Category Archives: 3 Star Movies

The Quiet Man Review

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You guys know I enjoy a good romance as much as the next but when a film has a really bad romance I have to call it out immediately! This one’s just so bad that it’ll leave your head spinning the whole time. The Quiet Man should have stayed quiet this time because the more he talks the more annoying he gets. The film has a long drawn out fight at the end which can be a little entertaining but as a whole the movie was definitely a miss here.

The film starts off with Sean moving to a small village and getting ready for a peaceful life. He used to be a boxer but retired after a certain incident. He will not fight any longer and it’s hard to blame him because things really didn’t go well. He ends up falling for a local lady named Mary and the two start a romance. A problem arises though when her brother won’t accept the engagement and Mary refuses to marry Sean without the guy’s blessing……..and so the start of their romantic issues begin.

The whole thing’s absolutely crazy, ridiculous, and forced. So because of old traditions Mary won’t marry Sean even though it’s obvious that her brother Will has a huge vendetta against Sean and will never OK the thing? Basically he’s upset because the lady he has a crush on (Tillane) gave the house over to Sean instead of him. The whole thing has nothing to do with Mary and yet he won’t let bygones be bygones. When you marry someone, your significant other should trump all others. That includes family, friends, etc.

The fact that Mary won’t get together with Sean over this is such a massive red flag that he should be walking away at this point. Even the way they met up was pretty awful. Sean found Mary going through his house while he was gone so he forces a kiss and she’s still talking tough the whole time and not wanting to admit that she likes him. After a bunch of tough talk they get together only for Will to step in. The romance didn’t start out as a healthy one and it never developed into one. The film gives us no reason for either character to even love each other.

It makes no sense and I’ve already said that but I’m going to keep on saying it! Finally it looks like things are getting better but then Mary won’t be with Sean until they get a gift from Will. Mary wants him to give her money as per tradition and when the guy makes a big deal about it/refuses to give it to Sean she insists that it is non-negotiable. Seriously? She wants Sean to basically go on his knees and beg for it from a guy who is clearly in the wrong. This is why she’s so annoying, the whole thing is blown way out of proportion. She even runs off to ditch Sean early in the morning and he only barely catches up to her in time and has to literally drag her back home. He then fights Will on behalf of her honor but there’s no point to it.

Now I keep blasting Mary here but you have to understand that 50% of this is Sean’s fault as well. You can’t have a relationship with just one person after all and Sean is still putting up with all of this. He should have walked away the instant Mary started acting up like this. He fell in love with her randomly so it’s not like he’s liked her for years. As soon as these red flags popped up then it was time for him to leave. Staying was only empowering her to keep up these crazy actions over and over again. He just needed to nope out of there. She’s literally getting him into trouble by having him pick fights with people in the town who could be dangerous like Will.

Sean obliges and ultimately has the big fight with Will where he could have been seriously injured. The film gets a bit cheesy in the end as after all of this the fight helps them grow close. You’d think it was a Shonen Jump fight or something by the end of this. My big problem with this is that no lessons were learned as a result. Sean and Mary lived happily ever after even though she showed that she did not respect him in the slightest and put having money above his happiness. Sean showed that he is willing to be walked on like this and doesn’t have his full self respect left.

The film adds insult to injury by pairing Will up with Tillane after all of this. Tillane didn’t even like Will and made that clear the whole film, but then by the end she likes him now? Then this guy who was so petty and willing to ruin his sister’s marriage over a little squabble gets to have a happy relationship of his own? The film didn’t seem to realize just how messed up all of the relationships were here and that’s a shame. The punishments just didn’t match the crimes because there were no punishments.

The tone of the film was off the whole time. This is treated like a wholesome romance when it’s anything but. If it was a full on comedy/parody then you can see how the film would deal with this but it’s actually played very seriously. It’s just a really odd film by every stretch and it didn’t work out well for me. It didn’t click and I can safely say that it’s one of the weaker romances that I’ve seen in a while.

Overall, This is a film to stay far away from. The Quiet Man is about a main character who’s not even super quiet. He cracks after a while rather than dealing with the problem upfront and that ends up being a problem. You’ve probably never even heard of this film since it’s been lost to time and that’s a good thing. You want to stay far away from this one as there are plenty of drama and romance titles that are better than this one.

Overall 3/10

The Night Stalker Review

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It’s time for an old school mystery film. It’s probably more appropriate to lead off with calling this one a horror but there is quite a bit of mystery to unfold here as well. It’s a movie that really stands out in some ways particularly thanks to the music but ultimately fumbles the ball before reaching the end zone. It doesn’t have the replay value that it could have achieved otherwise.

The film starts by introducing us to Kolchak, a reporter who has been around the block many times before. Not for the best of reasons as he has been fired from numerous papers but this time he has a whopper of a story. Someone is going around murdering a bunch of women in town and each victim is completely drained of blood. It appears that we have a real life vampire on our hands. However, no matter how much evidence Kolchak is able to pile up, nobody will believe him and the story is being suppressed. Can he gets through to these people in time to save some lives or is he going to have to simply get frustrated as he watches everyone die right before him?

The movie does a great job of getting Kolchak’s frustration through to the audience. After a point you just feel like he has so much evidence and yet nobody will take him seriously. When everyone’s blood is being sucked out how many options do you realistically have? Now I understand if you don’t want to assume he’s a vampire right off the bat so Kolchak has a very reasonable alternative. Lets at least operate on the presumption that someone is psychotic and believes he is a vampire. The cops turn this down too and don’t even want to write about it for fear of a panic. That always has to be one of the worst excuses though. So you’d rather people keep on getting murdered than cause the panic? Sure….

I can’t give the main guy any grief because he does his best but the rest of the characters are all annoying and completely complicit in this. His direct boss is constantly scared of being fired and doesn’t want to cause a scene which means that he is completely useless here. All of the execs feel the same way and of course the cops are often trying to get on his case. They may as well be allies to the vampire after a point because hiding things only goes so far. At one point the entire police force fights the vampire and they lose badly. He’s immune to bullets and basically crushes them. Their reaction is to ignore that this happened and proceed as normal.

The vampire isn’t even subtle after a while. He just breaks into hospitals and murders people as he sees fit because it’s not like they can stop him anyway. It makes sense he would be this brazen when he knows nobody will stop him. That’s why the whole thing is so embarrassing. The film also decides to trip for no reason by having the vampire murder a dog. Pretty bad move the whole time. There was no reason for this and if anything the owner had a good idea as self defense but you know that it’s doomed against a vampire so it just ends up hurting the experience further.

The soundtrack is really good though and a highlight of the movie. It really pops out at you and keeps the movie moving at a fast pace. It’s not the kind of music you would typically expect in a mystery but it works really well. A good soundtrack definitely elevates a scene and it certainly helps make this one more interesting as well. It doesn’t save the film from its issues but at least gives you something fun to listen to.

The writing is also pretty solid. I like the fast paced script at least with the characters all yelling at each other the whole time. There is a ton of banter here and Kolchak really doesn’t hold back no matter who he is talking too. Whether it’s the boss or some random guy Kolchak is going to be yelling and kicking up a fuss immediately. He’s passionate about his work which is a good thing. Also he is a great reporter which the other characters can’t really deny. Kolchak pulls out every trick in the book in order to get the answers.

So the film is at its best when it’s focused on the detective angle. I like the mystery angle and the process of finding out the clues. The old school detective work just really works out well so I could see this series having a lot of potential if they can just stick away from the supernatural angle. Even with a vampire it could have helped if the characters caught the vampire a little sooner but you feel bad for the victims who don’t really have a chance here. Then throw in all the scenes of the heroes doing their best not to help and it means you can never really be having a great time here. The film has some light banter but there’s always a dead body at the end of each conversation.

Overall, The Night Stalker is a pretty interesting film in a lot of ways. Honestly it would be more interesting if the villain was not supernatural but I do get the appeal. It’s essentially a look at how the world might react to a vampire in a super realistic setting like this. The problem mainly is it falls into the usual vampire issues and of course the film had to squeeze in some animal violence. Not a great look and you just wish the heroes could have done more to stop this guy a little sooner. The body count was really quite high by the end. You can do better for a mystery title.

Overall 3/10

The Unholy Review

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It’s time for a movie where the heroes have to deal with demonic forces. It’s tough enough dealing with immortal grudges and indestructible rings but what to you do when your opponent is powered by intangible prayers? This time the world’s only chances lie in the hands of a lying reporter which is not the best spot to be in. Things are about to get tricky.

The movie starts with a witch getting burned alive in brutal fashion and then we jump to the present. Gerry is a disgraced reporter as he was caught fabricating photos and making up lies to get ahead in life. It was definitely not a smart move on his part and he continues to lie to this day. One day he finds a doll and smashes it. Later on he nearly crashes his car when he passes by a girl who’s in a trance. She is deaf and mute but after he drives her home, this girl named Alice makes a full recovery. She is apparently being blessed by the virgin Mary and will start performing miracles for everyone. This is Gerry’s chance to get rich and he doesn’t want to lose it! Is there a downside to healing everyone though?

Being able to heal others would definitely be an amazing thing and so it’s clear why this is a huge deal. It’s just something that doesn’t really happen nowadays and Alice is healing people who have been sick their entire lives. She quickly starts to become a celebrity and while she remains rather quiet and does her own thing, she isn’t obviously sinister. The film has some restraint here so you can see why many would take this whole thing at face value. She doesn’t have an evil laugh, isn’t cackling at night, etc. At face value it all does seem rather nice.

It’s why the climax may be a bit hard to believe. Picture this, you’ve been missing an arm your whole life and a girl shows up, grabs your chest and suddenly your arm grows out. 2 weeks later you’re sitting at the park when she shows up and explains that it was all a prank. Would you believe her or would you look at your arm, give it a little flex and just assume someone is threatening her? I’d assume everyone would believe the latter. Yes the effects of the cure go away after there is enough doubt and all of the belief goes away but I find it very hard to believe that this would happen considering just how many miracles were performed and in such a small community.

The idea of the climax and trying to spread doubt is pretty interesting and in most situations would be very easy. It’s why they say it takes years to build trust but seconds to lose it. This is just a very unique scenario so I had my share of reservations on it. Still, the film will keep you guessing on what the heroes should do the whole time. You’ve got a good amount of conspiracy going and so there is a lot of plot here even outside of all the jump scares.

As a villain the evil Mary is relatively solid. At times she maybe takes a little too long to act so we can assume she underestimates the humans a great deal. Most of these demonic/cosmic villains tend to do that in these movies. One missed opportunity for the film is that Mary doesn’t have much of a physical form until the final minutes. For the most part she’s an intangible spirit that makes statues cry blood but doesn’t do much else. So it doesn’t make her the most imposing villain out there.

Meanwhile as the main heroine I can’t say that Alice was all that good as she lets Mary call the shots right from the jump. Yeah it’s pretty tough to have a voice in your head constantly talking to you but you have to recognize the signs of the voice being suspicious with all of its secrets and such. Alice ultimately makes the right calls even if it takes a while but it would have been nice if she could have kept her kind personality all the way through rather than getting meaner as the film went on. I think it would have been a better dynamic.

Meanwhile Delgarde actually looks fairly decent as a member of the church sent to see if the miracles were legit. I was expecting him to get defeated immediately when he appeared but he actually fights well at first and does some damage. Ultimately he is only able to delay the inevitable but hey we’ll take it. He has a more impressive showing than just about anyone else in the film because he actually has the means to fight instead of just getting trampled.

Gerry is an okay main character but the fact that he’s someone who will take any shortcut to success and hadn’t learned his lesson by the time the film starts is not a good look for him. Yes it’s part of his character arc by the end but I just never liked the guy. I don’t blame everyone for being upset with him all the time. Put it this way, he’s the kind of character who is entertaining to watch on screen but you’d never be able to get along with him in real life. You wouldn’t be able to trust him at all either which is a huge blow to his character.

The movie isn’t too violent for the most part. The intro scene of the mask being nailed on is probably the most intense although we have a few big deaths during the film. It’s enough to be mentioned but isn’t like Halloween or something like that. The film maintains a fairly grim tone throughout the movie but without the classic levels of suspense. The movie doesn’t really grab your attention. I would never call it outright boring but it’s a slow burn and without great characters to sustain it, that huts the film a lot by the end.

Overall, The Unholy is not one of the better supernatural titles. Its main issue is really that Mary doesn’t get to have much of an intimidating design and the character cast is very weak. While the movie has some really good visuals, they aren’t enough to carry the story. While I liked the conspiracy angle involving the Church, it does make them look really bad even outside of the corruption because they had no plan for what was going to happen. It’s like preparing for a giant fire to occur and know that it’s going to happen but still not bringing a bucket of water to help you out. You’re setting yourself up for failure. I’d say to skip this one, it’s far from being one of the lower horror titles that I’ve seen but there isn’t really a lot of appeal here.

Overall 3/10

Homicidal Review

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It’s time for a film with a very intense title. I mean just seeing a film that is called Homicidal you are expecting something real intense right? Well the film definitely delivers on the intensity in terms of a crazy twist but is surprisingly not nearly as violent as I expected. That’s a very good thing of course but the film still has its own share of issues and I wouldn’t call it one of the top contenders.

The movie starts with Emily showing up to a rich hotel and asking the bellhop to come to her room. He does and she says she will pay him a ton of money to marry her for a few minutes. He agrees and drives with her to a late marriage shop but suddenly she whips out the knife and no diffs the marriage ceremony leader. She then escapes into the night and heads home where she takes care of an old lady who can unfortunately no longer walk or talk. So Emily basically just gloats and subtlety threatens her the whole time.

This sets the tone for what kind of character Emily is and then we’re introduced to the rest of the cast. First up is Miriam who is looking forward to her future as she has a boyfriend now and her flowers are doing well. She finds Miriam to be a bit standoffish but that’s fine. Miriam does get annoyed when Emily just randomly leaves the house for a day so Miriam has to watch over the old lady and then Emily even threatens to murder Miriam. So Miriam tells her guy and they confront Emily’s brother Warren who seems like he couldn’t care less. With diplomatic options not doing much good, what can the main characters do about this?

The problem in a sense is that the heroes can’t just leave so easily. For starters there is the old lady to consider and even if Emily is evil, Warren may just be getting suckered as the brother. So they need to try and convince him before it is too late but the longer this goes on, the more likely it is that somebody will end up dying. So is it time to call the police or something? Well that would be the smart thing to do…but the film has a really bad reason for why they don’t.

One guy runs for the phone but Miriam stops him and explains that Emily said she is married to Warren. The guy basically goes “Shoot, guess we can’t call the cops” and they completely change gears. The obvious question is…why? That shouldn’t matter at all. If they want to spare Warren’s feelings then I’m afraid their priorities are all out of whack. If Emily is someone who is dangerous and insane enough to threaten someone’s life then you need to get rid of her as soon as possible. Half measures and dancing around the issue won’t help at all. Miriam definitely fumbled the ball here.

If anything she looks pretty bad throughout and the ending doesn’t help her much either. Of course all of this is easier from the viewer’s chair where you see everything and understand the stakes but it felt like she never properly registered how crazy Emily was. At least by the time she threw out the threat you gotta leave town or arm yourself properly. It’s just a shame that nobody in the town could see how deranged she was considering just how she was barely even trying to hide it. She just kept on acting crazy.

Where the film goes a bit far is with including the old lady. I think this was really unnecessary as the whole thing is overly tragic. She literally can’t talk or yell out for help and is trapped with Emily for basically the whole film? It’s a little too edgy and is the only place where the film didn’t restrain itself enough. Cutting her out of the movie entirely would have been a lot better and you can easily write around that. Then you have the fact that the old lady tries to signal to the others and do other things to call out for help and none of it works.

Nahhh that’s just tragic. Ultimately the film may not be as disturbing and intense as it was trying to be but that was definitely something that was real intense just not in the best way. There are some scenes that I thought were a bit surreal/didn’t make a lot of sense but the final twist did address those. Nothing could address the moment about not calling the cops though, that’s just something you have to do.

Also with the opening scene it was weird how nobody tried to help the guy getting stabbed. Surely the bellhop could have grabbed the knife and restrained Emily after the first hit or two right? They just stood around while she kept on stabbing over and over again. That was way too much to be frozen with fear like that. He’s real lucky that she didn’t finish him off. I was completely expecting that but somehow he actually survived along with all of the money but definitely some degree of trauma. So he’s not 100% but that’s still way better than most of the characters’ fates here.

Overall, While I applaud the film in having some good restraint, it’s still not a particularly pleasant film. Any scene with the old lady is just not fun to watch. The characters make a lot of very illogical decisions and the whole thing should not have played out the way that it did. You could easily improve the quality with just a few changes but this is how it had to be. Hey, it does completely destroy Psycho though so I will give the film that. It actually beats the original film that this one was supposed to top. The twist is also really good. It’s a twist that makes a lot of sense in hindsight but doesn’t really occur to you as you’re watching. That’s the best kind of twist since it should absolutely make sense afterwards and the fact that you get to see in real time how most of the visual parts of the twist work is impressive.

Overall 3/10

Human Voice Review

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This is definitely a really short film so there’s not much time for a full plot. It’s more about having a scenario and then the special takes it to a conclusion. The main problem is as a result we do not care at all about any of the characters here. Seriously the main character isn’t even likable based on the brief context we have here and the only one who seems decent would be the maid who is just trying her best.

The story here is that there’s an older lady who looks forward to talking to a young man that she is seeing. This relationship doesn’t appear as if it will ultimately go anywhere but she needed a rebound after her husband passed away a long time ago. This guy was cool with it and so they meet up a lot. On this day though, he calls and explains that it’s all over. They will not be seeing each other anymore and in fact he’s hanging out with a younger woman now. Uh ohhhhhhh.

You guys probably already know how I feel about age gap romances from other titles and basically I think they almost never work. There are no “Never” or “Always” conditions in a romance but I would say it rarely ever works out because the two people will just be too different. In general I say 10 years is around the cutoff so someone who’s 38 and someone who’s 31 can probably work things out even if it’s a little tricky but if we’re talking 41 and 29 then you’re not likely to have a great time. This movie seems to really be a straight depiction of this because the younger guy inevitably went for a younger woman.

The way he broke the news to her was pretty bad. I mean he just waited to call later in the day? Of course she already knew about the younger lady as we find out later and was just trying to block that from her mind. These characters are being delusional and so the conversation isn’t very interesting at all. In fact it’s really just the heroine talking the whole time as she thinks about the past and feels lonely about her future prospects.

In general I’m not big on rebounds either so the way I see it, her husband died but they had a good time for a while and now that’s really it. There’s no picking a next guy, you just have to live the rest of the life on solo player mode. To each their own of course but she should have reasonably expected this to happen at some point and start looking at her options. Picking the younger guy was probably the downfall here because it meant that she could not try to find someone around her age in the meantime.

The party line phones were nostalgic though. I remember when the lines were set up in a way where it was all connected so if you picked up the phone then someone else could be listening on the other end. That must have been a nightmare, I don’t know how people could have really used their phones much. I suppose some might not mind others eavesdropping and it can be nice for parties but I think in most cases it would just end up not being worth it.

You only feel bad for the maid here who is trying to avoid all of the drama but it seems like this kind of thing happens a lot. She very smoothly prepares the dinner and then gets out of there before any big blow up Absolutely a good move and she’s very quick on her feet. She also tried warning the main heroine in a way by how she kept asking if the guy was really coming. Nobody wants to waste food right?

It was also cool to see that it was an Eggplant Parmesan here since I go tot make that recently. Eggplant isn’t my favorite to say the least but when you throw enough sauce and cheese at the problem then you’re good. There are few things that these two elements cannot cure in a food dish. I did find out recently that pineapple pizza is one of those exceptions. The food looked really presentable here though and that’s a silver lining for the short.

This isn’t an awful short or anything but it is pretty bad because it’s hard to find any real positives here. Sure, I have small praises like the food but that doesn’t count for a whole lot. There’s not enough terrible content for me to push it lower but I just don’t see why you would make a short with such a flimsy plot. It’s just a little too light with not enough story or characters. As a result it just comes across as trying way too hard the whole time. Like it’s searching for some kind of award to pat it on the back about how the film managed a whole story with only a few characters appearing and this was at the extent of a real story.

Overall, Yeah this wasn’t very good. The short gives you no reason to identify with the characters and is trying so hard to be emotional that it doesn’t work. If you want to watch a really emotional moment then check out the Arlong climax in One Piece or any episode of RWBY volume 3. This one…..nahhhhhh. It needed more characters, a deeper plot, or some kind of plot twist. For example a massive twist at the end would at least have kept you guessing and honestly I would have been on board with that. I did not expect a twist at any point in the story so that’s what really could have thrown me for a massive loop. Cmon guys lets make it happen next time! In the meantime you should skip this one.

Overall 3/10

Son of Lassie Review

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It’s no surprise that I didn’t really like the first Lassie movie. In fact it was pretty awful now that I think about it. It’s just not really my kind of film and the sequel is better but still pretty bad. You have the dog still getting shot and some general animal violence. It isn’t in the same level as the first film of course but why can’t we just have a happy dog film instead? That’s what the people want and most importantly, it’s what I want! Seriously just think about it, this has potential to be as big as Air Bud but instead the film ends up being more of a miss. Also more than the first film it just feels a bit aimless at times.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Laddie, the son of Lassie. This guy is really aggressive and doesn’t play by the rules. This often frustrates the Duke because Laddie messes up the flowers. Laddie’s owner Joe doesn’t really care all that much though because he correctly realizes that Laddie is just having a lot of fun. Well Joe gets drafted into war so he heads out while Laddie is to finally be trained professionally. The owners underestimate him though and Laddie travels across the country to find Joe. Looks like Laddie will be having a spot in this war after all but is it really safe for him?

I wouldn’t say the film has a huge plot beyond that though. A good chunk of the adventure is Laddie running after Joe, being taken back home, then finding him again, etc. It’s really a cycle that just keeps on going over and over again. Sure by the end we actually get to meet the enemies and Laddie gets to prove his stuff but that’s the very end of the film. For the most part it was relatively aimless until then.

Also Joe doesn’t make for a very compelling main character. Everyone’s always insulting him all the time and he typically doesn’t really notice or react. Intentionally not reacting to a diss is absolutely a good skill but the problem is that I’m not sure if he even notices so that’s not a good look there. You really need to be ready for action at all times and the digs aren’t exactly subtle either. So if you don’t recognize that then we have some problems. His lack of confidence is also huge.

He likes this one girl and she basically tells him to confess several times and it takes a lot to force it out of him. The guy’s just way too nervous and always running off. Some guys can be shy sure, but this was a bit much. You’re just cringing the whole time. The whole romance isn’t particularly good but it’s not a big part of the film anyway so I suppose it doesn’t have a huge impact. It’s just part of a bigger problem which is that any scene with Joe is brutal. The guy also had no plan when he was taken at gunpoint in the climax and Laddie had to do all the work.

I always say if it’s life or death what do you have to lose? In this case the villain is walking Joe up a cliff so that he can be shot and fall into the abyss. Joe knows that, the villain knows that, and I know that. So why would you possibly just keep walking up and wait to get shot? Lunge at the guy, go for the gun etc. What’s he gonna do…shoot you? Well that’s going to happen anyway so you might as well take a chance. It’s not like this is a scenario where you only might get shot. The guy made is clear that Joe has to be exterminated so that’s really it. You have to try and fight back while you still can. Definitely a pretty brutal moment for good ole Joe.

Still, like I said the main problem here is that the film can just be rather boring. The story can barely last 40 minutes, let alone the full length of the title. We probably should have focused more on training scenes or maybe even some military battles. You needed more plots or some kind of hook to pull this off. That being said, I was glad that Joe didn’t go with the other guy’s plan to hit Laddie. That would have been absolutely awful so in all of my bashing of the guy, he got that part right.

There’s really not a whole lot to even talk abut with this film in the end. I guess we can say there was a lot of plot armor in nobody being able to stop Laddie from travelling cross country each time. You’d think the characters would learn and keep the leash on each time but Laddie was always a few steps ahead of them. I would have liked the Duke to have appeared more since he’s always the most enjoyable character but he doesn’t do a whole lot here after the intro scenes. Lassie herself also doesn’t have a big role.

Having her step in to save the day would have been a clever way to get some excitement in here. Actually it’ such a great idea that I’m surprised they didn’t do it. Lassie doesn’t have any of the huge pivotal roles you would expect from the old main character appearing in the sequel. It’d be like if Naruto didn’t do much in Boruto or if Goku was slacking off in Super. Lassie should still be the one making a big play now and then even if Laddie is the one with the final moment.

Overall, Son of Lassie is just not a very interesting film. Mix in the animal violence and it was really out of its depth. I think there is probably a great film mixed in there somewhere…but it’s very deep in there so that’s not going to be all that helpful tbh. In the end a dog film should be a fairly upbeat one where the dog isn’t in any danger. Sure that can be boring if handled wrong but it’s all up to the writers. Surely you should be able to make a film that is still really interesting even without that right? If you can’t…well I guess now we’ve got a real problem now don’t we?

Overall 3/10

Captive State Review

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“What is the point of the movie Captive State?” When you google the name of the movie that’s the first result which I found to be pretty funny. The setup for the movie is actually pretty great, the premise holds all kind of potential but unfortunately the movie completely squanders it. I actually think the concept makes the most amount of sense for a TV show because there’s so much to cover. Way too much for a single movie and so this one skips all of the interesting moments and lags on the boring ones. As a result it is impressively bad at squandering all of the potential here. Definitely not what you were hoping for here.

So the movie starts off rather boldly with a few minutes of text setting the stage. In 2019 a bunch of aliens show up to take over the planet. Humanity falls rather easily and by 2027 we have completely submitted to their will. We now willingly work as slaves for the aliens and allow them to deport us off planet to be exterminated and generally get wrecked by them on a day to day basis. The wealth gap has grown even further and there just isn’t a great amount of resistance anymore. There are resistance groups to be sure but every country around the world has openly submitted to the aliens.

This brings us to the main character Gabriel who is a part of one of the resistance groups. He doesn’t particularly love their chances though and is ready to just run out of there. His brother Rafe is a lot more determined to see this through though. The resistance has been building up a huge plan for quite a while. Their creed/motto is “Light a match, ignite a war” with the idea being that if you can destroy at least one alien base it will encourage other humans to start fighting back as well. The tricky part is of course that the bases are guarded extremely well and you can’t really communicate online anymore. The aliens have taken everything over and all cities are under martial law so you have to be incredibly careful. You can’t even trust anyone since most work for the aliens. Can these guys really stop the aliens or is it all over?

So one of my main problems here is naturally the beginning of the film. Earth just kneeled to the aliens so quickly? I can’t picture it. The whole reason why countries around the world have enough nukes to take out the planet hundreds of times over is to prevent them from being taken over. It’s why you will likely not see any first world country like the US, Russia, or Europe be taken over within our lifetimes. We’d sooner press the button and send everyone out of this life than take the loss. In a case like this where the whole world is under attack then that becomes even more likely since at least someone would have made that call.

Now if the modern day had shown the whole world in ruins then that would be one thing but it’s not. The world is clearly a little more desolate but we still have all the news channels and things look pretty high tech. You could say that the aliens rebuilt the world but that’s never even remotely hinted at so I personally doubt it. It looks to me like we just put up basic resistance and got wrecked without trying anything too extreme. The film really needed to show us more of the aliens’ capabilities to make this work.

Perhaps they hit the planet with a giant EMP that disabled all of the nukes or something like that. We got to see that they are immune to basic guns and stuff but it’s not like that’s super impressive. We needed to see a lot more of them but unfortunately this isn’t that kind of film. There are a few action scenes but really not as many as you would expect. We never get any great shots of the aliens as they’re always hidden in the shadows or mostly kept out of view. This is where a bit more of a budget could have helped the movie. We really should have seen the aliens more.

This isn’t your traditional alien invasion film because the whole alien invasion is skipped. Because of that big time skip at the middle we jump into the film when the humans have already lost. The main problem with this is…the movie’s pretty boring. There’s a ton of strategizing that doesn’t really go anywhere. In fact thanks to a twist near the end it really felt like most of the film was pointless. It all did serve a purpose of course because the twist involves someone using the whole film as part of a plan but it does make things feel a bit futile. The price for getting to the end was also absolutely massive. This was not a good plan. It revolves around a ton of things going in a specific way and also basically sacrificing a lot of others in the process.

The characters were desperate to be sure but you just feel like there had to be a better way. The film can be a bit violent when things look dire for the heroes. I wouldn’t call it super bloody or anything though, more painful than anything. The film is pretty serious and isn’t super long so it has that going for it but for example I couldn’t really tell you very many standout scenes.

For the most part there are no real happy moments to be found here. The heroes are always on the back foot and hope seems completely lost. The problem of course comes back to the beginning once again. The aliens have ruled for quite a while now and humanity really lost their chance to mount much of a comeback. Sure they can start fighting now but it’s all already too late. Presumably the humans all get exterminated in short order once the aliens take them serious. with whatever forces they had to enslave humanity so quickly they can surely deal with the resistance as well. That’s why we needed to see how this happened so the film could offer up a good reason on why that wouldn’t happen again.

As a silver lining though I did like Rafe a lot. He may not have been the main character but he had a really strong will the whole time. He was all about the mission from the start even when a lot of the others were starting to have doubts. You have to be strong like that when you’re completely outnumbered. It’s hard to imagine what it’s like to live through an enemy invasion and hopefully you never have to experience that. This guy did his best.

Now I mentioned this being better as a TV show. Well the reason for that is you could have the whole first season or two be about the aliens arriving and taking over. This part is more like you average alien invasion story and the cliffhanger could be the big time skip where the aliens actually won. Then the following seasons deal with the aftermath and the rebellion. That’s exactly how I would have handled it and then you could really use this premise to its full potential. It wouldn’t get nerfed due to the limited time available. Give this film more time so it can focus on other things and I think it could have been better. Perhaps not if it stayed on the more boring scenes but I do think it could have pulled this off.

Overall, Captive State has some decent twists here but ultimately you still wonder if the plan was even worth it. The humans lost a whole lot in these battles and it feels like they kept on losing more and more as things all played out. The movie didn’t give me enough reason to believe that the aliens would win. The premise was good but the film made 0 use of it. Even the aftermath should have been far more interesting than it was. There is a lot to explore in a world about aliens ruling over the humans but the film didn’t grab my attention. I’d absolutely recommend watching a different alien invasion film instead.

Overall 3/10

The Four Musketeers Review

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It’s time for more Musketeers action. I can’t say that I’ve been the biggest fan of this franchise and this film wouldn’t really change my mind. I know the main characters aren’t really heroes so I wouldn’t expect them to always be heroic but they really do the bare minimum in just about everything. I wouldn’t trust them with my groceries let alone my life. I’d say the main issue the film has is just that it can be a bit boring at times. It’s not funny enough to pull off the comedy aspect and the fight scenes aren’t good enough for the action part. What does that leave you with? Well I’m not really sure but not enough to make this a solid flick.

The film picks up immediately where the last one left off. The 3 Musketeers along with their recent addition in the main character and are minding their own business when the main heroine gets kidnapped. D’art meanwhile gets distracted by a new villainess who finds it really easy to seduce him. Basically any lady can accomplish this task though as her own maid gets him as well. The guy has serious commitment issues so unfortunately you can’t trust him at all. The guy is as sad and shallow as they come which is really unfortunate and by the end of the film he has not changed so seriously you don’t want this guy in your corner. He just isn’t that dude. Trust me on this and in a way it hurts the film by extension since you want to have a good lead.

Wait is that the plot? Well okay that’s not all of it. So there’s potentially a big war brewing and in part it’s due to all of the affairs going on and so the Musketeers may have to actually enter the war and cause trouble. They already spend most of their time beating up on their own country’s army though so are these allies that you actually want to have on your side? Something tells me that you would want them to stay far away instead. Both countries seem reasonably corrupt though and the war never gets all that interesting so you won’t really care much.

In a way that is the film’s biggest issue in a nutshell. It’s just extremely boring. You don’t care about any of the characters. In a lot of ways I would say the first film was actually more engaging since you at least had the young hero picking fights with everyone. He was still a rampant cheater so still no someone you could root for but at least there was a lot going on. In this one? Ehhhhhhhhh yeah it’s just not working for me. Seriously I would have to give it a firm thumbs down. The first film also had the interesting fake fight where the heroes were stealing food which was clever.

That said, we do get flashbacks to the first film so you’ll see it there anyway. As a slight positive, the fights can be decent at times when they appear. Mostly they are treated for laughs though so there isn’t a ton of great choreography here. The film is leaning more fully on humor and adventure after all so there just isn’t time for any of that. Okay I do think the cardinal at least makes for an interesting villain. As basically the highest ranking member in the country he can actually sign documents allowing you to do anything. You could straight up murder someone and he can immediately pardon you. It sure is nice to have that level of power right?

I like the verbal battles there. The Cardinal is always on the offensive and as you can probably guess he tends to completely destroy the other Musketeers in the arguments. At the end of the day he’s not a serious fighter or anything but I tend to like the old government villains to an extent. He is a full villain though with the desperate plans he uses to take down the heroes. They aren’t even morally dubious by the way, they’re just villain plans.

The romance in the film is naturally pretty awful with no real loyalty to speak of. Everyone is cheating the whole time so you definitely can’t trust any of them. It really was a tough world out there with everyone after you. Imagine if this film was about the Musketeers having to fend off wave after wave of enemy invaders? Actually have them jump into the war rather than goofing off and watching it from the sidelines. That would have been a massive improvement right away. I’m not surprised that it didn’t happen of course but the film had many moments where things could have turned epic if that’s what the film wanted to do.

Okay one last slight positive for the film. I’ll throw it a little bone here. The acid blade that the villainess used was pretty cool. The effects for it actually weren’t bad and I wouldn’t mind something similar in a modern film. You can see how deadly the acid is by how it melted the wall and that helps to make the fight with the main character a little more balanced since otherwise he should win easily. He’s not the best guy but he is still trained with a blade after all.

Overall, The Four Musketeers isn’t a particularly good film. It’s one that will have you shaking your head the whole time. It’s not like the negatives are super egregious or anything. Sure the film can be boring, the romance is bad, there’s quite a bit of fanservice and the characters are no good but the film isn’t super long and it’s not like there are any big animal violence moments or excessive violence in general. It’s a fairly safe film to check out but I just can’t recommend it because it should have been many times better. I think the world is ready for a good 3 Musketeers film at this point. It’s just got so much potential. I think you really need to play it straight with the action though. You could absolutely make it part comedy but that shouldn’t be done lightly and of course it has to actually be super funny or that will backfire. I think this is a film that just gets worse and worse in hindsight.

Overall 3/10

Unforgiven Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Unforgiven is basically a wild west film with the classic theme of revenge. It’s going for a fairly somber tone with the main character having to contend with his past. The premise isn’t bad since that’s really classic for doing a solid revenge film about someone getting back into the game but the film ultimately misses its cues to make this the next big epic that you will never forget. Ultimately I just couldn’t land it near the top.

The movie starts off with a rather intense scene as a villain beats up on a lady and disfigures her. The guy gets off very light without having to go to jail or get beaten which shows how corrupt the town is. The ladies are prostitutes so unfortunately the town doesn’t really care to avenge the lady. The group takes it upon themselves to do this and issue out a warrant for the murder of the guy who slashed up the lady and his partner. Word reaches out to a young man who figures this is his chance to get rich. He ends up recruiting a legendary gunfighter named Will and Wil brings in his friend Ned. Between the 3 fighters they have a young guy who doesn’t really know how to fight, an old man who has long since stopped fighting and doesn’t have the edge anymore, and a guy who lives a life of peace now and may not be able to take the shot when it counts. The odds are not in their favor.

Whenever you have a film about a character having to go back to his old ways of fighting it can be tricky for the character because he may just not have the stuff anymore. Some characters keep honing their skills of course but others don’t because they figure that life will never come back. That’s the case with Will who may have been the best a long time ago but now he’s feeling his age. The guy’s worst scene has to be when he walks into the bar and just gets clobbered by Little Bill and his men. This is where I feel like you have to take your gun out and start shooting because he very easily could have just been murdered there.

Seriously when you have a gun, you have to use it. Even when you’re outnumbered there, you’re probably going to die anyway so what’s really the benefit in holding back? He makes up for it by the end but I was just surprised at how the scene went. In a way it ended up just being the same as the first group who showed up and promptly got destroyed by Little Bill. Bill definitely got a lot of hype in the movie that’s for sure.

There’s a whole subplot of Bill telling an aspiring author about how the wild west really works and all. He’s all about accuracy over speed and why he’s the best one out there. I do agree with him on always going for the best shooter if you’re facing off with a group. I’m more a fan of the quickdraw myself so I don’t fully agree with him there. Of course you do need accuracy too but if you’re a quicker shot and land a bullet anywhere then you’re in business. If you’re a step too slow then it’s likely game over right out of the gate.

Bill makes for an impressive villain in just how determined he is to make sure there are no assassins in his town. He’s a corrupt sheriff and one who wants to keep complete power. He has no respect for anyone who brings a gun onto his property. Again you’d think people would use their guns before they are stomped into submission but that’s how it goes I suppose. He’s a very memorable character which is always good and it’s a way for you to always end up remembering this film no matter what happens.

Meanwhile The Kid on the hero’s side was definitely just annoying the whole time. He didn’t have what it took to keep on blasting and nearly ended up costing Will everything. He talked a big game but choked when it counted and that’s typically the worst kind of character. He definitely should have just stayed quiet in the back. Instead he really put himself in a twist. Then there’s Ned who is a decent character but I wasn’t a big fan of his either. Deciding to leave midway through the adventure was not a great move. Of course there’s no way for him to have known that he would be caught but of course it did put the other two characters in a tricky spot. Again I’d also say you need to try shooting because if you’re captured then it’ll end up being a fate worse than death.

Will had a great climax but it would have been nice if he could have stayed strong the whole time. No taking that last drink and undoing all of the work his wife had put in to getting him off the habit. It was definitely a metaphor kind of moment for showing that he went all the way back. Of course we can say he went back to being all good after the ending here but I think it would have been a much stronger performance if he went in and took everyone out without the drink. Just show that he would use the skills one last time and he’s doing it for a friend so it’s different than if he was just doing it to be a murderer.

The film fits in a lot of lore and backstory around the plot so I will say that they made sure every bit of the story was covered. I had a lot of issues with the film but the story itself was sound and the final fight that we did get was good. It’s not a film that’s without its positives, they just ended up being outnumbered by the negatives rather strongly in this case.

If the film could tone down the grit here then we’d be in a much better spot. The opening scene really starts the film off on the wrong note and it’s hard to recover from something like that. All the beatings in the film extend for quite a while and then seeing Will just get beaten up at the bar without fighting back was rough. The fact that the other two heroes were taking their payment in advance was also pretty awful. C’mon now these people are obviously in distress and doing whatever they can for the heroes to right the wrongs so actually taking them up on this is crazy. The film could have done with more heroic characters that’s for sure. This is definitely more of a jaded wild west story and you can feel it.

Overall, In trying to dismantle the wild west genre the film only serves to dismantle itself. It focuses too hard on being gritty and having none of the characters be an awe inspiring hero instead of just being an epic film. Ultimately this one won’t compete with the classic wild west titles even if the climax was really good. They always say to end on a good note so I can at least give the film that defense. It ended on the best note possible and if the whole film had been like that then we’d be having a very different conversation.

Overall 3/10

Kickboxer 2 Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

I wasn’t a big fan of the first Kickboxing film and unfortunately the sequel also gets a thumbs down too. I would say it is an improvement over the first but not enough so where I would be able to defend it. It suffers from a lot of serious plot issues like adding a sour note to the first film and overall just going for maximum edge there. It doesn’t even have the solid ost from the first film so things get tricky here.

The movie starts off by introducing us to David, another brother related to the main characters from the first film. He has skill in close quarters combat but isn’t quite as strong as the earlier two. He doesn’t fight anymore, however his gym isn’t doing well so he is forced to unretire. He’s still good enough to win his fights but the main problem is Tong Po has returned. It turns out that he murdered the main characters from the first film including the heroine and now he’s here for David. He has his goons murder a child and then they murder David’s protégé. Now the lead has to fight him but does he have the skills to beat this fighter?

The whole plot feels like something out of an edgy fanfic. “Yo what if…..the villain from the first film got better and murdered everybody!!” I mean cmon now, I know a villain can have a revenge story too but having the heroes lose so cheaply off screen is rough. We see someone get shot so it seems like Tong Po just used underhanded tactics to win. He would have needed to since the last main character heavily surpassed him by the end of the first film. It makes a very strong argument for why you need to completely bump off the villain after a point. Letting him stay alive just opened the door for things to go south.

It’s just such a bad plot point though. Then for extra edge we have the whole kid thing. So there are a bunch of kids that look up to David and want to get stronger. One in particular had a bit of a bad attitude but he was trying his best. Well, a group of fighters attack in the night and when burning down the dojo they take out a kid too. It’s clear this is for maximum drama and edge but the film really didn’t need that. I would argue if anything it’s actually a net negative. The kids didn’t need to be here and surely having his brothers murdered is already enough of a motivation for David.

The edgy backstory also hurts some characters. Namely Xian because with his daughter dead the guy should be out for blood right? He’s an expert fighter to the point where he is the world’s best coach so why not take down Tong Po himself? I never get why the masters can get so complacent when the stakes are this level of personal. Instead he’ll train David and said he will sacrifice the guy if necessary. That’s great, but go handle your business. He should have absolutely been doing whatever it takes to bring that guy down instead of just waiting until David was forced into the action.

It doesn’t make any sense. What else doesn’t make sense? Everyone sitting by as Tong Po shows up and murdered someone in the ring. This isn’t Thailand this time. It’s taking place in the US and yet the villains still have enough clout to break all of the rules as often as they want and get away with literal murder? I don’t care how rich the villains are, that doesn’t make any sense. If the protégé was smart he would have taken the tournament crown by default since the opponent wasn’t smart. Even then he should have won the fight early on when Tong Po was clearly cheating. The ref would call it out each time but not do anything about it so what’s the point there? It’s just a really bad look all around and it’s why the film’s plot is so forced.

I feel like the writers had the dilemma they wanted to get to and knew the conclusion but didn’t know how to organically get the plot there. As a result it’s all rather contrived and the film feels very try-hardish. David’s a decent main character but it would be nice if he could have stepped up a bit sooner. A really rough moment was when the invaders attacked at night. David’s an expert hand to hand fighter so couldn’t he have fought back at least a little bit rather than going down immediately and getting beaten up so badly? I didn’t like how easily he went down there, night or not.

Tong Po also doesn’t look as impressive here for obvious reasons. He claims to want honor yet he goes around taking down stronger opponents with guns? Then in the final fight he is only able to do well when there is a hostage at stake. The instant David can fight the guy goes down like a sack of bricks. It’s like he can’t fight at a very high level at all. In the first film at least it was clear that he was still an incredibly difficult opponent to take down. He would cheat for sure but the guy legitimately did have a lot of skills at his disposal. Here he’s just a chump.

Also while the final fight is fairly long, the power levels don’t make a lot of sense. Put it this way, David is getting completely smashed throughout the whole fight. He’s got tons of broken bones and is coughing up blood since he was told not to fight back due to the hostage stuff going on. So finally when they tell him to fight, he’s able to crush Tong Po just like that? People underestimate how bad those injuries will be acting up while you’re fighting. There’s no way you’re going to just be able to keep fighting as if you’re going into the battle fresh. At best it means Tong Po is just incredibly weak but that’s not possible from what we saw. At least not to that extent so the film overplayed its hand in trying to make the stakes high. Again it’s just not great writing.

Overall, Kickboxer 2 may have beaten the first film but that’s not saying a whole lot. It’s still got huge chronic problems all throughout. In general the kids weren’t needed as their scenes don’t even fit in with the rest of the film. The film’s rather serious and dark while their moments are trying to be a little too upbeat. Perhaps it could work if the film was written better but it wasn’t built for this. In the end I would say to just avoid this film. As bad as the first film was, at least the ending was satisfying but this film completely takes that away and makes it moot so it’s a double negative.

Overall 4/10