Category Archives: 1 Star Movies

The Grudge 2 Review

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This is another one of those films that I was a little surprised wasn’t R. I totally would have guessed that it was the whole time so I’ll give it some props for restraining itself. Unfortunately, that wasn’t nearly enough to turn this into a good film and it’s just as terrible as you would expect. It makes all of the usual horror film mistakes and you will question why this film even exists.

Burning the house in film 1 didn’t really accomplish anything since the Grudge is basically all powerful. Aubrey heads over to the hospital to visit the protagonist from the first film and in this way she gets to say her final goodbyes before the Grudge catches up to them. A reporter by the name of Eason shows up to let Aubrey know what is happening and then they basically acknowledge that they’re also doomed. In another plot, a girl named Allison is thrown into a closet by her classmates and that is where she comes into contact with the Grudge. It quickly takes care of her classmates along with the principal and then finishes off Allison at the end of the film. The third plot involves a little kid who makes the big mistake of getting in the Grudge’s way and is knocked off. The Grudge: 3 Everyone else: 0

To ensure that you don’t really know what is happening, the film’s 3 plots all happen simultaneously although there is around a 2 year gap between two plots and the third is actually a direct sequel, but the film doesn’t let you know that until the very end. It’s not as if it matters all that much though since the Grudge gets everyone in the end. You watch most horror films with the general understanding that the heroes are doomed. Even if they win, they will die in the twist ending or be corrupted. That’s not fine and I dislike just about all horror films, but this one takes it to the extreme as everyone and their families are also taken out. If you even know anyone who knows the Grudge then you’re doomed.

See, it can exert an evil aura which turns people evil. It mind controls one person into murdering someone else and then does the same thing for a bunch of other people. Some victims it decides to let live for a few months or even years in some cases so they can meet other people and expand its sphere of influence. Keep in mind that this is just for fun though as it can just go and destroy someone whenever it wants too. One character was able to live for months only for the Grudge to appear from inside of her sweater and take her to the underworld. It could do so at any time, but just wanted to prolong the whole thing.

It’s rather depressing if you think about it. I haven’t seen the film in a while so I probably can’t even remember how bad it was, but I remember enough for it to get a fairly low score as it is. There is animal violence thanks to the flashback as a cat is murdered. I believe that there is the generic shower scene or at least I do remember one of the characters being in a locker room when the Grudge pays a visit. The film tries to convince you that the Grudge is super scary by having the main characters panic a lot to the point where they can’t control themselves. They’re tormented each and every day and you know there is no escape so it’s pretty dark.

The film has no end to its grit either as the whole film is just really dark. The Grudge forces a family to be destroyed by one of its own and repeats the process twice. It takes out the main character of the first film in a very dramatic way and the list goes on and on. I think the mind control ability is also what really pushes the concept here since I at least like for the main characters to have their free will. If they can’t fight the Grudge and are also forced to be its lackeys….then that’s just pretty sad. The first film was pretty terrible as well, but this one is even worse. It’s not as if there’s much of a difference when you’re this low, but it shows how you can always continue to get worse and worse. It’s tempting to give this film a 0, but it never gets skeevy the way that most 0 films get. A little more animal violence or general violence would have certainly helped get it there though.

If there’s anything positive to say about the film, it’s that the special effects can be pretty good. The Grudge is certainly pretty menacing even if it is a little overpowered. If you ask me, the Grudge should certainly be stronger than the heroes since that’s kind of the point, but I’d like to see them fight back a bit. If not, then I’d like to see the Grudge beat them with cool looking attacks or something instead of always using dozens upon dozens of jump scares and cheesy reality warping abilities. It can basically do anything and that’s a little too much power for any villain.

One last compliment I can give the film is that it can be interesting. Some scenes are just not fun to watch of course, but there are others that can keep you engaged. The good visuals mixed in with the strong villain will ensure that you aren’t bored. The futility of everything will eventually catch up to you though and we can use the classic car crash example. You can’t look away, but at the same time it’s not as if you want to watch it. It’ll hold your attention, but it’s still a bad event. It’s the same with this movie, it’s interesting enough and will keep your attention, but the whole time you will be constantly reminded that it’s a pretty bad film.

Overall, The Grudge 2 is one of those films that you should avoid at all costs. Horror films try their best, but to this day there has only been one good horror film not counting certain subsections like Scooby Doo. The main problem is that horror films rely on all of the wrong tropes that hurt a normal film so when you blend them together it’s clear that the film is not going to do well. Some of these horror films are at least interesting to watch and I guess that’s a start, but what’s the point if the film isn’t going to be good in the end? You should just go and watch something a little more cheerful like Madoka Rebellion or Charlie Brown instead. At least those films will leave you with a sense of fulfillment.

Overall 1/10

Frankenstein Review

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It’s time for an even older film. Frankenstein is a monster who grew very popular and actually has a lot of fans. Just look at how many films this guy has. It’s quite unbelievable since I’m not a fan of the series by any stretch of the imagination and it’s hard to see how any movie of it could ever be good. I dunno, it just doesn’t have much potential. This one isn’t that bad for most of the film, but it is very boring. There is also one scene which destroys the film and it couldn’t recover from that.

By now, you know the story. Doctor Frankenstein decides to build a monster. Elizabeth, Victor, and a nice old Professor decide to visit Frankenstein to tell him to stop this foolishness. Surprise surprise, he decides to go ahead with the experiment anyway. Frankenstein’s monster is born and now he wants to destroy everyone all around the world. Welllllll, that may not be his total goal, but effectively it is what he is doing. Can the villagers tale this guy down before he harms anyone else?

The monster is supposed to be a sympathetic character typically because everyone treats him really badly and he can do nothing right. The problem here is that this is impossible to do. He murders a little girl and well….you can’t come back from that. The film couldn’t come back from it either. It was a really dark scene that had no place in the film. If she had swam out after he left or been rescued, then it would be fine. Drowning just like that? Nah, that scene was terrible.

Even beyond that, the monster’s just never been an interesting character. He basically invented the strong, but not very smart trope. Not that the other characters were much better. Frankenstein’s the one who caused this whole mishap in the first place. He shouldn’t have tried to build Frankenstein and create life. It was never going to work. The other Doctor doesn’t do much of anything and ends up being more of an observer than anything else. Victor talks tough and tries to stand on even ground with Frankenstein, but when he is told to sit down…he obeys. Elizabeth tries to reason with Frankenstein the whole time, but it is ultimately futile. She never really had an effect on him so there bond wasn’t really all that strong. He would have left them out in the rain if they hadn’t forced the issue by knocking over and over again.

One other issue with the film is that it’s just very boring. The scenes drag on and on and on despite the film being fairly short. By the second half, you’ll start to wonder just what happened. The first half isn’t all that bad. The characters go to the creepy tower. There are some debates. Frankenstein is revived. After that? The film just loses all direction as the monster goes around getting burned by old, blind people and attacks others for no real reason. It’s supposed to be humorous to see Frankenstein get burned and I suppose it was handled better than some of the other plots, but it still wasn’t all that good.

There’s not much more to say about this film because it is the same old Frankenstein story that you have seen a million times. It is the original though so I suppose it isn’t totally fair to call it old. One thing that could have helped the film a little bit would have been to have the monster talk. If he could actually exchange dialogue with the others, then it would at least make the film more interesting. After all, the writing during this time was solid enough where even Frankenstein would have sounded distinguished. It may have been a little tough to swallow, but it beats the alternative. It does make you wonder what would have happened if the proper brain had been given to the monster. I suppose the film would have been more of a slice of life at that point though so it may be moot.

If I have to name one positive thing about the film, it’s that it ages well. At least as far as the effects and cinematography go. It came out before the Wax Museum and yet it definitely looks newer and more polished. That may be more of a shot against the Wax Museum though. Hmmm…even my complements for Frankenstein turn into negatives. What can I say, the concept of Frankenstein is just terrible in my opinion and I don’t see how anyone could turn it into an engaging film without completely rewriting the plot. It just cannot be done I’m afraid. Even Dracula is more engaging as a film and as a character. Just conceptually, I’d rank the popular monsters from best to worst as: Dracula>>Mummy>>Werewolf>>Frankenstein. The Werewolf is close though as that plot isn’t very interesting either. There just isn’t much to it. A guy turning into a monster that looks like a human? Seriously…

Overall, Frankenstein is a more tasteful film than the last Frankenstein adventure that I saw, but not by much. Seriously, the little girl scene leaves a bad taste in your mouth and easily takes off 2-3 stars by itself. I don’t see any reason why you should want to watch this film either as it will just bore you out of your mind. By the end you aren’t even sure who to root for. The angry villagers, the Monster, Frankenstein…or nobody. Regardless, you’ll endure the climax, but I’m sure that the TV will be shut off almost immediately afterwards. If you want to see a good Frankenstein film, then I recommend I Frankenstein. To this day, it’s the only good Frankenstein film. I don’t count films where he just happens to appear as a few more would join the list then. I Frankenstein is a very loose adaption of the mythos, but that’s part of why it is good. Trust me, you can’t go wrong there.

Overall 1/10

Revenge of the Creature Review

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Oh boy folks, strap yourselves in because you’re in for an underwhelming film from the old days. The Creature from the Black Lagoon wasn’t a very good film to be honest, but at least the Gill Man got his props. This sequel makes him look as weak as possible, but still allows you to root for him since the main humans are so terrible. This film showcases some of the undesirable characteristics that people used to have before society got modern. The modern status quo may be pretty sad at times (Presidential Debate) but it also shows how we have gotten a little more civilized in other respects.

Clete has decided to go find the Gill Man and capture him. The Gill Man may have caused a lot of damage in the first film, but Clete is confident that he can handle him. I guess he was right since the Gill Man doesn’t put up much of a fight. Even when he gets people under the water and has the element of surprise, he’s not able to do much. People just swim away from him or break out of the grip. So much for the proportionate strength of a Hollywood monster eh? After Clete captures the Gill Man and forces him to work as a slave in the water circus, he meets up with Helen. Helen had been minding her own business and working on her sketches, but Clete wouldn’t have any of that. After falling in love at first sight, Clete reminds Helen that she will have to give up her professional career so she can be a stay home Mom like she’s supposed to.

Helen agrees and they live happily ever after. In the midst of this rigged situation, the Gill Man tries to break free of his prison and gets shot for his efforts. So the question is…where’s the film going with all of this? Is there a point and I just missed it or is this film just filler and an excuse to show the Gill Man again? Considering how weak he is in this film, I’m sure that his fans would have preferred that he stay lost in the history books of Hollywood. Appearing again just wasn’t worth it.

One of the main reasons why the film was so bad is the animal violence. See, back in the day it was just generally accepted that humans were above animals and could do whatever they wanted to with them. Animals existed purely for entertainment and that’s how they were treated. It’s essentially the same concept as slavery, but with creatures. That’s how the Gill Man is treated here. He is thrown into a tank and zapped just for kicks as Clete wants to show him who’s boss. It’s not even portrayed as a negative thing in the film as it was just the social norm. People who saw it in theaters back in the day probably didn’t think twice about it and were still rooting for Clete to win once the Gill Man resisted. It was just not fun to watch and that’s why I never like to see animals in old films. At the very least, keep the circuses and such away from me.

The main characters are also fairly annoying as well. Clete seems like your average flirt who just approaches everyone until he gets a yes. Naturally, I also didn’t care for him since he was mean to the Gill Man the whole time. Helen isn’t much better either as she is willing to throw away a career that she put a whole lot of time into just because she is going to marry Clete. Society was pretty dicey back then and that’s why she should have just pulled the friend zone card for a little while. If Clete was serious, then he would be willing to wait. There was also a random guy called Joe who wanted Helen as well, but he was quickly taken out of the picture. The Gill Man saw to that.

It’s also worth mentioning that Clete wasn’t as upset as you would expect once the Gill Man kidnapped Helen. He actually made a point of grabbing the microphone and saying that he didn’t want to see any heroics. Saving Helen was important, but he didn’t want anyone to risk their lives until they called for backup and had a good offensive ready. That’s all well and good, but it takes time. Clete should have been the one yelling for everyone to attack and the chief could have cut him off. Clete just felt very shallow and fake as a result. You’ll feel more sympathy for the two random teenagers who try to save Helen, but are quickly taken down for the count.

The Gill Man’s not a very interesting creature even though he is better than the leads. His super strength seems very sporadic as he is clearly shown to be stronger than the average human, but he can’t even beat one when he is in the water. He does once or twice, but they are usually able to escape him rather easily, which is pretty suspect. I’d expect more out of the Gill Man and since he apparently has to return to the water every few seconds, that’s a pretty big weakness. There was no way he was going to escape with Helen like that although he probably should have just gone to the water with her. He should have enough strength to swim in the ocean while keeping her up. As it is, he had no real plan and never had a chance at success.

Overall, This just isn’t a very fun film at all. It’s not enjoyable to see the humans toy with the Gill Man for a while before finally putting him down. Since there is another film, I guess the Gill Man may have escaped, but even so it’s just a rather depressing story. It’s just around for humans to feel dominant and unlikable. Hollywood can definitely do much better with their stories and I expect more out of them. I definitely do not recommend this film and if you ask me, you should probably watch the new Shin Godzilla film instead. It has a lot more dignity and better writing at its disposal.

Overall 1/10

X: The Man with the X Ray Eyes Review

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Wait a minute, this film has almost a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes? Mind blown! Anyway, this is a Roger Corman film, so you can probably guess that it is basically rubbish. It’s the kind of film that forces you to take a step back and think about how this guy has somehow had a steady film career. Surely there are better writers somewhere…right? Ah well, at least the concept here is fairly interesting, even if it cannot ultimately save the film.

We have a guy named Xavier. He wants to use eye drops to improve sight and ultimately make the world a better place. Unfortunately, he decides to test it out on animals and they don’t last very long as a result. Not realizing just how deplorable this is, Xavier decides to do it to himself next. The problem is that the drops work too well and have many side effects. They make him more violent and unreasonable and have an addicting effect as well. Throw in the fact that he can see through people and is likely blasting them with radiation and you have a very confused main character. His only hope now is to become a mystical doctor, but can he really pull this off or is he toast?

Whenever a character is roasted and toasted, you know that it’s going to be a long day. Unfortunately, I can’t even give the film that much credit because there is no witty dialogue to be found here. The film opens up with a very long scene of an eyeball in a jar of blood. It’s a very gross and disturbing way to start the film, but it helped set the stage for the rest of the film. While it may be old, The Man with the X Ray Eyes still tries to be violent for extra edge. The other big moment that is guilty of this is the very ending. I don’t think anyone cares about spoilers, but skip this paragraph if you don’t want to know the ending. Well, it turns out that Xavier gets so desperate that he rips his eyes out. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that it had any real effect and things will just get even worse for him. He began to see cosmic energy and the beginning of time so maybe he was just too far gone by that point.

It was definitely intriguing to have Xavier run into a church for that moment though. To his credit, the Pastor took it all in stride, but he seemed rather unhinged. He had already been yelling quite passionately and told Xavier that what he was seeing was the Devil. It’s a fairly bold claim since this pastor had absolutely no way to know anything that was going on, but he was on a role I suppose and Xavier took the words to heart. “If Thine Eye offends thee, Pluck it out!” While that quote can certainly be used literally, it’s definitely more of a figurative thing. Whatever is causing you to sin is something that you have to remove from your life. Whether it be a hobby, action, or an influence. I suppose that getting rid of a part of your body is a rather extreme way to solve that problem, but given that your body is special a created just for you, I would highly advise against taking Xavier’s route. At least it worked for the shock value I guess….

Either way, Xavier wasn’t likable from the start. He went crazy rather quickly and very quickly began to abuse his powers once he found that he could see through people. Xavier even murdered his partner because the he had a mild disagreement with the guy. The situation just kept getting more and more unsympathetic for the main lead. I suppose the gig that he got for being a mystic was a constructive way to use his powers, but it definitely seems rather limited. Sure, he can see what is wrong with a patient, but that can only help so much. I liked his business partner though as the guy figured Xavier’s past out and was very quick to bring out the blackmail card. I wasn’t expecting anything less from such a shady fellow. It does make the cops look rather bad though since they had no idea where to even begin looking for Xavier.

It’s a short film so there is not a whole lot of other content to discuss here. The film doesn’t really have a soundtrack and I can’t say much for the visuals. I suppose that they were almost okay for its time, but as it is, Corman is not exactly known for his high budget in these films. There were a few supporting characters like the business partner, the original partner, and the main heroine. Their roles are very small though with the heroine’s biggest moment being when she found the main character. Beyond that, they were all just bystanders who couldn’t do much to stop or help Xavier. The guy was on his own.

Overall, You should watch this film as a cautionary tale on why you shouldn’t overdose. The problems here would not have happened if Xavier hadn’t put a whole bottle into his eyes instead of the prescribed 2-4 drops. He just got super greedy and it led to his downfall. That being said, don’t think for a second that I actually recommend this film. You should stay far away from this title and I could recommend a few dozen other films that are much better than this one. The whole film is just rather depressing and dull. Nothing really happens and nothing good happens either. You’re essentially watching a film that lacks purpose and motivation. The characters are certainly not likable and the sketchy beginning and ending don’t help matters either. This film beats the Bucket of Blood, but loses to the Pet Shop of Horrors. Well, at least this film didn’t obtain the really elusive 0.

Overall 1/10

Night Monster Review

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It’s time for another retro film with monster in the title, but no actual creature to be found. That’s never a good sign and this is another film that’s not all that great. It tries its best to be spooky and intense, but annoying characters and sad moments end up making this another film with a lot that is left to be desired. Ah well, at least you can take solace in the fact that this proves an old guy really just needs some magic in order to get back into the world. Don’t look at that line too closely for spoiler purposes though.

The premise starts with three doctors visiting an old guy (Curt) that they were unable to help a while back. He is now crippled and may blame the doctors for his current condition. Nevertheless, he has invited them to his mansion in the middle of nowhere for some reason. These three men suspect nothing, but maybe they should. A psychiatrist by the name of Lynn also shows up as she was called by Margaret, Curt’s sister to prove that Margaret isn’t actually crazy. The girl knows more than she lets on, but the house maid tries to prevent Lynn from finding anything out.

Curt’s big revelation is that he has a mystic by the name of Agar who is able to summon bleeding skeletons back to life to do all sorts of things. They can create objects out of nothing, but these objects only last for a limited period of time. The plot thickens when one of the scientists die and then the body count starts to rise. Who is behind these deaths. Could it be one of the Doctors? Is it the mystery writer, Dick, or is it maybe the Butler? There is no shortage of suspects to be found here.

The whole thing could have been pretty interesting. The concept certainly isn’t bad and I do like a good murder mystery. This film just tried too hard to be edgy instead and digs its own grave. For starters, we have Lawrie. He’s your classic sexist character from the old days and he goes after a lady who doesn’t live past the first 20-30 minutes. She wants to get out of the house because it has gotten a little too dangerous, but she makes the mistake of heading back there after dark. The monster was ready by then along with the fact that her taxi driver was gullible and deserted her after he was told that she was going to spend the night. Did he really think that she would after she had gone to such lengths to escape?

Her dying isn’t really the terrible part. It was rather tragic, but it was handled all right. The main sad part is that initially Lawrie gave her a drive, but then quickly has his way with her before another guy happened to show up and get her out of the tough spot. Lawrie spends the rest of the film flirting with other characters and also attempts to get physical again when he is interrupted by Dick. Some of the characters know about his antics, but nobody speaks up about it. Lawrie eventually bites the dust, but his presence severely hurt the film.

Curt’s not a bad old man. He’s passive aggressive with the 3 scientists quite a lot and also tries to boss around his sister. I don’t think she should have gone for that since as siblings they should be roughly equal, but she is far too timid the whole time. She also knows a great deal about who the culprit is, but doesn’t help until it is far too late and at least 50% of the cast has already been bumped off. As you can tell, I didn’t care much for Margaret. Curt was fairly average. I didn’t really find him to be unreasonable. He can be a little generic, but that’s not too bad I suppose.

Rolf’s a fairly mean butler, but I’d expect nothing less. He should have certainly had Lawrie fired ages ago though so I doubt his credibility as a professional. He’s not really a bad character so you should definitely peg him as a suspect. There’s also Agar, the mystical fellow who can summon the skeletons. I found him to mostly just be annoying and he’s also someone that knows a lot about what is going on. He’s super suspicious and even if he is not guilty, you can really call him an accomplice.

Lynn was the “tough” female lead who talks back to Curt and tries not to get bossed around, but her attempts do not always work. Her romance with Dick is certainly pretty awful and considering that she seems to realize that everyone is trying to keep her away from Margaret, she should have made more of an effort to stay with her. By the time she acts, Margaret has already started to get a split personality and cracks in her memory. Lynn took way too long.

Dick’s the classic tough guy and you could call him the main character. His role isn’t as big as you would expect based on that title, but he’s completely full of confidence and that sets him apart from the rest. He’s your stereotypical lead in basically every way. He tries to be heroic and sees to it that justice is served. There’s not much to him, but that’s okay I suppose.

Finally, we actually do have a character that’s not just good, but great. This is Captain Beggs, the only character who talks tough to the whole cast. They passive aggressively try to get him to leave many times, but he just insults them and keeps on going. This guy isn’t having any of that and just about every one of his lines is hardcore. Even when he’s threatened with lines like “You and what army?” he always has a response ready. “Just me” Beggs doesn’t back down to anyone and while he may be a little slow to pick up on the clues sometimes, he’s always brave. He heads into shadowy closets without hesitation and since he is picking a fight with a rich guy who has influence, Beggs clearly doesn’t care about that either. He was a silver lining in a film that was rather dreadful otherwise.

At the very least, the film really tries its best to throw in a lot of red herrings so that the culprit isn’t too obvious. The ploys fail and you will probably guess who the main villain is within the first 10 minutes. The motive is simply too rich for the writers to pass up on even if the film does its best to try and make you doubt it. The film, while not overly long, also does a decent job of spreading time out between each murder so you can have the characters all show up again as you try to guess who is guilty. Tension is always crucial in these kinds of films so you want them to have time to run around and try to figure things out.

Overall, This film simply couldn’t stay classy. Lawrie single handily destroyed the film so blame him on its low score. If you can get past him then maybe you’ll enjoy this film, but I recommend checking out another classic murder mystery like And Then There Were None instead. Even if this film was all right, there are simply better options to choose from in the same genre so there is no point for you to be desperate enough to choose this one. The title is also just super misleading. I guess some films want to be “cool” by making the term monster rather figurative like in the new Cloverfield film, but it just doesn’t work for me. If you mention the word monster, then I’m going to be expecting something a little more epic. Also, the final scuffle should have not been so close, the heroes simply got sloppy. Finally, there was no real reason for the skeletons to bleed. That seemed to only be around so the characters could have clues to run with. There’s no logical reason for that to happen…it’s like the film just needed an excuse for it to occur so the film would have a gimmick. The problem is that the supernatural angle never transforms from a gimmick into something meaningful.

Overall 1/10

Carnival of Souls Review

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It’s time to look at an old film that wasn’t very good. If you’re not surprised…then that’s fine. While the film tries to be incredibly deep with all of its odd visuals and strangeness lurking about, it ultimately loses its sense of direction. The ending is terrible and you are left wondering how you could have guessed the final twist within the first 10 minutes. Why….whyyyyyyyy!

It was an ordinary day in town at first. Mary and her friends were driving along when they got challenged to a race. They accepted, but it turns out to be their final mistake as the group plunged into the ocean and everyone died. The police eventually got to the scene of the crime, but it was all lost to the waters. Everything was lost…except for Mary. She shows up out of nowhere, but doesn’t have much of a recollection on what has transpired. Thinking that she is in shock, everyone gives her some space. She moves away to a distant town to become the organ player for a Church. She openly admits to anyone who will listen that she doesn’t actually believe in God though. She rents a room at a quiet little motel. That’s when things start to get crazy.

Mary begins to see a strange man following her. Just like a ghost, he’ll vanish and reappear at will. Mary is also beginning to lose her connection with the real world as she’ll be stuck in a dead zone. When she is in the dead zone, nobody can hear or see her. She is able to move around regardless and when the time is up, she’ll have essentially teleported as far as the civilians are concerned. The problem is that the dead zones grow longer and longer. Eventually, she may not have a way back. Finally, the only other person at her motel seems to be a very shady individual and someone that she can’t trust. Will Mary be all right?

This film has a lot of problems. One of them is certainly the fact that the main character is not likable in the slightest. She has gone through a tough time so it makes sense that she is rather off, but I simply didn’t care for how she handled the situation at all. She was rather rude to everyone and would act tough only to break down time and time again. Mary could not make up her mind at all and had so many sudden panic attacks that they got old really fast. A better lead could have gone a long way.

Another thing that held it all back was the motel roommate. He had no purpose in the film other then to cause a lot of tension. He constantly tries to get in Mary’s room and flirts with her to no end until she finally relents. The film portrays him as a bad guy the whole time and while nothing really comes of it thanks to her supernatural panics, it’s just pretty wince worthy the whole time. Cutting him out of the film would have certainly been great since he did nothing but bog it all down.

The ending is also another sour spot. Skip this paragraph if you don’t want spoilers. Have you left yet? All right, here we go! Mary was dead all along. Yeah, the film wasn’t very subtle about this so you could tell right from the get go. I was just hoping that the film wouldn’t go that route. It does me one better though as we find out that Mary simply needs to accept her death and lose the will to live. She tries to defy this fate by clinging to her life and disrupting the natural balance of things, but ultimately she is forced to choose death. She is attacked by a gang of ghosts and is completely defeated. It’s such a truly terrible ending that you’ll be left in mild shock. The whole journey was all for naught. Mary never had a chance and the moral of the story is actually that she needs to accept her death? That’s just horrible.

Ugh, what positives are there? Well, I liked the psychiatrist. He did a good job of helping Mary remember that this is all happening in her head. She has to defy the visions and stay strong. It’s easy to say, but hard to do and Mary never had the strongest resolve in the first place. When you also consider the fact that her life is in constant danger, the only possible conclusion is that she needs to watch her back. If she had one other person who could see these apparitions, that would have certainly helped. I liked the old lady who owned the motel as well. She was pretty reasonable and did her best to make the stay comfortable for Mary. My only gripe is that she had no idea that she rented the other room to a rather suspect fellow. Mary should have let her know from the start that this had happened. Man, that roommate really hurt the film. Every time I remember him, it just gets worse and worse.

The Church goers were all right. I think the Pastor overreacted by yelling at Mary so much for playing a tune when Church was over. Apparently it was sacrilege or something so he kicked her out. He tried to sound a little regretful afterwards, but it wasn’t very helpful by that point. Mary didn’t really do much to defend herself as she was a pretty bad character as well, but I do think that the pastor could have done a much better job on his own.

The film did do a decent job of getting the Twilight Zone vibe in though. With the zombies randomly showing up everywhere and the deserted fun house nearby, it was a perfect setup for these spooky situations. I think the film could have had a lot of potential had it just stuck to this and not wasted time in adding the motel roommate. I’m probably starting to repeat myself on that, but it’s just so crucial. This film probably still would not have been good anyway as I still think that the ending was terrible and Mary is unlikable, but it would have still helped quite a bit.

Overall, I definitely do not recommend the Carnival of Souls. While the eerie tone does work pretty well, the rest of the film simply isn’t able to stand up to it. Mary may have been disrupting reality itself, but she should have just taken that in stride and ignored the spirits running around. The dead should just worry about themselves. It would have been cool if Mary could fight and had tried to attack the wraiths. Ah well, that’s something that usually doesn’t happen in these kinds of films so I’d need to wait for a parody of sorts. If you want a spooky film that keeps it real, check out a classic Abbott and Costello film.

Overall 1/10

The Black Castle Review

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It’s time for another old film so I’m sure you know what that means right? This one’s another stinker, but at least it doesn’t even try to be all that good so that’s a start. The film is fairly short and so it doesn’t really drag on, but at the same time, you wonder when the characters will stop making bad decisions. They walk into one trap after another and don’t really think anything through. At the very least, they remind you that rich parties typically aren’t that fun. All you do is get drunk and run around a lot.

Two of Ronald’s friends were mysteriously murdered a while back. Ronald suspects that the Baron (Bruno) assassinated them because his group had exposed Bruno’s mortality to a tribe which ran him out. Ronald wants to prove that Bruno did this so he decides to pay the guy a visit. Bruno never met Ronald in person so Ronald still has the element of surprise. He makes it to the castle under a false guise just in time for a large party that is being held. The situation gets a little more complicated when Ronald finds out that Bruno’s wife is also in a sticky situation so he has to try and save her, but that may tip Bruno off. Can Ronald’s sword skills save the day?

At the very least, I can safely say that Ronald talks a good game. He berates his opponents and likes to keep up the fake formalities. The villains know that they tried to destroy Ronald and he knows it as well, but he pretends not too. He still goes to enjoy their hospitality and Bruno tries to destroy him a few more times until Ronald finally puts an end to that. I can’t say that he’s a very likable main character though. For starters, he does nothing to help the Black Panther since it would put his own life at risk. He also can’t control himself and flirts with Bruno’s wife quite a lot. Naturally, Bruno and Elga don’t get along at all and the marriage was an arranged one, but it should still be kept in mind that at the moment she is married. Ronald still leaves anyway, but is convinced to return to the villain base. Will this end badly for him? Yes…yes it will.

See, let us keep in mind the fact that Ronald knows this is a trap. He knows that everyone is out to destroy him yet Ronald quickly runs forward into the cage without looking behind him. This quickly gets him locked up and beaten up several times. Even after he crosses the trail of Crocodiles, the villains just calmly walk around and one shot him again. It definitely wasn’t Ronald’s day. Despite the bold words, it is actually Bruno who gets the most laughs the whole time. He is in control and reminds Ronald of this at every turn. Even taunting him when Ronald tried to be defiant in walking towards the secret door. It didn’t work of course as this activated a trap, but Ronald tried…

Bruno’s certainly not a likable villain though. He likes committing animal violence and is a womanizer. There’s no redeemable qualities to find in him even if the film tries to show that he can be a decent competitor. It’s really all just an act and he probably bumps off anyone who beats him at an event. It’s just the kind of guy that he is. I can’t say that I cared for Elga much either. There’s nothing that she can really do in her situation, but I would have liked to have seen her try a little more. Even just sneaking out of the house when Ronald first left could have worked. Then she also does a good job of nearly spilling the beans a few times when she is interrogated.

If you’re a supporting character in this film, then you’re probably doomed. Ronald’s best friend tries to hold off an army with a chair. It’s not a bad plan, but then he breaks it on the first guy who approaches so that’s that. There was also a crooked doctor who had some fairly convenient medicine in his pocket, but he made the mistake of using it and then going back to the main villains. They somehow didn’t pick up the clues immediately, but it was only a matter of time. Not to mention the fact that he pulls this off more than once so anyone could figure it out at that point. He still didn’t seem to suspect the shot in the back though.

Either way, this film was doomed right away. Even if you take away the unlikable characters, you’ve still got the animal violence. It seems to be a trait that a lot of these retro villains share. They like to beat on the weak to make themselves feel strong. Real villains don’t need to bother about such lesser things. Seeing the Black Panther starved and then shot was the film’s way of reminding me that it was terrible. I quickly agreed and here we are.

I also found the situation to be a little too unbelievable. So, the government can’t intervene because there is no proof. I can understand that, but Ronald is apparently one of their great war heroes. Shouldn’t they at least send a few guards along with him? It sounds like everyone knows that Bruno is evil and leading a tribe is rather nebulous. He is also forcing everyone in the city to pay him taxes so the guy is an official dictator. Ronald’s allies could have helped him liberate the city, I don’t think Bruno’s clout should have been enough to completely deter them all. Bruno gets too much hype in general. His first big scene is him watching someone get painful medicine and then nullifying a lot of it by injuring the guy’s wound. It’s supposed to be hardcore, but instead it is painful to watch, just like most of the movie.

The Black Castle simply isn’t any fun. It’s a very mean spirited movie that leaves only a bleak outcome for everyone. The fate of the heroes would have been quite sad as well since they were completely paralyzed and nearly got buried alive. If you’re looking for any happy scenes here, then you’re not going to get much at all. The main romance is hard to get behind and the party is basically filled with rather soulless people who don’t seem to care about anything. I guess they all want to be on Bruno’s good side, but that just shows how desperate they are.

Overall, The Black Castle is one of those films where you’ll end up shaking your head quite a lot. What was the point of this movie? Who knows! Why should I be interested in the plot? Nobody knows! Is the ending supposed to be happy because the two main leads can be together now or is it sad because everyone else died? I think it’s supposed to be happy because Ronald seemed to get over the side characters quite quickly. He was also super sloppy and one of the villains found out about him almost immediately because of it. He got lucky with the fact that another villain decided to quickly dust off his license to kill. This is definitely not a film that you will want to check out and I’d recommend going to Burger King and ordering 5 whoppers instead of checking out this film again. It may be a little more pricey, but at least it’ll keep your attention.

Overall 1/10

Curucu Beast of the Amazon Review

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This film makes you feel pretty sad after watching it. There’s simply not much that this film was able to accomplish except leaving you with an empty void. The title wasn’t all that promising anyway, but I like to think that any film with the subtitle “Beast of the Amazon” has got to be pretty hype. It makes you think of Godzilla or some other giant monster. Curucu doesn’t sound all that intimidating though so that might have been a bit of a mistake if we’re being honest here. While it’s certainly not as bad as Don’t Be Afraid of The Dark, it’s on that level.

Rock is your average explorer guy who goes around trying to have fun. He hears that a giant monster has been scaring away Indians and now they are considering a return to their old way of life. They’ll move back to their old homes and they will stop adapting to the modern world. Rock can’t have that since he wants to be rich and famous so he agrees to go over there and beat up the monster. Andrea beats him to the punch though so he ends up being her assistant and a friendly Indian by the name of Tumpanico comes along as well in the form of a guide. The three characters prepare themselves for this tricky journey.

So, where to start on how this film turned into a train wreck? Well, there is one aspect that stands out above the rest. The random animal violence doomed this film to mediocrity at best. There are quite a few scenes where we will randomly see an animal destroy another one and the scenes have no rhyme or reason to them. The director was likely trying to buy some time since the film doesn’t have much of a plot, but that’s one of the worst ways that you can pass the time. It is simply not worth it. I think the film could have managed to grab a 3 or maybe a 4 if it was super lucky, but that certainly wasn’t going to happen now. The 4 was a long shot anyway.

The writing is also pretty bad as it tries to bring us all of the really outdated Indian stereotypes that we have grown out of. They all act very barbaric and unintelligent. One of them gropes the main heroine for no reason which was definitely a terrible scene. We also get a pair of scenes where Rock walks up to the Indians and starts punching one of them. The guy was trying to encourage the Indians to run away and Rock couldn’t have that. The Indian doesn’t put up much of a fight and then the story starts to move again. There was no point to either one of these scuffles.

There is another issue with the film that ultimately haunts it just about as much as these other problems. This one’s a spoiler so I recommend skipping this paragraph unless you want to know about it. Are you ready? Prepare yourself! The monster isn’t real. It is just Tumpanico putting on a costume and murdering his fellow Indians to convince them to run away. It explains why it took him so many tries to destroy a lady even when he had the element of surprise and she had her hands full carrying a pot of water. It’s a pretty cheap twist though and you have to ask yourself why he would even wear the costume? It seems like this is a rather terrible way to achieve his vision and not the most effective method either. The monster suit looked decently cool, but we came here to watch a monster, not a guy playing dress up.

As the main character, Rock isn’t any good either. He’s the kind of guy who flirts with everyone and will then flirt with another character while the heroine is still around. Unfortunately, she falls for him anyway, which is quite sad. We even get some scenes with the two of them eating really gross meals including insects, dirt, and “anything that moves” according to the Rock. It makes for some really tragic scenes and Rock doesn’t do anything to show that he could be even a slightly cool character. As it stands, he just brings the rest of the film down with him. He sets the bar low and the film responds by lowering it further. There’s not much to say about Andrea. She allows herself to simply be the trophy for Rock by the end and she negates all of her tough talk by constantly panicking and fainting. I’m waiting for her to actually get tough in the sequel, but luckily we never got another movie to continue this.

The film isn’t long by any means and that is a good thing. It never actually drags on, but the whole thing is just very pointless, which is just as bad. The characters always act scared of the Indians, but play along anyway. It’s clear that Rock only sees them as brutes, but the film only serves to strengthen the notion that he is right, rather than clearing it up. We are even told that the main villain is a Christian although he may have just been humoring the pastor who was there. The pastor didn’t seem all that nice though and it wasn’t a very flattering representation of the religion by this guy. Of course, some people’s definition of Christianity was quite warped back in the day. There were certainly a lot of fakes and posers back then.

The film’s best chance would have been to have stayed in the city instead of going to the jungle. Seeing the other businessmen talk a good game along with the Rock would have been a more entertaining film. Just watching all of the bluster and posturing could have made for a decently good game of mental chess. It wouldn’t have gone anywhere since you need actual writing to have a good strategic match of wits, but it would be a start and still beats the alternative. Better yet, have an actual Kaiju show up with a chessboard. It would definitely be original!

Overall, The only saving grace of the film is the fact that it is barely an hour. You can watch it while eating supper and then quickly try to forget about it. Of course, the most effective course of action is to simply not watch it in the first place. If you want to watch a monster film, just watch one that actually has a monster. Godzilla, Gamera, Beast From 20000 Fathoms, or something like that. Those films stay classy and provide you with a good story. This one just reminds you that a bad plot twist can only make a bad film even worse. Double negatives don’t suddenly turn into positives when it comes to films. The animal violence still boggles my mind though. Why would the film do such a thing? Whyyyyyyyyyyy!

Overall 1/10

Don’t Be Afraid of The Dark Review

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Disclaimer: This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be read as such. A review of the unedited version would likely be even more negative.

It’s time for another horror film. Unfortunately, it doesn’t fare any better than the average one. The film may not be afraid of the dark, but it’s also not afraid to step into every possible cliche. There is nothing original or even semi interesting to be found here. Even the villains are very weak and unimpressive. Add in the fact that all of the characters are annoying and you’ve got the makings of a very sad film on your hands. It’s not the worst horror film by any means, but even for a horror title…it’s one of the weaker ones. The film is right about one thing though…the fear is not made up. You definitely feel fear for your attention span while trying to watch this film!

Alex and Kim have finally nabbed a large house. As interior decorators, they know how to make the place look attractive and the money can start rolling in. Unfortunately, Sally is staying over for the weekend and won’t be leaving anytime soon. It seems to be related to custody issues and now Alex has his daughter back. She doesn’t like Kim at all though and decides from the get go that they won’t be friends. Tensions continue to rise when Gremlins start to frame Sally for many tricky situations like all of Kim’s clothes being torn up. Can Sally hope to stop these little monsters or will they continue to pull pranks and eat people?

The Gremlins are tiny though and they are very weak when it comes to durability. Stepping on one of them is enough to end the fight as shown a few times. A kid can beat them so that kind of destroys the scare factor. They simply aren’t interesting villains either way though. Even if they were physically tougher, the design doomed them to 2nd string status for good. I can’t say that I’m surprised though.

Don’t Be Afraid of The Dark started off on a terrible note right from the get go as we see an old man destroy a maid and then give her to the Gremlins. They decide that the sacrifice isn’t enough though and destroy the old man next. The segment is so terrible and needlessly violent that a 2 was as high as the film was going to get by that point. No need to make it so dark as to have the Gremlins eat teeth, they could have settled for soul snatching or something like that.

The action scenes are all pretty terrible in the film as well. Since the Gremlins can’t fight, they have to grab scissors and other blunt objects to attack with while Sally uses her Camera to retaliate. Watching Alex also lose to the Gremlins was pretty sad. For a horror film, there surprisingly aren’t many “scare” scenes, but I suppose they were hoping that seeing the Gremlins was enough to achieve that effect. They certainly did do a number on the local Gardner who tried to hide the secret of the Gremlins. Why was he hiding them? I dunno, seems like a terrible move on his part since he could have helped to avoid the whole situation.

The ending is also pretty terrible. Kim decides to help Sally out and fights the Gremlins while Alex gets knocked out again. They eventually overpower her and throw her to the underworld where they are. Alex watches and then decides that he won’t risk his life to save hers. I mean, they were a couple and you’d think that risking his life for her is something that he’d do without a second thought, but clearly Alex wasn’t quite that brave. He was already a very unlikable character, but that didn’t help matters. As for the film ending on that really tragic and sad note…it didn’t help the film’s case either.

We’re already discussed how Alex was unlikable. He kept putting the job ahead of his kid. Sally was also on the annoying side since she had a sour attitude from the start and it is part of the reason why Alex doesn’t believe her when she denies being responsible for the mayhem that the Gremlins start. Kim’s really the only reasonable character here as she tries to get along with Sally, but she also didn’t help the situation too much at times. Considering that the place isn’t soundproof and Sally is right next door, she should have probably held off on the “fun times” with Alex for a little while. That’s not going to win her any brownie points with Sally.

Even once Kim realized that the Gremlins were real, she sure took her time doing anything about it. At least she finally began to pack, but still left Sally by herself for a while. Not a good move since Sally was the main target the entire time. No reason why Sally can’t just follow Kim around right? They still may not have been able to defeat the Gremlins since they kept making rookie mistakes, but their odds would be better. Just don’t go to their home base where they have extra power….it wasn’t a wise move. Of course, they were dragged there, but it just goes to show that numbers are important. If only they could have convinced the guests to help out, but the Gremlins know better than to show themselves while the guests are there right?

Well…they actually didn’t care. They attacked even with the guests present, but somehow they weren’t spotted. These Gremlins certainly weren’t the smartest villains out there, but I guess they got the job done anyhow. There isn’t really a soundtrack here although the opening credits theme wasn’t bad. Having one decent tune is actually more than I would expect from this title. Nothing else stands out about the film when it comes to the technical aspects.

Overall, Don’t Be Afraid of The Dark is your average horror film. It grabs all of the cliches like evil old men, random bath scenes, fanservice, terrible jump scares, excessive violence, sad ending, and throws them all together without any real subtlety. The characters make all of the wrong decisions like you would expect and the cast is fairly unlikable. Kim was the only decent character and she’s still not great by any means. In case it wasn’t too clear from the review, I heavily recommend avoiding this film. There’s nothing to be gained from watching this title and even among horror films, it is simply terrible. If it ever gets a sequel or a remake, my advice would be to make it 20 minutes long and see if the writers can use that as an excuse to cut out all of the sad cliches. The shorter the better is always my recommendation for horror movies.

Overall 1/10

Suicide Squad Review

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Suicide Squad got a lot of hype early on since it was going to be a “superhero” film about super villains. If the concept behind this wasn’t terrible enough then the actual product makes sure to finish the job. I would actually go as far as to say that this is the worst superhero film of all time. This is only counting titles that I have seen of course as Batman The Killing Joke and other extreme titles like Deadpool could possibly still lose to this one. As it stands, Suicide Squad did an admirable job of lowering the bar considering that titles like Catwoman, Flashpoint Paradox, (While not on the same level of terrible, Flashpoint destroyed an entire dvd line so there’s that) and Justice League Gods and Monsters. There’s really not much to like about this film, but a whole lot to despise. In all fairness, I had a hunch that I was not going to like this film from the start and my hunches are rarely wrong. The tagline of them being the worst heroes was already a sign of things to come. It had some of the worst posters that I have ever seen for an action film and the trailer was pretty bad. I really didn’t think that the film could turn things around.

Like Batman V Superman, this film may also be getting an R rated extended cut as some point. As with the former, I’m sure that it’ll be even worse. It hasn’t been confirmed, but good ole Reddit scooped up a rumor of the scenes that were cut and if even half of those are true, this film really could have gotten a 0. Whoever did the editing for this film definitely deserves some props. That being said, he should have cut out another good chunk of the film to really make it watchable.

The plot involves a corrupt business woman named Amanda Waller. As she is a murderer who is protected by the government, she decides that it would be a good idea to get more murderers into the streets. They can go on suicide missions and possibly get some other people along the way. She manages to capture Harley Quinn, Captain Boomerang, Deadshot, and some other guys with a little help from Batman. After putting a bomb in their necks, she sends them off on their first mission to stop a supernatural threat which has been murdering people for 3 days. (A little late eh?) Can these humans hope to win?

Let’s back up one more time. The Suicide Squad idea was presented after someone asked a hypothetical question about what the government could have done if Superman had burst into the White House and attacked. Amanda brings up the Suicide Squad, but there should have been a lot of laughter in the room with several members running out the door. These guys would have trouble with Batman…they wouldn’t last a second against Superman. This has to be the worst idea ever presented when you think about the fact that there is 0% chance of success. Ah well, I guess it’s good that the government is humoring Waller before she stabs them all in the back.

The main problem with the film is the general gritty vibe that it goes for. This translates into every other aspect of the film. First and foremost is the terrible writing. The characters use the s word more than some abridged episode on Youtube and those titles don’t shy away from language. There’s a curse word in just about every sentence and it just never, ever ends. Every single joke has to use a curse word as well and you’ll wish that there was a censor. The amount of beeps would drive everyone crazy, but it would be worth it to save the writing. Harley Quinn’s very first scene is her pulling a “New 52 Starfire” as she lets the guards know that she is a free woman, but on her terms to put it nicely. Harley Quinn’s a terrible character like the others, but more on that later. Unlike Batman V Superman, which had some of the greatest dialogue in a CBM, this one had no good lines and all of the moments that could have been cool were destroyed by the language.

Next up is the terrible soundtrack. It is easily the worst soundtrack of all time. The songs naturally have a lot of cursing in them as well with the quick f-word drop to remind us that every PG-13 film has to use it at least once now. Hopefully the Marvel Cinematic Universe keeps it out of their movies. Even if the beats were occasionally cool, the lyrics threw you out of every moment and the film would have been better off without any songs. Silent films did work fairly well back in the day after all. If a film’s got nothing nice to say, then it should keep everything to itself.

For a film with this intense name, there isn’t actually a lot of cool action in Suicide Squad. There’s only one real fight scene at the very end of the film as the team takes on a mystical god. The problem is the fact that the writers should have never put a team of humans to take on such a powerful fighter. The villain could have destroyed all of them in an instant, but plot hax took control at this point and steered the villains to safety. The way that the Squad deals with the threat by the end is terrible and makes no actual sense. The writers had put themselves in a hole and couldn’t get out. For the rest of the film, you only get to see the Squad beating up police guards, army men, of CGI rock creatures that can’t fight back. Not the most thrilling fight scene if you ask me.

Also, once again….I just can’t root for these villains as the main characters. They don’t care for justice and they work for a mass murderer who always takes out innocent civilians. You really want the CGI rock creatures to defeat them and put an end to the whole debacle. It’s quite telling that the film jumps into the climax very quickly, but then spends an extremely long time getting out. This is complete with beer breaks and the like. The pacing was admirable, but the film clearly didn’t know what it wanted to do from there. It also couldn’t handle the suspense as well as a film like Resident Evil because the characters in the Evil series were much more likable even if they were throwaways. At the very least, you could root for Alice. Here…even the GI Joe character was fairly bad the whole time. It’s also a comic book film where the Squad have equipment/actual powers so it’s hard to get up to the same intensity. Maybe if the rock creatures had actually been Xenomorphs or if there was a good soundtrack, but there wasn’t. The film tried to play itself out as a zombie outbreak kind of title, but never went all the way because of its identity crisis.

All right, let’s take a quick break from bashing the film. The special effects were fairly good even if they were out of place. The two supernatural villains had fairly good designs. One of them went for the classic “Gods of Egypt” look which was cool. He actually looked like a cooler version of Apocalypse than what we got in the new X-Men film. His abilities were great as well and he was a great antagonist. It’s a shame that he had to be put in a film consisting of D listers. The other villain looked like something out of the Grudge and she tried to throw the horror aspect into the story. Once again though, this element disappears as swiftly as it arrives and she turned out to be too powerful. She could have eliminated the Squad many times and her plan really should have succeeded, but we do need those sequels….

The visuals look like what I’m expecting from the Ghost Busters film or even Dr. Strange to an extent. The film really goes all out trying to make the villain very eccentric and ritual-esque. She does a lot of odd dances even has basic hypnosis. It felt like something from the 90’s. It worked fairly well, but again..you should never pair a god against random humans. So, at least the visuals were a positive and the villains worked pretty well. Too bad we couldn’t save them for the Justice League film as that title is desperately looking for a villain. Even the Wonder Woman film would have been glad to have them.

Back to the negatives. Lets look at it from a character by character basis. Captain Boomerang is terrible as he’s just another drunk murderer who tricks other people into dying and has a nice laugh about it. There’s nothing to like with this guy. Deadshot is the most “heroic” of the bunch, but he’s not a hero by any definition and only helps people according to his own sense of twisted morals. It is quite telling that his number one wish for happiness is to murder Batman. He may try to be sympathetic, but he’s as ruthless as they come and no amount of jokes can help gloss over the fact that he is a mass murderer.

Harley Quinn may be the character who is supposed to stand out in the film, but she is portrayed in a very negative light. For starters, she is mainly used as fanservice with her costume basically just being a pair of undergarments for the entire film. A great deal of her lines are suggestive and her relationship with the Joker is very twisted. He tortures her when they first meet and there’s nothing shown to suggest that things have changed in the slightest. She’s basically his possession and that’s certainly not a proper relationship. As long as she stays with him, her life certainly isn’t going to get any better and I’ll be rooting against them since this is not the kind of relationship that should be portrayed in a positive light for any span of time. Her actual character needs a lot of work too though as made obvious during the really random CPR scene as part of her flashback. That scene was just brutal.

This is the worst portrayal of the Joker as well. He’s portrayed as your average mobster who isn’t very confident and is very obsessed with Harley Quinn. There is no moment where you feel like he is an evil genius and he doesn’t seem to care about Batman at all. There is no hero/villain dynamic there as the Joker is just a nobody who runs away from Batman and keep crashing his car. It’s also a huge plot hole to have the Joker around at all. Let’s face it, since Batman is a mass murderer in this series, there is no way that the Joker would still be alive. If Batman couldn’t find him, then it just further proves that the Batman of this film universe isn’t very smart. Even once Joker resurfaces and starts attacking installations all around, Batman never shows up. I’m still banking on the theory that the Joker is Robin, but it doesn’t really help this plot hole as Batman would likely still finish him off anyway. This Joker tries to be over the top crazy and slightly effeminate, but it just ends up leaving a broken character who makes the Lex Luthor in Batman V Superman look good.

Killer Croc was all right. He didn’t really have any character and was just around to bite people. He barely even qualifies as a character, but automatically that does mean that he beats most of the cast. Katana is around as well and she’s another character who really enjoys murdering others. She basically lives off hype though as she doesn’t really get a chance to do anything on screen. When she finally does fight, Katana looks incredibly weak and anticlimactic. She lost in a sword fight to add insult to injury. It’s going to be very hard to take her seriously after this.

Rick Flag is the “good guy” of the group. He was in the army and knows how to end a fight. He has crossed the line in the service, but still has a moral compass. Unfortunately, he is a complete yes man and starts to get black mailed very quickly. He has to resort to asking the people that he taunted for help and the whole thing is a very sad experience for him. After opening up to the other villains the film tried to make him a likable character, but it didn’t really work. The fact that Waller predicted that he would fall in love for a hostage that she sent him to find shows what a shallow/superficial guy he was from the start. I think I’ll probably prefer Steve Trevor from the Wonder Woman film.

Almost forgot about Diablo. He’s portrayed as the nice character who doesn’t want to be a villain anymore. The film gives us a very dark, gritty, and tragic past to forcefully push this message at us. Of course, he finally embraces his powers at the end along with a quick curse word as he runs at the villain. Another possibly good moment wrecked. At least the team has someone who can fight thanks to his true form, but the past was too tragic for me and I’ll find it very hard for this character to be even remotely likable.

Waller is another fan favorite character, but I don’t really care for her. I like the tough sounding government guys and I don’t even mind when they’re evil sometimes like in the latest Bourne film. Perhaps I wouldn’t mind her if she had been portrayed as totally evil because she is. Waller is a mass murderer who should be locked up like the others. My problem is that nobody seems to care as even Batman gives her a pass. I mean…are you kidding me? Batman giving her a pass is ludicrous and makes him look terrible as a hero. I know he crosses a lot of lines and probably doesn’t mind villains as much in this version, but locking her up has to be a top priority. The problem is that she can black mail him as well so there probably won’t be anything happening on that corner. Waller was great in the Justice League show because she actually cared a little more about her country. She still used underhanded methods to succeed and committed many villainous acts, but killing a group of men just because they knew too much? I believe that would be out of character for her and it was just too much when that happened here. The film went too far trying to make her appear as a hype character.

I remember there being a lot of articles about how significant Batman’s role was going to be here and how he was going to be super scary and the main antagonist. That never happened so either the scenes were removed or it was more fake hype to build up the film. It’s too bad as that could have helped the film a lot since Batman’s scenes were the best in the film. “I don’t want to do this in front of your daughter” was a great fake line from Batman as he very clearly chose this time to attack since it would put Deadshot in a bad position. He knew that the villain couldn’t go out and risk hitting his daughter. Luckily, this Batman has very few scruples about using underhanded tactics and that’s how he was able to conclude the fight. The line just adds more salt to the wound since there’s nothing Deadshot can do about the situation. Batman is ruthless and since he is also eager to cross the line, he makes for a compelling villain. I wish that the films played Batman straight, but as it is, the other characters make him look like a perfect individual by comparison. I don’t know where the film would be without him.

It goes without saying that you should stick around past the credits. The scene is the best one in the film after all even if it makes someone not look too smart yet again since another individual has found out about his identity. I’m always up for some classic tough talk from both sides. It can be annoying when it’s one sided so the trade here is good. The film could have done a little more with this, but as it was, I was pretty satisfied. The tributes to the rest of the DCCU were fun and one character looked a lot better than how he was in Batman V Superman so that’s a good start. I think the cinematic universe from DC should go strongly from here. I am a little worried for Wonder Woman since there doesn’t seem to be much of a villain yet and her fighting ordinary soldiers is going to get old even quicker than this film’s fights, but I have hope that there will be big fight scenes. Surely DC wouldn’t let such an easy opportunity for more Man of Steel esque (Slower I suppose, but still hype) battles slip by would they? I have similar concerns for Justice League, but mainly because Superman isn’t there yet and the idea of having a Justice League film without its leader/main member would be an incredibly terrible idea.

Another negative is the fact that this film makes no real sense when placed into the DC expanded universe. This doesn’t affect the score, but it’s a problem that starts to appear a lot in expanded universes. If this supernatural monster has been destroying a city and its inhabitants for 3 days…where are Batman and Wonder Woman? They definitely should have been on the scene. Even Marvel’s gotten rather dicey with that as the President gets captured and nobody arrives to help. This is almost as bad since it’s an entire city and its been attacked for 3 whole days. At least you can make the argument that Batman and Wonder Woman are not heroes so maybe they didn’t care. It’s possible that they just saw it on the news and chuckled. Of course, that would go against Batman’s character development as he wants to help the world thanks to Superman. It’s feasible that Wonder Woman would not care though. She did stay out of the Man of Steel fight after all so maybe she would rather leave the humans to their own devices at this point. Hopefully the writers plan for this a little better in their upcoming films.

Now, how could this film have been saved? First of all, the excessive language has to go and the soundtrack’s got to disappear. Next, some of the grit has to go. Do we need to have shots of Harley Quinn being zapped and shocked by the Joker as well as the jail? No. We can also get rid of Diablo’s origin story which is gritty to be gritty. After we get rid of all this and give Harley Quinn an actual costume, we have to tone Waller down so she’s not completely insane and evil. Make her an antagonist, but a reasonable one. Batman needs to appear a lot more and there should be more DC cameos. Preferably with very loud and obvious rock music as we see the hero logos and the Squad learns about the Justice League. Throw in some more action scenes and give the main villain a better debut than to be cradled in a very awkward scene that was quite sad. Mix all of that together and we’ve got ourselves a decent film.

I could go on, but let’s start to wrap up with one last improvement. The film should have chosen a genre and stuck to it. It tried to throw in elements from Ghostbusters, (CGI supernatural threats) The Avengers, (All of the one liners and puns…just the terribly written versions) and Resident Evil. (A few lone survivors up against zombies) It just did not work at all though. You can’t be dark and gritty and expect to pull off something like the Avengers. Likewise, you can’t have a super down to Earth Resident Evil adventure when there are super powerful beings trying to destroy the whole world. The film needed to pick one angle and stick with it.

Overall, I’m glad that Rotten Tomatoes is taking so many shots at the film. I tend to disagree with the site quite often, but for once I’m on their side. This film was just hard to watch at times. If the film wanted all of the Suicide Squad members to be unlikable then they succeeded, but at a large price. It’s a shame since the Batman scenes were nice. I do like how the cinematography is so different from Marvel’s. The scenes look like they’re out of a TV show episode instead of a movie. It’d hard to describe, but the Batman vs Deadshot scene totally encapsulates this as opposed to the average Marvel fight scene. It’s less glamorous and stylized, but works quite well. Oddly enough, the hand to hand scenes are far better here than in the latest Bourne film, where you would expect it to be better. The fight scenes were the one part of this film that were not gritty. Unfortunately, the terrible soundtrack, characters, and writing keep this film way down on the totem pole. I don’t expect that I’ll ever see it again and I highly advise you to stay away. You’re better off watching Man of Steel again.

Overall 1/10