Category Archives: 3 Star Movies

Black Sunday Review

Posted on by
Reply


Black Sunday is basically a vampire film even if it is technically about witches. Yes, there is a bit of a nuance here of course but lets just say that this will not end up being a big winner or anything like that. Sometimes these old school horror titles can pull off the upset victory but this was not going to follow suit as it falls into pretty much every horror pitfall imaginable.

The film starts off with a witch about to be executed. The humans want to really make it hurt this time so they’ve made a mask that will basically keep on stabbing her until she’s dead. So with the last of her energy she sends out a curse to them. We jump forward 200 years from that point where Andrej and Choma are heading off to a scientists convention when they run into some carriage issues and have to stop at a local haunted mansion. A lady named Katia lives there and this works just fine for Andrej who immediately begins to like her. What he doesn’t realize is that she is the ancestor of the witch Asa and he is about to have the most dangerous days of his life. Can he survive this?

I have to give the villain props for making a lot of moves as soon as she is revived. She quickly mind controls one of the scientists with vampire witch mind control, bumps off one of the characters, and brings in another ally from the grave. She was really set to dominate but ultimately just takes too long which gives Andrej time to figure out what’s going on here. She really needs to bump off just a few more people. She also came rather close at the end but relies on trickery instead of actually finishing off the job. She should have stabbed the main guy from behind or something.

I guess physically she isn’t super strong or anything like that but I would still expect her to at least be able to do this much in a fight. So she gets some points here but part of her success really comes from the heroes just making mistake after mistake as opposed to her being a stable genius or anything like that.

Andrej is an okay main character I guess. He probably falls in love a bit too easily and is slow on the uptake. I’m never too harsh on these guys for not believing in the supernatural right away but Choma was being suspicious from early on and Andrej should have caught that a bit more. At least he managed to catch the trick at the end and didn’t fall for Asa’s charms. Honestly that’s probably more than I could say for a bunch of other main characters.

Just about the opposite is true on all accounts for Choma. He does fall for Asa’s tricks and shows no real willpower of his own. The guy jeopardizes everyone and it all stems from the fact that he was not built for this. Javutich works as a decent sub villain. He actually does have full on super strength so it’s only thanks to some plot armor that the heroes were able to stop him. There are a lot of ways he should have been able to end the film early for Asa.

As for Katia, she’s not a bad heroine but it can be a bit annoying how she panics at everything. She could have alerted the heroes that something was going on a lot earlier but faints and generally doesn’t handle things very well. If she had kept her guard up more then this could have all been different. The cast is fairly small at least so you get to really focus on each of them. By now you’re probably wondering why it’s so weak though right? Surely this is about the same as every other C horror title.

In a lot of ways that’s true but the whole witch/vampire stuff is always going to hurt. I can’t take the visual hypnosis all that seriously where the guy just can’t help but make a move on her. That’s always going to be an extremely hard sell for me. Then the film also makes another big critical error in having some animal violence. As soon as there were some guard dogs in the estate you knew that things would not be going too well which is definitely a shame. The effects they use to show all of the stab marks on Asa are also quite eerie. In general it’s not like the film is super violent or anything like that but it’s not afraid to have some of that disturbing imagery running around.

The writing isn’t bad. All of the characters are able to have full conversations and talk like professionals. I can always appreciate that at least. In this case it’s not enough to get the film up to the next level or anything though. Writing can only get you so far when the rest of the film is not up to to task after all. I’d also say there isn’t really a whole lot to the film. There aren’t a bunch of jump scares and in general it’s not all that frightening. We have the creepy elements and some disturbing moments but that’s really it. The film tends to have a fairly casual tone otherwise.

Overall, Black Sunday is not really a film that I’d recommend. I’ve certainly seen worse films of course but this one is really not doing anything new or different. It’s not going to make sure that you remember it or anything like that. Having a witch as the villain could have actually been real interesting but the film doesn’t do anything with it. She’s not casting a bunch of spells or anything like that. All of the deaths tend to be blood related or just being overpowered which doesn’t take advantage of being a witch. So it felt like this was all one massive missed opportunity. The way the film plays out, you’d think that the writer really wanted to make a vampire film but wasn’t allowed to or something like that. The ending is almost comical with how fast it moves and the villagers showing up the way they did. Technically it’s dark for one character at least but it was all just so sudden.

Overall 3/10

Universal Soldier Review

Posted on by
Reply


It’s time for a thriller about knowing when to break your programming and defy orders. It’s got some good messages to be told for sure but in the end this film isn’t all that good. The main character is a little too slow every time so the villain always has the edge. It’s pretty crazy stuff not gonna lie and nobody is smart at all here. It just doesn’t seem like a very practical project even by corrupt government standards.

The movie starts with showing us the end of a big battle and a village was completely destroyed. Squad leader Andrew completely went off the deep end and turned evil. He ends up executing a hostage for no reason and so Luke is forced to take him down. It’s a mutual defeat though and their bodies are brought back to the government for experimentation. They decide to revive these two as mindless soldiers that can be used to handle any threat. They do not feel emotions or any previous memories. In theory they simply obey all orders without question. So they will be a really good unit for any commander and if the test is successful they can mass produce these kinds of soldiers from dead men.

Unfortunately things go sideways as you could have probably guessed immediately. Andrew is still as crazy as ever and enjoys murdering people a little too much. A local reporter named Veronica does some snooping with her partner and Andrew murders the guy even though it is against the rules. So Luc quickly takes her to safety and the government orders Andrew to pursue. But wait Andrew can’t be trusted because he’s already showing clear signs of a personality and violent tendencies right? Yeah the government barely cares at this point so Luc better run real fast.

Luc is still not his old self though so while he has some memories and such he doesn’t have his personality yet. This means…uh oh he basically has amnesia. One trope I never love is when the main character doesn’t know anything and gets into a bunch of misunderstandings. That happens here as he doesn’t know what money is and why he has to pay for food, he doesn’t know what his body is supposed to look like, etc. I don’t even get why we needed this part of the plot. For the most part I don’t think it would change much about the film if he was totally himself. The main villain basically got his whole personality back after all. Luc deserved better.

So the film’s attempts at humor here really didn’t do that well. Meanwhile I didn’t really care for Veronica all that much. You know the type of character they are going for right away. She’s constantly yelling and panicking and making the wrong decisions the whole time. It’s pretty clear that Luc saved her from getting shot but she still complains for a while and it takes a minute before she really gets on board with the fact that he is the only reason she’s alive. I would have thought that was rather obvious to be honest but it is what it is I suppose.

The film tends to be rather excessive on the violence as well. People are really getting blown up here and the villain collects ears from his prey. It’s definitely a good way to show that the guy is a psycho but I don’t think that was really enough justification. Also, the girl in the intro having to see her boyfriend/husband get blown away right in front of her was absolutely crazy. Then after all that she still doesn’t survive? That’s not really a great way to start the film, I was certainly salted the whole time at the very least.

Also considering who the main actor is, I was expecting way more hand to hand fight scenes. We really don’t get much of that at all though. Aside from the gunfights we get a mild skirmish at the start, a little mixup with the cook later on, and then the final fight. They really didn’t make the most out of his talents which is a shame because I know that the fights would have been really good. Perhaps they would have even elevated the film. Without them, you have more time to really focus on all of the other elements of the film which aren’t nearly as solid.

Now on to the government, the film just makes them look way too inept. They often underestimate the villains and get themselves into trouble but this was a bit much. So by this point in the film they already know how absolutely insane the main villain is. This guy absolutely must be stopped at all costs but they will keep using him since he’s the only one who can stop Luc. Okay fine but then they figure they should reset his memories just in case. So they tell him to go inside the freeze room. Andrew first threatens them a bit but suspiciously complies. So the guy walks in there with the needle before the ice can really do anything and naturally he is violently murdered. That’s just really dumb to be honest.

I don’t get why the government couldn’t do more to stop both Luc and Andrew if they were serious to be honest. It’s not even like you’d have to worry about outlasting them because both characters have a massive weakness where they overheat just by existing. So you just keep fighting until the two of them start melting and then you have the massive advantage. Case closed right? That’s also such a random weakness but I am cool with it because I think it’s only fair that a super soldier would have some kind of downside. It’d be a little convenient if there was none.

Aside from the over the top violence and the lack of hand to hand fight scenes the film could have done with more likable characters. Again you’re looking at a duo of a semi mindless main character and a main heroine who doesn’t seem to understand the danger she’s in for a while there. This doesn’t really let the characters have any banter either so while I generally would say that the writing is pretty good here, it’s really nothing to write home about either. It’s trying to survive in spite of the main characters when they should be the ones trying to prop it up.

Overall, Universal Soldier was a bit of a letdown here. I like the idea of the film but it’s not exactly a fun watch and throughout the film you are waiting for the heroes to do more. The government have no idea what’s going on and it feels like the villain has way too much control here. There’s no way he should be making it nearly as far as he does and so in the end everyone looks real bad. Not really a film I would recommend to anyone looking for their quality action title.

Overall 3/10

Sweet Smell of Success Review

Posted on by
Reply


It’s time for a film about corruption and how far reporters will go to get their story. When you’re watching a noir film it can be hit or miss on if the main character is likable or one of the actual villains. In this case it’s definitely the latter as there is no place he won’t sink to in order to get further in his career. The rest of the film is solid enough but the main guy really sinks the whole thing. He just gets away with too much and the whole time you keep wishing the characters would be a little more alert on what’s going on.

The film starts off with Sidney being upset because he was given a bad tip about Susan and Steve breaking up. The fact is that they have not broken up and are even more serious about each other. This is a problem because Sidney works for Susan’s brother JJ who has ordered him to end the relationship. He does not want Susan with anybody and if Sidney does not succeed then he will be out of a job. How can Sidney pull this off without destroying his social relationship or making it too obvious though?

Obviously from the start Sidney already shouldn’t be taking this gig. He’s just too desperate to get in good with JJ since the guy is the most influential person in the newspaper business. The guy controls the media and that is where Sidney wants to work but what he has long since lost sight of is that it all won’t matter if he’s lost all his morals before then.

The guy’s a two timer and he’s also willing to sell off his friends to score. He pressures one girl into having a one night stand with one of JJ’s friends and while the guy had been doing pretty badly from the start, this was definitely the lowest moment for him. This is why you’re rooting for his downfall.

JJ makes for an interesting villain. He really talks a good game the whole time. He has taken years to build up his influence and do whatever he can in order to keep that power. So by this point he already has a lot of connections which makes it hard to take him down. By the same token he does have a ton of skeletons in the closet which can be dug up by anybody who has enough time to do so. That’s the thing he really has to keep in mind here. He continues to dig his own grave by trying to mess up Susan’s relationship. If he had just stayed away then he would not be in these problems right now.

As for Susan, she also lets herself get pushed around a little too much. She needed to directly fight back against JJ and Sidney instead of even entertaining what they were saying. Likewise with Steve he needed to grab her and either get out of there or have some long talks first so nothing could break them apart. Ultimately things go well but they very nearly didn’t. If Sidney had ended up jumping then there would have been no way to come back from that. In these films people seem to lose so much power when anyone brings in the blackmail which is a shame. You’ve got to be able to take it or if not, just don’t give enemies any ammo anyway.

JJ has Sidney mess with a lot of people in the film. Some fight against the blackmail by exposing their own crimes like the guy who was cheating while others fall in line. This guy is just a big newspaper editor though. At the end of the day it’s not like he’s a big gangster. JJ may have one of the cop under his payroll but you still feel like people should be able to fight against him a lot easier.

At the end of the day JJ is really just manipulating everyone like pieces on the chess board. Even when in most cases the other person knows JJ is no good, they just aren’t able to make a move. They stand there puzzled and unsure of what to do. By the time they act, it’s simply too late and that kind of thing happens a whole lot. The film does have a fight scene of sorts at the very end, it tends to be more of a beat down but yeah we got the action there. It’s all just a bit too late like I said before. I needed the tables to turn before it was all too late. Instead we’re already past the point of no return so at that point there’s just not much to say.

I can still give the film some props because it is very engaging. You are wondering how things are going to end as the film goes on. Right up to the point where Sidney forced his friend to be with that one old guy, the film was really hitting its stride. The script was very clever and the writing was really intense. It’s a film that leaves an impact on you. One quick turn here or there and we’d really be looking at a completely different title.

Overall, Sweet Smell of Success is an interesting film about how the demands keep going up as you throw away your morals. There is no real end point and by the end you are too far gone to really make a comeback. It’s just all over at that point. It’s too bad that Rita didn’t defy Sidney in the end and refuse to have the stand. That would have definitely helped make the whole film more enjoyable. Unfortunately the pressure was just too much in this instance. The script is really solid between the characters but you do have to get past this part in order to enjoy the film which is pretty much impossible there.

Overall 3/10

The Sandlot Review

Posted on by
2


The Sandlot is one of those films that I would say has not aged very well. It ends up being more annoying than anything with all of the kids being rather obnoxious. The whole time you are waiting for them to change into better characters and it doesn’t really happen. Hey, they’re all rather young so you can cut them some slack but even so, I just expected better out of these guys. There’s also not enough baseball here which definitely hurts.

The movie starts with Scott moving to a new town again. It’s been rather tough for him to make friends as a result but he gives it his best effort. He heads to the local park where the kids are playing Baseball and tries to fit in but the problem is that he doesn’t actually know how to play. They eventually teach him and now they’re all one big unit. The question is, are they good influences…or bad ones?? Only time will tell.

Okay so right out of the gate the biggest problem here is that none of the kids are likable. They’re all super annoying and constantly getting into trouble. It’s quite telling that they were all super mean to Scott until he learned how to play. The main kid had to rig the game to have the others even give him a shot. It makes you wonder how many other kids they bullied. Yeah Scott was no good at the game but it’s still not a reason to be mean like that.

Then we have the whole lifeguard scene which is the low point of the film. The kid pretends to drown and tricks her which all of the other kids find to be hilarious and even something to be admired. No, that’s just an awful moment and shows that all of the kids are morally bankrupt. It’s just rough and you know that these kids could and should do better. So the film is ticking all of the wrong boxes here and it’s tough because they be getting away with all of this with no real repercussions. That’s another problem right here. If they were getting punished or yelled at then they could at least have some character development but that never happens.

The film also takes the low road of crude humor later on. We have kids barfing and it’s definitely not what you’re trying to see here. These scenes don’t exactly enhance your cinematic experience. Again, where’s the character development? Where are the fun scenes? They are nowhere to be found. To really show that the kids haven’t learned much about being responsible, Scot steals his step father’s baseball with a super rare signature. Things don’t go very well there and the whole thing was Scott’s fault.

I wasn’t super thrilled with how the ending played out. The chase scene with the big dog could have been fun but the whole time you are worried that the dog is going to get injured and of course he does. So that’s just writing in a terrible scene. The dog was really cool and I liked how much power he had in every scene but he should have ended the climax without any real injuries. Now that would have been a good way to close things out. At least I will say that the montage of coming up with ideas to get past the dog was easily the best part of the film. This was a time where the film was actually entertaining even if it wasn’t for long.

I already mentioned the most of the worst moments of the film so I guess all I can say about this is that otherwise the film just could get kind of boring. You weren’t as invested in the various characters and scenes as you could have been because of the characters. Even when they picked a fight with another group, I was rooting for them to lose because in the banter I felt like the main characters were being a lot meaner about it.

Another issue with the climax of the film is how things went for the neighbor. He’s a nice guy to be sure but losing his prized possession ball to give to some irresponsible kids wasn’t great. I know the step Dad will take good care of it but the neighbor is the one who really earned it. I know it’s supposed to be more on the heart warming side but I thought it was just plain annoying. The kids didn’t really deserve that.

Most of the film is also really focused on the kids so the subplot about Scott feeling awkward around his Step Dad doesn’t get a lot of focus. On one hand he is hoping to bond so they can be friends but on the other hand Scott is really bad at the whole Baseball thing at first. The fact that he can’t even throw is rather rough since he runs the ball over. I don’t think Bill hit Scott in the face with the ball on purpose though. Bill could have been gentler and better with the throws but I think generally he just wasn’t sure how to teach at all. He was also just shocked at how bad Scott was. Usually you at least have some fundamentals but this time he didn’t.

The only good kid in the film is Benny. He never makes fun of Scott and really helped him to fit in from the start. He stayed humble all the way through even though he was the best player. Benny was the only one brave enough to confront the dog in the end and he has a real sense of responsibility. He almost felt out of place next to all of the other kids who could only think about their own agendas. So yeah I wanted to give him a shoutout because in all fairness he was a legitimately good character.

Overall, The Sandlot isn’t really my kind of film and that’s to be expected. Generally I am not a big fan of coming of age type movies. Usually that’s because a film like this is pretty much guaranteed to have annoying characters. Part of the whole point is to have the characters learn some lessons about life as they grow up. That’s great, it means that the ending should usually be good but you will also have to be enduring the main cast for the whole film leading up to that which is a much taller order. It’s just not going to work because a film should be good for most of its scenes, not just at the very end. That’s where this one falters big time.

Overall 3/10

Snowpiercer Review

Posted on by
Reply

This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Snowpiercer is a film that started out rather solid but got weaker as the film went on. It just wasn’t really able to handle the amount of pressure on its shoulders. The film started to go more into shock value and the whole ending starts to get annoyed. I’ll give the film props for the surprise ending since I didn’t expect it to go so dark with the bear but it works pretty well. Sometimes humanity just isn’t ready for the comeback.

The film introduces us to a world that has entered a new ice age. Humanity has been wiped out with the exception of all the people aboard one long train. This train never stops and continues to circle the planet constantly. The train cars divide the rich from the poor so the rich get an amazing life with everything that they could ever want while the poor struggle to just barely survive. They only get the scraps at best and so Curtis has been waiting a while to launch a full scale rebellion. It’s a risky plan because no rebellion has ever succeeded before. Still, he can’t just continue to live life the way he has been because there is no future to it. So he gathers everyone up and preparers to move forward. Time to see if they can pull this off.

The deck is stacked against the heroes in a lot of ways of course. They have the sheer numbers advantage by a great deal which is their only advantage. The enemies have better equipment and homefield advantage though. Curtis and the others have to learn as they go while the villains have cameras and already know the layout. So that makes things tricky and it turns out that the villains also have some of the best fighters on the ship. As the film goes on we also see just how different life on the rich side is.

The whole film really focuses on the parallels here as the poor don’t have enough food to even survive but the rich are rather wasteful. The poor are unlikely to see any fresh water while the rich have whole pools to have fun with. In general this is the poor vs the rich in a very literal way and it’s fun to watch the main characters try to get to the end of the train. So you may be thinking, what’s the problem?

Well so first up we have the backstory for Curtis that shows up later on. The film wants to show us to a really intense degree how much the main characters had to go through. This involves murder and cannibalism and it felt like a very unnecessary addition to the film. We didn’t need these extra details because their lives sucked enough as it is. Adding these details is just to make the whole movie very grim dark.

Then by the end of the film we find out what happens to the kids. Yeah here we go, the whole film you know it’s going to be something rather sinister and of course that is the case. It’s another messed up subplot and the whole thing is so traumatic that the kid gets brainwashed into this rather quickly. There wasn’t exactly anyone to help the kids out after all. Other characters get limbs chopped off, murdered, etc. The body count in the film is rather high and it’s not afraid to get rather violent at times. The movie is rather brutal and the message is basically that you can’t beat the system. At most you can try for mutually assured destruction which isn’t all that satisfying.

We see that what the main characters are forced to eat is rather gross but that’s the film’s style so you aren’t all that surprised. Basically what it boils down to is that the film overplays its hand tremendously. After a point you get it, it sucks to be poor in this setup. Every revelation after that is just to make the whole situation more and more messed up. The heroes also tend to lower their guard a whole lot during the battles which results in their getting shot. The stakes are a their absolute highest here so you really just have to keep on shooting and fighting back.

One of the most intense fights is definitely when the heroes broke into a gang car and had to start fighting each other. That was definitely real crazy and I have to say I don’t know how they survived for long once the room went dark. It felt like they should all have been immediately slaughtered at that point. It’s good that they weren’t of course but when you can’t even see the opponents that is hard to get around.

As for the villains, well they’re basically ultra evil so there isn’t much to say about them. The main villain is rather psychotic and the fact that Curtis listens to his whole speech for so long and freezes up by the end was crazy. This is the guy at the top, you have to take him down immediately. The whole climax was a bit surreal with the villain not reading the room and Curtis not really doing anything. It is easy to see how this setup worked for so long though since they have so much power. In a way the whole film shouldn’t have been as long as it was.

The only real excuse would be that the villains wanted to have some fun because they were super bored. That could work but otherwise they could have ended this at any point. I haven’t seen a situation so rigged in a while. The film definitely works best when everything was a mystery. I do think the train setting worked well and it’s a very interesting film. Ultimately it just got way too mean spirited by the end and you also start to wonder what the whole point of it all was. I don’t think that the second half really stuck the landing the way that it could have.

Overall, Snowpiercer is definitely a film that’s not for the faint of heart. You’re going to see just how intense an uprising can be and how a lot of casualties really start forming in order for the main characters to even stand a chance. A prequel could be interesting to see more about how the setup was first implemented and the original rebellions. We do know that things won’t end well which takes out some of the fun but I am curious how this started. Of course once the villains have been winning for hundreds of years it is easy to see how they have all of the power but how was this accumulated in the first place? That’s what I would really like to know.

Overall 3/10

Kidnap Review

Posted on by
Reply

This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a film about trying to stop the ultimate evil, a human trafficking ring targeting kids. As you can expect it makes for a pretty intense film since the stakes are super high but unfortunately the film never ends up being really solid. The villains are naturally just here to advance the plot but the main heroine fumbles the bag a few times and the story isn’t even narratively solid. There are massive plot holes here.

So the film starts off by introducing us to Karla who has had a tough time managing things. She split up from her husband who is now with a super successful doctor which is making court proceeding difficult since he wants full custody of their kid. Karla is trying to fight this off but then while at the park, her kid is kidnapped while at a crowded event. She manages to see the one who did this and gives chase but how can she stop him?

The actual kidnapping is the part that you have to handle the most carefully because the timeline has to make sense. Yes, people get kidnapped from public spots so that can work but the film writes itself into a corner early on. Karla picks a spot near the front of the show and only walks a few steps away to make her call. Why turn her back to the kid? We call that plot convenience! However, she was still very close and was in verbal contact with him the whole time with the whole marco polo stuff. So what’s the problem?

Later on we get a flashback of what happened with the villains having an extended talk with the kid as they trick him over to the car. Somehow Karla is no longer within visual view which is how the villains’ scheme works. So it shouldn’t have worked from the jump since she was super close and also the length of their conversation doesn’t match with how short Karla’s call was from the last marco polo test. I thought the film was gonna try and do something clever with the kid’s recorder and have it be the one saying marco polo but that’s not the case as we find it on a nearby bench where it had a different recording.

The film knocking itself out right at the jump is pretty bad. Okay so from there we have a high speed chase with the cars driving everywhere and I’m always skeptical how much you can actually do that with how many cars are on the roads nowadays. Still, Karla keeps up fairly well but eventually the villain tells her to leave or he’ll bump off the kid. So she leaves and hopes she can find him again. She does but that’s pretty lucky. So here’s my thing, you can’t let the villain get away like this. It’s similar to the classic hostage situation. “Get into the car or I’m gonna murder you”.

People forget this but dying is certainly not the worst thing in the world relative to what the villains are planning. In fact if the villain has a gun, it’s better to make a move right away because if you die at least it’ll be relatively quick with the bullet. You might even get the gun and live. Similar case here. If he gets away with the kid, the kid’s going to wish he was dead later on. You are obligated to continue pursuit and yeah there’s a very real chance that the kid will die which is a super hard decision to make. You are sparing him the future suffering though which is what you have to remember.

So yeah you can’t just get off the highway there. Ah well, eventually she finds him and then it’s time for round 2. So he gets out of the car with his knife and makes some more threats. So Karla…tosses him a purse with access to $10,000 in funds? The first problem with this is when you give the money up front like that then there is no incentive for the villain to actually honor his end of the bargain. He’s just gonna keep it. Also, this was her chance to just ram him with the car. With the main villain out of the way there would just be one villain left.

Instead she lets the other girl get in the car and surprise…the villainess tries murdering Karla. Karla gets extremely lucky here and fends her off except…she doesn’t finish the villain off? So the villain heads home for a future showdown. The whole movie I’m just shaking my head at this point. You’ve gotta be ruthless with these villains and show them that they can’t mess with you. They will be on a one way trip to oblivion with you.

Karla’s final big miss for me is when she gets to the villain’s base. The kid is somewhere around here so she just needs to find him. So what Karla does is put her big shotgun on the kitchen table and then starts hiding when the villainess returns. This allows the villain to grab the gun and reload it with ammo…..cmonnnnnnnnn. Also, this lady isn’t exactly in fighting shape. Karla just needs to end her here while extracting some information and then that’s it. Getting the info is probably risky though so just bump her off and find the kid yourself.

Karla takes way too passive of an approach to the entire film and gets super lucky the whole time as a result. You’ll be second guessing all of her decisions here. I’m not gonna put much blame on the kid in this case because that’s sort of missing the point here. The kids are so young that they aren’t able to help out much at all. It’s really Karla’s job to take over and save the day. Of course she ends up doing well but I thought that her plans and tactics needed a whole lot of more work.

Overall, This isn’t really my kind of film. It’s certainly not intense enough to get the blood pumping and there isn’t really much of a character cast. The villains are just two psychos who barely even get names since that part’s not important. They’re just evil and serve as the antagonists. Karla’s a nice person and works well as the lead although I would have liked to have seen her do a bit more in the situations I mentioned above. There was definitely ample opportunity to bump the villains off earlier. Some scenes like the cop being oblivious as he’s taken down or the hellocopters flagging the wrong car also will have you scratching your head but those scenes are so over the top that you barely take them seriously anyway. You’re not going to have a lot of fun with this film which definitely hurts in the end, there’s not much reason to ever rewatch it for example.

Overall 3/10

The Lost Boys Review

Posted on by
Reply

This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for some vampires. You already know that means the film is starting off at a disadvantage but maybe it can pull through and win anyway? Wellllll…unfortunately that is not the case so I still do have to give this one a thumbs down. The characters tend to be annoying and the film can drag on at some points. The main romance with the teens also doesn’t work so well.

The film starts with Michael, his younger brother Sam, and his mom Lucy moving from a nice place over to the murder capital of the world. They’re staying with Lucy’s father and at this point the goal is really to try and make the best of it. Sam is one of those guys who is very personable and he acclimates to the new place quickly even if it is odd how two kids keep telling him to watch out for vampires. Michael sees an attractive lady who is already taken but since when has that stopped him? He flirts with her which causes the leader of the vampire group, David to show up and mess with him. Michael succumbs to peer pressure immediately and gets turned into a vampire. Can he control his urges and stay on the path of justice?

There’s a lot to unpack here and unfortunately most of it is not good. As the lead character Michael makes too many mistakes. It’s not really good form to go after someone who is already in a relationship. Yeah it’s not the same as someone being married or engaged but at the same time it makes you look desperate. It was clear that Star was leading him on from the jump so the only right answer there is to just dodge the situation entirely. She manipulates him so easily that you’re just shaking your head. Their romance really was bad.

Meanwhile Michael was falling for the illusions each time and then not suspecting that something was wrong about the vampires was a real miss for him as well. He does control the urges well at least and I can tell you right now that I have no issues with taking out any of the villains. As far as I’m concerned that is full self defense and everyone was trying to murder the vampires in order to save the town so there’s no functional difference here. Something to keep in mind since the end of the film is trying to throw a message in and it doesn’t really work.

I liked Sam a lot more than Michael. He’s a likable kid who has a positive outlook. Again, if not for the vampires he was going to get used to the new town real fast. He had a good sense of humor and is also responsible. This is the kind of kid you can count on to make your life easier. He gets a big role along with the two vampire hunters but technically it’s not like he can fight all that much so I wouldn’t expect him to do a lot of damage. The villains are just too powerful.

As for Lucy, she’s definitely a sympathetic character. She’s also been through a lot with the divorce and all. It may be a little fast to get back into the dating game but at least it’s treated like an actual dynamic among adults. It starts off with a basic dinner and nothing crazy. Usually I’d say the romance subplot had no point being in the film but this time I suppose it justified its own existence. It’s still a bit on the weak side but as a character Lucy was solid.

Then you have Max whose role is pretty fun. He is the character you will be thinking about a lot here and some scenes you can see in a different light. So he makes for a fairly solid character, certainly better than the vampire gang led by David who mostly just look like creeps the whole time. They’re not intimidating in a fun way and if anything they’re so overconfident and sloppy that this is what leads to them getting cooked all the time. As long as they remembered basic fighting techniques then they would have been okay here. The problem is they don’t have much of a goal except for spreading chaos.

I would have liked to have seen perspectives from more of the outside world. Not someone about to die but maybe a few locals talking about how people are always getting kidnapped and being murdered which seems weird. The film does establish this place as the biggest murder area in the world but doesn’t follow that up with anything. I’m sure the mayor and the cops would have something to say about that right? Adding them in with a big role would have been really fun.

Just something to give us more time away from the vampires. You already know that nobody can put up a fight against them so the nameless characters are doomed. The film doesn’t keep your attention the way that it should. It throws in quite a few jump scares involving the dogs. It’s a dangerous game since that could have easily tanked the whole movie but fortunately it avoids getting hit with the solid 0-1. The dogs end up looking fairly tough the whole time and Sam’s dog really saves the day more than once. So I appreciate that. Having a dog on screen always speeds up my heart rate a little bit but when you have a happy ending like this then that definitely helps out a whole lot.

Overall, The Lost Boys is a film that had some potential but it doesn’t live up to this in the execution. The comedic elements could have helped to raise everything up but at the end of the day it still focuses more on the vampire stuff than anything else. The characters created too many issues on their own and so in the end what you have here is a film that doesn’t give you much of an incentive to watch it. At least I did like the grandfather. His role was small but the confidence was nice. If the film had doubled down on more of the humor this could have really been a different ballgame.

Overall 3/10

White Noise Review

Posted on by
Reply


White Noise is one of those desperate horror films that actually snagged an interesting idea but rushed to churn out some random product that barely made use of it. I can’t say I was all that disappointed because to be honest I had fairly low expectations going into it. The movie’s fairly bad as you would guess. The villains are overpowered with no weaknesses and the whole film is an exercise in futility. At least the film has some restraint and doesn’t go too crazy though.

The film starts off with Jonathan being married to Anna and she is even expecting a kid which is hype. Unfortunately she dies after that so Jonathan gets rather depressed. He ends up meeting a shady guy who was following him around for a while though named Raymond. He dabbles in the arcane arts and explains that Sarah’s spirit can still be heard through the computer. They just have to listen hard enough and he’s a pro at the electro voice phenomenon and has made it his life’s work. He’s been helping another lady named Sarah as well. Now she can help Jonathan a bit because Raymond gets bumped off soon after. The spirits don’t appreciate this intrusion and plan to keep on murdering people. What can Jonathan do against these demonic entities?

Nothing to be honest. Lol you thought this guy could do anything about it? These ghosts are intangible, they’ve got super speed, super strength, endless stamina, they can control your body and make you jump out a window, etc. Their abilities are basically limitless so all Jonathan can do is flail around for a while until the ghosts have had enough of him. That’s my main problem with some titles like this. You have to at least introduce a concept that gives Jonathan some kind of a chance in this fight. Otherwise, what is even the point of watching the film? It’s just pointless if his only escape is his inevitable death. At that point then what are we even doing here?

The film also gets rather boring at times. It’s good that Jonathan is super good at hearing because half the time I couldn’t even get what the ghosts were saying through the computer screen. It could be like gibberish at times and I’m someone who tends to like white noise. I use it every night to create that hype atmosphere although I’ve thought about buying a more custom noise like a rainforest sound or something. I think those could even be more fun although I haven’t tried that yet. But even so it’s not something that can carry a movie. I did appreciate that most of the transitions were done using white noise though. The general colors, backgrounds, and effects weren’t bad either.

There just isn’t a lot of them to go around and they tend to be very repetitive. Also, it goes through the annoying cliche of only the evil spirits having power while the good ones can only repeat one or two phrases like an NPC. Anna shows up a few times to tell Jonathan to run but she never gives any more details than that. Also lets face it, running’s not even going to do anything at this point although I appreciate the attempt. No, he’s doomed no matter how you slice it.

One plot point that starts kind of late is how Jonathan can quickly see into the future. He is given glimpses into different dark fates that await various characters but with enough time to save them or help out in time. He does help out a bit but I’d be annoyed with this ability because it doesn’t come with any hints or anything. He just has to run around until he finds out what is going on. It’s also usually a half victory as someone still dies or gets injured while he saves someone else.

Ultimately though, it’s all rather futile like I mentioned. Jonathan never stood a chance at winning or doing much of anything. Depending on how you interpret the ending, it’s not looking much better for the other characters either. Part of the ending is a little funny though with some more static noise showing up and we get one last line from one of the characters. Everyone looks either shocked or happy except for the driver who is over the whole thing. He just drives off looking rather annoyed and I don’t blame him because from his point of view the whole thing’s probably been a real drag. Now he’s going to have to compete with a legacy that will probably be dramatized a bit. If he was in the sequel I’d bet that things would not go well for him.

Ultimately the message here is really not to mess with the dead and spirits. Once someone dies then you’ve gotta move on and fast. No trying to contact them or anything because you’re just going to be going around in circles and contacting demons anyway. I’d also say you should never trust some random guy who’s been following you around and telling you all of these weird stories. I get that Jonathan was desperate but yeah you definitely need to be able to move on. Not rebound of course, but just keep it calm and not chase after her spirit.

The film also has a really random plot twist near the end of the film that doesn’t make any sense. Feels more like a shock value moment than anything to be honest. Lets just say there is one human villain here to make things a little more tense at the end but there’s just no point to that. We already know that the demons can do anything they want so why involve a human? Just to mess with the main character? That seems like the only possible explanation. The demons strike me as really unreasonable villains who always have some kind of a chip on their shoulders even when they are the ones who created the situation. Yeah they’re not winning any points in my book any time soon.

Overall, At the end of the day there’s not much to positive to really say about the film. It’s a very by the numbers horror film but it doesn’t have a ton of good jump scares. The computer screen moments tend to be on the boring side and you’re really waiting for some action. Unfortunately there’s not much for the main character to even fight for most of the film and by the time we get a human villain the film is ending. This is a film that should have had more fun with the electronic setup. That should have also played into the demons weakness somehow. You know, just give us something with a bit more substance instead of dwelling on the computer screen for so long. Additionally the whole sub plot of Jonathan playing superhero by seeing into the future didn’t make a lot of sense and felt shoehorned in. The film just didn’t have time to really go into this plot so it felt pointless.

Overall 3/10

The Man in the Moon Review

Posted on by
Reply


All right it’s time to talk about a sci-fi film about the moon right? Wrong! This film has nothing to do with the moon and the title is only really used at the very beginning and ending. It doesn’t have much to do with anything but I suppose it’s a catchy title. Ultimately this film is about the sting of betrayal and how it’ll always stick with you. You need to be careful about making the wrong move for short term pleasure because it is usually accompanied by long term pain.

The film starts off with Dani being rather upset because Maureen is super popular around the guys but nobody takes notice of Dani. Everyone just says to wait since she is the younger sister and will eventually catch up but time is going by too slowly. Well, one day they get a next door neighbor named Court and Dani realizes that this is her chance. They bond right away and Dani is determined to become more than fiends. Court is more apprehensive about this because he feels like Dani is too young but as always in these films his willpower is about as solid as a plate of jello.

So for Dani she is on cloud 9 as she is quickly seducing the guy and her life is really starting but one day Maureen gets home early and meets Court. You have to keep in mind that Court has the attention span of a chocolate bar that was just thrown into the oven and so he immediately starts making passes at Maureen and downright ignoring Dani. Maureen knows that Dani likes Court and so now it’s her turn to say that she can’t betray her sister like that. You must always stick by family in a situation like this and it is extremely taboo to go with someone who is connected to your family.

There’s just one problem though, Maureen has no real willpower either and after her extremely half hearted attempt of saying no, decides to get together with Court right away. No need for a long romance either, they immediately hook up and aren’t super subtle about it. Karma hits Court like a truck but basically the film is really about how betrayal’s just not a good thing. You just gotta do the right thing and can’t be making little excuses on why you have to crack. It’s not the way to go…not at all. This is one of those films with no real likable characters which is unfortunate. After all you already know that this means the entire film is doomed right?

So Court is an awful character for having no real moral standards and being so flippant about who he’s with. I give him a complete thumbs down all the way. Just disgraceful tbh. Then for Maureen, I can’t really cut her any slack. The fact that she knew Dani liked this guy and still went ahead with it is no good. If Dani never forgave Maureen, she’d just need to live with it because that was an awfully big mistake. Then for Dani, she was really rushing into things too much. She should have settled for just being friends.

It’s why you always gotta be careful when someone says that they just want to be friends. Dani just said that to get Court to lower his guard and then went after him again. Ultimately that’s now really going to work if you see the person as more than friends. Yeah you can live in denial and if you have a really good poker face you can pull it off but then you have to be extra vigilant on when you hang out. Never 1 on 1, certainly not swimming together, etc. Even without the betrayals I couldn’t root for Dani and Court so it’s not like the film had an alternate exit where things turn out well. The romance was always going to be sub par.

Then for more drama, we also had Dani’s mother getting injured when running around during the storm. I was really glad that the film didn’t go down the extra edge route of losing the baby or something. Would have dropped this film close to a 0, let me tell you. That said, we didn’t need the part where Dani’s father takes it out on her. This family sure is really emotional in this film. If they could all be a bit calmer and more rational about things then most of the film wouldn’t have even happened.

Even if we take all of the awful romances and betrayals out of the mix, I don’t think this film was going to ever be anything great. Mainly I say that because the story wasn’t very interesting. You have scenes of the grownups talking like Dani’s mom and her friend about the old days and it’s all a bit on the cringe side. the friend apparently liked the guy that the mom married and jokes about how she got lucky. Yeah it’s just banter between friends…but I’d be getting a bit defensive about having her around to be honest.

Then we have the party where it turns out that the guy Maureen went with was a creep and then his father was also being rather iffy. It seems like every movie I watch lately reminds you to never take a drive with a guy unless you know him super well. I wouldn’t say that this even adds anything to the film either and I would have at least liked a scene of those two being told off but we never got that. The film really put all of its eggs in one basket with the whole love triangle and when that failed, there was no plan B. It just meant that the whole film went down with it and that’s unfortunate.

Overall, Man in the Moon is a film that I would advise against watching. Often times these “Coming of Age” movies tend to be on the negative side. It’s as if the average movie creator figures that to grow up you gotta go through some kind of tragedy and get burned in the love game. Why don’t we get one instead about a kid who doesn’t want to grow up and just tells the world this is how it’s gonna be. Something like…I dunno Peter Pan. Now there’s a character who was always on top of things. You of course can pull off a dramatic film like this but you’re already stacking the deck against yourself by trying to throw in a romance plot because the characters just feel too young for that. You already know it’s not going to be anything too serious and it’s way too young to be worrying about fighting over a guy. Leave that kind of plot to the pros like Nisekoi.

Overall 3/10

Still Alice Review

Posted on by
Reply


It’s time for the marathon of film reviews where I’m absolutely devastating these films! The higher reviewed ones will be coming up but I thought that this made sense as a theme. This film tends to be on the sadder side. It’s not super objectionable or anything like that but at the same time it’s definitely not a film where you will walk away grinning. I definitely would have tweaked the ending a bit with one of those miracle cures but that’s just how it goes.

The film starts off by introducing us to Alice who is a genius. She is very well spoken and conducts herself as a true professional. She is a professor and has a happy marriage with her husband John. All 3 of her kids are doing well within their fields…well one of them is having a bit of trouble with theater but it’s a happy life. Unfortunately one day Alice is diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s and the genetic results say that she has a 0% chance of stopping it. It will gradually continue to get worse and worse until she dies. Particularly to Alice where her intelligence was something she took a lot of pride in, this comes as a big blow. She’s not sure how to really deal with it or if she even wants to continue dealing with this. What can she do?

Alzheimer’s is definitely one of the tougher ailments out there for two real reasons. One is the lack of a cure right now. Yeah, medicine continues to go a long way and you can generally slow this down but as a rule of thumb once it goes to a certain point there’s not much that can work. There’s also still a lot of mystery around how it works but you can actually see the pathways between neurons get cut off and there is currently no way to restore them. So the best thing you can hope for is that you only lose memories that you don’t need but it’s a scary way to live.

The other difficult part which in a lot of ways is the worst part is that there is no real way to have prevented this from happening. When it’s genetic, you were pre determined to have a higher chance to get this when you were born. In some cases they’ll know right away so you can be a kid and know that it will happen to you once you reach a certain age. It’s definitely a tough situation to be in. So these are all the things that Alice has to deal with.

She works on leaving herself notes and lots of little tips to help her remember what she has to do but these don’t always help. Additionally long lengths of time will go by where to her it just feels like a day. One tough moment was when she lost her phone. She thought she lost it a day ago but 6 months had actually passed. It’s definitely easy to get depressed at that point. Everyone does their best to help her out through this period but to see someone slowly deteriorating like that is definitely tough.

So then what you’re wondering is…when does the film become fun? Well the answer is that it doesn’t and that’s the problem. Much like Alice, we have to watch the film’s entertainment value slowly deteriorating along with it. It seems to be a fairly realistic take on what Alzheimer’s is like so I can give the film that credit but at the same time it doesn’t make for a good film. It plays out like something you would read on the news where it’s a tough tragedy but you aren’t able to do anything about it so you just feel bad the whole time.

That’s exactly why I would have had the film give her some kind of a cure. It doesn’t have to go into the range of sci-fi, just say that she’s getting better because the condition stabilized. Maybe she lost the first 30 years of her life but she will remember things going forward for a while. It doesn’t have to be a 100% crystal perfect happy ending or anything like that but I think this would go a long way. The film opened the door for this a few different times with how Alzheimer’s doesn’t always result in 100% mental failure. There are degrees to it but ultimately the film went all the way.

As for the supporting characters, there’s not much for them to do here. The kids for the most part are understanding although one of them always seems rather harsh. They all know that Alice is having memory issues and yet she gives her a hard time about it. The main daughter who wants to work in theater is easily the most patient and does everything that she can in order to help. Alice’s husband is also solid there but since he has a job he’s just not able to be there for her quite as often and has to run off to Academia and move to a new location as well. At least before she went all the way gone, Alice was able to give one last speech in a big professional setting so that gave her one last big hurrah. This kept the film from going to the next level of being mean spirited. I was worried when the notes fell to the ground that she was not going to be able to give the speech at all which would have been pretty mean.

Overall, Still Alice is definitely an emotional film. I wouldn’t recommend it if your family has a history with Alzheimer’s since it will just cause extra stress in the meantime. I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re looking for a fun or entertaining film either. Ultimately there’s just not a whole lot here for you. It’s a film that just gets sadder the more you watch it and that’s tough. You can do sad films in a way where they are still solid but typically those will involve stories with some kind of hope or a fun journey in the meantime. This one just can’t do that because of the nature of the plot and so ultimately you are just doomed.

Overall 3/10