Tag Archives: Drama

Kickboxer 2 Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

I wasn’t a big fan of the first Kickboxing film and unfortunately the sequel also gets a thumbs down too. I would say it is an improvement over the first but not enough so where I would be able to defend it. It suffers from a lot of serious plot issues like adding a sour note to the first film and overall just going for maximum edge there. It doesn’t even have the solid ost from the first film so things get tricky here.

The movie starts off by introducing us to David, another brother related to the main characters from the first film. He has skill in close quarters combat but isn’t quite as strong as the earlier two. He doesn’t fight anymore, however his gym isn’t doing well so he is forced to unretire. He’s still good enough to win his fights but the main problem is Tong Po has returned. It turns out that he murdered the main characters from the first film including the heroine and now he’s here for David. He has his goons murder a child and then they murder David’s protégé. Now the lead has to fight him but does he have the skills to beat this fighter?

The whole plot feels like something out of an edgy fanfic. “Yo what if…..the villain from the first film got better and murdered everybody!!” I mean cmon now, I know a villain can have a revenge story too but having the heroes lose so cheaply off screen is rough. We see someone get shot so it seems like Tong Po just used underhanded tactics to win. He would have needed to since the last main character heavily surpassed him by the end of the first film. It makes a very strong argument for why you need to completely bump off the villain after a point. Letting him stay alive just opened the door for things to go south.

It’s just such a bad plot point though. Then for extra edge we have the whole kid thing. So there are a bunch of kids that look up to David and want to get stronger. One in particular had a bit of a bad attitude but he was trying his best. Well, a group of fighters attack in the night and when burning down the dojo they take out a kid too. It’s clear this is for maximum drama and edge but the film really didn’t need that. I would argue if anything it’s actually a net negative. The kids didn’t need to be here and surely having his brothers murdered is already enough of a motivation for David.

The edgy backstory also hurts some characters. Namely Xian because with his daughter dead the guy should be out for blood right? He’s an expert fighter to the point where he is the world’s best coach so why not take down Tong Po himself? I never get why the masters can get so complacent when the stakes are this level of personal. Instead he’ll train David and said he will sacrifice the guy if necessary. That’s great, but go handle your business. He should have absolutely been doing whatever it takes to bring that guy down instead of just waiting until David was forced into the action.

It doesn’t make any sense. What else doesn’t make sense? Everyone sitting by as Tong Po shows up and murdered someone in the ring. This isn’t Thailand this time. It’s taking place in the US and yet the villains still have enough clout to break all of the rules as often as they want and get away with literal murder? I don’t care how rich the villains are, that doesn’t make any sense. If the protégé was smart he would have taken the tournament crown by default since the opponent wasn’t smart. Even then he should have won the fight early on when Tong Po was clearly cheating. The ref would call it out each time but not do anything about it so what’s the point there? It’s just a really bad look all around and it’s why the film’s plot is so forced.

I feel like the writers had the dilemma they wanted to get to and knew the conclusion but didn’t know how to organically get the plot there. As a result it’s all rather contrived and the film feels very try-hardish. David’s a decent main character but it would be nice if he could have stepped up a bit sooner. A really rough moment was when the invaders attacked at night. David’s an expert hand to hand fighter so couldn’t he have fought back at least a little bit rather than going down immediately and getting beaten up so badly? I didn’t like how easily he went down there, night or not.

Tong Po also doesn’t look as impressive here for obvious reasons. He claims to want honor yet he goes around taking down stronger opponents with guns? Then in the final fight he is only able to do well when there is a hostage at stake. The instant David can fight the guy goes down like a sack of bricks. It’s like he can’t fight at a very high level at all. In the first film at least it was clear that he was still an incredibly difficult opponent to take down. He would cheat for sure but the guy legitimately did have a lot of skills at his disposal. Here he’s just a chump.

Also while the final fight is fairly long, the power levels don’t make a lot of sense. Put it this way, David is getting completely smashed throughout the whole fight. He’s got tons of broken bones and is coughing up blood since he was told not to fight back due to the hostage stuff going on. So finally when they tell him to fight, he’s able to crush Tong Po just like that? People underestimate how bad those injuries will be acting up while you’re fighting. There’s no way you’re going to just be able to keep fighting as if you’re going into the battle fresh. At best it means Tong Po is just incredibly weak but that’s not possible from what we saw. At least not to that extent so the film overplayed its hand in trying to make the stakes high. Again it’s just not great writing.

Overall, Kickboxer 2 may have beaten the first film but that’s not saying a whole lot. It’s still got huge chronic problems all throughout. In general the kids weren’t needed as their scenes don’t even fit in with the rest of the film. The film’s rather serious and dark while their moments are trying to be a little too upbeat. Perhaps it could work if the film was written better but it wasn’t built for this. In the end I would say to just avoid this film. As bad as the first film was, at least the ending was satisfying but this film completely takes that away and makes it moot so it’s a double negative.

Overall 4/10

Starman Review

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Starman is one of those films that seemed a little iffy right out of the gate. The whole plot involves an alien impersonating Jenny’s husband and calling it a day. And this film is going to be part romance? Uh ohhhhhhhh. Yeah this is why the film was never going to get particularly far. Throw in that the pacing can be slow and the main character is super annoying and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

The film starts off with an alien crash landing to Earth after the government shot down his space ship. He has 7 orgs/magic spells at the ready and uses one to tell his people that Earth is dangerous. He then sees a widow named Jenny and decides to shapeshift into her dead husband. The alien is now “Scott” but he knows nothing about human customs, their ways, or even about talking. So he gets to work on learning all of this and until he does, he figures Jenny will be his prisoner. Jenny has to try and escape quickly before she falls victim to Stockholm syndrome. Will she be up to the task?

Yeah the romance here is just bad. Since her husband is dead, you would think that the last thing Jenny would tolerate is an alien shapeshifter. I would argue that a normal rebound is even better than this because at least it’s a different person. Choosing to get together with someone who looks like your husband but isn’t is just really eery and not something you should be doing. I would also argue that there is no reason for her to fall for him at all. He basically kidnapped her and then held her against her will for a long while. At what point would that really turn into some kind of admiration? I’m not buying it, no sirrrrrrrr. He basically got her pregnant through alien magic too and she was cool with it.

Jenny started out by being a tough character but started breaking down as the film went on. I would have preferred that she knocked “Scott” out early on and then escaped. She doesn’t have to help the government since those guys were real shady the whole time but not falling in love with this guy is the baseline requirement to being a really solid character here. The romance should have been cut out entirely.

It’s not even to say that “Scott” is a bad guy but I would still put him as more antagonistic than anything. While it takes him a while to learn the human customs so he isn’t intending to be a bad person, you can’t forget that he was completely threatening Jenny. This guy also seemed serious about it and while you know that he is changing, it’s not like you can just quickly see that and get together with him at the drop of a hat. It just doesn’t work like that by any stretch.

The film also suffers in large part due to “Scott” and how long it takes him to get used to Earth. It’s one of those tropes I’ve never been a big fan of where it takes him forever to understand what’s going on. So you see him make a lot of goofy faces, not know how to respond, etc. These scenes take forever and I just really prefer to have a character who is on the ball the whole time. Someone who knows what is going on and is ready to act. With his magic powers surely he could have used one of them to immediately understand human customs or something right? He comes far by the end but at first all of his scenes are absolutely brutal. You’ll be cringing a whole lot and that hurts the pacing.

Meanwhile the government makes for a decent villain but there isn’t a lot to them. They hire a freelancer to help out but that was the government’s mistake as he clearly had disdain for them from the start and instead of helping out he basically makes sure to get in their way the whole time. Seriously they would have been better off without him. In general while the government does get close at times, they rarely feel like much of a threat.

That’s why to add tension we see a deer die which was pretty regrettable. It’s a way for “Scott” to see how cruel the world is and how people hunt other animals. Fortunately he does use his abilities to revive it but it’s a scene that we didn’t really need. Still I wouldn’t say the film was ever aimless or anything. I wasn’t big on that scene of course but the film did have a plan the whole time and went ahead with it. You could easily transform this into a really fun film if you switch up the genre a bit. Have it be a thriller where “Scott” needs to evade the government until his backup arrives. Then we get a classic alien invasion film or something like that. You have to admit that would definitely be a lot of fun!

Of course if you really want to make this plot work, just don’t have Starman turn into her husband. Have him be an ordinary joe and gradually she falls for him. I think you’d still need to bypass all of the threats and such though for this to even be a conversation. Additionally it’s best for her to not even have a dead husband so that it’s not a big rebound like that. That would be an immediate upgrade to the plot and it’s not even that hard to pull off.

Overall, Starman isn’t a particularly good film. I would say that it starts off on the wrong foot with the romance right out of the gate. It’s just hard to get past that because it’s such a bad romance plot that only serves to actively harm the film. It’s hard to survive when one of your main genres is holding you back after all. There’s just no escape from that. Then mix in how Starman’s initial scenes really drag on and that doesn’t help either. To an extent it’s probably trying to be funny but give me the witty fast talking kind of humor over the slow on the uptake version any time. I’d say to avoid this film. The title sounds cool for sure but the actual film isn’t quite up to par.

Overall 3/10

The Cincinnati Kid Review

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It’s always tragic when you have a film that is executing the story at a really high level but then it gets bogged down by scenes that don’t actually enhance the plot. The actual gambling scenes are excellent and I love the tension/build up to the final battle. Unfortunately along the way the film stumbles into some really unfortunate animal violence and the main character is as weak willed as they come. This makes for a very dicey part of the film that drags the rest down with it.

The movie starts off by introducing us to the Kid who is an excellent poker player. In fact he’s so good that he has to go out of town to find new opponents now because everyone in the city owes him a ton of money. He’s just a natural at this kind of thing and now the world’s greatest player Lancey is in town. Their battle is sure to shake the entire planet but can The Kid win? If he does then he will become “The Man” and everyone will respect him forever. However, if he loses then all is lost because he’s staked everything on this. What he doesn’t know is that the shady Mr. Slade also wants the Kid to win even if it means pulling a few strings.

The only thing worse than losing a match is realizing that you only won because someone was cheating. That’s the dilemma that The Kid runs into here with all this match fixing going around. Slade works well as the main villain with how he’s always threatening everyone and pulling his weight around. You really don’t want to go up against that guy in the ring. That said, it would be nice if everyone could just resist like The Kid did. He wasn’t going to play ball at any time and that’s the right move.

Unfortunately Shooter is a lot weaker willed. It was a shame that he couldn’t resist the blackmail at all. Yeah it involves his wife Melba and her past but lets face it she doesn’t care who knows about that. In fact she seems proud to flaunt how available she is at every point as she keeps on rubbing Shooter’s nose in it. The guy has no self respect as she uses and abuses him the whole time. That’s why I didn’t like Shooter. Even if he hadn’t started cheating at the end, he really needs to know when it’s time to cut your losses. He’s sacrificed everything for her and it’s clear that it would never be enough.

Of course Melba is a very bad character as well. She clearly doesn’t mind cheating at all and seems to enjoy bringing everyone down to her level. She is a bad influence to all of the characters. If you’re her friend then she will find a way to take you down as well. That’s just who she is at this point. Now is where I have to take some shots at The Kid as well though. Sure his skills are good and I like the confidence but as a character he has to take a big thumbs down here.

For starters he actually does let Melba seduce him on more than one occasion. He completely betrays his girlfriend in these moments and it’s why the ending of the film is not deserved in the slightest. The Kid has no degree of self control or self respect whatsoever and it’s just a shame to see that. His girlfriend Christian deserved a whole lot better than what she got and she should stay away from him after that. Her parents didn’t seem to like him much at all and their gut instincts were right here.

Then there is also the scene where he has his rooster fight someone else’s. Animal fights have long since been banned fortunately and maybe even at the time they were. The Kid knew his way around the underworld so that might be what this is but the whole fight should not have been in the movie at all. It’s a really bad moment and it gets rather violent too. Especially since there was no CGI back then I worry about the animals used for this shot. I like to think they’re okay but either way the film itself doesn’t get a pass for that scene. Just bad stuff all around.

So I would say the only good character in the film would have to be Lancey. Christian takes some fault as well for being a bit too naïve and also for doubting her own instincts of leaving. Lancey at least was doing his best to win the whole time and wasn’t about to get distracted. No, he’s in it to win and you can see how he became the champion. At the end of the day he never lost concentration and also didn’t give up even when he was losing in the fight. Poker is about luck to a good extent but there is also a lot of skill involved. You have to be able to defeat your opponent mentally as well as with your deck. That’s the only way that you’re going to be able to pull this off.

I liked how the film showed the characters practicing their math too since that is really how you can try to make Poker into a game of science. Memorize the cards that have been played and then you have to make a snap judgment on if you take the bet or not. Nothing’s a sure bet but it makes sense that knowing the cards that have been dealt will help you with the odds. Then if you play enough with the law of averages you should come out better than someone who is just playing wild. So there was a lot of thought put into this.

It’s the most detailed Poker game that I’ve seen in any movie thus far and it’s handled perfectly. I love the atmosphere and intensity of the games and if the film had purely stuck to that then it would have been great. The pacing and writing were also on point so you were really invested in what was happening. The Kid just needed to stay strong but either way I was rooting for Lancey since the hero made way too many mistakes like with the roosters and then with Melba.

Overall, The Cincinnati Kid is a very entertaining movie. It never lets up from start to finish and so there are a lot of moments that will have you at the edge of your seat. I just couldn’t recommend it though because the low moments hit really hard like the rooster battle. Even all the cheating and horrible romance doesn’t hurt the film quite as much as that sequence did. It’s just hard to fall that hard but of course all of the scenes really add up. I loved part of the ending, it was all great except for the very last scene which also ends things on a bit of a whimper. I’m really tempted to bump this one more star up the middle but ultimately I couldn’t do it. For a tense film, check out Demon Slayer the movie instead.

Overall 4/10

Where the Wild Things Are Review

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This is one of those movies that didn’t have a lot of potential since the main character is just a kid but even then it went lower than I expected. One of the big problems with the film is really that it gets really boring. For the most part I want to say that nearly every film has something really engaging in it. Something that you can sink your teeth into and have a good time but that wasn’t the case with this one. You’re just waiting for it to end and a big reason for that is the annoying main character.

The movie starts with Max building a snow castle but he is bored by himself. He tries to get his sister and her friends to play with him but in the process they break his snow castle so he cries for a while. He decides to embarrass his mother next and then runs away from home. This is where he falls into the land of the monsters and decides to be their king. Fortunately none of them are even remotely smart so they don’t mind working for a kid but is this really the life that he wishes to lead?

Now you may have suspicions on if this is really happening or not but I won’t spoil that for you. All I will say is that the film really does feel aimless for almost the entire run which is really my problem with it. Look, the monster designs aren’t even that cool when you really think about it. I personally didn’t find them scary but I also didn’t find them interesting. It’s like a bad episode of Barney but without the wholesome messages the whole time. Sure, you sort of see what they’re doing as these monsters help Max to see what a jerk he had been but it’s soooo drawn out.

Also, it really hurts that they made Max as unlikable as possible. It’s hard to really be sympathetic to him when he’s causing all of these problems. For example when the kids broke his igloo, sure that wasn’t very fun but it was part of the game and they didn’t realize how bad it was. At least one kid turned around so you know that he knew they went too far but ultimately he left. Max was a little too dependent on them there and should have just kept on keeping on. He got to play with the others for a bit so that should have made him happy.

Then later on his Mom tried her best to help him out and he rewards this by biting her and being a general pest while her rebound boyfriend was around? Nah that’s a really bad look and I’d argue that he never gets much better during the course of the film. With the monsters he tends to be very slow on the uptake and only survives because the creatures aren’t very smart.

It makes for a bit of a cringeworthy kind of film. You have a hard time watching the movie with a straight face. Now granted, I can absolutely see this being fun when you’re a young kid in some instances but I wouldn’t recommend this to a kid because it can be a little intense. The opening scene with the dog for example sets a really bad example. I also thought the dog should have shown up more later on because for a while there I was nervous that he died or something.

That’s not the case but it was a horrible way to open up the film. Worst scene there by far and it shows that Max doesn’t even have any basic common sense. You don’t run around with a fork while terrorizing your pet. That’s just not done and makes him look so bad. So with a main character like Max then you’re just not going to get very far with this film. Additionally for the vast majority of the film he is the only human character. You can’t banter off of the monsters so that means he has to try and hold the whole film by himself which is basically impossible. Trust me he is not up to the task at all.

I think if you really wanted to succeed with this plot then you needed more of a true main villain. An evil king running around and then you have his mom, sister, and the friends all appear as figures within the dream. It would be something more like Narnia for example with maybe a mix of Alice in Wonderland in there. The idea of a kid trying to run away from his problems into a fantasy world is nothing new. It’s been done many times before and done quite well I might add. This one doesn’t work though because it doesn’t have that focus and everything takes so long to happen. I’ve gone into the pacing a lot because it’s just so absolutely critical.

The monsters here are all just really annoying. They are easily tricked and barely serve a function beyond just being convenient figures for the main character to manipulate. Put him in a world with almost any other kind of creature and that would be game over. Mix it with the rather grim setting and they don’t stand out at all. Maybe if you couldn’t have the world be bright, at least make the monsters have bright costumes or something. I think that could have worked out a little better. The film’s chronic issues wouldn’t be fixed so it’s not like this would turn everything around but it would be a start.

Overall, This film had the issue of having the deck stacked against it from the start. Having a kid as the main character rarely works and certainly not one this unlikable. The story takes forever to move and even by the end I wouldn’t say that it ever got really high tier or anything like that. Eh there’s just not much of a reason to watch this one so stick away and just watch a more engaging picture. You’ve got options out there.

Overall 2/10

Airport (1975) Review

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Now it’s time to venture into the second Airport film. It’s actually a good film across the board but the problem with it is similar to the problems that Airplane 2 had. It’s just weaker than the original one in pretty much every way. In a vacuum the movie is perfectly acceptable and you won’t have any problems with it but at the same time you feel like it could do so much more with the concept. Also, the premise on the poster is better than the whole movie. “The Crew is dead” would have made for a really intense plot. Like only the stewardess is left to try and survive. Then of course you would need more scenes on the ground to balance this.

So this movie starts by introducing us to a lot of characters getting ready to board their plane. You have some travelling nuns, a sick child who badly needs a rib/kidney transplant, a stewardess who wants to get into a serious relationship, etc. Everyone is stressed and ready to get going but the plane ends up colliding with another one so now the plane is going to go down unless they can find a way to land this craft without the pilot. It’s going to take a lot of teamwork with the ground crew but this is the moment to surpass all of their limits!

I know what you’re thinking here. The film is called “Airport” so what about the airport scenes? Well unfortunately there aren’t a whole lot of those this time. The plane takes off fairly early in the film and the vast majority of the scenes take place up there. You do have scenes in the subplot with the grounds crew trying to direct the stewardess but very few scenes in the airport itself. I think that’s the biggest shame here because you need that for proper setup. When you jump right into the plane then you lose a whole lot.

For example, I would make the case that virtually every plot in the first film is more developed than this one. The cast of characters is a lot stronger and even the bomb threat was a lot more engaging than the collision plot here. The main problem is there are only so many ways you can drag out the tension on a small plane like this. After a while everyone is just panicking in the same ways and it doesn’t feel like a whole lot of progress is being made. That’s really the roughest part here. The movie quickly runs out of material.

Nancy is a good main character. She does a good job controlling the plane and doing her best to get it back up during the emergency. You have to give her a lot of credit there and yet the scenes do go on a bit too long. There’s a lot of yelling and reading out what’s on the panels a lot. The film is going for maximum realism here and I’m sure anyone familiar with the inner workings of the plane will get an extra kick out of that but as a viewer you can’t help but wish they could speed things up a little bit. This plays out more like an airplane simulator at times than a few movie and the first film had a much better balance on that.

It’s still not enough to make this movie go into the red of course but keeps it from a higher score. Same with the writing in general. You may crack a smile at some moments but it’s not nearly as funny as the original one. Some of the characters really just see like jerks the whole time although at least there is less cheating going on. For example one character keeps panicking and taking shots at all of the staff when he should be more focused on letting everyone concentrate. I wouldn’t say it’s unrealistic because there are absolutely people like that but he gets annoying fast.

People just panic so much when the plane is in the air and you’d figure they would know there is nothing that can be done and would just calm down. After a while that’s the only sensible thing to do. Then on the ground I think they could have given better instructions to Nancy on how to fly the plane out. It’s not like driving it is easy but the instructions to turn didn’t seem that bad if they didn’t take forever to get each instruction out.

At the end of the day the pacing here was definitely shot from the jump. The pilots weren’t the most likable ones like the young one who was constantly flirting. At least the older one stayed respectable for the most part but ultimately he does get written out of most of the film. The movie will definitely remind you why flying is always a risk and to try and get some sleep so you won’t notice what is going on. One guy did that for the whole film and it ended up being a great idea since he had no stress.

Fortunately there aren’t any particularly bad scenes that will have you groaning though. The reason why I can still call this a good film is because it’s not hard to watch. It may drag on at some points to be sure but you can still get through those moments. The effects on the plane were good too. Some of the subplots introduced don’t even really get resolved which is interesting in a subversive way. The film ends rather quickly and for the most part you can assume how all of the plots ended up. Some in positive ways and some in negative but at the end of he day it didn’t really need an aftermath. Life just went on.

Overall, Airport 1975 is a film that doesn’t feel like it serves much purpose in the grand scheme of things. You aren’t likely to remember it after a while and for sure it will be overshadowed by the original as well as the fun parody Airplane. Still, I’d be able to recommend this film easily enough. You just have to have a high tolerance for listening to the characters talk about the details of how to fly the plane for a very, very long time and it’s all played very seriously. The movie doesn’t really take much time for humor and I think it could have used more jokes. Like I said earlier though, this film’s sort of like an airplane simulator insead.

Overall 6/10

Harriet Craig Review

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Now it’s time to look at another movie where the plot only works if the main guy looks really bad. He definitely takes the cake for being oblivious and weak willed here. Now to an extent if he knew what was going on and chose to ignore it then that wouldn’t be as bad. It would be like going down the simp route and then that’s that. It’s a dicey decision but it would have been his to make, but being oblivious is far worse. That’s something that is really hard to get around and makes his character unsalvageable.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Harriet and Walter who appear to be a perfectly happy couple. They get along great and all but as the film goes on we see that this isn’t what it appears to be. Harriet rules the house with an iron fist as she completely controls Walter’s movements, who he hangs out with, etc. She disrespects everyone around her and so Walter’s maids and friends dislike her but none of them have the guts to tell Walter directly. Meanwhile poor Walter is in the palm of her hands.

Whenever Walter is about to go out with his friends Harriet quickly lets him get some action so he has to cancel his appointment while she manages to drive a further wedge between all of them. Walter ultimately doesn’t even realize that it has been years since he has seen his friends. Slowly he is starting to get to experience life again and when his job offers Walter a promotion Harriet realizes that she needs to hurry and chain Walter up again before it’s too late. Can she end up securing the trophy?

So lets go back to Walter for a moment. Here’s the deal, there are some guys who don’t mind sacrificing everything to be with their girl. She can be as toxic as possible but he’s cool with it as long as he still has her. That’s problematic in its own way but as least he’s in control. What makes this worse for Walter is that he doesn’t realize the situation that he’s in and just thinks things are normal.

How did he not realize that he hadn’t seen his friends in multiple years? How did he not realize that they all couldn’t stand his wife? Then we have Harriet telling him to be careful where he sits, use a coaster, etc. Seriously he’s basically a guest in his own house which is messed up. Then she is always mean to the hired help and this guy doesn’t notice a thing. Now they definitely should have approached him but there are limits to how oblivious you can be. In the end he only really figures this out thanks to someone helping him out. Even then he nearly made the wrong move and let her back in until another twist.

The film is tragic in the sense that I’m sure a lot of people get fooled like this. Especially in real life there can always be a ton of small deceptions all around you that are much harder to detect. Such is the tricky battle of love and hoping that you know someone’s true nature before it’s too late. You have to try and notice if things don’t make sense and if others feel like you’ve changed. If everyone says you’re a bit different now then that’s worth looking into.

It would just have been nice if Walter could have been a little more aware. Instead things get awful tricky for him and it’s nearly too late in the end. Meanwhile Harriet makes for an intense villain although she certainly does get sloppy in the end. If Harriet hadn’t been quite as bold then she probably could have still stopped Walter but ultimately her mad quest for power is what got her. She just couldn’t hold back her controlling ways any further.

The writing is solid here and it’s an engaging story. Ultimately it is just held back by how annoying Walter is and how everyone just takes it from Harriet. It would be nice if they fought back a little bit and made it hard for her. There are a ton of ways you can counter attack. Frame her, make up some stuff, or the obvious and easy thing to do…tell Walter. He won’t just disregard the words of the maid he’s known for even longer than his wife. It just doesn’t make sense that everyone was so quiet here. They made it all way too easy for Harriet which is why the plot doesn’t work if everyone was being reasonable.

At the end of the day being married is supposed to be a fun thing so if your quality of life takes a nosedive then you need to figure it out. At the end of the day that’s why playing life on solo mode can always feel real appealing. At least the film gives us a glimpse of a relationship that should go well in Clare’s subplot. In theory that should work out at least so the film’s showing that things don’t have to be like this. Props to the film for not trying to make Harriet sympathetic at any point though. She gets a backstory but it’s clear from the jump that she is heavily overreacting and still went down the wrong path.

Overall, This is a movie that doesn’t have a lot of replay value because it’ll be hard to go through the whole thing. It’s not like it has a lot of issues but the contrived story is something that does take quite a few points away. Honestly just make Walter aware of everything and it makes the film a whole lot better. He would still stink as a character but at least it would make a lot more sense. Would have been an intense moment if at the end he admitted that he noticed everything but thought that being with Harriet was still worth it. In the end though he just wasn’t quick enough to keep up with her and that was his downfall.

Overall 5/10

The Hand that Rocks The Cradle Review

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This review is based on the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

There are some films where you wonder how the plot can work without the main characters looking awful and then you realize that they just do look awful and that’s how the film happens. This should be over in a few minutes if the main characters played it smart tbh but that’s how it goes I guess. I’d say this film’s more of a skip, you don’t really need to check it out.

The movie starts off with Claire and her husband Michael getting ready for her next baby to be born. Unfortunately the doctor at the clinic turns out to be a full criminal and takes advantage of Claire so they sue him and the guy quickly deletes himself. His wife tries to stay strong but fails and when she faints her baby is lost. The wife swears revenge on the main characters and changes her alias to Peyton. Peyton quickly heads to the house and is immediately hired by Claire to be the nanny to help out around the house. Now Peyton can begin work on splitting the family apart and ultimately murdering Claire. How will she pull this off though?

So it turns out that letting a random stranger into your house without any real background checks can be a real danger eh? Peyton starts misplacing items, destroying reports, and basically making Claire look really bad since it’s like she’s losing her mind. Peyton makes sure to threaten the gardener, manipulate Claire’s older daughter against her, and even directly handle the baby far more often than Claire so he stops liking her. Yes it’s all very easy…because the characters make it easy. Seriously none of this should be working out at all.

First off we have Peyton hanging out with the baby more than Claire. Claire should be with the baby as often as possible. Sure, she’s busy but why is Peyton basically left all day to give the baby walks, put her to bed, etc? That should still all be Claire’s duty and not because it’s a job but because you want to be with your baby right? Claire does have asthma and can get sickly at times but not all the time so this always felt a little forced. When you’ve just had a kid you’re usually going to be staying around the house a lot. I know they hired a nanny for a reason but yeah this was not a good idea.

Put it this way, even if Peyton wasn’t evil, it’s still possible that the kid and baby would end up bonding with the nanny over the parents if they spent so much more time with her. It just makes sense. It also would help if the parents actually listened a bit more. When Peyton frames the gardener, they don’t even try to listen to their daughter about how it was all fixed. Yeah the evidence was pretty bad so I wouldn’t expect them to be too reasonable but at least listen to her side for a bit right?

For the most part I would say that Peyton’s not even that subtle about all of this. Wearing her necklace as if to boast about how she’s the mother now, her seduction attempt on the husband, etc. At least to the guy’s credit he never cracks or comes close to cracking on that front but these are all massive red flags. Peyton’s initial appearance was a huge red flag since she wasn’t from any agency and happened to be in the neighborhood? Cmon now it may be a beautiful day in the neighborhood but you don’t just happen to be wandering around one.

Then even once they find out Peyton is the villain and have to take her down they handle is horribly. The husband lets himself get thrown down a flight of stairs and the main heroine’s stab attempt didn’t go very well. This is why you need to at least know some basic self defense. Or if you’re going to run, then run right away. Waiting at the house to pack everything up is always going to take way too long when you have a villain on the loose. You feel bad for Claire’s best friend quite a lot since she was at least making some headway but got way too sloppy towards the end. The classic reverse psychology trick worked on her.

The whole deception to make Claire jealous by revealing that her husband was hanging out with the friend was also really contrived. Look, surprise parties can be fun but never if it means lying to your wife about it. What matters more, keeping the secret or keeping her trust? It should be a really obvious decision or at least I would hope that it is. That’s where you just tell her that there is a surprise party coming up and to keep it on the downlow or something like that.

He has to know how it would look since the friend was an old ex of his. In general you don’t want your husband or wife to hang out with an ex in general, let alone in secret. Now it all comes down to trust so if you’re comfortable with your partner still seeing an ex then hey, power to you. Me personally? Nahhhhhhh, the ex needs to leave the picture completely. It’s way too dangerous to keep an ex around so there’s no hanging out as friends after that. It’s tough terms but that’s just how it has to be in order to keep the relationship strong.

Then you have Solomon who has a rather tragic role for most of this. He’s disabled so he already has a tough time explaining himself or talking so when he’s framed there isn’t a whole lot that he can do about it. He’s just trying to help but he’s in a really tough position the whole time. Especially since you see this coming right from the start of the movie, you can only watch and wait for the inevitable.

Aside from the story being rather weak and forced, the movie just isn’t generally high quality. Using the doctor for shock value at the start of the move is a whole scene that could have been completely skipped. Make up some other reason for revenge, but starting off the movie with Claire being attacked like that was pretty bad. The film also had some obvious fanservice in feeding the baby and while that shows how insane Peyton is in her role, you definitely don’t need to linger on those moments. Mix in the sub par writing and you don’t have a winning movie here.

Overall, This is a movie that only works when all of the characters make the worst decisions as if this was a horror movie. The story only starts at all because they happened to pick Peyton out of all the available candidates without bothering to look into her records at all. Who wouldn’t do their due diligence when you have a baby and a kid in the house right? Then you have the husband randomly keeping a secret when he shouldn’t have, a “accident” murdering the friend and not immediately grabbing a shotgun, the important report completely vanishing, etc. At least Claire picks up on the list of odd coincidences later on but sure took her time in doing so. Yeah this is one you should definitely skip.

Overall 2/10

Going in Style Review

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I definitely like the title since it works well out of context and even better in context. This film on the whole is a pretty fun one. Some moments can drag a bit which does keep it from reaching the next level but all in all you should have a good time. It’s a fairly unique film since you don’t see too many about old people just hanging out.

The movie starts with Joe, Al, and Willie just hanging out on the bench as they always do. Joe has had enough of this though and tells the others about his brilliant plan to make their lives more exciting. They need to rob a bank and get rich so they can do all kinds of fun things. All their lives they have made ends meet and have had a good time but that’s about it. At this point if they are caught they will go to jail and live a comfortable life there or if they succeed then they can do whatever they want. His two friends are very skeptical but Joe gets them on board. In a way the real trick will not be in escaping from the bank with the money, but in keeping their freedom after that!

I would say the main positive in the film is the humor. The characters have a lot of fun banter and the humor is kept rather subtle and not super in your face but it works out well. The main characters have a good attitude about them and it’s easy to root for the group. The film has a pretty positive vibe overall there and so even when there isn’t a whole lot happening, you’re still having a good time here. Now the film does get more and more serious as it goes on so depending how you take the scenes it can throw a really somber tone onto the whole thing.

At the end of the day though, the characters got to have their big adventures and spice up the life a bit so I’d say it was really a win/win in the end. None of their lives ultimately got worse for it and so it was good. For that reason though I would have shortened some of the emotional scenes a bit and had the film keep up its quick pace. Those are the only scenes that could drag on a bit and of course that’s because it is the emotional center of the whole thing but even so I think you could have side stepped that a little bit.

The heist is pretty quick but made for a fun scene. You can definitely see how any heist can quickly turn violent as all it takes is one guy to try playing the hero and then the main characters would have to choose whether they shoot or get taken in. There’s no easy scenarios there which is why in the end it’s never good to steal. Of course in the film this is played off more as a fun thing but ultimately it doesn’t take away from the characters basically becoming criminals here. It may have spiced up their lives but it wasn’t the right thing to do.

As the brains of the operation Joe is definitely the best character here. He’s always coming up with the plans and is a very determined character. I feel as though the other two would have cracked if put into the same situations that he was in. Joe always stayed strong though and did his best to help everyone out. He wasn’t selfish about any of this and always put on a brave face even if he wasn’t doing well. He had all the makings of a true hero.

Al and Willie were really followers compared to Joe. They went along with this plan but if he didn’t say anything then they would have been content on the bench. In a lo of ways they are more laidback as a result. They don’t have grand ambitions and they don’t miss the things that they never got to try. Still, they’re good sports about the whole thing and the plan is absolutely more fun when it’s all 3 of them. I don’t think you could do as much with just one persona nd of course there would be a lot less banter that way.

We do get a rather long side tangent into the casino which doesn’t really affect the plot much. It was a good way to see them having some more fun but that one you probably could have added a little more variety too. It did subvert my expectations the whole time though since I was expecting things to go very badly for them. So in that way the film did use the tension very well.

Writing is key for a film like this because on its face the plot won’t sound all that exciting. This film is about day to day life and not end of the world type events. So if the writing wasn’t all that good then this film would be boring in the best case or awful in the worst case. That’s not a problem here which works out but I wonder if the new version would really be all that good. I’ll definitely be curious to see someday but yeah they did a good job with this one.

Overall, Going in Style could have been reworded to Going Out in Style but the former is a little more subtle while getting the same effect so it makes sense. To enjoy this film I think you really just have to have fun watching the characters just hang out and do things they’ve always wanted to do. It makes for a fun viewing even if my bucket list items would have been way different. Forget the casino, that’s never been all that tempting to me. I’d have gone to different food places around the world or something like that. Now that would have been exciting!

Overall 6/10

Ghoulies Review

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The Ghoulies is one of those films that really doesn’t seem super sure on exactly what it wants to do. One one hand it’s usually a very disturbing horror type film with a lot of crazy visuals and goes fairly high up on the violence chart. On the other hand you have many scenes with comedy music playing and so you’re wondering just how seriously you’re supposed to take all of this. It’s certainly a tricky call but in the end all I can say is that it wasn’t able to pull this off.

The movie starts with a cult trying to sacrifice a baby but the baby’s mother is able to put a talisman around him for protection just in time. She’s destroyed but the baby is allowed to leave. Years later Jonathan has grown up to be a rather ordinary person and he ended up inheriting a rather spooky house. That’s his queue to invite all his friends over while he and Rebecca figure they will have the time of their lives. It all goes sideways rather quickly though as Jonathan wants to do a summoning and then monsters start to murder everyone. Is there any way out of here?

In a way the film is trying to emulate the success of the Gremlins but it is failing spectacularly. I wasn’t a particularly big fan of the Gremlins myself but you could tell that it tried more. The humor landed a lot more naturally and the main cast was better. A big issue here is that Jonathan isn’t likable at all even before he gets controlled. He’s really insistent on all of the characters performing the summoning to the point where he starts to get really upset about the whole thing. You could say that the atmosphere was already starting to control him but I think the guy just wasn’t very well balanced from the start.

As the film goes on he keeps on making more and more mistakes which endanger everyone around him. There’s no point where we get to see him just being a nice guy and that’s something that really hurts him. It’s not like the other characters were much better though. The teens were busy getting drunk and messing around the whole time. None of them thought that this whole party was a bad idea and none of them seemed to have any restraint. They’d all be considered as bad influences out in the world and you wouldn’t want to be in this friend group.

Whenever I see all the memes about how the characters really put themselves into these dangerous situations in horror films like wanting to use a spirit board or driving into a seedy hotel it does make you wince. This one’s the same thing with the whole summoning. Even if you thought it was all a joke, why even go through with it? What’s the upside? Are you so bored that doing this is the best form of entertainment you can think of? Because if it’s the latter then that’s really bad. You have the whole place to yourself and all your friends so entertainment should really be just about unlimited.

As mentioned the film could also be surprisingly violent at times. Characters are often wounded in the face/neck and the effects all seem rather practical so you feel the intensity. I was even surprised the film was PG-13 because of how graphic it could get. Maybe it’s just the way the bites went since it looked painful but technically wasn’t as explicit as it could have been. That’s certainly a possibility at least but eh they definitely should have toned that down somewhat.

The movie also started on a low note with the cult trying to sacrifice the baby. At least it didn’t actually happen unlike another movie but the fact that the mom ended up getting sacrificed and nobody did anything about it was rough. Of course it’s a cult so likely everyone there was basically evil but it’s still annoying regardless. It’s also one of those things where the villains have so many powers and the heroes can’t do anything about it so it isn’t even compelling. With a stronger hero cast perhaps there’s something you could do but that wasn’t the case here.

The story also ends early on as it’s just the characters messing around and getting folded by the enemies everywhere. The main villain Malcolm is one of the most generic evil masterminds you’ll ever see. I guess the guy just wants destruction but there’s nothing about him that stands out. If he wasn’t so powerful then he would be doomed. He’s not too smart with how roundabout his plan was and he fumbles the ball constantly. With his abilities he should never lose so that means he has to make odd choices in order to give the heroes a shot. Again, that’s not a high value villain.

If I’d give the film credit for anything, I’ll say that the creature designs weren’t half bad. They’re not amazing or anything but the small green monsters were a little intimidating. In particular there is one scene where they jump out of one of those small wooden jesters that was intense. Still not enough to outweigh all the negatives of the film but hey it’s a start right? Now just take away the fanservice, the awful romance, the terrible characters, the bad plot, etc and then you can start a real conversation about this one.

Overall, Ghoulies is a film I absolutely recommend skipping. There is nothing much of value to be found here and it’s really just an excuse to see monsters eating everyone. The plot was probably just written around that concept instead of being planned out first. It’s just one of those films with the characters messing around with satanic elements and quickly finding out that this was a bad idea. Should have been obvious but that’s how it goes. At least we did get a half hearted ending cliffhanger which the film still can’t decide if it’s trying to be funny or not. I figure at this point the enemies are on their side so it’s more of a happy ending than anything but at the same time could you ever really trust them? I’d be very hard pressed to trust any creature that just tried to murder me.

Overall 1/10

The Three Musketeers (1973) Review

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Time for a classic tale of the Three Musketeers. They’re a decent group although to me they have never been one of the top ones. You see them now and again but I’ve never seen any incarnation that completely wow’d me. Well this one is more of the same. It’s not all that solid and sometimes messes up on the mix between action and comedy. Ultimately you want to root for a group that’s a bit more heroic and in a way a film about the trio without the main guy from this film probably would have worked better.

The movie starts with D’artagnan (I’ll just call him Dart after this) finally getting ready to head out on his own. He has his sword and his dignity and so he can finally become a knight and serve the royal family. Unfortunately his abilities are truly awful and he ends up getting on the wrong foot with every character imaginable. He must now face several duels to the death in a row and may find himself dead before he can even make a name for himself. Even worse, he has fallen in love with a married woman and is trying to take her away from the husband. Can he fall ever further?

That’s one of the big problems with the film which is that he’s just not a likable main character. You can’t root for him when he’s actively trying to convince someone to cheat. That’s awful and one of many reasons why the romance is really bad in this film. You already know he’s going to succeed and yet you’re just disappointed as that happens. I also think he should have looked a little more powerful. I get that he is in over his head but I’d have liked him to have at least had some kind of abilities to back up his bravado. Instead he just looks desperate. By the end of the film he can fight to a degree but I’m just going to say that he got lucky tbh.

In a way Dart being so unlikeable retroactively makes the intro even better as everyone clowns on him. The guy definitely doesn’t deserve much respect so I can also see why the team isn’t thrilled to have him around. The Three Musketeers already had a good dynamic going without him after all. On the roof they beat up the royal soldiers rather easily and based on the dialogue we have to assume that they do this rather often. They have a mutual understanding going where they beat up the enemies but spare their lives each time so it works out. At least you don’t have to worry about losing your life in the struggle.

The fights are handled well where you do get some good choreography at times before the gags come in. I also thought the most clever scene in the film is also one that involved the trio as they pretended to start fighting each other but were actually just stealing food left and right. It actually takes you a minute or two to notice that this is what they were doing so to my mind that means it was a very convincing moment. I was definitely impressed at any rate. There aren’t a whole lot of moments that impressed me so I’ll take what I can get.

I will still say that the movie is at its best during the battles. If it focused more on all of the fencing then the movie would have benefited from it. It also does have some solid moments of humor. I tend to enjoy the dialogue and the banter with the villains. So really the sticking point here is the sorry romance with Dart. It’s just no good and does a disservice to his character. There’s also a subplot with another royal having an affair and you really see just how depraved most of the cast is.

Politics and affairs tend to be a big part of any adventures back in the day like this but you expect the hero to at least stay away from them. The ending is really about them finally being a team but I think the better ending would have been to have the 3 leave Dart behind and say he just wasn’t ready or something like that. I think that would have worked out really well.

In the end this just isn’t a film that will end up being very high for you. It doesn’t have enough hooks to keep you engaged the whole time and you know that you’ve seen plenty of better films tackling similar themes. The newbie who gradually becomes good enough to become one of the big members of a team is a fairly common dynamic after all. The problem is that Dart just doesn’t have the work ethic or skills to seriously be considered no matter how well he may have done by the end.

Overall, The Three Musketeers is going to have to wait a little longer to get a definitive version of the characters. At least the villain was a lot of fun with his planning and usually being one step ahead. I can always appreciate a villain like that, someone to keep the heroes on their toes. If we can get the heroes to be a little better then it’ll work even better. Of course there is a sequel so it is absolutely possible that it’ll be the turning point. Only time will tell but in the meantime I’d say that you can skip this one. It’s not awful or anything but I don’t think there’s much reason to watch it imo.

Overall 4/10