Category Archives: Live Action Movies

The Walk

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It’s time for the final film based on true events for now. This one’s an intriguing case due to the fact that what Philippe is doing is illegal. In Everest, the film was made because the Captain did a good job of helping most of the people get off safely. In Captain Phillips, Phillips defended the crew from pirates. In The Perfect Storm, it was because of how unique and incredible the storm was. In this film, we’re celebrating the fact that Philippe…broke the law and walked on the highest tight rope? Erm…wait a second…

Granted, it’s not something that you may think of right away, but it’s an odd thing to be celebrating. The film also makes sure to constantly mention the fact that this is illegal so they’re certainly not trying to hide that. The film doesn’t even go out of its way to try and make Philippe a likable character. I was puzzled at that since I’m sure that his family may not be thrilled at his portrayal here. He shifts from one emotion to the next very quickly and is very unreasonable. He also yells at the person he was flirting with the entire film a few times because she’s trying to let him know that he’s going crazy.

Luckily, Philippe gets friend zoned at the end and you definitely have to agree with the decision there. As it stands, the romance didn’t start off on the healthiest note anyway as they met because Philippe was immediately flirting with barely even a pretense of wanting to be friends first. The only silver lining about that is that we all know the whole “friends” line is just fake and only meant to lower your guard so you shouldn’t bother with it, but it’s still not a great romance and luckily it ends.

Finally, Philippe is also portrayed as being a little dangerous at the very end. It is heavily implied that he was willing to seriously injure someone if it meant that he would be able to do the walk. Someone happened to notice him getting ready for this illegal endeavor, but Philippe grabbed a weapon and the guy decided to just walk away from it all. In the narration, Philippe said that he didn’t know how the weapon got in his hand…but nobody would ever actually buy that. It’s obvious what the implication is and it’s another scene that I was surprised made it into the film.

At the very least, you can’t say that The Walk wasn’t a straight adaption I suppose. The planning phase of the film was fun to see and that’s always very technical and impressive. Naturally, it would be a lot harder to do this nowadays thanks to cameras and everything so it’ll be very tough to break the record of the highest tight rope. How interesting the film is will naturally depend on how much you like tight roping and if you will actually like the characters or not. Most of them aren’t that good, but this is based on a true story and since a lot of real people tend to not be as likable as the ideal fictional leads, it makes sense.

Of course, back to the main point of the plot. So, Philippe is illegally doing this endeavor and after he succeeds…then he’s essentially given a medal. It’s a very dicey string of events. If he had failed, it would just go down in the news as another foolhardy endeavor that was doomed to fail and Philippe would certainly not be heroized at all. However, he succeeded so everyone acted as if he did something incredible and awesome. Sure, it’s a new record by a long shot, but it’s illegal, which is why it hadn’t been done yet. I think it’s safe to say that other people could match that feat if not surpass it, but they’d be breaking the law.

As DVDs are always sure to tell you in the beginning, there are no victim-less crimes. Acts like this one embolden others to try and accomplish similar feats whether they are legal or not. For every person who succeeds, there will be many who do not and that’s where the true danger of something like this comes into play. Of course, everyone in the film is pretty happy about this for the most part as well since they’ll be stopping the big wigs and that is actually super accurate when you think about the citizens of New York, but it’s definitely sad for the cops. It’s pretty hard to keep law and order when people are subtlety encouraged to break the rules. Not to mention that one of the cops even gives Philippe a pat in the back at the end for accomplishing this. Gee….that’s charitable.

Not undermining the feat of course. It’s still impressive that he managed to pull this off, but it’s not something that should really be glorified. I wonder if people realize just how illegal this was. Those who watch the film certainly do, but for those who just remember the event, it would be fun to ask them. Well either way, he ended up setting the record and it is unlikely to ever be broken. Especially if you’re wary of heights like I am. If you want a similar adrenaline boost that’s legal, try going to Mount Everest. Just keep in mind that you may not survive the experience so write your will beforehand. Meanwhile, I’ll be getting my hype and adrenaline through Super Smash tourneys.

It’s also worth noting that I much preferred this film to Captain Phillips and The Perfect Storm. Everest was better, but this film was definitely entertaining. If you look at it more like a film and less like an adaption of felons breaking the law, you’ll also enjoy it a lot more. It’s like Ocean’s Eleven you could say. I also liked the cats that appeared, although dogs would have been even cooler. The friend zone was also pretty hype. So, check out the film and then think about whether or not you agree with the public’s reaction and the legacy that has survived this feat.

Captain Phillips

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Time for another super realistic story. This one’s about a boat that was attacked by pirates and the Captain of the crew was able to ultimately stall them long enough for the heroes to make it to safety. It’s naturally a gruesome battle between both factions, but not a whole lot of actual fighting since it’s more general action or in fighting among the pirates. Definitely not my kind of film and I’d argue that it could have been a much better adaption as well. You’ll be glancing at your watch quite a lot as this one goes on.

An interesting angle is the fact that the film gives the pirates a lot of scenes. I suppose that this is for development, but it comes off as more annoying than anything else. Let’s fact it, you don’t care about the villains because they’re just here to try and get rich as they shoot and injure the unsuspecting crew members. They have their reasons of course, but there’s no way that you’ll be able to generate any sympathy for these guys. None of the villains are likable as you might expect and there is definitely a lot of in-fighting among their members the whole time. One of them even bits the big one during one of the skirmishes.

Meanwhile, Phillips and his crew didn’t do the greatest job of stopping the pirates, but it may be more due to bad ship design than anything else. They’re going through waters where pirates aren’t just a random chance, but are actually expected. Why are there no guns or any defenses that are better than water turrets? Granted, water turrets aren’t a terrible idea, but the way that they were implemented is. Once you turn them on, you can’t turn them off so they just use up water as the pirates stay away until they are down for the count. This is where proper turrets would come in handy or at least a few rifles. It’s definitely annoying to see 3-4 guys take down a group of 20 or more.

On the flip side, it was great to see the government get involved towards the end. They came across as super professional and high-tech next to the other players. They got the good music and the best scenes. It’s a little iffy that they’re immediately reminded a lot that the hostage isn’t really their concern, but I suppose in the grand scheme of things you have to worry about the big picture. The person did sound super unsympathetic to the plight though. The government also looked unprepared in one scene as Phillips made a break for it and swam for a while, but the government’s budget cuts really hurt and they didn’t have any good flash lights. It was dark out so we can’t blame the government for slipping up…right?

The film is definitely pretty violent and over the top though. I’m almost surprised that it wasn’t R and expected it to be, but I suppose that it just made it. At least the pirates speak another language or else we probably would have been bombarded with language throughout the film. As this did not happen, I’ll give the film some mild props for that.

If you’re not too knowledgeable on what happened during this event, then this film should be very informative. Of course, if you don’t want to use up a lot of time watching all of the extra subplots and details in the film, then your best bet is probably just digging up some news articles. You’ll get more of the facts that way and you can do it in a much shorter period of time. It’s a win-win situation isn’t it? I believe that the film could have handled the adaption much better if it had followed 2 pieces of advice. One, they can definitely tone the film down quite a bit. That one’s pretty self explanatory. The other is that the villains should get less screen time. The pirates are not going to be sympathetic villains and no amount of screen time will really be able to alter that. The film could have used the extra moments to focus on the government or the film could have just been made a little shorter. That certainly wouldn’t have hurt the film in the long run.

On a final note, I also agree with the crew over Captain Phillips on not getting into the boat. See, one common mistake that people make is that they listen to demands when a gun is pointed at them, but just think about it. The classic situation of you and a villain pointing guns at each other and the villain says “Put the gun down” If you do…he’ll shoot you anyway. You may as well go for the sudden death. If it’s 5 vs 1, just rush the guy. He can’t take you all down, although if the other 4 chicken out then the gunman will win that round. The last example is the one in the film, don’t get into the boat because then you are outnumbered and defenseless. Nobody will typically be able to rescue you at that point so you should just accept your fate and make a break for it. At least try to escape instead of getting in the boat. When you think about it, that’s definitely your best move. Deciding to write a will when the villains told you to stop moving is another thing that I could really get into as the move made no sense and just resulted in another beating, but I think it’s clear why you wouldn’t make such a move. It’s not as if anyone would ever see the will anyway once you’re underwater and in enemy territory. A somber thought, but one worth thinking about before making such a move. Captain Phillips did save the day though and I’m sure that the situation was very different in real life. He did his country proud.

Everest

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It’s time for another film based on a real life event. A lot of people have died on this mountain throughout the years. The number will continue to grow as well because people can’t resist a challenge, even if it is a life threatening one with no real reward. (Except satisfaction I suppose) This film chooses one such expedition where most of the people died, but there were some survivors. It’s certainly a lot more well done than the other real life based stories that I’ve seen lately, but I still wouldn’t say that it’s really my kind of film. Although, it definitely does seem pretty faithful as far as adaptions go.

For starters, the characters are mostly reasonable. It’s a shame that most of them have the same design so it’s easy to mix people up, but I guess that’s how it goes in the cold. Most of the characters are here to climb the mountain so they stay professional, which is always a change of pace. The leader (Rob) in charge of the main explorer group wants to make sure that everyone climbs the tower safely and is probably the best character in the film. It’s a shame that he had to choose such a dangerous occupation. Scott isn’t quite as good and while he’s pretty confident the whole time, he wasn’t as cool as the other people. He was reasonable though so I’ll give Scott props there. There was also a cynical explorer who kept on making wisecracks the whole time, but he did have one moment where it was easy to lose a lot of respect for him.

He nearly fell to his death while on a ladder so Rob quickly saved him. Instead of thanking Rob, the guy just started yelling about how entitled he was feeling and one could tell that the salt was very real. It’s hard to recover from a scene like that. The old lady was a good character to root for since she had already climbed 6 out of the 7 biggest mountains in the world. Climbing this one was a matter of honor now. If you saw my review on The Perfect Storm, you can imagine that I basically scoff at the notion of ever attempting such a feat. I’ll stick to my video games instead of risking my life on such a dangerous mountain. If I ever want an adrenaline rush I’ll quickly head to a Super Smash tourney, but beyond that…I’m pretty good at this point.

The mountain certainly looks good there so at least you’ve got the view to think about. I’m sure that climbing the mountain is much safer and quicker nowadays than it used to be, but it probably won’t be completely safe for a long time, if ever. We’re going to need some next generation clothes to warm up the body during the climb. Then it’ll finally be more feasible to go on the quest, but all it takes is a slip and game over.

It was neat to see the Helicopter essentially slide down to escape the mountain. I feel like Military Grade helicopters and planes should be able to reach the top with minimal effort by now, but I wonder if the standard ones will ever be able to go that high and land safely with all of the wind and ice that is around. It would be tough, but definitely a nice cop out for people who don’t want to take the extra risks of walking all the way up.

The film definitely seemed to take some shots at the fact that the mountain is now commercialized. It does seem a little crazy that it has become such a popular destination. At this rate, you’ll be able to add the Moon to that list as well someday. I certainly wouldn’t want to arrive on Everest to see everyone hanging out. I’d like to go there and it’s empty, as if I owned the whole mountain. That’d be pretty hype. One thing I would recommend to future explorers is that you choose your partners well. You don’t want to receive half empty air canisters or have a partner who shows up 30 minutes late and forced a few people into an early grave as a result. Everyone wants to be on point because if one guy slips up, everyone else will join the slide. Then their flags and speeches won’t mean quite as much since your family would rather have you wish them than a speech. The moral here is definitely that family comes before crazily intense risks.

One last thought that I had was that it would probably not be all that hard to build an installation on Everest. I’m guessing that there would be a lot of global tensions around that, but making a structure would make the climb a lot easier. People could actually live in this building and it could shelter travelers during the night in a separate area. I’m assuming that this hasn’t been done because it may not be feasible for some reason or it would take the fun away from the adventure. If it’s the latter, then I hope that this happens ASAP. Safety before fun folks.

Overall, Everest is a pretty good film based on a real event. I feel like they probably could have chosen just about any expedition where a few people died and one survived, but this one was certainly a very incredible story so it’s as good as any. The film tries hard for the emotional appeal and I feel like it would succeed a little more without that, but it’s to be expected in a crisis film like this one. I think deciding to name the baby while dying is a little selfish since there’s no way that the wife will switch it now, but in the end it’s just a name. If you’re looking for a good real life drama/thriller then this is a good one to check out. Now we just need to see which mountain will get a film next time!

The Perfect Storm

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The Perfect Storm is based on a real life event where two storms of immense proportions clashed and a boat was destroyed along with its crew. I don’t remember hearing about this event before so I suppose that it was before my time. (After all, I hear about all the big news….sorta) There are a few big sideplots to try and pad out the time, but I’m afraid that they certainly don’t contribute anything to the narrative.

One of the subplots is about a little boat that also got caught in the storm. The Captain reminded his passengers that he’s never needed a map before and he doesn’t need one now. As a result, they’re tossed around in the waves for a while. I like the Captain’s gusto, although he is endangering everyone else just to prove his gusto. That’s certainly not the wisest course of action and he’s pretty much just there for comedy. He was a well done character though so I’ll give him some props there. Another subplot is that the Captain of the main ship is warned by the Captain of another one that he is in a dangerous zone. He barely listens to her though and while she almost saves him in time by calling in a chopper, it was too late.

Naturally, the main plot is where the meat of the story is, but unfortunately the characters do drag it down. The beginning is pretty sad and reminded me of Cloverfield to an extent. Especially considering that these guys are based on real individuals, you’d think that they would try to make the characters look better. One guy’s a flirt who only really cares about one night stands and never develops into a likable person. Another one doesn’t listen to his wife’s warnings about going to see and decides that the adventure is worth the money. The Captain yells at his crew quite a bit to remind them who’s in charge and to stop any betrayals before they can occur.

Without any likable characters, any film would have an issue being good. The characters constantly getting into fights with each other just makes you wait for the inevitable storm so that something can advance the plot. I also think that the film put too much emphasis on random fish scenes to pad out the time. We saw so many fish get chopped up that I was starting to feel in the mood for a good Salmon. We don’t need excessive animal violence in any film. The excuse of fishing being a sport just won’t cut it here. We don’t need that to be featured in the movie.

I’d also argue that the situation made the characters look a little bad, but naturally there may have been different circumstances in the real life event. The characters have to choose between their fish going bad and heading into the super storm that’s directly in front of them. Their boat’s good, but it’s not exactly military grade so the mission is effectively suicide as soon as it is mentioned. If you ask me, they should just let the fish spoil. A really inconvenient moment was definitely the fact that the characters ran out of ice, which meant that they couldn’t get any more fish. Returning home empty handed would have been humiliating and some of them would have probably been fired, but at least they’d be alive. It’s a tough personal choice to make, but when you have friends and family back home waiting for you, it’s time to make the tough calls.

If anything, it’s very impressive to see the military get involved and ride into the storm. I’m sure that it was the last thing any of them wanted to do since it was a dangerous situation. They’re probably wondering why everyone was out in the middle of the storm when it had been predicted for a while, but that’s how it goes. I feel like they could have been able to refuel in the film. They kept missing the shot, but why not try and try again until you literally can’t? I didn’t agree with the decision to just give up.

Overall, The Perfect Storm could have been a much better adaption. Based on the Wikipedia section of possible errors, it could have been more accurate as well. Although I’m sure that people would have been tackling them with denials and such no matter what so I can’t really comment on the accuracy. A lot of the padding could have been removed and the characters should have looked a lot better. Just as it’s said “Don’t speak ill of the dead” they should be portrayed as fairly good characters. They don’t have to be perfect, but I doubt the families would be thrilled about how some of these guys looked. Well, getting caught in a double storm would certainly be dicey so I advise you to stay ashore and if you have to choose between fish and your life…I trust that you’ll really think about the options before making a move. I don’t believe in going outside to find adventure or anything like that so when the next storm hits, I’ll be in bed with a chocolate chip cookie playing a nice round of Super Smash Bros.

Casablanca Review

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Does the poster spoil the ending? Let’s hope not, although this is a classic so you’ve probably seen it already. If not, then I’d recommend checking it out. It’s not an elite all star film like you may have heard, but it’s a good story. The romance is rather lackluster though and downright bad by the end. Press 1 if you feel bad for the Rebound Guy who shall never know his own fate. This film’s definitely been remembered for many generations and will always stay as a classic so let’s see what the film theoretically did right and what it may have done wrong.

The film takes place during the time where Germany had occupied France. Rick has a little bar that’s going smoothly, but that’s when some Germans arrive looking for a resistance member. Rick has attained a pair of passports that can let the resistance member safely escape the country, but he doesn’t want to give them up because he now has the opportunity to destroy the woman who gave him the slip many years ago and crushed whatever romance they may have had back in the day. Rick never forgets a grudge, but will he ultimately decide to put his feelings to the side so that he can help stop the Nazi’s?

Rick really had a good thing going for him, but Laszlo and Ilsa’s appearance throws a curveball into his life. We rarely know when we are about to make a choice that will alter our life forever, but have to do the best that we can. Of course, it’s hard to just help an old enemy so easily and Rick is naturally upset. Worse, the Nazi’s now know that he has a history of helping the resistance stop the oppressors so he has come under great scrutiny. He’s on friendly terms with the chief of France’s police, but that might not help him all that much if the Germans really do start to go after him.

Rick’s a classic retro hero who’s very confident and can casually respond to the enemy banter. He’s not a bad main character and is far more likable than the leads of the last few films that I watched. He does make things very dangerous for the other characters for most of the film, but ultimately makes the right choices….for the most part. He helps some people flee the country and does help the resistance. The one wrong choice that he made was having a one night affair with Ilsa even though he knew that she was married.

I’m referring to near the end as he didn’t know that she was married the first time. That one was on her, but he certainly could have simply denied her the last time, but chose to accept her offering before sending her on her way. It was not a good move and Rick proved that he was not as heroic as he could have been. The wise thing to do there would have been to have just given them the passports if he had been planning to do so or to have gone along the plan without that move. It also makes things sad for Laszlo.

Unlike some of the other guys, Laszlo may realize that he is the rebound guy, but it’s definitely not a whole lot better for him. Knowing that you are the rebound guy must be incredibly hard to bear and honestly it can make you doubt everything. It’s one of the reasons why you should be incredibly careful when choosing your partner. It’s so that you can actually trust her when you have to be gone for a few months. In the beginning, Ilsa thought that Laszlo was dead of course so it’s not as bad. Of course, what you could say is bad is the fact that she got over it so quickly and moved on to another man. Why are the characters all so easy? It would probably be even worse if this was a modern film. At least the romance is handled tastefully for the most part….the last romance scene notwithstanding.

It’s a fairly pleasant film and one of those well written films that you don’t really see nowadays. The characters all come across as intelligent and even when they’re threatening each other it’s always very civil. Naturally it can be a little long for some as not everyone will enjoy the long conversations, but given the positive reviews around the board, I think it’s safe to say that most people enjoyed the interactions. They’re definitely solid and the film never dragged on for me because it was all very interesting. It would have been great to have had a quick epilogue where some Americans came in to take down all of the Nazi’s, but maybe that would have taken too long.

The film did a good job of throwing in some context and backdrop for the characters. Even though the film had to get into the plot right away, you got a good sense of the town and the people there. They may have been beaten, but they weren’t broken and they were still fighting hard to stay upbeat. The scene where they play their anthem over the German one was definitely a good one and watching everyone talk about how they wanted to leave was a nice subtle way of showing the condition over in Paris. We never actually saw that the conditions were poor, but still knew it through this, which is a solid way of expanding the universe. Subtlety can definitely be a great tactic.

Overall, Casablanca is a good film that lives up to its reputation as a solid romance. It’s not world shattering, but I’m not a big romance fan so it equals out. Aside from the needless romance scene between Ilsa and Rick (A romance that I definitely don’t think is award worthy) the film really didn’t have any flaws and made for an enjoyable experience. It’s a fairly calm film with very few action scenes, but it’s meant to be more about the choice that Rick has to make. Will he make the right one or won’t he? I’m glad to say that he did make the right choice and turned out to be a decent person. There was even some room for a sequel where we could see Rick in the resistance. That would be neat although it could be sad if handled wrong. If you’re looking for a pleasant romance then this is a good film to check out.

Overall 7/10

Sunset Boulevard Review

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It’s time to review a very retro film. It’s one of those films that may have a lot of good reviews, but when you really take a look at it…it doesn’t hold up very well. The characters are all very unlikable and the romance is one of the worst that you’ll have seen in years. It almost makes Twilight’s look good, but that’s just about impossible anyway. The sun did set on this film, but I don’t think that was the film’s intention!

Joe’s a film writer who’s been through some tough times. None of his scripts are any good anymore and he gets serious writer’s block at times. He’s also on the run from the proper (car) authorities since he couldn’t pay the bill on his car. Things are really heating up and he even considers moving across the state, but that’s when he runs into the retired actress, Norma Desmond. She has a lot of money and is willing to help him become rich if he can help her finish her script so that it becomes a real movie. Joe can never pass up quick check, but is this really the right move?

No, I can say that it isn’t the right move, but Joe’s not a good character so I wasn’t expecting him to make the right one anyway. It wouldn’t have been in character now would it? The romance is poorly done here on all levels, but first let’s start with the subplot that comes out of nowhere. The person (Betty) who read Joe’s scripts decides that he has a lot of talent and wants him to help her write a script. He declines, but eventually decides to do it. The problem with this plot is that Betty is engaged, but she immediately falls for Joe anyway, nearly getting together with him in the bathroom of a party after only seeing the guy for about 2 minutes. Keep in mind that she’s already engaged. Once her fiance heads over to another state for some kind of project, she quickly tries to make her move and Joe is naturally happy about this. The problem is that he’s playing the field with two people at once.

So, Joe decides to break it off with both. Before we say how, let’s go to the main plot. Norma Desmond is a lot older than Joe of course, but that doesn’t stop her from flirting with him and since Joe knows that she’s the source of his weekly pay check, he obliges her. He continues to let this relationship happen and even allows her to believe the deception that she may make a comeback as an actress. That’s why we invented the concept of tough love as these passive lies will definitely hurt a person in the long run. Naturally, this isn’t a very healthy relationship and Norma has divorced 3 husbands in the past so that should have been a good hint to Joe.

Anyway, his decision to break off his relationships to both Norma and Betty involves calling Betty over to see his mansion and then dumping her…after having her come over all the way from her house in the dead of night. Couldn’t have broken it off over the phone right? He also did it in a passive aggressive way so as to not formally break it off, but just antagonize her until she got the message. Then, after giving Norma hope that she was the only one for him, he quickly told her that he was leaving as well and after making sure that she had a gun at the ready, he walked away. Naturally he got shot in the back and quickly sprinted over to the pool so that he could have a flashy death, but it was a predictable end to the film.

After all, the movie made the interesting choice of showing him dead in the very first scene as he tells us a flashback. It’s not explicitly stated that it was him of course, but it’s rather obvious since there were no other characters who looked like him in the film. It was a very small cast after all so there was never a doubt as to how the film would end. The only question would be “Why was he shot?” Well, now we know the answer. The guy wasn’t exactly an upstanding citizen and you can only antagonize people for so long before one of them turns out to be a killer. At least the finance guys finally got their car back from him.

The cops show up at the end to wrap everyone up, but they’re not as tough as the cops from nowadays. They allow Norma to slowly walk down the steps and act as if she is still in a movie instead of quickly throwing her in the cop car and getting on with it. The reporters are always glad to have an extended scene like this of course, but they certainly have her a lot of leeway. Considering that she just killed a man, you’d expect a little more intensity from the cops right?

There’s not much to really like about the film. As I’ve already shown, Joe’s a terrible main character. He has no heroic qualities about him. The only part of his personality that is decent is the fact that he gets a lot of burns and insults the entire time as he pokes fun at everyone, but it’s always just talk. He talks about how he should leave Norma and yet he doesn’t make a move until the very end. He’s not actually brave enough or confident enough to make a move and the only times that he does try something are when they’re actions that he shouldn’t take. One such action is naturally trying to steal the girl of his best friend. That’s not a whole lot of loyalty on his part.

If he would focus more on his writing and less on all of the fluff that’s around him, he could have been a real character. As it stands, he’s not someone that you’ll want to be around and I can see why his scripts were no good. He doesn’t take them seriously enough. It’s a shame since the beginning of the film did show some promise and the overall picture could have been quite good. If the story was played seriously and Norma did not fall for Joe we could be talking about a completely different movie. Who knows, maybe this could have actually been a solid 7 instead of the finished product that we got in the end instead. Alas, there are no what ifs when it comes to film right?

Overall, There’s no shining sliver of hope to grab here as the film’s just one big mess that gets more and more entangled in its own plots. Now we’ll also know that the best friend was just the rebound guy even though he’ll never suspect it as his engaged partner will likely never mention these facts. It’s one of the tricky turns of romance and a lot of films actually don’t mind making the guy just the “rebound guy” anymore. Even the next film that I’m about the review used the same technique and it does make you wonder for the eventual husbands who have to put up with this role. You just have to wonder what they would think if they knew. They probably should have realized that if anyone is easy enough to fall for you at first sight, that they may have already done the same for others. Just think on that as you pass by this film at your local DVD store and instead stop at Yugioh 3D Bonds Beyond Time. No drama there, just hard hitting action!

Overall 1/10

The Last Witch Hunter Review

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It’s time for a Witch film! Witches aren’t explored quite as much as vampires and werewolves so a film about them always has the potential to be promising. Magic can be interesting after all, but can it really be handled right? I thought that the trailer really didn’t look that good and I wasn’t surprised by the fact that this film didn’t exactly break the box office. It’s not Jupiter Ascending levels of cringe, but I still wouldn’t call it a good film either.

A lot of films like to go with the tried and failed approach of opening in the olden days where everyone was still banging rocks together and attacking with spears. I’ve never liked this approach since the olden days are no fun to watch and may as well be forgotten at this point. We get to watch the final battle between the humans and the witches as Kaulder destroys the queen, but not before becoming immortal. Now he is forced to live on and destroy witches through the years. Gee…was this a good move Witch Queen? It actually is thanks to a plot twist at the end so the move was quite impressive. Still, the witches as a whole are probably disappointed with this development.

Skip to the present, Kaulder is now a man who has lost his morals and likes to have one time flings for the lolz. It’s quite disappointing as he could have been a likable character, but we’re quickly reminded not to get attached to any of the players here. His old partner decides to retire so that Kaulder can work with a new cadet. Kaulder is saddened, but he’ll move on as he always does. Unfortunately, his partner is attacked and roughed up as well as cursed. Kaulder will have to find the person who placed the spell on his partner in order to free him, but finding the main villain will be tough.

Realizing that he needs to find a secret in his past, Kaulder seeks the help of a young witch (Who can’t fight) named Chloe. Chloe can walk in dreams and help you relive the past so she is helpful, but as per the curse of being next to the main character, her bar is destroyed and her best friend as well. Now she really has no choice, but to help Kaulder so that she can avenge her pal. The two of them may be outnumbered and these villains may be too powerful, but Kaulder’s immortal so what’s the worst that can happen?

As you can tell, I don’t care for Kaulder. Chloe’s the main heroine and gets a rather large role. She definitely seems like an unlikable character at first, but thankfully gets better as the film goes on and even gets away from the trope of falling for the main lead. The film did good there and I’ll give it some props, but now we need Chloe to get some offensive abilities. Let’s face it, she only won her main battle because her opponent was asleep. Had he been awake, she still has no spells to fight the other witches with. Walking in dreams is cool, but it’ll rarely be useful in a fight.

The ending of the film leaves room for the sequel since the Witch Queen is not altogether vanquished. Spoiler for the ending folks so tread carefully. The Witch Queen essentially tied her life force to Kaulder’s so if Kaulder were to die, then she would as well. As long as Kaulder lives, the Witch Queen cannot be destroyed either. For years they simply had her locked away and that’s what they plan to do again, but the threat of her return will always be around. Of course, it’s not as if Kaulder can just destroy himself in good conscience. For starters, destroying yourself is a no no and secondly, he’s the only Witch Hunter left on he planet. If he were to be gone, the war between witches and humans would commence once again. Especially considering the fact that the council of humans was wrecked so easily. There is no real human defense against the witches at the moment.

It’s an interesting world that Kaulder lives on though as magic is used very regularly by the witches in all forms of occupations, but the humans don’t suspect a thing. We even learn that they are eating worms instead of ice cream as magical powers simply shapeshift them. The whole situation is really bad for the mere mortals and I’d like to see them rise up to stop this. They just have to stay civilized about the whole thing.

Going back to the climax for a sec, sadly there is a lot of plot hax involved. During the fight, Kaulder had no immortality and was very weakened thanks to a last second betrayal while the Witch Queen was at her peak. She’s fast and has many abilities so this should be easy right? Well, she was so busy powering up that she didn’t notice Kaulder pick up the glowing sword and hurl it straight at her. She was also too busy to think of dodging and it made for a very anticlimactic finish. That’s why you should always be careful about making the villains so much stronger than the heroes.

Even when Kaulder was strong, the villains would keep messing with his mind since he is very weak against telepathic blasts. It was embarrassing when he lost the second time since it was pretty personal by that point. They never explain why the guy that he was fighting looked very similar to how Kaulder was back in the Pre Historic days. Perhaps it was just coincidence I suppose.

The action scenes were mainly 50/50. I didn’t care for the intro battles as the old people fought with flame swords and realized how futile the whole attempt was as they got taken down one by one. They eventually won thanks to some convenient plot hax, but it was a rather dull fight scene and was mostly just about how weak they all were. In the present, the fights were more entertaining when they actually occurred. A lot of the “fights” ended up being one hit KOs like Kaulder against the big Witch Guardian. The Witch Queen had a good fight with him until that last moment so that would be a highlight.

Part of the problem is that grass powers are never that entertaining and another part is simply that the Witch Queen and her minions are so ugly that it takes away from the battle scenes. The Queen looks like an undead zombie or like a vampire rather than a witch. I want my classic witch design with the crooked hat back! The film’s soundtrack is fairly unmemorable although I remember is being fairly decent. It’s just that the tunes won’t stick with you once they’re over and done with.

Overall, The Last Witch Hunter is a fairly dreary film that showed some promise, but couldn’t quite live up to it. The Airplane scene where Kaulder disabled the magical entanglement for example was a good scene. I wouldn’t mind seeing him stop similar threats as he went around the world. The daytime rarely appears or even has time for it since night always falls, but the action scenes don’t take advantage of the night. Above all, it’s just not a very fun film and I would have liked to have had a better villain. Better heroes would help too and considering that this is an action film with a lot of magical elements, the witches didn’t use any real impressive spells the whole time. I wanted some neat elemental spells and some great visuals. Looks like I’ll have to wait for Dr. Strange to get those. If you’re not very particular about your fights and just want a run of the mill action film then this one’s for you. If you want an action film with a purpose, watch Tron Legacy! That film has great visuals and great action scenes!

Overall 4/10

Labyrinth Review

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I saw Labyrinth a while back and it’s one of those classic 80’s-90’s films that they just don’t make anymore. I definitely hadn’t heard of it until about 5 minutes before I started the film so it’s always interesting to delve into the unknown realms. We get some catchy songs and the overall soundtrack is quite good. It’s certainly heavily inspired by Alice in Wonderland, but instead of a Card Queen, we’ve got a reality warping trickster! He’s no Cheshire Cat though!

Sarah has always loved fairy tales. She often imagined herself being the heroine who would defeat the Goblin King, but a sudden rain shower completely destroyed her ambitions. Her parents decide to have a nice dinner outside so they leave Sarah to babysit her baby brother. Unfortunately, the two don’t get along very well so Sarah quickly makes a contract with the Goblin King to spirit the baby away. The plan works and the baby is gone, but Sarah quickly realizes that her situation won’t be very good if the parents discover this predicament. She must now venture into the Goblin Kingdom, destroy the kind, and save her brother. Hopefully she brought a weapon along!

Luckily, the Goblin King does have a sense of humor and doesn’t mind making the game a little fair. (As far as Sarah knows anyway) He teleports her to the kingdom so that she has a fighting chance, but Sarah must get through a long maze before sunset to rescue the baby or he will turn into a goblin. The maze is rigged with invisible exits and a lot of turns so she will have to rely on the locals to help her. However, are they really here to help or is it all just another trick? It’s time for her to find out!

You can probably already guess this, but Sarah’s not a very likable character. Babysitting is so fun when it’s just a baby since you can turn on some video games and just play for a few hours. Sarah just can’t take this level of stress though and panics just from a little crying. Sure, she saves the baby in the end, but her character just isn’t likable throughout the film and the development wasn’t enough to save her. Her dog is the true hero here as he outruns the villains and constantly gets in the way of the villains. He’d do Scooby Doo proud with his various antics! The villains know better than to mess with him.

Hoggle is Sarah’s main ally during the film. He likes to play both sides as he pretends to be working with Sarah while still in the employ of the Goblin King and vice versa. In the end, he decides to throw in his lot with Sarah and they become friends, but I can’t say that Hoggle was very good either. He’s more annoying than anything and I rarely like Goblins although maybe that can change once we get a planet busting one. Hoggle certainly betrays the whole cast a lot, but at least he’s helpful at times.

The Goblin King was probably my favorite character of the film. Only probably since the dog naturally wins if he counts. The Goblin King doesn’t play fair and he has the massive advantage against the other characters since his abilities are nigh infinite. Still, he knows how to have a good time and he even has a few dance scenes and sings a song to the baby. He throws the baby up and down a few times, but always takes care to not let him get even slightly injured. Maybe he’s not such a bad guy and just wanted more goblins to play with. The only character that he was typically antagonistic towards was Hoggle and Sarah towards the end. He’s still a villain of course, but a likable one. I also liked the design as it was quite retro.

Of course, plot hax had to ensue in the climax. After all, how could an all powerful villain lose to a teenage girl with no combat experience without some form of plot hax? Let’s just say that he underestimates her speed and determination. Yeah…that’s really all I can say on how he’s defeated. There are hundreds of ways that he could have won, but maybe he just wanted the whole game to be over at that point. Most of his henchmen had started to like the baby and Sarah anyway so he may have known that it was all a losing battle by then.

For a while though, the whole world was against Sarah. It was almost sad to see all of her tricks backfire since some were clever. One trick that Sarah had was to draw on the ground so that she could backtrack effectively, but the tiles are actually roofs for some goblins so they were promptly flipped over. Sarah tried to solve the maze by going in a straight line, but due to a reality limbo spell, the line kept moving in time along with her speed so it essentially resulted in her not going anywhere. Nothing worked because nothing could work. How do you defeat a living maze? Even with Hoggle’s help they were nearly crushed by giant boulders or simply overpowered. Along the way we met the classic 2 heads, one who can tell the truth and one who can’t. Behind one of them is a door that leads to a pit and one that leads to the castle. Turns out…they were both leading to pits. That, or they simply lied about their roles in the first place or were just trolling her with false hints.

Unlike Alice in Wonderland though, I can’t say that I cared for most of the bit players. In Alice, we had the Cat, the classic Card Soldiers, and the Queen was pretty memorable. I never cared for the guys at the tea table, but that’s another story. Here, I didn’t care for the gimmicks of the minions. We had the guys whose heads would keep rolling off and that was…interesting I guess. I didn’t care for the actual designs, but they could be nice and creepy for younger viewers. They can fight, which is always a plus and get ready for cannons that fire more lethal objects than cannon balls.

It was a rough journey, but Sarah succeeded. For a while there, it looked like the whole thing was a dream based on the ending, but I like to think that it was real. The turning point was really just seeing all of the creatures suddenly appear and start dancing in the room. Sure, she could be completely delusional, but I like to think that these guys were on the level and the fact that it got a manga sequel should help this case. It would have been even better to have seen the parents stumble into the room though as they would have been pretty shocked. It was definitely a crazy sight for the average person after all.

As essentially mentioned earlier, the soundtrack is very good. We get a lot of good tunes and you can definitely dance to them as you wait for the plot to return. The Goblin King’s magic ball was also very fascinating as it would change density from scene to scene. It would bounce and then it would be glass. The latter was something that the Goblin King probably should have watched out for. We even got some action scenes like the Village fight, which was certainly intriguing.

Overall, The Labyrinth was an interesting film. It’s old and you can feel its age so that may turn some people off, but at the same time, it’s what creates that retro feel. Behind the scenes, you can also think of it as a classic story of going from having a normal life to stopping an army of powerful villains. Every good character has to go through that gauntlet at some point or another and in theory Sarah should have become a better character as a result. I’m sure that she would probably be more likable in a sequel film. The characters do hold the film back a bit, but it’s still an enjoyable film and I would recommend checking it out as I’m sure that most of you readers have not seen this one yet.

Overall 6/10

Sense and Sensibility Review

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It’s time for a romance drama. As you may have expected, this was a fairly terrible movie. It tries very hard to be the next Cinderella, but somewhere along the road it lost sight of what was happening and devolved into a train wreck much like the Street Fighter V release. If only this film could have been as emotional as ET!

The characters and their names do not really matter in this film so let’s get right to the plot. There are these two sisters and their mother who used to have a fairly nice life. One day, their benefactor died and his full inheritance went to someone who was unrelated to them. The dying man told this guy to make sure that the ladies were well provided for, but his wife quickly convinced him to renege on his word. The guy agreed since deep down he does love money and the girls were quickly thrown into a life of hardship and passive aggressive dealings. If they had been tough enough to actually stand up for themselves in this civilized time, then maybe things could have been a little different.

Either way, this was the only part of the film where you could feel bad for the main heroines. It’s a plot that I never like to see, but at least the plight was very real. It’s sad to go from owning your own house to essentially being the maidservants there. The film lost me when the heroines left to live with a nice old couple though. Suddenly, their situation wasn’t half bad and the place was actually pleasant. They no longer needed to worry about their situation financially and the upbeat atmosphere of the mansion would do wonders for the cast…or would it? Unfortunately, not everyone is very grateful.

The heroines act as if the old couple are a nuisance (Aside from the youngest sister) and they apparently prefer the quietness of being servants than the loud rumblings of the current dinner situation. That’s where I lost my sympathy, how could they ever miss the old days when the situation is so good over here. Sure, the old couple gossips a lot and they’re always talking, but it certainly beats the alternatives. The problem is that the main characters are not likable. None of the characters are really likable although the old couple would be the best characters by default I suppose. It’s still not saying a whole lot.

This whole film revolves around the question, “Do you care if you’re simply the rebound guy?” None of the characters do and they’re personally satisfied with it, but would you be? Just think about it for a moment, the person that you like has repeatedly turned you down and been very rude to you your whole life since you’re just an annoyance to the person. An obstacle that should be gone. One day, the friend’s love interest reveals that he’s just been using her for the thrills and runs off so she says that she’ll go with you now. The main guy in the film basically says “Great, I’ll grab my stuff!” as they’re married the very next day. (Something like that) It felt rather odd, but also sad because it’s actually realistic.

People are so easy nowadays that they’re desperate for love. This scenario is actually not all that uncommon and just makes the characters look even worse. Essentially, the same thing happens with another pair, only they broke up like 3 times first and again, the girl was the second choice. The guy had made a promise to someone else that he would marry her about a decade earlier so when he remembered the promise, it was game over for the main character. The lady called it off though so the guy quickly went back to the main charcater, but he had already dumped her twice and ignored her several times at a party, pretending not to know her. He even sent her a letter saying that he had never loved her. Erm….is this what true romance is?

One of the characters admitted that classics like Romeo and Juliet had “pathetic endings” which I did have to agree with. I don’t use such strong words, but you have to admit that those romances are rather terrible and know nothing about true love. If you have fallen in love at first sight, then you know that it is fake love. The problem is that most people will never realize this so we’ll get films like this one.

No worries guys, this film’s still not getting a 0 or anything like that. I’m not even giving it a 1 since it’s not horrendous. It’s terrible and boring, but doesn’t cross the line into Sucker Punch territory. My main complaint with the film aside from the characters is the fact that it is very boring. The film drags on and on and the plot doesn’t make a lot of sense. As I explained, the characters should have been happy with the old couple, but for the sake of drama, they quickly revolted. That’s not cool. The romance was handled very poorly as well, but you probably saw that coming didn’t you? I have been bashing it for quite a few paragraphs at this point….

Who knows, maybe zombies would have spiced things up a bit. I can definitely say that the MVPs of this film were definitely the dogs that had been running around the place. They were neat and it makes me wish that they could have been around a little more to mock the main characters and their unwise choices. I also have to say that tripping in a grassy plain is quite lazy and does make it seem as if you’re a very weak character. We wouldn’t want people to get the right impression now would we?

Overall, This is a very boring film and one that you should not bother to watch. It doesn’t help that this is set in the olden times where everything looked dreary and dull. How I miss my modernized glass buildings and video games at every twist and turn. There’s no real language, which is one of the good things about having an old film, but with a large array of terrible characters at every turn, it doesn’t make a whole lot of difference. If you want to watch an emotional movie, check out Peanuts instead. At least that one has Snoopy and it’s said that he can hold an entire film all on his own. Now that’s what I call talent!

Overall 2/10

I Confess Review

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It’s time for a retro film from Alfred Hitchcock. The style is certainly a little different from his other films in the sense that you wouldn’t necessarily know that it was by him. Most of his films are more mystery centered whereas here you do know who the villain is the whole time and the tension is on whether Logan will crack under the pressure or not. It’s a fun film where you have to decide if he’s making the right move or not.

The premise is fairly simple. Logan is a Catholic priest and one day he finds out that the man whom he hired to work at the church murdered a man. Unfortunately, the murderer is the one who told him while in the confessional box. It is strictly forbidden for a priest to use any knowledge learned during this period so Logan must decline to help the police with the investigation when they ask him who the murderer is. Unfortunately, the evidence now makes it look like Logan is the murderer and he can barely provide a defense for himself. Is this the end of the line for him?

Keller is the actual murderer and he evidently doesn’t care if anyone likes him by the end. He’s always trying to make Logan look bad and also doesn’t seem very remorseful for murdering someone. He goes crazy by the end to conveniently help the police realize the truth, but the character isn’t ultimately all that important in the story. Logan can shut him down at any time. As mentioned earlier, it really comes down to whether or not he will abide by the code.

His faith is strong and he never ends up buckling and telling the police what he knows. He does a good job in his Catholic beliefs. I’m a Christian myself and luckily we have no such custom. I definitely don’t fault Logan for not talking since he did well according to his beliefs, but I felt like he could have handled the situation a little better. Aside from not wanting to talk about anything relating to the murder, he also didn’t want to talk about anything related to Ruth, which caused more issues. This meant that he did not even want to create an alibi for himself and effectively made himself look all the more guilty. Not to mention that he tried to dodge the questions and sidetrack the arguments a lot of the time.

Even if he didn’t outright say that Keller was the killer, Logan could have easily explained that he knew who the killer was, but couldn’t say because of the confessional rules. That would have at least given the police something to go with and I don’t believe that this is against the rules. Of course, it could come down to the fact that Logan may have thought of this as “cheating” the rules. It’s like a “lie of omission.” I still don’t believe in the concept, but many do consider it to be a form of lying and essentially cheating the concept of a lie. You’re telling a lie without actually saying anything. If Logan subscribed to that way of thinking, then maybe he felt that he couldn’t even admit that this had anything to do with a confessional. I personally disagree with his stance.

I do think that ommissions are not the same as lying. Take for example the classic example used for the lying debate. 2 Nazi’s walk into your apartment and you are hiding Christians in your attic so they say “Are you hiding Christians in the house?” You have quite a few options without actually lying and they all involve sort of skirting around the whole lying concept. One option is to respond via a technicality. Maybe your home is an apartment, a villa, or something that’s not technically a house. Then you can easily respond with a No and it’s not a lie. You could use an exclamation like “What” “How dare you accuse me of such a thing!” which is not actually lying, while still insinuating that you are saying no and then depending on what they follow up with, you can say no to the question without saying no to the original one. There are many such loopholes that you can exploit in many scenarios, but it does boil down to the fact of whether or not you consider this to be cheating the rule. By the way, I am of the side that believes lying is the better course of action than telling the truth in that case. You are committing a sin no doubt, but saying yes means that you will be killing the people in your house and taking away their choice of life. If it’s just your life on the line, then by all means it’s best to tell the truth and proudly accept your fate as a Christian. When other people are in danger, then self sacrifice is the concept that I subscribe too (Whether or not you have the courage to back up your tough words is another story though) and you are willingly sinning, but I believe that it is different from simply sinning for personal gain. You will have to answer for each and every sin, but I believe that the lives you saved and your willingness to repent and move on from the situation is counted as well.

Back to the film, if Logan believes that admitting to the confessional being the issue of why he can’t talk to be a loophole of the Catholic rule, then he naturally cannot even say this since it would go against his beliefs. It all depends on his feelings on the subject. Either way, he was definitely put in a tough spot, but Logan was a good character. I got worried when he was stranded with Ruth for a night, but he did a good job and handled the situation appropriately. Logan’s a solid lead character and while his actions were frustrating, he did the best that he could.

Most of the other characters were pretty annoying or unlikable. The only other really good character would be the detective. He did a good job of grabbing the facts and showing the other characters who was really in charge of the situation. You could almost root for the guy if you didn’t know that he was already on the wrong side. He meant well and that definitely counts for something. The Prosecutor was also decent and he knew how to have a good time. He would have won the cup game if not for the phone.

Naturally, Keller’s not a likable villain. He comes across as rather petty. His wife was better even if she acted a little too late considering that Keller never seemed like the most respectable guy out there. The other priests didn’t help Logan out all that much, but they were likely praying for him. They were just in a tough spot since it was hard to help him and they definitely understood his plight by the end of the whole ordeal. I did like the priest who had the bike with him, that was a fun gimmick to have.

Meanwhile, Ruth was surprisingly very antagonistic for most of the film. Her treatment of her husband was very uncalled for and she could never rebound from that. She married him for no real reason since she claims to have never loved him and immediately tried going back to Logan only to find out that he had put up the friend zone already. Sometimes, the friend zone card can be quite effective and it’s always great to see it played during a film. It’s one of the ultimate moves to pull in real life as well.

Overall, I Confess was a solid film. The mystery was already known, which always forces a different approach for a mystery. The courtroom drama was intense as always, although without a real defense, it was more one sided than I would have liked. I certainly recommend this film if you’re looking for a classic tale of whether the world can crush you enough to make you relinquish your beliefs or if you can find a way to persevere. It’s a good adventure with a well thought out plot. I don’t remember all that much plot hax at the moment, but I’m sure that I could think of some if I focused!

Overall 7/10