Charlie’s Angels Full Throttle Review

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The Angels are back and they’re better than ever…..or are they? The sequel falls into many of the same holes as the first film and it still doesn’t make for a good viewing experience. It’s hard to really enjoy the fights when you have to cringe because one of the main characters has let out another wince worthy line. The fanservice may have been reduced a lot at first, but the film makes sure to correct that in the second half. All I can say is…this doesn’t bode well for the franchise as a whole.

The film starts out with a pretty sad scene in the desert that can really sum up the film. The three angels realize that they are going to have to use their physical attributes to solve the case once again so Natalie handles that part while her partners try to free a captive. The captive trips and busts a rib so the distraction doesn’t work as well as they thought. Alex has the foresight to say something along the lines of “They don’t stand a chance” when the captive mentions how it’s just the three of them against 50 beer guzzlers. Then….the Angels are unable to take down almost any of them. They all go into their poses, but one guy takes out a gun. Obviously, this means that they should run away so they dive out the window with the guy who has a broken rib. No worries…he endures the fall.

The writers must have realized that this was an utterly terrible way to show us how tough the main characters are so he fixes that by giving us an over the top moment where the heroes free fall onto a helicopter as they dodge the blades several times until they safely grab on to it. It doesn’t look believable in any setting, but I suppose that it’ll have to do. The real mission involves recovering two rings that can leak the identities of all undercover operatives on the planet or just from the U.S.A. The villains already have both rings so they’ve probably downloaded the names onto a USB drive by now, but the heroes are confident that the villains would never do such a thing! The villains are waiting until someone buys the rings from them to make a move and they wouldn’t want to copy the data as insurance or anything…..it would violate the buyer’s trust after all!

Now that we’ve talked about the rather shaky plot, let’s discuss some of the film’s negatives. I suppose that we should tackle the whole fanservice part first. If there was ever a film that openly supported sexism and objectification it was Charlie’s Angels. I have to assume that the show was better, but this film quickly follows that. The heroines are always completing their jobs by using false deductive skills or just wooing the villains. Natalie uses quite a few double entendre in a short amount of time to distract the villain so that the other two agents could do some recon. It’s just sad to see because you know that this wouldn’t be the case if a guy was the main character. I try not to pull that card too often since you could probably go around in circles discussing it in various films, but this one makes it too easy. Would James Bond have ran away from a room full of guys if he was with two other 009 agents? I have a feeling that he would not, but I suppose that it is debatable. He does go around seducing people, but he typically does it for the lulz since he is already solving the case.

The worst scene is easily the nightclub one where the Angels are reduced to being strippers who dance for perverted people’s entertainment. It’s sad that they are so committed to their job since anyone with an ounce of self respect would have told Charlie to think of a real plan. He probably didn’t think of this one, but none of the Angels should have either. Remember…there is always another way. One that will keep their dignity with them! Before that, the fanservice was bad, but not as all over the place as the first film. This one had sooooo much that it basically threw that feat out the window.

Romance is always on the minds of the three main characters and I like to think that it certainly holds them back. It clouds their judgment and it makes them look pretty bad. Hitting on surfers or even the local jogger is something that you will see them do. Keep in mind that two of them are supposedly taken already. There is a really rushed romance plot with Dylan since she doesn’t have someone yet, but it just makes her look bad and it doesn’t help the Thin Man either. He was one of the villains from the last film who vanished without a trace. He appears here for a quick race (Where he crashes headfirst into a road and there is an explosion, but he gets up like nothing happened because the script probably didn’t finish that part up) and then a spar with the main villain of the film. He and Dylan then share a moment of passion before he is quickly terminated and you are left wondering what just happened. They’re really stretching it here with how quickly a romance can just start up and it’s sad. Dylan is still my least favorite Angel although I suppose that this isn’t saying a whole lot.

Seamus is the big villain of the film or I guess you can say that he’s just the sub villain. He’s got his own plan in all of this, but he’s technically still a lackey to Madison. (Albeit, unknowingly) He wants to destroy Dylan because she sold him out to the police,m which is pretty petty so the film actually portrayed him accurately there. Thus, he’s about as unlikable as you would expect. The film once again tries to show that just training a little in jail can get you onto the same level as one of the Angels. He is able to give Dylan a pretty good fight and that’s more than a little sad for her. In the “epic” confrontation scene where it’s him and some gang members it would have been fun to have seen a big fight. Seamus basically embodies the whole “One and Done” theme for villains that we see in the films. He’s unlikable from start to finish so you’ll probably forget him pretty quickly.

“I was never good…I was great!” is Madison’s most memorable lines since she’s crying and the actress was probably hoping for an Oscar Nomination there. There’s no reason for her to cry there, but she is a little deranged so I suppose that it’s fitting. For the most part, she’s actually a pretty good villain, but she shows her true colors in the climax where she spends too much time bragging to remember that there are 3 Angels on the loose. Losing her guns after that was also rather embarrassing. She is a good fighter though and I have a feeling that she was a better angel than the 3 new members. Too bad she went over to the dark side.

The main three angels are as unlikable as in the first film. Natalie gets her obligatory dance scene at the beginning where she is joined by the other two this time and she plays the seduction card the most. I could have sworn that she had an iconic line where she said “Bring it on _______” but I didn’t recall hearing it this time. It also sums up her character a little since just saying “Bring it On” is intense enough as a catchphrase. She has a romance subplot that gives her another dance scene, but it certainly doesn’t help her case. Dylan is pretty much written out of the film for a while, but her subplot is a major factor in the plot. She decides to leave the team for about 5-10 minutes because she is worried that staying with them will result in their untimely demise. What she does not suspect is that joining forces with them won’t make a whole lot of difference.

Alex isn’t great either because she keeps up a pretense that is bad for the Dad. It’s a really unnecessary subplot that fills the Dad with sad ideas about what his daughter has become. He never finds out the truth as the film ends either so he really got the short end of the stick. Even ignoring the subplot, Alex just isn’t much better than the other two. She’s still in the romance fad even though she has a boyfriend, which is pretty unacceptable to be honest. You should probably leave the team once you are romantically involved with someone.

A solid soundtrack was one of the only positives for the first film, but it was unsurprisingly changed to a more generic array of songs in this film. We even get the retro Hollywood theme, which is fun, but basically public domain. The fights are also typically a highlight and I will admit that they do put some life into the film. It was cool to see Madison take out the three angels with her superb marksmanship and I think that was when we all realized that some plot hax would probably be necessary in the climax. As least the film tried to be subtle about it, but it was still pretty sad.

On a final note, a new Bosley joined the crew here. I definitely didn’t buy his Irish scene where he tricked someone into letting him in by pulling the race card. It’s a well played card for the most part, but I just don’t see it working here. It’s hard to say whether he beats the old Bosley or not, but he actually might. He’s very down to Earth and he’s excited about being a part of the team. That means that he’s completely immune to the Angels’ tricks and the whole romance game is beneath him. His Home Run at the end was also pretty intense and I applauded his bold effort in Clue. If you’re going to play a board game, you should always be confident of your imminent victory. He was actually better than…100% of the cast. I hardly liked the rest of the characters so it’s not an immense feat, but we’ll take it.

Overall, Full Throttle is an apt title for the film since it really just plunges into just about every film hole that you can think of. We had way too much fanservice and romance in this film and the plot wasn’t very well thought out. There are too many subplots for the film to handle as well since we have old Angels coming virtually and physically as well as the guy who wants to destroy Dylan because of their tragic history. This is the kind of film that should be good popcorn fun, but it just isn’t because of all the unnecessary content. I definitely can’t recommend this film to anyone and you’re better off staying away from the franchise as a whole. I plan on getting the Gamecube video game for the Charlie’s Angels since it can help to partially restore the franchise’s rep, but we shall see. Until then, watch the animated Wonder Woman film for a better depiction of how a female warrior gets her point across.

Overall 1/10

Naruto Shippuden Blood Prison Review

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Naruto Shippuden Blood Prison is a Naruto film that got pretty good reception when it came out. There was a decent amount of hype around its release and the concept was a new twist for the franchise. That being said, I was never really hyped for it from the trailer wasn’t amazing although it was pretty good. It is just one of those cases where the trailer was better than the film. The same thing happened with the 5th film while the opposite was true for the 6th and 7th.

The plot begins with a cutaway to the Raikage’s lair. He orders his minions to find a certain box because it can grant any wish, but they are quickly attacked by Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto easily overpowers the minions, but the Raikage sends him packing. Similar incidents occur across the Ninja World so the Hokage banishes Naruto to Blood Prison. Naruto claims that he is innocent, but now he is stuck with a corrupt jailer and actual crooks. Getting out of here could be tougher than he thought.

Well, I thought that the film just had a lot of missed opportunities. It certainly didn’t capitalize on any positives that could have turned the tides for the film. It is still a good movie to be sure, but if could have been better. One twist that would have helped a lot would have been for Naruto to have escaped with his friends in pursuit.

Okay, time to tackle one of the big negatives. I don’t like when allies betray each other and are still portrayed as heroes. Unfortunately, that happens here as Naruto is betrayed by the very people he has been protecting for years. It is a pretty cringeworthy scene and it also shows us the ugly side of the Hidden Leaf village that we always try to forget. The Ninja are very much like Gladiator from X-Men or the Paladin from Blue Exorcist. Friendships seem to mean nothing to them and they will follow their leader’s orders without question. Even if the leader is corrupt they shall keep going. Just look at the sand when Orochimaru was leading them or all of the Leaf Shinobi who followed Danzo. The ninja don’t really think as they let the leader do that for them. It is part of why I like to root against the Leaf sometimes. Still, you wouldn’t expect that from the other Genin or Kakashi. It is just a little too much and I definitely did not like their portrayal here. They also attacked Naruto in film 6……Good thing this is happening in the film and not the show.

The soundtrack is decent, but there isn’t a lot of action for most of the film so we don’t get a chance to see any action scenes for a while. They reuse a theme from film 6 that I liked a lot so it was cool to see that one make a comeback. This film did have an original battle track or two. One of them had a good start and then fizzled out while I remember the other one being decent. I have no qualms with the overall soundtrack.

The animation is decently good. Unfortunately, none of the fighters have real energy attacks so the film can’t really get to show off how good it can be. Likewise, the backgrounds are all pretty similar since he is stuck in a jail. The sun is always red there which probably saves the film’s budget a little. The fight scene at the end does look pretty good though as it goes all Bleach on us and all of the fan favorite characters get to use their big attacks. Naruto’s speed feats also look pretty impressive as well.

The final fight was a pretty mixed bag for me though. It was cool to see a (Slayers) Monster as the big villain, but it was also sad because it meant that we wouldn’t get a real one on one hand to hand fight. The monster is big and he can dodge attacks with ease, but it is not as exciting as it would have been with a fellow humanoid. Just look at the villain from 2 films ago to see what I mean. Of course, watching all of the heroes get beaten up was pretty fun. It is scary just how weak they all look here and the film basically just says that Naruto could beat the whole village. I probably agree with this, but they definitely should have done better. Opening some of the inner gates or using Kamui would have been a nice start for the heroes. Maybe next time.

Of course, the fight still looks really good and the villain lasts for a while. He certainly wasn’t going down without a fight and he can fire energy blasts. That’s really all you need to help elevate the average film and it was exciting to watch. The fight also felt a little closer to DBZ than usual since Naruto was basically relying on fist barrages for most of the battle.

One plotline still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me though. After “Naruto” attacks the Raikage he tells his minions to go get Killer Bee since they needed to find the box ASAP. Then they vanish until the very ending. Did it really take them so long to find the box? It wasn’t very well hidden to be honest and it makes the heroes look pretty bad. Of course, they already looked pretty bad.

Maroi is one of the main prisoners since he is pretty shifty. He seems to be working for Mui one minute and then for the heroes the next. He’s definitely not the kind of guy that you would trust in a heartbeat. I actually expected a plot twist involving his character that simply never took place. He seems to be a decently tough shinobi, but he’s nowhere near the real ninja. (So, I’d call him Chunin level) He’s still not likable though and we learn that he certainly cannot be a hero. He’s just out to save his own skin and he’ll do whatever it takes to ensure his own survival.

Mui is one of the big characters and I guess you can argue that he’s the big villain of the film. He can fight as seen when he beat Naruto up when they had a quick sparring match. We don’t get to see a whole lot more than that from him, but his curse styled ninjutsu is very powerful. I don’t see him lasting long against one of the stronger characters, but a weakened Naruto is right up his ally. (According to this film) I can’t say that I like him a whole lot though and his character development is good…except for his origin. The origin just doesn’t fit in and he must have been pretty crazy to allow it to be so. He’s changed his thought processes on this, but there’s still no excuse for falling for something like that in the first place. He has a pretty cool voice in the English dub, which helps his character a little.

Naruto is the main character as expected and I’m glad to say that his character portrayal is basically spot on. He looks very good and this is probably the best that he has looked…since the last film. That may not sound very impressive, but it’s just that the films have been Reeeeeeeally good at making Naruto a likable hero. He may be better in the films than in the normal show although I like him there a lot too. He has his good and bad moments in the show while the film is really just about his good moments. He’s a pretty selfless hero who always wants to do the right thing and he refuses to cross the line. That’s the kind of hero that you want to follow. My only qualm with his portrayal is probably that he looks a little too weak.

Naruto should have easily crushed Mui. Naruto may have had to fight without chakra, but he’s still a very experienced fighter and I would expect him to have the upper hand in a fight. I also like to think that Naruto would have been able to have enough chakra to overpower the jutsu since he has the Nine Tailed Fox inside of him. We’ve seen time and time again that few things can really hope to overpower such a beast. Naruto’s brief escape at the beginning was also a little sad and he should have broken through the current. As you can see, I wasn’t pleased with the depiction of his power level for most of the film, but they had to nerf him or the whole thing would have been over in an instant. Bleach and DBZ never nerf their main characters, but I guess they were able to think of a main villain who could fight while keeping it believable. Naruto’s writers may have feared the power of the plot holes.

Ryuzetsu is the mysterious ninja who turns out to be a lady. Only Naruto is surprised at this twist since it’s fairly obvious in the Dub (The Sub as well since the character design looks female from the get go. It’s anime so you can never be too sure, but I still would have assumed that Ryuzetsu was a she) thanks to the voice. She has a role to play in all of this because there is a sub plot that is completely unnecessary about a sub faction called the Flowers. They don’t like what is happening at this prison and they’re going to put a stop to it. You don’t have to remember that though since it has absolutely no bearing on the plot. She’s a pretty nice person and she is also a very talented swimmer. When it comes down to a battle she’s decent, but she doesn’t seem to have any real special abilities. I guess she just didn’t get a chance to use them, but that would have been nice. As far as filler heroes go, she’s a marked improvement over the norm.

Muku is voiced by the same guy who voices Kirito and Rin so that was pretty awesome. His brief moments in the sob story are pretty intense because of this. Aside from that, I sill don’t care for him. At one point, he got my hopes really high because I thought that I was about to get the big fight scene that I had been waiting for. Unfortunately, it was just a red herring and I slumped back in my seat. He’s tough and a genius like Sasuke, but we don’t get a chance to really see that. I don’t think that we will ever forget Muku, but he’s just one of those guys who cracked and lost his shot at being a true hero.

There was a pretty pointless character who had the ability to transform into many people. He was probably only needed for the framing scene and even the writers seemed to have forgotten that he was around. A classic example of this is when the 6 members of the Zodiac animal mask wearing villains have a meeting. They discuss how it will take all of them teaming up to take him down and they’ll only manage it because of the shapeshifter’s weakness. The battle occurs and it takes one of the members a split second to win the battle. I thought this bald guy was supposed to be a threat? The whole scene just made you wince since the villains have paralysis techniques that are so powerful that nobody can break through them. Even Naruto is instantly ensnared by the technique. The villains are pretty cheap though and they never actually get a real fight scene so they are thrown by the wayside.

I also thought that the ending was extremely abrupt. There’s a “true” ending if you stick around long enough, but the screen just fading to black and Naruto seeming pretty emotionless is not exactly how you captivate an audience. It’s a decently emotional scene (Or as emotional as you can get for a character that you didn’t even know for 100 minutes) so you would expect Naruto to put up more of a fight. At least a “nooooooo” type of scene would have helped there. Once again, it also made the Leaf look pretty bad since you could tell that they really didn’t care that much. It was just a casualty of war after all. That’s how they seemed to think of it instead of owning up to the fact that none of this would have happened if the Leaf Shinobi had arrived sooner.

The plot twist about the villain’s ability is also pretty bad. It’s the worst possible way that they could have explained it. Why not just make him a telepath? Instead, he reads the heroes’ fear and that’s how he follows their movements. At the end, Naruto stops fearing the unknown so the villain can’t track him anymore. Are we really supposed to believe that Kakashi and Killer Bee were scared when they joined the fray? I don’t believe that for a second and neither would Maka. Fear powers are fun when they are used correctly, but that is difficult which is why few authors even bother to give it a whirl. It’s nice to see a big villain with this ability, but it was handled very poorly. The heroes were not given a reason to fear the monster and Naruto didn’t seem to be scared at all initially. That was just sloppy writing in the end.

As a final thought, I think that the series needs to stop hyping up Gamabunta. Haven’t we already confirmed that he’s infinitely weaker than Naruto at this point? I don’t think Naruto should have summoned him at all since he should be a liability at this point. There’s no good reason why he can keep up with the heroes anymore aside from the fact that he’s a fan favorite character. He was good in the old days when the Legendary Sannin were considered to be a threat, but those days are over. It’s why nobody summons animals unless they are desperate anymore. Naruto needs to follow suit.

Overall, Blood Prison is a solid film despite how negative the review seems. I will admit that I was pretty disappointed with the film, but not as much so as I was with Battle of Gods. (Pro tip, Do Not watch the trailer or you’ll get the wrong idea for either one of these films) I probably would have liked Blood Prison a little more if I had not seen the trailer, but I would still be disappointed with the lack of action. Blood Prison is probably the weakest installment in the Shippuden series. The only one that may be worse is Bonds and that one may actually have the slight edge over this one. (I’ll have to rewatch it again at some point. I remember not liking it much and the final fight was short, but the opponent was still a buff humanoid so there’s always that) It has its faults to be sure, but Blood Prison’s action scenes are still good when they happen and Naruto’s portrayal is spot on. The animation and soundtrack are good enough to keep the film afloat as well. The film drags on a little during the early prison scenes and the whole thing is rather unnecessary, but it gets more interesting once the monster appears. I recommend this title if you’re looking for an old school ninja film or if you just want to see some monster action. Just be warned that this film barely qualifies as an action since we don’t get a real fight scene until the end. It’s better to just call it a mystery. Go into the film expecting that and you should be pleased.

Overall 7/10

Pitch Perfect Review

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If you’ve been a loyal follower of my blog reviews then you can probably tell that this is not going to be a positive review. How could it be when it’s a musical that basically revolves around fan service and suggestive material? The poster can basically sum up the film, but you still can’t judge a film until you’ve seen a few pics or a still and watching the whole thing gives you more credibility as well. Let’s see where it messed up.

There are a few A Capella groups that compete across the various districts in Regional Tournaments. They make all of the music and sounds using just their mouths so no instruments are allowed. One year, one of the schools panics and the victory ends up going to the Treblemakers. Well, a year has passed and the girls decide that they are going to win this year. The problem is that there are only two members left so they go to recruit some people.

This takes us to the main character. Her name is Beca and she’s not a very sociable person. She just wants to be a DJ so she blows off her classes once she arrives at this new college. Her father is a professor there and he tells her that if she sticks with a club until the end of the year and still doesn’t like it…he’ll help her find a place in L.A. to become a DJ. She actually believes this and quickly decides to join the A Capella group alongside Fat Amy. Other girls quickly join the club through tryouts (The club just picks them all since they’re desperate) and now the girls have a chance to win the tournament and get everyone to admit that the Trebelmakers are last year’s news. Speaking of which….the Trebelmakers bring in a new guy as well. He happens to be Beca’s coworker so he’s pretty talented. This could be a close match!

It’s a little hard to know where to start when discussing this film. It’s basically a modernized Bring It On and the scary part is that it actually may contain more fanservice and suggestive material. That is saying a Lot if you are familiar with Bring It On. Of course, I haven’t seen that film in quite a long time so it’s possible that it’s still the much worse film. You just can’t get away from all of the inappropriate jokes and lines. It’s almost literally every other sentence so you’re basically doomed as soon as it has begun.

The “Big” scenes also don’t do it for me. You know the kind of scene that I mean right? The one where the audience is supposed to jump up and say thing like “Hey!” “All right” or “That’s what I’m talking about.” Action scenes where this applies is: When Coulson shoots Loki, Superman tackles Zod, or when Godzilla blasts Muto. So, our equivalent here might be when Beca starts to sing on stage as she wrecks Aubrey’s plan, When she jumps in during the underground tournament, or when she leads them into their final song. These are the “Big” moments for the film, but I can safely say that I didn’t get up and start cheering. It’s simply a different kind of scene and not one that I can get into. (It helps that she was rapping in the second scene) They were bold moves on her part, but that’s about all that I can say for it. It didn’t help me like her more as a character.

Beca is basically your average main character for this kind of film. The twist is that she can be a little goth, but she is actually a nice person deep down. She likes DJ a lot so she is familiar with rap songs. This comes back to bite her later since A Capella groups simply don’t rap. (The Trebepmakers evidently forget this as they rap for their final song.) Beca is pretty reasonable at first sonce she decides that she is mot going to fall for the romance trap. You can imagine that this definitely did not last long. She falls into all of the tropes that you would expect her to fall into, but that definitely doesn’t help her character.

Aubrey is the mean leader who is always living in the past. I can respect the fact that she heavily enforces the anti romance rules for the club, but she doesn’t have the best reasoning for it. It is definitely hard to find her likable so I am sure that we were all hoping that Beca would take the reins sooner than later.

Chloe is Aubrey’s partner and she could be the best main character in theory. It is a little “by default” but we will take it. She is nice to Beca and she revolts against Aubrey’s leadership at times, but she still isn’t a very good character. She should have been a little bolder in her quest to win the tournament. Taking the lead like Beca did would have helped with that.

Fat Amy is the fan favorite character who gets a pretty big role. She’s the one who brings a lot of the main characters together in the first place. She’s portrayed to be the overweight character who’s actually pretty smart and well versed in the ways of the world. It makes you feel bad for the other characters at times since they are so outmatched. That being said, she’s still not very likable. She falls into all of the faults that the other characters possess and she’s too interested in the romance angle. (All of them are to an extent though)

There are other members of the main squad, but they don’t really have much of a role in this story. Lilly’s gimmick was particularly annoying since her voice was so soft that nobody could hear her. You know what that means right? We get a scene at the end where she begins to rap and all of the characters are blown away. At the very least, the audience is supposed to do a double take. One member seems to be there just so we can have some more jokes to make about how easy the guys are.

Jesse is the main guy, but he’s a pretty bad character from start to finish. Beca keeps trying to stay as platonic friends during the intro of the film, but Jesse won’t have that for a second. This is a film so naturally they both become pretty close by the end, but then Jesse quickly deserts Beca after one of her outbursts. He started things so it looks kind of sad for him to be rushing out so quickly. He’s also a talented singer though, which is pretty lucky for him considering the circumstances. Now he can stay relevant to the plot. He definitely didn’t do anything for me.

The leader of the Trebelmakers is the main villain and he’s as sad as you would expect. He’s actually pretty good and his team won the tournament many times in the previous years. If he was a nice person, things would probably be very different. That being said, you can’t blame him for ditching the team to become rich and famous. He definitely could have told his teammates about this in a nicer way, but that’s just how his character is. I’m pretty sure that we would all make a similar decision or maybe try to do both, but we would certainly not let go of the money.

The announcers for the shows are good when they’re insulting all of the competitors, but that’s about all that they are good for. They still make way too many crude jokes so that you can’t actually enjoy what they are saying. The film seemed like it just wanted to go overboard in every way possible. The stereotype that every guy is perverted is also getting really old very quickly. It makes them look soooo terrible.

Finally, the film lost a lot of points on the actual singing and dancing. At least have them sing some respectable songs! The heroes are typically using their bodies to wow the audience and the lyrics can be forgettable. I was actually rooting for the Trebelmakers based on their songs for a while, but then their final one just threw that out the window. The main characters are basically objectifying themselves in order to win a simple trophy and that’s hardly worth the effort. It’s also pretty degrading to their characters to participate in this.

The film doesn’t really have much of a soundtrack beyond the musical parts, but I didn’t really enjoy the songs. The film is really just a bundle of negatives for me that have been rolled into a film. It’s pretty enjoyable in the few instances where there are no crude lines, but that’s like eating a giant bowl of tomatoes (Or insert food that you don’t like) to find a chocolate chip. So, I really can’t say that the film had any pros. The script just doomed it instantly and the fanservice certainly didn’t help matters.

Overall, Pitch Perfect is about what you would expect. It’s the kind of film that I couldn’t recommend to a guy on principle. Technically, it’s more or less okay for all others, but you can still find something nicer to enjoy like Yugioh. The fanservice is just too much as it corrodes the film and every character is basically objectified. The songs also tend to be pretty edgy and the rapping didn’t help matters. This just shows how bad a script can be when film writers don’t know what to do except for the classic rule that fanservice sells. There’s also a scene that shows us how an animal has been mistreated for a while, which is supposed to be funny, but just made the film sink a little more. Seriously, go watch High School Musical instead!

Overall 1/10

Charlie’s Angels Review


Well, it’s been a little over 2 years since I last saw this film, which brings it up to 2-3 times that I’ve seen it so far. It’s a pretty neat concept and I’ve heard that the show was pretty good, but the film has a lot of flaws that are barely hidden beneath the surface. It had a lot of potential thanks to some of the techniques that they used, which will remind you of the good ole films, but it’s simply not enough.

Charlie’s Angels is actually one of those films that can make you really worried for a Wonder Woman or Ms. Marvel film. Let’s just say that if one of those films was like this one, it would make audiences around the world shudder. A 30% on Rotten Tomatoes would likely shock me as it could be even lower. This one is spared that because of when it came out. I can guarantee that if this film came out now it would make waves…and not the good kind!

The plot involved a multi billionare (Probably) named Charlie. He hires three women to work for him as they stop crimes that no ordinary police force ever could. Their missions are dangerous, but these women are even deadlier! Natalie, Dylan, and Alex are the three main characters and they’re all pretty different, but are about equal in overall fighting technique. (Very, Very arguable) Well, they finish another mission when they find out that a computer whiz has been kidnapped. He has created a tech that can figure out a person’s voice print pretty quickly. It’s like tapping a phone, but it works on the actual voice. The Angels must find him and stop this from getting into the wrong hands.

Now, I just have to point something out about the premise that is pretty interesting. The climax involves Charlie making a phone call and the villain stalling him to try and figure out his location through the voice prints. It’s like a GPS and using some satellites he can track him down. That’s cool….until you remember that we can actually tap phones nowadays and you can track a person’s real location without inventing some made up technology about the voice prints. So, why is the voice print even necessary? Your guess is as good as mine…….the only way out of this logic hole would be if phone tracers had not been invented yet, but I’m pretty sure that they have been.

Okay, let’s quickly digress into some of the positives for the film. It has a very Dragon Ball Evoloution feel to it, which works pretty well. We get a lot of slow motion, interesting action shots, and facial expressions that would make film creators proud. It’s hard to describe how it feels like “That” kind of film, but watch any classic video game or manga inspired film like the one I just mentioned or the original Street Fighter and you’ll get my jist.

The soundtrack is also very intense. I can’t confirm that the lyrics for all of the songs are okay since some of the songs can be sketchy, but others were great. We got some really fast paced rock/battle themes that were all over the place and it made the scenes a whole lot more fun. It’s the kind of soundtrack that would never win you an Oscar, but that’s actually a good thing in this case. Oscar films can actually have some good tunes as well, but never anything quite like this. For every good song, there is still a bad song as well to highlight the fact that this film still uses a lot of not very subtle fanservice in between (and during) fight scenes. Ah well, I’ll take what I can get I suppose!

Dylan is my least favorite member of the Angels so I’ll start with her. She’s a decent fighter like the others, but she comes off as more of a tom boy. That doesn’t stop her from using her charm to seduce the characters that she can, but it ultimately results in a pretty embarrassing moment for her. Let’s just say that you should never start hanging out with a suspect so casually unless you want to get burned. Even without that scene she was likely my least favorite, but it certainly didn’t help her case.

Natalie is more laid back, but she still needs romance in her life so she quickly brings in a bar tender that she met and they instantly made it past the bounds of friendship. That was quick and then she went off to continue fighting and saving the world. Again, I find it hard to like her at all since she needs to have more hobbies aside from romance. She danced for a while, but it was pretty bad and again..it didn’t help her case.

Alex is the final member and she already has a stable romance going so she’s already set from the get go. Again, it’s hard to like the Angels because they don’t seem to have much of a personality beyond the romance. It’s quite sad. They are also willing to do just about anything to complete their mission so you almost start to feel bad for their boyfriends. (Almost! They’re not exactly innocent either) She can fight as well, which is good since you would be doomed otherwise against the villains.

Bosley is another one of the main characters and he looks pretty bad. One of his first scenes has him give the girls a long speech about love and how they can make it stronger while they’re basically mocking him and then he proceeds to get tricked by one of the main villains. (Naturally, the villain was female) He has enough strength of mind to tell her that he was going to keep it professional, but he still looked really terrible by letting her in the house from the start. You don’t do that when you have a billion dollar program inside and the person outside the door is a suspect.

There’s not much to say about Charlie. He’s rich and he’s old, but he barely gets to appear. At least he reminds the Angels that he’s watching over them before sending them on extremely dangerous missions. One of the main villains is known as the Thin Man and he’s pretty awesome…at first. We find out that he has something for hair and he gets a little too emotionally involved in that aspect. You just knew that the film would find some way to wreck his character. He started out as a really serious villain as he took on the three main characters. By the end, he was reduced to getting clobbered in a one on one fight and basically running for the hills. No worries…he’ll be back!

It may not sound that bad from all of that, but there is one ultimate reason why it was doomed right from the get go. The fanservice! This could probably hold its own against just about anything else in this area. You’ll get a scene that fits this description in almost every scene in the film. Whether the heroes are seducing someone to distract him or just striking unnecessary poses, it’s just sad. Every male character is presented to be someone who’s heads over heels for them. The guys just care about their outer appearance and none of them are morally ethical. It’s pretty sad to see guys depicted like this. It’s actually common place to an extent, but certainly not to this level. Even in James Bon….well, it’s basically at the same level. It’s just more fanservice than actually going further while it’s the opposite in James Bond.

An example of this is the traditional planning scene where the heroes explain what the security is like. The camera quickly zooms in on their mouth so we can have some really awkward visuals to distract us from what they’re actually saying. It’s pretty cringe worthy. It’s what drives this film down to Sucker Punch levels. Of course, Sucker Punch didn’t suffer from fanservice, but that’s another story. It’s a sad coincidence that those two films are down at the 1’s because they both could have been very good. What happened? The film just needed a different director and writer and then maybe it could have stood a chance.

After all, the fight scenes are pretty good when they happen. At one point, the three Angels team up to fight someone and he actually holds his own against the three of them for a while. It’s fun to watch, but it definitely doesn’t make the main characters look impressive. How can the three of them be having such a tough time when it’s so early in the film? Obviously, the writers forgot that you’re supposed to make the characters very likable and strong before you give them a villain that they can’t defeat.

The two main villains are pretty bad as well. One of them has a gun, but she’s still strong enough to give one of the Angels a tough time in hand to hand combat. If someone who seems like she doesn’t have that much time to train can give them a good fight….just how tough are the Angels? It definitely makes you wonder. The guy is very weak, but he knows that the main characters are always using their charms so he just uses that to his advantage. A surprisingly cunning strategy, but it never would have worked on a halfway decent character. Never!

Overall, Charlie’s Angels isn’t any better than I remember it. The film still puts too much emphasis on the heroes’ bodies and not enough on their character. Every other scene will have you looking away or wincing because you know that the film is just getting started. The soundtrack is pretty good and the actual plot is so retro that it still works despite the logical errors. It’s simply not enough to overlook this and it won’t help the feminist position. Let’s face it, we’d never have a film where three guys are constantly being used for fanservice throughout the film. It wouldn’t happen. Instead of checking out this film, watch the original Mortal Kombat to see how the film could have/should have/would have gone if the writers had realized sooner what they had done. There was simply tooooooo much fanservice here and I can’t stress enough just how sad it was. I highly recommend skipping it, no matter what type of film you’re looking for.

Overall 1/10

White Christmas Review

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The holidays are almost upon us and that means that Christmas is coming! It’s easily still one of the biggest days of the year and it always will be. There’s nothing quite as epic as watching a Christmas film to bring on the holiday cheer. This title came out in 1954 so it had to come to blows with the original Godzilla film, but if anything can give it a good fight…it’s this title! It’s a pretty fun Christmas film that has its flaws, but manages to still capture the Christmas spirit.

The film starts out with the army having trouble holding their ground. They manage to do all right for themselves and that’s where Bob and Phil step in. It was an ordinary day on the job for them until a wall collapses and Phil saved Bob at the expense of his arm. It was sprained or maybe broken. To repay his debt, Bob agrees to work as a duet with Phil and they become a global sensation. They get a letter from one of their old army buds a while later to check out a possible sister act and that’s when the film really starts. The plot shifts after the two guys and the two girls all head up to Vermont where a struggling hut is trying to stay afloat. Can this motel/hotel/lodge be saved by the combined efforts of these performers? Time to find out!

Well, it’s more or less what you would expect from a classic romantic comedy. The writing is pretty strong and it easily shatters the kind of film that they would make nowadays in this genre. The banter is always around and the characters are decently likable. Bob was actually pretty cool for the majority of the film, but then he crumbled towards the end and he couldn’t get back up on his high horse. One aspect of the film that probably didn’t do it any favors was its run time of 2 hours. I do think that 2 hours is the minimum length for a film, but you have to come up with a lot of good scenes if you want it to work. Most of the scenes are pretty good, but they probably could have cut out a few songs during the film. It would have sped up the plot progression a little. You know, the first half of the film actually goes perfectly for the four main characters, which is unheard of. All of the tension and drama is in the second half.

There is no real soundtrack, but this is a musical so I suppose that I can comment on the songs. The voices are pretty good for the most part so that isn’t an issue, but I didn’t care for the dances that went along with it. It’s like Spagetti and Pizza. They taste good together, but just give me the Spagetti and leave the Pizza for later! We don’t need singing and dancing to be done at the same time. I’m more or less okay with singing, but I could definitely have gone without the latter. At least most of the songs are Christmas related, which is always cool.

The main problem in the film that leads to the climax involves a misunderstanding between Bob and Betty, but I think it could have been handled better. As it stands, it makes Betty look pretty terrible since she is convinced that Bob has betrayed her without even giving him a chance to tell his side of the story. You should never go with third party information unless it’s absolutely necessary. She definitely overreacted there and I only blame Bob for the part where he says that they should try to get things back to how they were the other day. He could have phrased that in a much better way since that made it look like he just wanted some romance.

Speaking of which, Bob was pretty cool for a while. He was pretty good at the musicals and he was a solid army guy. He was pretty nice and he was always willing to help a pal out. He knows that Phil will trick him at every opportunity, but he still lets him hang around. Then, Betty and Judy appear and things start to get dicey for Bob. He handles the whole romance thing decently at first, but then he gets thanked by the assistant at the lodge and everything about his character gets smashed to pieces. It’s meant to be a funny scene, but it was pretty terrible and made him look like a pretty desperate person. It’s really hard to bounce back from something like that.

Likewise, Betty was a decent character until the whole misunderstanding happened. Then, that made her look pretty bad and it went on for a while, which certainly did not help her case. She found a pretty spiffy new job in about a day, which certainly says something about her talents as a singer, but just leaving the state like that was certainly not the right thing to do in this situation.

Phil likes to use his fake arm injury to blackmail Bob, but he is technically just doing it in a joking way. He’s a pretty nice guy and he really looks out for Bob. That being said, he basically falls into the love at first sight angle in an instant and he basically cornered into engaging someone due to political interests of both parties. He’s a decent character through and through for the most part, but I can’t say that I am a fan of his. Likewise, Judy doesn’t have as much time to get development as Betty since she is shoved to the side with Phil as far as the plot is concerned. She is the character who kicks things off with the plot twist though so she is pretty crucial in how the whole thing played out. Without her on stage appearances, the play could have crumbled.

There were a few other characters like The General and his assistant, but they aren’t extremely crucial to the story. The General wants to join the Army again instead of living in such a peaceful place, but I have to disagree with his notion. He apparently spent all of his retirement savings on the place so ditching it now would not be a good idea at all. He made for a pretty good general and he’s possibly the best character in the film, but he’s mostly relegated to the sidelines. He makes sure to talk tough until the very end! His assistant wasn’t that good since she is the one who causes the big problems in the film. It’s good that she knows what is going on at all times, but she should have done a little more research before making her big announcement.

The romance can be a bit much as the second half of the film is full of it. The first half was pretty light in that respect and I can safely say that it was a lot better than the second half. The writing really gets to shine while Bob is still antagonistic and having a civil debate with Phil. That slowly starts to change as the film went on and you can’t help, but think that the film could have been pretty fun if they had just been rivals to the two girls. That would have certainly been an interesting twist right? One thing I can say for the film is that there are no really bad scenes just as there are no Great ones. It’s simply a good, retro Christmas story. (One song happens so suddenly that I thought it was a parody)

Overall, White Christmas is a good film. Considering that one of the genres is basically romance, it certainly handles itself better than you would expect. I do think that they should have dialed down some of the dancing and maybe eliminated a song or two to make things better though. The romance can also be a little more frequent than you may like, but at least we have the beginning where they are all just friends for a while. It’s the kind of film that’s pretty happy from start to finish and it’s certainly a good way to get set for Christmas. I recommend it to you if this film sounds like it’s your thing and if you want an alternative, just check out Jingle All The Way.

Overall 5/10

Maleficent Review

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I saw Sleeping Beauty pretty recently so that was a good set up for this film. The film did claim that the old story was basically fake through the posters and intro, which was a risky move since the older fans could have gotten nervous. Luckily, this new retelling turned out to be pretty good and Maleficent surpassed my expectations.

The film begins with Maleficent’s tragic backstory as she has her wings stolen and is tricked by a corrupt man from the enemy kingdom. It’s too late to regain her abilities, but she places a curse on the King’s daughter and then departs to protect her kingdom. Three fairies decide to take the princess to a shack in the woods so that they can hide from Maleficent, but this only buys them a few hours. Rather than harming the girl, Maleficent decides to just watch her from the shadows and help out from time to time. She mocks the fairies as well, but it’s hard not to at times. Aurora’s birthday is quickly approaching though so Maleficent will have to decide between good and evil while also facing upcoming dangers from the kingdom.

It’s a pretty happy film for the most part as Maleficent learns about the joys of being a nice person. It’s a film where you need to enjoy looking at the scenery as the film puts a lot of focus on it as we see that Maleficent’s kingdom isn’t all that bad either. The only dark part is probably the beginning, which is filled with dread as you know that the prince cannot be trusted.

Maleficent is a pretty good character and she’s certainly better than I expected. The posters didn’t really do the costume any favors and she’s certainly a formidable threat when she possesses her wings. She basically started out as a hero and lost her way, but she continues to try to do the right thing. She’s certainly better than some of the current protagonists like Katniss and Bilbo. I’d also go as far as to say that this could be her best portrayal, although she was still pretty great in the original film.

The director must not have liked the three fairies since they are downright awful in this film. They are just there to show us that the Kingdom is still very corrupt. They let the King push them around and they don’t really care that much for Aurora’s well being. Some of their lines are just meant to be funny, but they don’t really work and you would think that they were the step sisters from Cinderella. They definitely weren’t portrayed correctly.

Aurora was a decent character, but I feel like she jumped to conclusions way too quickly. After a lot of bonding time with one of the characters, she quickly forgets all of that and attacks her because of a quick word from the fairies. At that point in time, I’d definitely be more inclined to listen to the person who seems to be a lot cooler and more trust worthy. Aurora was also pretty quick to fall into the romance trap, which was unfortunate. I don’t believe in love at first sight and I probably never will. If you live in a forest and see a strange man for the first time…you should probably just head back home instead of telling him where you live. I didn’t think that she did a good job there and things almost got dicey.

The King is pretty awful as expected. He just wants to be rich and to destroy Maleficent no matter what the cost. He’s about as corrupt as they come and he really starts to go crazy by the end. He’s a character who’s created to be very unlikable and I can safely say that it works. I don’t think that you’ll be rooting for him during any parts of the film.

The Prince who always comes to save the day finds himself with a very different role in this film. I thought that Maleficent did a great job with that since it disproves the whole Love at First Sight myth. Let’s just say that it’s not true love and he’s written out of the script pretty quickly. Now other films can take note of how this isn’t a true romance and maybe things will start to look up…maybe.

The fight scenes were also surprisingly good. It’s no secret that I really don’t like the medieval period for films since the battles just contain a lot of gritty stabbing and guys yelling for a while, but that’s not the case here. The monsters actually look tough and we get some Man of Steel moments when Maleficent is flying. The fight scenes where she has her wings are definitely the best parts and the final fight is also pretty fun. That being said, it also takes us to the classic plot hax part.

The final fight makes no sense from a logical stand point or even when looking at it through the wonky power levels of Avengers Assemble. Maleficent has magic powers and she can do just about anything, but one hit from the iron net and suddenly she is powerless. She just stands there as the prince beats her up and that’s pretty annoying. I expect her to put up a much better fight than that. Also, she should have transformed her partner out of his dragon form when they tried to capture him and then quickly transformed him back so that the chains would have slipped off. That would have been genius, but unfortunately it didn’t happen.

The soundtrack is pretty nonexistent. It’s unfortunate, but to be expected since that is a big weakness for most live action films. They just can’t seem to put a good soundtrack together for some reason. The special effects are solid though and this won’t hurt the film, it just won’t help it either.

One thing that you should note is that this film may be rated PG, but I do feel that PG 13 is more appropriate. As far as I am concerned, PG films should not have any blood or scenes that get too intense. The scenes with the net start to stretch that point and Maleficent losing her wings was also rather intense. It would be a very mild PG 13, but I do think that it would be the correct rating.

Also, while I did like Maleficent a lot, she was way too gullible in the opening scenes. How can you trust someone that you’ve barely met and who deserted you for years? That scene was pretty painful to watch and you just have to wonder if the film could have made it a little more believable. I mean, the King was suspect from the every start! He looks shifty and certainly not like the friendly type. That certainly hurts her character as she would have been almost perfect otherwise. Even when she’s in her evil phase, she’s still nice to her loyal followers and doesn’t just start beating them around for the lolz. That’s a true villain.

Overall, Maleficent was a solid film. It beats Transformers, Hunger Games Mockingjay, TMNT, and X Men Days of Future Past as far as this year’s big films go. It still loses to Captain America, Spider Man, Guardians, and Godzilla, but landing in the top 5 is no small feat. I doubt that the Hobbit will pass it so it should be pretty safe there. A sequel for this film could be intriguing provided that we get a solid villain. Now that we know that good fight scenes are a possibility, I’m ready for her to fight another being with wings and super speed. That could potentially be the best Disney Princess film to date. Ah well, first we have to get through Cinderella…one of the few films that didn’t really have a villain. (At least, a villain with superheroes) You will enjoy this film from start to finish and it is a title that you will walk away from feeling pretty content. I recommend this if you’re looking for a fun Disney film to watch or if you just want a classic monsters vs humans film. Even if you are just looking for a summer blockbuster film, this one would fit the bill to an extent. I would argue that it has about as much action as Xmen and certainly more than the Hunger Games. Sleeping Beauty is officially my favorite Disney Princess part of the franchise for now.

Overall 7/10

Sleeping Beauty Review

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It’s time for another one of Disney’s big classic films. Sleeping Beauty may not have the same legacy that other titles like Cinerella and Snow White have achieved, but it’s still fairly big so it’s about time that I reviewed it. It’s a decent film considering its style, but it didn’t do any wonders for me. It’s a pleasant film to watch, but you start to wonder how a Shonen version of this film would play out.

The film starts out with a happy celebration as the King and Queen realize that Aurora is going to rule over the Kingdom. They invite three little fairies to come and present Aurora with magical gifts. One of them gives her beauty and another one gives her the ability to sing. The third one is about to give out another great gift when Maleficent breaks in and curses Aurora. The girl shall die when she pricks her finger on a spindle. This seems to be inevitable, but the fairies wish to stop this. Will they be able to alter destiny or has the evils sorceress really won!?

The film isn’t very long so by the time the sequence is done, you can divide the rest of the film into two parts. Pre Aurora slumber and Post Aurora slumber. The fairies have a decent plan when they decide to hide Aurora in the forest, but you also don’t see it working for very long since it’s hard to hide one’s magical presence. Aurora grows up oblivious to her fate and she has to spend her days in solitude with the fairies. Things get complicated when a prince steps into the picture.

This film has a rather classic romance, which works better than the kind that we get nowadays. The Prince isn’t rude or trying to rush the romance and the heroine helps to take things slowly, but it’s still rather unnecessary. The story of Sleeping Beauty would be much more exciting and breath taking if they had decided to just be friends and then they have to team up to beat the curse. Does that not sound exciting!? Still, the romance wasn’t very bad and it’s not played up as much as you may think considering that this is one of the classic Disney princess stories. The film’s length helps to an extent as well.

Aurora is a decent protagonist, but I can’t say that she was an exceptional one. She’s fairly polite and she listens to the fairy’s advice not to just go off with a strange man, but she does listen to the tug of romance enough to tell the Prince where she lives. Also, she does start to grumble about being treated as a child since she can’t meet anyone, but she should just be happy that she has such a comfortable life. I didn’t really think that there was anything to be upset about. Her strength of will was a little weak since she couldn’t snap the mind control, but I suppose that the rest of the characters wouldn’t have fared much better.

The Prince (He does have a real name by the way) is basically your average prince. He doesn’t have any real character development to speak of. He’s a hero who likes the main heroine and decides that he won’t go through the pre arranged marriage since it’s not true love. He’s a fearless leader who is also a good fighter and he basically has no negatives. He’s no match for the goblins though so you may start to doubt the hype during some of the scenes, but he always means well. The only thing that you can really use against him is that he seems to be a very shallow individual as far as looks are concerned since he falls for Aurora instantly. Some could argue that it was the singing voice, but it’s debatable. Either way, I think the whole love at first sight thing was used way too much in the old films.

The animation is pretty classic and it holds up well. It’s a little too dated to look very flashy and intense like you might see in modern anime films, but I’ll easily take it over some of the animated films that we’ve been getting recently. (The CG-I film about the Boxcar Trolls comes to mind) If there are any animation errors, I didn’t notice any and that’s the important part. We also had more action than the typical, retro Disney film so that helped the animation to show its mettle.

The soundtrack is more on the unremarkable side. There aren’t any memorable tunes as it’s all classical piano and violin music. So, the danger theme is fairly predictable as well as the violin strums when the villain appears and so on. Back then, it felt like a lot of the films had the same soundtrack and that very well may have been the case. Music simply wasn’t as unique back then.

Maleficent is the main villain and I’m sure that we are all aware of the new film that she has gotten. Her minions are pretty bad, which is sad for her, but she makes for a pretty good villain. She can actually fight, which is a plus and she is feared across the kingdom. Her true form is fairly powerful and I’m a sucker for a good energy blast. She is probably the best Disney villain from the old days and it’s not a stretch to say that she is better than Aurora and the Prince. Best character? I would say so!

The three fairies weren’t my favorite characters since they talk a great game, but they can never back it up. Fauna and Flora are particularly annoying at times as they are completely terrified of Malificent and they try to do things the hard way. Working without using their powers is simply not the best way to go. I thought that Merryweather was easily the best member of the trio. She actually fought back against Maleficent’s forces and she was the first one to decide that using their wands would be the right move. She also lets her feelings run wild a little more than the others so you’ll see her back up as she talks about how she’ll beat up Maleficent. (It reminds me of my dog as he strikes fear into burglars from afar!) Merryweather is also the only character who stands up to Flora as she decides that blue is the right color and she sticks to that theory throughout the whole film. It was good to see her secure many of the wins.

The two Kings are mostly pretty sad since they did the whole “arranged marriage” decision. It’s never in a person’s best interest to be a part of such an old fashioned tradition and the Kings should know better. I do think that the fat King was better than the skinny King because he could actually fight. He really intimidated the other King and he wasn’t about to back down. The fish battle is something that you’re not going to forget anytime soon.

Overall, Sleeping Beauty is a decent film, but it’s not really my style. It’s sort of like Frozen, but without the action and less developed characters. The film is barely over an hour, which certainly contributes to this problem. A little more action may have helped to raise this film to a six, but I didn’t feel like it earned that last point. It was close to be sure, but it just needed another good character or fight to help it rise up. There aren’t a whole lot of negatives and the brief romance is really the only thing that would drag it down….or is there another negative? There actually is when you consider the fate of the evil bird. It wasn’t a very nice thing for Merryweather to have done and I thought that they could only use magic that helps people? I guess that was just more fake hype because an energy blast doesn’t fall into that category. The film didn’t really need that bit of animal violence although I was okay with the final battle because they didn’t go the generic “Off with its head” route that most films decide to do nowadays. A center stab is perfectly legitimate and it’s easier to watch. If you want to see a classic romance story with a nice princess and a dashing prince, then this is definitely your scene. If you want something like that, but with a little action..check out Frozen! (Although I’m sure that you already let it go after watching it a few times by this point)

Overall 5/10

Pokemon Diancie and the Cocoon of Destruction Review

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The next Pokemon film is finally upon us! This one introduces us to the World of Pokemon Kalos, but it fails to leave a grand impression like the previous films. It’s a fun watch, but it ends up being a very brief experience and you’ll be left wanting more. Pikachu finally gets his props here, which still makes it a must watch for all fans. Time to see what really went on here.

The plot involves a princess Pokemon by the name of Diancie. Her kingdom is falling into ruin because the jewel that brought harmony, peace, and life to everyone there has finally faded. Diancie is the only Pokemon in existence who can recreate the crystal, but she doesn’t have the power needed to do it. She must now search for Xerneas so that the legendary Pokemon can awaken her true power. Some hunters decide that they want to capture her so Ash and friends quickly get involved. They decide to escort her through this perilous journey, but are they really strong enough to accomplish such a feat? Looks like they’re about to find out!

I’d say that this was a pretty standard Pokemon film as far as they go. It was pretty light and fun, but the duration really hurt it. The film is barely over an hour and it really shows. It doesn’t help that the TV airing seemed to have to quickly end a few scenes as some just abruptly end in a rather awkward fashion. Most notable was the tournament scene where two trainers are about to face off and a scene where the main villain is talking to his daughter. By and large, it was really just the film’s fault here. Even for an animated film, 90 minutes should really be the bare minimum.

The animation is pretty good here, but it’s not exceptional. I would actually say that the animation in almost all of the other films was better. The fact that a large part of the story takes place underground doesn’t help since that naturally makes the animation worse, but the day scenes weren’t extraordinary. They lacked the depth that we have seen in titles like the Genesect film as well as the Entei installment. Pokemon’s strength has always been during the battle scenes and that continues to be the case here. The large energy blasts from Yveltal look very impressive and I like the universe effects that they use when a Pokemon is summoned as opposed to the classic stream of red light.

One thing that definitely works in this film’s favor is that the stakes may be the most personal yet. The body count in this film is incredibly die and there are several fatalities. A particularly emotional scene is where one of the main characters is taken out so the hero yells his name a few times before giving way to despair. It’s not something that you typically see in Pokemon and if not for a certain figure helping out..it may have been a pretty tragic ending.

Another positive that I give the film is the fact that I have not seen the Power Levels this realistic in a long time. Obviously, there are still some pretty iffy moments, but the film did a decent job. Pikachu finally looks like the pro that he is. He takes out one of the enemies in a single shot and he fights off two champion level Pokemon by himself. Topping this off is Pikachu’s masterful performance against Yveltal. Pikachu’s Thunderbolt is able to match up against a legendary Pokemon’s blast! You have to admit that this is pretty awesome and the writers have definitely come a long way.

The iffy part of the situation would be Diancie’s portrayal. She’s a decently powerful Pokemon and even without her crystal abilities, she should still be able to deal some damage to the villains. Unfortunately, she just spends most of the film running or getting kidnapped. It’s not a very accurate depiction of this fighter and her lack of speed is the most alarming part. No Pokemon should be that slow and the whole point of levitating is that you don’t have to hop. She hops on the air to get by and that’s not cool.

As for her personality, I was pretty mixed on it. On one hand, Diancie ends up being used as a plot point that I’ve never enjoyed. She is new to Earth customs so she doesn’t know what a friend is or how to engage in quality shopping while on the run. We’ve seen this with other shows and films like Starfire in Teen Titans or (to a lesser extent) Nia in Gurren Lagann. I’ve never found it to be amusing or entertaining since it just slows down the plot as the heroes have to explain basic fundamentals. I think a show should try to turn this trope around by having a character know all the basics, but being forced to ask a lot of questions because she lives in an inverted world where the laws of reality has changed. Now that would be interesting, but I don’t care for the current trope as it is.

On the other hand, Diancie definitely works as the picture perfect main character. She’s very polite and she loves to help others. This is sort of how I would picture the main characters from My Little Pony so it was pretty interesting to see how it was handled. If not for the naive part of Diancie’s character, this would have been able to shine even more. I do think that Diancie should have defended herself more, but at least she gives Pokemon a good name. There is one scene that does destroy most of her character development (Abandoning her kingdom for pleasure) but I’ll assume that this was just something that the writers forgot to take out of the script.

Yveltal was definitely very good and he’s one of the best new Pokemon to be introduced. He really means business and he lives to destroy all who oppose him. Just by being around others, he can drain their life force and one of his blasts will destroy his opponent. (By draining all of their life energy) The very concept of this Pokemon is very dark and while it’s all part of the natural cycle…you could say that he’s the closest thing to a villain. Even Ash doesn’t sympathize with this Pokemon as he rushes to the offensive. It was good to see a legendary Pokemon who could live up to his name and no human was going to capture him. I do wish that he could have continued to demolish everyone, but he’s technically not evil so the ending still makes sense. Yveltal has his own roar and what other Pokemon actually gets to smash a plane by jumping on it and blasting the pilots at point blank range? Yveltal’s scenes are some of the most epic scenes that we’ve ever seen in Pokemon! He’s definitely awesome.

Xerneas is the counterpart to Yveltal and while she may be more heroic….I can’t say that she’s extremely impressive. She’s more of a pacifist and we only get to see her fire off an attack or two. The attack does look powerful, but I was definitely hoping to see more of her abilities. Now that the ending has rendered her immobile for a little while, that chance may have slipped away. Xerneas isn’t a bad character, but she definitely can’t be considered to be Legendary level until she proves herself.

Ash Ketchum is already pretty established so I was confident that he would be as cool as always. Ash doesn’t disappoint as I dare say that he flies off the handle much quicker than he used to. As soon as he sees a threat, Ash charges in with his good ole Pikachu. He helps Diancie on her quest without a second’s hesitation and he even heroically decides to stay back to fight off one of the villains while the other heroes went off without him. Ash’s heart is always in the right place and his confidence is well placed since he has Pikachu.

Unfortunately, Ash’s Pokemon all look pretty bad except for Pikachu. He has a flying type Pokemon that I don’t really care for. It’s supposed to be some kind of superhero or wrestler, but it’s definitely not my favorite fighter. Ash also has a small water type frog Pokemon at his disposal, but it loses rather easily to a random opponent so I quickly lost my respect for it there. As expected, Pikachu is the only Pokemon who can really pull his own weight around here. Pikachu looks pretty impressive from the get go as he easily takes out an opponent’s Pokemon. He follows this up by taking on two Champion Level Pokemon on at once and then his best scenes were against Yveltal. Can Pikachu really take on a legendary? But of course! Pikachu trades blows with this monster and it’s a fairly even fight. Considering that Pikachu has the massive speed advantage, we know who would have won if the fight had kept going.

Ash had a few new friends here so let’s look at how well they performed. Bonnie is a little kid and she’s sort of like Max from Advanced. She’s here to remind us that she’s a great character and she helps Diancie realize that she is already pretty special. It may be heartwarming for some, but I still don’t care for kids being main characters. (In this case, Ash is not considered to be a kid because he’s not really portrayed as such) Bonnie just isn’t my kind of character and I didn’t enjoy any of her scenes.

Clemont isn’t much better. “The future is now!” isn’t the greatest catchphrase in the world and he could barely control the ladder. He also lost immediately when it came to a Pokemon battle, which was fairly disappointing. Cmon Clemont…we expect more from you. He’s probably the worst male sidekick to Ash yet since I actually prefer the food themes guy from Pokemon Black and White.

The main heroine is also the worst one yet (Passing Misty) as Selene just isn’t a fighter. Dawn and May had fun with their contests, but they were still A-S rank fighters. Selene gets a brief action scene and she doesn’t do very well in it. She’s not quite as obnoxious as Clemont or Bonnie, but she hasn’t really provided us with any reasons to really like her so far. I’ll definitely need some more convincing at any rate. If she had only scored a single hit against the villain, this paragraph probably would have been a lot more positive. Being a tough trainer is the bare minimum requirement for even being considered as a solid character in Pokemon.

The main villain of this film is basically a parody of himself. He wants to get rich and that’s really his only motivation as he eats a bunch of chocolates. (Snacks are a big thing in this film as Ash and friends even go to a dessert buffet) He barely appears at all and his screentime may be around 10 minutes total. You can imagine that things don’t go very well for him once Yveltal arrives. His daughter is also a minor villain who ends up betraying the heroes, but she had only appeared for a scene or two before the big twist so it wasn’t much of a surprise. She was fairly generic as far as villains go. There really isn’t anything to say about her. She’s not comic relief like Team Rocket, but she doesn’t even accomplish as much as those villains…which isn’t a good sign.

Team Rocket actually gets a bigger role than usual, (Keep in mind that it’s still a small role) but they ultimately do not accomplish a whole lot. They back off when the going gets tough and that was pretty sad for them since they could have made a name for themselves there. Finally, we had two new villains for this film as well. A pair of hunters by the name of Marilyn and Riot. Riot is the calm ninja who is always quiet as he unleashes deadly moves while Marilyn is basically Jessie with a fire motif. Neither of them end up being a match for Ash Ketchum, which was admittedly awesome. They just aren’t good characters and while I actually liked them for a while, the rushed ending completely wrecked their characters. They were ready to ditch their Pokemon and they basically panicked when the going got tough. That’s not what I expect from the big villains!

The soundtrack is pretty uninspired. You’re not going to find the next big battle theme here as there really isn’t a battle theme. The intro during the credits reuses music from the previous Pokemon films and there is nothing unique to be found. It’s sad since the action scenes would have been even better if we had gotten some good tunes to listen too. A good example of this is when Yveltal is dodging a lot of rockets and attacking an airplane. It’s pretty intense stuff, but there is no music to complement it.

Again, the main drawback with the film has got to be the length. Many of the film’s weakpoints could have been fixed had the film been longer. The uncut version would likely help to an extent, but we still need like 40 minutes of extra footage. Ash’s battles against the thieves are pretty short and some are off screen to save time. They should have all been shown and the battles should have been longer. The film ends up just ending since the film’s duration was about to expire so it wasn’t as glamorous as it could have been. The short length meant that we got to the meat of the plot pretty quickly, but everything was rushed. The whole film felt rushed and that really ended up hurting it. (The only positive of this is that the film never ends up dragging on as you get to have fun from start to finish)

Overall, This is definitely a solid Pokemon film, but it ends up feeling more like a 1 hour special than a full length movie. The fights are solid and the power levels were really accurately portrayed here. Ash Ketchum continues to light up the room with his presence and Pikachu is finally showing off his true power. Unfortunately, the film is too short to really contain the content within it so bits and pieces are filled with lost potential. This is definitely a good way to start your Pokemon career, but I’d sooner recommend checking out the previous film with Genesect. That’s still the best Pokemon film out there and I highly recommend it.

Overall 7/10

The Amityville Horror Review

Disclaimer: This review is of the edited TV 14 version of the film. All thoughts written below should be addressed accordingly as a review of the unedited version would likely be even more negative.
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The Amityville Horror is a film that you could probably judge from the title and know what to expect. I came into the film with reasonably low expectations and it still managed to crash way below them. This title is filled with red herrings and uninteresting characters to distract you from the fact that not much really happens in this film. If you haven’t seen it, now’s your chance to quickly back away to spare yourself some time.

The plot involves George and Kathy as they decide to move to a new house. They are pretty strapped for cash, but they really want a new house. Unfortunately, that’s just how it is in the modern world. The house is really beat up and the previous occupants were participants in a gruesome act, but the new owners don’t mind. They quickly pay up and the real estate agent was probably thrilled that someone finally fell for her tricks. The heroes settle in with their 3 kids and things seem to be going smoothly. Then, mysterious things start to happen and the heroes realize that the house may be tougher than it looks.

Well, there are many placed to start with this film. Let’s talk about the characters first. George is a pretty terrible lead and his “strength of character” is nonexistent. All it takes is an artificial chill that the spirit produces to start corrupting him. He loses his temper constantly and yells at the dog just to provide him with some amount of “toughness” for his character. It really just makes him look petty and even worse. I wasn’t rooting for him almost from the second that he appeared. He is distracted by romance, but not enough so that he can resist the influence of the dark spirits. Feeling cold isn’t fun, but his mind deteriorates way too quickly through this feeling. He continues to crack as the film goes on. He gets a heroic scene towards the end to try and redeem his character, but that was basically impossible by that point. It helps his character to be sure, but it’s simply too late for him.

Kathy is the main heroine and she doesn’t really look much better. SHe keeps on telling George that they shouldn’t get the house, but then she relents and they move in. From then on, she basically just has to watch as George goes crazy and she can’t really do anything about it. In the climax, she decides to fight, but it’s one of the worst attempts of all time. She gives up after a few seconds and she really showed no combat experience. That’s all right, but anyone can throw a punch and I would expect a much better fight out of someone who’s fighting for several lives. That was pretty poor form and she never became likable as the film went on.

The film plays out as a reverse slasher in the sense that the spirit picks off everyone one by one, but it doesn’t typically finish them off. It just gives them a scare so they will leave the house. Failure to comply with it will result in a car crash or permanent paralysis. Sometimes both. It’s a unique approach I suppose, but you do have to wonder what the point of it all is. The spirit gets some character development towards the end, but it’s very slight.

The film also really wanted to push the “Even God can’t save you now” angle. I suppose that it can be seen as the ultimate scare since you would really be doomed. Ignoring that this scenario would never even be possible, it just goes very far to show this. The heroes put up a mini statue of the cross and the spirit makes sure to burn it. Later on, the Father at one of the churches comes over to bless the house and the spirit overwhelms him with a powerful curse. We see him try to leave a Bible, but the spirit forces him to pick it back up and run away. Later on, he tries to go back, but the spirit just takes out his car and essentially ends his life since he’s almost brain dead at this point. Most Hollywood/mainstream films like to point out that demons and spirits can be alive while the same isn’t true for Angels and God. It’s a film so they can always mess with the rules that way, but it makes the whole thing pretty lopsided. The film is also trying to claim that it’s from a true story although I suppose that we all knew better about 15 minutes into the film. Demons are real so some horror stories are probably real, but this is one of the tales that was probably just made up for a quick buck and their 5 minutes of fame.

Another negative would be the George getting corrupted part. It’s so overdone and it’s one of the worst horror plots. Give us a supernatural enemy who can’t be stopped (Which is bad enough) but let’s at least give the main characters some determination and a will to fight back. Seeing him turn on everyone is just not enjoyable and it’s an easy way out of using special effects or good writing. The hit towards the end was basically the cliff that the film went over since he was no longer redeemable although he may have already passed that part earlier.

The film is not the most violent horror film that you’ll encounter. There are only a handful of scenes, but one of them is particularly brutal as one of the main characters has a dream. It’s enough that you could instantly guess that this film was a little stronger than your average summer blockbuster and it didn’t do any wonders for the film. Violence against noncombatants always ends up appearing as a negative compared to fighting violence. See, a fighter getting injured is way different than a pedestrian getting hit since they are prepared for two vastly different roles.

The kids are also pretty bad characters. The girl has an imaginary friend once again who turns out to be the spirit of the house. It explains that it wants them to stay in the house forever so that’s basically why it wants George to destroy them all. Or, so it would seem. The spirit is evidently strong enough to destroy them all on his own, but I guess it wants things to end up just like how they did last time. It mostly seems to have power over the mind, but its abilities have a real impact on the human world so it’s not just simple telepathy. Most likely it has advanced reality warping abilities since that’s a favorite for most horror writers. You don’t have to do any work, just make it able to do literally anything and you can call it a day.

I’d say that the film is actually more grotesque than scary. The film came out decades ago so you can mostly anticipate everything that it’s going to do, which is why it can be tough to be scared. The grotesque part goes back to the flies, which were some of the worst scenes in the film. One thing that I’ve never liked are insect scares since it’s just about insects crawling all over somebody so you can imagine the worst. It was a painfully bad scene as they attack the Father and force him out of the house. The guy takes his time leaving even though an ordinary person would have dashed out. The spirit continues to torment the guy with boils and such since the guy keeps trying to warn the heroes of the imminent danger.

The other scary scene would likely be when the babysitter is trapped in the closet. You’re supposed to be extra worried for her since she already has braces so everything is a little tougher for her. It’s really more unpleasant and sad to watch than it is scary and the lights turn off, but we already know that the spirit refuses to destroy anyone. It just wants to scare them over and over again until George cracks and does the work for him. The Babysitter literally had no point in the story. She was just there to get taken down.

The heroes have a dog and he’s probably the only positive thing that I can say about the whole experience. There is a little dog violence unfortunately as he scratches at a wall so hard that his paws bleed. Luckily, the film redeemed itself by saving the dog at the end so he wouldn’t have to bring the film down even more. It’s a shame that the other characters wanted to leave him (Kathy did anyway) but I would expect no less from her. George went back, which was good since it shows that he could have been a good character if not for the mind control.

The soundtrack was better than your average horror film so I guess that’s another positive. Considering when it came out, it’s surprisingly fast paced at times and it’s decently memorable. A horror film having a soundtrack in the first place is pretty surprising and it being a good one even more so. If only we had some good scenes to go along with it.

The spirit’s true form is only shown twice, but he seems like a decently tough demon. He’s pretty large, but he can probably shape shift at will so he will likely look different each time. He would have been a little cooler if he had fought some more, but the budget probably wasn’t there yet unless they used a suit like in the old Godzilla films. That would have been pretty interesting.

Some plot lines never really get time to develop either since the film didn’t know where it was going. We have the Detective who tries to act tough and sneaks around for clues, but he never ends up doing anything. He just abruptly disappears and ends up playing no role in the story. He was just there for filler, nothing more. Another woman is possessed by the spirits and tells them that the well is a gateway to Hell. Okay…I think we could have guessed that when we saw the endless tar coming out of it. What does that have to do with anything? The heroes never decide to close the well and the info didn’t help anyone out. I’m guessing that the original climax would have had the heroes plug it up, but maybe it was written out due to time constraints and a rapidly falling budget.

Overall, The Amityville Horror is not a film that you’ll want to check out anytime soon. The monster design is pretty good and the soundtrack is good as well, but everything else about the film really hit rock bottom. There was only 1 or 2 jump scenes and neither of them worked since we weren’t watching the film in super 3D in the dead of night with speakers that make you shiver with loud noises. The gross scenes will just make you back up a little and George’s plot is extremely wince worthy. The film also gives the Father way too cruel of a fate just so it could make a point that wouldn’t help the film anyway. Burning the cross and effectively destroying the Father…we get the point. (We also can’t forget making the Nun so sick that she has to end up leaving the house almost immediately) It’s hard to tell which negatives pushed my buttons the most to deserve a 1 since there were so many of them and they just kept adding up and up and up. Ah well, at least it was a pretty easy decision. I had the rating set before the film had even ended. While you’re steering clear of this film, just play a scary game like Dirge of Cerberus or take the opposite effect and take this time to rent Megaman Battle Network 5. Either way, you’ll be better off as this film goes into Sucker Punch levels of terrible. If you do watch the film, you should try to make a list of plots and characters that ended up not adding anything to the film.

Overall 1/10

The Blob Review

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It’s time for another retro horror film in The Blob! The Blob never really sounded very intriguing since it doesn’t seem like it can be an engaging villain. On the other hand, this guarantees that the film won’t be the slasher kind and the heroes will have to use their wits to escape this ordeal. It was a little better than I had expected and you shouldn’t underestimate The Blob!

A meteor crash lands in an abandoned area one day and an old farmer notices this. He stabs the egg with his stick, but The Blob adapts as quickly as it evolves and it grabs him. The man bumps into the main characters, Steve and Jane. They take him to a doctor, but things take a turn for the worst when the Doctor is murdered. Who would do such a thing? Unless….it was The Blob! The heroes can’t afford to let their guard down as time is not on their side anymore.

The set up is pretty good since the Blob has to infiltrate the town somehow. From there, it’s up to the writers to really make The Blob a threat. It’s pretty fun to see him go after the heroes since he…or it can’t move very quickly. One character makes the mistake of tripping into The Blob though and the other one runs for the window despite The Blob being near it. These fellows probably didn’t watch a whole lot of horror films and now they’ll never get the chance!

The actual Blob is pretty formidable since bullets don’t even faze it. It also absorbs the mysterious elements that are thrown at it in the lab and endures the raw power of lightning. Let’s face it, this guy has Kaiju levels of durability! For all we know, it’s still out there….lurking….and prepping for the fights to come. I think it’ll be pretty hard to find someone who says that they actually like the Blob a lot as a character, but it’s an interesting villain.

The main problem is the lack of speed on the Blob’s part. While it may be funny to see characters trip and get absorbed, it’s not something that you will find believable. It should be simplicity itself to avoid the Blob. Even the very beginning was dicey since the farmer’s reaction times were very slow. I’d like to see the Blob take on Nemo from the animated film. The unstoppable force meets the invincible fish. It would be a fight for the ages. That being said, the Blob may sort of be alive…but maybe it isn’t. It continues to grow and it absorbs everything, but it could be like a plant that moves to face the sun. More reactions than actual thoughts. I don’t really consider it to be alive in the literal sense…or should I say figurative sense? It’s about as alive as a plant.

The film did manage to scare me in one scene. A dog decides to tag along with the heroes to avenge his owner, but then the Blob steps in. I was on the edge of my seat poised to deduct some massive points from the film, but the dog manages to escape. Never before have I been so epicly ready to give back the points. Most horror films would have taken the low route and allowed the dog to be eaten. Not The Blob! It’s one of the reasons why this film was actually pretty decent.

The writing is pretty good and it’s why I still like these old films a lot. The cops were all pretty likable and even the “bullies” were good by the end. I’m not a fan of either of the main characters though. It’s not the writing’s fault of course, they were just very unlikable. I’ll explain why!

Jane drops the dog…twice. That’s inexcusable and I knew that I wasn’t going to like her at that point. I was already pretty wary since she fell into the romance plot with Steve, but this was the extra push that really sunk her character. It was pretty unnecessary and just sad. Steve isn’t much better since he has a lot of cheesy lines to try and convince Jane that he’s on the up and up. He shrugs her off once when he gets distressed about the Blob. He overreacts a lot and he conversation with the policeman at the very beginning was pretty wince worthy. His excuses needed excuses and he didn’t even get to win the street race. He wasn’t really much of a hero by the end and he was just thrown into the circumstances. He nearly convinced himself that it was all fake as well.

The bullies from the beginning actually turn out to just be friends who were having a little fun with the main character. It’s a good thing that this is the case for Steve since he probably couldn’t have held his own in a fight. They heavily outnumber him and they seem to be a little tougher. They help the main characters out a lot by helping them search and waking up the town. Without these kids, Steve probably would have been sunk.

There are three main policemen and they are pretty neat. We have the strict guy who has a big sob story on the left and the reasonable joe on the right. The third guy likes to play chess, but that’s about it. The strict one is pretty intense and you can tell that he has a lot of experience and I have to say that most of his tips were pretty sound. (Keep the kids in the cell sir!) The veteran actually likes kids so he’s a lot more reasonable, but the heroes don’t give him a whole lot to work with. It’s tough for the cops since the heroes are always messing around with the rules.

I guess a minor criticism for the film could be that everyone adapts a little too quickly to the monster. The cops almost immediately stop trying to shoot it because they find out that it’s impervious to all conventional weaponry. It’s true that nothing (Possibly including nukes) can hurt the Blob, but I’d expect them to try a little more. It’s good that they can give the Blob the chills through natural methods, but that was really just a lucky guess. We expect the police to fight for us until the last man! It’s still a pretty small thing though and the romance/main characters is the only true negative of the film.

Overall, The Blob is a pretty fun creature feature film. The main characters are very below average though and I prefer the leads from most of the other films of this era. These guys weren’t polite to the animals and they just weren’t interesting. I much prefer the other kids since they stay up to watch the creature feature films as well and they have a solid sense of justice. They couldn’t just walk away when the going got tough! The Blob may not have a roar or a real design, but it deals some damage and it made for a unique villain. I definitely recommend this film to anyone who likes a good monster film or a survival story. It’s just the kids against the big Blob that continues to grow. Who knows how powerful he’ll be in the sequel! The film didn’t really have much in the way of negatives, but I still refrained from giving it a higher score due to the fact that it would simply need more action or a better lead to vault it into the Super Six level. A different pair of main characters probably would have been all that it would need to get to the next level.

Overall 5/10