Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

Death on the Nile (2022) Review

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I don’t rewatch mystery films very often so it’s rare to be able to go back and see the whole adventure again while already knowing the ending. This is a rare chance where I was able to do that since I saw the original film a while back. It makes for a fun perspective and all in all this is a pretty good film even if the original is certainly better if you ask me. If you can only pick one version I would say to watch the first one but otherwise this works well enough.

The film starts with Poirot enjoying a nice party and then he gets to witness a big shot enter the room. The super wealthy Linnet. Jackie introduces Linnet to her fiancé Simon and begs Linnet to give him a job. Linnet agrees but also ends up taking Simon himself to be her bride and the two get married very shortly afterwards. Poirot finds this out the hard way after bumping into an old friend Bouc and joining the group on a big honey moon adventure. They’ll be visiting pyramids and going on boat trips. The usual rich people stuff. An obstacle appears though as Jackie shows up and decides to cause a lot of trouble. She has not forgiven Linnet for stealing her man and even has a gun at the ready. Linnet asks Poirot to take care of Jackie but he doesn’t want to be a vigilante. Well, Linnet is shot to death shortly afterwards and now Poirot has to solve the case no matter what. His honor is on the line!

So this movie does add some fluff which does drag it out a bit compared to the original. As a whole the film is still engaging the whole time but the new stuff does happen to be the weakest. For example we see Poirot’s backstory which really doesn’t elevate the film in the slightest. He’s a character we don’t need to know about, just the fact that he is an ace detective. It’s a fairly sloppy origin that does borderline on boring but it’s fairly quick. It does lead to a final scene that will have you shaking your head.

The actual mystery is on point though. Linnet is introduced as a true antagonist all the way through with how she callously stole her best friend’s man like that. Now as they say, anyone who is taken so easily is not someone you want to have as a partner anyway but it’s still a huge betrayal. It also shows once again why you shouldn’t have your partner just dancing around with someone like that. Seriously there is no upside to asking your super wealthy best friend to dance with your fiancé. Particularly when he isn’t super well off which is why he needs a job right away. In the worst case Linnet could have ended up blackmailing Simon or something.

It’s also a very involved dance that is inherently romantic. Now I don’t care if they’re singing Jingle Bells or Bring me to Life, the end result is the same. You just can’t let the dance happen at the start. But obviously that means you are rooting for Jackie to take them out the whole time but she is such an obvious suspect that this should set off a lot of alarm bells in your head. Granted, even Poirot gets emotional really quickly here which shows that he isn’t quite ready for a case of this level but he starts to get his bearings. It is a little embarrassing that he slept through the whole thing but hey it happens to everyone I suppose.

Poirot is still a good main character as always and fun to watch. He definitely likes trying to anger the suspects all the time to really put them in a vulnerable headspace where they could say the wrong thing. It’s actually a really effective tactic when you think about it. Now lets talk about the suspects, there are a ton of them. Everyone should be considered one except for Linnet of course as she was taken out of the picture right away.

First up we have Jackie who is a fun character. I do think the fact that she still wants Simon makes her look really desperate of course because why would you want a cheater back. Taking him 6 feet under makes sense or getting revenge on Linnet but actually getting together with him doesn’t. He’s already been tainted and you would be the rebound at that point. Plus how could you ever trust him again? Ultimately she is a high quality character and one of the most entertaining ones in the film but that’s not the proper motivation that you want.

Another obvious suspect is Simon as well since of course he needed a lot of money and we already saw that he is quick to betray anyone to get to his own ambitions. The guy’s only honor code is that he will do whatever it takes to win. So yeah that’s a good reason as any to suspect him and of course if he is the villain it will make Linnet look pretty bad for letting him in so easily. You always have to consider that maybe your seduction techniques weren’t as great as you thought they were and the other party just let himself be ensnared. Particularly when you’re rich you need to be extra careful.

You have Bouc who is Poirot’s friend so he would have many opportunities to slip past the detective by using this knowledge. The guy wants a romance that is being blocked by his mother so perhaps he is taking his jealousy out on the newly weds. His mother is also a suspect as she believes all romance is a scam and tries to prevent it as much as possible. Someone like that might try to end everybody! Then you have Louise who is always treated terribly by Linnet and who had her own romance brutally crushed. Perhaps this is payback once and for all!

We can’t forget the singer Salome who has a gun of her own at the ready and takes no disrespect. Linnet may have said the wrong thing and that was the end of her. Sometimes all it takes is the wrong word. Then we have Rosalie who likes Bouc but their relationship isn’t approved just yet. Perhaps knocking off Linnet will be enough of a distraction for them to escape together. We can’t forget Linus who was in love with Linnet but was kept to the friend zone the whole time. She basically flaunts the relationship in his face and he has to stand there and take it. The poor guy seems down bad so maybe he finally decided to bump her off.

We also have Andrew who keeps Linnet’s finances and may have finally stolen too much this time. Perhaps he thought she would notice and had to take her out of the picture. There’s also the two older ladies on the trip who could easily launch a sneak attack when nobody was looking. There are all kinds of ways they could have gotten their hands on the gun and then that would be case closed.

So yeah a lot of motives here and there are a number of characters who could have been willing to commit the act. Part of the focus here is that just about nobody liked Linnet at all so they weren’t even sad to see her go. It’s definitely tragic if you’re in her position but she really did dig her own grave on this one. The mystery is solid and so you’ll have a good time here. It’s also long enough where you can really develop all of the characters and get to know them before the end.

As with quite a few murder mysteries I didn’t actually buy into the explanation at the end. The window of time was way too short for this all to work out as it did in the flashback. There would have been witnesses and the whole plan ends up failing at the gate. You just have to shake your head and accept the explanation but I would not say that it was a very satisfactory one. I think the film could have done better there even fi it meant diverging from the book a little. Just rearrange some things.

The film has really nice visuals and good music so the technical elements are on point. Personally this kind of honey moon would not be up my alley though as it seems like a ton of work travelling and everything when you should just be having a good time. I also would not be going anywhere near the hot areas like the desert when I’m trying to have a good time. No shot, I’d be somewhere cold at least.

Overall, Death on the Nile is a solid film. It does end up getting overtaken by the shadow of the original but as long as you’re looking for a solid thriller then you should have a good time here. There’s always something happening so you have to pay attention to every detail. Even if I didn’t buy the whole murder reveal this time or last time, it’s a fun setup which is the important thing. You can always stretch your disbelief a little bit to just have fun with the story. I look forward to seeing how the next installment goes now that we’re dabbling into a bit of horror with that one.

Overall 7/10

Someone to Watch Over Me Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a film about betrayal and ultimately not focusing up in time to save the day. This film definitely gets real dramatic and while it had some potential as a solid thriller, it’s ultimately not able to live up to it. The character cast is not very solid and that will ultimately always hold a film back from its full potential.

The movie starts with Claire attending a fancy party with her boyfriend. She decides to quickly ditch him for an old flame though and heads off to have an affair but before she can, he is murdered by the gangster known as Joey. She quickly screams so that Joey knows she witnessed this event and heads to the cops. They assign family man Mike to watch over her until she can testify that Joey is the crook. So there’s a strict house arrest and in theory Claire should be completely safe since this movie is realistic and it’s not like the villains are everywhere. Unfortunately Claire runs off to a party anyway and while Mike is busy having some drinks she is attacked by Joey who confirms that he will murder her if she testifies. Now she has to decide once and for all if she will be the witness here or run off. In the meantime she can betray her boyfriend Neil once again by seducing Mike who has about as much willpower as a folded napkin.

So there’s a lot going on here and definitely a lot to unpack. For starters all of the relationships here are pretty weak. Neil really has no respect for himself with the way he lets Claire run off and show him up all the time. In general I actually think parties are a really bad environment for a relationship, particularly the kind of party where everyone is getting super drunk. I would even go as far as to say you should never do any kind of dancing with other people once you’re in a relationship. Hey I know it’s a bit of a hot take but me personally? I think that’s a good boundary to have.

The sad part for Neil is it’s clear that Claire really doesn’t like him throughout the entire movie. She’s basically just with him because he has money and is a stable guy. So she intends to go crazy and have her fun now but this way she has somewhere to come back to and this guy is completely oblivious. The problem is this makes it a little harder to root for Claire because she’s such a bad character. Couldn’t they have made her a little more heroic or something? I think that would have really gone a long way personally. She just keeps on making mistake after mistake.

Of course I’m not going to shield Mike at all though. The guy is married and so any fooling around is completely taboo. Mike still allows himself to fall for Claire and that’s game over. It makes him such a bad character. Once you have gone and taken the oath you really can’t be doing things like that. He needs to stay strong and just be a quality character rather than just sabotaging his life like that. The worst part is of course he’s messing things up for his wife Ellie and their kid as well. It’s the kind of thing you can’t take back. There are no second chances when you cheat like that.

SO then you can’t root for Mike either and you’re hoping he gets bumped off in the end. The final ending of the film isn’t really satisfying for anyone. All of the characters were just so bad and it goes without saying that the romance here is abysmal as well since you’re dreading every moment with Claire and Mike. You just knew from the start that they would get together no matter how much of a bad idea that was. The film should have focused more on the actual protection angle and the main plot with Joey. I guarantee that would have been many times better than what we got.

As a villain Joey is fairly generic. He’s got a whole gang at the ready and doesn’t want to leave town since he owns the place. If the heroes actually played things smart then he wouldn’t have had a chance which is why of course they had to go to parties and such. The hostage situation was likely inevitable after a certain point which is why having Mike’s family stay in a seedy area was a bit of a risky move. I suppose you can’t move every time there is a dangerous situation but it certainly didn’t help matters.

In general the writing isn’t bad at least. You actually are invested in what’s going on which is good. It just would have been sooooo much better if the characters were more likable. I guarantee it would have helped the film turn the corner and gain a few stars. When more of the film is about the cheating plot than the actual witness protection then you know that something went wrong. Focus more on Mike lying to Claire about the danger she’s in and have the drama be about that. Get rid of them hooking up at all and instead have more moments of Joey trying to break in or some minions lurking around. Play up the paranoid angle, etc. Lots of ways you could have pushed this to make it a really dramatic film with a lot of action rather than one about bad choices all the way.

Overall, This was not a good film. The main characters absolutely sabotaged it and the ending was very weak. It just wasn’t deserved so I would have handled that wayyyy differently. Past a certain point the film was doomed anyway but at least the ending could have tried to deal with the severity of it a little better instead of brushing it all to the side. I would recommend skipping this film. There are way better thrillers out there that focus on the main plot all the way through as opposed to all of the drama.

Overall 4/10

Suspect Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the movie. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a big mystery about who the true culprit is. Prepare for a lot of red herrings and a ton of people all trying to make this as crazy as possible. I always like a good court case so that made this film pretty fun and we also have some jury tampering going on which spiced things up. There is a completely unnecessary romance plot trying to get in the way though.

The movie starts off with a guy shooting himself and a lady gets murdered by the river. A suspect named Carl is picked up. He’s homeless and can’t hear or speak which makes it difficult for him to explain what’s going on. Kathleen is assigned to defend Carl which she is not thrilled about but she doesn’t really have a say in the matter. Carl isn’t being very helpful either and has an attitude issue where he keeps on attacking people. She needs to try and get past that to find out the truth but all signs point to Carl being the villain. He was seen going through the victim’s belongings and was conveniently around at the time of the murder. Fortunately Kathleen does have help from one guy, a juror named Eddie who is a lobbyist and used to getting things done. Will he be able to solve the case or will her sense of ethics get in the way?

A big focus in the movie is that of course this is completely not allowed. Jurors can’t try to investigate a case that they are in and vigilante justice is frowned upon. Jurors cannot interact with the defense or prosecutor at all or it would be a mis trial. Eddie doesn’t care about all of that though because he wants to see to it that justice is done and after some convincing, Kathleen gets on board with this as well. Now the question is, do you as the viewer go along with it?

Well for me it’s a definite yes. There’s a lot of things I don’t agree with in the justice system. The fact that I could hold the literal smoking gun of the murderer in my hand and it wouldn’t count if it wasn’t turned in as evidence in time or came out after the trial is a shame. The fact that you can have the crime on tape, but it would be inadmissible in court depending on how I got it is crazy too. So of course you need rules around the jurors so that they wouldn’t all be vigilantes but if they are able to find something out then I say that’s fair game.

So the fact that we actually have a film where a character is able to jump into the court process and get stuff done is great. This is exactly what I’ve been hoping for the whole time here and that part’s really solid. Now the characters aren’t always smart about this like heading into the main research library together to look at old files since that’s where the judge or other jurors would be if they needed intel but for the most part they’re discreet about things. If anything it’s probably easy to conspire together in most circumstances because people ultimately aren’t paying that much attention to the jurors.

Kathleen is a decent main character even if at first you can be annoyed waiting for her to accept Eddie’s help. As he says, “I thought the whole point was to find the truth right?” It’s a really good argument as well because if your client is going to get life in jail or something then you really have to do your best to win. Once she’s on board then they make for a good team. Ultimately Kathleen knows her stuff and is fairly quick to adapt when the situation isn’t going well.

Eddie is really the standout character here though. Initially he didn’t even want to be a juror but once he was the guy got interested in the case and did some digging right away. Deep down he still believes in justice and maybe working in such a corrupt field helped him out with that. So that was good to see but of course the romance does hold him back somewhat. Eddie is the kind of guy who does whatever it takes to get his objective including affairs and while this romance is supposed to be real, it just feels like it’s out of left field.

There is no reason for the characters to like each other except if they just need a desperate fling or something. Additionally there just isn’t time for this because they’re busy trying to solve a huge case right? The romance doesn’t enhance the film and should have certainly been cut out. Meanwhile the film didn’t do a great job with Carl if you ask me. Regardless of if he’s innocent or not, the guy was caught red handed stealing, he actually attacked several police officers including stabbing one of them, tried to murder Kathleen when he first saw her, etc. It gets to the point where it doesn’t matter if he’s innocent because he just committed a bunch of other crimes.

Imagine if the film ended with him being innocent of the murder charge but then still going to jail for all of the other stuff? Because that’s basically what happened. Yes, Carl’s been through a lot but it doesn’t ultimately excuse him from all the bad stuff that he’s actually done. If we were to give him a pass for all of that then it would actually undermine the legal system far more than all the juror stuff going on.

I’d argue it also makes the situation even more unlikely for Kathleen to be quite as helpful as she was. You’d think after nearly getting murdered that would be it. Also the film does need to throw in some danger so we have a psycho running around with a knife too. I would have switched out that plot with more of the political stuff since Eddie’s subplot never gets much of a resolution. The closest we get to that is when his side wins on one of the issues and he is visibly upset rather than being happy about it. I’d say that’s in line with how he’s become a lot more ethical now but it’s still not really closure per say.

Still the mystery should keep you engaged which is the important thing here. There’s a lot going on at all times and of course there are a ton of twists all throughout the movie. You won’t want to miss a beat here and the ending is pretty fun. We even do get a chase scene near the end where someone has to run from someone holding a knife and it’s an interesting scenario to try and put yourself and imagine how you would play things out. Imo one thing you have to do is find a way to make the elevator get stuck so you can’t be followed. Jam a coat and other clothes in the middle to prevent the doors from closing or something.

Overall, Suspect is a pretty good movie but it definitely does have a lot of unnecessary material in it as well. You only need so many red herrings in one movie after all. Cutting out the romance would have been good so we could focus completely on this being a mystery thriller as the heroes get closer to cracking the case. Maybe more screen time into the actual court proceedings as well. I felt like the prosecutor was completely destroying the main heroine purely from an arguments perspective so as the juror I’d be leaning on a guilty verdict but maybe seeing some of the deliberations could have helped with that or more of the counter arguments since we didn’t get to see it all. I also wouldn’t have minded some more scenes on the political end with Eddie really making waves and manipulating everyone. He definitely does seem good at his job and ultimately that works out well for everyone here. If you enjoy a good court drama and don’t mind some vigilante material then this one is all set for you.

Overall 7/10

The 30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock Review

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It’s time for a parody of a film that I wasn’t a big fan of. Fortunately this one blows the original out of the water. I’m not going to say that it’s a great film or anything but it’s fun enough and worth a few laughs. Ultimately I would say that it is solid and a film that you don’t want to forget because of how absurd the whole thing is.

The film starts off by introducing us to Rossiter who is running for governor. This guy knows that he is the best man for the job and is eager to do whatever it takes to win. The only real obstacle in his path is the garbage disposal man, Artie. Artie is someone who has resisted Rossiter’s total ownership of the town. This man owns all of the businesses except for Artie’s. The worst part is that his niece Emmy is dating Artie which Rossiter fears will lower his own social reputation. Well Artie manages along just fine until Emmy grows huge one day. Now her appetite is fierce and she desperately needs to consume more and more calories. Can he really handle her at this point or is it game over for Artie?

Artie is one of those guys who isn’t very smart and so he rarely notices when someone’s insulting him. He tends to be getting dominated throughout the film with a variety of insults but at least his spirits never go low because he takes it all in stride. The guy is really carefree in a lot of ways and that’s nice because it really means that he can always make a comeback. Through misunderstandings and absurd events going on he manages to usually get some victories too like Rossiter allowing him to marry Emmy.

Artie’s ultimately not one of the most likable characters though because of this. Not being very smart tends to hurt when it’s to an exaggerated degree. He did somehow create a robot capable of moving through time and space while bending reality though so he does have some skills. It does lead to a fairly interesting climax with a lot going on though. If you thought the first half was crazy, well the second half definitely escalates this quite a bit. Trust me the film was not holding back at all.

Emmy doesn’t look as good here though because she tends to be unreasonable once she’s a giant. Now you could say that a side effect of turning giant is that it’s destroying her reasoning skills and that’s certainly possible but I’m not sure that I’m giving her that out yet. The film doesn’t really go into that and so in the end it can make her look a little petty. She causes a ton of collateral damage when throwing the trees around and ultimately takes her vengeance a little too far. Honestly people could have died after all of the rampaging. Also the town did pretty well to get her the jumbo food and drink considering that this was a situation nobody had seen before.

Finally I did enjoy Rossiter’s character quite a bit. Yeah the guy’s as selfish and uncaring as can be but that’s part of his charm. He’s the guy who would run you over to save 50 cents if he needed too. All he cares about is himself and he’s not afraid to flaunt that. He has a ton of close calls while on camera but always manages to play them off which shows how resourceful he is. I actually think he could do a pretty good job all things considered. Yeah he’s not someone you could ever trust because of how two faced he is, but by all accounts he’s run the town really well.

Throughout the film everyone seems really happy and they all get along. So wouldn’t you say that Rossiter should take most of the credit for that since he owns every business? He also seems to get along with just about everyone aside from the main character which is pretty impressive. This guy has good people skills to be sure and the film establishes him well. Considering the short runtime each character has a very well defined personality right out of the gate.

The writing is really solid and the humor is on point here. Of course you really need to enjoy this humor style. I’d still consider it slapstick even if the main guy isn’t getting knocked around too much because he does get grabbed a few times. You just know he would have been slugged if there weren’t witnesses around. He definitely needs to be careful because Rossiter is not the kind of guy who will give up. You easily could have done sequels to this movie if all of the actors had still been around because there’s a whole lot of potential around the setup.

The best gag was probably when the machine started explaining how the wedding would have to wait and then it went farther to start yelling that there would be no wedding. Of course it was just another glitch but the timing was just perfect for trolling the main two. It’s clear that the robot still has a lot of errors to iron out but at least it come through when it counts. You can’t really ask for much more than that.

Overall, This is a fun film like I said before. I don’t think you’ll find it super memorable so eventually this will fade away but it’s short and never drags on. The characters have some nice back and forth banter the whole time as well which is always good. The writing did a good job here and so mixing that in with the effective humor makes the film a winner as well. It’s probably a rare case of a good film that would have been worse if it was too long because then it would drag on but that doesn’t happen here. A good movie knows when to end and I did enjoy the final scene here as a nice gag to end things off.

Overall 6/10

Bloodsport Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a big tournament epic! Bloodsport is a film I can’t say I was too familiar with even though it’s a whole series. After watching it I can definitely see the appeal though as I always enjoy a big tournament like this. Now the story beats may be overly predictable to a dramatic degree as the film really telegraphs every moment but even with that it’s executed well.

The film starts off by introducing us to Frank. He used to get into a lot of trouble but eventually he was taken in by a nice man and learned the ways of the martial arts although mostly it was second hand as he wasn’t taught directly. The guy’s real son was the one who was meant to be the champion but unfortunately he ended up dying early. Frank figures it is up to him to achieve the dream of winning the ultimate tournament now and so he gets some training in and then heads over there. This tournament is a huge deal so fighters from around the globe will be participating. It’s all done under the books as this tournament isn’t exactly official. Now why would you enter a tournament where you could die? For some it’s a matter of honor and for others it’s the money. Either way it’s the opportunity of a lifetime!

So yeah it’s very much a Mortal Kombat setup right from the start here. There are a ton of battles and that’s one thing I really liked about this film. A lot of times in these martial art titles there can be a lot of deadtime before you get to the tournament. The training is important too of course but I want to see the matches. This has to be one of the longest tournaments that I’ve seen in a long while and trust me when I say that this is a very good thing. We see all kinds of opponents so you are reminded that this isn’t just a small battle with the main character and a bunch of throwaways.

A small detail I appreciated here is that most of the opponents put up a fight. For example in your average film the main villain will sleepwalk his way to the grand finals. Instead Li actually has a tough go of it at least for a little bit against several of these opponent. His victory is never in doubt but I’m glad that they at least landed shots. It feels a little unrealistically when the villain just steamrolls everyone no matter how good he is. These are all professional fighters after all.

Each fighter also has a different fighting style. You really get to see a lot of variety here and all of the fights are really intense. We’re talking kickboxers, sumo style, aggressive hands, jumping around, etc. It works really well as a solid blend to keep each match really interesting. You also get to recognize the characters as they go through the rounds. So yes this tournament was handled excellently with the bracket and actually making every fight feel real.

The pacing is on point as well and Frank makes for a good main character. He is confident in his abilities and really does well in battle. I also appreciate how confident he is, Frank knows that he is a good fighter after all. My only complaint is when he didn’t step in as a guy was harassing a girl on the bus. Feels like most main characters would have stepped in there. It was also a bit of a bizarre intro to Ray’s character as he’s meant to be the likable sidekick after the opening scene.

He brags a ton and the more he brags the more you know his ending is going to be painful. Even so you’re meant to like the guy so the opening scene just doesn’t work. I’ll also say I think the film overdid it with all the bragging in the final round. Cmon I don’t care how overconfident the guy is, he knows exactly who he is fighting. You don’t just turn your back like that for so long. The scene is so exaggerated that it would be funny except you knew that a lot of pain was coming up.

This film definitely does go all in on the finishing blows which is another thing that will feel like Mortal Kombat. The fights with Li always end with a final blow where it feels like a 50/50 on if you’ll die or not. He holds nothing back and the tournament isn’t going to eject him for it so he keeps escalating. He has murdered someone more than once after all. The tournament’s moment of silence definitely didn’t make sense with how callous they were the whole time. It’s also a completely empty gesture considering they aren’t going to disqualify him either way.

Li’s definitely a bad guy through and through however he makes for a great final boss. You do want a powerful opponent like that at the end and the final fight has a lot of good back and forth. Li does have to cheat so it does show right away who’s better but the final fight is really on point the whole time. It’s also a little less exaggerated of a comeback than Kickboxer so you can buy into the eyes closed fighting a bit more. Ultimately it makes for a fun climax.

Now I did still have some issues with the film. First off is the romance subplot with the reporter Janice. She can be pretty annoying the whole time. So at first she wants to get into the tournament and is doing whatever she can to make this plan work. Then once Janice gets in she starts to think that the violence is too much and gets angry at Frank. I never like this kind of plot because everybody told her to stay away but she insisted that she could handle it…and then she couldn’t. Cmon…that’s just bad.

Additionally the romance is really abrupt and comes out of nowhere. Given that it’s not even going to continue, it just feels like a waste where we could have had more fights instead. Frank also needed to give the tournament his full concentration so the fact that he was almost late to a match because of that was rough. The other time was because of the army so I can cut him a little slack there.

Also the government plot could have been cut out. I suppose it helps to explain why Frank is so powerful and well conditioned but you could have easily established that with his origin. The plot just doesn’t add anything to the film except for a slight obstacle that isn’t taken very seriously anyway. The fact that they were ready to knock him out is crazy. It gives us some decent humor scenes but eh the film would have been okay either way.

Overall, Bloodsport is a pretty solid film. It has a nice sense of humor and a pretty good cast of characters. You should be warned that the film can definitely be quite violent, particularly with the finishing blows. In some cases it’s not even the blow itself that is so intense, but the build up to it because you always know what’s about to happen. Still the fight choreography is really on point and for the most part the film is careful not to overdo it the way that Kickboxer did. Yeah this is one I could safely recommend.

Overall 6/10

Out of the Fog Review

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It’s time for one of those movies where 90% of it wouldn’t happen if the characters would just talk to each other. Unfortunately everyone’s rather tightlipped here which leads to the villain getting away with a whole lot. At least it should serve as a cautionary tale that sometimes you need a little help to deal with a villain and that’s okay.

The movie starts with Olaf and Jonah enjoying their fishing as per usual. It’s their main hobby as a way to take a break from their day jobs and it’s been a long standing position. Well one day a guy named Harold shows up and basically he’s a criminal who blackmails people into giving them money. He says that if the heroes don’t give him money then he’s going to break their boat and beat them up. If they continue to resist then he will ultimately destroy them. Jonah is completely against this while Olaf believes they should just pay the money. meanwhile Harold starts dating Jonah’s daughter and Jonah doesn’t have the heart to tell her what a bad man he is. will they be okay?

There’s a lot of issues here of course but the biggest one is not telling Stella about Harold from the beginning. As soon as Jonah found out he should have told her so she could hopefully break this off and then he could make a move. Instead he stays silent about the whole thing even after Harold comes over one day and beats Jonah up for lying about the money. It’s just a really crummy situation all around. I appreciate Jonah standing up for himself for a bit but he really needed to take that a step further.

Get the cops involved, let Stella know, make this a really big deal as needed. Jonah is well known in the area so he would have a lot of support. Yes Harold is dangerous but the longer you let him dictate the terms of engagement the worse it’s going to be in the end. Olaf is a lot more passive so I don’t agree with him in just paying the toll. The toll is simply going to get more and more expensive which is why in general you’re never supposed to give a blackmailer what they want. It will just never end so while it’s going to be dangerous you have to do something about it.

Olaf and Jonah ultimately come up with a plan to murder Harold which is good but they do fumble a bit when they aren’t able to go through with it. Fortunately luck is on their side and it works out but they easily could have died there. When you make an attempt to murder someone but then stop halfway, that’s usually going to end very poorly. Trust me that’s the worst way to go.

As the main villain Harold is pretty annoying here. He’s your general blackmailer so nothing special there but he just keeps getting wins here due to the heroes not coordinating properly. The fact that he’s persistent with Stella until she agrees to go out with him is awful. Then he’s basically rubbing it in Jonah’s face while the guy doesn’t say anything. Yeah he needed to go down a whole lot sooner.

Stella is unfortunately an awful character as well. So you know how I was upset with Jonah for not telling her the truth about Harold from the jump right? Well later on he finally manages to tell her that he blackmails people and she basically just says that everyone has to make a living somehow. She’s completely fine with this guy being a crook as long as it means she gets to travel and live a rich lifestyle. It’s a really big hit against her character because it shows how she is really lacking a moral compass. She will do whatever she needs to in order to move forward.

Yes this includes betraying George, the guy who’s been with her for a while. Yeah their relationship wasn’t exactly official all the way through. I guess you could say she was keeping him around until she found something better but it’s a pretty rough deal for him. He even tries to fight Harold but unfortunately gets folded immediately. This guy just needs to forget about Stella because she really doesn’t seem worth it.

The worst part is that the fishing hobby will never be quite as relaxing as it once was. Now the two main characters will always be on the lookout a bit wondering if someone else is going to try to appear and pull a fast one on them. Additionally it’s not like the relationship with Jonah and his daughter will ever be the same since she basically chose a random stranger over trusting in his advice. That’s a really tough blow and so the fallout from this film will likely be rather large.

The writing is good though. As you’ve come to expect from these old titles, the script is on point and the pacing is good. The film doesn’t drag on or anything like that even if you may be grimacing at some points. At its core this also feels like a situation that can and probably has happened to people before. So make sure you have your proper takeaways from the film on what not to do and how you could avoid this outcome.

Overall, Out of the Fog is a movie that has some pretty interesting storylines but the whole thing just comes across as annoying. Harold should have been stopped a whole lot sooner than he was if the characters had actually been paying attention here. Just bring in the cops and end this real fast. Instead they have to suffer for quite a while until they finally manage to take this guy down with a little luck. If the characters had acted better it all would have been over a lot quicker. I’d say you could do better in the Noir genre.

Overall 4/10

Stagecoach Review

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It’s time for a film about a bunch of people all stuck together on a stagecoach. It makes for a pretty interesting film even if some of the characters sure can be annoying. It’s intentional though and you get to see everyone’s true colors this way. I wouldn’t say there is a ton of action but we do get an exciting climax with some gun slinging action. Ultimately I don’t see this one being too memorable next to other titles but it’s good enough.

The movie starts with a few people getting onto a stage coach and they pick up some extra passengers along the way. One of them is a very infamous shooter named Ringo who is a wanted man. Some of the passengers don’t feel safe with him here but now they’re all heading the same way. They temporarily stop at a hut to get supplies and regroup but they lose time when one of the passengers begins to give birth. Indians and Bandits are quickly approaching and the army base isn’t nearby. Can these strangers find a way to unite and fight against these odds or are they completely doomed?

There’s definitely a lot of pettyness going on among the crew which makes it hard for them to unite. First up we have Dallas who is treated poorly by some of the other characters (Hatfield in particular) as she is a lady of the night and it’s not a profession that the characters hold in high regard. The only one who mainly defends her is Ringo who doesn’t really know or care about her past. He’s an outlaw and his values are also a bit different but he also knows it’s just plain silly to be making such a big fuss about this.

Look, it’s definitely a bad job to have but Dallas may have been forced into that business or there could be all kinds of explanations. The characters shouldn’t be so quick to condemn her and also it’s not really the time or place for this. Their being petty isn’t helping anyone. Dallas tries her best anyway like staying up the whole time the baby is being born to help as much as she can. In general she doesn’t complain or anything and is one of the most polite passengers.

As for Ringo, he may be a crook but he seems like the nicest guy on the coach. It’s definitely ironic when something like that happens. He’s an easy character to root for as a result especially compared to the others. It’s also helpful to have someone on your side who actually knows how to fight since the characters know that a fight is coming up and they won’t be able to avoid it. Without him they would all definitely be doomed.

Then we have Hatfield who is likely the worst character here. He crosses the line from being a nice guy into a “nice guy”. He constantly puts Dallas down while trying to show his complete servitude to Mrs. Mallory. The guy just never felt genuine in the slightest and naturally his idea when the going got tough was to shoot her as a “mercy” before the villains finished them off. That’s not the kind of mercy most of us are looking for and this guy just gets on your nerves the whole time.

Doc Boone is another annoying character because of how he’s always getting drunk. As the local doctor he really needs to stay sober at all times for emergencies like when Mrs. Mallory was giving birth. In the end he’s able to handle the situation just barely but it ended up being a lot closer than it needed to be and that’s entirely on him. Afterwards his first thought is to go right back to drinking too so it’s not like he learned anything. Getting addicted to alcohol like that is always such a tragic thing because you see how the character is completely overwhelmed by it.

Mrs. Mallory seemed okay enough. She wasn’t quite as rude as Hatfield but she wasn’t particularly nice to Dallas either until Dallas helped with the baby. Before that I’d call her knowingly oblivious at best. She would just stay out of the way for the most part. Then there’s Samuel who mainly serves as the resident coward of the group. He’s a bit afraid to voice his own decisions here and in general just isn’t a commanding figure. Hey, I’ll take that over being super annoying or an antagonist so that’s a start.

The writing here has that retro feel to it that I always enjoy. The script is pretty good. Even if I may not enjoy some of the characters, I can still appreciate the back and forth banter the whole time. The pacing of the film is pretty solid and the fight we get is good. This is certainly not an action film so don’t watch it for that but it’s still an added bonus. In the end this is a film you shouldn’t really have any big issues with. It’s a fairly safe ride to the end.

The cast is also fairly big so the movie does a good job of throwing so many figures at you. They all have different personalities and don’t really overlap. I didn’t even go into all of them here. The film is another reminder of why I wouldn’t have wanted to be around during the wild west era though. It feels like you are always one broken stagecoach away from serious trouble. If a wheel slips out you’re basically dead because you’ll be caught before you walk to the next army base. Even if it’s working bandits could show up at any time and if you don’t have a lot of guns then you would be doomed.

If you think about it, things go sideways for the characters here because they got delayed and before they could leave the enemies popped up. It’s not even like they made a bunch of bad decisions like horror protagonists. It’s not like you could stop the baby from being born at that moment either so the heroes were just in a rather sticky position the whole time. They’re lucky that the enemy group wasn’t bigger or things would have really gotten dicey.

Overall, Stagecoach is a good movie albeit one that is not the most memorable. It’s not particularly exceptional in any way, it just goes about its business and executes the story at a good level. Without the big gunfights or super memorable characters to write about it isn’t able to compete with the top members of the genre but it still beats the weaker ones. That’s why I’d say it’s a good movie. It’s not breaking any records but it handles itself well enough.

Overall 6/10

The Quiet Man Review

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You guys know I enjoy a good romance as much as the next but when a film has a really bad romance I have to call it out immediately! This one’s just so bad that it’ll leave your head spinning the whole time. The Quiet Man should have stayed quiet this time because the more he talks the more annoying he gets. The film has a long drawn out fight at the end which can be a little entertaining but as a whole the movie was definitely a miss here.

The film starts off with Sean moving to a small village and getting ready for a peaceful life. He used to be a boxer but retired after a certain incident. He will not fight any longer and it’s hard to blame him because things really didn’t go well. He ends up falling for a local lady named Mary and the two start a romance. A problem arises though when her brother won’t accept the engagement and Mary refuses to marry Sean without the guy’s blessing……..and so the start of their romantic issues begin.

The whole thing’s absolutely crazy, ridiculous, and forced. So because of old traditions Mary won’t marry Sean even though it’s obvious that her brother Will has a huge vendetta against Sean and will never OK the thing? Basically he’s upset because the lady he has a crush on (Tillane) gave the house over to Sean instead of him. The whole thing has nothing to do with Mary and yet he won’t let bygones be bygones. When you marry someone, your significant other should trump all others. That includes family, friends, etc.

The fact that Mary won’t get together with Sean over this is such a massive red flag that he should be walking away at this point. Even the way they met up was pretty awful. Sean found Mary going through his house while he was gone so he forces a kiss and she’s still talking tough the whole time and not wanting to admit that she likes him. After a bunch of tough talk they get together only for Will to step in. The romance didn’t start out as a healthy one and it never developed into one. The film gives us no reason for either character to even love each other.

It makes no sense and I’ve already said that but I’m going to keep on saying it! Finally it looks like things are getting better but then Mary won’t be with Sean until they get a gift from Will. Mary wants him to give her money as per tradition and when the guy makes a big deal about it/refuses to give it to Sean she insists that it is non-negotiable. Seriously? She wants Sean to basically go on his knees and beg for it from a guy who is clearly in the wrong. This is why she’s so annoying, the whole thing is blown way out of proportion. She even runs off to ditch Sean early in the morning and he only barely catches up to her in time and has to literally drag her back home. He then fights Will on behalf of her honor but there’s no point to it.

Now I keep blasting Mary here but you have to understand that 50% of this is Sean’s fault as well. You can’t have a relationship with just one person after all and Sean is still putting up with all of this. He should have walked away the instant Mary started acting up like this. He fell in love with her randomly so it’s not like he’s liked her for years. As soon as these red flags popped up then it was time for him to leave. Staying was only empowering her to keep up these crazy actions over and over again. He just needed to nope out of there. She’s literally getting him into trouble by having him pick fights with people in the town who could be dangerous like Will.

Sean obliges and ultimately has the big fight with Will where he could have been seriously injured. The film gets a bit cheesy in the end as after all of this the fight helps them grow close. You’d think it was a Shonen Jump fight or something by the end of this. My big problem with this is that no lessons were learned as a result. Sean and Mary lived happily ever after even though she showed that she did not respect him in the slightest and put having money above his happiness. Sean showed that he is willing to be walked on like this and doesn’t have his full self respect left.

The film adds insult to injury by pairing Will up with Tillane after all of this. Tillane didn’t even like Will and made that clear the whole film, but then by the end she likes him now? Then this guy who was so petty and willing to ruin his sister’s marriage over a little squabble gets to have a happy relationship of his own? The film didn’t seem to realize just how messed up all of the relationships were here and that’s a shame. The punishments just didn’t match the crimes because there were no punishments.

The tone of the film was off the whole time. This is treated like a wholesome romance when it’s anything but. If it was a full on comedy/parody then you can see how the film would deal with this but it’s actually played very seriously. It’s just a really odd film by every stretch and it didn’t work out well for me. It didn’t click and I can safely say that it’s one of the weaker romances that I’ve seen in a while.

Overall, This is a film to stay far away from. The Quiet Man is about a main character who’s not even super quiet. He cracks after a while rather than dealing with the problem upfront and that ends up being a problem. You’ve probably never even heard of this film since it’s been lost to time and that’s a good thing. You want to stay far away from this one as there are plenty of drama and romance titles that are better than this one.

Overall 3/10

Practical Magic Review

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It’s time for a film about magic and how a curse can really last for a very long amount of time. The film has its moments but the whole main romance is really just a big rebound so that does take some points without a doubt. Ultimately the movie goes by rather quickly and it’s an entertaining ride even if it won’t end up being one of the top titles.

The film starts off with a witch creating a curse that bad things will befall any guy who tries to get together with her descendants. The marriage will not be able to last and that has carried through to the present. Sally is our main character and she’s not going to let a curse stop her. She marries a guy named Michael and they had some kids but one day he is hit by a truck and she finally realizes that there is no way to beat the curse. She will not allow herself to love ever again but her sister isn’t ready to quit yet and has a ton of affairs. Unfortunately she has gone in with the wrong crowd now by getting together with a crazy guy named Jimmy. Sally will have to help her out before it’s too late but in the meantime what if she falls in love with one of the local authorities named Gary?

Of course that’s exactly what happens and so there is no way to get around this romance. Sally basically lost her husband to a curse and now she’s going to move on just like that? She probably should have just brought him back to life. Yes, the whole movie is a cautionary tale against doing such a thing but I think you can make it work. In a world where magic is real and it is actually possible to revive someone (albeit with some side effects) then you just have to spend your life perfecting the spell to make it work. I guarantee that it’s at least a possibility considering that we know the magic exits.

So the romance ends up being annoying as a result. Granted Gary’s not even a bad guy. He’s a good person trying to do the right thing and help out. It’s just that I’m not buying the romance. Particularly since Michael was also a good guy before he bought the farm early. The most annoying character has to be Gillian though because she’s the one dragging Sally into a whole lot of trouble. From what we’ve seen of Jimmy he wasn’t exactly a class act from the start so how did this relationship even start?

Regardless he ends up causing a lot of trouble for the duration of the film. Naturally he takes the bulk of the blame since he’s the one going around breaking the law and basically trying to murder the heroines. It would just be nice if Gillian was more responsible since it doesn’t feel like she actually learns any lessons during the film. The aunts are also not without blame as they just run out midway through the film and vanish during the climax. It sure would have been nice to have had some adult supervision to back Sally up when she was in a tight spot.

The film feels pretty short and it’s entertaining enough. There are definitely some jokes that work well like the heroes murdering Jimmy multiple times. The plot is serious to an extent but there are always a lot of lighthearted moments thrown in to keep everything balanced. It also wasn’t too easy to snap the curse so the original witch’s power was definitely impressive. You’d think the main characters or at least the aunts could have worked a bit harder to blow up the curse but granted it seems like the aunts agreed with it to an extent. So they had no real reason to snap it.

The cast here is fairly small which isn’t a bad idea so you can focus on the characters but it’s just a problem that none of them are super likable. There aren’t any standouts here and as a result the film isn’t quite as lively or exciting as it could have been. You’ll never feel bored while watching it or anything like that but there also isn’t a ton of replay value here either. So it’s not bad but it’s not that good either and just winds up being in the middle. I will give the ending props for using the power of friendship though. Sally had been neglecting the other moms at school who were just trying to help and so by the end they all help each other out. It may be a bit cheesy but it was still a decent climax.

One thing the film could have done maybe was to lean into the curse a bit more. Have Sally actually try meeting tons of guys and each time something goes wrong. The main weakness of this strategy is it could make Sally look completely desperate so it should be played completely for laughs with lots of slapstick. Then you never do a serious romance and the plot of the film is more actively about ending the curse. I will say that the curse is slick to not activate until the descendant has had kids so this way the lineage will continue to grow.

Overall, Practical Magic is a decent movie but I feel like there’s so much more you could do with magic. I tend to feel this way for most slice of life/romance type movies that involve magic. Magic is one of the ultimate fantasies for any person to have. There are so many ways you can immediately enhance your life with it or even just show off for others. I’d like to see a main character just go wild with it for once. In this movie the power levels are a bit lower so it might have been harder but the magic feels like it’s only something on the side to keep the film fresh but it’s not as overpowering an element as you might expect. If the comedic/romance plot sounds good to you then you should check it out but the fact that it’s all a rebound hurts it just enough for me to not bump this to the next level.

Overall 5/10

Black Sabbath Review

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It’s time for another horror anthology film. You know what that usually means, lots of sadness as the anthology format ends up limiting everything. Well this time I can at least say that the anthology is pretty reasonable. It’s still nothing great but the format is used well enough. For example the first special is fairly solid but if it had been dragged out you get the feeling that it would not have been nearly as good. None of the shorts are super bad either although the second one is certainly the weakest by far. This one’s actually not in English so I got to really experience the subtitled experience here. I’ve seen my share of subbed films of course but it’s always an interesting change of pace.

The first story starts off with a lady named Rosy receiving a distressing phone call. A guy named Frank is showing up. This guy should be in prison but he recently escaped and Rosy’s testimony is what sealed the deal. Now he’s saying that he is going to destroy her and the worst part is that he can seemingly see her at every turn. How can he when she isn’t even by the windows? Her only hope is to call in her ex-friend Mary. The two have not been on speaking terms for some time now but Rosy can’t win this on her own. Will her old friend prove to be dependable?

So it’s a pretty tense story from the jump and it really does make a world of difference to have even just one more ally with you at such a time. Mary ends up stealing the show here as an interesting character. She loves her dark humor and while Rosy doesn’t really appreciate that side of her, at least Mary isn’t scared. Mary even has a large knife at the ready and is generally very sure of herself. We never find out exactly what the issue was that came up between them but hey Mary showed up. Ultimately I would have liked her to have done a little better during the short but that’s how it goes. Naturally there are some twists that show up during this short. One of them I have a little bit of a hard time buying into though. The film drops us a half hearted explanation that resorts to incredibly accurate guessing…but that’s not really satisfying. I’m not sure what you could have done without making this supernatural though.

The opening short does have some random fanservice so I wouldn’t call it super high brow entertainment though. There’s a lot to like here so I could still recommend it but the ending is a bit weak compared to the rest of the setup. I can say though that it is considerably better than most films about a scary phone call though so it does have that going for it. Check this film out even if just to see how this plot should really be handled rather than those over the top slasher films.

Then we have the second story where Vladimir stops by a house real quick after seeing a dead body. Basically it turns out that there are zombie type creatures running around known as Wurdulaks and they are incredibly dangerous. They can still move, run, and talk like normal humans but they can no longer eat and are driven by only one desire, to murder the one they love the most. It’s really a rough curse when you think about it because it’s actually using your own friendship against you. Vladimir doesn’t know how to end this curse but he ends up falling in love with one of the women there so he offers to at least take her with him and get out of there. Unfortunately she feels like she needs to stay with the rest of the family. They’re all worried that the father has been turned into one of these monsters because he’s been gone for a few days. Well he returns one day and seems a bit shady….should they destroy him or wait to see what happens?

Part of what hurts this short is how everyone makes the worst decisions possible. So it’s painfully obvious that the father has already been turned into a monster so just take him out! Now if there’s any doubt that’s fine, do some tests. Have him try to eat some food or at least put him in restraints. Instead they all just kind of stand there. The father goes to pick up the baby and they whine about it but let him take the kid. They all then go to bed as if everything was fine…..sure they have one guy as a night watchman but what were they thinking? Obviously these creatures have super strength so you’re not going to be doing much with just one guard. The whole story is really annoying because you just don’t see how this could have possibly happened. It really makes no sense the whole time. So inevitably when the body count starts rising you just know that all of the characters are to blame.

They open the door when monsters show up, constantly panic and split up, etc. Even Vladimir doesn’t look very good as he tries to leave initially but splits up of course. Then when he goes back to save the girl he doesn’t suspect that she might be turned and goes for the full body hug? Noooooo, this guy was asking for trouble. Horror characters are famous for making the wrong calls at every turn but this really has to be up there in the running for one of the worst films in that regard. The sheer frequency of all these bad decisions is completely mind boggling. Trust me you’re going to be shaking your head left and right. Throw in that the story is a bit darker as well with a dog getting shot and a kid being murdered…well this isn’t going to be winning any awards I can tell you that much.

Finally we have the last story which is a classic cautionary tale against greed. Basically it starts with an older lady named Helen being called in because an even older lady has died and so they have to get everything sorted out for the burial. Helen notices that the old lady has a really nice looking ring though and decides to take it for herself. Finders keepers and all that right? Well she puts it on and all seems fine for about 2 seconds but then she starts to hear some water tapping on the surface. No matter how many faucets she turns off it keeps up. This can be annoying but perhaps not a dealbreaker right? Well that changes once the dead lady starts appearing to reclaim her ring. If Helen isn’t careful then it will be all over for her. Can she relinquish the ring and make things all right or will she continue to double down over and over for as long as it takes?

So Helen definitely dug her own grave here. Sometimes it’s really as simple as just not stealing something. Whenever there is a film where the villain is attacking because the hero did something bad then it’s harder to have sympathy. Helen stealing from a dead person is just completely uncalled for and makes her look so bad. You simply can’t do that at any point. No amount of money is worth doing the wrong thing like that. The short definitely has a lot of fun playing with the colors here and it’s definitely a reminder that those old houses with lots of shadows are a bad matchup against a vengeful ghost trying to sneak up on you. You’re just giving it way too many hiding spots to try and get you at that point. The ending of the film is pretty satisfying with how the cycle keeps on going. Also the cops finally get involved there so you if we got a sequel it would be interesting to see how much they could deduce here. In a supernatural case it can be hard to really get any clues since they don’t really know enough from the jump but it would still be a fun premise.

Overall, This was a pretty decent horror special. Certainly wayyy better than the average horror anthology at least. There’s a good amount of intrigue here and some fun stories. The middle story definitely holds this combo back the most though and it isn’t quite up to the level of the other two. I can’t really picture re watching this one at any point but still it wasn’t bad. I would put it right in the middle. If you’re looking for some horror titles to watch then this could definitely work. At the same time, it’s not going to be the top horror title to check out or anything like that.

Overall 5/10