Tag Archives: Uh oh

Joy in the Morning Review

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They say that the best relationships involve two people who are friends as well as lovers. After all, you want to be able to hold a conversation together and should have some common interests right? Well that’s where things start to get rocky here because it just doesn’t feel like these two would be friends, let alone be married. There is basically nonstop drama here with both characters going quite far to the point where you can’t picture things going well. They’re just way too sensitive.

The film starts off with Annie and Carl messing around under the stairs where they are caught by her folks. They decide to quickly get married and dash off but things will not be easy. Carl isn’t financially sound quite yet and is having to work multiple jobs here in addition to his studies. They have a nice place to live but are very low on spending money. Meanwhile Annie wants to do her best to be a good wife but can be a bit naive and also succumbs to peer pressure like wanting to fit in and wear nice things. Soon the tension starts to climb up and the two characters will have to find a way to make things work.

Now when you’re broke and in a relationship, it’s only going to work if both people know what they’re getting into and are fine with it. The problem is that often they will say that they are okay and won’t actually feel that way. A good example is when Annie gets Carl a gift but he doesn’t have one for her. He even says that they talked about it and she admits that she lied about not needing a present. Definitely a bad look on her part there because that was the arrangement. Then there’s another instance where she spends money on a new outfit when it could have been put to use on more practical things. On the other hand Carl takes a job where he will be away all nights so now Annie will be by herself. Yeah it helps with the money but that’s another case where it’s better to be broke.

On the whole I was typically more on Carl’s side than Annie’s but they both made their share of mistakes. I’d say the problem is that most of their issues felt like things they should have discussed prior or could have discussed in the moment without it becoming such a big deal. Annie became friends with a local flower guy for example and Carl was super jealous so he would cause a scene right away. Causing a scene there wasn’t cool but he absolutely would have had a valid case for explaining to her afterwards that this friendship was trouble.

I’m not going for the Hollywood approach that guys and girls cannot be friends because that’s crazy but it was clear that she was being naive about the whole thing. She would let him get way too close like taking her shoes off and basically giving her a massage while they talked. Cmon now, that is an accident waiting to happen. So Carl has every right to be worried when she is acting like that but again, talking would have been a good first step here. Then Annie is dealing with a lot of trauma due to some rough events from her past and they come up on several occasions as she feels like she basically can’t be with Carl at times.

It comes and goes and it can be hard to predict when this will happen which is the roughest part for Carl. There’s no easy way to get past that but it would definitely continue to be a huge stumbling block in their marriage until it can be figured out. There are just so many problems they have throughout the film and by the end it really feels like they went past the point of no return. If anything the ending just tells you that things are going to get a whole lot worse because throwing another life into the equation is often just going to expand the range of issues.

The core problem for both characters is that they are way too emotional. Again, Carl isn’t quite as bad about this but he still does have the problem. Until they can properly talk like grown ups, the issues are only going to keep on coming. The parents get a sudden 180 character shift for the ending to give the appearance that things will go well but I get the feeling that will change again before long. They did not seem like the nicest of people on either side and that doesn’t tend to change.

At the end of the day, a big problem for the film is that because of all these elements, it’s just not a very fun title. For the most part it’s dramatic in a sad way where there isn’t going to be much of a happy ending over the horizon. The film’s tone just doesn’t seem to match the actual ending. It felt like the couple’s futile attempts at having a happy ending and for this kind of film to work it definitely needed them to reconcile a whole lot sooner. They’re at odds for almost 80% of the film I would say and only get a quick happy ending in the last minutes. Not sure how I feel about the flower guy being around as well. Yes in the end he turned out to not be a bad guy and we the audience know it, but Carl doesn’t. The film would have needed some scenes to show them becoming friends first. In a way that circles back to the earlier point which is that the film is too dreary. So scenes like this could have absolutely helped to fix that.

The writing is good enough and on the whole it’s not like this is a super hardcore dark film. It just feels like the film mistimed itself on the pacing. Maybe there should have been more time at the school. Cut out the plot about the heroine working for the rich folks with all of their moral bankruptcy struggles. You don’t really need that and the whole speech she gave about how sometimes people do bad things because they have a reason was a full miss for me. We don’t need those weak justifications. So skip that and use the extra time for some positive messages.

Overall, This film shows off the importance of not rushing into anything. Dating and courtships are around for a reason and that’s so you can get to know the other person first. Marriage can run purely on love but it’s not always going to lead to a happy outcome. By getting to know the other person for a while, you can at least make sure you have common ground on the things that matter. A film like this can try to show off a happy ending but with what went on during this adventure, most times it would not end up going quite so well. So that’s really something to keep in mind here. I’d definitely recommend watching something a bit lighter toned like Jingle All The Way.

Overall 3/10

I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House Review

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It’s time for one of those spooky ghost films. The main problem this movie has though is that it’s not quite as scary as it thinks it is. For the most part you’re just thinking that Lily is not handling the situation well. For the most part when you’re in a spooky situation you need to make sure that you are scarier than what is coming. If you’re someone who generally gets scared easy then make sure you don’t put yourself in tricky situations.

The movie starts with Lily moving into a new house to take care of an aging author. This author was a famous murder mystery writer for a very long time. She is unfortunately nearing the end of her life and so Lily works as a stay in nurse who can provide 24/7 care. It’s an extremely difficult job particularly as there is no real end point to it. Lily will continue to provide assistance for as long as she can until the author has passed. The problem? Lily is super scared of ghost stories, mysteries, or anything dark. It’s so bad that she cannot even read a book about dark things or watch any movies. The house is starting to feel rather dark with the stench of death and a mysterious mold is growing as well. Is this the end of Lily’s story?

Right off the bat it does feel like Lily is absolutely in the wrong profession here. For starters, death can be scary for most and so Lily not being able to tackle scary things puts her in a really tough spot. Additionally, you have to factor in some items to prepare yourself for the long stay. Lily can’t go outside and leave the author alone for even a moment which means she is always inside the house. You should have dozens of books and whatever other items you can think of to pass the time by. Lets say Lily has to be here for 1 full year. Without anything to do it would be easy to get stir crazy.

I imagine you could probably just do a lot of exercise and sit ups to pass the time by but not having anything on hand was a big mistake. Lily has her friends that she can call over the phone but that doesn’t buy a whole lot of time. Of course there is also the TV but it is broken half the time which doesn’t help. So the longer Lily is there, the more she starts hearing things and scaring herself even more. It doesn’t help that she already seemed a little off right from the start. So everything really started piling up more and more here.

Lily is just not a very interesting main character and she’s also not a very strong one. She starts panicking rather quickly after going through far less than most horror main characters. I would say that is a very bad look for her. The way she goes out is also pretty bad, super underwhelming. It’s the kind of finish that you very rarely see for a main character and for good reason. You’re left shaking your head at all of this.

What I will give the movie is that it can be good on not explaining too much. We do get a lot of the general answers involving the ghost but for the little things they are up to your imagination. Did the plants just talk or was Lily crazy? (I say she’s crazy) Did the ghost actively want to murder Lily (Yeah) and if so…why? It’s not like Lily is really to blame for any of this. The origin story is sad to be sure but continuing the cycle by adding Lily in doesn’t seem like it would do much for the dead.

For the most part the film isn’t very violent. I’d say the one exception is part of the flashbacks for one of the characters. It’s all over rather quickly but it is a brutal end. Otherwise this is definitely more of a tame horror about the unseen threats and the mind games that are going on. We do get some interesting jumps between the present and the past later on which makes for an intriguing ending. The idea of wanting to stick around as a ghost seems absurd to me but I suppose everyone has their own ideas so in that sense it’s not crazy that some ghosts want to be spooks forever.

The movie does try to hammer in the title several times. The first time I actually thought it was unintentionally funny. That may sound like a diss at the lead but I feel like the film intentionally framed her in a super unattractive way to contrast the title. When she was referring to herself as the pretty thing I sorta had to do a double take. Like did she just say that? Well, the line comes up several more times throughout the film and while it can be a little repetitive, I know it’s all for the themes and everything. I probably couldn’t tell you the exact point of that though.

Overall, This film is not really my style. It’s another slow burn and this might be one of the slowest burns of them all. Even at the end there is no big climax or anything. Lily can’t fight after all and the cast is extremely small. Lily being so scared and everything felt like a very forced plot point that didn’t really have any reason to be here. I think it would be a lot more effective to have a strong character like the lead in 1408 who is slowly broken down by all of the hauntings. That would make a lot more sense. In the end, this one’s definitely a skip. It needed more jump scares and a more interesting main character. That would have really allowed it to cross the finish line.

Overall 3/10

The Chosen Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Oh no, it’s time for another one of those horror films with the evil kid running around and bumping everyone off. The Chosen starts out on a rather weak note and never really gets better. It at least has a bit more of a plot than titles like the Omen but unfortunately that’s still not enough to save it. The characters are annoying, the film decides to get needlessly violent later on and the whole film just sort of feels inevitable. Like it’s going to keep going through all of the same tired story beats you would have expected at the start of the film with the main characters having absolutely no influence over what’s going on. Like watching someone order a cheeseburger and eat it. No matter how many people line up outside the store and tell him to stop, he’s going to keep eating it the same way he always does.

So the film starts off with Robert breaking into an old tomb and seeing some creepy designs in there. He’s going to proceed with the project though and they blow a lot of stuff up. Basically they are trying to set up a bunch of nuclear energy stations to take the world into a new era. It’s going to be brilliant or at least that’s what Robert thinks but most people are against this. They feel it’s way too dangerous and people will die. The more supernatural folks also think this is a bad omen and they shouldn’t be messing around in this sacred area. Robert’s son Angel is really enthusiastic about the project but he is really the only supporter as even Robert’s wife is against this. In fact she nearly shuts down the project but is quickly murdered by a terrorist who broke into the building trying to get Robert. Is this pure coincidence that now Robert can proceed with the plan or is something nefarious at work here?

Don’t worry if you miss some of the symbology at work here. The film makes sure to slap you in the face with the parallels every time they come up. 10 towers? BAM! Flashback to the speech about the number 10 being demonic. Robert’s wife may have been accidentally murdered? BOOM! Flashback to show that Angel made sure to guide the blade to hit her. Robert’s not sure if this plan is really demonic? KABOOM! Time for a super long dream sequence where he merges with the sand, gets crucified, dies in the ocean, gets blown up a few times, has to run around naked, etc. The film is really proud of how it manages to tie everything together and so it won’t let you miss a beat. The film made sure to have a fairly long runtime so you’ll be here a while.

Look, I have a ton of issues with the film so let me talk about the one thing that was decent and that’s the story. Like I said before, usually there’s not really a story here. It’s just the Antichrist beating everyone up for the duration of the film and then it ends. In this one we actually have some political drama as Robert tries to get people on board with his plan. The fact that it is so unpopular is a bit of a twist because usually in these films the plan would be popular and at the end he has to find a way to stop it. Instead the plan nearly falls through so many times and Angel has to keep on using his powers to make things right.

It’s annoying that Robert takes so long to decide to shut it all down though. The amount of evidence it takes to convince him is absolutely crazy. Especially since he had doubts fairly early on, why should it take so many tragedies to get to him? I will say that it makes Angel look bad though. He’s got tremendous cosmic abilities and all, but he can’t just make the plan be popular? No mass telepathy or reality warping this time? He has to keep on doing flashy murders to get the plan on track but you wonder why it’s all necessary. Maybe he’s just messing with the characters or it’s all a game but it is odd and also annoying because it’s just stretching the film out.

Naturally as the main villain Angel isn’t meant to be likable and the film does a good job of that since he’s annoying from the jump. He’s basically a fake yes man who acts supportive but is always ready to take the reins from Robert. You’d expect nothing less from him. The guy gets so overconfident that he really lets his guard down for the final scene. That’s good because it made for a very satisfying ending. I definitely did not want to see Angel on top.

Unfortunately the characters who are supposed to be the heroes aren’t very likable either. First up you have Robert and the guy is way too fixated on this project of his. If everyone is saying that it’s a bad idea then maybe it is. Of course that’s not always true but messing around with Nuclear energy isn’t really a good idea. He then finds a new person shortly after his wife dies which was pretty bad. By far his worst scene though is when he attempts to trick Sara into murdering her baby. Seriously there’s no way around how bad this is. You absolutely cannot make someone abort their baby by force and expect to be called anything but an absolute villain.

Yeah he had reason to think this baby would also be evil but there’s no way you can just murder a baby like that. It’s going way out of bounds and I don’t see how Sara could ever trust him again after that. It was an extremely bad look. Meanwhile Sara is also not great here. I don’t see why she made such a big deal about going to the church but surely she could have talked it over more. Again here I’d also say that she should not have trusted Robert at all. It’s not a touching moment to see her going back to him, it’s just annoying. She needed to cut him off completely after what happened.

It’s too bad because she was a nice enough person but it makes her seem more like a pushover than anything. Also this is a nitpick but I don’t see why she invited both Robert and Angel to announce that she was pregnant. Seems to me that this is such a personal private thing that you would only tell your husband/wife first. Everyone else can find out later on. Just seemed super contrived as a way to have Angel there to mess around when he had no business being in the scene.

As I mentioned the film could get rather violent as well. Each death tends to be quite over the top as they are smashed to bits, ripped into pieces, etc. Nobody gets an easy death here and they’re also very predictable. You know that they don’t stand a chance each time. It’s one of the big problems with having a villain who is all powerful like that. With no weakness there can be no fight and with no fight that means there can only be a slaughter. Some films at least pretend that the heroes have a shot but this was not one of them.

Then there’s also the subplot with the crazy people running the asylum. Their scenes were all extremely forced and it’s beyond annoying that they showed up to beat Robert up some more in the climax. I dare say the film would have dropped to a 0 if they had murdered him there. But even without that, it just makes no sense that he would escape again. That prison needs better security and it’s good that Robert knew self defense or it would all be over.

The problem with the Chosen is that this is not even remotely a fun film. There are no good scenes to be had here and you’re just waiting for it to end. The movie tends to be very mean spirited and everyone goes through a lot before it’s over. The ending at least delays things but it still not what I would call a super happy ending. I also think that including the scene of Robert being complicit in trying to drug Sara so she can have the abortion was a really bad idea and does hurt the film significantly. That should never have been included.

Overall, The Chosen is a pretty bad film. It relies on lots of shock value and grisly murders without the substance needed to back it up. The film is also not very subtle so even when it tries to pull some plot twists it doesn’t work because the film showed its cards early. To be honest there’s not much that the film could have done to turn things around and actually be good. That just wasn’t going to happen but you always like to hope that the film could have been a little better. Give us some fun moments next time and provide the heroes with some kind of a chance. Otherwise it’s all pointless.

Overall 1/10

Graveyard Shift Review

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This is a review of the unedited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

So whenever you’ve got humans fighting against monsters movies seem to try and make the humans are unlikable as possible. Perhaps it’s so that you won’t feel so bad when the humans die but I find that it can also be a double edged sword in that the film itself can be made worse because there’s nobody to root for and you end up rooting for the monsters. Well, that’s pretty much what happens here. There’s one or two decent people here but for the most part you can see why the rats are staging a rebellion.

The movie starts off with one guy murdering a bunch of rats just because he can. It’s clear that this guy is the real villain of the film so the rats gang up on him and their leader throws that guy in the shredder. They now realize that they can fight for what’s right and seem to unionize. Well, the mill needs a new person to load up the cotton and that’s where John comes in. He’s desperate for a job and this is really the only game in town so he’s forced to jump into the mix even though his boss Warwick is suspect at best. The guy threatens his colleagues into having affairs with him and doesn’t have any morals.

When people die he just shrugs and moves on. The guy has no ethics at all but unfortunately he’s the boss. John will have to try and survive out here but it won’t be easy. The only food place for miles is not hygienic and he falls for the girl that has caught Warwick’s eye, Jane. Not it’s extra personal and the rest of the staff were already bullying John so it’s only going to get worse from here on out.

I guess the mean people just flock to this town. You’ve got bullies, a corrupt boss, and just about everyone is only looking for their own self interests. There is nobody to confide in or to trust. It’s a rather lonely experience for John which may be why he was desperate for romance but the whole romance plot doesn’t work. It’s another rebound scenario and John only just got here. The whole thing is fairly rushed. The only acceptable explanation is that he’s just desperate for any friend but even then that’s not good enough for me to give this a passing grade.

The film has a lot of issues but lets knock out the biggest one right out of the jump. There’s a lot of animal violence here as the characters are bumping off the rats. It was rather sadistic how the first guy would toss them into the shredder. From there on you can see why they’d need revenge but of course in the meantime the humans are fighting back. They throw bottles at them and lay all kinds of traps. That’s why a film where a big amount of emphasis is put on the animal is always going to end up failing. It’s unlikely to avoid animal violence in such a scenario and that’s what happened here.

While the score wouldn’t be as abysmal without the rats, I can’t say that the film would be good either way though. It’s just a very mean spirited title all the way through. John doesn’t really fall for all of their instigative actions as he just minds his business but the bullying is quite excessive. As I already mentioned, Warwick is just a bad guy all the way through. He’s not as omnipresent as most villains so the heroes can at least escape him for a while here and there but then they tend to trip and it’s game over as the rat pack shows up.

The only props I’ll give the film is that the creature was decent. They keep him in the shadows for nearly the entire film but at least he makes for a solid threat. Rats are intense in great numbers and all but it’s always nice to actually have a big villain to really unite against. It gives them all a common foe as opposed to just beating up on a bunch of minions. Also the latter would be even worse for the movie since that would mean a lot of rats would be injured.

I wouldn’t even know where to begin in trying to save this film. It just didn’t have potential right from the jump. It could have used some more action and maybe a subplot about John trying to make the town a little better. That could have been interesting and at least give the audience a little more reason to care about their ultimate survival. Otherwise for the most part you’re just waiting for them to get taken out. The characters are just so mean. Also what’s with the one guy and yelling whenever he launches his water cannon? He’s very overdramatic the whole time when he’s just shooting water.

One guy had the right idea in just walking out over the poor working conditions. Ultimately that’s a much safer option than just sticking around. Of course whether you make it out or not is always a different story since it can go either way but the rule of thumb is to never stay in a bad situation. It’s just very rarely going to work out and more times than not you’ll regret staying.

Overall, The Graveyard Shift would have been much better if it had been about ghosts or something like that. Make it a spooky kind of horror film instead of focusing on rats the whole time. The rats really didn’t help the movie’s case and it was really sub par at best. You’re definitely going to want to avoid this one. You can do better with almost any of the other creature feature films. They end up doing a lot more in terms of scares and likable characters than this one which fumbled the ball the whole time.

Overall 1/10