Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

Kiss Me Deadly Review

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Kiss Me Deadly is an interesting noir title in that you are effectively watching a villain as the lead. Not saying Mike is downright evil or anything but he is basically a shady guy who ends up getting tangled with the actual crime syndicate and that ends up leading to a whole lot of trouble. The story is good but it is another title that is held back by the main character. It can also get a bit gritty and gruesome for an old school noir title like this.

The movie starts off with Mike on a drive when he comes across a lady who is running for her life. She says her name is Christina and to drop her off at the next bus stop and then to forget her. However, if they don’t make it, then he must remember her. Unfortunately the two are captured by a group of villains who torture Christina to death and nearly bump Mike off too but they get sloppy and he survives the encounter. Mike has no idea what is even going on but he figures it has to be something big when he is questioned by the cops right away. The mysterious villains also start to threaten him into dropping the case so now he wants to look into it more.

Mike runs a bit of a shady business where he tries to find proof on if a husband or wife is cheating on the other. He has a secretary who takes care of the seducing while he begins to work on playing both parties against each other. It’s definitely not the most noble kind of work and the cops call him out on it but Mike doesn’t care. He will keep doing this so he can get more and more money as needed. This is one of the reasons why you just find it hard to root for the guy. His secretary Velda even basically begs him to let her stop doing this kind of work but he refuses which really tells you what kind of guy he is.

Now there are some fun parts to this. When the villains show up to intimidate him, Mike is able to respond in kind and doesn’t fold so easily. The guy makes threats of his own and has a lot of shady connections throughout the city. So that part is pretty neat and it makes for an interesting wrinkle into the mix but at the same time it just doesn’t erase the less desirable traits he has. It’s just too bad he couldn’t keep the tough attitude while beating up the enemies but still staying somewhat heroic. It would have really worked well. By the end he ultimately starts looking rather sad and defeated as he finally tells the cops that he was out of his depth. It wasn’t a great way for his journey to end.

The early torture scene was also really intense. Definitely not the way you expect to start this film off. For the most part it’s got a rather sullen atmosphere and it’s more about how everyone appears to be suspicious but it’s not generally all that dark or violent. Perhaps they wanted to start the film off with a bang but they definitely could have chosen a less gruesome way to do this. Additionally if you’re friends with the lead then you’re probably doomed but that’s usually how it goes.

The dialogue here is sharp as always though. I love all the veiled threats and how everyone is talking really tough. There is a lot of sarcasm thrown around and the fact that Mike is so tough does lend itself well to the banter. All of those things are good points within the movie. It definitely goes by rather quickly even though it is a long movie. It all feels like one well connected adventure and that element of the story, the lead having a lot of connections is one that they should bring back. Mike may be a questionable private investigator but he is still a PI so when the villains go after him it’s nice that he has some way to defend himself and figure out what is happening.

Meanwhile Velda definitely should have quit the business right away. Ultimately things are never going to go all that well for her in this business and so the sooner she gets out the better. Lily is an interesting character but again not one you would want to trust very much. She is always ready to put on the charm to try and get Mike to do what she wants but he’s not the kind of guy this will usually work for although he will enjoy the situation when it’s something he would have done anyway. She is desperate as she runs from the villains but that’s never really the approach you want to go with.

Mike’s friend Nick was a nice guy even though you knew he was doomed. I like that the guy always had Mike’s back at least and was eager to help. If anything Mike was using him since he didn’t really let Nick know just how dangerous this whole thing was. If he had been straight with Nick then things could have been different but Mike is all about using those who are close to him. Definitely a shame when you think about it.

The supporting characters were solid here. I liked the villain with the glasses who was always very polite but as one of the ringleaders of the villains you knew that he couldn’t be trusted. Definitely someone you had to be cautious with but the demeanor was pretty funny. Then there is the main cop who doesn’t get along with Mike at all. Their first impression was certainly lousy which didn’t help matters for either of them for a long while there. Still he was okay at his job. I think the cops could have ultimately done more on their end but it’s not like they had a lot of help either so they were on their own since Mike wasn’t cooperating.

The ending here definitely escalates really quickly though. The special effects for this were fun, it was like we suddenly entered a sci-fi movie or something. I wasn’t expecting that at all although in a way that’s why it worked. It just hits you like a sudden tank and that could have really tied in as a sequel with characters picking up the pieces. The film does work as another example of the viewer not knowing all the answers since we’re looking at things from the lead’s point of view though so I understand the appeal there.

Overall, I think a noir film that is basically villain against villain could be really good. The film would just need to lean into that more by having him be a full fledged villain. He certainly acts the part like when he shoves a drawer closed while someone’s hand is in it and slaps around a poor receptionist. This guy doesn’t play nice and won’t take no for an answer when he wants answers. You just need to do that without him sacrificing the main heroine’s dignity and I could also do without the torture. This ends up being a weaker noir title as a result and you’re better off skipping it for now.

Overall 4/10

Point Break (2015) Review

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Point Break is one of those films where I’m almost surprised that it got a remake. I mean most things get remakes eventually but I wouldn’t say the first film is one of the top ones that comes to mind when I’m thinking about a thriller. It just felt like a random remake but hey, it’s here so how did it fare? Well I wasn’t the biggest fan of the original and yet I would still say it edges this one out. It’s not a landslide victory, they’re both on around the same level but this feels like a slimmed down version with characters that aren’t as interesting. The only interesting thing here is the whole eco-warrior angle and that part isn’t fleshed out as much as you might expect.

The film starts off with Johnny Utah pulling off some great stunts once again but unfortunately it gets a bit too intense and his friend dies. He decides not to do the stunts anymore and becomes an FBI agent. Well, there are now a string of odd crimes happening around the world and Johnny notices a trend that everyone missed. The villains are attempting to complete the Ozaki 8. These are crazy stunts where nobody has ever managed to complete the whole set in their lifetime before. These crooks are accomplishing those feats while also robbing places and causing general mayhem which is the impressive part. The FBI agents don’t really buy into this theory though so Johnny is on his own when he goes over to prove this theory. If agent Pappas doesn’t think there is any promise after a short while he will pull the plug on this little operation. Can Johnny find these crooks?

Well, that might be the wrong question. See, Johnny finds them very quickly. That’s not really the hard part here. The hard part is that he quickly starts to hang out with them and doesn’t think they are so bad. In a way he wants to take them in peacefully and he also needs proof which will be difficult. It puts him in a tough spot and that’s also why you really don’t want to be an undercover operative for too long. The longer the mission goes on the more suspicious the villains are naturally going to get. So there is always a timer here.

I would also say that Johnny sure gets lucky a whole lot of the time. If the villains were smarter and made direct moves from the start then Johnny would have been doomed. He’s not exactly subtle with how he will vanish for a full day and then come back. He’s extremely suspicious with all of his little trips. Basically Bodhi at least figured something was up midway but instead of finishing Johnny off he plays along because he hopes to convert Johnny. Overconfidence? Yes absolutely, things would have gone a lot smoother for him if he just made Johnny disappear and that wouldn’t have been hard.

Johnny does have some street cred by being a former extreme sports guy and that at least was a god addition to the film. It actually makes sense to add to his cover and yeah it might be convenient but it also gives more reason why he wouldn’t be immediately distrusted at least so I can get behind that. This one has less of a focus on the surfing and in exchange it’s more like a decathalon as there are a bunch of different sports and activities being played here.

Ironically Johnny reduces the villains’ numbers by getting caught up in the moment and making things a little too extreme. His old habits kick in during a snowboarding level where one guy doesn’t make it. Bodhi and the gang aren’t too bothered since they figure it’s everyone’s choice to go on and that is true. I mean you’d probably still be rather guilty about the whole thing but I don’t think he’s wrong. At the end of the day when someone encourages you to do something, you (almost) always have a choice and so if you do go through with it, you can’t go blaming the other person.

So Bodhi and the gang’s intentions here are to save the environment and complete the stunts. Where this falls flat for me is that their goal doesn’t seem very focused and doesn’t seem to help the environment much at all. Johnny even calls them out for this by saying how they keep taking a lot of money and living the good life but when will they give back? Sure they occasionally give money to people but they don’t seem to be the selfless Robin Hood types that they claim to be. I would say Johnny is right on this, sure they were always going to be villains either way but showing more of how they actually helped the environment would have done a lot to make them more compelling as villains. I think it would have made a world of difference at least and they wouldn’t have been nearly as bland.

In general bland is probably how you would describe the film. It does have some good visuals and action scenes as they perform these extreme stunts but the actual story around that is so forgettable. Half of the conversations between the characters are about the environment and the world around them yet you don’t feel like they are actually saying much. It is a lot of dialogue without a whole lot of actual focus and that is the problem.

I also didn’t care for the main character much because to an extent I think the agents were right that he lost sight of his duties here. He gets distracted way too easily while trying to learn about them. I don’t feel like he really held back once the chips were down but he would have worked harder to stop them. I don’t think fitting in with the group was the most effective way to stop them and at the end of the day they are still big criminals. Even if Johnny sees that they are trying to do something good, it really doesn’t change the bigger picture. You have to stop them.

Now for the ending, it is going for an emotional vibe of course but I do think at this point Johnny is obligated to stop Bodhi. Basically the situation involves arresting Bodhi or letting him destroy himself. At least in the original you could see how Bodhi might have a chance if his skills were up to par but this time he went in a boat so it just felt like a suicide mission. I feel like Johnny has to quickly try and stop him here because there is no chance of success. Additionally Bodhi needs to answer for his crimes rather than getting to go out on his own terms like that. Sometimes death is the easy way out and this is one of those times. Johnny needed to hang in there and make sure this didn’t happen.

Overall, Point Break just feels a little unfocused and didn’t put enough attention to the plot. The stunts were on point but you can’t really make a whole film about that. You need a focus, some kind of overarching story to make it all work and this one didn’t really have that. The characters aren’t the best and I think the film thought that it was a lot deeper than it actually was. As a result the whole thing ends up being rather weak and I can’t say that I would really recommend it. It’s not bad but it’s just not very inspired. I would say to watch any Mission Impossible film starting with film 4 instead for some good stunts that are connected through an exciting plot.

Overall 5/10

Mothra vs Godzilla Review

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Mothra vs Godzilla is a classic film and should not be mixed up with Godzilla vs Mothra. They are too different films with very similar names but rest assured that we are talking about the original here. As for which is better, it’s been a long time so it’s hard to say but the new one may have the edge. This film is before Godzilla really got the power upgrades that made him into a famous Kaiju king so you can’t expect him to look quite as good. Mothra has a lot of plot armor here though so get ready for that.

The movie starts with a large egg washing up on shore and a business man named Kumayama quickly buys it. The guy was smart to deal directly with the local fisherman rather than waiting around and it paid off big time. He aims to open up an entire amusement park with his backer Jiro and they are going to be rich beyond their wildest imaginations. It’s a scheme that can’t go wrong..except what if something is in that egg? They are visited by a mysterious pair of twins who confirm that this is not a good idea. The villains will not be scared off so easily and so the twins have to work with Ichiro, Juko, and Miura to save the day. Will they be able to stop these rich guys?

One thing you will notice very quickly here is that the twins are unfortunately not very powerful. Don’t let their mysterious aura fool you they can’t really fight. They mainly are just here to wake up Mothra which is a good role in itself but one day I wish Mothra would give them some kind of super powers to fight back with. It would absolutely be a good upgrade that would really let them cause some damage here. Instead they end up nearly being captured.

As for the main heroes, we get a lot of banter with Ichiro and Junko. Junko is definitely a lot more aggressive and outgoing as she doesn’t mind standing up to the villains and taking her time with the camerawork. Unfortunately she isn’t very good at being a photographer and even forgets to turn off the lens once which frustrates her boss a lot. Meanwhile Ichiro doesn’t want to stir up any waves at first but gradually realizes that he has to do whatever it takes to save the island. Likewise the researcher Miura starts to help out more too and later on we have a whole newspaper battle although nothing deters the villains. Lets face it, they’re prepared to make billions off of this park so no amount of bad publicity was going to stop them.

In the end it’s all up to Godzilla as usual. Unfortunately this is probably one of Godzilla’s worst appearances. He doesn’t look very smart here as he trips at one point and gets stuck. He doesn’t really seem to know what’s going on beyond his pure instincts but what I will say for him is that he never gives up. There is a point early on where the government nearly takes him down for the count but they get too cocky and overload the machine. Given how effective it had been there is a real chance that they would have defeated Godzilla if they had kept on going. Human fans should saver this now because there is a chance that they will not be seeing another win like this anytime soon.

Of course what we are really here for is the big battle between Mothra and Godzilla. It’s a bit of a strange matchup because Godzilla is much more powerful physically and he has the overwhelming long range advantage. His atomic breath should also be able to instantly evaporate Mothra with a good burn so the deck is stacked against Mothra. You do see this at times with heroes going up against great odds but the difference is that Mothra is a massive target so she has no room to dodge and not much room to outmanuever the opponent either. So at the end of the day a comeback is difficult that way.

The reason why the fight doesn’t work is that they have to nerf Godzilla to try and convince you that he would lose. He forgets to use his atomic breath for most of the fight except in very short bursts which do not really do much of anything. If he kept this up from the start then Mothra couldn’t even get close and would lose right away. You could make the case that Godzilla wasn’t able to use it for long bursts back in the day and didn’t have the stamina for it yet. I have doubts on that but either way he would still win this round if he just moved a bit more. The Mothra larvae basically pin him down with a lot of string but he should have been able to easily get around that. He only loses because he basically doesn’t move at all which really hurts him here.

I still enjoy the fight because it is a kaiju battle but it was just hard to buy into. Godzilla should win this fight 10/10 times. It was just an off day for him. Meanwhile Mothra is doing her best to protect the kingdom so you have to respect that. She is definitely one of the most heroic Kaiju out there without a doubt. It’s good that the humans have someone that they can rely on at least even if it feels like the tribe wouldn’t help out ordinarily so you better hope that you get to Mothra or the twins directly. Otherwise Earth’s guardian may not help out.

The writing is solid and the film has a good amount of humor in there. The Showa Godzilla films always felt like part comedies with the human characters probably as a contrast to the monster battles. I think it works well enough here. None of the characters are particularly memorable but they’re not bad which is the important thing. The monsters show up before long and once the fights are here then you’re all set. It doesn’t quite have the hype of Godzilla vs King Kong but it soundly defeats the first two films without much trouble.

Overall, Mothra vs Godzilla is a pretty good film. The fight definitely comes across as cheesy since you can’t picture it ending the way that it did though. I feel like they could have just had Godzilla win and then walk away. Maybe that would be cheesy in its own way but you can also think of it from this perspective. Godzilla doesn’t really bother with humans until they start the fight in most instances. So he may be satisfied with defending his crown as the King of the Monsters and just leaving. I could totally see that working. Either way I would recommend checking this film out. It has aged well and you can’t go wrong with Godzilla adventures.

Overall 7/10

Piranha Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s that time of year again folks, it’s time for a creature feature! Now you may be thinking this should count as more of a horror film and that’s fair but these piranha really mean business and whenever they are on screen you know that things are about to get tricky. They take no prisoners and take no breaks. They just shred everyone in their way. At the end of the day it is a bit of a Jaws homage to be sure but I like how they go all in on this. I dare say it’s pretty close to Jaws in quality too but of course you know that’s not necessarily a good thing.

So the movie starts off with a pair of teenagers deciding to make a foolish mistake and that is to jump in the water near an abandoned testing site. How clean would this water be even if there weren’t piranha around? Well Maggie is called in to find them so she looks around a while and eventually comes across a guy named Paul who enjoys a quiet existence in a little cabin of his. He’s got a good gig going there and doesn’t want to be mixed up in any trouble but there isn’t really any dissuading Maggie so they check out the old government installation. They fight off a crazy guy and release all the piranha accidentally. Now these creatures are headed to a nearby town to take everyone down!

One thing that’s harder to capture in a newer film is how suddenly things happen. The heroes just wander into a crazy little hut and release a terrifying force onto humanity. There isn’t a lot of build up or foreshadowing to this. It just happens and the execution is fairly decent. The scientist could have potentially made things a little better for the world if he had tried to talk instead of immediately going to beat these characters up. C’mon this guy should have known that strategy wasn’t going to work and while it was an emergency, there were lots of ways to quickly get this across instead of the way that he did it. Ultimately this cost him his life which was a really heavy price to make for a simple mistake but that’s how things can go in these films.

Maggie is a decent heroine. She was persistent in her search for the teenagers which is admirable because I don’t think anyone would have faulted her for taking a step back after not finding any trace in the mountains instead of recruiting the old guy to help her. She really just wanted to see the job through and that’s always good. She never lost her determination throughout the film. As for Paul, he’s less of your classic hero and is just someone trying to stay out of harm’s way. He very reluctantly helped out with the search. Sure he did get going once they figured out what was happening but he just as easily would have rolled back into bed if Maggie wasn’t so insistent on his coming. Fortunately he can fight which came in handy against the scientist.

The army actually get involved later on which was nice since I always like to see them around. The only mixed thing here is the way the heroes escape just felt really cheesy. Cmon the security cannot be so weak that they basically just run out after a quick gag. The movie’s fairly serious so perhaps they thought we needed some humor thrown in but it almost feels out of place. I think they could have done a lot better with this whole plot personally. I wanted to see the army get some action even if in a way it would be hard to do when the enemies are fish. Have them fire at the water to no effect or something. They do use some poison but of course that isn’t going to do much here.

The movie does lightly touch on the classic conspiracy angle though. The government naturally doesn’t want anyone to find out what is going on here and they do a good job of covering it all up at least until that is no longer possible. They just didn’t seem very smart with how they handled it. They are trying to salvage things again by the end though so they are consistent. You have to give them some props there. Ultimately the instant you make mutated creatures that have super skills there probably isn’t much of anything that you can do but you still have to try hard. I would have had the film end with a piranha starting to grow a fist or something. Hey with mutations it should be possible right?

The effects aren’t bad but the soundtrack is on the forgettable side. The film’s best quality is its overall atmosphere but at the end of the day that’s really all that it’s got. With the Piranha murdering everyone everywhere it quickly just becomes another animal attack film. Fortunately with piranhas there is less chance of animal violence as it’s mostly just them eating people. It’s still fairly violent as it sure takes them a long time to shred people to bits though. This is not one for the faint of heart. Ultimately it is another good reason why you don’t really want to be in the ocean at all. I feel like on land you can reasonably protect yourself against most threats or feel like you have a shot but in the water there is nothing to anchor you or to really give you good ground beneath your feet so it’s all a lot more terrifying.

I wouldn’t say the movie is particularly scary to be honest but if you put yourself in that position then you can absolutely understand what the fear would be like. It’s not really my kind of film though. I would need more quality characters and a bigger role from the government for this title to really take off. I also think just by nature of the film it would be difficult for this one to be pretty good. When you have an evil animal you’re either going to see the humans destroy it or the animal destroy them and in each case it’s likely going to be a rather violent affair.

Overall, Piranha must have been quite the hit with how many films it has spawned but ultimately I would say that this is one that you can really skip on. There isn’t a whole lot of reason to watch this one when you have much better options on the horizon. Watch Godzilla vs the Sea Monster instead if you want to see what an aquatic animal can really do with full size enhancements to take on the government. Yes that’s definitely the way to do it!

Overall 2/10

Prom Night Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for another school movie where a disaster takes place. There isn’t a huge explosion this time around but there may as well have been as things get really intense here. The movie doesn’t start off on the best note, nor does it end in a great way either. This is really just your dime a dozen slasher movie going through its paces and it never tries to be anything more than that. As a result this movie just isn’t very good at all with a lot of forgettable characters.

The movie starts off with a bunch of cruel children picking on one girl until they corner her by a window where she falls through and dies. They decide not to tell anyone and run off. Years later, someone has decided to avenge the girl. Each of the children who were involved start to get threatening phone calls confirming that they will all be dying at the prom. The heroines are grown up now though and figure these are prank calls and don’t worry about it. As the bodies start piling up they have to be careful though. Can they actually stop this monster before they are obliterated?

Schools really are quite huge so it does work as a big battleground here. For example with the big prom taking place in the main lobby, the rest of the school is completely empty. That gives the murderer plenty of places to hide. It’s a location where you can buy into a cloaked figure even camping out for the whole day. You’ve got several floors each with 12+ rooms plus restrooms and such that are completely empty. Naturally some students leave to go and have affairs and such which makes them easy pickings. In that way the prom was the easiest date to pull this off for because everybody is making the job easier. They split off on their own without telling people intentionally.

Of course it’s also annoying to see them all fall for this by the same token. You just know that the characters are doomed the instant the villain appears. As always they all just don’t know how to fight at all and can’t defend themselves. The only exception to this is a guy named Slick who has a lot of self confidence. It was impressive how he just rode up in his big car and got someone to go out with him immediately although whether it’s a feather in his cap or the lady was too easy is something we can’t say. It’s as rushed a romance as you can get so I’m not exactly going to give that a high score.

Surprisingly Slick actually made this a real fight and went back and forth with the villain for quite some time though. That scene went on for way longer than I had anticipated. Yeah the ending is probably inevitable to be sure but I always prefer when someone puts up a fight rather than meekly going down. When your life is at stake you better find some adrenaline to fight back because if you lose then that’s game over. There is no retry option or anything like that even if it would be cool to have one of those.

The main heroine here is Kim and she does feel bad about what happened. It’s just like 10 years too late but I’ll take what I can get. There isn’t a whole lot to her character though. I mean in a way her character is that she isn’t nearly as desperate as the others who are all either one with the world now or have completely moved on. You just know that they’re all doomed while Kim at least has a chance of figuring things out. Well, she is the main character so that makes sense but she also just seems a lot more reasonable than the others. She feels like your average everyday character if that makes sense.

It’s not a bad thing, I’ll take being a forgettable character over being a really bad one but you can tell that this movie was more about putting the effort in to how everyone would be bumped off rather than the characters. There actually is one side bonus to this although I think it’s probably unintentional. The characters are so forgettable that when they reveal who the villain is, it takes you a minute to remember who the character is. You quickly understand from the context clues but there will be a few moments where you scratch your head and just wonder what’s going on. It all does make sense in hindsight and in a way this is the only culprit that would make sense.

The film does offer an obvious red herring from the start but the movie forgot to be subtle about this so because of that nobody falls for it. Now in a way slasher films are always going to be doomed no matter what setting they take place in but I would argue that taking place at a school puts you at an extra disadvantage by default. First you have all of the drama and poorly developed romances going on. It makes the characters look really annoying and unprepared from the jump. Then you have the fact that the teachers and principal are inevitably not going to help or do much anyway so why even include them in here? If the movie takes place on the mountains or something then at least it’s a unique environment and you have the extra tension of trying to escape from there in one piece.

It won’t solve the core issues but it’s a start. As you’d expect the film suffers from excessive violence and poor writing. There are no really likable characters as it’s really hard to forget that opening scene. I don’t care how young they were, you have to be pretty messed up to attack that little girl the way that they did. It was a really rough way to start the film and unfortunately set the tone for how the rest of the movie was going to play out. It’s really hard to recover from a moment like that.

Overall, At least the principal tried to help things out by putting the pressure on with locating another criminal on the loose. I give him credit for doing his best, he was just doomed from the start and you as the viewer knew it. Some things just can’t be easily stopped. I don’t think there is really anything you can get from this film that can’t be found in any number of other slashers. The movie doesn’t have much in the way of redeeming values as even the mystery of trying to find out who the killer is won’t interest you very much.

Overall 2/10

Heathers Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Heathers is one of those movies that comes across as rather mean spirited. It is partially comedic in nature but I would say it usually still crosses the line into being rather serious most of the time. The characters are unlikable but you still feel bad for them just because in general these can be rough ways to go out. The main character is also extremely gullible to the point where it’s hard to buy into.

So the movie starts by introducing us to Veronica who has become a part of the Heathers clique, a group of bullies who pick on everybody. Apparently Veronica used to be a good person a long time ago but she went over to the dark side and never looked back. Now she is even rude to her old friend and doesn’t have the courage to move away from the bullies. That’s when a transfer student known as JD appears and this guy may not look very tough but he can defend himself. He’s even got a gun on him. The two immediately hook up and he tells her about how he can bump off all of her enemies. She figures these will just be really intense pranks that will put the bullies in their place but gradually he starts to murder them all. Is Veronica next? How can she escape this toxic relationship before it’s too late.

So right off the bat when JD approaches Veronica about taking out the first Heather, it’s clear that he’s trying to be lethal here. She keeps mentioning how they could just put some bad tasting things in Heather’s drink but he jumps right to poison and keeps ignoring her when she tries to stop him. So when he directly murders the first Heather…that should have been it. The relationship should have been over in an instant right? No, Veronica still hangs out with JD which leads to more and more escalations like shooting two guys in the forest. This is already way past the realm of things being normal.

Reporting JD to the cops is the first thing you have to do. You can’t let him forge suicide notes and just keep going. The worst part is that Veronica always does get on board after the deed is done. Her attitude seems to be a sort of “Well it already happened so we should maximize the benefits” which is also twisted. Yeah you can’t really change the past but you can still at least begin to make things right instead of continuing to hang out with the guy. Eventually/Inevitably JD does turn on her and you just knew this was coming. With someone like JD he is always going to keep going further and further down the rabbit hole until someone stops him.

I actually did like his debut with how he took the gun out to stop the bullies. Those two weren’t going to stop so that was an effective way to get him to back off but in the back of your head you knew that it just wasn’t going to end there. The guy was going to keep on going and reaching new heights of terror. In the end he’s just psychotic all the way through and his true colors really began to show. I will say it was a bit sloppy that he didn’t notice Veronica’s trick though. It was certainly a real risky one all the way through and I just don’t see it working. All you have to do is have him reach out and the scheme fails. I’m always a little skeptical on a trick like that working but you’ll have to watch the film to see what trick she comes up with.

At the end of the day the film has a lot of problems but beyond being generally mean spirited with every character just being awful….every character is awful. It’s a strategy that backfires all the time because then you’re not actually engaged or interested in any of the characters on screen. You just get annoyed to see them when they appear because either they are about to die or pick on some innocent student in the meantime. The fact that Veronica was actively one of the bullies was just awful.

Then you have one student who is overweight so of course everyone picks on her and she even tries to commit suicide. It’s a really serious moment in a film that’s not quite as serious and while things work out for her in the end, it does mean that watching this film can be a chore. The film has a bit of a subplot where the school isn’t sure what to do to stop these “suicides” (Since they all don’t know the truth) and it starts to get crazy as the teacher almost seems to encourage it. The school was definitely messed up that’s for sure and there is almost no teacher supervision. I mean it doesn’t seem unrealistic because you hear a lot of crazy stories about school but at the same time it doesn’t make for quality entertainment.

Throw in a single likable character and we’re good. The only one who even seemed interesting was JD’s father who was also a nut. Apparently he’s a mass murderer who is rich and he and JD have some kind of roleplay going on where JD pretends to be the father while the father is the son. It’s all rather twisted but at least this guy had charisma and would have done better than most of the students. By the time you reach the final fight in this film you’re already fairly exhausted.

Overall, This movie is basically the subgenre of revenge film where all of the characters are bullies so someone decides to pick them off one by one but murdering a villain is still murder so now there is absolutely nobody to really root for. The victims are all villains here and the murderer clearly is as well. It ends up making sure that the film loses all of its bite right from the start. Yeah this is definitely a film to stay away from. There are plenty of school drama type movies to watch instead that will be many leagues better than this one.

Overall 1/10

The 39 Steps Review

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The 39 Steps is definitely an interesting movie but it is one that is held back by the main character. He’s annoying to watch the whole time and will just grate on your nerves. The guy isn’t the nicest fellow that’s for sure and leaves the worst possible first impression with the main heroine so while you expect that the romance is still coming, you are just hoping that it won’t. Just skip it….so I enjoy the story in the film and how everything is really mysterious but the film also has a lot of unnecessary moments and a weak lead that distracts from this.

The movie opens with Richard enjoying a show where a guy called Mr. Memory confirms that he knows everything. Ask him any serious question and he can get you the answer on the spot. It’s really quite impressive to be honest. Well suddenly a lady runs into Richard and asks him to take her home. He agrees but the whole thing is rather odd. She says that she is being chased by a bunch of ruffians who want to murder her and while Richard doubts this at first, she is promptly murdered. The only clue he has left is a paper she was holding with a map. He is now the primary suspect in her murder so he has to find the real villains and solve this case quickly.

So far so good. It’s a pretty interesting plot. One unique thing about the movie is also that this guy is completely out of his depth for the entirety of the movie. Yes, not just the beginning of the movie or for part of it but the whole thing. This guy really has no clue what he is up against and even we as the viewer don’t know a whole lot. This is done effectively since we’re seeing the world through the lead’s eyes. There is no time for info dumps or twists about what is going on. Yes, we get some answers by the end but not a whole lot of them. The majority of the film is Richard running around and getting himself into trouble.

For example one of the best parts there is when Richard finally makes it to his destination and meet up with a Mr. Jordan who he thinks can help him. Unfortunately this guy turns out to be one of the main villains so not only is he not going to get any help from this guy but it’s actually the reverse and he might be in trouble now. I like how Jordan plays along for a bit before just dropping the act. The film also has that retro style of talking where everyone is being super polite even when talking about how someone is going to get murdered. Jordan says Richard has to die but gives him some options and tries to be nice about the whole thing.

Then while they’re in the middle of talking he just shoots Richard out of the blue. I just like how nonchalant the whole thing was. He just shot him in the middle of the living room and walked away. Now granted, this also leads to the cheesiest part of the film which is that he didn’t check to make sure that Richard was actually dead. Cmon now that’s the first thing you have to check. It turns out that the bible he stole from a domestic abuser saved his life. Richard’s luck gets no better as he runs off to the sheriff who doesn’t believe his story at all and things continue to escalate.

So yeah Richard is doing a lot of running here which is why we don’t have time to learn much about the two factions of secret agents going at it with each other. You just need to know the key facts here which is that one side has some intel that they shouldn’t and they will get away unless the cops get involved. By the time the film is over Richard may be safe for a bit but I feel like nobody’s actually going to stop the 39 Steps because where do you even begin with that? We don’t even know how big the organization is or how many members they have. The possibilities are really endless.

If this was the extent of the film then it would all be swell but one of the weakest aspects of the film is the whole subplot with Pamela. So they first meet on a train where Richard tries to use her as a disguise when being chased by the cops. His bright idea here was to go all the way for a kiss instead of a hug or something. I was glad when she ratted him out because if a random person shows up and does that this should absolutely be your first reaction. He holds that against her though and the whole scene is just wild because it also doesn’t feel like something the hero would do. I thought that was a really weak scene.

She tries to get him into trouble for a long while after that but eventually they get handcuffed together and now she really has no escape. He forces her to pretend to be married to him and whenever she tries to yell for help he’ll just grab her by the neck so she can’t talk or threaten to shoot her. This is the hero? Now it’s not like the film is portraying him to be demented or anything and the scenes aren’t meant to be crazy but they’re not exactly played for laughs either. I think he just goes way too far in trying to scare her. He fears for his life but making her fear for hers really isn’t helping matters in the slightest. He still takes time to flirt and start a relationship as well so he needs to get his priorities straight.

The guy is all over the place and so by the end you have no sympathy for him. It’s a shame that people think he is a murderer but he’s starting to act like one anyway so that’s maybe just how this will end up going anyway. The film also has a very random pitstop near the middle where he bumps into a rather shady guy who prays a lot but seems like a phony and his poor wife who doesn’t really know what to do. Things get dicey for her after Richard leaves and it’s like…did we need to see this? Yeah it’s generally understood that this guy seems like he may get abusive and has a chip on his shoulder but it’s a bit of a dark element that has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

This film feels really unfocused which is fine for the story but it also just means that any bad elements which show up also feel like they have no real point in being here. The film would just be better off without these moments being included at all and there is no real incentive to watch this over another thriller. I’d recommend most of the other retro titles I’ve seen higher than this one. The ending is pretty clever and ties in well to the intro but ultimately this film barely breaks even. That’s quite the feat considering that with the solid writing and tone this would usually be guaranteed to be a 7 at least so you know the title definitely did something wrong.

Overall, That main character just needed to be arrested after a while and you feel worse for the heroine who gets swept up into all of this. If this ever gets a remake I think we just need to have a bigger focus on The 39 Steps and what they really do. They certainly have a lot of plans going on and operatives around the world but what is their end game really? I just want to see more of how they operate in this world while living double lives as millionaires having fun in society. Those questions are the most interesting parts of the film.

Overall 5/10

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Hansel & Gretel is definitely a very classic story that I’m sure just about everyone has heard of at one point or another. Doing a modern action film based on that premise could be a lot of fun. So on one hand they do succeed in adding a ton of action and it has a very Resident Evil/Underworld feel to it. Everyone’s wearing leather jackets and there is a lot of loud music as everyone just starts attacking. I always like the vibe but the film also decides to be quite over the top violent the whole time which ends up weakening it entirely. It’s a shame since otherwise I think this could have ended up being a whole lot of fun but instead it ends up being rather underwhelming.

The movie starts off with the origin story as Hansel and Gretel are abandoned by their father and a witch invites them to her house. For a long while she has them captured but eventually they destroy her and escape. They then decide to become witch hunters and are very good at it. They’ve slain so many over the years it’s almost like they are superhuman or something. Hansel’s one weakness is that he has magical diabetes so he has to take a shot every few hours or else he can’t move. One day they save an innocent civilian from being executed by a bunch of crazy townsfolk and prepare to stop the true enemy Muriel. The tough part about this is that she is one of the strongest witches in existence. Defeating her will not be easy by any stretch of the imagination.

It is hard to picture how the heroes lasted this long against the witches though because they just aren’t very impressive in a fight. Sure they have the gun and the crossbow not to mention that magical bolts don’t affect them directly (Strange isn’t it?) but that’s it. They still only have human level stats so you’d think the witches could overwhelm them with speed or manipulating the environment to choke them or something. They don’t end up doing any of that and every time they are defeated you have to shake your head a bit.

This gets even more drastic once Muriel steps in because she’s much stronger as I mentioned before. She moves so fast that it’s like she is teleporting and her energy blasts have a wide range to them. I get that she can’t use her mind control on the heroes but there are still so many ways to beat them. This is definitely an example of a movie where they made the difference between the heroes and villains way too drastic. You always gotta keep it at least a bit equal or the plot armor starts to show off too much. At least Muriel does make for a decently good villain though. She has a very concrete goal and takes steps to achieve it. Her plan wasn’t even bad so she put in a whole lot of work here.

Then we have Mina as the girl who was nearly executed. She gets a fairly big role in the film but ultimately ends up being very underwhelming. For the first half I actually just thought she was going to be a really powerful villain that the heroes had to worry about but as the film went on you started to realize that this might not be in the cards. She’s a character whose concept is a lot cooler than the execution. You got the feeling that she could end up being really cool but then the climax happens and that was it.

Likewise there is a white witch in the flashback who looks really bad. Basically like in Final Fantasy a white witch has healing powers while the dark witches use your classic attack spells. The problem is that the white witches are such pacifists that they literally refuse to lift up a hand to fight back even when they are being absolutely crushed. Not a good look if you ask me. There has to be a point where you are going to defend yourself because if you just let people murder you like that then I’m not going to like the character. It’s as simple as that.

Now there is a sidekick character named Ben who wants to help the main duo but he’s just annoying. For starters he lost any single shred of decency he might have had when he tries to take advantage of Gretel while she was asleep. I mean that’s case closed in one fell swoop. You just don’t come back from a blow like that, no shot! He mainly just exists to be the comic relief and doesn’t add anything to the film so you could absolutely cut him out and nothing would really change.

The heroes run into a troll named Edward later on who is nice enough. He helps out Gretel quite a bit which is always good and he means well. He may not be the smartest character out there but he knows enough to be of help when it counts. The guy has the physical strength needed to win almost any one on one fight and he seems like he would be a very loyal ally to have around so there’s no problem with him watching your back.

Then we have Hansel who is a good main character. He has quite the grudge against witches but who wouldn’t in his position right? The witch basically ruined his life and he will never be fully better again so after that it is really hard to forget such a moment. He can fight well which is the important part and is always looking out for Gretel. Likewise Gretel has Hansel’s back and they make a good team. She’s very confident and is always ready to press on in the fight. Their sibling dynamic worked well and isn’t one you see very often in the movies so that was fun. It’s why you could cut out Ben and just keep the dynamic duo banter intact.

Of course the film still has to squeeze in some romance which is why Mina steps in. This whole plot is very rushed and there just isn’t time for romance when you’re trying to take down witches. Lives are at stake and they also have to watch out for the corrupt townsfolk who are everywhere. So instead of pairing up and all of that maybe they should be focused on winning the fight ahead of them. That would have made way more sense at least and it could give them time to develop as friends instead. Yeah the romance should have been cut out.

As mentioned earlier the violence also could have been toned down a whole lot. Characters are being blown up and sliced and diced left and right. The film also goes for some downright gross imagery at different points as well like with Muriel forcing some guys to eat a bunch of bugs. Like did we really need to go there? Sure it shows how superior she is as a mage but cmon now. Then the film has to get edgy with all the townsfolk being brutes who go after Gretel at one point. The film is trying to be as extreme as possible at all moments and it works against the film.

Overall, Hansel & Gretel had some nice potential here. I liked some of the twists and the whole action angle was nice. I do think it could have ended up being a good film if it just showed some restraint. Instead it didn’t show any though and that’s what hurts the film a whole lot. There is no real replay value here and you’ll be cringing a whole lot. It’s time for another hard reboot to this series. You can still keep the witch hunter angle but the whole direction just needs to be changed. Hey, if you do that then you could have a winner on your side but in the meantime you should absolutely skip this one. At least the soundtrack is really good though.

Overall 2/10

Shadow of a Woman Review

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This film is definitely more annoying than it is suspenseful. Mainly a film like this revolves around the lead being completely incapable of taking any definitive actions in order to keep going. That just means that the plot is really weak if you ask me. The movie has quality writing and there’s a lot going on but the story just doesn’t hold up because any reasonable character would have done some things way differently and that would have been the end of it. Over half of this film would have just been thrown out the window and you could even argue that 99% of it would end if the main character didn’t just jump into things at the start.

So this film starts with Brooke deciding to marry a guy named Eric that she barely knows. She knows that he’s a doctor but that’s about it. She allows herself to get swept up in the moment and marries him but why all the rush? That in itself should have been a red flag and then things only continue to get worse. First off, he’s not quite as well off financially as he had led her to believe. Someone tries to murder him by crushing him with a boulder initially and then someone else shoots at him later on. In each instance he tells Brooke that she’s imagining things or that it was someone hunting buffalo and she just takes this. What should have been the last straw is that he then says they have to live at his family’s place even though she has a perfectly acceptable home that they could have been in. Now she is an unwanted guest here and the tensions continue to rise. Is there something shady about this Eric fella?

The amount of suspension you have to put your belief through here is absolutely crazy. Why is Brooke willing to sacrifice so much of her life for someone that she barely knows? It just doesn’t make any sense whatsoever and that’s my main problem here. He continues to stack the deck against her and gets upset at her awful quick but Brooke just doesn’t put the pieces together. I’m not sure which moment is more drastic, Eric being shot at or his insisting they live at a place where nobody likes her. Either one should have been enough for her to keep her distance or at least stay in her home and insist he goes to her. Instead Brooke keeps trying to stick with it.

Now if they were married for ages and things had been going great then I could appreciate the loyalty here but instead it just feels like she is letting him walk all over her with no real resistance. Instead of being admirable it just makes her look weak if you ask me. Especially when his excuses are so weak. He spends the whole film constantly telling her that she’s crazy and seeing things and she just accepts this. It isn’t until the very end of the film where she starts to stick up for herself and by then it’s very nearly too late. So yeah I didn’t like Brooke. She may not be an antagonist the way that Eric is but she makes the job way too easy on him the whole time. If she had done just about anything then things wouldn’t have turned out the way that they did.

For example one thing Eric is doing here is starving a child as he hopes that the kid will die off and then he can claim the insurance money. I feel like you have to call the cops or child custody services immediately but Brooke sits on her hands for a while here and just doesn’t do anything. I suppose she feeds him her breakfast once but that’s more of a passive resistance. I want to see her actually doing something bold. She finds out he had another wife, that he’s using her to win a court case, etc. The twists and bad news just keeps coming in over and over again and she still doesn’t do much. Eric even tells her to stop seeing her doctor friend since he’s the only doctor she could ever need. Ah man.

Yeah this was an annoying one and it gets more annoying the more I think about it. Eric isn’t even a mastermind or anything because this plan should never have worked. The fact that it got this far is more of a strike against Brooke than it is a complement to his strength. His family is also afraid of him to the point where they keep his secrets and act as antagonists. I mean they even drug Brooke although the heroine forgives them rather quickly. They were just so spineless that they also end up being really bad characters here. They let Eric manipulate them for quite a long while and that’s another problem. Everyone just lets him do what he wants and they make the worst decisions possible.

One client of Eric’s seems to start to realize that he’s a scammer but she only works things out halfway. So she accuses him of all kinds of stuff and says she will wreck his career…but then she gets drunk and asks him to take her home. Lets just say she didn’t survive this ordeal and the whole thing makes you roll your eyes. How can you threaten someone and then trust him with your life? Throughout the film Eric actually bumps off quite a few characters and it’s not like he’s a super tough fighter or anything. Everyone just comes across as massive suckers the whole time so there’s not a whole lot that he needs to do.

Apparently it is well known that he is a scammer too but unfortunately there are enough people who don’t realize this that makes it tricky. There are always more people for him to trick after all and that’s always unfortunate. He gets away with a whole lot for a very long period of time and nobody could touch him. At least with the court case eventually the lawyer was going to defeat him but it was just taking way too long. I still think a quick call to the cops would have saved a great deal of time. The lawyer also got really lucky that Brooke talks a lot. Yes by the end there was a conscious effort to help him out but for part of the film Brooke was wrecking Eric’s plans accidentally with her outbursts which wasn’t as cool as it could have been. I wanted to see her as an intentional saboteur, not someone accidentally stumbling into success.

Overall, This film can be rather suspenseful but the characters really hold it back. It doesn’t come across as a very smartly written film and is instead one where everything just happens to turn out well for the villain because nobody can think ahead. If they actually made the right decisions then Eric wouldn’t have gotten nearly as far as he did. Ultimately you have to be able to stick up for yourself when the going gets tough and you also have to trust yourself. If someone tells you that you’re crazy then you have to believe your mind over that person. Things could have been so different here if Brooke was just a tough character. It’s not a bad movie but I would recommend most other suspense type films over this one. You’ll just be rolling your eyes too hard half the time at all the mistakes that are being made and it goes without saying that the romance is quite weak as well.

Overall 5/10

5 Against the House Review

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It’s time for an old school heist film with one character cracking real quick. I always enjoy a good heist film but I do think it’s more fun when the whole group is in on it. Since in this film the heist is basically a blackmail situation where they don’t even want to go through with it, it isn’t quite as fun as it would have otherwise been. Ultimately it’s still a good film but I probably would have played things out in a different direction. You feel like someone also should have stepped up to stop this madness right away.

The movie starts off as a slice of life title with 4 guys just enjoying their time at school. They haze a poor freshman the whole time so these aren’t the nicest of folks. I wouldn’t say any of the hazing is all that drastic but if they were more like true upstanding citizens then I don’t think they would have done that at all. It’s not something you would expect a hero to do after all. I liked that the kid actually got one victory against them with a sliding prank but it was short lived since naturally they used their power to overturn the results. You gotta try right?

Well the main plot is about how the gang always likes to go to the local casino to do some gambling. It’s the most well known gambling arena on the planet and is supposed to be even more secure than Fort Knox. Robbing the place is said to be impossible but Ronnie thinks that they can pull this off. He gets Roy and Brick to agree real quick but Al will be difficult since he doesn’t believe in robbery. Now Ronnie does plan to give the money back, the plan is to test if robbing the place is possible, not to actually steal the money but Al wouldn’t go for it either way. When Al proposes to Kay Ronnie realizes that this is perfect since they will drive him for a while and then get him to unknowingly help. What he doesn’t account for is that Brick has been slowly going insane and does want this robbery to go well. Not to test it but to actually steal the funds. Can they stop him?

Unlike most heist films I wouldn’t even say that the heist is most of the film. Before we get into any of that we have the school adventures and then the romance drama with Al and Kay. I don’t think that romance was very good either. At first Kay suggests that they take a break from each other which is a massive red flag but then after that when Al threatens to run off she goes back to him and they get engaged. I dunno that doesn’t seem like the best foundation for a long term relationship right? Things very nearly went sideways after all. Al gets upset a little too quickly and Kay doesn’t seem very confident in her decision so all in all that is not a great mix.

At least Al is against the robbery which is good. Way I see it, even if you don’t intend to steal the money this is just a horrible thing to do. You’re going to traumatize at least one person when you hold him at gun point and you are committing a big crime. Saying that it was all a prank afterwards doesn’t make things better in the slightest. So ultimately this just shows even more how unbalanced the characters are to even think about going through with a plan like this. It’s simply not a good idea in the slightest. Since Ronnie thought of this first he is one of the main characters to blame.

I know he was proud of his plan and how it could work. The film even heavily suggests that it really would work since everything goes pretty smoothly for them aside from the infighting. That said, just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you should do it. Roy is more of a follower and just goes along with what everyone says. He loses points for not being independent enough to say that this is a bad idea and maybe they shouldn’t go through with it. Sometimes you have to drag your friends back to the straight and narrow path.

Then we have Brick who was going insane right from the start when he was quick to beat someone up. Apparently he had severe PTSD which has really messed him up over time. Well now he’s really crossed the line by taking out a gun and threatening everyone. I would say by this point he was too far gone because that’s not something you can really take back. He was absolutely willing to murder anyone who stood in his way. If things had gone even slightly different then he could have easily become a mass murderer in the blink of an eye. It’s pretty crazy to think about. The scenes where he betrays the rest of the guys definitely comes across as real personal, especially with how Al had always had his back before then.

So the heist is pretty intense but just not fun the way that it usually is. In a way they come across as just common burglars rather than quirky thieves. The gun is a big part of this as well. In titles like Ocean’s Eleven and Tower Heist mainly you get the money by tricking people and using social engineering. When you’re doing the classic “I got a gun so give me the money!” it’s just a very different vibe. It also wouldn’t work nearly as well in the present with all the cameras around but of course back in the day it was always going to be a lot easier to pull this off. You’re rooting for the casino to stop these mad men the whole time. They’ve beaten all of the would be thieves before so they just need to pull off one more win!

Overall, The main moral of this is to always be careful who you associate with. If someone suggests committing a crime for fun then odds are that they are a little more detached from reality than they may appear. It’s a very slippery slope when you start committing crimes like this because usually things will start escalating further and further just like it happened in this film. Even if Brick didn’t go crazy and they did a victimless crime, they would probably want to do another one and another one until they eventually got to that point. The only way to win the game is not to play. The heroes also could have ended this a lot sooner by tackling Brick once they were inside. Yes it was a huge risk either way with their reputations but the sooner you take him down the sooner it all ends. The writing is good and the pacing is good so you should enjoy this as a solid cautionary tale. It may not be as upbeat as you’d expect from the first half of the film but it works well enough.

Overall 6/10