Category Archives: 3 Star Movies

Audrey Rose Review

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This is one of those films that can only happen if all of the characters are as passive as possible. They are continually not standing up to the situation and so the things deteriorate. The film tends to be on the annoying side as several characters act really crazy but nobody really does anything about it. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Bill had completely crashed out in the courtroom because to an extent it would have been justified.

The film starts off by introducing us to Bill and Janice who live a normal life with their daughter Ivy. Unfortunately a weird man has been stalking them for a while now and they quickly realize that he is mainly stalking their daughter Ivy. One day Janice is in a car crash so this man named Hoover takes the chance to meet with Ivy and then has dinner with the parents. He explains that he thinks Ivy is the reincarnated soul of his own daughter who died in a tragic car accident and so he intends to keep on meeting with Ivy. Bill says this is crazy but the cops can’t help since nobody has been hurt yet. Unfortunately Janice thinks that Hoover may be right and so Bill will not have to find a way to stop Hoover while also watching out for his own wife.

Janice is easily the most annoying character here because of how quick she was to believe Hoover. He starts talking crazy for a few minutes and she immediately thinks that he may be on to something. We learn that Ivy has had crazy episodes on her birthday for a long time now and this would track with the date that Hoover’s daughter died but that’s still a rather big stretch to go through here. Janice immediately ignores how weird it was to have Hoover following her for so long and even invites him up to her apartment to help Ivy through one of the episodes.

Hoover is able to help Ivy each time but this feels like an awful big chance considering his intentions. Also just letting a crazy guy into your house is basically asking for trouble. Then even after Hoover kidnaps Ivy to go to his place, Janice is quick to side with him here. She completely betrays Bill in court and does seem willing to let Hoover keep the kid. She really closed off any chance for her and Bill to come to terms here. They were just way too far apart and she gave up her kid too quickly.

Janice is panicking for most of the film so she doesn’t always make a lot of sense but she made all of the mistakes possible. I’d also say that Ivy looks pretty bad here since she is soundly defeated by the spirit of the other girl. She seems to have no mental defenses here as she crawls into fire and burns herself at several points just because the other girl forced her to. Can Ivy not fight on her own? I get that in these possession type of films that always tends to be the case but it can be annoying. In this film the opponent is another girl who was around the same age. This should not be as hard as usual.

As for Hoover, well the guy seems nutty from the start. He drank the Kool-Aid real fast and then didn’t choose the best way to make an impression on the family. In this film the whole reincarnation thing appears to be true so then he should have found a better way to break the news. The way he did it would make anyone think he was insane. Honestly the best way to get close would be to own a nearby business or become a teacher but that isn’t as easy as it looks. So in that case, rent a nearby room and try to be a good neighbor. Or just meet up with the family and talk rather than stalking. It would have been hard to have made a worst first impression.

As for Bill, he definitely doesn’t plan to be very agreeable right from the start of the film but I don’t blame him. This is his daughter we’re talking about and Hoover effectively wants to take her away or be a second parent. No way he could let that fly. Hoover also continually refers to Ivy as Janice’s daughter as well as his and leaves Bill out of this. Unfortunately Bill isn’t very strong and easily loses to Hoover in every confrontation.

It was not a good look there and it was also crazy that Bill forgot his own apartment has a back entrance that is unlocked. I know it was a tense moment but how do you forget that? I was definitely rooting for Bill in the court case. Yeah a lot of weird stuff was going on and perhaps Bill could have handled some things better but on the whole he was doing what he could. He was prioritizing his daughter which is the only choice that makes sense in this situation.

The film doesn’t even have a satisfying ending so that definitely ensured that this was not going to be a very positive film. You’ve got a mostly annoying cast of characters with a kid who has absolutely no idea what was going on and then you couldn’t even stick the landing. This is definitely not a film that will stand the test of time as I would say it hasn’t even aged well up to this point. It’s not particularly scary either, just more on the annoying side.

Overall, This is a film that I would recommend skipping. On the whole I’ve never been all into possession films and this one is no exception. Not even the courtroom scene could save it, although I was glad that it was there. It was nice to see the rest of the world a bit although I would have liked to have seen what the jury made of all this. I like to think that they all thought Hoover was super crazy but Janice turning sides would have definitely hurt the situation quite a bit. It would have all been more interesting than the main plot. A good ending could have at least helped things out but ultimately there was to be no saving grace for this film.

Overall 3/10

House of the Dead Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

House of the Dead is one of those films that’s very infamous. It doesn’t have a whole lot of big defenders to be honest. Mostly it just gets a lot of mocking and you can see why. The film is definitely not taking things very seriously and some aspects like the music are definitely not general audience friendly. Ultimately it is a bad film but I dare say it does manage to defeat the average horror flick.

The movie starts with someone reminiscing about how things were before all of his friends were murdered. We then flash back to the actual movie which is always a very annoying way to start a movie. Why even let us know that one of the characters is going to live through this? Well, there’s a big rave taking place on the island of the dead but a few teenagers were running late so they missed the boat. They’re forced to pay an extremely high price to hitch a ride with the only boat left in town. The captain’s first mate isn’t particularly nice and the captain is certainly not making things easy but this party is a once in a lifetime event. The problem is when they get there, all of the people are gone. Instead there are only hordes of zombies. Can the heroes manage to take them down??

You may be wondering what happened to the house. Well, that appears near the end of the film but really this should have been called the Island of the Dead. Most of the film is really about them trying to survive on that island while they are attacked by endless rounds of zombies. The heroes fortunately are able to get their hands on guns and other weapons with which to defend themselves. It’s really the only way to fight back and they manage to get pretty good at using them.

Where the film is probably going to lose some people is when it becomes a full on action. Once the heroes get their weapons, this very quickly stops being a horror film and quickly leans into the action all the way. We get a ton of slow mo scenes and a very extended fight where the heroes are shredding all of the zombies. I didn’t have a problem with the length but the slow motion effect does get old rather quickly. The long fight is still the best part of the film though. I’ll take an action over a horror any day after all. There is a little plot armor in how the humans are faring so well here though.

The film is very inconsistent about how physically strong the zombies are as well as their speed. It all appears to just be at the level that it needs to be for the scene. The scene transitions are also a bit too random with all of the video game clips randomly showing up. It could have been fun once or twice but it happens very frequently with no real rhyme or reason to it. Definitely not the way to go here.

Meanwhile the soundtrack is actually very good for most of the film. There is a lot of good rock themes as well as just generally fast tunes which really fit in well with all of the fighting. That’s something that has actually aged really well so I appreciated that. The visuals can be rather hit or miss but I did enjoy the choreography for the battles. One character actually knows martial arts and gets to pummel several characters that way.

While most of the characters are annoying teenagers, I did really enjoy the boat captain. He was at least trying to make sense of what was going on here and also didn’t show any fear. He was particularly impressive in his very first encounter with a zombie because he just casually shot it while still smoking his cigarette. That takes a lot of guts right there. He was also the reason the others even had weapons with which to fight the zombies so without him they would have all been dead very quickly.

I also enjoyed the policewoman because she was smart enough to put aside her beef with the captain to fight against the zombies. I know some lesser characters who wouldn’t have adapted like that. She did really well in her fights as well and ultimately only got held back by the others and the ammo starting to run low. It does make sense that with all of the shooting they were doing, they would eventually run out of bullets.

This film didn’t really need a main villain though. An endless horde of zombies is already scary enough right? Well, we do get a mastermind at the end and he even gets an origin story. The scenes just make everyone else look bad because there is one moment where he goads a guard into getting close enough to destroy him. Whenever someone loses to a guy who is fully chained up, I’m going to have some problems there.

There also isn’t much to this villain. He just craves violence and got immortality. It’s not like he has any kind of a master plan or anything. He just does whatever he wants and that’s not exactly a recipe for success. He does put up a good fight in the end but it’s barely even a consolation because he should have won that fight. Losing just makes him look even less impressive.

Naturally it goes without saying as a zombie film that this one can be pretty violent. You have a ton of characters getting slashed and destroyed during the mayhem. So if you’re not big on all of that then this would be a reason to stay away. It might have slightly more restraint than other zombie films as it doesn’t usually dwell on the deaths but yeah the violence is still at a high level here.

Overall, This film had some good ideas but could not land the execution. While I enjoyed some of the adult characters like the captain and the policewoman, there was nothing good to be said about the teens. The fact that some of them didn’t even care when the rave was empty just shows that they aren’t the smartest characters in the bunch. Any semblance of romance here just feels obligatory as none of the characters seem mature enough for it and they take too long to get serious about this. Of course if you’re planning to go to a Rave on an island in the middle of nowhere, I’d argue that your moral compass may already be in a rather dicey spot. You should only check this film out if you reallllly like zombie fighting and even then you will have to sit through a bit of a slow first half before the zombies even appear.

Overall 3/10

El Vampiro Negro Review

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It’s time for one of those films where you’re desperately searching for a super heroic character the whole time but the cast continues to disappoint you. Even when there are children hanging in the balance, the characters cannot see past themselves and end up holding vital information. Yeah, you would not want to be in a city like that when a mass murderer is on the loose.

The film begins with a lady named Amalia noticing a mysterious man outside the window throwing a dead child’s body into the river. She panics and yells a lot but ultimately decides against telling the police. After all, that would get her involved in a whole mess and she can’t afford to have any controversies. She works at a questionable establishment after all and could lose custody of her child if the police were involved. We later find out that he is now known as The Black Vampire and is going on a murder spree as he only targets children. Can Bernard and the rest of the cops stop him?

Unfortunately Amalia does more than not telling the police, she actively lies and says that she saw nothing which only impedes the investigation. Bernard suspects that she is lying but there’s not a whole lot he can do about it. The cops lay out traps for this guy but he always manages to narrowly avoid them. The body count only rises from here and so the film is definitely a rather dreary one. The cops are simply too late for a while.

We do get the court trial scene which is actually how the film starts out. It definitely reminds you why a lot of people don’t take the insanity plea seriously. You can have a guy mass murdering kids but then pleading insanity? I just don’t see how that’s relevant, if he’s so crazy that he can’t help but constantly commit murders, then you have to put him out of his misery or it will only continue. Fortunately, the jury was ready but you can find it a bit absurd that a trial like this would even go to court.

Now at least you could have had the cops to root for but the movie goes out of its way to make Bernard unlikable. So his wife had an injury a while back so that she can no longer walk and she feels bad about this because he has really been keeping her out of his life. She does her best to help out but he just completely shuns her and tries to say that they’re as close as ever. It could have been a decent plot as perhaps she is imagining part of this and he’s also overcorrecting which is causing more issues. That would have been fine but instead we find out that he isn’t actually content.

The guy isn’t man enough to deal with the situation and attempts to blackmail Amalia into having an affair with him. That instantly makes him an absolutely despicable character and the issue is that the film had absolutely no reason to add this plot in. Maybe they were trying for some kind of parallel with the villain in that Bernard could not control himself? If that was the case then I have to say it was another absolute miss here. The film already had one big villain, we certainly didn’t need anymore.

Any villain who goes after kids is already spineless but the film also shows that by day the vampire cowers to everyone. He has to go after children because he’s basically terrified and outnumbered by the adults. He pays money just to stare at a lady since he doesn’t dare actually ask her out or do anything. She just laughs in his face and it traumatizes him further to the point where he goes back to attacking children. Definitely nothing to appreciate about this villain.

It was nice to see the homeless band together to help put a stop to him in the end but it definitely took a while to get there. For a film like this, it’s already at a disadvantage with bumping off kids since that is going a bit far for any film. It continues to fall back even further when you mix in the fact that the villain gets away with so much. If there were less victims and the heroes would stop him right away then that would have helped. Probably wouldn’t be enough to save the film or anything like that but it would be an improvement.

Really the best way to handle this would have been for it to have stayed in the courtroom. Have the characters describe what happened without showing us and then let the audience decide if the villain seems guilty or not. When you’re seeing the scenes in motion, there is no way to vote for anything but the death penalty. If it’s the prosecutor and defense arguing the whole time, perhaps it could open up the possibility that one of them is exaggerating or someone is lying a bit. Either way it would make things a bit more ambiguous and the film would also be more interesting since I love a good trial. It would fundamentally be a different movie though.

Overall, The Black Vampire is a pretty bad film. I’d say it just isn’t able to clear the hurdle of having both an unlikable main character and an unlikable villain. Throw in the film’s dreary atmosphere and you don’t have a winning combination. I suppose at least the soundtrack could be pretty decent here. A lot happier than you would expect though which could be a bit jarring at times. You would expect this film to have been really somber the whole time but instead you’re actually thrown a few happy tunes. Maybe that was the film trying to cut the tension in an odd way but yeah I’d say to skip this one.

Overall 3/10

Alligator II: The Mutation Review

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It’s time to see just how powerful an alligator can be! The first film was pretty terrible but maybe this one would be an improvement? I do think it was the better film although I ultimately still can’t say that it was a good one. The main problem is of course that with an evil alligator on the loose, you know that some animal violence will be soon to follow. The movie actually keeps itself a bit more tame than I would usually expect in this genre though so I will give it some credit here. Not a ton of credit mind you….but some.

The movie starts with two fishermen underestimating the terrors of the night as they are murdered by a giant alligator. This area has been heckled by the wealthy businessman named Vincent for a long while as he is trying to buy out all of the land and so they figure he had something to do with it. In a sense they’re right, but it’s not like they can prove it. So David decides to look into this as he’s used to doing things against the book as a cop. Unfortunately it’ll be difficult since Vincent has bought out the mayor and so now the cops are forced to be rather hands off. Vincent’s certainly not going to be of any help so David has to work with the rookie cop Rich in order to stop this threat. Meanwhile Vincent hires some pros of his own to do the job in the sneak. Which group will destroy the alligator first?

I guess corruption and evil millionaires are par for the course when it comes to these evil animal films. Vincent definitely carries himself well though. I appreciate all of the threats and he really did have the mayor cornered throughout the movie. Near the end he even managed to get him alone to finish the job. Vincent’s one of those villains who never let his guard down and by the end of the film it took quite a lot of people to defeat him. Most impressive I gotta say.

The mayor looked rather terrible throughout though. As soon as you let people blackmail you the way that he did, there is no way out. They’re just going to keep on doing it, over and over again until you are completely out of the running. I sort of expected that the mayor would do something but no, he just ended up staying scared all the way through to the end. His daughter Sherri had a lot more backbone as she was trying to fight against the injustice.

On the heroes side, we had the rookie cop, Rich. That guy wasn’t very good though. Letting himself get drunk is a terrible idea since a cop always needs to be ready. He also misses his shots when it counts so he’s not really the guy I would want to watch my back. He’s not a terrible character or anything but he is unreliable and that’s a really important factor in a mission like this.

David does well as the main cop. This is clearly not his first rodeo and he handles himself like an absolute professional. It’s what you would expect from the main character. He’s more concerned with justice than following the rules and that’s why he gets the job done. He has the respect of the people within the neighborhood for this same reason. The rest of the characters are definitely not able to catch him. Now the film does make it a point to show that he does take this a bit far to the point of obsession where he won’t be home much and that makes things tough on his wife and kid. He can probably find a better middle ground but at least he is getting results.

His wife also does well here as her scientist specialty helps her figure out different things like a possible weakness for the big alligator. It’s always nice to see both members of the main couple contributing like this. We also got some help from one of the local gator experts. He actually puts up a fight and lasts for a little while which is nice since initially his group was not looking very impressive at all. For a while there I was starting to think that they were all frauds.

The movie can’t avoid the animal violence in the end though as we do inevitably have to see the alligator get taken down. Additionally, it’s a shame for the gator since he doesn’t actually get a ton of screentime. Half the time when he’s eating people you aren’t really seeing him but at least his presence is felt throughout the movie. You may have been expecting a huge cliffhanger for this film like the first but surprisingly that’s not really the case.

The film also has a difficult time trying to make you buy into the main romance that is set up between the rookie and the mayor’s daughter here. I mean, finding the guy locked in the bathroom is not a great first impression and I would argue things only look worse for him from there. The main couple is already married which makes that romance a lot easier.

In the end I feel like the human plot was a lot more engaging than the animal stuff. I could have had fun with the whole thing being about Vincent trying to take over the neighborhood and shooting anyone in his way. He was clearly good at this and had the political power to pull this off. I’ll take the conspiracy stuff any day as opposed to the evil animal plot where the animal is really minding his own business and doesn’t want to fight. You feel bad for the creature.

Overall, Alligator II isn’t a whole lot of fun. It’s a decent adventure and another short film so the pacing is fine but it’s not really doing anything different with the creature. The alligator crawls around and looks menacing but that’s about it for most of the animal scenes. You are rooting for him to take down all the pesky humans invading his turf and it’s not nearly as bloody as something like Piranha. Still, the alligator is going to get stabbed and then blown to bits and you don’t want to see that. I’d recommend skipping this one. If you have to watch an evil animal film then it beats a lot of the alternatives, but it still doesn’t quite step into the realm of being a good movie.

Overall 3/10

Child’s Play (1972) Review

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It’s time for a film with a lot of suspense as you know something strange is going on but you don’t know exactly what it is. Well, it definitely succeeds in being a rather eery film with the kind of atmosphere that is hard to match nowadays. That said, the resolution isn’t particularly satisfying and just about all of the characters have to consistently drop the ball in order for the film’s events to play out in this way. It makes you wish that some real adults would show up already.

The film starts off by showing us that the children in a local Catholic School have all gone absolutely crazy. They are terrorizing each other and the events are only escalating. In particular they all seem to dislike one teacher, Malley who is infamously known as Lash. The guy is a really harsh teacher, someone who demands absolute respect and holds the kids to a high standard. Another teacher named Dobbs is always saying that he wants Malley to go easier on the boys but the guy refuses. Meanwhile Malley mentions that e is being harassed a whole lot as well as his sickly mother. He blames it all on Dobbs while Dobbs says that he is crazy. Meanwhile an alumni named Paul shows up to be the new gym teacher but really doesn’t know what he is getting into.

There’s a mix of supernatural elements here as well as a more practical enemy. It’s an odd balance as you can’t totally tell where one part ends and the other begins. I assume that is intentionally left up to your interpretation. The supernatural part was also necessary because otherwise it’s just hard to believe that things would have gone this bad this quickly. There are hundreds of boys in the Catholic school and yet a huge amount of them have turned rogue. It’s all very calculated and then the victims don’t even fight back and if anything just make it easier to become the next victims. Nothing at this school really makes sense.

So that’s really a big part of the mystery that Paul needs to figure out. The guy is really out of his depth from the start though and just being away from the kids for a few minutes is enough for the next person to be turned into a victim. With speed like that, you really have to be perfect in order to prevent anything from going on. It’s an unrealistic burden that nobody can possibly live up to. And yet, that is the burden that he ultimately has to bear as long as he’s here. Honestly he should have ducked out right away but I give him bravery points for sticking it out.

He’s just not too smart about it all. Remember that at least 20 kids are going around causing these issues and attacking other students. Paul is an adult but he’s only around 20, barely older than the other students. If it becomes a 20 on 1 fight, realistically Paul won’t be able to do much of anything. Yet, he easily allows himself to be alone in an environment where there is nobody to back him up. Just no common sense there at all.

I’m also unclear why the police haven’t gotten involved. Sure, the school isn’t contacting folks, but the hospital has records and then you also have the parents who should be getting more and more vocal with how often this has been going on. By the end the situation is finally being handled but it sure took a very long while. Everyone within the school takes some blame among the faculty because they were way too lenient and slow to react.

Dobbs does his best to look like the kind teacher the whole time but does tend to lay things on a bit thick. He does a good job of always looking very concerned and only blows up on occasion. He does come off as more reasonable than Malley although that guy isn’t actually that bad. He’s strict, but never abusive or anything like that. He doesn’t lay a hand on the students and while he blasts them about their mistakes, all of the students do make a lot of mistakes. Ultimately when everyone fails like this, it does reflect most on the teacher though. So I would say he probably needs to improve on his own curriculum here.

As for all of Malley’s concerns like the terrorizing phone calls, weird magazines, etc. The main message here is to not let yourself get gaslit. When things are happening, you always have to trust yourself above all to know that it’s real no matter how many people say you’re lying. I’m a little surprised he couldn’t take a more active approach to all of this though. There is no guarantee of success for anything of course but if he had brought in physical evidence or started recording the calls or contacting the police, something could have happened. You have to disrupt the status quo at the very least. If he’s sure that Dobbs is the one doing it, then he has to do something about this or it’ll only get worse.

I would say the main thing holding the film back here is how mean spirited it could get and of course how nobody was doing anything about this. There is quite a lot of bullying going on here and since the victims can’t fight back either due to the supernatural element or full on fear, the adults had to step up. Every time they have a meeting with 0 results you have to shake your head. It felt like a film where the ending had no real hope from the beginning. So it’s like you’re on a slow ride to dark end with no hope of getting out in sight. Doesn’t quite make for the most enjoyable kind of experience right?

Overall, Not every film has a happy ending and a horror film makes that even more likely. How good these films will be can usually e boiled down to how solid the characters are and if you felt like there was at least some hope along the way. Some point where you could be having fun during the movie. That’s never really the case here and while there are several teachers, they all tend to be rather useless when it counts. The movie is very much a slow burner but when the characters are helpless to stop the impending evil, it’s not the most effective approach. If you like really sinister kinds of films with this atmosphere then you may enjoy this one but ultimately while it is a step above the average slasher kind of film, I still wouldn’t call it a good horror title.

Overall 3/10

Earth Girls Are Easy Review

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It’s time for a rather rough romantic comedy. This is the kind of film that comes to mind for most people who aren’t really into the genre. It’s super cheesy and none of the characters are likable. The romance is super rushed and the whole film will make you cringe a whole lot. There just isn’t much here to really enjoy. I appreciate that the film is really having fun messing around here and there is a lot of energy to the film but unfortunately it never quite makes the leap to being good.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Valerie who is currently in a rather frustrating relationship with Ted. He seems to have grown bored of her and pays her 0 mind whenever he is around. She doesn’t realize that he’s been cheating on her for a while now but ends up catching him in the act. She kicks him out and is wondering what to do next when she ends up bumping into a trio of aliens who crash landed in her pool. The main one is named Mac and he quickly takes a liking to her. Well, all 3 are desperate for a girl and like her but Mac ends up being the only one with a serious sideplot. Will Valerie rebound with this alien or will she take Ted back?

I would say the first problem here is how much of a doormat Valerie is. She catches Ted cheating on her and then all it takes is a few nice words from him and she is ready to take him back again? Just a really bad look on her part. You’ll be shaking your head the whole time. This happens multiple times mind you. He yells at her about how the wedding is off and makes a huge scene with the cops…then he acts nice and she takes him back yet again. It’s just such a bad romance.

Of course the goal is to make Ted look as shallow and fake as possible, but the problem is the way that it was executed also makes Valerie look really bad. It’s a lose lose situation as a result and that’s the real problem here. They should have had her not take him back at all and throughout the film he is trying to win her over/take down the aliens. That would have made a lot more sense and wouldn’t have destroyed Valerie’s character as well.

Additionally, the rebound with the alien also doesn’t do her character any favors because it seems like she just doesn’t really know what she wants. She’ll basically take any guy who will give her attention and that’s not how you write a good main character. Her best friend is also able to easily influence her, so it further shows that Valerie doesn’t really have a whole lot of strength of will. She can just be blown away by the tide. That’s true for most of the girls in this film to be honest so it’s not like any of them looked all that good. Her best friend was nice enough but certainly not responsible in the slightest. The kind of person who will always get you into trouble because none of the fun is really planned ahead. The friend just goes off of vibes and instinct which is a recipe for disaster.

The aliens are unfortunately annoying as well. The film decides to go the route of their being brainless. The problem is that this doesn’t really make sense since in the initial scene they seemed normal. Desperate of course since they were talking about girls right from the jump but at least they did have some reason. Once they crash land, they may as well be mindless brutes with how they play around with all of the objects. Them not knowing Earth customs is one thing but they didn’t know anything. They eat Valerie’s fish, make a mess of the whole house, etc. They were super annoying and naturally this meant they were on my bad side from the start.

The film actually tries to give Mac a serious romance plot as well which will also have you shaking your head. It just doesn’t make any kind of sense. The ending is trying to be wholesome but you can’t take it seriously and that is how the whole film plays out. None of the jokes are particularly funny. The only thing I can really say in the film’s defense is that it has quick pacing. There is always a lot going on and it’s not like you are ever going to get bored.

On the flip side, the film does resort to fanservice very often. It’s clear that the writers were not super confident in their own product so they had to go low-brow for most of the film. It feels like a Charlie’s Angels experience at times. Not a good recipe for easy laughs, if anything it just shows you how desperate the film is. It certainly did not win the movie any points and by this part of the film, it’s not like it could really afford to lose any either. All around, a rough time here.

Overall, While the review may sound harsh, this movie just tripped into all of the possible issues it could land on with a rom-com like this. The most important thing you have to do in order to make this film a success is to be funny and unfortunately this one was not funny. The next most important step is to at least have a decent romance and we didn’t get that either. This is the kind of movie that serves as a warning on what not to do in this kind of experience. I would definitely recommend you to stick away from this film, especially if you disagree with the film’s title. I guess if you believe it, the film makes a strong case for this though. The aliens have every girl wanting to be with them even though they can barely talk or do anything. It makes all of the girls in this film look really shallow.

Overall 3/10

In From The Night Review

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It’s time for another really dramatic Hallmark title and I’m afraid to say that this one is going a bit too far into the dramatic territory. They make the kid a little too unlikable for most of the film and there isn’t much room for resolutions when even with 20 minutes left in the film we’re still dealing with issues. It takes too long to arrive at the happy ending which is a problem that drama films tend to have at some points. It needed to lighten up a bit.

The movie starts by introducing us to Vicky who has been working on a book for 10 years but has serious writer’s block. She has finally been invited to a really prestigious author’s retreat though where she will be paired with an experienced mentor. The only thing she wasn’t counting on was her nephew Bobby showing up unannounced. He seems to have had a tough time of things as he can barely speak and suffers from large nightmares. Vicky needs to find a way to help him but this could end up destroying her career. What can she do?

The film definitely lays out how it can be difficult to navigate the family circumstances here. For starters, Bobby’s parents were insane from the jump and were never fit to be parents. At one point it got so bad that the rest of the family had to show up and take Bobby out of there but eventually they returned and took him back. Many years passed and the damage was done but the parents can still come back at any time. Vicky knows good and well that the parents will have the edge in any custody case so she has to be careful not to provide Bobby with any false hope while trying to keep him safe.

The time factor is also difficult as Bobby is nearly at college age so when you’re dealing with years of abuse, it’s not like you can fix it in an instant. Vicky does her best though and from the start I would say she handles it well. She quickly consults with a lawyer to deal with the legal stuff and on the family level she also makes sure to work on the resources that she has on hand with helping him feel comfortable at her place. When getting him to other nice relatives doesn’t work, she is quick to take him back to her home.

So I have no issues with Vicky. She’s a great lead character. The romance plot perhaps moves a little too quickly with the other author but the film doesn’t dwell on that much at least. Then we have Bobby where unfortunately most of my issues go. Obviously he’s been through a whole lot of abuse so it’s expected that he will be a bit off. He doesn’t have many social cues and makes his share of mistakes in terms of not knowing what to do. That is all fine, but where my issues come in is where he makes a bunch of friends with the wrong crowd. It just didn’t add up to me that he let a bunch of randoms crash at his place. You’d think that would just make him feel even more uncomfortable.

Then he lets them trash the place and also plays loud rock music at times. It’s lucky that there were no close neighbors to cause a problem. It felt like this just didn’t have an obvious correlation with what he endured as a kid so I didn’t know why he was acting out like this. I would have expected him to be really quiet or something which would make sense but standing out in all of these ways just felt weird. It takes him a long while to finally get back into control. So long that we’re at the end of the film by then.

That leads to another issue which is that the film doesn’t have much time for happy scenes. The movie is basically over by this point and so the film definitely lived up to the drama subplot but there isn’t a whole lot else. As a result, the film just isn’t a whole lot of fun to watch and certainly has no replay value. I would have cut out the plot with all the random toxic friends and probably would have removed the rock music as well. Have him be really quiet until Vicky is able to break through to him.

That just seems like it would make the most sense. I also think the subplot with his parents could have been handled better. Vicky’s mother continues to believe that they aren’t that bad and that Vicky should talk to them while Vicky wants nothing to do with them. Vicky has the correct position, especially after we see what they did with Bobby. The film awards too much sympathy to the father where he is broken down by the end and wants Vicky to talk to his wife. There is just no way that should ever happen and I also don’t give the father any slack here. He could have stopped the abuse at any point if he wanted to and yet he did nothing. He’s really just as guilty here.

I would have preferred if Vicky had just told him to get lose and reaffirmed that she would never see the wife again. Both of them just seem absolutely crazy and are well past the point of no return. Yeah they’ve got serious issues but they’re adults and could have taken steps to correct this. The instant they went after their son and gave him such a rough upbringing, the idea of any sympathy towards them was completely gone.

Overall, In from the Night is a film about how tough it can be to rebuild a life once it has been thoroughly broken down. It’s a film that is tackling a rather tough subject. I wouldn’t say it tackles the subject super well though and definitely stumbles to the finish line. There are a lot of things I would change with this film but ultimately the best thing to do is probably to skip it. This one isn’t going to hold a candle to the average Hallmark film. Those tend to be a lot more fun and have the right balance that this one lacks. This one is just too dreary for most of its run.

Overall 3/10

Congo Review

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Congo is a film that really didn’t impress me. For starters this film doesn’t actually deal with the killer gorillas for a very long time. This is really more of a classic adventure film. A lot of time it spent showing just how frantic things can get over in the Congo and the heroes have to constantly keep alert because things can go sideways at any point. So that’s an interesting approach to be sure but you need the characters to be really likable for that and these weren’t.

The movie starts with a group managing to finally find the location that should have tons of rare diamonds and minerals within the Congo. The corporate overlord is going to be super rich now and so he is really excited but then they are all viciously destroyed by some kind of creature over there. The CEO can’t have that and so he sends Karen over there to go and finish the job before the government hears about this and closes the borders. Her best option is to hitch a ride with the talking gorilla Amy as well as his trainer Peter. Peter’s not thrilled about having her around but is basically forced into it since he doesn’t have enough money for the trip. The heroes all begin their journey but quickly find that this will be a very dangerous adventure. Can they survive?

Technically speaking I’m fine with the film being a bit of a bait and switch with this not actually involving the evil gorillas for a long while. That means less animal violence and all but it almost feels like the film can be a bit aimless at times. Yes Karen wants to get over to the site where the people died but Peter doesn’t know about this and so he’s just following Amy around. The heroes also get a ton of different setbacks throughout the film like when they are attacked at different points and have to dive out of the plane. It takes a long while to get anywhere when everyone is after them.

The film peaks near the beginning when the heroes make it to the airport and there is a big war going on with the planes being bombed. They meet their guide known as Monroe who ends up being the real MVP here. He has a lot of experience and helps them get across the worst areas. He also adds a lot of the humor to the film with his little jabs here and there. Without him I’m not even sure if the heroes would have made it off the airport. He was incredibly helpful at all times here.

Richard is probably the most pointless character of the film and you wonder why he is even here. He works with Peter but the guy is much more of a scaredy cat. He also doesn’t have any common sense like when he wants to make a break for it all of a sudden while in the truck trying to get out of occupied territory. He would have been shot as soon as he exited the truck so that would be a dumb move and he spends most of the film whining.

Herkermer is also useless for most of it but at least that is very intentional. The guy is a scam artist who is always getting in the way and causing trouble. He acts like he has a lot of money but instead what he has is a lot of ambition. He wants to get mega rich and that’s basically why he is here. The guy is certainly not ready to earn money through an honest living.

As for Peter, he’s not bad. At times he can be a little annoying as well but at least he is trying to help Amy get home for noble reasons. He’s probably the only character in the film without any kind of agenda. The rest are all after something while he’s just here for justice. That said, it wouldn’t hurt to have had a little ambition and I think keeping the diamond in the end would have been a really good idea. At least I would think so.

Karen is good under pressure and doesn’t scare easy. She may be a bit naive at times and underestimates corporate, but she still gets the job done in the end. She was a fun character to have around, and she put up with a lot of drama from Amy but stayed strong. Meanwhile Amy was a solid character here. The idea of a talking gorilla through the technology was a pretty good idea. In general, that kind of tech would be absolutely revolutionary.

Naturally the climax tends to hurt with the animal violence as the heroes have to deal with the gorillas. The film also got generally violent at random points. Not just the climax but the intro where a guy gets absolutely massacred and we even see an eye. It’s pretty brutal stuff and reminds you that this isn’t your average adventure film. Otherwise, honestly the first half of the film could have worked as a part comedy. It’s just the kind of film that you really can’t let your guard down around at all.

Not that it would help much at all since the film would run into the same animal violence issues but a better climax would have been to make this much more widespread. Have the army show up and add about 3X the amount of gorillas and make this a whole big war. It would have helped capture the threat a lot better that way and would have been an explosive way to end things. At the very least it would make sure you felt like you were getting your money’s worth on the thriller elements here.

Overall, Congo wasn’t really my cup of tea. Films about evil animals rarely are as you can’t really avoid the animal violence in those. You can probably try to work around this to an extent but it will usually be futile. It’s not like the characters were all that great either so that’s another thing to consider. If you liked Jurassic Park then this one will probably be too subdued for you and if you want an adventure film then you could do much better than this one. So all in all you have plenty of better avenues to pursue with the genres in order to have a more satisfying experience. Congo will need to remain hidden in your memories this time.

Overall 3/10

Blind Spot Review

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It’s time for a Hallmark movie but it’s definitely one of those more dramatic ones that doesn’t quite live up to the Hallmark standard. The characters end up being super annoying for the most part and keep on making bad decisions. There are some bad decisions that you can overlook but in other cases it is just too much. When your bad decisions start to affect others, then you have absolutely lost the plot.

The movie starts with Nell working on her cause to promote the dangers of Global Warming. She has been telling people about this for years and has been moving up the government rankings. Unfortunately, her son in law dies in a tragic car accident which also injures her pregnant daughter Phoebe. What’s even worse is that apparently he had been doing drugs the whole time and her daughter had even been in on it different times. Phoebe even has drugs right before giving birth so now that’s something her kid will have to deal with for a whole lifetime. This threatens not only Nell’s relationship with her daughter but also her relationship to her husband Simon. Will she be forced to put her career aside to mend this family?

I would say off the top the biggest thing that limits the film itself is that it’s hard to be too sympathetic to Phoebe here. Taking drugs is an awful thing to do at any age and the fact that she was doing this as early as 12 is not a good sign for her character What’s even worse is doing this while she was pregnant. Now you’re harming your own child and then Phoebe ditches her newborn baby to go on a drinking spree. She continues to double down on her mistakes throughout the movie and is always quick to blame Nell.

Phoebe isn’t even able to take responsibility for her own choices and has a victim mindset the entire time. It’s important to never blame other people for what has happened to you. It’s the easy way out and a total cop out. At the end of the day you have to take ownership for what has happened and make a conscientious decision to change yourself. If you don’t do that then you’re only going to continue down the rabbit hole because you can always say that it’s someone else’s fault.

Even by the very end of the film it doesn’t feel like Phoebe is out of the woods. She still had a drink and was close to breaking down. It’s good that she’s self aware about it but it would have been nice if the film could have had a more wholesome ending. Then we have Simon who has the same issues of blaming others Every time something happens with Phoebe, he is quick to throw some pot shots in at Nell. It felt like he would never waste an opportunity and then it was back to the blame game back and forth. I tended to agree with Nell here that at the end of the day he would agree. He seems to try and say that he only did because she pressured him into doing so but that’s a real weak excuse. He knows good and well what he says each time and so he has to either own it or not say anything.

Yeah I really didn’t like very many characters here. I guess I liked Nell’s agent who was good at damage control but that was about it. As for Nell, she was better than the other main characters but was portrayed as far too dense at times. Constantly interrupting in the meeting with Phoebe to try and give her own answers the whole time just wasn’t smart. Then wanting to have Phoebe go in front of the world to talk about being a drug addict? That’s incredibly tone deaf and it takes a very long time for Nell to get with the program.

She shouldn’t let herself be gaslit into being upset that she has worked so hard on her job but she should be self aware enough to see the damage it has caused and not try to prop it up the whole time. This is one of those drama films where it feels like the drama has absolutely been played up a whole lot for the adventure. As a result the film makes sure that none of the characters are likable by the end.

It also means that the film can move on rather slowly since the pacing dies early on. It just won’t end up being one of your favorite films at the end of the day and it is lacking in the fun factor. It’s why drama films need some other genre in there to spice things up like being part comedy or something. A pure drama film is going to usually end up being way too dramatic at the expense of everything else. That comes at an absolutely huge cost.

Overall, Blind Spot was not one of my favorite films. It had some interesting ideas I guess but it’s usually going to be hard to make a film about drug addiction be all that enjoyable. It is a serious vice and one that can be hard to conquer. It’s why interventions are important and often times you will need help to break it. The best thing to do is to never start with it in the first place. If you can stay away then that will mitigate the temptations and obviously you should also make sure not to have friends who are really into drugs. No matter how much you say they won’t get to you, it always remains as a possibility. Why even put yourself in that situation? Well, unless you enjoy seeing the blame game be put on constant display, this is a film I would recommend skipping. It’s definitely not on point compared to the average Hallmark film, I can say that with confidence.

Overall 3/10

Four Guns to the Border Review

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Oh no we’re back to the really bad westerns. I’d actually had a good run of it lately with solid westerns but this one falls into all of the old traps. You have the horse getting shot because he was injured, the terrible romance starting with a guy forcing himself onto a lady, terrible characters everywhere, yeesh. Yeah there was no real saving this movie and it only got worse the more you went into the film.

The film starts by introducing us to 4 crooks trying to rob a bank. Fortunately the safe was empty so they are foiled and have to run off. They figure they will bump off another bank next but along the way bump into an old man and his daughter. All 4 are immediately interested in the girl although they are all told to mind their business. Unfortunately she isn’t the smartest character either and tends to allow herself to be in situations with them alone. She even leaves her room in the dead of night during a storm to walk around which wasn’t smart. She isn’t afraid of anybody which is not a real smart tactic in the west. Can her father keep her safe?

Her character is just so bad though. Somehow the film tries to present the whole thing as romantic when the guy is really gruff with her and not respecting her boundaries at all. I’ve seen plenty of films with romances that have not aged well but this one might take the cake. It just really doesn’t make any sense and it’s as if she got Stockholm syndrome immediately. It just doesn’t make any sense and this causes her to run away from her father which ends up injuring her horse who has to be shot. She has no real sense of safety or security and just brings more and more trouble with her.

Obviously the 4 crooks are to blame here as well but they are villains. You’re not expecting much out of them in the first place. In particular there’s really one guy who ends up getting with her several times even though he tries to act like he’s above all that. The guy has no real standards or self respect, it’s no wonder why he has not been a very successful thief at the moment. He’s just going to keep on fumbling at the end.

A big problem with having villains as the lead figures in a film is that they tend to be unlikable and this one is no exception. Every time the characters are planning, you’re just hoping that they will fail. The problem is that we don’t even get to meet the cops until near the end and when they show up, the main guy isn’t the most level headed fighter. He lets himself be baited into a fight multiple times instead of just arresting the villain. When you are the sheriff you have to put the people first and that means just shutting down any villain who approaches. There is really no time for personal vendettas at that point. Then he was even losing in that fight which was unfortunate.

I would argue that none of the villains really learned their lesson either. The film definitely has a body count so at least a few of them got bumped off but then for the last one, he really only surrenders because he has to. I would still think of him as a villain the whole time and the girl made the wrong decision in wanting to be with him. This is taking the whole “liking the bad boy” thing to a crazy level. He even gives all the worst answers to her questions about if he’s been with someone before and she still doesn’t care. She just says she’ll love him more than the others.

Deciding to just sacrifice your happy life to be with a criminal is something I just couldn’t understand. So that’s already a whole lot against the film and as for the fights, well at least we got some. The Indians show up and they managed to take down the guy by the empty shop in the middle of nowhere. I’m always up for a good gunfight but it’s not like it’s anything particularly unique here. So the film needed to have other solid areas to really keep this above water and unfortunately that just never happened.

Maybe letting the heroine’s father go all out against the crooks would have helped the film to be more on the solid side. He should have finished off the first crook when he caught the guy with his daughter and from there he should have opened fire on the others. Even if he ended up losing or got shot back, it would have been a good moment to show that he wasn’t messing around. The guy had a pretty good reputation for being a solid shot after all so showing him take down a few of these punks would have been nice.

Maybe also exploiting how the team was always fighting. There were two members of the group who were always going at it after all. Trick them into fighting and then you beat the other two. It wouldn’t take much to start a fight between them from what we saw so that would have really been a fun way to go. Ah well, too bad that wasn’t the case here, would have been a more interesting movie.

Overall, I would not recommend this one. It needed to have had a much bigger emphasis on the sheriff for starters. At least that would have left things off on a good note. Without that, well the film was not really going anywhere. The town had some interesting characters like one lady who always carried a gun with her. The film should have been building up to the 4 crooks trying to raid this town and then getting blown away. That would have been an infinitely better story. Also the heroine really should have been portrayed to be at least a little more intelligent and not just acting completely oblivious to everything the whole time. They literally offer her candy like a baby and she accepts. Not her best moment. This is one of the weaker westerns that I’ve seen and I highly recommend staying far away from it.

Overall 3/10