Tag Archives: Horror Film

The Blob Review

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It’s time for another retro horror film in The Blob! The Blob never really sounded very intriguing since it doesn’t seem like it can be an engaging villain. On the other hand, this guarantees that the film won’t be the slasher kind and the heroes will have to use their wits to escape this ordeal. It was a little better than I had expected and you shouldn’t underestimate The Blob!

A meteor crash lands in an abandoned area one day and an old farmer notices this. He stabs the egg with his stick, but The Blob adapts as quickly as it evolves and it grabs him. The man bumps into the main characters, Steve and Jane. They take him to a doctor, but things take a turn for the worst when the Doctor is murdered. Who would do such a thing? Unless….it was The Blob! The heroes can’t afford to let their guard down as time is not on their side anymore.

The set up is pretty good since the Blob has to infiltrate the town somehow. From there, it’s up to the writers to really make The Blob a threat. It’s pretty fun to see him go after the heroes since he…or it can’t move very quickly. One character makes the mistake of tripping into The Blob though and the other one runs for the window despite The Blob being near it. These fellows probably didn’t watch a whole lot of horror films and now they’ll never get the chance!

The actual Blob is pretty formidable since bullets don’t even faze it. It also absorbs the mysterious elements that are thrown at it in the lab and endures the raw power of lightning. Let’s face it, this guy has Kaiju levels of durability! For all we know, it’s still out there….lurking….and prepping for the fights to come. I think it’ll be pretty hard to find someone who says that they actually like the Blob a lot as a character, but it’s an interesting villain.

The main problem is the lack of speed on the Blob’s part. While it may be funny to see characters trip and get absorbed, it’s not something that you will find believable. It should be simplicity itself to avoid the Blob. Even the very beginning was dicey since the farmer’s reaction times were very slow. I’d like to see the Blob take on Nemo from the animated film. The unstoppable force meets the invincible fish. It would be a fight for the ages. That being said, the Blob may sort of be alive…but maybe it isn’t. It continues to grow and it absorbs everything, but it could be like a plant that moves to face the sun. More reactions than actual thoughts. I don’t really consider it to be alive in the literal sense…or should I say figurative sense? It’s about as alive as a plant.

The film did manage to scare me in one scene. A dog decides to tag along with the heroes to avenge his owner, but then the Blob steps in. I was on the edge of my seat poised to deduct some massive points from the film, but the dog manages to escape. Never before have I been so epicly ready to give back the points. Most horror films would have taken the low route and allowed the dog to be eaten. Not The Blob! It’s one of the reasons why this film was actually pretty decent.

The writing is pretty good and it’s why I still like these old films a lot. The cops were all pretty likable and even the “bullies” were good by the end. I’m not a fan of either of the main characters though. It’s not the writing’s fault of course, they were just very unlikable. I’ll explain why!

Jane drops the dog…twice. That’s inexcusable and I knew that I wasn’t going to like her at that point. I was already pretty wary since she fell into the romance plot with Steve, but this was the extra push that really sunk her character. It was pretty unnecessary and just sad. Steve isn’t much better since he has a lot of cheesy lines to try and convince Jane that he’s on the up and up. He shrugs her off once when he gets distressed about the Blob. He overreacts a lot and he conversation with the policeman at the very beginning was pretty wince worthy. His excuses needed excuses and he didn’t even get to win the street race. He wasn’t really much of a hero by the end and he was just thrown into the circumstances. He nearly convinced himself that it was all fake as well.

The bullies from the beginning actually turn out to just be friends who were having a little fun with the main character. It’s a good thing that this is the case for Steve since he probably couldn’t have held his own in a fight. They heavily outnumber him and they seem to be a little tougher. They help the main characters out a lot by helping them search and waking up the town. Without these kids, Steve probably would have been sunk.

There are three main policemen and they are pretty neat. We have the strict guy who has a big sob story on the left and the reasonable joe on the right. The third guy likes to play chess, but that’s about it. The strict one is pretty intense and you can tell that he has a lot of experience and I have to say that most of his tips were pretty sound. (Keep the kids in the cell sir!) The veteran actually likes kids so he’s a lot more reasonable, but the heroes don’t give him a whole lot to work with. It’s tough for the cops since the heroes are always messing around with the rules.

I guess a minor criticism for the film could be that everyone adapts a little too quickly to the monster. The cops almost immediately stop trying to shoot it because they find out that it’s impervious to all conventional weaponry. It’s true that nothing (Possibly including nukes) can hurt the Blob, but I’d expect them to try a little more. It’s good that they can give the Blob the chills through natural methods, but that was really just a lucky guess. We expect the police to fight for us until the last man! It’s still a pretty small thing though and the romance/main characters is the only true negative of the film.

Overall, The Blob is a pretty fun creature feature film. The main characters are very below average though and I prefer the leads from most of the other films of this era. These guys weren’t polite to the animals and they just weren’t interesting. I much prefer the other kids since they stay up to watch the creature feature films as well and they have a solid sense of justice. They couldn’t just walk away when the going got tough! The Blob may not have a roar or a real design, but it deals some damage and it made for a unique villain. I definitely recommend this film to anyone who likes a good monster film or a survival story. It’s just the kids against the big Blob that continues to grow. Who knows how powerful he’ll be in the sequel! The film didn’t really have much in the way of negatives, but I still refrained from giving it a higher score due to the fact that it would simply need more action or a better lead to vault it into the Super Six level. A different pair of main characters probably would have been all that it would need to get to the next level.

Overall 5/10

The Fog Review

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Disclaimer This review is of the edited TV 14 version of the film. All thoughts written below only pertain to this version as the uncut review would likely be lower.
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It’s time for a Halloween horror film! The Fog presents us with a film that follows the classic formula. The characters are slowly offed as the film progresses and you have to try and figure out how many characters will really survive the experience. It’s a formula that always churns out a low score, but it remains entertaining while watching it. In that sense, you could consider The Fog a success for its genre…but that may be a stretch.

The plot involves a nice little town that is about to celebrate its 100 year anniversary. They are dedicating it to their founders who made such a great voyage back in the days. Stevie has her own radio station as she plays some tunes to celebrate and the world seems to be at peace. Unfortunately, a mist…I mean a fog is rolling into town. The Weatherman doesn’t think that it’s anything to worry about, but a few fisherman disappear at sea. One of the bodies is found, but it looks like he died years ago. Mr. Malone also finds out a startling truth about the founders. Will The Fog consume the entire town…or will it engulf the planet!? Only time will tell.

As I said earlier, the film plays out rather predictably. We see a few poor travelers who are drunk (of course) and they notice the fog. Unfortunately, they were not ready to take on these supernatural forces and are quickly dealt with. A third member doesn’t notice that the other two have been defeated and he doesn’t put up much of a fight since he barely notices when he bites the big one. After that we get a “peaceful” break for a good 20-30 minutes. Then, the fog strikes back, but this time it’s hear to stay. These guys don’t plan on leaving until they fulfill their objective.

Mr. Malone found the book from the dead people so he should have known what they wanted, but he couldn’t bring himself to keep on reading after he heard about the tragedies. This was a job for the main character and it was a tense moment since he would have to dash a few feet to the couch to grab the book and the fog was approaching. Luckily, he only took his time to contemplate briefly as he was able to make it back. This is a true main character right? Well…..I suppose that he helped out in the end.

Mr. Malone isn’t really one of the main characters, but the casualties really begin to rise because of him. If he had given the villains what they wanted in the first place..maybe they would have left. Okay, they still weren’t going to leave without destroying 7 people, but maybe he could have bought the heroes some time. Hiding in the basement until the climax is not the way to become a likable character.

Stevie is the main character although she doesn’t see a lot of action. She’s always ready with a message to broadcast, but she sounds so dead over the radio. I definitely wouldn’t be tuning into that station at night! (Something a little more lively would be my preference) The stakes get real when her son gets involved in the crisis, but Stevie just doesn’t do much. She’s really a bystander in this whole occurrence and her brief fight against the two undead guys may have been good for her, but I would just call it plot hax.

Nick Castle is one of the main leads and he gets more chase scenes to himself. He was just driving down the road one day when he saw a hitchhiker. He let her in and it turns out that she is just heading in the direction that he is. They drive and we learn that Elizabeth doesn’t have any more morals than Nick so they devolve into the fake romance tropes. I say fake because that’s how it seems given how quickly they moved past the friend zone. Not cool! Nick’s big moment is where he saves a kid or when he goes for the book. That’s good for him I suppose, but I can’t say that I ever found him to be likable.

Elizabeth is the hitchhiker and she’s no better than Nick. She didn’t notice when one of the guys got up from a stretcher even though that would definitely make some sound and she didn’t help a whole lot in the climax. She’s definitely another character who didn’t really stand out in the end and ended up being a negative aspect for the film. (Let’s face it, most of the characters will fall in this pile!)

What about Joey? There’s no Joey to be found, but we do have Blake. Blake is the main villain of the film and he’s the leader of “The Fog.” The Fog is created to mask the locations of his army and they all attack when he gives the go ahead. I don’t think that they are bullet proof and they don’t seem very quick. They may have some slight super strength, but it’s definitely not a huge amount since they can barely break a door down. Blake’s design isn’t bad although it’s not quite as memorable as your average horror villain. The film doesn’t try to make you sympathize with his goal, which is always a plus since I wouldn’t have bought into it anyway. As a villain, Blake really isn’t bad. I forgot how awful he may have been during his sob story, but as an undead he had his villain morals. He only went for the destruction of his opponent and he didn’t beat around the bush. He easily beats the average horror villain.

One of the reasons why this kind of horror film never ends up getting a positive score is that everyone dying just lacks the replay value appeal. Even for the initial watch, you’re kind of hoping that the heroes can start to fight back, but it never happens. I think the film also went a little too far when the nice old lady is taken out by the villains. Did that really have to happen!? The film just should have made the baby sitter a beefy 30 year old who talks a good game. It would have been more fun. Another victim is the Weatherman, but he makes the same mistake as the old lady. Both of them open the door and then give the outside world their back. It’s not very wise to do such a thing when you’re on such a shady island during a fog storm.

The violence isn’t terrible considering the hooks that the villains use. We do see a body that is a little graphic and we can see the villains stabbing the heroes. We just usually do not see the damage that the stabs are doing, which is good even if we can still hear everything. Aside from that aspect, another negative would be the romance moment that has nothing to do with anything. It’s a classic horror trope that someone has to make out at least once before a jump scene, but it’s a trope that should really just fade away at this point.

It should be noted that we do get a twist ending. Let’s face it, you never want to have a horror film that doesn’t have a twist right? Well, let’s just say that Blake wanted to have the last laugh and boy was he going to get it! You almost feel bad for his victim, but the victim was being a little too inquisitive. “Why didn’t Blake destroy me when he had the chance!?” is basically his last line. Way to tempt the villain sir……

Overall, There were a few other characters to be found in this film, but there’s not a whole lot to say about them. We had the “tough” sidekick to the lady giving the speech, but they were both just around to show the audience (us) how to react to certain plot twists. The character cast was pretty weak and this is really just your average horror film where everyone dies until they figure out how to avenge the wrongs that their ancestors did. Nothing happens for a while in the film so you begin to wonder when the villains are going to strike. As you’re waiting, the film isn’t getting any better. There’s nothing special here and it really isn’t a fun film. If you want to watch a scary film that also has heart..check out the Subspace Emissary cutscenes from Super Smash Bros Brawl. That’s sure to send a shiver down your spine!

Overall 3/10

The Invisible Man Review

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The 30s aren’t particularly known for their immense selection of incredible films, but they still did churn out some pretty big titles. The Invisible Man is certainly one of them and almost everyone has heard of this figure. He was a character who could scare just about anyone back in the day. Considering that it is nearly a century old at this point, The Invisible Man presents us with a pretty interesting film that is fun to watch. I gotta say that this is definitely my kind of Horror Film! (It can give some of the Godzilla films a run for their money.)

The story revolves around a scientist whose experiment goes wrong and he turns invisible. No..that’s a little misleading. His experiment didn’t turn out as he had pictured, but he was interested in basically turning invisible so it was essentially a success. The big twist is that the chemicals also warp the user’s mind so he starts to get more and more sinister until the Invisible Man basically becomes a mass murderer with visions of world domination. The local authorities have to stop him..but how can you stop someone who is invisible? (And has super strength/speed as well…) The ultimate battle of good vs evil is about to begin!

The film is only about 70 minutes so things have to move at a fairly brisk pace. The film never moves too fast, but it goes quickly enough so that many things can happen. The film starts out pretty suspenseful and then it turns into more of an action by the end. There are some scenes that will definitely stretch your limit for disbelief, but this film is pretty old so it could be a generation gap. These moments will definitely be addressed in a moment.

The Invisible Man is the main villain of the title and it’s hard to tell if he was always evil or if the side effects of the potion really threw him over the deep end. Either way, it’s not a positive for the Invisible Man if you think of him as a hero. Luckily, I just think of him as a villain and he’s not bad in that respect. You can’t really root for him since his goals just seem to come out of nowhere, but what villain doesn’t want to become rich and rule the world? We can only see the Invisible Man when he has clothes on, but the serum definitely seemed to make him a lot stronger. He mentioned how it has opened his mind so it may go back to the theory that we only use about 20% of our mind and using more of it would give us super abilities. At least it’s sort of scientific depending on how you look at it. He can choke a man with ease and survive frigid temperatures while naked. He’s also a fairly quick runner and he can be in 10 places at once. (Not literally of course) He makes for a very powerful villain and one that realistically cannot be defeated…which makes the ending a little dicey.

The Chief Detective was definitely my favorite character in the film. He came up with a lot of plans to stop the Invisible Man and nothing fazed him. This was the kind of guy that you just didn’t want to mess with and I actually liked some of his strategies. The net may have been a little primitive, but he didn’t have the tech that we currently possess. He made do with what he had and it would be tough to do a whole lot more. I won’t be forgetting the detective!

Arthur Kemp doesn’t look very good at all since he’s basically a hostage for a good portion of the film. He is too scared of the Invisible Man to launch any counter offensives and the most resistance that he could commit was to call the Police. He made the right call, but he should have either stayed locked up in the room or ran outside to meet the police. The Invisible Man does have some basic super strength and speed, but I don’t think it’s by a large gap. Arthur could still run for a while and he wouldn’t go down without a fight. Even once Arthur is in the car. He just starts begging for mercy right from the get go instead of trying to fight the Invisible Man. If you’re going to die, you may as well fight back right? Just go for the gold at that point.

Most of the fighters don’t do very well against the Invisible Man and that can be a little embarrassing for them. They outnumbered him at least 50-1 at one point and he just scared them into submission. Their best chance was during the first showdown where they were face to face with him, but the crowds ran away when the Invisible Man took off his bandages around his head. They should have pounced right then and there, but the shock defeated them. After that, I don’t think that they really could have defeated him.

Being invisible is just too great of a power. There are millions of places to hide and you could also just reduce the town’s population one by one. It’s impossible to protect everyone and the Invisible Man is already fairly smart. He may have gotten careless at the end, but even then he should have been able to escape. Instead, he decides to play the final Mario 64 level with the Policemen taking the role of Bowser. This proved to be a fatal mistake and you have to wonder what he was thinking.

It’s also a little hard to sympathize with the Invisible Man at the beginning of the film. I did for a few minutes when everyone was scared of him for no good reason. Sure, he was bundled up, but it was freezing out there. The sympathy was lost when he began to yell at the shop owners the whole time. He could have easily finished his experiments if he had been more polite and less direct about everything. Because of that, the Invisible Man lost his chance.

We had a few other characters like the main heroine and her father, but they don’t really contribute to the plot. They are there to provide us with a little context and some backstory for the Invisible Man, but that’s about it. I do have to say that the first Policeman’s portrayal was pretty great though. At first, he doesn’t really care much about the Invisible Man’s situation. (Before they knew he was invisible) However, you can see him growing more and more confident as he walks into the room and the Invisible Man continues to hurl threats. The Policeman doesn’t back down until the Invisible Man starts to become invisible with his iconic laugh. I’ll admit that his appearance isn’t very flattering at that point, but the beginning is really what counts.

There isn’t really a soundtrack to be found here since the film is so old. I will admit that the film’s age does show when it comes to the audio. It can be very hard to hear what some of the characters are saying because their voices are just too screechy. This is especially the case for one of the owners, but it’s more intentional on her part. She’s a pretty exaggerated character, but a pretty likable one nonetheless. I felt bad for her and her husband since they were just trying to run a respectable shop. The audio was a little dicey, but it’s pretty unavoidable and it’s not the kind of thing that will really take points away.

Overall, The Invisible Man is a pretty fun film. The writing is pretty strong as you would expect and the characters are pretty interesting. I think that the Police really should have been out of their league here, but I’ll accept the plot hax since the hero has to win somehow. The towns people were way too afraid of the Invisible Man though and they shouldn’t have been. He’s still just one man and they can definitely take him if they all just charge. It was hard to take them seriously during those moments, but they pulled it together by the end. The town was pretty cool and it’s the kind of place that you definitely wouldn’t have minded living in back during the 30’s. I definitely recommend this film to horror films and it may not be a thrill a minute, but it’s a very good film. It will keep you interested from start to finish. You’ll never forget The Invisible Man’s maniacal laugh afterwards!

Overall 7/10

Hide and Seek Review

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Please note that this review is of the edited TV 14 version of the film. All of the writing below should only be addressed to this particular version as the uncut one would likely get an even lower score or the review would just be more negative.
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It’s really no stretch to say that horror films are my least favorite genre. Even romance or comedy films tend to have more heart to them. Of course, there are likely some genres that could go under horror if we really went drastic. (Infinite categories out there. Kaiju films, Space Kaiju Films, Undergeround Kaiju films, etc.) War Documentaries would be pretty close to horror films, but I barely count documentaries as films as it is. A regular War film would still be applicable though and we can’t forget about Zombie films. (Even though they would likely count as horror) I can safely say that this film was even worse than the average horror and it goes to Sucker Punch levels of bad. Can you say a 1 for effort? Let’s see what it did wrong.

First, we need to try to remember the plot that all horror films have. A guy and his daughter decide to move to an abandoned area on the outskirts of New York after the mother dies. Unfortunately, strange things begin to happen. Is the House haunted? Is the Dad crazy? Is the Daughter Possessed? Are there Demons hanging around? Zombies? Ghosts? Plot Holes? Take your pick and then get ready to cringe through the background plot as you await the chills and thrills. The body count is pretty low for most of the film, but the ending decides to quickly change this as the film becomes your average slasher. I definitely got some “I know what you did Last Summer” vibes from the ending since it’s fairly similar. (Then again…I could say that about most horror films!) The main characters are certainly in trouble so this could get deadly.

Well, the cast is pretty small in this film. That’s probably a good thing since most of the characters would have been pretty bad anyway. The main character is Mr. Callaway. I dare say that he’s slightly worse than the average lead for a horror film and that’s saying something. He’s pretty unstable and you don’t know what to expect from him. One second he’s a professional on the mind so he can out psych the daughter through her issues and the next second he’s panicking and running away from her. He needs some more training to say the least. Once the murders begin, he decides to cover them up instead of reporting it to the proper authorities and he’s definitely outmatched against Charlie. There aren’t any likable qualities to Mr. Callaway, but he’s not the only terrible character.

Did I mention that Charlie gets a big role in the film. He’s just as unlikable as Mr. Callaway. He likes to play games and it’s heavily implied that he has super speed or invisibility. He probably has dozens of other powers since horror films like to make their villains unstoppable right? Well, Charlie definitely doesn’t have what it takes to be a cool villain. His character design is pretty awful and he’s also fairly weak so he has to rely on tricks and surprise attacks to win his fights. He certainly didn’t help the film.

Emily is the daughter and she doesn’t help the film. She spends most of it being pretty distant and refusing to talk until she meets Charlie. She did just go through a pretty traumatic accident so we can sympathize with her, but it still doesn’t make her an enjoyable character to see on screen. She’s typically a downer. We find out that Emily does try to help out at certain points and she does well during the ending, but she’s still not what I’d call a very good character. She did have some opportunities to quickly end things although I’m sure that it could have backfired since most of the other characters are slow on the uptake.

We have the Sheriff who looks pretty terrible throughout the film. He wanders into the house during the climax and he knows that there has already been a murder. (More than one, but he only knows about one) So, he goes into the room and the lights turn off. He panics and runs towards the basement…that doesn’t end well. Should I mention that he never even reaches for his gun? This guy must be super confident to be walking into closets and constantly giving his back to every direction.

Catherine is another major in psychology and she proves to be more proficient at it than the main character. She doesn’t get a huge role, but this is a slasher so she does make sure to grab a gun and get involved in the climax. She looks downright terrible during most of it, but she finally gets to land a good hit in the end. She’s easily the best character in the film and it’s too bad that she couldn’t have gotten involved sooner. At least we had one pretty good character right?

We also had some supporting characters that had no point in the film except to be red herrings. So that I don’t spoil which one is the red herring, I shall quickly name 4 side characters. Apologies if it’s obvious who the red herring is, but this isn’t exactly Inception! We have the neighbors Laura and her husband. Laura’s a little overly friendly and she constantly goes to the house while her husband hangs around outside and meets up with the daughter. There’s also another acquaintance who has a daughter and they decide to visit the house as well. It should be noted that both neighbors as well as the mother look pretty much identical and I was wondering if they decided to save the budget by having one actress portray all three. Let’s face it, this film didn’t get a big budget!

Well, that’s basically the cast. If this doesn’t sound like a 1 star film yet, then you have not seen Man of Steel! (Man of Steel’s awesomeness in comparison should show you that this is basically a one star film) One of the numerous negatives in this film is the classic animal violence. Every horror film has it so this one quickly includes it as well. Let’s just say that it’s a cat this time and it’s as sad as you may have expected.

This is a slasher so you can expect a lot of gratuitous violence as well. We get the blood bath tub that seems to be featured prominently in all of the 18 and up slashers. It’s really their calling card I suppose. Other people get slashed and we even have doll violence where the dolls are so grotesquely broken that you have to wonder if it’s even possible. One of the characters really crushes one of them in the span of a few seconds. Sort of like Attack on Titan, this film helps to show us that too much violence can just water down the story.

This next negative is probably a given, but the film is also a downer. There’s a happy ending at the end of course, but it only gets about a minute of screentime while the other events take up the rest of the film. You would have more fun watching the Broncos get blown out of the Super Bowl again and I have to say that the game was pretty painful. (I was rooting for the Broncos) There aren’t any scenes that will make you cheer or even any that will make you smile at all. The whole film is devoid of enjoyment or entertainment.

The final plot twist is pretty generic and not in a good way. Of course, I would have said that the twist was generic if it had ended up being one of the other twists that I had labeled in the beginning. All of those are just stale at this point so none of them are surprising. As expected, the film chose the worst one of the group since that is just continuing with the film’s history of bad choices. The only twist that could have been worse would have been if the red herring was the actual villain because of the plot holes and the idea of such a threat. Nonetheless, this is still a pretty awful second and it didn’t do the film any favors. I should also mention that the film tries to be deep and complex by having a subplot filled with flashbacks and a mysterious waking at 2:06 every morning, but that won’t stop you from snoozing throughout the film and checking your watch.

“Hey, you forgot the positives!” Actually..this film had no positives. It’s one of those films that doesn’t even need to exist. It just takes all the worst tropes of your average horror film and throws them together. On that note, you could say that the film is even worse than Sucker Punch since the other film at least had action scenes, but the worst scenes in Sucker Punch are probably worse than the worst ones here so it’s a dicey showdown. Either way, this is a film that you really just want to see panned by critics and smashed at the Box Office.

Overall, Hide and Seek is as bad as the title would suggest. You’d have a much better time playing Hide and Seek in a one room apartment during the afternoon. I usually give a quick recap of the positives and negatives in this paragraph, but the whole review is basically made up of the negatives so you probably still remember them. This goes without saying, but I strongly recommend staying away from this film. (and horrors/slashers in general) If you want a classy film that’s still pretty scary, I would recommend the 4th Bleach film or even playing a level in Luigi’s Mansion. In the meantime, you’ll be spared from watching this film. Thus, saving you at least 100 minutes of your life that you can use towards racking up trophies on your PS3.

Overall 1/10