Category Archives: 4 Star Movies

Collide Review

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It’s time for a thriller but this one definitely isn’t going to be the next Taken. It has quite a few issues with the biggest one being the characters involved. I did like one of the villains but the film doesn’t use him as much as you would want. There was potential all around here, but ultimately I can see why nobody really talks about this film. It’s the kind of movie that just comes and goes with no real impact.

The film starts off by introducing us to Casey who works for a drug dealer. He basically does whatever the boss says. The job is certainly not a savory one but it pays the bills. His life feels rather empty though and he desperately wants a girlfriend. So while slumming it at the nearby bar, he noticed the bartender named Juliette. She agrees to become his girlfriend real quick if he just promises to give up the life of crime. He agrees…and surprisingly gets out of the business without being shot or killed. That’s a first. Well, it’s all going good until Juliette starts acting a bit extra crazy one snowy night but it’s not the cold that gets her…but a rare condition she has which involves a lot of seizures. She will be dead in a matter of weeks unless a really expensive operation can be performed on her. So Casey decides to go back to his old boss for one last job.

Naturally this job will be the toughest one yet since his boss Geran has been feuding with his boss Hagen. So he wants them to rob Hagen but the guy has a whole criminal network at his disposal and is also a lot smarter than Geran. Casey also realizes that this is likely a setup and so he decides to hatch a plan of his own. You’ve got 3 really big players running around here and of course the leverage against Casey will be simple. Whoever can capture Juliette, will have captured Casey.

The story itself is fairly straight forward so then it becomes all about the execution. Unfortunately this is where the film starts to fall flat. First off the romance is definitely weak. I appreciate the film showing that a lot of time has passed after they got together for their bond to be strong but those time jumps should have been used at the start. Instead of Juliette being convinced to be his girlfriend after a matter of minutes, make that part take weeks. It’s a rather simple fix and just like that you would have a compelling romance.

The film also goes out of its way to make both of the characters not all that likable. They’re the type of characters who are always getting drunk, going to suspect parties, and just don’t really seem like two people you’d generally get along with. Yeah Casey went straight for a while but working for the mob the way that he did, he’s certainly been involved in a lot of suspect stuff. You can write a solid anti hero but there just isn’t any real depth to the guy at all.

His big plan also revolves around the villains being absolute rookies at their own business. To stop the truck, they have to get the best hitman in the business to get out of the safety of the vehicle where they can knock him out. No way that should have happened but then it also revolves around the camera guy deciding to take a nap and not look at the truck for a few minutes. So that’s not a good plan, it’s just absolute plot armor at its finest.

I won’t fault Casey too hard for letting Juliette get captured since realistically there wouldn’t be much he could do about that but he does get the blame for the rest of the plan. Meanwhile his boss Geran is a little too quirky. He’s hard of hearing and constantly drunk. He doesn’t always make a lot of sense and yet he wants to be equal partners with the biggest crime lord on the planet? Yeah, I can see why Hagen doesn’t take him seriously.

Hagen is really the standout character here. I like how he just talks smack to Geran right to the guy’s face. He is absolutely confident that victory is around the corner and never falters. Hagen has a bit of a weak ending but for the most part he is always a few steps ahead. The last scenes just make him look sloppy, although I’d argue everyone looks sloppy there. When you’re a big crime lord, you’re probably not going to be going to a small diner without many escape routes unless you’ve either completely bought out the police or have a private army. It all just felt a little forced but I did enjoy the banter.

The best thing I can say about the film is that Hagen is so interesting that all of his scenes absolutely jump up a level. I love when a villain is really smug like this and he definitely made sure that the rest of the characters knew just how powerful he was. Now this does result in quite a bit of plot armor on his end too, but that’s just how these things go.

For example, at one point Casey runs into a small convenience shop and the villains chase him inside. The two owners both have guns and one of them is a really good shot. Despite this, they allow the villains to raise up their guns and fire. It’s probably the dumbest moment in the film. When an armed fighter runs into your shop, you need to fire quickly instead of waiting until they take their gun out. Obviously, the villains won’t hesitate so your hesitation will equal death.

Overall, Collide has a lot of action but not a whole lot of spirit. It’s going through the motions and could have been a solid emotional film but Casey and Juliette just aren’t likable enough to be convincing. The film’s got that Hollywood style of romance where there isn’t a whole lot of build up or getting to know each other as we jump straight to fanservice and action. It comes across as superficial and a single villain isn’t enough to hold this film up. You can do a lot better when it comes to action thrillers so I would say to skip this one.

Overall 4/10

The Mechanic Review

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It’s time for a film that definitely doesn’t have a very positive aura about it. This one is satisfied with being a bit more of a downer and unfortunately that does end up hurting the film. If the film could have balanced in some more upbeat moments or maybe gotten a better main character cast then things could have been different. You may still appreciate some of the creativity in the murder tactics here but that’s about it.

The film introduces us to Arthur who is one of the top hitmen in the world. He takes out the targets that he is given with pinpoint accuracy. He has been at this for a long time and so he is fairly wealthy and has a lot of resources but at the same time he can also be a bit lonely. He has even gotten desperate enough to hire a girl for a roleplay relationship which shows just how down he is. Well, one day a guy called Steven shows interest in his work and Arthur sees that this guy is a total psychopath. So he recruits him, will this be a fatal mistake?

The first rule of being a hitman is not to trust anyone after all. You see first hand what happens to people who do begin to trust others and it’s not pretty. Additionally, Arthur quickly finds some suspicious things about Steve but looks past them. He is really hoping this will work out but I give Arthur credit for having a backup plan which is more than most characters would have in his position. Without that, I would have been considerably harsher on him.

I don’t like Arthur either way, but at least his reputation is deserved. His most impressive scene was probably at the beginning where we see him prepare numerous death traps for someone so that if any of them fail, he will have a few backups. It was a good way to set the tone of just what he does. Arthur doesn’t like flashy kills. He’s not walking around with grenades or something like that. He likes the preparation phase and making sure that things are lined up just right.

This doesn’t work so well for his bosses who like their feeling of power even more than the results. Meanwhile Steve is far less likable because he just feels more psychotic. For Arthur this feels like a job while for Steve it’s a total infatuation. We get a long scene where one of his friends decides to check out of life and see if he will stop her. Naturally he doesn’t and just makes a bunch of jokes before leaving. Yeah it was a toxic move on her part but it doesn’t make his response any less disturbing.

You may need that kind of mindset to a degree to become a hitman but it definitely didn’t help his case at all. The guy was so smug that you definitely wanted someone to be able to take him out. He makes some basic mistakes during the missions as well and never seems to have a lot of self reflection. Definitely a liability so Arthur’s bosses were right about that. Also the more people you bring into the fold, the more that things can go wrong.

While the film could be a bit dreary, I do think that the ending was just about perfect. It’s a really satisfying climax that ensures one character doesn’t just walk away. That would have probably been one of the worst case scenarios here. it’s not like a villain can never end up winning in a film. I’ve seen a few where the heroes lose out and it works well enough but this guy is one where you’re just rooting really hard to keep him from securing a victory.

The writing is good enough here. You see everyone being polite and really fake the whole time. It’s a good reminder to be careful because even if someone seems really personable and sympathetic, they may actually have been hired to bump you off. One of Arthur’s victims certainly didn’t think that one of his old friends would be the murderer but that’s how it goes sometimes. You don’t have to live in a very paranoid way or anything like that, but just keep your guard up.

If you do want to be paranoid though, this film shows the importance of setting up little traps in your apartment. Tiny pieces of paper or things arranged in a way where you’ll know if someone was inside your apartment while you were gone. There are lots of clever ways to set this up and if I lived by myself I would definitely do that. In the worst case, you’re just doing an extra 10 minutes of work every day so that’s a really good risk/reward ratio.

Overall, This film wasn’t all that good but I wouldn’t call it awful or anything. In fact if you cut out the scene with the girl bleeding to death then I think the film would have broken even. To me that moment was just going a bit too far in how bleak things were. It’s sad to see so many empty characters in this film. At least with the main two, they knew the risks here and are primed for a rough outcome, but some random person who didn’t seem all there? That was a bit much. I also would have preferred if Arthur handled himself a bit better since that fake romance just made him look so bad. It may have just been a quick scene but it was a rough moment for him. So if you really enjoy films about hitmen then this could be worth checking out, but otherwise I would say to give it a skip. There are better films that focus more on the villains.

Overall 4/10

Live and Let Die Review

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It’s time for another James Bond adventure. The Bond films do tend to be on the weaker side next to other secret agent kind of films but occasionally they end up surprising you. Unfortunately this is not one of those times. The film can be rather out there at times which is a nice change of pace for the series but it still does run into every one of the usual issues. As a result, it’s a film that won’t end up ranking all that high for you and instead will leave you hoping that the next one will be better.

The movie starts with some secret agents getting bumped off with ease so James Bond is called back into action once more. His mission is to go to New York and find out what is going on. There are ties to the New Orleans overlord Kananga who is head of a rather powerful operation. Something that could even end up overpowering M16. If Bond doesn’t stop this conspiracy soon, it’ll be all over for humanity.

One funny thing about this film is how Bond is 2 steps behind the villains at every turn. EACH TIME Bond thinks he has a lead or is about to get the drop on the villains, we find out that they were aware of it the entire time. He is captured numerous times and has to be bailed out on many occasions. Only luck and plot armor are enough to keep him safe during all of this. You’d be forgiven for thinking that Bond was a total amateur in this adventure.

Bond walks into a villain stronghold with no plan and so he is immediately defeated. Another time he sits down at their restaurant and falls into a trap. He falls into the same trap a second time later. These are only a few of his missteps. The villains really should have just bumped him off at that point but they do love their theatrics.

The villains also have the arrogance of not keeping their fortune teller Solitaire guarded at all times. She has the special ability to read the future so long as she never gets intimate with a man. Bond’s whole thing is that he has no moral compass when it comes to love but even if the villains didn’t know that, why wouldn’t her house constantly be guarded? How are you a pivotal player in a giant terrorist racket and yet you just go back to your home like it’s nothing after a mission? This naturally ends up in disaster for the villains.

Solitaire isn’t a particularly good heroine though as she relies too much on the cards. She allows them to completely dictate her destiny and yes, even her love life. The cards are also total trolls since they gave her an answer that would mean losing her powers no matter how you slice it. So in a way you could say that she never had any real chance of winning here. There is another heroine named Rosie who isn’t particularly likable either. Another easy score for Bond and someone who never really gets to prove her skills on the field.

It’s no wonder why all the other agents are constantly dying. Bond seems to e the only capable one around. That’s also a pretty sad thing since as this film shows, he isn’t all that great. He’s distracted too easily by women an doesn’t know how to avoid any traps. He is not the kind of guy that you want to rely on to save you. It’s just not going to work out very well in your favor.

The humor in the film can be pretty decent at times. When a character named Sheriff Pepper shows up, the film briefly becomes a full on comedy. The change in tone is rather dramatic but it works out well. The chase scene may be a bit too drawn out but it was nice to see the sheriff show up to yell at everybody. He really had a lot of confidence and so it made it easy for you to root for him.

I also appreciated the laughing villain who seemed to have some real supernatural abilities. He was tough to deal with and just kept on coming after Bond. This film delving into the supernatural like that also helped to increase the stakes, it’s just a shame that the villains couldn’t have been more entertaining otherwise. I also don’t really care about the tribe subplot with all the snakes. I did enjoy the New Orleans parade that would be used to bump off the heroes without anybody suspecting anything. That was a scene that I thought was actually super clever and both times it was used was really effective.

So if the Bond films could just stay away from the consistently terrible romances there might actually be something here. Have him act a little more professional. Meanwhile the opening credits song should be used more for total hype than for the fanservice. The songs sometimes aren’t even all that bad themselves but the images will have you cringing. The writing for the film isn’t all that bad either but everyone feels a little too easy. It’s at its best when the film is trying to be about the secret agent stuff. The gag where the driver was in on the whole trick was really good. That was an effective moment without a doubt and one of the big twists about the villain was also good. I would just say that for large portions of the film it didn’t feel like there was a ton of plot here. Certainly less so than in other films because this one got so ambitious with everything going on that it wasn’t always focused.

Overall, Live and Let Die is not one of Bond’s better films. It still has all the fanservice and one night affairs as the older films but without a lot of cool villains or action scenes to try and combat that. In fact, don’t expect Bond to be doing much of any fighting for most of this title. It can be funny to see Bond losing just about every encounter he does have without even putting up a fight but the actual plot isn’t nearly as interesting as it could have been. Ultimately this is a huge demerit to the film. I would recommend checking out some of the latest Bond films instead of this one. It simply doesn’t age well.

Overall 4/10

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 Review

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It’s time to return to the world of the Guardians of the Galaxy where they have to deal with a whole new threat. The films have had their ups and downs to be sure but how would this one wrap things up? Well, unfortunately I would say that it is the weakest one of the 3. The Rocket subplot is a double blow since it introduces animal violence while also writing him out of most of the movie. A very risky call no matter how you slice it since he is such a popular character. Ah well, we still do have a lot of fun banter with the rest of the characters.

The film starts off with the Guardians still being in a rocky spot as Star Lord grieves over not having Gamora around anymore. She died and was replaced with an alternate version of herself that never actually dated him. Now he just gets drunk all day but when the team is suddenly attacked and Rocket gets into critical condition, Star Lord realizes that he has to get his game on. Rocket’s unable to be healed by the usual sci-fi tech because of a bomb inside his chest and so they need to find a way to deactivate it. This may mean going up against the high Evolutionary but the team has never allowed themselves to be deterred before and they aren’t about to start now.

So lets get the dicey parts out of the way first. The High Evolutionary’s whole gimmick is that he experiments on animals in order to evolve them further. He aims to make a new human race that is superior to the old one. So naturally in a film adaption that means that we are seeing a lot of animals in rough states. Several of them were essentially dismantled and are part cyborgs now. Rocket grew up with a bunch of them so we see this quite a bit. Fortunately the surgeries already happened as that would have really pushed the envelope into absolutely terrible stories but it is a really dark plot that to this day you never need in any kind of film. It’s never going to elevate things.

Rocket also had a lot of experiments done on him which were quite painful. It’s a subplot that really drags the film since we cut away to it numerous times. Meanwhile the High Evolutionary looks really bad the whole time. I’m used to him being a fairly poised villain who is in control but here he constantly whines and it out of his depth. He doesn’t seem to be a great super genius and was unable to find Rocket for many years despite the guy being a world famous Guardian. This guy’s utopia didn’t even work as he has actual drug dealers running around.

He says he’ll just start again but why would a new attempt be any different? He feels like he is just completely insane. That’s not a bad thing for a villain necessarily but at the same time I would say that it just doesn’t make sense amidst the wider context. I would argue it makes his whole goal seem weird since he wasn’t even close to succeeding and having Rocket won’t really help with that. he discards all of his test subjects too quickly.

While the film also did a number on Warlock in terms of totally changing his character, at least he was funny. I can see why longtime fans wouldn’t appreciate this version since he’s nothing like the comics/games but at least he looks reasonably strong. I would argue he should have crushed the Guardians with ease though since that team is hardly the strongest one out there. I suppose he just lets his guard down a little too quickly when the going gets tough. With the Sentry coming up, Warlock’s probably not going to be able to stand out quite as much in his next appearance.

Where the film is stronger is in the usual banter. If you liked their discussions in the first two films then you should like them here as well. This team loves to constantly be bashing each other and they’re always doing pranks. For better or worse, you can’t trust your teammates on the small stuff but you can count on them when the stakes are serious. Mantis is always pranking Drax despite his many protests, Star Lord seems like he can’t help but constantly flirt with Gamora, etc. The team is completely dysfunctional but you could say that’s part of the fun.

The only member who is mainly left out is Groot thanks to Rocket being gone the whole time. Still a rough decision I gotta say and they should have kept him awake the whole time and helping out, just have there be a time limit on the bomb or something. From the Guardians I would say Mantis was my favorite character. Yeah she is definitely very immature and gets the team into a lot of trouble but at the same time I would say she cares about the team the most. She is always doing everything she can in order to help the rest out. Her attempts sometimes backfire but it’s the thought that counts.

Gamora is also solid considering how much she has to put up with. She is completely a different person than the old one so it’s really not fair how much pressure they put on her. I was glad that she stuck to her guns and did not let peer pressure win. That would have been a pretty bad look if you ask me. It was also good to have at least one team member who could fight well and keep the team on track. I would say that’s Drax’s role but he still ends up being the team’s jobber for most of the film. He does well against Warlock in the opening fight though so I’ll give him that. He also gets some big moments near the end of the film.

I didn’t care much for Yondu’s replacement but at least he doesn’t appear much. He was being kinda rude to Cosmo for no good reason. Cosmo did good though and reminded viewers why he is one of the most powerful creatures here. His mental abilities are really impressive. Finally we have Star Lord and he does not look good at all here. Getting so drunk and wasted during the intro was really rough. I needed him to step up as the team leader a whole lot sooner than he did. This is supposed to be his team after all, it was time for him to man up and act like it. I already talked about the Gamora stuff but yeah he’s just too desperate. I think he works well as the whiny comic relief in most cases, the serious moments just don’t hit as hard.

The film does a good job of making him funny at least though. I would make the case that the humor in the film tends to land more than it doesn’t. For that reason I would label the film more as a comedy adventure than adding any action to it. We do get some good fight scenes but I would say no great ones. The first fight with Warlock is way too slow and the best fight is the room battle near the end where everyone fights at once. Unfortunately there isn’t a great climax fight this time. I think the reason is because the High Evolutionary can’t really fight so there was no big villain that would force the heroes to team up against him.

While the second film had a lot of faults, it did deliver on a rather big climax which also had Star Lord’s best scene in the MCU. If you take away the Rocket subplot entirely then this film has a clean win over the second film but with it then it does end up sinking more than expected. Ultimately I guess you just can’t beat the original film which had all the fun first meetings. It was probably the funniest as well. In general it’s not possible for every joke in a comedy film to land but I would say most of them did there. A good amount landed in this film as well though.

As for the music, I would say it’s a step down from the first two films. Maybe that means low key the new music eras can’t beat the 80s. That is definitely possible although I tend to like 2000s so maybe it’s just the selection. There were no themes here that felt like they would become iconic or anything like that. They were good enough but not crazy good. Meanwhile we don’t get the usual big stingers at the end of this film so the ending is rather subdued.

Overall, Guardians 3 could have been better. It definitely suffers from having one of the worst MCU villains to date and not having a proper super bad to end the film with. Removing Rocket from most of the film was not a good decision and of course his backstory really ended up hurting the film as well. This was just one negative too many for the film to get around and so that sealed its fate. I think if you go into the film as a fan of the Guardians and just want a fun time you may get the best out of this. If you’re going in as an action fan or a big comic book guy, then you are probably not going to have as good a time here between Warlock and the High Evolutionary.

Overall 4/10

Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. Review

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Coming of age stories are always a very hard sell for me. They tend to be a bit more dramatic than needed and also make the characters look very whiny. Look, coming of age isn’t particularly hard. Being a kid is fun. Being a teen is fun. And yeah being an adult is fun too. Each part tends to have its high points but as a kid you can still be a high quality character yet these films always portray kids as being the most annoying characters possible. You just shake your head every time they show up.

Margaret is the main character here and the film starts with her family letting her know that they are moving over to New Jersey. Margaret has been a lifetime New yorker and so she isn’t happy about this. To her, NYC is where it’s at but the parents take her along to start the next chapter of her life. The next door neighbor shows up and announces that they can be friends. This girl is really outgoing and Margaret is just glad to have a friend so quickly. This girl has several other friends so all of a sudden Margaret is in a clique. It all feels fun but there is something empty about this life and she also begins to realize that she may be a pat of the bully squad. How can she get out of this?

Another source for drama here is that her father is Jewish and her mother is Christian. Naturally both religions are completely incompatible and she will need to choose one at some point. They made a joint decision not to pressure her one way or the other but the stakes are naturally high. Only one of them can be right after all and the wrong one will be going to hell by the end. Can Margaret really afford to take it slow right now? In a way the parents decision to not pressure her also means it’ll be tough for Margaret to ask either one for help so she is really on her own here.

This one mostly only starts to become a big deal by the climax of the film when the family gets involved and naturally escalates things. You want to say that everyone can just get along but I dare say this is a bigger deal than if your family has opposing politics. Opposing religions is literally a matter of life and death based on the outcomes according to each type. It’s why if you intend to have kids, I would argue you should not marry if you have different beliefs. It will only lead to problems down the line and you also have to consider that it is easier to be dragged down than to bring someone up. So if you marry thinking that you can convert your partner, think again. That is a massive risk no matter how you look at it.

Back to Margaret though, a big problem with her character is how easy it is to cause her to act cruelly towards the other kids. She believes rude rumors about a tall classmate right away and never even stops to think that this could be a lie. So she is hanging out with the bullies and never suspects a thing. She also allows them to convince her to do crazy things and never utilizes her freewill. She is just too desperate to fit in the whole time. It would have been nice if she could have confided in her parents more instead of just hiding things. Her mom in particular tried doing her best to help out but when the secrets are kept, there is only so much that the adults can do. They were basically frozen out.

Margaret is also just a kid so it’s a bit early for her to be thinking about crushes and stuff. The parents definitely needed to make sure games like spin the bottle and the closet of doom weren’t being played. Fortunately those are games that don’t really get played as much nowadays. I like to think most people have seen the problems with them but even for back in the day it’s crazy to think those things were happening. I would view the film in general as a good cautionary tale to be careful who you hang out with.

Everyone thinks they can be the exception but if you hang out with troublemakers then you will probably become one yourself. You’ll just learn too many bad mentalities and habits over time. It’s why it was hard to even root for Margaret the whole time since you kept seeing her on the wrong side. Also the film’s idea of what the kids would talk about tended to be more on the annoying side. It’s not that the writing was bad per say. It might even be slightly realistic although I have my doubts. It’s just that the script is not engaging as a result so the pacing really drags on.

I’d say the only main character who was holding it together the whole time was the teacher. He was trying to be funny and help everyone out as much as he could. I would have said the mother too since I mainly enjoyed her character but she did allow herself to be used a bit too easily at the school. I was glad she got past that though. The grandparents on the father’s side felt very manipulative so they get a thumbs down. The grandmother on the mom’s side was perhaps a bit aggressive but I cut her more slack since she was there the whole time and had a great relationship with Margaret. So she earned more credit in advance. The father was decently solid too for most of the film, I was glad that he didn’t make a fuss about there being no furniture and just made himself comfortable anyway. It’s always good to be easygoing and just let the chips fall where they may. Unfortunately he crashes by the end of the film for having crazy magazines in the house, I thought Margaret was bluffing the whole time to fit in so I was shocked when she actually found them. Yeah that was a terrible look for the guy, he doesn’t seem to be living the most moral of lives.

Overall, This film definitely wasn’t up my alley. It’s just not all that interesting and often times when characters are written to be “super realistic” they tend to just be unlikable the whole time. This film badly needed better characters and maybe even more of a plot aside from the whole themes of growing up. That’s just not enough for a whole film and you still need something really interesting to catch your attention.

Overall 4/10

The Black Room Review

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The Black Room is a reminder that sometimes characters really don’t know what they are doing and fall for the most obvious traps imaginable. While watching this film, I had to see character after character just make absolutely massive mistakes. They were all very preventable which was the worst part. The film can be funny at times in an ironic kind of way but as a whole I would say the film still ends up falling flat. It’s definitely far from my highest recommendation within the genre.

The film begins with a king being rather worried because the prophecy says that his younger kid will murder the older one within the Black Room. An advisor wisely says to just bury the room so the king does. Many years pass and Anton decides to go home to see his brother. Gregor had always seemed worried that Anton would murder him so Anton gave him space but by now things should be fine. He is rather surprised to learn that everybody hates Gregor but doesn’t put much stock in it. He knows that his brother is a force for good after all. Well, as it so happens, Gregor is a rather big villain who had been disappearing all of the women in the village and doesn’t really bother hiding this. Now that he needs to since Anton’s IQ is in the single digits. Can Anton escape with his life?

I’d say all of the characters have a little bit of blame in a film like this. First off is the fact that the Colonel never made a move against Gregor sooner. He finds the guy deplorable but still plays chess with him often and isn’t trying to arrest the guy. After a point if people keep disappearing after seeing Gregor you gotta make some kind of a move. It’s also not like Gregor is denying anything, he just relaxes and acts smug the whole time. The Colonel only cares once the situation involves his own daughter and even then he is slow on the uptake.

“I’ll expose you to the world and get you hanged! Now let me make a call to the police” Naturally turning your back to a supposed mass murderer when you’re alone with him in a room full of solid objects is a really bad idea. Then you have the house attendant. “Hey, I’m going to spread some really bad rumors about you to ensure you will never get with the girl you like. Don’t you dare try and stop me…” This line of argumentation didn’t go over very well for her either as you can probably guess.

Anton’s is probably the absolute worst though. He follows Gregor into a basement where Gregor starts to talk about all of his crimes at length. Anton is in such denial that he starts spamming questions. All of Gregor’s responses are a simple “Yes”. Anton finally runs out of questions and slowly it begins to dawn on him. He will not be leaving this room alive. He’s really not all that bright but neither are the rest of the characters.

Even Gregor as the first time he is found out for his hand writing, it’s a rather obvious blunder. Just write with your non dominant hand. It might look a little messy but taking a big gamble there isn’t very smart. He really only has himself to blame for getting exposed as the guy has no patience. He’s also lucky that this was the most subdued mob ever s usually he would have been torn apart the first time they visited the house. The film had nonstop plot armor the whole time which was just annoying.

Even the main heroine Thea came across as hopelessly naive. It felt like every character immediately liked her. Her own fiancé warned her about this and she was quick to dismiss his worries. Another idea that didn’t go well by just continuing to make appearances. She needed to find a way to just leave town along with him. Even if the main villain wasn’t crazy, it’s probably not a good idea to hang out with royalty when there’s even a chance that they like you romantically. That kind of deal goes badly even in real life because of how much authority they have. The fiancé is also taken down rather easily although at least unlike the other victims, it was in a way that he could not possibly have escaped. It just makes Thea look worse for being ready to move on.

Rebounds are always sketchy, but especially when your first partner goes out in such a violent way. The movie isn’t particularly dark or violent as the deaths are pretty quick or off screened but it definitely does get annoying to see them all make these mistakes over and over again. At some point you really need to just connect the dots. Like I said before it can be funny in an ironic kind of way at times but that’s definitely not what the film was going for. It’s just easy to poke fun at how badly the characters handle every twist of fate. How the town let things get this bad is beyond me.

It’s implied that Gregor made many women disappear. Not just 2-3 but quite a lot and the families just let this go every time? That kind of plot works when it’s the King and he has an army or something but it’s well documented here that everyone hates Gregor and he has no backup. Forget the mob, some vigilante would have taken him out by now right? The world building just didn’t connect with what was happening on screen and the villain got away with too much.

Overall, The Black Room is definitely not a good film. The characters are all as dumb as rocks and the whole movie would not be happening if the characters were thinking straight. They really should have handled things way differently and the fact that they didn’t feels like plot armor that was not nearly subtle enough. It’s not a particularly scary film either and I was actually expecting more supernatural elements. I dare say that those would have really helped the movie out in the long term. Not like it would have saved things either way I guess. In any event, you can definitely do much better within the genre.

Overall 4/10

The Black Stallion Review

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How much you actually enjoy this film will definitely come down to how much you enjoy the main kid. Will you find him annoying or endearing? For me he tended to be a bit more on the annoying side and so ultimately that didn’t help the film. The first half just takes way too long for anything to happen. The film gets significantly better once we are back to civilization but you really don’t feel yourself pulled into the movie. Instead you are on the outside wondering if the climax can save it all.

The film starts off by introducing us to Alec who is a bit of a quiet kid. He’s on a voyage with his father but unfortunately a big storm hits and he gets stranded on an island along with the Black Stallion. Alec must quickly learn how to fend for himself and stay alive. It’s definitely not an easy task for a little kid to handle so I give him props there. He also uses the time to get closer to the horse and it makes for a solid friendship the whole time. Once they make it back to civilization, Alec finds out that his horse is a great runner. Perhaps he can even be the best?

Technically I wouldn’t even say there is a ton of plot in this movie. Certainly not to the level you would expect to see in a movie that is around 2 hours. That is because a lot of the character development is really told through silent actions. Not a whole lot happens when it’s just Alec trying to survive on the island for example. Seeing him slowly get close to the horse can be emotional for some but for me I was really ready to get past this part. It’s why this is the crucial make or break point for the film. Me personally? I would have liked to have skipped to the civilization angle because to me that’s when the film really begins.

So that whole first half is basically dead time and while the film didn’t do anything wrong, not capturing my attention did hurt its chances of going up. Additionally in order to get to that point we had the horse get stuck and nearly drown early on. It felt like the horse was in a lot of distress throughout the movie which is always unnerving to see. The stallion was a very strong horse but I still didn’t want to see it get put through any hardships. This horse deserved a very happy life throughout. That’s absolutely what you want to see here.

As for once we get to civilization, I enjoyed the character of Henry. He helps a lot in training for the race events and just seemed like a nice guy. He was very supportive of Alec the whole time and really had his back. Without him, the racing would not have been possible. Alec and Henry certainly did put a lot of stress on Alec’s new guardian though who was understandably very hesitant to let him ride a horse. That is a dangerous profession and no amount of gaslighting can really get you around that fact.

Sure enough, the horse actually gets injured near the end. We still have an uplifting ending and things go well but yeah horse racing would not be the sport for me. In general I can do human racing but when you bring the animals into it, there are too many maybes for me. Are the horses all being treated right? What happens to the horse in last place? Working with animals is a very delicate field and not one that you want to get too mainstream because a lot of people are not really up for the task.

We’ll assume all the best in this film of course but even so there just isn’t a whole lot for me. At its core this is a film really about the kids and he’s just not good enough to hold the whole film. Kids rarely are, I always end up needing an adult to really liven things up. Since the bulk of the screentime is for the kid, it means that most of the film ends up being boring. That alone is enough for me to keep this film from making it into the green because it’s not a film that I would watch on my own.

I probably wouldn’t have made it past the opening 20 minutes on my own because I would be completely checked out. So I appreciate what the film is going for and I do appreciate there being good films aimed at the kids. This just isn’t one that suits my particular interests. At the end of the day, I certainly prefer to dislike a film based on the plot rather than on the content. So there isn’t anything particularly objectionable about this one. If you really like the idea of a kid surviving on his own in a proper coming of age story, then you’ll like this one.

Overall, I’d say parents will get the greatest amount of joy in this film. Seeing this kid take everything on with good cheer is definitely uplifting. You have to be really invested in that part of the story to make it to the race later on. That said, if you’re not a big fan of kids then it’s not like this film is really going to change your mind. The kid isn’t getting involved in a ton of banter or anything like that. If anything, he’s still fairly quiet even by the end of the film. Oh, he definitely has a lot more confidence but he certainly isn’t a big braggart. A sequel taking place 10 years later would probably be a whole lot more interesting to me. Not sure exactly where you would go with that one but it would solve my biggest issues with the film. So that was the Black Stallion, I can still safely say it beats the average animal film which tends to fall into bigger holes than simply being uneventful.

Overall 4/10

Johnny Mnemonic Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for one of those sci-fi films that is really all over the place. It’s a dystopia but definitely not the most interesting one out there. I do like that corporate is basically the big villain in all of this but even then I wouldn’t say that it is the big win you might be hoping that it is. That’s just not enough to carry the film and so this won’t be remembered as one of the better sci-fi titles.

Our main character is Johnny and his job is to transport confidential information around. With the internet being incredibly compromised, people rely on humans to traffic the data like this. Johnny puts it in his head and then gives it to the client. He wants out of this gig, but his partner tells him that he will need to do one last job first. The problem is that this latest job has a data size that is way above Johnny’s specs. There is just no way that he can process all of this. So what is he going to do? Well Johnny figures he’ll download it anyway and it should be fine. Unfortunately this job isn’t as straight forward as it appeared and now he’s on the run from the Yakuza. He has a bodyguard named Jane helping him but she is not in the best shape. Yeah this is gonna be rough.

Right from the jump Johnny’s decision is just really dumb here. I know that he’s in a hurry to get out of the business but downloading something into his brain that can’t fit just seems like an easy trip to the grave. It’s not a brave or smart thing to do, it’s just plain dumb. A really foolish move and he is counting on the fact that he doesn’t just die instantly from this. He has a few hours before the brain leakage goes too far but any form of brain leakage obviously brings some risks along with it. So yeah this was a bad idea.

Then Johnny’s partner is super shady from the start so it comes as no surprise to find out that he’s involved with the craziness too. First rule of Dystopias is not to trust anybody. Johnny ends up working with Jane out of necessity but it’s not like he can trust her either. She is very strong and capable but gets a severe case of the shakes all the time. That puts her in a really rough spot for any professional gigs so she is also desperate enough to work with a shady fellow like Johnny. Surely there is no way any romance could bloom out of this right? That would just be poor writing.

It just feels like the story is already pretty forced from the jump with Johnny getting into this mess. There’s just no way he should have stuffed his mind and surely he could have found another job. The people giving him the data also seemed very ill prepared for the villains who showed up later on. You’d think that they would have been more prepared. Ah well, Johnny does his best but I wouldn’t say that he is the most interesting lead character.

Jane is okay and I would even say that the shakes aren’t as bad as the film treats them. Jane’s very first scene has her crushing another bodyguard so clearly she is still strong enough to take out the average fighter. Should shaking really be such a big deal? It feels like in most cases she would still be able to get along just fine even if she will need some breaks here and there. Well, at least she does well as the body guard.

The most interesting villain is the Preacher. He’s a complete nutjob who is a hitman that likes to quote the scriptures the whole time. A real twisted guy but he’s also just such a random addition to the film. Corporate hires him whenever they desperately need some action but the idea that this huge company needs to resort to this is pretty funny. The corporation has so much unbelievable power at their disposal and they still need a secret hitman? It’s not like this is a one time thing either, from the conversation it sounds like they summon him from time to time.

Then for all the hype the Preacher gets, the heroes just run him over during their first encounter. Way to ruin the hype right? It was a very questionable decision as soon as it happened. Preacher does return and gets his share of victims but you still keep remembering the first moment. Naturally the film can get a bit violent so keep that in mind if you’re the squeamish type. The film isn’t holding back with how dark the future gets after all so this is not for the faint of heart.

We also meet a friend of Jane’s, The Spider. This guy doesn’t really like the future. He thinks that things should be done without all the electronics everywhere and he tries to be old school. He was entertaining so I appreciated that. The guy was constantly upset about everything and would really speak his mind. More characters like him could have made the film more interesting. I also did like one of the main villains, Shinji. He had a cool energy whip that could cut through nearly anything. It made him a very deadly fighter and the weapon just looks cool in action. He certainly gets his share of hits in.

I do think the film had some potential here but it’s all convoluted without being super interesting. I like a good mystery and sci-fi babble but it just doesn’t always go anywhere. We have a plot with a lady in the screen with ties to Johnny’s past, a resistance that has been around for a while, and both of those elements don’t appear as much as you would think. It’s the kind of title that has a whole lot of world building and character development behind the scenes but we just don’t get to see it. It probably would have worked better as a full on series.

I would also say that as a future story it should have embraced the fun sci-fi elements a bit more. Bring in more cool weapons like Shinji’s energy whip. Johnny isn’t a super fighter or anything like that so it would make sense for him to be carrying something instead of having to hope that he can deal with these guys in hand to hand combat. When you’re dealing with the future it’s not like you need to stick to some pre-existing ideas.

Overall, I think the film could have been better but it’s not nearly as interesting as you would expect. The film could even be a bit dull at times. The idea of people carrying information in their brains is interesting and dare I even say realistic? I could totally see that being the case in the future. Corporate as the villain was also a good idea but it just goes to show that you need more than ideas. You need proper execution! If you want a good sci-fi film, you should definitely check out something like Sword Art Online instead.

Overall 4/10

Up in the Air Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

This film definitely brings up some interesting points and ideas. I had a good time with the philosophical angles of the film even if I thought it came away with the wrong answers each time. Sometimes you want a film that makes you think like this one though and so that part worked out. Ultimately I wouldn’t say it was a good film though as it made too many mistakes and I had too many issues with it. I can say that it is certainly memorable though and not one of those titles you will soon forget.

The movie starts by introducing us to Ryan who has the very unenviable job of having to fire people. Basically his company are professional firers, so if a company doesn’t have the heart to fire somebody, then this place does it. Ryan rather enjoys the job because it allows him to be in the air almost every day of the year and his life’s goal is to reach 10 million miles. Sure the job itself isn’t fun, but that’s all it is…a job. So Ryan aims to make the most of it but one day he is called back to home base because the big brass had an idea. Why not use computers so that they can fire people remotely?

Ryan is completely against the idea on principle but also because it would mean no more travel. He’s now expected to fly Natalie, the girl who suggested this idea, around the world with him so she gets a feel for the business. He needs to show her just how difficult this line of work is but along the way she starts trying to put ideas into his head about needing a life away from work. Is she about to confuse this guy who had his life in order?

The main conflict of course is the whole idea of being forced to work from the office but beneath that is the real struggle here. Ryan has always lived a life of isolation. He has affairs and one night stands but keeps himself untethered to anybody. That’s the way he likes it, all the fun without any of the responsibility. He scoffs at the idea of a true romance and basically has his life all mapped out. He even meets up with a girl named Alex who agrees to a friends with benefits sort of relationship. It’s certainly not a wholesome life but Ryan thinks that he has really found something here. Well, that is until Natalie starts talking to him.

She accuses him of intentionally limiting his options, not taking Alex seriously, and of basically being really lonely. Ryan only thinks that he’s happy but he isn’t actually happy. That’s her frame of mind at least. Then Ryan has to meet up with his family for a wedding and despite seeing how disastrous it all is for everybody, he starts to believe that maybe having a family would be a good thing. Hmm..probably not the best idea here, at least not with the current people that he knows.

One thing you have to understand is that from the start, Alex is portrayed as being exactly like Ryan. They’re both extremely easy and are always up for some “fun” because they don’t have any real morals. It’s not a true relationship, it’s all just surface level. Ryan lets himself get tricked out of this to the extent that he basically makes a fool of himself but ultimately he only has himself to blame here. He should have seen all of this coming. So in the end of the film you don’t really feel bad for him, it was a big mistake and he’ll learn from it.

I would even say that despite the framing, it’s not a sad ending. The only tragic thing is that he wasn’t able to really enjoy the big airplane moment that he had been looking forward to. Everything else he will get over very shortly. It’s just a small stumbling block on the rest of his journey. He will be back to being levelheaded and everything else will march into place. It’s not as if Ryan is a good person. He’s clearly into bad habits and a toxic way of living but I don’t think he was secretly unhappy or anything like that. This is just what he enjoys and the life that he wants to lead. I would say what Natalie was telling him was just projecting how she wants to live her life.

I would even say that Natalie’s life was considerably sadder the whole time. She has a pretty rough breakup, she watches her big work project go up in flames, and finally she is the one who is forced to turn her back on a pretty big career trajectory. The ending for her looks promising and that’s a good thing but she probably needs to check her route as well. Meanwhile Alex is basically like Ryan. Certainly not a good person and living life on the rough side but it’s basically what she does. I don’t see her changing anytime soon and eventually it’ll all catch up to her.

It goes without saying that the romance is particularly weak here. It’s not like you’re ever able to root for Ryan and Alex. You see them as a temporary convenience and only Natalie is initially unable to see that. Their scenes tend to be rather painful which I’d say is probably the point. While the film may have been trying to say that Ryan lost out by focusing so much at work, I’d say the wedding subplot hurts that. There are a whole lot of issues going on there and of course the groom getting cold feet at the end was pretty terrible.

This film pretty much makes the argument of why you would want to stay out of relationships. Yes they can be a lot of fun but they can also completely derail your life and need tremendous amounts of upkeep. When Ryan and Alex have their sort of debates with Natalie, they come out the victor in each event. I would even say they got the ultimate victory by enabling Natalie to have a one night stand with a random stranger. Not quite the decision that someone who aims to have a stable family would do right? You’ll have to be careful not to let this film make you too jaded about actual relationships.

There are counter arguments to Ryan’s methodologies about romance and love of course but Natalie isn’t able to properly articulate any of them. So by the end of the film the solo life looks a lot more promising than it could have been. Regardless it does go back to my main point where I’d say Ryan is reasonably happy. He has a job that keeps him busy, a goal that gives his life purpose, etc. At the end of the day those two things can carry you through a whole lot.

Overall, Up in the Air is a jaded film but one that brings up interesting topics. I had a good time with it and the only things that bring it down tend to be the romance and at times the writing can be a little sketchy. The film is absolutely at its best when showing Ryan at the job. Now I don’t think anybody in the rooms would have bought his speeches at all. I think that part was all way too smooth to be realistic but the film is trying to keep a fairly light tone throughout all of this. There are a good amount of jokes to undercut the tension every now and then. The film did have a good sense of humor, enough so where it’s almost hard to get yourself adjusted when the film goes super serious later on. If you want to watch a film with debates on romance then this is a decent one to check out but technically I would sooner recommend an actual romance film and you can use that as a bar to see if it’s the life you want.

Overall 4/10

The Purple Rose of Cairo Review

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It’s time for a movie that has an interesting premise but never really gets into it. The movie has some ideas but the whole thing is bogged down by a terrible romance. Ultimately the film’s humor style just didn’t work out so the whole thing ends up being a dud but I do appreciate the attempt. Sometimes these films just can’t score the big W and that’s just how it goes. I’d like a remake some day that’s more of a horror thriller about the real subplot going on here.

The movie introduces us to Cecilia who is a very unhappy person. She is married to a rather abusive guy who is always cheating on her and doesn’t bring in any money. He’s basically a deadbeat. Meanwhile she has a hard time concentrating on anything and keeps on messing up at her job until she is fired. Her only real place to be calm and have a good time is at the movie theater so she goes there to continually watch a film as much as possible. One day the main character Tom jumps out of the screen and announces that he’s in love with her. Cecilia is shocked by this but then the actor who plays the character (Gil) shows up and also says he likes her. She must now choose between these men but of course she is also still married an has to think about this. What can she do?

First off Cecilia looks really bad here. At the risk of sounding like victim blaming here, she really gets herself into constant trouble. Everything at the job was completely her fault. She was not focusing at all and was instead gossiping the entire time. That’s never going to be a good idea and will naturally get her into trouble. She kept on dropping things and getting the wrong order so yeah that was a bad look. Then with the husband this is easier said than done but she needed to actually leave him. You just can’t get past this many red flags in one guy. Cheating and abusive and broke? That’s just absolutely terrible and it sounds like he has been like this for a very long time so it’s not like this is recent either. Oh no this is definitely a bad look all the way.

Finally when he comes down to choosing Tom or his actor, Cecilia looks really bad and naive here. For starters, it’s not like Gil was subtle at all about wanting to force Tom back in the screen to save his acting career. So didn’t Cecilia think for a second it was odd that Gil suddenly started liking her? Almost like this would make Tom lose his hope and just settle back into the screen? Basically Cecilia was played here and so while it leads to a sad ending, it ultimately it a situation that she created once again.

Gil isn’t a nice guy but you don’t expect him to be. He’s one of those Hollywood hotshots who is basically doing whatever he likes and she should have seen through that way easier. As for Tom, the guy is super oblivious to everything and seems to be lacking in common sense but at least he tries his best. He was able to turn down a bunch of the sketchy women who were after him after all so I can give him some credit there. That whole scene lasted a bit too long though.

What you’re really interested in is the subplot of how Tom broke through the film screen. We find out that as soon as the film is digitized, the characters become real. They’re also all unique to the exact picture that is being played. So for example if you have 100 copies of the film, then there are 100 Toms. No character has ever left the movie before but it seems like it’s something that is possible if a character ever thought about it. We find out that this has started a bit of a revolt abroad to the point where people are pulling the movie.

The fact that all the characters are actually sentient is pretty crazy. They are also immortal as shown when Tom could not be hurt despite someone trying to beat him up. There are a whole lot of ramifications to this but the movie is mainly a comedy so the characters just laugh about it. It’s a shame because that was the most interesting part of the film with ease. The whole movie industry would suddenly become a lot more dangerous if the characters could just leap out of the screen like that. Additionally we see that real people can jump into the movies as well.

Unfortunately we end up having to go back to the romance plot. Putting everything else to the side for a moment, if Cecilia was actually a decisive person that would have helped out a lot. Like if she decided to be with Tom, then not giving Gil the time of day would have been good. Maybe making it official with her husband that they are through, etc. These are all steps that she should have taken and that would have been a really good idea. Instead she is just too scattered and starts rambling about random things all the time.

Her character is just way too weak willed throughout the movie and that’s the real problem here. Even before she gets suckered at the end of the film, she never really makes the right decisions. The writing in general isn’t great either. I did like the movie itself within the movie because there all of the dialogue was on point. In the present though, the characters were all a bit too extreme like Tom being oblivious, Cecilia being indecisive, her husband being whiny, etc. It’s not exactly the kind of writing that grips you.

Overall, This is not a movie I would recommend. Just like how Cecilia wastes money on movie tickets and popcorn every night despite being ultra broke, it would not be the wisest decision for you to watch this film. Check out a different romance title instead. There are plenty of much better ones out there after all and they will all steer you down a better path. This is the path you want to go, only if you want to see an interesting premise that is shoved to the side. There are few things more tragic than a great premise that is never explored.

Overall 4/10