Category Archives: 5 Star Movies

Practical Magic Review

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It’s time for a film about magic and how a curse can really last for a very long amount of time. The film has its moments but the whole main romance is really just a big rebound so that does take some points without a doubt. Ultimately the movie goes by rather quickly and it’s an entertaining ride even if it won’t end up being one of the top titles.

The film starts off with a witch creating a curse that bad things will befall any guy who tries to get together with her descendants. The marriage will not be able to last and that has carried through to the present. Sally is our main character and she’s not going to let a curse stop her. She marries a guy named Michael and they had some kids but one day he is hit by a truck and she finally realizes that there is no way to beat the curse. She will not allow herself to love ever again but her sister isn’t ready to quit yet and has a ton of affairs. Unfortunately she has gone in with the wrong crowd now by getting together with a crazy guy named Jimmy. Sally will have to help her out before it’s too late but in the meantime what if she falls in love with one of the local authorities named Gary?

Of course that’s exactly what happens and so there is no way to get around this romance. Sally basically lost her husband to a curse and now she’s going to move on just like that? She probably should have just brought him back to life. Yes, the whole movie is a cautionary tale against doing such a thing but I think you can make it work. In a world where magic is real and it is actually possible to revive someone (albeit with some side effects) then you just have to spend your life perfecting the spell to make it work. I guarantee that it’s at least a possibility considering that we know the magic exits.

So the romance ends up being annoying as a result. Granted Gary’s not even a bad guy. He’s a good person trying to do the right thing and help out. It’s just that I’m not buying the romance. Particularly since Michael was also a good guy before he bought the farm early. The most annoying character has to be Gillian though because she’s the one dragging Sally into a whole lot of trouble. From what we’ve seen of Jimmy he wasn’t exactly a class act from the start so how did this relationship even start?

Regardless he ends up causing a lot of trouble for the duration of the film. Naturally he takes the bulk of the blame since he’s the one going around breaking the law and basically trying to murder the heroines. It would just be nice if Gillian was more responsible since it doesn’t feel like she actually learns any lessons during the film. The aunts are also not without blame as they just run out midway through the film and vanish during the climax. It sure would have been nice to have had some adult supervision to back Sally up when she was in a tight spot.

The film feels pretty short and it’s entertaining enough. There are definitely some jokes that work well like the heroes murdering Jimmy multiple times. The plot is serious to an extent but there are always a lot of lighthearted moments thrown in to keep everything balanced. It also wasn’t too easy to snap the curse so the original witch’s power was definitely impressive. You’d think the main characters or at least the aunts could have worked a bit harder to blow up the curse but granted it seems like the aunts agreed with it to an extent. So they had no real reason to snap it.

The cast here is fairly small which isn’t a bad idea so you can focus on the characters but it’s just a problem that none of them are super likable. There aren’t any standouts here and as a result the film isn’t quite as lively or exciting as it could have been. You’ll never feel bored while watching it or anything like that but there also isn’t a ton of replay value here either. So it’s not bad but it’s not that good either and just winds up being in the middle. I will give the ending props for using the power of friendship though. Sally had been neglecting the other moms at school who were just trying to help and so by the end they all help each other out. It may be a bit cheesy but it was still a decent climax.

One thing the film could have done maybe was to lean into the curse a bit more. Have Sally actually try meeting tons of guys and each time something goes wrong. The main weakness of this strategy is it could make Sally look completely desperate so it should be played completely for laughs with lots of slapstick. Then you never do a serious romance and the plot of the film is more actively about ending the curse. I will say that the curse is slick to not activate until the descendant has had kids so this way the lineage will continue to grow.

Overall, Practical Magic is a decent movie but I feel like there’s so much more you could do with magic. I tend to feel this way for most slice of life/romance type movies that involve magic. Magic is one of the ultimate fantasies for any person to have. There are so many ways you can immediately enhance your life with it or even just show off for others. I’d like to see a main character just go wild with it for once. In this movie the power levels are a bit lower so it might have been harder but the magic feels like it’s only something on the side to keep the film fresh but it’s not as overpowering an element as you might expect. If the comedic/romance plot sounds good to you then you should check it out but the fact that it’s all a rebound hurts it just enough for me to not bump this to the next level.

Overall 5/10

Black Sabbath Review

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It’s time for another horror anthology film. You know what that usually means, lots of sadness as the anthology format ends up limiting everything. Well this time I can at least say that the anthology is pretty reasonable. It’s still nothing great but the format is used well enough. For example the first special is fairly solid but if it had been dragged out you get the feeling that it would not have been nearly as good. None of the shorts are super bad either although the second one is certainly the weakest by far. This one’s actually not in English so I got to really experience the subtitled experience here. I’ve seen my share of subbed films of course but it’s always an interesting change of pace.

The first story starts off with a lady named Rosy receiving a distressing phone call. A guy named Frank is showing up. This guy should be in prison but he recently escaped and Rosy’s testimony is what sealed the deal. Now he’s saying that he is going to destroy her and the worst part is that he can seemingly see her at every turn. How can he when she isn’t even by the windows? Her only hope is to call in her ex-friend Mary. The two have not been on speaking terms for some time now but Rosy can’t win this on her own. Will her old friend prove to be dependable?

So it’s a pretty tense story from the jump and it really does make a world of difference to have even just one more ally with you at such a time. Mary ends up stealing the show here as an interesting character. She loves her dark humor and while Rosy doesn’t really appreciate that side of her, at least Mary isn’t scared. Mary even has a large knife at the ready and is generally very sure of herself. We never find out exactly what the issue was that came up between them but hey Mary showed up. Ultimately I would have liked her to have done a little better during the short but that’s how it goes. Naturally there are some twists that show up during this short. One of them I have a little bit of a hard time buying into though. The film drops us a half hearted explanation that resorts to incredibly accurate guessing…but that’s not really satisfying. I’m not sure what you could have done without making this supernatural though.

The opening short does have some random fanservice so I wouldn’t call it super high brow entertainment though. There’s a lot to like here so I could still recommend it but the ending is a bit weak compared to the rest of the setup. I can say though that it is considerably better than most films about a scary phone call though so it does have that going for it. Check this film out even if just to see how this plot should really be handled rather than those over the top slasher films.

Then we have the second story where Vladimir stops by a house real quick after seeing a dead body. Basically it turns out that there are zombie type creatures running around known as Wurdulaks and they are incredibly dangerous. They can still move, run, and talk like normal humans but they can no longer eat and are driven by only one desire, to murder the one they love the most. It’s really a rough curse when you think about it because it’s actually using your own friendship against you. Vladimir doesn’t know how to end this curse but he ends up falling in love with one of the women there so he offers to at least take her with him and get out of there. Unfortunately she feels like she needs to stay with the rest of the family. They’re all worried that the father has been turned into one of these monsters because he’s been gone for a few days. Well he returns one day and seems a bit shady….should they destroy him or wait to see what happens?

Part of what hurts this short is how everyone makes the worst decisions possible. So it’s painfully obvious that the father has already been turned into a monster so just take him out! Now if there’s any doubt that’s fine, do some tests. Have him try to eat some food or at least put him in restraints. Instead they all just kind of stand there. The father goes to pick up the baby and they whine about it but let him take the kid. They all then go to bed as if everything was fine…..sure they have one guy as a night watchman but what were they thinking? Obviously these creatures have super strength so you’re not going to be doing much with just one guard. The whole story is really annoying because you just don’t see how this could have possibly happened. It really makes no sense the whole time. So inevitably when the body count starts rising you just know that all of the characters are to blame.

They open the door when monsters show up, constantly panic and split up, etc. Even Vladimir doesn’t look very good as he tries to leave initially but splits up of course. Then when he goes back to save the girl he doesn’t suspect that she might be turned and goes for the full body hug? Noooooo, this guy was asking for trouble. Horror characters are famous for making the wrong calls at every turn but this really has to be up there in the running for one of the worst films in that regard. The sheer frequency of all these bad decisions is completely mind boggling. Trust me you’re going to be shaking your head left and right. Throw in that the story is a bit darker as well with a dog getting shot and a kid being murdered…well this isn’t going to be winning any awards I can tell you that much.

Finally we have the last story which is a classic cautionary tale against greed. Basically it starts with an older lady named Helen being called in because an even older lady has died and so they have to get everything sorted out for the burial. Helen notices that the old lady has a really nice looking ring though and decides to take it for herself. Finders keepers and all that right? Well she puts it on and all seems fine for about 2 seconds but then she starts to hear some water tapping on the surface. No matter how many faucets she turns off it keeps up. This can be annoying but perhaps not a dealbreaker right? Well that changes once the dead lady starts appearing to reclaim her ring. If Helen isn’t careful then it will be all over for her. Can she relinquish the ring and make things all right or will she continue to double down over and over for as long as it takes?

So Helen definitely dug her own grave here. Sometimes it’s really as simple as just not stealing something. Whenever there is a film where the villain is attacking because the hero did something bad then it’s harder to have sympathy. Helen stealing from a dead person is just completely uncalled for and makes her look so bad. You simply can’t do that at any point. No amount of money is worth doing the wrong thing like that. The short definitely has a lot of fun playing with the colors here and it’s definitely a reminder that those old houses with lots of shadows are a bad matchup against a vengeful ghost trying to sneak up on you. You’re just giving it way too many hiding spots to try and get you at that point. The ending of the film is pretty satisfying with how the cycle keeps on going. Also the cops finally get involved there so you if we got a sequel it would be interesting to see how much they could deduce here. In a supernatural case it can be hard to really get any clues since they don’t really know enough from the jump but it would still be a fun premise.

Overall, This was a pretty decent horror special. Certainly wayyy better than the average horror anthology at least. There’s a good amount of intrigue here and some fun stories. The middle story definitely holds this combo back the most though and it isn’t quite up to the level of the other two. I can’t really picture re watching this one at any point but still it wasn’t bad. I would put it right in the middle. If you’re looking for some horror titles to watch then this could definitely work. At the same time, it’s not going to be the top horror title to check out or anything like that.

Overall 5/10

The Night Strangler Review

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It’s time for the next film in the Night series. The titles are so similar I imagine it’s probably easy to mix this up with the last one and the film itself is fairly similar so I guess that tracks. It beats the first film but I still wouldn’t call it anything super solid. It’s really going through the motions here.

The film starts with Kolchak getting a job once more as a reporter and his boss is even the same. They may be in a different state but the job is the same. It’s time to crack the case on a mass murder mystery of some mysterious assailant strangling multiple women. This guy is only going after dancers which is rather odd and what’s also strange is the way he is doing it. Some of their blood is being drained. Kolchak has vampire experience but this seems like something else. Unfortunately the only way to solve this case will be to get past his boss and the cops. Can Kolchak pull this off?

I don’t know why Tony rehired Kolchak just to go through all of the usual yelling again though. I know they are kind of sort of friends but they basically spend the whole film yelling at each other. Kolchak will find some kind of evidence to which Tony will just shrug and say they can’t use it. They’ll yell and Kolchak will find more evidence but now it’s getting them too deep so Tony will say no. You just can’t win here and part of the problem here is that of course the whole thing is being covered up and Tony is basically just a lackey at this point so naturally he’s not going to do anything to try and fix that. That’s just not how he handles his business.

So naturally I don’t really care for Tony. All he does is obstruct justice the whole time so he can keep his job and by doing so he is indirectly helping the Strangler. The same has to be said for corporate and the cops here since none of them want to allow Kolchak to help. They are content to keep spinning their wheels without any progress. There was only one cop who was really solid because he actually read the reports and even caught some stuff that Kolchak missed. He was still wrong in the end but at least the guy did his research which is a big thing. So when he disagreed I couldn’t fault him for it because he made a rational argument for his side.

I’ll give the researcher Berry some props because he’s actually helpful here. It’s rare that anyone really helps Kolchak out so that was definitely appreciated. Louise also helps out in the end by acting as the bait although the plan was super risky. It could have easily gone downhill since Kolchak got delayed himself and lost her for a few minutes. The cops ironically helped by trying to sabotage him once again as it could have gotten ugly afterwards.

Kolchak may not be perfect but he’s still the best character here. He gets a new job and immediately he’s bribing people and finding out a lot of info that the others didn’t know. He does take his job very seriously and no matter how many times he is suppressed or threatened, he just keeps on going. Kolchak actually does want to save people after all and deliver the news. He also does really well in the yelling matches even if he never actually wins.

I’ll give the film credit for aggressively referencing the first film quite a number of times as well. When you’ve encountered a real life vampire I would expect that to be mentioned quite a bit. Of course the rest of the world doesn’t know this and would likely never believe it but for Kolchak that was a pretty big deal after all. He just can’t escape the supernatural as this villain is basically a real life zombie. That are some technicalities you could mention but that’s basically what is going on here.

The villain strikes every 21 years and only for 18 days. So that’s a silver lining since the victims will be reduced compared to the average serial killer but it also means there is a fine time limit to catching him. You sort of wonder what the villain does during those 21 years. I figure with his vitality restored he’s just wandering the city somewhere but it’s hard to say. Also it’s nice to see Kolchak doing some more actual fighting in this one even if he does get destroyed. He basically resorts to hiding in the second half.

Like in the first film I appreciated how we got an actual fight here with the cops all trying to take down the villain. It doesn’t go any better for them here than in the first film but it’s a nice change of pace compared to always arriving too late to do anything. If you lose a fight that at least means you made it in time for one. Even then I’m always skeptical at how they all get overpowered. Can’t any of them fight at least a little bit? Even if the guy is stronger enough people should be able to hold him down through sheer weight but they don’t use enough teamwork.

The film does have some issues of including random dancing scenes that don’t add anything to the movie though. It’s established that the villain is going after dancers so we get it, you don’t have to play the whole choreography. Also you’d think security would be up after the first murders yet this guy is still able to walk right into the dressing room and murder another one. I’d definitely be suing the shop and the state if I was the family.

Overall, The Night Strangler is reasonably entertaining. It’s not really anything more than that but that’s still enough considering the fairly short runtime. There’s a lot of murders going on but they’re not dragged out too much. I don’t really see myself rewatching this film at any point but I had a decent time. If you really like mystery titles then you should check it out but if not then you’re really not missing much. There are enough great mystery titles where you wouldn’t really need to go and check this one out unless you really need too.

Overall 5/10

Trog Review

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Trog is one of those films that only lasts so long because all of the characters are annoying and don’t have to fight. This creature isn’t super powerful or anything and yet he always seems to find himself on top. What that tells me is that the characters didn’t plan things out very well. A film about a villainous caveman doesn’t have a ton of potential right out of the gate and I can confirm that this one isn’t doing anything all that special. It’s at best a serviceable creature feature title.

The movie kicks off with introducing us to Dr. Brockton who is a scientist that is very eager to uncover truths about humanity at large. Her wish is granted when there is a sighting of a mysterious monster that could be the missing link between man and apes. His name is Trog and he looks…well like a cross between a man and an ape. He was in suspended animation for a while there but now he has returned and may enact a lot of carnage. The heroes manage to subdue him with a tranq dart and Brockton keeps him in her lab. This move is opposed by some people in the town, mainly a man named Sam who is absolutely convinced that this creature will destroy them all. Can Brockton convince everyone that Trog is safe or is it all over?

Now Brockton is supposed to be the reasonable character but you can’t help but think that Sam has a real point here. The creature is clearly very powerful and eventually it’s just going to attack. You’d also have to consider the ethics of keeping this creature contained for so long and it’s likely that experiments would crop up in the future. You want to learn things so it’s always a tough balance but Brockton just doesn’t feel very prepared. Ultimately Sam doesn’t let us find out what would have happened naturally as he breaks Trog out and promptly gets murdered. The guy wasn’t very smart even if he was my favorite character in the film. I just loved how openly antagonistic he was the entire time.

Yeah Brockton could be a little overly optimistic at times while he was over the top paranoid but at the end of the day she wasn’t actually committing any crimes while he went as far as to commit some breaking and entering. So you can’t really put them on the same field. The instant Sam went that far he basically voided his arguments since it became more of a matter or pride than him actually believing in what he was doing. He should have stuck to doing this the right thing.

As for Trog, well like I said he’s hardly the most interesting villain. He’s not even all that strong and only lasts a while because the cops are trying not to hurt him. We get the early fight where Trog does fight off a bunch of cops but they had the kid gloves on. If they all grabbed the heavy artillery and started blasting then he would have really been doomed here. The film also starts to rip off King Kong towards the end so it didn’t go in a very creative direction that time.

Still, while Sam made his mistakes I did not like Brockton. It felt like she was okay with any number of sacrifices as long as she got to study Trog and keep advancing science. There is a point where you have to choose to protect lives first and she never really got around to that. Even by the end she’s just really sad about the whole thing but people nearly died. I just didn’t think she was reasonable enough about the situation in the end.

Now for some positives in the film, I did think the writing was fairly good. (Even if it doesn’t seem very smart to jump into cold water in uncharted territory even if it’s in the name of science) It has that retro feel to it and I would say the film feels even older than it actually is. So the script gets to shine and I much preferred the human stuff to the Trog moments. Trog himself does get a reasonable amount of screen time so it doesn’t feel like the film was just hiding him the whole time. There was a real budget here and they used the special effects well. Also in the climax I’m glad that the cops just went in and took care of business. When the body count is rising you really owe it to the people of your town to take down the threat. Obviously you always want to strive for a non lethal solution but there are times where your options are limited. The film was pretty realistic in a way with the main heroine yelling to stop because there will always be someone wanting to get in the way.

Character A can murder 20 people and you’ll still have someone yelling that they need a trial or maybe there’s a reason for what happened. Sure that can happen and if there’s any doubt then you need a trial but if you have a serial murderer running around and piling up the bodies, then you need to take out the threat as soon as possible. Even then the cops only acted in the end as a last resort and didn’t drag things out. They handled it well.

Overall, Trog’s not really my kind of film which limited just how good it could be. I was never a fan of the caveman era in the first place so having one wake up in the present isn’t my idea of a thrilling time. The fight scene with the cops was surprisingly good so I will give the film some credit there. We actually got the fight without any interruption and it was fairly long. The movie delivers on the action here which keeps the film from getting boring. Additionally while I may not love the characters, the dialogue is strong enough to keep things from getting boring. The film is never boring and so that’s why I wouldn’t say that it’s negative. On the flip side, there aren’t any strengths that would allow me to recommend this to someone. If you watch it then that’s great but otherwise there’s no real incentive.

Overall 5/10

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Review

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Time for some zombies to take the stage here. I saw the original Pride and Prejudice a while back and needless to say it wasn’t really my thing. I’m not big on zombie movies either but would they help to spice things up? In a way they did because the original movie was really boring while this one is at least tolerable the whole time. It really makes a big difference being able to at least have some fight scenes to follow. It still has some serious issues to be sure but being boring is not one of them.

The movie starts off quietly enough with the Bennett sisters talking about nothing much and getting ready for a party but the film quickly shows us how the situation is not as it appears. When nearby zombies show up, the girls suit up and destroy them all. See, Zombies are actually a relatively normal occurrence in this world and so everyone needs to train in order to defeat them. Elizabeth in particular believes that knowing how to fight is much more important than studying to be a lady although this is not a view that many agree with. In fact you could say that most do not agree with her which has put her in a bit of a tough spot.

We’re then introduced to Darcy who is a bit of a ruffian, not the nicest chap in the woods that’s for sure. The reason for this is that he’s always ready to strike out against tons of zombies and things of that nature to the point where he just doesn’t see the point in parties and such. Naturally the main romance for the film is between him and Elizabeth who do actually agree in this approach to a large extent but misunderstandings and poorly framing their words often result in a ton of friction. Darcy is also put in the awkward spot of having to suspect one of Elizabeth’s sisters of being about to turn into a zombie which Elizabeth doesn’t appreciate.

I should note here that Darcy’s worries are completely warranted so it’s really Elizabeth who doesn’t handle things well here. Yes it’s a personal matter obviously but one zombie can end up creating a bunch of other zombie sand that is exactly why you have to be really careful here. If you’re not careful then that is game over, as simple as that. Most characters here are not careful which is how the zombies keep on spreading.

The best part of the film is really just how nonchalant the characters are about the situation though. To them it’s just not that weird since they’ve always grown up knowing zombies were around and it’s a pretty fun way to pitch the movie. I’m glad we can skip the parts of everyone being shocked to see one and fumbling as they wonder what to do. By having experienced fighters be the main characters it makes the journey more fun.

That said, there is one scene that does not work for this reason. One of the sisters was walking by her lonesome when a zombie appears. It’s that of an older lady so it’s tragic but she is extremely, extremeeeeeeely slow and starts walking towards the heroine. The girl freaks out….and so the zombie managed to get to her which starts the drama. How did this happen? We cut away from the scene fairly quick but it just makes no sense. You should never get hit by a zombie unless it’s a sneak attack or you just broke your leg. A trained fighter getting that startled? I don’t think so.

The fight scenes can be pretty fun with the choreography but since they’re fighting zombies there are a lot of body parts flying around and it can be a bit gross at times. It’s more like monster blood than human blood so it’s not quite as intense as the average vampire film but it can be overdone a little at times. It succeeds more than it fails though. The film also has a pretty hype cliffhanger. You definitely feel like no sequel is coming because there is no possible way the heroes should be able to get past the cliffhanger. Seriously that should be 100% impossible, you’d need to call in Alice from Resident Evil or someone like that to stand a chance. Otherwise you’re really just out of luck.

So the humor is good and the fights can be fun. A much weaker aspect are the characters though and that’s mainly because there are just too many. You’ll be mixing most of the sisters up very quickly because they tend to have the same personality outside of Elizabeth. I had that issue in the first film as well. Most of the gentlemen here seem really fake and the cousin who shows up is extremely annoying. Elizabeth’s mother is way too overdone with how she wants them all to get married to the point where she isn’t subtle about it and ironically hurts their marriage stocks right out of the gate. There aren’t very many characters to root for here at all. When one guy shows up who seems noble, you just don’t believe him for a second. Lets just say the movie has one of the most obvious twists I’ve seen in a while.

Overall, I would say the zombies try their best to make the film more interesting and fun. They succeed to a degree however I still couldn’t say that this is a particularly good film. You would just need better characters for that all around and this film wasn’t able to provide that. I would like to keep this tone for more films like this where you grab an old book and add something supernatural. Seriously there’s a lot of potential here but maybe start with a better base material than Pride and Prejudice. The Magic Treehouse for example could be decent although the kids could ruin it so maybe the safest bet would be Sherlock Holmes: Attack of the Aliens! Something like that would be awesome.

Overall 5/10

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir Review

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It’s time for a very old school romance with a little bit of a supernatural twist. It’s a very low key kind of film that works rather well but I will admit that the whole time you’re not really on board with the romance. To an extent it depends on what length of time you would consider to be a rebound but either way the heroine feels like she’s moving a bit too fast. The ending also makes things extra awkward when you really think about it.

The movie starts off with Lucy becoming a widow after her husband dies. Lucy has decided that she wants her life back as she didn’t particularly care for his family and dashes off. She finds a nice little haunted house where the rent is dirt cheap and settles there. She eventually meets the ghost who quickly debunks the rumors of his own suicide. His name is Daniel and he was actually quite the captain back in the day. He’s ready for a little romance but she isn’t and points out that he’s dead and gone. They both reluctantly put their feelings aside to live in the same house for now. Can she really deal with such an annoying ghost or is he going to drive her crazy?

A haunted house is definitely an inconvenience when you are just trying to have a good time but at least the ghost isn’t particularly sinister. Sure Daniel is a mean guy and he isn’t afraid to prove it but at the end of the day he isn’t trying to murder her or anything like that. In fact he ends up liking her which puts Lucy in a rough spot. Lucy is also approached by a flirty guy named Fairley who really doesn’t stop with his constant attempts from the very first time he appears. The guy ends up being supremely annoying. Sure he did help her to get the book deal with the publishing company but ultimately that was only to further his own ends.

I was annoyed that he lasted as long as he did. He completely got through to Lucy even with his rather aggressive way of handling things and she was completely under his spell. If not for a certain twist he would have won and so that ended up hurting her character a lot. Fairley was bad the whole time but Lucy is the one you would have figured would have really been ready and not fallen for this. Definitely a pretty sad moment.

It’s another reason why you can’t get behind the romance. So she liked her husband first. Then after he died she started to like Daniel. Then after that she jumped over to Fairley and once he was off the market, ultimately it ended up being Daniel again. Keep in mind that Daniel claimed she didn’t even love her husband when they first met and Lucy takes mild offense to that but doesn’t stop him. You’d think that would have taken him out of the running right from the jump.

The worst part is the film implies that maybe he was right after all and that’s why the ending works but its just pretty awful all around. For a good romance you need a lot of factors in play but one of them is definitely to have likable characters and that didn’t happen here. She is also very slow on the uptake with how only she can hear Daniel. You’d think she would be subtle then but instead she keeps talking out loud which doesn’t help matters at all. it should be easy to adapt to that.

The supporting characters are pretty weak here too. You have the guy selling the houses who seems to like Lucy. Fortunately she doesn’t like him back because the guy seemed desperate and wasn’t exactly the most honest soul either. He kept trying to make her spend a lot of money. You have her husband’s side of the family who were mainly here to poke fun and cause a lot of trouble. They were all super stuck up and selfish in their old ways. Lucy could be a little too polite at times but in other moments she did get some good burns in there.

While I know this would be unlikely right out of the gate, the film would have done well to have just had her and Daniel be good friends. They just bond over the house or something. Lucy gets a supportive friend who could be like a father since her new family was so rough and he gets someone to pass on his tales to. It could have been the reason he couldn’t pass on, that nobody was around to hear about his exploits. The entire vibe and tone of the film would have changed but it would have worked really well.

Alternately just make it a little more comedic as she gets into a lot of trouble with this guy always floating around and stirring things up. The fact that people can actually hear his voice at convenient times already adds a lot of potential to this. It is a bit of a stretch for the characters to think that it was Lucy’s voice each time though. The only time someone didn’t think this was Daniel’s big laugh at the start of the film. Admittedly it was a great laugh too, reminded me of Vincent Price I’d say. It had that very theatrical feel to it.

Overall, This is an okay film I’d say. It’s right on the middle, there is just little reason to watch it again. At times it can be a bit dull and the pacing is slow. The characters are very unlikable too which does take its toll. I liked the scenes that took place outside of the house like heading to the book publishing company or the awkward bus ride. So ironically the film could have stood to have taken place far less in the haunted house.

Overall 5/10

When a Stranger Calls (2006) Review

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It’s always rare for a horror remake to beat the original but this is one of those rare times where it worked out. Now this still isn’t some amazing film or anything like that so lets not get ahead of ourselves. That being said, it is well above the average horror title so you love to see it. Add a few more interesting characters and you could almost have made a good film out of this. The potential is there at least.

The movie starts with Jill getting ready to babysit for some rich folks as they head out for a while. It should be an easy gig and the kids are very young so they’ll just be sleeping the whole time. Yeah it doesn’t get much easier than this but then things begin to get a little tricky when she receives calls from a nefarious character. He starts out by being really silent but then starts to threaten her life. He intends to murder her before the night ends and makes it clear that he can see her. Jill has to find a way to murder this guy before she is destroyed but can she pull this off?

The whole film is basically her in the house trying to figure out what’s going on. For this reason the film can be a bit of a slow burn. Things don’t really happen until we get near the end so they do overplay the phone calls a little bit. I feel like he probably calls her at least 20 times during the film and each time she has to try and scramble to gather her bearings. She does call the police which is good but they basically say they can’t help her out since the threats haven’t been direct enough and it might be a prank caller. I dare say this is where she should have exaggerated a bit and talk about glass breaking and loud explosions in the background. Something to get the cops here a little quicker.

Where the film also drags a bit here is that Jill is basically your average main character. What that means is a lot of tears and panicking the whole time after each of the calls. It’s realistic perhaps but not the most entertaining. I’d like to see her talking smack back to the guy, grab a baseball bat and get ready or something like that. Unfortunately she makes a ton of the rookie horror main character mistakes. For one thing she turns off the alarm system for a while. Gee I hope he doesn’t get in the house while she was messing around….

Jill takes a massive risk in running next door to the spare house in case a neighbor was back home but this was a pretty bad call. There’s no positives to doing this since she had already called and there was no answer. So either the neighbor has already been murdered or he is the villain. In either case going there by yourself and leaving the kids is a bad move. In fact I’d argue she should have brought the kids with her way earlier in the film. Find a room and barricade yourself in or make a break for it with them. By staying so far apart you’re just creating a whole lot of vulnerable areas for the guy to make his move. Trust me that’s exactly what you don’t want to do.

There isn’t much of a supporting cast here which is another weakness. You can tell the film does not care about anyone other than the lead and villain so the rest of the characters are paper thin. You have Tiffany who apparently worked as a homewrecker in cheating with Jill’s guy which hurt their friendship. Things don’t go well for her and there’s actually not a big body count here but the rest of the victims are basically non characters here too. The way the film forces characters into this abandoned house plot can be a little funny but the film should have leaned into it more. Have the milk delivery guy show up, maybe a debt collector, etc. Have a bunch of people show up to get bumped off. It would be a little dark but you could also play it up as some dark humor for a while.

Where the film works is a lot of the scares are more about the atmosphere as opposed to being over the top violent. Knowing that there is someone out there getting ready to murder you is pretty unnerving. Particularly if you aren’t able to do a whole lot about it at the moment. The attacker usually has the edge over the defender for this reason because Jill has to be tense and stressed out the whole time while the murderer can relax and choose when he wants to make a move. The rich house makes for a good backdrop since it is absolutely massive which means there are a ton of hiding places available.

There’s an entire mini river in the house after all and it’s all super dark. Again this is why you need to pick a room or escape as soon as possible. One thing I was surprised didn’t happen was for Jill to use the emergency system to her advantage. When she tripped the alarm at the start is caused security to call her right away. So trip it again and if they call say it is a real emergency this time. Or if it’s later in the film and she can’t come to the phone then they should ideally show up pretty fast.

I was going to take some points from Jill at the end for when she stabs the guy and then runs off instead of finishing him. It’s still a risky move and I get that it’s a stressful situation but if you have the guy on the ground you have to finish him right there and then because it could be your last chance. Fortunately the film basically ends there so no harm no foul. We do get one of those sorta twist endings but it’s very weak compared to most. It’s clear the film wasn’t trying as hard as it could have to get the sequel set up. I mean it makes for a bit of a happier ending sorta compared to what it could have been but the twist ending is a horror staple. You have to have that!

Overall, This film was better than the original in just about every way. I’d still say it was not a particularly strong film because there are no real likable characters and there just isn’t much to it beyond being a horror film. You have a bunch of jump scares and a tense atmosphere which works well enough but you aren’t given enough of a reason to really care about anything. The villain not having a character was actually a good move though. Don’t give me some kind of tragic sob story. It makes sense once in a while for the villain to not have some kind of personal relation to the main character. He’s just a random psycho who happened to target her this time, sometimes it’s scarier for it to just be random like this. If you like the premise t hen give this one a shot but it’s really nothing special.

Overall 5/10

Bill & Ted Face the Music Review

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It’s time for the next Bill & Ted movie to jump in. That being said, I would have to say that it is the weakest one in the series. The main mistake if you ask me is that it doesn’t focus on Bill & Ted enough and they are still the best characters in the film. The subplot of their daughters running around assembling a team feels a lot weaker in comparison. The film will still have a good amount of funny moments to keep you going but you do feel like it is just missing something that the first two had.

The movie starts with Bill and Ted in a bit of a jam. They have not been able to create the legendary song that will stop the universe from blowing up and now they only have a few hours left. They figure their only chance is to travel to the future where their future selves have already created the song and then steal it from them. It’s a pretty clever plan that might just work. While they’re gone, Billie and Thea decide to help out as well. So they go across time to grab the best musicians from across the multiverse so when Bill and Ted find the song, they will have the best people playing it. The only thing standing in their way is Dennis, a Terminator type robot from the future who is doing his best to try and destroy them. A single blast is all it would take so they need to try and stay one step ahead of him or it’s all over.

Now the films have always been more on the comedic side and lean on being as absurd as possible but the first two films did still have more of a sense of danger about them. For example we already had evil doppelganger androids on the prowl. They were actually kind of serious and did effectively take out the main duo. Dennis is a major step down because the guy has big confidence issues and always doubts himself. Sure he can fight and use the lasers but he’s not proud about that. He would rather not be in the limelight and so he spends the whole film doing a lot of whining. He’s got to be the most annoying character here.

Then I would say Kelly isn’t a great replacement for Rufus. She tries to help the heroes out and spends most of the film using the “I told you so!” approach but she doesn’t have his charisma. In general she just doesn’t feel quite as on top of things. She is younger so that makes sense to an extent but you’re already seeing how all of the angles are just a bit weaker than the first two films. This continues with Billie and Thea.

So in theory these two characters exist to futureproof the series. They could take over the reigns if Bill and Ted get too old or the movies have a hard time getting the actors back. The problem is that they are so heavily introduced as being just like Bill and Ted that they don’t have much going for them. Their banter and dynamic certainly doesn’t match the original’s and right now I don’t see them being able to do much fighting when necessary. They are overshadowed in all of their scenes and so far just aren’t all that funny.

So once again it’s up to Bill and Ted to carry the film. To their credit they do a really good job of that. The Bill and Ted scenes are still a lot of fun as they mess everything up and are always confused. It’s always extreme but you never feel bored. For example when they are in the counseling session and trying to make things right with their wives. They suggest some solutions and do so with absolute confidence which you love to see. It’s obvious that they’re going up the wrong tree but it’s all about the confidence in their delivery.

The movie is just at its best when it’s about these two messing around and isn’t trying to get serious or emotional. The few serious scenes we do get can’t quite compete. For example the climax of finally playing the big song doesn’t work all that effectively. Perhaps it’s just played too directly without any kind of subversion but either way I’d have done a few more gags instead.

The music in general is okay but nothing all that exciting. The best piece of music in the film is likely the electric guitar that the main characters play once in a while. The actual songs got a bit too experimental this time so they weren’t all that catchy or anything like that. It’s easy to see why nobody likes their music in universe. They just don’t sound all that great or really know how to get a steady beat going. There wasn’t much for the legendary musicians to do either. They show up to help but their music doesn’t sound incredible either because they aren’t given much to play.

In the end the film should have really leaned into Bill and Ted having one last adventure. They can absolutely hold their own film and have already done so in the past. Mix in the fun time travelling and unique method to solve it and you have a lot of fun elements here. With more time for this subplot we could have seen them explore more of these alternate futures a bit more. It would be a win all the way through and likely enough to jump it up a star or two. A comedy film is only as good as the amount of humor it’s got in store after all and this one just wasn’t as consistently funny as it needed to be.

Overall, Bill and Ted may have its moments here and there but for the most part it really is just a big step down from the first two titles. Any scene you enjoy here has likely already been done but in a more impressive fashion in the first two films. This one is trying to juggle a little too much and as a result that means it has to really delegate the screen time between all of the characters. I’m not surprised that everyone turned on the main duo but you’d think the council would have been keeping in contact with them a bit sooner so this wasn’t a surprise at the end. Considering that the end of the universe is at stake you’d think they would be doing everything possible in order to help out. I guess that wasn’t to be though. In the end the film’s pretty harmless fun so it’s an easy one to recommend if you want something to check out but it could have been a whole lot better.

Overall 5/10

The Concorde … Airport ’79 Review

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It’s time for the last of the Airport movies! Honestly it’s really not bad but I can see why it’s considered to be the weakest one. Not only did the film allow its name to be changed to Airport ’80 when it was aired abroad but I don’t think it takes itself as seriously as the first three. Not to say that it’s a full comedy or anything but there are scenes that don’t benefit the plot in any way like the affair with the reporter and it actually gets a little repetitive with the plane being attacked. Some good ideas here but the execution was not on point.

The film starts off with a huge conspiracy as a group of villains led by Kevin want to destroy an airplane. No it’s not because he got left at home all alone but for monetary reasons. Reporter Maggie finds out a scoop about his shady dealings…well find is a strong word. A guy literally ran into her house to let her know before he was shot dead. Kevin sweet talks her out of saying anything so he can give her his side of the story. Once she goes on the plane he decides to blow it up. What he didn’t count on was Patroni being the pilot this time. This airplane is supersonic and Patroni has supersonic piloting skills so when you put the two of them together like that good things are sure to follow. Kevin knows that if Maggie lands safely it is all over, can his missiles really bring down the plane??

Okay so first lets go with the positives here. I would say the film is about even with positives and negatives though so the sections are similar. I do like how we get two climaxes of sorts. Now granted, the second one feels a bit repetitive so I would have liked them to shake it up a little bit. I appreciate them trying to get a lot of action in there but you could change it up a bit. Also having a plane dodge missiles was a good way to show how this was a supersonic plane and not nearly as slow or weak as the usual ones. We got to see exactly what Patroni could do in combat and it was very impressive.

In general Patroni is a big positive here. You may be wondering a bit how he became such a hotshot pilot to the point where he is pulling all of this off. I guess his days of being a mechanic and then the back-end CEO are over. Now he’s a fighter pilot but that helps add to the fun of it all so I’m cool with it. He’s easily the best character in the movie and you want to give your star as much screentime as possible. Trust me that is always the best advice you could give a film.

On the flip side, we do have a very pointless romance here. There’s an athlete trying to win at the Olympics and so a reporter has a quick affair with her. The whole scene in the hot springs is definitely absurd. Cmon now she’s trying to get ready for an event coming up and apparently hasn’t seen this reporter in a while. They’re going to get that “friendly” that quickly? Noooo the scene was completely pointless and even by the end there’s just not much here. I guess it was just to give the passengers more to do but I would have cut that part out.

In general this also might be the weakest group of passengers that we’ve gotten. None of them are particularly likable or that memorable. You have the guy with his kid trying to have fun on the plane but they have no character. There’s the old lady always running to the bathroom and then you’ve got the rest of the crew basically just hanging out. At least in the film with the saboteurs we had traitors on board and a fairly intense pilot. There was a lot more happening there. This plane may be filled to the limit but it sure felt empty at times.

Now the conspiracy plot was fun but there are a lot of plot holes here. The obvious one of course is that this guy is rich enough with a ton of resources to have hired gunmen try to murder the reporter initially but then…he does nothing? Sure sending the rockets at the plane is all good but he should have just sent another gunman to her home or had someone snipe her on the way to the airport. He was way too complacent the whole time which really held him back. Also when she landed of course he should have had a backup plan to take her out instead of waiting to get the plane again.

She made it clear several times that she was going to destroy him and the company with the truth of his evil deeds so he had all day to do something about it. Now I don’t want to undersell his efforts. Of course he did plant bombs and use missiles of course which reasonably should have worked rather well but ultimately he just didn’t do a whole lot considering the high stakes of what it would meant if he let her loose. I also think Maggie was super lucky the whole time because technically she handled this poorly.

She committed all of the “don’ts” of being a reporter. She let the villain know that she was the only one who knew the truth and even gave him an exact timetable of when she would tell the world. Right up to the end with the TV crew she keeps mentioning that she’s going to break a story but not what the story actually was. So that still gave him even more time to finish her off. When you know a dark truth about someone who is a confirmed mass murderer then you need to keep things close to the vest. Seriously that’s an absolute necessity in this kind of thing.

So I would say there are some issues with that plot but the thing is, it’s still the best plot in the film. I wish they would have doubled down on that a bit. Imagine a whole chase scene in the airport like Mission Impossible? That would have been great and what would have made it double effective is how it would have the title actually be representative of the film for once. The action would actually be happening at the airport. I know that may sound crazy since you’re used to these films not having much to do with it but that’s why it would work.

Overall, Airport 4 is okay at best. It squanders the most interesting plot involving the conspiracy and I would argue it doesn’t make a lot of sense in general. I liked the attempts to make things more explosive and there was some promise with Patroni but ultimately this film just couldn’t execute at the level that it needed to. I would suggest watching the earlier films instead of this one. You should be reasonably entertained while watching this one but there just really isn’t much of a reason to do so. In a lot of ways the film is mainly going through the motions as opposed to doing something all that unique and so it doesn’t stand out.

Overall 5/10

Die, Monster, Die! Review

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This movie definitely doesn’t feel like the average horror title and I’d say that shows how Lovecraft handles things a bit differently in general. This is more of a slow burn with a lot of solid atmosphere and suspicious things going around. There is a violent visual or two but for the most part this film isn’t going for a lot of violence or anything like that. I think it could have stood out a bit more with a more engaging plot and cast of characters but it’s a decent title.

The movie starts off with a guy named Stephen looking for his girlfriend’s house but whenever he mentions the name of the place people refuse to talk to him. Nobody will give him the time of day at all and it’s starting to tick him off. Finally he finds the place and her father Nahum insists that he leave. Stephen will do no such thing and gladly meets up with Susan anyway. She introduces him to her mother who seems nice enough and now Stephen can stay to have a good time. But will it be a safe time? He hears weird sounds in the night, Nahum continues to be really shady and in general the place feels like its got a rotten edge to it.

If I was Stephen I’d probably just ask Susan to come with me and get out of there right away. The longer you stay at this place the worse it gets but once you’re thrown into the mystery it’s hard to leave at that point. What is Nahum hiding? Until Stephen figures that out then he knows Susan will probably be in danger. So one way to escape danger is to leave. He seems like a reasonably tough guy too and wasn’t taking the town’s nonsense. You need to be a bit stubborn like that if you want to succeed when going to a new town for the first time. I was also glad that he was not intimidated by Nahum and intended to say from the start. Now, it’s clear that Nahum cares about his daughter but at the same time he’s just not really doing much to protect her at all.

That’s my main problem with Nahum. He is so passive about the whole thing. Sure he tells Stephen to stay away but on his own what is he really doing? It’s not until the very climax of the film that he makes the obvious call to deal with the threat and by then it’s a bit late. Lets just say that there’s some radiation involved and Nahum did the equivalent of throwing the source in a box. That was never going to go very far and in the meantime casualties were piling up.

I guess you could chalk some of this up to the film going for a vibe of being very strange but it wasn’t the most satisfying execution. I’d also say that Susan seemed really slow on the uptake since she didn’t really seem to know what was going on and Nahum wasn’t being very subtle about how shady he was. Seriously the locked rooms, “You can’t go in there” and other lines didn’t set off any alarm bells? The whole place even looked spooky during the daytime which is a massive red flag.

As always the townsfolk were really not helpful in the slightest though. They could have at least given Stephen a hint as to why they wouldn’t talk to him or help the guy get to the house. Instead it was the same vague warnings of not saying anything so I can’t give the town any credit at all. Having them do something could have given this film the bolt of energy that it needed.

Because at the end of the day I wouldn’t say the film made any big mistakes. If anything my only real problem with it was that it could be a bit dull at times. I wouldn’t say this film was a real page turner. You didn’t care much about the lore as it was happening and this wasn’t a film that was going to suddenly start throwing in a lot of fight scenes or plot twists after all. So in that case you need top tier writing or something to really give the film energy.

The writing is good. I may not say amazing but it’s got that retro feel that I always enjoy and so that part’s okay enough. It just needed more though, whether it be a fun antagonist or something like that. Maybe the problem is that for all the build up of the odd mystery within the dungeon, it wasn’t as exciting as I expected. The film did surprise me since I hadn’t guessed what the actual twist was going to be, but eh it wasn’t enough. So I wouldn’t say the movie’s bad or anything but it wasn’t very solid either. I’d end up putting it right in the middle.

Overall, The movie’s title is a lot more colorful and intense than the actual movie itself. You’d expect a monster running around and some kind of crazy climax but that isn’t the case at all. There is sort of a “monster” running around if you really stretch the term and of course there is a climax but it’s just not what you would really be expecting. It’s not a frenzy of action and if anything you just feel bad for the victims who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. When you finish this film it will quickly be smothered by the more popular horror titles and you’ll be lucky to remember more than bits and pieces within a year. If you’re a big fan of Lovecraft works then you should check it out but I expect most of the other titles will be more memorable. The suspense is what’s supposed to sell you after all and I’m confident that more of them would be able to pull this off. This one just couldn’t get the vibe right.

Overall 5/10