Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

Donnie Darko Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for one of those films where the main character is slowly going crazy but you have to determine if this is actually what’s going on or if there’s more to the situation than meets the eye. You’ve got the classic delusions and even a giant 6 foot Rabbit so this film isn’t afraid to get supernatural. Unfortunately the build up is rather large to what I would consider to be a lackluster climax and getting there is rough with the characters all being super annoying and terrible for the most part. There aren’t really many people to root for here and so that’s something sequels will need to try and fix.

The film starts off by introducing us to Donnie who has been having some mental issues for a while now. He takes pills to reduce the effects but sometimes he skips them and starts to crash out. He’s been wandering around the city at night and seeing a large rabbit man named Frank. Frank tells Donnie that the world is going to end in a few days. Donnie might even believe him but officially tells his therapist that he doesn’t think the world will end. Donnie actually has two friends and then even gets a girlfriend in Gretchen but for the most part has trouble connecting to people. Even the famous motivational speaker gets on Donnie’s nerves. Will he be able to stop the world from ending or is Fran really just a figment of his imagination?

This is one of those films where you will definitely need to stay focused because we jump from day to day. There is a timer about how many days are left until the end of the world and so sometimes there are whole weeks left and then there are just a few days in others. So you have to read through these carefully because the film isn’t always linear but the events are normal enough where you might not even notice at times. A engine fell through Donnie’s house but fortunately he wasn’t hurt but the cops are acting a bit weird about the whole thing.

Like I said before the main problem here does come from the characters though. Donnie is extremely hard to root for. He shows up with a bad attitude from the start and never really gets any better. From insulting his sister and mother to crashing out during lessons, he just isn’t a very heroic figure. During his therapy sessions he has a hard time focusing and it doesn’t seem like anything really interests him. He’s very odd the whole time and you can be odd without being a jerk but he never really chooses that option. I would have liked to have seen him resist Frank’s influence more as well.

Donnie seems easy to manipulate and always tends to choose the worst outcomes. Even through to the end I don’t think he made the right call. He basically decides to give up, at least that’s how I would frame it. He could have tried a lot of other paths but he chose the easiest one which doesn’t even guarantee a happy ending. In fact you could say that in some ways this is now the dark ending but it depends on how you interpret it. I’ll go into my interpretation near the end of the film.

For the most part I’d say the film has a generally dark tone. Everyone’s been through a lot and there is another tragedy along each corner. You’ve got Gretchen’s backstory which is naturally dark and then gets even darker with what happens in the present. You have the motivational speaker’s secret which is again super dark and so the town doesn’t seem to have a lot of hope with it. One girl is bullied a whole lot and naturally the main character doesn’t do much about it. Just about everyone is needlessly mean spirited like when a bunch of kids make fun of an old lady.

There’s quite a bit of language here and none of the characters seem like someone you would want to be friends with. Of course the characters are not responsible while the parents are away and throw a big fight as well. People are doing drugs, the romance is rushed, etc. This film definitely takes itself very seriously but this kind of grim title needs a bit more of a hook.

That’s where Frank really should come in. Lets get some more answers out of this guy and learn about the end of the world. Well, for the most part he just talks cryptically the whole time and isn’t very helpful. Sometimes he helps out like when he had Donnie burn down a house that exposed a villain. That was good but is takes him a while to get to that point. Before that Frank just seems generally demonic and it’s still hard to tell what his actual goals are. Is he just here to spread chaos? Because I could definitely believe that.

Okay now to discuss the ending. Skip these next two paragraphs if you haven’t seen the film yet. My main theory here is that there was no real time travel per say and instead we got taken to a new dimension. Throughout the film they talk about time travel by going through a ship and entering a portal to go back. Well, we get to see Donnie arrive back at the start but he chooses to stay in his room so the engine crashes through and murders him. At this point all of the characters across the film wake up, seemingly very startled. Some are panicking, sweating, etc.

It seems like they all regained their memories of the lost time here. So even though it’s the past, the events all seemed to happen. For that reason I would say that Donnie was able to open a portal through dimensions. In this way it’s like a parallel universe where everybody is around but now events are playing out a bit differently. Unfortunately because Donnie won’t be around to burn the house, that means the speaker will still be up to his criminal activities. Then again if everyone remembers, maybe they can shut him down quickly. That’s basically how I interpret the ending and so it’s a pretty sad one since Donnie gave up and just let himself get blasted. He should have gotten out of there and used his advanced knowledge to really make a difference. There are a ton of ways you can change the world when you have an early start like that. It also seems like this kind of thing has happened before with the old lady who wrote a book but Donnie should have checked in with her right away. The whole alternate universe would also tie in with the planet ending like Frank said. In this way it really did end as that universe/timeline no longer exists.

Well, there are a lot of ways to look at the ending. The film is definitely weird enough for it all. Unfortunately it’s just no weird in a good way. You absolutely could have pulled this off if the characters were better but this cast? Yeah they were definitely not even remotely ready for this. A good surreal kind of film needs to have quality characters, a really engaging plot, and of course an interesting climax. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is an example of a really weird film that works after all.

Overall, Donnie Darko is held back in a lot of ways by Donnie Darko himself. He isn’t quite the lead character that you need to make a film like this succeed. Instead he just keeps the film from reaching its true potential. The rest of the characters don’t really help matters either though. Frank had potential here but the way his character goes out is pretty lame and he lost all of his aura the instant that the mask came off. There just isn’t much that is appealing about this film. I give it some props for trying to have a very unique story but it did not work.

Overall 2/10

DOA: Dead or Alive Review

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Dead or Alive is one of those titles that is always super tragic. The series has amazing characters who got a lot of hype thanks to the fan-animated Dead Fantasy series. Additionally there is a lot of rich lore and world building to be found but instead it is often thrown away in place of fanservice. The same thing happens here. The movie has a fantastic soundtrack, great fights and visuals, not to mention a great cast. Unfortunately the fanservice continues to come in strong and hard which ultimately prevents the film from succeeding the way that it should have. You have to squint your way through to the end which is not the way to go.

The film starts by introducing us to our three leads. You have Princess Kasumi who wants to find her brother Hayate who supposedly died during the Dead or Alive tournament but she doesn’t believe this. When she gets an invite to the tournament, Kasumi gets her chance to find out what’s going on. Tina’s reason for entering the tournament is a bit more mild, she wants to prove to people that she is a true fighter and not a fake wrestler. Finally Christie just wants to make more money and there are millions to be stolen from this island. Who will take the crown?

There are a lot more characters in the tournament but technically speaking most of them do not last very long. It was fun to see a bunch of characters from the games either way though. Tina’s father Bass gets a fight to himself and it’s clear that he is holding back a great deal so when he goes down it’s not like he suddenly had to get nerfed by the plot or anything. Who wants to defeat their kid in a serious fight right? If anything you could say he was mostly used for the comedy which worked really well.

This is the kind of film where you do have to overlook the characters really taking it to each other even when it’s a friendly match though. Christie for example dishes out a ton of pain to her boyfriend Max like hitting him where it hurt and crushing his hands. It was intense enough where I thought he was being set up to be a total villain but in the end it just ended up being their dynamic. Max has one scene where he defeats a fighter accidentally which was taken a bit far as a gag though. In the end I’m surprised he still ended up with Christie but I guess his confident attitude actually worked.

His romance plot is still better than Weatherby’s though. That guy didn’t stand up to help Helena when it counted and so that was a real bad look for him. I give him some points for actually talking to Helena instead of creeping by the computer all day but he still wasn’t really my kind of character.

Another character who looks bad here is Ayane. She is so determined to murder Kasumi that she takes this to a crazy obsessive level. Ayane could have been putting that time towards helping to find Hayate as well. Even if he was dead, just let Kasumi do what she wants for now. There is no reason to be going this aggressive and then by the end she is acting like nothing happened. I tend to like Ayane but she did not look good in this one.

Hayate sadly doesn’t get to do a lot here but he is given a lot of hype as being the strongest warrior on the planet. That was appreciated and he does his best even when he’s outgunned. I have a hard time believing that he would lose but I guess I can ignore that. The point of Victor’s new tech is that he can copy and predict people’s moves but I don’t think the body would be quick enough to counter and also properly execute the move. We can just chalk it up to sci-fi shenanigans.

Victor actually made for a pretty good villain. He’s nice and over the top the whole time with al the laughing and bragging about how strong he is. He’s a villain who is clearly having a good time throughout the movie and seems to actually enjoy being rich. Sometimes you just want a big villain like this who is completely unrepentant and does whatever he feels like. No need for some kind of a fancy character arc here.

Hayabusa does well in taking out a lot of minions here. I also appreciated that he was really protective of Kasumi rather than trying to murder her. The guy was even able to push his feelings aside throughout the movie so that he could properly protect her. He gets big props for not getting distracted. This guy is just a really good hero through and through who is as noble as they come.

Speaking of distractions, I was also pleasantly surprised that the film didn’t have any of the characters try and use their looks to distract the villains. That’s one of the worst tropes and fortunately the movie didn’t have any of them sacrifice their dignity. Now the extreme levels of fanservice in the film do negate this to an extent but at least that’s one thing it avoided. The various romance plots tend to be really weak. The only decent one is with Hayabusa and even then it could probably stand to slow down a bit. The others are definitely more on the annoying side and move too quickly.

Back to the characters, I would say Kasumi is the best one. She goes out of her way to try and save Hayate and puts herself in great risk. She understands what it means to look out for someone even if it puts your whole future at stake. She’s definitely the kind of friend you want to have on your side and her skills are quite impressive. Definitely a really fun character without a doubt. Then we have Christie who is fun as an antagonist. She doesn’t have the moral compass of the others.

Sure she’s not going around murdering everybody but she is a thief and takes whatever she wants. In terms of fighting abilities she may be the strongest heroine out of Kasumi even if it doesn’t seem like her training was as formal. You get the feeling that she just had to learn in a hurry after being a thief for so long which makes a lot of sense. She’s charismatic and a lot of fun to have around the whole time.

Now I have to admit that the final two heroines Tina and Helena look so similar that I was mixing them up the whole time. I generally know them from their storylines as Helena had the Weatherby one while Tina was proving herself but this is where video game costumes would help out to really differentiate them. They’re both fun enough, I probably prefer Helena because she has more of a troll side to her. She was definitely messing with Weatherby intentionally a few times. As far as flirting goes, that’s probably one of the better ways to do it. Tina had to start off with a fake victory to move on forward in the tournament so it didn’t make her look quite as hype.

Still you’ve got a lot of fun characters throughout. I also really liked the tournament style as matches could happen anywhere at any time. That’s just a really cool concept and there were a few homages to the games like how the cameras and UI worked. The soundtrack is awesome like I mentioned before with a ton of rock music. The pacing is really fast and so this film was really firing on all cylinders. The writing is really good with a fairly light tone but still keeping the story serious. You’re super invested in what’s going on the whole time and the fighting choreography is really solid. The film even played the volleyball match very seriously without any fanservice attempts in there.

Alas, like I mentioned before the fanservice still keeps this from being a good movie. I can’t really recommend a title that will have you shaking your head and wincing so often. That just wouldn’t make sense. It’s better than something like Charlie’s Angels which was all flash with no substance since this one has a good film buried beneath that but it has to succeed in spite of those scenes which was too hard of a mission. I would like to see a modern version pull this off while not falling into the usual traps.

Overall, Dead or Alive has a very distinct reputation which is pretty well earned by this point. It’s a shame that it always goes for the easy views when this has the makings of a great franchise. This film is just another example of this tactic. If you can get past all the fanservice then I would recommend checking this film out and seeing what you think. If that sounds like it’ll be a little too difficult then you should just check out the original Moral Kombat instead which is the ultimate tournament film.

Overall 4/10

Mr. Holmes Review

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It’s time for a film about Sherlock Holmes when he was really at the end of his life. This means the film would have to tackle the mystery in a very different way since he can’t be running around and actually fighting himself. No instead he has to solve most of the case in his head. It’s a very different approach. Not a particularly effective one mind you. I did miss the usual Sherlock Holmes style this time. The movie ends up being largely uneventful with a very small cast for most of the run.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Sherlock Holmes who is being taken care of by Mrs. Munro and her son Roger. Roger really likes hanging out with Holmes and learning about bees but Munro is a little less amused as the whole thing. She thinks it might be a bit dangerous, not just for Roger but for Holmes too since he might faint and take a hard fall. Her fears are certainly justified here. Well Holmes is trying to figure out what happened in his final case before retirement. For some reason he can’t think of it, maybe he blocked it out? Well, now he can’t rest until he solves the case.

I would say the part that tripped the film up the most was just how far they decided to age up Holmes. He’s not just old but he’s ancient in this movie. He can barely move at all and is basically dying by this point. A single fall can give him numerous bruises and so that severely limits him. He can basically walk around the house but that’s it. So when I say the case is mainly in his head, it’s really quite literal. Even in the flashbacks he looks old to the point where if you forget that you’re watching a flashback you’d think it was happening in real time.

Holmes does get to use his famous observational skills to pick up on different tricks and also solves a bonus case in the final minutes. I was glad he got a win but there’s still something sad about the whole thing. It’s like he knows that his death is imminent and there’s not a whole lot that he can do about it. In general it’s sad to see any character taken to this extreme, especially when they used to be a fighter. It was fun to have Holmes see his film version at the theaters during the movie.

Considering how Holmes blocked off his memory you can bet that the case doesn’t end super well for him. I won’t go into specifics since that’s the whole point of the climax but I don’t feel like Holmes really made any big mistakes. A big theme within the film is that Holmes is a genius but doesn’t understand people all that well. That may be rue but I don’t think another character would have done much differently at this point. Holmes did take care of the immediate threat and it also made sense to reject the advance since he wasn’t going to be getting involves in any kind of illicit affairs. Sure he could have potentially handled the whole thing with a longer speech and being more verbose in general but this is all hindsight.

You never know how a situation will play out and so I think Holmes is being really harsh to himself throughout the film. Meanwhile Munro is probably the most tragic character here because she’s just trying to provide a good life for her son Roger but a rift is forming between them due to how she treats Holmes. She takes a much more cautious approach than the main character which of course paints her as the bad guy to an extent. She makes her share of mistakes like burning letters meant for Holmes. I can’t really defend that but otherwise her top priority is on protecting Roger and so that’s what she focuses on.

As for Roger, he was a good characters. At times there wasn’t a whole lot to his character but he was really eager to help. He had Sherlock’s back at every point even if it meant keeping secrets. He just needed to be a little older and he would have probably done better in the film. As it is, what happens to him in the film would have been hard to avoid for even trained professionals. When you’re in a moment like that it is easy to panic.

The film’s biggest problem is that it can be rather dull for large chunks of the film. The past case just wasn’t as interesting as it could and should have been. Instead of being the part of the film that really wows you, you are waiting to go back to the present again. I liked hearing Holmes explain the situation by the end as the detective speeches are always fun but it just wasn’t a very captivating case. The presentation in the movie was a whole lot more interesting.

Also while it is normal for characters to start crashing out during stressful times, the disagreements go pretty far. At one point one character tells the other that “You should be dead!!” and it’s a comment that is hard to walk back from after all that. Like you probably can’t easily bury the hatchet on that one. It’ll always be in the back of your head because under duress or not, they clearly meant that. At the end of the day Roger may have tried being Holmes’ friend but that’s about it. He had lots of acquaintances but was ultimately all alone. Even the whole raising bees angle felt like it was him being super lonely. It’s not really the kind of hobby that most people dream about getting into. I know I definitely wouldn’t be able to handle that one because I’m not good with bees as it is.

Overall, Mr. Holmes will have to be one of the weakest Sherlock Holmes films. It’s not bad per say but it does feel like the movie didn’t really know where to go for a large portion of it. It’s really not a detective movie first and foremost. It’s more about vibing and enjoying the great outdoors which can be okay but that works more for a film where the main character can actually be running around and trying things out. Here Holmes can plan things out in his head but that’s just not good enough to be exciting. Check this one out if it’s really early and you want to see what it’s like but the slow paced nature of the movie does severely limit the audience. If the film cannot hook you even slightly while it’s early then that’s game over.

Overall 5/10

Punch-Drunk Love Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

The film introduces us to Barry who has a reasonable job and his life is stable but the guy has nobody to really share it with. He has 7 sisters who are super talkative and outgoing but they are a little too much for him. The guys at work seem okay but you could still say that he doesn’t really have any friends. Well one day a lady shows up who likes him but Barry had been impatient and dialed one of those unethical phone numbers to have an intimate talk with a random person. That was a big mistake as she is now blackmailing him and wants a ton of money or he will be exposed. If this wasn’t bad enough, she has a gang going after him. Can Barry get his life in working order or is it all over for him?

One thing that will stand out right away is how good the main theme is. It’s really catchy and helps the scene to stand out more with the fast paced dialogue. It’s quite fitting and usually music is an area that films have a lot of trouble with so I was definitely glad to see this. The theme plays quite a few times and never gets old. While the movie itself may not be a big hit, at least it does give you something really catchy to remember it by. Other films wish they could pull that off.

Meanwhile the crazy nature of the film is also nice. Little things here and there won’t always make sense as the film intentionally tries to catch your attention with small details. Whether it is characters doing crazy things in the background, the nature of Barry’s business, etc. The whole film thrives on being very weird. It is definitely very successful on that front although I dare say the film could have stood to take itself a little less seriously and then it could have really capitalized on the weirdness.

Naturally the romance is going to be one of the weak links here. On one hand the weakness is part of how weird the whole thing is with the main heroine being rather desperate for Barry for some reason. It’s a very lucky occurrence for Barry so you almost want to root for him but of course turning to the phone number first was a massive mistake. No real way to save him at that point and either way the romance itself would have been way too rushed.

Barry deals with a lot over the course of the film but in a way it doesn’t feel like he really solves the core issues. He may have shut down the villain group that was after him but he still has the crazy 7 sisters who will keep on messing with him and you can bet that this relationship is going to get complicated for him as well. Hopefully he is just able to handle the situation really well but the ending doesn’t ring quite as positively as intended. The best way for Barry to handle this would just be to not take things so seriously. The sisters really like talking so you just let them keep on talking but you don’t really engage with the points unless directly asked. Then from there know that it’s such an info overload that most of the info itself will be lost in the shuffle.

Most of the 7 sisters don’t get to do much but we do get one family scene where you can at least see what the chaos is like. The main one who was trying to set Barry up with a girlfriend in the first place gets the biggest role. She seems nice enough but has no real concept of boundaries or privacy. She will just say whatever she is thinking which can really put Barry in a tough spot at times.

Then with the heroine Lena, you’re sort of waiting for a big twist to happen the whole time but in the end nothing really pops up. I guess you could say she’s just a nice person without any big agendas at play which is cool to see. Romance aside she seemed like a nice person who wasn’t too quick to judge Barry based on second hand information and actually got to know him. She was also fairly clever like with her original car plan. I suppose that could count as a bit of a twist.

The villains here aren’t the most intense ones you’ll meet. They talk tough at first but quickly begin to meet their match. I did like the added sense of danger here though. They really forced Barry to quickly consider the situation and see what he would do next. He was ready during the final confrontation which was a pretty good scene. It beat the actual last meeting scene which was definitely on the anti climactic side. I was expecting a bit more than that even though this is not an action film.

As far as the tone goes, I would still call this part comedy to an extent but it’s definitely not going for a goofy vibe. Funny things happen every now and again but there are also some serious undertones occurring throughout. The movie manages the balance pretty well and I’d say this one could have been better with just getting rid of the phone plot. I’d have had Barry get scammed in a different way that would have made him a little more sympathetic instead. Also the second half is played a bit too linearly compared to the first half. I’d have thrown in some more wrinkles and twists to keep it from being too standard.

Overall, Punch-Drunk Love is a decent film. I’d say it was a bit better than I was expecting. I think I was expecting the film to be a little too try hard in how serious it would get but instead this film found a really good balance which I can appreciate. If you’re interested in a film that definitely gets weird then you should check this out. The movie’s at its best when its just having a good time messing with you as the viewer. You’ll pick up a ton of little moments in the background that really help to amp up the experience. They could really do a sequel to this one if they ever felt like it but I suppose that’s probably not likely.

Overall 5/10

She Wore a Yellow Ribbon Review

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It’s time for a western that actually doesn’t have much in the way of gunfights. It’s a very low key film which can be nice as a change of pace but at the same time it gets a little too calm for part of the adventure. There doesn’t seem to be much of a story for a while there until we finally get to the Indiana showing up and causing chaos. For a while there it’s just the characters walking around and counting down the days to retirement. It’s very inoffensive film but one that you’re probably not going to be tempted to re watch. There just isn’t much of an incentive there.

The film starts off with Nathan getting ready for retirement. His final day is arriving this week and he’s definitely ready for it. Nathan has been doing a tremendous job for many years but even the best have an expiration date at some point. Unfortunately it looks like it won’t be a quiet last few days. His boss has the dicey idea of wanting Nathan to guard his wife on the way back. Indians were already spotted on the trail so this is not going to be easy. Then a lady named Olivia will also be on the mission and she has been attracting the attention of two of Nathan’s best officers. This includes the future replacement for Nathan so this new rivalry is not being very productive. Will the platoon be fine without Nathan?

Naturally the romance isn’t particularly good here. Olivia definitely seems to be messing with the guys quite a bit and almost doesn’t seem to care who she will be with. Ultimately she chooses the one with the better future prospects but how strong are her actual feelings? That’s a bit harder to say and it’s why I can’t picture this being a very strong romance. It’s just not going to go over very well in the long term. While Olivia looks bad for being a distraction here, I also have to give a lot of blame to the two officers. When you’re in a serious army position like this you are in charge of the lives of every officer around you.

You can’t suddenly be getting heated into a fist fight when there are external dangers all around. Nathan scolds both officers but it’s a shame that he had to scold them at all. He was clearly disappointed and I don’t blame him. There’s another guy retiring in a few weeks who is a big drunk and while that guy is irresponsible, at least he can fight. We get a fairly lengthy slapstick action scene where he basically takes down an entire division. Now you could also just say that’s anti hype for those guys to all be defeated by one opponent but I do think it’s really meant to show how strong this guy was.

He is really all muscle. So yes with him and Nathan gone the platoon is absolutely finished. I don’t see the soldiers being able to operate at the same high level that they used to be on. Fortunately Nathan did leave things on a good note within the territory so that should buy some time for the army to get stronger and stronger. Then maybe they can win their next confrontation.

But again the biggest problem that the film has is…we don’t really care about the plot. The strife between the Indian factions isn’t super engaging, nor are the action scenes around getting into the camp and staying away. If anything the film may have been better if it just stuck to being a slice of life with Nathan just chatting to people and solving problems. In this version I guess more of the drama would have been around different romance plots and maybe some new subplots.

Or go all the way in the other direction and add in a ton of gunfights. That could have also been a good option here. This is a long film that feels long and that’s usually a problem. The pacing could have definitely been a lot better and we probably needed at least one more standout character. It felt like the main character had to basically hold the series by himself which is really not advisable. You need more characters in general.

Or if you can’t add to the cast, add more scenes for both of the guys that the heroine liked. For the most part their whole character personalities revolve around her rather than doing their own thing. Give them each a subplot of their own. Maybe one of them starts questioning Nathan more and more and actually gets it right a few times. Then the other one is getting to be a better and better shooter and wants to convince the captain to reassign him to a gunner role. Not sure if that was a thing back then but just an example. We need more reasons to care about the story and this would be a good way to do it. Maybe even have the Indians show up earlier and one of them used to work in the army or something. By this point I’m starting to change the entire movie so these are just foods for thought.

Overall, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon is a film that doesn’t put as much importance on the ribbon as you might expect. This is still Nathan’s story all the way. I do think the title does a good job of preparing you for a lack of action though. If it was called the big battle of the west or something then that would probably have gotten people excited for a bunch of fights only to be disappointed afterwards. The movie takes great care to avoid making any mistakes, it just forgot to really focus on the strengths. Well, like I said you should check this one out if you like a very calm experience. Just expect it to be extremely calm.

Overall 6/10

Teenagers from Outer Space Review

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It’s time for a film about an alien invasion and it’s definitely treated as a fairly casual affair. Humanity was absolutely not ready for these alien invaders, not that they usually are. It’s a movie that has aged well and provides good entertainment the whole time. The pacing is not bad and we largely avoid the big romance thanks to the film’s ending. All in all I don’t have many issues with this film as it turned up when it counted.

The movie starts with a few aliens landing on the planet Earth. They all look like humans but they are certainly not the same species. The most ruthless member of the group is Thor who wants to use this planet as a breeding ground for their giant monsters. Derek protests as soon as he sees that there are intelligent life on the planet and so he runs into town to warn people. Thor lets him escape only because it turns out that Derek is the son of their high leader. So they need to take him alive. Will Derek be able to spread the message with the planet or is he already too late?

The tough part for Derek here is the fact that he doesn’t really know anything about the planet. So he’s having to learn a whole lot of things on the fly. He meets a girl named Betty and her kind Grandpa but it’s hard to convince them of the urgency of his mission. This changes when Thor shows up and begins blasting. His disintegration ray can destroy anything that it hits. Derek will have to find a way to disarm him and fast before the whole town is obliterated.

The death count in this film can be surprisingly large at times. There are a whole lot of deaths left and right here Thor basically gets to do whatever he wants to the place. It takes a long time to bring him down and even then the heroes fumble the bag by not taking his weapon or anything like that. Thor lasts way longer than he should because the heroes insist on using kid gloves with him. This is a matter of life or death, you really need to take him out. At one point he is totally unconscious after being shot a few times and nobody capitalizes on this. Very sloppy behavior without a doubt.

Thor does make for a decent villain the whole time though. He’s very confident in himself and is always pressing forward. The guy comes off as being insane right from the jump so you’re not sure how he got such a high ranking position but the possibilities around it are so endless that there isn’t much point in really pondering it. That’s just how this alien group goes. The climax of the film gets quite explosive and definitely doesn’t leave many loose ends for a sequel. Unfortunately this also means that the giant monster himself doesn’t get to appear or do much at all throughout the film. I was looking forward to seeing more of him since the design was really hype. It had a lot of potential but ultimately the budget just wasn’t there to support the film and that is really a shame. Having a giant monster stepping on all of the buildings would have definitely raised the danger level by quite a bit.

We at least know that it was pretty strong though. If not for the pesky disintegrator ray then it might have really had a shot. I regret to inform you that a dog does die in the film though. Early on the villains use the ray on the dog Sparky which was definitely a big mistake. Fortunately the whole scene is pretty fast and you instantly turn to bones which is better than most methods of death. Still unfortunately but that’s the reason why the film didn’t immediately get a negative score or anything like that. It could have definitely been curtains otherwise.

I have to give Betty’s grandpa some respect in this film as well. At first I figured he wouldn’t be doing much of anything here as the guy was really showing his age but in the end he stayed strong. He wouldn’t say where Betty and the others were even under threat of death. He kept on riding around with the crew the whole time and never gave up. That’s the kind of determination you like to see here. He had a lot of energy and in general all of the townsfolk were pretty good. None of them were just going to turn tail and run or give up without a fight. This is the true meaning of unity.

As expected the writing is pretty good here. The script is solid and the pacing is really good. The movie never drags on and you can feel the danger lurking around every corner. At most the only weak part would be when Derek first arrives in town and doesn’t know that the other aliens stuck around. So he doesn’t have a lot of urgency as he rents a room and puts of telling Betty about the dog. The film also narrowly avoided the love triangle since it was looking dicey with Betty and the reporter plus Derek for a while there. That could have docked some points but the characters made the logical move here this time by focusing on the end of the world threat and not getting side tracked. That was a welcome surprise.

Now this is a very old film so even as an alien invasion film you should not be thinking about this in terms of a lot of explosions or anything like that. This is a slow burner through and through and you can almost think of it like a slasher aimed at kids. You have the seemingly invincible villain who slowly approaches each town goer as he obliterates them from existence. He takes no hostages and has absolutely no mercy. The guy just keeps on going and going with no plans to stop. It’s the part of the film that leaves you feeling a bit sad because none of those characters expected that they would die today.

Overall, Teenagers from Outer Space may be very different than what you would have expected based on the title but it’s a pretty good film. I wouldn’t say it has any obvious weaknesses at all. I had a good time with it and the film even has a decent sense of humor at times. If you like these retro films then I would say to definitely check this one out. It’s really got every classic B creature element in here along with the creature itself even if that’s more of an afterthought.

Overall 7/10

Mile 22 Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Mile 22 brings in another big war time thriller as the heroes duke it out with the villains. It’s one of those films that does decide to do this through an interview lens as one character talks about what happens and keeps on spoiling different parts of the film. Definitely a bad decision but if you can get past that then the rest of the film is pretty good. I did like the cliffhanger so a sequel would be fun but I can see how the ending might be divisive.

The film introduces us to Silva who is a very good special agent captain but one who is also very emotional. The different characters debate what is wrong with him mentally or if he’s just a jerk but Silva is definitely very prone to going on large tirades about pretty much everything. He gets very emotional and explosive at all times so you can’t really predict what he will do next. You could say that he is the ultimate wild card. Well this latest mission involves a guy named Noor who has defected from his country and has intel on weapons of mass destruction. He requests a trip to America for his cooperation and the heroes don’t have much time since he has set his files to self destruct pretty soon. Silva agrees to help but he’ll have to keep an eye on this guy.

While the film’s title and poster is all about the 22 Mile drive, that doesn’t happen until very deep into the film. It felt like over half of the movie was really set up for this as we are introduced to the characters and the stakes. Setup is definitely good but this film does push it a bit as you’re waiting for the adventure. Silva’s group are all stars who can handle any mission but naturally you can probably expect some of them to get taken down in short order here. At the end of the day even top rate skills will buckle before superior numbers.

As always there are a number of moles and security breaks throughout the agency so Silva can’t trust too many people. They are also in enemy territory the whole time as the whole point is that Silva’s team is trying to get this guy to America. Until they reach those borders, they’re going to have to deal with an army of corrupt cops and agents trying to shoot them all. The villains aren’t exactly subtle either as they say to Silva’s face how they intend to handle this. Silva just has to try and destroy them all in return or it’ll be all over for him.

As the main character he is definitely fun. Silva’s the kind of guy you want on your side because yes he’s a super loud jerk who is constantly yelling but that means your opponent’s are in for a tough time. There’s even a saying about that how every team should have at least one jerk on it. The idea is to at the very least have someone who is really confident and not afraid to get in the other guy’s face. Silva is definitely comfortable in that role and it’s a good thing too since his teammates can also have their own issues.

Kerr for example is going through a messy divorce and has not been able to concentrate as much as usual because of this. She is constantly yelling and swearing as things don’t go her way. Additionally this line of work does result in not being home very often which certainly doesn’t help on the court side. The app she has to use as part of the package was pretty interesting though, I could see that being really useful for a lot of situations since at least every message is being tracked. No funny business happening off camera as long as the app is around and the fact that it logs each swear word is impressive.

Kerr probably should be able to control herself better while on the mission though. She bears some responsibility for not noticing the two intruders messing with the hostage. Finally Noor is the third member of the main characters. He’s the informant who is making a whole lot of demands and the guy is in control the whole time. I figured his meditation was a way of keeping track of the code for a while there but in the end that was a bit of a red herring. Noor gets a whole lot of character development as the film goes on and really excels in his role. He is neck and neck with Silva in terms of being the most interesting character.

He also does get a really intense fight scene when he has to face off against two fighters at once. It showed that his fighting skills were the real deal as any other character in this film would have likely been destroyed rather quickly. He definitely knows that he can’t trust the security of the USA by the end of that scene. Additionally this all star squad is completely off the books so at any point he could be destroyed. If they are too late to get to the plane and the data is deleted, well they’ll end up shooting him anyway. So there are a lot of ways that Noor could die and he has to be prepared for all of them.

The overall tone of the film varies from being your classic action fare to being a little more on the darker side. The ending itself is definitely really intense and for my two cents I would say I thought it was a good ending. It was really unexpected and happened quickly without dragging the reveal for too long. You come to the conclusions that the main cast come to at about the same time. I do think it does once again show how the heroes are super lax and unprepared with their procedures though. Procedures exist for safety and consistency so the instant you start going away from them you really start to open the door to a lot of problems.

Overall, Mile 22 is a good film. It balances a whole lot of different plots going on at the same time pretty well. The pacing and writing are on point so you’re engaged with the story throughout. The ending was definitely a bold choice and I definitely respect the decision there. A sequel would certainly come in handy to see how things go from here. I would hope that this time there is no narration from the future though. This is a very intense film without a whole lot of happy moments so you do need to enjoy the overall war vibes. I thought it was handled better than most and didn’t get quite as extreme as competitor titles. That said, you would want to avoid this film if you don’t like this level of violence. Neither side is really in a position to take hostages due to the situation.

Overall 6/10

Shooter Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Shooter is one of those tragic films because it could have been good but then it decides to absolutely nosedive by throwing in some extra grit and over the top dark themes for no reason. It could have been known as a fairly decent revenge film about destroying everybody but instead this one will quickly fade away into being forgotten. Just a lot of missed potential here.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Swagger who used to work with the army but after they left him and his partner for dead, Swagger decided to tap out. With his friend dead, Swagger was all by himself except for his pet dog. He stayed off the grid for years but now the government has caught up to him. Isaac wants Swagger to help out in preventing a presidential assassination but this quickly goes sour as expected and now Swagger is wanted for murder. He’s tired of being thrown around by the government, it’s time for Swagger to do something about this.

So you’ve got a classic revenge story against corruption here. It’s a pretty classic story and one where it is easy to root for the hero over the evil government. That said, the film feels the need to make the villains as evil as possible to jam the message through and it’s really not necessary. For example they murder Swagger’s dog. Really now? That was completely unnecessary. Then at one point it turns out that one of the villains is really just here for his own pleasure and has his way with the heroine while Swagger is gone. Another absolutely ridiculous scene that didn’t need to be here at all.

This is the kind of film where the writers just weren’t confident in their own plot/script and so they have to add all of these quick shock value moments. You’re not able to enjoy the film naturally and each scene is instead pushing you hard into the next one. No need to think about anything as the movie is as black and white as possible. One of the scenes near the end as Swagger explains his evidence is one I’ve seen before as it’s a pretty common out of context clip for Youtube shorts. It’s yet another moment that is meant to show you how logic just won’t work because everybody is as corrupt as possible.

The movie definitely has a very jaded view of the justice system. Fair enough, it’s definitely got numerous weaknesses and shortcomings. If the film wants to go the vigilante angle then that’s fine but again it would be nice if the film could just let us watch the action unfold without having to basically narrate it. The villains are all loud and obnoxious as they laugh about how they have dominated the system. They don’t seem to be concerned about any bugs or wiretaps because everybody important is already in on it. They’re just having a grand ole time.

I think for that reason Swagger made a huge mistake near the end and just happens to get lucky. He basically lets some of the key villains go so he could do this through the legal process but naturally that doesn’t play out very well. By this point you’ve already murdered all of the foot soldiers so why wouldn’t you finish off the general? It never makes sense to spare the captains at that point. Particularly since they have the riches and the resources to completely disappear if that’s what they want to do.

Swagger definitely lets his guard down at times but ultimately he looks good for most of the film. His sniper skills are definitely on point and he can really hit a target from almost anywhere. That’s definitely a scary opponent to have to contend with because you’re going to have to find a way to close the distance without getting shot. I’d ask why the army would leave such a capable soldier out to die like in the opening but again it comes down to basic corruption.

Nick ends up helping out from the FBI side. The guy is a little slow on the uptake about how nobody else really cares about the mission though. He gets lied to almost immediately by everyone else in the agency. They’re all either on the take or just generally incompetent. It’s easy to see why he decided to break away from them as soon as possible by the end. Of course you get the feeling that he might be doomed in either event because the villains won’t let him live forever. His only hope will be to hitch a ride with Swagger.

Then we have the heroine Sarah who definitely goes through a lot. The whole film is definitely a terrible experience for her. She does a good job of being helpful and going undercover. My only issue is really with the romance plot. You can’t just get together with your dead husband’s partner. That seems like a terrible idea even aside from the fact that it’s a rebound. The whole thing would just be too personal and it’s also way too sudden. They barely even know each other and so the film suffers from the really quick paced romance here. It doesn’t really have any kind of development and just happens.

As far as conspiracy films go, this one requires a few more stretches of disbelief than some of the others. A certain degree of that will basically always come with the genre but at the same time they just seemed so sloppy in this one. The fact that an FBI rookie noticed that things didn’t add up shows how little thought was put into it. Producing answers too quickly, etc. It may have fooled his boss but it was clear that she didn’t really care about the case in general. She had me convinced that she was on the take the whole time for that reason. How else would she make the worst excuses each time? At one point when Nick points out that a key player was just shot, she says it was probably just karma. That’s just crazy.

Still, conspiracies are fun. Even in real life I’m sure that some of the ones that occurred had a bunch of loose ends and people just looked the other way. That’s bound to happen from time to time but when you’re actually seeing it you can’t help but roll your eyes a bit. If the film had stuck to the action then I think it would have been a lot better. I also liked seeing some of the frame technology. For example to make it look like one guy shot himself they had a clever device that holds the arm up at just the right angle. I’m sure they’ve got something like that in real life.

Overall, The Shooter is a pretty bad film I gotta say. The plot had some potential in there but threw it all away in the second half. I won’t blame the main character for getting tricked since it was a calculated risk but he definitely makes some terrible judgment calls. Even romance aside, I still think the plan he had on top of the mountain was absolutely terrible. Letting villains go in the hopes that you can get them later is really a recipe for disaster. At least the film has a pretty fun ending. That part at least leaves you satisfied in the end.

Overall 3/10

Nobody Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Eh the movie poster is cooler since there are many more fists but this cover’s not so bad either. The film sort of betrays its own concept almost immediately as this “Nobody” is naturally a big Somebody. I like the idea a bit more of having an average family man have to contend with a big revenge flick but this one’s still okay. It taps into that John Wick kind of energy with the legendary fighter having to come out of retirement. The film does have to survive an extremely rocky start though.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Hutch who has been living a very repetitive life for a while now. Every day is basically the same as he lives it over and over and over again. There is little variety to be found at all and it’s just not very fulfilling. Well one day his home is invaded by two thieves and he doesn’t fight back or do much of anything so now everybody is making fun of him and his family has lost confidence in him. Hutch doesn’t seem to be the provider they thought he was. Hutch only gets serious when he finds out that they stole his daughter’s bracelet. Now it’s time for him to unleash his skills!

Now the film quickly tries to defend why Hutch didn’t do much in the opening scene. He noticed that the gun wasn’t loaded and didn’t want to escalate the situation. The problem is that this was still the wrong move by a longshot. These two are still unknown criminals who are breaking and entering. Additionally they are using blunt objects in order to cause a lot of damage. Just letting them get away with the money is terrible and even more so when his son stood up to defend the house and Hutch didn’t help at all.

No amount of explanations or hindsight was going to be enough to save Hutch here. He needed to defend his family, at the end of the day that is absolutely critical and he failed when it counted. The instant someone breaks into your house all bets are off and lethal force is absolutely authorized. Any time you hold back there you are putting the whole family at risk. This whole scene is important too because later on we see how Hutch is actually an expert fighter who can take out dozens of enemies. Dispatching the two intruders without seriously injuring them would have been another easy outcome for him.

So when all of the characters are poking fun at Hutch the whole time it’s hard to feel too bad for him. Obviously it’s not cool to be too unrelenting about the situation but trying to get Hutch to understand how he made a mistake was important. His brother in law even gives Hutch a gun which is a pretty sensible thing to do given the circumstances. The second half of the movie basically does become an unrelenting John Wick film as Hutch goes after everybody.

He ends up tangling with the mafia and so he begins to dispatch those guys as well. Now Hutch isn’t Superman or anything like that so he’s not invincible. The film does show that he needs help from an old friend and his father to actually come out of this alive. It was good to have that in there for a touch of realism especially since Hutch has been out of the game for so long. Now unfortunately the film does spoil the adventure by having an opening scene work as a time jump which is still one of the worst tropes. Ah well, I suppose the film had to fumble a little bit there.

The movie can be rather violent with some of the kills. The fight scenes themselves tend to not be too over the top but the finishing moves can be like Mortal Kombat. Hutch really tries to make an example of why you shouldn’t stand against him and the main villain has the same idea at a gala event. Both sides are no strangers to violence and to an extent you can even say they encourage it like when Hutch basically dares the villains to keep on fighting him.

In some ways I would say this film is really going through the action thriller motions. It’s not a film that you’re likely going to remember very well by the end of it. It’s a good movie but the story is one that we’ve all seen before. Even down to the origin story which plays itself beat for beat as many ex professional type films. I enjoyed the banter with Hutch and his allies even if that too is familiar. Sometimes you just want a solid action film that puts the fighting before the story itself. I would say this film definitely does that.

The villain is mainly forgettable. He’s your average gangster who knows how to fight but finds himself in a leadership role now. He’s not particularly patient with his minions and the guy is incredibly unstable. If you work for him then you may end up dying just on a whim. When the going gets tough, he does fight but doesn’t last all that long. That’s basically his whole character in a nutshell. I was more interested in what the cops were going to say about all of this although naturally they don’t get a ton to do. I imagine in the sequel we’ll see more out of them and the 3 letter agencies as they decide to take Hutch down just to be on the safe side.

Overall, Nobody is a decent movie but I don’t think it has the highest replay value. It takes a bit long for Hutch to finally go into action. The violence can be a bit try hard at times too. The film is really advertised as a big action title though so there were definitely no lies presented here. What you see is what you get and I would definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a solid action fix. I get the feeling that the sequel would be better though as here is a lot for the film to capitalize on here.

Overall 5/10

The Thomas Crown Affair (1999) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Whenever you’ve got a film with the word affair in the title then you know that you might be in trouble. Naturally the word doesn’t have to inherently be bad but it’s usually used in a negative context. The film is basically about someone trying to pull a James Bond and just the concept of that plan is usually funny to me. Still, it does actually work in the real world even so I can’t really talk much about that. Ultimately the film lacks the good characters to make this a success and the romance is particularly weak.

The film starts off with a rare painting being stolen from Thomas Crown’s museum. It was worth tons and the insurance company might have to pay for it. As a result they send in a lady named Catherine to oversee the whole thing. She will make sure that the company does not get ripped off here and she will locate the painting. She believes that Thomas did it himself. It seems a bit unlikely to the cops to put it mildly but she is convinced. So her plan will be to seduce him and then get the information. Will she really be able to reel in a rich guy who has everything so easily?

The first part of the plot that already starts you off on a skeptical note is Catherine’s idea that she can just seduce this guy like it’s easy. I have the same skepticism for many romance type titles and naturally the James Bond films as well. Sure there are some people that are extremely shallow like that but a super rich guy with unlimited options? At least have her break him down after several months or something but he immediately takes the bait hook line and sinker. Now you could argue that it’s just because he wants the thrills of a cat and mouse game but to me it seems like he liked her right away with how sharp her personality is.

Then the rest of the film continues the cat and mouse game while they mess with each other the whole time. There’s a subplot where Thomas has a psychiatrist who confirms how he can’t trust women and all that. Well the film seems to confirm his suspicions as Catherine tries to mess him over several times. If anything the movie seems to make the case for Thomas on why he can’t trust anyone too much. The instant Catherine feels betrayed she tries to completely ruin his life by exposing his theft.

I mean…that was her job the whole time but it’s clear by the end that it’s super personal now. She refuses to listen to him at all and just goes back to her own thing. Then by the end when the misunderstanding it cleared up she is desperate to be with him again. Catherine jus seems incredibly unstable and I don’t see things going well for the two of them. The original film had the much more satisfying ending as a result and I couldn’t stand by this one. The reason is because I wasn’t a big fan of the romance in general despite how much the film tried to present it as a decent one.

I do like the whole enemies to lovers trope when handled right but this one didn’t convince me. As much as I was going on about Catherine not being the most reliable or trust worthy, the same is true for Thomas of course. The whole film is happening because he was bored and wanted a thrill after all. You better hope he doesn’t get bored of romance either since he seemed like a real player back in his day. That is definitely one of the big downsides of being super rich. It’s a bit of a meme as everybody would usually like to be rich anyway but I can see how life can get dull if you don’t find anything to give you purpose.

Also to make the romance even worse, we have the head cop in charge of the case, Michael. This guy is absolutely desperate for Catherine from his very first scene and it’s obvious that she is not into him at all. She gives him a pity kiss later but I wish the guy had been a little bolder and just created some distance after the first attempts failed. Lets keep this professional right? This film is the definition of unprofessional as nobody was able to really keep to the job but it’s probably the worst for Michael. Catherine at least had the excuse of this being part of her plan and Thomas was using this as a way to gauge Catherine but Michael should have at least been objective.

Now in terms of the heist itself, it does stretch your disbelief at times. I find it hard to believe that nobody noticed the CEO sliding under the door to steal the painting early on. The film’s excuse for this would be how crowded things were and to an extent I get that but it’s still a bit of a stretch. Likewise when the painting was returned later on. The ole switcheroo was pretty clever though and I didn’t really have any problems with that one. I did enjoy all the “magic” and planning even if the resources and time to pull that off are also tricky. Thomas obviously has the money but finding enough people willing to take a fall and potential jail time? With enough money you can pretty much do anything but you can also count on at least one guy to get cold feet and go to the cops.

I’m not really an artistic person myself so I always wonder how paintings can really go for millions of dollars. I’d sooner buy into the conspiracy that the whole art market is just a front for money laundering than actually thinking someone would value the piece so highly. Talent is talent and some people are truly gifted at it but millions for any piece of art seems absolutely crazy. I’m also not particularly entertained by walking around a museum to look at paintings. That seems like the kind of thing you would endure for good company.

So the main appeal of the movie is about the heist and the cat and mouse games. That is when the movie is at its best but the rough romance really holds it back. There’s just no way this will work out and the romance is more of a show over tell kind of experience. So not only was I not convinced but the movie spends a lot of time on the romance only for me to still be shaking my head the whole time.

Overall, I would still skip on this film. It’s an improvement over the first film but it’s still not a winner yet. At this point I think we need a live action version of Sly Cooper. That’s a film with a similar premise but 1000x cooler. You will still have the cat and mouse banter with the detective trying to catch the thief but it’s played in a much more interesting way. Until that movie comes out, I recommend playing through the games and you will quickly see why the Thomas Crown affair can’t quite compete.

Overall 4/10