Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Review

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Time for some zombies to take the stage here. I saw the original Pride and Prejudice a while back and needless to say it wasn’t really my thing. I’m not big on zombie movies either but would they help to spice things up? In a way they did because the original movie was really boring while this one is at least tolerable the whole time. It really makes a big difference being able to at least have some fight scenes to follow. It still has some serious issues to be sure but being boring is not one of them.

The movie starts off quietly enough with the Bennett sisters talking about nothing much and getting ready for a party but the film quickly shows us how the situation is not as it appears. When nearby zombies show up, the girls suit up and destroy them all. See, Zombies are actually a relatively normal occurrence in this world and so everyone needs to train in order to defeat them. Elizabeth in particular believes that knowing how to fight is much more important than studying to be a lady although this is not a view that many agree with. In fact you could say that most do not agree with her which has put her in a bit of a tough spot.

We’re then introduced to Darcy who is a bit of a ruffian, not the nicest chap in the woods that’s for sure. The reason for this is that he’s always ready to strike out against tons of zombies and things of that nature to the point where he just doesn’t see the point in parties and such. Naturally the main romance for the film is between him and Elizabeth who do actually agree in this approach to a large extent but misunderstandings and poorly framing their words often result in a ton of friction. Darcy is also put in the awkward spot of having to suspect one of Elizabeth’s sisters of being about to turn into a zombie which Elizabeth doesn’t appreciate.

I should note here that Darcy’s worries are completely warranted so it’s really Elizabeth who doesn’t handle things well here. Yes it’s a personal matter obviously but one zombie can end up creating a bunch of other zombie sand that is exactly why you have to be really careful here. If you’re not careful then that is game over, as simple as that. Most characters here are not careful which is how the zombies keep on spreading.

The best part of the film is really just how nonchalant the characters are about the situation though. To them it’s just not that weird since they’ve always grown up knowing zombies were around and it’s a pretty fun way to pitch the movie. I’m glad we can skip the parts of everyone being shocked to see one and fumbling as they wonder what to do. By having experienced fighters be the main characters it makes the journey more fun.

That said, there is one scene that does not work for this reason. One of the sisters was walking by her lonesome when a zombie appears. It’s that of an older lady so it’s tragic but she is extremely, extremeeeeeeely slow and starts walking towards the heroine. The girl freaks out….and so the zombie managed to get to her which starts the drama. How did this happen? We cut away from the scene fairly quick but it just makes no sense. You should never get hit by a zombie unless it’s a sneak attack or you just broke your leg. A trained fighter getting that startled? I don’t think so.

The fight scenes can be pretty fun with the choreography but since they’re fighting zombies there are a lot of body parts flying around and it can be a bit gross at times. It’s more like monster blood than human blood so it’s not quite as intense as the average vampire film but it can be overdone a little at times. It succeeds more than it fails though. The film also has a pretty hype cliffhanger. You definitely feel like no sequel is coming because there is no possible way the heroes should be able to get past the cliffhanger. Seriously that should be 100% impossible, you’d need to call in Alice from Resident Evil or someone like that to stand a chance. Otherwise you’re really just out of luck.

So the humor is good and the fights can be fun. A much weaker aspect are the characters though and that’s mainly because there are just too many. You’ll be mixing most of the sisters up very quickly because they tend to have the same personality outside of Elizabeth. I had that issue in the first film as well. Most of the gentlemen here seem really fake and the cousin who shows up is extremely annoying. Elizabeth’s mother is way too overdone with how she wants them all to get married to the point where she isn’t subtle about it and ironically hurts their marriage stocks right out of the gate. There aren’t very many characters to root for here at all. When one guy shows up who seems noble, you just don’t believe him for a second. Lets just say the movie has one of the most obvious twists I’ve seen in a while.

Overall, I would say the zombies try their best to make the film more interesting and fun. They succeed to a degree however I still couldn’t say that this is a particularly good film. You would just need better characters for that all around and this film wasn’t able to provide that. I would like to keep this tone for more films like this where you grab an old book and add something supernatural. Seriously there’s a lot of potential here but maybe start with a better base material than Pride and Prejudice. The Magic Treehouse for example could be decent although the kids could ruin it so maybe the safest bet would be Sherlock Holmes: Attack of the Aliens! Something like that would be awesome.

Overall 5/10

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for some more vampires! This movie definitely got some buzz because of the whole Abraham Lincoln thing which I thought was pretty clever. It’s a nice way to blend the supernatural and history by adding him in there. Naturally I do prefer a more futuristic setting myself but it works out better than some of the other vampire films that I’ve seen. Still not a thumbs up mind you but not a horrible film or anything.

The movie doesn’t waste time as Abraham’s mother is murdered by a vampire early on. He wants to avenge her but isn’t really able to do anything against superhuman creatures like this. Initially he doesn’t even know that the assailant was a vampire and tries using a gun but it doesn’t do much. Fortunately he runs into a guy named Henry who offers to train Abraham but only if the hero puts aside his quest for vengeance. Henry will give him the targets and they will continue to take down all of the vampires but slowly and surely. Abraham lies and agrees to this but knows that deep down he has to avenge his mother at all cots! He trains in the art of slaying vampire and gets quite good at it which also starts to get the attention of the higher up members among the villains. Will Abraham be okay?

It’s always fun to have someone find out about what’s going on beyond their small pocket of the world. Once Abraham learns about the vampires he starts seeing them everywhere. Sure enough there are tons of them and murdering them all will take more than a lifetime. Henry does offer to turn Abraham into a vampire but he declines since that would be going a step too far. I definitely get it since being immortal really sounds like a pain after a while. You have endless enemies and while you can’t die, you can be put into positions where you might wish that you could.

I do think Henry’s role is a little too passive at times though. He has Abraham do most of the work but doesn’t actively take down a bunch of vampires himself. Henry makes some excuses like how he can’t really go against them and I forget if it’s a power level thing or something relating to the blood but you have to find a way to get around that. In a way being a vampire puts him in a better position to do a lot of damage than Abe when you really think about it. So yeah he really just needs to step up and get the job done.

I did like him for the most part beyond that but he does have some sketchy moments later on. Basically he’s the kind of guy who will always be hiding some things and you have to decide if that’s a dealbreaker or not. For Abraham it nearly was but ultimately he gets past it. Abraham is a very reasonable main character. He fights as needed and helps a lot of people out. He doesn’t really love having to use violence all the time but it’s the only way that really works.

Near the end of the film he even tries to give up fighting for a while but it wasn’t to be. I do like that we actually got to see him as President/leader for a while though. At first he’s just a solo hunter doing his own thing but after that he gets to make commands and lead his troops. With the villains using an army of vampires the heroes did have to adapt after all. I do question if the weapons are really enough to balance things though. Once the vampires started to move more openly I feel like the humans wouldn’t stand a chance. Being so outmatched physically is something that it’s difficult to make up for even with a bunch of guns and ammo.

Abraham’s boss Joshua was a good character. He had some nice banter and went over well as one of the supporting characters. His friend Will also did good and the whole time I had been expecting him to be some kind of undercover agent/traitor so I was glad instead he was someone that Lincoln could depend on. Mary shows up for a bit which makes sense if you know your history and she was a solid character. In general the heroes were all reasonably solid here.

The villains are more on the forgettable side. Yeah they’re definitely powerful and don’t go down easily but they’re basically just your standard vampires. So watch enough in the genre and you won’t even remember them. They’re not bad though, I guess at least Adam was good as the main leader of the vampires. The one who bumped off the mother was more on the petty side and he wasn’t nearly as impressive. He’s only able to win when the odds are overwhelmingly in his favor but otherwise he’s not much of a thinker or anything like that.

The film ultimately suffers from the usual vampire issues. It can be a little brutal on the violence with everyone getting bitten and the blood sucking never ends up working out. The fight scenes do require an extensive amount of disbelief to be thrown out the window because no matter how big the axe is, Abe is still just a normal guy. The vampires all have super speed and strength so they should have a leg up on the competition. Dodging an axe for example should be rather easy right? Yet Abe is slaughtering tons of vampires and by the end of the film they really get hit with the nerf as they can’t do anything. You just know that doesn’t make sense.

There isn’t a whole lot of time for fun in this film. It’s really a lot of going from one vampire attack to the next but it still does track better than most other vampire films because it feels like there’s a real story here. Yeah that probably seems like a big shot to the other films but for example the sole focus isn’t on everyone getting bitten. Abe has an actual character arc going here and it can almost feel like a comic book movie at times.

Overall, Abe Lincoln makes for a fun protagonist and I definitely think this movie was a good idea. I’d just put him up against robots or something but making more alternate historical pasts with a supernatural twist is just a lot of fun. It’s probably a bit riskier in the sense that you want to be careful how you adapt certain characters for fear of backlash but if there’s enough good attention to detail then you should be fine. From everything I know of Abe I’d say the film’s portrayal seemed rather solid. I also really liked the ending which isn’t really a cliffhanger so much as a callback but it could work both ways.

Overall 4/10

30 Days of Night Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

So what’ve we got here? Vampires? Check! Ultra violence? Check! Horror movie??? Check! Yeah this is a recipe for disaster and I’m here to report that the movie holds absolutely nothing back. It’s going for the Gold Trophy in overall edge and violence and absolutely earns it without any real competition. There’s not much positive to say about this movie so strap in folks because we’re going for a ride!

The story takes place in Alaska right before the ominous 30 days of no sunlight. Most people head out to wherever they live during these times while the rest prepare to brave the cold as they always do. These guys have been able to survive in these temperatures for ages and are confident they can pull it off again but things change when a mysterious guy shows up and causes trouble. The heroes lock him up but it’s unclear how he even got here. Also he says his crew is coming by soon to take everyone out. See it turns out the vampires are real and they are descending on the town to murder everyone. The heroes will have to hold them off for 30 days….yeah this won’t be easy.

Now there are some interesting things you can do with a plot like this. The concept of a survival film of the heroes using the terrain to their advantage and trying to survive is quite sound. But…it doesn’t work against vampires. See this movie should have either gone with normal humans as the enemy or creatures. I’ll explain. Lets say World War III happened and a bunch of enemy soldiers came into Alaska to murder everyone. It makes sense that the heroes would have the advantage with the cold and hiding in the houses. Likewise if you’re fighting a bunch of creatures you can also set up traps and such.

None of this applies to vampires because they all have super strength, speed, and endurance. You can’t really set traps for them when they can smell you from a whiles away and hear every little sound. When they attack the humans there isn’t even really a fight because they just tear them to shreds immediately. The whole survival aspect quickly becomes moot because the humans just get slaughtered each and every time. I felt like the film threw away the most interesting angle by making the enemies vampires.

Instead a good portion of the film is the heroes just hiding in a balcony as different characters get impatient and are eaten one after another. There are so many scenes where someone just gets attacked by a group of vampires, over and over again. The most annoying scene had to be when one of the older guys just had enough so he runs outside which forces others to go after him and then things go badly for the various characters. You’re putting everyone at risk when you do selfish stuff like that. There’s no way that would ever be worth it but in the moment the character just doesn’t care.

The film tries to throw in a quick romance subplot with Eben and Stella who had been going through a rough patch but this situation forces them to have to be together for a while and potentially get past their issues. It doesn’t really have much of a purpose in the film and there’s no real time for it anyway. I’d say I just wanted to get back to the action but in a way I guess this beats those parts.

See, the film is trying to be as violent as possible so the vampires biting people is actually a lot more explicit and dragged out than normal. I already don’t like blood sucking and this is more like Werewolves with how they chomp on the humans. They even toy with/torture some of the humans before murdering them. There’s certainly a whole lot of blood throughout the film so this isn’t for the faint of heart. We do get a true fight scene near the end which was a nice change of pace. Even this one couldn’t resist a Mortal Kombat type finishing move but at least we did have true combat for a second there. The victor makes no sense given the power gap but hey the movie had to end at some point. I would have just written in some kind of extra weakness or an additional advantage that the human would have to shake things up. Now that would have been a good move.

Outside of everyone being murdered the film also adds in other dark themes like choosing to murder your friends and family or let them get eaten alive. Obviously it’s a lose-lose situation at that point but the idea is you’re basically pressured into a decision there. It’s always a rough one to have to watch. Then we also have the classic animal violence here as some animals are destroyed quite violently. Yeah there’s a story reason for this but it’s still an awful moment all around that should have been cut out.

The film won’t even let heroes get a painless death. One guy has the bright idea to blow himself up and a whole building rather than letting the vampires eat him. I completely get it too because that makes a lot of sense…then he ends up surviving the explosion. The character was shocked and I was as well. Like seriously guys? Naturally that gives the vampires time to gloat and then finish him off. The whole point was for him to avoid that so the film felt extra mean spirited there. There is no reason the character should have survived that, just give him the dignity of a quick death. That should have been on the table for him.

That’s just the tone of the film though. It’s not enough to slaughter the humans but it always has to be done with such ferocity and hopelessness for the humans. The vampire designs are intense I’ll give them that. You would absolutely feel intimidated to see one out in the wild because aside from the stats they just look really scary. The film delivers on that part and the atmosphere is definitely really intense.

I would even go as far as to say that the very beginning of the first act isn’t super bad. Before the animals die which is still very early in the film I’ll grant you that much. But we see everyone leaving and know that something is approaching. It’s a very ominous start but ultimately the film overplayed its hand of making the enemies basically invincible next to the main characters and that was the end of the game. All you need to even the odds is make it so that they are not bullet proof. One or two bullets can destroy them. Do that and suddenly we’re looking at a movie where the humans have a real chance and things can get interesting.

Overall, If you want to see a bunch of vampires slaughtering a bunch of defenseless humans then this is the film to check out. It reminds me a lot of pre arc Attack on Titan but at least there they had some semblance of a chance. The humans here can’t do much since guns don’t really help do anything other than buy time. The vampires are too powerful and also there are just too many of them. They really needed some kind of extra weakness to make this a lot closer. Something that would actually make this a very valid hunter vs prey type movie. Ultimately the movie isn’t able to make this premise work and is relentlessly brutal. Definitely skip it!

Overall 0/10

Tormented Review

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It’s time for a fairly emotional film with some supernatural intrigue thrown in. It’s definitely one where you don’t feel all that bad for the main character though and your sympathy wanes more and more as the film goes on. Ultimately this really works as a retro thriller of sorts and while it may not be the most well known film out there, it holds its own.

The movie starts with Tom getting ready to be married to his fiance. He’s been waiting a long time for this and he’s finally made it. Unfortunately a wrinkle arrives when his ex girlfriend Vi shows up to blackmail him. She will not let him go off with another girl and makes it clear that she will end his life socially if he tries. She gets a bit careless around the railing though and Tom decides not to save her from falling to her doom. He figures nobody will know that she died. There are just two things he could not account for. One is a shady boat owner named Nick who suspects what is going on here and the other is that Vi’s spirit tanked the fall and she still has not given up on ruining his life. How can he hope to deal with a ghost?

Now the film is a bit vague on exactly when Tom’s relationship with Vi took place. Since he really tries hard not to let Meg know about her, it does feel as though he was cheating on Meg at some point with this girl. Otherwise the easy thing is to just talk to Meg and explain that his ex is being crazy. The fact that Tom cannot do this is very suspect in itself. As for not saving Vi, well obviously he should have but given the circumstances and how quickly it happened, it’s not a death sentence for the protagonist morally.

That happens later on in the film as he gets more and more unhinged. Sure he is being haunted and all that but it’s definitely not an excuse that I would give him. Ultimately Tom is responsible for all of his actions and in the end he didn’t make the right ones. He could have handled things a lot better and since he did not, that means he just wasn’t cut out for the job. The ending is very suitable for him when you really think about it.

Vi is written as antagonistically as possible so she is a villain from the start. As a villain I would say she is fairly decent. She is really determined and stealing the wedding ring was just such a petty move that it works out really well. My only real question here is why she didn’t do more to directly get in Tom’s way. She can evidently touch the real world and make herself solid so there’s no end to the things she could do. Beating Tom up or kidnapping him for example is very much within her tool house. I wouldn’t say any of these are negatives though because you could validly say that she was just toying with him the whole time and that works too.

Meg isn’t as solid as the main heroine mainly because she is a little too oblivious and puts up with too much the whole time. When Tom is starting to act crazy, running off by himself and such she needed to ask more questions. From her point of view the guy should have seemed absolutely crazy and while she had some doubts at one point, she basically just talks herself out of them. I cut the kid (Sandy) more slack because of how young she is. There’s just not much she can do about the situation and she doesn’t see as many of these moments first hand until the very ending. At that point, yeah she ends up changing her mind which made sense. So Sandy was more on top of things here.

My favorite character has to be Nick though. He’s the perfect balance between being shady and an evil mastermind the whole time. Don’t those things go together most of the time? Eh maybe but it still feels like the right way to describe him. He goes around giving a lot of tough talk to Tom and always has a handle on things. The only point where he falters is in the very end which is arguably the worst spot to falter. The guy does make a very dumb move in following Tom to an abandoned location. If you’re blackmailing someone you have to be prepared for every kind of response. Surely a violent response is one of the first ones that you are ready for right? He never seemed to entertain the idea that someone who already murdered one person may want to add another body to that count.

It was a little hard to believe. Either way the writing for the film is really solid beyond that. The movie has good pacing and the suspense works out well as you’re not sure how each character is going to turn out by the time this is all over. There are a lot of ways the plot could go after all and the ending really stuck the landing which was good. The ending is really a determining factor in a movie like this after all. So no complaints on my end, full steam ahead!

Overall, Tormented is a pretty good movie. It may not be the most explosive and exciting but it works well as a slow burn. I’m not sure if you’re meant to root for the main character or not. I’m thinking you are but personally I wasn’t on his side from the start. At least to me the guy seemed guilty just based on how he handled it all. So in the end everyone is probably better off with how things went by the end. Ghost stories can really be a lot of fun and this one really worked out. If you haven’t seen it yet, I’d recommend changing that.

Overall 7/10

I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time to end the trilogy of horror in the Summer series. The titles always get pretty interesting with this one but it’s basically just your average horror. Nothing’s really going on beyond the mass murders here and none of the characters are likable. So what you have is just a long journey of watching them all get picked off one by one which doesn’t make for the most engaging experience.

The movie starts off with some teenager drama as Amber and her boyfriend Colby decide to make a long distance relationship work but first they’re going to spend one last July 4th with the crew. They pull off a prank making the whole town think there is some kind of serial killer on the loose but things get a little too close to home when one of them actually dies during the prank. They cover this up and then go their separate ways. Time passes and the next year arrives with Amber meeting up with Colby in town but he didn’t tell her he would be there so it’s sort of like they’ve unofficially broken up. None of the gang even remotely likes each other anymore but they have to band together one last time because the murderer they faked may actually be a real person now. Is it someone trying to expose the murder they had covered up?

From there on it’s time for everyone to start taking massive Ls against the villains. It’s not really surprising that it goes this way either because they were outgunned from the jump. Usually in these films you have to find an excuse to scatter the main characters but that isn’t needed here because of how much they hate each other. They threaten each other more than once and constantly split up. At one point Colby heads off to go drink by himself knowing full well by this point in the movie that the body count was rather large and still not caring about this at all. It’s definitely one of the worst moves you can make.

There is one decision that is even worse though. At one point the teens finally come up with their first reasonable plan. They will all hop in a car together, pick a direction and just keep on driving. The murders seem to be leading up to July 4th which is when they covered up the murder so they just make sure they’re in a different state by then. They can always return later or choose not too, but that should keep them safe right? The film takes great pains to explain that this wouldn’t have worked by the end but ignoring that, this is actually a really good plan.

If you take away the classic trope of the slasher villain being super fast and all knowing, there isn’t really a counter to this plan. Even if he can grab a vehicle he won’t be able to follow them quick enough before they’re past the border. Then at that point as long as they don’t do anything ignorant, they can stay off the grid for a while. Change their names or go far enough away where it won’t matter. The problem of course is that this plan was too good so one of the characters complains that she has to go out and perform in a rock band real quick first.

She knows full well that the villain is going to make his move now since it’ll be July 4th but she is prioritizing the concert? I know scouts will be there and that it’s a big deal but it still makes absolutely no sense so stay. It’s one of those scenes that will definitely have you rolling your eyes the whole time because it just makes no sense. There’s basically no way that anyone would have made that move.

It’s not like these films are really known for their writing or anything but that was still crazy. The film has its share of twists as the whole thing is part mystery after all. The identity of the villain is definitely a game changer but unfortunately it also does make the experience a little more pointless. The film actually gives us a real climax with some action and everything but due to how the plot goes, it doesn’t matter a whole lot. Ultimately you know that there is just no way for the heroes to pull this off.

The twist ending is a classic horror staple and this one has an ending like that but it’s basically the bare minimum. Sort of like the writer shrugging and figuring “welllll they’d probably like to see this ending sooo..here ya go” but there’s no creativity or inspiration here. I suppose you could say that for most of the film but it’s still not a great look. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, this is definitely not a high quality film and what’s more…I’d say it’s definitely a skip straight up.

The film suffers from the usual slasher issues like being overly violent with all of the kills. The film gets as gratuitous as possible. In part that’s probably why every character is written to be super unlikable so you don’t feel as bad for them but that’s not a winning strategy in the slightest. I also think that the culprit should have been someone else. Now that may have made some of the scenes in this movie a little harder to buy but you were probably going to have to stretch some disbelief here anyway. So just knock all of that out in one shot and then you’re in a much better position.

Overall, I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is a pretty bad movie. It’s really just hitting all of the beats without adding anything to them. It’s going through the motions in the most robotic way possible. It’ll quickly fade into obscurity as just another slasher film. I’ll give tiny props for actually having the heroes try to fight the villain near the end instead of just running and tripping but there are very few positives to be had here. You just won’t be having a whole lot of fun during this title. I still can’t believe not even one character decided to just drive off and leave town. It’s the easiest solution for 90% of these films which is why most movies actually make an effort to prevent this from being an option. Like there’s no roads or there’s an avalanche or something. This film had no such excuse.

Overall 1/10

Homicidal Review

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It’s time for a film with a very intense title. I mean just seeing a film that is called Homicidal you are expecting something real intense right? Well the film definitely delivers on the intensity in terms of a crazy twist but is surprisingly not nearly as violent as I expected. That’s a very good thing of course but the film still has its own share of issues and I wouldn’t call it one of the top contenders.

The movie starts with Emily showing up to a rich hotel and asking the bellhop to come to her room. He does and she says she will pay him a ton of money to marry her for a few minutes. He agrees and drives with her to a late marriage shop but suddenly she whips out the knife and no diffs the marriage ceremony leader. She then escapes into the night and heads home where she takes care of an old lady who can unfortunately no longer walk or talk. So Emily basically just gloats and subtlety threatens her the whole time.

This sets the tone for what kind of character Emily is and then we’re introduced to the rest of the cast. First up is Miriam who is looking forward to her future as she has a boyfriend now and her flowers are doing well. She finds Miriam to be a bit standoffish but that’s fine. Miriam does get annoyed when Emily just randomly leaves the house for a day so Miriam has to watch over the old lady and then Emily even threatens to murder Miriam. So Miriam tells her guy and they confront Emily’s brother Warren who seems like he couldn’t care less. With diplomatic options not doing much good, what can the main characters do about this?

The problem in a sense is that the heroes can’t just leave so easily. For starters there is the old lady to consider and even if Emily is evil, Warren may just be getting suckered as the brother. So they need to try and convince him before it is too late but the longer this goes on, the more likely it is that somebody will end up dying. So is it time to call the police or something? Well that would be the smart thing to do…but the film has a really bad reason for why they don’t.

One guy runs for the phone but Miriam stops him and explains that Emily said she is married to Warren. The guy basically goes “Shoot, guess we can’t call the cops” and they completely change gears. The obvious question is…why? That shouldn’t matter at all. If they want to spare Warren’s feelings then I’m afraid their priorities are all out of whack. If Emily is someone who is dangerous and insane enough to threaten someone’s life then you need to get rid of her as soon as possible. Half measures and dancing around the issue won’t help at all. Miriam definitely fumbled the ball here.

If anything she looks pretty bad throughout and the ending doesn’t help her much either. Of course all of this is easier from the viewer’s chair where you see everything and understand the stakes but it felt like she never properly registered how crazy Emily was. At least by the time she threw out the threat you gotta leave town or arm yourself properly. It’s just a shame that nobody in the town could see how deranged she was considering just how she was barely even trying to hide it. She just kept on acting crazy.

Where the film goes a bit far is with including the old lady. I think this was really unnecessary as the whole thing is overly tragic. She literally can’t talk or yell out for help and is trapped with Emily for basically the whole film? It’s a little too edgy and is the only place where the film didn’t restrain itself enough. Cutting her out of the movie entirely would have been a lot better and you can easily write around that. Then you have the fact that the old lady tries to signal to the others and do other things to call out for help and none of it works.

Nahhh that’s just tragic. Ultimately the film may not be as disturbing and intense as it was trying to be but that was definitely something that was real intense just not in the best way. There are some scenes that I thought were a bit surreal/didn’t make a lot of sense but the final twist did address those. Nothing could address the moment about not calling the cops though, that’s just something you have to do.

Also with the opening scene it was weird how nobody tried to help the guy getting stabbed. Surely the bellhop could have grabbed the knife and restrained Emily after the first hit or two right? They just stood around while she kept on stabbing over and over again. That was way too much to be frozen with fear like that. He’s real lucky that she didn’t finish him off. I was completely expecting that but somehow he actually survived along with all of the money but definitely some degree of trauma. So he’s not 100% but that’s still way better than most of the characters’ fates here.

Overall, While I applaud the film in having some good restraint, it’s still not a particularly pleasant film. Any scene with the old lady is just not fun to watch. The characters make a lot of very illogical decisions and the whole thing should not have played out the way that it did. You could easily improve the quality with just a few changes but this is how it had to be. Hey, it does completely destroy Psycho though so I will give the film that. It actually beats the original film that this one was supposed to top. The twist is also really good. It’s a twist that makes a lot of sense in hindsight but doesn’t really occur to you as you’re watching. That’s the best kind of twist since it should absolutely make sense afterwards and the fact that you get to see in real time how most of the visual parts of the twist work is impressive.

Overall 3/10

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir Review

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It’s time for a very old school romance with a little bit of a supernatural twist. It’s a very low key kind of film that works rather well but I will admit that the whole time you’re not really on board with the romance. To an extent it depends on what length of time you would consider to be a rebound but either way the heroine feels like she’s moving a bit too fast. The ending also makes things extra awkward when you really think about it.

The movie starts off with Lucy becoming a widow after her husband dies. Lucy has decided that she wants her life back as she didn’t particularly care for his family and dashes off. She finds a nice little haunted house where the rent is dirt cheap and settles there. She eventually meets the ghost who quickly debunks the rumors of his own suicide. His name is Daniel and he was actually quite the captain back in the day. He’s ready for a little romance but she isn’t and points out that he’s dead and gone. They both reluctantly put their feelings aside to live in the same house for now. Can she really deal with such an annoying ghost or is he going to drive her crazy?

A haunted house is definitely an inconvenience when you are just trying to have a good time but at least the ghost isn’t particularly sinister. Sure Daniel is a mean guy and he isn’t afraid to prove it but at the end of the day he isn’t trying to murder her or anything like that. In fact he ends up liking her which puts Lucy in a rough spot. Lucy is also approached by a flirty guy named Fairley who really doesn’t stop with his constant attempts from the very first time he appears. The guy ends up being supremely annoying. Sure he did help her to get the book deal with the publishing company but ultimately that was only to further his own ends.

I was annoyed that he lasted as long as he did. He completely got through to Lucy even with his rather aggressive way of handling things and she was completely under his spell. If not for a certain twist he would have won and so that ended up hurting her character a lot. Fairley was bad the whole time but Lucy is the one you would have figured would have really been ready and not fallen for this. Definitely a pretty sad moment.

It’s another reason why you can’t get behind the romance. So she liked her husband first. Then after he died she started to like Daniel. Then after that she jumped over to Fairley and once he was off the market, ultimately it ended up being Daniel again. Keep in mind that Daniel claimed she didn’t even love her husband when they first met and Lucy takes mild offense to that but doesn’t stop him. You’d think that would have taken him out of the running right from the jump.

The worst part is the film implies that maybe he was right after all and that’s why the ending works but its just pretty awful all around. For a good romance you need a lot of factors in play but one of them is definitely to have likable characters and that didn’t happen here. She is also very slow on the uptake with how only she can hear Daniel. You’d think she would be subtle then but instead she keeps talking out loud which doesn’t help matters at all. it should be easy to adapt to that.

The supporting characters are pretty weak here too. You have the guy selling the houses who seems to like Lucy. Fortunately she doesn’t like him back because the guy seemed desperate and wasn’t exactly the most honest soul either. He kept trying to make her spend a lot of money. You have her husband’s side of the family who were mainly here to poke fun and cause a lot of trouble. They were all super stuck up and selfish in their old ways. Lucy could be a little too polite at times but in other moments she did get some good burns in there.

While I know this would be unlikely right out of the gate, the film would have done well to have just had her and Daniel be good friends. They just bond over the house or something. Lucy gets a supportive friend who could be like a father since her new family was so rough and he gets someone to pass on his tales to. It could have been the reason he couldn’t pass on, that nobody was around to hear about his exploits. The entire vibe and tone of the film would have changed but it would have worked really well.

Alternately just make it a little more comedic as she gets into a lot of trouble with this guy always floating around and stirring things up. The fact that people can actually hear his voice at convenient times already adds a lot of potential to this. It is a bit of a stretch for the characters to think that it was Lucy’s voice each time though. The only time someone didn’t think this was Daniel’s big laugh at the start of the film. Admittedly it was a great laugh too, reminded me of Vincent Price I’d say. It had that very theatrical feel to it.

Overall, This is an okay film I’d say. It’s right on the middle, there is just little reason to watch it again. At times it can be a bit dull and the pacing is slow. The characters are very unlikable too which does take its toll. I liked the scenes that took place outside of the house like heading to the book publishing company or the awkward bus ride. So ironically the film could have stood to have taken place far less in the haunted house.

Overall 5/10

The Empty Man Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Okay so straight up this is a pretty bad movie however I do give it a point for actually having an ending that makes you really think long and hard about the movie. Way I see it there are 3 ways you can interpret the ending. I’ll explain my interpretation at the end and I think it makes the most sense. Is there a “canon” ending? Well maybe the writer will say but out of film stuff doesn’t count so the way I see it you have to come to your conclusion and just roll with it. Each of the 3 paths appear to have some holes but I could pretty much do an editorial just on the ending. Of course that does mean you have to make it that far.

The film starts off with a group of climbers scaling up a really snowy mountain. It isn’t easy but they have been making consistent work up there. Unfortunately as they’re getting ready to go back down, one of them starts hearing things in the distance. Then he really starts to loose it and now the others could be in danger. Is it just a lack of oxygen right now or is there something more sinister at play? One thing’s for sure, they can’t let their guard down!

Being stranded on a mountain like this with no real way out is a pretty tough situation to be in already so then when you throw a crazy guy it really goes through the roof. Maybe spending 2 hours on here could drag a bit but it’s rare to have a horror movie on a mountain. Crazy stuff for sure….but this isn’t actually the movie. It’s a pretty effective fake out though since this intro portion goes on for quite a while. It ultimately does tie in with the rest of the film though and honestly it’s really effective. I thought the opening part was handled extremely well so it was time to start falling after that.

In the present we have an ex cop named James who is still traumatized over some tragedy that happened to his family. It’s told to us through quick seizure moments so you get most of the details but the exact scenario is something we don’t find out about until later on. I can say that it makes him look awful though so his character basically can’t be recovered by the end. There are just some things that you don’t really come back from and this is definitely one of those. Unfortunately that’s just how it goes.

Well his friend’s daughter went missing one day so James decides to find her. He runs into a whole conspiracy involving a death cult that believes in the Empty Man. A being made up of pure maliciousness and negative desires over the course of human history. Summoning him appears to be rather easy, you just think about him and blow on a bottle. Well James isn’t afraid of any ghosts and does this just to spite the creature. The rest of the legend says that you now have 3 days to live so James has to find the girl and quickly before this is all over.

In some ways this film is 50% mystery and 50% horror. A whole lot of the movie is about James trying to find leads so he talks to all of her friends, infiltrates the cult, etc. There are some scenes that are actually pretty scary though like when he finds himself in an empty field late at night with hundreds of zombies. Mobs are very scary and if you’re not scared of one then you should rethink that. There is virtually no way to survive one because you’re getting hit by hundreds of people at once which means they are virtually bullet proof. James wisely tries running as fast as he can.

Because this is part mystery there are a whole lot of twists and turns. I’ll be avoiding those until the spoiler part of the review of course because if you know things beforehand then it’ll definitely alter your experience. It will cause you to look at scenes differently but your first time in you probably want to go in without as much knowledge as possible. The actual mystery is pretty compelling but also very ominous since the victims are also kids so you figure this is going to be dark no matter how it plays out.

The Empty Man’s actual design is not really that scary. I would have handled it differently because it’s basically a normal dude in a cloak. You never really see much of him but he’s just not that scary and is basically only going after really defenseless people. When a gun is pointed his way he immediately jams it just in case so I wonder how strong he really is. He is probably a cosmic reality warper if I’m not kidding myself though. I don’t think the humans have much of a shot against him but like in the Grudge nobody even tries to fight back which is annoying.

We have the cops around but they don’t really do much here. They basically figure they can’t help out much and only really get involved once the body count starts to rise. Even then they don’t do a ton. The random cult leader is probably more important although the film was a little too content to give this guy a long boring speech that wasn’t needed. The intent is probably to spoon feed us just what the Empty Man is exactly and what he symbolizes but it’s not that hard to comprehend. We didn’t need a log speech about life itself from this guy except to remind us that cults are crazy and we knew that.

Okay now it’s spoiler time to talk about the ending. Skip the next 7 paragraphs if you haven’t seen the film yet.

Okay so basically James confronts the girl who went missing in the beginning and she explains that the cult actually generated him from their thoughts. They created him as the next vessel for the Empty Man since the guy from the intro’s body was finally giving out. The whole bottles thing was nonsense and everything is completely controlled by willpower itself. As best you can say that the bottle was merely the conduit but the power was in their minds all along. James tries to call his friend and she doesn’t remember him anymore. He was summoned 3 days ago which were the only days of his existence and so in the end he runs but the monster goes inside of him so he murders the old man and embraces his fate as the Empty Man. That’s basically the events of the ending so there are 4 ways to interpret this.

Explanation 1: James literally did not exist before the scene in the restaurant where he ordered something for his birthday. His memories are all fabrications from the cult. This includes his cheating affair, the family dying, etc. All of these are false memories and they basically brainwashed everyone in the area in order to pull this off. That’s why cops think they now him, the cult guy saw him before, etc. They have no real limit to their powers after all so why not right?

This is possible sure, but I don’t think it’s likely. It causes a whole lot of suspension of disbelief mainly because we’ve seen so many people who knew James from back in the day. Either they were in on it or their memories were being altered. But then why bother with all the theatrics? The girl at the end mentioned that they needed fear to truly activate James in the end and so they had to slowly break him but if they could manipulate the entire city and then some to keep altering the memories, that doesn’t really make sense. It’s way too convoluted a plan considering their abilities.

Explanation 2: It was all a dream. None of it actually happened and James himself does not exist. The entire film is taking place entirely in his psyche as he was created in the visualization and the whole film is basically just a metaphor for his struggle to fight against the Empty Man. In the real world he actually was the Empty Man murdering all of the teenagers and committing all of the crimes during the movie. It’s why when we flashback to the cult summoning the Empty Man we see that it was James in the shadows. Booo this explanation is pretty awful tbh and doesn’t make sense. Any “it was all a dream” scenarios are pretty boring if you think about it because then the whole thing was pointless. So not really discussing this one much because personally I just don’t like it. Not saying it isn’t a valid theory or anything but it would be supremely underwhelming.

Explanation 3: James was basically a normal guy until 3 days before the events of the film, the girl and her cult friends drugged him and stashed him in their basement. They then ran the trial experiments on him and turned him into a future Empty Man vessel. It would explain why he was seen by the Cult before and also why the cops recognized him. It would also explain why we kept seeing the empty chair every time he thought about his past. He was actually trapped for a while and then they released him into the wild with their memory alterations and of course removing his memories of being there. Mainly the part that doesn’t make sense here is the girl saying she created everything if the events actually did happen prior to being kidnapped. So that does help theory 1 more than theory 3.

Explanation 4: Okay so this is the one that I’m on board with and in some ways it’s very close to theory 3. Everything James knew prior to the film did happen. He lived a normal life and everything. When the crew “conjured him up” 3 days ago, it was simply activating him in order to be a host. She telepathically created a backstory for him to break down his psyche like causing him to cheat on his wife with the friend and then causing the accident. The accident actually happened but the affair was a fake memory and she had the friend under the spell the whole time. That’s why she didn’t remember him in the final scene because the villains let the mind control go. Both things would be pretty easy to maneuver without anything being much of a stretch. He eventually got broken due to the mindgames here and of course in the end he succumbed.

The main points against this one of course is that the cult leader had seen James before he said which doesn’t tie in with what James knows. You could say he was kidnapped at some point and indoctrinated as a sleeper agent but it doesn’t really match up. Additionally this doesn’t really address the girl’s speech about creating him with the exact backstory he had. Her just manipulating things from the shadows wouldn’t really explain that at all.

That’s it for the spoilers! So yeah a lot to dive into there. Regardless the ending is very memorable which is good. Would have been nice to have had more of a struggle or something but it is what it is. I do think the film’s dialogue scenes tend to be rather solid. While I did not like James by the end, at least I like how he always has an attitude with everyone. He has no time for all the nonsense and there’s a good amount of back and forth dialogue here. The mystery angle keeps you engaged all the way through with the horror angle and violence just holding the film back. Why did we need to see more dead animals? I feel like horror films just can’t help themselves and keep shooting themselves in the foot.

Honestly if the film had just leaned on the mystery angle and cut out a bunch of the horror stuff it would have been way better. Keep the atmospheric horror of course and the mind controlled cult but you can cut out all the stabby scenes and the more disturbing flashbacks. You’ll still feel a lot of tension and the imposing doom coming to the characters without being overindulgent and just wrecking the whole thing. Toning down the violence a bit would go a long way here.

Overall, The Empty Man is the kind of film that will keep you talking and theorizing for a long while. I have to give the film credit for that because it’s not really easy to pull that off. Still, in the end it’s a pretty bad film that falls into most of the horror tropes. You have the random animal violence that has no business being here. The dark shock twist to make sure you don’t like the main character too much. Virtually every character is massively unlikable with all of the kids falling to peer pressure immediately. Once we get into the human torture trials you know the film is just trying to hit you with everything. I think you could actually pivot this into an interesting action thriller for a sequel based on the ending but if you keep this as horror I don’t think it’s going anywhere because it’s another case of the humans not being able to do much. I’d say maybe they should have kept the whole film on the mountain but honestly that probably wouldn’t have worked very well. It would have dragged.

Overall 2/10

The Grudge (2020) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

I’m going to be brutally honest here folks, I much prefer when films, games, and any sort of media follow a linear path. Jumping back and forth across timelines and such often times is more convoluted than interesting. It’s just being complicated for the sake of doing so as opposed to actually enhancing the story and that’s what happens here. There is no actual benefit and even the inevitable “aha it’s all connected!!” moment isn’t enough to overturn that.

The movie has no evil cat possession sounds this time which is a massive mistake so its mainly Sayako’s body doing the dirty work for the Grudge. There are a few others though. So we have a few different plots here. You have a new detective who is trying to find out what’s going on with this supposed haunted house. She’s a bit old to believe in ghosts after all and figures its fake but her partner who has been on the scene refuses to even step foot in there. He believes that it is fully haunted. In the past, a lady will be having a kid soon but unfortunately he will be born with an illness as seen in the pre birth scans. Is the Grudge working overtime and cursing people before they are even born now? Unfortunately she is probably in the wrong house to try and survive this. Then in a middle plot we have a lady who helps in assisted suicides who checks in on an old lady and her husband but the lady is crazy and seems to be able to see the Grudge. The lady should have immediately left but she decides to stay the night which may end up being her last.

So what do all of these plots have in common? They’re all fodder for the Grudge! Nooooo, but it’s true though. You know the sooner that these chuckleheads appear on screen that they are absolutely doomed. The old lady with aroma therapy and such? The Grudge probably smells like sewer water based on how long she’s been dead in the water so she’s immune. The cop with his handgun staring down the haunted house for years before destroying himself? The Grudge is most likely bullet proof! And if not she’ll just use her telepathy to jam the gun. Thinking of burning the house down? Well the fact that she even lets you approach the house with the gasoline means that she isn’t worried.

When your opponent is all powerful and just playing with you there just isn’t much you can do. Naturally destroying yourself like the second cop is absolutely the worst thing you can do because one..The Grudge won’t allow it. Seriously she can alter the trajectory just enough to ensure you live in pain for a long while. I choose to believe that explanation over him just missing a point blank shot to the head personally. So you either play her game and hope it means an instant end or you try to do something drastic like blow up the planet. Honestly that would be an interesting angle. A character can’t stop being haunted for all eternity by the Grudge so he decides to end it all for humanity.

Now there’s a world destruction motive that I could possibly get behind because it’s all so unfair. As always the film is definitely really violent. A lot of characters are dying left and right and we also get a lot of gross visuals like people’s dead bodies being covered by worms. The Grudge definitely isn’t holding back on any of that and as always we’re reminded of the origin of all this.

It’s almost impressive that there are basically no happy moments in the film because you’re always waiting for what’s about to happen next to the characters. For the most part you aren’t even given much hope for any of the plots except the one taking place in current day because you already know the others are doomed. I suppose there’s the tension of seeing how long they last. The constant rain is also a good backdrop because everything is scarier during a downpour. There just doesn’t seem to be much of a point to this film even more than some of the other Grudge titles although I guess they’re all pretty close in that respect. We need a character to try and counter the Grudge at some point. Give her an actual opponent to fight against and the film would immediately get a whole lot better.

The twist ending of the film is definitely pretty intense and maybe the best out of the Grudge films. Sure on one hand you might roll your eyes because it feels like the film is going against its own lore again but you have to remember that the Grudge will never lose. As the Flash villain once said: “You can’t hold me!!!!” That’s basically the Grudge’s catchphrase at this point. No matter what you do she will eventually defeat you. Honestly the lucky ones are the fighters who die immediately because at least they are put out of their misery. You’re really unlucky when she spares you for like 50 years only to murder you later on for the lolz. Everyone is in the palm of her hands and the sooner you embrace the futility of the entire movie series, the sooner you can be free!

Overall, The Grudge basically goes through the motions of murdering everyone. By splitting the film up into different time periods and going back and forth it does slow down the pacing a lot though. This film would have actually been a lot better as an anthology and I can’t believe that I’m saying that. Yes that’s how dicey things have gotten here because i just don’t want to be going back to the past so many times. It’s not my idea of a grand time. Give me a linear plot to move around in and just use a few flashbacks if you have to. The idea can work I suppose but the Grudge definitely couldn’t pull it off.

Overall 1/10

The Grudge 3 Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version. Note that a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time to return to The Grudge series. Definitely not one of my favorite horror series to say the least. Part of the problem with this series has always been how overpowered the villain is. Basically you’ve got someone with the powers of a Shonen Jump villain going up against below average mortals who couldn’t throw a punch to save their life and have no mental defenses. At the end of the day that means there is absolutely no hope for anybody here so the whole film is really just there for show.

The movie starts off with a kid trying to explain that he needs someone to break him out of the psychiatric ward because The Grudge has already infiltrated. The staff laugh this off and explain that the place is completely secure so nothing can happen to him. The poor kid’s mangled beyond recognition in the next scene and the doctor tries to find answers but good luck with that. Meanwhile we cut to Lisa who is temporarily staying with her brother Max and his daughter Rose in the house where all of this had gone down. It’s a rather eery place to live but Max figures he can fix the place up really well and eventually turn things around. He’s in the red right now so he will definitely need things to really work out well for him. Unfortunately The Grudge isn’t satisfied yet and starts murdering more people. It’s possible that the only one who can stop her is Naoko, the sister to the original host.

Technically “The Grudge” is more of a supervillain name and it’s for both the girl and the cat who are running around. You could make the case that these are just the physical manifestations of the Grudge since it’s more of a non physical form anyway so I’ll keep saying Grudge for convenience sake. One thing the series does really well is to show just how spooky they are though. Grudge’s movements are very erratic which makes it hard for you to predict her next move. She can be deceptively fast and also has an incredible grip. Basically if she grabs you then it’s all over.

I would say the frustrating part is that absolutely nobody tries to attack her at all. They all just fall down and start crying, hide under the bed, or give their back to the creature. Look, you’re going to die anyway but wouldn’t you at least want to go down with a fight? The film doesn’t even try to make it look like these people are ready to fight back and I think that’s a mistake because it makes no sense. They’re literally on the the edge of defeat getting close to death. If that’s not enough to make you fight back then I don’t know what would be.

Characters consistently make the wrong decisions. Near the end of the film Lisa is trying to escape and just watched someone get butchered in front of her. The next move is to run for it right? Instead she just falls to the ground and extreme plot armor saves her from being the next victim. Everyone should have a fight or flee instinct but for some reason that turned into a just fall down and whimper effect. I just don’t think that would be the case for most people. I would argue almost none of them would have that effect at least even if it’s a few.

Okay so on to the negatives. Wait…were those actually the positives? Yeah we ran out of those a while back. The only real positive here is that the Grudge has an awesome design and I really like the sound effects. They are really scary and this is a film that will always be scary to watch. I would go as far as to say the Grudge may have the scariest design for a horror villain but I would have to think about it. The close runner ups who could also take the title would probably be the main villain of Insidious who has the red mask and the classic Xenomorph.

As always this is a very bloody film with a lot of over the top violence and dark themes. We can never seem to escape the cat dying which is a very unfortunate part of the mythos. It really doesn’t add any benefit to the film so I’d rather skip that. Having a little kid get murdered in the opening scene really sets the tone here but then you also have the Grudge possessing people to stab their friends and make the whole thing more personal. This is a very dark and dreary film from cover to cover that doesn’t exactly make you thrilled to watch it.

As I mentioned earlier, the Grudge has no weaknesses so it’s not like there was ever any hope here. Naoko’s big master plan is basically to transfer the curse onto the little kid by having her drink a bunch of blood. Gross factor aside, this plan makes absolutely no sense to anybody who managed to pay attention to the lore at the beginning. The Grudge came into existence in part because of how Naoko’s sister had to drink the blood and dark essence of every curse. Basically the curses all merged into a super dark influence which took control of her and made her commit all of these deeds.

So drinking that blood would just make a new host but wouldn’t stop the demon. In what world would it destroy the demon? Maybe you can say Naoko was planning to murder the kid after that but why would that have any effect on anything? Her sister died a while back and the curse is still here. So in short, I don’t see any purpose in including Naoko in this film. I don’t think the writers really thought this subplot through because it doesn’t work as a twist about the plan not working when it never had any chance of working in the first place. It doesn’t make any senseeeeee!!

At least the Grudge does give us a classic twist ending which is more inline with what you would expect for this kind of film. It works pretty well and the execution is on point. It doesn’t exactly make you feel any better about the film having any kind of central purpose other than showing people dying in all sorts of ways. At this point there doesn’t seem to be much of a point to these film. They’re just like Halloween or other slasher types where it’s really just about seeing a bunch of deaths. Still, at least in some of those you can pretend that the heroes have a shot and it feels like they do because the villains are a bit more mortal. When the villain’s all powerful with no weaknesses then it takes the bite out of the whole thing.

Overall, The Grudge 3 is a pretty terrible film all around. The heroes never stood a chance and you knew it so you’re really just watching everyone getting bumped off and hoping against hope that there is some kind of twist to save the movie. Inevitably it never comes and so there isn’t really a reason to check this one out except to have a grudge against the film itself. It’s not the kind of film that will be saving the horror genre or anything fancy like that.

Overall 1/10