The Window Review

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Is it just me or does the kid look much older in the poster than in the film? Well, that happens I guess. The Window is one of those tragedy films where the lead is pretty helpless and it is supposed to let you sympathize with the hero while also fearing the villain. Suffice it to say, this does not work very well. The Window is similar to the Bad Seed in that the retro feeling simply could not save it. I’m afraid we’re in for another tough review!

Tommy is a little kid who typically lies and exaggerates to keep the attention on him. He doesn’t mean to let things get out of hand, but they typically do. One day, he witnesses a tragic murder and tells his parents, but it is too late. Tommy has already burned his bridges so nobody will believe him at this point. When the murderers find out that Tommy knows, they decide to take him down once and for all. This is going to be a tough battle for Tommy!

I can sympathize with the fact that Tommy tends to exaggerate a little. The lying is pretty uncalled for though, but I tend to exaggerate things myself or at least, I did a lot back in the day. Sometimes a story doesn’t have enough of the Wow factor so you have to add things in. Like, making the guy 10 feet instead of 7 in your story or maybe adding some extra punches in. You don’t mean to do it, but it just happens. Naturally, as you get older, this gets much easier to control. Tommy’s pretty young so he’s still getting the hang of that. I like to think that he’ll learn better very quickly…especially thanks to the results.

That being said, he’s still not a great lead. You may already be familiar with this from my older reviews, but I typically don’t like having a kid as the main character or even as one of the main supporting characters. It simply doesn’t work for a live action film or TV show. If Tommy was a little bit older, this story would be very different since he could have taken matters into his own hands. As it stands, he does a pretty good job of evading the crooks in the climax of the film, but we don’t get any real fights.

It’s actually a little disappointing for Tommy’s parents since they don’t get to help out at the end. I was expecting the dad to fight the criminals towards the end when he went home, but the film decided to take another route. Instead, it was Tommy who confronted them and that was certainly less exciting than my version of events would have been. The parents really made things difficult for Tommy and at the very least, they should have taken him with them. Leaving him alone at home when he’s scared of the neighbors is certainly not the wisest thing to do.

For once, I think the police actually looked pretty decent, or at least some of them did. The Chief actually tells one of the inspectors to check out the neighbor’s house just in case Tommy was on to something. It ultimately didn’t pan out since the investigator was tricked very quickly, but the fact that he gave it a shot was pretty neat. The other Policemen definitely weren’t very coordinated though as seen when the dad was looking for Tommy. One of them had just seen him so you would think that he would have been able to mention it when the alert went out.

That brings to mind the taxi scene. It really stretches your imagination and it’s hard to believe that the cab driver did not notice the kidnappers knocking out Tommy and being mean to him the whole time. Seriously, it really makes you wonder. The writers dug themselves into a hole with that scene and had to think of a pretty unconvincing way to get out of it. A serious of unfortunate coincidences brought Tommy to that point as well like when the grandfather called to have the mom leave. It’s very convenient to say the least.

The film has a happy ending, but it is not a pleasant watch and that severely limits its rating potential. Again, having a kid as the main character is detrimental to a film because we know that he is completely helpless so the film is really just about him being terrified and beaten up the whole time. That’s just not something that is going to entertain you and the whole concept behind the film is pretty bad. With enough light natured fun and gimmicks, it can actually be good like in Home Alone, but that’s the exception, not the rule. There are no real fun scenes to speak of here and the film takes itself too seriously for its own good.

Overall, The Window is one of those old films that actually isn’t very good. The writing isn’t even exceptional, which is rare for a film of its time. There’s a lot of plot hax to be found here so that the villains can have a fighting chance, which wrecks the realism of the film at times. I certainly wouldn’t recommend it and this isn’t the kind of film that will leave you with a smile afterwards. It’s an intriguing adaption/moral retelling of the Boy Who Cried Wolf, but that story was better in the fables. Or at least, one version of them since those tend to have many different endings. Instead of this title, I recommend checking out the film “Yugioh Bonds Beyond Time!” Now that is an epic adventure filled with suspense and danger.

Overall 2/10

Poltergeist Review

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It’s time for what many believe to be the ultimate horror film. Ultimate and Horror are two words that typically don’t belong next to each other and I definitely did not become one of the film’s many fans. I’m guessing that it probably did start a lot of the horror tropes, but it shows that the 80’s feel can’t work for everything. It certainly is better than A Haunting in Connecticut, but I can’t say much else for it.

A family moves into a new house and things start to get supernatural. Their chairs seem to move by themselves in the kitchen and they can even defy gravity as something seems to push them. Unfortunately, the disturbances begin to grow more and more violent as the days go by and the family begins to fear for their lives. They are still holding out of course, but then their daughter is kidnapped by these ghosts. The heroes reluctantly call in “The Experts” and now it’s all a matter of finding their daughter before they are destroyed.

Well, the plot certainly didn’t help this film’s case. In superhero flicks, I never like when innocent bystanders are dragged into the mess and it’s naturally worse when they are actually hurt. Even worse than that is when a kid is thrown into the mix and that’s what happens here. Like Insidious, the film decides to up the stakes by putting the children in peril and that’s just not a good idea. The little girl is stranded in the demon world for quite a long time and the situation is just way too grim. She doesn’t remember what happened in the demon world so that should keep her psyche from collapsing, but it’s still a fate that should not have happened.

A simple way to fix this problem would be to have the main hero be kidnapped. It would be a sad plight for him, but one that isn’t quite as bad since we know that he can fight. That being said, kidnappings are simply not the best plot device to use, but they can work if used effectively. The film just didn’t do this and they were trying a little too hard for an emotional feeling. Because of that, the main characters are feeling pretty gloomy for most of the film. There are no big speeches or heroic comments to be found for quite a while.

The experts who come in to help are naturally not that good. Then they call in the ultimate expert and she rubbed me the wrong way from the start. Her first big statement to the heroes is basically “You have to promise to do whatever I say even if it goes against your beliefs as a Christian!” “Lol no” is what I would have responded and they should have told her to skip the intro. Instead, they instantly agree and of course they do want her on their side, but she definitely seemed like a pretty terrible character right then and there. She never went back up for me from there and some of her actions just didn’t make sense. “Go to the light…go away from the light…back to the light” insert and repeat many times. She was better than the former leader of the experts though.

That lady decided to talk with the main heroes for way too long. It was the one part of the film that definitely dragged on a lot as you would wait for her to finish. Her two underlings weren’t great even if one of them was pretty confident. They let their mind wander far too often and they act like this is some kind of hobby for them instead of something that they take seriously. I don’t blame one of the underlings for running out of the house though since things were definitely getting pretty dangerous.

Naturally, I’m sure that we all remember the rating controversy from back in the day. After seeing the film, I can definitely say that the MPAA was correct in their initial response of an R rating. Since there was no PG 13 at the time, it was definitely the right move since this is much closer to R than PG. Spielberg and the others got them to bring it down to a PG later, but it’s one of those changes that I definitely don’t disagree with. The film is surprisingly intense for an 80’s film and it can feel like Alien at times.

I definitely wouldn’t say that the film is scary, but it compensates with violence and the gross factor. One guy’s face literally starts to peel away and it’s easily one of the worst scenes in the film. Another scene shows a piece of meat getting torn apart, but with extra effects to make it seem more like human meat if it was being ripped apart. Those two scenes alone make it unsuitable for PG. We also get to see how the humans look once they are spit out of the demon world and while it looks like jelly you can also easily mistake it for more violence. The ambiguous work makes you wonder if the effects just didn’t age well or if you’re misinterpreting it. Either way, it was definitely pretty gross.

The film also brings back the horror trope that I had actually manages to avoid for a while. The main heroine bath scene. You’ll feel like sighing when you see her turn on the faucet because you know that this scene was clearly not needed. There is literally no point as no ghost appears to attack her at all. It’s simply a very long, boring scene of her taking a bath. That’s another big shot against the film and we definitely did not need any more at this point!

Let’s quickly look at some of the positives. The ghosts are actually pretty tough and they do get designs. There’s a 4 legged creature that looks like Clover and he seems to be the main villain. His physical strength is underwhelming, but the design is what counts and he may have some kind of electrical ability at his disposal. The enemies can possess objects so they turn one of the clowns into a weapon of mass destruction. It still only has the strength of a toy though so it’s easy to overpower, but it’s great as a distraction. The tree scene was definitely one of the more intense ones since it really comes out of nowhere. At that point, you weren’t really expecting anything quite like that so it definitely popped out. The various monsters definitely added some action to the title.

The bystanders who are around can definitely raise a few questions though since nobody seems to really do anything. The neighbors notice that the spirits are messing with the heroes and they decide not to help. The house starts to explode along with the neighborhood and the onlookers only appear to be shocked. Some of them have enough energy to start running, but they all felt pretty hollow. This was more of a personal problem for the family though so I guess it’s all right. It’s not a huge idea.

All right, let’s quickly go back to the negatives. The film performs quite poorly when it comes to the animal life. A bird dies in one of the opening scenes and that should have been cut out. The main girl then buys two gold fish even though we know that they probably won’t survive the house exploding. The dog lives and I’m glad about that, but the film shouldn’t have introduced the other animals. It doesn’t serve a purpose and it feels like the film is just trying to get under your skin with how gritty it is instead of trying to be a quality film.

The main characters aren’t bad, but they’re not very m memorable either. The main guy seems to overreact with the boss considering that the guy seems to have been amiable to him in the past. Their teenage daughter isn’t that good though as she really overreacts with the neighborhood is hit and she almost jeapordizes their chances of escape. The other two kids are all right and don’t get a lot of character either way since they’re too young. One scene that will probably make you wince is when the main characters decide to go talk to their neighbor. They can barely talk because they’re laughing so much and it’s sad for them. I just figured that the ghosts were keeping them from talking, but their dialogue afterwards confirms that this simply isn’t the case. That just makes you wonder and while they were naturally embarassed, it was just too much of an overreaction on their part.

The best part of the film is easily at the beginning when the heroes are trying to watch a football game. The only problem is that they get the same feed as their next door neighbor so they quickly fight with the remote. A whole film could easily be made out of that concept and I have a feeling that it would be more fun. If the whole film was like that, I definitely would have had a blast with it.

There isn’t a twist ending this time, but we still do get one last climax after the film seems to have ended. I suppose that will have to do and we deserve a happy ending for the protagonists once in a while right? It works as a change of pace and we see that the ghosts definitely don’t go down without a fight. They tricked one of the “experts” so I give them kudos for that.

Overall, Poltergeist is not the ultimate horror film and I’d say that it’s not even a good one. Relatively speaking, it probably holds its own to most of the other horror films, but I didn’t dig it. The main reason is that everything’s happening to a little kid and the film just has too many gross scenes. The fanservice doesn’t help either and the film will definitely need to rethink a lot of its areas before trying to give us another big film. The scenery is good and you’ll like the son’s room, but the film tends to fall apart after that. If you want to see a film that’s nice and scary while still keeping it real, check out Scooby Doo Zombie Island!

Overall 2/10

Lakeview Terrace Review

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Looks like it’s time for a thriller film. Lakeview Terrace may sound like the type of film where the main characters go to a nice looking hotel that is actually in a bad neighborhood, but that’s not exactly how it plays out. It’s a pretty distasteful film that can rival many horror films that I have seen and I can understand why the reception wasn’t very good for it. It’s one of those films that’s just frustrating to watch and it’s certainly not one that will have you smiling throughout.

Chris and Lisa move into a new house where they plan on staying for a while. They’re hoping that it works out, but they were not counting on their next door neighbor. Able is a police man, but he’s racist against couples with different ethnic backgrounds so he decides that he’ll intimidate and terrorize them until they go away. Chris definitely doesn’t want to back down to this bully so they begin to escalate their actions. The main problem for Chris is that Able has been living here for a long time and he has a lot of connections. Home Field Advantage is not something to be taken lightly!

I will admit that the film’s beginning was pretty clever since you initially think that Able could be the heroes. We’re not sure what’s going on with Chris and Lisa, but one of your first guesses could be that they’re bad apples since they keep making moves while the other figure isn’t looking. After he leaves, they still act like pretty unlikable characters for a while. Eventually, we figure out that it’s still Able’s problem, but the beginning does try to give you some doubts at first.

What makes this film unlikable is that it simply goes too far. Able keeps humiliating the heroes and intimidating them without the heroes firing back. One of the worst scenes in the film is easily when Chris goes to Able’s party to tell him to tone down the music. He’s essentially manhandled in that scene and he displays some incredibly weak strength of will there. Naturally, his actions there are quickly sent to Lisa for some more drama. It was a very unpleasant scene to watch and it just went way too overboard. Another cringe worthy scene is when Able goes to Chris’ house to fetch his daughter and totally threatens Lisa. Chris isn’t there to help so there’s nothing that she can really do and you have to hope that the main characters will bring in the cops. Chris probably would have ended things by now, but he wasn’t allowed to buy a gun for 10 days due to a grace period.

Abel is the main villain and he’s definitely very unlikable. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen an openly racist villain like him. He provokes the heroes a lot and takes many chances. He’s basically willing to risk the job that he’s had for decades just to get rid of the main characters. He’s a pretty sick individual so he probably doesn’t care or even think about the repercussions of his actions. It’s all worth it to him and naturally it all comes down to a traumatic event that happened to him a long time ago.

Chris is the main character and I like the fact that he stands up to Abel at the very end, but it’s too little too late. He spends too much of the film trying to be polite to Abel when he should be more direct. Abel loves to torment the heroes only to pretend to be nice before pushing them back down again. It’s one of those social things that is hard to sidestep, but the heroes should definitely be willing to do so. Unfortunately, Chris is one of those guys who does have a whole lot of flaws, which really doesn’t help his case. He’s actually a very unlikable main character. He smokes behind his wife’s back and he does a poor job of exposing Abel’s actions.

Lisa suffers from her poor handling of the Abel case as well. After Abel threatens here and goes onto her property without permission, she doesn’t let Chris know. Instead they have another argument about their romantic drama. One area where I was definitely against Lisa was when she decided to skip her pills so that she could have a baby. Just dumping something like that on the main guy is pretty unreasonable. If she didn’t like the fact that he didn’t want a kid, just breaking up with him seems like the best option. It was a bit of a low blow to say the least and she’s no more likable than Chris.

One of the film’s negatives is naturally that there is a lot of romance and it’s not handled in a good way. There are films that can make a nice romance and there are others that just want to have the main characters constantly flirting and being provocative. This is the latter and they definitely don’t provide a good example to the other characters. You can’t blame the dad for not approving of Chris although Lisa definitely deserves half of the blame as well. They need to tone it down a lot and remember the good ole days where just holding hands was considered to be bold.

There is a subplot about a fire cloud that is approaching the house, but it ends up being a plot that doesn’t really go anywhere. It finally comes in at the end, but we don’t get a big fire to help the climax. No, instead it just gives us smoke. Luckily, that’s enough to get the police to run away so that Abel can make his final stand. The cops were pretty slow at the end since they see that a car has crashed and they’re still unsure of what to do. Telling the main character to drop his gun is great, but they should have also went to Abel to see if he was concealing one. They had quite a few cops on them so it would have still been pretty easy and relatively safe. At most, only 2-3 would be shot and they would be able to mow down the assailant.

Still, as I mentioned, the main negative of the film comes back down to the fact that it’s simply a chore to get through. The party scene with the unwilling consent from Chris was really bad and watching Abel constantly mess up their parties is just sad. The film just leaves a bad taste in your mouth and you’ll be waiting for it to end. You’ll also wonder how the main characters ever accepted the house since there are evidently no locks to secure the perimeter. It’s an easy matter for the villain to jump the fence or just walk in through one of the dozen entryways. You can never feel safe in such a house and I would have moved out (After defeating Abel) immediately.

Overall, Lakeview Terrace is a film that you will want to skip. You’re definitely not going to have fun watching it. Watching the police acting inappropriately while off duty is a stereotype that needs to go and there are no likable characters here. While the villain is really unlikable, it is still hard to root for the main characters since they are really below average when it comes to leads. The film also drags on a little since the heroes are just getting bullied for so long that you wonder when the climax will arrive. No, if you want a thriller film, go check out Final Fantasy VII Advent Children!

Overall 2/10

The Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1 Review

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Believe it or not, I actually went to watch this film at the early midnight screening. Am I that much of a fan? Well, I read the books so that’s a good enough reason to watch the next one despite the first two only getting 3 stars here on the blog. I had some hope that this installment would improve upon the others, but it’s actually regressed in a few ways. We see Attack on Titan elements in one corner and a broken Katniss who resembles Simon from some of the dicier episodes of Gurren Lagann. These things do not ultimately mix into an epic film.

No worries, this review won’t have any real spoilers for the film. The flaws are general enough so that I can expose them without using it. The plot follows Katniss as she tries to move on from the traumatic experiences of the first two films, but without a whole lot of luck. The resistance movement wants her to be their symbol, but she knows that the more that she helps them, the worse off that Peeta will be. It’s a lose lose situation since the government will mess with Peeta regardless of what she does. She can only continue to go through the motions and hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

The film really focuses on Katniss’ development so not a whole lot happens here. The government talks tough for a while and Katniss also gets some “Burn” lines, but both sides are essentially at a stand still. The set up basically goes on for two hours and we only get a few brief action scenes. Some are so brief that they barely even count. Remember the scene where Katniss shoots down a plane in the trailer? That would be one of the action scenes and it’s technically under a minute long. A single shot is hardly an action scene, but I still have to count it or things would get dicey for the film.

The classic theme for the emblem/franchise is great as the whistle is definitely iconic at this point. Beyond that, the soundtrack is not very noticeable. You will probably not remember most of the tunes by the time that you are through with it. I don’t think that I remembered any of them except for the classic whistle because it’s all very generic theater type music.

I also don’t really care for the ending. It’s not a scene that will really make you hyped for the sequel. It’s just another opportunity to remind us that one of the characters has already been broken down so much that there really won’t be a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s to further the film’s dark and dreary tone more. You want a set up for the next film to be something epic so that people will have something to talk about for a year. The after credits scene in Avengers is a great example of that. Soul Eater had one of my favorite cliffhangers where the protagonist arrives at the villain’s base to fight. While Hunger Games may not be able to do something like that, a much better ending would have been for Katniss to have: A. been holding a cup and then clenching her fist to make it break or B. Shooting an arrow into a bullseye and saying something along the lines of “President Snow, prepare yourself!” Those would have been more exhilarating ways to end the film. We would have had a determined main character who’s ready to fight and that’s an ending that you would definitely remember for a long time.

The film does have one area where it improves a lot over the previous titles. There are no real animal violence scenes to be found here and that’s a huge positive. No dogs running around and even Katniss finally learns that animal hunting is wrong. It only took this experience of being hunted to help her realize that, but it’s better late than never. There isn’t a lot of action, which can be a bit of a negative in itself, but it also means that we don’t get gritty Hobbit styled action scenes that hurt the film in its own way. I didn’t care for the action scenes in the first two Hunger Games films, but that’s because most of the fight scenes don’t get to happen because of the stage gimmicks and none of them were really any fun. They certainly weren’t Mission Impossible or Captain America level.

As I’ve already mentioned, I didn’t like Katniss as the main character. She’s not determined or portrayed as very tough here since she’s still getting over the Hunger Games. She’s already destroyed people and been in life or death situations so she should be getting used to that by now. Her reaction upon seeing a bunch of skulls and bones was wayyyyyy too dramatic and I didn’t think that it made a whole lot of sense in her position. It’s tragic of course, but not enough to make her hit the ground and gasp. Her only good scene is probably when she shoots down the ships from the trailer, but that’s simply not enough. She never declares that they should take the fight to the villains and she’s on the defensive the entire film. Her only brief physical fight makes her look very bad since she could not do a single thing. Katniss is easily becoming one of my least favorite protagonists and while she will never be as bad as James Bond or Captain Kirk, she is fading very quickly. Main characters should always be brave or at least tough. If you’re not either one of those things…then it’s going to be a difficult road.

President Snow doesn’t really appear all that much, but we still get scenes where we get to see him grin or verbally destroy Katniss. It’s about all that he gets to do since he’s the kind of villain who just hides behind his minions for the whole film. Gale is around for most of the film, but he doesn’t really do anything. He just tries to get some romance and he’s here to remind us that Peeta can’t be trusted. I definitely didn’t like Gale and he certainly doesn’t help Katniss snap out of her slump.

Peeta’s role can’t fully be discussed here, but let’s just say that he’s one of those guys who’s in a pretty grim situation with no real hope left. So, he doesn’t get a chance to look very good. He gets to be on TV a lot though so that’s always a plus. Elfie is fairly unlikable as well. She has a few moments that are supposed to make the audience chuckle, (They succeeded by the way) but that’s not enough to make her a strong supporting character.

The head honcho is decent, but she just doesn’t seem to have a chance here. She’s taking a big gamble on Katniss, but it doesn’t change the fact that the heroes are seriously outmatched. That being said, she’s better than most of the other characters. Haymitch’s role is very small and he only gets a few quick scenes so that we can remember him. That’s about it…maybe he’ll do more in the sequel.

Mockingjay also starts to write the series into a corner since the Capital is so much stronger than the Districts. Do the heroes really expect to win this fight? We get a scene where some of the rebels fight back and it takes about 60+ casualties to take out about 6 guards. They’re never going to win the war like that and the Capital can just fire off a missile to even the odds in an instant. Everything is completely stacked on the side of evil and a few arrows aren’t going to stop that. This is just a case of the villain’s getting too much resources on their side for a believable ending to occur.

The film’s overall bleak tone also doesn’t help it develop any moments to help it rise up the ranks. There are no moments for you to cheer or grin in excitement. Almost every scene involves someone getting blown up, remembering explosions, or fearing the inevitable. That doesn’t make for a very compelling film and a different main character really could have helped that. I do have to give props Katniss’ sister though for remembering her cat through thick and thin. Protecting one’s pet is a duty that must be taken seriously no matter what trouble arises.

Since this is a pretty negative review, I thought that I should quickly mention a few little things that would have helped the film a lot. Giving Katniss Captain Kirk’s courage would have been a solid start. Next up, give the villains less screentime so that we can see Katniss get a new weapon to help her even the fight. Third, make an explosive EMP that permanently disables a lot of the Capital’s tech. It’s the only thing that can really make this a fair fight. Finally, cut out Peeta’s scenes and some of the scenes where the rebels are just getting beat up by the army. We’re watching a blockbuster, not a tragedy film. I think these changes could have easily helped the film double or triple its score.

Overall, I really didn’t like this installment. I still think that the books worked better as books than movies. Nothing really happens here and there are no likable characters. Once that happens…the film is basically doomed no matter what else happens. The next film should still be a step up, but I wouldn’t count on a giant ratings boost. It’ll be good enough…and I suppose that it’ll have to do. If you want to see a film that’s playing in the theaters right now, I’d recommend just waiting until the next DBZ film comes out in a few months and taking a quick trip to Japan. Your alternative is just checking out Age of Ultron in a few months.

Overall 2/10

Red Dawn Review

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It’s time for a retro war film. As you may expect from the title, things are looking a little dicey for America in this film. We’re outgunned and we’re outnumbered, but we’ve got determination on our side! I can’t say that I had high expectations going into the film and it was more or less what I may have expected. A little worse than what I had expected, but trust me when I say that I was not expecting a masterpiece in the first place. All right, let’s see what made this film hit the ground.

The plot involves a group of teenagers. Jed, Matt, and a few others were at school trying to learn a thing or two when they are attacked by the enemy. See, The United Nations was basically disbanded and all of the countries were either taken over or ran away when the going got tough. This basically left America by its lonesome along with some support from England against Russia and an army of other lands. Their troops attack the school and decide to destroy everyone who’s inside of it. The teenagers escape and head to the mountains where they stay for a little over a month. Eventually, they decide that they’re going to try and take America back as they form the Wolverines. They shall slay anyone who gets in their way. America shall survive!

Well, it’s a classic tale of how a few people can really make the difference in the war. Naturally, it’s hard to even know where to begin when discussing why this does not work. First of all, let’s talk about America. We would definitely not be defeated so easily. I won’t say what the outcome of the war is, but the enemy invaded way too easily. We definitely would have been more prepared and we would have watched as tensions escalated. Never underestimate the strongest country on the planet.

Next up, the Wolverines are very overpowered. They have enough resources to grab rockets, dozens of grenades, different uniforms to camouflage with the environment throughout the year, and so on. They’re still bold enough to walk into town though since nobody can recognize them without their proper gear. The Wolverines are only made up of a few teenagers (at first) but they know how to fight. They easily outshoot the trained professionals when necessary and it just goes to show that your average Quarterback is more than just a strong arm.

I wasn’t really impressed with most of the characters. Jed was definitely better than most of the other heroes. The problem is that it’s more of a default victory than anything. He knows that it’s not good to cry after every casualty and he’s the one who gets everyone to keep their acts together. That being said, Jed can get a little too confident and his big words, “You lose” come back to bite him.

The rest of the teenagers either get no character or are here to drag the rest of the heroes down. Keeping track of all of the names can be tricky, but it doesn’t really matter all that much here. One of the teenagers tends to panic whenever the going gets tough. He’s not the kind of guy that you really want on your team. The heroes also get betrayed by one of the teammates, who basically sells them out. He got sold out first and then decided to sell out his friends. There were two girls who joined the group and they were way too unprepared. They panic at one point in the mountains, which almost costs the heroes everything. Encouraging the others to stay and eat when the enemies laid out an obvious trap wasn’t cool either, but all of the heroes were to blame.

Really, I can’t say that I liked any of them. With the constant panicking, fighting, or just making mistakes in general, it was hard to believe that these guys could really take out so much of the enemy forces. We also had an American pilot who joins the ranks at one point, but he doesn’t really add anything to the story. He just reminds us that America is getting creamed out there and he belittles the teenagers a lot. He has his big moment where he goes up against a tank and realizes that it may have been a bit of a dicey move. At least he reminds the heroes to shoot straight.

One of the classic mistakes that this film makes is the animal violence. We don’t need to see the “heroes” taking the animals down for food. The “hardcore” American tries to one up them by saying that he’s seen squads have to eat each other to keep on going. Yeah…those guys lacked strength of will. Those things certainly aren’t going to help the film at all.

We don’t get much of a soundtrack and I’m not sure how much it could have helped anyway. Red Dawn just isn’t a good film and even writing the review can be a little tedious. It gets to the point where the film had so many negatives that it’s just a little overwhelming. To put it simply, the film was just pretty dreary and it lacked any interesting characters. All of the figures were just there to take up space and to remind us that war isn’t typically good for anyone. The film just forgot that America never surrenders and we should have quickly launched the nukes after such an assault.

The only piece of credit that I would give the film is that the events can feel a little surreal. I can’t say that I really expected the teacher to be taken down so quickly and for the action to suddenly begin like that. It was a little hard to believe that the invasion was actually happening. The film just stayed in the mist for the rest of the experience though and it’s something that’s only good for short bursts. Red Dawn needed to quickly embrace the action or to try and go in a different direction. Staying in the mist is not a good idea either way.

One of the flaws of this film is that is can also be pretty boring. I already mentioned how detached you become from the characters. That’s definitely the first step and it doesn’t get any better since you need to like the characters to enjoy the story. (Typically this is the case) You really know that nothing’s going to happen so it also takes your drive away from watching it. Ah well, you just watch the minutes go by and think about what would have happened if the film had actually gotten a sequel. Now That would have been dicey!

Overall, Red Dawn is a film that can’t break through the test of time to get me to recognize that it was a good film. It will have to be thrown to the wayside along with other classics like The Lord of The Rings and James Bond. The teacher at the school was one of the only characters that I found to be pretty interesting and he’s written out of the film right away. At least he stayed courageous from start to finish. He never showed any fear and that’s what I would expect from him. If you want to watch a war film..check out the Avengers. It’s like watching a war skirmish in New York since there is a lot of destruction and the heroes face extremely large numbers of aliens. Skipping this film will be one of the better decisions that you’ve made in a while!

Overall 2/10

47 Ronin Review

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I remember seeing the trailer for this film in the theaters a while ago. The trailer had a lot of action, but on the other hand..it was mythical action set in the olden times of the Hobbit. If you’ve read my reviews of that film series, you know that this isn’t a positive thing. The film confirmed my fears as I watched it and it’s time to see why the 47 Ronin could not even score a 4.

The film’s plot is pretty basic. Kai is a “half breed” and nobody likes him. Unearthly creatures raised him, but Kai fled because he didn’t want to be a villain. He decided to work for a Samurai group in Japan, but they treated him as a slave. Undeterred, he warns one of the samurai that a witch has infiltrated their ranks. The samurai fumbles for a quick excuse so that he won’t have to face her and he says that Kai just has a crush. Their master is put under a spell and tricked into incriminating himself so that he destroys himself with honor! The main villain is the leader of another tribe, Kira. Kira decides to take the main heroine for himself and the feudal lord of Japan forbids the samurai from doing anything about it. The samurai are quickly beaten and thrown around. Time skip! The samurai decide to come together to save the heroine. Hopefully she’s still okay….it’s only been a year right? They head out and get ready to win it big or go home in pieces.

If the plot feels like it was just thrown together…then it’s time to read it again. I’ll admit that it’s not my greatest plot summary, but it’s hard to make it sound interesting. None of the characters were likable and the villains were terrible, but not in a “Look how epicly evil he is” but in a “this guy’s extremely weak and evil, he wouldn’t last a second against Barney with prep time) Let’s get into the various reasons as to why this film did not become enjoyable.

Slow pacing. The film is around 2 hours and the plot doesn’t even start until over an hour has passed. (By plot, I’m referring to the Samurai becoming Ronin and 47 of them going to attack the villains) The first hour is about the heroes getting beaten up and a lot of sad things happening to them. One thing that I’ve never liked is when a film dwells on the sad parts for too long. We get that the character’ life is pretty awful right now…let’s move on. Kai gets beaten up in almost every scene and it gets pretty tiring after a (very short) while. Nothing really happens in the first half and nothing good really happens in the second half.

Classic animal violence is another problem with the film. It’s to be expected which is why I don’t like when films take place in the olden days. We have horses that are injured and slain during the battle with the Chimera. I’m not talking about one or two horses, but a whole lot of them! The Chimera is also animal like in appearance, which definitely does not help matters. Even the final boss is an animal! (Once again, the trailer shows off some of the final scenes of the film…)

Boring fight scenes is a big problem for this film. The Hobbit, Prince Caspian, Lord of the Rings, and Pirates of the Carrabean suffer greatly from this issue. You know that a fight scene is bad when a comedy like The Secret Life of Walter Mitty has one that is many times better. The problem with sword fight scenes in the olden days is that they are typically boring. You need good choreography and preferably a cool sword as opposed to a generic one. These fight scenes just have people stabbing each other and all of the “grittyness” will make you snicker or cringe. If you want a good sword fight, check out Bleach!

Unnecessary grittiness is pretty self explanatory, but it’s still a negative. To trick the head of the Samurai into getting himself into trouble, the witch puts a spell on him and he sees that Mika is in danger. He quickly attacks Kira, but then the illusion wears off and his life is basically over. There were so many other ways that they could have handled this, but they made sure to choose one of the worst ones possible. This kind of scene will never help a film and it will only make it lose more points in my book. That was just awful.

There can’t be any other negatives right? Well, we’ve got a minor one at the ready and that would be the soundtrack. It’s one of the most forgettable soundtracks that I’ve seen in a while and I can’t remember a single theme. That’s pretty sad and while it’s minor compared to the others…it’s definitely not a good thing. How can you enjoy a film without a good music playing in the background?

The cast is also terrible. I don’t like a single living character in the film. They’re all mean or unlikable. Kai is the main character and we’re supposed to feel bad for him since he’s always getting beaten up. His “friends” also beat him up because they don’t want to stand up to the villains. Kai is then forced into slavery and fights death matches for a year. He’s a changed man by the end, but he still refuses to use his super powers…even though they could end the war and help a lot of people. He still doesn’t want too use them for no discernible reason. Using these abilities is not going to turn him evil and a lot of people died because he wouldn’t make the tough call. (The Kai from Cardfight Vanguard would be ashamed!)

Oishi is one of the big “heroes” by the end, but it’s really hard to root for him. He was mean to Kai for the entire beginning and he only acts nice to him once he needs Kai’s help. Oishi also spent a year in solitary confinement, but he’s actually doing pretty well considering. (Unless it was less than a year, but I believe that it said one year) Oishi has his big fight at the end, but…that’s not going to change anyone’s mind. Oishi should have stuck up for himself!

The only character that could be considered cool is the samurai made out of steel. He’s not actually alive as he seems to have been created by the witch. His power is incredible and he feels no pain. He caused an entire squadron to retreat in fear of the very sight of him.

Kira is the main villain and he’s completely unlikable. He’s smug, but he’s not even a great fighter. He can fight, but he is usually hiding behind the witch and his henchmen. He kidnaps people and he doesn’t have any goals that I can get behind. In short…he’s a terrible villain. He’s a generic character that is evil for the purpose of being evil.

Mika is the main heroine and she gets a pretty sore deal in this film. She can’t really fight so the villains take her pretty easily. She is then left to fend for herself for a very long period of time. Her situation is pretty depressing and the ending isn’t great either. She has to hope that the rest of the citizens aren’t corrupted and I would quickly try to move to America if I were her.

Mizuki is one of the big villains and she does most of the work for Kira. She frames the old leader of the samurai and she also beats up a lot of the samurai while she’s in her serpent form. She’s not very powerful in that form, but she’s still a match for the humans. She’s not likable either as she’s just there to help Kira. There’s no reason to root for her and you just want her screen time to end.

Asano was the old boss of the samurai and he wasn’t very likable. He was too old to fight, but he did try his best. He didn’t go down like a man and his untimely demise was not very epic. That’s partially why Asano just didn’t rank in the end. He should have tried harder and he could have been cooler, although he definitely made the right move during the illusion. No one can fault him for that.

Finally, the ending is terrible. It cemented the fact that I wouldn’t like any of these heroes. They took the easy way out by taking a quick exit instead of living for the consequences. A true hero would have fought the odds and tried to stay alive. Better to die on your feet than die on your knees right? The ending is pretty sad and you’ll leave the theater on a sad note. That tells you that the film is doing something majorly wrong. No matter what the genre is, you should leave a film humming or feeling pretty epic about yourself. This film doesn’t accomplish that since I don’t see myself discussing it that much in the future.

Overall, this is a film that I would strongly advise skipping. You won’t be finding a fun samurai experience here and you’ll be better off watching the Rurouni Kenshin series. The film makes about as many errors as it could make and there really aren’t any redeemable features about this movie. The undead samurai was decently cool, but his very limited screen time isn’t worth checking the film out. Not to worry, the new Godzilla film is almost upon us and I recommend preordering your tickets for the big event instead of renting this film from Netflix.

Overall 2/10

The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug Review

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After checking out the rest of the films in this franchise; it’s only natural that I watch the latest installment. If you’ve seen my previous reviews…then you’ll know that I’m not really a fan of the series. Still, Smaug got a lot of hype and maybe he could single handily save the film. A guy can hope right? Time to see if this film was a cut above the rest!

It wasn’t. I usually leave that for the end, but it could be an interesting way to start off the review. After I discuss the plot; I will discuss how the film could have improved and gotten away from the negatives that buried the other films. If I’m lucky, the director will notice these pointers before it’s too late to alter the final entry in the franchise.

In one of the plots; Bilbo and friends want to infiltrate Smaug’s lair so that they can steal the ultimate jewel and get the rest of the rebels to join them. It will be a tough ordeal, but they are confident that Bilbo can succeed. If only Bilbo’s “friends” were actually on his side….. Meanwhile, Legolas and Tauriel decide to take down a lot of Orcs. They take many of their opponents down with ease and they are definitely excellent at hand to hand combat. Legolas needs to take down the general and he may have to fight the army on his own because Tauriel has things to attend too. Finally, Gandalf The (not so) Brave decides to check out some rumors. Is it possible that Sauron still lives? Let’s just say that Gandalf looks pretty awful in his subplot.

All right, we’ve got the plot out of the way. Now, we can discuss what holds this franchise back. Let’s start with the classic Animal Violence. There’s not much to say about this negative. The only way to improve upon this mistake is to completely get rid of those scenes. We don’t need to see the animals get hurt and the riders should lead off into battle without horses. Animal violence is easily one of the biggest mistakes that a film can make and this series typically pulls it off.

Next up, the fight scenes. This film had a lot of action and yet…I didn’t care for the fight scenes. There are two main reasons for this. One, it’s old style action, which means that they’re just clanging swords and stabbing each other. There isn’t much in the way of choreography and you can’t get into the fights. We all know that the orcs are just going to be slaughtered and that the elves are going to take an easy win.

The action is mainly bloodless, but they try to make it as violent as they can. From “epic” sword stabs to complex maneuvers that make you feel bad for the villain. Blows under the belt, to the eye, or anywhere like that are basically not fun to watch. I’d rather have a classy fight where both opponents give it their all. Villains don’t play fair, but we don’t need to see both sides stoop to such levels to win a fight.

Fixing this problem should be easy in theory. The fight scenes would look better if they weren’t so ancient. Instead of trying to make the fights violent without blood, just make the actual fights more interesting. A little martial arts, or a longer sword fight. Less minions being effortlessly defeated and a few more challenges. As it stands, the fight scenes aren’t much better than the talking scenes.

Unfortunately, this next hole is a lot tougher to correct. The fact that none of the characters in the franchise are really cool. We get a lot of the stereotypes. The cowardly hero, the “hardcore” but deadly fighter, the corrupt king, the tough female warrior, etc. None of them really get past their stereotypes and any development that is gained does not help. I wouldn’t say that Tauriel and Legolas are bad characters. They’re decent, but their lines are pretty generic and they try wayyy too hard to be cool. There’s a difference between trying to be cool and actually being really cool.

Bilbo is not as bad as Frodo, but he’s not much better either. The ring is already starting to corrupt him and he doesn’t really try to resist it…at all. Bilbo is also quick to praise the villain in hopes of escape and he lacks courage. I just can’t root for him. The dwarf who wants to be king is awful and he turned out to be a big crook. He turned against Bilbo for no reason and he seems to be losing his mind. I definitely wouldn’t be surprised if he did! The rest of the heroes tend to give up quickly and they actually desert Bilbo at one point. That’s pretty unacceptable. Gandalf continues to shock and amaze us all as he keeps on losing. We get that he’s only a human with some magic, but he’s always reminding us of this fact. Just by looking at Sauron; Gandalf is quickly defeated and humiliated. That’s not what I really want to see from my heroes right now. I expect much greater things from them! At this point, I’d say that the characters are a lost cause. We can’t win them all I suppose.

Smaug did not impress me either. He talks a pretty good game, but he was completely humiliated by Bilbo…wait for it…Baggins! Bilbo kept mocking him during the entire fight and Smaug was too slow to hit anyone. The dwarves really made him look bad and I can’t really see him as a cool character anymore. I can only hope that he looks impressive in the sequel, but I highly doubt it. He ended up like Sauron…..an underwhelming villain.

Tauriel is one of the new characters in the film so she can get her own write up as well. She wasn’t bad, but as referenced earlier…she was pretty generic. I feel like we’ve seen her character dozens of times before. I didn’t care for her subplot with the dwarf, but at least she can fight pretty well. While her character description may seem negative; I still say that she wasn’t a bad character. She could have used some development and more scenes, but she did well. She’s definitely a lot better than 90% of the other characters.

Ironically, this film didn’t even have a great soundtrack. Usually, the films in this continuity had a decent soundtrack and it provided the viewer with a little relief. At least, it would help one to not fall asleep. (Unfortunately, the music was not potent enough to keep me up for this franchise, but I expect to be wide awake for the final film) I don’t remember any opera themes and the rest of the tunes were uninspired. I really do not like the happy Hobbit theme that plays in these films and the rest aren’t much better.

There is some romance in the film, but it wasn’t terrible. It was completely unnecessary and didn’t add anything to the story, but it didn’t get a lot of screentime. It got overshadowed by how awful the characters could be. A running joke in the series is how easily the mind can be defeated. Bilbo lacked willpower, the (future) King couldn’t control himself, Gandalf can’t control the ring….etc. It’s basically game over for everyone.

Also, I have to say that the special effects are pretty bad. This is a 2013 film and the effects don’t show this. Sauron’s brief cameo is the only time where we get to see some cool energy power. Unfortunately, that’s just not good enough for me. The rest of the film still looks like it could have been made in the 70’s and that’s a quick turn off to me as a viewer. I need good CGI and effects or a good background. If you’re missing both of these….then there’s really not much hope for the film.

Overall, this film didn’t fare any better than the earlier installments. It lacked charm and heart. If this film couldn’t save the franchise for me…then nothing will. I’ll likely catch the final film in theaters or on dvd at some point. I still need to finish the saga and prove that the Super Mario Brothers film was better. I don’t recommend this film and you would be better off watching Pokemon. That show didn’t fall into any of the major holes and it has a pretty solid main character as well.

Overall 2/10

Resident Evil Afterlife Review

*Disclaimer, this is a review of the edited version of the film so that it is TV-14. The uncut version would likely get a lower score*

It’s time to review the final Resident Evil film that I’ve seen. I’ll likely get around to the 5th at some point, but this one works as a final film…if not for the big cliffhanger. Still, it’s a staple for this series and I’m expecting the next one to have a similarly epic conclusion. The ending from the last film hinted at the ultimate showdown between Alice and Wesker, but we don’t really get to see that.

The film starts off with Alice’s assault on Wesker’s base. Humanity may not have been entirely eradicated in the Extinction film, but now she can reduce the numbers a little more. Her clones take out Wesker’s men pretty easily, but Wesker is a different story. He takes out a few of the clones and escapes in his getaway vehicle. The real Alice had been waiting for him there, but she forgot the last few years of zombie fighting experience and Wesker stabs her with the cure. Alice is happy to be human again and then the ship explodes and both of them “die.”

After dying for the 3rd or 4th time in the series, Alice wakes up. She’s relatively unharmed and she goes off to regroup with the members that she had separated from last time. They’re in a cold place, which is supposed to be safe from zombies. Unfortunately, Alice is attacked by her mind controlled ally. Alice is still human, but she is able to fend her off and learns that it’s Claire. They head off and meet up with a group of new characters. These guys look like expendables and I will say that they probably are. I won’t confirm it for spoiler reasons of course.

Now, their only hope is to escape the prison complex that they are staying in (To keep the zombies out!) and head for the true Arcadia. Arcadia is not a super village, but a normal boat. The plan is reasonably simple and the heroes must go under water into the weapons vault and also use a giant tank to escape. Things get complicated when a man known as Chris Redfield is released from his jail cell. Can he really be trusted!?

There you have it….the plot is pretty underwhelming. It’s better than Extinction, but I can’t really say much else for it. The film had such potential, but it was wasted. I’ll go into that in detail soon, but first we should get the characters out of the way.

Alice has lost some of the coolness that she had in the second and third films. She is seen as a professional fighter in this one and her powers were at her peak. So, how could she let Wesker cure her in one hit like that? It was pretty sloppy to give him that opportunity when she had the element of surprise and prep time at her disposal. I suppose that the writers really wanted to get rid of her powers, but there must have been a better way. Alice does well for a human, but it’s still disappointing to see her powers go. She’s definitely the best hero in the film, but Chris and Claire aren’t too far behind.

Chris is a solid character to add to the group. He may not be as cool as Carlos was in his debut, but Chris has the makings of a solid character. He’s a professional as well and his gun skills are solid. He may have been out of his league in his battle against Wesker, but he gave it his all. Hopefully he can stay cool through his next movie appearance.

Claire has amnesia for part of the film, but she seems to be regaining her memories by the end. She’s a pretty decent fighter and helps out in the battles against the Axeman and Wesker. It’s good to have more supporting characters from the video games to aid Alice and Claire should have a decent role in the next film.

Wesker is the big villain in this film and one could make the argument that he’s even stronger than the live action Avengers! His speed is impressive, but even more so is his raw power. Unfortunately, his abilities do lead the film into a hole, but I’ll go into that at greater length in the upcoming paragraphs. Wesker is a pretty cool villain and it’s easy to root for the guy. We know that he’s evil, but you can barely tell aside from the ending and the scenes where he shoots or blows people up. He does everything in a pretty cool way and the sunglasses definitely add to that effect. He’s definitely one of the reasons why the beginning of this film was so cool and he also gives us the best end fight scene.

The Axeman is the middle boss of the film so he’s not as intense as Wesker. He gets a lot of silent hype as we see him in the background from time to time. Things don’t really get moving until he infiltrates the base of the heroes and starts his attack. Claire takes him on for a while before Alice steps in. Alice is depowered so the fight could be tougher than expected. Still, Axeman is only as durable as a normal zombie and he’s not really a threat except for his huge axe. He doesn’t really have any character so it’s hard to like him.

There are some supporting characters that I did not mention, but that’s because they’re all expendables.(?) We’ve got the ace swimmer who decides that she can definitely outswim a bunch of zombies…..if only she had kept moving! We had the famous actor who decides that he can take out a group of zombies as long as he has a shotgun. We have an apprentice to a director, but he decides to freeze up as a slashing zombie approaches from behind. Rinse and repeat for every side character in the franchise. If you’re lucky, then you’ll turn into a Chris or a Claire, but usually you’ll just be part of the background by the end.

One character that gets a big role is the actual director. I would look for his real name, but it’s not too important. All you need to know is that he believes in the Hollywood principles of fame and fortune. Unfortunately, he takes it too far and joins up with the zombies. I wonder how a group of zombies will take to a human being around them? You may not have to think on that one too much, but things definitely get dicey. He does make things difficult for the heroes as he murders(And here I thought only zombies could destroy side characters!) one of them and also hijacks a plane. Too bad LJ wasn’t here this time. He’s definitely not one of the more likable characters and you’ll likely wince whenever he appears. He only gets one good line in the whole film in which he manages to insult the entire cast with his demanding tone.

The best part of the film was easily the opening, but it also hurt the rest of the film. It would be like having the big Darth Vader vs Luke Skywalker fight be at the beginning of the film and then watching the rest of the earlier events. Time goes on as usual in Resident Evil, but we don’t get any scenes with the same level of stakes as the intro. This is because the intro was expected due to the finale of the last film and everyone was likely hyped for it.

The fight scenes did not disappoint and the beginning was very good. There was definitely a Matrix feeling to those scenes and it was fun to see the clones pull off a lot of superhero feats. It may be a little sad to see a clone get taken down by a few guys with guns, but she had a lot of reinforcements. Alice found dozens of clones so they are basically everywhere. Wesker’s base is huge, but they still make sure to do a number on it.

Unfortunately, this is where things get dicey. Wesker blew up all of the clones along with the facility thanks to his big self destruct button. The real one was with him in the copter, but they still “died” with the explosion. It’s all right for Wesker to live since he’s super human, but it’s a little dicey for Alice. It’s not a huge thing since I’ll just assume that the cure wasn’t 100% effective on her, but it’s still a little iffy.

I wish that the opening could have lasted for the entire film because then it would have been incredibly epic. Instead we got to see Alice lose her powers and we went back to the old status quo. Earth is still doomed and there’s basically no way that we can stop it. At least we got to briefly see what Resident Evil could have been like!

If Alice had kept her powers, then the film would have saved itself from the hole that I’m about to mention. Wesker was way too powerful for the heroes. That’s the sad truth and he’s completely destroying them in the ending. They only win through a great amount of plot hax and events that you may see, but not believe. There is no way that these humans could take him down and he’s far too fast to be hit. His healing factor is also very advanced so they can’t keep him down. I dare say that the plot hax was worse than Naruto’s battle against a pirate in the Shippuden boat filler episode!

The ending is pretty solid and it upholds the tradition for Resident Evil. They always know just how to end the film on a high note. The heroes appear to be completely doomed, but they’ll probably make it out alive…somehow. It’ll be interesting to see how they pull this off since they’re so outnumbered.

Time for the usual violence issue. This is Resident Evil so people blow up, get slashed….and die! They try to keep the deaths unique so we can get different visuals, but they ultimately look the same in the end. We also get the animal violence as per usual, but it’s arguably worse than the norm. The zombie dogs grow more and more deformed with each film and they’re barely recognizable in their new forms. This is definitely not the way to win brownie points with me on how to make a good film! This film isn’t for the faint of heart, but the disclaimer should have given that away!

For once, I don’t remember any fan service. There was a scene that likely worried people in the audience, but that tragedy was averted. Unless I’m forgetting something, that’s pretty nice of the film to fix that issue. The soundtrack is still good, but it’s not as memorable as the first films. It was good, but I’d have a tough time trying to recall any specific themes. Still, it beats the average film and that’s always worth some points.

Overall, as far as Resident Evil films go, this one wasn’t bad. Apocalypse was better, but this one beat Extinction. It’s a little tricky when you compare this one to the first film, but I think that Afterlife has the edge thanks to the intense action scenes and Wesker. The slow motion in the beginning dragged out a lot, but I do like the effect overall. If used correctly, then it helps the scene. This is the second best film in the series so far and that’s pretty good. The action was fun and the series went more into the superhero realm. Although, Animal Violence and regular violence along with the zombies help to keep the series firmly planted in its score. So, I’d sooner recommend that you check out the original Final Fantasy film if you want to see something scary!

Overall 2/10

Resident Evil Extinction Review

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Resident Evil may not be the greatest film series out there, but I will admit that the posters for this installment were pretty good. It was a tough call between this one and “Project Alice-Activate,” but I believe that I made the right call. Can the film possibly match up to its usage of one of the greatest titles of all time? I don’t think so!

All right folks, you’ve heard it all before. Zombies are among us and the heroes are powerless to stop them. Well, things are a little more dire than they had been because Humanity is essentially extinct. There are still humans around, but instead of a few billion, we’ve probably got around 1000. That’s a number that I constructed out of thin air since they don’t really tell us, but if the water has evaporated in many oceans…how will the humans stay alive? Most of the world is just one giant desert at this point.

There are two main plots that merge by the end. Alice is on her own and she must continue to travel while remaining undetected by the government that is trying to track her with a satellite. Meanwhile, Carlos, Claire Redfield, and LJ are still around. It’s unknown what happened to Jill, but I’m sure that she’s busy defeating zombies. The three “heroes” are trying to survive in a desert along with many expendables and one shot characters. They are attacked by a large number of zombie crows, which quickly reduce their numbers. Alice saves them with her new abilities and decides to join their ranks. Unfortunately, this brings along the Umbrella group and all of the zombies.

I won’t say which characters survive this assault, but it’s definitely not a large amount. Their only glimmer of hope is a book that someone left behind. It circles a lot of locations and the heroes immediately realize that the meaning is obvious. There is an area of land that the zombies have not found yet! The group prepares to head out, but they will have to deal with a monster!

Alice is still the main protagonist, but she doesn’t look as good as she did in the last film. Sure, she is vastly stronger than she was, but power doesn’t always equal greatness. It’s impressive that she can destroy someone with a kick, but it doesn’t change the fact that she was knocked out by mere mortals. She handles herself pretty well for the most part, although she should have won with less effort. All of that said, she’s still the best character in this film by a long shot.

Next, we’ve got LJ. He’s definitely a shadow of his former self and I can’t even say that he’s a likable character anymore. He was funny in the last film, but not in this one. He looks pretty weak as he’s overpowered in a surprise attack from one of the zombies. That’s one character who couldn’t stay cool.

We’ve also got Carlos, but he has the same problem as LJ. It’s to a lesser extent, but Carlos isn’t as cool either. He’s not the seasoned veteran that we remember from the good ole days and he doesn’t know when it’s time to take the win. He takes down a lot of zombies, but it’s not very spectacular. Still, he wasn’t a bad character and that’s what counts.

We also get some new characters, but they’re not extremely important to the plot so we can essentially skip them. Wesker appears, but it’s in a very small role so he barely needs to be mentioned. I will say that he’s pretty cool in this film and definitely the best villain. He keeps the other villains in line from his hologram for a while. Any scene with Wesker was typically epic and we also got some great tunes during that moment.

Isaacs is the main villain of this film, but he’s not very exciting to watch. He also doesn’t make for a great villain because he’s weak and generically evil. He gets a power up towards the end of the film, but it doesn’t help him become a better villain. Power doesn’t save the day, only will power and determination can truly stop the zombies.

Now it’s time to get into the multitude of negatives for the film. First off is the obligatory fanservice scene. This time it takes place in the very beginning of the film as a clone of Alice goes through the same events from the first film until she dies against the defenses. It’s one of those moments where you can’t help but sigh in disbelief. Having this scene for three films in a row is definitely a bit much.

Next up, would be the violence. The first two films were already extreme, but this installment brings it to a whole other level. It’s what I would expect from something like The Walking Dead. Also, it contradicts the fact that their blood should be frozen or more solid like in the first two films. Nope, in this one we get large spurts when they are destroyed. Additionally, Alice uses swords a lot more in this film so that gives the film an excuse for the added violence.

The crow scene is also tough to watch because it mixes the overwhelming violence with animal violence. That’s definitely a losing combo in any form of media and it definitely did not help the film. We also get more dog violence to destroy the film even further. Basically, we had every kind of violence that you would expect from a zombie film and too a high level. That’s reason enough to back away from this film.

One negative that is introduced in this film is a very boring background. The second film had the city as a backdrop which was awesome and the first one was in a cool lab. This film largely takes place in the desert and that’s one of the worst areas that you can ever be in. It means that every scene will lose some interest points and that every area looks the same.

Well, at least the soundtrack is still good. The techno theme that occurs when the villain base appears is very good and it’s a highlight. It’s really the only memorable theme from this film so it has fallen, but it’s still good. One great piece of music can save an entire soundtrack if it is performed accurately. The ending is also pretty intense. Resident Evil typically has great endings so that was to be expected. The ending definitely implies that the next film will easily be the greatest in the franchise. Is that what happens? Well, we’ll be finding out very soon!

Overall, this was the worst Resident Evil film so far. The cast of characters, soundtrack, and amount of negatives were all worse than the first two films. This one didn’t have any great fight scenes (Although the last one was a good display of super powers) and Jill disappeared for no discernible reason. It has been years since the last film, but they could have at least made a reference. I definitely would not recommend this film due to the animal violence and large amount of negatives. If you want to watch a film that promises danger and excitement, then check out the original Transformers G1 movie!

Overall 2/10

Resident Evil Apocalypse Review

*Disclaimer, this is a review of the edited version of the film so that it is TV-14. The uncut version would likely get a lower score*
Resident-Evil-Apocalypse
It looks like it’s time for the sequel to be reviewed! Well, after the first installment in the movie franchise, we can expect that the soundtrack will still be excellent. Will the rest of the film manage to surpass the original or is it doomed since it’s a sequel? Looks like it’s time to find out!

The film takes place immediately after the first one and we even get an early scene to show us what happened before the ending. Scientists quickly head into the facility that Alice and friends were in, but they’re overpowered and the zombies escape into the cities. We jump into the near future and see Alice grab her shotgun and get ready for some action. Meanwhile, the zombies take over the city and the Umbrella corporation shuts off the area. There are a few different plots at first, but eventually they all merge together.

Jill is one of the top notch officers of the city and she takes out a few zombies with ease as she heads to the outer perimeters of the city. Unfortunately, Umbrella quickly locks it down and they have their men shoot at anyone who gets too close. Meanwhile, Carlos and his team of trained professionals try to take down as many zombies as they can. Unfortunately, they realize that Umbrella has abandoned them and now they must try to live through this. Finally, LJ is just trying to live through this. He didn’t start this fight….but he may just survive it!

The plots are all completely separate at first. After all, this is a pretty big city and having a few different subplots makes sense. Eventually, Alice, Carlos, and Jill meet up with LJ and they prepare to leave the city. The only way out is through a helicopter, which is there to take away a few government officials and Nemesis. A scientist will tell them where the helicopter is once they rescue his daughter. His daughter is currently hiding out at a school, but that area may not be safe for long!

Alice is pretty intense in this film because she finally has her memories back. That’s a pretty good boost by itself, but Alice has also gotten superhuman abilities thanks to the experiments that were done. She’s essentially the strongest character in the series now right? Well, she does get a super enemy of her own to fight. Alice is a seasoned pro in this film and it’s always good to see that. It may be hard to call her a hero, but it’s definitely good to be her ally.

Nemesis is the final boss of this film and his abilities are definitely comparable to hers. He may be physically stronger than Alice, but they are nearly equal in that area. Alice’s big edge is definitely her speed and she’ll need it since Nemesis comes equipped with a handy rocket launcher/missile launcher. There is a big twist about Nemesis, but you’ll already know it if you saw the original film.

Including Jill in this film was pretty cool since she’s essentially the only Resident Evil character that I knew aside from Wesker and Chris. Unfortunately, while she does look great in her first appearance, she’s quickly out shined by Alice. Jill is only a human so it’s not inaccurate that Alice would outperform her, but Jill could have looked better. She was essentially a non factor during the second half of the film. She could have learned a few things from Chris.

Carlos was another one of the main characters and he’s also human. The big difference is that he still looks really good. He’s not at Alice level, but he takes out around 100 zombies and many of the guards who protect the helicopter. He was the best human character in the film and he was how I picture Chris Redfield to be. I thought that he was Chris for a while there. He held out against the zombies for a while and that’s no small feat for a man with a gun.

LJ is the surprise hit of the film. This guy definitely plays for keeps and he gets some of the best scenes in the film. At one point, it’s LJ vs Nemesis. All I’ll say is that LJ is confirmed to be in the sequel; can Nemesis say the same? LJ has a pair of golden guns and he’s prepared the whole time. He adds some comedy that the film really needed and it’s actually decent comedy. Not something that you typically see in any action film, much less a zombie film. He also owns a Cadillac, which is easily the greatest car company of all time. He confirms this towards the end of the film, right before he completely pulls one over the entire cast. That’s what I like to see from new characters that want to prove themselves in an established franchise. Let’s not achieve a Giant Condor performance folks.

That’s basically all of the major characters. I could mention the main villain, but he’s as generic as they come. Let’s head into the holes, which unfortunately…always overpower the positives in this franchise. First would be the excessive violence issue. It’s to be expected since this is a zombie film and all of the characters use guns. That being said, it makes The Lord of the Rings look tame! You’ll be seeing zombies get destroyed in every way possible and a lot of humans are also taken out. Every scene is sure to come with a pile of violence.

The film actually goes a step further than the last one since we get significant animal violence. At one point, a few zombie dogs attack and you can probably guess what happens to them. I own a really cool, amazing, super dog myself so I find it inexcusable when dogs, or any other animal, get hurt in a film. As a famous man once said, “It’s disruptive, it’s undisciplined….” I completely took the quote out of context, but it works perfectly for this film. It’s unnecessary and completely destroys whatever score the film was going to get. Some series manage to survive through that like One Piece, but it has over 600 episodes to try and get away from that. This film only has around 90 minutes to make me forget…and I did not forget! One of the characters even insults the dogs and he’s quickly eaten. Why must the humans be as unlikable as the villains!? I can’t even……

Anyway, another unnecessary addition was the Alice fanservice scene. Why do we get one of these scenes in Every single film? I’m pretty sure that there is one of these scenes per film, but I can’t verify until I see the 5th film. The first 4 had them and that’s already sad. The excuse this time is that she was knocked out/died and taken to a research facility which pulled a Wolverine origin on us. After the scene is over and Alice has her outfit from the end of the first film, she quickly murders or gravely injures the staff that was there. It’s “hardcore” and all, but the first part could have been cut out. Why couldn’t she already be in full uniform instead of in stasis?

Are there any other negatives? Well, the rest is the more minor things, routinely expected to be in these films. These include: Zombies, Language, Unlikable characters, etc. That being said, the cast of characters was better than your average horror/slasher film so that’s some progress.

Let’s get back into the positives! The soundtrack was great as expected and this series continues to impress in that area. We get some perfect battle themes and a lot of cool sci-fi as well. The soundtrack is 5 stars and while Avatar may have gotten a Grammy for its soundtrack; it can’t hold a candle to this film.

Another positive is the fact that this film plays out more like a superhero film. That will continue for parts of the next film and the beginning of the 4th as well. Since Alice is stronger than the MCU Avengers is superhuman, she can do a lot of things that she couldn’t before. This includes her super speed and a large array of athletics. There’s even a pretty good one on one fist fight at the end with Nemesis. The fact that the whole film takes place in the city instead of in a facility is another major positive.

Overall, it’s better than the first film in some areas like the action and setting, but it also has some downfalls like the animal violence and fanservice. The franchise has potential to be a winner, but it’s probably going to take a reboot to generate a higher score. That, or just changing up most of the staff that is working on these films. I want something that’s more of a summer blockbuster with laughs and aliens. Make it happen guys!

Overall 2/10