Tag Archives: Pirates

The 7th Voyage of Sinbad Review

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It’s time to look at a classic Sinbad film. Believe it or not but I’ve never really seen a Sinbad movie before. He’s one of those classic characters that I certainly know about but that’s about it. The guy’s effectively been a mystery to me. I’m also not typically a big fan of pirate films because I’m not a huge fan of the water. You typically can’t have great fight scenes there and while the ocean might look nice, it can get old. Fortunately this film is actually quite good though. I’d definitely say that it will keep your interest pretty well and has aged very well.

The film starts with Sinbad deciding to rest a bit on an island. His crew has been on a long voyage to get the princess Parisa back to the kingdom where she and Sinbad will be married. Their visit to the island is a short one as it turns out a Cyclops lives there. A magician known as Sokurah joins the crew but insists that they go back to the island because he clumsily dropped his magic lamp. How do you drop a lamp that is pretty much all powerful? The lamp has some limits like the fact that is can’t directly attack but its use is still only limited by your imagination. Sinbad says it would be foolish to go back to Sokurah has to think of a plan. His plan is to shrink Parisa down to the size of an apple. Sinbad must now go back to the island to reclaim the Lamp which will allow Sokurah to turn her back to normal. Can Sinbad really stop the Cyclops?

Pretty fun plot but I give Sinbad too much credit in it. Put it this way, Sinbad actually doesn’t realize that Sokurah shrunk her down. He seems to think it was some kind of crazy coincidence even though Sokurah was about as obvious as he could be. Seriously, it seems like he would have had to draw a huge sign or something given how slow on the uptake everyone is. This guy pits the two kingdoms against each other with ease. Part of the issue is that Parisa’s father is quite gullible indeed and thinks Sinbad’s kingdom is to blame. I get the kingdom rivalries and all but this was just too obvious.

I guess you had to get Sinbad back to the island somehow though. His portrayal here is a bit different than what I was expecting but not in a bad way. He’s actually not the kind of guy to take on any risk. He chooses his battles and that’s worth noting. It’s why he initially says that going back to the island is crazy. It’s not so much that he’s afraid of the Cyclops but why fight a battle that you don’t need too? There is wisdom in what he says.

I liked Sinbad. He’s a pretty good guy and a solid fighter. His best scene is probably when he has to take on the whole crew once they start a mutiny. I was expecting a few people to turn on him but just about everyone? That was intense and a great fight scene for sure. Sinbad had a few allies but they never really got much of a role so it’s hard to tell if that was a homage to his original crew or just some loyal fellows.

Parisa is also pretty solid. I did appreciate the fact that she tried helping despite her size. She was good with helping unlock the heroes while they were in the cage and any contribution is a good one if you ask me. She was much better than the two kings. Her maid was also pretty unreasonable so Parisa comes across as the voice of reason here. I’m not sure what they would do without her.

As for the villain Sokurah, it’s hard not to like that guy. He’s so obviously evil the whole time. You half expect him to start cackling at any given moment. Yet, his powers are very real. If he can do all of these things like altering someone’s shape and shrinking others, I feel like he could have taken down the Cyclops a lot easier than he did. Maybe he has a size limit but even so if he had hyped up his magical powers sooner the kingdoms may have actually helped him. Kingdoms love raw power so they would very quickly have him as an ally.
Finally we have Barani but he didn’t work so well as a Genie. I didn’t like the fact that he would always say that he would try to grant a wish. Don’t try….you’re a genie!! He should be able to just do it and in the end he always does so I question why it was so difficult. Barani is just underestimating himself at this point.

Ultimately a big reason as to why the film was so good is because the writing is on point and the pacing is solid. The script is quite solid and gets us a lot of good banter with all of the characters. As I mentioned, it’s also just aged really well in general. Sinbad has a lot of good fights like with the Skeleton or the crew. It’s all ahead of its time in that respect. It’s also a pretty surreal film like when the Ogre first shows up. It can be a bit sudden and unexpected if you aren’t familiar with Sinbad because of how realistic it all appeared to be at first. We even get a monster fight near the end which I was definitely not expecting.

Overall, I dare say that this is the definitive version of Sinbad. I haven’t seen any other Sinbad films so this might feel a little early to say but it’s just that good. It hits all the right beats of what a Sinbad film should contain. How can you go wrong right? The film is also over in a flash. It doesn’t drag on at all and its fairly close to getting an 8. There are some films like this where I’m tempted to give an 8 but I guess it would need a bit of an extra push. Still, there’s nothing wrong with being a 7 because that just means you were very fun. This title has a lot of replay value and I would recommend checking it out.

Overall 7/10

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Review

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It’s time for another Pirates of the Caribbean film. This series has never been synonymous with quality and this film certainly doesn’t change that. It’s a bad mash of characters trying to be funny along with crude humor. I’ve never been able to get along with the franchise and at this point I don’t see that changing anytime soon. It’s dead in the water at this point. I like to think that the sequel will be better…but it won’t be.

The film starts off with Jack attempting to rob a bank. Unfortunately it seems like he let the door hit him on the way out so he fell asleep while getting drunk inside. The cops open the bank vault and notice him, but don’t do anything about it so Jack gets away. He gets kidnapped and captured several more times after this until he eventually runs into Henry and Carina. Carina wants to find this legendary treasure and Henry wants the treasure so that he can bring his Dad back from being an undead zombie. Jack just wants a good beer. Meanwhile, Salazar and his crew are hunting for Jack. They want to destroy him once and for all since Jack defeated Salazar back when he was just a kid. The race is on!

Yes, we finally get Jack’s backstory. It doesn’t add anything to the film though so we can skip that. Jack is still a very terrible character. He’s always drunk and everyone ends up pushing him around. He can fight to an extent, but usually just remains alive due to plot armor and writing shields. He helps people cheat on their significant others just because he can and seemingly has no morals. He’s always joking but since the writing isn’t good the lines don’t work well. It’s just a mess and that’s putting it lightly. There really isn’t anything likable about Jack.

As for the other main lead, Henry is fairly generic. I guess it’s admirable that he completely ignored Salazar’s threats and went to go get Jack anyway. Saving his father is a noble goal as well, but getting mixed up with these pirates may not have been his best move. He didn’t do a great job of saving Carina either. Henry is a huge step up from Jack, but he’s just pretty generic and there aren’t any really great character traits that he possesses to make him memorable either. You’ll just remember him as another pirate with a sword.

Carina talks a good game as the main heroine, but can rarely back it up. The defiant personality trope can be quite good when handled well, but you can’t just talk the talk. She insults everyone and is constantly bragging about how smart she is, but at the end of the day she doesn’t contribute a whole lot. Her inclusion into the film seems to mainly have been for fanservice and iffy dialogue so I definitely don’t think the film used her all that well. As with Henry, she can just be rather generic.

Next up is Salazar, the main villain. He tries to toe the line of being a funny villain as well as a super evil one. Unfortunately he falls down as a result. His funny scenes aren’t very funny and while he does murder a bunch of people, it’s hard to enjoy him as a villain. Between his design and the fact that it has taken him forever and a day to get revenge on Jack, you have to wonder what he’s been doing all these years. An old villain/rival, Barbossa shows up as well and gets his character arc. I wouldn’t say it’s a great one either as I just don’t like the character. It’s probably a good thing that he didn’t mention the plot twist out loud because that would have been very shocking for all parties involved.

This franchise may try hard, but at this point it’s probably going to need a full reboot to get good. One of the main problems as I mentioned earlier is how there is so much crude humor here. The characters are all rather grotesque. It’s not as extreme as in previous films but enough to make you shake your heads. The designs for the villains prioritize looking dead and old as opposed to scary. The writing is very bad and that ends up hurting the film as well. Throw in the fact that the film is super long and you don’t have the most pleasant of experiences.

I mean, the film also takes place in the olden times for extra salt. Can’t I at least have cool buildings to look at in the meantime? Part of the problem is that pirates aren’t interesting and this whole historical period isn’t very interesting to watch. Everything is very old and dirty. The ocean looks the same after a while and I just miss my neon glass towers. At least we did get an evil ship that had fangs and ghost sharks. Those were interesting enough I suppose. Jack and friends probably should have died during the encounter but the villains can’t catch a break.

There is an after credits scene so if you actually watched the film then I guess you should stick around for it. It seems like the MnMs villain is back which isn’t very exciting. Again, it was a crude humor gimmick where he litters everywhere as he walks with old candy and stuff. I guess they’re going for a horror element with that ending, but this series won’t be able to pull it off. It’ll be back to comedy mode before you know it.

Overall, The writers for the Pirate series must like playing it safe. I feel like just about every Pirates film is the same and they just don’t do anything new. It’s the same old story of Jack making a mockery of everyone and somehow managing to live into the next film. It’s a cycle that just never ends and the films keep making money so that’s not going to stop anytime soon. I just don’t even remotely see the appeal of the franchise and until I do, it’s probably a lost cause for me.

Overall 2/10

Captain Phillips

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captain-phillips-poster
Time for another super realistic story. This one’s about a boat that was attacked by pirates and the Captain of the crew was able to ultimately stall them long enough for the heroes to make it to safety. It’s naturally a gruesome battle between both factions, but not a whole lot of actual fighting since it’s more general action or in fighting among the pirates. Definitely not my kind of film and I’d argue that it could have been a much better adaption as well. You’ll be glancing at your watch quite a lot as this one goes on.

An interesting angle is the fact that the film gives the pirates a lot of scenes. I suppose that this is for development, but it comes off as more annoying than anything else. Let’s fact it, you don’t care about the villains because they’re just here to try and get rich as they shoot and injure the unsuspecting crew members. They have their reasons of course, but there’s no way that you’ll be able to generate any sympathy for these guys. None of the villains are likable as you might expect and there is definitely a lot of in-fighting among their members the whole time. One of them even bits the big one during one of the skirmishes.

Meanwhile, Phillips and his crew didn’t do the greatest job of stopping the pirates, but it may be more due to bad ship design than anything else. They’re going through waters where pirates aren’t just a random chance, but are actually expected. Why are there no guns or any defenses that are better than water turrets? Granted, water turrets aren’t a terrible idea, but the way that they were implemented is. Once you turn them on, you can’t turn them off so they just use up water as the pirates stay away until they are down for the count. This is where proper turrets would come in handy or at least a few rifles. It’s definitely annoying to see 3-4 guys take down a group of 20 or more.

On the flip side, it was great to see the government get involved towards the end. They came across as super professional and high-tech next to the other players. They got the good music and the best scenes. It’s a little iffy that they’re immediately reminded a lot that the hostage isn’t really their concern, but I suppose in the grand scheme of things you have to worry about the big picture. The person did sound super unsympathetic to the plight though. The government also looked unprepared in one scene as Phillips made a break for it and swam for a while, but the government’s budget cuts really hurt and they didn’t have any good flash lights. It was dark out so we can’t blame the government for slipping up…right?

The film is definitely pretty violent and over the top though. I’m almost surprised that it wasn’t R and expected it to be, but I suppose that it just made it. At least the pirates speak another language or else we probably would have been bombarded with language throughout the film. As this did not happen, I’ll give the film some mild props for that.

If you’re not too knowledgeable on what happened during this event, then this film should be very informative. Of course, if you don’t want to use up a lot of time watching all of the extra subplots and details in the film, then your best bet is probably just digging up some news articles. You’ll get more of the facts that way and you can do it in a much shorter period of time. It’s a win-win situation isn’t it? I believe that the film could have handled the adaption much better if it had followed 2 pieces of advice. One, they can definitely tone the film down quite a bit. That one’s pretty self explanatory. The other is that the villains should get less screen time. The pirates are not going to be sympathetic villains and no amount of screen time will really be able to alter that. The film could have used the extra moments to focus on the government or the film could have just been made a little shorter. That certainly wouldn’t have hurt the film in the long run.

On a final note, I also agree with the crew over Captain Phillips on not getting into the boat. See, one common mistake that people make is that they listen to demands when a gun is pointed at them, but just think about it. The classic situation of you and a villain pointing guns at each other and the villain says “Put the gun down” If you do…he’ll shoot you anyway. You may as well go for the sudden death. If it’s 5 vs 1, just rush the guy. He can’t take you all down, although if the other 4 chicken out then the gunman will win that round. The last example is the one in the film, don’t get into the boat because then you are outnumbered and defenseless. Nobody will typically be able to rescue you at that point so you should just accept your fate and make a break for it. At least try to escape instead of getting in the boat. When you think about it, that’s definitely your best move. Deciding to write a will when the villains told you to stop moving is another thing that I could really get into as the move made no sense and just resulted in another beating, but I think it’s clear why you wouldn’t make such a move. It’s not as if anyone would ever see the will anyway once you’re underwater and in enemy territory. A somber thought, but one worth thinking about before making such a move. Captain Phillips did save the day though and I’m sure that the situation was very different in real life. He did his country proud.