Category Archives: 4 Star Movies

I.Q. Review

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It’s time for a romance film that has a fairly unique gimmick but at the same time it doesn’t feel like this actually changes the flow of the movie all that much. In fact, the movie would likely be about the same either way. Unfortunately it suffers from having a particularly weak romance and the characters aren’t really likable. When you’ve got an unlikable cast and the romance in a romance film is weak…well there’s not a whole lot more you can do about this. The film just ends up being doomed upon arrival.

The movie starts with introducing us to Catherine and James who are engaged to be married. It’s a rather big deal for them of course but their individual careers are also rather big. They aren’t really the romantic types but things just worked out. Well, one day their car breaks down and so they head to a mechanic’s shop to fix it. Unfortunately one of the workers there is a very unprofessional gentleman named Ed who immediately falls for Catherine and starts to bad mouth James. Ed has no sense of tact or anything like that and basically just does whatever he wants. Naturally Catherine isn’t overly fond of him so Ed works with her uncle Einstein to try and make a favorable impression. To do this, he pretends to suddenly be a genius who solved the problem of nuclear energy. Sure enough this does catch Catherine’s attention but the other problem here is that now the whole state of New Jersey is really hyped about this. Has he set himself up to fail?

The story itself is a classic of one person pretending to be somebody that they’re not in order to attract the other but of course it usually does equal out to being a bad romance. For starters this means the relationship will be starting off of a massive deception. You also have to factor in that she is already engaged here. Yes, the film tries to show us that James is a boring guy who doesn’t add a lot of spice to the world but at the same time it’s not like Catherine really signed up for a super romantic guy.

His one really bad scene was when he wouldn’t start having fun with her during the middle of a dinner engagement. It wasn’t the best time for that anyway but even so it’s not like she was actively trying to leave the relationship. So Ed going after her so hard was just a bad look. Make no mistake, he takes the bulk of the blame on this one. He really should have just kept on living his life and not pursuing her. I also think the way he did it just came across as being distasteful too because he immediately started bashing James. Not a very nice thing to do.

Ed’s just hard to root for and the guy is constantly annoying. Meanwhile I do have to dock some points for Catherine for entertaining this at all. Yeah this guy is super smart now but that doesn’t means he has to play along and entertain the guy. She is already taken and off the market, that’s really all that he needs to know. She needs to completely leave the current relationship first before any of this could happen so yeah she isn’t a solid character either.

Finally you have Einstein and his team who are supporting Ed the whole time. It’s not a good look for them either since they should have been respecting the fact that she was already in a committed relationship. It also would have been nice if Einstein was more supportive of Catherine in general like when she found an error in Ed’s work and Einstein played dumb to help the guy out. Einstein may be a genius but he was completely out of his depth here.

The film actually showed some good restraint in not making James out to be some terrible creep. Ultimately they settled for just making him boring which is fine. That’s certainly not a terrible quality particularly with it being so subjective. You automatically end up rooting for the guy. The real losers in this fight were the American people though. Everybody was so excited about being the first to have nuclear power. Even the President was ready to get involved and it was going to be a huge victory for New Jersey in general. Ed got everybody’s hopes up only to let them down afterwards. Just not a good moment for him at all.

I rather liked Catherine’s boss as a character because he’s really emotionally involved in what he does. The guy was really trying to get Catherine to find a way to help out the company and then after that he did their best. It’s why lying is always a bad approach because there will always be several victims involved. Ed never actually seems all that remorseful for what he did though. They definitely could have made things a little tougher for him.

In terms of the comedic aspects of the film, it’s okay. It’s not the funniest film out there but there are a decent amount of jokes running around. It’s one of those things where the jokes would work better if you really enjoyed the characters. I liked Ed’s boss though, the guy was trying to keep it real the whole time but would crumble when it was time to get famous. He told Ed that the whole thing was a bad idea from the start though so I have to give him credit there. Then you had the scientists feeding Ed the right answers during tests but the whole thing was so obvious that it mainly just makes the side characters look bad.

Overall, I.Q. is not one of the better films. I feel like the premise absolutely dooms it from the start. The worst part is that you could cut out her fiancé and almost nothing changes yet it would help the film out quite a bit. Ed would still be annoying but at least he wouldn’t feel like a bad character so that’s an immediate improvement. It’s a reminder of how even small plot elements can really change a whole lot of things. All it takes is one story element to really shut things down. If they ever do a remake of this film perhaps they could really improve it. I doubt it’ll return tho.

Overall 4/10

The Outfit Review

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Whenever you have a gunman going up against some kind of a criminal syndicate you figure that they have to be absolutely doomed. There is just no way to outwit these kind of fighters right? You’re basically fighting off a whole army and yet that’s exactly what happens here. The Outfit got so used to winning that they are rather overconfident by this point. Definitely a dangerous spot to be in.

The movie starts out with the gang murdering Earl’s brother. Earl isn’t happy when he finds out about this after being released from prison. They try finishing him off as well but Earl was too fast and turns the tables. Now he wants revenge and so he’s going to start attacking “The Outfit” and stealing their money until they agree to his ransom demands. It’s an ambitious plan but he has a good friend willing to help him out. The only wild card here is his girlfriend. He wants her in the mix but she could end up being a liability. Will Earl’s stubbornness really get him into trouble?

Now this is at its core a film about villains fighting other villains. There aren’t really any heroes in the story, after all Earl was doing fairly heavy time in prison for his crime. So you have to decide if you’re rooting for Earl and his revenge or if you think the syndicate should win. Additionally you could just root for them all to be defeated and arrested by the cops but of course that is a bit of a longshot.

The movie also does make sure to show that Earl isn’t a particularly nice guy. His relationship with Bett is super toxic the whole time. He gets physical with her rather quickly and so again you are reassured that he is a total villain at heart. He is not some super nice guy or anything like that. The villains are all corrupt as well so it’s basically a wash. To an extent you don’t really mind whichever side gets it.

When a car tune-up goes wrong thanks to some false allegations from a scorned lady, we do unfortunately get some animal violence as a dog is murdered. That was definitely the low point of the film. The movie definitely did not need that scene and finding a way to avoid it would have helped the film greatly. There was enough tension and loss in the film without having to go that far. The whole plot there was really a bit out of nowhere and you could have just skipped the scene as a whole.

The film is at its best when it’s just about Earl and Cody taking out villains at every base that they stop at. It does make the Outfit look rather weak though with how they don’t beef up security or do much of anything. The leader himself can’t even be bothered until it all finally comes close to home. Still, you’d think there would be some communication going out and alerting everyone of what’s going on though. That would have made sense and then the main two would find it harder and harder to break into the bases. Instead the difficulty never really goes up as the Outfit doesn’t adapt at all.

Earl even laughs about how easy it is at the end of the film. He’s not wrong either since the whole thing was super easy. This is the kind of film that I’m surprised didn’t have a more somber or ironic ending like the two betraying each other or not. I guess ultimately they just made it through the situation and would be ready for a sequel. This time they’ll probably want to avoid adding any more characters because Bett definitely made all the rookie mistakes you could imagine. It’s always annoying to see characters just breaking the safety rules because they got upset or impatient. Not a very good business move.

Aside from the toxic romance parts, Earl works decently well as the main character. It’s just a big thing to try and put to the side. Not having any romance plot would have definitely been a good thing for the film because it’s not like it really served any kind of purpose here. Cody was a good friend and definitely came through a whole lot of times. If Earl had been on his own then he would never have been able to get as far as he did. For all of his skills, one man alone would not beat an organization while just having one more makes this a whole new ballgame.

As it is there is still a considerable amount of plot armor here. At one point the villains trap them inside a fairly small room with agents posted everywhere and they manage to shoot their way out of there. Even the main villain comments on how crazy this is. I’d be upset too since the organization had the element of surprise and the numbers advantage. When you still find a way to lose with all of that on your side, well there is no real coming back from that. It means that your organization is seriously lacking in skill and it goes back to how complacent they’ve become. They rely on their reputation over skill at this point and it really came back to bite them.

Overall, I would have appreciated a tougher end for the main characters. At the end of the day they were still full on villains after all. Not even the sympathetic kind but the full blown villains kind with punching out secretaries and being quick to fight. I was not expecting the ending at all though so that definitely took me for a spin. The movie made some critical errors at key moments so without that this would have fared better. If you really want to check out a big Noir title then you should watch this one but the genre is already stuffed with plenty of good films. So you could do better with one of those.

Overall 4/10

The Shell Seekers Review

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It’s time for a film about the horrors of growing older. You slowly realize that your time in this world is coming to an end and people start showing their true colors. It’s tough because at this point you just have to either roll with it or go for confrontations even at the end. In a way the film comes off as being a little depressing and I also thought that the main character was too much of a pushover. I was hoping she would be more aggressive here.

The film starts off by introducing us to the main character who lets herself out of the hospital because she really doesn’t like the environment. She does not want to feel like an invalid and wants to enjoy the last years of her life as much as possible. Yes, she had a heart attack but otherwise she feels just fine. Unfortunately she quickly realizes that the family thinks of her as a burden so she heads off to be with the one relative who always had her back. Unfortunately the others are still hot on her trail because they want money!

Okay so the first thing here is that you don’t have to put someone in your will just because they are family. I would say having them there by default makes sense but if it’s clear that they only want the money and don’t care about you then that’s something that has to be on the table. At one point two of her kids try stealing some rare drawings behind her back and the old lady still doesn’t change anything. By the end of the film she still has these ungrateful kids in her will which is crazy. It’s just not a smart move. I give her some credit for giving away the paintings just to spite the kids but she could have taken things a bit farther.

None of the characters here seem to make the best decisions though. One of her daughters was in a happy enough relationship but decides to toss it all aside for a big job to advance her career. I suppose it all comes down to knowing where your priorities are. If the job is really her top priority then that’s fine but I definitely don’t want to hear any excuses about it later on. The grass is always greener which is why you should not be making any rash decisions without thinking them all the way through first. That will always lead to disaster.

Also back to the heroine again, at one point she confronts her aunt and gets absolutely bodied in their debate. She lets herself get cut off numerous times and is constantly on the back foot. I think it can be tough when you’re in the middle of a debate like that but you have to establish that you are correct right from the jump. That is the first step to getting everything to work out if you ask me.

The film isn’t overly interested in redeeming the other characters and that’s a good thing. It would have probably been more on the cheesy side if any of them had a sudden change of heart. It didn’t seem like these characters would be doing anything like that anyway. So with the whole movie showing how unlikable they all were, it did mean that this film would drag on a great deal. If the heroine was calling them out the whole time that would be one thing but with the way that the film plays out, it just ends up being annoying.

Even near the end the main heroine interrupts a fight to just put herself in the wrong again which made me roll my eyes. It’s good to be a peacemaker but sometimes you can absolutely take that way too far and this was definitely one of those times. The film could have stood to have been a little happier throughout as well. To me it felt more like a cautionary tale about being careful when you’re older. Knowing who your real friends are and weeding out the fake ones. I still think it was absolutely beyond the pale to be rummaging through her attic trying to sell stuff away. That was crazy.

There is also a romance plot going on between the gardener and one of the girls and it is pretty brutal stuff. So from the start he is very cold and not talkative. He doesn’t show any real interest in her and brushes off all attempts at communication. Well, she decides to go with him anyway and then almost immediately starts to get upset at how cold and quiet he is. The whole point is that he was like that from the start so I thought that was extremely unreasonable. It would be one thing if he suddenly changed drastically after talking to her but he didn’t change at all so that was really crazy. Definitely a really bad look for her if you ask me so I was already checked out of that plot early on.

This film didn’t even need a romance plot. When your main character is old, you should be focusing on the unique trials relating to that main plot. Squeezing in a romance plot just because you can is absolutely crazy stuff. I was certainly surprised by it at the very least but not in a good way. Okay most of this was negative so at least one positive I can say about the film is that the scenery was good. The movie just needed to be happier and offer a little more hope for the heroine. Maybe add in some more likable family members somewhere or just make her really tough so the whole time she is fighting them off and we get a moment of introspection like maybe she went wrong at some point. At this point we’re talking about a completely different movie though.

Overall, The Shell Seekers was not really my kind of film. It could be too slow at times and the characters were all way too annoying. There wasn’t really anyone to root for. The writing was okay but the romance was weak and so ultimately that really limited the film’s overall potential. There was just no coming back from all of that and so I would say to give this one a skip.

Overall 4/10

Plainsong Review

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This is a Hall of Fame movie? I dunno about that, this one definitely doesn’t soar to the classic Hallmark levels of hype. Ultimately the biggest problem here is the lack of a satisfying conclusion to the movie. The antagonists get away with too much without any real penalties. Yes, you can say that maybe there were some consequences down the road but I don’t know if you can really make a convincing argument for that. It seems to me like you would have to do some leaps in logic on your own when the film could have just done that.

The movie follows a teacher named Tom who is having to raise his two kids by himself due to his wife being ill. His wife has retreated more and more into herself to the point where she first moves away but lets the boys see her, and then decides to completely go abroad. She has really deserted them in their time of need and Tom is already busy so now it’s going to be tougher on him. Meanwhile two of the teachers seem to like him. The more reserved Maggie and another girl who is really desperate. Tom has to be careful with how he proceeds…and of course there are also random bullies running around.

This is mainly Tom’s plot though. We also have Victoria who ends up getting pregnant and the guy doesn’t want anything to do with the baby. Victoria wants to keep the baby but has nowhere to go but fortunately she is taken to two elderly brothers who are okay with her moving in. They have a hard time connecting with her due to the age gap but do their best to be accommodating. Will Victoria be grateful for the help in her darkest hour or will she make some more bad mistakes?

Both plots can be annoying the whole time. I suppose the first one to dissect is Tom’s plot. I give him credit for not bad mouthing his wife or anything throughout the movie. She makes a lot of mistakes and is making his job harder but Tom just puts his head down and gets to work. Where Tom is a bit shakier is with the romance. I mentioned the desperate lady earlier and so he puts himself in dangerous situations like driving her home from the bar. Nothing happens but the fact is that something absolutely could have. She could have made a move in the car or claimed that he made a move. When someone’s interested in you, particularly when it’s one way then you have to make sure to never be in one on one situations.

It also gave Maggie the wrong idea but that’s a little harder to predict since the timing had to be perfect for that misunderstanding to occur. Their romance definitely felt a bit rushed though and it’s all moving pretty fast since Tom is still technically married. In fact, that’s the excuse he used for the first woman but then he forgot about that with Maggie. No matter how rocky things are, as long as there is no divorce then you can’t move on. Even then if it’s too fast then it plays out like a rebound. The movie didn’t really need any romance either since it’s not really crucial to the plot.

It’s not a good look for Maggie either for the same reasons. Tom is off the market right now and it basically has to stay that way. She needs to focus more on the schoolwork instead of all that. Another thing going on at the school is that Tom is being pressured to let one kid pass his class despite failing every test. Tom doesn’t want to do that but he may lose his job if he goes against the administration. Then meanwhile the guy actually goes and attacks his two kids. Yeah the two kids look really dumb in leaving home by themselves but you should still reasonably expect that they won’t be attacked by their fellow inhabitants.

The fact that nobody among the teens broke off the whole event was definitely disappointing. Likewise with Tom getting rocked by the bully’s father as well. No serious charges entered the mix or anything by the end of the film. These guys were literally attacking children and left them in the middle of a deserted area and nothing happened. The villains absolutely got away with wayyyyyyy too much by the end of that. It was definitely crazy.

Then with the Victoria plot, she looked really bad. It’s clear from the start that she was hanging out with the wrong crowd and naturally getting pregnant at such a young age is a bad look as well when it’s a voluntary action. You shouldn’t be engaging in acts that could leave you pregnant at such an age and it’s clear that the guy wasn’t ready for this. Then after being given a nice home, she leaves with the guy just to be reminded that he’s a total jerk all over again? It’s as if she had short term memory loss and in a lot of ways that has to be the most annoying part of this whole situation.

You can’t keep falling for the “Grass is always greener” approach. The two old men were nice enough to welcome her in once, to be honest if I was them there wouldn’t be a second chance after that. Kudos to them for being accepting but when you’re that old it’s not good to be having any real stress like that. She really just left without a word and scared them pretty badly. It’s a reminder to them that she would leave at the first sign of a better opportunity.

In a nutshell, the issues this film had were all boiled down to a weak character cast. The characters were mainly not likable and made the worst possible decisions. I think the old men would have made a much more interesting film at this point. The drama within the town just shows how corrupt everyone could be and I still can’t get over the teen getting away with punching a teacher and terrorizing two little kids. I’d want to be out of that town so fast if that kind of thing can just be overlooked.

Overall, Plainsong goes hard on the emotional beats but forgets to really have a resolution to them. When you just have sad plots over and over, it ends up making things too lopsided for any kind of ending to fix. I wouldn’t really be able to recommend this title because it’s more of a downer than anything else. You’ll want to watch a more traditional Hallmark film over this one.

Overall 4/10

Life is Beautiful Review

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It’s time for a film that has a really big tonal shift midway through. The initial half is a rather silly romantic comedy and then the second half brings a lot of nonstop tragedy. It’s definitely a bold approach as very few films can pull off such a stark change. Well this one puts in a pretty big swing so we’ll see how things turned out.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Guido who is a chronic liar who likes to have a lot of fun. He rolls constantly and falls in love with a lady named Dora. Dora already has a fiancé which would make things tricky for most leads but Guido doesn’t care. He figures that stealing her away will be easy enough and continues flirting nonstop in order to get her attention. Eventually she does decide to go with him and they have a kid. Unfortunately the Nazis invade and split them up. Guido has to keep his son safe but also find a way back to his wife. Can he pull this off or are they all already as good as dead?

Now even once the film changes genres, it is safe to say that it still keeps a lot of the chaotic energy that it had before. The movie will still allow Guido to pull off pranks and tricks the likes of which are just hard to picture. For example he ends up intentionally mistranslating everything the German commander was saying and nobody noticed. Then at one point he uses the loud speaker to declare his love for his wife and to let her know he and their kid were okay. Guido was always a man who was good with his words but this is definitely taken to the extreme here.

Throughout the film he does succeed in tricking his kid Giosue into thinking that this is all some kind of training camp/tournament in order to win a tank. Of course even for a kid that’s a bit of a stretch so you either enjoy this craziness thrown in to keep the film from getting too grim dark or you quickly believe that it is going too far and it weakens the film for you. As someone who enjoys some levity, I’d say it works well enough for me although the actual film is still dark enough where it’s not really my cup of tea.

Additionally while the first half is showing how determined Guido is and how he never gives up, I do think it’s a bit dicey on how he steals Dora away from the fiancé. Yeah he didn’t seem like the greatest guy but they liked each other enough to get to that stage. While not as bad as going after someone who is absolutely taken like in marriage, this is close enough where it gets into very dubious territory. So that prevents me from being able to say I was 100% into the romance.

The film also used the humor to punctuate a particularly sad scene for the lead. At one point he recognizes one of the guys at the German camp which was a professor he used to get along with. The guy acts like he is getting ready to help Guido escape and there are quite a few scenes building up to this. However, when the time comes, it turns out that he just wanted help with a riddle. It’s a call back to the riddle solving days from earlier so it was all one big joke but this time Guido isn’t laughing because lives are on the line. It showed that he couldn’t rely on someone that he thought he could and so of course that didn’t go over very well.

Meanwhile the kid was okay but definitely makes a number of mistakes. He is very young so you can say that is to be expected to an extent but man did he put the lead through a lot. Speaking when he shouldn’t, causing attention to be brought to himself, etc. The last thing you want to do is be in the spotlight here. Meanwhile his wife did good at being hidden to the point where she basically vanishes for the whole second half. She kept her head down and waited for the right opportunity.

Ultimately the ending also doesn’t go for as happy a tone as you might expect. Some things go well and some do not, definitely a tough situation all around. Additionally for the supporting characters there is a lot of tragedy as well. Ultimately the silver lining is that the situation does have a resolution so at least the tough period is over. The amount of casualties was just astronomical in the process.

Overall, I wasn’t quite sure if I should format this as a review and if there were enough differences for a score or if it should be treated as a based on real events kind of story. Ultimately I figured there was probably enough here where I’d make it a review. At the end of the day this is definitely not my kind of film but I appreciate the attempt on a very different take on the situation here. In a way it probably works better than if it had been serious the whole time since that would have made the film an even darker watch. The first half just didn’t click well enough with me since I couldn’t root for the romance. If the heroine had been single the whole time then the whole thing would have flowed better but otherwise even the early flirting doesn’t make any sense. You shouldn’t even be entertaining any of that if you’re already dating. Then naturally the second half isn’t exactly an easy watch. The lead does his best to try and minimize how bad the situation is but even he can’t quite reduce that to 0. It’s pretty obvious to the rest of the characters that things are getting worse and worse as the climax approaches.

Overall 4/10

DOA: Dead or Alive Review

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Dead or Alive is one of those titles that is always super tragic. The series has amazing characters who got a lot of hype thanks to the fan-animated Dead Fantasy series. Additionally there is a lot of rich lore and world building to be found but instead it is often thrown away in place of fanservice. The same thing happens here. The movie has a fantastic soundtrack, great fights and visuals, not to mention a great cast. Unfortunately the fanservice continues to come in strong and hard which ultimately prevents the film from succeeding the way that it should have. You have to squint your way through to the end which is not the way to go.

The film starts by introducing us to our three leads. You have Princess Kasumi who wants to find her brother Hayate who supposedly died during the Dead or Alive tournament but she doesn’t believe this. When she gets an invite to the tournament, Kasumi gets her chance to find out what’s going on. Tina’s reason for entering the tournament is a bit more mild, she wants to prove to people that she is a true fighter and not a fake wrestler. Finally Christie just wants to make more money and there are millions to be stolen from this island. Who will take the crown?

There are a lot more characters in the tournament but technically speaking most of them do not last very long. It was fun to see a bunch of characters from the games either way though. Tina’s father Bass gets a fight to himself and it’s clear that he is holding back a great deal so when he goes down it’s not like he suddenly had to get nerfed by the plot or anything. Who wants to defeat their kid in a serious fight right? If anything you could say he was mostly used for the comedy which worked really well.

This is the kind of film where you do have to overlook the characters really taking it to each other even when it’s a friendly match though. Christie for example dishes out a ton of pain to her boyfriend Max like hitting him where it hurt and crushing his hands. It was intense enough where I thought he was being set up to be a total villain but in the end it just ended up being their dynamic. Max has one scene where he defeats a fighter accidentally which was taken a bit far as a gag though. In the end I’m surprised he still ended up with Christie but I guess his confident attitude actually worked.

His romance plot is still better than Weatherby’s though. That guy didn’t stand up to help Helena when it counted and so that was a real bad look for him. I give him some points for actually talking to Helena instead of creeping by the computer all day but he still wasn’t really my kind of character.

Another character who looks bad here is Ayane. She is so determined to murder Kasumi that she takes this to a crazy obsessive level. Ayane could have been putting that time towards helping to find Hayate as well. Even if he was dead, just let Kasumi do what she wants for now. There is no reason to be going this aggressive and then by the end she is acting like nothing happened. I tend to like Ayane but she did not look good in this one.

Hayate sadly doesn’t get to do a lot here but he is given a lot of hype as being the strongest warrior on the planet. That was appreciated and he does his best even when he’s outgunned. I have a hard time believing that he would lose but I guess I can ignore that. The point of Victor’s new tech is that he can copy and predict people’s moves but I don’t think the body would be quick enough to counter and also properly execute the move. We can just chalk it up to sci-fi shenanigans.

Victor actually made for a pretty good villain. He’s nice and over the top the whole time with al the laughing and bragging about how strong he is. He’s a villain who is clearly having a good time throughout the movie and seems to actually enjoy being rich. Sometimes you just want a big villain like this who is completely unrepentant and does whatever he feels like. No need for some kind of a fancy character arc here.

Hayabusa does well in taking out a lot of minions here. I also appreciated that he was really protective of Kasumi rather than trying to murder her. The guy was even able to push his feelings aside throughout the movie so that he could properly protect her. He gets big props for not getting distracted. This guy is just a really good hero through and through who is as noble as they come.

Speaking of distractions, I was also pleasantly surprised that the film didn’t have any of the characters try and use their looks to distract the villains. That’s one of the worst tropes and fortunately the movie didn’t have any of them sacrifice their dignity. Now the extreme levels of fanservice in the film do negate this to an extent but at least that’s one thing it avoided. The various romance plots tend to be really weak. The only decent one is with Hayabusa and even then it could probably stand to slow down a bit. The others are definitely more on the annoying side and move too quickly.

Back to the characters, I would say Kasumi is the best one. She goes out of her way to try and save Hayate and puts herself in great risk. She understands what it means to look out for someone even if it puts your whole future at stake. She’s definitely the kind of friend you want to have on your side and her skills are quite impressive. Definitely a really fun character without a doubt. Then we have Christie who is fun as an antagonist. She doesn’t have the moral compass of the others.

Sure she’s not going around murdering everybody but she is a thief and takes whatever she wants. In terms of fighting abilities she may be the strongest heroine out of Kasumi even if it doesn’t seem like her training was as formal. You get the feeling that she just had to learn in a hurry after being a thief for so long which makes a lot of sense. She’s charismatic and a lot of fun to have around the whole time.

Now I have to admit that the final two heroines Tina and Helena look so similar that I was mixing them up the whole time. I generally know them from their storylines as Helena had the Weatherby one while Tina was proving herself but this is where video game costumes would help out to really differentiate them. They’re both fun enough, I probably prefer Helena because she has more of a troll side to her. She was definitely messing with Weatherby intentionally a few times. As far as flirting goes, that’s probably one of the better ways to do it. Tina had to start off with a fake victory to move on forward in the tournament so it didn’t make her look quite as hype.

Still you’ve got a lot of fun characters throughout. I also really liked the tournament style as matches could happen anywhere at any time. That’s just a really cool concept and there were a few homages to the games like how the cameras and UI worked. The soundtrack is awesome like I mentioned before with a ton of rock music. The pacing is really fast and so this film was really firing on all cylinders. The writing is really good with a fairly light tone but still keeping the story serious. You’re super invested in what’s going on the whole time and the fighting choreography is really solid. The film even played the volleyball match very seriously without any fanservice attempts in there.

Alas, like I mentioned before the fanservice still keeps this from being a good movie. I can’t really recommend a title that will have you shaking your head and wincing so often. That just wouldn’t make sense. It’s better than something like Charlie’s Angels which was all flash with no substance since this one has a good film buried beneath that but it has to succeed in spite of those scenes which was too hard of a mission. I would like to see a modern version pull this off while not falling into the usual traps.

Overall, Dead or Alive has a very distinct reputation which is pretty well earned by this point. It’s a shame that it always goes for the easy views when this has the makings of a great franchise. This film is just another example of this tactic. If you can get past all the fanservice then I would recommend checking this film out and seeing what you think. If that sounds like it’ll be a little too difficult then you should just check out the original Moral Kombat instead which is the ultimate tournament film.

Overall 4/10

The Thomas Crown Affair (1999) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Whenever you’ve got a film with the word affair in the title then you know that you might be in trouble. Naturally the word doesn’t have to inherently be bad but it’s usually used in a negative context. The film is basically about someone trying to pull a James Bond and just the concept of that plan is usually funny to me. Still, it does actually work in the real world even so I can’t really talk much about that. Ultimately the film lacks the good characters to make this a success and the romance is particularly weak.

The film starts off with a rare painting being stolen from Thomas Crown’s museum. It was worth tons and the insurance company might have to pay for it. As a result they send in a lady named Catherine to oversee the whole thing. She will make sure that the company does not get ripped off here and she will locate the painting. She believes that Thomas did it himself. It seems a bit unlikely to the cops to put it mildly but she is convinced. So her plan will be to seduce him and then get the information. Will she really be able to reel in a rich guy who has everything so easily?

The first part of the plot that already starts you off on a skeptical note is Catherine’s idea that she can just seduce this guy like it’s easy. I have the same skepticism for many romance type titles and naturally the James Bond films as well. Sure there are some people that are extremely shallow like that but a super rich guy with unlimited options? At least have her break him down after several months or something but he immediately takes the bait hook line and sinker. Now you could argue that it’s just because he wants the thrills of a cat and mouse game but to me it seems like he liked her right away with how sharp her personality is.

Then the rest of the film continues the cat and mouse game while they mess with each other the whole time. There’s a subplot where Thomas has a psychiatrist who confirms how he can’t trust women and all that. Well the film seems to confirm his suspicions as Catherine tries to mess him over several times. If anything the movie seems to make the case for Thomas on why he can’t trust anyone too much. The instant Catherine feels betrayed she tries to completely ruin his life by exposing his theft.

I mean…that was her job the whole time but it’s clear by the end that it’s super personal now. She refuses to listen to him at all and just goes back to her own thing. Then by the end when the misunderstanding it cleared up she is desperate to be with him again. Catherine jus seems incredibly unstable and I don’t see things going well for the two of them. The original film had the much more satisfying ending as a result and I couldn’t stand by this one. The reason is because I wasn’t a big fan of the romance in general despite how much the film tried to present it as a decent one.

I do like the whole enemies to lovers trope when handled right but this one didn’t convince me. As much as I was going on about Catherine not being the most reliable or trust worthy, the same is true for Thomas of course. The whole film is happening because he was bored and wanted a thrill after all. You better hope he doesn’t get bored of romance either since he seemed like a real player back in his day. That is definitely one of the big downsides of being super rich. It’s a bit of a meme as everybody would usually like to be rich anyway but I can see how life can get dull if you don’t find anything to give you purpose.

Also to make the romance even worse, we have the head cop in charge of the case, Michael. This guy is absolutely desperate for Catherine from his very first scene and it’s obvious that she is not into him at all. She gives him a pity kiss later but I wish the guy had been a little bolder and just created some distance after the first attempts failed. Lets keep this professional right? This film is the definition of unprofessional as nobody was able to really keep to the job but it’s probably the worst for Michael. Catherine at least had the excuse of this being part of her plan and Thomas was using this as a way to gauge Catherine but Michael should have at least been objective.

Now in terms of the heist itself, it does stretch your disbelief at times. I find it hard to believe that nobody noticed the CEO sliding under the door to steal the painting early on. The film’s excuse for this would be how crowded things were and to an extent I get that but it’s still a bit of a stretch. Likewise when the painting was returned later on. The ole switcheroo was pretty clever though and I didn’t really have any problems with that one. I did enjoy all the “magic” and planning even if the resources and time to pull that off are also tricky. Thomas obviously has the money but finding enough people willing to take a fall and potential jail time? With enough money you can pretty much do anything but you can also count on at least one guy to get cold feet and go to the cops.

I’m not really an artistic person myself so I always wonder how paintings can really go for millions of dollars. I’d sooner buy into the conspiracy that the whole art market is just a front for money laundering than actually thinking someone would value the piece so highly. Talent is talent and some people are truly gifted at it but millions for any piece of art seems absolutely crazy. I’m also not particularly entertained by walking around a museum to look at paintings. That seems like the kind of thing you would endure for good company.

So the main appeal of the movie is about the heist and the cat and mouse games. That is when the movie is at its best but the rough romance really holds it back. There’s just no way this will work out and the romance is more of a show over tell kind of experience. So not only was I not convinced but the movie spends a lot of time on the romance only for me to still be shaking my head the whole time.

Overall, I would still skip on this film. It’s an improvement over the first film but it’s still not a winner yet. At this point I think we need a live action version of Sly Cooper. That’s a film with a similar premise but 1000x cooler. You will still have the cat and mouse banter with the detective trying to catch the thief but it’s played in a much more interesting way. Until that movie comes out, I recommend playing through the games and you will quickly see why the Thomas Crown affair can’t quite compete.

Overall 4/10

The Lake House Review

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It’s time for a film that goes out of its way to shatter its own message time and time again. I suppose it is always harder to follow advice than it is to state it and that’s what happens to the main heroine here. At the end of the day the plot has to be held together by both main characters making the biggest mistakes possible at every turn but that’s how it goes sometimes. It may be very dramatic but I would say this is not a particularly good movie.

The movie starts with Kate leaving her Lake House and alerting the new tenant to make sure he sends any leftover mail to her. She is now working hard at a hospital trying to save lives but it gets off to a rocky start when someone is hit by a car/truck and dies right in front of her. She is not having a good day but then gets an odd message from the tenant. It turns out that their mail is reaching each other from 2 years apart. He is actually the previous tenant from 2 years ago. Their messages are floating across time and both are so desperate that they fall in love with each other through the pen pal system. How can they possibly meet up to express their feelings?

This won’t be easy. Sure it’s only 2 years and it’s not like she moves far enough away but they’d have to ask for each other’s phone number, names, etc. In a lot of ways it will be easier for Kate since she is in the future so she should be able to look him up with minimal effort. She doesn’t though because the film would be over basically immediately. For Alex it’ll be slightly tougher since she doesn’t know him yet but perhaps with his charm he can win her over too. Instead he just loses touch right away. Are they just really bad at this pen pal stuff?

This is yet another film that falls into the tragic trap of being better if they were just friends. It would be a really wholesome film if they could both just be encouraging each other the whole time. Alex would give her tips on getting through her current struggles at the hospital and maybe Kate would help him patch things up with his father. Instead going with the romance angle hurts both characters massively and I’ll get into that now.

Kate reveals that she really loves a book about two people always meeting up at the wrong time and the message is about patience. Waiting for the right person instead of rushing things. The book had a sad ending but she will be ready to wait and find the right man. Okay so now she potentially has Alex and just needs to find a way to meet up with him. Instead she loses confidence in him and immediately runs into the arms of Morgan who has been chasing after her for quite a while. She basically decides to settle for him instead of staying alone with seems like an absolute waste. Why would you possibly settle when the whole point of the book is to not do that?

Another problem is how quick it all was. She basically rejects Alex and then runs straight into Morgan’s arms. This isn’t someone who is serious relationship material. I’d also argue that Morgan should have higher standards for himself. They already broke up once in the past because she cheated on him (It turns out that she was with Alex at that time) and he is still content to be with her when she has no remorse? When he brings this up, she immediately gets defensive and gaslights the life out of the guy. She makes it sound like Morgan is being petty and should have gotten over being cheated on which is absolutely crazy.

So we’re definitely on a really bad start with both of these characters. I couldn’t support Morgan at all here but I can’t supposed Kate either since she is way too emotional. She feels like the kind of character who will revenge cheat or have a fling if she gets bored. That’s what happened last time after all. Meanwhile for Alex, he is moving a bit fast here. For starters he does initiate the cheating when he knew Kate already had a boyfriend. Not a very ethical position to take.

Then Kate gives him the silent treatment after one plan goes bad which seems incredibly immature. There should also be some pretty big implications if he couldn’t make it in two years. They should have explored those options together instead of Kate deciding that she needed a man right away. As you can see I wasn’t too sympathetic to her plight.

The whole climax also revolves around Alex not being able to track her down for basically 2 years which is really crazy. Given that the film didn’t seem to deserve the “happy” ending that it got, I actually think the should have had her fail the mission. Have the film end with her waiting as the credits start to roll. You could also argue that this is an open ending and perhaps that means he would be around soon. I just don’t see why he would be willing to listen after such a long amount of time.

Also he just didn’t answer for two years while waiting to surprise her after 2 years? The time travel definitely does have some issues which is probably a byproduct of thinking up such a unique premise. I do think it’s a really cool idea but turning it into a romance feels like it was a mistake. This film would work so much better with the friendship angle because then most of my issues would not end up applying.

My only other applicable issue would just be that Alex’s subplot with his father seems rather shoehorned in. It didn’t have a whole lot of payoff and felt like filler in the movie. I didn’t think it had a noticeable impact on any of the characters’ development so if you cut it than nothing changes. Giving that a bigger role could have fixed that issue but then you’d have less time for the rest. So I’d probably have just substituted that for some more letters. Reading out the letters is probably the highlight of the film after all as it’s fun to keep jumping from place to place in the two eras.

Overall, The Lake House is definitely an emotional film. I think you’ll have a good time for the most part as the concept is explored fairly thoroughly. You’ll just see more and more of the cracks as the romance gets serious and the whole thing falls over by the end. This film absolutely needed better characters and I also have to suspend disbelief big time on the characters falling in love with each other. Through letters? That just seems really crazy to me. The writing is good and I hope more films try a premise like this. They just need to try and stick to the theme. If the characters are big on waiting then have them wait and not jump into a crazy relationship after one setback. That’s still the wildest part of the whole movie.

Overall 4/10

Morning Glory (1933) Review

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Morning Glory is one of those films where you question the overall point of it midway. It’s a classic journey about corruption and how hard show biz is but the main character holds the whole thing back. That does tend to happen a lot but since she folds almost immediately, there isn’t a whole lot of drama here. You know that she won’t be able to make a difference in the industry and so the usual drama just isn’t there.

The movie starts off by introducing us to a pathological liar named Eva. She is really determined to succeed in Hollywood but doesn’t have a lot of confidence and so she just lies about everything on instinct. Anything to give her a slight edge but it’s not really working. She eventually manages to crash a hiring session and make some influential acquaintances but then she fails in her first big show. Will she be able to still become a success?

Eva is a bit too naive for this world and the problem is that losing this trait will almost inevitably carry with it some big penalties. For example she is able to get back into the limelight briefly after getting super drink and having an affair with Louis for a night but that doesn’t help redeem her as a character at all. Instead it’s just another reason to show why she wasn’t ready for this level of competition. It may be something that a lot of would be Hollywood stars go through but she should have fought off the trend.

Getting drunk isn’t really an excuse that I ever tend to accept. Just don’t get drunk in the first place if you know that your true intentions are not going to be the best. It also feels like Eva’s delusions make her not practice or study nearly as hard as she should. She always comes across as incredibly unprepared which should not be the case when this is her passion.

I much preferred Rita who may have been super stuck up but knew her worth. She called Louis’ bluff at one of the shows and stormed out. It’s hard to say who will win in the long term but she is apparently till quite famous so I get the feeling that she will be just fine. As for Louis, he will probably do okay as well but the guy probably can’t count on someone like Eva to bail him out long term. So Rita was fun because she could stand up to the others and wasn’t going to break down at the first sign of trouble.

Louis is another character I don’t like. Obviously he should have been able to control himself when Eva was drunk. The guy is supposed to be a professional and has been in the business long enough to know better. So no sympathy for him later on when he was feeling awkward. Joseph isn’t much better either as the guy knows a lot of what’s going on and never gives Eva any proper heads up. He liked her so he needed to step up. Although I don’t blame him for taking a back seat once she was fooling around with Louis. At that point he may as well run off.

There aren’t really any big characters to root for here though which shows how aimless the film was. To an extent it is really about Eva failing over and over again until she gets her big break. Yes she manages to pull it off but at a great cost as she now has a lot of ammo to be blackmailed with eventually. Additionally, she just doesn’t seem to have the skills to remain as a main star. We don’t even know how she really succeeded in this role since everything we saw earlier would have implied that she’d be a big failure on the big screen.

Another problem here is that the big scene is about Eva getting drunk and making a fool of herself at a party. It seems to be meant to be impressive as the characters mention that she would be a huge hit if she could perform like that when she wasn’t drunk. It didn’t seem all that impressive to me though and if anything I’d be feeling second hand embarrassment if I was at that party. It’s why you never want to have too much alcohol at a party because inevitably there will be someone there who is a lightweight and ends up getting too drink. That’s bound to be a big problem. Not that any of these corrupt characters would really mind I suppose.

I guess the bright side you can probably say is that all of these negative movies about getting into show business probably did keep people from making rash decisions in order to be a star. Ditching your home town and everything in order to shine is definitely not the right play because then you’re already in a vulnerable spot. It’s had to negotiate for a great role and high pay when the other side knows how desperate you are. If Eva had a good manager and more skills then she probably could have fared a bit better. Alas, she went in without any real experience or connections and got trampled by the business.

Overall, Morning Glory is not a film I’d recommend checking out. It does have that retro tone that I enjoy with a fun script and good writing but it is really hard to succeed without a strong cast. A noir film could pull it off due to the really engaging story going on but a romance drama? That’s going to be a really uphill battle and this one was not able to pull it off. You can definitely do better within the genre.

Overall 4/10

Scarface (1983) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for one of those iconic gangster films. In a lot of ways it tackles the classic rise to infamy type of story but takes its time with it. The film boasts a very impressive runtime of nearly 3 hours but as a result it can move rather slowly at times. I would also argue that Tony himself looks far less impressive in this version as he falls to the vices faster. Perhaps it is good in terms of not letting people accidentally look up to him but in the film’s context it does mean that he is considerably weaker than the original.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Tony and Manny who slip into the USA. They’re going to be starting out as bottom barrel thugs but Tony has dreams of rising up to the very top. He continues taking more and more risky jobs as he moves up the ranks. His ambition knows no bounds, the guy wants to own everything. He also falls for the wife of his boss. If he’s told no about anything then Tony wants it, that’s the way he lives and how he plans to move until his death.

Obviously this does mean that this is one of those films where you are rooting for the cops to take him down. Tony is a villain through and through. He has some moral scruples compared to other gang members but the guy is still a mass murderer who does whatever he feels like. He gets addicted to drugs to the point where he can barely focus on anything. So he becomes someone whose personality flips on a dime. He’ll blow up out of nowhere and this makes him a very dangerous leader.

It’s a bad mix when you’re in a sudden death career like being a mobster while also being completely addicted to drugs. He’s basically taken in by all of the bad vices and is too far gone to ever go back. Meanwhile there is a subplot where he doesn’t want his siter to go down this path so he gets very demanding in terms of what she can or cannot do. He seems to want her to be alone for her whole life and to just stay indoors. It’s not a particularly reasonable position and so she makes things go pretty badly for him as well although I would have liked her to have finished him off. Instead she just completely cracks in this version which isn’t satisfying in the slightest.

Tony goes around betraying everyone all the time so he doesn’t have many loyal allies by the end. There’s his best friend but then Tony gets upset because of his sister being involved so that’s it for that. Again Tony is really burying himself at this point. Even his obsession with Elvira shows how bad Tony is at making the right decisions. Why would you ever want to get together with a girl who flat out does not like you? She only likes the money and status which isn’t a good idea for a relationship.

This even happens in real life as there are a few people who keep getting passed around in an endless cycle because I guess everyone wants to prove themselves but it seems like a terrible idea. With his influence Tony could have had a whole lot of options but no he wanted the lady who was already married. Elvira may not be a good person in the slightest but I still put most of the burden on Tony here for trying to break up the marriage from the start.

The film has some violent moments to be sure. It doesn’t mind having some blood spray during the gunfights and there is the axe moment. In this case you can count on people being shot in non combat situations as well like the scene where Tony shoots one of the passengers in his car. You probably shouldn’t double cross the leader of a mafia boss like that. Tony said he doesn’t murder kids and so he took steps to enforce this position. It was a good scene for Tony amidst a mountain of bad moments but we’ll take what we can get here.

I feel like the police had a smaller role here than in the original film despite the longer screentime. Yes we’ve got the corrupt cop but we don’t get the perspective of the main police force hunting this guy the whole time. That could have helped this film by giving us some tangible characters to root for. It’s why films based around the villains are always fighting an uphill battle. Unless the villain is super charismatic or has a goal that you can empathize with then you run the risk of the film just being too dreary. This one never really gets past that to make the case on why you should really be invested in the title. Just give me one really likable character and that could change things at least a little but the movie never really does that.

Overall, Scarface may be an iconic film but I wouldn’t say it’s all that good. It does show off the rough life of a gangster and it’s not like you have any real sympathy here because they are all bad apples anyway. This is a life that they completely chose for themselves after all. Now they have to contend with the dark side of their own career. The more that Tony loses, the happier you get as the audience. At the same time, this is just not a happy film. It’s a very serious one that just keeps on going and so when the film isn’t fun that takes a lot of the pop out of it. It’s hard to succeed under such circumstances. I’d recommend just watching the original one instead which handled the material a lot better.

Overall 4/10