Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

The Revenge of Frankenstein Review

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It’s time for the return of Frankenstein! I have to say that this one is marginally better than most of the previous films in the franchise. Not to say it’s a good film or anything because of course that’s not the case but yeah it definitely beats some of the others because we don’t have the classic monster here. Instead we have Frankenstein styling on everyone and the film mainly just has to get around its rather violent body horror type moments and new monster. Oh…so yeah I guess it was doomed anyway.

The movie starts off with not explaining how Frankenstein escaped his impending death at the guillotine. He escaped to a remote town where he practices as a doctor and does rather well at it. So well in fact that the illuminati of scientists have been unable to shut him down or force him to join their cabal. This means they are constantly upset but one young doctor realizes that this new practitioner is the legendary Frankenstein. He blackmails the main character into accepting him as a sidekick and both are super wary of the other. Still they make for a good team and Frankenstein lets Hans know of his plot to transfer Karl’s brain into a new body. Karl is a hunchback with an arm that doesn’t work well and this transfer will prove what a genius Frankenstein is. Karl is also on board so it’s not a secret or anything. The only possible obstacle is a girl named Margaret who basically forces herself into being a nurse/assistant at the clinic. Will she end up destroying everything?

All right lets talk about some of the good aspects of the movie first. For starters I actually think that Frankenstein himself is a really good character for once. The guy is actually engaging and entertaining. He is always a few steps ahead of the other characters and I like how rude the guy is. He straight up doesn’t care what the other characters think of him and is just determined to keep making advances in science. He’s not dumb about it either. The guy legitimately became the best doctor in the land with a ton of valid surgeries and operations so that he could subtly take a few extra limbs here and there for his experiments.

Everyone respects him outside of the council and nobody except Hans ever suspected a thing. He holds his own in all of the questionnaires until the end and so for once he actually did feel like a full genius. I also liked the tension between him and Hans the whole time. They’re both basically villains here who are willing to use each other and so they each have to watch their backs. It made for a pretty good dynamic the whole time. I tend to really enjoy reluctant partnerships like that.

Hans may have been a little out of his depth but he was a solid character too. The guy stayed his ground even through the obvious threats that Frankenstein tossed his way. Not just anyone could have done that. Also Karl was good at least until he started to lose his mind. The guy has been through a lot and was willing to do what he needed to do in order to improve himself. I mean he is playing along with this whole scheme that he had to know was sinister so I am by no means calling him a hero or anything. He definitely shouldn’t carry that moniker but he was a character you could really feel bad for the whole time.

Margaret was a character who was much less sympathetic. It felt like she was really throwing herself into trouble the whole time and had no reason to really do so. I mean the film makes it clear why she wanted to jump in but yeah she definitely was not doing herself any favors here. I suppose she at least means well later on like when helping Karl out but ultimately even then she sets everything back a bit and is just responsible for more carnage and destruction.

The movie certainly had better writing and more thrills than most films in the franchise but this is about where the positives start to end. For the negatives we have the usual here. The film can get rather violent once Karl is actually a monster and starts to destroy everyone. We learn that the transfer has the side effect of making its victims turn into cannibals so you can probably guess how that goes. The worst part is that Karl wasn’t even that bad at first but then we get an over eager security guy who starts beating him up which triggers the transformation. The whole scene felt rather forced to be honest.

We also have all of the body parts lying around that the film puts a whole lot of detail into. It’s definitely pretty gross to see them all just lying around and the film does not look away when it comes time for the operations. I’d even say that the film is practically gloating about this because the scenes did not need to be nearly as long as they were. It’s not like they really add anything to the film since by that point we already know what’s going on.

As a final note I will say that the film’s ending is really solid though. I was not really expecting that and yet it does make a lot of sense in hindsight. It’s another moment that makes Frankenstein look like a genius while also buffing another character. Unfortunately the next film would not follow in this one’s footsteps which was a massive mistake as it starts to sink all the way down again but we’ll go more into that later on.

Overall, This is a film that I would not recommend. Yes it is better than the average Frankenstein title as focusing on the scientist over the monster was a superb idea. Any scene with him talking to the doctors tends to be really good. I also liked the really smug custodian. I didn’t talk about him much but the guy also seems to be a few steps ahead of the others. There’s just a lot of really strong character interactions everywhere. They aren’t enough to save the film once it enters the second half with all of the monster action but it is enough to be memorable and still give me some positive things to say about it.

Overall 3/10

Children of Men Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a dystopia film with the end of the world approaching but not due to some kind of giant twister or meteorite attack. No, this time it’s because the world just isn’t generating new humans anymore and so that’s an interesting take but this is more of a dreary kind of adventure as opposed to a thrilling escape film on trying to find a way to survive. It brings up some interesting ideas but ultimately couldn’t quite turn the corner.

The movie starts off by explaining the plot. At some point women stopped being able to get pregnant and the cause of this was unknown. It could have been anything from radiation, vaccines, just a natural end to this cycle, etc. Regardless of the cause, that means humanity will slowly begin dying out soon. Just about every country on the planet has fallen except for the United Kingdom and so there is a huge immigration issue. Everyone wants to go there and so they have basically shut the kingdom off and all immigrants are basically treated like slaves.

The film centers around Theo who has a fairly good job and likes to keep things low key. He stays out of the media and plays along with what people consider to be big events like the world’s youngest person dying but he doesn’t really care about any of that. One day he is kidnapped by his wife or ex-wife…I forget if they had split up or not officially but she is now a high ranking member of a terrorist organization. Why does she want him? Well there is a girl named Kee that they are trying to protect and they need Theo’s help. She doesn’t actually trust the other terrorists so he is her absolute last resort play. Theo doesn’t want to help but circumstances basically force him into the picture. Can he protect her?

Theo doesn’t exactly have much combat training or anything so it won’t be easy. Additionally, there is a specific reason why Kee is a super big priority target for just about every force on the planet. There are tons of people who want her for both good and bad reasons. That means there is now a big target on Theo’s back. He does suggest at one point that they should turn themselves in but this is the only area where I have to agree with the villains in thinking that this is a bad idea. I have no doubt that she would immediately be experimented on and would effectively lose her freedom/life in short order.

There are no great solutions to this though. One idea is keeping her in hiding for say 10-20 years so you can show off certain results with a bit more safety also in hopes that other people appear or you make her a central figurehead for the terrorist group from a safe location. I’m not sure exactly where would be considered safe at this point though and even if it appears to be for a good cause…I don’t think anybody would want to be the figure head for a terrorist group.

As with most of the dilemmas in this film, your only choices tend to be bad or worse. Theo has one real friend in the film who is an old guy trying to take care of his sickly wife and from the jump with this kind of film you know that’s not going to go over very well. I don’t even get the logic of his final scene. The guy was super prepared for everything including poison pills and lots of other kinds of things so at least he wouldn’t be captured and tortured. There is even a plot element to this involving the past which explains why he would want to be wary of such a thing. Yet when his time comes, he only gives two others the poison pills and doesn’t take any safe guards for himself. If anything he actually gets off really lucky here comparatively speaking.

Aside from making things rougher on Theo this just didn’t make sense. There are lots of scenes in the film that are pretty much here to remind you how bad the world has gotten. People are being led up to a firing squad, the whole being tortured as a backstory, we see the bad living conditions, everyone starts dying near the end, etc. Even with the ending I wouldn’t exactly say it’s a very positive one. You have to assume that while things may get marginally better later on, they may not.

In a way the whole film follows this theme of hopelessness. At the end of the day no matter what the characters choose to do, they’re all going to die soon. There is no saving the world or some big enemy to defeat. Every person who gets murdered during this adventure is just one person leaving early but everyone will eventually be dying with no heirs to continue. The first half of the film is much more interesting in that sense though as it’s interesting to see what happens but once we enter the thriller aspects it’s ironically not as engaging. It’s more of a classic everyone getting shot and running through the destroyed towns but it’s all rather gritty and not meant to be very fun. Everyone’s constantly in pain and the film does give us a rather long birthing scene which makes sense as it could be the last one ever seen but I’d still have rather that had beem off screen as it always looks and sounds so painful.

Meanwhile the ending only holds hope for the world if the circumstances with Kee can be reproduced. If they are unable to figure that out then it won’t matter. Even if they do figure it out, if the circumstances are not practical then it won’t matter there either. So there’s a lot of ways this could go sideways and only a few possible positive routes. Personally I don’t see it working out, the world is way too far gone. At this point even if things do start to turn, society itself may as well be collapsed.

Theo isn’t a particularly good main character either way. The guy comes across as selfish and it takes a whole long time for him to get on board. He doesn’t care about much which is fine but it also means that it basically takes the most extreme of circumstances to get him to do anything like a lot of money. I can’t say I was a big fan of Julian either though. She feels a bit manipulative. It doesn’t look like she actually likes Theo all that much but was just using him for her own means which was risky in itself.

Kee was a good character. She was really thrown into a really tricky situation and did her best but this was probably the roughest for her in a lot of ways. When you’re just trying to survive but going through an ordeal nobody even knows about, that has to be pretty rough. Then we have Luke who is one of the more interesting characters. Definitely the kind of guy who can really turn on a dime though so you can’t really trust him at all. The guy shows some warning signs right out of the gate and they only get worse. From his point of view it probably all seems worth it like he has to do it but there’s no way to really justify his actions.

The worst character would have to be Syd though because in the end he’s just a really greedy guy who will absolutely turn on his own convictions for the right price. In a lot of ways he’s worse than someone like Luke who at least has a logic to his actions. I don’t believe that Luke could ever be bought by anyone while Syd is just too weak. The guy’s annoying because there were such high hopes for him.

Overall, I think Children of Men is a very interesting film. There are definitely many parts to it that feel really realistic and if the planet did ever enter a period where children could not be born anymore, I expect there would be massive chaos. It would be like knowing that everyone was going to die soon and not being able to do anything about it. Society absolutely would collapse and it’s a scary thing to think about. So while it is a very interesting writing prompt, it doesn’t work as well in a movie like this. It’s just more depressing than anything with no real breaks. It can get rather disturbing and even a little violent as well. I would have preferred a film that focused more on the societal impacts from the government’s point of view like a drama version of this without the thriller aspects. Even the most kind people would have a lot of things to worry about if they’re the youngest and know that nobody will be around to take care of them when they get old. So I don’t recommend the film but the plot is very unique and if you’re curious about diving in, the film has no shortage of traumatic imagery to present to you.

Overall 3/10

The Vanishing Review

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All right, it’s time for a rather brutal stretch of film reviews so get ready folk! First up we have a title that hits rock bottom. Films about a kidnapping need to be pretty careful as it is. You don’t want to get too grim and especially if you are going for a more realistic angle rather than stylistic. If you have a lot of thrilling fight scenes and a hype climax you can do some things with the genre but the ending is really a huge component. This film fails in all of that and especially with its decision to have the villain appear so often. You really don’t want to see that guy and yet he doesn’t want to get off of your screen.

The movie starts with Rex and his girlfriend Saskia driving towards their big vacation spot. Unfortunately they run out of gas in the middle of a dark tunnel so despite Saskia begging Rex to stay with her, he runs off to find some help/get some gas. He eventually returns and she’s upset but they agree to move on. Unfortunately she is kidnapped immediately afterwards and it happens so fast that nobody even noticed. Years later, people still don’t know what happened but Rex is determined to find her. The kidnapper has been taunting him with letters and Rex is ready to finally catch him.

However, the viewer knows who the murderer is right away. That’s because a massive part of the film is from the villain, Raymond’s perspective. This was a massive mistake if you ask me. Who wants to see this psychotic villain reveling in his victory? We see him go through the process of learning how to kidnap people and how this was all premeditated. The guy wanted to commit the ultimate evil to prove that he could and it’s all pretty twisted. So the movie spends a large chunk getting back to the present where we see the events play out from his point of view. Will Rex be able to catch him?

Well Rex is one of the biggest suckers I’ve seen so that’s going to be tricky. You have a guy who has been sending him notes and when he finally shows up, Rex doesn’t take him down? I’m not saying you murder him of course since you need answers but you definitely knock him out first of all. Then you either take him to the cops if you are confident that you have enough answers or you take him to a secluded area where nobody will bother you and get some answers out of him. Either way in no scenario should this guy be calling the shot anymore.

The usual hostage type defense doesn’t work in this case since it has been years and the odds of her being alive are basically 0. So at this point you’re avenging her. I dare say you don’t even need to find out exactly what happened, just end this guy but if you must know, find that out first. No, Rex decides to just get in the guy’s car and listen to him monologue for hours about how genius his plan was. Can you really imagine listening to the guy who murdered your girlfriend go on for hours and hours without doing anything?

I really didn’t like Rex the whole time but it started even earlier than that. Ditching Saskia in the tunnel was a really lousy way to start things. How could you ever dream of doing that? She easily could have been murdered right there and then. I also feel like that’s the kind of thing that you never really forget. Years could pass and you would still remember that. Of course you would, because that shows what will happen when the chips are down. In a stressful moment he did end up leaving her.’

It’s too bad because she seemed like a nice character. Saskia doesn’t actually get to appear much at all though. Rex ultimately gets a new girlfriend in Lieneke which is very questionable at best. I don’t see how you move on before you’ve got any kind of closure. Particularly with how tragic the ending was here. It just doesn’t make sense. The film seemed to be focusing on how Rex was also going rather insane like the odd scene of him staring at a computer screen and sort of playing something like Pong with Saskia’s names jumping all around the screen and bumping into each other.

I’m all for a character being persistent in something like this. He should never quit and should keep on obsessing until he has answers. It’s just the fact that he makes all of the wrong decisions and lets himself be manipulated. There’s a scene of him essentially offing himself with how ridiculous it is. I dare say that it’s the single dumbest decision I’ve ever seen a main character make. It’s a pretty bold claim but I would absolutely defend it. Lets play this out for a minute.

A guy who self identifies as the murderer and who is clearly insane says he is going to drug you so that you can find out exactly how your girlfriend died. Are you actually going to drink the drugs that he gave you? This guy could not have been any more clear in exactly what was going to happen here. I won’t spoil the ending in case you ever want to watch it but I would advise against that. This is a bottom tier, z grade film and the ending is pretty awful. It makes perfect sense given the scene that just played out but that’s the problem. It’s hard to picture anybody possibly making this decision. It’s flat out nutty!

There’s just nothing to enjoy about this film. It’s a really dreary, dark film with a very small cast and most of the screen time is about the main villain. All of his scenes are just nauseating. I’m glad the film didn’t try to make him sympathetic or anything because that would have really been insane but the ending is completely unsatisfying. It could have done more to condemn the character rather than just doing nothing. We just don’t need to see this guy. Psychotic villains like this don’t deserve to be getting that level of screen time. We know he’s crazy so there’s no other context needed. If you have to show off his ideas then cut all of his screen time for the flashbacks and have him explain things in the car. It would still be a royal chore to listen to but it’s better than seeing that guy.

Overall, This film will have you shaking your head all the way. At no point in the film’s run was it ever enjoyable. Even before the kidnapping the whole scene in the tunnel left things off on the wrong foot. I can’t say that I really had much hopes for the film but even with that, this manages to go under them. A film needs to be enjoyable at the end of the day. That’s the whole point of entertainment and this one was not fun. So stay as far away from this one as you can. There are no benefits to checking it out. Try something a bit more intense like Justice League or something like that.

Overall 0/10

City Hunter Review

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It’s time for a fairly wacky comedy film. This one definitely does not hold back in terms of how out there it gets. That said, the humor doesn’t really land very well most of the time. There are some good moments but on the whole the film ends up dragging itself out and whenever you think a hype scene is about to occur, your hopes get obliterated right away. This is basically what happens if you make a film with someone like James Bond as the main character…

The movie starts off with City Hunter’s partner getting extremely sloppy as he is gunned down by a group of villains. He quickly tells the hunter not to get together with his sister and City Hunter vows to live up to those words. He’s busy flirting with every girl in town anyway but his days of slacking off have come to an end as he is hired for an important job. He must locate a girl named Kyoko who is with the wrong crowd and her father wants her back. The City Hunter vows to complete the mission for all of the wrong reasons and after fumbling the operation, follows her onto a fancy cruise. What he doesn’t realize is that the boat is swarming with so many terrorists who can fight in hand to hand combat far better than he can. Is it all over for him?

So here’s the deal, I’m all for some good slapstick and I don’t even mind a main character who is completely unable to fight. Someone who is out of his depths the whole time can be a lot of fun with some sarcastic humor. The important point is that he has to be likable and unfortunately….that’s where he falters big time. This guy is just too much of a flirt who prioritizes that over the mission. I won’t say he’s as bad as James Bond but any scene with this guy is extremely annoying.

The film certainly does a good job of incorporating a lot of harem type antics into the movie to make this as authentic as possible but it comes at the expense of the movie being any good. City Hunter should have leaned more into his goofy nature and how he couldn’t find the police office let alone any crooks, but instead it focuses on what a perv the guy is. You’re rooting for the villains to take him out most of the time.

Also most of the film’s humor basically revolves around this which gets old fast and doesn’t come across as clever. There’s quite a lot of fanservice here which bogs down the movie. It’s not quite Charlie’s Angels territory which still takes the dubious crown in that department but it’s fairly unrelenting here. Even when viewing the film under the parody lens, you’re not really going to be sticking with this one for very long.

Kaori isn’t really a great heroine either. She is always jealous of the other girls that City Hunter is with and so she pouts a lot but a better heroine would have really been beating him up all the time. She imagines doing so, but actually tackling him more would have been better. I want to see some confidence and charisma. Instead she goes as far as to pretend to ally herself with the villains at times to get a reaction out of the guy…although it never works anyway. Why would she even want to be with someone who is clearly not going to be loyal in the slightest? City Hunter would drop her in an instant as soon as another girl talks to him.

Now they probably could have let up a little with how many times Kaori gets knocked to the ground though. It just gets sad after a while when you see how often she is the film’s punching bag. Kiyoko gets into a fair deal of trouble as well but unlike Kaori, Kiyoko was basically seeking this out the whole time. I don’t think Kiyoko played this very smart at all from the start but intelligence isn’t the strong suit of just about any character here.

Okay lets talk about some positives. For what it’s worth, there are a few good fight scenes once in a while. There’s a solid fight in the theater where City Hunter mainly gets dominated but eventually churns out a win. It’s still part comedy of course but it works well enough. The best fight is against the main villain’s bouncer though. Both characters move so fast that they keep on missing each other. See, this is actually a pretty good gag that is parodying how good of a fighter they both are. They’re so good that they both actually end up looking weak. Now that’s clever. There are a few other good jokes in there as well.

The effects are so bad that they go all the way around into actually being funny as well. This may not be intentional but I wouldn’t even be surprised if that’s what they were going for. This film is trying to be as silly as possible which is why it’s a shame that it’s not better. Usually I’d be a sucker for a film like this but it just didn’t have the right humor approach. Humor can be very difficult to land of course but at the same time it’s rare to mess up this badly. Seriously just make City Hunter less of a two dimensional character and you could be on to something! A film like this should never feel like its dragging and yet that happens at times. It’s a flurry of activity but sometimes it feels like nobody is going anywhere which doesn’t help matters.

Overall, City Hunter is a movie that just tries way too hard. It ends up being more cringeworthy than funny most of the time. Having a better main character would have helped a whole lot. Ultimately it’s probably for the best that most people don’t remember this one. Why would you adapt City Hunter instead of the original Gundam or even Astro Boy? Trust me when I say there were plenty of other manga titles you could have adapted before this one even entered the conversation. You may as well call this guy the City Hunter by the end of it with how much he’s getting wrecked the whole time.

Overall 4/10

Dragon Fist Review

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It’s time for a very old film with Jackie Chan. It’s definitely not one of his best films but the fight scenes are definitely on point when they occur. You get a lot of action at the end of the film but outside of a fight near the beginning, the film does go a long while without action. There are quite a few twists throughout the movie which does take it in a different direction than you might have expected but in this case that’s not necessarily a good thing.

The movie starts off with two factions fighting. One of them wins and so the master claims the title of “Champion” and has the banner to prove it. The master of a different faction didn’t like this and so he challenges the first one to a battle for the crown. The first master loses and is promptly murdered. His top student Tang is tasked with avenging the master’s death and restoring honor to his family. So he travels with the master’s wife and daughter to the home base of the villainous Master Li. Tang has been doing some training but is he really ready to take on a master level opponent when he was folded so easily the first time? Additionally there is a lot of politics going on here with various factions so Tang must really plan his moves carefully or risk complete and utter defeat.

Okay so lets start off with the positives here. The fight scenes are really good. I always appreciate some good martial arts like what this film has. The choreography is really good and the fighters are attacking at high speeds all the time. You feel good power behind the blows and it’s nice when two fighters finally go at it in life or death stakes near the end. A lot of the action scenes tend to involve one side holding back due to circumstances but of course you’re eager to see the fighters cut loose. There’s a really fast fists barrage near the end of the film which should really stand out even among the other combos.

The film is also fairly unpredictable which is good to an extent. I probably would have preferred the more predictable plot of revenge in this case but more on that later. There are also a decent amount of memorable supporting characters so it helps make the film more memorable. For example the 2nd in command for the main villain and the main heroine of Master Li’s faction. So it’s not one of those films where only the main character and villain are important.

Now on the not as impressive side is the main character. This is in part I’d say a cultural difference as well. A lot of times in both Japanese and Chinese films, there’s a lot of stock put on family honor and doing whatever you gotta do in order to preserve it. The main problem is that this will often result in the characters making the wrong decisions just because to go against it would be dishonorable. Tang strikes me as that kind of character as he goes as far as to become a full villain after some strategic blackmail. Here’s the main problem, he should just be taking what he needs by force.

The situation involves a drug that he needs or at least the formula to replicate it and the only way he can get it is to beat people up by working for a gang. At that point if you’re going to have to be a villain anyway, choose the outcome that has the least amount of victims. In that case it would be taking down the villains himself. Tang just seems a little slow on the uptake here as he doesn’t quite seem to realize how evil his bosses are when they don’t really hide it.

There’s one scene where the villains murder a child and Tang gets framed for it. He quickly confirms that he didn’t murder the child but this doesn’t stop one of the villains from being upset at how he orchestrated all of this for Tang to murder some more heroes. Here’s the thing..he says that right in front of Tang yet the lead doesn’t visibly react at all. Surely that should have been the end of this alliance right?

Then Tang goes as far as to fight all of the good guys at once while still working for the villain and it’s not until the final 15 minutes or so that he realizes he’s not doing well. This results in yet an even higher body count once more. I would also argue that the ending isn’t even a happy one at all. You have to remember that the heroes were heavily outnumbered with numerous guys with swords bumping off anyone who tried to leave the complex. The movie ends immediately after the final fight but as far as we know there are 3-4 super weakened heroes left who are going to have to fight well over 2 dozen armed fighters. I don’t think they’re actually leaving that place alive. There’s a slight shot Tang can do something since he’s the most skilled but even then I just don’t see it.

All right time for some spoilers so skip the next 3 paragraphs if you haven’t seen the film. It’s time for me to go into detail on some of the twists and why they didn’t work for me. Well first off, we never got the big fight with Master Li. It turns out that his wife destroyed herself in guilt after his win because she had an affair with the other guy so then Li removed his leg as penance and wants to make amends with the main characters. It’s not like you can just go ahead and beat up on someone with one leg who can no longer fight although Tang comes dangerously close to attempting this anyway. It’s a very intense twist to be sure but it means we have lost the main villain//the strongest fighter in the series. The movie has a hard time recovering from this because the actual main villain is so much weaker.

It’s subversive but it comes at the expense of a cool climax. The new villain’s second in command is reasonably tough but only makes this a real fight because he grabs some weapons at the end. Likewise the actual new villain only does well because the hero is tired by then. It would be much more satisfying to take down a main villain who is super powerful. It also feels like maybe the film did this because Tang would have been no match for Master Li but I’d still have preferred to watch that fight.

Ultimately though, the film’s lacking because of Tang in each scenario though. Beating up on the heroes while working for the villains is pretty wild in itself but he’s always extremely slow to act. At one point a group of 5 men attack one of the heroines and he just stands there like a statue until their blows start to add up and he realizes he should be in there fighting. Yeah it’s good that he eventually got in there but leaving her to fend for herself for any period of time really wasn’t cool.

That’s it for the spoilers so back to the program. The old master’s wife and daughter were more reasonable than Tang at least which is good although you do feel like they were just holding him back the whole time. I know they needed to be there as per tradition for their revenge but if Tang had just gone by himself then the whole film would have played out verrrrry differently. Having to watch out for two noncombatants the whole time is very tricky.

The film can also get a little dark at times. Of course you have the kid dying which I wasn’t really expecting. Fortunately it’s completely off screen but it’s still something we didn’t really need here. Two characters commit suicide and so the film which already had a fairly large body count, really added to it with some intense ones there. Considering that the gang’s run things for a while now, it’s likely something that happens a lot. Master Li’s reasoning for not fighting back doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Yeah he was waiting for proof but in the meantime his men are being attacked and the villains are gaining more ground. That’s a losing, defensive strategy. If you want to win then you have to press forward and attack. It’s not like he’s a diplomat who needs absolute proof before doing anything. He’s a martial arts master whose first duty is protecting his students, he really should have done something.

The characters don’t always feel very logical to me and it feels like an honor thing at times. They all just have to pretend to be polite at all times and do everything by the book. That may be fine in some scenarios but often times you need to get out there and attack. While I have numerous issues with Tang throughout the film, at least his intro scene where he jumped in to defend the master was good. It would have been nice if he would have at least looked decent in the fight instead of being thrown around effortlessly but the attempt was the important part.

Overall, Dragon Fist is not going to be able to hang in there blow for blow with most of its martial art rivals but if you’re looking for a quick film with lots of action then this definitely works out well. It is over with very quickly and so the pacing’s not bad. I would have liked a little more action and for Tang to have been more likable for it to have crossed over into the next level. I think that alone could have bumped it an extra two stars. It just focused too much on so many different plots with all of the factions which could work really well for a series where you keep spreading out the cast for the inevitable conclusion but having 3 different groups in a film that’s barely 90 minutes is pushing it. You don’t have much reason to care about some of these characters and it takes away from the main story which gets put on the backburner at different points.

Overall 5/10

Pickup Review

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It’s time for a film where the main character is such a sucker that you almost don’t feel bad for him. Yeah of course I still feel a little bad for the guy but he really didn’t do anything to help himself out. When you get too desperate you start to walk into all kinds of traps and that’s exactly what happened here.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Horak who is a nice enough guy but he’s feeling lonely lately. He lost his wife 2 years ago and lost his dog recently. His friend the Professor advises him to get a new dog so Horak looks around but then he is effortlessly seduced by a local girl named Betty who is low on cash and wants a free meal. He pays for all of her food/drink and then heads back home. The problem is now that he’s been with someone else again, he doesn’t want to go back to being alone. No…he can’t be alone! So he quickly marries her but then loses his hearing. He quickly regains it but pretends that it is still gone and realizes that Betty never really loved him. She just wants his money and may be preparing to murder him. What can Horak do about this?

Now I went a little fast towards the end there so lets break this down a bit. The reason why I am not too sympathetic to Horak’s cause is because Betty is not subtle at all. From the start she treats him like trash, insults his house, and generally insults him as a person all of the time. He seems to barely notice because he is so in love with her. Cmon that’s just an awful look. I feel like he has selective hearing at times because she’ll be hurling insults and he half heartedly starts talking about coffee and heads off.

You have to assume she’s not even great at being a scammer because of how she can’t keep the facade of being a nice person up for even 10 minutes. She’s just lucky that he is so desperate. That desperation is what makes him a really poor character. He doesn’t even realize that Betty doesn’t like his friend and so the guy he’s been hanging out with forever doesn’t drop by the house as much anymore. You don’t just ditch a close friend like that.

Most of the thriller aspects are from the second half where he starts to finally see how dangerous she is. The film has a massive plot hole here though. So the characters know that he is super hard of hearing so they can have normal conversations around him but have to yell to get him to hear them. Okay so that’s fine but at one point they want to test him and see if Horak can actually hear or if he’s faking. So Betty yells in his ear and Horak doesn’t react. They’re satisfied but they shouldn’t be. The whole point is that he can hear when the voice is loud enough so why would he not hear a scream at all? He actually should have reacted and their plan should have been different.

Yeah so Horak is really a bad character here. He lets Betty get away with way too much and clearly has no self respect. You can’t just accept being treated so poorly like that, it sets an awful precedent. Meanwhile Betty is a full antagonist the whole time. At first you figure that maybe she’s going to have a bit of a character arc or she’s getting through some things but nah she was just bad from the start. She even has quite the reputation about this which everyone knows about…except for Horak of course. She actually gets off real easy by the end of the film and probably wins off screen due to Horak not properly ending things off when he had the chance.

Then there’s Steve who is a really bad character. The guy is openly cheating the whole time which is already awful in itself. Then there’s the fact that he lets Betty seduce him even while he sees her seducing Horak. He figures that he’s the exception somehow and that she actually likes him but how gullible do you have to be? It’s obvious that he is the next victim in her quest and yet he allows himself to be manipulated with no resistance. By the end of the film he even starts drinking and loses control of himself. The guy’s a villain just like her and he gets off just as easily.

This is really where the film loses a point for me. It’s an interesting title to be sure but the film has a really unsatisfying ending. It’s sort of a let everyone go their own ways kind of ending but it doesn’t work when you have antagonists like this running around. You want them to go to jail or something. Instead they’re free to mess someone else up down the line. Yeah I put Steve in the same boat as Betty because you don’t go as far as he did by just making a mistake. He’s a crook same as her.

At least the Professor was a nice character the whole time but his role is surprisingly small to the point where you could cut him out and nothing really changes. I wonder if he was originally meant to have a bigger role or something because it will just leave you a bit confused as to why he’s here.

Well the writing is good and the pacing is on point so the film succeeds where it counts. The character cast is fairly small so they all get a lot to do. Horak is just a really annoying main character. Maybe that’s why the ending is unsatisfying since the writers didn’t want to give him a big win either. I can understand that but then have them all get sent to jail or something. Make up some crime that they all get framed for.

Overall, This is a good film to serve as a reminder to never let yourself get too desperate. If a situation seems too good to be true then you should look into it. Don’t settle for love either, if you find someone who is settling for you then that’s not a relationship you want to be in. As the cliche goes, you gotta know your worth. At the end of the day even if it means being alone, you need to keep your respect. Horak saved up his whole life and nearly lost it all for trying to rush things. This kind of story is taken to the extreme in a movie like this but plenty of people make this mistake in real life as well. It’s not the best Noir title out there by far but it does more right than it does wrong and will keep you engaged the whole way through.

Overall 6/10

Europa Report Review

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If I had seen this film in the theaters I would have been so disappointed. It’s not thrilling or terrifying. That slogan makes no sense here because it’s anything but that. I found the film to be rather boring with very slow pacing all the way through. Part of the issue is in the found footage way they filmed this, another issue is how they keep jumping around as if this is a poorly directed documentary, but the main issue is that the film just didn’t seem to have much point. It felt like 10 Cloverfield Lane where the whole film is just a set up to the final 5 minutes of the film, only make that the final 60 seconds in this one. So this one was definitely a swing and a miss.

The film starts off halfway with everyone panicking because the cameras are going out. There’s tons of panic and then the screen goes dark as we find out that we lost connection with the space group for over 11 hours and counting. They’re probably dead but then we flash forward to someone saying that they found the tapes so what we’re about to see is the untold story. So then we jump to the beginning where we see that the team is going on a trip to space to find any signs of life on one of the moons near Jupiter. We then flash forward again to the crew getting obliterated and then go back to the start. This time we finally stick to being linear for the most part…but not totally as we’ll cut forward several times for one of the scientists to talk about how scary this was and all of that.

So I had a lot of problems with the film but one of them is all this jumping back and forth because it doesn’t make sense. If the company is finally showing this to people as a documentary, wouldn’t they edit it so this is all chronological? Why show the same scenes multiple times when you’re going back and forth? Sure if you wanted to make the whole thing more dramatic then you could do that but it doesn’t make sense if you’re trying to clearly explain what happened. That’s what I don’t like about the film, the whole story breaks apart the more you start to think about it and that should not be the case.

This is presented in such a way as if it was meant to be a thriller film which takes you out of the immersion because it doesn’t make sense with how this was crafted. I mean the whole thing is pretty hard to buy anyway with how they even got the footage after all this had happened but hey we can endure that I suppose. This is just where you sort of have to draw the line after a bit. Then my other big problem is the whole found footage style of camera work in general.

It’s just not an appealing way to watch the film. The screen is too small and there’s not enough freedom of movement. At least they didn’t throw on shaky cam in addition to that for the most part but this kind of style can at most be bearable if the characters are amazing. If you have a 10 star cast who just dazzle you with their quick wit then maybe you can survive but otherwise with characters that are mainly just generic and a bit lifeless this doesn’t do wonders for them. I need some cinematic camerawork and I needed it right away. The film is losing a lot of points right out of the jump due to this.

Then we come to the main problem which is just that nothing really happens here. The film isn’t even that long but it sure feels long with the crew doing endless safety checks and looking at the monitors. When they finally go outside it’s not like we can see all that much because it’s always very dark and gloomy out there. Yes it’s realistic but most importantly…it’s not that fun to watch. So the film has to take a big L there which is unfortunate. A film’s top priority is to be entertaining to the viewers and so when that goes wrong there really isn’t anything to save the experience. That is absolutely rule number 1.

None of the characters ended up being interesting either. Sometimes I wonder if this is a side effect of the found footage style because in all of those movies everyone tends to come across as really boring which doesn’t make any sense. Sure they tell some jokes here and there, they have disagreements about what to do, but they just barely feel like characters. It feels like the same dynamic you’ve seen in just about any space movie. At the end of the day they get distracted when they see something sparkly and end up getting crushed. Also what kind of a space station doesn’t have a decontaminating room.

That whole sequence made no sense. So some space junk got on one of the guys so he can’t go back onto the ship. Okay….but the whole point of the mission is to land on the planet and do some exploring/mineral gathering. So nobody realized that there was a possibility they would pick up something or touch something contaminated? Cmonnnnnn this just felt like they wanted to go for some drama. The classic moment of one guy having to drift off and slowly die in space is definitely a common one that is used a lot but it’s not something that would enhance a film.

Overall, This was a pretty bad movie if you ask me. Just the fact that it was really boring is enough to doom it but throw everything else in and it’s really a wrap. I did like the visual we got at the end of the film so if they make a sequel that’s an invasion/action thriller title then I would check it out. Otherwise this one tried way too hard to be super low key and while you could do that as a comedy, it doesn’t really work so well as a serious space thriller. There’s just nothing to get thrilled about and seeing the characters start to cry or break down mid documentary makes the whole film feel like it’s trying too hard.

Overall 3/10

Gravity Review

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It’s time for a film about outer space. It goes with the very bold option of trying to have a very small cast but ultimately this was not the way to play it. I like outer space as much as the next guy but for just about any film you need a lot of banter and characters to be trying to outmaneuver each other. Most of this film is really just the main heroine trying to survive and as a result there isn’t a lot going on here.

The movie starts with Matt, an expert at this kind of thing and Ryan, our main heroine who is also an expert at least on the theory level but hasn’t really had to go into space like this before. It’s all going routinely until a big chunk of debris knocks the life out of everybody with Matt and Ryan being the only survivors but very quickly this becomes Ryan’s solo mission. She has to try and get enough systems back online to get back to Earth but it’s not easy as this was never meant to be done by one person. Can she surpass her limits right here and now or is it all over for her?

So the main problem here is basically what I said in the intro. There is only so much that you can do to fill out a whole film with just one character. It works in the anime/light novel format because you have a ton of inner monologue from the main character but in films that doesn’t usually happen. If Ryan was constantly thinking about what to do next, making plans, etc. then that would be a different story. It’s just pretty rare for you to see that in a live action film because it’s really just not the way that the stories are typically crafted. Also the genre is a bit different, it might not be super organic to see her thinking about plans and such when she’s just been thrown into this situation.

I’ll take entertainment over realism so I’d have been cool with it of course. The best part of the film is really the intro because I enjoyed Matt’s character and seeing just how hard he tries to help her out the whole time. He really did his best in a tough situation and never made her feel guilty or anything with what happens to him. So that guy was a standout character all the way. Ryan’s also a solid lead and came through when it counts but since part of the film is really about how this is her first time, she does understandably panic a whole lot more. Ironically Matt would probably make for a worse main character since he would just be silently doing everything and the film would become a silent flick real quick.

I’ve seen a few other films like this where it’s just one character for most of the film and so far they just never really work out. It’s just not a genre (Eh this would probably be considered a sub genre at least right?) that works for me. You do get some nice visuals of space of course. There isn’t much of a soundtrack since space is quiet and all but they tried hard on the technical side. The writing seemed good enough when there was dialogue as well although we just don’t get to see that for very long.

Okay here’s what I’ll say for the film. It’s a terrific writing prompt. It’s interesting to think about what you would do if you were stranded in space and how you would survive. You could absolutely make a whole book series about it as you slowly learn to grow crops/artificial food within the spacecraft, water, etc. Maybe you live for years on your own before people come to rescue you. It would really test your creativity.

It’s just that watching a film about it ends up being super boring. There’s no way around this, you’re not really given anything to wrestle with. No themes to discuss, no dialogue to rate, no fights to enjoy. There isn’t even much variety in scenery since she is stuck in the ship all the time. It just feels like too passive of a viewing experience. I need to be thinking about something, absorbing things so I can be running scenarios in my head. Otherwise it’s sort of like you’re just watching the main character walk around and it’s not super engaging.

Even the review feels a bit repetitive after a while because it’s like I’ve only been talking about one thing the whole time. Well, that’s what watching the film was like. I do want to underscore that it’s not a bad film, I’d just say that it’s not a good one either. It’s perfectly stuck right in the middle unable to move one way or the other. It’s not interesting enough to wow you or anything like that but it doesn’t commit any huge mistakes nor is it overly boring. It’s uneventful but I’ve seen some films that are truly boring and I can tell you that this one shouldn’t be considered to be in that same league.

Overall, Gravity is a film that takes an interesting concept and tries to execute it but it just doesn’t work in a movie context. I think this would be far more interesting to read as a book. If you are really into space or aspire to be an astronaut at some point then this film should hold a lot of extra value because I imagine they did consult with experts on a lot of the science so it’s more or less accurate. It’s a good idea to at least think about what you’ll do if you’re ever stranded. Me though, I plan to stay on Earth for the duration of my life. Space travel or going underwater are both things I’ve never been tempted to try and definitely would never do even if you paid me. I just need the solid Earth beneath me at all times with breathable air. The most dangerous hobby I’m into is competitive eating to be honest.

Overall 5/10

Behind Enemy Lines Review

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It’s time for a film that reminds you of just how dangerous it can be to be caught behind enemy lines. Trust me that’s not a situation that you ever want to be in. It makes for a pretty action packed movie with a lot of chase scenes and having to avoid enemy fire. I had a pretty good time with it and would recommend checking it out to anyone looking for a solid action movie to watch.

The movie starts with Chris really looking forward to his current tour ending. He had been hoping for a lot of action and excitement as a pilot but instead he’s mostly just had to do a lo of flying around empty areas. No gunfights or anything like that and he doesn’t appreciate the peace. Well one day, he ends up flying a little far out and gets shot down by the opposition. His partner is executed and he barely escapes into the wilderness. The US is in a tough political battle with this country and so with the treaty nearly here they don’t want to risk anything setting that back. So despite having a soldier on the run, the higher ups forbid Admiral Leslie from stepping in. Leslie wants to help but needs to figure out a way to do this. Will assistance be in time for Chris or is he truly on his own?

Now if this was a power fantasy film Chris would just defeat the whole army and keep it moving but of course that wouldn’t be super realistic. Best we can do for you here is have Chris be able to outrun the entire army and dodge all of their bullets. A pretty impressive feat in and of itself though. You’re going to see a lot of scenes of everyone trying to murder Chris and he’s just too fast for them. He moves through the forest like it’s his own backyard and he’s also able to use the mud to his advantage so that he can hide even while they are right on top of him. So yeah pretty impressive all around.

This film will have you stretching your disbelief quite a bit with how it’s handled but it does make for a very exciting movie which is always a good idea. It does come at the expense of the hype for one of the villains though. This guy is supposed to be an expert sniper, the best in the business and the film hypes him up as a huge threat. The problem for the guy is that ultimately when the chips are down he isn’t able to hit Chris. He has Chris straight in his sights and misses every single shot. Really a bad look for the guy since he’s a sniper and shooting at someone should be what he does best. It definitely had me a little confused I have to say. Just feels like the villain should have been handled a lot better.

There’s also another scene where he gets really lucky. Basically the villain who was with him steps on a land mine and asks him for help. The sniper says nah and start to walk away. The first villain should have just tried to run or make a jump for it then and blown them both up. No way you just let the other guy get away like that right? It would make no sense and just makes you look bad for accepting that. You have to keep your dignity in tact. All of the villains were on the weak side here to be sure but you can’t just take that. You have to make a move.

Meanwhile Leslie was a good admiral. He definitely did try to do the right thing throughout the whole film but it just wasn’t so easy. Every time he was being stopped on all sides by other officials. The film was definitely trying to show a lot of corruption within the government here like one guy in particular who seemed to be working with the terrorists the whole time. I was surprised at how easily he got off after it was all said and done. I guess there just wasn’t a strong enough case against him and he probably blamed it on someone else but that was unfortunate.

It was nice to see Chris actually get a little help as the film went on from the resistance. Usually it feels like nobody’s around at all and so the hero is really on his own but even just having one person makes a huge difference when you’re on the run like that. The crazy thing is that Chris could have really saved himself a whole movie if he just hadn’t yelled when they blew up his partner. I get that he was feeling pretty stressed and shocked when that happened but at the same time he really didn’t need to yell like that. The scene took so long and was so drawn out that it’s not like he didn’t see it coming. So he should have been prepared for that moment from the start.

If he doesn’t make a sound then nobody finds out and he has a really solid head start over to the extraction point. Even with the moles and traitors running around, I don’t think anyone would have had time to stop him before he escaped. So it was really a turning point in the whole movie right from the start.

Overall, This is definitely an exciting film with a whole lot of action the whole time. The pacing is on point and while the character cast isn’t huge, they work well enough. The movie is definitely at its best when it is really focusing on the thriller aspects of the title over the drama but handles them all rather well. It has a lot of fun with slow mo scenes and tons of camera cuts all over the place to really make you feel the intensity. This is absolutely more of an action film than your classic war title so keep that in mind when you’re watching it. I’ll be curious to see if any of the sequels can match this one. In theory you can just keep reusing the same plot over and over again so it’s all going to come down to the execution. Give me enough fight scenes and you absolutely have a chance after all.

Overall 7/10

Fit for Christmas Review

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It’s time for a very classic kind of romantic comedy film and this one really executes on what’s otherwise a fairly simple plot. At the end of the day I’m going to keep on calling this the Hallmark formula and so of course it’s filled with a romantic rebound and a lot of good burns being dished out by both of the main characters. The path that the story follows may be generic but you’ll have a good time as the film slowly takes you there.

The film starts off with Audrey heading back to her old hometown for the first time in a while. She’s on a “break” from her boyfriend after he decided to cancel their wedding at the last second. Well, this gives her more time to re-open her dancing/fitness classes back up and it’s almost Christmas so this’ll be fun. Unfortunately the town is about to get in the middle of a crisis because a giant corporation has decided to move in. They’re going to be building new places, fresh eateries and improving the quality of life in the town by 1 billion percent but it will likely lose that old town vibe as a result. Audrey has decided to stop this at all costs but it’s difficult since most of the people in the town seem to be on board with the idea. Even worse? The guy representing the company is a man named Griffin, one of the most eligible bachelors of all time! She will have to try and resist his looks, charm, and money but can she pull this off when everyone is rooting for them to get together?

Right away one thing I like here is the banter between Griffin and Audrey before they get together. He really embraces the villain role while always taking the high road. She jumps in with a lot of insults and everything right out of the gate while he takes it all in stride and at least acts nice on the outside. He did a good job of bluffing through his lack of Christmas knowledge during her quiz while they were doing the fitness routine and he did manage to make friends with everyone in the town. That’s impressive since they all started out not wanting to like him since he was a part of corporate.

Griffin is clearly very good at his job and it shows. I’m glad that he wasn’t incompetent or anything like that. You could make the case that he was a step ahead throughout the whole film and ultimately the spirit of Christmas is what it took to stop him. He definitely could have stood to be more confident when talking to his father though. That was absolutely his weak point. Particularly since as we see his father is very reasonable the whole time. I think he would have supported Griffin’s change to the plan right from the start and so we didn’t need all of the secrecy or anything like that.

The characters were all written rather well and realistically. The antagonists were not too far gone. At most you could just say that the romance was really rushed the whole time and that’s definitely true. They’re moving way too fast considering that Audrey was really close to marrying the last guy. It’s always been one of my biggest problems with the concept of the rebound. If you were so close to being married to the point where she would have been had he just said yes…then is her love for Griffin really the real deal? If your feelings can change so quickly then I have doubts on just how deep they are. It’s just not how these things work and you’ll have a very hard time convincing me of anything else.

In general though the instant you have to take a “break” in your relationship then it’s as good as over. A break is never needed for the person that you really love. Audrey was on the fence about this longer than she should have been. The other guy seemed decent overall but the fact that he wasn’t ready to commit is a dealbreaker. You just can’t really come back from that, at least not easily. The movie randomly tries throwing in another romance subplot which was more on the weak side though. Particularly since this guy’s wife was dead which was the main reason he didn’t want to get back into the dating scene.

It’s a super valid reason but it’s just brushed aside the whole time with the whole “She’d want you to be happy.” Yeah maybe but sometimes she actually would want her husband to just stay loyal to her, particularly since he’s rather old at this point anyway. I know the phrase is til death do us part but you can sometimes stand to stretch that out until both people are dead you know? You don’t have to just move on like that every time.

Well, romance aside, the rest of the film was a blast though. The fitness scenes were actually pretty good since it does feel like that would give me a good workout. I liked the sets and it was nice seeing the whole town come together. The fact that Griffin was nice to everyone even while working for corporate was great because it makes the ending less cheesy and more realistic. There are no hatchets to be buried or grudges to get past because everyone was on the same page from the start. It’s an extremely refreshing thing to see here.

Overall, Fit for Christmas is a very well made movie. At its core it’s a super enjoyable film and of course that is the most important part for any title by far. You have to be a blast in order to be remembered as a super solid title and this one really holds its own there. It has a lot of replay value and would stand as one of the stronger Hallmark styled films that I’ve seen. I always love good banter and this film definitely delivered with that. So in the end I really have no major complaints with this one and would recommend it. You’re bound to find a lot of scenes that make you smile.

Overall 7/10