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The Girl Who Leapt Through Time Review

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It’s time for a movie about the dangers of time travel. See time travel is something that can be super beneficial and help you out of a jam but it can also become something that you rely on too much and then you’re really out of luck. You want to hit the middle ground but with that much power it’s just not so easy. This is definitely a solid film all around and one that I would recommend checking out.

The movie starts by introducing us to Makoto who is living a fairly ordinary life. She is best friends with two guys, Chiaki and Kosuke. If you’ve studied up on your film cues then you’ll know that this is already a red flag. According to film rules guys and girls can never stay as just friends! 😦 One day Makoto falls down while in the supply room and crushes a time travel device. She can now go back in time by building up energy and running like the Flash before literally leaping through time. It’s a power that she will have to master quickly or she will end up going too far back. It’s a lot of fun but is she somehow causing trouble by messing with the timeline?

First off the animation is solid here. It’s not quite at the mainstream anime level like Naruto or Pokemon but still above your average western title. There aren’t a lot of bright colors and the like for it to be able to show off with the animation but it’s all clear and you can follow along which is the important part. The writing is on point and the characters are likable so you have a good foundation here. The soundtrack’s more on the subdued side though so don’t expect to get a lot of big lyrical songs this time around.

This film’s more of a romantic slice of life so don’t expect too much end of the world stakes or anything like that. There definitely is danger here and things happen but for the most part it’s really about Makoto learning to stay and face her problems instead of running away from them. Always a good moral if you ask me. I do have some issues with the romance here but we’ll get into that in a minute. I did appreciate how Makoto’s aunt took the whole time travel aspect in stride though and offered her two cents about how to use it responsibly. A much better reaction than being shocked and having Makoto explain it all again.

As the main character Makoto is pretty solid. She wants to keep the status quo and is pretty good about rearranging events to make this happen. She wants to help people out and just seems like a good kid in general. Perhaps not very brave with how much running she does but at the end of the day she really tries her best. It’s probably not the most satisfying ending for her but that’s the risk of time travel. You never really know what timeline would end up being the best one and ultimately I’d say she left her ideal one.

Then there is Chiaki who is one of her best friends and he keeps trying to confess his feelings to her which causes Makoto to have to use more of her time travel. He just isn’t ready to stay as just friends and she’s not ready to let him out of the friend zone so it’s a tough dynamic. In that sense her plan was always doomed to fail though because from how he confessed it was clear that he had been thinking about this for a while. So even if she found ways to avoid him for a little bit, it was going to happen eventually or he’d move on. She needed to be able to stay in the pocket and throw out the rejection in the flat. Just let him off easy and you’re good.

He gets some points for his tenacity but also loses some for the fact that he went on the rebound rather quickly. After she avoided him enough times he goes after her best friend and it makes you think he couldn’t have been that head over heels for her. It’s always a tough call of when it’s time to move on. I would argue that this is way too soon though because even though he couldn’t get an answer out of her, he was still ready to move on.

Likewise the same thing happens with Kosuke. It’s more ambiguous but I would say it’s heavily implied that he likes her as well and ultimately goes with someone else. You could also just say that he was looking out for her as a friend so to the film’s defense it is up to you to decide. He’s a nice guy and did his best to not let anyone down while pursuing his own dreams. He really took school seriously which differentiates him from the others by quite a lot.

So with the romance, ignoring the whole why couldn’t they all just be friends angle (Because sometimes people just are friends and none of them are in a secret crush but that’s never to be in these things) I would say Makoto seeing the various timelines and how the guy would end up with someone else just showed why perhaps the romance wouldn’t have been best. If you were truly soulmates then the guy wouldn’t be going with another girl so easily right? To the guy he doesn’t remember confessing so it’s not a rebound per say but it does show that she was easily replaced and that’s not the basis for a good romance. That’s why I’m not really sure that it would have worked out.

Also while you can “learn to love” someone, I also don’t think that’s a great starting point. She clearly didn’t see him as that kind of guy and I would say the first impression is huge. She mainly just got jealous when he was with someone else and that’s another red flag. Wanting a guy because otherwise he will be taken seems like a very petty reason to me. At least the film does take place over the full summer and they’ve all known each other for a while so I won’t say that the romance is super rushed or anything. It may not be the best one but it still made an attempt.

Of course the film is at its best when we’re just seeing Makoto having fun using time travel. Before she realizes how serious it all is, it’s nice to see someone just enjoying the ability. Particularly since she uses it for everyday things like having her favorite dinner multiple times or getting to sleep in. Being able to rewind time means being able to ignore the consequences of your actions for a while. You can go to a restaurant and order all the most expensive things. Then after leaving you can rewind time and you stay full since you still experienced the event like how she was so tired after doing Karaoke on a bunch of loops. The applications of time travel are endless and I’d love to see a long running comedy about it some day. Just a character having fun with the power and living a perfect life. You’d probably need some kind of threat or danger eventually to hook people but I’d have fun just watching that series as in. Also kudos to the film on the unique method of landing out of time travel with the forward roll into the wall. It’s a little element but one that really helps the film stand out since that is very memorable.

Overall, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time is a pretty good movie. In some ways you’re just as interested in the movie that we didn’t see though. The apocalyptic future sounded real interesting and you sort of look forward to seeing how things went. It also adds an extra layer to the ending because it’s really hard to interpret exactly what’s going on. Personally given all the evidence I can’t see how things will ever work out for Makoto so that part’s tragic but as long as she has fun in the present then I suppose that’s all that matters. At the very least she definitely wouldn’t want to use time travel again even if she got the ability again.

Overall 7/10

Kickboxer Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time to look at a film that by all accounts should have been really good but instead it fumbled throughout the experience until it crashed in the end. It’s a shame because the template for this kind of film isn’t all that hard to follow. Just deliver with some good fight scenes and you will have a fun revenge film that works all around. The title got sequels so I guess enough people liked it, but it was a big thumbs down for me.

The movie starts with Kurt’s brother Eric deciding to take on the Thailand top kickboxing fighter. Eric has always been the world champion but one guy claimed that Thailand had the real strongest. So Eric shows up and unfortunately he is badly beaten by Tong to the point where he is crippled for life. Kurt’s upset since the guy was cheating but there is nothing to be done since this scene is basically an underground arena. Kurt will have to train with the local elder Xian to get strong enough to avenge his brother but Tong has more tricks up his sleeve. Who will come out on top!?

There’s a lot of problems with this very contrived setup. The first one is that Eric basically just heads off to Thailand to have a fight that is borderline unsanctioned at the drop of a hat. Really, all it takes is one guy mentioning that there is someone stronger and Eric leaves? I find this a bit hard to believe because Eric is so cocky that he would probably insist on the challenger coming to his turf. That’s the way that these things are supposed to work after all. Rocky did it right where after you lose then you go to the enemy turf.

Additionally as the world champion you’d expect Eric to have press agents and a lot of media attention. Surely they would have flagged if something was wrong with the Thailand site right? They would have had their own security and everything. Instead Eric and Kurt were basically by themselves. You could say that they left in absolute secrecy for the fight but I have my doubts on that and the stadium was all set up for the fight so some reporters would have heard about it. The entirely plot just doesn’t hold up when you think about it.

It makes the beatdown frustrating with Tong openly cheating throughout the entire match. The refs don’t care since they were bought off as apparently Tong basically owns the place. Even the cops don’t dare go against him and again…there’s no way the fight would be held in such a corrupt place. It really doesn’t make any sense and will just have you shaking your head the whole time. Then even with the cheating how did Eric go down so fast? I would have liked to have seen him get some hits in.

Of course you know that he’s going to lose the fight but you could still make it a little interesting. The more lopsided the match becomes, the less likely it is that Kurt will be able to convincingly avenge him. I’d expect better from the world champion. As a character Eric was good though. I did like his confidence and ultimately he was ready to support Kurt later on. He was initially reluctant about letting Kurt get into the ring but that made sense since he knew first hand how brutal things could get.

Then the film is goes for extra edge later on as Tong goes after the heroine. The film could have stopped with a threat or something but no it goes all the way with this plot so the damage was already done. Kurt only finds out about this near the very end of the film and of course it’s a moment used to ignite his rage but this is always the lowest hanging fruit you can use. A film should never use this plot because there’s just no reason for it and after a while all the edge only serves to hurt the film rather than help it.

Additionally the film sacrifices any semblance of realism by the end. So Kurt can’t go all out for a while due to some circumstances so Tong is beating up on him for quite a while. Keep in mind that just a few blows were enough to cripple Eric completely. He lands dozens upon dozens of hits on Kurt and those hits are amped up since he rolled his fist inside of glass chunks. So Kurt is really feeling every punch and the guy just keeps landing these blows.

By the time Kurt is able to fight back he should not even be able to stand. I think the movie was going for some Rocky vibes here as the lead would often get beat up over and over again before landing a counter attack but the movies were never this exaggerated. Then the resulting fight is so one sided that it makes 0 sense again. It’s not like Tong lost all of his skills so why he is just a punching bag now?

It’s like this was a super basic revenge story written by someone who just knew the genre but not how to get there. So pick the easy methods to get Kurt really mad, have him get beat up a while and then beat up the other guy. There is no restraint or reason to any of this and so it really doesn’t work. Of course it’s nice to see the villain get what’s coming to him but it sure does take a super long time to get there. Too long if you ask me.

At least one nice thing I can say about the film is that the soundtrack is good. There are a lot of really solid themes playing here and they fit the action scenes. So the movie put in some work there. The choreography can also be good when it’s finally time for a real fight. It’s just a shame that there isn’t much time for that since usually one of the 2 fighters can’t fight back. Either because he’s completely outmatched or because there is a hostage around. Having more actual fights would have been nice.

Kurt’s a good main character and I did appreciate that he did his best to avenge Eric. I would have had him start off with a little more skill just so that it would be more believable in the end though. It was referenced that he knew how to fight a little and was just sloppy but having him land a hit on Tong during his first outburst or something would have gone a long way.

Xian’s not nearly as good. He’s an old master and yet he did nothing to protect his niece when she was being threatened for years? He says he was worried they’d take it out on her but so then you just make sure to finish off all of the villains and keep her close. Not doing anything is of no help. Mylee is also nice enough but she definitely gets the short end of the stick since she is basically used as rage bait here. She didn’t deserve any of this.

Winston is a guy who helps out and gets Kurt on the right track. He’s had a rough past but is doing his best to get past it. The guy delivers when it counts even if it does take a while for the payoff. Finally there’s Tong who makes for a pretty bad villain. The guy isn’t even brave enough to fight his own battles and resorts to asking his goons for help in the end. If he at least had the dignity to fight his own battles and didn’t go after Mylee then he could have been a reasonable villain but in the end it was not to be.

Overall, Kickboxer is a film I would say to avoid. It just gets way too dark during this adventure ad takes things a step too far. If it was satisfied with being a solid action film then that could have really gone over well for the film but instead it even added some animal violence like when the dog was attacked. I’m telling you, anything the film could do to try and give the main character more fuel for rage, it would do it. Truly a shame.

Overall 1/10

One Million Years B.C Review

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It’s time for a film about cave people and that’s always a huge red flag for me. It’s very rare that a film like that ends up being very good. Unfortunately this would not be the one to buck the trend. The instant you start the film you already know how it’s going to go. Without meaningful dialogue and fun characters this movie was really dead in the water right from the jump. I’m afraid that it never ended up doing anything and that’s the real sad part about this.

The movie starts with a bunch of cave people fighting all over the place. We see how there is no law and order around here. Everyone just does what they want when they want. They are true savages through and through. Tumak gets thrown out so he wanders around for a while until he finds another village that is quite different. These people are all very graceful, they have a real society and even know how to communicate, at least in basic ways. A lady named Loana decides to teach him their ways and so Tumak quickly becomes a good ally to have around. He has the strength to protect them from attacking monsters and now this society is where he can find peace. Unfortunately he messes that up and gets kicked out again so Loana leaves with him. Can they ever find peace?

A large chunk of the film is really about exploring what life may have been like back in these days. It’s basically why Tumak gets kicked out everywhere since it gives the film a chance to put him in different environments and see what happens. Here’s the problem though…they’re all very boring. I don’t care how many different settlements he sees, they’re all still just too basic to have anything interesting to depict. In a movie I typically need fast paced dialogue, a lot of quality banter, etc. You just don’t get that in this film and that’s a shame.

The random giant monsters are interesting enough at least. You have dinosaurs, giant lizards, etc. Of course this also ends up sinking the film into the animal violence issue which is just as bad. So now the film has that going against it in addition to the movie lacking in any quality characters. I also feel like the old outfits are just an excuse for a lot of fanservice as well. Surely the characters could all wear old fur coats instead of the classic cave costumes right? Feels like the movie’s trying to hide the lack of plot with this.

At the end of the day there just isn’t much for the film to do with this setup and it knows it. So you have a lot of fights and Tumak learning how to live but that’s about it and you can do that in 20 minutes. The rest of the film is effectively fluff and not very interesting fluff at that. The worst thing about the movie is ultimately that you’re just going to be very bored. There is nothing here to actively capture your imagination and that’s really the biggest problem of all. You need to be interested in what’s going on and engaged with the situation for a movie to be good.

The problem is that there isn’t anything to grab your attention. Why should you care about the cave people fighting each other when none of the characters are particularly fun? You shouldn’t is the main reason there. I wouldn’t say any modern level effects would have changed anything either because the place is supposed to look and feel old. There isn’t really a way around that no matter how much you squint.

Also, I do have to say that most films do need a lot of dialogue. You can absolutely pull off doing a film without much talking but it’s going to be very difficult and will fail much more often than it succeeds. Trust me on this, it’s not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination. You really have to give it your all and this film didn’t even come close. I also can’t picture a scenario where a film taking place in prehistoric times could pull it off.

A silent film in space with aliens all around for example could work. Perhaps a sci-fi title about escaping a room where you can’t talk. That silent film about the monsters that react to sound for example is a title that made the most of the premise so this actually made sense. You just need a massive hook like that in order to even attempt to make this a challenge.

Otherwise just adding dinosaurs and such isn’t going to be enough to tip the scales. Nah if anything it’s just going to remind you of how much more fun this could be if the characters were all talking and planning things out. At the end of the day of course if this sounds like your cup of tea then you should enjoy it. The film is very straight forward on what it is about. For example if you like the poster then you should like the movie. It’s not trying to subvert your expectations or throw in a bunch of plot twists. What you see is what you get and the film absolutely embraces this all the way down the line. It’s just not what I was looking for.

Overall, One Million Years ago never makes for a good setting for any film. Trust me on this, it’s the kind of setting you should actively avoid if you want to have any luck here! Films should take place in the modern day or the future if you want to have a leg up on the competition. That’s always my word of advice at least. Those are easily the best eras and I just like for everything to look really current. Then the characters still have to do their part but it’s a start. Yeah this film should be a skip.

Overall 1/10

The Warriors Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. Please address the review as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

The Warriors is a film that was pretty big back in the day. I like the concept of a gang having to basically try and get around the entire state with everyone after them. Unfortunately the movie doesn’t quite live up to the concept. There is a good amount of fun to be had here but the more the movie goes, the more the characters start to get a little unlikable. The movie sort of loses focus on its own plot and there isn’t nearly as much action as you would initially expect.

The movie starts off with all of the gangs converging in the Bronx because a speech is going to be made by the most influential gang of all. The leader is basically calling for a ceasefire because if the gangs can team up then they should be able to take over the city. Everyone’s pretty stoked about this but then the leader is suddenly shot. The worst part is that someone claims the Warriors are behind it. Their gang is fairly small plus they are behind enemy lines so it’s time to bounce. The problem as any New Yorker knows is that Coney Island is quite far from the Bronx. It takes over an hour to get there from Manhattan as it is! Are they ready for this?

It’s definitely fun to recognize the sites during the film. They actually filmed in slightly different locations and switched the train signs around which is clever but if you live in Manhattan then you’ll see through it. It’s a good way to just see the city and I’ve been around the area where most of the film takes place in quite a lot so that was nostalgic. The atmosphere is just right and so the film really starts off with a bang. You can feel the danger and the whole first act is excellent.

Where the film drops off majorly is during the chases in the middle of the film. See, the Warriors get split up and each group gets their own subplot. One part of the Warriors ends up bumping into an all girls gang and figure they’ll mess around a whole lot. The film needs extensive amounts of plot armor to keep them alive here though. Keep in mind that they suspect absolutely nothing the whole time and so there are numerous times when the guys are completely preoccupied and defenseless. It made no sense that the girls didn’t just murder them and that will definitely take you out of the film the whole time.

Then you have another group where one of the guys gets distracted by a lady who’s hanging out alone by a bench. He is here to remind us that the Warriors are still a gang and as such are not particularly heroic. Fortunately she ends up being an undercover cop and calls in the police to bring him to jail. What’s disappointing is the fact that he was actually attempting to overpower her which isn’t just a villainous move but pretty much the worst action possible. You’re absolutely rooting for this guy to be crushed and by extension you’re not really rooting for the rest of the Warriors as much either.

As a side note I do think that the undercover cop plan was super risky though. It took quite a while for the cops to arrive after being signaled since I guess they didn’t just have them camping in the park. Personally I think you have to have at least one officer hiding close by in the bushes or something because a lot can happen in a few minutes. You have to be discreet but you can definitely do that while still being safe.

Meanwhile the main one, Swan mostly stays focused and does a good job of staying focused on the goal..until near the end. He ends up cracking and has a quick fling with Mercy who had been taunting him throughout the film but if would have been good if he had stayed strong instead. She was constantly getting the group into fights by goading on different fighters and increasing the tension levels as a result. The Warriors nearly got away without a fight from the first gang and she’s the one who pressed for one. I feel like getting together with her after that is a bit much.

The romance here is definitely sub par and in a way that’s because this film should not have had any romance to start with. This is supposed to be a gang war film with a ton of battles and every group going at it. When you stop to have a quick affair like this it just doesn’t make any sense. There are only around 2-3 real battles here. I did like the confrontation in the park which was one of the more extended fights at least. The Warriors got to show that they could really fight but it’s also an opportunity to show what the film could have been.

This absolutely should have been like Mortal Kombat with a fight every few minutes. It should have been a full boss rush as the Warriors take on every rival gang around and keep it moving. There was a whole lot of potential there but in the end there are definitely a lot more chases than fighting. Still there are things that the film does well.

When the characters aren’t looking really awful, we do get to see them planning and outmaneuvering all of the gangs. I liked the atmosphere of the gang being out really late at night. Even nowadays you never want to be out too late because that’s asking for trouble so you can only imagine back when there were a ton of gangs everywhere. You do feel better when you’re in a group though which is why they keep on getting separated until there are fewer and fewer of them around.

The ending is also satisfying and really finishes things off in a nice way. You always want to end things on a high note and that happens here. Plus seeing the sunlight as the heroes finally make it back to Coney Island was nice as a way to show that they did survive the night and made it back home. Only way I’d top the ending would have been to show that the Warriors had a bunch of extra members who had stayed home and they are the ones who end up surrounding the villain. Would have been a good way to show that this is their home turf. The villain was very underwhelming so he would have folded either way but I think this would have been a nice touch.

Overall, The Warriors has a better story than the actual execution. While watching the film you keep waiting for the big gang fights and all the action that follows but instead we focus more on the gang members individually as they get a lot of character development and that’s not what you wanted to see here. Particularly because the characters didn’t end up being likable by the end precisely because of these moments. You’re better off doing the big New York walk yourself one of these days, start early and see how far you can go.

Overall 4/10

The Trip to Bountiful Review

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It’s time for a movie that is pleasant enough but also supremely annoying. The ending isn’t at satisfying as the movie would have you believe and that’s because there just isn’t a reason to believe that things will be different. One character in particular is a massive pushover and looks awful the whole time. Seriously you do not want him in your corner because at the end of the day he’s really not going to do anything for you. He’ll just bow to peer pressure and then that’s the end of that.

The film starts off with introducing us to Carrie who has had to live through a rather unpleasant home environment for quite a while now. Her son Ludie has been completely dominated by his wife Jessie to the point where he will do all her bidding and never sticks up for his own mother. Jessie keeps on taking Carrie’s retirement checks and forbids her from doing basic things like singing hymns. She has also forbidden Carrie from ever going back to her real home. Carrie finally has enough of this and slips away during one sunny afternoon. She has a headstart now but is older and she’s heading for a town so small that most people don’t even know about it anymore. Will she be able to make it or will she be captured by Jessie? The clock is ticking and time is definitely not on her side.

Okay so the main annoying thing here is how much Ludie lets Jessie get away with. The guy is absolutely spineless for the entirety of the film to the point where I would call him an antagonist. When you just stand by and let your mother get picked on then you’re basically guilty in that respect. Ultimately when you’re married it is expected that your significant other will become the #1 priority in your life but you should still be able to see reason enough to stand up for yourself and call that person out when the wrong calls are being made.

This did not feel like a healthy or balanced relationship. Instead Ludie was basically just getting bullied the whole time and it’s a really bad look. It’s a massive L for this guy. Then of course you have Jessie who is still the main antagonist here. It’s crazy how she shamelessly takes the money and constantly barks out orders. She’s a very toxic person and one who shows no real signs of changing which is why the ending doesn’t land. Any scene with her is annoying and you just feel like the movie doesn’t really do anything to have her own up to her crimes. That’s really the biggest problem with her. If the film had acknowledged this…then okay fine I can get behind that. But since they don’t, that’s where the issues really come up.

Finally we have Carrie who is doing her best to get back home. She is very old during this adventure so that does put her at a big disadvantage. She also ends up succumbing to Jessie’s demands most of the time to please Ludie which is too bad since I’d like her to take a firmer stance. Ultimately it would bring more trouble but apologizing when you’re not the one at fault has always been a real annoying thing. You just shouldn’t have to do that under any circumstances.

There is one main side character here in Thelma who was a really nice character. She did her best to look out for Carrie during the bus ride as well as when they were at the bus stop. I actually thought she was going to be around for the whole film but ultimately she was just there for part of the journey. Her appearance was very appreciated though as she helped Carrie through a tough period and it would have been a lot tougher if Carrie was on her own. Ultimately Thelma was the highlight of the movie for just being a kind person in a movie where everyone else seemed rather cruel for no reason. Even the Sheriff took forever and a day to help Carrie out when giving her a simple drive seemed like a no brainer.

I’m also glad the film didn’t have Carrie die when she made it home, like she had just been hanging on until she got there. That definitely would have been real unfortunate. As I mentioned earlier this ending still isn’t perfect like with how the villains don’t really pay for their crimes. That’s something that really should have been fixed through and through. I wanted Carrie to insist she stays in town or just move off on her own. Even bolder, have Jessie leave, those would have all been more satisfying endings.

Instead the ending is basically that things will eventually work out and they all just have to take it. Pretty bad message if you ask me because none of it was Carrie’s fault. It’s the classic “We’re all a little at fault I guess” kind of ending that I never agree with. You shouldn’t have to pay for someone else’s issues and we saw nothing in the film to even suggest that Carrie was being a problem in any way. Throughout the film she was the one doing her best through and through.

That’s really the sore point of the film and what keeps it from getting a higher film. It just feels like the whole thing wasn’t fair at all and Carrie effectively got penalized for just being a nice person. That’s no good. If you watch this film, just get ready to be annoyed a whole lot because Carrie just trying to visit her home is something that should be a simple matter and not something she has to ask permission for. The whole thing is just bonkers.

Overall, This movie is still supposed to be more of a feel good title, but it forgot the feels good parts. If it was a little more upbeat and fun then I think we’d be having a very different conversation here. As it stands that just wasn’t in the cards and I can think of many better films to watch if you want to feel good. It’s time for this movie to instead be lost in the years of time.

Overall 4/10

The Beguiled Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the movie. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

If I saw this film in the theaters my disappointment would have been immeasurable and my day ruined. Look at this poster above? It’s a great poster and would get you hyped up for the movie. Now this is an excellent wild west adventure with some action right? Well the movie is anything but that. There are no true fight scenes here and instead we have a super awful main character and a bunch of bad side characters as well. Definitely a film that you will want to stay far away from without a doubt.

The movie starts off with John getting injured and a little girl notices him outside of her school. The headmistress reluctantly takes him in and they figure they should nurse him back to health before turning him over to the authorities. This film takes place during the civil war and the school is in the south while John is from the North. As a result their duty officially is to turn him over right away but they feel like this would not be just. So instead they are keeping him around and John figures that this is his chance to get away. His grand master plan is to seduce all of them and take over the school. The problem is…he’s succeeding. Can anyone stop him?

This is just a very mean spirited movie from start to finish. All of the characters are either corrupt or get corrupted as the events fly by. John isn’t a likable character and to the film’s defense he is the main antagonist so they’re not trying to make him likable. Whenever he shows up you’re just going to groan and he’s around for the entire film. Basically the guy has absolutely no shame in manipulating the emotions of the women there. The film is also going for the extra gritty points here by adding in two crazy additions to the plot. The first is that one of the girls is only 17.

Yeah the film went out of its way to confirm this just to make that whole plot even more awful. The film was morally bankrupt by this point. Then we see that Martha had an inappropriate relationship growing up and the less said on that the better. None of these additions do anything to improve the film or service the plot. They are only here for shock value and to remind you of what a trainwreck this movie is. At the end of the day that’s all this is and a film isn’t going to survive with this low level writing.

Shock value doesn’t work for more than a second but does lasting harm to the film. Just like that, all of the characters are ruined. John would have been ruined either way with how exaggerated he is and all the affairs he’s pulling off. The guy lies, cheats, and does whatever he can to survive all so he can avoid the war which makes him a true villain. Then the movie isn’t satisfied and also has him murder an animal just to let this all sink home. Oof that was bad.

The film really made sure that it fell into every possible cinematic landmine. The worst part is that despite this, Edwina doesn’t totally go against John. Yes she gets mad at him during several points of the film but by the end she seems to have actually forgiven him. I was shellshocked. See, the whole time I thought she was planning some kind of grand murder scheme and was just acting the part. See, that would actually make a lot of sense but the film doesn’t go this route. No, instead she got stockholm syndrome I guess and actually liked him.

At least the ending of the film is very satisfying. I got really worried that there would be a cop out at the end like the girl didn’t pick the right mushrooms but fortunately that doesn’t happen. Everything happens as it should and in a way John probably gets off a bit lighter than needed. Still, I’ll accept the outcome and while the film may have been beyond saving by that point anyway, it was a start. I was still glad to see this outcome at least.

It goes without saying that Martha’s a pretty bad character too despite trying to have a holier than thou attitude. She had a lot of issues of her own and a very troubled past. Martha also went out of her way to get even with John despite all of the excuses that she had afterwards. She absolutely knew what she was doing every step of the way and I don’t think anything could convince me otherwise. This is just who she was through and through. Edwina comes across as incredibly naïve and too emotional. The ending of the film hurt her big time as a result. Then Carol was also really annoying in her constant attempts to seduce John. This even eventually went all the way up to blackmail which was crazy and made her a full antagonist as well.

Yeah this film’s definitely no fun and you should stay far away. The film even has the southern soldiers show up at one point and then heavily imply that they were creeps as well. The scene that almost happens which the film kept hinting at was really not needed. The movie is so concerned with being edgy that it forgets to have a real plot and that’s the worst part about the film. You definitely could have tried to make a decent flick out of this even after you changed the basic plot and made the characters more likable. Instead it’s all just absurd and not in a fun way.

Overall, The film may have a satisfying ending but that doesn’t take away from the unlikable cast and all of the unnecessary elements of the film. I’s hard to get past those and ultimately the movie doesn’t have any fun. It’s definitely a hard film to finish and has below average pacing. Stick away from this one and watch something a lot more fun like the Tom & Jerry movie instead. That one will keep you entertained.

Overall 0/10

St Elmo’s Fire Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a particularly brutal film. When you think of a dramatic romance film this is the kind of title that comes to mind because it’s so over the top that you’re going to be cringing a whole lot. None of the characters are likable in the slightest and the whole thing is like an out of control fire. Trust me you’re going to want to stay far away from this one.

The movie starts by introducing us to a group of teenagers. They have a very complicated interpersonal relationship structure going on. They’re having affairs with each other, living their life, and crushing hearts all at the same time. After graduating school they figure they can still be friends but that is quickly found to be impossible. There are just too many relationship dramas going on and for at least one character it may even be life threatening. Is there any way to salvage this?

All the characters here are awful but I guess we should still break this down a bit. First up is Kirby who is a super desperate guy. He likes one girl who basically never gives him the time of day but each time he thinks he can win her over. He always overanalyzes what she says and now thinks that he needs to get rich and then she’ll go out with him. Of course he should ask himself why he is chasing after her like this. If she is only going to get together with him if he’s rich…then is that really love? Of course there are some conversations online about how gold digging is actually really good and the strongest bond but I feel like that is mostly hopium and not rooted in any facts. Regardless this guy is extremely annoying. Kirby has a lot of competition for worst character along with all his friends but the guy doesn’t do himself any favors.

Then you have Jules who is trying to have an affair with her boss but things aren’t going so well. She’s also leading on another guy who is having troubles of his own and ultimately this leads to her getting really depressed and nearly ending it all. It’s definitely a rough situation all around and while she may have dug herself into this situation, you do feel bad for her. It’s just that the whole movie is so overly dramatic that it all doesn’t hit as well. Even while she is about to die, her “friends” are fighting with each other and one nearly gets thrown off the building. Not a good look right?

The problem is that they’re all cheating on each other with others so it’s only natural that none of them can trust each other. Then there’s Billy who is really messing around by being with everyone and has gone in with the wrong crowd. He’s way too off the deep end and has a bad attitude about everything. Even when characters try to help him out and get him a job he has no gratitude. You can’t really help a character like that.

There’s Wendy who is the nice character but ultimately she makes a lot of mistakes in the relationships as well and cracks by the end. Honestly the best thing you can do in this situation is to get away from the other characters as fast as possible. I dare say that almost anyone would be dragged into the mud along with them after enough exposure. It’s why it’s so important to choose your friends wisely because otherwise you will just begin to get corrupted as a person as well and then there is no coming back from that. I mean you can come back from that but of course it gets difficult.

There are a bunch of other teenagers here but ultimately the characters are going to start blending together. They’re already sounding a bit similar in the summaries above right? Well one last one to put a spotlight on is Kevin because he’s particularly bad. So he fell in love with Leslie a long time ago but never had enough courage to mention this so he’s basically been her “friend” for ages. Finally he gets drunk enough to confess and they have a quick affair but the whole thing is basically a summation of the worst Hollywood romance tropes.

First off you have the classic idea that any “friend” is always secretly looking to get together with you the instant that you drop your guard. That was definitely rough here, like really? Then the girl was easy enough where they did have a fling which ends up adding a lot of tension since her other boyfriend shows up later on. Ultimately if you like your friend like that then you have to confess early on or keep the secret to the grave. If you stretch it out then you’re basically taking advantage since all the times you were hanging out platonically, it wasn’t actually platonic. This guy just felt way too whiny the whole time.

Needless to say I didn’t find the writing in the film to be particularly impressive. With no likable characters to root for, the film was always going to be very limited in what it could pull off. You need at least one great character around or else the whole thing’s kind of pointless. There’s a ton of drama here but all of the problems are basically self inflicted wounds by the characters in putting themselves in these scenarios. The film starts to drag and it goes without saying that the romances here are awful. In short the movie doesn’t give you any real reason to enjoy it.

Overall, I definitely recommend staying far away from this film. The whole film is a fire in a sense so I guess I can give them some props for living up to the premise but that’s it. There are no redeeming factors about the movie and at no point will you be entertained. This one desperately needs a remake from the ground up that changes everything about it, but at that point it’s basically a different film anyway.

Overall 1/10

Black Clover: Sword of the Wizard King Review

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I’ve been waiting ages for this film. When they first announced that Black Clover was finally getting a movie I was definitely hyped. This is one of the best franchises out there and the king of Shonen Jump. There’s a reason why we call it G.O.A.T. Clover. Getting that on a movie budget was certain to be an all star product and the film does not disappoint in any way. It’s basically a lock for film of the year so you can basically skip everything else. Nothing’s touching this and now I just need to wait until we get the next season already.

The movie starts by showing Conrad’s fight against the magic knights. He puts up a terrific fight but ultimately Julius manages to take him down with time magic and he’s locked away. Julius’ eyes even flash black for an instant when he uses his ultimate spell which was intense. We fast forward 10 years to where a tournament is being held and Yuno will finally be able to fight against Asta. Ultimately this isn’t to be though as Conrad shows up in the present along with 3 other Wizard Kings from the past. The 4 of them have decided to destroy the entire world so that they can remake it as a better one. Asta won’t let this happen though and he commands the magic knights to unite and fight. Can they really defeat a whole squad of Wizard Kings though?

One of the hype parts about this of course is that the enemies are all Wizard Kings. They’re characters who are well fleshed out with their own goals and desires as well as being ultra powerful. To become the Wizard King you need an incredible amount of power after all so it’s not like just anyone can do this. Sort of like how I said Naruto surpassed the Hokage at least by the Pain arc at worst, Ichigo surpassed the Captains by the early part of the Arrancar saga, and Luffy surpassed the admirals by Marineford, I would say Asta surpassed the Captains fairly early on. You could say Yami is an exception but he wipes everyone else out pre time skip. Now this is where the rubber meets the road and we can see exactly how that turns out.

The movie doesn’t cop out with their abilities either and each king looks fantastically strong. Sure they do have the advantage of unlimited mana thanks to the super sword running around but even without that their individual techniques are on point. The movie is close to 2 hours and almost the whole thing is the big fight scene. This is what I love to see, the pacing is nonstop with action around every corner. Not every movie could handle something like that and it’s fairly rare because a lot of time you still need to develop the OC characters and have a lot of time to regroup. Here you hit the ground running.

There are numerous times in each fight where the villain or hero is about to lose and then the second wind comes in. That’s super hype to be sure because these Wizard Kings have determination on their side as well. They’re not going to give up so the heroes have to completely put them down. I’ll go more into their goals later on although it’s not as convincing of a case as even someone like Thanos. It’s a more surface level argument for world peace that doesn’t have too much nuance since the film makers likely didn’t want you to doubt the heroes at all. Probably for the best but of course the side effect is that these Wizard Kings do feel a little crazy.

Another really strong part of the film is the animation. Even outside of the fight scenes everyone looks really crisp. The character models are really on point and this is a full 2023 film on all sides. It’s just great how smooth everything is and it’s the kind of film I could quickly re-watch right now. The replay value is incredible and the choreography is on point. The super form for the main villain is also great and they didn’t hold back on the beam effects. By the end this feels like something out of DBZ.

Then we have the soundtrack and I think it goes without saying that this is going to be another 10/10 ost. You have the insert song from the anime, a song that I believe was new, and then a ton of battle themes. The soundtrack is very fast paced which fits the film since it was very fast paced as well. The production values were really high throughout and of course the writing and story is very good as well. Asta gets his usual inspirational moments and Noelle also gets her moments to shine. You can’t help but be inspired during their speeches.

Okay so lets talk about the villains. First up is the main villain Conrad. So he wants to make the world more equal because he’s seen how mean the nobles are in how they pick on the commoners. They murder, insult, humiliate, and basically enslave those without magic and right now the kingdom isn’t doing much to change that. As he’s mentioned there have been incremental improvements but it’s always small things and the world itself doesn’t change much. The main TV show has delved into this as well and so he figures that at this point they just need to end the world. It does mean to an extent that he did give up though.

Now you do get it because in a lot of cases things don’t always get a lot better even when the hero wins in the end. Look at all the crazy stuff that still goes on in Naruto. I do think Asta will do a better job of changing everything because that has been such a huge topic in the forefront as opposed to being a subplot but yeah that’s Conrad’s ideal and motive for this. I liked that Asta also engaged him on the actual points of this like how nobody will accept the end result after watching their comrades die in front of them.

Even if you could absolutely guarantee world peace, if it involves a massive genocide like this, then it will never end up convincing people. You’re doing more than cracking a few eggs, you’re basically just being the villain. At the end of the day I’m always about saving the 1 person over the 100 as a philosophy. You must never sacrifice anyone and of course this isn’t even a subtle case, it’s just him murdering a whole ton of people and so you’ll never waver as you root for Asta. I’m sure that each of the Wizard Kings saw some super twisted things in order for them to agree with Conrad like this but at the end of the day it all comes down to them losing hope and giving up when they shouldn’t have.

Conrad’s abilities are pretty handy with his key magic. It feels a little broken if anything with how long range it is but that’s probably why he became the King. It may not be fair but having a super cool ability gives you a huge push towards becoming the Wizard King and that’s how it’s always been. His final form is epic and the whole time he really puts up a good fight. He has a solid plan as well and shows good tactics throughout the film. I’ve said this a few times already but the movie never forgets that these are Wizard Kings that we’re dealing with and so they get a lot of respect.

The only Wizard King who was a bit off was Jester. Mainly because this guy just seems super evil and unstable the whole time. Sure he agrees with the plan for probably the same reasons but he just feels evil throughout. His dialogue is what you would expect from the Midnight Sun, not someone who used to be the leader. His abilities are still really handy with the barriers though. Barriers have a whole lot of positives to them like how agile you can make them. They’re flexible and can keep on adapting to attacks. This guy really doesn’t give up either and from all of the Wizard Kings you could make the case that he’s the only one to never really lose. He could have absolutely kept on going.

Then there is Princia who I dare say is the most powerful out of all the Wizard Kings. Take away amps like the swords and put all of them together in a fair fight and I’m going with her. First off she can summon an army of really powerful fighters and then once you get past them, it turns out that she is a close quarters fighter as well who can hold her own with the country’s strongest, Mereoleona. The fact that the fight was so close there really showed off what she could do. I don’t think any of the others would have been able to have held their own in quite the same way. She was also a fun character and had a solid personality. You could actually see why she was a good person at one point and ultimately just got jaded.

Finally we have Edward who is probably the weakest. Mainly because he relies on summons and ice but has nothing else once you get past that. This is relative of course, he’s still an incredibly powerful Wizard King but not as intimidating as the others. He has a good code of honor and isn’t just going crazy with power so I can really respect that. He has a good exchange with Noelle and ultimately keeps his honor to the end. He doesn’t crack or go crazy at the end which is really good because a King should maintain grace to the end.

As for the heroes, everyone gets something to do here but of course some get more screen time than anything. For the Black Bulls, I thought Finral actually looked really solid here. His reaction times were good enough to block a hit from Conrad and he was critical throughout in getting the heroes out of danger. Of course Noelle looks fantastic in showing off her high power level and also making an impassioned speech to remind Edward of what he stood for. Noelle doesn’t give up and the series continues to do a great job of keeping her in the same conversation as Yuno and Asta.

The various captains all get to fight but Yami is really the only one with a sizable role and even then it’s a bit smaller than you would expect. He doesn’t look quite as powerful as you might think as well but I guess at this point he’s finally being surpassed. His fans should still be satisfied with his appearance here. Mereoleona looks excellent as expected. She’s the most impressive grownup here from the heroes side. Her powers continue to get more and more intense every time she fights and it’s clear that she has no upper limit. She will just continue to fight until the end and almost no other character can burn as brightly.

Yuno looks great here as well as he saves Asta on more than one occasion and keeps going after the villains. He has enough stamina to outlast all of the Captains as well. I would say that even in the film it feels like Asta has left him in the dust to an extent because Yuno just doesn’t have the KO power that Asta has but his normal abilities are still do good that he can continue to hold his own. As always I like Yuno’s confidence and his positive rivalry with Asta. They really do a good job of building each other up as always.

Finally I’ve already talked about Asta but just to confirm he is amazing as always. His speeches really land and he’s the kind of guy that you want to represent your kingdom. He’s the last to go down and will keep trying to make the world a better place. Naturally there are a ton of other character helping out including a cameo so watch it for yourself to see all the fun characters. This feels like a true event movie in the best ways with how high the stakes are.

Now lets talk about the negatives of the film. Well…yeah I had no issues with the film so that’s it for this section.

Overall, Sword of the Wizard King is a film that I highly recommend you check out. They did a fantastic job of showcasing the skills of all the heroes while establishing these villains as top tier threats. The Clover Kingdom is so loaded with powerful fighters that the enemies have to be able to hold these own and that wasn’t a problem for these guys. The movie really goes by in an instant so you need to watch this as soon as possible. The only rough part is having to wait for the next product which can still take a while but hopefully not too long. When the series comes back though, I will be ready!

Overall 9/10

The Flash Review

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All right folks it’s time to talk about the Flash. This film was getting quite a lot of hype for the Batmen and Supergirl appearing. You could say that the guest stars were the main draws in this one and it is deserved since they all upstage the Flash. This ends up being a good movie but unfortunately that’s about where it ends because this film had the longest amount of dead time I’ve seen in a CBM. The long middle act really ends up limiting its potential.

The movie starts with Flash saving the city while Batman saves the world and it’s a pretty solid way to kick things off. It felt like the intro to a Justice League episode. Flash then gets the idea to go back in time to save his mother and in turn save his father from being falsely accused of murdering her. So the Flash pulls this off and saves her but now the timeline is going in a rather odd direction. Will he be able to fix this new timeline or will he have to become the ultimate villain and let his mother die?

Fans who know of the Flashpoint event from the comics or the previous animated movie will likely know a lot of the story beats right out of the gate and I’d say most people seemed to figure out the villain right from the trailer so this isn’t about the twists so much as it’s about the adventure. There is one twist that I didn’t see coming involving the main Flash and his powers since the trailers cleverly hid/misdirected from this but unfortunately that’s actually one of the biggest issues in the film. There are a lot of things I can’t really talk about without getting into spoiler territory so I’ll leave that for the end.

The special effects here are really solid. They do a good job with the lightning bolts from the Flash costume and with the slow mo. The fights with Zod have some good sound barrier blows although the fights are noticeably a step below Black Adam and Man of Steel so the director/producer need to work on showing off the power levels a bit better for the next one. The costumes and visuals are good so I have no complaints here. The soundtrack is also good with a lot of variety among the hero themes and of course some really solid ones from the past as well. It’s effectively like a big crossover track selection which makes sense for the movie.

The whole climax is pretty solid on the action front even if they do fumble the ball with some decisions by the end. The ending’s definitely not good but I’ll delve into that in the ending segment. Unfortunately the after credits scene is also one of the weakest ones I’ve seen. You won’t even break into a smile while it plays and the whole time you were waiting for something big to happen. It’s not as disappointing as the after credit scene involving Venom where he teleported again but this was still very lackluster. They could have shown Zoom, Reverse Flash, Savitar, or some other really hype character. Instead…well you’ll see it when you see it.

The film works as a Flash origin story to an extent as they manage to squeeze that in while we learn more about his past. It’s an origin you’ve pretty much pictured all the way through but that part’s not bad even if it lacks the mystery and mystique that you’re used to from it. The way we don’t see much of who actually bumped off the mother does lead me to believe that eventually they’re still going to set up the real culprit. It’s just going to be a little dicey because there should be some clues that would have come up during the investigation, like nobody actually approaching the house or something. These things can be easily explained though so we’ll see how that goes.

Ultimately the film lives or dies on the Flash which is fitting since it’s his movie and unfortunately he is one of the weakest parts of the movie. There are two Barry Allens due to this second timeline and the second one is super annoying. Part of why the middle portion of the film flops is because it’s basically trying to be Bill and Ted. The characters are just being annoying the whole time, the original Barry gets wrecked by everybody while the second one takes everything as a joke.

That can be fun but the problem is that the writing isn’t nearly up to par with Bill and Ted. That film on the whole is considerably funnier. This film does have some good humor scenes like Batman and Flash getting blasted with a mental attack to try and humiliate them. Yes, I’d say the attack was clearly intentional and not accidental. It’s fun just because you can imagine how difficult that scenario would be if you were hit. Beyond that though, the film’s humor doesn’t really land all that well. The Flash is often times just annoying.

Additionally from the jump I said that the Flash actor wasn’t really right for the part and he still doesn’t feel like the Flash. Part of that is writing to be sure but part of it is ultimately just the actor. Grant from the CW still has the definitive Flash look and also the much better suit which is always odd to think about since a TV show costume shouldn’t beat a big budget movie version right? Sometimes it’s just a case of overdesigning and that’s what happened here. With a bunch of DC heroes getting recasted soon I definitely don’t mind if Flash gets recasted. Honestly Affleck and Cavill were the only two definitive ones. I don’t mind if the rest get recasted but I’m good either way on most of them. The Flash is just the one that really needs it.

The Keaton Batman gets a fairly big role here. He has a super rough start though, his first scenes are really just painful and you’re wondering how this could possibly be Batman. That whole string of scenes is another sequence that is just painfully unfunny. I don’t want to say it’s the worst sequence but it was rather brutal in a negative way and same for all of his scenes prior to the costume. Once he puts on the suit then he’s good though. He gets his share of action scenes and puts up some good fights which is always really good. I’m always up for some good Batman action after all and the suit really holds up well. The film also did a good job of showing the different fighting styles between him and the main timeline Batman.

The first Batman doesn’t get to appear a whole lot but he definitely made the most of his scenes. He perhaps had a little too much trouble against some ordinary minions but the point of the scene was really to show off his motorcycle. I really liked the design of that thing and the afterburners were really cool. We also saw his gadgets in more detail and it reminds me of why a film about a super experienced Batman like this sounds really good right about now.

In terms of the villains, well we have Zod who is an interesting character. See, he looks incredibly weak in the fights as he struggles to land a single hit on Supergirl at all so on one hand she seems to be massively stronger and faster. On the other hand, he always seems to come out on top for contrived plot reasons. I suppose I’m satisfied since it shows his tactical skills. The others don’t get to do as much and are practically mindless monsters. In general the Kryptonians don’t look as strong as they should since the rank and file should still be very strong but that’s how it goes sometimes. Supergirl herself looks really good though. She has a solid amount of super strength at her disposal and does well in the fight. She’s definitely a very different take on the character but one that works well I would say. She reminds me a bit of Wolverine or Superboy and still comes with the aggression and eagerness to fight which is important.

You may be wondering why the Flash doesn’t just solo the whole movie in an instant right? Writing a speedster is the single hardest thing for a writer to do because their speed is so unreal, particularly the Flash since he’s the fastest of all. Well, the movie introduces a few weaknesses to try and prevent this. The first is that the Flash’s appetite has been drastically increased to the point where he loses his powers if he’s too hungry. Great…..but hey it is a legitimate way to nerf him into the ground and does widen the gap of why Superman’s way more powerful so I can get behind this.

Flash also can’t move people at super speed more than a few feet or they get super sick and could possibly die. I’m not sure about this one since you’d think the speed force would protect anyone that he’s carrying but it’s also a way to make sure he doesn’t just evacuate a whole country in a few minutes or anything like that. There is one other element used to prevent him from soloing the movie but the trailers intentionally hid that so I’ll keep that for the spoiler section. So that did at least help with some of the power level issues you’d usually find but the film still had enough of them to go around.

Okay it’s time for the spoilers! Skip the next paragraphs if you haven’t seen the movie yet since we’re about to dive in! First up we have to talk about the middle act and why I didn’t care for it. Long story short, the Flash gets depowered because he wasn’t fast enough to dodge lightning. That’s already absurd but the worst part is that it defeats the purpose of this being a Flash film. I never like when the main character is depowered for a movie, particularly when it lasts for a long time. Do that as an episode plot in season 5 of a TV show or something but not for a movie. I’m watching the Flash to see the Flash run around and do cool things with his powers.

Instead this is used to prevent him from saving the day and using his cool powers. Instead we have to watch the other Flash learn how to use his powers. Again they’re trying to make this the big origin story kind of moment as he slowly goes through the motions. I get what they’re doing but to me it just did not work. The other Flash is just way too annoying the whole time and without his powers the first Flash isn’t particularly interesting. The whole plot felt very forced and lasted for a super long amount of time which was the roughest part. Depowering the hero is never a good idea imo.

Then we get to the core of the issue which is the dilemma of choosing to save the mother or not. Now you know where I stand on this, you absolutely do have to save her. The instant that you have the ability to manipulate time then you are now required to use it to save people. Why? One big reason is if you have this ability then it stands to reason that someone else does as well. The instant that time travel becomes real, there is no such thing as a correct timeline because you have no way of knowing if someone else has already changed time. So now you do need to use it to save as many people as possible. I’ll dive more into this in an editorial someday but yeah that’s a big one.

Then this scenario is even worse because it’s not like you’re trying to save a random person to which you would still be obligated to do so. It’s his own mother and he has to actively murder her by removing the can of tomato sauce from her shopping cart. That’s a huge no no, it’s virtually as bad as Eren by the end of Attack on Titan with the decisions that he made. Flash should not be doing this and unfortunately it’s a part of every Flashpoint adaption and never gets any better.

Now Batman makes the argument that some points in time cannot be changed because they’re fixed points. I didn’t buy into this in Spider-Verse and I certainly don’t buy it here. At least in Spiderverse you had some reason to buy into Miguel’s speech because the characters have been going across dimensions so they have something you can tangibly look at. In this one? Batman’s arguing pure hypotheticals because he’s never gone through time or to other dimensions. He talks with such confidence about how every other time travel theory is wrong but why should he believe this to be a fact? Personally I don’t buy into this time theory myself but even in universe I wouldn’t.

In fact, the film breaks its own logic. At the very end the Flash ends up moving the tomato sauce which causes it to be on the wrong shelf so the father looked up and that’s why the cameras caught him this time causing his innocence. This changes who Batman is and likely changes a whole lot of other things along with it. So…he just changed the past with no future effects. What the film should have done is end Jingle All The Way style with Flash realizing that he actually can change the past and he gets ready to dash off as the music flares.

I’ll never accept a reality where he has to destroy his mother and the film did a very poor job of trying to convince me otherwise. It’s the only good point I give to alternate Barry because at least he tried over and over again for numerous years to the point where he got old. That’s true dedication as opposed to Barry who gave up after 2-3 tries. Seriously you’d think he would have tried a little harder than that.

Additionally another issue I have here is that with time travel there will never be such a thing as a fixed point with the amount of options and speed that Flash has. Just go further back in time so you save Supergirl before the government gets her or some other radical changes that ensures the present won’t arrive. When you tell me that time will always happen the same way I don’t buy it because it’s just impossible. It didn’t work in the Booster Gold comic, it didn’t work in Mashle, it’s never worked convincingly in any form of media. When you have the ability to freely move through time then nothing is inaccessible.

The ending’s definitely a sour point to be sure. As to the power level issues, they’re not as big a deal but the Flashes taking on an army of Kryptonians and blasting them away with thunder? Eh, I’ve seen worse but I’m not totally buying that. By the same token though once time travel is on the table, they should have had no problem taking out Zod and friends with their unlimited prep time. After all that’s what it is…unlimited prep time. Take the scene where Flash tells Batman not to take on the ship and he quickly dodges. That’s an excellent way of using time to your advantage and he just had to keep on going.

Ultimately Alternate Barry makes for a cool villain design. Not as cool as Savitar from the show but it looks neat. I just wish he got to do more since he probably has less than 5 minutes of screen time. The movie needed a villain who was around longer. There was Zod but he’s always in the background for the Supergirl plot. We needed a villain for the Flash and that would have helped to elevate things or just give this guy more screen time and a true fight. Isn’t it a waste that this is a Flash movie yet there are no speedster battles? Cmon that’s kind of crazy since that’s something you look forward too.

The movie dropped the ball on a lot of potential with things like that. No speed battles, all of the cameos don’t get to fight with each other or help the Flash. The only one who got an action scene was against a giant monster which was cool and all, the best scene from the cameos. You just wanted a little more than that. Throwing in some extra excitement and action would have done the movie a world of good. Okay this ends the spoiler bit so lets wrap things up now.

Overall, The Flash is a good movie but the super long middle act really hurts the replay value of this one. It’s the kind of film you’ll probably have fun watching the big action scenes on Youtube but you don’t really need to watch the whole film again for that. It’s definitely still worth the watch though to see the next big DC adventure. Even if the ending’s no good, there is still a chance to fix it in the sequel. Just have the Flash find out who actually bumped the mother off and if it’s a certain speedster, then he’ll realize that the timeline was already messed up from the jump and he can make another attempt. That’s definitely how I would do it. As the Avengers would say: “Whatever it takes!”

Overall 6/10

The Cheap Detective Review

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It’s been a little while since I’ve seen a parody but I’m always up for this kind of a film. A well written parody will absolutely go a long way because when you understand the gags and see how the film pulls them off it can really be a blast. I would say that by and large this film really succeeds at it too. It probably ends up front loading most of the best gags into the first half but ultimately it’s a film I would recommend all the way through. There is also a good amount of replay value to be found here.

The main character here is a detective named Lou who is always in over his head. The guy’s not very good at his job and just barely manages to hang in there. This time he is in a particularly tough spot though as he is framed for the murder of his partner. He’s the main suspect as it was common knowledge that he had been cheating with the partner’s girl and she isn’t doing a whole lot to try and prove his innocence. She even shows up with the cops to his door on multiple occasions. Lou needs to put some distance between all of them and quick. He has some leads including old flames and very sketchy underworld figures. Will they be enough to help him crack this case once and for all?

Naturally as a parody this film never really takes it self seriously and you shouldn’t either. You’re here more for the laughs and smiles than the actual mystery. Right from the opening scene they set the tone on this as everyone has just been murdered yet they were all in odd poses and never broke formation even after the bullet hit them. That is impressive to be sure but also really crazy. All of the conversations tend to start getting nonsensical after a while which is part of the point.

One of the better scenes is when the heroine calls Lou up but openly allows the cops to listen in on the conversation. The film even pokes fun at how the hero always has a bunch of heroines after him as he gets involved with 3 during the course of this film and they all end up at his place at the same time. It takes a lot of agility and quick thinking to keep them all from meeting up with each other. Lou is ironically quick witted when it comes to situations like this as opposed to the actual case.

Although the case would be difficult for anyone to solve. There are always more and more twists here as more and more players jump into the action. Also you have to consider that even the best of detectives would start to run into trouble when every character is lying through their teeth and half of them make absolutely no sense. Honestly after the film is over you’ll have a hard time keeping track of everything as well. It almost feels like the characters’ stories are changing as the film goes on although that might just be my imagination. It would be a nice extra detail if that was the case though.

The main thing to keep in mind is just that the characters are trying to get some kind of special object the whole time and you’ve also got a war going on in the background. As long as you have all that context then the rest is easy. You’re bound to be laughing at quite a few of the scenes here and the pacing is good so the jokes don’t tend to overstay their welcome. Not every gag will land for you of course but in a film like this there are always a bunch of other jokes to pick up the slack for the ones that did not do so well.

This film just never runs out of jokes and that’s a good thing because it’s important for a comedy film to just keep plunging ahead without missing a beat. The writing is good which is also important and the story is engaging. As I said earlier my only issue to an extent is that they used all the best material in the first half. The second half had a tendency to just not have as many all star jokes the whole time. It was still funny but the first half is absolutely what put it on the map. That’s regrettable to an extent because the ending is always what people remember so you want to end really well.

If there’s anything the film is lacking it’s that we could have had a good rival to Lou. Someone who is super competent perhaps but somehow always gets foiled. That could have been a nice contrast to Lou because in the end none of the supporting characters were particularly memorable. They all just sort of fade off into the distance by the end and while that’s fine since the focus is on the lead, having one more really distinctive character would be good. In the end I’d say that the main police officer was the second best character as is. I liked how calm he was while munching on his snacks the whole time.

Overall, The Cheap Detective is definitely a very good film. I was super close to even giving it one more star but ultimately I would say a 7 is fair. It’s got a lot of replay value and a whole lot of great moments all throughout but in the end I would say it loses just enough steam not to make the jump to the next level. Either way I definitely recommend checking this film out. The more detective films you’ve seen over the years, the more you will get out of this one since it really does a thorough job of destroying the normal tropes.

Overall 7/10