Category Archives: 3 Star Movies

From Beyond The Grave Review

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Uh oh it’s anthology time! That means we’re gonna be in for some terrible stories but hopefully some good ones to end up balancing things out. It can really end up being a close fight all the way through with this kind of title. Ultimately it loses the fight but I appreciate the end of the film having a little fun with the concept. It made for a better ending than most horror titles if I’m being 100% with you guys.

The story starts by showing us a shady store filled with antiques. The owner is an old man who can seem rather oblivious at times, but you shouldn’t let your guard down around him. In each story, someone shows up to the store to buy an antique while someone hangs around outside and never seems to want to go in as long as anyone else is in there. It’s a rather troubling situation for the guy but why does he want to go in so badly? The antiques in the store are extremely good quality but the prices are a tad high so the customers are always tempted to rip the owner off. That may be a bad idea though….

In the first story a guy decides to buy a mirror from the store. He haggles the owner into letting him buy it for cheap and figures it’ll look good at home. Unfortunately his friends want to do one of those creepy seance rituals and he agrees because for some reason people have no self preservation skills in these things. He wakes up the ghost of the mirror who has decided to go on a murder spree. This spirit craves blood and violence and so he commands the sap to go around murdering people. The main character has no real agency of his own and so he does this until the monster throws the chump into the mirror to repeat the cycle. It’s definitely the worst story so it’s an interesting way to start the anthology off. In a way maybe it’s actually good to lead off with the weakest and get better as you go on though.

Still, there is no shortage of issues with this one. For starters, the main guy crumbled way too easily. He doesn’t even consider breaking the mirror or just telling the spirit no. The spirit is probably commanding him because presumably it doesn’t have enough strength to do the job personally. In fact, that’s the whole point, that it needs blood to power up. So just resist him and break the mirror. This should be easy! Instead the whole special is just really annoying and you’ll be rolling your eyes the whole time. It’s rather dark with so many people being knifed and it takes a lot of blows for each victim to go down so it ends up being dragged out quite a bit. The fact that people just walk over to his apartment is crazy.

He does target the vulnerable for the most part but even then it is extremely not a good idea to go over to someone’s home when you don’t know them at all. This was basically like an old school slasher, all violence and no substance. Fortunately like I said, this is the weakest one so things do start to look a little better going forward. Huge emphasis on the little better part though because this next one is also brutal.

We follow a guy who is down on his luck. He married a girl who doesn’t respect him and his kid is also constantly picking fights and being super annoying. Not a very good combination at all and one day he decides to rob a blind man who was selling cigarettes. The guy seems to think highly of our main character though and so the lead lies about being a decorated military person. He goes to the antique’s shop and even steals a medal. Things are looking up and the blind man even has a daughter who seems to be attracted to the lead. His ego has now been restored and so he heads to the house to quickly begin cheating on his wife and succumbing to all of his worldly desires.

Naturally there is a cost to this, which is that the daughter is quite possessive and wants to murder his wife now. She is rather creepy and has every red flag in the book but the lead is quite used to this since he himself is one massive red flag. So he gives the okay and the cycle of violence continues, but what he doesn’t realize is that it will inevitably fall back to him eventually. You really don’t feel bad for him. Yeah his family was mean to him but the fact that he jumped right to stealing and cheating shows that he had no real moral compass of his own. He hasn’t really done much to be proud of and so perhaps there are things we haven’t seen to further explain why nobody gives him any respect. Either way it’s definitely a rather twisted story about bad deeds coming full circle with each other. It’s another rather violent segment as well so get ready for the brutal deaths here.

In the third special, a guy decides to switch the prices in the antiques shop to save money and mess over the owner. Feeling proud of himself, he heads back home but now there is a demon on his shoulder that is causing all kinds of trouble like even going off to try and murder his wife. He needs the help of a super expensive/shifty psychic but can she really deal with the problem? I’d say the biggest problem with this special is really just that it drags on a bit. The monster is invisible so most of the action can’t really be seen and the ritual for getting rid of the creature is a bit on the silly side. You’re just waiting for the characters to get with the program the whole time. I will say that the ending is probably the most effective out of the 4. It was definitely pretty sudden and yeah maybe a bit depressing but it worked. It definitely cleared the first two specials and reminds you why you should not steal. Your crimes will come back to you.

I think making the monster visible would have been a lot more interesting. Maybe like only the main guy could see it or something. That may have been tough on the special effects but it would have worked a lot better. Or make it visible to us but not to the characters, now that could be rather spooky as well. But completely invisible? Ehhhhh I don’t think that’s really the way to go at all.

Finally we have a story where a guy decides to buy a whole door from the antique shop. The door is pricey and the antique owner leaves the cash register open so it is tempting to take back the money. We don’t see the guy’s choice initially as he heads home. The problem is that the door is set to Narnia settings so opening it takes you to a whole new world. In that world, there is a powerful ghost who is trying to get out and he even make a move to kidnap the guy’s wife. He must now fight the ghost but is he mentally prepared to face such a powerful fighter? This special had some actual action which was pretty fun. The guy didn’t play the matchup very well but he wasn’t really given much prep time. I at least give him credit for jumping in and attacking instead of cowering or anything like that. Now that would have been rough.

This one had a good ending as well which shows the theme of the movie. If you resist temptation and don’t mess with the owner then you are okay. I do think the first one is a stretch though since the guy didn’t steal anything. Sure, he did some hard bartering and lowered the price but to me that’s not in the same category as the others. At most you could call it deceptive but he didn’t outright rob the guy. Still, good on the final main character for resisting the urge to save a buck. He did the right thing in the end.

Overall, As I mentioned, the ending beyond the 4 stories was really solid. Definitely good stuff all around and it’s definitely how you want to finish off a movie like this one. Unfortunately, the movie was still no good either way. Just too violent all the way around as it didn’t really hold back and most of the stories weren’t all that good. This is a horror title that I would not be able to recommend in the end. You’d be better off just watching some of the classic Gamera films instead. Anthologies continue to be more of a miss but ideally people will perfect the formula in the future at some point. It’s our only chance to save the genre.

Overall 3/10

It Follows Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It Follows is one of those films that was going to have a lot of trouble right out of the jump because of its own premise. I’m sure you could pull it off in a tasteful way but what movie is gonna do that? The worst part is that the premise itself would actually be really solid if you changed one key plot point from the the story into something else. That would be an immediate jump but it was not to be.

The film starts off with a girl running around for a while before giving up and letting some kind of monster destroy her. We cut to the main character Jay who is living her ordinary school life. Things have been going well with her boyfriend Hugh and so she decides to allow things to go to the next stage. Unfortunately it was not a good idea, Hugh lets her know that by doing the deed with him, she is now going to be pursued by a supernatural monster. It can’t be stopped and it can’t be destroyed. All you can do is keep running away from it for all eternity…or pass the curse onto someone else. He runs off and when the cops get involved it turns out that “Hugh” was a fake name so it’ll be difficult to find him. Unfortunately the curse is very real so now Jay has a tough choice to make. Run or corrupt someone?

So you see where the premise is going to be annoying here. It’s a pretty obvious allegory and you get what they’re going for but if you picked any other method for transferring then this would be so much better. I like the idea of something that is pursuing you and will never stop. There’s a famous hypothetical about this of a snail chasing you across the world. One touch and you’re dead but in exchange you get 1 million a year. I think it sounds like a good bet because of how slow it is. In this movie that is the case as well, the creature is slow. It continues shapeshifting into different humans but can only move with the speed of a normal walk. I suppose it can jump far but that’s only once it is in range.

The main reason it is dangerous is because the main characters are teens and can’t afford to just be hiring an Uber all the time. That’s not the way this would play out. Also, everyone is naturally going to think you’re crazy for why you can’t just sleep at home and everything. I like that the rules aren’t super convenient for the villain either. Normal people can interact with the spirits, they just can’t see them. So what that means is you can have normal people try to beat them up. If you think of a good enough plan you can maybe prove its existence to the government although that plan is admittedly super high risk so I wouldn’t recommend it.

The monster also looks like just a normal person so you can’t really tell that it is the hunter until you notice that nobody else can see it. There’s also the fact that it is walking towards you but of course there are lots of reasons for normal people to walk towards you as well. Again, lots of interesting things to talk about with the premise itself and you could make a really good horror/thriller out of it. The movie doesn’t really make the best use of this story though.

So of course most of the characters are super annoying. Even after Jay has just been super traumatized after being drugged and betrayed by her boyfriend, you have at least 2 guys who are fairly eager to have fun with her as well. Yeah there’s the guise of doing it to help her out with the curse but admittedly I didn’t really buy that. Either way it’s not a great move for her to do this since that’s just dooming someone else. It’s also a rebound by definition since she would still be with Hugh if he hadn’t betrayed her. Even with the whole life or death thing going on, you just can’t move on that fast. The only heroine thing to do once you’ve obtained the curse is to either find a way to destroy the monster or to escape it forever. Passing it on is not a good idea.

We know the monster can be temporarily destroyed like when she shot it a bunch of times. The respawn takes a while so you could also try to have some kind of a trap and just keep murdering it every few hours once you get the timing down. With enough time there are plenty of things you can set up to get the monster. It has super strength but otherwise doesn’t have nearly the range of crazy powers that other horror monsters tend to have. So at least it does avoid my usual issue of the monster being completely unbeatable.

As a small aside, the characters are definitely way too kind and sympathetic to “Hugh” once they track him down. They all sit down and have a nice chat instead of immediately trying to beat him up and murder the guy. Why would you act nice to someone who has just doomed your friend to oblivion? The whole scene was annoying, get the info out of him and then beat the guy up or something. He’s clearly not a good guy and is definitely selfish to the max.

Another thing to note with the curse is that it seems like previous owners of the curse can still see the monsters. So in theory in some of the shadier parts of town you might have a whole community that can see them since the infection would spread quickly. That would make it even easier to stop the monster since it generally only cares about the next in line. So then you could still have like 20 people throwing stuff and firing guns or something. Anything would be better than the pool plan that they tried in the film. That whole sequence made me shake my head. Especially the main guy using the gun because he seemed to be terrible at following the action and understanding where the monster was. I thought it was pretty clear from how many objects he was tossing. Also, how do you start aiming at someone else? The monster is invisible so it’s hard to see how you would even come close to hitting one of the friends since she would be in clear view.

The characters did not really handle the monster particularly well but hey I suppose they are teens so you’re supposed to cut them some slack. It’s why you need to age the characters up quite a bit to make the film a lot more intense. Lets see the monster handle the grown ups trying to fight it out. Yeah the monster is strong but perhaps martial arts would be able to take it down. Ultimately there are a lot of question marks here which is fun because it makes the monster mysterious. Hopefully the next film just executes better on what is a fairly interesting premise.

Overall, It Follows had an interesting plot but really couldn’t make the most of it. You’d need a fresh set of characters for sure and also switch the method for obtaining the curse. Tone down all of the teen angst, loveless romance, and lets focus on how spooky it is to have monsters after you like this. I’d also like to get the government involved eventually because that would really add a whole lot to the story. It would really upgrade things for the better. In the meantime, I would say to avoid this film for now. There will be a better title with this plot eventually.

Overall 3/10

I See You Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a big horror title guaranteed to chill you to the bone. At least, until the film makes the decision to basically replay the first half of the movie again and while you understand the idea for doing so…it definitely obliterates the film’s pacing up until that point. The movie is never able to regain its footing again after that.

The film starts off with a kid being kidnapped as the string of missing persons continues to grow. It’s hard to say who is behind this and so Greg is put on the case. Greg is good at finding the answers to the various mysteries in front of him but this time he is rather distracted because of some family issues going on. His wife Jackie cheated on him and so there is a lot of tension in the house and their son Connor resents her for it. Jackie just wants them to move on already but they’re not having it. Will their family drama be the issue that prevents the kidnapper from being caught?

First up, I think we have to recognize that being cheated on is not something that you just move past. It does make Jackie’s attempts feel a bit hollow here because that’s something you can never really take back. The family is ruined at that point, splitting up is really the only recourse and you hope someday to be forgiven but it’ll likely never happen. You’re just too far gone at that point. I don’t think she really does any favors for herself in hiding who the guy was either or talking about it more. It’s a bit relative since I don’t think there’s much she could have done to help the situation but it also creates a lot of ammo that can be used against her. As a result, she is ready to hide crimes as need be.

Then you have Connor who is definitely unlikable the whole time as well. He spends his whole screentime venting but it’s not like he’s coming up with any solutions or helping out. It’s fine not to get along with her anymore, but then he should just stay quiet and keep to himself. Making scenes the whole time and lashing out does him no favors. Ultimately he also handled a video game situation very badly I gotta say. I’m not expecting him to turn around or something but when you’re messaging with someone anonymously online, you never want to show that they’ve gotten the best of you. He needed to keep his cool and bluff or something. Instead he walked into every single response like an online rookie.

As for Greg, well he’s mostly handling the situation by just being super quiet at home. it’s a reasonable approach so no problems there and he is working pretty hard on the case without getting too distracted. He probably should have mentioned he was sending over a repairman to fix the window but for the most part he didn’t make any big mistakes there. Not a whole lot more to say about him in the first half here.

So you’ve got your basic plot here and you may be wondering, where’s the supernatural angle? Well I’m not sure exactly how much that angle is played up in the trailers and promotions but when watching the film that’s never really in your mind much. When the first kid is abducted you see him launched out of his bike as if by a ghost, but as this film plays itself up more as a crime thriller you’ll probably guess right away what the actual method was. You’re bound to have seen it in at least a few cases.

There are a few attempts at jump scares and such but yeah this one you could think of as more of a realistic horror the whole time about kidnapping. In some ways people would say that’s scarier anyway but I tend to be more partial to demons and such. That said, perhaps the twist is supernatural, I won’t spoil that for you. I had a lot of issues with the first half anyway like the characters being annoying and such but the second half is really where the film loses me.

We get to watch the first half all over again, but in first person view as we’re introduced to the missing pieces of the puzzle. Think of it like a mystery movie where the detective is explaining stuff, only this time you are seeing the whole thing in “real” time. It’s incredibly boring is my biggest issue. Like I said, you can piece together things pretty quickly but the film feels like it needs to smack you in the face with all the details. I think we could have just kept about 20 minutes of the reveal and cut out a ton of the fluff. You don’t need to see the true cause of every single mystery as you can infer a bunch of them as soon as the main reveal happens. If the movie had done that then it would have been good.

Part of the problem is also that the twist introduces some new characters to the film and none of them are likable. Two of these are professional criminals who engage in “Harmless” crimes but as you know, most of those tend to cause actual harm eventually. One of them is at least cautious and tries not to cause too much trouble beyond spreading germs and dirt everywhere, but isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. She is easily manipulated and has no survival sense at all. You need to keep in mind that if you are ever kidnapped and somehow manage to escape your kidnapper’s den in the middle of a forest out in nowhere’s land, the last thing you want to do is start yelling into your phone for the cops to pick you up.

Why? First up, the kidnappers are more likely to hear you and track you down well before the cops show up. Additionally, if there are any wild animals you’re likely to get eaten. The cops will be able to trace your cell phone if you have enough service for a call so just keep the line open. If you feel properly secluded you can whisper into the phone and try to give them directions but you have no idea where you’re at so that’s not going to help much either. Secondly, if you see a trailer car nearby with the doors unlocked and the lights on…don’t go in there. After all, that may have been where the kidnapper was taking you anyway. The odds of it being some innocent soul who is unrelated to the incident is close to 0.

Maybe there are other kidnapped people in there and you want to play the hero? Well that’s your best argument, but it’s still a weak one. Even if you manage to untie one or two of them, they’ll likely be too malnourished and beaten to aid you in a fight. So the kidnapper will still beat you and then eventually murder everyone. Your top priority is still to escape and get some backup. If you have to, just pick a direction and start running. If you’re lucky you’ll eventually make it to someone who can help but your survival odds greatly increase anyway.

Meanwhile the guy with the camera is another annoying character. He causes a ton of trouble the whole time and appears to be completely immature and even starting to fall into the darkness. He very quickly goes down the villainous path and while he is not the ultimate antagonist, I would still say he is a villain as well. The guy has a rough backstory and all but it’s not one that excuses his final actions. He’s a big reason why the second half of the film is super annoying to get through.

I will give the film this though, the ending is pretty solid. It unironically pulls off the popular Naruto meme where he starts to talk about his childhood and the villain cuts him off. Something similar happens here and it was great. Look, if you’re confronted with a mass murderer who has been causing a bunch of trouble, the last thing you care about is his backstory. I really couldn’t care less if I was in that situation and I’d just take him out too. You don’t see it very often in movies since they want to let the villain give his backstory for the narrative and all but this is way more satisfying. Not the kind of thing that can save a film but at least it ended on a high note.

I also liked the mask that the main villain uses. It’s definitely pretty spooky while also being original. It can be a little rarer to see a hit new design nowadays so that was definitely welcome. It’s probably one of the only times when the film is having a bit of fun since the whole thing is rather bleak and dark. The backstories are dark, the kidnappings are all super dark, etc. The fact that this has been going on for so long without anybody finding anything out is also really gruesome. With the previous victims not even being able to be very helpful, it shows just how far gone they were. Again I’d say it’s definitely more tragic thriller than horror as a result.

Overall, I See You is a film that had some really ambitious ideas but they didn’t really work out. The characters needed to be way more likable to pull this off. There also has to be a better way of adapting the second half without it all feeling so old and repetitive. Maybe somehow keep cutting between the two plots and hide that they are connected until later on. It would be difficult but definitely more entertaining. I definitely have a hard time believing some parts of the film like with the timeline and nobody noticing certain things though. The film did go to great lengths to make the case on why people would be particularly not alert but I still wasn’t having it. It had some unexpected twists and was ambitious but either way I would say this one is more of a skip.

Overall 3/10

Death Warrant Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for one of those films where the main character has to get himself arrested on purpose and you know I always think that kind of plan is terrible from the jump. The odds of you being murdered are extremely high and it feels like dozens of things have to go perfectly in order for you to even stand a chance. This film ultimately has to have a lot of plot armor for the hero to make it through and the journey isn’t all that good.

So the main character is Louis, one of those guys who doesn’t mind breaking protocol to save the day. He managed to take down the Sandman after shooting him many times and his next mission is even deadlier. He has to get arrested into one of the most secure prisons on the planet and find out why so many people keep dying. Nobody within the prison will know that Louis is actually a detective and Amanda will be the only liaison acting as his wife the whole time. Will Louis be able to crack this case before the corrupt cops bump him off?

So in a nutshell the big problem here is that it’s patently obvious that things are corrupt within the base. The cops beat up the prisoners before you’ve even been in the jail for 5 minutes. There is a whole criminal underworld going on within the jail and different sets of government. Louis may not have the ringleader but at that point he should probably get out fast. He does stay to find out exactly what’s going on like with blood transfers and stuff but it all feels like an extra risk. He realistically could have been dead within 5 minutes if he hesitates at all when someone stuck some glass near his throat.

No matter how good of a fighter you have, all it takes is one good stab with a knife or a lucky hit and you’re dead. Factor in that you will probably be outnumbered and then things get even worse. It’s also annoying to be seeing Louis just getting beat up the whole time without being able to fight back. That’s definitely another really bad prison trope. After all if he fights back then they might just murder him but in the meantime that means they have free license to just pound the stuffing out of him all day. Not a great look.

Amanda doesn’t fare any better either as they take advantage of their position with her as well like during the strip search. Definitely a rather unnecessary showcasing of how corrupt the prison is since we already got so many scenes to it. This was just superfluous by this point. The film isn’t even that long but you feel the length because there’s not really a whole lot to the film beyond the prison. Most of it is just showing how crazy it is and this is where the convenience factor comes in. Surely Louis won’t have much freedom to explore or do anything here right?

Well, one of the villains tells him where to find a witness who works the night shift. So lo and behold, Louis heads over to the guy at night to ask him some questions. Need more intel? Louis heads down to the basement on another night to ask around. You’d think this prison didn’t have any kind of bodyguards or security at all. There’s never any good reason for how everybody can just leave their cells when they please. Maybe the locks are just awful and he breaks out but you’d think someone would notice.

Then in scenes where they need money like when Amanda smuggled some inside of a book, it’s hard to see how nobody would really notice that. I feel like books would be checked super thoroughly, especially in a prison like this. I’m also skeptical about the warden letting such an underground exist when he is so proud of his power. The more you think about the movie, the more these things don’t really add up. If anything they just create more and more problems for you to think about.

Towards the end of the film the prison gets serious and they start bumping people off but it definitely took them way too long. Then near the end we finally get the return of the Sandman and his role also doesn’t make a ton of sense. Within minutes he’s basically taken over the prison as its leader. I know he’s strong but that’s just way too quick of a turnaround time. I appreciate that the film actually went all out with making him superhuman level though. He can take multiple bullets and different shots that would destroy an ordinary person and he makes it look easy. Each time he comes back from the grave like that you are definitely left shocked.

It does mean that the climax is a little on the over the top violent side with how Louis has to really take him out. In general the film can definitely be violent although you wouldn’t expect much else from a film with this premise. It’s not for the faint of heart. The writing is okay at best but definitely not one of those films where you could list it as a strength. In terms of characters, they’re okay but nothing special. Amanda was okay, I feel like she was effectively powerless in most situations but that’s not really her fault so much as the position she was put in the whole time.

Louis defended himself well as needed and was a reasonable guy. The Sandman’s one of those super insane villains who doesn’t have much else beyond his being insane. The most annoying character was a hacker who was introduced to help Amanda break into some files though. He has a crush on her and the whole plot has nothing to do with anything. Amanda just looked rather careless in those moments and the hacker was way too desperate. Seemed like an attempt to throw some comedy in to keep things bright but we could have done without that in general.

Overall, Death Warrant is definitely one of those films that keeps things tense and throws the hero into a tough situation but the whole premise falls apart rather quickly. This tends to always be the case with prison break films though because there should be virtually no way for a hero to step in there and do much of anything. The whole system is built to stop him after all and often times your individual smarts and skills won’t mean anything there. It’s just too restrictive of an environment. Ultimately I can’t say that I’d recommend this one, it’s just not all that fun and lacks enough interesting factors to keep you engaged.

Overall 3/10

Black Sunday Review

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Black Sunday is basically a vampire film even if it is technically about witches. Yes, there is a bit of a nuance here of course but lets just say that this will not end up being a big winner or anything like that. Sometimes these old school horror titles can pull off the upset victory but this was not going to follow suit as it falls into pretty much every horror pitfall imaginable.

The film starts off with a witch about to be executed. The humans want to really make it hurt this time so they’ve made a mask that will basically keep on stabbing her until she’s dead. So with the last of her energy she sends out a curse to them. We jump forward 200 years from that point where Andrej and Choma are heading off to a scientists convention when they run into some carriage issues and have to stop at a local haunted mansion. A lady named Katia lives there and this works just fine for Andrej who immediately begins to like her. What he doesn’t realize is that she is the ancestor of the witch Asa and he is about to have the most dangerous days of his life. Can he survive this?

I have to give the villain props for making a lot of moves as soon as she is revived. She quickly mind controls one of the scientists with vampire witch mind control, bumps off one of the characters, and brings in another ally from the grave. She was really set to dominate but ultimately just takes too long which gives Andrej time to figure out what’s going on here. She really needs to bump off just a few more people. She also came rather close at the end but relies on trickery instead of actually finishing off the job. She should have stabbed the main guy from behind or something.

I guess physically she isn’t super strong or anything like that but I would still expect her to at least be able to do this much in a fight. So she gets some points here but part of her success really comes from the heroes just making mistake after mistake as opposed to her being a stable genius or anything like that.

Andrej is an okay main character I guess. He probably falls in love a bit too easily and is slow on the uptake. I’m never too harsh on these guys for not believing in the supernatural right away but Choma was being suspicious from early on and Andrej should have caught that a bit more. At least he managed to catch the trick at the end and didn’t fall for Asa’s charms. Honestly that’s probably more than I could say for a bunch of other main characters.

Just about the opposite is true on all accounts for Choma. He does fall for Asa’s tricks and shows no real willpower of his own. The guy jeopardizes everyone and it all stems from the fact that he was not built for this. Javutich works as a decent sub villain. He actually does have full on super strength so it’s only thanks to some plot armor that the heroes were able to stop him. There are a lot of ways he should have been able to end the film early for Asa.

As for Katia, she’s not a bad heroine but it can be a bit annoying how she panics at everything. She could have alerted the heroes that something was going on a lot earlier but faints and generally doesn’t handle things very well. If she had kept her guard up more then this could have all been different. The cast is fairly small at least so you get to really focus on each of them. By now you’re probably wondering why it’s so weak though right? Surely this is about the same as every other C horror title.

In a lot of ways that’s true but the whole witch/vampire stuff is always going to hurt. I can’t take the visual hypnosis all that seriously where the guy just can’t help but make a move on her. That’s always going to be an extremely hard sell for me. Then the film also makes another big critical error in having some animal violence. As soon as there were some guard dogs in the estate you knew that things would not be going too well which is definitely a shame. The effects they use to show all of the stab marks on Asa are also quite eerie. In general it’s not like the film is super violent or anything like that but it’s not afraid to have some of that disturbing imagery running around.

The writing isn’t bad. All of the characters are able to have full conversations and talk like professionals. I can always appreciate that at least. In this case it’s not enough to get the film up to the next level or anything though. Writing can only get you so far when the rest of the film is not up to to task after all. I’d also say there isn’t really a whole lot to the film. There aren’t a bunch of jump scares and in general it’s not all that frightening. We have the creepy elements and some disturbing moments but that’s really it. The film tends to have a fairly casual tone otherwise.

Overall, Black Sunday is not really a film that I’d recommend. I’ve certainly seen worse films of course but this one is really not doing anything new or different. It’s not going to make sure that you remember it or anything like that. Having a witch as the villain could have actually been real interesting but the film doesn’t do anything with it. She’s not casting a bunch of spells or anything like that. All of the deaths tend to be blood related or just being overpowered which doesn’t take advantage of being a witch. So it felt like this was all one massive missed opportunity. The way the film plays out, you’d think that the writer really wanted to make a vampire film but wasn’t allowed to or something like that. The ending is almost comical with how fast it moves and the villagers showing up the way they did. Technically it’s dark for one character at least but it was all just so sudden.

Overall 3/10

Universal Soldier Review

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It’s time for a thriller about knowing when to break your programming and defy orders. It’s got some good messages to be told for sure but in the end this film isn’t all that good. The main character is a little too slow every time so the villain always has the edge. It’s pretty crazy stuff not gonna lie and nobody is smart at all here. It just doesn’t seem like a very practical project even by corrupt government standards.

The movie starts with showing us the end of a big battle and a village was completely destroyed. Squad leader Andrew completely went off the deep end and turned evil. He ends up executing a hostage for no reason and so Luke is forced to take him down. It’s a mutual defeat though and their bodies are brought back to the government for experimentation. They decide to revive these two as mindless soldiers that can be used to handle any threat. They do not feel emotions or any previous memories. In theory they simply obey all orders without question. So they will be a really good unit for any commander and if the test is successful they can mass produce these kinds of soldiers from dead men.

Unfortunately things go sideways as you could have probably guessed immediately. Andrew is still as crazy as ever and enjoys murdering people a little too much. A local reporter named Veronica does some snooping with her partner and Andrew murders the guy even though it is against the rules. So Luc quickly takes her to safety and the government orders Andrew to pursue. But wait Andrew can’t be trusted because he’s already showing clear signs of a personality and violent tendencies right? Yeah the government barely cares at this point so Luc better run real fast.

Luc is still not his old self though so while he has some memories and such he doesn’t have his personality yet. This means…uh oh he basically has amnesia. One trope I never love is when the main character doesn’t know anything and gets into a bunch of misunderstandings. That happens here as he doesn’t know what money is and why he has to pay for food, he doesn’t know what his body is supposed to look like, etc. I don’t even get why we needed this part of the plot. For the most part I don’t think it would change much about the film if he was totally himself. The main villain basically got his whole personality back after all. Luc deserved better.

So the film’s attempts at humor here really didn’t do that well. Meanwhile I didn’t really care for Veronica all that much. You know the type of character they are going for right away. She’s constantly yelling and panicking and making the wrong decisions the whole time. It’s pretty clear that Luc saved her from getting shot but she still complains for a while and it takes a minute before she really gets on board with the fact that he is the only reason she’s alive. I would have thought that was rather obvious to be honest but it is what it is I suppose.

The film tends to be rather excessive on the violence as well. People are really getting blown up here and the villain collects ears from his prey. It’s definitely a good way to show that the guy is a psycho but I don’t think that was really enough justification. Also, the girl in the intro having to see her boyfriend/husband get blown away right in front of her was absolutely crazy. Then after all that she still doesn’t survive? That’s not really a great way to start the film, I was certainly salted the whole time at the very least.

Also considering who the main actor is, I was expecting way more hand to hand fight scenes. We really don’t get much of that at all though. Aside from the gunfights we get a mild skirmish at the start, a little mixup with the cook later on, and then the final fight. They really didn’t make the most out of his talents which is a shame because I know that the fights would have been really good. Perhaps they would have even elevated the film. Without them, you have more time to really focus on all of the other elements of the film which aren’t nearly as solid.

Now on to the government, the film just makes them look way too inept. They often underestimate the villains and get themselves into trouble but this was a bit much. So by this point in the film they already know how absolutely insane the main villain is. This guy absolutely must be stopped at all costs but they will keep using him since he’s the only one who can stop Luc. Okay fine but then they figure they should reset his memories just in case. So they tell him to go inside the freeze room. Andrew first threatens them a bit but suspiciously complies. So the guy walks in there with the needle before the ice can really do anything and naturally he is violently murdered. That’s just really dumb to be honest.

I don’t get why the government couldn’t do more to stop both Luc and Andrew if they were serious to be honest. It’s not even like you’d have to worry about outlasting them because both characters have a massive weakness where they overheat just by existing. So you just keep fighting until the two of them start melting and then you have the massive advantage. Case closed right? That’s also such a random weakness but I am cool with it because I think it’s only fair that a super soldier would have some kind of downside. It’d be a little convenient if there was none.

Aside from the over the top violence and the lack of hand to hand fight scenes the film could have done with more likable characters. Again you’re looking at a duo of a semi mindless main character and a main heroine who doesn’t seem to understand the danger she’s in for a while there. This doesn’t really let the characters have any banter either so while I generally would say that the writing is pretty good here, it’s really nothing to write home about either. It’s trying to survive in spite of the main characters when they should be the ones trying to prop it up.

Overall, Universal Soldier was a bit of a letdown here. I like the idea of the film but it’s not exactly a fun watch and throughout the film you are waiting for the heroes to do more. The government have no idea what’s going on and it feels like the villain has way too much control here. There’s no way he should be making it nearly as far as he does and so in the end everyone looks real bad. Not really a film I would recommend to anyone looking for their quality action title.

Overall 3/10

Sweet Smell of Success Review

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It’s time for a film about corruption and how far reporters will go to get their story. When you’re watching a noir film it can be hit or miss on if the main character is likable or one of the actual villains. In this case it’s definitely the latter as there is no place he won’t sink to in order to get further in his career. The rest of the film is solid enough but the main guy really sinks the whole thing. He just gets away with too much and the whole time you keep wishing the characters would be a little more alert on what’s going on.

The film starts off with Sidney being upset because he was given a bad tip about Susan and Steve breaking up. The fact is that they have not broken up and are even more serious about each other. This is a problem because Sidney works for Susan’s brother JJ who has ordered him to end the relationship. He does not want Susan with anybody and if Sidney does not succeed then he will be out of a job. How can Sidney pull this off without destroying his social relationship or making it too obvious though?

Obviously from the start Sidney already shouldn’t be taking this gig. He’s just too desperate to get in good with JJ since the guy is the most influential person in the newspaper business. The guy controls the media and that is where Sidney wants to work but what he has long since lost sight of is that it all won’t matter if he’s lost all his morals before then.

The guy’s a two timer and he’s also willing to sell off his friends to score. He pressures one girl into having a one night stand with one of JJ’s friends and while the guy had been doing pretty badly from the start, this was definitely the lowest moment for him. This is why you’re rooting for his downfall.

JJ makes for an interesting villain. He really talks a good game the whole time. He has taken years to build up his influence and do whatever he can in order to keep that power. So by this point he already has a lot of connections which makes it hard to take him down. By the same token he does have a ton of skeletons in the closet which can be dug up by anybody who has enough time to do so. That’s the thing he really has to keep in mind here. He continues to dig his own grave by trying to mess up Susan’s relationship. If he had just stayed away then he would not be in these problems right now.

As for Susan, she also lets herself get pushed around a little too much. She needed to directly fight back against JJ and Sidney instead of even entertaining what they were saying. Likewise with Steve he needed to grab her and either get out of there or have some long talks first so nothing could break them apart. Ultimately things go well but they very nearly didn’t. If Sidney had ended up jumping then there would have been no way to come back from that. In these films people seem to lose so much power when anyone brings in the blackmail which is a shame. You’ve got to be able to take it or if not, just don’t give enemies any ammo anyway.

JJ has Sidney mess with a lot of people in the film. Some fight against the blackmail by exposing their own crimes like the guy who was cheating while others fall in line. This guy is just a big newspaper editor though. At the end of the day it’s not like he’s a big gangster. JJ may have one of the cop under his payroll but you still feel like people should be able to fight against him a lot easier.

At the end of the day JJ is really just manipulating everyone like pieces on the chess board. Even when in most cases the other person knows JJ is no good, they just aren’t able to make a move. They stand there puzzled and unsure of what to do. By the time they act, it’s simply too late and that kind of thing happens a whole lot. The film does have a fight scene of sorts at the very end, it tends to be more of a beat down but yeah we got the action there. It’s all just a bit too late like I said before. I needed the tables to turn before it was all too late. Instead we’re already past the point of no return so at that point there’s just not much to say.

I can still give the film some props because it is very engaging. You are wondering how things are going to end as the film goes on. Right up to the point where Sidney forced his friend to be with that one old guy, the film was really hitting its stride. The script was very clever and the writing was really intense. It’s a film that leaves an impact on you. One quick turn here or there and we’d really be looking at a completely different title.

Overall, Sweet Smell of Success is an interesting film about how the demands keep going up as you throw away your morals. There is no real end point and by the end you are too far gone to really make a comeback. It’s just all over at that point. It’s too bad that Rita didn’t defy Sidney in the end and refuse to have the stand. That would have definitely helped make the whole film more enjoyable. Unfortunately the pressure was just too much in this instance. The script is really solid between the characters but you do have to get past this part in order to enjoy the film which is pretty much impossible there.

Overall 3/10

The Sandlot Review

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The Sandlot is one of those films that I would say has not aged very well. It ends up being more annoying than anything with all of the kids being rather obnoxious. The whole time you are waiting for them to change into better characters and it doesn’t really happen. Hey, they’re all rather young so you can cut them some slack but even so, I just expected better out of these guys. There’s also not enough baseball here which definitely hurts.

The movie starts with Scott moving to a new town again. It’s been rather tough for him to make friends as a result but he gives it his best effort. He heads to the local park where the kids are playing Baseball and tries to fit in but the problem is that he doesn’t actually know how to play. They eventually teach him and now they’re all one big unit. The question is, are they good influences…or bad ones?? Only time will tell.

Okay so right out of the gate the biggest problem here is that none of the kids are likable. They’re all super annoying and constantly getting into trouble. It’s quite telling that they were all super mean to Scott until he learned how to play. The main kid had to rig the game to have the others even give him a shot. It makes you wonder how many other kids they bullied. Yeah Scott was no good at the game but it’s still not a reason to be mean like that.

Then we have the whole lifeguard scene which is the low point of the film. The kid pretends to drown and tricks her which all of the other kids find to be hilarious and even something to be admired. No, that’s just an awful moment and shows that all of the kids are morally bankrupt. It’s just rough and you know that these kids could and should do better. So the film is ticking all of the wrong boxes here and it’s tough because they be getting away with all of this with no real repercussions. That’s another problem right here. If they were getting punished or yelled at then they could at least have some character development but that never happens.

The film also takes the low road of crude humor later on. We have kids barfing and it’s definitely not what you’re trying to see here. These scenes don’t exactly enhance your cinematic experience. Again, where’s the character development? Where are the fun scenes? They are nowhere to be found. To really show that the kids haven’t learned much about being responsible, Scot steals his step father’s baseball with a super rare signature. Things don’t go very well there and the whole thing was Scott’s fault.

I wasn’t super thrilled with how the ending played out. The chase scene with the big dog could have been fun but the whole time you are worried that the dog is going to get injured and of course he does. So that’s just writing in a terrible scene. The dog was really cool and I liked how much power he had in every scene but he should have ended the climax without any real injuries. Now that would have been a good way to close things out. At least I will say that the montage of coming up with ideas to get past the dog was easily the best part of the film. This was a time where the film was actually entertaining even if it wasn’t for long.

I already mentioned the most of the worst moments of the film so I guess all I can say about this is that otherwise the film just could get kind of boring. You weren’t as invested in the various characters and scenes as you could have been because of the characters. Even when they picked a fight with another group, I was rooting for them to lose because in the banter I felt like the main characters were being a lot meaner about it.

Another issue with the climax of the film is how things went for the neighbor. He’s a nice guy to be sure but losing his prized possession ball to give to some irresponsible kids wasn’t great. I know the step Dad will take good care of it but the neighbor is the one who really earned it. I know it’s supposed to be more on the heart warming side but I thought it was just plain annoying. The kids didn’t really deserve that.

Most of the film is also really focused on the kids so the subplot about Scott feeling awkward around his Step Dad doesn’t get a lot of focus. On one hand he is hoping to bond so they can be friends but on the other hand Scott is really bad at the whole Baseball thing at first. The fact that he can’t even throw is rather rough since he runs the ball over. I don’t think Bill hit Scott in the face with the ball on purpose though. Bill could have been gentler and better with the throws but I think generally he just wasn’t sure how to teach at all. He was also just shocked at how bad Scott was. Usually you at least have some fundamentals but this time he didn’t.

The only good kid in the film is Benny. He never makes fun of Scott and really helped him to fit in from the start. He stayed humble all the way through even though he was the best player. Benny was the only one brave enough to confront the dog in the end and he has a real sense of responsibility. He almost felt out of place next to all of the other kids who could only think about their own agendas. So yeah I wanted to give him a shoutout because in all fairness he was a legitimately good character.

Overall, The Sandlot isn’t really my kind of film and that’s to be expected. Generally I am not a big fan of coming of age type movies. Usually that’s because a film like this is pretty much guaranteed to have annoying characters. Part of the whole point is to have the characters learn some lessons about life as they grow up. That’s great, it means that the ending should usually be good but you will also have to be enduring the main cast for the whole film leading up to that which is a much taller order. It’s just not going to work because a film should be good for most of its scenes, not just at the very end. That’s where this one falters big time.

Overall 3/10

Snowpiercer Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Snowpiercer is a film that started out rather solid but got weaker as the film went on. It just wasn’t really able to handle the amount of pressure on its shoulders. The film started to go more into shock value and the whole ending starts to get annoyed. I’ll give the film props for the surprise ending since I didn’t expect it to go so dark with the bear but it works pretty well. Sometimes humanity just isn’t ready for the comeback.

The film introduces us to a world that has entered a new ice age. Humanity has been wiped out with the exception of all the people aboard one long train. This train never stops and continues to circle the planet constantly. The train cars divide the rich from the poor so the rich get an amazing life with everything that they could ever want while the poor struggle to just barely survive. They only get the scraps at best and so Curtis has been waiting a while to launch a full scale rebellion. It’s a risky plan because no rebellion has ever succeeded before. Still, he can’t just continue to live life the way he has been because there is no future to it. So he gathers everyone up and preparers to move forward. Time to see if they can pull this off.

The deck is stacked against the heroes in a lot of ways of course. They have the sheer numbers advantage by a great deal which is their only advantage. The enemies have better equipment and homefield advantage though. Curtis and the others have to learn as they go while the villains have cameras and already know the layout. So that makes things tricky and it turns out that the villains also have some of the best fighters on the ship. As the film goes on we also see just how different life on the rich side is.

The whole film really focuses on the parallels here as the poor don’t have enough food to even survive but the rich are rather wasteful. The poor are unlikely to see any fresh water while the rich have whole pools to have fun with. In general this is the poor vs the rich in a very literal way and it’s fun to watch the main characters try to get to the end of the train. So you may be thinking, what’s the problem?

Well so first up we have the backstory for Curtis that shows up later on. The film wants to show us to a really intense degree how much the main characters had to go through. This involves murder and cannibalism and it felt like a very unnecessary addition to the film. We didn’t need these extra details because their lives sucked enough as it is. Adding these details is just to make the whole movie very grim dark.

Then by the end of the film we find out what happens to the kids. Yeah here we go, the whole film you know it’s going to be something rather sinister and of course that is the case. It’s another messed up subplot and the whole thing is so traumatic that the kid gets brainwashed into this rather quickly. There wasn’t exactly anyone to help the kids out after all. Other characters get limbs chopped off, murdered, etc. The body count in the film is rather high and it’s not afraid to get rather violent at times. The movie is rather brutal and the message is basically that you can’t beat the system. At most you can try for mutually assured destruction which isn’t all that satisfying.

We see that what the main characters are forced to eat is rather gross but that’s the film’s style so you aren’t all that surprised. Basically what it boils down to is that the film overplays its hand tremendously. After a point you get it, it sucks to be poor in this setup. Every revelation after that is just to make the whole situation more and more messed up. The heroes also tend to lower their guard a whole lot during the battles which results in their getting shot. The stakes are a their absolute highest here so you really just have to keep on shooting and fighting back.

One of the most intense fights is definitely when the heroes broke into a gang car and had to start fighting each other. That was definitely real crazy and I have to say I don’t know how they survived for long once the room went dark. It felt like they should all have been immediately slaughtered at that point. It’s good that they weren’t of course but when you can’t even see the opponents that is hard to get around.

As for the villains, well they’re basically ultra evil so there isn’t much to say about them. The main villain is rather psychotic and the fact that Curtis listens to his whole speech for so long and freezes up by the end was crazy. This is the guy at the top, you have to take him down immediately. The whole climax was a bit surreal with the villain not reading the room and Curtis not really doing anything. It is easy to see how this setup worked for so long though since they have so much power. In a way the whole film shouldn’t have been as long as it was.

The only real excuse would be that the villains wanted to have some fun because they were super bored. That could work but otherwise they could have ended this at any point. I haven’t seen a situation so rigged in a while. The film definitely works best when everything was a mystery. I do think the train setting worked well and it’s a very interesting film. Ultimately it just got way too mean spirited by the end and you also start to wonder what the whole point of it all was. I don’t think that the second half really stuck the landing the way that it could have.

Overall, Snowpiercer is definitely a film that’s not for the faint of heart. You’re going to see just how intense an uprising can be and how a lot of casualties really start forming in order for the main characters to even stand a chance. A prequel could be interesting to see more about how the setup was first implemented and the original rebellions. We do know that things won’t end well which takes out some of the fun but I am curious how this started. Of course once the villains have been winning for hundreds of years it is easy to see how they have all of the power but how was this accumulated in the first place? That’s what I would really like to know.

Overall 3/10

Kidnap Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a film about trying to stop the ultimate evil, a human trafficking ring targeting kids. As you can expect it makes for a pretty intense film since the stakes are super high but unfortunately the film never ends up being really solid. The villains are naturally just here to advance the plot but the main heroine fumbles the bag a few times and the story isn’t even narratively solid. There are massive plot holes here.

So the film starts off by introducing us to Karla who has had a tough time managing things. She split up from her husband who is now with a super successful doctor which is making court proceeding difficult since he wants full custody of their kid. Karla is trying to fight this off but then while at the park, her kid is kidnapped while at a crowded event. She manages to see the one who did this and gives chase but how can she stop him?

The actual kidnapping is the part that you have to handle the most carefully because the timeline has to make sense. Yes, people get kidnapped from public spots so that can work but the film writes itself into a corner early on. Karla picks a spot near the front of the show and only walks a few steps away to make her call. Why turn her back to the kid? We call that plot convenience! However, she was still very close and was in verbal contact with him the whole time with the whole marco polo stuff. So what’s the problem?

Later on we get a flashback of what happened with the villains having an extended talk with the kid as they trick him over to the car. Somehow Karla is no longer within visual view which is how the villains’ scheme works. So it shouldn’t have worked from the jump since she was super close and also the length of their conversation doesn’t match with how short Karla’s call was from the last marco polo test. I thought the film was gonna try and do something clever with the kid’s recorder and have it be the one saying marco polo but that’s not the case as we find it on a nearby bench where it had a different recording.

The film knocking itself out right at the jump is pretty bad. Okay so from there we have a high speed chase with the cars driving everywhere and I’m always skeptical how much you can actually do that with how many cars are on the roads nowadays. Still, Karla keeps up fairly well but eventually the villain tells her to leave or he’ll bump off the kid. So she leaves and hopes she can find him again. She does but that’s pretty lucky. So here’s my thing, you can’t let the villain get away like this. It’s similar to the classic hostage situation. “Get into the car or I’m gonna murder you”.

People forget this but dying is certainly not the worst thing in the world relative to what the villains are planning. In fact if the villain has a gun, it’s better to make a move right away because if you die at least it’ll be relatively quick with the bullet. You might even get the gun and live. Similar case here. If he gets away with the kid, the kid’s going to wish he was dead later on. You are obligated to continue pursuit and yeah there’s a very real chance that the kid will die which is a super hard decision to make. You are sparing him the future suffering though which is what you have to remember.

So yeah you can’t just get off the highway there. Ah well, eventually she finds him and then it’s time for round 2. So he gets out of the car with his knife and makes some more threats. So Karla…tosses him a purse with access to $10,000 in funds? The first problem with this is when you give the money up front like that then there is no incentive for the villain to actually honor his end of the bargain. He’s just gonna keep it. Also, this was her chance to just ram him with the car. With the main villain out of the way there would just be one villain left.

Instead she lets the other girl get in the car and surprise…the villainess tries murdering Karla. Karla gets extremely lucky here and fends her off except…she doesn’t finish the villain off? So the villain heads home for a future showdown. The whole movie I’m just shaking my head at this point. You’ve gotta be ruthless with these villains and show them that they can’t mess with you. They will be on a one way trip to oblivion with you.

Karla’s final big miss for me is when she gets to the villain’s base. The kid is somewhere around here so she just needs to find him. So what Karla does is put her big shotgun on the kitchen table and then starts hiding when the villainess returns. This allows the villain to grab the gun and reload it with ammo…..cmonnnnnnnnn. Also, this lady isn’t exactly in fighting shape. Karla just needs to end her here while extracting some information and then that’s it. Getting the info is probably risky though so just bump her off and find the kid yourself.

Karla takes way too passive of an approach to the entire film and gets super lucky the whole time as a result. You’ll be second guessing all of her decisions here. I’m not gonna put much blame on the kid in this case because that’s sort of missing the point here. The kids are so young that they aren’t able to help out much at all. It’s really Karla’s job to take over and save the day. Of course she ends up doing well but I thought that her plans and tactics needed a whole lot of more work.

Overall, This isn’t really my kind of film. It’s certainly not intense enough to get the blood pumping and there isn’t really much of a character cast. The villains are just two psychos who barely even get names since that part’s not important. They’re just evil and serve as the antagonists. Karla’s a nice person and works well as the lead although I would have liked to have seen her do a bit more in the situations I mentioned above. There was definitely ample opportunity to bump the villains off earlier. Some scenes like the cop being oblivious as he’s taken down or the hellocopters flagging the wrong car also will have you scratching your head but those scenes are so over the top that you barely take them seriously anyway. You’re not going to have a lot of fun with this film which definitely hurts in the end, there’s not much reason to ever rewatch it for example.

Overall 3/10