch so I would recommend other sci-fi titles above this one.

Overall 4/10

White Men Can’t Jump Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for an old school comedy about what it takes to scam someone. It’s a pretty fun movie even if the characters aren’t always very likable though. As the main characters are scammers that does make sense though. The basketball battles are all pretty fun and there’s enough of them where you could call this a sports title as well.

The film starts off with Sydney hooping with his pals when a guy named Billy shows up. Billy looks like he’s probably no good as basketball so Sydney allows himself to be goaded into a 1 on 1 battle. He gets defeated though and Billy walks away with all the money. Sydney’s upset at first but then figures he can use this to make a lot of money as well. Sydney knows the basketball scene well after all so he can keep on challenging folks to 2 on 2 battles with Billy and rack up a ton of money. Can they really keep this going or will they eventually fall short?

Naturally hustling isn’t something you can really respect or admire though. I know Billy is desperate but surely there are more legitimate ways to handle this. He and his girlfriend Gloria are on the run from the debt collectors as well now and it’s all become a really big deal. This whole thing certainly hasn’t put him in the greatest position, that’s for sure. When he inevitably gets double crossed, you can’t feel super bad for him either. The guy also takes way too many risks. Risking Gloria’s money for his own pride about the slam dunk was really a bad move as well. I’m glad that Gloria stuck to her guns and ditched him there because she warned him ahead of time and he still went through with it.

That said, I wouldn’t say Gloria was a very solid heroine either. She definitely complained a whole lot while he was trying to earn some money. She could have been doing something as well instead of training for Jeopardy the whole time. The odds of being called in for the show and then of winning are so slim that it’s like playing the lotto. That’s not a very constructive way to plan for the future. She’s all over the place and has a gun at the ready but folds when the chips are down. It would have been nice if she was more supportive.

On the other side, Sydney is a fun character who delivers most of the humor in the film. He’s got a quick wit and is always one step ahead of the other characters. He’s a lot of fun and the film definitely would not be the same without him. I did think that his betraying Billy later on was rather out of pocket though. I know he wanted revenge but at that point it would seem like they were never really friends. In the film they sort everything out and team up again but I couldn’t really buy into it. No way you forgive someone when they ripped you off for more than $1000 like that. Especially when it’s money that you really needed at the time.

I don’t blame him for the slam dunk challenge though because that was completely on Billy. He did not need to try to take on that challenge and Sydney warned him against it several times. At that point, it’s all on Billy for going through with it and a bet is a bet. You have to honor it at that point. Sydney’s girlfriend Rhonda is definitely a lot more loyal to him than Gloria was to Billy. She backs him all the way without fail so that’s a pretty good dynamic right there.

As I mentioned before, the Basketball scenes are definitely pretty good. They’re fast paced and definitely deliver on the action. You may not like the two leads all that much for being scam artists but at least they are really good on the court and can hold their own. It’s why you feel like they shouldn’t need to resort to this. Just try to get serious about Basketball and win the right way. Of course if they don’t think they have the skills, they’ll get exposed real fast. Such is the risk you face whenever you enter a high level of competition though.

The script goes pretty hard on the banter so there will be a lot of laughs but it can also be a bit much/edgy at times. That’s always the risk you run with a film like this though. I would say that it ultimately succeeds a lot more than not though so that’s a good thing. I would have maybe added some kind of a main villain to spice things up though. For the most part there isn’t a central antagonist and it’s more about the characters trying to get along. The Jeopardy subplot could also be removed in its entirety. It just doesn’t have much to do with anything and you could just redo Gloria’s character. It’s a unique subplot to be sure since you’re definitely not expecting this in a Basketball film. It’s just such a long shot though, it almost would have been better if the plot didn’t go anywhere and Billy talks about what a waste of time it was.

Overall, This was a pretty fun film. We got some danger with the debt collectors but for the most part this is a light hearted film about a lot of banter. The main romance isn’t very good but the film actually addresses that directly which was nice. The writing wasn’t always super strong and the main characters could be better but I had a good time with it and in the end that’s what counts. Basketball’s definitely a fun sport to watch with how fast paced it is.

Overall 6/10

Baby, Take a Bow Review

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It’s time for a really old time film about how it can be hard to escape your past at times. In this case it’s because of a private detective who really has a bone to pick with the main guy. it can definitely be rough having someone bring up the past all the time. The film works pretty well even if some of the troubles that come up feel like they could have been avoided with a little more effort from the main characters.

The film starts off with Kay heading over to prison to pick up Eddie who is just being released. Private Detective Welch advises her not to do this as it will be the biggest mistake of her life but she ignores him and the two get married. 6 years later they have a daughter named Shirley and are doing really well for themselves. Unfortunately Welch isn’t thrilled about this. He decides to bust in and try to get some dirt on the guy. He may have been fired from every spot around but he still has enough pull to walk into any office whenever he wants.

Welch is definitely the big villain of the movie but I have to give him some real credit here. The guy is absolutely unrelenting. He just keeps on moving forward and somehow the guy has a whole lot of influence. People tend to believe him and so he is really able to sabotage whoever he wants. For example, he tells Eddie’s boss that the guy is probably a crook and the one responsible for a theft so the guy fires Eddie. Just like that.

It’s definitely a shame since Eddie had been doing really well. He also helped Larry find a job so the two ex cons put their lives of crime behind them. Unfortunately that starts to make them desperate and then you have the current criminal Trigger still around to try and tempt them into the dark side. What a guy. Trigger even has a gun and everything so he definitely makes the climax real serious here. He’s more of a physical threat than Welch even if Welch is the bigger social threat.

Trigger’s your average baddie though while Welch really has charisma and personality. So I would still say that he is a lot more memorable in the end. He’s definitely not someone that you end up forgetting and he helps make the film more entertaining.

Meanwhile Shirley’s role actually isn’t all that big this time. She’s mainly here to help make the situation worse for Eddie as she gets tricked quickly with the gun and gets them into hot water a lot. She’s only a kid so I mean it’s not her fault or anything but yeah without her things would have gone way more smoothly for the main characters.

Eddie and Larry did say no to Trigger’s offer so they get props for that. In other films you see the main character get tempted to get back into the life of crime but in this case when he said no, he meant it. Always a really good idea. The characters were also just generally solid. They had good attitudes and kept their chins up even when things weren’t going well.

Meanwhile Kay was really solid for sticking with Eddie and not letting Welch get to her. Jane has less to do here but was also a very loyal partner to Larry. Stuart gets 0 points because he’s the one who was tricked by Welch into firing two of his best employees. So much for innocent until proven guilty right? This guy folded when it counted and you don’t really forget that kind of thing. Even if he apologies later it just ends up ringing hollow.

The film is very short as it’s barely over an hour so it has to move quickly. I do think that’s enough time for this kind of film though. It’s not like it’s going for some kind of really long and elaborate plot. At its core it’s a simple romance story about characters just trying to have a quiet existence. All they really want is to raise a family and have a good time. For a lot of people that’s really enough and yet they are pulled into a bunch of problems anyway.

If there’s one slight issue here it’s that nothing really happens to Welch. It just feels like he’s going to pull the same thing with a different ex-convict next time. He didn’t learn any lessons or even get harshly reprimanded. He was already fired from every agency before the film started so it’s not like he could be fired again either. Definitely a case where it feels like the film overlooked his role by the end when he should have at least gotten fined or something for misleading the police. I’m not sure what the exact crime would be for something like this but just find something to stick and hit him with it. The guy’s dangerously obsessive so he can’t be let on the loose. I would absolutely watch a spinoff film with him as the main character though because like I said, he was easily the most entertaining character around here.

Overall, The film probably should have been named after the main plot rather than Shirley being in it. She gets her classic dance number and everything but really isn’t a main focus in the film. I guess you could say she helps as motivation for Eddie staying o the straight and narrow but the title should have been something about trying to prove his innocence. Either way, it’s a solid film that’s good harmless fun. You could watch it at any point and it flows over very quickly. It’s also such an old film so it’s always fun to see how a title from the 30s plays out. I’ve seen tons of 50s films but even for me I haven’t seen a ton of 30s. That’s why there’s nothing wrong with it being simple, for all I know this may have been rather ambitious for its day.

Overall 7/10

Alice Adams Review

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Uh oh, I’m on a roll with the negative film reviews. You’d expect a super old 30s romance to be pretty fun and get the automatic win but that’s not the case for this one. The characters are just too unlikable so you’re actively rooting against them here. I didn’t think the heroine deserved to win and all of the characters just made such big mistakes for themselves. There’s just no way to climb back up from how far they fell.

The film starts off by introducing us to the Adams family who are really poor and down on their luck. The father has been sick for ages and while his boss continues to pay his checks, it’s not a lot of money. The mother continues to hound and berate him the whole time about how he has failed the family. Walter continues to waste his money on every kind of vice possible so he’s definitely as irresponsible as possible. Finally you have Alice who is really self conscious about the whole thing and so she is constantly lying in order to trick the people round her into thinking that she is wealthy.

She has kept these lies up for a while but then a guy named Arthur shows up and Alice likes him quite a lot. The guy is fairly wealthy and Alice really doesn’t want him to know the truth. As their relationship gets more serious though it becomes hard to hide this. Can she continue to deceive him all the way until marriage or is this relationship doomed to fall to ruins?

So right from the bat I can’t root for the romance here because a romance built on deception is absolutely not going to go well. I think it’s very difficult to come back from that. Yes, everyone starts off with a bit of a mask when the relationship first starts. That’s normal and I don’t see anything wrong with that. There’s a big difference between that kind of setup and flat out lies though. Alice is straight up lying to Arthur the whole time and about fairly massive stuff. The fact that she was lying to everybody about even mild things also shows how she completely lost the plot.

Sure you could say it’s part of her character development but the problem is that it’s clear she would have kept on lying if she wasn’t caught. This kind of plot works way better if it’s an internal decision where she decides to come clean before being forced to do so. As a result this was just not going to work and it’s really cheesy that Arthur was still okay with the whole thing. It looked really bad by the end as it was coupled with her brother being a crook and her father seemingly stealing from the company he worked for. Arthur shouldn’t have turned around so quickly.

I can appreciate a happy ending of course but it just wasn’t very realistic at all. Arthur comes across as a bit of a pushover there. I won’t fault him for being a nice guy but yeah he could have done some things differently there. I will just say I am glad that he doesn’t walk around immediately believing in the rumors though. That was nice because other guys are the opposite extreme in these films where a rumor starts and they are immediately jumping in and buying into it.

Back to the family, Walter was a particularly disgraceful character as he turned a bad situation into a worse one. Actively stealing money is just awful especially since his father is the one who recommended him for the job. So now he’s making his father out to be a liar and someone who cannot be trusted while also incriminating the whole family. In a small town like this that can be an absolute death sentence to the rest of the characters. This guy was not thinking clearly at all.

Both parents were rather bad characters as well. The mother loses a lot of points for constantly complaining about everything and giving the dad bad advice. Quitting the company that helped pay his sick expenses for months and months is crazy and then wanting to burn the bridge for some quick money? She was definitely thinking about things in the short term. Then he takes a lot of the blame for following along with the advice even when he knew it was no good. I dare say it’s almost worse when you’re in that position because you’re ignoring your conscience. At least for her you can say that she thought it was the right thing to do but since he knows that it’s wrong, that’s bad business.

They’re all just lucky that the business owner was so lenient and forgiving. That was also rather cheesy by the way. So the main characters all got off rather easily and I’m not sure that they actually learned their lessons. The weak character cast is what really hurts this film because for a romance film like this you absolutely need quality characters. Otherwise the whole thing falls apart because it’s not like you have big fight scenes or special effects to make up the difference. The writing itself was good despite the characters since I still like the old style dialogue but it’s almost impressive how the film makes all of the main characters look this bad.

Overall, Don’t use this film as any kind of reference to getting a good romance relationship going. Trust me when I say that it isn’t likely to go smoothly if you follow these steps. A good partner will be patient but when it’s someone that you only just met, you can’t really test them to this extent. The film ends up leaving you rather annoyed by the end which is the wrong feeling for a romantic comedy and so it should have either leaned harder on being a comedy to the point of parody or just made the characters more redeemable. Have Alice give some quick little lies out of nervousness which she is forced to double down on later on as opposed to going over the top and even blaming the maid when things don’t go well. She just went way too far.

Overall 4/10

The Protector Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a Jackie Chan film that doesn’t really come close to hanging with most of his other films. It’s got the martial arts and parkour at times but everything about it feels basic at best. It goes through the motions like having Billy’s partner get bumped off almost immediately but the film tends to falter throughout.

The movie starts with something out of a futuristic sci-fi dystopia as people wearing weird costumes beat up a truck driver and get away with something. After that we cut to Billy and Michael who were having a normal drive and a beer when some punks showed up and try to steal Michael’s stuffed animal that he bought for his kid. They end up murdering the guy while Billy avenges him. This causes the Billy to get demoted. Things don’t get much better for him as Laura, the daughter of a big gangster is kidnapped while under his watch. Billy and his new partner Danny are sent to Hong Kong to find her and crack the case but it involves multiple gangs and big crime families. Looks like we have a conspiracy on our hands.

One of the big problems with Billy and Danny is that they mess around way too much. We have a big kidnapping case going on right here with someone who is missing and could be murdered at any moment. Yet immediately they’re going to massage parlors and messing around. Yeah you could say this has to do with their mission and they’re gathering info but lets be real, that’s not on their mind at all. They should have died there but the villains slipped up.

Now you might be thinking, James Bond would make that mistake as well right? Yeah and that’s why he has to rely on plot armor all the time. These two do more of the same the whole time and can’t keep up with the banter either. The writing is only okay here and doesn’t stack up with the average thriller either.

Now there are some positives I can say at least. The fight scenes that we get are actually pretty good. The martial arts are still on point and the choreography does not disappoint. If the film could have focused on this the whole time then there would really have been no problem. Of course that wasn’t the case and not much point worrying about what ifs.

The music is also fairly good. Some reasonably solid tracks in there. Fast paced tunes that fit with the scenes and so I don’t have any issues there. In terms of technicals, the film wasn’t bad. It was just let down by everything else. The film has to resort to fanservice because the story wasn’t strong enough which is always a massive red flag. It’s not the kind of thing that a really good film ever has to resort to. Yet this film does that more than once because it knows everyone was probably fast asleep otherwise.

The movie’s tone is also all over the place. Sometimes it is playing things seriously with a lot of danger and adventure going on and then other times it is trying to be a light hearted comedy. It tends to not handle the mix well with the characters being too goofy during a serious moment and vice versa. Again there’s no real urgency on the main duo’s part despite the fact that Laura is still out there somewhere.

Now you may be thinking, at least we’ve got a really big conspiracy here involving a lot of factions so that should keep you interested? Well, it goes in all of the most generic ways possible so that defeats the purpose. Are the Hong Kong cops corrupt as always?? Hmmmm.

Now I’m not going to say that you will see every plot point coming ahead of time or anything like that. That’s definitely not happening but you’re just not going to be all that engaged. It all starts from the top with the characters and then trickles down to every other aspect of the movie like the weak plot. It’s too bad that Michael was bumped off in the first scene because I think he would have made for a much better partner than Danny in the second half. Trust me on this, there’s just a world of difference there.

None of the villains ever get all that memorable either. For the most part it’s not like most of them can fight. We at least do have one big fighter on the villain side who gives Billy a run for his money. That ends up being a good battle and a solid way to end the film off. This is the kind of film that does have actual positives that I can point to which is good. It’s not an awful film or anything like that but it absolutely makes enough missteps where it won’t be mistaken for a good movie either. This really shouldn’t be that hard either, just avoid the fanservice and stick to a lot of fights. Have the heroes be cocky and overconfident but they still need to be focused on their mission at all times at least until they’ve rescued the heroine.

Overall, The Protector probably isn’t the best title for this film. Billy lets his partner get bumped off in the first scene and then the main heroine gets kidnapped, and then even his new partner gets kidnapped. The guy’s too busy messing around to really be protecting much of anything. Yeah Danny was usually the bad influence here but Billy wasn’t really doing anything to stop him now was he? I’ve just seen way better thrillers with this kind of kidnapping plot and pretty much all of Jackie Chan’s other films are better so in the end that doesn’t leave much for this one. I’d say to give it a skip.

Overall 4/10

Sweet Smell of Success Review

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It’s time for a film about corruption and how far reporters will go to get their story. When you’re watching a noir film it can be hit or miss on if the main character is likable or one of the actual villains. In this case it’s definitely the latter as there is no place he won’t sink to in order to get further in his career. The rest of the film is solid enough but the main guy really sinks the whole thing. He just gets away with too much and the whole time you keep wishing the characters would be a little more alert on what’s going on.

The film starts off with Sidney being upset because he was given a bad tip about Susan and Steve breaking up. The fact is that they have not broken up and are even more serious about each other. This is a problem because Sidney works for Susan’s brother JJ who has ordered him to end the relationship. He does not want Susan with anybody and if Sidney does not succeed then he will be out of a job. How can Sidney pull this off without destroying his social relationship or making it too obvious though?

Obviously from the start Sidney already shouldn’t be taking this gig. He’s just too desperate to get in good with JJ since the guy is the most influential person in the newspaper business. The guy controls the media and that is where Sidney wants to work but what he has long since lost sight of is that it all won’t matter if he’s lost all his morals before then.

The guy’s a two timer and he’s also willing to sell off his friends to score. He pressures one girl into having a one night stand with one of JJ’s friends and while the guy had been doing pretty badly from the start, this was definitely the lowest moment for him. This is why you’re rooting for his downfall.

JJ makes for an interesting villain. He really talks a good game the whole time. He has taken years to build up his influence and do whatever he can in order to keep that power. So by this point he already has a lot of connections which makes it hard to take him down. By the same token he does have a ton of skeletons in the closet which can be dug up by anybody who has enough time to do so. That’s the thing he really has to keep in mind here. He continues to dig his own grave by trying to mess up Susan’s relationship. If he had just stayed away then he would not be in these problems right now.

As for Susan, she also lets herself get pushed around a little too much. She needed to directly fight back against JJ and Sidney instead of even entertaining what they were saying. Likewise with Steve he needed to grab her and either get out of there or have some long talks first so nothing could break them apart. Ultimately things go well but they very nearly didn’t. If Sidney had ended up jumping then there would have been no way to come back from that. In these films people seem to lose so much power when anyone brings in the blackmail which is a shame. You’ve got to be able to take it or if not, just don’t give enemies any ammo anyway.

JJ has Sidney mess with a lot of people in the film. Some fight against the blackmail by exposing their own crimes like the guy who was cheating while others fall in line. This guy is just a big newspaper editor though. At the end of the day it’s not like he’s a big gangster. JJ may have one of the cop under his payroll but you still feel like people should be able to fight against him a lot easier.

At the end of the day JJ is really just manipulating everyone like pieces on the chess board. Even when in most cases the other person knows JJ is no good, they just aren’t able to make a move. They stand there puzzled and unsure of what to do. By the time they act, it’s simply too late and that kind of thing happens a whole lot. The film does have a fight scene of sorts at the very end, it tends to be more of a beat down but yeah we got the action there. It’s all just a bit too late like I said before. I needed the tables to turn before it was all too late. Instead we’re already past the point of no return so at that point there’s just not much to say.

I can still give the film some props because it is very engaging. You are wondering how things are going to end as the film goes on. Right up to the point where Sidney forced his friend to be with that one old guy, the film was really hitting its stride. The script was very clever and the writing was really intense. It’s a film that leaves an impact on you. One quick turn here or there and we’d really be looking at a completely different title.

Overall, Sweet Smell of Success is an interesting film about how the demands keep going up as you throw away your morals. There is no real end point and by the end you are too far gone to really make a comeback. It’s just all over at that point. It’s too bad that Rita didn’t defy Sidney in the end and refuse to have the stand. That would have definitely helped make the whole film more enjoyable. Unfortunately the pressure was just too much in this instance. The script is really solid between the characters but you do have to get past this part in order to enjoy the film which is pretty much impossible there.

Overall 3/10

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Review

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It’s time for a sci-fi film that isn’t afraid to get rather crazy. It starts off with a really crazy dolphin song and that sets the tone for what’s to come. That’s a good thing though because Sci-Fi shouldn’t be afraid to go all out. It’s one of the things that can make the genre really fun and all. That said, I wouldn’t say this one always succeeds in the humor and everything so it can be a bit hit or miss.

The film starts off with Arthur protesting the demolition of his house. His friend Ford shows up though and explains that it doesn’t matter because the Earth is going to blow up. He’s an alien too after all. He helps Arthur escape into space where they’re tortured, meet different clans, and now have to…try and save the universe? Can that be right? What can some random Earthling do? Time to find out!

Arthur’s definitely not the best character though. He’s a little too desperate and slow on the uptake. Considering that he met an alien early on and is then told a crazy story you’d think he would be ready. Instead he is still worried about his car for a while even when the planet is about to be destroyed. Also, his almost girlfriend Tricia dumps him for an alien but he hasn’t been able to fully get past his feelings?

He only knew her for 5 minutes with a drink and she was already talking about travelling across the globe. It’s clear that she wasn’t serious about him so he should have just moved on quick too. Meeting someone while you’re both drunk at a party is definitely not going to put you in a good position for success in a romance if we’re being honest here.

It doesn’t even feel like Tricia likes Zaphod all that much and is really in it for the space travel. She always liked travelling on Earth after all and in space you’ve got billions of times more space here. I wouldn’t say the whole thing reflects great on her either but hey she’s following her dream and not just floating through everything the way Arthur is.

Zaphod is fun though, he has a good time with the whole plot. I do like how he is wearing a suit that looks like him and just keeps on popping up. That’s a great example of a gimmick that stays funny throughout the movie. Yeah he has his serious moments by the end and all but he’s at his best when he’s just messing around the whole time.

Marvin is a depressed robot who is with the crew the whole time but his gimmick gets old a little fast. There’s not a whole lot you can do with that gimmick after a while. He gets to help out and does his best but ehhhhhhh, you don’t really need him. It does give us a chance to see a character who is even sadder than Arthur though.

He’s a good example of the film itself though which starts out a lot stronger than it finishes. Because he does have a good array of fun lines at first where that jaded spirit of his really works well. Ford was a better side character in the end. He was really helpful the whole time and without him the characters would have been doomed.

One of the main plots that comes up later on is about the ultimate question and ultimate answer. So in one of the film’s crazy exposition moments it turns out that the universe finally found out the ultimate answer to life itself thanks to a super computer. The problem is that it was just a number, 42. They now need another computer to answer that but there’s a whole lot of time that you need for this and only one computer can handle this.

It’s a pretty solid subversion since usually the whole film would be about finding the answer to life but instead we are given that from the start. I also like the idea of the answer itself being ultimately pointless. Cmon that’s gotta get a smile out of you at least. The journey is like the answer though, the question itself is not all that important. It’s just the plot device to get the characters onto a bunch of planets and to meet lots of different aliens.

In some ways it feels a lot like Stat Trek. It’s more about the exploration than big battles or anything like that. Throw in some dry humor that tends to work well for this type of story and the film does have a solid approach. When it comes time for the more serious plots though…not as solid. I already talked a bit about the romance but it’s really sub par here. Arthur’s just too desperate and even if Tricia was just hanging out with this guy to an extent, it sure seemed like they were in a real relationship. The guy would smack her on the backside and everything so yeah Arthur needed to have the willpower to walk away. It makes the ending more on the underwhelming side. There’s also a quick rushed romance for Zaphod that just comes out of the blue.

That’s not the kind of thing that would really hurt the film’s score or anything but yeah that could have been handled better. The movie does have really good special effects once action is happening though. The laser guns look good, Marvin’s robot design is super good as well. It looks really lifelike and you’ve also got the change gun that transforms items seamlessly. The dolphin song may have been rather bad but I choose to believe that was intentional as a gag so hey it is what it is.

Overall, I’d say this was a good film. I think the humor works more than it doesn’t. What keeps it from being higher is something that generally tends to happen to some comedic films. The second half starts to drag on a little bit, the film overstays its welcome and could have shaved off like 20 minutes or so. They did get to reach a lot of planets as a result so I get why they wanted the film to be long, but it just lost a bit of steam at times. A film like this can only last as long as the novelty factor and after a while the craziness of everything doesn’t really phase you. I would still recommend checking this out if you like sci-fi and comedic/parody type films. This one has a lot of fun poking fun at everything which makes the humor really accessible I’d say. Everyone should find at least some of the gags funny I’d expect.

Overall 6/10

Cleaner Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Cleaner is one of those films that definitely has a unique premise. You’re not usually watching a film about the clean-up crew after murders. Usually you follow the hero or have to stop the murderer but the cleaner himself? Not really so that made for an interesting change of pace.

The story follows a cleaner named Tom. He’s known as the best in the business. He has his own unique set of cleaning materials and formulas which can make the crime scene perfect right away. He employs others who really need a job like his employee Miguel who is doing his best but sometimes the stress gets to him. Well, one day Tom cleans up a place after a murder as normal and heads home, but the next day when he’s dropping off a key, the lady of the house, Ann does not recognize him or know that a cleaning took place. It would appear that the murder isn’t even public knowledge yet. Tom has possibly been set up here and he needs to find the truth right away!

The main mystery plot is pretty solid but the subplots and drama around that are not so good. First up, you have his daughter Rose who wants to learn more about her mother. Tom’s wife was murdered many years back and he’s still holding a lot of trauma over it so he refuses to tell her anything. It just feels like very forced drama here. They get it right by the end but it just takes too long. I don’t think this plot really needed to be in the film.

Since this is a mystery you do have to have suspects of course. That said, there aren’t a lot of options here and I think in a way that’s because the film is fairly short. The first suspect will be Ann. Mainly the reason she would be a suspect is for the plot twist and shock value of it because otherwise it wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense. Still, you have to consider everyone and she is pressing Tom really hard about what happened. Is she worried about her husband’s disappearance or is she trying to get Tom to admit he was at the scene of the crime and get him taken down?

Suspect number 2 is good ole Eddie. He’s Tom’s friend from a long time ago. The guy has made detective now and is still involved in cases occasionally although he doesn’t get along with the main police homicide unit. This guy’s super helpful all the time and always there to support Tom so of course that is something that puts him on the suspect list. When someone’s too nice you just can’t trust them like that.

Finally you have Vargas. That guy doesn’t really trust anybody and is a rather aggressive person so he tends to put people on edge. He seems to be ready to snap at any moment so naturally this guy appears to be a suspect, but is it all too obvious? That’s always the question you have to ask yourself about this. I will say he is one of the more enjoyable characters to have around though. I always like when a character just rushes in to cause damage and do his job. He’s not trying to make friends, he’s just here to complete his mission.

There is also a big criminal conspiracy going on led by a guy named Vaughn. This ties into Tom’s backstory. The guy has paid off tons of people and seems to own the city from the shadows. It’s certainly possible that they are doing something to mess with Tom here. Or perhaps nothing here concerns Tom at all and the husband really was the target. There’s no guarantee that Tom is even a target in this at all. He may have just been a useful pawn.

Now as the film deals with cleaning up a crime scene there are definitely lots of shots of blood and remains throughout the film. I wouldn’t say it’s too brutal or anything but there are quite a lot of scenes of this so definitely something to keep in mind. It’s not all that violent in terms of active moments but the crime scenes are intense and of course you have to have the obligatory origin story for Tom.

The ending does make you feel bad for the daughter though because you know there’s going to be some extra trauma for her now. And she was already dealing with quite a bit of that. The final fight in general is definitely not super impressive though so I should say if you’re watching this for the fights…it’s not the best idea. The film does have some good music and makes things sound epic but there are no fights here. You get a slow motion shove which I thought was funny but for the most part this is mystery and drama first.

Overall, Cleaner is a reasonably solid mystery thriller. I was engaged with gathering the clues and seeing how it would all pan out. There are definitely a lot of twists and turns as the film goes on. Not a whole lot of innocent characters by the end of this since everyone gets bogged down by past crimes, corruption, or what’s going on currently. I have a feeling most people haven’t even heard of this film so definitely a fun little title if you’re looking for something new. It’s just not going to stick out in your memory by the end because there are many better thrillers out there.

Overall 6/10

The Abyss Review

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The Abyss is one of the more disappointing movies of recent memory. It has a really cool sounding name and a really good premise with some kind of monster out there ready to wreck havoc. It has all of the fundamentals of a good movie but the problem? It’s borrrrrrring! The monster has one of the worst designs since E.T. and there isn’t a sense of danger from the supernatural. All that leaves us with is the human dangers which are not nearly as compelling.

The film starts off with a bunch of people getting wrecked underwater. Bud’s team is sent to the wreckage to check things out and save what they can. The problem is that Bud’s team isn’t trained for this kind of thing. They’re oil drillers, not NAVY seal operators. So a Navy team is sent down with them but they don’t play well with others. Additionally, they seem to be keeping quite a few secrets. At this rate it might be internal strife that destroys everyone.

So back to the main problem, you’re waiting for these mysterious aliens to show up for the whole film. They finally do some stuff at the very end of the movie but that’s about it. They miss around 90% of the adventure and this doesn’t play out like your classic creature feature. The monsters aren’t running around blowing everyone up or shooting energy blasts. They mainly fly around at super speeds and act whimsical. They are clearly not mindless but their impact within the film basically falls into that range.

I was expecting a whole lot more to them so this ended up being pretty underwhelming. The film messed up on the atmosphere and so I would have cut out the supernatural stuff entirely. It’s not like it adds much to the film and if you removed it, then it wouldn’t even be a distraction. Then you can focus on all of the drama that you want. Not a bad proposition right? Then right from the start you have your expectations in check. I don’t think that would suddenly make this a good movie but it wouldn’t be quite so disappointing.

Bud is the main character here and a lot of the film is about the tension he has with his wife Lindsey. The two don’t get along at all anymore but they have to put aside their differences to team up here. It’s a fun enough plot but the romance itself is definitely a weak link. They seriously don’t get along so it’s hard to see that spark reforming. I would have been satisfied if they just became friends again or something.

That said, Lindsey does have a moment where she looks pretty bad considering that she’s supposed to be a genius. At one point she is talking tough to the Navy Seals and trying to rush them which nearly gets her murdered twice. Bud has to hold her back because the guy clearly has a gun and even without it he could easily defeat her. So that’s a case where she really wasn’t thinking ahead. It almost forced Bud into a fight where all of his men would have been murdered as well.

Bud does get his big fight near the end though where he gets to show his stuff. He puts up a good fight although he definitely whiffed on his big surprise attack move. If he had just moved a little faster and gone ahead with the strike then he might have won it all right there. Fortunately his friend was around with the mighty haymaker punch. That guy was definitely handy to have around. In general I would say that the crew was okay, not too many characters to write home about but they weren’t bad or anything.

The villains are a bit more on the one note side. The submarine and the stress make them go crazy so they actually resort to wanting to use a bomb that could blow everyone up. The villain is definitely annoying but his partner isn’t much better since he just watches and yells the whole time. At the end of the day if you’re helping the main villain then you are just as guilty even if you aren’t doing much of anything.

At least it was fun to see the government being rather shady as always. From the start this seemed like it would not be a very good idea with how fast the government was scrambling. Clearly they were holding something back but at the same time they were willing to pay triple for this mission which is incredibly hard to turn down. That’s not money that you are able to easily earn after all and you have to assume that in most cases this would have gone without a hitch. There would have been no conspiracies or aliens. If that had been the case then I suppose I’d be singing a different tune right now.

The film at least embraces the sci-fi angle a bit near the very end of the movie. We have some crazy visuals like out of 2001 with Bud flying around. It’s all rather trippy and the ending had potential there but alas then the film ends. It really should have tried having some of this stuff right out of the gate you know? That would have been way better because I’m always up for an alien film. Just make the alien invaders tough with a good design.

Overall, The Abyss really doesn’t live up to the name. It’s crazy that such a great name would be wasted on this movie. There are so many better names that you could have chosen here and all of them would have been infinitely better. The movie doesn’t make many big mistakes but the fact that it can be boring at times is a huge knock against the film. You never want to be bored even for an instant. The film either should have thrown in some more humor to give me some laughs, cooler creatures that have a lot of screen time, or given us some time outside of the ship. I would have liked to have heard more about the tensions with Russia that’s apparently in the uncut version and you can cut out some of the slower paced scenes here instead.

Overall 4/10

The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training Review

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It’s time for the return of the Bad News Bears! Unfortunately they have lost all of their skills from the last film so in a way you could almost treat this as a pseudo remake/reboot instead. As you’d probably expect, the most entertaining characters tend to be the adults while the kids can be more on the annoying side. There is definitely a lot of in fighting among the kids as they all get in each other’s way. They are not a well oiled machine.

The movie starts with a lot of Bad News for the Bears. Their coach is gone along with their top tier pitcher and also their best overall player. They’re going to be travelling to Texas to take on one of the best teams out there but as they are now they would be absolutely crushed. So they have to do something about this but what is there to do? Well, first thing’s first, they are going to need a coach. Kelly has a plan on this and meets up with his father Mike hoping that he can help. The two have a very strained relationship as Mike left the family and it’s been years since they met up. Mike agrees to help out but is Kelly actually okay with this?

In a lot of ways Kelly is probably the most annoying character here. I say that because he asked Mike for help and Mike agreed to do it. That should have been the end of it but then you have Kelly still throwing fits and not being sure if this is what he really wants. Mike decided to be the bigger guy and help out, Kelly should be grateful about this. You don’t have to be best friends or anything like that but I would at least expect some basic common courtesies and respect. Instead Kelly is just super ungrateful during the entire film. At the end he has his big emotional moment where he admits that he would have went looking for Mike even without the baseball experience and I have my doubts on that. So it undercuts the emotional vale of the moment just a bit.

We do get a lot of Baseball so that’s good at least. It’s a little rough to see the main team doing so poorly though. They get absolutely smoked at first which doesn’t make much sense. Yes, without their star pitcher they will give up more runs but they can’t even hit the ball anymore. That’s just plain embarrassing. Maybe the team isn’t quite as into Baseball as they try to get us to believe. They’re just in it for the fame and fortune.

It would also be nice if they could actually get along for 20 minutes without always trying to fight each other right away. There are so many moments in the film where the characters are on the bus and just start fighting each other. It always has to be broken up and you are reminded that the players are not very professional at the moment.

I felt bad for their fake coach who they manipulated in order to leave town though. The poor guy wasn’t actually invited to go along and was probably stressed the whole time. After all it would be easy for any parent to run into him and then what can he say? The guy was not particularly smart which is part of why he was easy to fool but by the same token that means it would be easy for him to spill the beans as well.

The film can also go into some rather generic territories. For example there is one kid who talks really tough throughout the movie. He’s the new pitcher and one of the best in the business. Well, of course it turns out that he can’t play. In fact he can’t even pitch a slow ball. He is possibly the worst player there at first and that’s rough. So that was definitely a bit much, I’d have preferred that the tough talking kid be someone who can actually hold his own. In a way that would have been a good twist.

Now I will say that the climax is pretty solid though. The idea that the kids’ match would be grounded so the adults could play does feel like something that could happen. I wouldn’t be shocked at least since the average fan wouldn’t care about the kids game too much. Sure there would be a lot of outrage and a public apology later on but in the moment? Yeah that could happen but I was glad that everyone united to stick up for the kids. It was a good climax and solid way to end things.

Ultimately the movie is just a bit more aimless than the first film. The first Bad News Bears had a very solid plot with an interesting angle and we got a good film out of that. This one is trying to copy a lot of the same plot elements which don’t work quite as well the second time around. Some of the plots are new like Kelly and Mike but that one wasn’t executed super well. I felt like a lot of the reasons that Kelly was made at him made no real sense. It was forced drama to extend the film and you didn’t really need that. Give us more scenes of Mike training the team so they can be a solid unit instead. That would have been better.

Overall, Bad News Bears 2 is an okay movie but probably not one I would really want to rewatch. It’s not bad but it does come across as rather pointless at times. You feel like there just has to be more to this film than what you’re seeing but then that doesn’t change as the film ends. There were some good ideas in concept but they just weren’t executed. The film is also a little restricted since most of the characters are kids and they don’t tend to be nearly as interesting. You just need to really enjoy the kids having their little banters and skirmishes. Otherwise this will definitely not be keeping up and I would recommend you watch most other mainstream Baseball films instead.

Overall 5/10