The final Star Wars film to date that the proper numbering is now here! It was always a bold move to name the films with roman numerals instead of numbers and it turned out pretty well. It makes the films even more memorable. There’s a lot of pressure on Star Wars Episode III because Episode II wasn’t very good and episode I was still not quite up to par with episodes IV, V, and VI. The films had been going downhill (Except for the fun Clone Wars film) so we needed something to change. This film is a lot more serious and we get to see how evil Anakin is. Let’s launch into this!

The film starts off with a lot of action as Anakin and Obi Wan have their rematch with Emperor Dooku. It has been several years since the last film, but he can still hold up against the Jedi warriors. One thing leads to another and Anakin ruthlessly destroys Dooku. At that time, Dooku was already unarmed and completely helpless against Anakin so we can already confirm that Anakin is pure evil. Palpatine was goading Anakin on, but it’s not much of an excuse.

From there, the plots start to diverge. Obi Wan is in charge of defeating General Grievous and bringing him back to the base so that they can end the war once and for all. Unfortunately for Obi Wan, he is outnumbered dozens to 1 and he’s no Starkiller. Eventually, it comes down to a 1 on 1 fight with Obi Wan and General Grievous. It’s a pretty intense fight and this plot was much better than the main one.

The main plot deals with Anakin Skywalker…the main villain of the film. There are other big villains in the film, but Anakin must be considered as the main villain. Basically, Palpatine continues to gain his trust while also alienating Anakin from the Jedi Council. Anakin is pretty mad that the Jedi don’t seem to like him and this doesn’t get any better when he forces his way into the council. Anakin finds out that Palpatine is a Sith and warns the Jedi. Can 4-5 of the strongest Jedi in the world take on Palpatine while teaming up? Well, you may have to wonder about the answer, since Darth Vader Anakin joins in on the brawl. Next, Anakin decides to destroy all Jedi and Jedi apprentices while also destroying any life form that goes near him and becoming Palpatine’s pawn…or should I say, Darth Sidious’ pawn!?

All right, let’s talk about Anakin’s descent into madness. (It’s too bad since he was so cool in Soul Calibur IV) Anakin has always showed that he would turn evil ever since Episode II. He was completely unlikable in that film and he stays that way in this film. He’s cool for the first few minutes as he fights Dooku, but then he goes and destroys the villain for no good reason. He instantly faded into oblivion at that moment and I definitely did not buy his redemption act a few minutes later as he tried to carry Obi Wan to safety. Way too soon and it doesn’t stop the fact that Anakin is with the dark side.

Things only get worse as Anakin makes all of the wrong decisions and makes things hard on everyone. The Jedi would trust him more if he didn’t always hang out with Palpatine and he should respect the Jedi’s judgment since The Force rarely steers them wrong. He gets on the council, but then he’s still makes a racket because he did not become a Jedi Master. Did he really think that he would ascend to that rank without taking the Jedi Trials?

Things get to their low point for Anakin when he gets a vision of Padme dying during child birth. He decides that he needs to have enough power to prevent her from dying and this blinds him to the fact that Palpatine is a Sith for a while. Palpatine makes it perfectly obvious from the very beginning of the film, but Anakin isn’t exactly The Hulk, so he doesn’t piece it all together. Anakin decides that he will do whatever Palpatine wants so that Palpatine can grant him the power to defy death. Palpatine continues to make mistakes and heavily implies that he’s basically making it up or he doesn’t have the level of power necessary, but it is too late. Anakin is ready for complete servitude and he will do whatever Palpatine says without question. Most heroes who turn to the dark manage to question some things, like attacking their friends. (Sasuke didn’t murder Naruto even though Itachi wanted him too and Vegeta didn’t cross the line and hurt his friends either when Babidi “controlled” him.)

Anakin lacks the strength of heart that the other characters possessed and that’s basically the bottom line. I never liked him from the start of the trilogy and it ended with me disliking him as well. I have to say that I wouldn’t like the character at all if it was just the films that we were talking about, but I like Darth Vader in the comics and video games which helps to tip the balance in his favor. He’s definitely a good example of how to make the wrong choices and basically be the opposite of someone like Goku. Some characters like Medaka Kurokami are far too noble to commit such vicious acts as Anakin, and even mind controlled, she had enough inner strength to prevent herself from causing any permanent harm to her friends.

Obi Wan gets a pretty big role in this film and while he has a tendency to get knocked out at the wrong times, he does manage to keep it together when it counts. He’s a pretty skilled warrior and he looks good during the final battle. He also puts up a solid fight against General Grievous and he was one of the better characters in this film. He tried for everyone to have a happy ending, but Anakin made that impossible, so they were forced to have a climatic fight!

Padme doesn’t get as big of a role in this film since some of her scenes were cut out, but she still tries to convince Anakin to turn to the light. Anakin’s too far gone and even though his objective was to save her, he barely comprehends this anymore and nearly takes her down for the count. Obi Wan convinces him to stop, but it makes you face palm whenever you think of Anakin.

Yoda is definitely at his best in this movie and he finally shows off his abilities. Don’t get me wrong, we all knew that Yoda could fight. He proved it in the last film, but they’ve been hyping up his abilities as possibly being the strongest Jedi, so it was about time that he got to truly fight. The outcome of the fight may have been disappointing, but it was good to see him fight again after so long. I still can’t say that I’m a big fan of the character, but I can safely say that he was much better in this film than in the previous ones.

General Grievous is a pretty big villain in this film and he’s definitely fun. His Lightsaber skills may not be on par with Obi Wan or Starkiller, but he makes up for this by using 4 Lightsabers. He was beating Obi Wan in the Lightsaber battle, but eventually Obi Wan gave up and just used The Force to win. This shows that Grievous is a very powerful combatant and he is one of the stronger Star Wars characters. He was likable, so it’ll be fun to see him in the video games. He came in very suddenly and didn’t last very long, but his appearance was very impactful like Jango/Boba Fett.

Count Dooku gets a pretty small role, but his abilities are definitely impressive. The fact that he can take on two powerful Jedi at once is something that can be bragged about. He may not be as powerful as Darth Vader or the all powerful Starkiller, but he may be in the top 5 Strongest Star Wars characters. If so, that’s definitely a feat. Chewie also gets a role and it’s a pretty good one. Apparently, Chewie was an extremely hardcore/powerful fighter whose ear piercing roar was not his only weapon. It’s too bad that he could not appear any longer. R2D2 and C-3PO are still around, but what could I say about them? They’re essentially the same and if you (did not) like them, then you still will (not).

Mace Windu finally gets to fight in this film and it’s a pretty solid scene. He is the only Jedi capable of standing against Palpatine and he manages to get the upper hand. He’s easily one of the strongest Jedi out there and it’s a shame that he did not get any other fight scenes before this one. I have to say that I gained a lot of respect for him, since he is not all talk as the other films have made him out to be. Granted, Mace Windu did fight a little in film II, but even C-3PO could defeat some droids.

Palpatine gets a big role in this film and it’s still hard to take him serious. You can’t help, but grin when he pulls off a fancy spin tackle and destroys three Jedi in a matter of seconds. I know that he’s tough, but that’s a little insane. What about The Force!? Well, either way it was definitely interesting. I’m glad that Mace put up a better fight. It’s a little scary to remember that Palpatine will get away with everything for years and years until Episode VI. I definitely don’t care for him, but you have to admit that he did the one thing that many villains want to do..he conquered the Galaxy!

If I had to name a negative in this film, (Aside from any talking scene that involved Anakin) it would be the unnecessary kids scene. We know that the kids don’t make it since the Jedi go (seemingly) extinct, so do we really need to see Anakin destroy them? We already knew that he was pure evil and a despicable person, but seeing the kids die was definitely a little much. I could also due without the Padme giving birth scene, since those always make me shudder. The process looks overly painful considering the technology at their disposal.

So, this film was definitely the darkest in the series. Was that wise? Well, the fight scenes were awesome in this film and it got to go back to its roots. The film starts out with battles in space, which is all kinds of awesome. As mentioned earlier, the Lightsaber duels are also great and easily the best ones in the series. We got at least 3-4 of those, which is more than usual. I definitely don’t mind having a somber end when the action is this good, as long as “dark” doesn’t mean unnecessarily violent. Without the kids scene, I thought that the film handled it pretty well. All of the Jedi dying so easily was pure plot hax, but you had to expect that at some point. There wasn’t a logical way to have so many powerful fighters be defeated.

The franchise will continue with the next film in a few years. That will definitely be fun and there are a lot of ways that they can play it. I’m expecting Luke Skywalker to appear and maybe be the main character, although it’s not very likely. All I know is that there better be space battles and the new main character should definitely be an improvement over Luke and Anakin. I hope that Starkiller also gets a movie because that would be awesome.

Overall, this was a solid Star Wars film. It is definitely darker than the others so you probably wouldn’t watch this one quite as often, but it did end the saga. Anakin wasn’t likable, but he makes for a villain that you really want to defeat. I recommend this film if you are a Star Wars film, but if not, it makes for a good film to watch before Episode VI. This way you can see what the fate of these fighters is. This film still couldn’t beat Film IV, but it definitely beat I and II. It dragged on less than films V and VI, so I dare say that it may have beaten those. You’ll like this film if you enjoyed The Dark Knight, but if you want something that’s a little happier, check out the new Star Trek film.

Overall 6/10

The Day After Tomorrow is a disaster movie that shows us the perils of Global Warming. Instead of melting and all of us dying from the water, we are faced with a different threat that may be just as grave. The World is freezing over and there doesn’t seem to be anything that humanity can do. Will we survive or will we perish?

There are several “main” characters in this film, but the true main character would be either Jack or Sam. My money’s on Jack, but they both get a pretty big role. Jack tries to warn everyone about the grave threat that they now face, but they don’t believe him until it’s too late. Jack must now venture through the frozen cities to find his son before it is too late. Will he arrive in time? His son is also keeping busy as he tries to stay alive while at the library with his friends, a librarian, a guy who likes books, and a guy who’s with his pet dog as they try to survive in this world. They decide to wait out the storm, but can they resist the frozen embrace of nature? There are other plots including Jack’s wife as she tries to save the life of a kid in a pretty serious condition and a group of researchers who are gathering a lot of information, but have no way of getting outside their residence.

The film does have some pretty nice fake out moments. There is one scene where this guy is eating at a shop and looks pretty nervous as the cops come around. He gets a few lines and we quickly figure that he’ll be one of the main characters. As he makes his get away; the character gets destroyed by an ice ball. Most of the other citizens in the area are quickly defeated as well, which is bad news for the area. Until the figure dies, you figure that he would be a main character so that was nicely played.

The special effects are pretty fun to watch and we get to see New York City destroyed for the first time in days! I’ve always found it amusing to see the city decimated in so many films because we get to see which threat can defeat it first. Will it be Chitauri, Cloverfield Monster, Apes, Kaiju, Thunder, or Giant Marshmallows? Either way, New York always puts up a pretty good fight! The “science” of it all may not be very realistic, but you can ignore that since this is a film and just watch the action!

The film was moving along at a solid pace until a very unnecessary scene that involved some Wolves. It was nice to see that they escaped their confines, but it quickly got worse as they fought the main characters. Animal violence shouldn’t have been included in this film and it definitely hurt the film. Why did they have to add this!? The other main animal looks pretty good as he survives throughout the whole film with a grin. He shows the world that he’s a true dog and gets to take a nice bite out of a hot dog and essentially has more to eat than the other characters. He also knows when its time to bark and he keeps everyone nice and alert. No cruel fate befell him and that was a good move.

The film did a good job of portraying the United States and I’ve always been a fan of the Government scenes. Right when they called in The President; I knew that things were about to get real. He makes the tough calls and his final scene is pretty intense. He acts pretty confident the whole time and he was a solid character. The Vice President is intriguing since he took The News surprisingly (heh) well. He gives Jack a pretty hard time throughout the film, but I suppose that anyone would have done so, considering his lack of data. The Vice President also did want to save the people in the North so he’s not all bad. He didn’t see eye to eye with the main character, but he did want to save as many people as he could.

Jack is a pretty solid main character and he’s a determined person. He goes a long way to try and save his son while also trying to convince the Government of how grave the threat is. He may have been a little snippy while briefing The President and pals, but he was in a rush and needed to hurry to his son, so it was understandable. He just gave them the quick plan and he headed out. He’s definitely one of the better main characters that we’ve seen in a while and he does a good job of taking charge and thinking ahead.

His two partners are not so lucky and it’s hard to like any of them. The older one is around, but he’s not very useful and he just doesn’t get much screen time. The younger one isn’t likable from the start and he doesn’t seem to realize the gravity of the situation that has befallen the Earth. Janet is not usually one of Jack’s partners, but she comes to help out in this time of desperation and she provides them with a lot of data via satellite. She’s a pretty high ranking person so she definitely helps a great deal, although her role is not very large in the film. She’s definitely better than Jack’s two flunkies partners.

I have to say that the kids subplot was not nearly as interesting. Sam and his two friends are a part of a big school competition when the disaster strikes. I just didn’t enjoy the three of them so much. Sam is always making a grimace when he’s on screen and his emotional moments are not that great. His phone call with Jack also didn’t go so well since he could have made sure to say that he was okay at the end. Instead he paused as the water flooded in. I didn’t like his “Rival” either and the best part of that subplot were the supporting characters.

The guy and his dog were interesting figures from the start. The guy is pretty quick and he knows how to survive in this cruel world. He’s the main source of humor in the film and he does a good job of making everyone look bad while he continues to survive. His dog is very sensitive to disturbances in The Force nature and he always gives the characters a form of early warning. The Librarian was helpful and essentially saved the kids’ lives as she let them into a nice room where they were able to keep warm. The guy who liked books was also solid since he made sure that the great authors could stay safe. This guy plans ahead and was ready to save Western Civilization at any cost! There was another person in there and she put up a pretty good argument as to why one of the authors wasn’t that good, but that was basically her only role.

One other flaw that I would have for the film (Aside from an extremely unnecessary and pointless scene involving a guy who almost ignored a phone call and jeopardized more lives by not issuing a Tornado watch and the Animal Violence) is the ending. It’s tough to have a real ending in any disaster film because we can’t exactly “fix” the Earth. Whatever effects have happened will not be corrected in a short time and they will be felt more many years. That being said, the ending was very abrupt and basically if you lived in America…you’re doomed. America’s been evacuated and now we have to live in Mexico. For the people who are not rich….they’re doomed. Also, there just isn’t going to be enough room for all of the Americans so it’s essentially the beginning of the end. When you really think about it, Humanity is down for the count.

In Disaster films, my favorite parts are always the set up (Meeting each of the characters and getting ready for them to join up to survive the upcoming threat) and the beginning of the onslaught. When the disaster first strikes, it’s cool to see everyone’s reactions and what they plan to do about it. Things usually get more slow paced from there and this film is no exception, but it’s not incredibly dragged out. The film is still enjoyable in the later stages, but as per usual, I enjoyed the first half of the film a lot more. The best destruction scene would definitely be the Wave of Water that attacked NYC. It was a pretty good batch of special effects and it reminded me of a recent Avengers episode. (A villain flooded NYC, but surprisingly there wasn’t any property damage and they dried off the buildings while not letting anyone die before dinner. Pretty impressive and Completely believable)

Overall, this was a pretty fun film. It’s probably not meant to be “fun”, but that’s what happened in the long run. There are a lot less fatalities than you would expect and nearly all of the big characters survive. (You do feel bad for the dozens of people who ran out into the freezing snow without a set destination in mind and not bringing along any food or utilities, but they must’ve had a great plan if they left the comfort of the Library for that. The cop did do a good job of taking charge and completely blowing Sam away in the verbal debate. At least 90% of the people went with him, which shows who has the better debating skills) It may not have a great amount of replay value, but it still has a decent amount, considering the (disaster) genre. I recommend watching the film if you like to see Apocalypse/End of The Earth scenarios and also view how the Government acts upon the knowledge. The character roster is decently good and Jack is a solid protagonist. The film is solid on just about all accounts so you can still watch it just to see the dialogue and the special effects. This is also a good film to prepare you for the upcoming Godzilla film, which will feature a Lot of devastation!

Overall 6/10

Rocky has returned and he may be facing his toughest challenge yet. This guy may not be quite as powerful as Apollo, but he’s the current Heavy Weight Champ and he wants to take Rocky down for the count. Rocky didn’t get to fight that much in Rocky V, so it was good to see him get some more action in this film. It’s definitely a step up from the last film, but has the film series started to go downhill? Well, time to find out!

I mildly addressed the plot in the intro, but it’s time to talk about it for real. Rocky doesn’t fight anymore and he even owns a pretty good restaurant. Life is pretty good for him and it’s been a peaceful life. Unfortunately, things start to turn sour as Rocky is put up against Dixon in a virtual battle that starts to rile people up. Rocky feels like he’s still got it so he decides to accept Mason’s challenge. He’s pretty old and Dixon is currently undefeated. Can Rocky really defeat such a powerful opponent?

The plot is something that you’d like to see in an anime or a comic, but could it translate into a movie? Rocky has been getting steadily older as the films have went on and he may not have what it takes to win anymore. It wouldn’t be very entertaining to see him get crushed by Dixon, but at the same time…is it believable if Rocky can give him a good fight in his present state? It’s something that you definitely will need to think about and it should affect how you view the big fights in the film.

Rocky is still a decently good protagonist. It is a little hard to sympathize with his will to keep on fighting since he has a very good life at the moment. Just about everyone in the city likes/respects him and he owns his own restaurant. He chats with the guests and he does his best to make things work out for everyone. The virtual fight may have stirred up the old fighting flair within him, but why take the risk of getting permanently injured just to feel that rush? His wife died prior to the film so Rocky is by himself now, but he still stays upbeat or tries too at the very least. He helps out Marie and her son by getting them jobs and essentially improving their quality of life.

Marie is not a new character to the franchise, but this is her first big role. She works at a bar, but Rocky convinces her to work at his restaurant and he tries to make sure that things turn out well for her and her son. She gives him a motivational speech about entering the fight, but I can’t say that I cared for the character. Her son was all right, but I still have to question why they were in the film in the first place. I’m glad that Rocky was nice to them, but it was a subplot that was really there to add some extra time to the film I suppose.

Paulie is still around and he’s here to make things a little tough for Rocky. He’s on Rocky’s side for the most part, but he cracks during one of their opening scenes and he doesn’t take his job loss that well. He goes to Rocky’s restaurant and he’s pretty hysterical while also alienating the people at the restaurant. Rocky takes it well, but Paulie didn’t seem to care that it could have hurt the store and crushed Rocky’s business. Paulie also insulted a dog which instantly made him irredeemable and one of the worst characters in the film.

Mason Dixon is the big opponent of the film and it’s hard to like him as well. You do got to sympathize with the fact that everyone keeps on saying that he’s not actually that tough even though he’s undefeated, but that shouldn’t bother him too much. He’s still undefeated and making big bucks, so that’s all that should matter to him. He just needs to take these things in stride and not worry about it so much. He talks a good game, but Rocky would have definitely crushed him if this had taken place at an earlier time. He’s supposed to be more of a likable character by the end, but we’ll see. I’m not sure if I buy it!

Rocky’s son is another big player in the film, but he wasn’t very likable. He sees the error of his ways and becomes a good guy by the very end of the series, but it’s a little late for that. He wasn’t likable in the previous film and he just served as a distraction for Rocky in this film. (Prior to his enlightenment) He had a pretty good situation and the job seemed solid. He was very sensitive about being in Rocky’s shadow, but it’s not really a bad thing and he should be proud of Rocky’s success. He doesn’t even go to Rocky’s restaurant and he makes it tough on him. He also admits that he didn’t want Rocky to fight because it will be tougher on him, which shows how selfish he is. It’s a little hard to bear at times and you just have to glare at him. He should be a better character in the next film at least.

The film isn’t very long and I’d say that it’s around 80-90 minutes. It goes by pretty quickly and doesn’t drag on, which is always a good thing. The soundtrack is not quite up to par with the classic Rocky scenes and the montage is a lot shorter, but it was still a nice throwback. The only real negatives to the film are the annoying characters (Rocky’s son and Paulie) and the fact that I can’t really sympathize with Rocky’s decision to head back in the ring. Beyond that, the film was pretty solid through and through.

Overall, this was a good film and I dare say that it was better than the last one. It still can’t beat the classic films, but it was a little better than I may have expected. The overall atmosphere is definitely not as cheery as the average film, but it’s all right for the film. It may not have a lot of replay value to it because while it’s a good film, it’s not necessarily a fun film. I do recommend checking it out at least once and it doesn’t tarnish the Rocky name. This is an example of a modern installment that was actually pretty good. The final fight may be a little brutal so you’ll want to prepare yourself before heading in.

Overall 5/10

Ah, the Lone Ranger…..this was a franchise that I could never get into. Despite the fact that the comics tend to get good reviews, they always looked pretty bad to me. The movie didn’t really look any better as it mixes the things that I don’t like in films together. The fact that it’s a wild west film and that there are no likable characters (Yes, I can tell when there were no likable characters from the trailers!) were not signs of hope for me. The only viewable entertainment that was able to pull off the whole “Wild West” aspect was Trigon and the best parts of that show don’t even take place in that setting. (Ex: Final battle is in a garden…a Garden!!!!!)

Anyway, back to the movie. Before I reveal that Spoiler Alert the whole thing is actually a fairy tale told by an old man who hangs out at a museum, I need to mention that the Lone Ranger is fake in this film. The real main character is a little kid who buys peanuts for sale and then goes to the museum to check out the exhibits. Sooooooo…….the whole movie is a story that may or may not be real, but let’s ignore that and just enjoy the story for what it is. End Spoiler

The Lone Ranger starts off his “epic” film debut by throwing a poor girl’s toy out the window. It’s not the greatest start and was probably the tipping point of the film. It all went downhill from there as he ran after the crooks while a lot of happenstance took place. Believe it or not….but the cops had arrested a villain for a change, but they tied him up right over a gun and his hands are barely cuffed so he was able to put it in his coat. Now, we know that there are traitors everywhere because according to this movie, everyone is basically evil until proven innocent. The army is able to be bought off with silver. I can’t even….

Even if you consider the fact that the traitor put the gun there and set him up, how did they manage to put him right over it? That’s some serious coincidence and the traitor putting him on that seat is still a little iffy. If the cops weren’t so drunk on power and beer, they would have stopped him as he was opening the floorboard. Still, we mustn’t get distracted just yet! I’ve barely mentioned the plot within the plot. One thing leads to another and the Lone Ranger dies. Tonto saves him and they decide to have a blast and beat people up as they head off to their destiny and avenge the Lone Ranger’s bro.

It’s not much of a plot description, but I hadn’t the heart to keep on going. Just think of a really generic plot and you’ll have figured this movie out. Honestly, I’d compare it to the likes or Pirates of the Carrabean and Sucker Punch which is a really (really) sad thing. This is probably Disney’s worst film of all time and easily one of the worst films that I’ve seen. It made the mistake of having the three big Vs. Animal Violence, (Every other minute it felt like. Horses, Rabbits, and a lot of other animals die as the film goes on) Gross Violence, (One of the characters is a cannibal….yeah, Disney went there) and Excessive Violence. (Back to the cannibal and every other fighting scene. Nearly every fight would have a scene or two that is not necessary and just makes the whole scene a lot more violent and unwatchable. Seriously, the film has absolutely no replay value and I deeply hope that they don’t make a sequel)

It’s hard to think of the film without wincing. It’s like the film was mocking the very essence of my being as I sat there and winced through the 2+ hour film that was incinerating every piece of morale that films had. I can’t think of anything that it did right. The main character is pretty weak, generic, and unheroic. The girl that he likes was married to his brother and he basically starts flirting with her (Right in front of his bro btw) as soon as he sees her. I knew that he would be an unlikable character right at that moment.

Let’s not forget his partner, Tonto. Tonto is pretty annoying as well and he has quite a few moments that will make you grimace. The “steralized” arrow comes to mind and you may need a barf bag for this film. The film isn’t as gross as the humor in Pirates, but there are times when it comes very close. There is also a lot of jumping in this film as we go to the “future” and the “past” and then back to the “present” Quotations must be used because we must remember that this is not as it appears. (See, spoiler paragraph for details)

Writing about this film is easy since everything is a negative, but that’s also why it’s tough for me to stay on one topic for long. My review may seem a little scattered as I jump from one point to another, but there’s so much to cover that I just don’t want to miss anything. Needless to say, there isn’t anything redeemable about this film.

Need I go on? The characters are all bad, the film is excessively violent, this film is not suitable for…anyone since I highly do not recommend the film. If you want to see something even remotely cool or fun, go watch an episode of Blues Clues. At least you’ll likely learn something in the process. All that you can learn in this film is what not to do. Seriously, someone jumps off of a very fast train at least 10+ feet to another train and he lands on a bunch of Silver Rocks. Not only is the character okay, but he’s not hurt in the slightest. I usually would have taken a step back for something like that, but I expected no less from the film.

I’m not sure how much more I can really say. Just…do not watch it. Spare yourself and just watch anything else. Maybe take a stroll in your backyard and play with your Dog. You can also go check out the 1 star reviews for the film on various sites and you can have a good laugh. It’s something that I enjoy doing as well! I hope that I’ve reached you all in time before you got to see the film. Who knows, maybe some of you would like it….but don’t count on it! This is the worst film that I’ve seen since Sucker Punch and that’s saying something. Hollywood is truly going downhill. (I refer to any Live Action Film as a “Hollywood” product if it’s from America…just saiyan)

Overall 1/10

It’s time for the much awaited sequel to Star Wars Episode I. We are getting closer to the original trilogy since 10 years have passed in the story. With Anakin as the main character (Or at least one of the main characters) this would have to be a success…right? Unfortunately, this is easily the weakest Star Wars film to date and it’s about time that we see why!

As is the norm with films in the Star Wars series, there is more than one plot going on in this movie. Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker are hired to protect Senator Padme since there are those that would wish to defeat her once and for all. She does not want to be terminated, but she does want to know who’s behind all of this and suspects Dooku. The Jedi laugh this off since Dooku was a Jedi and thus, he cannot be evil. The Jedi seemed to be pretty proud of themselves for coming up with this fact and brushed the notion aside. If only they could use The Force to find out!

Later on, Obi Wan is called away to locate the bounty hunter who is after Senator Padme so he is forced to leave his post. Anakin and Padme head off on their own adventure to find out what has happened to Anakin’s mother. There are a lot of plots that happen within the movie, but since they all continue from each other, it’s hard to go into more depth with them. Needless to say, a big war could occur if things do not stop very quickly!

So, what went wrong with this film? The plot sounds like it has potential and Anakin gets a big role! Well, let’s start off with Anakin’s portrayal. He looks awful in this film and you just want him to stop appearing after his first few scenes. He’s one of the worst main heroes of a movie that I’ve seen in a while and he’s as annoying as Russio. He may not be quite as bad as someone like James T Kirk, but he is definitely pretty low. He constantly pesters Padme about how they should be together and he can never stay professional. He’s always talking back to Obi Wan and even disagrees with Padme when they are in front of a lot of important people. He also basically admits that he prefers a dictatorship to democracy and starts his way to becoming a villain. It’s inevitable that he turns evil, but he does so in a very bad way. He comes off as more of a throwaway villain who talks a good game, but is really desperate and not really that tough.

An example of this is during the climax when he attacks someone and is quickly defeated in a single blow. After a long time, Anakin wakes up and is quickly dispatched by another blow. He looks so awful that you are likely to cheer in the theater when he is defeated, but it doesn’t do wonders for the character. He was definitely not handled well in this film and if not for the expanded universe he would be a pretty awful character right now. (He looked bad in Episodes V and VI as well)

The next big flaw in the film is that it does not live up to its name. For starters, what happened to Star Wars being about battles in space? We don’t really get any of that anymore and I miss the days of fighting in space. It was so much fun back in the day and now we only have ground fights. They’re pretty good, but it’s still inexcusable. Also, the title is Attack of the Clones, but they do not fight until the end of the movie, during the climax. That can definitely be disappointing if you are looking forward to seeing the Clone/Storm Troopers in action.

Another negative would be the excessive romance in the film. It’s handled poorly and the writing was just terrible and the plot for the scenes was even worse. Padme and Anakin were just friends back in the day, but Anakin has become a very twisted person who is not satisfied anymore. She constantly tells him that they can never be together, but he keeps pestering her until they are. That’s definitely not a good romance and it was sad that she weakened in the end. Instead of a happy moment, it was just a wince worthy scene that will make you cringe inside. As you can guess, I do not like Anakin at all in this film and the same goes for Padme.

The scene where Anakin finds his mother and finally rescues her also should have been cut out. She was kidnapped days ago and she’s still alive. Sure, this gives Anakin more of a sad back story so that he’ll have more reason to turn evil, but he was already clearly on the path to becoming a Sith anyway. If we needed another sad element, they just could have had her be destroyed by the Sand people and then Anakin saves her. That would have been a lot better than having her still be alive to quickly die right when he arrives. The scene was definitely a little too gruesome and also hurts the replay value of the story.

Not everyone looked bad as Yoda finally backed up all of his tough talk and he got to fight. It is definitely more than a little hard to take him seriously at this point, but he proved that he is a skilled combatant. He is fast, but his lack of strength could be a bit of an issue. He definitely looked more impressive than the other Jedi, who are reduced to cannon fodder in this film.

That’s another problem that I have with the Jedi. I do not like any of them in this film and while Yoda and Obi Wan may not be bad characters, I don’t really care for them either. The Jedi actually lose to random blasts and Jango Fett took one of them down for the count. The Jedi have never looked very impressive in the films, but they looked even worse than usual in this film. At least half of them were slaughtered by random droids and it would appear that the Force did not find favor with them. The Jedi appear to be stronger than average Cops, but they’re still only at about Chitauri level. Average humans could feasibly defeat them if they’re good with a gun. The Jedi could use the Force in much better ways, but they do not seem to comprehend this.

At least Jango Fett was a cool character. He is a solid fighter in his jetpack and he effortlessly defeated a Jedi. That’s a pretty solid feat and he also managed to defeat Obi Wan Kenobi. The way that he lost at the end was pure plot hax and just an excuse to finish up the movie. After seeing him in the Bounty Hunter game, I can definitely say that he wouldn’t have died like that.

Emperor Dooku was a pretty sharp fighter and definitely tougher than I would have guessed. He made the Jedi look like kids as he was completely annihilating them without effort. It was a sad day for the Jedi, but a pretty happy day for Dooku. Maybe he could take on Darth Vader or Darth Maul in a fair fight. C-3PO, R2D2, and Jar Jar Binks all make cameos. They’re about the same as usual, but C-3PO is pretty intense as he actually betrays the Jedi at one point and probably took a few of them down with his lasers.

The fight scenes in the film are pretty intense which is always a good thing. The effects hold up well and we are in the 2000’s so I should expect no less. The Lightsabers still seem to be easily breakable, but it’s fun to see them clash. We also got a brief hand to hand fight scene with Obi Wan and Jango Fett. The effects for Jango’s booster are also pretty good.

Finally, we do have another big negative and it is the excessive animal violence. At one point, the “heroes” are thrown into an arena with three giant monsters. You can probably guess what happens to the animals and it isn’t pretty. It was really unneeded, but a lot of films tend to make this mistake nowadays. It is pretty disappointing to see and I will always have to take away points for such awful scenes.

Overall, I did not care for this Star Wars film. Not only was it the worst one in the series, but it was not even close. This film was a lot more negative than positive so the low rating should not come as a huge surprise by the end. The film had potential for great things, thanks to the action and Jango Fett, but it was not to be. I can’t say that this helps my hopes for the next film in the series, but it can’t get any worse I suppose. I do not recommend this film and if you want a real space adventure, check out Gurren Lagann!

Overall 3/10