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One Piece Season 1 Review

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It’s time to finally talk about the live action One Piece series. One Piece, more commonly known as One Peak is considered to be one of the all time greatest manga/anime series. It just keeps on going and shows no signs of stopping. It was inevitable that a live action version would come out at some point and that moment is finally here. It’s definitely a great first season and I’d say that it lived up to the hype. Of course at the end of the day there did have to be some cuts in order to make it work but the whole thing came out well.

The story focuses around a kid named Monkey D. Luffy. He ate a devil fruit which turned him into a rubber man. He now seeks to become the King of the Pirates and find the legendary treasure known as the One Piece. To this end he will need to gather up a crew, around 10 people will do. Of course this won’t be easy as all those who stand in his way have the same goal and also have frightening powers of his own. Every great hero must start somewhere though and Luffy is now prepared to go for the goal and make his dream a reality. There are 8 episodes in this season and for the most part they adapt oneshot stories but there are multi parters here and of course the whole thing is narratively connected.

All right so lets quickly talk about how the actors fit the characters. Whenever you see characters in live action you either see them as cosplayers or really embodying the character. I would say that they really nailed Zoro, Buggy, and Usopp. I’m actually still the most mixed about Luffy because to me in a lot of ways he just still doesn’t look/feel like the Luffy from the show. Still a really fun character but I’m not seeing it yet. Sanji and Nami I’m more on the fence about but I think they work well enough. Not as much to say about the side characters, Shanks crew doesn’t look too impressive yet but Mihawk and Garp are excellent! Koby’s also fitting but since I don’t like the character much I wouldn’t have minded if he changed.

Now lets break down each of the episodes a bit. The first one is the intro episode so of course we get to meet Luffy, Nami, Zoro, and Koby who will end up being main characters for the whole adventure. Their paths all cross as they are trying for different goals. Nami is a burglar who steals from the navy, Zoro is a legendary pirate hunter and Luffy of course wants to be the pirate king. Koby wants to be a marine and change the world but he’s a little too nervous to pull that off. The episode does a good job of introducing every character, having them meet up, and then giving us a group fight. It’s a huge advantage of every episode being 40+ minutes like this because then you have enough time to pull this off.

The episode also sets the tone for the rest of the series with a lot of solid humor/banter along with the fights. Zoro steals the show right away with how cool he is. The guy is super skilled and yes at this point he would clearly beat Luffy in a fight. Not any shade against Luffy though, the rival is always supposed to start out stronger. The 3 characters already have a pretty good dynamic here as well even if it’s hard to call them a true team by this point. As in the anime I did think Zoro didn’t play this too smart by letting himself be captured though. It was obvious that these corrupt guys weren’t going to honor their word and let him know so it was a poor trap to get caught in.

The episode also starts the trend where just about every episode will have some kind of flashback/backstory for the character in the episode. Additionally there will always be a cutaway to Koby and the marines as the kid learns just how corrupt they can be. It works fairly well even if I would say this isn’t always necessary. Sometimes you’re engaged with the present scenes enough where you just don’t want to travel back in time. Fortunately the flashbacks tend to be interesting but I will admit they are always the weakest part of every episode and I’d be ready to jump back into the present.

The next episode brings in the debut of Buggy The Clown. The heroes are still trying their best to get along when this guy shows up and unveils his true powers. He can split his body into a bunch of pieces so it’s hard to actually hit him. It’s what makes him a very intense villain though and he is played very seriously here at first. Of course he’s got some One Piece humor in him but the guy is actively terrorizing a whole town which is still pretty dark. We see that the town was totally destroyed too so this series isn’t afraid to get serious when it needs to be.

The heroes still aren’t getting along super well at this point but they’re making improvements. By the end of this episode I’d say the team is fairly well united. One funny moment though was when Nami tried to run away but then stopped right as she exited the tent so they captured her again. I know she was shocked but still you can’t just stop right there, at least keep running until you can hide. Luffy also came really close to death in this episode but writing him out was a good way to let Zoro and Nami bond. The Strawhats are a close unit so it’s good to build up each character dynamic outside of Luffy as well.

Then we get to the first multi parter with Usopp jumping into action. He’s basically someone who lies a whole lot to impress Kaya, the girl that he likes. The problem is that at this point nobody believes a word that he says…and why would they right? The guy is constantly lying so I wouldn’t believe him either. He would tell the village that pirates are coming every year and now that they are actually here…it’s too late. Fortunately Luffy and friends show up in time to help.

The main villain here is Kuro and I was curious how they would handle his lightning fast speed. The show actually does handle it well as it vanishes from sight but unfortunately this does throw a lot of power level issues into the mix. He’s so fast that the heroes can’t possibly react to him and so he forgets his speed at convenient moments. I’m glad that the show kept his speed but they should have come up with a better way for the heroes to beat him. I’m not saying it would be easy but it should absolutely be possible. I was also glad that Zoro got to have a brief fight here but since he was injured the guy naturally couldn’t go all out as needed and then you had the knock out gas.

Usopp was actually handled more seriously than I’m used to seeing him. In the manga the guy’s always a total coward while that doesn’t really come into play here. The show seems to remember this later on so in the final episodes they dial that up. I’d like to see him stay relatively brave since it just makes him more of a quality character but it’s one of those things I suppose. He does decently well in the show even if the other members are more likable.

Then we enter the Baratie with the debut of Sanji. As one of the power hitters of the team it was nice to see him show up. The show does a great job of showing off his combat skills right off the gate and of course he can still cook a mean dish. He is definitely adapted really well and already we’ve got some banter between him and Zoro which is absolutely crucial. This arc is massively important in the show because it also ends up bringing in Mihawk. So Zoro does sort of steal Sanji’s arc a bit but it’s all worth it. I was worried Mihawk would be toned down a lot but he still managed to cut a whole ship in two with a casual slash which was really impressive. That’s absolutely what you want to see from a fighter like this.

Sanji fits right in with the crew and the origin story is still pretty intense here. We also get the beginnings of the Arlong arc so that was an intense way to begin building up to the climax. I definitely didn’t have any real issues with this arc. You do wonder how badly Zoro would have packed up Arlong and crew if he was at full strength though. His swords can pierce the fishmen so mix that in with his speed and technique and he’d be all set. He may not be ready for Mihawk yet but few are.

Then we get to the final episodes involving Arlong and his gang. Nami’s origin story is definitely still really intense here and we see Arlong bribing marines which is a good way to continue to show how corrupt they can be. The action here is intense and while we don’t get some of the really iconic moments from the show, we do get most of the important ones. I would say this is probably the only part where the show’s power levels got a little annoying though. Throughout the show Luffy has looked almost downright weak at times. He gets through his battles but only barely and just by throwing basic punches. This catches up to him when Arlong beats him up.

Here’s the problem, in the manga one of the whole points of the climax was Luffy not knowing what was going on but deciding to beat up Arlong anyway. He knew that was something he could do. In the show his line is almost the exact opposite about how he knows he can’t stop Arlong but he can stop his plans. So I feel like they read that scene backwards and a big part of how impressive this was is because Luffy was that dude. He could ultimately beat up anyone who got in his way in the East Blue. At least until we get to Crocodile, Luffy wasn’t going down.

In the show here Luffy is way more of an underdog which I feel is going to backfire a bit. Right now we’re supposed to feel confident in his abilities and I don’t. I don’t mind him losing to Garp later because of course he should. Garp’s out of his league but the same shouldn’t be true for Arlong. As a villain Arlong’s not bad. I don’t think the effects/design work as well as the other villains but he was tough and that’s what counts. He still manages to be a pretty solid villain all around.

Now the character I never really ended up getting behind was Koby. He gets a lot of shine in this series with a ton of extra screentime but in the end he’s still just so nervous and hesitant. Even when he finally “mans up” and has those big scenes, I couldn’t get by him. I’m hoping he’ll improve in the next season as there is a clear character arc here. I just need it to speed up. Likewise I can’t say I’m a big fan of Helmeppo right now. I prefer him to Koby but he’s still a little too petty. Garp is great though. He may be making poor decisions all around but I like his confidence and at least he has some kind of a honor code going for him.

If I had any issue with the live action series, one minor one can be the camera work. The series reallllllly loves its zoom ins so the camera is constantly in their faces. I sort of get what they’re trying to do in terms of dramatic effect but I think it’s all a bit overdone if you ask me. Those kinds of shots should really be used sparingly if yo want them to have impact. Otherwise the visuals are solid. They really did a good job with the powers and costumes so props to the show there.

The soundtrack is definitely limited but fortunately there was one track which really stood out and as a result ended up buffing the soundtrack as a whole. This was Buggy’s theme. It has some really hype opera type sounds whenever he appears and that was great. Always perfect for a cliffhanger and the show has quite a few really solid ones. The fights are a lot of fun. I would say ironically Luffy easily has the weakest fights mainly because they have no choreography next to Zoro and Sanji’s, but they’re still fun to watch. The best fights tend to be Zoro’s and you can tell a lot of thought was put into them. I dare say his best fight may have even been the very first one where he took down a member of the organization.

A fun part about the show diverging a bit is experiencing those cool what ifs. For example in this version Arlong and Luffy go at it in the Baratie which is considerably different from the manga. I was also glad that Luffy didn’t just roll over or get one shotted even if he was not doing great in the fight. Let them have a proper battle before the rematch since in theory Luffy has no power ups in between rounds so it should be close if we expect him to win later on. Mihawk’s expanded role was also done really excellently here. Also a nice touch was how they unveil every character’s bounties. That was really cool.

The pacing is good and I can definitely see the show doing each of the arcs justice. Naturally there are a lot of things, scenes, and characters who have to be trimmed to pull this off with any realistic hopes of success but I’ll take it. The positive of getting to see this in a more mainstream setting is always fun. After all I’ll have the anime for my straight adaption with all the superb animation. This is just a more surreal way to see how you can translate this and I still say this was a great job all around. I was very satisfied all the way through.

Overall, One Piece is a show that absolutely surpassed my expectations. It’s not just a good adaption but a great show on its own. It’s very interesting to watch and you will be having a good time all the way through. It never drags on and this is really the sign of a quality title. If you are someone who has never seen One Piece before then you will definitely be able to still enjoy the show a lot and that’s the sign of a really solid title. Just watch it the same way you would watch something like Breaking Bad or Seinfeld as a brand new title and there’s something for those new audiences as well as fans. I look forward to seeing how season 2 shakes out since it will naturally be more difficult as we get to the more powerful villains and expanded cast. I’m confident they can pull it off though. With how great the effects look here with the colors taken right out of the manga, seeing the other characters is gonna be great!

Overall 8/10

Prom Night (2008) Review

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Why’s this poster so awful?? Seriously you can’t tell anything about the film from this and if anything it just makes you want to stay away. Trust me this is not the way to advertise any kind of film. Regardless this is a really bad title though so you will want to stay away. It ends up being a painful experience from start to finish with no real smart characters.

The movie starts off with Donna watching her family get murdered by a psychopath named Richard. We jump to the future where she is now being taken care of by her uncle and aunt. She is still rather traumatized but wants to at least try and enjoy her prom. It should be the perfect day and so she heads out to be with her friends. Unfortunately though Richard has escaped from prison and because everyone is incompetent in this film it took 3 days for the cops to be notified. They let the guardians know but instead of taking Donna out….they decide to let the prom continue since it would be too traumatic to cancel. Okay……how many victims will it take this time before Richard is stopped?

There are so many issues with this film but I think it’s safe to say that the biggest issue you will run into right away is just how depressing and mean spirited the film is. A high body count is to be expected but so many people keep dying and nobody is safe. A lot of these characters had nothing to do with the story and they’re still getting bumped off. Sure that’s technically true for a lot of slashers like this but I think part of the problem with having this take place in the school is you’re basically having a bunch of kids get murdered the whole time. We had an elementary school kid get bumped off in the intro even which is taking things a step farther.

Allowing the prom to continue is also complete insanity. Winn has a moment where he mentions that they don’t see any reason why Richard would come here. Really? They see no reason why the crazy psychopath who made it explicitly clear that he would do whatever it took to go back to Donna would try to attack her now that he’s broken out? That had to be one of the silliest lines in the film without a doubt. I could barely believe what I was hearing. Come on………come onnnnnnnnnnn.

Okay so the prom’s going to continue, but you’re going to let the hotel staff know that there’s a crazy guy on the lookout right? No, the hotel concierge asks the police officer if they should be afraid and he just says “Nah, probably nothing to worry about” and leaves. The hotel staff don’t know anything is wrong until near the end of the film so of course they start to get picked off too. I’d be fuming if I was the sole survivor from the hotel staff because that makes no sense.

Then of course Winn isn’t able to get the villain at the hotel so he tells the two police officers to keep a lookout at the house. Naturally both have to be completely isolated so taking them down is child’s play. Why even stay at the house? The first order of business should have been to take the characters over to the police station. Keeping them in the house that Richard knows the address of is crazy. Even worse is that Donna is kept to her room…where she is right next to a window. You can’t make this stuff up.

Now granted, Richard still shouldn’t have gotten as far as he does but apparently he is so skilled that he can take out virtually every opponent without making a sound. The house is also sound proof I guess because even with the door open and Donna screaming, the parents and Winn can’t hear her while not being all that far away? The amount of plot holes and stretches of imagination here are really pretty insane.

Going back to the tragic part though, it just feels like the film should have let more of the characters get a happy ending. Pretty much everyone was destroyed and the sole survivors are going to have a complex for the rest of their life. It doesn’t stop the film from having a fairly upbeat song for the credits but there’s nothing happy about the ending. There’s nothing really happy about the film in general which is something I have an issue with. A slasher film will rarely be happy of course but the tonal contrast here was a bit much. The film would try to be really happy at times and it didn’t work because obviously you can’t feel that good when everyone’s getting destroyed.

The film’s not as bloody as you would expect but it still tries to be as violent as possible within the confines of not being an R rated horror flick. Characters get stabbed tons of times and the deaths are all rather grisly. Nobody seems able to put up even the slightest amount of a fight against this guy and the whole film feels futile for the heroes. Every scene has so much build up that you see the deaths coming several minutes in advance which is annoying. There are a ton of fake jump scares but they’re always before the real death to the point where you can pretty much set your watch to them.

At one point Dillon even has a dream of the future about what’s about to happen and….she decides to do everything that she did in the dream anyway. A bit of an odd choice if you ask me, wouldn’t you want to not do what you did in the dream even if it wasn’t real? I just don’t see why you would actually try to copy your answers there. Seems like a recipe for disaster by any metric. It’s why hiding under the bed wouldn’t be a good idea since that worked last time so don’t do the same thing twice. It was also rough that she didn’t step in to save her mother. Obviously that’s easier said than done and in the moment it’s hard to make that decision but it’s yet another brutal scene. The cast of characters are all pretty forgettable and the romances are all paper thin. There’s just nothing of substance in this title. The film almost should have just played this off as part parody with the heroes deciding to have the prom party instead of cancelling it.

I keep going back to that because the whole scenario is absolutely crazy. Nothing makes sense in this film, people don’t act the way they should with a mass murderer on the loose with an obvious place of attack. At least in most films the characters reasonably don’t know where the villain will be but this time they actually do know. A whole lot of lives could have been saved if Winn did the responsible thing instead of waiting to see this all play out.

Overall, Prom Night is a film that you should absolutely avoid. There are no redeeming qualities to be found in this film. It starts off rather brutally and ends on that same note. There are no scenes that are actually all that happy because they are happening in the context of ugly things about to happen to the cast. There was basically no escape for them and any victory is a rather hollow one. The slasher genre tends to be doomed right from the jump and this film doesn’t do anything to convince you otherwise. It’s very by the numbers and for a genre like this that’s about as bad as it gets.

Overall 1/10

Living Review

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Living is a movie about the meaning of life and coping with death. It makes for a decent movie even if some parts can be a bit drawn out. It’s likely hard to avoid that since they really want to freeze the film at some points to give you time to ponder about what’s going on as well. It just starts to show itself more in the ending as we jump between present and past several times. I personally would have kept the film chronological even if I see what they were going for there.

The movie starts off with Wakeling getting ready because it’s his first day at a new job. It’s one of those classic desk jobs with a lot of paperwork but unfortunately there is a ton of bureaucracy so it is hard to do anything. It’s also a very old school type job where you can’t ride in the same train as the boss and once you’re at work everyone is at the same table together. It honestly seems like the kind of job that is a dream come true if you get along with your colleagues but a complete nightmare when there are ever any problems because it’s deathly quiet as you’re all huddled in together. The boss Rodney is known as a very cold guy who only talks as needed. He’s not mean or anything but it’s just hard to connect with him.

One day Rodney goes to the doctor’s office and finds out that he is terminally ill with only 6 months left to live. He doesn’t really know who to turn to or to confide in because he has no real relationships. His relationship with his son has been strained since the guy married a lady who isn’t particularly pleasant and the guy’s rather spineless so that was game over. Eventually the only person he can find to talk to is Miss Harris who used to work at his company. He’s an old man and she’s fairly young so some gossip starts but he really has nobody else so they hang out and he tries to find some real purpose in his life. Can he do this with the final 6 months or is it game over?

Finding purpose in life is definitely something you want to do when you’re young because if you wait until the end like this then you can really get depressed. Some would say that life is what you make of it, others consider it a trial you must get through until you die and others would just say to live every day as if it’s your last and have a blast. People put their meaning in life in different things. Some do this through money, fame, fortune, friends, material desires, religion, politics, making a difference in the world, etc. Ultimately what you choose will greatly alter your perception of death and how you feel about this.

For example as a Christian I can look forward to death. However good Earth is, Heaven is infinitely better. There are no shortcuts there so you just have to accept Jesus Christ into your heart and live a full life but if you are given a diagnosis that you are going to die, it would be a positive thing. You would enjoy your last days as much as you could and then well, the trial is over. Not to be too blasé about it of course, I know plenty of Christians who still fear death and others who don’t fear it but want to last as long as possible. Everyone has different feelings about the subject and it’s fair to say that your thoughts about it are very likely to change once it actually happens to you. 6 months is a lot of time for some but barely any for others.

I would just say to always have some hobbies and things to keep you busy so if this were to happen you have things that you can do. I feel like not having hobbies is a very quick way to get depressed because then the days will feel long and you wonder what you are actually doing with yourself. Be careful on what you pair to your identity, what makes you tick. If you place it on something external like sports or politics then that can often backfire, you want to place your faith and personality on something you can more actively control so something directly in your life.

Now back to the film, unfortunately Rodney really doesn’t have anything. He sees his job as being pretty much pointless for a while there and he has no actual friends or anything that has made a lasting impact. This is what encourages him to finally do something really kind for someone and he works hard to help a local group with a playground they were trying to build. He opts to do something meaningful with the remainder of his life which makes for a pretty positive message in the film. I’d still say Rodney was depressed for most of the film and it took him a while to find his passion but at least he did before the end.

The film doesn’t end on a total happy note though. One character mentions how not everyone can ultimately turn their life around the way that he did and the ending heavily underscores that point. There is always a big difference between knowing what the right thing to do is and actually going ahead with it. It’s easy in the spur of the moment to say that you will do something but actually going through with it is another matter entirely. It would have been nice if the film could have had a brighter ending but it’s not tragic enough where it will hurt the score.

As mentioned before, the only thing keeping the movie from a higher score is that the pacing could really die down at times. You can only have so many lingering shots before you get the idea of how deep the scene is supposed to be. I would say the movie is quite clear with its messaging so the extra drawn out moments and such really aren’t necessary. The movie can really tell its own story quite well. The supporting characters also aren’t bad. Miss. Harris is probably the best one here as she did help Rodney a lot in finding his own peace and making his last 6 months be a positive experience. The rest of the staff ultimately didn’t step up.

Not like most of them had much of an option of course so I usually wouldn’t be dunking on them but the last scene was pretty bad. Also Rodney’s son looked pretty bad so while you feel bad for him in the ending, it really is on him. He should have made an effort to talk to his father before it was too late but he was just busy getting pushed around by his wife the whole time.

Overall, Living does a good job of being an emotional film where you get to wonder what you would do if you found out that you had a terminal illness. I would say to always remember that no diagnosis is perfect though so one recommendation is not to rack up a lot of debt. I’ve heard several stories where people did that but ended up living well past the designated death time and that became very troublesome. You should absolutely live large and have more fun than you normally would but do everything in moderation. Stronger miracles have happened in the past after all so you’ve always got a chance out there. I recommend this film if you don’t mind more of a slow burn title with a lot of drama. There aren’t any high action moments here after all but the writing is on point so I had a good time. It was somber without being too try-hard about it.

Overall 6/10

Son of Lassie Review

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It’s no surprise that I didn’t really like the first Lassie movie. In fact it was pretty awful now that I think about it. It’s just not really my kind of film and the sequel is better but still pretty bad. You have the dog still getting shot and some general animal violence. It isn’t in the same level as the first film of course but why can’t we just have a happy dog film instead? That’s what the people want and most importantly, it’s what I want! Seriously just think about it, this has potential to be as big as Air Bud but instead the film ends up being more of a miss. Also more than the first film it just feels a bit aimless at times.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Laddie, the son of Lassie. This guy is really aggressive and doesn’t play by the rules. This often frustrates the Duke because Laddie messes up the flowers. Laddie’s owner Joe doesn’t really care all that much though because he correctly realizes that Laddie is just having a lot of fun. Well Joe gets drafted into war so he heads out while Laddie is to finally be trained professionally. The owners underestimate him though and Laddie travels across the country to find Joe. Looks like Laddie will be having a spot in this war after all but is it really safe for him?

I wouldn’t say the film has a huge plot beyond that though. A good chunk of the adventure is Laddie running after Joe, being taken back home, then finding him again, etc. It’s really a cycle that just keeps on going over and over again. Sure by the end we actually get to meet the enemies and Laddie gets to prove his stuff but that’s the very end of the film. For the most part it was relatively aimless until then.

Also Joe doesn’t make for a very compelling main character. Everyone’s always insulting him all the time and he typically doesn’t really notice or react. Intentionally not reacting to a diss is absolutely a good skill but the problem is that I’m not sure if he even notices so that’s not a good look there. You really need to be ready for action at all times and the digs aren’t exactly subtle either. So if you don’t recognize that then we have some problems. His lack of confidence is also huge.

He likes this one girl and she basically tells him to confess several times and it takes a lot to force it out of him. The guy’s just way too nervous and always running off. Some guys can be shy sure, but this was a bit much. You’re just cringing the whole time. The whole romance isn’t particularly good but it’s not a big part of the film anyway so I suppose it doesn’t have a huge impact. It’s just part of a bigger problem which is that any scene with Joe is brutal. The guy also had no plan when he was taken at gunpoint in the climax and Laddie had to do all the work.

I always say if it’s life or death what do you have to lose? In this case the villain is walking Joe up a cliff so that he can be shot and fall into the abyss. Joe knows that, the villain knows that, and I know that. So why would you possibly just keep walking up and wait to get shot? Lunge at the guy, go for the gun etc. What’s he gonna do…shoot you? Well that’s going to happen anyway so you might as well take a chance. It’s not like this is a scenario where you only might get shot. The guy made is clear that Joe has to be exterminated so that’s really it. You have to try and fight back while you still can. Definitely a pretty brutal moment for good ole Joe.

Still, like I said the main problem here is that the film can just be rather boring. The story can barely last 40 minutes, let alone the full length of the title. We probably should have focused more on training scenes or maybe even some military battles. You needed more plots or some kind of hook to pull this off. That being said, I was glad that Joe didn’t go with the other guy’s plan to hit Laddie. That would have been absolutely awful so in all of my bashing of the guy, he got that part right.

There’s really not a whole lot to even talk abut with this film in the end. I guess we can say there was a lot of plot armor in nobody being able to stop Laddie from travelling cross country each time. You’d think the characters would learn and keep the leash on each time but Laddie was always a few steps ahead of them. I would have liked the Duke to have appeared more since he’s always the most enjoyable character but he doesn’t do a whole lot here after the intro scenes. Lassie herself also doesn’t have a big role.

Having her step in to save the day would have been a clever way to get some excitement in here. Actually it’ such a great idea that I’m surprised they didn’t do it. Lassie doesn’t have any of the huge pivotal roles you would expect from the old main character appearing in the sequel. It’d be like if Naruto didn’t do much in Boruto or if Goku was slacking off in Super. Lassie should still be the one making a big play now and then even if Laddie is the one with the final moment.

Overall, Son of Lassie is just not a very interesting film. Mix in the animal violence and it was really out of its depth. I think there is probably a great film mixed in there somewhere…but it’s very deep in there so that’s not going to be all that helpful tbh. In the end a dog film should be a fairly upbeat one where the dog isn’t in any danger. Sure that can be boring if handled wrong but it’s all up to the writers. Surely you should be able to make a film that is still really interesting even without that right? If you can’t…well I guess now we’ve got a real problem now don’t we?

Overall 3/10

The Net Review

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I’m going to let you in on a little secret folks. If you find out that someone is hiding a gun and manage to get your hands on it…don’t give it back to that guy. Get out of there and if you’re trapped then hang onto it! This film will constantly have you shaking your head as the main heroine acts like she is in a horror movie. It all doesn’t make any sense and you just expect better. The movie has its moments but ultimately could and should have been a whole lot better than it was. It just hasn’t aged as well as it could have.

Okay so the movie starts off with a guy destroying himself and then we cut to Angela who is a computer whiz. She knows how to remove viruses from different programs and so when there is a problem she is the first one contacted. She had a remote job before it was cool! Almost nobody even knows what she looks like as a result but hey that’s how it goes. One day one of her colleagues wants to come over to show her something but he dies in a plane crash. There’s not much else she can do about that so she hops on a plane to go on vacation! There she meets a rich guy so they immediately have an affair but it turns out that he is here to murder her! So she escapes but he has basically erased her from the world and put in a fake.

Earlier Angela let some guy steal her wallet and so now she has no form of identification and is on the run. If anyone catches her then it will be game over. Her only hope is a married guy she used to cheat with but they are up against a very experienced hacker whose abilities may even exceed theirs. His resources are also considerable since he is a part of a massive global terrorist organization. One thing’s for sure, Angela will need to watch her back on this one!

Okay so lets talk about Angela here. She makes every possible mistake and only survives this movie through an abundance of plot armor. We’ve established that she works remotely and stays at home to the point where nobody knows what she looks like. Her neighbors and even her land lady have never really seen her. So when the hacker turns to her and changes her contact ID in the federal database….there is no way for her to fight back. Literally this doesn’t work if she has some photos of her life or family who can corroborate this but she doesn’t. The guy stole her ID rather easily beforehand and she has no backups. (More understandable since this was the 90s) This is already a bit of a stretch but for now we can’t blame her all that much right?

Well she’s supposed to be a computer whiz but is extremely slow on the uptake here. So lets go back in time real quick. How did this happen? Well she went to a message board that’s a lot like Reddit and was talking about how she really needs a boyfriend. The very helpful posters asked her what she would like to see in a boyfriend and she wants a high value man. Someone very tall, wealthy, James Bond meets Captain America (in her words) and someone whose job involves helping out the world. Naturally she immediately gets doxed so when she goes on vacation a super great guy is waiting for her there. (The reason the terrorists want her is because she has a disc that can hack the entire U.S. government and every private company within the country. Yeah….don’t think about this one too hard)

Okay so the villains’ entire plan revolves around her falling in love with this guy as if she’s the most shallow person in the planet. What kind of person falls in love at first sight with someone they’ve just met right? Right……uh oh. The guy invites her on his private yacht and she immediately accepts and they have a one night stand. The whole time she explains that she never does this kind of thing but I don’t particularly believe her. Weird thing happens though….the guy runs out of stamina really fast and goes away for a drink but he left his clothes and in it was a loaded gun.

So if you’re Angela what do you do? Do you A. Keep the gun as self defense because this guy could be looney tunes? B. Throw it overboard since this seems dangerous. C. Give him back the gun and ask why he has it…..or D. Go for the immediate headshot, throw him overboard and steal all the money from his wallet? Well D’s a total crime and would make you a villain anyway but I think option A is the best bet right? Well she goes with C. The guy gives a lame excuse about how he uses it for hunting but wouldn’t you know it, Angela’s a part time hunting expert too? Haha! So she calls him out on the lie and then flexes by showing that she removed the bullets.

Unfortunately he just strangles her at this point and she dies 😦 At least that’s what would happen in 99% of instances but through plot armor she fights him off and escapes. I always say that I criticize actions regardless of outcomes though and so I have to take shots here. Giving this guy the gun back is absolute insanity. I don’t care that she took out the bullets. The film establishes that she is a computer nerd through and through. She doesn’t work out, have some kind of super powers or anything like that. He’s stronger than her by all metrics and they are alone on a yacht in the middle of the ocean.

You don’t give the guy his gun back in this circumstance! You can’t, that’s like signing your own death warrant. It’s one of the worst moves I’ve seen the heroine pull in quite a while. That was just brutal and at least things don’t get worse after that but it was just a really bad moment for her. Getting into an affair with a random stranger you just met is also pretty bad but most movie protagonists do that so I won’t dock as many points there. The rest of the film plays out mostly normal. She used to cheat with a married man named Alan and successfully broke his home as the guy got divorced but then the hackers get him next but she manages to break into the villain’s base and turn the tables. All’s well that ends well and all that.

The main villain Jack is also pretty weak here. The guy literally has numerous opportunities to take Angela down and cannot do it. Put it this way, he very clearly did not even need to hire a random pickpocket to take her wallet. She just went along with him to his private yacht for an affair at night so he had a million opportunities to murder her. There’s really nothing she would be able to do at this point and then he can grab the disc he needs to take over the world. The film has plot armor on constantly and this guy looks completely powerless for not being able to do anything. The movie shows that he actually grew to like her….sighhhhhhhhh. So that’s why he couldn’t go all out but it just means that his conviction was nonexistent.

Then we have Alan who completely forgot the role of doctor and patient in having an affair with Angela early on. At least he is single now so it’s not as bad but the damage is done. It makes it hard for you to really like the guy. The movie in general didn’t have a very strong cast even if I do like the idea of your identity being stolen and having to engage in a whole online battle to get it back. I’d have actually liked to have had the message board users get more involved in the whole battle. One of them was a bit handy at least in getting info but Angela is also supremely lucky.

Seriously one of them was already a terrorist and then she decided that they could still be trusted? She looked up the ages and everything to find their “real” identities but could she really be sure that they were accurate? Angela seemed to have no doubts about it so okay….we’ll roll with that. I will say that the icons were fun though and in general the film had good effects for all of the viruses. It’s fun to see how everything looked back then during the original days of the internet.

The movie goes by fast and the pacing is good. It does make for a fairly easy watch, you just have to be prepared to be shaking your head a lot. The movie will absolutely be throwing you for a loop most of the time. The effects are good and I do like the city backdrops the whole time. Visually the movie looks good and while some of the scenarios aren’t super realistic, on the whole the writing is okay. It doesn’t have any super big issues beyond the romance and the questionable decisions. They do keep this from being a movie that I could positively recommend but it’s far from one of the weakest titles that I’ve watched.

Overall, The Net is one of those films I can rant about for quite a while but fortunately for it, most of the issues are around plot armor and convenience. Those are he kinds of issues that don’t hurt a film’s score quite as much. That being said, the romance is just so rushed here and since it is crucial to the villain’s plan that just makes it even more egregious. If the main heroine had a little more restraint then things would have really been a whole lot different. Check it out if you’re interested in the old days of the internet but the novelty is really the main thing that the film has going for it and that doesn’t last the whole picture.

Overall 4/10

Out of Time Review

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Out of Time is a film that I definitely have quite a few issues with. The main character is very unlikable. Trust me I’ve seen worse but my main problem is that in most instances the film recognizes that he’s not a good person while in this case that’s not happening. He basically gets rewarded the whole time so I’m afraid the story got lost in the sauce. That said, lets dive in here and see what happened.

All right so the film starts off by introducing us to Matt who is the chief of police. He recently helped pull off a major drug bust and is really at the top of his game professionally. Personally his life is a mess though. He is in the middle of divorce proceedings with Alex and is cheating on her with another married lady in Ann. Matt’s one of those guys who needs to learn the value of commitment but that’s not happening anytime soon. It turns out that Ann is terminally ill and will be dying soon so she quickly makes Matt the beneficiary of her life insurance since her husband Chris is abusive and doesn’t deserve the money. Matt doesn’t want to give up yet though so he breaks into his own police vault and steals the drug money. He gives it all to Ann who quickly dies in a house fire along with Chris.

Case closed right? Wrong! The FBI is coming over to grab the drug money so Matt needs to stall them now while he gets more money. Additionally it’s looking like Matt is the main suspect for murdering Ann as his wife Alex starts to close in on the case. Matt keeps lying and doing his best to get in the polices’ way but he can only stall for so long. Can he get to the bottom of this conspiracy in time or is he just completely and utterly doomed?

A big problem here is that Matt is really digging his own grave here. The first problem that is completely indefensible is when he gave Ann the drug money. Yes he wants to help her out with the experimental treatment but he needs to dip into his own savings then. Dip into the retirement or take out a loan but you can’t just give her money that isn’t yours. That is a complete no no and is really taboo. No matter what leaps in logic you want to use, that money was just not his to give and is a huge part of the problem that he is in.

Then he also should have just come clean with the cops about how he knew her. Yeah it’s pretty awkward to admit that you were cheating with someone who’s married because that’s just plain despicable but you did it so you gotta own up to it. If Matt wasn’t constantly getting in Alex’s way during the investigation then things would have moved a whole lot sooner. Yeah Matt would be taken into custody too for misusing the funds but that’s what he gets. So every time he is getting in the way it’s just really annoying.

Because of that I would also say that he gets off way too easily. You’re expecting him to die in the end or at least go to jail but none of that happens here. The very ending is actually awful in just how good things go for him. Alex has the most unrealistic response to this situation that I’ve ever seen. Keep in mind that they were literally divorcing due to a lot of petty arguments involving their jobs. So things weren’t on good terms and finding out that he’s been cheating should have really been the last straw. Instead she asks him a soft question about if he actually liked Ann and Matt gives the most textbook, cliché cheater’s response.

Yeah he didn’t really care about her, it was just one of those things, he was caught up in his fields, it was a mistake, blah, blah. You hear those kind of excuses online all the time and I continue to roll my eyes at them each time. There are “mistakes” like perhaps in a moment of weakness smoking a cigarette, saying a swear word, or even stealing something. You realized it was wrong afterwards and stopped. Cheating? That’s a completely different animal. It’s a huge intentional act that you continue to do because you’re enjoying it.

Matt would have absolutely continued to be with Ann if she didn’t die in the house fire. It’s another reason why you don’t buy into his excuse. The guy doesn’t actually regret anything. Yeah I was actively rooting against him in the whole film so that ending was a huge downer. I won’t go as far as to say it was one of the worst endings I’ve seen in a while but it was definitely not a good one. You do not want to see this ending when you are finishing up a movie.

Now in terms of the thriller aspects the film could be solid. I did like the tension of the cops getting closer to the truth little by little. Matt really had to sweat it out for a while there and it was only a matter of time before they would end up catching up. Alex was a good character who was serious about her job and didn’t want any extra drama. She was doing what she had to and even if that meant working with Alex, wasn’t getting distracted. That speaks volumes about her character and work ethic.

I also liked Chae a lot. He’s a really good friend, probably better than what Matt deserves here. The guy put his own career on the line to help the guy out and was consistently helpful. If Matt was in a jam then Chae was always around to try and bounce him out of it. The guy is good at what he does and is very quick on the uptake. Then you have Chris who is a fairly vanilla villain. As a domestic abuser the guy naturally doesn’t rank at all. By the end of the film he looks even worse as more of a pawn who isn’t very smart. This is definitely a film where you aren’t watching for the antagonist.

Then you have Ann and I can’t say that I like her either. I tend to put most of the blame on the guy in events of cheating but she still takes a considerable share. She is also married after all and no matter how things are going, cheating isn’t the answer. There was a safety issue so of course I won’t say that it’s easy to get out but she needed to do better than what she was doing prior. There are some twists by the end and so she gets some strength points but loses some intelligence ones. Lets just say that the more you think about the climax…..the worse it gets. There are easier ways to do things and complicating matters isn’t always the best.

Overall, Out of Time is a movie that is at its best when it is focusing on the mystery/thriller elements. Honestly make Matt a better character and the entire film would get a lot better. As it stands he does hurt things because the whole time you are rooting for him to lose rather than to get out on top. That takes some of the bite out of the film. It also suffers from an incredibly awful romance here and all of the affair scenes are brutal. It makes this a bit of a rough re watch if you were ever going to check it out again and even on the initial viewing it just isn’t going to compete with the higher end titles. You can definitely do better than this one.

Overall 4/10

Captive State Review

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“What is the point of the movie Captive State?” When you google the name of the movie that’s the first result which I found to be pretty funny. The setup for the movie is actually pretty great, the premise holds all kind of potential but unfortunately the movie completely squanders it. I actually think the concept makes the most amount of sense for a TV show because there’s so much to cover. Way too much for a single movie and so this one skips all of the interesting moments and lags on the boring ones. As a result it is impressively bad at squandering all of the potential here. Definitely not what you were hoping for here.

So the movie starts off rather boldly with a few minutes of text setting the stage. In 2019 a bunch of aliens show up to take over the planet. Humanity falls rather easily and by 2027 we have completely submitted to their will. We now willingly work as slaves for the aliens and allow them to deport us off planet to be exterminated and generally get wrecked by them on a day to day basis. The wealth gap has grown even further and there just isn’t a great amount of resistance anymore. There are resistance groups to be sure but every country around the world has openly submitted to the aliens.

This brings us to the main character Gabriel who is a part of one of the resistance groups. He doesn’t particularly love their chances though and is ready to just run out of there. His brother Rafe is a lot more determined to see this through though. The resistance has been building up a huge plan for quite a while. Their creed/motto is “Light a match, ignite a war” with the idea being that if you can destroy at least one alien base it will encourage other humans to start fighting back as well. The tricky part is of course that the bases are guarded extremely well and you can’t really communicate online anymore. The aliens have taken everything over and all cities are under martial law so you have to be incredibly careful. You can’t even trust anyone since most work for the aliens. Can these guys really stop the aliens or is it all over?

So one of my main problems here is naturally the beginning of the film. Earth just kneeled to the aliens so quickly? I can’t picture it. The whole reason why countries around the world have enough nukes to take out the planet hundreds of times over is to prevent them from being taken over. It’s why you will likely not see any first world country like the US, Russia, or Europe be taken over within our lifetimes. We’d sooner press the button and send everyone out of this life than take the loss. In a case like this where the whole world is under attack then that becomes even more likely since at least someone would have made that call.

Now if the modern day had shown the whole world in ruins then that would be one thing but it’s not. The world is clearly a little more desolate but we still have all the news channels and things look pretty high tech. You could say that the aliens rebuilt the world but that’s never even remotely hinted at so I personally doubt it. It looks to me like we just put up basic resistance and got wrecked without trying anything too extreme. The film really needed to show us more of the aliens’ capabilities to make this work.

Perhaps they hit the planet with a giant EMP that disabled all of the nukes or something like that. We got to see that they are immune to basic guns and stuff but it’s not like that’s super impressive. We needed to see a lot more of them but unfortunately this isn’t that kind of film. There are a few action scenes but really not as many as you would expect. We never get any great shots of the aliens as they’re always hidden in the shadows or mostly kept out of view. This is where a bit more of a budget could have helped the movie. We really should have seen the aliens more.

This isn’t your traditional alien invasion film because the whole alien invasion is skipped. Because of that big time skip at the middle we jump into the film when the humans have already lost. The main problem with this is…the movie’s pretty boring. There’s a ton of strategizing that doesn’t really go anywhere. In fact thanks to a twist near the end it really felt like most of the film was pointless. It all did serve a purpose of course because the twist involves someone using the whole film as part of a plan but it does make things feel a bit futile. The price for getting to the end was also absolutely massive. This was not a good plan. It revolves around a ton of things going in a specific way and also basically sacrificing a lot of others in the process.

The characters were desperate to be sure but you just feel like there had to be a better way. The film can be a bit violent when things look dire for the heroes. I wouldn’t call it super bloody or anything though, more painful than anything. The film is pretty serious and isn’t super long so it has that going for it but for example I couldn’t really tell you very many standout scenes.

For the most part there are no real happy moments to be found here. The heroes are always on the back foot and hope seems completely lost. The problem of course comes back to the beginning once again. The aliens have ruled for quite a while now and humanity really lost their chance to mount much of a comeback. Sure they can start fighting now but it’s all already too late. Presumably the humans all get exterminated in short order once the aliens take them serious. with whatever forces they had to enslave humanity so quickly they can surely deal with the resistance as well. That’s why we needed to see how this happened so the film could offer up a good reason on why that wouldn’t happen again.

As a silver lining though I did like Rafe a lot. He may not have been the main character but he had a really strong will the whole time. He was all about the mission from the start even when a lot of the others were starting to have doubts. You have to be strong like that when you’re completely outnumbered. It’s hard to imagine what it’s like to live through an enemy invasion and hopefully you never have to experience that. This guy did his best.

Now I mentioned this being better as a TV show. Well the reason for that is you could have the whole first season or two be about the aliens arriving and taking over. This part is more like you average alien invasion story and the cliffhanger could be the big time skip where the aliens actually won. Then the following seasons deal with the aftermath and the rebellion. That’s exactly how I would have handled it and then you could really use this premise to its full potential. It wouldn’t get nerfed due to the limited time available. Give this film more time so it can focus on other things and I think it could have been better. Perhaps not if it stayed on the more boring scenes but I do think it could have pulled this off.

Overall, Captive State has some decent twists here but ultimately you still wonder if the plan was even worth it. The humans lost a whole lot in these battles and it feels like they kept on losing more and more as things all played out. The movie didn’t give me enough reason to believe that the aliens would win. The premise was good but the film made 0 use of it. Even the aftermath should have been far more interesting than it was. There is a lot to explore in a world about aliens ruling over the humans but the film didn’t grab my attention. I’d absolutely recommend watching a different alien invasion film instead.

Overall 3/10

The Four Musketeers Review

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It’s time for more Musketeers action. I can’t say that I’ve been the biggest fan of this franchise and this film wouldn’t really change my mind. I know the main characters aren’t really heroes so I wouldn’t expect them to always be heroic but they really do the bare minimum in just about everything. I wouldn’t trust them with my groceries let alone my life. I’d say the main issue the film has is just that it can be a bit boring at times. It’s not funny enough to pull off the comedy aspect and the fight scenes aren’t good enough for the action part. What does that leave you with? Well I’m not really sure but not enough to make this a solid flick.

The film picks up immediately where the last one left off. The 3 Musketeers along with their recent addition in the main character and are minding their own business when the main heroine gets kidnapped. D’art meanwhile gets distracted by a new villainess who finds it really easy to seduce him. Basically any lady can accomplish this task though as her own maid gets him as well. The guy has serious commitment issues so unfortunately you can’t trust him at all. The guy is as sad and shallow as they come which is really unfortunate and by the end of the film he has not changed so seriously you don’t want this guy in your corner. He just isn’t that dude. Trust me on this and in a way it hurts the film by extension since you want to have a good lead.

Wait is that the plot? Well okay that’s not all of it. So there’s potentially a big war brewing and in part it’s due to all of the affairs going on and so the Musketeers may have to actually enter the war and cause trouble. They already spend most of their time beating up on their own country’s army though so are these allies that you actually want to have on your side? Something tells me that you would want them to stay far away instead. Both countries seem reasonably corrupt though and the war never gets all that interesting so you won’t really care much.

In a way that is the film’s biggest issue in a nutshell. It’s just extremely boring. You don’t care about any of the characters. In a lot of ways I would say the first film was actually more engaging since you at least had the young hero picking fights with everyone. He was still a rampant cheater so still no someone you could root for but at least there was a lot going on. In this one? Ehhhhhhhhh yeah it’s just not working for me. Seriously I would have to give it a firm thumbs down. The first film also had the interesting fake fight where the heroes were stealing food which was clever.

That said, we do get flashbacks to the first film so you’ll see it there anyway. As a slight positive, the fights can be decent at times when they appear. Mostly they are treated for laughs though so there isn’t a ton of great choreography here. The film is leaning more fully on humor and adventure after all so there just isn’t time for any of that. Okay I do think the cardinal at least makes for an interesting villain. As basically the highest ranking member in the country he can actually sign documents allowing you to do anything. You could straight up murder someone and he can immediately pardon you. It sure is nice to have that level of power right?

I like the verbal battles there. The Cardinal is always on the offensive and as you can probably guess he tends to completely destroy the other Musketeers in the arguments. At the end of the day he’s not a serious fighter or anything but I tend to like the old government villains to an extent. He is a full villain though with the desperate plans he uses to take down the heroes. They aren’t even morally dubious by the way, they’re just villain plans.

The romance in the film is naturally pretty awful with no real loyalty to speak of. Everyone is cheating the whole time so you definitely can’t trust any of them. It really was a tough world out there with everyone after you. Imagine if this film was about the Musketeers having to fend off wave after wave of enemy invaders? Actually have them jump into the war rather than goofing off and watching it from the sidelines. That would have been a massive improvement right away. I’m not surprised that it didn’t happen of course but the film had many moments where things could have turned epic if that’s what the film wanted to do.

Okay one last slight positive for the film. I’ll throw it a little bone here. The acid blade that the villainess used was pretty cool. The effects for it actually weren’t bad and I wouldn’t mind something similar in a modern film. You can see how deadly the acid is by how it melted the wall and that helps to make the fight with the main character a little more balanced since otherwise he should win easily. He’s not the best guy but he is still trained with a blade after all.

Overall, The Four Musketeers isn’t a particularly good film. It’s one that will have you shaking your head the whole time. It’s not like the negatives are super egregious or anything. Sure the film can be boring, the romance is bad, there’s quite a bit of fanservice and the characters are no good but the film isn’t super long and it’s not like there are any big animal violence moments or excessive violence in general. It’s a fairly safe film to check out but I just can’t recommend it because it should have been many times better. I think the world is ready for a good 3 Musketeers film at this point. It’s just got so much potential. I think you really need to play it straight with the action though. You could absolutely make it part comedy but that shouldn’t be done lightly and of course it has to actually be super funny or that will backfire. I think this is a film that just gets worse and worse in hindsight.

Overall 3/10

Escape Plan Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a thriller that’s pretty fun. Admittedly the whole setup to the main part of the film is extremely unbelievable but I suppose it can be tough to get the characters into position sometimes. I would have changed that but otherwise I didn’t have many issues here. I haven’t seen tons of prison break movies either so it felt fairly fresh.

The movie starts by introducing us to Ray who has a very interesting job. He allows himself to be arrested in order to test out a prison’s defenses and see if there are any weak points. Naturally this is all worked out with the prison in advance so he has a code word to get out of there safely and it’s a fairly controlled environment. Most don’t know that he’s a fake prisoner so the experience can be as authentic as possible. Well, the government has shown up with an offer to try his luck at breaking into one of the strongest max prisons ever. There are some shady parts to the deal though. They won’t allow the company to track Ray’s location and he can’t even know where it will be. Both of these conditions completely go against Ray’s rules so obviously he won’t take the job right?

Wellll…yeah he decides to do this anyway. So now nobody knows where he is and it turns out that this whole thing is a bit of a scam as his safe word doesn’t work and it seems like the wardens actually want to break him. Ray’s experience in breaking out of jails is his only hope now because this time he will have to break out for real. His only real ally here is Emil who wants to help but Ray doesn’t trust him. The guy’s trying just a little too hard to be helpful you know? Doesn’t really feel legit is what Ray’s thinking and I don’t blame him since I wouldn’t be trusting anyone at all. Still, it looks like they will need to team up to stand a chance here.

The film’s very interesting from the start which is absolutely crucial for a title like this. The world building is good and while there aren’t a ton of main characters, they are all very memorable. You’re not going to just forget about them after watching the film. I would also say the writing is pretty good. Naturally there is a bit of plot armor going on here for Ray and the others since the guards really could just go in and finish them at any time. The plans for escape often involve a lot of surveillance and scoping things out which only works because the villains take their eyes off of the monitor briefly. Things have to work out absolutely perfect for this to work out and you will probably have to suspend a little disbelief here.

The actual prison also stands out because of its unique architecture. This is definitely not looking like your average prison and that’s a good thing because as a maximum level one it should look a lot different. That’s the whole point after all. The heat room also seems like it would come really close to breaking a lot of inmates since you have to deal with bright lights as well. So now you can’t really sleep and are getting dehydrated. The guards really have every possible advantage here since they can also apply beatings whenever they want. There’s a whole montage where they just keep beating Ray up at all times of the day and there really isn’t much that he can do about it at all.

Ray is a good main character. I may deduct some points for going through with this crazy idea in the first place but at the end of the day he is good at what he does and that’s what gives the heroes a chance in the first place. Without him it really would have been curtains for everyone. Then you have Emil who is definitely a fun character. I would even say that he is the best one. He gets a ton of standout scenes and I like the way his character arc ends. In general the end of the film is very satisfying. This is a movie that absolutely sticks the landing.

The villains are a bit more on the generic side. I guess I won’t say who the mastermind is but I would say it’s not a twist that should surprise you. This guy seemed rather tricky right from the start and so that’s just how it goes. He’s okay but it’s not like he can fight. The main head of the guard loves beating up on people but ultimately that’s about it for his character. The villains don’t have a whole lot going for them but you will remember them because these roles are fairly critical to any prison breakout movie.

The film is surprisingly tame for the most part. Make no mistake there are violent moments that will happen during the adventure but they aren’t nearly as deadly or frequent as you may have expected to start this off. This is a good thing as the movie maintains a serious tone and a high level of tension without having to be all over the place. It’s not trying to be edgy or anything like that which is a really good idea. It lets you really get into the film and enjoy the detective work.

After all a big chunk of the film is planning out the escape. Learning the guards’ movements, doing some recon, etc. If the characters tried to jump into the escape without that then it really wouldn’t have worked. It is fair to say that the prison really was impossible to escape for any single prisoner because you needed teamwork and a whole lot of resources and specific situations in order to pull this off. You can’t really see anyone replicating this so in a way the prison doesn’t need any upgrades.

Overall, Escape Plan is an intense prison film that reminds you just how scary it can be. Sometimes you hear stories and figure that prison isn’t so bad…but make no mistake it can absolutely be a nightmare. Perhaps they aren’t all as intense as a max security setup but you can bet that most still are not a walk in the park or anything like that. This film is the type that will always be best the first time around as it’s a bit of a slow burn that gradually gets you to the end. You wonder who will make it and who wouldn’t. So go into the film as blind as possible for the maximum experience. Do that and you should be all set.

Overall 7/10

Event Horizon Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Event Horizon is one of those films that reminds me why I’d never want to be stuck anywhere in outer space or underwater. At the end of the day you’re stuck with a bunch of people that could go crazy at any point. Sure you might know them to an extent but being on your own for a long amount of time can change everything. This film slowly has the cast cracking and the whole time you’re shaking your head. They lack the willpower to succeed!

The movie starts with a crew being formed to try and find a spaceship that went missing many years ago. The crew isn’t thrilled about this since they were on vacation but hey a mission’s a mission right? Well Dr. Weir will be coming with them to explain the specifics since this mission is very different from most. Of course that’s another reason for the crew to dislike the mission since they aren’t finding out the truth until they’re stuck in space. Basically they have to use some super experimental technology to jump through a wormhole into another dimension to grab the ship and then head back. Sure it didn’t work for the first ship but the tech is better now! Well they do the jump and make it to the other ship but now their ship is busted. The heroes are ready to make the repairs but weird things start happening. The crew see visions and are slowly going crazy. Will they ever be able to go home?

So this film’s mostly pretty bad but I can say it wasn’t all bad. I really liked the music. Seriously it was pretty great, felt like I was entering some kind of big action movie. Mix that in with the sci-fi effects and yeah this definitely seemed like a winner. That being said, It’s one of the only positives I can really say about the film. The rest of it tends to go for a lot of shock value and just doesn’t seem like a good idea when you’re trying to be a good film. The characters make a bunch of awful decisions and while you can blame some of it on “the darkness” it doesn’t help them.

Okay so lets start with Dr. Weir. At first he seems fairly reasonable. He wants to complete this mission and is taking it super seriously. He doesn’t get into space as much as the crew so he doesn’t really comprehend the dangers but he did build this experimental sci-fi tech so if anyone knows how to pull this off then it should be him. Unfortunately he has significant skeletons in the closet which start to break him. The ship shows everyone illusions and so of course his are easy to pull out from the past. It’s a rather brutal one and the whole build up to the tragedy is rough.

The film loves its special effects to make the characters as ugly as possible. Lets just say there is a ton of violence in this film. I would easily put it on the high end for a horror film. Not just because of what happens in the present like multiple characters getting impaled, disfigured, and blown up in the vacuum of space but also in the quick flashes the characters get when the ship is messing with their minds. It’s typically all happening so fast that you can barely even tell what is happening, only that there’s something bloody and disturbing on the screen.

Still even with the visions it’s hard to feel any sympathy for Weir. The guy is really responsible for this mission in the first place so he needed to hold it together. By the end he is a complete pawn who wouldn’t even be all right if his plan succeeds which hurts quite a lot. As a villain if you don’t really have a grand master plan or anything like that then you are basically just spinning your wheels. You’re not actually doing anything and at that point you’re just a psycho.

Starck serves as the main heroine here and does her best. She is able to resist the illusions better than most of the characters and has to put up with everyone being really slow on the uptake. The most annoying moment for her had to be when the captain told her to find an explanation on what was going on. She did find the reason (evil spirits) but he didn’t believe her. It’s a shame because by this point in the film you’d think that would be a very credible option. Seriously you had everyone seeing crazy illusions, things not working as they should and a mysterious reactor turning on when that’s supposed to be impossible? You’d think the captain would hear her out at least.

Miller is the captain and for the most part he looks good. While he didn’t believe Starck, at least he did spend most of his screen time trying to keep the crew from murdering each other. He had a tight grasp of what it means to be a leader and was always making the hard calls. I would say he was the most reasonable member of the team and was also able to realize that the spirit was manipulating him with the past later on. He has a big scene in the end as well. The guy was definitely real determined.

Throughout the movie you’ve really got a big survival thriller feel going on. In general that should be solid as the characters try to live but with the evil spirit using the powers of memories and illusions it’s just not thrilling. You already know the characters will fall for this and that there isn’t much they can do about it. That’s the most annoying part about all of this. For example one character sees her son running around the spaceship. Obviously there is no way he can be here and yet she falls for it anyway.

It’s up to you to determine to just what extent the spirit has full mental control over the characters but evidently it is a massive amount. The characters seem to be completely unable to resist its control at times and other times they at least know that something iffy is going on. I think if you cut out all of the random violence then you may have something here. Perhaps it will be less “exciting” in terms of action but I think the movie would be able to hold its own. The way it is there just isn’t anything to like about it once the spirit starts to make its presence felt. Seeing the characters start to get corrupted one after another is supremely annoying.

As you’d expect the ending does have a bit of a horror zinger to end things off with but it’s a bi more passive than you’d expect. I actually think the movie could have been a whole lot bolder here. The ending is definitely throwing some strong implications at you and of course I’m on the side that everyone’s doomed but you can always look at the ending in a different way. It’s certainly open for interpretation.

Overall, Event Horizon really went off the deep end. The initial scenes are decent, I would say it started out well. It all just goes downhill once the evil spirit starts to consume everyone and trick them into being destroyed. The film starts to feel aimless as it’s just about everyone dying in gruesome ways. Additionally there seems to be no real way to escape the evil influence or to fight back against it so everything seems futile. The idea of being alone in space with something after you is absolutely solid but they should go with a more tangible threat next time. Something like….an alien!

Overall 1/10