Category Archives: 5 Star Movies

Mr. Miracle Review

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It’s time for me to look at a film where something extremely rare happens. Hallmark actually missed the mark on this one. They just leaned a little too hard on Mr. Miracle not knowing anything to the point where it is actively distracting and also makes no sense with the storyline. I couldn’t ultimately escape this and so the film couldn’t be as good as it should have been.

The film started off with Harry getting super excited because he has been chosen to finally go to Earth and help somebody out. He has been waiting a long time for this chance because if he does well then he gets to stick around on Earth permanently as he helps more and more people. His mission is to help out a girl named Addie who has strayed off the path and isn’t super fulfilled at school Is Harry up to the task or is he about to fail?

The first big problem I have here is that for some reason Harry doesn’t know anything about anything. When he is told to “take a seat” he literally grabs it to walk off with. He takes everything literally and doesn’t know basic concepts like humor. They act like he’s an alien but at some point he had to have been a human before being an angel. Maybe he died as a baby but he’s been waiting years for his turn so it sounds like he should have picked some things up. Ultimately it just makes it so that you are shaking your head whenever he appears. The guy is wayyyyy too overdone.

It actively goes against the storyline of the movie since we never saw that problem with any other angel. I would have to attribute this to be a writing problem because the film could have easily portrayed him as naive or gullible without going this far. The film ends up being illy but not in a particularly funny way. If it was really funny then naturally the issues wouldn’t matter at all. You’re rooting against Harry here because you know that if he succeeds then he will get to stick around.

Fortunately Celeste is around to try and help. The problem is that Harry naturally doesn’t want her help. That is what makes him even worse to be honest. So not only is he terrible at his job but then he is also not willing to accept help. You can’t have a giant ego when you’re this bad. Sure, eventually he accepts the help but it took way too long to get to that point. Celeste probably should have taken a stronger stand against him as well. I’d even recommend reporting him to the other angels for making a mess of things.

As for Addie, the film is mainly supposed to be about her so she is a big character. I thought she was fairly reasonable the whole time. She’s not particularly outgoing and doesn’t like to stand out. I wouldn’t call those objectively negative qualities. I can also see why she didn’t want to help the local bully since they never got along particularly well before. Naturally a romance does bloom out of this which was hard to buy into. I was fine with them finally making amends and getting along though. No sense in holding grudges forever and it seems like things were never too personal.

It’s just hard to take this guy seriously because apparently he was a player for a long while. Sure, no girls are seeing him now that he’s broken his leg but once he is better then that could all change. Addie is doing well to look after him while his mother is out and about but she doesn’t owe him anything more than that. She also has to deal with Harry constantly embarrassing her at school and everything which isn’t easy.

The fact that things go so well for Harry will also have you shaking your head each time. The plot has to bend over backwards to try and make things work out for him and it’s just so forced. They really needed to do something to make this more of a learning experience. If you are going to write Harry like this, then it should be a movie about humility as things get worse and worse until he begs Celeste for help. Another part of the problem here is that he never really does that and she just volunteers help. Right through to the end he just never feels particularly apologetic even though it’s all his fault.

Take Harry out of the film and the whole thing gets way better. After all, it still has the nice Hallmark vibes. It’s generally a pleasant movie to watch and the pacing is fine. You have some fun characters here and it’s the kind of film that you know will have a happy ending. Without Harry I have no doubt that it would hold its own with the average Hallmark experience. So this is a good example of how a film can completely change directions all on account of a single character.

I’ll start wrapping up by saying that it is still an interesting idea to have a main character with powers like this. It’s certainly not the only time we’ve seen this happen and usually it’s a lot of fun. So the takeaway shouldn’t be to remove the supernatural element. In fact, if Harry knew how to use his powers then that would have at least made him look a little competent and could have helped his character.

Overall, Mr. Miracle is one of those films where there is nothing terribly wrong for it but it can be a bit of a hard watch. Harry is just that over the top and I haven’t seen a character that grating in a minute. Side characters sure, but the main character? The film definitely had a serious misstep there and couldn’t course correct in time. If you want to watch a Christmas movie then you should watch just about any other Hallmark movie instead. This one isn’t really going to wow you but if you have no other options left or have already seen all of the Hallmark movies then I guess you should watch this one.

Overall 5/10

Challenge to Lassie Review

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It’s time for another Lassie film and this one is definitely ready to give you that emotional punch. Fortunately it focuses on the humans taking their Ls again instead of Lassie which is definitely the right way to approach it. It certainly works for me at least although Lassie still does get injured a bit here and there with all of the big jumps. I would say that it doesn’t end up beating the last film but still beats the average Lassie experience.

The movie starts by showing us how a guy named Jack raised Lassie for a long while. She was a small pup at first and then gradually grew into full size. She had a really good upbringing and it all turned out well but Jack was an old man. He was already breaking down and it only got worse when he was beat up by a bunch of thugs. That really accelerated things and he ends up dying. This forces his friend John to look after Lassie but it won’t be easy. She wants to always be with his grave but the grave is located among church grounds where dogs are not allowed. Now the cops have been alerted and since John has no formal license to Lassie, she is in a lot of trouble and may get the death penalty. Can’t anything be done?

I would say the weakest part of the film is how a lot of the characters are super unreasonable. This is a dog after all and a rather harmless one at that. The whole putting him to sleep business makes no real sense. They try to explain how it is necessary because that’s just how the law is, but it feels rather forced the whole time. There is no real reason to be this stringent about it. When the kids ask the judge about why he has to pass the law, the guy can barely even answer. Deep down he also knows that this is all a bunch of nonsense.

The basis of the law is that because John doesn’t have the license, he isn’t able to get one after the fact. Instead of waiting the usual 3 days for someone to pick up the dog, they can skip right to the execution. It’s a case of the process being put ahead of the logic which is where the whole thing breaks down. If a rule doesn’t make sense then you have to find a way to agree with it or just ignore it entirely. Now you do have to put some real effort into understanding the law first as you shouldn’t just break laws that you disagree with but this was a very clear example.

So I can’t say that I really liked any of the policemen or judges here. Then you have the church personnel who aren’t the best here. At least the big preacher at the end seemed reasonable and wouldn’t rat him out but the main guy wasn’t the nicest. You can understand why Lassie wouldn’t be allowed on the church grounds since there could be a lot of cleanliness issues but in this case you should just move the body then. Put it somewhere where Lassie could visit it and you would solve all of the problems at once.

I’ll give John credit for fighting pretty hard to save Lassie the whole time. He went to court and risked his reputation the whole time as well. It’s definitely not something that just anyone can do. His son the young lawyer was also pretty solid here. There were a lot of limitations on what he could really do before he was fully certified but he was always ready to help as well. Even the kids weren’t bad here as they were all on Lassie’s side. It was nice to see the whole community supporting him like that.

As I noted earlier, an issue is that Lassie still goes through a certain amount of grief. It’s nothing as crazy as in the earlier films but she is pushed to her physical limit the whole time as she has to scale mountains and constantly be on the run. You can’t forget the emotional burdens as she wants to be with the old owner the whole time and keeps on being prevented from doing so. Her dedication was definitely second to none but of course those scenes aren’t very fun.

That is a common theme with a lot of the Lassie films which is that they generally aren’t very fun to watch. This one has some fun dialogue and reasonable characters but it is mainly lacking a big hook. One framing device that could have really helped it would have been to have the film start in the court-room and have that continue as the present throughout the movie. We then see the scenes spread across as several flashbacks. Have more and more of the characters enter the court room as witnesses and then we see the scenes from their perspective. It would have turned this into more of a courtroom thriller film which always tends to work pretty well. It would have given the movie a bit of a boost.

Overall, Challenge to Lassie is a decent film for the most part but I wouldn’t say there is much reason to watch it. In some ways the last one is still a more satisfying overall picture with Lassie mainly getting the sweet end of things. In this one, Lassie may avoid a lot of the physical trauma of the original films but still has to deal with the emotional trauma of the fallout that occurs from the owner dying. It’s not like he returns at the end or anything like that so in the end it’s still a net loss for her. The fact that she still goes to the grave every evening to mourn also shows that she isn’t really over the loss and perhaps never will be. I like to think that eventually she would change and not have to visit the grave but it’s hard to say. Either way if you’ve seen all of the Lassie films then you may as well check this one out. Otherwise you can give it a skip.

Overall 5/10

Curse of the Black Widow Review

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This has to be one of the weirdest films I’ve ever seen. The tone is absolutely all over the place, the soundtrack has 0 consistency, the plot is super convoluted with a ton of twists, the main character looks like Vince from WWE, there are tons of crazy facial expressions, we have a surprising amount of world building for no reason, and there is even some sequel bait. This film just could not calm down and while it starts to get a bit tiring by the second half, I just have to appreciate the ambition. I actually think there was a ton of creativity here and a whole lot of possibilities to make this into a great film. It couldn’t quite get there and I have my share of issues but it was better than I was expecting.

So the movie starts off with Mark at the bar having a bunch of drinks when a beautiful lady shows up and asks for one of the men to escort her to the car. Specifically she only wants one of the guys so Mark goes back to his drink wishing that he was selected. He would quickly change his tune though as they hear yelling and when he heads outside, the guy has been murdered and the lady is nowhere to be seen. It turns out that her name is Valerie and now she is a suspect in the murder. Mark is hired by a lady named Leigh who explains that she was the guy’s girlfriend. The police suspect that she is behind this because her excuse of not showing up to meet her boyfriend as planned was one of the flimsiest that we’ve heard. Basically the rain was too hard. Mark decides to take up the case and he’s about to fall into a whole conspiracy of craziness.

Okay so the first thing that will stand out here is the strong soundtrack. You have a lot of really fast paced jingles and the movie is generally going for a very energetic vibe. Things are just popping and it really doesn’t match the scary vibe the movie is going for. Yeah sometimes the film will get a little quiet and it will try to get ominous but by then it’s just way too late. I liked the music though, it may not be all that fitting most of the time but it does liven things up which is always cool.

Then Mark also has a ton of facial expressions all the time with a bunch of zoom ins here and there. He is visibly shocked by just about everything and doesn’t even know the basics about spiders. This guy doesn’t seem like he would be a particularly good detective and I can imagine him getting emotionally involved with all of his clients. He seemed a little too eager to take up Leigh’s offer after all and then later on he starts to get a bit jealous at the dance. He doesn’t strike me as a very upstanding guy and is someone you’d probably be better off avoiding the whole time.

Still, he does have that obnoxious kind of personality that lets him strong arm anyone who gets in his way. He has a lot of connections and even members of the cops are ready to help him. We learn about the women who are able to turn into spiders and have super abilities among other such legends. He is really hard pressed to believe any of it for a good while but finally comes around after the proof is truly undeniable.

I liked the chief of police, Gully. Yeah he doesn’t always make the best decisions and probably keeps the situation a little too tight lipped but what I can respect about him is that he doesn’t back down. Mark can bully most of the side characters along to his whims but not this guy. No sirrrrr, Gully is here for the long haul and gets the final say. That’s the kind of guy you want in charge of the investigation.

Now, another area I have to give the film props in is with the subplot at the house where you have Laura and a kid. This plot randomly showed up near the beginning of the movie and had nothing to do with anything. Then wayyyyy later on it returns and still seems to be out of place. They’re talking about secrets, Leigh is involved, etc. It’s only by the end where we get a machine gun styled swarm of twist after twist. The plots end up converging but it took so long that I actually started to think that the film forgot about it. Yeah that would be crazy but I did start to really consider it.

Honestly, the film would be better off without any of that anyway. It’s the weakest part of the film by far. I preferred to have this mysterious lady going around bumping men off for rejecting her. That’s a much scarier premise than having all the family drama and learning everything about the past. I don’t want to know more about the character, I want to just focus on how to stop her. We have this one guy who easily seduces the lady and every scene with him is absolutely painful. You’re just rooting for someone to transform into a spider and eat him already.

Also the film gets some kudos for having the first guys to actually have some class. It feels like in almost every film, the guy will buckle immediately if a pretty woman so much as talks to him. Doesn’t matter if he’s married or engaged, he just starts blubbering like a fool and cheats immediately. Not the case this time! The first two girls actually turn Valerie down which is why they are absolutely crushed. I appreciated the resolve there. Would have been nice if they could fight too but let me not get greedy. It was just a nice change of pace to see.

Also this is a better vampire film than most vampire titles and that’s even without having any kind of vampire in it. We still had the blood sucking but it was generally not on screen and the way it was handled with the tendrils was way better than biting the neck. Spiders just have a more pleasant way of going about things.

Overall, Curse of the Black Widow is an absolutely wild ride. It’s crazy just how much is going on and it’s all so rapid. Even with that, the second half does drag on a bit with all the exposition and twists. I super did not care about anything that was happening there and wanted to go back to the mystery. That’s what they should have focused on and the movie would have been better off for it. At the end of the day I wouldn’t recommend the film, it made too many mistakes. Still, it was considerably better than I expected and you see so many missed opportunities that it hurts, but you can feel the ambition. The movie took a wide swing and while it missed, it was a fair effort.

Overall 4/10

Something Wicked This Way Comes Review

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It’s time for another story about resisting temptation because the short term fun will quickly be taken over by something grim. It’s a pretty interesting concept but one that is slightly wasted by this film. I like the idea of someone sinister showing up in a small town and granting everyone’s wishes at a great cost. It’s just hard to really get the full scope of this when the main characters are kids so they can’t really do much about this. It would be a lot more effective otherwise. Still, it’s not a bad film.

The movie starts by introducing us to Will and Jim who have gotten in trouble at school again. It’s not easy for these two kids to live in such a boring town. There’s really just nothing to do except cause trouble at this point. Everyone in town has some issues that they deal with, one one guy missing an arm, one lady being really old, etc. Still, people do the best that they can. One day a strange old guy shows up and gives one of the kids a lightning rod. Seems like a dangerous thing to have at home, but eh the price was pretty good. Everything changes when a mysterious circus/carnival comes into town led by Mr. Dark. His shady name is already an indicator of things to come. He seems to have the ability to make your wish come true. The price? Well, he’ll come to collect that in short order.

Naturally you’d think it would be easy to just say no to the guy and run off but honestly Dark is rather smart about how he handles this. He’s not just cackling on a throne telling people to give up their immortal souls. He just strolls around and creates miracles in a rather low key way. It’s one of the few times I don’t totally blame the random locals for falling into his traps. On the surface the guy doesn’t seem all that crazy although the miracles are a red flag but it’s almost all like one big dream.

The character I do blame for this? Jim. Jim knows what is going on to a much larger degree than the others and yet he really wants Mr. Dark to grant his wish to become older. He is jealous of being a few hours or days younger than Will. That has to be one of the most petty things I’ve heard in quite some time now. He’s also quite ready to beat up Will over this despite the two of them being close friends. I thought that was really crazy! You don’t just betray your best friend on a whim like that. I couldn’t look at him the same after that.

In comparison, Tom had it rough because the guy was actually tortured by Dark for information. This guy never cracked no matter what he was put through. This is where the more interesting plot is at play with what’s going on here. The battle happening in the shadows so to speak so it is annoying when we have to continue following the kids who are out of their depth. There’s probably a TV trope for this but it’s when you are following the B plot while the A plot happens in the background. I feel like there’s a whole other movie in here that we are completely missing out on because the kids can’t handle what is going on.

They’re also way too passive like when one of the guys is de-aged to a kid and is pretending to be the teacher’s nephew. Maybe you don’t tell the teacher because she has no reason to believe you but you definitely handle the kid. Instead they ran off like chickens which was not a good move at all. Charles at least does good since he’s the only grown up to really be in the mix the whole time but the problem is that he’s really old. He can’t hold his own in a fight and at best is able to talk tough verbally to Mr. Dark. I still give him credit for that at least.

I don’t really have many issues with the film but the problem is that the one issue I do have is a pretty big one. The film can just be a little bit on the boring side. We see the process of everyone in town getting their wishes granted and all but after that we are missing out on most of the action because the kids can’t handle it. It feels like a strong opening without much of a payoff. The climax is decent but with adult or even teenage main characters you could have squeezed in a whole lot more action. I’d like to see a reimagining of this film some day because I definitely see the potential.

I’ll throw you out an idea right here, make Tom the main character next time. Lets explore more of what he knows about this and his ultimate plan about it. You could even choose to make a prequel instead. Usually I’m against that but in this case it could really work and I think it would instantly be more exciting than this film. Just something to think about but it would solve the protagonists issue right out of the gate.

Overall, Something Wicked This Way Comes is a very interesting film where the payoff doesn’t quite match up. The title is certainly a descriptive one and makes sense for the movie. The setting and backdrop is all there as well as a solid atmosphere. The decision to have the two main characters be kids is ultimately what buried this one though. You need leads who can fight, not kids who will just stay in the back the whole time getting dominated. I suppose kids need some stories where they can see protagonists their own age running around but it doesn’t really do anything for me. If you are really in the mood for a fantasy title and have seen most of the others already then you should check this one out. Otherwise, there are far better ones out there that you should watch instead.

Overall 5/10

Crime Story Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a Jackie Chan film that was actually rather serious. I was on the fence about whether this would get a score or not since it’s based on true events. The names were all changed around and it seemed like it was lose enough though so I decided to just go with it. It’s definitely a reasonably solid film for most of the run but makes enough mistakes to keep it treading water in the middle. You’ve got a good amount of action here but the main character can be rather annoying with how much he puts up with the whole time. The villains definitely needed to get beaten up sooner.

Mr. Wong is a pretty wealthy guy and he has a lot of disputes with his workers over the conditions. He has reason to believe that he will soon be kidnapped and asks for police protection for when this happens. Unfortunately the cops don’t really believe him. Chan is put on as Wong’s bodyguard but he also thinks that the threat isn’t very tangible so he doesn’t take things as seriously as he should. At one point Wong is being followed by a car and asks for help but Chan thinks it’s just some disgruntled workers at first. Chan still does go over to help but it’s too late and Wong is gone. Chan must now find him before the villains do something drastic but can he pull the trigger as needed?

See, Chan is dealing with some PTSD from an earlier case. He was chasing a bunch of crooks through the city and they were just not cooperating so in self defense Chan ended up shooting. There were fatalities and in a way he blames himself although I would say he handled the mission well. Look, sometimes people are gonna die, that’s pretty much inevitable in this kind of situation especially when the crook isn’t stopping. Of course you want to aim for a leg so it’s not fatal but when the crooks also have a gun then that’s game over.

We have a bit of a subplot where Chan works with a counselor to try and get him through the distress. She’s a fun character and the whole time you’re wondering if she’s connected a bit deeper into the film. It’s just good acting in the end but she has such a big emphasis early on that the jaded part of you figures this is some kind of a trap. Either way this is part of why Chan doesn’t just mess everyone up because he’s a little more reserved than usual. He still does all of the usual parkour and running around but isn’t firing off the shots as quickly.

That’s fine, it takes time to get over trauma but what I didn’t like is how he takes so much abuse from the villains. At one point he is questioning a suspicious lady who has been seen with the corrupt cop Mr. Hung. While he is there, the guys minions are tripping Chan, shoving him, etc. They really mess with the guy and go for the ultimate disrespect and Chan just keeps on trying to run out of there. After a point you need to just beat these guys up straight away. There are a lot of ways you could promote this as self defense and if you think the force is too corrupt for this then you just have to hide the villains afterwards.

It was just annoying how he was a punching bag for so long there. I also think he could have handled the situation with Hung a whole lot better. Chan had his suspicions from the start but no proof so he sort of waited and bided his time. The problem with this is that it buys Hung a lot of time to do things. By all accounts Chan should have been dead in this film several times. It’s why you gotta be proactive and make a move based on your gut. The only time Chan really did this was when he roughed up a witness for a while despite everyone warning him not to. That was definitely a good move.

Meanwhile Hung doesn’t make for a great main villain. He may not be the head honcho but he has the biggest role because of his connection with the cops. The guy is a fairly high ranking official so everyone believes him with all of his false information. The guy does a whole lot of damage the whole time and you’re waiting for the heroes to take him out. I will at least give the guy props for his confidence because he really swindles the heroes like a champ even when they could have potentially called his bluff several times. Confidence is the first step towards messing everyone up after all.

He has this random toxic relationship with a girl who shows up a few times during the film. Unfortunately all this does is weaken the film as a whole. The whole affair in the elevator is rather crazy and didn’t have much of a purpose here. I won’t say the relationship itself is unrealistic because you could totally picture this being the case but it’s definitely not something that the film needed. We already knew that Hung was not a good guy and even if this was meant to drum up the slightest bit of sympathy for the guy and why he wanted more money, it definitely didn’t work.

The only one you really feel bad for here is Wong’s wife who is doing her best to comply with the demands and get her husband to safety. It’s just not an easy position to be in and that’s before you consider the corrupt cop and everything going on. All she knows is the cops don’t have a great game plan and keep leading her on a wild goose chase. She does everything she can to save her husband so I would definitely call her the best character in the film.

The film has some good action like I mentioned before and I think that’s something the film should have leaned on a bit harder. Give us more action scenes and solid athletics. That would have helped to also establish Chan as a better main character if he was fighting a lot. Toss the club scene and a few small rewrites would make this solid right off the gate. The film does keep your interest but you see all of the missed potential throughout the movie.

Overall, Crime Story is a film that has a lot of good moments and solid action throughout but definitely gets weakened by the lower points of the film. The whole scene of Chan being hazed at the club was just awful and made no sense. He was too slow to make a move and the toxic relationship with Hung was just wasting valuable screentime. The writing itself isn’t bad and there’s some decent pacing here but in the end these issues definitely start to add up and keep the film from reaching its full potential. I would sooner recommend most of Jackie Chan’s other films.

Overall 5/10

Journey to the Seventh Planet Review

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It’s time for a film that mixed in the themes of sci-fi with temptation and the importance of willpower. You may think that you don’t need any willpower in space because you’ll just be with your friends but what if you run into aliens? The characters didn’t think about that and so unfortunately you’ve got yourself a very weak group right here. All they do is hold each other back which is definitely not good since negative peer pressure isn’t exactly helping things. The film has an interesting idea and reminds me of Star Trek a lot. That being said, I didn’t think it succeeded nearly as well as it could have thanks to the characters not being so good. That really makes a big difference in the end.

The film starts off by introducing us to the main crew as they are heading into space to check out the 7th planet. Unfortunately they all black out at the same time. When they wake up, a whole lot of time has passed but hey they have made it to their destination. Instead of a dead planet though, they’re on a pretty nice one that even has houses and stuff. It’s all really weird but they start investigating. The weirdest thing? Girls from their past have started to show up. It’s hard to say how they arrived in space before them but the researchers are pretty hyped. Can they keep their head focused on the task at hand though?

Okay so naturally this is already looking bad for the scientists but it gets worse. Early on they are able to figure out that obviously the girls are not real. Some kind of entity is using their memories to get to them and make sure they either don’t leave the planet or that they take it with them. This should make the whole thing fail right off the bat but instead they are just so happy to see these ladies around that they ignore their senses the whole time. Talk about acting crazy right? It’s a really bad look for them but also I didn’t like that the entity doesn’t have much of a plan for a while there.

Towards the very and I mean very end of the movie the villain finally starts some sabotage attempts and everything but it’s way too little too late. Taking them all out early on would have been super easy. The film has a nice twist ending at least but for the most part you’re just wondering what the point of all this is. If you have as much power as the entity and it clearly had a ton, then you should just take the humans out. They all should be getting bumped off with how weak willed they are. Turn this into the first space based horror film as the girls separate the guys and then take them down.

Yes I know there have been other space based horror films but none quite like this. It would really be about the characters being unable to confront their past and fears so they are easily overpowered. Then just have one or two characters who don’t fall into the trap and actually stand by their guns. That would definitely be the best way to handle this. This gets worse when you realize that the entity actually has creatures and stuff at the ready but doesn’t bring them out until later on. I know the main plan was to take control of the human bodies and use them but why not do that right from the start?

The entity clearly has enough power to easily knock everyone out while they were on the spaceship and they were apparently knocked out for a very long time. If you can do that from long range then you can probably do that from short range as well right? So just do it again and keep doing it as long as you need to in order to take over the body. Now it’s possible there is some restriction that the film mentions about his needing to be right next to the victim or to be in contact for this to work. I don’t think so but throwing that out there in case I’ve forgotten something but even then, knocking them out first makes the most sense.

Ah well, while the film may not be super exciting or action packed, I still enjoyed the writing. It has that old school dialogue that I always tend to enjoy and of course the pacing is solid. It’s fast and goes by real quickly. You definitely aren’t wasting any time here and even if I didn’t think the film was all that good, I like the vibes. The idea of going to a planet where you have to literally face off against your memories is interesting. I think a better film could easily do wonders with this kind of premise. Unfortunately it just ended up being wasted here. So you can watch it to think about the premise or skip it, it’s really on the fence.

Overall, Journey to the Seventh Planet is not the most exciting film. It would have been nice if the characters could have had a bit more agency here and not just fallen for their desires the whole time. After a ton of in fighting and everything they eventually get their act together but it took too long and by all rights they should have been dead by then. So I’m definitely massively skeptical about the whole thing. I was entertained at least but yeah this could have been more dynamic. Have the girls start bumping the guys off or something to increase the drama like I mentioned earlier. Now that would have been interesting. Instead you are just reminded how the average guy in these old films was super desperate and seeing a girl was enough to shake him to the core. They are definitely not ready for deep space and any tough alien would immediately be taking them down for the count. They were literally not built for this.

Overall 5/10

The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training Review

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It’s time for the return of the Bad News Bears! Unfortunately they have lost all of their skills from the last film so in a way you could almost treat this as a pseudo remake/reboot instead. As you’d probably expect, the most entertaining characters tend to be the adults while the kids can be more on the annoying side. There is definitely a lot of in fighting among the kids as they all get in each other’s way. They are not a well oiled machine.

The movie starts with a lot of Bad News for the Bears. Their coach is gone along with their top tier pitcher and also their best overall player. They’re going to be travelling to Texas to take on one of the best teams out there but as they are now they would be absolutely crushed. So they have to do something about this but what is there to do? Well, first thing’s first, they are going to need a coach. Kelly has a plan on this and meets up with his father Mike hoping that he can help. The two have a very strained relationship as Mike left the family and it’s been years since they met up. Mike agrees to help out but is Kelly actually okay with this?

In a lot of ways Kelly is probably the most annoying character here. I say that because he asked Mike for help and Mike agreed to do it. That should have been the end of it but then you have Kelly still throwing fits and not being sure if this is what he really wants. Mike decided to be the bigger guy and help out, Kelly should be grateful about this. You don’t have to be best friends or anything like that but I would at least expect some basic common courtesies and respect. Instead Kelly is just super ungrateful during the entire film. At the end he has his big emotional moment where he admits that he would have went looking for Mike even without the baseball experience and I have my doubts on that. So it undercuts the emotional vale of the moment just a bit.

We do get a lot of Baseball so that’s good at least. It’s a little rough to see the main team doing so poorly though. They get absolutely smoked at first which doesn’t make much sense. Yes, without their star pitcher they will give up more runs but they can’t even hit the ball anymore. That’s just plain embarrassing. Maybe the team isn’t quite as into Baseball as they try to get us to believe. They’re just in it for the fame and fortune.

It would also be nice if they could actually get along for 20 minutes without always trying to fight each other right away. There are so many moments in the film where the characters are on the bus and just start fighting each other. It always has to be broken up and you are reminded that the players are not very professional at the moment.

I felt bad for their fake coach who they manipulated in order to leave town though. The poor guy wasn’t actually invited to go along and was probably stressed the whole time. After all it would be easy for any parent to run into him and then what can he say? The guy was not particularly smart which is part of why he was easy to fool but by the same token that means it would be easy for him to spill the beans as well.

The film can also go into some rather generic territories. For example there is one kid who talks really tough throughout the movie. He’s the new pitcher and one of the best in the business. Well, of course it turns out that he can’t play. In fact he can’t even pitch a slow ball. He is possibly the worst player there at first and that’s rough. So that was definitely a bit much, I’d have preferred that the tough talking kid be someone who can actually hold his own. In a way that would have been a good twist.

Now I will say that the climax is pretty solid though. The idea that the kids’ match would be grounded so the adults could play does feel like something that could happen. I wouldn’t be shocked at least since the average fan wouldn’t care about the kids game too much. Sure there would be a lot of outrage and a public apology later on but in the moment? Yeah that could happen but I was glad that everyone united to stick up for the kids. It was a good climax and solid way to end things.

Ultimately the movie is just a bit more aimless than the first film. The first Bad News Bears had a very solid plot with an interesting angle and we got a good film out of that. This one is trying to copy a lot of the same plot elements which don’t work quite as well the second time around. Some of the plots are new like Kelly and Mike but that one wasn’t executed super well. I felt like a lot of the reasons that Kelly was made at him made no real sense. It was forced drama to extend the film and you didn’t really need that. Give us more scenes of Mike training the team so they can be a solid unit instead. That would have been better.

Overall, Bad News Bears 2 is an okay movie but probably not one I would really want to rewatch. It’s not bad but it does come across as rather pointless at times. You feel like there just has to be more to this film than what you’re seeing but then that doesn’t change as the film ends. There were some good ideas in concept but they just weren’t executed. The film is also a little restricted since most of the characters are kids and they don’t tend to be nearly as interesting. You just need to really enjoy the kids having their little banters and skirmishes. Otherwise this will definitely not be keeping up and I would recommend you watch most other mainstream Baseball films instead.

Overall 5/10

Downhill Racer Review

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All right guys, it’s time for a film that had a lot of potential but didn’t quite stick the landing. This is a sports film at its core and usually those are a blast but this one ends up being rather boring at times. It’s a little too dragged out and you don’t really get to know as many of the supporting characters as you should. That would have made the film work a lot better and I also think that they chose the wrong sport for the moral that they wanted to use. I dare say that you will only really enjoy the experience if you really love the snow. Because you’re going to be seeing a whole lot of it!

The film starts off by introducing us to David, an up and coming skiing master. The guy is an expert at what he does to the point where it has really become his entire life. The guy lives and dreams skiing at all times. The thing is, he doesn’t have much time to think about anything or anyone else. He’s also no team player. He does what he wants when he wants which causes his relationships to go south. Can he truly become the best or is this just a recipe for disaster.

Okay here’s part of the problem, Skiing is truly a solo sport. There is basically no teamwork here because once you’re going down the mountain you can only depend on yourself. So I didn’t really understand the drama all that much. This moral works for basketball or baseball but for skiing? Yeah I don’t think so. It’s also not much of a moral based on how the film ends. In fact, it seems like David was right to be going it alone the whole time which is wild.

Yes, it did come at great sacrifice to his personal relationships but what does he care about those? He’s on his way to permanent success and he will have time for that later on. In fact, most of the best athletes have had to make tons of sacrifices over the years. Sure, you can definitely do it without being a jerk, that is 100% true. The problem is that we’re never really given a reason to show why David was wrong which makes the whole film a bit of a waste.

Also going back to the boring part…the film is incredibly slow. There are so many scenes that are just silent or without anything happening as you watch the skiing form. Again, I could see this being a big deal if you love skiing because then you have no distractions. It’s all just about how realistic the scenes are. If you’re here for the story though then these are massive breaks in the action. There are so many unnecessary scenes that exist just to pad out the length. I dare say you could shave 30 minutes off easily.

As the main character I do like the type of character David represents. He’s the natural prodigy who is incredibly overconfident. He thinks that he is the absolute best guy to ever be on the ice and to a large extent his confidence is justified. The guy is breaking records and doing really well but he lets this go to his head and starts biting off more than he can chew and ignoring everyone. He crashes out during one of his first races because he refused to listen.

So yes that ties into the overall message of needing to have teamwork but it’s a bit loose. Also David constantly has excuses which I do think weakens his arguments. He blames the snow for being too wet and his placement in a race rather than blaming his own lack of ability. He doesn’t own up to any of his failings which is a horrible habit for an athlete. You can’t get better if you think that you are already perfect after all.

Then as the film goes on he gets more and more desperate to break into the top spots even if it means attacking someone on the snow. He’s practically an antagonist at some points depending on how you look at it. Ultimately he does start to get the lesson a little bit although I would argue that he doesn’t fundamentally change much at all compared to the beginning. In a way his talent was just so good that he can get away with this which is in itself a reasonable lesson because it’s true that the more talent you have, the more things you can get away with. It doesn’t exactly make for great cinema but I think with the proper writing it can be a very compelling story.

So it’s possible that maybe I’m just not all that into skiing. I want to at least acknowledge the possibility that it’s not the film doing a poor job of showing the sport but it could be that it just went over my head. All I know is that I wasn’t very engaged the whole time. The romance is also on the weak side even if that’s part of the point for a while there. David has no time for such things even if he thinks that he does and this comes back to bite him several times. He really did have to sacrifice everything for the win. Was it worth it? That would be a good plot for the sequel because the film ends before we really get the answer to that.

Overall, Perhaps I am a bit harsh on Downhill Racer but I don’t think so. This could have easily been a more entertaining film if they tried harder. I tend to like sport movies but this one just wasn’t going anywhere. I think one big thing would be to make the rest of the team members have more personality and screen time. Really build into the rivalry between all of them and that could have helped the film find its legs. It’s not a bad film, I wouldn’t say it makes any real mistakes outside of the pacing so you won’t have a bad time watching this film but it really has no reason to be this long. It just doesn’t make sense. Ironically I think the non sport scenes may have beaten the actual on the ground action since that’s when we actually get to see more of the interactions with David and the team as well as the day to day life parts. Although if we stayed on that it wouldn’t help make the film more exciting either so to really fix it you would need a bigger change.

Overall 5/10

The Man Who Watched Trains Go By Review

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It’s time for a film with a pretty awful main character. I think he got off way too easy the whole time which definitely hurts this one a bit but you’ll stay engaged throughout the adventure. The film’s not super long or anything so it goes by quickly and it doesn’t make a lot of mistakes. A better main character would have absolutely taken the experience to the next level though.

The film starts off by introducing us to Kees who has worked hard as a Clerk for many years. He’s really been hoping that some day he could get a promotion and move up a bit considering all of his loyalty. Well, his plans are dashed when his boss decides to run off with all of the money and basically doom Kees. Well, Kees has had enough of that and he murders the guy. Granted, he wasn’t intending to murder him initially although he was approaching that guy in a threatening manner but the boss falls into the ocean and Kees doesn’t help him. Now Kees has a briefcase filled with lots of money and he can finally live out the adventurous life that he has always wanted. His first stop is to meet up with the lady that the boss was running away with and have an affair.

For context, keep in mind that this guy is married with kids so right off the bat we know that he has no morals here. A life of adventure is all fine and well as a family, like if he had decided to travel with them using the stolen money then you can at least be sympathetic since a lot of the stolen money would have turned into his salary in the future. By doing this and betraying his family you have no sympathy for the guy. The film keeps showing how this guy is a total amateur when it comes to living a life of crime but it’s not like that’s going to have you feel bad for him. No, instead you’re just shaking your head and waiting for him to get his.

At times it feels like Kees is also stacking the deck against himself. A main supporting character is Lucas, who is a detective on the case. They bump into each other a lot and Kees makes himself look incredibly suspicious in every single encounter. In a way you feel more annoyed for Lucas than anything though as the guy absolutely suspects what is going on but just has no proof to confirm it. It’s not like he can just arrest Kees after all. He’s got to go through the process and everything.

Lucas is my favorite character though. He’s at least trying to do the right thing and is very persistent. Just about every other character in the film is really an antagonist so you want him to just arrest everybody. Back to Kees though, he’s just really annoying to follow as a character. He is so desperate to finally have adventure that he basically thinks the main villainess will get together with him just because he has a lot of money now. He’s extremely lucky that she didn’t have him bumped off early on. Kees doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who can stay strong when getting beat up either so I think he would crack right away.

It seemed like a stretch to be playing the long game here. Michele is a big villain here of course but she’s always been a villain which is why I have more respect for her than Kees. At least she has some dignity and does well in her long term planning. There’s not a lot that I can say to really defend Kees in contrast to that. Meanwhile Louis is another guy who likes Michele and he’s always ready to use violence to solve his problems. Michele has to save Kees from him on several occasions but again I think this was a strategic blunder. Louis would have gotten the answer out of Kees with ease.

Kees is only a tough guy when confronted with someone who can’t fight back. He gets tough with Michele at some points when he’s not being obviously manipulated but Louis would take him down easily. I would have liked to have gotten some closure with his family back home since they really vanish after the opening scenes. If they were portrayed as more antagonistic then that would have maybe helped Kees be a bit more sympathetic but it didn’t work for me. I feel like the film was at least trying to go for that angle but ultimately I did not think that they succeeded here.

Still, the premise was good so I think it would be easy to do a remake of this film that’s actually fairly solid. For starters, he should be a novice at being a criminal but shouldn’t be absolutely helpless. Don’t have him dash towards the villainess hoping to score when there is no reason why he should. It would make much more sense for him to be spending the money a little too loosely when treating himself to some foods and then the villain approaches him. After that he gets suckered of course but at least keeps some dignity. Ultimately it won’t save the character since he’ll still be annoying, but not as bad and that will help the film by extension.

If you are going to go this route though, then you have to make Kees meet a tough end. He absolutely should have been bumped off or scolded a bit more about deserting his family. I’d argue he shouldn’t have gotten any wins by the end either. He should have been outsmarted and then arrested to show how he was not able to keep up with the career criminals. That would have really been a good way to make the story go full circle.

Overall, The movie has a fairly interesting plot about an average guy becoming a big criminal by being in the wrong place at the wrong time but the execution wasn’t totally on point. I think it loses a bit of steam with how utterly corrupt Kees was from the start. Honestly a huge change that would have helped would have been for him not to have a family. That would have even tied well with his not really having much of a life and wasting it all on the job. It could actually make him a whole lot more sympathetic, but that’s just how it goes sometimes I suppose. In some ways I found the opening scenes before the boss died to be the most interesting and having the whole film take place in town could have been more fun. Like Kees has a ton of money and has to spend it carefully without letting anyone know that he’s rich. That would have been pretty interesting.

Overall 5/10

One Touch of Venus Review

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It’s time for a romance musical film. The latter doesn’t really become an element for a while but you can be sure that the romance is here from the jump. It’s a pretty interesting scenario since it’s sort of like the classic wish fulfillment scenario but with the main character trying his best to get out of it. He looks rather awful in this movie to be honest but there are some decent laughs to be had here. Is it a good movie though?…wellllllllllll I’d probably have to say no on that.

The movie starts off with Savory being really excited to show the world the giant Venus statue that he got. He ordered it a long time ago and put a fortune into obtaining it. Unfortunately the curtain on the display isn’t working so he sends one of his employees over to fix it before the unveiling. This employee’s name is Hatch and he’s not very talented, smart, or reasonable. He also gets drunk extremely easily. So Hatch does some drinking on the job and decides to kiss the statue before fixing the curtain. What he doesn’t realize is that he has just awakened the goddess of love, Venus up from her slumber. Venus is now ready to enjoy life and has fallen in love with Hatch. The problem is that Hatch is super afraid of her and now the boss believes that he has stolen the statue.

Hatch is an annoying character from the jump. First off, he has a girlfriend in Gloria already but the guy keeps her distant because he doesn’t want to get married. If you just started dating then sure it’s probably good to get to know each other for a while before you’re married. Date for a few months or something and then you’re all good. The problem here is that it feels more like Hatch is just scared of commitment and instead of having an honest conversation with Gloria about it, his first instinct is to just run. Not a very responsible or mature thing to do right?

He does the same thing with Venus. He literally faints the first time and then after that he spends most of the film panicking and running around. If he was at least 100% dedicated to Gloria and was just trying to reject Venus then that would be one thing but he still weakens in several instances which just makes him look really bad. Yes, Venus does passively increase the desire of love within everyone she is around but you need to be able to resist those abilities with your willpower. I don’t accept any excuses in this kind of thing. You either stay strong or you don’t, I’m afraid there is no middle ground here.

Savory may be one of the antagonists here but he has a lot more flair than Hatch. When he meets Venus he does his best to impress her to the point of appearing desperate. He is quick to help others out and yeah he’s not exactly a superhero but he seems like a reasonable guy. I know with the Molly subplot he could be a bit oblivious but she wasn’t super direct either so I’d put that on both of them 50/50. You even feel bad for him a bit when Venus is obviously using him by the end. She didn’t need to do all that but of course at the end of the day it’s on him for falling for that.

Molly gets a fairly happy ending though. I was glad that at the end she wasn’t going to throw Hatch under the bus during the big misunderstanding. At the end of the day she is a good person with her own standards. She may have been a bit too cold and cryptic to the point of sabotaging herself for a while there but she was fun to root for. She always had a few cold one liners at the ready to toss around.

Venus is possibly a big antagonist depending on how much control you think she has over her love abilities. If she is pro actively trying to get Gloria and Joe together so she has Hatch then of course that is antagonist behavior. If it’s more passive then that’s not as bad. The film hints to the former though, particularly since she can use her other abilities at will. She is quite powerful in this film as she can really do anything that her heart desires. Quite a fun ability, I think anyone would really agree to that.

She is willing to charm her way to victory and use people though which is always a trait that I dislike in any character. Her overall confidence is fun enough but the manipulation isn’t cool. So yeah I wasn’t rooting for her here since the whole romance wasn’t build upon great circumstances from the start and she could have used her powers for a lot of better purposes. I wasn’t a big fan of Gloria either though since she rebounded with Joe so quickly. Yeah they’re both possibly being influenced and all but you have to fight it.

Gloria has a boyfriend and Joe’s the guy’s friend. These are both massive taboos so you can’t just ignore that when you feel like it. No sirrrrrr, that was not a good move. That whole subplot is pretty sad whenever it shows up on screen so the romance as a whole is lacking like I mentioned. The film is at its best when it’s embracing the craziness of the whole situation. Every time Hatch would break past the cops I was having a of fun there. It’s silly and over the top but it’s charming with no strings attached.

It made for some decent chase scenes. I also generally enjoyed Venus and Hatch running around and having to hide from everyone. Yeah it’s a bit cheesy but again this is what the film should have been like the whole time. It takes itself so seriously despite the outlandish plot and this being a musical. Also, the songs aren’t all that good. None of them stand out at all and that’s my main problem with a lot of old school music like this. They tend to sound the same and aren’t fast paced or action enough to really take the movie to the next level. There aren’t a ton of songs compared to other musicals though so even if you don’t like musicals then you should be okay as long as you enjoy the story.

Overall, One Touch of Venus is an interesting film. It can be a little funny to see Hatch just panicking and fumbling the bag in every instance. He always finds a way to get himself into bigger and bigger trouble by making himself sound crazy. At the same time, it does mean that he can also be a really annoying main character. It’s hard to root for someone who is his own worst enemy. The film doesn’t drag on though and for the most part it is fun. So I’m leaving it at the midway point here. It’s good enough where you won’t be bored or anything while watching it but at the same time it’s not like you can really root for any of the romances and the characters are all mainly annoying.

Overall 5/10